#the vampire's assistant

[booktomoviebrawl]

We are not judging how bad the movie is, we are judging which adapted the book the worst. There are good movies that are bad adaptions.

Propaganda below the cut (spoilers may apply)

Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant (originally the Darren Shaw saga/The Vampire's Assistant):

Took on a much more early 2000s teen flick approach to a book that, while initially for younger audiences, had a lot of very dark and Intense moments. The casting was also fairly bad and it really went in a different direction from the novel.

Bad acting, weird script choices, not even Ken Watanabe & Salma Hayek could save it

Characterisation was nothing like the books and it couldn't decide if it was a comedy or horror

Seventh Son (originally The Spook's Apprentice):

The book is a dark fantasy book for children, with fantastical elements that ring true to folklore but still have their own distinct flair, really well written horror centered on the fact that the protagonist is still just a boy, and a very strong theme that the spook opposes the forces of darkness and evil with knowledge and wits rather than heroics. The series as a whole has a lot of digs at established powers, both the Church or the nobles. It also has a mentor that is showed as imperfect from the get-go because of sexist tropes, and a protagonist who criticizes it even at the beginning when he's just a boy. The movie makes the protagonist an adult, turns the spook from an old wise man who practices using a stick (peasant weapon!) to fight and throwing silver chains to immobilize supernatural creatures, into the SURVIVOR of an ORDER OF KNIGHTS, and generally removes all the slow creeping horror to turn it into generic shitty fantasy movie #493, with bad acting on top. And it bombed so bad it probably RUINED the Spook's series chances to ever get a good adaptation, damnit!

Mentor gets changed from being part of a long line of people with a cool fantasy job to a discount Templar, cool methods of handling monsters got reduced to just killing them, awesome assassin grandma changed to Default Movie Witch, and more! It's pretty much not the story anymore.

It takes pretty much nothing that I liked from the books with the initial premise and some names being pretty much the only things kept intact.

The plot and world were completely changed. Most of the changes make for a much more generic and, in my opinion, worse story. Spooks in the books are seventh sons of seventh sons who are trained to fight creatures of the dark because seventh sons of seventh sons are able to sense the supernatural. They are hired for jobs by ordinary people, usually exorcising ghosts or capturing creatures like boggarts and witches. In the movie, the Spooks are also seventh sons of seventh sons, but for some reason, they are an order of knights. In the books lot of people think Spooks are charlatans until they come face to face with a ghost or creature of the dark because the world is usually pretty ordinary and peaceful. The setting is inspired by Lancashire and the world feels pretty unique. The setting in the movie is Generic CGI Fantasy Land where everyone has American accents and big CGI monsters are everywhere.

The protagonist Tom and Alice, his friend and later love interest, were aged up like in the Percy Jackson movies. In the books, Tom starts out as a 12-year-old and grows up as the series continues. He starts out very uncertain and wants to stay on his family farm. He only becomes a Spook because he knows he has to get a job to ease the financial burden on his family. He grows into his role as a Spook's apprentice over time. Alice is a pretty interesting character in the books, she is naturally very talented as a witch but struggles with the darker side of her powers over the course of the series. In the movie, they became incredibly generic Hero and Love Interest characters with pretty much no personality and instantly fall in love.

Mother Malkin was a first-book villain, who was mostly only such a threat because Tom was an extremely inexperienced 12-year-old at this point who accidentally released her and didn't realise how dangerous she was. She was monstrous and decrepit and fed on blood. In the movie she is turned into a beautiful seductress and a world-ending threat who can turn into a dragon. They also made her the Spook's lover for some reason.

Tom's mother is a really cool character in the books who pushes him to become a Spook despite him being reluctant and plays a larger role in the later books. In the movie, Tom is the one who wants to be a Spook and his mother doesn't want him to.

I think the character who got it worst was the Spook himself, John Gregory. In the books, he is a former priest at the end of his career as a Spook, he is incredibly uptight and disciplined to an extent that other Spooks find over the top. For example, he has a rule of fasting before a battle that he makes his apprentices follow and he only kills as a last resort. He's tough but usually pretty fair to Tom and explains things to him so he doesn't get hurt. In the movie he is pretty much the complete opposite, he's a drunkard who spends the whole movie making getting angry and fighting and doesn't seem very interested in teaching Tom how to be a Spook. Also, the accent that Jeff Bridges uses is terrible.

I'm not sure the movie would be enjoyable if you hadn't read the books, having read them I hated it, but I feel like it would be mediocre at best even without the comparison. The acting is pretty bad despite the big-name cast. I think you could maybe enjoy it in a so bad it's good kind of way. The books were spooky and pretty charming from what I remember and I think if they had been adapted more accurately, preferably as a TV show, it could have been pretty good. Sorry this is such an essay, I've never hated an adaptation more. It's been a long time since I've both read the books and seen the movie, so if anyone wants to correct anything feel free.

[gammija]

A little something silly in my werewolf/vampire jmart au, for @milkteamoon as part of @magnusforgaza. Thank you!

This specific project has now closed, but here's a list of artists who are still individually taking requests for Gaza donations - go check them out

[coolcoolcoolbutwtf]

Releasing this thing so do what you want with it!

Okay, okay Shego Danny is old enough to admit that he might be over his head on this one. But, to be completely honest, would anyone suspect this to happen?

Shego dodged to the side of the plasma shot to his head and flipped away backwards from Vlad's or rather Plasmius half hearted attempted shot.

"What a surprise to see you here especially considering no one knows where you disappeared of too, Denia-"

Shego shot Plasmius a venomous glare the whites of his green domino mask narrowing while gritting his teeth. Continuing to flip and dodge around avoiding the burning shots fired at him Shego fired a few green plasma blast's in retaliation.

Should he have thought of back up plans in case anyone from his home dimension ever made it over like Shego Danny had, in the specific case they recognized him? Yes apparently he really should have done that.

"What do you want Plasmius! I swear if you say anything about joining you!"

"Why ever not? It's not that different from what you do now is it!" Plasmius had a nasty sneer pointed at him.

"It's been years after all! Can't you even spare your dear old god father a hello or at least an introduction to your little friends behind you?"

Shego heard sounds of gravel shifting from behind- no wait from above the building then saw the flash of traffic lights colors and red on black Superman logo- Shit!

Danny hissed clutching his right side in pain. Shego got hit and now two young justice twerps showed up, damn if there's two then the rest are in the area, fuck!

Danny really should have had a back up plan.

[jannacalendar]

Sleater-Kinney || Jenny

Do you wanna forget? Live in the dark Was she just too close To everything? Didn't we almost have it almost have it almost have it almost....

[coffeekaspbrak]

they must have the fucking phantom of the opera of dramaturgy in the damn iwtv writers room because book armand was a pre-ipad ipad baby

😭😭😭 this is sooooo funny of course he has an ipad in the show. expertly translated character trait.

[klaus-littlestwolf]

hi can you make a human AU for yandere klaus mikaelson where he is a businessman and he is the boss of his own company and he has a new assistant *y/n* and he obviously falls in love with her and finds any excuse to stay with her and one day they stay late at the office just the two of them and klaus manages to seduce her enough to fuck her hard against his desk and claim her as his own.

(There’s hints of Yandere!Klaus in this but it’s not too bad, he’s more Yandere in the sense that the boss is ‘taking advantage’ of his employee)

Warning:Smut, Dub-Con(ish-if you squint) and power imbalance

-Don’t Like=Don’t Read-

DD:DNE

It was strange to you how close he got at first, Klaus was constantly keeping you after hours, paying you overtime to help with the smallest things. He would be close as often as he could, touch you as often as he could and stare at you through his office window whenever he got the chance.

Honestly you feel like you should have reported him to Human Resources by now but…you love it.

Your boss was definitely attractive, and for some reason he wanted to constantly be around you. You didn’t really have a problem with it, doing your job and taking care of whatever he needed from you. Sometimes you just ended up having dinner with him in his office while you went over paperwork that could have easily waited until the next day.

Klaus seemed like he was trying to see just how far he could get. You knew the little touches were inappropriate, his hand lingering on the small of your back, wrapping around your waist, tucking your hair behind your ear, but he was so sweet and charming you couldn’t find it in yourself to complain. Klaus was hot, no denying that, but you never thought it went beyond a little teasing, you never thought he was as in love with you as he is. By the time you realized how serious it was it was too late.

‘Here are the reports you asked for Mr. Mikaelson. If that’s everything you need then I will head out for the day.’ You turned to walk back to your desk when his voice stopped you.

‘Y/n, I actually have something else to get done. Would you mind terribly staying and helping me? I’ll buy you dinner?’ He offered and you couldn’t refuse that sweet, hopeful face.

‘Fine, but I want Chinese.’ You teased and he just smiled.

Once again you stay with him finishing up paper work that didn’t need to be done yet, some of which never should have been anywhere near his desk, but you didn’t complain. You two worked and talked until almost 9pm when you began cleaning up for the evening and he seemed to suddenly realize how late it was. ‘Thank you for this Y/n, I appreciate how willing you are to help me. Most assistants I’ve had would never consider overtime…I also genuinely enjoy spending time with you.’ He admitted and you felt your cheeks heating up.

‘Well thank you Mr. Mikaelson. I’m glad that I can help, besides, overtime just means I can pay my bills faster.’ You joked, picking up the last files and moving to put them away in the file cabinet.

‘Are you having trouble? I can help you if you need-‘ you were stunned by his immediate upset at the idea of your money problems.

‘Oh no, I’m fine. It was a joke, really. I mean everyone has money problems, student loans, the normal stuff, no big deal.’ You brushed the subject off as quickly as you could before filing the last few folders. ‘Everything is finished, and legal should be able to find it all tomor-Oh!’ You gasped as you turned to find your boss directly behind you, jumping back into the filing cabinet in surprise.

‘Are you alright? I didn’t mean to frighten you.’ He spoke, reaching out to make sure you hadn’t hurt your head.

‘I’m fine…’ you mumbled quietly, trying to find a way around him but not seeing one and instantly hating your body for betraying you as you felt your nipples harden as his hands touched you, running down your arms and looking you over.

‘You’re perfection…you know Y/n, I’ve really become attached to you these last 2 weeks you’ve been here. I believe you deserve everything the world has to offer you, and I want to be the one to give it to you.’ His hand tucked your hair behind your ear and you were stood, frozen and in shock.

‘Mr. Mikaelson, I think this is becoming inappropriate and I don’t-‘

‘Come on Love. You know that I’m sweet on you, there’s no way you don’t. You’ve been enjoying our time together, I know you like the flirting and the little touches…well I love how you try to hide that sweet blush every time I compliment you.’ His thumb brushed down your cheek and you could feel how hot it was as your body continued disobeying you.

‘Please stop? I-I can’t-‘

‘Can’t what?’

‘Can’t lose my job for this-please stop?’ Tears sprung to your eyes as you tried to push passed him but his arm wound around your waist, and he quickly lifted you to sit on his desk.

‘You won’t be losing your job gorgeous, I like having you here. I want you to be mine, and if that’s what I want then who is going to object with me?’ You were stunned by that, he wanted you to keep working for him even after fucking you?

‘If people find out-‘

‘Let them. What are they going to say? I fell in love with my assistant and now we’re together? Now she’s mine? I enjoy the idea of working with you all day and holding you all night, don’t you?’ I looked up at him in shock, disbelief at the idea that he could be in love with me. ‘Oh Love, you didn’t think once was going to be enough for us, did you? We’ll have barely gotten started.’ The smirk on his face was dark and would have been scary if you didn’t already love him yourself. You had seen his dark side, the angry parts of him that come out in meetings with certain people, and you had seen who the only person to calm him down afterwards was.

You

‘You’re already dripping for me, aren’t you?’ He questioned as he pulled your ass to the edge of the desk and began pushing your skirt up your thighs. ‘I know you are, I know how badly this sweet little cunt needs me.’ You gasped suddenly, his forehead resting against yours now as you felt his hand grazing the inside of your thighs before his fingertips brushed against your panties. His other hand moved and suddenly he had ripped your panties in half, roughly shoving 2 fingers into you and swallowing your cry in a needy kiss. Your hands quickly moved to fumble with his belt, yanking it open and wrapping your fingers around his cock, stunned at just how thick it is. ‘I’m going to stretch you so good you’ll never want another cock again.’ His mouth devoured yours in his desperate kisses, hands now yanking his boxer briefs down and pressing the head of his thick cock to your dripping hole. ‘See how desperate she is for me? Sweet little hole is leaking all over my desk, I can’t imagine how wet your panties are when you go home every night-‘ you gasped loudly as he shoved himself into you completely, holding your waist tightly to keep your body flush against his. ‘So tight!’ He grunted, pulling back and shoving himself into you again, setting a slow pace and grunting against your neck as your arms wrapped tighter around his neck, fingers buried in his hair to hold yourself close to him.

‘Please sir-‘

‘Call me my name, love! Only my name from now on!’ He demanded, thrusting particularly hard.

‘Niklaus! Faster-Please?!’ You begged and he growled, pushing you down onto his desk, climbing on top of you and thrusting his hips faster now. You lifted your legs and wrapped them around his waist as he continued his desperate pace.

‘Do you know-fuck-how many times I’ve thought about fucking you over this desk?!’ You shook your head, tears springing to your eyes as you barreled towards your end. ‘Gonna bend you over it tomorrow, clearly gonna have to shove something in this needy little mouth with how loud you are. Fuck! Cum. Cum on my cock gorgeous, let me feel this tight little cunt squeezing me!’

‘Oh God Niklaus!’ You cried, your pussy constricting around him as you came, faster than you believe any man has made you before and dropping your head to the table, waiting for him to finish as well but he didn’t.

‘You look so fucking beautiful cumming for me, I need to show the world that perfect face.’ He pulled his still hard cock from you, watching with a dark smirk as your pussy dripped on his oak desk before he hooked his hands under your thighs and lifted you up, spinning you so your back was against his chest and moving to pin your body to the window surrounding his corner office. The cold window hardened your nipples even more as he forced you to look out over all the other skyscrapers. ‘Isn’t it beautiful?’ He asked, lips barely touching your ear and you could do nothing but whine. ‘This is just the first of the wonderful views I plan to give you while I fuck you senseless, the next will be time square in New York on the business trip next week.’ As he shoved his cock back inside of you, your hands pressed to the glass, pushing you back against him, your boss now slamming his cock into you like a desperate animal. ‘All mine now Baby, all fucking mine! Not gonna stop until I fill this body with my babies, God, imagine how beautiful you’ll be! Tell me your mine!’

‘Y-yours!’

‘Say It!’

‘I’m Yours! All yours Niklaus! Please fill me up, please?!’ You pleaded, your second orgasm ripping through you almost painfully and squeezing him hard.

‘Oh Fuck! Perfect, Tight, Little Cunt! Fuck!’ His teeth sunk into your shoulder as he came, filling you with everything he had before kissing the side of your face.

He pulled out and set you down in his desk chair, turning away and leaving you feeling exposed. Just as you were about to get up and search for your clothes he turned back, eyes warning you against moving before he knelt down in front of you and used wet wipes from his desk to clean you up. ‘You don’t have to do that, I can-‘

‘Don’t question me taking care of you Y/n, I meant what I said…you’re mine now.’ His voice was like a warning as he cleaned you off and helped you dress before cleaning and dressing himself which was extremely sweet.

You slept in his bed later that night, snuggled into your boss’ naked chest and content on the insanely comfortable mattress for the night. You were suddenly looking forward to the business trip to New York that much more…

Klaus Mikaelson Masterlist

[moneycheats]

silas straud / alice lockwood

[mayjla]

I own a shower and you need one. Just saying.

[eniokai]

I tried to explain to myself some of Marius's actions towards Armand, and I ended up with a lengthy post in which I want to express my perspective on the dynamics of Marius's relationships with Lestat and Armand. I want to emphasize that this is not how I personally view these characters, but rather how I see Marius's perspective on them.

It will be no secret that in Lestat's and Armand's lives, Marius occupies the role of a mentor, teacher, wise advisor, and serves as a father figure for both of them.

If we consider their relationships as familial, in this hierarchy, not by age but by position, Lestat would be the older child, upon whom Marius places his main expectations, ambitions, and hopes. Lestat is a reflection of Marius himself, the heir to his values and ideas. They are soulmates, sharing views on life and understanding each other well. This forms the foundation of their love and mutual respect. Respect is particularly important here because, despite the fact that Lestat creates just as many problems and chaos as Armand (honestly, even more) Marius sees him as an independent individual. He considers him an equal.

In contrast to Lestat, Armand is complicated and incomprehensible to Marius. He occupies the position of the stereotypical younger child, someone Marius expects nothing from and places no hopes on. He loves Armand simply for existing, even if that existence is not right beside him. However, Armand pays for the lack of burdensome expectations with the fact that he is not treated as an adult independent person. Marius does not believe that Armand is mature enough to live without the interventions of a true adult (Marius) in his life.

Does Marius consider Armand his equal? My honest answer to that is no. You have every right to disagree with this. Marius is convinced that he not only has the full right to make important decisions regarding Armand's life and to scold him like a child, but he believes that Armand needs this.

So how do Armand and Lestat differ in their positions? In absolutely every way. Lestat was initially a free person, he already had a formed personality and he already had a true maker. He found Marius on his own initiative and chose Marius as his authority.

Armand in turn belonged to Marius in the most direct and barbaric sense. Even if Marius did not consider him literal property, that was the factual status of Armand in palazzo. The difference in position and status is obvious.

Furthermore, what is most important is that Armand hardly remembered his life before the brothel. Armand was a blank slate. His new identity was built on mentorship and guidance from his master. Marius replaced parents, teachers, and other possible authority figures. This is more significant than Marius's involvement in the life of any other boy from the palazzo because they had a past, possibly families, and they knew their identities. In Amadeo's life, Marius is the foundation of his new personality.

And perhaps most obviously, but no less significantly, Armand is Marius's fledgling, his dark child.

I’ve seen a lot of angry discussions about why Marius believes he has the right to make decisions for Armand. I agree with this perspective, I think he genuinely believes he has rights over Armand due to all the aforementioned circumstances (not because of the fact that he bought him, but because of the immense influence he has had on his personality and his status as Armand's maker). I see an analogy here with parents who struggle to accept their children’s adulthood, they want to do what’s best, but it often backfires.

But at the same time, Marius is willing to take responsibility (finally 🤐). He takes Daniel under his wing not because he feels pity for some half-mad newly turned vampire, but because it’s a failure his own fledgling. Rights and responsibilities cannot exist without each other. Perhaps in this way, he is trying to atone for his actions (or lack thereof) towards Armand, maybe to redeem himself as master and maker. But I doubt Marius will ever be able to admit this, even to himself.

Armand finds it difficult to break the established opinion about him. Throughout the series of books, there has been a constant tension between them, which sometimes escalated into open conflict.

Armand would lose his temper when referred to as a child, he fought for the right to be considered an adult, as he had indeed gone through his own journey and made significant progress. Unfortunately for him, Marius is not a psychology guru. The differences in their views, life rules, and temperaments are perceived by Marius as misconceptions and immaturity, while Armand's adherence to religious beliefs is seen as a sign of suggestibility and an inability to make his own decisions. To be honest, I think there is some rational basis in this. The occasional emotional outbursts and impulsive actions, but most of all Armand's walked out into the sun, only reinforce Marius's opinion that Armand cannot handle his life on his own.

Let's wish Armand success in being perceived as an adult! 🌠

Origin: Cryptid Club

[crazykuroneko]

IWTV is such a flex from talented people. Like, they have a guest star who delivers her parts extremely well and is realistic. And then in the after-episode, they're like oh she's actually our director's assistant!

[measlybeesly]

Josh Hutcherson has haunted me at every stage of my life.

When I was a kid, he was Walter from Zathura, Carl from RV, Jesse from Bridge to Terabithia, Steve from The Vampires Assistant, and Sean from Journey to the Center of the Earth. Then, when I was a teen, he was Peeta from The Hunger Games. Now that I'm an adult, he's Mike from FNAF. I can't escape Josh Hutcherson.

[gmikaelson]

The Assistant 3 (Preview)

I love these two so much already.

The posted part 3

𐙚⋆˙˚��♡ ✮⋆˙ ₊˚⊹♡ : ̗̀ 𐙚⋆˙˚◞♡ ✮⋆˙ ₊˚⊹♡ : ̗̀ 𐙚⋆˙˚◞♡ ✮⋆˙ ₊˚⊹♡ : ̗̀ 𐙚

"What? Klaus, l'm starving. At least let me grab something," she pouts.

Klaus' eyes darkened at her pout, something flashing across his features before he masked it with irritation.

"Fine." He moved with vampire speed, grabbing an apple and tossing it at her with deliberate force. "There's your breakfast. Now-"

"Oh, for heaven's sake, Nik," Rebekah interrupted, rolling her eyes. "She can barely stand, let alone negotiate with werewolves. Let the poor girl eat."

Klaus turned to his sister with dangerous intent. "Since when do you care about the dietary needs of my assistant?"

"Since watching you pretend not to care is becoming painfully obvious," Rebekah smirked.

Klaus' jaw clenched as he turned back to Y/N. "Five minutes. Then we leave, whether you've finished or not. And do remove that ridiculous beanie - you look like a lost tourist."

[supreme-leader-stoat]

The whole thing with the Cradle in Destiny Unchain Online is funny because it fundamentally boils down to two options:

Dhampirs in this setting basically pupate like butterflies, going from a human form to a vampire form as part of maturation, and Kou's parents stuck him in DUO for three months as Crim to ease him into it.

That is Absolutely Not how dhampirs work and Kou's parents are a couple of mad scientists.

[fiotrethewey]

So I met one of my author heroes last night.

I should probably include some context, as to understand why this was so special, you have to go way back, to a baby Fio when I was about 12/13 years old.

I was hooked on Darren Shan's Cirque Du Freak series - a series of nine books about a boy who becomes a vampire's assistant. It was a very different take on vampires, on how they fed, but there was a lot to relate to. Growing Up, Trust, Friendship, Betrayal. Even though I was absolutely terrified of spiders, and they were a prominent plot point, I quickly gobbled up the story. And I had to read the rest.

I could even contribute that it was also listening to the audio books of Cirque Du Freak and the Vampire Assistant that got me into audio recordings (though I also loved quite a few audio books before then, but I will never forget Alan Cumming's performance!)

But honestly, Darren Shan is more than just a book series to me. It's the start of something that would develop into the person I am today. One time I was reading one of the books at a family friend's birthday when an elderly couple sat down on either side of me and inquired about my book.

This couple were Keith and Fay, family members of my mum's best friend. They wanted to talk to me after that about all things horror and theatre. Something that I hadn't really done with adults before. My parents weren't big readers or theatre people, so it was nice to find kindred spirits in them. I read Dracula, and they read Darren Shan. They indulged my fanart, and Keith in particular loved to say (and I agreed) that he would be a good fit for Larten Crespley.

I was always drawing fan art for them, and telling them my ideas for stories, and they indulged this teen, and spurred me on. Keith always wanted Dracula to end differently, and we often talked about favourite films and movies together over dinner.

Unfortunately, both of them passed away tragically within the four years I got to know them. Fay first, then Keith, but thanks to them I grew a love for Gothic Horror. I still loved those stories, but they came with a fresh sadness to lose such incredible people, so I put them aside for a long time. That's where it sat in the shadows, waiting until I met Georgia in 2020, who inspired that urge again in me to re-read Dracula, and now we're creating our own Dracula-based content.

Last night I got to finally meet Darren at a 25th Anniversary Signing of Cirque Du Freak. Unfortunately all of my copies are currently in storage in Cornwall, but was very happy to have the inner cover of the new version of Cirque signed. He was honestly such a wonderful man - and I had the most wonderful time surrounded by likeminded fans.

I wish there had been time to explain all of this, but I felt it easier to write this here instead. Thank you for everything, Darren!

[dreadfuldevotee]

how is everyone else occupying themselves between seasons. Im developing parasocial relationships with the writing staff

[kindaorangey]

in the aftermath of s2 there has been a lot of discussion (and mind-numbing discourse, but yes, some interesting discussion) over who is worse, lestat or armand, and regardless of your opinions on it i think it's fair to say the question of "who is worse?" has so far been inextricable from the question of "who is worse for louis?" and, in that regard, in s3 it will be very interesting to see lestat and armand duke it out with each other, so we can see who they are when louis isn't involved.