#taz johan

[oddamity]

Been contemplating getting a TAZ tattoo and futzed around with this design for a while. It's not perfect (typography is NOT my strong suit lol), but I think it gets the point across!

This quote gets me every time :')

[humofnight]

there’s magic in a bard song 😭😭😭

[katgametable]

TAZ Balance Episode 28: Lunar Interlude II: Internal Affairs

Written 01 May 2025, shortly after relistening, having listened to the entire Balance arc some time ago.

The three have returned to the moon base from Goldcliff, and there’s a huge crowd waiting that bursts into applause as they arrive. Turns out they were all watching the battle wagon race. They go to the Director’s office; she’s a little less happy. Davenport brings out the lead sphere, Merle places the Sash inside, and they watch it get destroyed. The Director is still sad, though; she was impressed by the race, but she really wants to know what happened in Captain Bane’s office. They insist on extreme secrecy, so she shows them into her private rooms, and Taako casts Detect Magic. He finds a painting of the Director has a lot of illusion magic over it, but he can’t determine anything more. Magnus recounts what happened in Captain Bane’s office; when Magnus mentions the insubstantial man in a red robe, she gets very concerned, for the Red Robes were the people who made the Grand Relics, and are meant to all be gone. She urges them to flee if they ever encounter a Red Robe again, lest they use mind magics to find out about the Bureau. The Director blames Captain Bane’s betrayal on the Sash corrupting him. She tells them she’s reassigning the other Reclaimers, and that they’re getting new quarters – their former roommate Robbie (aka Pringles) has been sent to the brig for unspecified reasons. They also have a new Seeker assigned to assist them directly – Angus McDonald!

They are sent down to feed the Voidfish with Captain Bane’s profile. In the Voidfish’s chambers, Johan is having an argument with a man called Lucas who doesn’t trust the Voidfish, given how little they know about it and how much they rely on it. Lucas wants to study the Voidfish more closely. He’s not actually a member of the Bureau, more of a contractor, and when he threatens to go to the Director, the Voidfish blasts out some loud, extended notes. Lucas leaves, and Magnus puts a hand on the glass – the Voidfish touches a tentacle to the other side. Johan is very confused, and starts playing the Voidfish’s song on a harp. They play together, and Johan comments that he’s never heard that song before. They feed Captain Bane’s memory to the Voidfish and remember him.

The three head for Leon’s workshop and the Fantasy Gachapon (Davenport gave them tokens as they left). Taako tries to get Leon to operate the Gachapon, but Leon just walks out. Magnus goes ahead, and get a belt with a dial on the buckle, the Defender’s Dial, which can provide protection from fire, cold, or lightning damage. Taako does the Gachapon perfectly, and gets a black leather hooded cloak – a Cloak of the Manta Ray that increases AC by 1 and in water, increases AC by 2, gives water breathing, and a swimming speed. Merle plays with the token, drops it, tries again, and gets a red cross pendant, the Physician’s Pendant, which gives a 1 in 4 chance to not expend a spell slot when casting a healing spell. (Travis asks Griffin if each character is pulling from their own pool of items, and Griffin confirms that that is the case, so no-one ends up with an item they can’t use.)

They head for the Fantasy CostCo. They have 1800 gold each. Magnus is attracted to the Flaming Poisoning Raging Sword of Doom, but it’s too expensive for now – it does an extra 20 damage. Instead he goes for the Shield of Heroic Memories, which “learns” which enemies it’s faced and grants +1 to AC, and Magnus can also tell tales of real or imagined battles for a chance to gain the bonus – the shield starts with a mirror finish but gain engravings with the memories. He also picks up the Glutton’s Fork, which allows him to eat any inedible object for an HP boost, but trades in his old shield as a signed-in-blood collectible to make up the cost. Merle goes for the Nitpicker, a garden gnome statue that can open locks, but will also insult the party for their failures while doing so, and picks up Phone-a-Friend scrying bones, which allow him to ask Griffin a yes/no question, and a rusty can of Cheer Wine (apparently that’s a brand of drink? I don’t get it) which increases his max HP. Taako gets a single-use anti-gravity sphere, and a plastic sheriff’s badge that gives advantage on Charisma check while impersonating a person in authority. He also trades in the Gustmaster for an immovable rod.

Level-up time. They go from Level 6 to Level 8. Magnus gets Know Your Enemy and increases Constitution and Wisdom, plus two new manoeuvres, another superiority die, and more HP. Taako can cast Fourth Level spells, increases Intelligence and Dexterity, and gets more spells and HP. Merle improves Turn Undead into Destroy Undead, learns Dominate Beast and Grasping Vine, gains Divine Strike, increases Wisdom and Constitution, and gets more spells and HP.

I like these more pedestrian house-keeping episodes. I like the development of the Bureau. I like the wild range of magic items – even is a lot of them don’t get used. (Maybe I should keep tally of every time one is used and see if I’m right about that – but I’m not sure if they say when they’re using passive bonuses.) It’s also wild to see the differences in how the classes level up. And I like the Voidfish. Big friendly jellyfish jamming with Johan. Nice fishy.

[queen-with-a-jokers-heart]

Trust me, it's not just you. (Put under a read more for length and spoilers)

Now, I get that they were doing a LOT to set up the Stolen Century in this book, that arc has probably the most to cover out of any of the TAZ arcs, so you're going to want to give as much room in its own book for all of that plot as you possibly can. The problem is, to get from point A to B, they basically treated the main plot of this arc, Wonderland, as just a transition. The meat of it all cut up, and the most impactful moments that you already listed, such as the sacrifices of Elven Beauty and The Memory of Kalen, are just gone.

A thing I noticed, almost immediately, is how much they changed the Chug and Squeeze date, when they really didn't need to? Like, why was it changed from a wine and pottery place at all? Maybe I'm missing something about that, but they also cut one of my favorite lines from Taako, the brutally honest line of "Because I'm afraid no one else will have me" because, let's be honest. The ghost of Lup is in that line, because even though he can't remember it, there was a time when nobody else would have him, except her. And it also shows that he trusts Kravitz to a degree, even if they aren't fully sure what their relationship is yet.

And the line is traded for... A kiss? Now, I ain't mad at the writers giving these two of a more in depth romance from the beginning, I like their flirting and everything up until this point. But in the podcast, the wild kiss these two have when Taako pulls him out of the Astral plane, where Kravitz is a bit of a dork warming up his face, where they were both scared the other was dead, is a PERFECT first kiss for the audience to see. It's really emotional and feels compelling. And Taako revealing that he's not "as pretty" anymore, will just be gone now. Which is a shame.

Another thing I noticed, Since Magnus didn't go back to the void fish chamber... Johan isn't dead? Which, I'm sure they're not going to cut it from the story entirely, since it's a preeeeeeetty important plot point for, ya know Story and SONG. But considering how much they cut out of Wonderland to make room for everything going on in the bureau of balance before and after, I would have really assumed they would have included it??? I doubt it'll happen during the stolen century book, so it'll probably happen during Story and Song, which I'm not mad about but I'm not sure how they'll pull that off.

As OP said, a lot of impactful and somewhat important moments got cut. I love both the podcast and graphic novel version of this story. Both versions do certain things better than the other does in certain aspects. And I don't expect 100% faithful word for word adaptation. But they really cut down this Arc in disappointing ways this time around. Hopefully going forward we'll see some better pacing (Stolen Century has me a little worried in this aspect, but I'm keeping an open mind!)

Am I crazy or is the Suffering Game issue the book where most plot has been cut out??? Cause it feels so weirdly paced. And just kinda weirdly written in general.

Like there’s no Betrayal/Trust game, they go directly from Wheel to Monster Factory (and only fights the bear) and directly from Wheel to Heart Attack (no explanation for why they would end up there, just that it’s the “next stop”).

Then they skip the last Wheel round (meaning we don’t get Taako’s loss of Elven Beauty - a pretty important moment for his character, Merle loses his eye in the second round instead, and Magnus keeps all memories of Governor Kalen - he was offered loss of Julia instead and didn’t take it. Which. Fair.. and also, no bad luck) and go straight to the Lich fight??? So no boss Rush either. We also never see a penalty in this book.

Speaking of things missing from this book. Where the fuck is Cam? Or Lord Artemis Sterling? Rowan and Antonia???

The book is almost 300 pages long. They enter Wonderland at p. 52. We see the full room at p. 107. They only spent 55 pages on the bulk of this arc. The rest of the book has good pacing so what the fuck happened here. The book should have been longer. The impact of the suffering game isn’t felt as hard when there’s less gruelling challenges that loses Tres Horny Bois hp, or when you cut out any other npc that was affected by Wonderland from the story.

Due to this limited number of pages we also get weird pacing like Merle asking Magnus whether he spent “all that time thinking up the move” during the direbear fight, even though there’s only like 2 panels between Taako ending his move and Magnus beginning his. Also Merle you didn’t do anything during that fight, so get off your high horse.

Also, we only actually see one spell of Merle’s fail, that being the healing spell, so for all he knows, nothing is wrong with his powers, so him commenting on the fact that it would be nice to “be able to commune with a higher power” once they’re out of wonderland makes no fucking sense. Cause he could just?? Try and contact Pan?? Like he does later anyways??? Like we actively see him reaching into the astral plane without issue, so clearly up until that point no magical foul play.

Now, did stuff like the boss rush and the like have to have been in the book? No, but it’s weird when you think of what was kept in and was removed. Like fx, why was Taako shown giving up his acrobatics prof but not his elven beauty?

Also side note about Heart Attack - this is not relevant but it just makes me personally crazy, the book seems to imply that the mannequins have free will??? In that Lydia and Edward literally whisper to each other about “oh no the audience and the hot hot hot contestant actually likes these guys”????? WHAY?? Like aren’t they the ones who control all of what happens inside wonderland??

[maxwellshimbo]

Just a little Johan doodle. My sad bard boi 🥺💚

[avijohann]

a continuation of this

@ohsweetflips requested johann yearning for avi, which im always a slut for

[detectiveangusmcdonald]

The Despair Zone| Chapter 1: Welcome to the Academy

First Previous Next

Summary: Sixteen high school students find themselves trapped in a high school by someone forcing them to play a killing game.

Word Count: 1359

Warnings: None

Notes: The chapter in which everyone is introduced. My beta said it was fine, so I hope he’s right.

Read on AO3

Magnus woke up with a jolt. He wasn’t dreaming, yet all of a sudden he felt like he was falling. He groaned and sat up straight. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he took in his surroundings.

He was in a classroom, sitting in one of the desks. They were arranged in a nearly perfect square. There were sixteen seats in total. The chalkboard was empty, but not spotless. Did Magnus fall asleep in class again? He tried to look out the window, only to find that it was covered.

Magnus got up to try and take the cover off of the window. He pulled; it didn’t come off. He tried again, still nothing. Third time's the charm, he thought before failing again. The bolts were holding pretty tightly.

He looked around the room again, now noticing a folded piece of paper on one to the desks. He opened it.

Opening ceremony begins at 9:00 in the gymnasium.

Magnus searches around the room for a clock. The one above the door read 8:30. He had time, so he went to find other people.

The hallways were empty, so he picked a direction and stuck with it. He read the signs on the doors but didn’t look in. He figured there would be time to explore later.

He passed by the door to the entrance hall when he heard voices. He pushed open the door.

There was a large group of people standing in front of a huge industrial lock. A handful of them turned around when he walked in. One waved. “There’s another!” Someone else called out.

“I think that’s everyone.”

“How can you be sure?”

“I found the class roster, and it has sixteen names on it.”

“Why don’t you’d role call then?”

“Alright.” The voice cleared their throat. “Ren Bir, Ultimate Mixologist.”

“Here!” A dark elf girl standing next to Magnus called out. Her skin was dark gray, and her hair was white. She was wearing an old-timey, white, high collar dress with a brown vest buttoned in the front on top. Her boots were black and had a small heel.

“Barry Bluejeans, Ultimate Engineer.”

“I’m here!” A human guy across the room yelled. He had brown hair and blue eyes hidden behind a pair of glasses. His hair looked like a mullet in the front, but thankfully it wasn’t long in the back. He was average height and a bit overweight. He was wearing a red jacket over a plain white t-shirt. True to his last name, his jeans were a bright blue.

“Magnus Burnsides, Ultimate Protector. “

“Here!” Magnus saw many different expressions and body language. Some people were tense, probably because of his height and build. Others relaxed a bit after hearing his title, but most were confused. He could hear murmurs of “What does the Ultimate Protector do?”

“Drew Davenport, Ultimate Pilot.”

“Present and ready for duty!” Magnus couldn’t find out who it was coming from at first. When he looked down, he realized why. Davenport was a gnome with fiery red hair and pretty impressive facial hair. Magnus was a little jealous. He was wearing a tuxedo and a blue bow tie. Honestly, he looked more like a butler than a pilot.

“Carey Fangbattle, Ultimate Thief.”

“Here!” A small, blue dragonborn, more like a lizardborn, calle dour. She was wearing typical rogue attire with a yellow bandana tied around her neck.

“Kravitz Heriotza, Ultimate Hitman.” The mood of the room suddenly went uneasy.

“Uh, here,” A strikingly handsome man said. He had dark skin and dark hair done in dreadlocks. He was also wearing a tuxedo and a sweeping black robe. He looked like the Grim Reaper himself.

“Alright, um, Merle Highchurch, Ultimate Botanist.”

No one said anything. Everyone was looking around the room for Merle, before the person calling role said, “Oh wait shit, that’s me.” There were some laughs and various groans throughout the crowd.

Merle was a beach dwarf with white hair and a long beard. His eyes were a beautiful hazel color. His attired was, well, one of a typical dad’s.

“John Hunger, Ultimate uhhh…” Merle pulled the paper closer to his face. “It doesn’t say what your talent is, buddy.”

“That’s an issue, since I don’t remember my talent either,” A slim man with salt and pepper hair said. He was wearing a sharp gray suit, a narrow black tie, and some very nice shoes.

“Okay, uh, Lucretia Marasini, Ultimate Biographer.”

“I’m here.” A mousy voice called out. She was a human girl with short, white hair and dark skin. She was wearing a light blue dress with a white cape and looked like she was trying to make herself smaller.

“Angus McDonald, Ultimate Detective.”

“Here, sir!” A small boy said. He had olive skin, dark hair, and dark eyes behind very big glasses. His attire could only be described as “fancy boi.” Magnus felt the overwhelming urge to ruffle this kid’s hair.

“Lucas Miller, Ultimate Planeologist.”

“I’m here.” Everything about this voice screamed “nerd.” His skin was tannish, but it didn’t look like it was from the sun. He wore a lab coat and nerd glasses.

“Johan Pellegrino, Ultimate Violinist.”

“Uh, here.” This guy’s voice was droopy and sad. He was the spitting image of a bard. A violin was strapped to his back.

“Killian Shimojo, Ultimate Archer.”

“Here!” An orc woman called out. She had green skin and black hair. She was pretty buff and could probably give Magnus a run for his money. She was wearing a white tank top and brown pants.

“Lup Tacco, Ultimate Pyrotechnic.”

“Here, darling!” A green-skinned elf yelled. She had very short hair in a punk-style haircut. She was wearing a yellow crop top, navy blue pants, and knee-high boots. She was carrying a red umbrella for some reason.

“Taako Tacco, Ultimate Chef.”

“Live and in person, baby!” Another elf that looked almost exactly like Lup said. The only difference was his blond hair was long and braided. He was wearing a giant purple wizard’s hat. His tunic was white, and his leggings were navy. He was wearing knee-high black boots and a purple wizard’s robe.

“And finally, Julia Waxmen, Ultimate Woodworker.”

“Here!” Magnus’s head rushed when he heard her voice. He had gone to middle school with Julia and developed a major crush on her. His friends didn’t see it, but she was the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen.

“Alright, that’s everyone,” Merle said, putting the clipboard down on a nearby table.

“I think I speak for everyone when I say this. What the fuck is going on?” Taako gestured around the room when he spoke.

“That will probably be answered in due time, but how do we open the door?” Ren asked.

“Can we brute force it?” Magnus suggested. Some of the stronger people nodded in agreement.

Angus walked up to the door and studied it for a minute. “Nope, too sturdy. Not even a tornado could rip it out.”

“Can I try to pick the lock?” Carey stepped up to the door.

“Maybe it’s a combination or coded lock,” Lucas said.

Angus looked some more. “I can’t find a keyhole or a number pad.”

“Magic?” Killian suggested.

“There’s something weird in the air.” Taako turned to Lup. “You feel it too, right?”

“Yeah, for some reason, I feel drained.”

“Then how do we get out of here?” John asked.

The room erupted into voices. Everyone was trying to voice their opinion, but it was too loud. It only quieted down when the sound of a school bell was heard and a monitor Magnus had not yet seen flickered to life.

‘Hello, is this thing on?” A cartoonish voice came to life. “Opening ceremony begins in 5 minutes in the gymnasium.” The screen turned off.

“Should we go?” Barry asked.

“Do we have a choice?” Davenport retaliated, leading a majority of the group out. All who remained were Magnus, Kravitz, Lucretia, and Angus.

“I have a bad feeling about this,” Kravitz said, rubbing his arms a bit.

“There’s no point in waiting. Besides,” Angus turned around and smiled, “what’s the worst that could happen?”

[miamaroo]

Chapters: 19/? Fandom: The Adventure Zone (Podcast) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Barry Bluejeans/Lup, Julia Burnsides/Magnus Burnsides, Davenport/Merle Highchurch, Kravitz/Taako (The Adventure Zone), Starblaster Family, Minor or Background Relationship(s) Characters: The Director | Lucretia, Magnus Burnsides, Davenport (The Adventure Zone), Merle Highchurch, Taako (The Adventure Zone), Lup (The Adventure Zone), Barry Bluejeans, Julia Burnsides, The Hunger | John, Avi (The Adventure Zone), Killian (The Adventure Zone), Ren (The Adventure Zone), Johan (The Adventure Zone), Angus McDonald, Ensemble, Original Child Character(s), Sloane (The Adventure Zone), Hurley (The Adventure Zone) Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Slow Burn, Spoilers for taz balance, Angst and Humor, Team as Family, What if Lucretia doesn’t wipe everyone’s memories and the IPRE get to hunt down the relics together

Summary: They erased all knowledge of the Grand Relics, ending the war their attempts to stall the apocalypse had caused. Knowing that the world is finally saved from both the Hunger and themselves, the Seven Birds go their separate ways. They start families, change careers, and seek retirement. It's not all happy, but it's the simple life they've earned. For a while, everything is great.

Until the Hunger finds them.

Now the Seven Birds have one year to reclaim all their relics and stop the apocalypse from happening again. Coming out of retirement is never easy, but when you're travelers from another plane, there's no one else who can do the job better. Or, so they say.

It’s been 25 years, but now it’s time for the next chapter. Sorry for the long wait!

[supersquiddle]

He pulls out a small harp and he plays a small note back to the Voidfish

And the Voidfish answers back with four new notes

It’s kind of lovely; the notes are kind of lovely.

Johan plucks them out on his harp again, and he seems just sort of taken

Like he seems like he’s kind of enraptured in this moment.

He keeps playing those notes over and over

And soon it seems like him and the Voidfish are hypnotized by each other with this song.

[lunarcrown]

Another sad Johann, this time in Kaneoya Sachiko’s style! I love her work and it was a cool study :)))

[goosetooths]

earlier i made a post about making johann just look like sad lucio so i did it. i did it myself. here you go. yall didnt ask but YALL HAVE RECEIVED. alternatively, heres some lucio but he’s a medieval bard.

[katgametable]

TAZ Balance Episode 17: Lunar Interlude I: Carnival Chaos

Written 16 Apr 2025, shortly after relistening, having listened to the entire Balance arc some time ago.

It is the Summer Solstice Eclipse festival on the moon base; not only the longest day, but also a solar eclipse. Everyone dresses up and they have a big carnival, with Johan playing and lots of food and liquor. Magnus finds a food stall that promises to fry up anything he can imagine; he imagines a unicorn horn and penis, and the stallholder materialises them, fries them, and gives them to Magnus to eat, which is rather difficult for different reasons. Merle decides to have a go at a carnival game involving knocking over cans, but if he loses it’ll cost him 5,000 gold. Obviously this is extortionate, but Merle accepts a free practise shot, only knocks down half, the stallholder attempts to charge him, lets him double or nothing, and when there’s still one can standing (despite a Nat 20), Taako knocks it over with Mage Hand. They’re banned from carnival games.

It’s time for the eclipse! Leon the artificer hands out dark glasses, which they put on, and the moon moves in front of the sun. Suddenly there’s a loud scream, and our three are shaken but sturdy enough to stay standing as everyone passes out around them. There’s a sensation of a multitude of instruments all playing at once, and what seem to be a host of eyes watching them, and then it’s over. They awake the Director, who tells them to wake everyone else before joining her in her office. They do so, then relate what they experienced. She tells them that none of their agents on the ground experienced anything similar, so it must have been targeted at the moon base.

They head for the Fantasy Gachapon. Merle gets some winged slippers that will speed him in combat, giving him advantage on Initiative roles. Magnus gets a green cloth glove, a Fletcher’s Mitt, which will help him avoid or even catch any arrows or crossbow bolts. (This is for the right hand, the Phantom Fist is for the left.) Taako tries to get Leon to operate the machine for him, but Leon refuses, and coaxes him through the process. Merle is trying to shoot Magnus to try out the mitt. But Taako manages to get a handheld folding fan, the Gustmaster 5000, that can produce an incredibly powerful gust of wind once a day. Leon examines the Umber-ella, sees a new sigil has appeared, and explains it can now cast Feather Fall – the spell Killian had used with her feather duster.

They enter the Fantasy CostCo. Taako exchanges his ill-gotten valuables from the train for store credit, and they now have 2,400 gold. Griffin reads out a few of the items available. Taako buys a Pocket Spa (which will let them regain extra HP during short rests), for 900 gold (although he says it was 700, because he hasn’t told the others about his store credit). Magnus wants a mystery bag, a Lense of Straight Creeping, and a Tankard of Potent Brewing, and haggles to get them for 700 gold – the mystery bag contains a glass sphere full of water with a goldfish, which Magnus names Steven. Merle wants a Ring of Recall (which lets him regain an expended spell slot if the spell fails), but he can’t negotiate it down lower than 800, so Taako pulls out an extra 100 for him.

They level up from Level Four to Level Six, which increases everyone’s proficiency bonuses and gives them more hit points. Magnus gets second attack and brings up his wisdom to 10, removing the negative modifier. Taako can make a Transmutator’s stone, which has one of numerous properties. He’ll chose new spells later. Merle gains a new Channel Divinity, Destroy Undead, and learns how to Dampen Elements and gains the spells Plant Growth and Wind Wall. Griffin talks about wanting a DnD app that would calculate the bonuses and everything automatically (a very 2015 comment).

The mystery of the eclipse is nice, and the carnival was fun. The Gachapon, Fantasy CostCo and level-up is interesting if not very active. I’d love to see the items in use, as much as I fear at least some will fall by the wayside. That’s always a problem with DnD games; you end up with so many items, so many abilities, so much stuff, that most of it gets ignored. But some of these look really fun, so I hope they get used.

[radiumrat]

Ok, in a hypothetical scenario where TAZ balance gets adapted into a pg13 movie, who gets to say fuck?

[beviating]

Johan,,,,, JOHAN

[flamingpoisonragingswordofdoom]

Johan? More like OH NOHAN

[sillyspirit]

Ya bitch is crying the you hear it too seen in TAZ again