#the rest r things ive used on teams and have an attachment to because of that

[riotshotguns]

anyway this blog stans:

-anomalo

-shoni

-toba

-peloro

-dunkle

-ceros

-lugmos

[jeonfiles]

better left unsaid - jjk

genre: angst, rebounds

pairings: jungkook x reader (ft. namjoon)

warnings: arguing, alcohol, profanity, break ups, light smut, use of drugs, jungkook is a fucking dick, jungkook has major attachment issues, toxic relationships, oc cries a lot, namjoon has a heart of gold, unrequited love

synopsis: you knew you shouldnt have given him that second chance, not the third or the fourth either. no matter how much you try he always slithers his way underneath your sheets, arms wrapped around you.

word count: 2.7k

music: into your arms, so it ends?, you will fade, thinkin bout you, julia, my insecurities not yours, fuck u, goodluck, my dear i will think of you

note: uhh ive never written a y/n fic so bare with me, if u listen to the music you’ll be able to feel the story a lot more so yeah if u have time u should, not proof read

Light coming through the cracks of the blinds, making you squint your eyes when the daylight beams into your eyes, head resting on the kitchen island Looking up, you saw the clock ticking on the wall, 11:32 am.

You had stayed up till 5 am, waiting for him to come home, but seemingly, he never did. Reaching for your phone, you saw 4 missed calls from the one and only,

Jeon Jungkook, saved in your phone as “Koo <3″, Rows of messages too, all from the same contact.

Koo <3 [05:34 am]

baby pkck me up pleseee

im so wsated

Koo <3 [06.46am]

dont be mad at me jsut pick me up

i dont knw hewere the fuck i am

i love you

Koo <3 [07:31 am]

i got a rde home i’ll be home by 12

i need to talk to someone frsit

im sorry if i woke ypu dont be worried

You took a few moments to collect your thoughts, but there wasn’t much to collect. This whole thing, was a routine by now.

Standing up to make yourself a cup of coffee, you could literally not feel your own backside, you were so sore from the barstool you had been sitting on all night, and it made you groan in pain.

Two coffee cups right beside the kitchen sink, which you couldn’t bring yourself to clean up, because it was from the last time you had coffee together, which was 2 weeks ago.

The inside of the cup had a coffee crust at the top, and both your lip tint marks on the outside.

When you finish your cup of coffee while watching a bad telenovela, you go sit in your favorite chair and pull out a few books from the backpack hanging on the chair next to you, getting ready to get some studying done.

For a few seconds you imagine Jungkook hanging over your shoulder laughing at the way you write your A-s and R-s, or the way you always sign your homework at the bottom of the page.

And when you open them, there’s no one there. The only sound is from the refrigerator, making refrigerator noises.

You had met Jungkook 3 years ago, when you were at college orientation, senior year of high school. He also wanted to attend Yonsei, just like you.

And when he whispered to you about how bored he was, you couldn’t help but giggle, and then you got yelled at.

It was worth it though, because everyone was jealous of you afterwards,the  Jeon Jungkook had talked to you.

Jungkook was an all-rounder as they called it; great physique, intelligent, charismatic and great at sports.

And god, he had a beautiful face, and such a filthy mouth, and it didn’t go long before you gave in to his seductive ways and slept with him. The morning after, he wasn’t in bed with you, and your heart sank.

Luckily, he was in the kitchen making you breakfast.

It was all bliss from there, showering you with love, gifts and kisses for two years, and you even ended up moving in together.

And now? You barely remember what he sounds like, smells like and is like.

A distant memory, just as distant as him.

Your train of thought was suddenly interrupted as you heard 3 knocks on your door. The exact same way he had always knocked when he had forgotten (or lost) his keys.

And even though you should have let him suffer a little, you rushed to the door to open it, and in front of you, was your biggest nightmare.

It was your love, crying his eyes out, bleeding from one of many cuts on his face, looking nearly dead. He collapsed into your arms, and you could only utter a few words, along the lines of:

“How could you do this to us?”

As he was laying curled up in a ball on the couch, face plastered up, ice bag on his knee, wrapped up in a blanket, you realized. this was your que to cry.

So, you did. You cried in silence, sitting across the room from him. You weren’t mad at him for coming home late, or getting in another fight, probably the 5th just these past months, you had gotten used to that by now.

There was a whole other reason that made you cry.

He smelled like Victorias Secret Bombshell, you recognized the scent because it used to be your favorite,  however, now you’ve moved onto something less sweet, and more elegant, like Caroline Herrera.

He smelled like someone who wasn’t you, his girlfriend.

He smelled like another girl.

It didn’t hurt as much as you thought it would. Maybe because the Jungkook that had come home to you that morning wasn’t your Jungkook.

Your Jungkook was varsity jackets, star of the american football team (which your school was known for), selfless and humorous, and he would always take care of you.

Your Jungkook was not ungroomed hair, cigarettes and worsening grades. He was not cold and lifeless, and he would never make you cry.

Despite this, you were carding your fingers though his hair, thumb wiping away the blood on his lips while he was sound asleep as you slowly fell asleep next to him.

Maybe it was time to let him go. 

Maybe.

You woke a few hours later from your phone vibrating.

Kim Namjoon (school) [07:01 pm]

Hey Y/N! Have you started working on the statistics assignment?

If you haven’t, would you be interested in meeting at the library tomorrow? You’re really smart and i’m kinda struggling ://

You [07:03 pm]

i finished it yesterday, but if you buy me coffee i’ll come help you hehe

Kim Namjoon (school) [07:04 pm]

You’re the best, I’ll bring you a machiatto!! :D

Maybe it would be nice for you to get out of the house, even though you hate the thought of it, and you would much rather just swim in your own sorrow.

But you did go out the next day, and you helped Namjoon get a decent grade, enough to pass with good margines, he thanked you by taking you out for ramen at a convenial store not too far away.

You thanked him for the ramen with a trip to the museum, and he thanked you for the museum trip with a picnic in the park at night, which led you to crying over Jungkook in his embrace, telling him every single little detail.

He made you realize it was time to let Jungkook go and make room for new people to enter your life.

You went home that night, and you found Jungkook passed out on the couch, and you could genuienly feel your chest tighten. Soft features which stood out under the moonlight glow, disheveled brown locks which hung down in his eyes.

He was gorgeous, until you saw the credit card on the table next to three bottles of soju and an empty beer can on the floor. And you knew what he had used the credit card for, though you didn’t want to say it out loud.

You cleaned everything up, and you threw the residue of the white powder right in the trash can, and you recycled his bottles and cans before finally, nudging him to wake up.

“Jungkook, wake up.” You spat coldly, or at least you attempted to.

He groaned, rubbing his eyes before opening his eyes, and s huge smile on his face. “Y/N, you’re home!” He reached to kiss you, but you backed away.

“Y/N?” Jungkook questioned, he didn’t quite understand what your intentions were.

“Don’t try anything Jungkook. This was your last chance, and you fucked it up, again.” The room turned ice cold. “I’m getting you help Jungkook, you need help. And then...”

He understood what kind of help you meant, and since he had now sobered up, he agreed, nodding. “And then...?” 

“And then.” Your words were ludged in your throat. “And then I’m leaving you.”

His whole face dropped, smile turned into the frowniest frown you had ever seen, and it was all silent before his lower lip starts trembling, and his eyes start turning glassy.

“It’s alright. Sorry for burdening you.” Was all he could say before tears rushed down his cheeks, and he started shaking.

So you did what you always had done, and you wrapped your arms around him, head resting on your chest as he sobbed.

“Is there anyone else?” he cried out before another wave of sobs hit him.

This exact question made your stomach hurt, and your throat burn. You really had no idea.

Or you did, but you didn’t want to.

You loved Jungkook so much, but you couldn’t be with him in this state. So you did what every rational person would do in this situation.

“Yeah.”

You lied.

“Oh ok. I don’t have the right to be mad do I?”

You shake your head no.

“I love you Y/N. I’m sorry I’m so messed up.”

“It’s ok.” was all he said before he fell asleep in your arms again.

That night you slither your way out of his embrace and you pack your suitcase in the dark, bringing all your essentials, trying to be as quiet as possible so you didn’t wake Jungkook.

Packing enough for two weeks or so, you make the bed and leave your t-shirt “accidentally” in the bathroom, and you make sure all his clothes are folded, and then you sort his pencil case, throwing out old pens and worn out erasers.

You leave a grocery list on the counter, and you tuck him in good under the blankets after you took his jeans and socks off so he could sleep comfortably.

You placed his vitamins and medicine by the refrigerator so he’ll see it when he goes to grab something to eat. 

Puffed up pillows, a pair of sweatpants, t-shirt and underwear is now placed neatly on his bed. Then you walk into the kitchen again, and you see Jungkook still sound asleep, sniffling a little still.

There’s one last thing, and it makes you cry. It makes you sob so loud you cover your mouth and muffle the sound you make. Sinking to the floor, your whole body is in contact with the cold tiles.

Only a year ago you could never imagine yourself even shedding a single tear over something as small as this, but here you were, on the edge of a panic attack.

Two worn out, matching couple mugs still placed by the counter. one if the first things you two had bought together, as well as the necklace hanging around your neck.

Finally, you stopped crying and started cleaning the mugs, lip trembling as you dried them and placed them in the back of the cabinet.

You unhooked your necklace and laid it down on the counter, and the biggest lump formed in your throat.

Actually, there’s a little detail you forget. 

You kiss Jungkook on the forehead and leave a note on the coffee table.

“Dear Jungkook,

If you want to make this up to me (this does not mean a new chance!!) you call the number at the bottom of the page. No matter what happens, I’ll always have room for you in my heart. You even have your own little VIP lobby in there. And - if it’s urgent, call. I still care for you, and I always have. You were the best boyfriend I’ve had, but good things always come to and end, don’t they? Anyways, I’m tired so this letter fucking sucks, but deep down you know how much I love you. Remember to get groceries, shower, get fresh air and study. If I forgot something you can keep it, as long as you call the number and tell them you’re my friend. They’ll help you love. Try and get a part time job too, your student loan and your dad’s money won’t last forever. Good luck Koo. Hwaiting!!

-L/N Y/N <33″

You cringe when you think of the letter’s contents, before you roll out your suitcase out of the front door, whispering a faint “Goodnight Love.” as you close and lock the door behind you.

Standing by the elevator, you cry again. This time, louder, but you still reach for your phone and type out a text to the newly edited contact in your phone.

You [02:13 am]

coming outside now, im a crying mess and im super cold, is your car heated?

sorry for making you wait btw :((

Joonie <3 [02:13 am]

dont worry about the crying part, i’ll hold you. and yeah car is heated, so waiting here wasnt all that bad. you ready for this?

You  [02:14 am]

i have no idea but i cant stay here any longer and i trust you sooo

lets start our new chapter. eh?

4 months later...

He had been good to you, great even.

You had been on expensive dates, picnics, had heart to heart conversations, and he’d been so understanding.

Today, it was your 2 month anniversary, and he had asked you on a magnificent date, which he had planned every second of.

At the end of the day, you told him how you don’t love him. He said it was alright. Namjoon loved you, so much, yet he understood you needed time.

You went to sleep that day, warm in Namjoon’s embrace, wondering how Jungkook was doing. 

You felt bad, but you missed Jungkook.

You were both with someone new now, and you knew he was in good hands with someone stable enough to care for him.

Before your eyes closed shut, you shed a few quiet tears and hoped that you’d fall in love with Namjoon soon, and deep down you knew you would.

[tendoki]

pulling up with a baby with tendou bc of the quarantine and how the team would react pls 🥺 i feel like coach washijo would be happy and would try to convince yall to let the bby go to shiratorizawa 🤣

anon ive been having the worst day but this request made me lose my shit thank u so much GOOD LORD LMFAOO

I did my best to do this request JUSTICE lol. it turned into general baby havin hcs but I hope you like it regardless!! its rlly long so my bad 🥺

Shiratorizawa reacting to Tendou + his s/o leaving lockdown w a mfin BABY

OK. so he was prob at your apartment when the lockdown was announced

so since all his shit was already there, he had clothes and a toothbrush n it was just generally more convenient for him to stay at your place

he did! he messaged his mom to let her know where hed be, she Didnt Mind lol (we dont know much ab tendous family so?? aah)

now. not saying yall spent all ur time fucking. but u 100% did

and since u ran out of birth control and condoms pretty soon into quarentine......... 👀

both of u sorta just went

FUCK IT

both of you were pretty in love anyway, and even if things didnt work out, you guys figured that youd always work together to be the best parents for the kid you could possibly be

which led to were ur at now. a measly week out of quarantine. n ur being rushed to the labour ward.

tendou is RUNNING AFTER U W HIS LONG ASS LEGS

shiratorizawa closed for the rest of the academic year, which meant that as a 3rd year, you guys and a lot of the team wouldnt see eachother in uniform again

but not to worry!! to make up for the missed celebrations theyve organised a prom and a couple days where 3rd years can come in and give proper goodbyes to everyone, including the coaches!!

everyone on the team showed up, because they wanted to say bye to their senpais 🥺🥺

but. that's like 3 months from ur labour

so when u n tendou pull up to the school, with a 3month old CHILD they r. astounded.

they know its u guys' tho

literally theres not even the possibility for a JOKE that u cheated on tendou because the kid has the same fucking hair.

it's only a little tuft (u know what anime babies look like lol) but that nose n that hair? TENDOU SATORIS GENES CAME THRU

the baby has ur eyes. and compared to the rest of its tiny little face?? they're fucking HUGE

you guys let ushijima hold him (I feel like youd have a son?) and ngl ushi cries.

it's a single tear but tendou will INSIST that waka was SOBBING years afterward

everyone is so attached to the kid sorry

USHIJIMA IS THE GODFATHER LMAO DID U EXPECT ANYTHING ELSE???

the baby is so attached to semi tho!!! the second semi reaches forward to hold the kid and poke at its fat lil cheeks, hes giggling and blubbering up at his uncle semi 🥺

JWJDJD GOSHIKI FREEZES WHEN YOU OFFER HIM TO HOLD THE KID. HE JUST GOES PALE AND FREEZES UP

REON IS SO GOOD WITH THE BABY

he offers to help you guys go shopping for more baby stuff 🥺🥺 and when his mom finds out ab the kid (team sleepovers were at reons house n u were ALWAYS invited so she LOVES U sorry I make the rules)

she gives u some of reons old baby clothes!!! n ur LOSING ur mind because WDYM THIS TALL MFER WAS ONCE LIKE A FOOT TALL AND WEARING A BLUE BEAR ONESIE???

she doesnt judge u for being a young mother!! I imagine she was too?? Reon is real respectful n I'll be damned if she isnt just as sweet

the coaches are already on your ass about toddler volleyball. they call up a couple friends and have already organized a group for teaching young Young YOUNG kids how to play despite ur son being. 3 months old.

the whole team is Maybe in love with your son

sorry. it's our son now. shiratorizawa owns ur kid :/

when shirabu is holding your boy. the whole team watches as semi get jealous????? over a kid that's NOT his???

hes petty and tells him that hes holding him wrong (hes not)

washijo is obsessed with ur baby. hes so proud of tendou. insisting that ur son being 'the size of a FAT volleyball' is a great sign for his skills in the court

the whole team. is offering money. they know u 2 are JUST out of highschool and with quarentine, are probably pretty low on cash??

BUT !! I 100% hc that tendou draws!! nd hes been doing a shit load of commissions for like. years LOL

n hes always saved that money!! he only spent it on shounen jump, which dont make too much of a dent in the money pile lol

besides he took emergency comms the second you guys found out ab the pregnancy

if you draw/write/do any work from home that's gets you money, then you do that too!!

he forces u to do less work than him tho because hes WORRIED AB U N THE BABY 🥺

but you guys appreciate the offers from your friends!!! Reon and Ushi's mom both volunteer to baby sit when you guys want a date night, thus ur child creating one hell of a friendship between the ex-captain and his vice's mothers 🥺

I'm not gonna go thru ALL the team members reactions

but they're all really happy!! ofc they scold tendou for not using protection and are MAJORLY GROSSED OUT KNOWING THAT THE TWO OF U HAVE INDEED HAD SEX

even tho the fact that satori is a Horny boy should be universal knowledge by now

the team is there for you guys while the baby grows up!! the second the kid can walk ushi is kneeling down and teaching him to spike

tendou is just as bad and insists that his son is a prodigy and should be a pro volleyball player already

LISTEN

TENDOUS SHIRATORIZAWA NUMBER??? HIS JERSEY

U GUYS GET A TINY VERSION OF THAT MADE

EVEN OF HE ISNT DOING VOLLEYBALL ANYMORE THIS MAN IS SO PROUD TO SEE HIS NUMBER ON HIS BOY 🥺🥺🥺👉🏻👈🏻

ur son is a mamas boy n it breaks tendous heart ngl

u make up for it by having a daughter a year or two down the line 😳 n shes OBSESSED with her dad it's cute but also BABY ur 4 please stop sleeping in mommy n daddies bed 🥺🥺🥺

also ur sons first words

oh boy

u can tell that the whole fuckin team has been teaching ur son volleyball stuff

u came home n ur son is sat in the living room SURROUNDED by ur (other) boys

ur (main) boy starts blubbing and bouncing at the sight of his mama 🥺 (or dada/other parent if ur an afab trans person!!!)

you tell off the team for tryna get ur baby into vball when hes barely 6months at this point

but before the boys all leave 🥺🥺 ur son grabs his favourite uncle semi and just goes

'sehtah!!!' (setter)

SEMI BREAKS DOWN CRYIBG LMAOOO

ngl tendou n u r kinda pissed that ur babies first words werent mama or dada. but then u see how happy semi is n u both just 🥺

semi is soft for your son and as the kid grows up hes still attached to him

he cant get away with being a brat though, boys got a whole mfing TEAM of dads/uncles PLUS grampy Washijo are ready to scold this boy

your son (and future daughter) are both SO loved though

theyve always got SOMEONE they know they can depend on

the team loves tendou and they love u, so OFC they ADORE any kids u guys have EVER.

they stay in contact with both of you even if you split up later on, they care enough about you guys that the y/n tendou powercouple is something every new generation of shiratorizawa volleyboys are taught about and introduced to

and YES ANON. WASHIJO DOES INSIST ON YOUR KID(S) GOIN SHIRATORIZAWA

they're guaranteed a spot!! they dont even have to work for it lmfaooo

mostly because coach threatens to leave the school and work with karasuno if they dont confirm them a place

it's an empty threat but it WORKS

the worldwide lockdown of 2020 is something you and tendou remember fondly forever 🥺

even if it was in bad circumstances the two of you made something so positive

this turned into general baby hcs with tendou MY BAD LOL IM IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN AND ALSO CONSTANTLY GOING THRU BABY FEVER

[iphoenixrising]

For 700 Followers!

Hi babe.

That is terribly angsty and now I’m intrigued.

(Just a note for babe not familiar with No Home for Dead Birds or Fracture: I write a scene in which Tim literally has a gun to head. This is not lighthearted angst, please be warned if you read this.)

**

At one time, his colors had been red, gold, and green.

At one time, he’d been part of something bigger, something important. A legacy.

At one time, he’d been able to fly without being afraid of falling.

Being Robin had been the epitome. Even with all the terrible things he’d endured, all the injuries, all the catastrophes, all the insane megalomaniacal baddies breathing down his neck, he wouldn’t have traded the tunic for anything in the world.

(Dick had known it, had known how painful it was for Tim give it up once his Dad found out.)

He would have died with the R on his chest and never had a single regret.

Realistically, he couldn’t have been Robin forever, and he’d known that someday he would have to give it up and either move on with his life as a regular person, or take on another name, another mask, to keep fighting the good fight.

He hadn’t expected Dick would take it without a thank-you or fuck you to mark the end. That hadn’t been in the plan.

But it’s fine because Dick was the first and Robin had been his anyway, right?

Right.

Wrong.

Staring down the .45 in hand, the gun his father hadn’t had the chance to use to save his own life, Tim Drake wonders how it all came down to this.

(Last one left standing. Of fucking course.)

How it had all come out so badly, how he could barely step foot back in Gotham, how he had to avoid the Manor, the Carriage House, his own family home. How he couldn’t pick up the phone or answer texts coming from his former team. How he could barely keep himself the fuck together now that Bruce was back. How his hands would start to shake when the Manor phone number popped up (Alfred). How his mind’s eye would go back to Dick at the Big Computer in the Batsuit, telling him they were still equals. How he would imagine what would happen if he hadn’t caught himself when that zip line was cut. How he would sit in his safe house, off the Bat radar, and mourn the times when he was actually–

(happy)

–part of a family.

The pictures from an old Vans shoebox, the ones he’d taken back when he’d had the run of Gotham, following Batman and Robin (Jason), are burning in the kitchen sink. He watches Nightwing’s blurry face melt away and pretends there aren’t tears in his eyes.

The old memorabilia from Haley’s Circus is in a storage unit outside the city, along with a box that has his last Robin suit.

The lawyer has strict instructions to deliver the key and a letter to his former adopted father, Bruce Wayne, upon news of his death so anything incriminating can be properly disposed.

(They wouldn’t need any of it anyway. They could just shred all of it and wash their hands of him. The Robin that never should have been.)

A map with all his safe houses would be send to Conner Kent, along with a letter of apology.

His favorite nerd shirts would go to Ives.

The sundries in his Perch would be for Steph, and the penthouse itself would go to Babs in case things in the theatre went sideways.

Bart would get a zip drive with all their old shenanigans on video, the only copies left once his systems uploaded relevant data to Titan’s Tower and his electronic footprint would be–

gone.

The box with the Red Robin costume he wore was already sealed and addressed to Jason Todd. The note on top was short and sweet: You were right. It never should have been me after all.

He’d already arranged for his share in Wayne Enterprises to be returned to Bruce Wayne immediately, handing him his family’s company back without any strings attached.

Months ago, he’d returned The Red Bird to the Cave when he was sure no one would be around to catch him. The implication that Robin would need the car one day right there in the fact he’d brought it back because honestly, it was never really his in the first place.

Alfred would get his pick of antiques from Drake Manor, and the house itself would be given to the city to be used as a halfway home for runaway teens. He’d made sure the funding would be there to run it for a few years. The donation was made in his mother’s name.

The hilt molds to his palm, the barrel glinting bright in the night. To his credit, his hands aren’t shaky when he slides the clip home and pulls the slide back to put one in the chamber.

(The team had been working fine without him for a while now. Even if they did need someone, there was another Robin to join the roster and keep them moving forward.)

An abrupt light in the darkness, his phone screen lighting up with a missed call notification.

Missed call: Dick the OG

Ironic since the last time he’d come this far, it had been him calling out to the last person he thought could pull him back.

(Not this time. He has a new little brother, a new Robin.)

Slowly, without putting down the .45, he presses the ignore when the phone starts buzzing against with another incoming call. He thumbs the button on the side to turn the phone completely off without listening to the voicemail.

The clip makes a difference, but the absurdity of it, of the last time he did this, was when his future self was a murdering, gun-toting Batman, and the only way he could see to stop it was to stop himself.

The press of the barrel is familiar, and not in that soothing kind of way.

He blinks, just blinks, and his face is wet, which is really stupid because no one is going to miss him any damn way.

His chest gets tight when he fingers the trigger guard, giving himself the time he needs to do it right. In the final moments, he inanely thinks about the time he was huddled against Dick, right after he'd almost tried cloning his dead best friends in an insane attempt to bring them back. It's really the last time he remembers being held, being warm, feeling like he still fucking mattered. It was Dick holding him tight with restraining, breathing against the top of his head, fingers buried in his hair.

It's when he could be weak while still in the mask, babbling to Dick about how he can't do this, he can't lose them all. He was crying then, too, when he told Dick about his mom and dad leaving, leaving, always fucking leaving. About how he got used to seeing their backs more than their faces. How he was left standing on his own for too damn long to just let it keep happening. He couldn't keep losing them, couldn't keep seeing people walk away, how it fucking breaks him.

And in the here and now, his chest hitches, eyes fluttering, hand tightening down because he'd said...and Dick had...

"But I'm here, Timmy. I'm always going to be your big brother!"

It had been the last time he'd been surrounded by the famed octopus hold.

(It was the last time for a lot of things.)

He laughed, smothered in Dick shoulder, something further away from a sob. "Then I guess you'll at least never leave me, right?"

"You will never be able to get rid of me. C'mon. We're going the hell home and having a movie day. Screw the Lazarus Pit, Robin. It's time for some R and R."

Dick had half-carried him to the waiting Batplane and talked him down out of trying to use the Pit for his own gain ever again.

The first knuckle rests on the smooth curve, a six-pound trigger.

(In the end, they all leave.)

(Not again.)

Conner's terrible mohawk and leather jacket.

Bart racing Wally at a hotdog eating competition.

Cassie running full tilt to throw herself at him when he'd come to Titan's Tower to ask them for help when Ra's was going to kill everyone Batman ever loved.

Raven nuzzling Gar out of plain sight so no one would think she was totally gone for him.

Jason coming to the Tower, alive good God, and the Robin he used to be super-imposed to be his hero and enemy in the same ghostly figure.

Bruce putting a hand on his shoulder on a ride back to the Cave, chasing the dawn, the Good work, tonight tired but sincere, and his whole body lights up.

His mother looking at peace in her coffin, a lily in her folded hands.

His eyes close on the out-of-the-way safe house, the plain beige walls, stripped and soulless. He keeps the team in his mind, the times he was happy.

Now.

Instead of a resounding boom followed by his grey matter splattering his personality, intelligence, imagination, him all over–

the wall to the safe house caves in under a super punch.

Conner is white as a sheet on the other side, brick and mortar crumbling under his hands. "No! Tim. Tim. Put. The. Gun. Down."

His mouth is dry and his brain pan full of nothing but pain and disappointment.

(But you brought it all on yourself, didn't you? The Robin nobody wanted. The son nobody asked for.)

He isn't numb enough to be calm, cool, and collected. "All...all you have to do–" a hitch in his breathing "–is walk away."

The meta floats in a little closer, hovering over the flooring instead of outside. His hands stretch out, gaze focused and intense.

"Can't do that, buddy. Looks like I should have been more of an asshole after all the League of Assassins shenanigans. Sorry, my bad."

Kon knows he's in trouble when Tim Drake doesn't laugh.

"Tim," he goes to serious in about two point five seconds because the hand holding that shiny automatic tightens enough for him to hear the screws in the hilt strain, "Tim. It's me here, okay? It's just you and me, just like it's always been. We’re besties, whether you're Robin or Red Robin or Tim fucking Drake because that guy is so damn cool." He inches closer, wondering if he's fast enough, wondering if he can really get to Tim in time–

Like the former Robin can read his mind, those violet-blue eye give him a blink.

"I’ve always wondered if you really are faster than a speeding bullet."

“No!”

(...as it turns out, he isn’t.)

[pettishrew]

MIND MY WICKED WORDS AND TIPSY TOPSY SLURS; I CAN’T TAKE THIS PLACE, NO, I CAN’T TAKE THIS PLACE.

𝖖 𝖚 𝖔 𝖙 𝖊 𝖘

i don’t feel very human anymore. —7:59 pm 4/28/15; l.m.

Where did you get those big eyes? My mother. And where did you get those lips? My mother. And the loneliness? My mother. And that broken heart? My mother. And the absence, where did you get that? My father. —Inheritance, Warsan Shire

“And I’m a master of speaking silently—all my life I’ve spoken silently and I’ve lived through entire tragedies in silence.”— The Meek One, Fyodor Dostoevsky

How do you move on? You move on when your heart finally understands that there is no turning back. —J.R.R. Tolkien

“There are no permanent friends, only permanent interests”

UNTIL LIONS HAVE THEIR OWN HISTORIANS, THE STORY OF THE HUNT WILL ALWAYS GLORIFY THE HUNTER.— Chinua Achebe

“Self-hatred is only ever a seed planted from outside in. But when you do that to a child, it becomes a weed so thick, and it grows so fast, the child doesn’t know any different. It becomes as natural as gravity.”— Hannah Gadsby, Nanette

You got to take a deep breath and give up. The system is rigged against you. Bo Burnham

𝖇 𝖆 𝖘 𝖎 𝖈

NAME: Peter Thomas Pettigrew NICKNAMES: Pete, Wormtail, or Wormy AGE: Twenty BIRTHDAY: August 22nd GENDER: Male PRONOUNS: He / Him

𝖋 𝖆 𝖒 𝖎 𝖑 𝖞

MOTHER: Enid Pettigrew. 47. Alive. FATHER: Sean Morivan. 52. Status Unknown. SIBLINGS: None

𝖕 𝖍 𝖞 𝖘 𝖎 𝖈 𝖆 𝖑 𝖆𝖙𝖙𝖗𝖎𝖇𝖚𝖙𝖊𝖘

FACE CLAIM: Alex Wolff BUILD: Moderately Overweight HAIR:  In need of a haircut. Curly and unkempt. HAIR COLOR: Brunette. In the summertime, it gets a golden, almost colorless hue. EYE COLOR: Brown SKIN COLOR: Light with olive undertones DOMINANT HAND: Right ANOMALIES: He has a birthmark on his left shoulder.  His skin freckles in the summer. He also has faint scars on the inside of both of his forearms. He also has a small tattoo on the outside of his right thigh. Peter got it on a dare and it looks like ( x ) SCENT:  He often smells like chocolate or peppermint. Mostly because those are the last things they would have eaten. ACCENT: British. More of the cockney nature than anything else. ALLERGIES: He is moderately allergic to dairy. Not enough to stop him of course, but enough to make him uncomfortable if he eats too much of it. DISORDERS: N / A FASHION: Peter wears whatever is comfortable and fits for the most part. He does tend to stick to neutral colors, like black, grey, and beige. He doesn’t like to draw attention to himself. NERVOUS TICS: He stutters when he’s nervous. He also rubs the back of his neck when he’s uncomfortable. QUIRKS: His quirks are identical to his nervous tics. One doesn’t often happen without the other.

𝖑 𝖎 𝖋 𝖊 𝖘 𝖙 𝖞 𝖑 𝖊

RESIDES: Plainview Point Apartments BORN: St. Mungo’s RAISED: A little outside of London PETS: A Tawny Owl named Eros

CAREER: Obliviator EXPERIENCE: 2+ years in the position EMPLOYER: The Ministry of Magic

POLITICAL AFFILIATION: The Order BELIEFS: Peter doesn’t believe strictly in anything. MISDEMEANORS: None FELONIES: None DRUGS: None SMOKES: Tobacco, and occasionally Marijuana ALCOHOL: Infrequently DIET: Poor

LANGUAGES: English, Welsh, and some Italian

PHOBIAS: Death or Serious Injury. HOBBIES: Reading and Baking. TRAITS: { + }: forgiving, analytical, easy-going, optimistic { - }: fearful, cunning, indecisive, meek

𝖋 𝖆 𝖛 𝖔 𝖗 𝖎 𝖙 𝖊 𝖘

LOCATION: Anywhere that is small, where Peter feels like no one can get to him. SPORTS TEAM: Ireland GAME: Wizard’s Chess. MUSIC: He doesn’t care much for music. If he does listen to it it’s softer sounding music, that’s almost wistful. MOVIES: Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope 1980. Alien is a close second. FOOD: Anything sweet. Peter’s sweet tooth is insatiable. BEVERAGE: Pumpkin Juice or soda. COLOR: Pale Yellow

𝖒 𝖆 𝖌 𝖎 𝖈

ALUMNI HOUSE: Gryffindor WAND: UNICORN: Unicorn hair generally produces the most consistent magic, and is least subject to fluctuations and blockages. Wands with unicorn cores are generally the most difficult to turn to the Dark Arts. They are the most faithful of all wands, and usually remain strongly attached to their first owner, irrespective of whether he or she was an accomplished witch or wizard. Minor disadvantages of unicorn hair are that they do not make the most powerful wands (although the wand wood may compensate) and that they are prone to melancholy if seriously mishandled, meaning that the hair may ‘die’ and need replacing. FIR: My august grandfather, Gerbold Octavius Ollivander, always called wands of this wood ‘the survivor’s wand,’ because he had sold it to three wizards who subsequently passed through mortal peril unscathed. There is no doubt that this wood, coming as it does from the most resilient of trees, produces wands that demand staying power and strength of purpose in their true owners, and that they are poor tools in the hands of the changeable and indecisive. Fir wands are particularly suited to Transfiguration, and favor owners of focused, strong-minded and, occasionally, intimidating demeanor. 9 1/2 Inches and unyielding. AMORTENTIA: Chocolate, Peppermint, Garlic, and Old Books. PATRONUS: He cannot produce one. BOGGART: Prior to the war it had been his mother dying. He truly doesn’t know what he would do without her. However, since the war has begun his Boggart is Lord Voldemort.

𝖈 𝖍 𝖆 𝖗 𝖆 𝖈 𝖙 𝖊 𝖗

MORAL ALIGNMENT: True Neutral MBTI: INTP

INTPs are often thoroughly engaged in their own thoughts, and usually, appear to others to be offbeat and unconventional. The INTP’s mind is the most active place, and their inward orientation can mean that they neglect superficial things like home décor or appropriate clothing. They don’t tend to bother with small talk but can become downright passionate when talking about science, mathematics, computers, or the larger theoretical problems of the universe. Reality is often of only passing interest to the Architect, as they are more interested in the theory behind it all.INTPs are typically precise in their speech and communicate complex ideas with carefully chosen words. They insist on intellectual rigor in even the most casual of conversations, and will readily point out inconsistencies of thought or reasoning. Social niceties may fall by the wayside for an INTP who is more interested in analyzing logic, and they may offend others by smallmitting their dearly held values and beliefs to logical scrutiny. Trivia: - more likely than other types to study a foreign language  - most frequent type among college students committing alcohol and drug policy violations - have the lowest level of coping resources of all the types - one of the types least likely to believe in a spiritual power - highest of all types in career dissatisfaction in school have lower grades than would be -- predicted by aptitude scores - more likely than average to complete engineering programs - personal values include autonomy, freedom, and independence - Overrepresented among working MBA students - Commonly found in science and technical occupations - famous intps: albert einstein, abraham lincoln, marie curie, and charles darwin

MBTI ROLE:  The Architect or the Logician ENNEAGRAM: Type Five ENNEAGRAM ROLE:

The Observer: Fives are alert, insightful, and curious. They are able to concentrate and focus on developing complex ideas and skills. Independent, innovative, and inventive, they can also become preoccupied with their thoughts and imaginary constructs. They become detached, yet high-strung and intense. They typically have problems with eccentricity, nihilism, and isolation. At their Best: visionary pioneers, often ahead of their time, and able to see the world in an entirely new way.

TEMPERAMENT:

Melancholic. The melancholic temperament is fundamentally introverted and thoughtful. Melancholic people often were perceived as very (or overly) pondering and considerate, getting rather worried when they could not be on time for events. Melancholics can be highly creative in activities such as poetry and art - and can become preoccupied with the tragedy and cruelty in the world. Often they are perfectionists. They are self-reliant and independent; one negative part of being a melancholic is that they can get so involved in what they are doing they forget to think of others.

WESTERN ZODIAC:

Leo With the Sun approaching the end of Leo, August 22nd has its peak in creativity and our childish need to present our inner being and express ourselves. This is an emotional date when passions need to be calmed in order for us to swim out of them with a clear mind and a plan we can hold on to, so our dreams can be reached. Those born at this time are connected to others on a different level than the rest of Leo representatives and feel a constant need to set free from ego battles and follow their hearts.

CHINESE ZODIAC:

Year of the Rat The Metal Rat are honest, frank, and optimistic, and will not get depressed no matter how terrible the situation is. They have a quick respond and strong environmental adaptability. They treat people kindly. But most of the people born in 1960 year of the Rat are self-centered. They always think of themselves first. They are impatient, suspicious and kind of vain.

PRIMAL SIGN:

Otter: Social, funny, and outgoing, those born under the sign of the Otter use their warmth and charm as their primary tool in navigating life. Like their animal namesake, members of this sign are clever, feisty, and gregarious. They usually spend a lot of time grooming themselves for their looks are of great importance to them. They are not terribly territorial either, preferring to sleep where their adventure takes them for the night. A nice home will eventually be required, but a young Otter can travel the world for years without getting too homesick. Otters like to be in charge. This way they can not only get what they want, but receive attention and respect while doing so. They can occasionally behave somewhat self-centered and egotistical, but are usually smart enough not to push their self-proclaimed authority too far. Otters want to be the best, and they understand that being the best takes work. As long as they get to do thing their own way, there is little they won’t undertake.Members of this sign have a sense of pride that only a few other signs can top. They absolutely hate looking unintentionally foolish (though they will act the part of the fool if it gets them a good laugh) and have little tolerance for those who don’t respect this important (if unspoken) rule. They like to be seen as evolved, wise, and powerful, which they often are, but this can sometimes cause them to hesitate trying new things. Above all things, Otters don’t like to live by other people’s rules. As long as they keep life in perspective this shouldn’t be a big problem, but out of perspective Otters risk becoming greedy and narrow-minded and there is always a chance that they will take what they want if nobody is willing to offer it up to them. Members of this sign can also be a bit judgmental of others, particularly those who are less successful than they are at that point in their lives. As they mature they tend to realize that everyone operates differently, and will slowly come to accept this, especially if they have a hard road to reaching their goals.

TAROT CARD:

The Fool: The Fool, at its core, represents the unfettered soul. Free of experience and prejudice, they are also free of fear, and therefore come into new events without the trepidation often experienced by those that know what they might expect. This is both a benefit and a detriment to the Fool, their eyes are on the path ahead, or on the sky, but not at what is right in front of them. This can make the Fool easy to trick, to persuade, or to side-line. But they also do not know what others believe is ‘NOT’ possible, and this makes them capable of greatness, new ideas, and innovation. They do not know a thing cannot be done, so they merrily set about to do it anyway. Sometimes they succeed.

TV TROPES:  

All the Other Reindeer, The Chessmaster, Cornered Rattlesnake, Dirty Coward, Fair Weather Friend,  and Opportunistic Bastard

SONGS:

- Little Lion Man by Mumford and Sons - If It Kills Me by Jason Mraz - Sinner Man by Idris Elba - Creep by Radiohead - The Devil You Know by X Ambassadors

IDEOLOGIES:

- Beer is the scum of all the alcoholic beverages. He think it tastes akin to piss and doesn’t understand why anyone would opt to drink it willingly. - Peter has never had a pet aside from the owl. And doesn’t understand the want to keep things in captivity for your own benefit. This principle extends to muggle zoos as well. - Chocolate frogs are the best candy that Honeydukes sells, this is not a matter of discussion that he is willing to hear. - Peter believes that if something is easier done through violence than diplomacy that in those instances the people should be empowered to pursue violence without diplomacy first. - Wool is a terrible fabric and he won’t wear it. It’s itchy. 

[avengerscompound]

The Tower - Chapter 26

The Tower: An Avengers Fanfic

Chapter 26

Series Masterlist

Chapters:  one / two / three / four / five / six / seven / eight / nine / ten / eleven / twelve / thirteen / fourteen / fifteen / sixteen / seventeen / eighteen / nineteen / twenty / twenty-one / twenty-two / twenty-three / twenty-four / twenty-five / twenty-six / twenty-seven / twenty-eight

Word Count: 1943

Warnings:  angst, action, violence

Synopsis: Elly and Alexa escape the SHIELD compound. Elly finds out exactly what HYDRA are up to and what they’ve been doing to her missing family members.

Author’s Note:  Co-written with @fanficwriter013

Chapter 26 - M.E.D.U.S.A.

Alexa lifted her head as I entered the room.  I wasn’t worried about her telepathy. The way she had messed up her DNA had meant that she was able to project thoughts, but not read them.  I was terrified though.  Terrified my body language would give me away.  Terrified she’d spot Scott as he hid on me.  My heart was hammering as I went to the cell with the ‘stolen’ passcard and typed in the code.  The door clicked and I pushed it open.

She got to her feet and approached me hesitantly.  “Are we leaving?”

I nodded.  “We don’t have much time.  They’re all in the conference room.  You need to be quiet because Steve can hear really, really well.”

“Let’s go,” she agreed.

I led her quickly down the halls and outside.  The SHIELD headquarters were underground and quite remote.  I only really had a vague idea of where to go.  The others had been sure Alexa would call for someone to collect us, but just in case I was told to walk North and eventually we’d hit a town.

“I haven’t been outside the building before.  I looked at maps before we left, I think there’s a town that way,” I said, pointing North.

“Do you have a phone with you?”  Alexa asked.

I nodded and pulled my phone out of my pocket.

“We’ll need to ditch it.  But for right now…”  She started tapping away on the screen.  “We’re walking in the opposite direction of the town,” she said and tossed the phone.

I followed after her as we jogged along.  “Where are we going?”  I asked.

“You’ll see soon enough.  Thank you for letting me go,” she said.

I shook my head.  “I can’t… I couldn’t do what they wanted me to,” I said and held out the tablet.  “I brought my work.  Maybe you can use it to fix the mistakes in your genome.”

She gave me a dark smile.  “Maybe you’d like to help me do that.”

“I can try… but I don’t know… I can’t do … If I do…”  I stuttered.

Alexa grabbed my arm and pulled me closer to her.  “Quiet,” she said.

I perked my ears up and heard the engines of a jet.  I could see it off in the distance flying low to the ground.  We started walking toward it and as we neared it Alexa waved her arm.  The jet looked similar to the Quinn but less sleek.  It landed and we boarded quickly through the back.  It was in the air again before the rear had even closed properly and we hurriedly buckled into jump seats.  When we were at altitude Alexa got up and moved into the cockpit.  I could hear her talking but not what she was saying.

I felt Scott crawling around and he rested against the shell of my ear.  “You’re doing great”, he whispered.  “Hang in there.”

The jet touched down and Alexa came back out of the cockpit followed by the two pilots.  “We’re here.  Let me show you around your new home.”

She led me through the hanger and into a brightly lit building.  This is MEDUSA.  We create pharmaceuticals.  That pays for our other research,” she said as we beelined straight to an elevator.

“I’ve heard of Medusa.  You guys put a 200% markup on that HIV vaccine,” I said.

She smirked at me.  “It’s all business.”

When the elevator stopped I was led through into some labs.  This will be where you’re working.  There are 15 floors dedicated to R&D.  The first five are the legitimate business.  Up here is where it gets fun.  You will get your own lab and a team working under you.  However, you will also be monitored.  At least for a while.  We have to be sure you’re not going to do anything stupid.  I felt Scott run down the back of my neck and the next moment he was running along the floor.  No one else seemed to notice so I just kept following along after Alexa as she led me through the labs.   “For that reason too, you won’t be able to leave.  Not until we’re sure.”

I looked over at her.  “I’m a prisoner now?”

She laughed like I had said something so blatantly stupid she couldn’t keep it in.  “Only until we know for sure you’re with us.”

“But I let you go.  I risked everything for you,” I protested.

She patted me on the back.  “Then you have nothing to worry about.”  She led me back to the elevator.  “Now we’re going to scan you to see if you have been bugged at all, and then I can take you to see your ex-lovers.”

She took me to another lab, this one more medical in nature.  I had blood taken and I was put in an MRI.  I wasn’t worried because the tracker was so small it wouldn’t show up on any kind of scanner.  It was a couple of hours later when Alexa came to collect me.

“Let’s go see the soldier first, shall we?”  She said.

We took the elevator down into a sub-basement.   She led me down a dark narrow hall and I could hear him screaming even before we got to where they were keeping him.  He was in a room on the other side of a two-way mirror, strapped into a machine and it looked like they were electroshocking him.  It stopped just as I saw him and I ran to the window putting my hands on the glass.  “Bucky!”  I yelled, completely forgetting everything I was here to do.

Bucky looked up his eyes wild.  He spat the mouth guard out and started fighting in his restraints.  “Elly?”  He shouted.  A few guards rushed over and one injected something into his neck while he struggled.  He quickly became sluggish and passed out.

“Well, now.  That was an interesting response you both had,” Alexa said.

I turned to face her.  “Why are you torturing him?”

“He’s our property.  We’ve lost the old trigger words, so we’re programming some new ones into him,” Alexa explained.  “Why do you care?  You left them.”

I balled my hands into fists.  The nails biting into my skin.  “He’s still a person.  He never tried to force me to do anything,” I said, almost snarling the words.  “Besides we … they treated you well.”

“Except for the fact they were going to kill me,” Alexa countered.

I slumped. “He’s still a person.”

“He’s our asset.  But I’ll remember how he responded now.  We took the archer to try and get him to comply.  He always remained quite stony-faced.  I guess you’re the innocent one though aren’t you?”  She said.  “Shall I take you to see the Witch too?  Keep in mind, that she also belonged to us.  We are just taking back what is ours.”

I frowned nodded my head.

I was led down to another room.  This time I was taken right into the room with her.  She was strapped to a bench, her arms locked into place, hands covered, and pointing into her face.  She had a cap that with wires coming from it attached to a machine and several IVs in place, including one that seemed to be collecting blood.  She was pale and looked out of it.  I had to hold myself back from rushing to her side.

She looked over at us as we entered.  “Elly?”  She said, her voice sounding both weak and confused.

“Wanda,” I answered.

“What are you doing here?”  She asked.

“I couldn’t stay with them anymore.  Steve… he said…”  I trailed off hoping really hard she could hear my thoughts, though I knew she couldn’t.  I also hoped that she’d read between the lines.

Wanda started to cry and once again I had to remind myself what I was doing here.  “I loved you, Elly.  I love you.  How could you?”

“Okay, enough talk,” Alexa said.  “Elise, you’ll be using samples from her and the soldier to help correct my DNA.  I want the healing factor, the strength, and the little witch’s powers.  You think you can do that?”

I nodded my head.  “I think so.”  It was an outright lie.  I had never done anything like this and I knew for a fact that the serum used on Bucky and Steve made people like her even crazier, but it wouldn’t be much longer.  I just needed to wait until Scott had backed up the company’s data and he’d call the others in to save us and arrest everyone.

“Excellent.”  She gestured for the door and I gave Wanda one last look before I left the room.  She started ushering me down the hall.  “Now I’m taking you to your cell.  We’ll bring you food and something to drink.  Take this,” she said, putting a buzzer in my hand.  “You can press it if you need anything at all.  I don’t trust you fully yet, but that doesn’t mean I won’t take care of you.  It’s a temporary situation.”

I nodded my head.

“Cheer up, Elise.  We’re going to do some amazing things you and I,” she said, patting me on the back.  She led me into a group of cells.  There were twelve in all, 6 on each side of a hall.  When we reached the one that was meant for me, someone rushed to the bars on the cell opposite.

“Elly?  They caught you too?  What happened?”  Clint said, staring at me.  He did not look good.  He normally was covered in bandages from cuts he’d received.  Now he was more bruises than not. He was covered in cuts.  Many covered up, some not.  Some still seemed to be bleeding.

“You can catch your ex up if you like.  I’m sure he’d love to hear it,” Alexa said, shoving me into my cell.  “Get a good night’s sleep.  We have work in the morning.”

I waited until I was sure she was gone and turned to Clint.  “Ex?  What does she mean, Elly?  What’s happened?”

I frowned and looked at him.  “I had to leave,” I said, making my voice shake a little.  At the same time, I signed the word ‘cameras’ to him.

“I don’t understand, El.   What do you mean you had to leave?”  He said, his voice sounded both hurt and confused but at the same time he signed ‘Fairly sure halls only.’

“They told me… they told me I had to do a procedure that would have killed her, Clint.  That’s murder.  I can’t murder anyone,” I said, feigning a desperate need for him to understand all the while I was signing, ‘We have a plan.  They’re coming.  Just waiting for the signal from Scott.’

‘Took you long enough.’  Clint signed back with a wink.  “So you betrayed us?  Is that it?  You joined fucking HYDRA!  I trusted you!”  He yelled the last bit and it actually made me jump.  He signed ‘sorry’ after I did.

“You don’t understand, Clint.  I can’t kill people.  Even if they are the bad guy.  The fact they even asked me to do that…”  I said while signing to Clint about what happened.

“They’re torturing us!  You’re okay with that?”  Clint yelled and started telling me about what they’d been doing to the three of them.

That’s how we talked.  Him yelling at me while I pretended to get more and more withdrawn.  And signing the whole time.  Eventually, we decided it was best if we stopped and got some rest.  I signed ‘I love you’ to him.  And he signed it back. 

[affectionatespy626]

Title: Welcome Home (part 1)

Type: AU Fan-Fic

Origin: Mystic Messenger

Genre: Angst (trigger warning: sense of self loathing), Remorse & Reconciliation (?)

Words: 2211 (?)

Prompt: After-endings | Forgiveness

Day 6 Entry for @saeranchoiweek

______________________________

One winter of three years ago, the chaotic controversy regarding the prime minister and his rumored illegitimate sons was finally dying down slowly as the prime minister was forced to step down his pedestal as he was rumored to be arrested for multiple charges of embezzlement. This event soon led to the reports of the safe rescue of the missing agent and a member of the RFA, namely Luciel Choi, with the help of C&R’s intelligence team and string of network. Finally, one could say the storm has come to a pass, but for one particular person, it was still one phase out of few that he needed to undergo.

His snowy colored hair blended rather well with the season yet his usually cold minty colored eyes soften like snow as he quietly gazed upon a sleeping figure, life support and IV drip attached, lying motionless across a hospital bed, putting his heart into a conflicted state. He knew he had always wished for his brother to perish from his life, but now, witnessing the dreary state of his other half, he felt unspeakable worry rather than despicable spite. It’s been days ever since they had successfully retrieved and rescued the kidnapped agent, but he never would have dreamt to find him in such a dreadful state. Dehydrated and thin, bruises and cuts decorating his entire skin and body from head to toe, these evident signs of violent abuse and misuse of authority left a devastating shock to the younger twin, almost leading him to another series of self-loathing. But he knew full well, that even if he blamed himself over and over for the older twin’s state, it won’t be able to fix or solve anything. He hated his brother for so long, but his love for him which he thought he has long forgotten, unexpectedly resurfaces itself as he stubbornly refused to leave his brother’s bedside

.“Saeyoung…..I’m… Sorry….” His quiet apology was barely a whisper to himself, drowned by the steady beat of the device that sustained his brother’s life. “If… If only I could have found you sooner… this wouldn’t have happened….It’s…. It’s my fault…” His voice was laced with remorse, the corner of his eyes heating up with budding tears. He knew full well that it wasn’t his fault, but he couldn’t help but partly blame himself deep down inside for such an outcome. He wished he could have prevented this, but it was too late to regret what has already happened. His heart was trembling painfully, and his mind was slowly infested with unpleasant thoughts. Simply watching his brother’s miserable state sends him a wave of fear all over his body, and he couldn’t help but clutch at the sleeping lad’s hand, desperately hoping for those bruised eyelids to flutter open soon.

‘God… If you do really exist like how I was taught back when I was young… Please… Please allow me a chance to be with my brother once again. I know I said I hated him for everything that he’s done… For leaving me behind… for abandoning me… for all those times he made me think he was gone… But as of this moment, I only wish for him to live on. Please allow him to live on…. And I promise…. I will never make any selfish request ever again…’

He solemnly prayed with all his heart as he clasped his brother’s hand between his own grasp, hoping that his prayers will find its answer.

For two whole weeks, the younger twin has been constantly visiting his brother at the hospital, hoping for any signs of improvement, hoping for his desperate wish to be granted. Sometimes, he’d find other RFA member paying his brother a visit, and when he hears their words of encouragement and well wishes, he couldn’t help but learn to slowly warm up to them. One of the constant visitors was the youngest member of the RFA, Yoosung Kim. As he and the blonde chap exchange small conversations, he comes to learn how Yoosung seems to be quite close with the agent and regards him as a close friend. Another constant visitor was the C&R director he came to end up working with eventually. The lad was genuinely thankful for the corporate heir’s assistance with everything, from his brother’s search and rescue operation, up to this point where the stern fellow provided a couple bodyguards to stand watch outside the hospital room, preventing shady and suspicious figures from setting foot into the room or cause any havoc.

“How is he?” Deep monotonous voice convey his concern, dark color irises gazing steadily at the sleeping individual.

“Not much improvements aside from his bruises slowly fading and cuts gradually healing.” His meek voice was rippled with worry, his gaze upon his brother growing ever weary. “It’s been two whole weeks, yet I didn’t get much of a report about him gaining consciousness….” His voice grew weaker and feeble as he heaves a downhearted sigh. And honestly, he was slowly losing faith over his wishes coming true.

“I see.” Turning his nonchalant gaze toward the younger twin who appeared quite ragged and exhausted, leaving him concerned. His emotions doesn’t usually reflect on his face, and most people would regard his poker face as a mechanical imprint, but to be honest, deep down, he is one of those who values family and friends and deeply cares for them greatly. And at that moment, he has already thought of the younger hacker as part of his second family, that being the RFA. “Don’t lose hope, Saeran. I believe your brother will surely come back to you.” He gave the younger twin a pat on the shoulder as he turned for the door and was preparing to leave. “Oh, right. Please don’t worry about your request. I have sent some of my bodyguards to patrol the area you’ve given us so rest assured, the child will be safe.”

“Thank you, Mr. Jumin Han.”  As he heard the other’s statement, another breath of sigh escaped his lips, feeling relieved that the the child would be protected from harm’s way, hoping that this would also reassure his beloved that her child will be safe no matter what. Upon hearing the door open then closing, noting the corporate heir’s exit, he was once again left alone with his slumbering twin, his gaze drift from him then out towards the grey painted skies. Snow has started to fall for the first time, watching each flake fall one by one as he strode down towards the window. His mint colored irises gaze upon the gloomy clouds, reminding him that this season has always been unforgiving for the both him and his brother. Only painful memories could be remembered during this season, and the most painful one being left alone in that dark and stuffy room, shivering, starving and crying himself to sleep. It was the season where memories of watching people rejoiced and enjoyed holidays with their families from a dark curtained window, while he and his brother, would only share a blanket and a bottle of water, hoping to survive a horrid quarter of chilly winter. Ultimately, it was a season where his brother’s absence caused him so much grief and emptiness deep within.

He’d wished to make new memories for this once awful season, hoping to spend merry holidays with his beloved muse, experience the kind of event he’d only bare witness through curtain cracks. And despite not truly believing that Santa  Claus or his merry entourage ever existing, his inner self dares cling to that spec of hope that even someone like him could find a place in this seasonal cheer and be granted the only present he’d currently wanted: A new life with Saeyoung.

“Sae…ran…?”

“?!?!”

He wasn’t sure if his mind was playing tricks with him from delving too much into deep thoughts that he’s now hearing things, but he swore he heard a weak voice calling his name that almost sounded like–

“Sae….ran… is… is that… you?”

Hearing the voice again, his eyes sprang round and wide in surprise, his heart pounded painfully in a course of anticipation. Was he yet hearing another hymn from his conscience? But it sounded all too real, and he was almost certain the voice was definitely-

“Saeyongung?” Shakily, he shuffled to turn towards where his brother was supposed to be, afraid that his imagination was pulling awful tricks on him, but his minty gaze found two pairs of sad golden eyes, tears beading in them. “Sae…. Saeyoung?” 

“Saeran… what…. What happened to you?” Golden pair of irises quiver as they became misted with tears, shaky voice breaking in obvious devastation at the sight of the drastic changes he found in his dearest younger twin. “What… what have they done… to you? I…” 

“Saeyoung…” Biting his lower lip as he desperately held back tears of his own, his hands clenched into balls of fists as they tremble, watching his older half break into massive tears caused him to finally let his own stream of tears loose as well. “I hate you…. I hate you so much, Saeyoung!” He screamed his heart out, frustrated and aggravated and its recipient could only remain sobbing audibly. 

“Did you know how worried I was?! HUH?!”  He raged on, his tears bearing no signs of stopping themselves as his heart thumped like roaring thunder. “You…. I can’t believe you left me behind all alone back there and allowed me to think you were gone! For all those years…. All those painful and awful years, I blindly believed that you got tired of me because I was weak, helpless, useless without worth!” 

“Saeran… That’s not true! I-” 

“I was worried about you. I was waiting for you to come back home. I waited, and waited, and waited all over and again! I spent years of my life thinking our father…. That despicable man… has finally gotten rid of you… but then you!” 

“I’m sorry, Saeran. I know I shouldn’t have left you back there. I’m really sorry! But I didn’t know what else to do! I had no choice!” 

“Of course you had a choice! You could have just stayed with me! Then maybe both of us wouldn’t have had to go through deep pits of hell at the expense of idiotic vengeance or one-sided protection!” 

The bedridden agent fell voiceless as he simply allowed his brother to throw all agitation at him, and despite having just woken up, he was slowly feeling like he was sinking into a corner of nightmares. 

“Saeyoung… I know you’d openly sacrifice yourself for me, but you didn’t have to go that far… “ His voice finally mellowed down into a weakened whimper as he crumbled to the ground, his fingers roughly brushing through his hair. “I hated myself so much thinking I was the reason why you were gone…. I hated myself for depending on you too much and yet could not make myself reliable enough… and hated myself because no matter what I do, I couldn’t do anything for you….I…” His lips quivered as faint stain of red and teeth marks painted on his lower lip, a mark left by his aggravation. “I hated myself because I allowed myself to fall prisoner to all my doubts of you, to my hatred towards you, to the words of a false prophet that made me believe you were someone I had to eliminate from my life, for allowing them to use me as a tool to wreak havoc and seek my vengeance. And I…. Hated myself that even now.. I couldn’t even protect you… And now you…”

Silence befell within the room with the only noises being their quiet sobs and the constant beat of the monitor. The agent remained laid in his bed, the back of his arm hiding his eyes, his cheeks drenched with tears and his chest rising and falling in an irregular fashion. The younger twin still seated on the floor, his back resting against the hospital bed leg, his head sunk between his palms as he also continued to weep. Both of them were unable to speak out anymore and simply allowed themselves to cry, together for the first time in a certainly long while.

 I knew I said those words thoughtlessly but deep inside my heart I knew I had to say them all out, thinking it’ll provide an opportunity for our reconciliation. Still, I may have said I hated him, hated him so much that it hurts, but now I understand. I never really hated him… I hated what he’s done, but not him. Not my brother… I… I could never ever hate my one and only brother.

‘Saeyoung… It’s not too late, is it? It’s not too late to regain what we both had lost from all the years we’ve been apart, right?’ 

‘And if you’d let me…. I will do anything and everything in my power just to get back your trust in me, brother. I'll make sure this time, I’ll never leave your side and recover lost times with you, Saeran.’ 

‘Because there’s no other place I’d truly call home but by your side, brother.’