#they've suffered and worked and changed for it dammit

[pricklysplendours]

I'm a quarter way through Busman's Honeymoon, and just... it's WONDERFUL. It's like fanfiction. Nothing much has happened yet but Peter and Harriet are married and happy and it might just be the most wonderful thing I've read. They're so silly and in love and my goodness they have EARNED it.

[silent-as-the-grave]

Cracks in the Facade

Fandom: Baldur's Gate 3 Pairing: Astarion/Gale Rating: Teen + Content Warnings/Tags of note: AU- modern, mentioned Cazador Szarr, references to domestic violence, background Lae'zel/Shadowheart, minor slut shaming, faint reference to disordered eating, angst and hurt/comfort, hopeful ending, pre-relationship/the boys are best friends Length: 1,993 words

Summary: Gale and Astarion get into an argument, and Gale notices something that shatters Astarion's carefully cultivated facade.

Written for the Flash Fic Challenge prompt: "Gale notices Astarion flinch when he raises a hand while they're arguing".

-

"—And I tried to tell her that Lae probably couldn't care less about the color of her dress, but you know how insecure Jen gets."

Ba-bloop!

Astarion plucks a mobile phone from the tabletop between them, unlocking and swiping to an app with a few quick movements. His deft fingers move almost impossibly fast over the digital keyboard, tapping out a message and sending it without a single break in the conversation.

"So I promised I'd stop by her place after work tomorrow, just to ease her mind." Rolling his eyes, Astarion leans back in his seat to fix Gale with a crooked grin. He's a breathtaking sight in deliberately shredded jeans and a cropped crimson tank draped in a long-sleeved fishnet top, the whole ensemble probably costing more than a month of Gale's teaching salary.

And it's worth every penny of it, too, though Gale would never admit that aloud.

"It's not like she'll even be wearing it all that long. Knowing Lae'zel, it'll be on the carpet before they even get around to making dinner."

Ba-bloop!

Gale hums, sipping his tea and watching the other man answer yet another message. It's not like he'd normally care about the interruption that much; he knows that Astarion is much more 'connected' than he is and that having an active social media presence is an important part of his career, but Gale knows that sound.

Ba-bloop!

He's been trying to be patient. He really has. Their schedules have been at odds ever since the elf's last serious relationship went up in flames and he ended up burying himself in his work to cope. It's been nearly impossible for Gale and Astarion to scrape together time for more than an occasional coffee date, where they could catch up on recent events and Gale could make sure that Astarion was actually eating.

Gods know that his best friend struggles to remember that on the best of days.

Ba-bloop!

Gale is here. Gale is focused. So why is it so hard for Astarion to give him a few minutes of his undivided attention?

They used to be closer, back before Cazador's possessiveness put the kibosh on anything but the very occasional group outing. Even their usual text exchanges had dried up, apparently too much of a 'distraction' from Astarion's work. And he's never complained about it, has he? At least not to Astarion's face.

It was fine. Gale knows that relationships change things. He does. But with Astarion single again and things slowly going back to normal, why is their friendship still suffering?

Ba-bloop!

Exasperated, Gale returns his teacup to the table with a sharp clink of porcelain. Finding time to hang out between Astarion's photo shoots and his own glutted class schedule was hard enough, but now he has to compete with a godsdamned hookup app?

Ba-bloop!

"Astarion…"

Another quick series of taps. "Hmm?"

He tries to keep the frustration out of his voice, but it isn't easy. Not when this sort of behavior has continued to happen every time they've gotten together over the past two months. "Do you mind?"

"I'm simply answering a few messages," the elf simpers, glancing up at Gale from beneath mascara-darkened lashes. "Why, are you jealous, darling?"

Ba-bloop!

"I am not jealous," Gale grumbles, adjusting his glasses. He is certainly not pouting either, dammit. "It's just… it's been so hard to nail down time together lately, so I was hoping that you'd make us a priority. I certainly wasn't expecting to have to fight a deluge of scantily clad men for your attention!"

Something shifts in Astarion's gaze, and he carefully places his phone back down and rests his manicured hands atop the polished surface of Gale's kitchen table. "I don't recall giving you any grief about your occasional foray into the dating scene. What right do you think you have to interfere with my fun?"

It's not the same, though. Gale's been on a handful of dates over the past year or so with perfectly acceptable women, though none of them ever turned out to be memorable enough to interest him in a second date. Meanwhile, his best friend has been filling his evenings with the kind of hedonistic adventures better suited for Gale's university undergrads. Gale has tried to remain supportive, knowing how badly Astarion had nosedived after his breakup with Cazador, but watching him continue to slowly unravel has grown harder by the day.

"Why do I think I have a right to— Because you seem to be indulging in a new 'casual encounter' every day or so lately, and that can't possibly be healthy, that's why!"

Red eyes narrow dangerously under impeccably applied winged eyeliner, and there's audible anger in Astarion's voice as he practically hisses. "Are you trying to imply something, hmm? Does the buttoned-up professor have a stone he wants to cast? Come on, don't be shy. Let's hear it."

"Godsdammit, Astarion—"

"No, I'm listening. Tell me what you really think about me, darling." His voice is low, ominous in its careful, even tone, like he's teetering on the knife's edge between nonchalance and rage.

Fury scorches a path through Gale's thoughts at those smarmy words and right through any filter he might otherwise have. Scrubbing his fingers through his beard, the professor chokes on a disbelieving laugh. "You know very well what I'm talking about, Astarion! How often are you jumping into bed with another stranger these days, hmm?" He can't stop himself from leaning across the table, stabbing a finger toward Astarion's chest to punctuate his words. "This isn't you! What can you possibly be getting out of this sorry mess? None of those men give a damn about you for anything other than your ability to get them off—"

And Astarion visibly flinches.

The sight sucks the words and the anger right out of him, replacing them with the cold tendrils of a dawning realization.

"Because that's what whores do, Gale!" Astarion shouts, tearing himself out of his chair so hard that he nearly sends it tumbling to the floor. Those gorgeous ruby eyes have gone wide and shimmering, the sight wretched enough to send another jolt of dread through Gale. "There, I've said it. Are you happy now? Does it please you to hear me admit that I've been out there spreading my legs for anyone who asked?"

The tendrils coil around his heart and strangle it in their thorny grasps.

"A-Astarion…" Gale can only stare at him, the puzzle pieces of scattered suspicions suddenly aligning and clicking into place. Things he'd seen, things he'd guessed, things he never believed that the elf would ever put up with, all of them coming together to form an awful picture. Gods, how did he manage to miss it? "Did you honestly think I was about to strike you?"

The unabashed anguish in Gale's voice seems to cut through Astarion's ire like a dagger, the razor-sharp tip diving beneath the fine clothing and perfect makeup he wears like armor to find the soft flesh beneath. His defenses pierced and fury doused, the elf takes a hesitant step back, noticeably deflating. "Of course not," he breathes, watering eyes darting everywhere but to Gale's face. "Why would you even say such a thing?"

Ba-bloop

Neither of them offers a glance at Astarion's abandoned phone, now that it's been supplanted by the much larger elephant in the room.

Gale desperately wants to rise and comfort the other man, but he looks spooked enough that one wrong move might send him fleeing. There's just no way in the hells he can let this go. "Look, I can't pretend to know all of the details, but you… you haven't quite been yourself after things ended with Caz."

"Don't you dare bring his name into this!"

"Astarion." His voice drops to the soft, soothing tone he uses to comfort Tara when she's startled by a thunderstorm. Telegraphing his every moment, he carefully pulls himself to his feet and reaches a reassuring hand toward Astarion. "Please. I'm not your enemy. I never have been. We've been the best of friends for years, haven't we? We used to be able to tell each other anything, no matter how troubling or embarrassing. That hasn't changed, at least from my perspective."

The elf doesn't seek the comfort of that contact, instead curling his arms around his torso and slinking back like some maltreated creature. "Well, things have changed, haven't they?" Astarion's voice is light, deceptively casual, as if trying to hide the slight waver in his words. “I’ve changed. You're right to be disgusted by me."

"I'd never be disgusted by you, Astarion. There's nothing you or anyone else can do to make me feel that way about you." Gale brings up his other hand, arms spreading wide in an offered embrace. "But someone has to care about you, even if you can't. Or won't."

Silence falls between them, heavy and thick with so many things that had been left unspoken for far too long, broken only by hitched breaths and a faint snuffle.

Gale doesn't move, even when his arms begin to protest.

And suddenly, the air fills with the sounds of a fractured sob and feet scrambling across linoleum as Astarion launches himself forward, right into Gale's waiting arms.

It all comes tumbling out, then, the broken words interposed with sobs in a miserable huddle in the center of Gale's kitchen floor. The truth of Cazador's cruel obsession and the carefully orchestrated isolation. The physical altercations that left Astarion bruised and bloodied, though Cazador was careful not to mar his 'pretty face.' The verbal abuse and name-calling that completely shattered the elf's confidence, until his body seemed like the only thing of value he still had left.

The monster might be gone, but the scars he left behind are still there, like they've been burned into Astarion's very flesh.

"I—I don't even really want sex," Astarion hiccups, his fists tangled and face buried in Gale's tear-damp sweater. "But I'm just so sick and tired of feeling alone. And it's the only thing that makes the godsdamned numbness go away."

"You're not alone, Star," Gale whispers against those silver curls, compassion burning and aching in the center of his chest. His arms tighten around the slip of a man in his arms, as if he could wrap him up in all of the warmth and affection he deserves, like a magical shield against all harm. "Gods, I'm so sorry that I didn't realize what was going on. So very, very sorry. But I see you now, okay?"

Astarion shakily nods.

"You're welcome to come over anytime you want to talk, alright? Or even if you don't want to talk—we can just quietly share a space, if you'd like, or you can just… come and cuddle Tara. She's an incredible pillar of emotional support."

There's a faint, wet huff of laughter from the elf. "Are you seriously offering to lend me your cat?"

"Maybe."

Astarion doesn't seem to be in a hurry to reveal his tear-mottled face, but the tension is slowly leeching out of his form, and some of the pressure in Gale's chest eases in relief. "Gale Dekarios, you are so fucking weird."

"I'm well aware of that, thank you."

Ba-bloop!

Sighing, Gale glares up at the aggravating phone still perched on the table. "Seems like you're still in high demand."

Astarion sniffs and hums, but he doesn't seem to be in a hurry to escape Gale's arms. "Just… ignore it. I'd rather stay right here for a while, if it's not too much trouble?"

Gale nods and holds the elf a little tighter. His knees will probably give him hell for this later, but he can't be assed to care right now. Some things are more important than a little physical discomfort.

And if Astarion notices the faint press of lips against his crown, he doesn't mention it.

-

Ao3

[sparring-spirals]

It’s about the

We deserve a soft ending my love

We’re good people and we’ve suffered enough

I mean what a fucking end it would be huh

But also I don’t want them to die so close to their goal so I 100% get your point

They didn’t research in all-nighters and worked so hard for it to End Like That.

(context)

Well, what I've learned from this ask is that I apparently have an unspoken, maybe unearned confidence that Matt wasn't going to put any of the prior PC-now-NPC's into a significant amount of danger? Or not the same level of danger as the PC's. Like- they're all hanging out trying to prevent the world ending, so there's a kind of inherent level of danger there. But there are ways to handle that that don't involve, like, rolling con saves and attack throws and stealth and death saving throws for each of them for the whole thing. (As cool as that COULD be).

(Also: Failure by no means equates to death! In most cases it probably wont! Im almost certain that, worst case, if the world ends here it will do so in a way that neccessitates folks go save it.)

That said! I could be wrong. So. Exploring that option. Hmm.

Prefacing everything else with a: I DEFINITELY WOULD NOT LIKE THE EMPIRE KIDS OR KEYLETH OR ANY OTHER PAST PC'S TO DIE. Well.

(bear with me, this gets a little off topic)

I think there's a kind of love that comes from a PC turning into an NPC, specifically after a whole campaign has concluded, with a happy epilogue. You're right- they deserve a happy ending, a soft epilogue. And the funny thing is- they got one! Technically! They got their flashforwards and the cast painting lovely pictures, and they did their whole. World ending and we saved it and most importantly saved ourselves and each other and augh okay no getting distracted with c2 campaign ending feels.

But technically, they got one, they finished their stories and did their growth and got their soft conclusions. Beau returns to Yasha after hard days and Caleb grows green beans and shares fond stories with Essek when he drops by, and dinners with Veth and Yeza and his tower with all of the Mighty Nein. They got it! They are currently in it.

Matt has now, risen them back as NPC's, and that's both very different and its own form of love, too. Their story ended, but this way, we get this reminder that the characters didn't. My favorite aspect of the epilogues was that they all left room for the characters to keep going. Keep growing, keep fucking up- irrevocably changed by the journey, new paths opened up, better for it. But not crystallized. Their story, the campaign, ended, but they didn't.

and so having them as NPC's is kind of the epitome of that, right? In the same way that my idle headcanon about Beau going with Fjord and Jester and Kingsley on trips under the guise of Cobalt Soul work, serving as first mate, could potentially mean everyone getting snapped up by some fuck all huge sea leviathan. Its nice to think of these characters going on and doing things in the background, things they want to do, and are free to do, even if the things make me go "God DAMMIT what are you doing here i thought you guys were SAFE AT HOME where i wouldnt need to WORRY ABOUT YOU ANYMORE".

You're right- it would be a fucking shame, so close to the end, after all that work and all those all-nighters. But there's something vaguely comforting about knowing that Beau and Caleb chose to do this, that they've had years now, of being happier and free and content and choosing to chase down these assholes and stop them from hurting others and ruin their plans. And that if things go sour- they chose it, they were happier for it, they knew what they were getting into and, backing each other up, walked into it with their eyes open.

But yeah, they better not fucking die.

[greenhikingboots]

Hey, for the bts of Fic Writing : 4 10 12 15 17. Thanks and Happy New Year🥰❤️

LOULA! Thanks for playing along. I'm so flattered you care to know. Here are my lengthy answers because I do not know how to be concise.

4. Do you outline before you start writing? If so, how far do you stray from that outline? I outline but I stray A LOT. Wait, let me explain that more accurately. It’s more like a continuous cycle of outline, write and stray, publish a chapter, re-outline the next few chapters, write and stray again — and on and on like that. Usually the straying happens because I can’t commit to secret pining as long as originally intended. Like, I give in and let my characters reveal some feelings too soon, then I have to figure out how to make the later plot points I have planned fit into a different emotional context. Which sometimes means changing the plot points. And then! Because the other changes that have occurred, I often feel as though I can no longer include some gut-wrenching conflict I had planned. I'm like, “They've come too far for that buffoonery now." So I have to soften the blow instead. Basically, I’m not as good at letting my characters suffer as I’m “supposed" to be according to typical writing advice. But that’s when I remind myself it’s fanfiction and I'm here to have fun! So it's all good. ❤ 10. Do you enjoy writing dialogue, exposition, or plot, the most? That’s a question for me. I think I’m pickiest about dialogue because I value it the most. I mean, these are romance stories I'm writing, right? And people fall in love by connecting emotionally which happens in large part through dialogue, right? That’s how I see it anyway. So it’s a double-edged sword. Dialogue is the part I like least because I put pressure on myself and then overthink it. But it's also the part I like best because it’s so important and feels SO GOOD when it turns out well. Plus I just LOVE making Jon say romantic things to Sansa — in both understated and over the top ways. It's my favorite thing ever. BUT! I’ll also add that I have some stretches of exposition I’m really proud of. In Chapter 1 of Inevitable I did a big background information dump right away, which (to bring up typical writing advice again) is a no no, right? But I don’t care. I think the whole chapter flows really well and it sets up Jon’s characterization perfectly. AND! Him thinking he can never be as good as Ned or offer Sansa a relationship as good as her parents is the whole crux of the story dammit! And it’s all subtly included right there in Chapter 1. Hell, it’s all right there in the first sentence! And I’m proud of that. 🤪 12. Is there a trope you haven’t written yet but really want to? I had a S7/8 Fix It Fic that I took down while it was still a WIP. I re-worked and re-published the first half, ending it in a happy but intentionally ambiguous way. Mighty Love & Better Dreams — one of my less popular works, about 25k words if anyone is interested. But anyway, I’ve got another 12,000 words or so left — the second half of the incomple version I took down — that I’d still like to clean up and get back on AO3 someday. To finish it, I have to lean further into Political!Jon and Dark!Dany than I’ve done before, which I find intimidating (especially writing Dark!Dany. I agree that's how it'll go in the books, but how do I write it!? Someone help!) But like I said, I’ve got about 12,000 words already and a lot of it I really like. So it would be a shame to waste it, so to speak, by never finishing. So that’s my answer: Fix It trope featuring Political!Jon and Dark!Dany. 👀 15. A Hollywood producer tells you that they want to film just one of your fics? Which fic would you want it to be?

Sorry, this answer might not be fun because it isn’t a Jonsa fic. Also I'm going to cheat and say I want it to be a TV show not a film. No that that's out of the way... I have a Dramione story I took down quite a while ago, Between the Lines, because I want to eventually rework it and republish it. It’s got the makings to be a 300k word epic told in a non-linear way (which is an idea I revisited recently when I wrote A Good Chance) and a teen ensemble cast type thing, which is popular on TV, right? Also... okay I’ll admit it, I daydream about changing that fic enough you can no longer recognize it as fanfiction. Then I could publish it as a traditional, original book (slim chance but that's why I called it a daydream).

I’m pretty over Dramione though, so maybe if I started thinking of it as a Jonsa AU it’d be easier to to craft it into something new but with some of the important plot points I still like. Maybe?

Woof. Really letting my true self show here. How embarrassing! ☠

17. What fic are you most proud of?A Boy in His Cups might still be my favorite fic I’ve ever written — my first Jonsa one-shot. IMO, the emotional beats are a tiny bit rocky towards the end, but otherwise it’s a very polished fic (maybe because I’ve gone back and edited it so many times.)

It’s Jon’s POV with pining and angst and fluff and confession of feelings and it fits so well with canon concepts. So bascailly all of my favorite things rolled into one. I am the target audience and I just love it!! Maybe someday I’ll write a sequel from Sansa’s POV and call it A Girl in Her Cups. 💋 Holy cow! That's a lot of words. Did you even read it all? Won't blame you at all if not. Thanks again for the ask, Loula. You're a gem. XO.

[my-mt-heart]

Spitballing here. Yesterday I'd realized while on Discord that as romantic & wonderful as Caryl ridding off into the sunset on the bike is, it's a bit unrealistic("Hold your horses", you say, "It's a fucking zombie show. Suspension of disbelief is key"). I know, I know. Part of me feels like a lot of us have been a little on the nose about this. But hear me out. I mean that as in,

1) the question of fueling the bike(are they going to just be willing to abandon it somewhere?) comes into play. They'd have to settle down & farm large amounts of produce to make enough biofuel, reliably & long term. Even if they were to take a jeep, there's only so much room for fuel, which then takes up room for other supplies.

2) housing, long term, becomes an issue. We know these two can live anywhere. We've seen them survive in tents, barns, caves, prisons, shacks, etc. But tents & tarps take up space. Hoofing it with gear or toting it on a bike is cumbersome. Logistics aside, just because they CAN survive out there, doesn't mean they should have to JUST survive. They've struggled for so long that it doesn't necessarily make sense to me that they'd willingly choose to just barely make it. Which leads me to...

3) Neither have ever been 100% comfortable within the "real world"(post-Fall civilization) because they were both in constant states of personal change & growth, & these places have always been someone else's idea of what life should look like. After over a decade of growth, both individually & as a pair, they've become totally different people, evolving from the outlaw & the mouse to survivors, to broken shells pushing people away, to reluctant leaders dealing with the past, & finally pillars of the community, mirroring eachother the whole way. They & viewers, I feel, are owed something by going on that journey together. Their tandem struggles with self-worth, I don't think, have only served to establish their relationship with eachother & their family over the years. There has to be some kind of acknowledgement of, "you're both better at all of this that anyone, you've been around since the beginning, you KNOW how to do this" with them both finally accepting that they're not only worthy of love, praise, & recognition from themselves, their family, & eachother... But from a world that's working to reestablish itself.

Where am I going with all this? I see the idea of them "running away together" as just that; still running. I think they're BOTH done running. But I think that they're capable of leaving without running. There's been interviews, I believe that say that the intention is to not have it appear as them leaving forever or cutting ties with TF. I believe it's entirely possible that, after all of this, and all of their growth, that when the Commonwealth settles into new leadership(I suspect Mercer, as well) that there's sure to still be plans for expansion & goodwill missions. And I'm obviously not talking about in Lance's way of showing up with an entire fucking army behind him. Both Carol & Daryl have seemed to be happiest & find the most self-worth when they were entrusted to be diplomatic. Carol said in Consumed essentially that the person she'd always wanted to be was who she was at the prison. Daryl was absolutely in his element when he partnered with Aaron to be a scout. And we know that both of them can clock someone & their intentions from a mile away. If the Commonwealth were to want to create an outreach program or need a trusted, boots-on-the-ground source of know-how in establishing (not taking over/colonizing) a successful community, these two, together would be the most logical choice.

This leaves room for them to still have resources available to them so they're not constantly struggling/facing hardships (they've suffered enough, dammit, & the tone of the spinoff is supposed to be different), while ensuring there's still room for conflict, while also acknowledging how far they've both come. They have a future & maybe it's really helping to recreate the world, but better, together.

So what do you think? Can you see them tooling around the country on the Commonwealth's dime helping other people find themselves? Or do you think this is insane 8am ramblings? This was so long lmao. Sorry 💕

I'm just impressed you have this much brain power at 8am haha Let's start with the logistical issues. I totally hear you and wonder the same. Regardless of why Daryl and Carol are out on the open road, it might make a few good plot points to see how they go about finding more fuel or water or whatever when those things aren't readily available. But as far as the writers are concerned, frankly I think it's just about what you already mentioned 1) suspension of disbelief and 2) the knowledge that Daryl and Carol are two of the most resourceful characters on the show and they know how to take care of themselves.

As for the other part of your question, yes I can see them traveling around the country on the CW's dime as a way to honor their growth as characters and symbolically keep them attached to their family and if that's what we're getting then cool. At the heart of it, Daryl and Carol are still just looking for happiness together. That's what I care about. At the same time, I think freeing them from obligations might be a big part of that. It doesn't mean they're regressing. It doesn't mean they don't love their family. It doesn't mean they aren't coming back. They just need some space and freedom to be themselves, to not have to take care of anybody else for a change, to not have to be part of any system. I know it gives some people anxiety to think they're leaving everything behind. I don't see it that way. The only reason they're able to get on that bike is because they know they aren't needed. Everybody they love will be safe and thriving by the time they leave. I like to think of their adventure as a honeymoon even if it's not a literal one.

[ouraniatm]

idia's concerns were understandable - for once, surprisingly enough - and cora was hearing them. for the first time, instead of being dismissive and abrasively kicking it down with an excuse that "she didn't care" - she listened as idia spoke. supposedly, all it took for them to finally see eye to eye and, well, reignite all those sparks they've felt since childhood, was for cora to basically lose her life in tartarus. it was miraculous she was even here, but maybe that was the fates playing their games on her - who the hell knew? unlike the housewarden of ignihyde, cora wasn't the type to overthink. ortho made his point, after all - it wasn't her time to be down there...she and idia have suffered long enough.

she's quiet for a moment, pondering over his words while crossing her arms. in a way, he has a point...this was an alarming decision, on her part, and if she went along with it, that'd mean going back to square one. the ouranias, the shrouds, their generational connection to one another and the accursed positions it left behind...all of that, yet she didn't give two shits. in a way, did she ever...did idia ever? they were childhood friends, not just "master and slave". maybe the two of them were born to disrupt their individual curses and be the ones to change the ways STYX functioned.

minutes pass in silence, this time not tense nor disdainful but just that - silence - before cora finally looks back at idia with a small grin. ❛ heh...when did i ever change my mind~? it's like you don't know me. ❜ she begins with a teasing remark, hinting the very stubbornness cora was known for, before frowning. ❛ maybe it's true i can't "get out" after this, but realistically speaking...where else i'd go? i got nowhere to be, nowhere to stay...i went on and on about wanting to be "free", but never thought of what'd happen afterwards... honestly, those were just excuses for me to burn all bridges and make others pay for my demons...especially you. ❜

after shakily exhaling, cora looks back at idia, her icy blue eyes no longer cold nor filled with anger - now, they held rationality and ... desperation. ❛ idia, i...for once in my fucking life, i wanna care for something...i wanna put my trust and support in someone. this isn't me trapping myself in that hellhole, but trying to redeem myself for everything i've done to you, to ortho... even helios... ❜ damn, what was going on? this sudden outburst, coming out of nowhere...cora didn't understand, but maybe she didn't need to. maybe she should've done this from the get-go. ❛ i'm choosing to stay because i don't want to be without you, again. i can't even think of being by myself, at this point...without you, i'm nothing. i...i don't want us to go back to those "you work for ME" days...i want us to be a "WE" - as PARTNERS, dammit! ❜

with one last, shaky breath, cora averts her gaze and covers the bottom half of her face. shit, she was already feeling disgusting by saying this much...but, she had to. she needed to do this...she needed to learn to communicate. ❛ i...i want you to be my savepoint... my forever partner. ❜

@crownshattered

She was right; neither of them wanted to date long-distance. It would be a pain in the ass not to see each other all the time, and given the way Idia’s path at Styx was set in stone, they wouldn’t have any sort of future. But Idia didn’t care. He would make do, find some sort of solution. After all… “I don’t want you to be trapped again.” The words were spoken with a surprising amount of certainty given the identity of the speaker. No gamer lingo, no stuttering or mumbling a bunch of nonsense… Her happiness was important to him, and he didn’t think she could be happy at Styx.

But Idia listened as Cora spoke. His topaz hues gazed down to the side when she brought up that argument. He thought about it all the time. Yes, maybe because of that argument they now understood each other and could be something more…but Idia still regretted it. He hated all the things he said to her…but he was learning that the past can’t be changed or fixed. He had to move on. And so should Cora. She should move on from this place, onto bigger and better things. She deserved that freedom, and Idia didn’t want to take it from her.

A look of surprise crossed his face when she mentioned them being partners. Warmth spread through his chest, and Idia realized that he really liked that idea…but that would still be keeping Cora here. She deserved so much more… “Cora, I… I-If you really decide to stay at Styx, you can’t get out again,” the bluenette replied as he looked up at Cora from his placement on his bed. “There’s no last savepoint to go back to… You’ll be stuck. I-I don’t want to do that to you… What if you change your mind..??”

[shesamreads]

I'M NOT CRYING AT WORK, YOU'RE CRYING AT WORK.

For real, though. Tears at work. The ending was great. It's what I expected, but so much more. What a book. It was difficult in a lot of ways. I'm interested to see what is the same and different in the movie. Is the ending the same? Will it have the same punch? How will they make it seem as big and scary and confusing?

Oof. As always, spoilery, rambling thoughts below the cut.

"She was the size of a loaf of bread."

What a wonderful, childlike description for a baby.

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"None of what's going to happen is your fault."

No. Nope. I'm not ready.

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"The four of us are here to prevent the apocalypse."

What a terrible thing to hear, especially as a gay couple who, I'm sure, are used to having weird religious shit thrown at them.

Jesus. Are they really trying to save the world? Are they crazy? Is it a cult? Is it actually the apocalypse? I can't decide what would be the best/worst option.

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Fuck. It's not only "choose a sacrifice." It's "you choose a sacrifice and you kill them yourself."

Fuck. Or else everyone dies and you live (forever?) in an apocalypse hellscape?

If this is God or Gods, why give the message to someone who isn't one of the scarificees? It's just, "take our word for it," in a world that is already so broken to make anyone think that there is no God or Gods, or that they've abandoned us?

No. I wouldn't believe it either. You want a sacrifice, you do it yourself. It's bullshit.

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"You have to believe us!"

Why? Why do we have to believe you? What, other than this insane, impossible choice, have you given us as proof? Coming here to say "hey, kill your family because we said so!" is shit proof.

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So now it's "choose or we'll make you choose." That's not a choice.

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I appreciate Sabrina trying to help Wen, even when Leonard doesn't want her to. This isn't Wen's decision. It shouldn't be. She's a child.

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I can't believe in a God or Gods that would do this to a family. To any group of people. I just. It seems to go against what they'd actually want to happen. Is the whole point to turn non-believers into believers? What happens if/when they say no? The world ends, according to Leonard. The world dies and this particular family will suffer forever? That's cruel. Unfairly cruel. Unnecessarily cruel. We're just supposed to believe out of the fear of 'what if'? How is that any sort of food? reverence? whatever it is that They get out of it?

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Hell yeah, Andrew! Pocket sand!

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I know Andrew is reluctant to shoot any of them, and it's easy to say this from my positions. But I'd be shooting anyone and anything to keep my baby safe and get out of there. Especially now that Adrienne is running at him with a knife? Nah.

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No, please tell me Wen didn't get shot.

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At least it wasn't Andrew or Eric. I can't even imagine. They have to feel guilty, but at least neither of them pulled the trigger.

And, dammit, I bet they still have to choose someone to kill, don't they. What a cruel judgement. What a cruel deity.

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"Leonard puts his faith in the soothing power of having no choice."

A coward's choice.

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Another coward's choice, Leonard. This may not be your fault, the machinations of some higher power, or whatever. But Wen is dead at least partially because of you. Own it.

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If they got promised something great after putting others through all this shit, I will be so pissed.

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Are they supposed to be the Four Horseman?

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"Trust the process."

The process of your daughter dying, GETTING SHOT, and still needing to sacrifice your husband? The process of being terrorized into killing family, for no tangible reason?

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Whoa, when did we change from third person to first person? Has Sabrina's narration always been in first person? Or is she just babbling all this out?

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"I don't believe in this kind of God. I tell you, Andrew, and Eric, and Leonard, I don't believe in this kind of Devil either. Or in this kind of Universe."

"I tell you, Andrew, and Eric, and Leonard. I don't believe any of this is right anymore."

This has to be hard, knowing that this is 'wrong.' That what you're being made to do, through fear and visions, is not what you think is right or fair, even if a 'higher power' says it's Right and True. But standing up and doing what you think is morally and ethically right to yourself. Even if 'the darkness' or God or the Devil makes your body do something outside of your control. You, Yourself, know what should be done.

I like this interlude with Sabrina, even if I'm worried about the outcome.

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Wow. I thought Leonard would be the last one.

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It hurts my heart that Eric and Andrew are so close and yet so far from each other. They're both so scared and hopeful and sad and tired, and there's so much between them.

It's so close to the end of the book and so close to the end of the world (maybe?) and I'm just so worried for everyone.

And that's the real horror of this story, I suppose. Besides being a parent and losing a child. Is it real? Is the world ending? Is it actually a bunch of coincidences?

And even if it doesn't end. It basically has, because how do you come back from this? How do you come back from losing your child in such a horrific manner? How do you branch the divide that's come between you and your husband?

Or if Eric does kill himself (will it stop the end of the world? Does he just believe it because of the brain damage?), you're now alone, mourning the two people you loved the most. If Eric does die, does sacrifice himself, was that what stopped the end of the world? or did he do it out of religious fear/obligation/brain damage, and it ultimately means nothing? Was he coerced into it because of some religious cult that got a few guesses right?

How do you know? How can you tell? If your world has ended and the rest of the world goes on, regardless of who was right and who was wrong. Does it matter?

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"They expect us to believe that Wen's death isn't a good enough sacrifice for their God. So you know what? Fuck them, and their god. Fuck them all."

The world can burn.

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"What if it's real?"

"Then it is. We're still not going to hurt each other."

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That was the perfect ending. Even being open ended, even without that confirmation. The world is cruel, and it gets what it gets. They're together, and they'll continue to take everything on together.

It just hit me that I could have used this for last year's PopSugar, "a book with a quote from your favorite author on the cover or Amazon page." I do love Stephen King. As it is, I'm reading this for "A Book Becoming a TV Series or Movie in 2023." I'm also reading The Three Body Problem by Liu Cixin for the same prompt, though that one might not actually be out this year. I haven't seen a date, yet.