#the username is the same as here in case the link doesn't work btw

[krscblw]

i finally caved and made an instagram for fanart if anyone is interested! there's not much there rn but when i do post it'll be mostly the same stuff as i post here

[mcalhenwrites]

Hey there! I saw that you've taken down your work, I and I think how public or private a work is is always up to the author to decide, so not here to put pressure on you or anything. I just wanted to let you know that I've really enjoyed a lot of your works! And that I hope you keep writing, whether or not you choose to share or not! Best wishes to you

Hello! "I think how public or private a work is is always up to the author to decide, so not here to put pressure on you or anything." I appreciate this so very much, thank you. I know what it's like to see writing vanish (I've been reading fic for about 20 years now and can tell you that some of my favorite authors and fics are gone for good), but as a writer, I also get why people do it. The loss hurts, but authors have their reasons. And not always the same ones. In my case -and I'm about to get very personal here so feel free to back away quickly - I've been putting my work out on social media to total silence for years. It has to end. I have to learn that it isn't that great, that no one wants to share it with their friends or acknowledge that they enjoyed my work to anyone else. I've tried so many things to get word out, because I wanted to self-publish some of my stuff and make a living around my disabilities (I can't work, I can't even predict if I'm functional in 30 minutes much less consistently for entire days). The financial struggle didn't stop me from sharing works for free, but... Then my confidence kept taking a beating when I posted excerpts, links, etc. on multiple platforms. I don't even want to be online anymore and keep thinking I should delete. The only reason I don't is that it's a hassle to preserve my usernames if I do that. XD Anyway, I figure the flaw is the quality of my writing. I feel embarrassed that I think there's anything worth peddling. I'm trying to cut myself off from attempting in the future, since I always come back thinking I can do this again and it never works. :') I'm still working on my stories. People keep lecturing me that I should only ever write for myself, but I don't do exchanges or ask for votes and requests on what I should write next (nothing wrong with these things btw, it's okay to write for other people actually, I just don't), I have one original story that took off on AO3 (Seasons) and most people ditched it before they finished reading it, my writing was openly mocked in one fandom to the point I stopped posting, and I have posted original works online for 15 years to almost total silence. Who else but myself could I be writing for at that point? I love writing, so I can't see myself quitting it as long as I'm alive. Question is, how long can I do that in a world that doesn't want to help disabled people? I can't even get healthcare rn, they claim they can't verify my identity since I moved states. It's been a mess. And I need healthcare and further testing, because it turns out one of my doctors didn't even take proper notes when she diagnosed me as a child and I basically have to get re-diagnosed. Honestly, the pressure of all that is impacting my writing time, so I'm surprised I've managed to write over 5k since February started. ^^ Anyway, thank you. I wish things would get better. I just don't see it after over a decade of hard work. ;A;