#the doctor has always been selfish. unable to say goodbye and face heartbreak. it is in character for him to reject Ruby this way

[pizzaboat]

Ah, so the Doctor and Ruby's friendship was based off the idea she was just as "messed up" as him. Not knowing where she came from or why things were the way they were (we already knew that)

The mystery and insane details made the Doctor feel like he wasn't alone.

Because Ruby also had this insane mystery and he was helping her to figure it out because I don't think he expected things to be so mundane. Truthfully, the details don't fully match up, the music isn't explained and "just because" wasn't enough to explain why her mom was hidden and why Ruby could never find her

I do think that their friendship, the Doctor and Ruby, was surface level and that's probably why it felt like that. It was built off an idea, and when that idea didn't exist anymore the Doctor was acting like he couldn't travel with her anymore

It was too painful watching her get the answers he desperately wanted?

He wasn't a good friend telling Ruby not to go in. He projected his own feelings onto the situation at the coffee shop and his reaction when she went in, said it all. It wasn't his choice and Ruby had to make her choice

He projected his own resentment onto the situation, justifying that Ruby's mother doesn't deserve her if she never came looking for her. He didn't account for the reasons, likely meaning he feels the same way towards the people who abandoned him.

When Ruby made a different choice to what he would've, it shattered that idea that they were experiencing the same kinda thing

And he didn't say "I love you." Back!

He told her she had a profound effect on his life, because, just for a while, he felt like he wasn't alone. I think he can be greatful for that atleast, but he's still devastated, as shown by his breakdown once Ruby left

The Doctor's walls are back up? It seems so.

[jungcupid-archive]

i dare you (to never let me go)

pairing: jungkook x jimin               jungkook x taehyung (subplot)

summary: and after all that had passed, jungkook would always be pulled back to jimin. he didn’t know why, maybe it was fate (or maybe it was his 9-year-old daughter).

chapter: 1/?

a/n: concept is frm a bollywood movie bc my brown ass is Like That. this’ll be a multific (and no, i won’t leave yall hanging like i did with tsos). look forward to updates every tuesday!) 

+

    Jungkook stared at the sky, it was a pale blue. No clouds were pulled across the wide expanse.

    (“Jungkookie, what do you suppose happens after you die?” Taehyung’s head is in the younger’s lap. They’re winding down on their second-hand futon and Jungkook is very clearly trying to finish up some paperwork. But he indulges the other anyways, putting aside his papers to look at Taehyung.

    “Not sure, Tae. But please, do tell,” Jungkook says, knowing full-well that Taehyung would’ve shared his theory regardless of whether or not Jungkook had prompted him to do so.

    “Well,” Taehyung starts with glittering eyes, “I think the very essence of who you are gets poured into the sky. Just slathered all over that sucker. When you look at the sky after someone is gone, it serves as a memory, you know? Something you can look at on such a terrible day to feel good again.”

    Jungkook gazes at Taehyung with a smile that hints at emotions unable to be contained in a single 4 letter word and says softly, “I hope I never have to find out.”)

    It wasn’t a particularly beautiful day. Clear, yes. Pleasing to the eye, yes. Jungkook didn’t feel the need to take a picture of the sky and have it framed, but he wanted to keep looking at it for a long time. In this moment, right now, Jungkook never wanted to look away.

    When Jungkook’s eyes trailed the coffin being lowered into the grave, there was no sky above him. There were no colours, no wisps of clouds, no burning stars waiting for the night sky. There was only Taehyung.

    (“There’s only you for me, I love you,” Jungkook says grandly, like he always does.

    Taehyung smiles that bittersweet smile of his. The one that only appears in these types of situations, reserved for an affectionate Jungkook.

    “That’s what you think,” Taehyung replies like he always does.)

    The dirt got thrown into the hole, shovel by shovel. Jungkook took a step back, trying to ground himself. He didn’t want to say goodbye. He wasn’t ready. Not now, not again, not ever.

    (Jungkook is staring at the doctor with heartbreak so frantic and forceful that he has to take a seat to calm himself. He’s rubbing his fingers over the rough texture of the chair and for some reason, he can’t seem to take his eyes off the family photo on the doctor’s desk.

    “Mr. Jeon? I’m truly sorry.” The doctor averts her eyes in respect and Jungkook doesn’t know what to do.

    I don’t want your apologies, he thinks, I just want him.

    Later, when he sees Taehyung sitting in the hospital bed, he forgets how determined he’d been in the doctor’s office earlier to not cry and dissolves into tears.

    “Oh baby, I know,” Taehyung says in such a steady voice that Jungkook wonders between hiccups if he understands the words ‘Terminal Cancer’ in the same way that he does.)

    A little arm wrapped around his leg. Jungkook looked down, tearing his blurry gaze away from the coffin. He fought the tears back and composed his expression, smoothing it into an easy smile.

    “Hey, baby,” Jungkook said quietly. He picked up his daughter and kissed her forehead. Despite what he’d said to his mother earlier, it seemed she’d still decided to be present at the burial. He looked behind him, one hand fiddling with his daughter’s hair.

    “Learn to listen, will you?” Jungkook murmured half-heartedly. Hyejung gave him a look that only a mother could manage, sympathy with a hint of stern.

    “You wouldn’t have managed alone.”

    Jungkook didn’t respond, knowing she was right. He merely turned around and faced the grave that was nearly filled to the top now. He tucked his daughter’s head into his neck and squeezed his eyes shut, resting his head on her shoulder for comfort. Jungkook had done a lot of things he didn’t think he’d ever have to do these past few months, watching the last shovel of dirt be thrown onto his dead husband’s grave would’ve been the last straw that broke the camel’s back. He didn’t have the strength to handle that.

    (“Maybe adoption was a bad idea,” Taehyung laughs weakly. His cheeks are clinging to his bones and there’s barely any light left in his eyes. Jungkook clutches Taehyung’s hands in his own and kisses them, looking to the nurse for a sign. She shakes her head and looks down.

    “Of course not, baby,” Jungkook barely chokes out. His throat is scratchy from months of screaming into his pillow. “She’s the best thing that’s happened for us, and you know that. These last 4 years have been… the best – the best years of my life.” Jungkook can tell Taehyung isn’t fully there anymore, and he’s trying so hard not to yell at him to just stay.

    Taehyung’s eyelids flutter with effort to keep them open and he lets out a few words in a breath too soft to feel on Jungkook’s skin, “Her name, Jungkook. Find him, please.” There is desperation there, so much.

    Jungkook can’t help it, he’s sobbing now. He climbs into bed beside Taehyung and looks into his eyes, although he doesn’t know if Taehyung is seeing him. “There’s only you for me, I love you.”

    And he hopes and prays for the most selfish of reasons that he’ll hear something different this time, this one, last time. Instead, he hears the beep of a monitor. Instead, he hears footsteps approaching the bed and saying something about “time of death”. Instead, Jungkook falls apart with such ferocity that it takes half an hour for the nurse to let go of Taehyung’s body.

    And that day, forever as Jungkook knows it, dies.)

    It was over, and yet the sun was still shining. Jungkook opened his eyes and let out a deep breath, thanking the woman who shoveled the dirt before gently placing his daughter on the ground. Her eyes glimmered in the sunlight, although she had a pout on her lips.

    “Daddy, up!”

    Jungkook smiled at her, this 4-year-old bundle of joy, and he took her hand in his. His mother gave him a tight hug and rested her hands on either side of his face. Her eyes were rimmed with red.

    “It’s time to say goodbye,” Hyejung stated plainly. She seemed to be on the verge of tears herself, but she maintained a stoic face. Jungkook nodded and bent down next to his daughter, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

    “Let’s go home, Jimin.”

+