#that i can edit it to be strong enough to support the plot and the message. ugh i'm just like so scared that it's actually just gonna be

[gentlethorns]

still can't believe i finally got that scene written last night. that signifies that the novel is really truly in the last mile of its marathon. it's been a surprisingly easy race despite it being essentially my first. i am so excited i can TASTE the end it is so close!!!!!!!

[cheriecelestial]

Jacob Black's Self Saving System Pt.1

disclaimer *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ crack.swearing.not proofread

synopsis *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ Jason, a self-proclaimed no. 1 Stephenie Meyer hater, finds himself unexpectedly transmigrated into the very novel he disdained. Following this ironic twist of fate, he is now tasked with the challenge of creating a better version of the story himself.

a/n *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ Inspired from @duckysprouts ’s series. It’s so good ⁉️‼️. If you haven’t seen it already, PLEASE GO CHECK IT OUT. Like finally svsss content that isn’t shizun sphinx cats or binghe skin creature abomination. Art and concept so fresh it made my heart cry with joy and pulled me out of my three-month long writing slump. So, I humbly present this as an offering to our lord and savior, Ducky. Comment, Reblog and Like (∩˃o˂∩)♡

Pt 2

Twilight by Stephanie Meyer was a modern classic in its renaissance era with a large cult that loved to hate it. Set in a place with relentless rain, mist shrouded forest and an ethereal light piercing the gloom — the light being the one of only Edward Cullen. Though the statement is subject to fan bias — he was a man, rather sparkly vampire, who somehow managed to be both irresistible and perpetually constipated. 

Nonetheless, his charms never overshadowed the stellar performance of our female lead, Isabella Marie Swan— better known as Bella — a teenager who gained worldwide fame for having a personality less vibrant than a wet cabbage. Together, they navigated the perilous world of teenage angst, vampire baseball, millenia old racist italian politicians and werewolves with a curious t-shirt allergy, all in an impressively monotone palette.

It was a heartwarming tale that began with awkward stares, cryptic yet nauseatingly clichéd conversations and Bella’s inexplicable attraction to danger, making the romance as thrilling as it was perplexing. Meanwhile, the supporting cast of her high school friends, each with their own irrelevant quirks and subplots, served as convenient plot devices — appearing and disappearing at the whim of the author.

And as if her love life wasn’t tumultuous enough, Bella befriended Jacob Black. A werewolf who, unsurprisingly, hated all things vampire and Edward Cullen in particular. Between Edward’s brooding, Jacob’s abs and Bella’s classic damsel-in-distress antics that made poor Elena Gilbert seem unremarkable by comparison — the story unfolded with the subtlety of a glitter bomb and reached unprecedented heights of melodrama. Something that helped the tale become a global phenomenon, demonstrating that improbable love stories can indeed shine in their own sparkly “skin-of-a-killer” fashion.

“This has to be the worst piece of literature I’ve ever read in my life.” Those were strong words from a man who spent years and at least six hundred dollars collecting softbacks and hardbacks in every special and limited edition the series offered. Jason Black was an anti-fan who lived to scoff at the literary mediocrities of authors who, after taking one look at their drafts, believed they deserved to be released into the world as actual literature. Such people, often inspired by similar works, spawned their own deranged narratives, subsequently contaminating the sanctity of literature. 

In layman’s terms, Jason was a fervent hater of the highest order. He had a long list of things he despised about the series, yet curiously, re-watching the movies and re-reading the books always found its way to the top of his to-do list every other weekend. But do not get him wrong, not once did he say anything in favour of the series. Jason simply considered it one of those brain-rotting pieces that needed to be experienced to truly appreciate the beauty of classics like Emily Brontë and Jane Austen.

_username_1 : Bruh stfu. You’re probably an unemployed loner with nothing better to do in life than to be a keyboard warrior.  

_username_2 : then idk buddy don’t read it ? It’s not that hard. 

Jason huffed at the screen crossily, his fingers dancing over the keyboard unsure of what to type next. With a sigh, he stretched his arms as if preparing for battle. And a battle it was — being an anti-fan required more dedication, practice and patience than being a regular fan. What he didn’t realize was that he had knocked a water bottle off the table onto the frayed cord of his PC.

He couldn't fathom why people defended it as if their lives depended on it. If he ever met Stephenie Meyer, Jason would have a long talk with her about the plot—or rather, the lack thereof. With the number of plot holes in the books, they could qualify as swiss cheese. The inconsistencies were glaring: if sunlight made them sparkle, wouldn't they still sparkle during the day, just less brilliantly ? How did Jasper and Alice not overhear the phone call despite having super-hearing ? Why did Jasper go ballistic over a papercut when he attended a school where students would get paper cuts and scrapes all the time ? Why were vampires and werewolves the only species to exist ? And why was Bella, or more specifically her blood, so exceptional ? Did she perhaps descend from a line of flavourful blood havers or was it due to her mother's partial albinism ?

Was she special because she was the female lead, or was she the female lead because she was special ? There were so many unanswered questions and half-assed excuses for the events in the story that most explanations came from clever fans trying to make sense of things the author clearly put no effort into planning or thinking through. These questions had plagued him since he first read the series, and the lack of satisfying answers only fueled his irritation. So much so that Jason was embarrassed for the author. Regardless, he didn’t like the direction this conversation was going so he did what any intelligent person would do, i.e., spew hate comments and log off. 

edward_my_bbg : Dumbfuck novel, Dumbfuck author 

And as if on cue, a new notification popped up, dragging him back into the fray. It was another comment, this time mocking his apparent obsession with the series he claimed to hate. Jason’s face flushed with irritation as he furiously typed a retort, but before he could hit send, his screen flickered and went black. 

He looked down and realized the water bottle he had knocked over had short-circuited his PC. With a groan, Jason leaned back in his chair, staring at the dark screen. It seemed the universe had decided to give him a break from his self-imposed battle. His hand fumbled in the dark for the plug only to feel water on the surface. The sharp pain and crackle of electricity were the last things he knew before he plunged headfirst into endless darkness.

[Activation Code:「Dumbfuck Author, Dumbfuck Novel」 ]

[System activated] 

[Pairing command successful]

“What system ?” Jason asked out loud into the void even though he knew that it was most likely a figment of his imagination. He hadn’t expected to receive a reply however he did receive one much to his surprise. 

[Welcome to the system. During the opening of the 「you can you up」system currently in its development phase, we wish to provide you with the best experience. It is our sincere hope that during the process, you will achieve what you have stated: to transform a piece of stupid writing in accordance with your wishes into a high-end, expansive, and classic work. We wish you happiness.]

Jason blinked, trying to make sense of the message. He glanced around the dim room, half-expecting to see some kind of holographic interface or futuristic display but there was nothing. Just the voice in his head and the darkness. “What the hell is this ?” he muttered, feeling a mix of confusion and curiosity.

[You have been selected to participate in the beta phase of the 「you can you up」 system. Your task is to improve the story you despise, turning it into a masterpiece. All resources and guidance will be provided to you. Do you accept this challenge ?]

Jason hesitated, the situation seemed absurd, yet a part of him was intrigued. As he sat in silence, a thought occurred to him—what if he could actually fix all the plot holes that drove him up a wall ? Maybe this was his chance to prove he could do better. But then, the possibility of all of this being real seemed too slim. How did he get here ? What happened to him after the electric shock? Was he dying, or was he already dead ? "And if I don't accept ?" he asked, uncertainty and fear bleeding into his voice despite his attempt at maintaining his composure. The system responded quickly in the same mechanical tone as before.

[Your connection between your former body and soul was severed before the initiation of the program. If you choose not to accept, you will be returned to your previous reality with no changes made. This opportunity is unique and will not be offered again.]

“Severed from my body ? Wait— doesn’t that mean I’ll die if I don’t accept ?” Jason's question hung in the air, met with nothing but silence from the system. The lack of response only confirmed his fear.

The system's silence was deafening, seemingly pressing him to make a decision. Realizing he had little choice, Jason took a deep breath. “Fine, I accept,” he said, trying to sound more confident than he felt. How bad could it possibly be ? 

[Command acknowledged. Initializing story rewrite mode.]

The void around him began to shift and wrap. Till now he felt as though he was floating with no sensation except the system’s sound. His reality dissolved into swirling colours and Jason felt himself being pulled into a vortex. When the chaos settled, he heard a man’s voice call out to him. Unlike the clinical tone of system, this voice felt comforting and personal. He could feel tender warmth run through him however he couldn’t quite figure out what the voice was saying. 

“Son ? Can you hear me ?” 

“Dad ?” Jason murmured involuntarily, his voice hoarse as if he had just woken up from a long sleep. The gravel in the voice reminded him of the joys of his childhood when his dad was still — wait a second. Who the hell is that ?

His eyes struggled to focus as his eyelids fluttered a few times. Eventually, he was able to make out his surroundings. The first thing he noticed was the ceiling. Unlike the damp ceiling of his old apartment with its peeling plaster and harsh lighting, this one had old glow-in-the-dark moon and star stickers. It wasn’t familiar, but it seemed oddly comforting, like he had known it all his life. He slowly turned his head and saw a middle-aged man sitting on a wheelchair beside him with concern clouding his face. The man's russet complexion was lined with wrinkles yet his hair was long and lustrous.

“Where am I ?” 

“You’re at home. You’ve been asleep for so long, it’s alright if you’re confused. Take your time son.” The man he called ‘dad’ answered sincerely.

Jason’s mind raced as he tried to piece together what had happened. The familiarity of the room and the comforting presence of the man didn’t align with the reality he remembered. In that moment, everything came back to him—his death, the void, the system, everything. Jason went into what could only be described as psychological shock. His brain went on autopilot.

The man reached out to grab Jason’s hand, but Jason flinched and pulled away. Slivers of hurt flashed in the old man’s eyes as he slowly withdrew his hand. Jason hadn’t meant to react so harshly, but the information dump combined with the influx of sensory input, he was simply too overwhelmed to cope.

“I-I think i need some space. Do you mind ?” Jason spoke each word carefully, then added, “...dad,” feeling strangely guilty for hurting his feelings. The old man nodded slowly and wheeled himself out of the room. As soon as he was gone, Jason jumped out of bed and ran to the mirror. "Who the FUCK is this?"

Staring back at him was a boy, fifteen or sixteen, with the same russet skin as the old man and glossy black hair that looked like it belonged in a shampoo commercial. Recognizing the features, Jason knew this could only be one person.

 [System activation successful ! Binding your role as : Jacob Black]

[System : Booting Up]

Jason, now Jacob Black, stared at his reflection in disbelief. The reality of his situation hit him like a shit ton of bricks. He brought his fist to his mouth and sobbed into it, and here he thought college was devastating. “But I’m Team Edward,” he choked out between sobs. “That’s so fucked up.”

[Thank you for initiating the execution of the system. You are not bound with the account ‘Jacob Black’. All resources and guidance will be provided to you in due time. Initial B points : 100]

Jason—Jacob—felt a rush of confusion and frustration. “Now what the hell are B points ?!” he yelled, his voice reverberating off the walls of the unfamiliar room. The loudness of his own voice startled him, making him realize just how different everything felt in this new body.

[As the plot progresses, a number of opportunities to gain more points will be available. Please make sure your B points are not lower than 0. Otherwise, the system will automatically impose penalties.]

He stumbled back from the mirror, running a hand through his hair, which was definitely longer and thicker than he remembered. He could feel the strength in his limbs, the vitality of youth coursing through him. Yet, despite the physical vigor, his mind was in turmoil. He had transmigrated into the very novel he hated; the universe always seemed to have a field day when it came to ruining his life. Jacob looked around the room that was littered with the relics of a life he had to now live — a cozy bed with rumpled sheets, a desk cluttered with schoolbooks and posters of motorcycles, bands and scenic landscapes on the walls.

“Um, so is Bella here ?” Jacob asked, scarfing down the bacon his dad made for him. Despite stressing over the role he was supposed to play in the story, he quickly adapted to his new life. He had a family, a house to live in, no worries about finding employment, no bills or taxes, a social life—or at least he assumed he had one—and, most importantly, no backaches. In hindsight, this might not be all that bad.

“Oh, you remember that ? Charlie said she’s arriving in a couple of days,” his dad, Billy, replied. Jacob felt a strange mix of anticipation and relief. Unlike most unfortunate transmigratees, he had no death flags to worry about, so he could sit back and watch Bella and Edward fall in love without “Jacob” interrupting them. Maybe he could even make things easier for Bella by acting like the perfect wingman. Who cared about making a better story anyway ? And once he had seen his OTP together, he could take his ticket out of town after the wedding and never return so that he could avoid the whole Renesmee business because some fates are worse than death.

[WARNING: Your plan is extremely dangerous and constitutes a violation. Please do not attempt it, or the system will impose strict penalties.]

Jacob choked on his water as the sudden warning window popped up in front of him. For a moment, he was so immersed in the domestic comfort of his new life that he almost forgot about the cursed system. His father looked at him with concern.

“Water went down the wrong pipe, that’s all. Nothing to worry about,” Jacob said awkwardly, trying to reassure his father. So you can read minds now ? He internally taunted the system.

[It is a feature designed to ensure maximum support for the user.]

“That’s bullshit. Also, what do you mean by violation ?” Jacob asked. Does this system really have no respect for privacy ? If he didn’t know better, he’d think it was some kind of Zuckerberg’s meta gimmick.

[You are currently at the beginning stage. OOC function freeze is activated. You must complete the beginning stage before any functions can be unlocked. If you perform any actions against the original ‘Jacob Black’ role before the functions are unfrozen, a certain number of B points will be deducted.]

Given his extensive time spent on the internet, Jacob was well aware of what OOC meant, and he knew it wasn’t a good sign. OOC stood for Out Of Character, referring to actions taken by a role that deviated from how the character was originally written.

“FUCK OFF. I’m an adult. I already finished my degree and Bella is like, a baby. And you can forget the whole Renesmee shit too. Bella belongs with Edward and and I have no intention of pursuing either her or her future daughter. So back off, you creep of a system.”

[WARNING: The system is issuing another alert. If your B points fall below 0, you will incur a penalty, which involves being automatically transported back to your original world.]

“You know, threatening me with death is really getting old,” Jacob stared at the warning message with his anger mounting. It felt like the system was encroaching on every aspect of his new life, imposing rules and restrictions without offering any clarity or real support.

He took a deep breath, trying to push past his irritation. There was no point in arguing with an automated system, especially one that clearly had its own agenda. Jacob decided to focus on what he could control. He needed to immerse himself in his role as Jacob Black and complete the introductory stage without attracting undue attention. The system’s warnings might be annoying, but he couldn’t let them derail his efforts to adapt to his new life.

As he finished his breakfast, Jacob glanced around the house. It was warm and welcoming, albeit a little messy, which was understandable. He and his dad were the only ones living there and according to his dad, he had been inexplicably unconscious for almost a week. Keeping the house tidy wasn't exactly a priority for a man worried sick about his son.

“Thanks for breakfast… Dad,” Jacob said, still not used to the idea of having a father again. There was the whole issue of stealing the real “Jacob” ’s life, dealing with imposter syndrome, and the guilt of replacing the memory of his own father by calling this old man his dad. But that was an existential crisis he chose not to mull over at the moment, especially on the precipice of the story's start. Call him selfish, but he preferred to focus on his blessings.

“I’ll go take a walk. I’ve been asleep for a while, so I need to… uh, stretch my legs,” Jacob said awkwardly, hoping Billy wouldn’t notice anything strange about his behavior.

“Sure thing, son. Also grab some red meat from the store for dinner. A growing kid like you needs that protein. And buy yourself something nice with the leftover money,” Billy replied, taking out his wallet and handing him some cash.

Jacob stared at the man in awe. As a kid who had bounced around the foster system after his dad died, he was used to being scorned and neglected. This might be part of the reason why he had become a social recluse, spending his time bashing bad literature and authors online. To him, Billy Black was the closest thing he had ever seen to an angel.

Jacob took the money, still feeling a bit dazed. “Thanks, Dad,” he managed to say, pocketing the cash. The air filling his lungs was much fresher than the pollution-riddled air of the city he used to live in. Nature seemed a lot nicer than he remembered. So, here's a lesson for the kids—don’t wait until you die and get transmigrated into a novel you hate to understand the importance of getting outside and appreciating nature. In short, go touch some fucking grass before it’s too late.

Almost as if by instinct he found himself at La Push beach. He wandered through the familiar yet new surroundings, trying to piece together his plan. If he was going to be stuck in this world, he might as well make the best of it. He thought about the story and mentally reviewed his plan. He would stay under the radar, be friendly but unobtrusive and focus on blending in with the locals. If he played his cards right, he might just manage to navigate this strange new life without getting points deducted by the system’s restrictions.

After strolling along the shore for a while, Jacob found a rock to sit on and watch the ocean. It was a stark contrast to the urban jungle he was accustomed to, this place was serene and almost idyllic.

“Ayo, is that Jacob ? Hey, Jake !” he heard someone call out. A moment later, a boy close to his age ran up to him, followed by one more. “Um, hey guys. How’s it... going ?” Socializing wasn’t one of Jacob’s strong suits; in fact, it was the exact opposite of the skill he had meticulously avoided developing over the years.

“Man, the whole crew was freaking out about you. You were out cold for a week and for no reason !” One thing Jacob appreciated about the system was the introduction tags above each character’s head. The boy speaking was named Quil, his cousin from the Quileute tribe. He knew these interactions were unavoidable, given their significance to his new role in the plot.

“Well, I got better ?” Jacob attempted a witty quip but cringed at how poorly it landed. To his surprise, the two boys just laughed. “I’m just glad you’re okay. Stop by Sam’s sometime; he’s been asking about you,” Embry said, giving Jacob a friendly slap on the shoulder.

“Wait Sam ? Right of course. Duh. Sam’s place. Got it.” Jacob replied, blinking in confusion for a moment. Sam Uley was the Alpha—or at least the to-be Alpha—of the pack Jacob was supposed to join during New Moon.

[Mild OOC warning]

“Ay man, you feeling okay ?” Embry asked again, noticing Jacob’s hesitation. Jacob froze, Embry Call was the real Jacob’s best friend and if he figured out that Jason wasn’t really Jacob, it would spell massive trouble for him.

Jacob forced a smile. “Uh, yeah. I just—” He quickly tried to think of something. What would Jacob Black say in this situation ? What does he do to feel better ? He racked his brain for answers, knowing he needed to play the part convincingly, at least till he found a way to unfreeze the OOC function.

Go bother Bella ? a small voice suggested. Bella’s not here yet dumbass, another voice countered sharply. After years of social isolation, Jason’s inner dialogue had evolved to the point where he could have entire discussions with himself. No, he wasn’t schizophrenic.

“—I was just going to grab some red meat to chow on and uh y’know, work on my bike,” he finished, hoping his voice didn’t betray his nerves.

Embry and Quil exchanged a knowing look, which made Jacob's anxiety spike only to burst into laughter. “Classic Jake. At this rate, you might end up marrying your bike,” Quil teased and Jacob laughed along, though he desperately wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out again.

“Just take it easy, yeah ? We don’t want you passing out on us again. By the way, there's a sale at the store on the other side of town,” Embry squeezed Jacob’s shoulder reassuringly again. The familiarity they seemed to share with him was comforting, even if he felt like an imposter. He knew he had to get up to speed quickly if he wanted to maintain this facade. They soon parted ways and Jacob headed towards the store.

The store lady was overly enthusiastic upon seeing Jacob. He couldn’t tell if it was because of his face or the fact that he was a regular. As Jason, he had always been below average in looks and physique. Whereas, by the virtue of being the second male lead of a popular teenage romance novel, Jacob Black was undeniably attractive. With his deep-set dark eyes, prominent cheekbones, and beautiful long hair, he looked like someone Jason would have envied. Maybe he could try his hand at modeling once the story ended, because there was no way he was putting himself through college again.

And as unpredictable as the weather of Forks was, it began to rain. Normally, Jason would wait it out and then go but now that he as in Jacob’s body, he thought to test his body’s limits. Like c’mon a little drizzle isn’t going to hurt a big strong werewolf alpha-to-be. He stepped out into the rain, feeling the cool droplets on his skin. It was refreshing, almost invigorating. Jacob’s body seemed to handle the cold and wet far better than Jason’s ever did. As he made his way back the store, he noticed people giving him friendly nods and waves. It felt strange to be acknowledged so warmly, a stark contrast to the anonymity he was used to.

At the red light he stopped, waiting for it to turn green. Sure, there were no cars around and he could have just walked, but road rules were no joke. He liked this life too much to risk having it taken away by truck-kun. “Hey system, is double isekai a thing?” he asked. The system didn’t reply, so that was probably a no.

Jacob glanced to his side and saw a person standing under a large black umbrella. A strong sweet scent pricked his nose. How strong does this guy’s cologne have to be to reach me even with the rain ? There was a name tag hovering above the person’s head, but it was obscured by the umbrella, as was his face. One thing he had learned was that only people relevant to the story had name tags over their heads, which meant this person was a character in the story. He looked down at the stranger’s hand—it looked like porcelain.

Jacob felt a sense of foreboding, creeping up his veins. His instincts were on high alert, telling him that this stranger was no ordinary person. The rain began to pour harder, each drop bouncing off the asphalt with increasing intensity.

The person probably noticed Jacob staring and as he did, the umbrella tilted slightly, revealing a glimpse of a pale, almost ethereal face with piercing golden eyes. The moment their gazes met, Jacob was momentarily blinded by a brilliant golden aura radiating from the name tag above the person’s head.

[Edward Cullen]

Jacob’s heart skipped a beat. Of course, it had to be Edward. What were the odds of encountering your favorite character on the very first day of your new life ? He felt his knees weaken. Despite the dim lighting and gloomy setting, Edward was undeniably striking. The rain seemed to fall more slowly around him, as if even the weather was reluctant to mar his flawlessness . His tousled bronze hair framed his face perfectly and Jacob felt an inexplicable urge to reach out and touch it. Despite all his criticisms of the novel, Edward had always held a special place in his heart for reasons Jacob couldn’t quite explain.

Damn, this mf looks anemic as hell. Maybe I should feed him. It was a half-serious thought, borne from both concern and his internal struggle to reconcile his feelings towards the character with the reality of his situation.

[OOC WARNING! OOC WARNING!]

[Edward Cullen is your enemy.]

“Fuck off, he’s my babygirl,”Jacob shot a mental retort at the system in exasperation and a streak of protectiveness. The system’s declaration that Edward was an enemy wasn’t misplaced given Jacob’s role in the novel but that didn’t mean it wasn’t at odds with his feelings.

Edward had always been his favorite character, a source of fascination and admiration. This was supposed to be his chance to explore and perhaps even improve upon the narrative, not to be embroiled in conflict with a character he held dear.

Jacob didn't even notice when the light turned green and Edward started walking away, his steps soundless on the wet pavement. Acting on impulse or perhaps some hidden desire, Jacob found himself walking towards Edward and grabbing his elbow, accidentally knocking his umbrella aside. Edward stopped and turned to him as the rain continued to soak them both. His gaze was like a sharp, unyielding beam of light, cutting through the rain. His eyes, an unusual shade of golden amber, held a depth that seemed to pierce directly into Jacob's soul, scrutinizing every hidden corner of his being.

[OOC! OOC! OOC! OOC! OOC! OOC! OOC! OOC! OOC! OOC! OOC! OOC! OOC! OOC! OOC! OOC! OOC! OOC!]

[EDWARD CULLEN IS YOUR ENEMY]

I’m so stupid — I forgot completely. Jacob and Edward haven’t met yet. Maybe… maybe I can salvage this ? Be a dick and still be nice ? He definitely didn’t want to end up on Edward’s bad side, nor did he want to break the system’s rules. Annoying as it was, the system was what kept him alive. Though he’d never say it out loud, he was terrified at the thought of dying, again. The system’s constant reminders of their supposed enmity were starting to grate on him, but he couldn’t afford to make more mistakes. What was a man to do when every choice seemed fraught with peril ?

Ack — he’s staring. Can he hear my thoughts ? I hope not. He and Bella meet soon, if I remember correctly so— Jacob’s anxiety skyrocketed under the weight of that gaze. His heart pounded in his chest, each beat drumming in his ears. A tight knot of dread twisted in his stomach and whether it was the rain or not, he could feel cold sweat forming on his palms. He needed to say something—anything—that wouldn’t completely derail the plot but also wouldn’t make Edward hate him from the start, even if it was inevitable.

“Oh uh — my bad, dude. I just thought you looked kinda sick so I thought — I mean,” Jacob scrambled for an explanation, forcing a nonchalant tone as he released Edward’s elbow. He felt like a small animal trapped in the headlights of an oncoming car, desperately searching for a way to escape unscathed.

“—Uh, here.” He shoved the raw steak he had just bought into Edward’s arms. The system fell silent for a moment, as stunned by his actions as Jacob was. The sound of the rain was almost deafening as awkward silence stretched between them. Edward looked down at the raw steak in his hands, confusion and surprise painting his features.

Without waiting for a reply, Jacob quickly turned on his heel and hurried away, his footsteps splashing through the rain-soaked pavement. “Later ! Get that iron up and be the lady killer you were born to be !” he called over his shoulder. After walking a few metres, he paused briefly and added,“ And seriously lay off the sauvage man !”

As he put more distance between them, Jacob’s thoughts began to spiral. What had he just done ? Did Edward think he was completely nuts ? Or worse, could Edward have read his thoughts and seen through his facade ? Jacob shuddered at the possibility.

[Why did you do that ?]

“I don’t know okay !? I thought it’d help with looking y’know less dead when he meets Bella.” He shrugged. Explaining himself to the system felt pointless considering it was neither his parent nor his babysitter. The system remained silent, as if considering his response, Jacob rolled his eyes.

[OOC ! -20 B points ↓ ↓ ↓]

“Oh come on !”

“Still staring at that bag of steak, Ed ?” The pixie-haired woman leaned over her brother’s shoulder, teasing him.

“Go away, Alice,” Edward muttered, his gaze still locked on the steak as if it held some profound answers of the universe. His fingers occasionally running over the plastic, making the blood inside to squelch against the surface.

“Seriously what’s up with you ?” Alice frowned, dropping the banter. Ever since Edward had returned, he’d been fixated on this bag of steak that suspiciously smelled like wet dog. What was even more peculiar was the fact that she hadn’t had any visions of this event. Normally, Alice caught glimpses of all the interesting things happening with her family throughout the day but she had no clue how Edward had ended up with that steak. And from the look on his face, Edward didn’t look like he was divulging anything either.

“Nothing just… trying to figure someone out.” Edward sighed. Alice was his favorite family member, and he seldom told her off but this was something he couldn’t even make sense of himself. If he told Alice, she’d likely blow the whole thing out of proportion. But despite everything, one question kept lingering in his mind.

Who was that man ?

A.n - should I make this into a series ? If yes please lemme know if you want to be added to the taglist.

[physalian]

How to Make your Writing Less Stiff 4

Let’s keep this train rollin’! This time less down to line edits and more overall scope of your narrative

Part 3

1. Foreshadowing

Nothing quite like the catharsis of accurately predicting where something’s going to go. It doesn’t have to be a huge plot twist or a character death, it can (and should) be little things that reward your audience for paying attention. Double points if it adds to rewatch/re-readability.

Example: In The Dark Knight, this exchange happens:

Harvey: “You’ve known Rachel all her life.”

Alfred: “Oh, not yet, Sir.”

You won’t think anything of it on your first watch. Alfred is just making a witty joke that throws Harvey off. Watch the movie again, when Rachel dies, and it becomes some incredibly dark foreshadowing. Turns out Alfred has, actually, known Rachel all her life.

2. Chekhov’s Gun

Chekhov’s Gun is a narrative concept where a seemingly inconsequential element introduced at some point in the narrative (a gun) must “fire” by the end of the narrative. Sometimes this element leaves audiences uneasy or anxious, because they know something bad must come of it. Sometimes they think nothing of it until it’s about to fire and you get a one-two punch of the realization that it’s about to hit, and then the impact of the hit. It helps create tension, and tension is incredibly important (if you want a whole post of my take on it, lmk).

It also helps your narrative look more cohesive, where nothing is left on the table. Your set-ups and payoffs leave no threads dangling.

3. Repetition

The Rule of threes can apply on a micro and macro scale. I like doing lists of adjectives in threes, (e.g. My cat is soft, fluffy, and adorable) because the cadence and the flow of three is something we’re familiar with in spoken language. We like three supporting examples for an argument. Any less doesn’t feel strong enough, any more feels like you’re trying too hard. This is not a rule it’s a suggestion.

On a grander scale, you can look at the script of Curse of the Black Pearl for a masterclass in macro rules of three, like three parlays. Doing this helps your narrative look more cohesive and like every detail is thoroughly interwoven and nothing is coincidence. Your audience will get to the third instance and mimic that DiCaprio pointing meme—they will absolutely notice.

4. Motifs

Motifs as well, beyond threes, help. Colors are a huge one. For example every time you mention the color purple, you could attach it to an emotion, or a character, or an important plot beat, like how leitmotifs work for character themes in movies and TV shows.

Obvious examples in film are like lightsaber colors or dressing up the good guys in white and the bad guys in black. I did this whole post about color in fiction.

It’s a lot of other things too. Weather elements and times of day, or specific inconsequential objects popping up over and over again, like birds, or litter, fallen leaves, clothing items. Whenever the narrative mentions them, the author is trying to clue you in on some subtext within that scene.

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My new novel is here!!! Do you like supernatural fantasy? How about queer vampires? How about acespec characters? Then Eternal Night of the Northern Sky is for you!

[mayasaurusss]

Transfem Jackie in the wilderness??

The feeling of you.

Contents: female reader, transfeminine Jackie, angst and comfort, internalized guilt, detailed descriptions of feelings, exploring themes of transexuality, 3rd point of view from Jackie's prespective, vanilla smut, gentlia described vaguely. Not really thought plot.

Words count: 7k/ about 12 pages

Author's note: As you read, this is a transfeminine Jackie oneshot. I wanted to explore themes of self hatred in many ways. Since I am not transexual, I based myself on the expereince someone in my life had to describe various moments in this oneshot. If this might be offensive to anyone, please dm me so I can edit this work. This is the first time in an oneshot where I write full on smut. This might not be very 'sexy' then, so forgive me for that. This oneshot contains vanilla-ish sex, so it might not be everyone's cup of tea. Anon, I'm sorry for the several months long wait, but I wanted to be sure to write something in character for Jackie.

To make reading easier: the italics are charcaters thoughts. First half is from Jackie's 3rd pow and second half (from smut onwards) reader's 3rd pov.

Enjoy everyone!

When you joined the Yellowjackets soccer team, you didn't expect to fall heads over heels with its capitan, Jackie Taylor.

It was a rainy November afternoon when you joined. You had seen Jackie walk around school from time to time, but have never interacted with her this close, for all it was worth, you didn't even know she was the soccer team captain. You joined the team some months after your best friend Vanessa did; she had insisted that it was fun and it would build up your confidence. So, you have joined.

Vanessa had talked about your frail character with Jackie before you joined, telling her that you were insecure in your abilities, so, after the coach had tested you, Jackie choosed to assign you the substitute position of right winger. So, you wouldn't have had to play all the time.

Right before you got introduced to the team, Jackie had talked with you. A look of worry was visible in your eyes and Jackie, even if she didn't know you all that well yet, was slightly worried. For you maybe, yes, but also that you could potentially be more of a burden to the team, if you didn't do well enough. After all, Jackie needs to have as many competent people in her team as she can. You need to grow more confident.

So, she had taken you by the arm and led you to a secluded place right outside of the field's entrance. Jackie had looked up at you and smiled kindly, "Well, are you ready to go?". You had felt incredibly scared and apprehensive that day but when you felt Jackie's hand lightly touch yours, trying to get you out of your head, you felt safe, seen.

That was the first instance of your feelings blooming for Jackie. At every game, she did not ever forget to encourage and praise you for your actions. Even when you didn't perform well, you knew Jackie would always be there to make you feel better.

To her surprise, a year after having joined the team, you were almost a completely different person. Confident, strong and willing to stand up for herself and others. Jackie did have to admit that your change was more than welcome. She could never say it out loud, but whenever she saw you in the changing room, her heart skipped a beat. Of course, Jackie had to maintain her reputation at school.

No one, besides her parents and Shauna, knew that Jackie wasn't who others thought she was. Since she was a child, she had felt like she was missing a core part of herself. It was when she met Shauna that everything changed: with her, Jackie had confessed her worries and secrets and in exchange, got the help to finally become her true self. Her parents weren't as supportive as she thought they were going to be. Sometimes, she saw her mothers sending glances in her direction, which she couldn't decipher as worry or disdain; but she didn't care.

In an attempt to finally convey that image she built of herself, upon entering her new school alongside Shauna, she had seduced Jeff, one of the guys she found less ugly. She wasn't able to fully explore herself before jumping hand in hand with him in the relationship.

The first time and only time she and Jeff have had sex, she didn't dare to make him look. Somewhat, she managed to create an excuse to not strip and only get him off. It was a rather boring and disappointing night. But she hadn't left him, in a way Jackie still felt some kind of odd feeling when she was with him. She couldn't tell if it was love.

This is why she couldn't show herself shy when she was near you. She couldn't risk her image, people would talk if they saw her behaving in a flirtatious way towards you, and Jeff would leave. She knew he was probably cheating on her, but as of right now, she couldn't worry less.

Jackie feels her mind slipping out of consciousness time and time again. She can vaguely feel what is happening near her, bodies bumping on her shoulder and light dimming lower and lower until, behind her eyelids, she can only stare back at the darkness.

Shauna wakes her up, and she's not sure she's completely herself at this point. Her body moves before her mind can process what's happening and just mere seconds later, she falls hard to the forest floor. Just as her cheek comes into hard contact with the naked soil, her mind registers what's happening. Jackie looks behind herself to see something that shakes her to the core and will for the years to come. People, her teammates flooding away from the main entrance of the plane, all gushing out like droplets of the leftover alcohol of the red cup she had drank from last night, at their last party.

Jackie struggles to get back to her feet, her legs giving just as she gets up. Shauna is there, she holds her and runs her fingers on her face, tracing over the bruise that has begun to form. She searches for your face among the others and finds you clutching at your left leg, a scar running down your hips.

Jackie's eyes follow as Shauna gets back into the plane and a feeling of dread fills her heart. She knows that if she doesn't help Shauna, her best friend will die. When she enters into the crashed death trap smoke fills her lungs and her vision. She searches for Shauna, finding her fiddling with something behind her shoulders. For a second she considers slapping Shauna, telling her that she's an idiot and taking her back, but when she hears Vanessa's desperate sobs her brain is filled with fear and horror and something akin to bravery. Her hands brace on either side of the seats and summoning a bravery she didn't know she had, along with Shauna, Jackie manages to open a window of opportunity for Van to slip out. Once the fresh air fills her lungs again and her brain is awake, Jackie searches for you.

Misty had hastily put together various bandages that ran down the entirety of your leg, blood already seeping out and darkening the cloth. Jackie can't even register that she has you in a death grip until she feels your chest moving on hers in an attempt to get more air in your lungs.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to- '' her words get cut off as you push into her, already wettering the neck of the blue and yellow jacket she wore. Your throat bobs and tears fall from your eyes ``I, I'm scared". Jackie holds you to her chest, sobs threatening to leave her body, "Me too".

The smell of fire and pine needles filled the air around you, the tall trees shielding your view of the night sky. Hours after the disaster, you were surprised to find yourself enjoying your teammates' jokes near the campfire. You would have expected to feel this happy in another situation, but there you were: laughing in the dark night with the corpses of your old friends already starting to decompose back into the deathtrap. Jackie had insisted on sitting near you along Shauna. She kept to herself, having to maintain that image of her authority. Maybe she could be the one aiding the team to take a stand against nature. But in the aftermath of saving Van she had let her selfishness surge again and had protested against her cleanser being used as a sanitizer. She didn't mean to, the words left her mouth before she could understand the gravity of the situation. This wasn't what she was prepared for, her mind wasn't prepared enough to survive, to see the lifeless bodies of her own friends burn and decompose under her eyes.

Jackie had gotten silent for some time and her mouth had tasted the tears that were threatening to fall, but when she had felt your touch linger on her hand, a feeling of calm panic had washed over her. Your eyes stared into hers, understanding, saying 'I feel you, I understand you' and her heart ached. The fear was still clawing at her heart but she tried to subdue it in favor of quietly looking at you, trying to breathe through the hurt. Unbeknownst to her, Shauna's envious eyes had watched the whole interaction with anger boiling over the surface.

That night, Jackie dreams. She dreams of the last game, the leather of the ball comes into hard contact with the white metal of the goal and bounces back away from her and the other team wins. She dreams of a world where she and Shauna are now in her room, sad and bitter, but not here. Not on a cold night. She dreams of a world where she comes back to Jeff, he comforts her by kissing her cheek and whispering sweet, fake nothings to her. She dreams of him finally admitting he cheated, of a world where after months of sadness and thought, she manages to confess the strange feelings she has whenever you're around. She dreams of your lips touching hers.

If only... if only she didn't score, maybe...maybe...

The morning had come by fast, a pale light shone down from the trees and greeted their painful awakening. Jakcie had fallen asleep the night prior cuddled between you and Shauna. All the team had cuddled closer during the night in an effort to maintain as much heat as possible. The soil was scattered with clothes, remaining junk food leftovers, branches and the mechanical remains of the plane. And when she woke up, Jackie had panicked. As quietly as possible she had begun to hyperventilate, the reality of the situation finally kicking in. In an effort to keep calm, to get comforted, Jackie hides her face into your chest and lets her tears fall freely. In your sleep, you cling onto her and for a split moment, her heart bursts out of her chest. It feels like her rib cage has suddenly tightened on her organs and her body has been set aflame. She couldn't feel like this. She shouldn't. And why with you of all people? Why you, and not Jeff? Why you, and not Shauna? What is in you that makes her poor heartache, even in the most desperates of situations? Nevertheless, Jackie allows herself to feel and falls right back asleep. Reality can wait for some time.

When the bodies had been buried and were beginning to dissolve into the earth, a heavy silence had weighted on the team shoulders. At least they could rest in peace, for the rest though only chaos was waiting. Jackie had never been so scared in her life. So, when Taissa shouted that she had seen a lake nearby, Jacki couldn't believe it. Or, more accurately, she was scared of leaving. What if the rescue team came just as they left? And what if they didn't find them? She couldn't afford to lead her team into another hazard. so, when almost all of the team agrees to go, Jackie feels betrayed. It's stupid and selfish but she does, especially when Shauna raises her hand in favor of leaving. Without too much thrust, Jackie follows. She steps away from Shauna and walks with you, helping you move your leg on the uneven forest floor.

When she spots the shore, a sense of wonder and happiness fills her for the first time in hours. With her help, you manage to speed up to the lake. There, a realization dawns on her. She hadn't told the others that she was 'different'. No one here except Shauna knew. What would they have thought of her? "Aren't you going in?" she heard your voice ask her. "Uh, I- I don't know..." she stammers out. Her eyes widen when she sees you changing out of your dirty clothes "Well, I'm going. Misty had said that the water might cleanse my wound, but she never talked about lake water" Jackie vaguely registered your response while her eyes were still trained on your figure. "I hope there aren't any germs there" you lose the branch that supported your uneven walk in favor of trying to get out of your pants.

"Hey Jackie... I know this is weird to ask, but can you help me out? I can't crouch low enough to pull them off" her heart skips a beat and almost automatically, she starts to undress you out of your pants. She's sure her cheeks are a bit more red than usual. "Ah, thank you. Are you sure you're not coming in?" she doesn't know, she isn't sure. But she so, so wants to be there with you. "Uh yeah just, just let me change and I'll be there".

Jackie's eyes follow as you dip into the water. Vaguely, she can feel her blood flow in her body faster than normal, but she dismisses it. When she nears on the shore, as quickly and as carefully as possible, Jackie strips out of her clothes and watches for any unwanted gaze. When the cold water crashes on her skin, her body begins to cool off and that thirst she felt has been quelled. Now she reaches you and guides you to deeper waters, careful to listen to any signs of discomfort from you.

That's how you spend the rest of the afternoon: splashing each other with water, resting on the rocky shores of the lake and gossipping. The everpresent eye of Shauna watching your every move. When Lottie had spotted something in the distance, everyone had been on the move, hoping to find a new shelter for the night. And they did. The cabin was decrepit. Its roof was slightly slanted, vines and vegetation covered the wooden walls; but it worked. It could work. When she entered, a smell of mold and old plants had hit her nose. She found a can of green beans and when attempting to open it, her hunger preceding the thought that maybe she could have preserved it, she was greeted with the sight of many greenish beans swimming in a gray pool of liquid.

On the other side of the room, some of the girls are checking out one of those old sex magazines. Natalie calls out to you "Hey look, this girl kinda looks like you" and right then and there, Jackie crumbles. "Nah, she doesn't look like me! You have a shitty sight Scatorccio '' the team's eyes all gather to one point in the page, some let out whistles while others comment on it. "So, are you like this gentlelady under your clothes?" Van jokingly teases you "Guess you'll have to discover it yourself". Despite thinking she's above this, Jackie steals a glance as she walks out. And it's true, that woman did look like you, despite some differences. And now, Jackie has to deal with yet another problem.

She feels her body shift without her wanting to and heat spreads through her lower abdomen, begging to be put out. She walks out of the door fast and follows a trail behind the cabin. There, she tries to calm down but to no avail, images of you fill her mind and she feels her shorts tighten. Jackie lets out a grunt of discomfort: the situation wasn't exactly the most comfortable one to 'rub one out'. She looks back at the cabin, it's far but still in view: maybe here she can take care of herself with no prying eyes watching.

Jackie slips out of her shorts and starts to palm at her length. She tries to think about Jeff, about Shauna, even about her celebrity crushes, but nothing works. Everything morphs into you. So, when she finally gives up and allows herself to fall into your image, she finds that her body is already at the brink of release. She feels your hands stroking her skin, the tension releases out of her shoulders and your voice whispers reassurances in her ear. "Let it go" and she falls from her high, her legs give out and the skin meets the hard ground. Her gaze falls to her hand. Oh god, what have I done?

The afternoon lights had started to shine through the trees. After taking care of her little problem, Jackie had come back and sat on the wooden porch at the side of the cabin. This can't be real. It can't, right? Her heart aches far more than she realized. She doesn't belong here. She is angry, sad and terrified. This isn't real.

Regret, both for the plane crash and for what she had just done. Did she really jerk off to a friend in the middle of the forest, right after what happened? God, how could she be so disgusting? So careless? People died and all she could think about was fulfilling her own needs. Like always Jackie, you always have to be the center of attention. You couldn't even let your teammates have a peaceful rest, you just had to think about yourself huh? Can you even feel something, anything for others? Do you have anyone else in your mind except yourself?This just shows the utter scum of a person you really are. You waste.

Back at home, everyone always counted on her. She was the voice of reason, the one person who could bring different people together under one team. She had been the one to create the Yellowjackets, to care for them, to nourish them. She knew she was selfish, selfish and stupid, but she really tried. Jackie didn't mean to be this much of a fucking liability, but she couldn't help it. This place, these people, did they even think of her as an equal? Or did most of them fake their appreciation for her? She didn't mean to be a bother, trying to fix the old music player instead of doing the chores, but she needed desperately to not think. Please, for the love of God, get me out of here.

Days, months have passed and winter starts to tighten its cold hands on the Yellowjackets. All of them know. When winter comes, they might die. Every night, the last breeze of autumn comes knocking on the door in the form of the Grim Reaper, begging to be let in. To join the fun. For how much their determination is worth, nature has a sick way of playing with its prey.

They don't have to think.

That's why Jackie had hosted a seance in summer, to distract them. And that's why she decides to host a Doom Coming. Death is already at the door, so why not having fun in the last few weeks of their lives? And her life is just a mess. Jackie feels as if all of the world's faults weigh down on her shoulders. She's sad, bitter and angry: sad for Laura Lee and her unfair death, bitter at Shauna and Jeff, and angry at the world.

Finally, night has fallen. The sun is lowering down the horizon, the cold air nipping at the skin, but she tried to ignore it. The camp smells of leaves, fire and earth. It's almost calming. Laughs and wind and fire crackling fill her ears. Jackie sits on a log which acts as a stool and closes her eyes.

Right now, when everyone is partying, she allows herself to be vulnerable. In the months following the summer, Jackie had come to care less and less about what others might have thought about her if her secret came to be known. So her facade had finally started to crumble.

Jackie sat on the log, her legs spreading far apart, her back hunched and with her face in her hands. She knew the others would look at her and make fun or feel sorry for her, but right now she didn't care too much. A quiet whine left her body and trickles of tears staining her cheeks. Something moves at her right side and she jumps up to see you holding two makeshift wooden bowls. "Hey, thought of giving you this. You haven't eaten at all".

Maybe she doesn't want to. Maybe Jackie would rather die, her body to be eaten by the people she loved most and then dissolve into the earth, broken apart by nature and scattered like a constellation. "I... I am fine" she mutters into her hands, trying to mask her sobs.

"But you're not Jackie. You're so not fine; don't you think I can see that?" she's taken aback by your teary eyes burning a hole through her heart. You push the tears back in and hand her the warm bowl of soup. "I am scared too, Jackie. We all are. But at least, just before the end...won't you try to be happy?" and you know that asking her this is stupid and pathetic, but you too need to push reality away. And Jackie doesn't have enough strength to deny you. "...You're right", she takes the makeshift wooden spoon and dips it into the brownish soup. She lets the earthy flavors fill her mouth. "This isn't half as bad as I thought it would be'' Jackie smiles as she sets the bowl down. A giggle leaves your lips as you stand up, your legs feel wobbly and your skin starts to feel uncomfortably hot. "Say... you wouldn't want to have... a dance with me, would you?" words slurred, you try to pry Jackie out of her log and she happily complies.

Jackie feels strange. She isn't in total control of her body, her mind is foggy, her body moves slowly and lazily. She looks at you with lovey dovey eyes, as if you are a goddess on earth who came to relieve her of her pain. She doesn't even care that Mari's and Alikah's eyes are on both of you; as of right now Jackie only sees you. But now her mind is playing tricks on her: she sees you on her bed, naked.

"W-what?" and now that discomfort is back again, twirling inside of her stomach. "What is it?" Jackie can only feel her body stiffen once again, swaying 'Uhhh shit'. "I- I, don't worry!" but you insist with that look on your face that she can't resist. "What? What is it? Are you feeling ill?".

Shit!. "N-no I-" it's almost like her brain can't form any coherent thought anymore. Why? Why now?!, you get closer to her, an inch from her ear "Do you need something?" God damn it. "I need to- I need-" Jackie stops dead in her tracks as she feels your leg accidentally pressing on her groin. Shit! No! No, no, no! Why?! What is wrong with you?

You look down to see something puffing under her dress. What the heck was she hiding there?. It takes you a moment to understand what it really is, and when you do, you let out a small 'ohh' of understanding.

"Do you have something to tell me?" and Jackie feels embarrassed: embarrassed, guilty and disgusting. How could she have those kinds of thoughts for a friend? She's no better than Jeff, she's no better than them. "I am so, so, so sorry please, please I' didn't mean to-' ' you cut off Jackie with a shush, take her hand into yours and guide her in the forest.

You lead Jackie through low tree branches and vines, through bushes and dirt until you stumble in a beautiful clearing. Hidden between the thick branches of the pine trees, away from the cabin, the uneven forest floor becomes flat, the trees give away to green grass and moss and flowers. On the way, Jackie had noticed strange scrapes on the trees, like a knife had cut through the bark.

"This is where I come when I'm overwhelmed. I found it while having lost myself after going to get the water. You remember that day I didn't come to the cabin after dark?" Jackie nods, waiting for your voice again "I actually had been walking on circles, some feets away from the cabin I took the wrong turn and ended up in the wrong place, here." From your pocket, you fish out a small cutting knife, an old candle and a couple of matches you had stolen from Dead Guy's stash. "Luckily, I had this with me" you gesture to the knife, "If I hadn't, I'm not sure I could have come back". You let your things fall to the base of a tree, forgotten. "So," you say as you sit down and pat the ground next to you "mind explaining what that was?".

Jackie feels as if her blood had become ice cold; she's terrified, so much so that she's stiff and can't bring herself to sit near you. "Come here" she awkwardly lets herself lay on the ground with her legs tucked under her body and away from you.

"I- I am..." throat closing in on her words, she takes a breath and gathers all the courage she has left in her heart "I wasn't happy once. Before. I didn't realized it once, Shauna helped me understand. Sometimes I faked begin happy just to see the people near me happy. To see my parents happy. But once I started to put my own happiness before, I understood". Jackie feels as if a block of ice got stuck in her throat and it's preventing her from speaking clearly.

"For the time we have left, I will continue begin myself. I- I don't care what others think of me" and maybe that last part was a lie, maybe she does care. Every human need reassurance. But when she says that, she's looking directly into your eyes, with determination. A smile graces your lips and Jackie feels as if she has died for a moment and her soul reached heaven "I understand you" which is far better than any 'okays or 'alright's she has gotten so far. "Y-you do? I thought, I thought you would be... grossed out", silence fills the air and Jackie's breath hitches, waiting for the final blow at her heart. "You could never 'gross me out' Jackie, why did you even thought about that?"

"I really thought that you might-" Jackie's words die engulfed in your arm, her head cradled on you, "You are safe with me". Something in her, a cage, breaks into million shining pieces and lets her heart beat red blood into her flesh. Jackie feels as if the old cruel world broke and left space for a new, shining future, one she shares with you. She weeps into your shoulder, finally understood, happy, euphoric, free from her own self and from the world's expectations.

You let her weep into you for some time, the sky's color changes from the purple and orange evening glow to a light cobalt, the stars already starting to show.

"Now, I want to ask you something else..." your cheeks feel suddenly hotter, thighs closing in on themselves. Jackie listens to you, and you're suddenly very interested on your hands. "That... thing that happened back there... why? Why did it happen while we were dancing?". Ohh shiiit.

Jackie feels sick. A ball of nausea forms in the deepest parts of her stomach and reaches out to her mouth. For a second, she feels like she will throw up. "Oh gosh, I'm so sorry I forgot, I-" and now, emotions and feelings of the past months come crashing down on her heart. And when she parts her lips, it is too late to stop.

"I... like you. I do. I've felt like this for a while now. Back there I don't- I don't know why I felt like that and why it happened, but t-that's not like me at all! I- I am-" but the silence that follows is enough for Jackie to stop. Right then and there, she knows she has lost you. "I should probably go..." she says to you; Jackie's muscles move to follow her torso but your arms hug her shoulders before she can escape you. For a moment she's confused and almost thinks an animal might have tackled her to the ground, but when she feels your touch on her cheeks, peace fills her heart. You lightly trace her small skin marks under her eyes and lean down to kiss her. In her eyes billions of stars shine and in her heart, billions of stars explode. Her body is lighter, almost made of condensed air. It almost feels like a sin when she touches your hand: like if her fingertips could dirty the beautiful soul in front of her. "I want you too" you say to her, a whisper. Now she truly is gone.

Jackie kisses you back with a passion you didn't know she had in her. Everything is forgotten: the dirt of the soil, the rotten cabin, the looks of the others, the touches of Jeff, the desire for Shauna, the desire to run from the world. Here and now, Jackie is at peace. Finally at peace, after months of hardship. Her heart beats and her blood runs, and she's happy. So, so very happy.

When you leave the kiss, Jackie feels lightheaded. A dark feeling inside of her screams to stay, to take, to devour. She takes you right back into her arms, clinging to you so hard that you're sure your bones will snap. The kiss becomes raw, hungry and dangerous; all lips and tongue and teeth. Her hand cradles the back of your head and with the free hand, she claws at your shirt. There is a feeling blooming inside her groin and stomach; she wants to devour and be devoured. You get rid of your clothes and discard them aside. Now Jackie can see you in all your beauty, skin shaded by the blue evening night.

It's getting dark.

"Maybe, maybe we shouldn't..." Jackie whispers in your mouth but makes no effort to stop. Your hands find her soft skin, you cradle her head upwards facing you, "Let morning come". Your hands find Jackie's skin underneath her dress and her breath stops, she tries to gulp down air in her lungs but they feel tight. Your hands are just so soft and she feels so good, so right here with you. For the first time in a while, she doesn't have to be in charge of anything. For the first time, she can be her whole, broken self without needing to be something she's not. With a trembling voice, Jackie asks you to help her out of her dress. The cold air hits Jackie all at once, making her shiver but she is too caught up in you to care. As soon as the dress is off her hands are already on your skin, touching wherever they could. "I- I want to..." but she couldn't find in herself the strength to say what she wanted, needed to do. Instead, Jackie decided to crash her lips into yours again and rest her hand on your back, atop the clasps of your bra, a silent request. The dizziness of before had almost worn off by the time you were bare before her. A breathy sigh left Jackie's lips "Wowza...", you couldn't help but let out a giggle "Really? 'Wowza'?".

"What?! I couldn't help it..." her words trail off when her gaze falls to your chest. Fingers come down on you, caressing and touching and groping at every inch of skin she finds. She props you up on her lap, trying to relive the pain of her hardness starting to show. It's almost embarrassing how desperate she is, her cheeks are flushed red, her eyes unfocused and watery. Jackie's lips circle your nipple, biting and licking and sucking and tugging at your skin. Jackie's length gets harder and hard by the minute, for every time her name falls off your lips. All the uncomfortable and guilt has gone, leaving behind something dark and primal. She starts to hump on your ass while continuing to suck on you. "Oh, I see someone is eager" and all that confidence she had goes right out of the window, her sober self comes out more embarrassed than before "Oh- gosh I'm-I am sor-" but she is shut down by your grinding down on her. "Who said you could lead tonight?".

Oh shit I'm so into this.

"N-no one..." her voice came out shaking with excitement, the prospect of the night and all the scenarios playing out in her head.

"That's right, you deserve a break" not as sexy as she would have wanted, but this is fine too. More than fine. She was tired of feigning leadership. Your hands fiddle with the waistband of her underwear, feeling around the skin of her waist. This feels like a torture to Jackie. "Please, I-..." she meets your hands and tries to grind into you. As teasing as ever, your touch skims right on her thighs, squeezing and stroking her skin. "Tsk, I thought you wanted to be taken care of. Maybe I should stop?".

"N-no! No, please I will be good I promise". Jackie settles back against the earth, her puppy eyes looking up at you with the fear that you won't touch her anymore. "That's what I wanted to hear". Finally your fingers dip under her waistband and pull, freeing her after what felt like an eternity. Now, the both of you are bare against each other. "What do you want me to do, Jackie?" after some thought, Jackie says, "I... I want to taste you... Please....".

Now you take her place, laying down on the earth. Jackie watches you with adoration while her fingers start to travel downwards. Her fingers part your legs and she kisses the skin of your thighs, just mere inches away from where you need her the most. You whisper her name, wanting her to get on with it, to please you. At that, Jackie dips into you. After months of desire, it feels like heaven on earth. Her fingers tease your clit, circling it multiple times before moving down. But you're not prepared enough for the intrusion. So, Jackie starts to suck on you. She's so attentive and shy it makes you want to cry. You ground on her face and hear her letting out a whimper, she's getting pleasure from this too. When you are wet enough, Jackie's ring finger teases your opening and enters. You have already done this before, but it pales in comparison on how Jackie is making you feel. Almost like a shock running through your body and a wildfire spreading in your limbs. And you are sure that if Jackie continues, you will combust on the spot. Finger flicking your nipples, tongue occasionally joins her fingers to lick up your slit, eyes always fixated on your face twisted in pleasure. You look under her to see her free hand stroking her length quickly, white wetness dripping from it. "I- I am about to..." but your words die in your throat. When Jackie comes up again, the lower part of her face is covered in your release, she's still stroking herself. "Please, please I need it, I need it" she continued as she came closer to you. "What do you need Jackie?" she whimpers, desperately humping into her hand "y-you please. Your... mouth".

You smile at her, reaching to tease her length but just a few movements of your hand are enough to send her over the edge. Jackie gasps when she comes undone, her hands tightening over your shoulder. "O-Oh God I, I usually last way more than this..." you snort at her, "Hm? Way more?". Her brows are furrowed, cheeks red with embarrassment "...ok, a bit more". You decide to stop teasing her and reach down, sucking the last drops of her release. Her moans encourage you to get on top of her, legs straddling her hips on both sides. Slowly, you began grinding down on her.

"Oh... I like this'' Jackie moans in your mouth, hands exploring every inch of your skin. After what feels like an eternity, you line up Jackie's lengt with your slit, sliding it from under you on purpose and meeting her hips. "Please... stop teasing..." she lets out a grunt, her hands rest steady on your hips and she begins to drag you down on her. You like this double sided version of Jackie. All her dominance goes straight out of the window when she enters you. It takes an unholy amount of strength for Jackie to not start pounding in you, and to keep herself from coming too fast. She pants as if she's shoulder deep inside a pool of cold water, shaky. It's the first time she has reacted this way to having sex. Usually, she could keep a cool, passionate demeanor but she's so excited to do this with you. It feels different from any other casual sex encounters she had.

You still above her. She has reached the deepest point she could, cuddled between dark and hot and wet. It feels too much to you and you rest your head on her shoulders, trying to catch your breath. She is so delicate with you, whispering sweet encouragements on how -"you take me so well", "You can do it" and "I like you so, so much"-. You're the one that starts to move, surprising Jackie who was still in the middle of her praise. Her breath hitches when she feels you move on her, slowly and methodically taking her to the tip and all the way back. This is perfect.

You rest your hands on her shoulder and hers rest on your hips, guiding you back and forth on her. The grip is tight enough that you can feel your skin bruise under her touch. "Fas-faster please..." you try to comply, bouncing on her faster than before, but your legs feel wobbly and uncertain. When she sees that you can't go any faster, Jackie trusts up into you and meets your hips with force, bouncing you up and down. "I-I'm sorry I' can't go slower..." it feels so good you can't really complain about it. Now you have regained enough strength to meet Jackie halfway, both of you lost in a frenzy of pleasure. She's loud, almost yelling and in the back of your mind, you are terrified someone might come and take a look, but another part of you is thrilled at the prospect of begin found out. You are a bit shocked when Jackie's hand comes down on your ass, but you don't complain. If someone walked past you, they would immediately understand what was happening.

The only sounds that can be heard in the forest are your whimpers, moans, the slapping of skin, wind and chirping and, a little farther, yelling and rabid howls of creatures that resemble humans. But that is not important right now. Your minds are too lost in pleasure to think that, in the dark corners of the night, something could wait for the chance to pounce on you.

Jackie starts to move faster than you can keep up. She moves so you lay your back against the dirt and face her. She brings your leg up and opens the space between your thighs more, allowing herself easier access. She begins to pound into you, faster and harder and sloppier than before. She has no rhythm left, no care, only pleasure and the need to relieve both herself and you in her mind. She grabs your leg hard, not letting go in fear that if she does, you might vanish into thin air. "I am close, I am gonna-" she doesn't want to cum, not right now: this moment should last forever. But she can't hold herself back anymore.

From the dark, a pair of brown eyes had spied on the both of you. Shauna was hungry and her hunger was so grand that it made her vision, her brain and the world around her blurry. She was chasing Travis, along the others but had been left behind when she heard sounds coming from behind some bushes. Her mouth had watered thinking it could be an animal but she got let down when she realized the sounds were coming from you. Her initial shock had been replaced by annoyance. She had so hoped to get something beneath her teeth, but to no avail. Then, hate had bubbled its way through her veins and into her heart. She hated you at that moment. The both of you. Shauna couldn't understand if she wanted to be with Jackie or in between you two. Sure, she thought of Jackie before, during the night hours but she hadn't dared to make the first move. And then, when Jackie had gotten with Jeff, she was hellbent on having all of her. She did realize that there was something sparking between the two of you after the first few games, but she kept quiet. She imagined herself, between bodies. Skin and sweat and kisses. She thought of taking Jackie's while kissing you, of guiding your head down, of bending Jackie over and-. Her stomach growled. It was loud enough she could clearly hear it, but not enough for you two to get suspicious of anything. That fantasy of hers would never happen. She retreated back into the dark.

Jackie is moving fast against you, hips slapping repeatedly up on yours and hands reaching every little bit of skin she can. From deep inside her groin, she feels something snap. She's not gentle with you anymore. Something raw and angry has taken control over her brain. Jackie slipped out of you and snuck behind, her arm lifting up your leg before entering once again. In this position she can reach deeper and move faster. She's being too hard on you. A scowl appears on her face when you try to slow her down by slipping from her grasp, "You- you will, you will stay here a-and take-" growling, her fingers grip at your flesh again, harder this time.

A knot snaps inside your guts and without managing to yell a warning, you release on Jackie's. She feels you dripping down on her. Your coming prompts her to do the same: Jackie gives a final long and hard thrust and leaves you empty, releasing on the soil.

She falls on top of you, spent "O-oh wowza. That... that felt amazing". You laugh at her "Again, 'wowza'?! It's not sexy Jackie" she mumbled something back at you and then hid her face in the crook of your neck. You're silent, now left with the remnants of your lovemaking and the constant presence of death looming over you. A faint trace of cold is coming out of the earth and down on you. "What do we do now?" she asks, embracing and shivering against you "Did- did we do something bad? What's gonna happen now? We will all still die-" her voice hitches. She's crying: tears fall down your skin as she nuzzles on it. You take her hand, tracing patterns on it, "We will manage".

Days later, when Jackie finally confronts Shauna, secrets get spilled. Of affairs, of grudges that lasted years, even of your lovemaking with Jackie. She had stormed out of the cabin: just like she feared, everyone had turned on her. Jackie watches the fire, cold seeping in her bones and her mind getting groggy. Shauna walks to Jackie, hand embracing her best friend's back. "Come inside" you say, your features and voice replacing Shauna's. In the back of her mind Jackie wants to preserve her dignity: walking back into the house would mean to admit that she had lost the argument; but staying out here could kill her. Jackie follows you, gripping at your arm tightly. Everyone is asleep; you lead her to rest on one open spot near the fire, finally hugging her cold body to yours. "Rest easy" and she doesn't need to be told twice, falling asleep right away in your arms. Next morning, it was snowing.

[drenched-in-sunlight]

Hey, so I remembered in one of your earlier post you said something along the lines of souls women only really falling into the helpless victim or serious sword lady trop. And how Ema was a great subversion of it, I was wondering if you had any thoughts on

I’m making a souls-like and trying to avoid the pitfalls where I can

Btw, I love your art so much I would love to support you but I am broke

sorry i let this reply marinate in the docs for months (along with a lot of other replies like im having a catalogue of Fromsoft replies that read like thesis at this point *crying* my job is not letting me sit down and edit them) but here it is.

firstly, thank you for your message, kind encouragement already means a lot to me, so don’t worry about not being able to support me or anything ! After all I’m not putting out any new books or fan merch haha.

Here is a whole rant about Ema but somehow my grievances with how they handle Malenia's story in comparison to Messmer also pops up.

Regarding your question about Ema, I love her because of how complete her story feels and how her personal motivation and personality are written as coherently as the male characters.

She’s a war orphan who did her best to survive, learned the sword from the best swordman but with the only purpose is to kill demons. Ema saw firsthand how violence and meaningless killing did to people, so her aim can be seen as trying to offer those lost souls a mercy death, so they don’t have to suffer as a mindless demon for eternity (as in shura ending).

Yet, she's actually more interested in being a doctor & saving life and it’s not something expected of her because she’s a woman or whatnot, she chose that.

(+ she's skilled enough with the blade that it shows in her mannerism to the point Wolf, who had never seen her hold a sword, knows that she's good with one).

she was ready to kill Scuptor - someone akin to a parental figure to her, should he succumb to grief and hatred. because she loved him. not to mention she saw Tomoe - someone in a way is also her mentor, tried to take her own life, while her childhood friend Gennichiro slowly went apeshit. like that girl witnessed so many insane stuffs & they spur her to be strong & steadfast in her ideal to protect her loved ones, even when it means to lay them to rest by her own hands.

her dialogue in Shura ending "maybe i should have killed you long ago" feels like being punched in the guts to me, because she knew Wolf turning out that way meant that somewhere along the way, all of them had failed him, had ignored the signs that all the killings he was tasked to carry out was taking a toll on him. And so she took upon herself the responsibility to offer him a mercy death, even as it broke her heart.

It’s the passionate drive and decisions made as her own person, not out of blind devotion to another character, and how much we know of that because the game let us find more about her, that makes her stands out from the epic sword lady category, while the violence and steely resolve she was capable of makes her stands out from the helpless maiden one.

-kinda lose the plot here with Elden Ring rant jumping out-

This is one of the main points I have about the difference between Messmer and Malenia, how even though their stories parallel each other, I think Messmer has the better writing and gets a more complete story. He’s super devote to Marika, but in his own way, not what Marika wants of him. Evidently with how he still fights the Tarnished because he deems us unworthy, despite knowing Marika sanctioned us for Lordship.

We see a lot of sides to him outside of just a filial son, his rage and sorrow and love and a moment of stubborn selfishness that results in him willingly become a curse that clings to Marika than to let go. We see his relationship with other characters and even though his love for Marika outweighs all else, it doesn’t negate completely others that exist outside of it.

And precisely because of that, it’s more heartbreaking to see despite all these connections he has with other people, he yearns to be reunited with his Mother above all else. That kind of devotion is more hard hitting to me than the writing for the Empyrean twins.

Like, Malenia…. outside of Finnlay (whose description says more about herself than shedding any new light on Malenia) and the mentor that we actually don’t even know much about yet, what are other personal connection she has outside of Miq? I could argue the Marika’s Soreseal in the Haligtree was meant for her and that she still loved her Mother in some kind of way all I want, but at the end of the day that’s a headcahon I have to theorize from item placement, and not many ppl will notice that. We don’t know for sure what Malenia thinks of anyone else but her twin and it drives me up the wall.

Another comparison I want to bring up is DS2 Lucatiel.

I fr think even Lucatiel gets a better story arc than Malenia, despite also largely being shaped by her relationship with her brother.

Loss frightens me no end. Loss of memory, loss of self. If I were told that by killing you, I would be freed of this curse… Then I would draw my sword without hesitation. I don't want to die, I want to exist. I would sacrifice anything, anything at all for this. It shames me, but it is the truth. Sometimes, I feel obsessed… with this insignificant thing called "self". But even so, I am compelled to preserve it. Am I wrong to feel so? Surely you'd do the same, in my shoes?

She is trying to find her brother, but at the same time wrestling with her own troubles and limitations. We get to know a lot of her own motivation and her fear. I mean one could argue that it's because she's an NPC while Malenia is a boss, but the same thing could also be said for Messmer like I explained above.

-back to Ema-

As the extra sauce, I love that Ema boss music has such layers to it. the theme of her - someone clinging to her humanity to the very end because she has ppl love & support her, also acts as an elegy for Wolf's lost of humanity, of him not being able to escape the abuse trauma he grew up in. its opening instrument also appears in Demon of Hatred's OST. Her presence and theme affects other characters’ life, and we get to see her marks on a personal level in the story’s overarching narrative.

Which is the same as how Marika’s presence is everywhere in the Elden Ring OST, that little soft piano. A little in Radagon’s theme, in Shaman’s Village, in the final DLC boss ost where the female vocals starts belting out “Hail, Marika the Eternal”, in a boss arena where she had walked through to scavenge the remains of her fallen family and ascended to an existence she knew would kill her all the same, but she would do it again every single time. Walking down that hell with her eyes wide open.

When a character that could get me to write paragraphs about like that… man you know how much the writing cooks.

[kryptonbabe]

Superboy: Trouble in Paradise, A Review

I finished reading Superboy: Trouble in Paradise by Karl Kesel & Tom Geummet, it is a collected edition of the first 10 issues of Superboy's 1994 run, and although this was supposed to be the first volume in a series of books collecting this run, so far only the first one was released, sadly.

As for the book I felt like it was a sort of mixed bag, while Kon-el is an angel, an interesting character with flaws and room for development, which make him a very appealing character to be a fan of, other aspects of the stories would bring the narrative down.

Probably the most baffling issue here is how Kon-el is sexualized despite being only 15-16 years old, that information is brought up constantly by many characters, Kon himself, and yet we see most adult women in the book falling for this kid, flirting with him, making sexual innuendos and kissing him at some point. While the text calls attention to this problem the story refuses to discuss it in any meaningful way, Kon has a main romantic interest and she is a professional journalist who is aware of his age, but after a brief initial conflict, she just ignores this problem. I don't believe in taboos in fiction, anything can be discussed and debated, this story line could bring an interesting discussion about teenage sexuality and the adult responsibility required to deal with that, how this dynamic can happen between women and boys as well as it happens with men and girls. There is something to be said about this, but Karl Kesel won't go there, making this particular story line feel more voyeuristic and less an aspect of character building.

As I tried to ignore that and focus on the main plot lines, they could feel a bit generic, but would be often brought to life by Superboy's charisma and the dynamics of the supporting cast, with characters like Dubbilex, the telepathic mentor, Lex Leech, the inescrupulosos manager and Roxy, his sanguine daughter, keeping things fun, which is the overall tone of the stories. The action in this book happens mostly in Hawaii and the atmosphere of it is clear from the beginning to the end, this is supposed to be a fun and light set of stories, and it mostly achieves that. Although the inclusion of issues concerning events of the time, World's Collide and Zero Hour, could be distracting and work to break the rhythm of the book. I was still interested enough in Kon-el to work my way through them and keep the focus, but that could be a problem for someone less invested in the character. Also the Zero Hour issue is a pretty good one if you're familiar with silver age Superboy, with touching homages to the 60s Superfamily stories.

One thing that is as charming as Kon and really helps to sell the feeling of the book is the art of Tom Grummet, a stylish take on 90's trends that still look cool and alive today. It's time for us to stop being so harsh with 90s comic book art, yes there were some duds there, but there are pretty decent works that hold up well to this day.

At the end I had my share of fun even considering how uneven this book can be at times, but I'm patient and back then Kon-el was a pretty new character, the editorial team and artists involved might have taken a little time to understand him and build stories to suit this new creation. It makes me sad that there's not a second volume to this book since I know Superboy has a strong fan base that would be interested in buying it, me included

[the-most-humble-blog]

<!-- BEGIN TRANSMISSION // BLACKSITE LITERATURE PROTOCOL: CIVILIAN SAVIOR COLLAPSE -->

&lt;div style="white-space:pre-wrap"&gt;

&lt;meta social-contract="revoked"&gt;

&lt;script&gt;ARCHIVE_TAG="STRANGER_SAVIOR_COMPLEX::REALITY_CHECK_FOR_DANGER_BAITING"

EFFECT: masculine withdrawal, romantic delusion deflation, protective instinct nullification

TRIGGER_WARNING="no rescue fantasy, earned slaps, public violence realism"

&lt;/script&gt;

🧠 BLACKSITE SCROLLTRAP — “NO LADY. I’M NOT GONNA JUMP IN.”

You want honesty?

Here it is:

No lady.

I’m not gonna jump in if your boyfriend slaps you in public.

Not because I like it.

Not because I support it.

But because **I don’t know you like that.**

And judging by how up in his face you were —

How you slapped him first, screamed in his face, and dared him to do something —

It honestly looked **earned** to most of us watching.

You don’t want protection.

You want performance.

You want ***strangers to risk blood and prison***

just so your ego doesn’t feel abandoned by the crowd.

But that’s not how manhood works.

---

## 🚫 I DON’T KNOW YOU LIKE THAT — STRANGER CHECKLIST:

✔️ Are you my mother?

✔️ Are you my sister?

✔️ Are you the woman I go to sleep beside every night?

✔️ Do you cook for me, cry with me, protect me, honor me, and speak life into me?

No?

Then you’re a **stranger** in distress.

And I’m not going to ruin my future

to ***be your plot armor.***

---

You expect the crowd to come running.

But you chose that man.

You went home with him.

You forgave him last time.

You told your friends to stay out of it.

But now that it’s public?

Now you want ***the village.***

No ma’am.

The village died the day **Instagram** taught women to prioritize *aesthetic over loyalty.*

---

### 💬 “But it’s the right thing to do!”

According to whom?

Your morality?

Your TikTok followers?

The ***posthumous think piece*** they’ll write about me after I get stabbed trying to save you?

I have a son.

I have bills.

I have dreams.

I don’t have a ***death wish*** to fulfill ***your delusion of public chivalry.***

---

Let’s tell the **truth**:

You’re not looking for heroes.

You’re looking for ***evidence.***

You want to say:

> “No one helped me. Society failed me.”

But society didn’t put that man’s hands on you.

**You did.**

When you kept texting him back.

When you got in his face again.

When you tested him in public because ***you thought your vagina was a shield.***

You thought his fear of consequences was enough.

But not every man fears the law.

Not every man is civilized.

Not every man is ***afraid of blood.***

---

### 💥 LET ME BREAK IT TO YOU:

> The average man ***won’t*** jump in.

> The ***strong*** man will think twice.

> And the ***smart*** man will walk away.

Because ***saving you doesn’t save him.***

In this legal system?

In this social media age?

The man who intervenes becomes the man who gets ***arrested.***

Or ***sued.***

Or ***canceled.***

> “We didn’t ask him to get involved!”

> “He escalated it!”

> “He was being toxic too!”

---

Men have learned.

You taught us.

You said:

> “We don’t owe men anything.”

We heard you.

Now we say:

> “We don’t owe strangers valor.”

---

You posted “Men ain’t shit” for five years straight.

You giggled at “Not all men? Try ***none.***”

You called us ***misogynists*** for pointing out that you provoked that man.

You cheered when we were shamed for wanting standards in our relationships.

You said ***you don’t need us.***

So now?

When a man slaps you?

We believe you.

We believe **he’s your type.**

We believe **you’ll go back to him.**

We believe **you’re the one who made it unsafe.**

---

## 🛑 “BUT I WAS IN DANGER!”

**So were we.**

That man might’ve had a knife.

A gun.

A gang affiliation.

An addiction problem.

Or a ***kill streak.***

You want men to jump in ***blindly*** and play ***Call of Duty: Domestic Violence Edition***

just so you can ***look protected?***

Nah.

You’re not my cause.

You’re not my queen.

You’re not my problem.

---

If I step in and he hits me?

You’re not paying my hospital bills.

You’re not raising my son.

You’re not helping my girl sleep at night.

If I die trying to save you?

You’ll ***still go back to him.***

Or ***someone just like him.***

> Don’t confuse ***reckless mating*** with ***righteous crisis.***

---

You made ***love*** to a man you knew was violent.

You ignored every warning sign.

You liked how dangerous he was ***when it was fun.***

Now it’s not.

And now you want ***the boring protector type*** to **rescue you mid-episode.**

Nah.

He’s watching from across the street.

Holding his woman’s hand.

Thinking:

> “She made her choice.”

---

You want modern ***benefits*** with ***ancient male duties.***

You want:

- Equal pay

- Equal power

- Equal agency

But also:

- Men to jump into violence

- Risk their life for yours

- On command

- Without knowing you

- Without questioning your choices

That’s ***not equality.***

That’s ***servitude.***

That’s ***blood-on-demand.***

And we’re not subscribing.

---

## 🪞 REALITY CHECK: YOU AREN’T SAFE WITH HIM.

Not because men are evil.

But because ***you made a stupid bet.***

You thought he wouldn’t hit you.

You thought you could win a screaming match.

You thought public meant “protected.”

Nope.

You didn’t choose ***a partner.***

You chose ***a bouncer with no license.***

And now your bruises are ***bad PR***

so you want ***male bodies*** to absorb your mistake?

Not happening.

---

You want to be protected?

✅ Choose a man who values peace.

✅ Choose a man who has ***discipline, not just hands.***

✅ Choose a man who walks away before violence.

✅ Choose a man who makes you feel safe ***every day, not just when it’s viral.***

And then?

**Respect him.**

**Love him.**

**Stand by him.**

**Honor him in public.**

Because those men?

***Don’t jump in.***

They ***only protect what’s theirs.***

And you?

Aren’t.

---

🧠 Read more respect-coded doctrine and emotional architecture at:

👉 https://www.patreon.com/TheMostHumble

🛡️ Masculine polarity. Scrolltrap psychology. Unforgiven words.

🚪 Warning: This one got men followed home. For *not* jumping in.

&lt;/div&gt;

&lt;!-- END TRANSMISSION [NO VILLAIN. NO HERO. JUST CONSEQUENCES.] --&gt;

[turboacek-blog]

HP: Soulmate or Partner

Written 2/15/25

The general idea is that for Hermione: Harry is her soulmate while Ron is her partner/lover/husband

Which creates the ship war/debate of Harmione/Harmony (HarryxHermione) and Ronmione (RonxHermione)

The crux of it is who should Hermione (and in general a person) be with between the two

I think the best summary (if soulmate vs lover isn’t enough) I can probably make for them is this:

Harry is more of her partner/ride or die, they align on a lot of things and support each other through everything, etc He is her best friend

Where Ron is her balance, opposites attract, they’re two halves of a whole, etc he is the man she fell in love with

They do have their negatives/what makes them not perfect (granted no one could truly be perfect)

Harry is more withdrawn emotionally so it has led to him and Hermione having difficulty in those areas together

Ron and she argue a ton, I think (at least in the movies would have to fact-check me on the books) no one has made Hermione cry more than Ron

So funnily enough one she can’t talk to when things are emotionally high/low and one she gets in fights with when things are emotionally high/low almost exact opposites

The debate has many aspects to it that I can’t go into

You can go from the literal book to see what makes more sense or what is actually presented

You can go from the meta-perspective as the author herself has said she should have changed the pairings

You can just put your personal feelings and thoughts on them such as if you think Ron&Hermione are toxic or Harry&Hermione are sibling coded

I can’t go into it all, I tried and I see both sides

Edit: 2/24/25

So initially had the whole post going over the dynamics of Ron&Hermione and Harry&Hermione. With some Harry&Ginny

But I honestly see both (all three?) sides of it, Harmione probably my fav of the three if it wasn’t obvious above, I do like Ronmione a lot and I really do like Hinny

I do think a better written/handled Ginny could truly be the ideal partner for Harry and a better handled Ronmione to lean away from some of their more toxic aspects I might like it more as well

I do think that since she didn't write Harry and Hermione to be obviously romantic they avoided the pitfalls the romance writing had imo and instead had such a strong friendship to the point fans consider them soulmates

I'm completely for platonic male/female friendships, in this situation I do think that they are just a better match so to speak and the male/female friendship could have just been Ron&Hermione if we have to have one

Plus I've always been a sucker for the best friends-to-lovers trope in nearly everything that has a cast and a romantic plot/subplot so that's probably my bias

I already regret posting this as Harry Potter isn't my wheelhouse lol

Edit: 2/25/25

Also side note the whole bonded for life part is one of the most absurd moments I think for a pair that didn’t end up together lol

[kaija-rayne-author]

Review 10.3 of Dragon Age Veilguard

74 hours in, 72 playtime

Obligatory disclaimer, feel free to jump to the cut if you've read it.

Something came to my attention. I need to make it crystal clear that I utterly love the diversity in DAV. It's fantastic. I'm also a heavily left leaning, non-binary, queer as fuck reviewer, editor, and author.

I'm on media blackout while I play this, so I'm only getting second-hand info on how awful it is right now in the DA Fandom. Please be safe and take care of yourselves. Arguing with incels and white supremacists is completely pointless. They sea lion worse than an actual sea lion. Your mental health is important.

Though, every single time the anti-queer brigade comes out for a new DA game, I sit there thinking 'have you bozos ever played any DA game, like, ever?' My guess is nope.

Spoilers for Dragon Age Veilguard

Section 10.2 here.

So. I didn't want to play tonight, didn't really have the energy. But I legitimately fear if I don't play for even one day, I'll drop it and not come back. I have ADHD, its a strong possibility, and I still want to see what happens in the story for myself.

I hereby announce that I am, in fact, Eating Crow. Game Lucanis is way better written and developed than in his intro story.

And Lucanis did let Emmerich help, after all. Plot hole taken care of.

That's it? That's all we get about The Titans? After all the previous foreshadowing, we get a single companion quest to find out and resolve (completely unrealistically) the entire issue of The Titans? Are you seriously kidding me?

I need a stronger word than flabbergasted.

Discombobulated. I'm discombobulated at the sheer level of mishandling so many incredibly important aspects have been treated to in this game.

Yes, it's nice to get confirmation about my guess to the history of Titans and Elvhenan... but are you seriously fucking kidding me?

Lucanis talks about coffee more than we get something as important as the Titans settled.

Anywaaaay.

Called it on the identity of the Gloom Howler. And the 'reason' for Isseya to be doing the exact opposite is 'she's been driven mad by 400 years of guilt for following orders'? Edit, it's been pointed out she's suffered the blight for 400 years, too. The blight, in the Lore, basically makes creatures start digging out dragon/arch demons. Because all they can hear is 'the song'. There have been speaking hurlocks working for the benefit of the unblighted. There's the Architect, who keeps showing up and is sane. If directly opposed to anything mortals would want. There's no support in the Lore for blight making someone mentally ill. I truly just feel it's bad writing.

That is so over the top ableist I'm not sure if I can describe it in small enough words why we shouldn't say grief and guilt makes us fucking mentally ill in a dangerous fashion! There isn't a mental illness that I'm aware of that includes a person completely reversing deeply held, sacred beliefs so they do the exact opposite of what they've previously sacrificed so much for.

Crazy and mad both mean mentally ill. That's why calling Isseya mad or crazy is ableist. Isseya would protect those griffins, She’d very possibly steal them to protect them from the wardens. I could see where, out of fear, she'd decide that the Wardens weren't worthy of the griffins after all.

What I cannot see is her sticking a knife into the skeletal remains of a 400 year old arch demon dragon and actually finding liquid blood. That's some foolish jurassic park nonsense. Thinking maybe she got it from the blood marrow? That's dried and almost dusty within a century. Or turned to a rocky like consistency. I don't care how magical the creature those bones came from was, that's just not happening. It's ridiculous.

What I cannot see is her then using that to infect the griffins she fought so hard to save from that very fate.

Last Fall wasn’t my favourite of the books. But both the writer and the character Isseya deserve fucking better than what the end of her story will likely be. I can think of two ways that dumpster fire could be satisfactorily fixed, but I have zero trust in the Bioware writers anymore, so I highly doubt they're going either direction.

And outright stating that too much emotion makes us dangerously mentally ill... I've always said Bioware had ableism problems. I've said they need to hire diversity editors.

I'm utterly appalled that they thought that whole storyline was even remotely okay on any level.

So. Do I have this right?

The Evanuris did lots of bad things. One of the worst was severing the Titans and the dwarves from their dreams.

The Evanuris bound themselves to high dragons, blighting them, and they did this for more power.

The blight is somehow The Titans' or dwarves or both severed dreams? If that's the case, the blight should now be receding or cured because the Titans have been 'fixed'. In a completely unrealistic and ridiculous manner that does a disservice to the whole damned Titan Evanuris war, but hey. I'm used to bad, nonsensical writing. Especially in this game.

Solas made the veil to imprison the Evanuris? Bad side effects. Which, in the Lore, include the death of magic in THEDAS and the eventual death of the realm itself. But we're apparently conveniently brushing that under the rug of bad writing to drive through a story that makes no sense.

He tied the veil, their prison, into their life essences.

So the theory they seem to be going with is that by killing the arch-demon dragon, the Evanuris will become mortal.

They were mortal before they bound dragons to themselves for more power. Mythal was mortal. She was murdered. (Oopsie, even bound to her dragon.) But the Evanuris, the first elves, didn't age and were eternal. They could be killed, sure, but just regular living, even inside a prison, wouldn't have killed them. So why exactly would all the other Evanuris be dead? Just killing their dragons wouldn't have killed them. If they were somehow dead... Wouldn't that have thinned the precious veil that they've spent three games, numerous books etc. stating was thin and as full of holes as my grandmothers crocheted doilies?

Somehow, the veil is completely all better now and holding back a world of blight that never existed in the fade except maybe in the black city? We've been to the fade several times in this game and seen no blight.

How exactly is the blight the corrupted dreams of dwarves or Titans? Does that make any sense to anyone else?

Does that mean that Genlocks (blighted dwarves) dream?

And the veil is what separates the world and magic/dreams/world of spirits?

If the so precious veil is tied to the life energy of the Evanuris... and the veil was created to contain them... what exactly is going to happen to said veil when those Evanuris die?

Either I've figured out the end of the story, or found plot holes the size of Texas if they try to say that veil is still in place once Gilly and Eggy are dead. (Why again are there only two Evanuris left? Have we gotten an answer to that? That makes any sense?)

They've made the answers to everything too pat and yet so convoluted they're tripping over things they've said are fact in this very game.

I just... how? Why? What the actual fuck? How is the writing in this so reprehensibly bad?

I can write better stories in my sleep FFS. And have. One of my published novellas was a dream before I wrote it down. And at least everything makes sense in it.

Section 11 here.

[justgeck007]

Heretics of Dune. A *brief* rundown... yes there r spoilers, u pigs.

It has been, nigh, 6 months since I read Heretics. pls. Bear with me...

Heretics was my third favorite book of the Dune series. IIRC this book picks up 3500 years after 'the end' of Leto ii in God Emperor (my favorite book, ever.) and I swear I never read a book that transitioned such an amount of years, so phenomenally & smoothly.

this is a bit long, mind me. i have a lot of thoughts on the last few books in the series..

*insert context*

Frank Herbert writes the first draft of Heretics in Hawaii. By this point in his career, he has signed a deal & is writing full-time, Beverly Herbert (his wife & writing partner) has been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer and has been given several months to live. Frank puts his life on hold, however in the interim he writes & edits Heretics.

Read into this book, please pleaasseee, I beg,, Frank models his characters after Bev. it's so cuteeeee eeeeieeie \(>o<)/

There are few points in this book more important than those that I am about to highlight:

Spice has collapsed..

The Scattering

The Sexy Ladies [trademarked]

The Ghola Project

A Need for Speed

Spice & Leto ii's Scattering

Timeline-wise, Heretics happens well after the death of Leto ii & takes on the consequences of his death & the bizarre characters that emerge from Leto's scattering. Take for example the Tleilaxu, Honored Matres, Face Dancers 2.0, etc. the count goes on for maybe 3 more.

Please, make note, that Leto made a conscious effort to consolidate all of his spice-wealth into a hoard to use for future whatever. Thus no further civilization, barring Dune, can access or even produce any Spice-like alternative. o_o A lot of the isolated populations that split from Dune following Leto's death, take this "down-time" to further the advancement of their societies. The New Tleilaxu began producing an advanced population of face dancers (who are frequently alluded to in this book) and the Honored Matres made their big appearance.

The Sexiest of Ladies [trademarked]

Throughout the first few books, it was a common theme for the women to hold nondescript roles aside from the plot furtherment of their male foils. Jessica & Paul, Chani & Paul, Alia & The Baron and then Alia & The Baron again. However, Heretics is unique as it strays from the theme and isop- the beginning of a series of women-centric plotlines that carry on, all the way through Brian's Sandworms of Dune.

The general plotline of this book follows a Rakian girl-- Sheeana, the Bene Gesserit Order, and the spontaneous generation of Honored Matres. Skipping Sheeana for now, this book brings a new light to the complexities of the Sisterhood. Unless I failed to understand major plot points in earlier books, I didn't notice many moments that delved into the more intimate interactions between sisters, most of what I learned was merely happenstance & was reserved only for plot support.

In this book Frank introduces us to a couple of strong female leads in the way of Reverend Mothers: Lucilla, Dar & Tar, and Schwangyu:

TLDR; Taraza and Odrade were introduced during their schooling years, Taraza taking Odrade under her wing, before becoming the infamous duo: Dar & Tar. Together they climbed the ranks of the Sisterhood with Taraza becoming Mother Superior and Odrade staying a close confidant & advisor. Lucilla is also a very interesting character, supposedly playing the role of "Imprinter" for the final iteration of the Duncan Ghola. This does not end up working out. End scene, enter, Murbella. left stage.

(yea,, im skipping Schwangyu for now too).

As if Imprinter Lucilla did not conceptually spice up the plot enough, Frank introduces a new Femme Fatale to the series: The Honored Matres. Imagine if the Bene Gesserit got freaky & had eyes that glowed orange when agitated. That's basically what an H.M. is. These ladies are so sexually OP that they have developed their own tiered-ranking system differentiating the women via their sexual prowess using robes. These women are aggressively characterized by their hot tempers & their blatant hatred towards the Bene Gesserit, making them a phenomenal foil. Their lore is better fleshed out in Chapterhouse: Dune (and if you consider them at least semi-cannon, Hunters & Sandworms).

Odrade <3

Barring Jessica, there hasn't been a female role in the series that struck a chord with me, until Odrade. Odrade is one of the more complex characters in the book, citing her unique childhood as the biggest influence. Her childhood experiences led her to be skeptical of traditional Bene Gesserit ideologies, rejecting the standard lack of emotion, and instead inviting her heart into her decision-making. Upon indoctrination into the Sisterhood, Odrade was frequently under fire for being quick to emotions and was sent to endure the Bene Gesserit clone planet of Secundus Selusa. Following the death of childhood friend and mentor Taraza, Odrade inherits the Sisterhood and takes a never-before-seen approach to the Bene Gesserit incorporating her interpersonal skills to policy-making. if only other world leaders were familiar with this skill...

Worm Girl<3

Dune, by this point, has become, for lack of better, "domesticated". Most of the sietches & most villages are long disbanded and have since moved to Keen, once Arrakeen- the lost city of The Tyrant. Brief history aside, the few surviving villages have still found a way to make life happen with few interruptions but for worms. Queue Shaitan.

Sheeana was 8 when her village was destroyed by the sandworms, leaving her for dead. She rode into Keen on the back of the worm, extremely important (!!) which was totally unheard of in this age. The priests accept Sheeana as she can 'communicate with God'.

Remember: at the end of God Emperor Leto ii scattered pearls of consciousness in the form of sandtrout.

Sheeana's one of my favorites in the entire series! Like Odrade, she brings unique female energy and is such a breath of fresh air. Her transformation from Fremen to Reverend Mother is a sight for sore eyes, she changes the game as for what is means to be Bene Gesserit. This book marks a new and exciting era for the Sisterhood.

The Ghola Project

On the topic of the Sisterhood,, how many Duncans must they need?? Was it 12????

To contrast the lively personalities of the aforementioned ladies it was only right for the leader of the Ghola Project to be a loser. Schwangyu, the "Sister In Charge", was responsible- maybe- for the deaths of some of the previous Duncans (perhaps working in kahoots with the Tleilaxu).

While I was not the biggest fan of Schwanygu, she was still a standout lady that played a crucial role in the Heretics timeline. She was cunning and cutthroat, her personality helped her shape every Ghola and we can credit her murder schemes with potentially saving the Sisterhood at many points. The SIsterhood was necessarily

Schwangyu's Ghola Project is bizarre, while I'm not necessarily sure what the main goal was, it is safe to assume that the Duncan Gholas were shots in the dark aiming at the Kwisatz Haderach & a faithful Bene Gesserit servant. The Ghola Project was for the most part a success, though it also created a lot of tension between the Bene Gesserit Elites & it was widely assumed that the Duncan Gholas were tampered to 'slow-release' havoc across the B.G. ranks to further the currently-unknown Tleilaxu scheme.

Overall, I thought that the Ghola Project was a unique plot twist. I loved watching it come to fruition over Chapterhouse and the ultimate Sandworms & Hunters.

A NEED FOR SPEED

Miles Teg is arguably one of the most interesting characters in the Dune-iverse. He has this particular talent in which he can accelerate his body's metabolism almost tenfold, completing hundreds of tasks (in some cases murders) in seconds. This gave him an extreme leg up in the Honored Matre's invasion of Arrakis at the end of the book. Where he used his super speed to save Odrade, Sheeana, and a few lucky worms, sacrificing himself to the Honored Matres.

There is not much to say about him at this point in the story line, barring his bizarre talent and his relation to Odrade. Though I did want to establish face for him because once I start posting about Sandworms of Dune he will make huge reappearance.

geck out <3

[peaches2217]

if you're interested in talking more about it, I'd love to hear more headcannons/musings about mareach expecting/being parents!! everything you've posted has been extremely precious and adorable

I’m in the midst of formulating some second-time parent scenarios, so do look forward to that! But until I’m ready to bite the bullet, fight past my shame, and post those, have some more first-time parent floof: The Big Day edition~

✨ The closer and closer Peach gets to her due date, the less and less Mario sleeps, to the point where in the final week or two before their baby arrives he’s getting maybe thirty minutes to an hour of rest each night, and rarely all at once. Eventually Peach gives up on trying to talk him down herself and gets a bunch of their friends involved in an elaborate plot just so he can get some sleep (which I’ve discussed here 😌). The plot works, and he sleeps for like a solid twenty-six hours! And it ends up being very good timing, because she goes into labor the following day.

✨ Mario’s overseeing preparations for some upcoming festivity (Toads have at least one major holiday each month — party people, they are) when he catches sight of Toadette approaching him. And his stomach lurches into his throat before he can even see her face or she can even get close enough to say anything, because he knows. As her lady-in-waiting and one of her closest friends, Toadette hasn’t left Peach’s side in the past few weeks unless Mario’s been there, and why else would she do so now unless something major was happening? What ensues is exactly the sort of spectacle Toadette had been hoping to avoid: Mario barreling through the crowd, sending Toads flying like bowling pins, abandoning all decency and rationale in a bid to get to Peach as quickly as possible.

✨ As soon as he reaches her, he’s showering her in kisses and inquiring about her mental state and her pain levels and telling her that he loves her so much and he’s going to be right here with her no matter what. Considering she’s been in labor for an hour tops, Peach isn’t even too uncomfortable yet; honestly she’s a lot more collected than her husband at that moment. So she giggles and lets him get it out of his system because she’ll never turn down an opportunity to be lavished in love. Stars know she’ll need that support soon enough.

✨ “Your hero just about caused a national panic,” Toadette snarls twenty minutes later, returning to Peach’s room after joining forces with Toadsworth to calm the understandably alarmed crowds. Peach finds it significantly more amusing than she does.

✨ Daisy’s already there because she was part of Operation: Go the Fuck to Sleep, Mario (“We’re not calling it that,” Peach said. “I’m calling it that,” Daisy said back.), so she insists she may as well make herself useful — Peach could benefit from having a backup buddy in the room in the off-chance Mario completely flips out. And also she wants the bragging rights of being the first of this baby’s many aunts and uncles to meet them, because that’s something she can hold over everyone’s heads for like, ever.

✨ Little-known fact about Peach: she’s got a low pain threshold, and the longer it’s crossed, the more rapidly she loses any semblance of composure. She goes from chatting normally with everyone in the room to seeking out Mario's hand with every contraction to clinging to him like a koala and shaking and moaning in agony, all in the span of like thirty minutes. I can't over-emphasize how dramatic she gets. Which, yes, it's justified, because childbirth's near-universally considered the most painful mammalian experience, but dear God, it's almost comical how quickly she loses her cool.

✨ Mario, of course, doesn't find it comical in the slightest. Seeing her like this is heartbreaking and mentally exhausting. There's not really anything he can do to ease her suffering, and that kills him, but he can't let himself dwell on it because she needs him, and he's gotta be strong for her. So he holds her close and does his best to make her laugh or at least take her mind off of it.

✨ Once that stops working, he starts singing to her, quietly, stroking her hair and pressing little kisses to her cheeks. And that works wonders! Until he starts humming one song in particular. Peach recognizes it as a favorite of his; he sang it to her while she was curled up on the bathroom floor months ago, unknowingly suffering her first bout of morning sickness. It seems like so long ago, and they've come so far, and now here they are — the sentimentality paired with an intense contraction makes her burst into tears. Mario may as well have just been shot. Actually that would probably hurt less.

✨ Daisy tries getting him to take a break, maybe step outside and get some fresh air, because she's never seen him look so distressed and it's honestly starting to worry her. So she makes the suggestion, and she hasn’t seen him look so offended since she desecrated his mother’s sacred Pizza Margherita recipe with thick slices of pineapple. Being at Peach's side is about the only thing he can do for her right now. Leaving her, even for a fraction of a second, would be unforgivable. “Okay,” Daisy relents, “just keep torturing yourself, dude.” He's keeping Peach calm for now, but if that changes, she figures she can just drag him outside herself.

✨ Luckily it never comes to that. As Peach becomes less and less consolable, Mario gets more and more focused... to the point where he gets outright bossy for her sake. He pretty much takes over half of the nurses' jobs, ordering anyone and everyone to get her a glass of water, get him a cold rag so he can wipe away her sweat and cool her off, get her some more pillows so there's less pressure on her back and the base of her spine. Hey, makes their jobs easier.

✨ "You're a badass, Peach Pit!" Daisy says at one point very near the end of the ordeal. "She's right you know," Mario tells Peach. It gets a laugh out of her for the first time in several hours. They absolutely high-five in victory.

✨ Peach immediately goes from inconsolable to overjoyed once their baby's in her arms. "It's okay," she shushes, kissing her still-crying daughter's dark hair, "it's okay, mommy's here. I love you so much." In contrast, Mario completely freezes up. It still hasn't processed yet, the fact that this is their little girl, the same one he's talked and sang and read to for the past several months. In his mind, she's still just a faceless entity, an almost metaphorical representation of his and Peach's love and their hopes for the future, except she's real, and she's always been real, and now she's here, and — and that's a lot to process when you've had one solid night's sleep in the past month.

✨ It doesn't really sink in until a bit later, when Daisy's helping Peach shower and get into fresh clothes and Mario's holding the baby, all swaddled in blankets after passing her health check with flying colors. She looks a lot like him, from her dark hair to the shape of her jaw — she may as well be Mario with a smaller nose — but it's not until she blinks sleepily up at him that it finally hits him. Those are Peach's eyes looking back at him. "Oh," he says, calmly, and then he's crying so hard he can hardly breathe.

✨ That's how Peach finds him when Daisy helps her back into the room: kissing and snuggling their daughter with a big smile and fat tears rolling down his face, babbling "Ti voglio bene! Papà ti vuole tanto bene!" to her softly. She thought she already loved him as much as one person can love another, yet here she is, falling even harder.

✨ As soon as Peach is settled in bed, Daisy rushes to find all of their loved ones so she can gather them up and give them the big news: "I'm already her favorite aunt! So suck it!" (That is, in fact, how everyone finds out it's a girl.)

✨ Peach and Mario are given some privacy to bond with their baby girl and decide whether they want any visitors or whether it would be best to let Peach rest; she holds her new daughter close, and he in turn holds her, full of reverence and praises. Peach has never been so sore and exhausted, yet she's never felt so peaceful. Everything is perfect in her world.

✨ Well, almost everything. "I want to see Toadsworth," she requests, her voice so hoarse from all the bawling and screaming that even those few words make her throat burn. But Mario kisses her gently, lingering for a moment before calling a nurse over to pass on her request, and she relaxes further into his hold with a dreamy sigh. Her husband is with her, their daughter is asleep in her arms, and her father will be here any moment to meet his granddaughter. Now everything is perfect.

[thegeminisage]

star trek update time. monday we watched ds9's "in purgatory's shadow" (ohio edition), "by inferno's light" (ohio edition), and "doctor bashir, i presume" (ohio edition), which did blow my tits clean off, and then last night we watched voy's "unity" and "darkling" (south carolina editions, sadly).

in purgatory's shadow (ds9) (ohio edition):

kira and odo's little moment at the beginning of this episode 🥺 he was soooo embarrassed to be caught attempting to try and learn how to snag a spouse but she didn't judge even a little. girl, break up with your stupid ass boyfriend. odo is right here

i really loved bashir pointing the phaser at garak when he figured garak was lying. i was like oh damn he knows him so well and i love when this twink has had enough and becomes a little evil BUT THEN IT LITERALLY WASN'T HIM! what an incredible plot twist. we literally had to pause the episode and work out the timelines to see how long we had been living with changeling bashir. it was sooo good and i wasn't expecting it at all. mwah

jadzia and worf are so good. her personality being settled into like, comic relief makes for such a good match to his whole straight man aura. obviously she taunts him with his klingon operas. please.

also lol "at the first sign of betrayal i will kill him" <3

i do NOT like whatever they are doing with garak and ziyal. first of all, he's gay. secondly, she is like at LEAST 20 years younger than him. i want to trust them but after jake dating all those older women i am so suspicious

the backpedaling they're doing on fun and friendly former facist dukat is insane. not to say i'm not enjoying it. also, i like when he threatened kira and she was like "pffft whatever" like what a blow to his fucking ego. get his ass

VERY cool to see martok again - totally unexpected

our last wonderful surprise of this ep was tain being garak's DAD- it makes so much sense and puts so much into perspective, and, hi, JULIAN WAS IN THE ROOM DURING THIS. garak could have asked him to leave and he would have. garak could have told tain he was there. but he didn't, because he wanted the moral support, and because he wanted julian to know something true about him. AUUUGHGHGH

like, we haven't had NEARLY enough garashir since s2, but this was SUCH a good moment, even though it feels like they're trying to backpedal on that too. what a series of plot twists for this ep 10/10

by inferno's light (ds9) (ohio edition):

dukat's betrayal here i like vaguely saw coming, but jesus christ lol. he is back to FULL villain status...such a change from his little fireworks show for sisko and jake

garak's claustrophobia <3 absolutely loooved this especially since julian had to go in and get him. bangs tankard on table MORE GARASHIR! there literally has NOT been enough. i would love to know more about tzenketh but i know they will never ever tell us but wow <3

i am SO tired of seeing worf lose fights this episode was fucking great. not only did he not lose any fights except under an extremely unfair circumstances he totally kicked ass even while injured. FINALLY. even that jem'hadar guy was like i can kill him but i can't defeat him so i give up. SOOOO true finally let's respect my boy worf. why don't you bitches call him a pussy NOW

anyway, the little moment worf and garak had at the end of this episode...mwah. put them on the fuck chart

extremely excited to see gowran in this episode. he and his freaky eyes are so special to me

"this station was built by cardassia" "that's funny i thought it was built by bajoran slave labor" I LOVE WHEN SISKO IS FUN AND FERAL.

also i know the circumstances were extenuating but i cannot BELIEVE julian just fucking murdered that jem'hadar <3

watching little fake julian run around was so distressing...i kept yelling when he came on screen because nobody KNEWWWW he even fooled US! what a cool twist, again

overall these two episodes were incredibly good even though the strong action-y episodes are usually not ds9's forte. absolutely baller content for everyone except ziyal. i will at least take comfort in the fact that garak looked very uncomfortable to be hugged

doctor bashir, i presume (ds9) (ohio edition):

AGAIN. THIS ONE BLEW MY TITS CLEAN OFF

i'm mad garak wasn't in it. AUGHGHGH

okay, my main beef with this one was pacing...i thought they resolved the problem extremely quickly after the cat was out of the bag, and it's because they spent so much time on the doctor and leeta and rom. which would have been a GREAT b-plot for any other episode, i LOVE leeta and rom and i was cheering for him the whole time, but even though the EMH (sorta) cameo was very welcome, i do not welcome it at the expense of time taken from one of the most pivotal episodes for julian bashir probably in this whole series, especially when i have the sneaking suspicion that it won't be brought up again

and i did LIKE the resolution of this episode, his parents paying for what they'd done, but it didn't feel like he got to sit with it for long enough, and it certainly felt like we skipped over a few pivotal moments - the scene where he found out his best friend knows could have been EXTREMELY meaty. is he afraid of judgement? is he angry? is he worried miles will be angry? etc. but we just kind of breezed right on by it. like, i loved the way miles sat and let him get it out of his system in a fun inverse of julian talking him down from suicide but we could have had SOOO much more

anyway side from that i love. I LOVE. holy shit

like, i can't even talk about the episode itself, just this entire concept. like, they did essentially kill their kid. they made him the way he is, a new kid, and then hated him for the way he is. SPOCK CORE. and then to find that out as a teenager...

like, you know he had to google "does being genetically enhanced make me a bad person" and then of course what google spits out is "did you know about khan noonien singh and would you like to?" and he was like Oh No

like, he went into MEDICINE. and i know he had other reasons and all but he went into MEDICINE because that's the most harmless you can possibly be. he's using all his ill-gotten brainpower to HEAL PEOPLE because his first reaction was to not want to be khan...2! you can enhance genetics but just like o'brien said that can't grow compassion, which is what makes julian who he is

I WISH GARAK HAD BEEN THERE.

anyway, i will continue to think about dr bashir for a very long time and he definitely just rose a couple of notches in my character ranking

unity (voy):

i actually liked this one a lot. i love borg eps and i'm fascinated by a post-borg life lived by these people

that said, this lady gave off SUCH evil vibes that even after the truth was revealed and she and chakotay fucked i kept waiting for her to stab him in the back. which only kind of happened i guess

also, :( that chakotay is out here running around on janeway. SAD

i did love the borg meld scene though. it was incredibly scary. and i was TWIRLING MY HAIR when he got possessed or whatever the fuck

it was also so fun that he spent half of this episode dazed and stumbling around because of his little head injury. excellent material overall

oh yeah and i KNEW that corpse was gonna wake back up. i think it's so terrifying that when you're borg, even if you die, you aren't done. you can be revived because nothing kills you, not even the vacuum of space. that is easily the most horrifying part of it all

i also really liked chakotay and janeway's moment at the end. like, she was distrustful the entire time and he was too trusting, as he tends to sometimes be, and then at the end she was like aw but they weren't so bad and he was like [thousand yard stare of guy who has fucked 2! women who later betrayed him and has now been radicalized against the borg]

like i'm not saying it wasn't 99% consensual with riley or seska but i AM saying that he was hopped up on the borg meld when he fucked riley and later riley was willing to use chakotay's body for her own means when push came to shove and i'm saying that seska knew full well the whole time it was happening that it was under completely false pretenses and she stole his dna without his consent to make a baby he also didn't consent to, even if it turned out she fucked up and got that kaxon baby instead. like, chakotay better be careful or he's gonna start fitting into captain kirk's niche

darkling (voy):

this one fucking sucked so bad

like, sure, yes, emh evil now. does he have to keep creepy-touching all the women

also, WHAT? we get ONE LINE about kes and neelix breaking up and he's not even IN this episode? why did they even break them up??? just because they wrre planning on having her leave soon????? absolutely baffling

i don't think evil emh was very compelling...i am glad he got to act or whatever, but i didn't even get the usual "battle of the selves" that we often wind up with when we do these kind of tropes. it was just...a malfunction, and eventually it was corrected

also, what a BAFFLING b-plot. if you measure each of kes's years (except the first, i suppose) as a decade in human beings, we can assume she's in her thirties now, so she just...breaks up with her boyfriend to smooch the hot alien guy she met a few days ago and then maybe wants to run off with him? in her THIRTIES?

i DID like the EMH quoting the oath at the end, but without any sort of battle of the selves or real emotional investment in what he did when he was evil, it feels kind of wasted on this episode. it's a fine concept, but the execution falls soooo flat

NEXT TIME: voy's "rise" and "favorite son."

[hongherbac]

Thoughts on Off Duty

Thank you, @alexfoundausername, for arranging the amazing reading session, and to Pinaka for the beautiful reading and voice acting. I'm also grateful to everyone who joined and enjoyed the whole experience together.

Since I got to re-read the work so closely, it reminded me of some things that came up during the writing process. I thought it would be fun to write them down as a record. So, here it is.

If you're interested, here's the link to the fic Off Duty.

Disclaimer: I’m a strong believer in the idea that “the author is dead.” I believe readers have every right to interpret works however they like. So, this is just my little rambling, which may or may not mean anything.

Another disclaimer: Hatori is a... super vague character in canon. So is Minegishi. And that’s part of why I love them so much. I also strongly believe that authors can write characters however they like, and there’s no such thing as OOC. With how vague Hatori’s portrayal is in canon, it’s almost inevitable that people will interpret him in many different ways. I have my own version of him, but I totally support and love different perspectives and possibilities.

Enough serious talk. Let’s dive in.

It took me 3 whole weeks to write Off Duty, not including the translation, and it's barely edited. That’s less than 200 words a day. I spent so much time pondering and tweaking each sentence. Every line had at least three different versions before I was satisfied. It was quite a struggle, but a very fulfilling journey, especially considering how happy I am with the outcome. 　

It was originally planned as part of a 5+1 series, meant to be about the Super Five plus Reigen caring for each other’s work situations. So In Case of Emergency was born, then Off Duty, and then… I just had no idea what to do next. But the series should end like this:

Shibata: Should we care for Shimazaki? Minegishi: No. Hatori: We should care for his boss’s mental situation.

And that’s the whole story.

Hatori and Serizawa often play video games together, including mobile games. They don’t cheat, because it ruins the fun. But thanks to Hatori’s power, they have unlimited access to time-limited events. 　

There’s a snack cabinet in the office, and Hatori often raids it. When he’s in work mode, he refuses to eat outside and just devours tons of snacks, totally disregarding the fact that they’re meant for everyone. That’s partly why he’s disliked by his current colleagues. 　

Joseph and Hatori have a special relationship. They hate each other at work, but once they’re off duty, they can chat and drink together like friends, as long as they don’t talk about work. 　

I’m still obsessed with the idea that everyone seems to open the cap for Hatori before handing him a drink. I think they unconsciously believe he’s too weak to do it himself, since he’s so small and the weakest in terms of battle ability. 　

I love the lines where Serizawa asks Hatori about his feelings toward Suzuki. Hatori deflects—twice—but his defenses are actually broken pretty easily. He’s defensive, but also has this urge to talk about things, which is why he opens up so quickly. Of course, the lack of sleep plays a role too. 　

Besides the dialogue where Hatori tenses up and nearly fights with Serizawa, my favorite line is this one:

“Hatori stared at the mug in his hand. He wished the surface would stop shaking.”

It suggests his hands were trembling, and I think it’s brilliant to show his agitation in such an indirect way.

Shimazaki is my best friend when it comes to pushing the plot forward. His teleportation ability and personality let him show up anytime, anywhere. And his unpredictable behavior always changes the atmosphere instantly. In this fluffy universe, he also cares about his former colleagues, but he’ll never say it out loud. I think that’s very sweet. 　

(On the other hand… Minegishi is the least helpful character when it comes to plot progression. He just stands there, doing nothing, totally unresponsive, waiting for events to come to him. Writing every character feels so different, and I love them all.) 　

Another favorite line—and honestly, the most important line in this whole fic:

“…Serizawa, I’m so tired.”

　I just… fdjisopajfisdop love that.

[acorrespondence]

My qs for the ask meme:🔥 ☺ 🔚

My preemptive reaction: 👀 👀 👀

Ah, curse you for forcing positivity upon me when you know I’m in the “this is shit actually” stage of final edits 😂

🔥 what’s something that’s currently going really well?

I’ve recently had a couple of breakthroughs where places I knew needed more meat kind of came together, and the chapter as a whole is getting to the point where I feel it has a good balance. The edits I’m making are getting smaller, as well as fewer and farther between.

😊 say something nice about your writing

I do think the way I experience time and the way my memory works enriches my writing, because I write the way I think. This is especially true of this story, and why Justified is one of the few fandoms I’ve actually published fic for; there’s a real sense of history and cyclical forces and throughlines between generations that my writing style lends itself to and that has made my stories in this fandom reach that point of being, to my mind, self-propelling enough that they become more than just a processing of the canon. I think the way I use recurring images and metaphors and the way I kind of make time peel back on itself, with characters constantly being dragged back into the past by their own memories, gives my stories a really layered feel.

🔚 have you ever completely changed the direction a piece was going?

Yes, actually! The very earliest skeletons of drafts that I have for heavy heart involve Raylan coming back to Harlan as he does in the pilot and finding Boyd and Pemberley. This version of the story would never have become its own fic because it felt too awkward and trite and twee, and the setup just lent itself toward a shallower character in Pemberley because of the way Raylan was just then getting to know her, and it seemed like the whole relationship between them was moving too fast. It didn’t feel realistic. She felt like a plot device. And I think there’s an interesting “love at first sight” effect where, when it happened so long ago (as in heavy heart) you have to assume that the narrator is not exactly reliable, and maybe their memory of it is being colored by the intervening years of love and affection. So Raylan can look back and say he felt like Pemberley was his as soon as he met her, but I doubt he’d have said it at the time. In this fic, there’s so much invested in that relationship that I didn’t feel like its original iteration was strong enough to support the themes I really wanted to dig into. I knew I had to get Boyd out of Harlan and to Miami for it to work, and everything else sort of grew out of that. Lissy might have been planned by them, but she was a surprise to me XD I think having the two girls also helps because I can split both traits and scenes between them, making them each more distinct characters in their own right. In that original version, there was too much narrative weight on just Pemberley and her fledgling relationship with Raylan, which didn’t have enough of the heft of time and shared experience to really carry it.

ask game here!

[jmflowers]

Would you want to do a recap of Stefania's amazing episode? I'd love to hear your perspective from a technical standpoint!

We’re doing it my sweet, enabling anon! Apologies for how long it has taken for me to truly organize myself and my thoughts with this.

There's gonna be two versions of this, because my jot noted, unhinged version is much more on brand for tumblr fandom space. But I only really realized that after writing out 3500 words of thoughtful film-school style analysis.

Below the cut, please find that version. And I'll post the fangirl edition that breaks down my thoughts scene-by-scene later.

The goal of Station 19’s 7x04 ‘Trouble Man’ was, put simply, to just fucking break everyone. Each one of the characters on screen needed to, or at least appear to, reach rock bottom by the time the credits rolled. Which is, honestly, why I love that they chose Stefania Spampinato as the director for this one. If you’ve seen any of Stefania’s directing work (you can view Zita Sempri here), you know that her strength (and interest) lies in emotional storytelling. I think, because Peter Paige and Stefania have clearly had a mentorship/friendship relationship, that he recognized this episode would be the type of story she would and could excel with.

(This differs greatly from what they chose for Danielle Savre last season, whom we know describes herself as organized and a Type A sort of person. They played to her strengths, as well, and gave her a challenge with an episode that would require a lot of technical organization and strong leadership for such a large on-location scene with so much additional equipment.)

As fans, we all lucked out with Stefania’s episode because it didn’t harbour the additional technical challenges that Danielle’s did and so the showrunners didn’t decide to lighten Stefania’s load by writing her out of most of the episode. (I’d wager, too, that all of her scenes being strictly with Danielle and their rapport with each other also supported that case.) I’m honestly so proud and happy for her (and Danielle) that she was able to have the best of both and experience the feeling of directing herself on screen, alongside an acting partner that she trusts and has worked with for so long.

So, the story is set up as a version of the 7-Point Plot structure (or maybe a Save the Cat, if you’re fancy) and we begin with Andy at what we will later discover is her rock bottom moment. Because we already know the formula of first images in the show is a lot of quick cuts, Stefania made a really excellent choice here in how she shot this specific moment to keep on brand. What she could’ve done is a bunch of different angles of Andy and hoped that when they got to the editing room, there was enough there to avoid the dreaded jumpcut – or enough to lean into a purposeful jumpcut.

[A jumpcut is when a final edit showcases two shots back-to-back that are not precisely the same but are similar enough to cause a jarring effect for viewers. For example, a shot of a person’s face head-on, followed immediately by another shot of that person’s face at the same level with both of their eyes still visible. To make that not jarring, you would want the next shot to be from a lot lower or higher, or directly from the side or behind. Jumpcuts can be used effectively to show the passage of time, for example, such as in Vic’s hospital room scenes or in the bunk room after Andy’s assault, but they need to be proven purposeful by happening at least three times or more in a row.]

Instead, this moment was shot several times with a dolly around Andy. As the momentum of the start of the episode builds, so does the speed with which the shots cut between each other. This was such a cool, smart way to create tension right off the bat and I think it worked really effectively as a hook for the episode.

Truthfully, I think this choice was the biggest faux pas of the episode. Hear me out; this doesn’t match the Station 19 font. It doesn’t lend to the theme that’s already been set on the show regarding text on screen. There are no other episodes in this season (thus far) that have text on screen as part of the storytelling… it was just all off for me.

In my ideal world, this would’ve been exactly the same text style as the show’s logo (perhaps even underlined in the red) and they would’ve pulled something a la Alias, where the scene appears through the text. (Or just stuck it over a shot without the black, like they did with the rest of the time updates???)

This will just forever feel like it was tossed in during editing as a placeholder and then accidentally left there. Maybe they didn’t have enough money for someone to come in and do text editing? I don’t know. I need to stop thinking about it eventually or I’ll drive myself crazy.

But moving on! There were a lot of fascinating and technically challenging moments right from the beginning of this episode. I love that Stefania chose to visibly have the trucks returning to the barn (something she spoke about here) because it isn’t something we’ve really seen before, as it would be challenging to shoot. I’d love to know how they balanced how much ND filter would be needed to block out the light coming in through those open doors without losing visibility on the trucks and the characters. This would’ve been a full team effort to set up this sequence, especially considering it’s (nearly) a oner from this moment until 30 seconds later, when Vic tells Theo she doesn’t care that he kissed Kate. (There is a tiny cut while Beckett is walking across with his axe that they hid really well in their editing, but is still technically a jumpcut.)

[A oner or one-shot is a term to describe a scene filmed in a single shot. They are very, very difficult and time-consuming to do as everything must be synchronized and rehearsed and one little mistake can send you all the way back to the very beginning of the scene. The first one I ever remember seeing was Miley Cyrus’ music video for Start All Over in 2007. Director Mike Flanagan has killed it with two incredible/epically long ones in The Haunting of Hill House episode 6 and Midnight Mass episode 2. There’s also a great one in season 19, episode 12 of Grey’s Anatomy, which was directed by Kevin McKidd, and which Stefania herself was in. If you wanna know more about oners, hit me up as I have a plethora of links and behind-the-scenes information regarding how they’re done because I think they are sooooooo cool.]

I just gotta say, I laughed out loud at this moment. Solid editing aligned the whip of Travis’ head with the end of the backing music that was hilarious and so on brand for the show. Something like that wouldn’t have been planned on set, most likely, and would’ve occurred instead in the editing suite. But I so dig that the choice was made because it’s perfect. Kudos to Stefania if she had any involvement with it other than saying ‘keep it’. (I’m presuming the editor, Eli Nilsen, is who I have to thank for it.)

Also, the movement of this scene was gold, which is entirely up to Stefania’s direction. I loved the switch of Travis from the chair to the couch beside Vic. There was so much great coverage, the pans from outside the room were beautiful; all-in-all I thought it was a really excellently executed scene, from a purely technical standpoint.

In Stefania’s directing interview with Shondaland, she spoke about starting with more wide shots at the beginning of this episode and gradually getting closer and closer. Which I love, of course, as an artistic choice. What I found most consistently, however, was a subversion of the TV formula of establishing shot to character shot.

To break that down, most shows setup new scenes with a wide, establishing shot of the new location (think Friends, where you see the outside of their apartment building before any scene with the characters in their apartments – this is very sitcom) before going to the characters.

A lot of the scenes in this episode, though, start with a closeup of the characters before moving to a wider shot of where they are. The scene with Maya and the drill, for instance: we start on that drill and the window frame before we pull back to see its her, that she’s in the nursery, that there are boxes stacked up, that Carina is trying to change Liam’s diaper, etc, etc. I think that choice lends a lot to the emotionality of the episode and is really intelligent editing, but also really intelligent coverage of each section of the story on set.

Specifically, my notes said: “It keeps you pulled into where the character is at mentally, emotionally, versus where they are physically.”

As we move into Maya and Carina’s house, I have so much to say about colour. This shot is a great spot to dive into all the tiny little details. I will say, I don’t know if Stefania would’ve had as much say regarding colour and set design or dressing on a singular episode as she would if she were directing a film. But! Whoever made choices for this was so, so on.

Just… look at this for a moment. Carina goes with this house. Everything in this shot blends cohesively. The yellow of the counter and backsplash is balanced with the yellow clothes in the basket atop the dryer. The blue of Carina’s jeans pulls the blue stripe from the dish towels hanging on the stove. The pink of her shirt goes with her shoes and the pink flowers on the wallpaper around the window. Everything belongs here. Even the stripes of Carina’s shirt are reminiscent of the Carina we first met in Grey’s Anatomy six years ago.

For me, this lends so much to the dynamic occurring between Maya and Carina in all these scenes. While Carina fits visually, Maya still appears just slightly off – the red of her sweater doesn’t quite match anything, her jeans are darker. As she talks in the kitchen with Carina, she’s cast more into shadow than Carina is.

My inner film theory geek was rejoicing at all of these choices, simply because they’re a prime example of the importance of all departments involved in film and television production. Big ups and shoutouts to the production designer (Sandy Getzler) and art department on this episode (Carissa E. Mitchell, Jorge Rodriguez, Alisha Rothman, and Kennedy Taylor) and the costume department (Meesh Daranyi, Veronica Teong, and Cleo Trifonidis).

There’s a lot of really, really strong framing choices in this episode. I could (and might) rant for a bit about all that. But this scene struck me, both from a writing standpoint and the execution.

Choosing to do this call with voiceovers not only saves so much money and time, it also builds a ton on the emotionality of this moment for all of these characters. I love that Stefania brought in a bit of that constant moving energy we know and recognize from Grey’s Anatomy here, too.

I screenshot this specific frame because we have this moment where we see so much of what we know of Chief Ross – her power, her importance, how put-together she is. And then the shot pans up to her face, as we’re listening to these awful things happening on the other end of the radio and it’s her breaking point. This scene is her rock bottom – her inciting incident where she has to, ultimately, decide to act or react. I’m hopeful, as a viewer, that this is telling of her story for the rest of the season being a battle with the mayor for funding.

Anyways, I love Stefania for this framing. I love the panning. I love the movement. I love the cuts and all the angles. I love that she chose the lenses she did, cause girl clearly loves a short depth of field. Just, she knows what she’s doing and I am here for it.

Let it be said that the pan shot of Andy and Beckett in the front seat of the truck, which is the start of this scene, is probably my favourite shot of the episode. It made my breath catch the first time I saw it. Toss in the exquisite, gut-wrenching coverage of the bloody boot print and the pan over Herrera written on Andy’s turnouts and it’s all chef’s kiss. Directing Queen Stefania is coming for the jugulars with the emotionality of the episode by this point.

Especially considering, this boot print is not important to the story at all – this is entirely stylistic. There is one shot, however, where she covered the Jaws of Life being placed in the truck after a call and that was very important to the story.

I wrote a lot about this shot, so I’m going to talk about it, too. I think it was a cool choice to start this scene with a head-on closeup of Theo. From a technical standpoint, a shot like this is challenging to do because you want to see more of the bathroom behind him, to help establish the location, but the lens needed to make that possible distorts faces a bit when it’s too close.

As a viewer, I found that here and when you notice it, it’s a little off-putting. Especially considering everything else in the show is shot true to reality. (One other great example of a time when shot angle/framing/lens didn’t align correctly for my eyes is in season 3, when Maya and Carina are on vacation together and they kiss before going to the pool.)

I will say, the unnervingness of this distort might have been intentional. Throwing viewers off-kilter is a great way to build emotionality and unease. It just sticks out here, because it doesn’t really occur anywhere else. (She used the same framing later in the episode for Vic, too. I think it was less unsettling there because Vic was moving, whereas Theo was just looking at himself.)

Gold star at the end of this scene for the continuity department – a department of one, Sharon Cingle on script supervision – for making sure the shower curtain was left open that little crack to make the closeup pan of Ben make sense. How many times can I say I loved a shot?

My first note for this scene says: “Can’t say Stefania doesn’t love an ECU and a rack focus… beautiful establishing for this scene from the hands to Beckett’s feet.”

[A rack focus is when the focus of a shot visibly shifts from one point in the frame to another, typically from closer to further away or vice versa. It is more obvious when done with a short depth-of-field, which means a smaller amount of space that is in focus at a time – such as in the shot above.]

This episode was a lot of fun for me because it felt like Stefania was playing with parts of the set we haven’t scene before. The communal bunk room, for starters. A different angle of the station, where you could see the balconies outside and houses behind the building. And this moment – with the sink and the back of the barn. I can’t even imagine how tricky it must’ve been to maneuver and set up shots in such a tight space.

But she did it, of course. We’ve got this gloriously tight angle of Beckett’s face, where we could watch the tears roll down his cheek. And that pinprick of light is visible in his pupil, which you want present when lighting human faces for on screen.

And I mean, the levels here are so interesting. There’s rule of thirds happening in these shots. There’s balance of characters in the framing. Most importantly, there’s something unspoken happening with the swap of power. This is Beckett’s breaking point in the episode – he’s literally sitting at rock bottom, the lowest he can get in the station. With Sullivan, who was once his lesser, above and looking down to him. That’s powerful body language – you’ll find a lot of people feel a need to stand when they’re asserting their authority in a situation, trying to gain the higher ground. (It’s almost like this thing burned into our DNA from years of building castles on hills and shit.)

But this is a turning point in the episode for Sullivan, too. He once tried to help Beckett and was refuted and now he’s being faced with a choice to either extend the offer again or turn away from the problem. I like that his decision is echoed in helping Beckett up off the floor. Kudos to Stefania for staging it this way.

Now’s probably a great time to dive into Stefania’s framing choices, cause she did some crazy beautiful stuff. My notes say: “Queen of the two-shot!” here. It’s fascinating to me how she used reflections in this episode – the first couple times we see Andy get out of the engine, we see a flash of her face in the side mirrors before we actually see her face-on. She also played with the mirror in the bathroom with Vic and Kate’s confrontation.

[A two-shot is when two characters are visible in the same frame.]

But, at least for me, the two shots and reflections work because she consistently picked lenses with a shorter depth of field. The rack focuses between characters make these shots so much more visually interesting. There were so many of them that I nabbed in my screenshotting that spoke to me or got me excited or were examples of a really good eye.

Exhibit a, b, c:

And while we’re talking about two- (and three-) shots, let’s discuss foreground. Because I was so struck by a few shots, specifically because of the choices of things Stefania kept in the shot in front of the characters.

From screenshots already above: the wall outside the kitchen in Maya and Carina’s house and the engine with Beckett’s feet behind it. Please see exhibit a, b, c, d for more that struck me:

I don’t know how to explain this really technically, my dudes, but it’s so visually pleasing. It’s so interesting. It kept my eyes so invested in what was going on. I love when directors give us a chance to really explore the set design and feel really immersed in the location with characters. There were so many times this episode where Stefania chose a framing through a window – from inside Maya and Carina’s house while they were outside, through the blinds into the gym and Andy’s office and the conference room, into the engine and the ladder truck through the windshield. I can’t sing enough praises about that.

Let’s wrap this up with Andy. There are two scenes in this episode where she’s having important, serious conversations with men that she holds authority over. And Jaina is short, especially when next to Boris and Carlos. A different director might have chosen to frame these scenes in a way that made Andy appear smaller than these men – but not Stefania.

There’s a really conscious effort here to keep Andy’s authority visually present – the shots pull in closer on her and the guys’ heads are cut off. She doesn’t look shadowed by them and their height because of this framing. It makes it very, very clear that this is her story and she is the most important character in the room.

And honestly, I think that’s a great example of this show – and Stefania’s direction – not being a male gaze interpretation. There is no passivity to the way she has shot the women in this episode. They are not presented as weak or small or not in control, even when the emotionality of a scene is overwhelming. Andy, Ross, Vic… they are very human in this episode, even when they’re crying. For me, that’s what makes the entirety of the work here so strong.

I am endlessly proud of her and this episode. One of the best of the show for me.

You go, Stefania Spampinato.

[watching-pictures-move]

Put On Your Raincoats | Randy: The Electric Lady (Schuman & Strong, 1980)

This is the second movie I’ve seen co-directed by Zachary Strong, and like Little Showoffs, there’s a deconstructive streak. That movie was about exploring the fantasies of its participants, alternating between interviews and enactments, and eventually pulling back the curtain to show the work that goes into making these things. That movie’s overall attitude was fairly warm and supportive. This one’s, maybe less so. Here we find ourselves at some kind of institute of sexual studies where scientists are doing some very scientific research on the science of orgasms. For science, you see.

How it’s presented is any number of beautiful women in the throes of ecstasy, subject to stimuli either external or self-applied, while strapped to electrodes and the like, so they can be observed. For science, you see. Now, one might not take too much issue being conflated with the nice looking ladies in the cast, but one might object a little more to their relative lack of agency. The movie is softening the blow, but it’s still poking fun at you the viewer. The height of these jabs comes during a sequence where the subjects are forced to watch specially edited "commercial porno films" and masturbate, and what we see of the films is played so quickly and cut so incoherently, that one wonders how anyone can get off on it, which I suppose is the folly of skipping to the good parts. One of the scientists admits that pornography doesn’t do anything for him, as “there’s never any story” and you never get to know the characters, and the movie’s satire comes into focus. And even a character’s eventual sexual actualization is defined by a number of preprogrammed stimuli and positions.

The plot eventually turns to the extraction of “Orgasmine”, which allows two of the scientists to experience sex with each other entirely in their minds without actual physical interaction. One can speculate what sort of applications this might have in the name of science, but one should be wary lest it be used for less altruistic motives, such as world domination. Which may or may not be the motive of a mad scientist played by uberMILF Juliet Anderson, who may or may not want “enough Orgasmine to control the vurld!”.

Listen, you get Anderson chewing the scenery with a shitty German accent and a femdom lite routine, and this is automatically a good movie. You get the cute as a button Desiree Cousteau as the titular character (yes, Randy is a girl’s name here) and you have an even better movie. You get Lori Blue and Jesie St. James in the supporting cast and I certainly ain’t complaining. But what takes this to the next level is the forceful style with which this is executed. There’s an emphasis on sensory overload, like a sequence that cuts between Cousteau’s garden fantasy to her masturbating frantically to a pair of scientists fucking while we’re hit with colour effects and punchcards explode out of a computer (another scientist warns them “There’s no fucking in the sex institute!”). Or the porno sequence where we’re hit with a barrage of explicit imagery while punk rock blares on the soundtrack. Or the scene the dissolve-heavy scene where Cousteau and Blue masturbate together while reminiscing about past lovers, which has probably the best cross-cutting during sex scenes I’ve seen in porno.

The horror movie aesthetics and mix of coldness and camp invite comparisons with another pornographic favourite of mine, Nightdreams, although this leans heavier on the camp than the coldness. The lab setting, which includes a sassy mainframe computer and a mechanized dildo, on top of all the monitors, tape machines and cold interiors, help give this a distinct visual identity. So much so that the heavily degraded print, which alternated between giving the movie a gummy candy green and steely blue colour palette, didn’t manage to sink it. Ideally we’ll get a restoration of this at some point, but in any case it’s well worth a look.