#taffywrite

[taffingtons]

fledgling hope dead in the nest // fic series: but i can't stop [word count: 529]

"Your son, Shaun. Great kid. A little older than you may have expected, but I'm guessing you figured that out by now."

"My… son?"

The confusion in her voice is so unmistakeable it stops Kellogg short. Silence hangs in the air for a moment. She breaks the stillness with a slow shake of her head and a deep furrow of her brow.

"Shaun…" Her voice wavers, but her eye contact with Kellogg remains unshaken. "Shaun isn't my son."

-------

That isn't his mother.

It does provide a reasonable explanation to the questions raised about her behavior observed by the Watchers and reported by surface informants — But only some of them. It certainly only raises more than it answers.

She introduced herself, consistently, as "Elle Days," rather than the "Zetta Reynolds" dictated in the Vault-Tec records. She never spoke of a dead husband, a missing child, or the Pre-War world. Only of seeking mercenary work and seeking Kellogg.

She took to the wasteland like a duck to water, like she belonged there, rather than the clean, organized America from before the bombs. Zetta, according to records, was supposed to be a mechanic. A roboticist, like Shaun. She didn't have the military background her husband did, and by all rights, shouldn't have adapted to the violence and the decay so quickly.

She didn't ask of Kellogg, "who's Shaun?" She's familiar with him. She knew his father by name, knew him personally, based on their conversation.

But she isn't his mother.

-------

"Father? Is something wrong?"

Shaun lowers his eyes to S9-23 beside him. The synth child is looking up, beseeching, dark eyes large and round with concern. There's something to be said about being seen so keenly by the spitting image of your inner child. Shaun doesn't have clear memories of being that age, but he remembers struggling with the expectations of those around him. Of trying to predict their moods, so he might better know how to compensate accordingly.

That S9 is picking up on his lack of focus today is a sign that the project continues to be successful.

"Nothing you need to worry about," Shaun tells him, patting the synth atop his head. "Nothing has changed. Continue your work."

"Yes, Father."

-------

He had contingencies in place for this.

Not this set of circumstances, precisely. But in case his experiment failed.

It hasn't entirely failed — She's still seeking him. The revelations she found at Fort Hagen haven't slown her down. He doesn't have any intention of stopping her quest to find the Institute. He's curious if she's capable of succeeding, what methods she'll use, and he wants the answers only she can give him.

But in the grand scheme, his experiment failed.

Shaun has never believed in jeopardizing his goals by relying on one result. There are always too many factors outside of one's control. He will see the Institute secure before the end. No matter what he has to do to guarantee it.

He had always known this might not turn out the way his inner child hoped. And he knows that, ultimately, he hasn't lost anything he hasn't already lived without all these years.

It's time to move on.

------------------------------------------

notes:

(shoutouts to @kasualkaymer and @fablewritesnonsense for liking my post earlier, mwah mwah sorry kay i know you don't go here and so you have no context)

this ficbite is tied to the series i've been working on, but i can't stop, where my girl elle works her way through fo4 But Shit's Different, in no small part because she isn't a nora. in this piece, i wanted to hash out how shaun would react to this news bc it affects how he moves forward in planning. the answer was. it doesnt change shit. and i feel like i shoulda seen that coming... but! for me, he's one of those characters that i really have to sit down with and get in his head in order for everything to become clear. so, here we are

i love writing shaun. seriously, i LOVE writing shaun. and i love characters who have deadpan unemotional inner voices even when there's emotional upheaval going on. and, yeah, that's what's happening here!

for the record: i do believe shaun can come to genuinely care for the sole survivor -- and he hopes that he WILL. but he doesn't automatically love them. he doesn't know them. they were never a part of his waking life. he was kidnapped, yes, but the way he looks at his situation... effectively, he was adopted. he never knew his birth parents, and didn't feel the need to until he started facing down his own mortality. he's sixty years old, he's lived his entire life without them. he's curious, and he wants to connect with them, but he isn't automatically attached on the merit of blood alone

he describes releasing the sole survivor as an experiment, and i do think he genuinely views it that way -- but it's not completely cold. it's an experiment to see if his parent would still care about him, still love him, still want him, even after everything. he doesn't trust people as a whole, so even if he wants to believe his parent will look for him, he can't trust they will without evidence

but at the same time -- the S9-23 project existed before he released them. (he was probably thinking about doing it for a long time. was he waiting for the opportune moment? was he trying to make up his mind whether he really wanted to? if he was going to let himself want it?) and moreso, he clearly was prepared to hand his parent the keys to the castle if they proved they would side with the institute. he thought that through -- he planned that. he wanted it. he's so angry and bitter if it gets thrown in his face -- that the sole survivor doesn't see how great the institute is (in shaun's bias), that he's right (in his mind), yes, it's an arrogance thing, but it also feels like a betrayal to him. which means he extended trust to them

his utmost goal is to guarantee the institute will be safe after he's gone -- everything he does, all of his most recent plans, is towards that end. and he wants to trust its future to his parent. he wants to hand his parent the thing that matters most to him, and trust that they'll do (what he considers) right by it

of course he'd be, on some level, crushed to find out that the person he let out isn't his parent. (in this scenario, that is.) he wanted to meet his mom. he lined up all his dominoes with that expectation... prepared himself for what he thought she would be like, based on what little information he had... only to discover -- that isn't her. that's not zetta reynolds. that's someone else completely

and maybe she'll still be useful to him. he certainly has to find out what the actual fuck is going on there. but... that's not his mom

it's just that shaun doesn't experience or express emotions like most people. (and i have more headcanons as to why, but i've talked long enough lol...) and i would love to write more shaunfic, but i worry that there's too much between the lines, so i'd need to figure out a way to get the emotion across more strongly despite that... idk, tell me what y'all think!

[taffingtons]

WIP meme

i got tagged by both @fablewritesnonsense and @notanandalitebandit so y'all are gonna get... hm... y'know what, let's go with the current draft of my prologue for let the moss gather, the first fic in my series but i can't stop

fun fact: if you go to the memory den before the main quest takes you there, you can go through a trial to see if they'll take you as a client! it, uh, doesn't go well. that hidden quest serves as the inspiration for this opening

just in case tumblr eats the formatting, the text in asterisks is supposed to be indented...

---

"This one — Here."

"Open it."

She remembers. The cold, bone-aching. The frosted window. The shadows, deep and swallowing. The stark light. The echoes — The voices.

She has a good memory.

"Is it over? Are we okay?"

"Almost. Everything's gonna be fine."

Riley. She can't bring herself to look at him. This isn't... This isn't how she wants to remember him. Confused. Desperate. Soon, in pain.

Focus.

Those hazmat suits aren't Vault-Tec design. That man is wearing leather and armor. The way he carries himself —

"Come here... Come here, baby."

"No! I've got him."

Riley. She remembers. She can't help but remember. He is —

He was so full of sunlight he couldn't hold it in, no matter how he tried. Always gentle, with her, with the dog, with Shaun. The kind of heart the wasteland sees so rarely, and needs more than anything. Riley cares — cared — so much, he —

"Let the boy go. I'm only gonna tell you once."

"I'm not giving you Shaun!"

That gunshot.

*"Oh my god...!"*

Explosive. Echoing. Made only louder by all the cold steel around them.

That — That's what she's here for. That clue. That gun.

She saw it back then, of course she did, and she remembers the size of it, but not the make. There — Revolver. It was a revolver. If she's to guess, .44 Magnum? Bull barrel, ventilated. Synthetic grip, not wooden. Clean, but well-used. Post-War.

"Goddammit. Get the kid out of here and let's go."

That man's face, so close to hers —

"At least we still have the back-up."

She has a good memory. She remembers. She remembers his face. The length of his nose, the curve of his jaw, the color of his eyes, his stubble. That scar.

That's not what she's here for.

It’s not just the gun. It’s — Every little thing matters. The unusual design of those hazmat suits. The way they spoke. The condition of their clothes. If they left dirty or muddy footprints.

Details she lost in the haze, the rush, the fear, the shock. The grief.

"Cryogenic sequence re-initialized."

Riley. Slumped back in his pod. Hole in his chest. (The size of that entry wound matches her .44 estimate.)

Was there still a small part of him awake in there when the door closed? Did he feel Shaun sliding out of his arms? He'd already lost his wife, months before the bombs fell. Was he still alive, even if barely, to know he lost his son, too? Riley —

He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve a vault. They were going to be left there on ice forever, even if this didn't happen.

She knew better. She knew they couldn't trust Vault-Tec. How many times did she see it? Vault 11. Vault 19. Vault 22. Vault 34. Even Vault 21.

Why didn't she beg Riley to stay at the house? Why did she think she could protect them once the door closed? Why —

*"Elle! Try to calm down. Your blood pressure is spiking."*

It's her fault he died like this, alone and afraid and so, so cold.

It should've been her. It should've been her. She should've paid the price. She's never the one to pay the price. It isn't right. It isn't fair. It should've been her. It should've —

*"We're reaching the end of the memory. Hold on."*

No —

She can't leave him again —

*"I'll have you out of there in three... two..."*

[taffingtons]

Original Character Selection ...

it occurred to me i haven't properly introduced my OCs on this blog yet. and, sure, i could reuse stuff i've made before for my RP blogs... or... i could take the opportunity to make some fun stuff for myself (instead of for work or volunteering) for the first time in ages...

so here's a quick intro to my crew -- including elle's fallout 4 AU, which my fic series is centered on, and my non-protagonist-role OCs. now i finally feel like i can reblog ask memes and point people towards this post for options 😅 and, of course, if anyone ever has burning questions about any of them, you don't have to wait for an ask meme. feel free to shoot 'em into my inbox any time!

since i'm going to be pinning this post, here are also some quick links for blog navigation:

about mala (aka taffy) taffytalk (stuff i make, replies and rambles, etc.) taffywrite (stuff i write) OCs supply line (reblogs of other people's cool characters) taffy aesthetics hour (vibes for my cast and fave games) fic: but i can't stop (snippets from that series i keep talking abt) blogroll: @praesidem - RP sideblog for edward deegan CHARACTER TAGS: oc elle days oc zetta reynolds oc riley reynolds oc bellamy rook oc xavier zellweger