#ta: twinarmageddons

[homestuckreplay]

Jade Harley's New, Worse Friends

(page 826)

In a shocking and unexpected episode of 'Jade Is Different To Other Characters', she has additional contacts in Pesterchum Enamel (Much Shinier)! Below her Chumroll (John, Rose and Dave) she has a Trollslum, which may be a blocklist, or could be a different, custom category she's made to group 'best friends' and 'worst friends'.

Either way, there are at least five new names, maybe more as it looks like there's a scrollbar to the right. And while I'm still waiting for wellPressedAttire, officeurchin1280, and Dad's other associates to take their starring roles in the narrative, I'd also really like to hear from these guys and find out why Jade has relegated them to the trollslum.

carcinoCeneticist [CG] - Currently online and Rancorous. Prefix 'carcino-' means tumor or cancer, from the Greek for 'ulcerous sore' or literally 'crab🦀'. 'Geneticist' is a biologist who studies genes and variations in organisms or a doctor who diagnoses genetic disorders, so this is someone who studies cancer biology at the genetic level. As a specialized scientific profession, this echoes John's username, ectoBiologist, but is far more grounded in reality and feels darker because of it.

arachnidsGrip [AG] - Arachnids are a group of carnivorous or parasitic arthropods that includes spiders, scorpions and mites, while grip is a firm hold or tight grasp, or more generally, control of a situation. Spiders especially are seen as calculating and malicious planners, and to be 'in the arachnid's grip' would be to be caught in their tightly woven web and beholden to their plans.

twinArmageddons [TA] - Twin refers to a pair of very similar or related things (literally, two children from the same pregnancy). Armageddon is colloquially a world ending event, or literally, the final and conclusive battle between good and evil as described in the Christian Bible. Homestuck has already seen one extinction level event with the meteors currently swarming Earth, leading to a battle of light vs dark at the center of Skaia. Could these two events - within and without of Sburb - be the twin armageddons, as they occur together? Or is there another and entirely separate armageddon still to happen?

terminallyCapricious [TC] - 'terminally' means extremely, incurably or leading to death, while to be capricious is to have impulsive and unpredictable moods and behaviors. So this person's username is functionally 'I'm an asshole and I will not stop' which feels appropriate for the trollslum. To be terminally capricious is for changeability to be the only unchangeable part of someone's personality, or for someone to be so impulsive that it leads to their own death.

caligulasAquarium [CA] - Caligula was a Roman emperor known for beginning a reign of kindness and generosity but quickly descending into tyranny, working to increase the Emperor's already sizable powers and demanding to be worshipped on a level with the gods. An aquarium is an enclosure for observation and research of aquatic plants and animals. So Caligula'a aquarium would be where underwater life is ruled over with an increasingly iron fist, forced to obey the humanity that once emerged from beneath those waves.

All five of these usernames carry a negative valence - cancer, spiders, the end of the world, people of unpredictable moods and tyrannical rulers are all things people commonly dislike or fear. They all have a connection to death, as spiders can be venomous especially in fiction, and Caligula was assassinated.

Thinking about internet trolls - people who deliberately try to provoke other internet users with controversial statements that they may not actually believe, the only goal being those users' reactions - these people probably would choose usernames with strong negative and dangerous associations. They'll probably come across as extreme and inflammatory, even more so than Dave (who I don't think is intentionally trolling anybody) although might be very different in person, should we be lucky enough to meet them the way we've met John, Rose, Dave and Jade.

[galacticcosmologist]

twinArmageddons [TA] began pestering apocalypseArisen [AA] TA: hey giirl TA: plagued by teriifyiing vii2iion2?

[wild-fae-trickster]

Happy weekend everypony, it's time for a lowblood vs lowblood strife in today's ultimate chumhandle poll! In which you vote for the best chumhandle in homestuck!

Part 6: Aradia vs Sollux

[shittydrawnsollux]

@badlydrawn-alphadave

TA: hey old man. here ii gue22.

twinArmageddons attached a file!

TA: ehehehe.

TA:

TA: ii.... fiine. here. that wa2nt all iit wa2.

TA: merry chrii2tma2. that2 what human2 call iit, riight?

TA:

TA: you can even market iit iif you want ju2t plea2e for the love of god dont crediit me.

[ask-twin-armageddons]

>TA: the weather out2iide ii2 fuckiin unprediictable

*twinArmageddons [TA] went outside

*to the sky he yells:

>TA: CAN YOU JU2T BE NORMAL FOR ONCE?!

[double-ended]

hey can you blow my computer up i wanna see something

twinArmageddons [TA] blew up anonymous [ANON]'s computer.

[pesterloglog]

Aradia Megido, Sollux Captor, Jade Harley, Kanaya Maryam, Tavros Nitram

Act 5, page 3590-3613

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

AA: s0llux!

TA: hey what'2 up aa.

AA: y0u will never guess what i just f0und

TA: won't ii?

AA: i d0ubt it

TA: wa2 iit the matchiing ruiin2 2iite?

AA: um

AA: yes

AA: h0w did y0u kn0w!

TA: ii don't know, ju2t a weiird feeliing.

TA: ii feel liike we had thii2 conver2atiion before and that'2 what iit wa2 about.

AA: yeah

AA: me t00

AA: what d0 y0u think it means?

TA: probably nothiing. but now not only doe2 iit feel liike we had the conver2atiion before, but iit'2 goiing diifferently thii2 tiime.

TA: 2o iit'2 extra weiird. maybe your voiice2 are iinvolved?

AA: i d0nt kn0w maybe

AA: maybe y0urs are t00?

TA: ii don't hear a goddamn thiing.

TA: do you?

AA: wait

AA: yes

AA: shes very quiet th0ugh i cant tell what shes saying!

TA: oh well.

TA: why don't we pretend there ii2 no 2pooky paranormal phenomena goiing on ju2t once and talk about what you wanted two talk about.

AA: g00d idea

AA: 0k d0 y0u remember what we talked ab0ut regarding kanayas ruins?

TA: 2orta.

AA: i asked y0u f0r help in understanding the glyphs

TA: ii gue22.

AA: 0_0

AA: are y0u just being difficult 0r d0 y0u really n0t remember

TA: ii gue22 ii don't fiind the whole my2tery of the ruiin2 a2 exciitiing a2 you, ok?

AA: well 0bvi0usly!

AA: but i really appreciate y0ur help anyway

TA: 2ure.

TA: how can ii help, then.

AA: well y0u said that y0ud need an0ther set 0f glyphs t0 make sense 0f them

AA: y0u speculated that there might be an0ther set 0f ruins

AA: y0u even guessed they w0uld be blue! it turns 0ut y0u were right

AA: d0nt y0u think that is pretty c00l?

TA: oh yeah, ii am awe2ome about that for 2ure.

TA: but,

TA: ii can't 2hake the feeliing the2e ruiin2 are goiing two be nothiing but trouble for u2.

AA: but y0u say that ab0ut everything!

TA: that'2 becau2e iit'2 fuckiing true about everythiing!

AA: n0 its n0t!

AA: i did find s0me 0ther neat things d0wn here t00 which are strange but quite harmless and n0t f0reb0ding in the least!

TA: liike what?

AA: like this AMAZING hat!

AA: it is an authentic arche0l0gists hat its s0 hard t0 find them in this style

AA: there are n0 h0rn h0les but i l0ve it anyway its great

TA: pretty 2weet aa.

TA: hey diidn't you al2o fiind 2ome biit2 and piiece2 of your biizarre robot doppelganger.

AA: i wasnt g0ing t0 tell y0u ab0ut that!

AA: damn it h0w did y0u kn0w

TA: ii don't know, ii ju2t "remembered" 2ome more 2hiit about thii2 dii2covery, god 2orry.

AA: this is stupid

TA: yeah, well, ii gue22 thii2 ii2 the kiind of 2hiit you have to deal wiith when two p2ychiic2 talk to each other about 2tuff.

AA: maybe

TA: why don't we piick thii2 up agaiin later when we're not feeliing 2o weiird?

AA: well

AA: 0k

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA] and apocalypseArisen [AA]

AA: ahem

AA: sorry to interrupt i wanted to give you both the chance to remember but it doesnt look like this is going anywhere!

TA: what the fuck?

AA: w0w what

AA: is it coming back yet

TA: is WHAT c0ming back, wh0 ARE y0u?

TA: wh0a h0ld 0n.

TA: why am i talking like y0u suddenly?

AA: this is a mem0ry

AA: in a dream bubble

AA: thats right!

TA: 0h.

TA: that d0esn't really answer my questi0n, but 0k.

AA: y0u changed y0ur v0ice because y0u remembered

AA: like i did

TA: remembered what?

AA: that i died

AA: this is my mem0ry and als0 hers

AA: but i went 0n t0 bec0me the r0b0t wh0se remains are in this crater

AA: whereas she did n0t

AA: i d0nt actually kn0w her st0ry 0r h0w she g0t here but f0r me this was the end 0f the r0ad

AA: this is the afterlife

TA: well, shit.

TA: s0 then i guess i'm dead t00?

AA: nope!

AA: you are just asleep

AA: you are also blind!

TA: h0ly shit, i can't see!

AA: yes thats what being blind means

TA: w0w, awes0me! way t0 be awes0mely sympathetic t00 my terrible new pr0blem, aa.

AA: sollux will you shut up and stop being so tragic for once

AA: you knew this was going to happen! your prophecies of personal doom were practically all you ever talked about

AA: i think you were looking forward to this honestly

AA: shes right

TA: i can't believe this, it's alm0st as if i'm getting...

TA: D0UBLE TEAMED.

TA: 😎

TA: damn.

TA: that didn't feel right at all, i think i might have t0 retire the wh0le bifurcati0n gimmick, puns and all.

TA: actually that is kind 0f a relief, maybe y0u're right, i'm feeling better ab0ut this already.

AA: great!

AA: you should be able to relax now that youve been released from the curse of your vision twofold just like you said youd be

AA: you are now merely doomed!

TA: 0h.

TA: that's... awes0me?

AA: being d00med isnt that bad

AA: i spent m0st 0f my life that way remember

AA: at least y0u have the luxury 0f understanding

AA: and the best part ab0ut being d00med is y0u 0nly have t0 put up with it until y0u die

AA: thats the spirit hahaha

AA: actually i guess i dont have to keep talking like im doomed anymore do i

AA: nope :)

TA: this is s0 weird, what am i even listening t0 here.

TA: 0_0

TA: FUCK, i cann0t BELIEVE i just made that face.

AA: hahahahaha!

AA: hahahahaha!

TA: g0d dammit.

TA: 0h yeah, als0...

TA: why the fuck are my teeth missing?

AA: i

AA: dont know?

TA: 0k, well, great, glad we g0t t0 the fucking b0tt0m 0f that mystery.

TA: myssssssstery. mystery. mySSSSthSSSStery. mysterymysterymystery.

TA: man, i can't even lisp anym0re if i try.

TA: please d0n't laugh, i can tell y0u are b0th enj0ying this, i can smell it using my new blind guy n0se p0wers.

AA: really?

TA: n0 n0t literally, i was j0king. i mean n0t YET. maybe i'll ask tz ab0ut it when i wake up th0ugh.

TA: hey what was that n0ise?

AA: what noise?

TA: i think s0me0ne else is here.

AA: oh its jade!

TA: jade?? wtf.

AA: whos jade

AA: shes one of the humans we met after you died

AA: ok

AA: i guess i am out of the loop on chronology for once

AA: thats fine youll catch up!

GG: ummmmmm hey guys i hope im not interrupting!!!

TA: well, yeah, y0u kind 0f were, s0rt 0f a reuni0n 0f cl0se departed friends g0ing 0n here, but n0 big deal i guess.

GG: oh no!

GG: i can leave

AA: no dont!

AA: sollux try to be polite

AA: there is no reason at all for you to feel hostile toward them anymore

AA: jade is very nice and she did nothing wrong

AA: none of them did so when you wake up maybe you should try to reconcile with them or at the very least just say hello

TA: did Y0U?

AA: did i what

TA: be nice t0 them 0r whatever bef0re y0u expl0ded.

AA: well no

AA: but i should have!

AA: i did with you before i left didnt i

TA: i guess s0.

GG: :o

AA: this is awkward

AA: shush you!

AA: what actually happened after i died it sounds complicated

AA: it is!

AA: ill get you up to speed i promise but guys come on lets not scare away our guest

AA: ok then ill shut up

AA: i think one aradia saying things is more than enough probably

TA: y0u can say that again heheheheheh.

TA: but i mean, d0n't say it again literally, because that's kind 0f the wh0le p0int, and w0uld c0mpletely c0ntradi...

AA: oh my god shut up!

GG: its ok! i can take another nap later when you guys arent busy...

AA: no jade its ok

AA: please stay! im curious about why you are here

GG: well...

GG: i have just been enjoying these little naps more and more lately!

GG: each time i go to sleep i meet more new people and learn so much

GG: but i still cant get karkat to take a nap, boy talk about a guy who is anti nap!

TA: ahahahah, yeah, what a d0uche!

GG: seeeeeriously!

GG: he is the douchiest of crabby crabs who ever douched a big douchey crab

TA: l0l.

GG: but yeah, its been fun, i should really thank feferi again for setting it up so we could meet like this!

TA: wait, ff is here?

GG: yup!

TA: 0h g0d, why didn't that 0ccur t0 me, where is she??

GG: ummm probably in another bubble

GG: but youll find her! maybe during your next nap...

TA: well shit, why can't i just g0 glub ar0und 0ut there in the ring and find her n0w?

TA: i mean, aside fr0m the fact that i'm blind and c0mpletely useless.

AA: navigating between bubbles is difficult here

AA: its better to drift between them naturally as they intersect

AA: not spatially but through common points in memory

AA: to navigate the furthest ring you need to have mastered the flow of time!

AA: that is why i am here

AA: i am alive again so i may assist the dead in this way

TA: huh.

AA: jade tell me

AA: have you seen me here before? i mean me dressed like i am now wearing my godhood

GG: yeah!

GG: you were really nice and helpful

TA: wait, what, y0u're wearing a g0dh00d?

TA: why didn't y0u tell me that, what gives? 0r that y0u came back t0 life??

AA: im wearing a hood and have butterfly wings what else would you like to know

TA: man, being blind is dumb, can i like gr0pe y0u 0r s0mething t0 get up t0 date 0n y0ur appearance, w0uld that be weird?

AA: yes sollux that would probably be pretty weird

GG: i think your outfit looks so cute! i love your wings too

AA: thank you your outfit is quite spiffy too

AA: i like that skirt a lot especially

AA: is

AA: is that a skirt?

GG: i am not sure :o

TA: /R0LLING MY EYES.

TA: is what i w0uld be d0ing if that were p0ssible.

AA: shhh!

TA: aa c0me 0n y0u were making a p0int.

AA: yes ok

AA: you see those encounters you had with me before have not happened for me yet because ive only just arrived

AA: time follows strange paths here as does space

AA: if you travel a great enough distance you may discover you are also traveling either backwards or forwards in time as well!

AA: just as if you stay in one place for too long the geometry of space surrounding you will become unreliable

AA: you may swat the air to your left and discover you have just slapped yourself!

AA: the only way to make sense of it is to understand either property very well

AA: and since i am new here i have some learning to do just like everyone else

AA: but i do know one thing

GG: what!

AA: i knew that the first bubble i would enter would be an important one for us to visit

TA: what's s0 imp0rtant ab0ut it?

AA: hang on

AA: we are moving on to a new memory hold that thought

AA: it is important because it will help us begin to understand why we are all here

TA: what d0 y0u mean why we are all here?

TA: y0u mean in the afterlife? that's easy.

TA: because she's asleep, she's dead, y0u're alive, and i'm blind, c0uldn't be simpler.

AA: no no

AA: not why we are in this bubble now

AA: but why we all exist in the first place and why we all went on this adventure together

TA: 0h, that.

AA: there is much to understand and i believe it all begins with one sequence of events

AA: watching will help those whove passed to understand the purpose of their sacrifice and those still living to understand what must be done to complete the journey still ahead

AA: we will let the memories lead the way

AA: are you guys ready?

GG: i am ready!

AA: ok lets allow the next memory to take shape

AA: i believe it is kanayas

AA: i will reprise my role in a conversation i had with her shortly after i discovered the ruins

AA: everybody hide and try not to spoil it for her until she remembers!

AA: hey kanaya

AA: there is s0mething i want t0 give y0u

GA: Oh Really

AA: yes its s0mething very 0dd i f0und when i disc0vered the ruins the 0ther night

AA: i d0nt kn0w what its arche0l0gical significance is yet but i suspect y0u will be able t0 repair it!

GA: This Is A Dream Isnt It

AA: 0_0

AA: w0w!

AA: uh i mean

AA: o_o

AA: wow

AA: you figured that out very fast!

GA: It Seemed Obvious

GA: Either Im Sleeping Or Im Dead Which Is It

AA: oh i am sure you are alive

AA: you are unconscious now and will likely wake up as your new self very soon

GA: My New Self

AA: yes

AA: you are undergoing a metamorphosis which you have been groomed for since you were very young

AA: much like i was for my various personal iterations including this one

GA: You Mean

GA: Being A Ghost And Then A Frog And Then A Robot And Then A Fairy

AA: yes!

AA: but it sure sounds silly when you list them all like that

GA: Kind Of

GA: What Do You Mean We Have Been Groomed

AA: wellllll

AA: that is what we are about to find out!

AA: if you will oblige us by continuing with this memory

GA: Okay

GA: What Do I Do

AA: why dont we go through this conversation again to the best of our recollection

AA: but i guess rather than acting it out we can just talk about it

AA: the old fashioned way

GA: Was What We Were Attempting Before Not Old Fashioned

AA: i have no idea

GA: It Seems To Me The Nature Of The Afterlife Is Probably Very Old Fashioned

GA: Maybe Even The Most Old Fashioned A Thing Can Get

AA: haha yeah you know what i mean though

GA: Yes Then

GA: This Was When You Were About To Give Me That Unusual Gift From The Ruins

AA: yes

AA: i then had sollux deliver the pieces to you so you could stitch it back up

AA: sollux that is your cue!

AA: come out and play the part

TA: s0 we d0n't have t0 hide anym0re?

AA: no of course not!

AA: obviously the jig is up everyone can come out now

GG: yay!

TA: s0 like,

TA: 0k s0 i'm supp0sed t0 act 0ut what i did bef0re, when i br0ught her these shitty d0ll parts, is that's what's g0ing 0n here?

GA: Yeah Im Still Not Sure Aradia Are We Supposed To Be Role Playing

AA: no guys come on this isnt that complicated!

AA: we are just revisiting the past just like we would if we were talking about it

AA: but it just so happens we can watch it happen as we talk about it

AA: and as a matter of fact

AA: this story does involve a role playing game but not in that way!

TA: thith ith kinb 0f thtupib.

AA: youre stupid and you sound stupid!

TA: h0py thith, i b0 th0unb thtupib.

TA: why the fuckth ith by b0uth fthull 0f all thethe theeth subbenly?

AA: i dont know o_o

AA: but you maaay be waking up soon

TA: 0h, 0k, greath, th0 i will mithth the retht 0f the c00l tht0ry, 0k.

AA: maybe not if we hurry this along!

GG: wait! before we do...

GG: hi kanaya! it is nice to meet you

GA: Hi Jade

GA: Uh

GA: What Is That Thing Youre Wearing

GG: you dont like it???

GA: No I Didnt Mean To Sound Disapproving

GA: But I Do Think More Colorful Apparel Suits You Better

GG: yes i know you told me!

GA: I Did

GG: yes but you probably havent yet

GG: not from your perspective..... i could not help but overhear you are asleep now

GG: you told me all about what happened after you woke up!

GA: About What

GG: about how you turned into a vampire

GA: Whats A Vampire

TA: thith ith ribicul0uth.

AA: thollux is right

AA: i mean sollux

AA: kanaya tell us what happened next!

GA: There Isnt Much To Say

GA: I Repaired The Doll And Made Him A Nice Outfit

GA: With A Far More Becoming Palette And Fit Than The Absurd Tatters He Was Found In

GA: I Thought At Least

AA: yes

GA: Uh

GA: Should There Be Anything Else To This Story

AA: not really!

GG: isnt that daves puppet?

AA: yes

GG: :\

TA: aw sthith, i guethth i'm 0utha here.

AA: bye sollux

TA: thee y0u lather eberyb0by.

GG: bye!

GA: Anyway That Is All I Can Remember

GA: I Quickly Began To Find The Doll Unnerving So I Put Him Away

GA: To My Knowledge He Has Remained Secure In My Block Ever Since

GA: Is He Relevant In Some Way

GG: guys why do you have daves puppet?

GG: what is going on here!

GA: Yes Aradia It Seems You Have Some Foreknowledge Of This Narrative Maybe You Can Tell Us Why Any Of This Is Important

AA: this is only a piece of the story

AA: the other pieces will fall into place with successive memories and it will all become clear

AA: but yes alright i will eliminate some suspense and try to serve as a better guide on this tour through the catacombs of our collective subconscious

AA: the separate tunnels we once traveled in the dark as individuals we now retrace together with a torch

AA: on the walls we illuminate the runes which describe a convoluted origin story

AA: an origin we participated in

AA: we were spurred to these actions by that which was being originated

AA: and incited to acts of revenge as we were turned against each other

AT: i DON'T REMEMBER THIS,

AT: i MEAN,

AT: i REMEMBER GETTING JUMPED OFF THE CLIFF BY MY LEGS,

AT: bUT NOT THE THING i'M DOING NOW,

AA: no

AA: our manipulator disguised his tracks well

AT: dO i,

AT: hAVE TO LIE ON THE FLOOR LIKE THIS,

AT: iS THAT IMPORTANT,

AA: no tavros you can get up

AT: aLSO,

AT: cAN WE, oR AT LEAST i, bE NOT IN THIS MEMORY,

AT: bECAUSE,

AT: iT'S ONE THAT'S NOT AS GREAT AS MOST,

AA: we will leave it soon

AA: but you were doing something very important here

AT: wHAT WAS i DOING,

AA: writing a part of the code

AA: an incomplete fragment consisting of four symbols

AA: comprising the first word of a binary refrain

AA: a pair of sounds emerging from the belly of a fabled tyrants menace

AA: but you authored only one sound of the pair

AA: i would write the other

AA: in the soot of my ruined hive i scrawled my part of the code

AA: completing the phrase of legend

AA: the persisting sounds said to accompany the ultimate demise of the tyrant less an arm and an eye

AA: but even these eight characters

AA: the scrawlings of charge

AA: were still but half the code

AA: there was another half by scourge in two parts

AA: one part three symbols

AA: and the other

AA: five

AA: why the scale was tipped in this way between sisters

AA: i cannot say!

AA: each fragment would be transcribed in our rulebooks

AA: sealing the collaboration between rust bloods and blue bloods

AA: completing the code for our sessions architect

AA: not exactly

AA: there was another fragment

AA: oh?

AA: yes

AA: an additional eight symbols

AA: from a wild card source i suppose

AA: it came from a timeline not meant to happen

AA: the one i came from to ensure it wouldnt

AA: thus sealing my fate

AA: i believed the fragment was gibberish from a lunatic

AA: after completing his rampage through our session

AA: since it was not part of the scripted chronology i was oblivious until it was too late to stop it

AA: not that it would matter if i did the timeline had already gone astray

AA: i pieced together what had happened by sleuthing the various scenes

AA: and discovered the text which the code was recorded in

AA: i decided to return to the alpha timeline with the text

AA: as evidence for his madness i guess

AA: in the alpha timeline this text was destroyed

AA: in an explosion caused by a computer virus

AA: this explosion did not take place on my timeline

AA: i identified this event as the difference prompting the offshoot

AA: and returned to our planet via the reckoning just as i did at the end of my life

AA: though that time deliberately

AA: to influence events quietly to make sure it happened

AA: and later joined the rest of our doomed selves to help defeat the king

AA: the others surely had similar responsibilities along the way

AA: as for the book

AA: i lost track of it shortly after i arrived

AA: yes we all lost track of our books

AA: they were gathered surreptitiously by agents assigned to the task

AA: and in the veil their codes were merged with the ghost imprints of other mysterious artifacts

AA: our first guardian was brought to life on the seed to pass through skaias final gate of defense

AA: the first to find alternia

[asktheseadweller]

twinArmageddons [TA] joined

> TA: hello there ED

[renova-time]

*caligulasAquarium [CA] joined the group chat

*catSense [CS] joined the chat

*analogAquatic [AA] joined the chat

*doctorsTeapot [DT] joined the chat

*twinArmageddons [TA] joined the chat

*broadcastHijacker [BH] joined the chat

>CA: wwoww the wweather outside is horrendous

>TA: 2ollux from Brenya'2 tiimeliine fucked theiir weather two maxiimum

>BH: i..

>BH: while you're doing fine in your realms, im on verge of death rn

>BH: because the monsters outside my house and im sitting here in my basement room(which is my room, really)

>BH: and I think they wont leave any time soon

>CS: good meow luck out there

>BH: thanks

>AA: iF im not [Wrong], the [Amalgamates] are [right outside your house] tryiNg to [Indicate any sorts of sounds you're [Producing]]

>BH: how the hell do you know? The Amalgamates? Those sounds were theirs?

>AA: [Indeed]! I did a liTtl e [Searching]

>BH: ah, a fellow hacker, huh?

>AA: [Of course]!

[homestuckreplay]

chumhandle etymology pt.3

Today on Rose and Dave's computer we saw the presumably final seven of the twelve trolls - Jade has counted twelve (p.1000), and between the twelve trolls and four kids all two-letter combinations of A, T, C and G are represented. These are the letters representing DNA bases in both real-world DNA sequencing and in ectobiology, as practiced imperfectly by Rose and her mom (p.934)

I wrote about the beta kids' chumhandles here, and the first five trolls (CG, AG, TA, TC, CA) here - now here's a quick overview of the rest of the set.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] – execution by hanging, or the structure made for it, and an instrument used as a reference to check that similar instruments perform accurately, or the person operating that instrument. So this is the person who ensures the gallows are used correctly, a real middle manager who doesn’t order or carry out executions themself, but enables them still. Possibly like a Jack Noir or a level below him.

arsenicCatnip [AC] – a toxic heavy metal used in car batteries, bullets, semiconductors and pesticides/herbicides, and a plant related to mint that is loved by many cats, or colloquially anything that is irresistible to someone. This evokes environmental destruction, Famine in the horsemen of the apocalypse, or more generally someone who is trying to kill or make toxic things that are enjoyed.

cuttlefishCuller [CC] – a shallow water squidlike mollusc among the most intelligent invertebrates that was once valued for its brown pigment, and a person who kills animals for population control or to eliminate rejects. This is a ruthless person who believes in survival of the fittest and their own intellectual superiority, and only cares about other creatures in terms of what they can personally gain.

centaursTesticle [CT] – a mythical creature with the upper body of a man and the lower body of a horse, also a small solar system body between Jupiter and Neptune, and a reproductive organ in male mammals. Someone who is obsessed with physical strength and prowess, has likely internalized toxic masculinity, perhaps the sort of gym bro who takes questionable supplements to increase muscle mass. Does not seem like a super online person, so this one is surprising. Also my initials are CT and I can’t believe this is the character I got.

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] – serious, foreboding or gloomy, and Latin for a female assistant or helper. This is someone in a service role who either takes their job very seriously, or their job itself involves working with dark and forbidding forces, like the person who translates the melodious chirps and tongue-clicks of NRUB'YIGLITH, SHAMEBEAST KING OF GROTESQUERY, WRITHE-LORD OF THE MOIST BEYONDHOOD (p.303) to the general public.

apocalypseArisen [AA] – the final destruction of the world or a world-altering event capable of causing this, and something that has begun to occur, become apparent, or gotten out of bed. This one is the most passive of all the handles (alongside twinArmageddons) and basically says ‘the end of the world is about to happen, or is happening now’ which it’s hard to argue with based on the story so far. Could be a highly religious person who sees themself as an agent, prophet or herald of a higher power.

adiosToreador [AT] – Spanish for goodbye, and a participant or performer in a bullfight. This person knows five words of Spanish and thinks they’re really cool because of it. They also see themselves as the bull in the bullfight, a more raw and animal strength instead of the fighter’s honed technique, and are probably a counterpart or rival to centaursTesticle.

Much like the first five, all of these names have negative connotations, although these vary between physical pain, disease and toxicity, dark bureaucracy, and cosmic-scale catastrophe. These are definitely names chosen to be hostile or intimidating, it just doesn’t work well on Rose and Dave who are plenty capable of appearing hostile and intimidating by themselves. But for people more susceptible to being trolled, these chumhandles definitely feed into the abrasive personas these kids(?) are crafting.

[shittydrawnsollux]

twinArmageddons [TA] is now offline!

TA: gfuick um hii yeah uh.

TA: you cnhaev thwaever you want frm my hiive you kno hwere the 2pare key ii2. ii never wrote a wiill but giive np all the wiire2 2he wan2 two chew on nd

TA: 2oeey ok bye

TA: iily

TA: and dw.

@shittydrawnsollux

CG: WHAT. THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN.

CG: NO THIS ISN'T FUCKING FUNNY WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THIS CAPTOR.

CG: WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU.

CG: PLEASE.

[ask-twin-armageddons]

shockerWolfgirl began pestering twinArmageddons

SW: Oh, hi there Sol. Didn't expect to see you here.

twinArmageddons [TA] joined the chat

> TA: hii

[pesterloglog]

Kanaya Maryam, Sollux Captor

Act 4, page 1715

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

GA: If Youre Not Too Busy Still Setting Up The Network

GA: Perhaps You Could Come Show Me How To Activate The Viewport

TA: ii am iin fact two bu2y 2tiill 2ettiing iit up.

TA: whoa HERE2 an iidea.

TA: pre22 F1.

GA: My Keyboard Is Missing The F1 Key

TA: liie2.

TA: dont bother me iim not iin the mood.

TA: iif ii 2ee one more 2narl of wiire2.

TA: kiind of juttiing out and beiing tangled or whatever.

TA: ii am goiing two perform 2ome 2ort of athletiic fuckiing 2omer2ault off the deep end and get a call from the pre2iident or 2ome 2hiit.

TA: 2o go away.

GA: You Used To Like To Talk More

GA: If I Recall I Was Typically The One Who Would Solicit Reprieves From Your Nonsense

GA: So I Dont Know What Happened

TA: that wa2 before ii knew we were all goiing two diie.

TA: and no one beliieved me.

TA: and now look at you all.

TA: all beliieviing me 2uddenly HMM UNCANNY.

GA: Then Why Are You Doing This

GA: Setting Up These Stations For Us

TA: two get you all off my bulge about iit.

TA: but ii wont troll any of them per2onally no way.

TA: kiind of juveniile.

TA: but you guys go knock your 2elve2 out ok.

TA: 2ee the menu up top?

TA: fiiddle around wiith that tiil you open the viiewport.

GA: I Did Fiddle With It

GA: To No Avail

TA: iif you cant fiigure 2hiit out by fuckiing around you dont belong near computer2.

TA: kiind of liike wiith regii2tered 2ex offender2 and 2chool2.

TA: iif you move two a new town you have two go up two your neiighbor2 door and warn them about how 2tupiid you are.

TA: and giive them a chance two hiide all theiir iinnocent technology.

TA: and vandaliize your hou2e.

[daiily-2ollux]

me

ta: You!

[thewertsearch]

This is our first proper glimpse of the Veil, where the trolls are holed up. Looks like a laboratory to me, complete with the extraneous pipes and wires that no mad scientist would be caught without. 

I think that's AT over there. The troll on the right has an unfamiliar horn, so they're probably new.

Gemini! :D

GA: If Youre Not Too Busy Still Setting Up The Network GA: Perhaps You Could Come Show Me How To Activate The Viewport

Gemini is the hacker! 

TA: ii am iin fact two bu2y 2tiill 2ettiing iit up.

Gemini is the hacker, and his typing style is unhinged! 

Yeesh! Let’s see. So he types every ‘i’ twice to make the Gemini symbol, he replaces every ‘s’ with the numeral for two, and he replaces ‘to’ with ‘two’. The guy commits to his aesthetic as hard as trollishly possible. 

GA: You Used To Like To Talk More [...] TA: that was before i knew we were all going two die. TA: and no one believed me.

This is twinArmageddons, a troll that I believe had foreknowledge of Sburb, telling us he knew everyone was going to die. This was kind of a fringe theory, but it’s looking more likely now. 

Now that he’s more or less confirmed as the hacker, we might be able to guess how he knew about Sburb. If he reverse-engineered it, and tried to share its implications with the world, then this guy is basically already my favorite. 

TA: if you cant figure shit out by fucking around you dont belong near computers.

TA has a terrible attitude, but the bones of a good point. When you ask us to fix your laptop, and googling ‘site:reddit.com [your error message]’ doesn’t work, we just fiddle with menus and hope for the best.

3D Glasses? 

This is a guy who knows how to exit Vim. I’ve seen this mf at a Linux convention. This is a hacker. 

[carcinoarmageddon]

Since Sollux won't tell us - Eridan, what's your relationship like with Sollux now?

-- twinArmageddons [tA] began trolling carcinoGentamicin [cG] --

[tA]: kk what wa2 the 2iingular condiitiion of me cooperatiing wiith thii2 iidiiotiic blog? oh yeah iit wa2 MIIND YOUR OWN FUCKIING BU2IINE22.

[tA]: ii’m lockiing you out agaiin, bye. 

-- twinArmageddons [tA] blocked carcinoGentamicin [cG] --