#thinky thoughts

[ao3commentoftheday]

so here's the thing. abandoning fics is good actually.

if you're a writer and you hate writing a thing? you can just stop. slap THE END? on the last chapter if you want to pretend like it's really finished, but mostly just free yourself from the prison of your own guilt. you're spending your valuable free time and mental space beating yourself up about a thing that was your choice to start writing in the first place. you decided to start making the thing, and you can also decide to give it up.

this also applies if you're a reader! starting a fic doesn't mean that you have to finish it. maybe the tags looked good. maybe the summary was intriguing. maybe you even liked the first couple of chapters. But if the story starts going in a direction that you don't like, if the author writes your favourite character in a way that doesn't vibe with you, if you just get bored with the premise and want something new, you're allowed to stop reading. Just because you sit down at the table with a whole entire cake doesn't mean you have to eat the whole thing. Sometimes you just want a little sliver, and that's just fine.

loving a story for a couple of chapters is still a lovely way to spend your time. get your enjoyment out of however much time you want to spend with it, and when that time stops being enjoyable allow yourself to move on.

falling out of love with something doesn't mean the love was never there. the love was there in the beginning, and it mattered, and it stays a part of you - even when it's not still there anymore.

[isagrimorie]

I listened to Crazy Stupid Podcast’s review of Superman 2025, and one of the hosts said:

“Superman is a firefighter, not a cop.”

And it blew my mind, because yes!

Like, I knew! But having it said plainly cut through the heart of it.

It’s why Frank Miller writing Superman working for the US government didn’t sit right for me.

(This is years after the afterglow of The Dark Knight Returns comic, and batman beating Superman and then finally realized, wait…)

Because Superman shouldn’t be tied to one nation. It’s why Superman’s logo has been changed to “Truth, Justice, and a Better Tomorrow.”

(This will also have its own problems because as Lois points out in the Superman movie. And seems to be the larger through line across the DCU.)

But yeah, in Superman’s first outing in 1978, he saved a cat up a tree BECAUSE he is more firefighter than crime fighter, which is what Batman is.

He will stop crimes when he can but what Clark’s whole thing is: Saving lives.

[purplehairedwonder]

I need Tumblr to get obsessed with Sirens on Netflix. It's a dark comedy with an excellent cast, and it's a fascinating deconstruction of society's portrayal of women as sirens, luring men to their doom with their "feminine wiles."

The three women at the center—Simone, Devon, and Michaela—are ostensibly the titular sirens; at various points, they have men pursuing them and then later blaming them for their mistakes (Ethan with Simone, Ray with Devon, Peter with Michaela). But these are damaged women just trying to survive and cope with intense trauma.

In some ways, Peter, a rich white man, is the true siren, luring women in (Jocelyn then Michaela then Simone), blaming them for his issues (like saying Michaela is to blame for the strained relationship with his kids, but that was all on him), and then getting rid of them the moment he gets bored (literally in the middle of a gala) and replacing them with a younger model.

He has all the power, no matter how laid back and friendly he seems, and he isn't hesitant to use it when it suits him. And, because of his wealth, the society he lives in never pushes back, allowing him to get away with it over and over again.

I could write essays about this show; needless to say, I loved it.

[nerdygeekypastrychef]

I look at this and all I can think about is how GOOD he would look in the 1980’s men’s slutty little shorts. My god.

[purpleminte]

Not me getting secondhand anxiety looking at the absolute chaos of this hypothetical discord user’s life based on these messages-

This person is apparently

• Travelling internationally likely very soon

• Currently having homework for an active biology class

• At least somewhat present in the moderation of a server

• Actively involved in competitive sports

• Has an engagement or event currently planned (that is understandably being ignored)

Maybe I’m lazy or something but this is enough to make me curl up and die

[thebibliosphere]

With hindsight, I probably should have realized I was polyamorous/ambiamorous sooner than I did. (And to be clear, I realized it pretty young. I just didn't have the terminology for it.)

Ignoring the fact that five-year-old me used to watch Signing In The Rain! on a loop and was already making up stories about Don, Cosmo, and Kathy all living together in Don's big house and *gasp* holding hands (maybe kissing), I was never any good at shipwars.

Like someone would ask me, "What's your OTP?" and I'd be like, "Well, I guess I like X/Y, but also Y/Z is good too..."

And they'd be like, "No. I mean your one TRUE pairing," and I'd just blink at them like, I'm sorry, I don't understand the question.

I'm sure they thought I was trying to stir shit or being deliberately annoying, but I just... couldn't wrap my head around it. Why did I need to pick one thing? There were multiple options with different things that made them appealing. That's like going to an all-you-can-eat buffet and just drinking water. Which is fine! If water is all you want, great. But you don't get to go to an all-you-can-eat buffet and judge people for eating different foods...

And when I eventually found out multi-shipping was a thing, I was like, "oh neat, that's what I do!" and while there was a definite feeling of having found my people, it was weird having the moral judgment from other people who seemed to think multi-shipping was a symptom of a greater moral character flaw. Like my inability to settle on just one thing meant I was more likely to cheat irl.

This wasn't helped by the fact that I... kinda already didn't care about monogamy? Not the way my friends did. I didn't mind that my then-boyfriend liked Sarah, too. What I minded was that he went behind my back and kissed her when he'd told me I couldn't kiss anyone else.

It was the betrayal of the agreement that hurt. Because we'd agreed. He'd asked me to be exclusive with him, and I did. And then he... didn't. And my friends couldn't grasp that.

It was all, "How could he kiss someone else?!" and my chief complaint was, "Why didn't he tell me first?!"

Anyway, if I could go back in time, I'd tell teenage me, you're not weird and amoral, you're just queer, polyamorous, and have ADHD, lmao.

[memorizingthedigitsofpi]

I've been doing some introspection to try to figure out why I have such an intensely strong emotional reaction when someone takes a post with a hopeful or positive message and reblogs it with negativity.

I've blocked a lot of tumblr users for calling an OP stupid for being optimistic or hopeful. You know, people who are just being mean and hateful because it's edgy or cool or whatever. I think that's a reasonable reaction and a way to keep toxicity out of my feed.

But I've also blocked folks who read a post about being kinder to oneself and they respond to that with, "That's okay for other people, but I'm not allowed." They don't usually use those exact words of course, but that's the message. And that message cuts me to my core every single time I read it. Blocking those people isn't about avoiding trolls. It's about protecting myself from being hurt.

Because that's the thing. It hurts to see that and feel helpless. To see someone being so cruel to themselves and know there's nothing I can do to show them they don't have to be.

I'll write a post about how oneshots are amazing, or I'll see one talking all about how doodle art is so expressive and charming etc. and I'll see in my notes or in the reblogs a lot of people agreeing and a lot of people appreciating someone sharing that point of view.

But I'll also see a lot of people who say things like, "Maybe so, but my writing still stucks." or "Sure, OTHER PEOPLE's doodles are cool but mine are dumb."

When I see that, I just want to tell them they're wrong. That the post applies to them too. That they're allowed to love themselves, and they don't have to wait until they're better or perfect to do it.

Except you can't just roll up into a stranger's ask box and say, "I don't know you and I've never read your writing or seen your art, and the only piece of you I've seen are one set of tags on one post on this entire website, but you're wrong."

I think part of the reason why it hurts so much to see that is the feeling of wanting to help and knowing that I can't. But I think another part of the hurt comes from recognizing that feeling and remembering what it was like to be stuck believing my own lies about myself.

I don't think those things anymore. Or if I do, it's pretty rare. But every time I see those comments the pain wells up inside of me and brings back that feeling of hopelessness I had once upon a time. The feeling of shame that went along with it. The guilt and the anger and the frustration and the desperate need for someone to tell me I was really okay.

I wish I could do that for all of you out there who need someone like that right now. I wish you'd believe me if I tried. But I guess, for now at least, I'll just wish that when you see those posts that you let yourself believe them. Let yourself apply them to you too. Just for a little while.

[tarysande]

The best part about coming back to the source material after a looooong time is you sorta get a fresh look at canon in comparison to whatever the dominant strains of fanon have become. Or, in fact, whatever your own dominant strains of headcanon have become.

I mean, yes, Garrus “I’m not a good turian” Vakarian gets infinitely cooler (and more competent!) by pretty much every metric as the storyline progresses. He does. But fresh out of ME1 and into ME2 through his recruitment, I find myself genuinely amused by how thin the veneer of badass is over a pretty dominant core of straight-up nerd sprinkled with idealism mixed with self-doubt.

When you have Garrus in the squad all the time (and thus get all his ambient dialogue and remarks), you really pick up on the number of times he calls out bad behavior, unethical actions, cruelty, and rule-breaking, especially in ME1.

He’s not actually a hothead who can’t abide rules of any kind. In fact, most of the time he’s pretty pro-law-and-order, and he gets amusingly hall-monitorish when people are breaking rules he considers important and worth following.

Fundamentally, Garrus chafes when his sense of what is just is at odds with what the authorities do about that injustice (or what they stop him from doing). And I would hazard a guess that the reason his actions seem so intense or harsh or "of course we should have shot down that ship in the middle of the Citadel" is indicative not of his impatience but of the degree to which he thinks the authorities have failed to uphold that justice. We know he can be patient. He's a sniper. His whole modus operandi on Omega is precision kills without civilian casualty. But when that long fuse finally burns down, he goes from zero to shooting down ships in the middle of the Citadel in what looks (from the outside) like a heartbeat.

And yes, injured pride hastens the burning of that fuse; he doesn’t like losing. Or admitting defeat. Or failing.

Having just replayed his recruitment mission, a few things really stood out to me this time.

The merc bands really hate him--and they also reluctantly admire him (he's described as smart, resourceful, dangerous, idealistic, brave, slippery; they all agree they only way they managed to get this far is by isolating him and employing dirty tactics). I mean, there's literally a station-wide announcement that Omega can return to "business as usual" once Archangel is out of the picture because he was disrupting things so completely.

The way Garrus blames himself for the deaths of his squad is so freaking turian. Failure reflects on the leader who places his people in danger they can't handle, not the individual who fails. Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Yes, Sidonis betrayed him, but the person Garrus blames the most? Is himself. For trusting Sidonis in the first place. For raising Sidonis to a position where he had the means and opportunity to harm others--and the weakness of character to turn coat, to save his own hide, instead of dying to protect the others.

Garrus mentions more than once that he was trying to emulate Shepard. And his tone always implies that he knows he failed because Shepard would never have let a Sidonis into the fold. Again, he's blaming himself. Like a good turian. Yes, he wanted to avoid the red tape and bureaucracy of C-Sec, but his code--Archangel's code--certainly aligns with Paragon Shepard's morality (with a Garrus Vakarian twist).

And since it wouldn't be meta without adding a Tara's Headcanon Twist ... I've always wondered why "Archangel" when it's such a ... human concept. But this time, when I noticed how he spoke about Shepard's influence, and how quickly he brushes aside the name when she asks him about it, I wondered if it wasn't actually his way of honoring the mythology of the dead woman whose example he was trying to follow. Not that Shepard is a God he's worshiping, but ... there is something about the way he talks about her. Garrus doesn't make himself over in the image of a God, though; he's the soldier, the right hand, the avenging angel responsible for carrying out divine punishments suited and proportional to the crimes committed, the rules broken, the selfishness or cruelty of the perpetrator.

[beeandthescreen]

Does anyone wanna talk about how Bob's dead body was just, like, left in a broken pile of glass for a cleanup crew to toss out?

The theme of Bob being discarded like actual trash, much like those on the fringes of society, is so poignant. Bob was just another piece of flesh with a pulse. It makes me think of how whittled down Bob must be-- to be treated like nothing for so long that you truly, wholly believe it to be true.

But what does it say about him that when given a second chance, he uses it to make sure three complete strangers make it out alive and whole? Do you think in his perceived last moments, he felt like he was finally worth something? Was he proud of himself? Was he at peace?

If the serum didn't take, do you think someone would have missed him?

[an-idiotic-villager]

Soooo today I got the denial ending, and I only ever found Joel, Leigh and Dan as followers so I had them up on the roof with me and it made me feel feelings and imagine imaginings and now all everyone who sees this has to do the same

"CHAT IS THIS REAL??" (Just saw his best buddy get deconstructed)

The other side of the equation, Leigh is prolly pumped since Sam's gonna get a monster form

And once they get back inside... my baby... my poor baby boy. He loses literally so many people I just want him to be happy.

Dan has no clue how to deal with this... Have I mentioned how much I've grown to love Dan throughout this run?

[an-impressive-clergyman]

Sigh. More KPDH things…

My favourite line in This Is What It Sounds Like is the song we couldn’t write”, partly because it comes right before the best harmony in the song (fight me) and partly because of its double meaning.

Firstly, this is the song they couldn’t write. They tried the whole movie to write a song that would unite their fans and seal the Honmoon, and here, at the end is the song. We can see this when the entire crowd starts harmonizing at the end, this is what unity sounds like, what the hunters have been working toward the entire movie. This is what the song they wouldn’t write sounds like.

Second, the reason they couldn’t write this song was because they themselves weren’t united, not 100%. They couldn’t have been united because Rumi kept her secret. It doesn’t matter whether or not Zoey and Mira would have accepted her, stayed united if she told them earlier (which they would have), they never got the chance. So, until Rumí revealed herself they never could have been united enough to unite their fans and seal the Honmoon (kind of a Catch-22 for Rumi in that situation).

It is both the song they’ve been failing to write the whole movie, and the song they literally could not write until that moment.

Just thinky thoughts cause I literally cannot stop thinking about this movie.

[ao3commentoftheday]

the stats spiral

That's what I call it when I start obsessing over the numbers I get on fics or posts. When I refresh AO3 every five or ten minutes to see if I've got more hits or kudos. When I keep my tumblr activity page open in a tab to see new notes as soon as they come in.

It's not fun. Not really. Even when I sometimes tell myself it is.

You see, it starts out exciting! I've put a thing out there and now I get to see the reactions to it! I'm like a kid on their birthday who can't wait to see their presents. What are people going to say? Will they like it? Will they talk to me about it?

I'm lucky enough that I do get notes on tumblr posts and I do get comments and kudos when I post on AO3. But depending on how excited I am about the thing that I made and depending on how uncertain I am of whether it's any good, I want to get a lot more attention than I end up getting.

I know that that's a normal feeling. I know it's even a rational one! I've put a lot of effort into making something, or I've made something that I think my community will like, and not hearing back like I'd hoped can sometimes feel like rejection. It can be a huge disappointment that makes me doubt myself, my abilities, my connection to my community.

That's why I say it's not fun. Because even though 'engagement' can give me a really high high, it can also give me a really low low.

When I finally realize I'm in one of those lows (and it sometimes takes me a while to realize that I am), that's when I know that I need to step away.

When it's really bad, I just stop posting until I'm in a better mental space. For me, I now recognize that those feelings are often coming from me wanting a connection of some kind. The need for attention is coming from a feeling of loneliness or isolation, and so I need to counteract that by reaching out to people I know and care about to have a chat or a meal or just some time spent doing something communal.

When I can catch it early, then I force myself to close the activity tab here on tumblr and hide whatever stats are making me spiral on AO3. I've learned to recognize that I'm looking to those metrics as a way to feel important or special or cared for in some way and that I need to figure out where I'm feeling insecure in my life and how to get some reassurance - because strangers on the internet won't be able to give me what I need.

If you're currently spiraling, first of all lemme give you a hug ❤️ I hope you can take some time and figure out what it is that you want those stats to tell you about yourself or what it is that you think those stats will give you that you're not getting from somewhere else.

And if you haven't heard it lately, I'm glad that you're in this world - no matter what kind of numbers you have on your posts.

[isagrimorie]

Adding to my collection of Agatha Notices something others haven't noticed:

The camera moved to Agatha noticing/eavesdropping for a reason.

This happens again in this scene:

Again, the camera cuts to Agatha who is watching and listening keenly about Billy's powers.

Very Detective Agnes of her (again, Rio's inquisitive look as she asked Agnes-Agatha: "Is this really how you see yourself?" the answer more and more becomes, 'yes'.)

Speaking of Rio-- I have a hunch that maybe, possibly, the endgame of this show is not just to convince Agatha she needs a Coven True and not just a Coven Two. It's also to convince RIO.

Because Three of Pentacles features not just Billy in place but also someone else wearing a green cloak:

The card shows the whole coven including RIO.

Sure, Rio is a cosmic being but in this show that emphasized Death is the Original Green Witch.

Rio is still called a witch, the witches claim Rio.

And as Lilia's Maestra said:

"A witch requires a coven."

Agatha and Rio might have been Coven Two-- but that's not enough. To quote About a Boy:

“Suddenly I realized - two people isn't enough. You need backup. If you're only two people, and someone drops off the edge, then you're on your own. Two isn't a large enough number. You need three at least.”

Agatha and Rio needed more than each other, they need a community.

They needed a True Coven.

[stagefoureddiediaz]

So these pictures are gonna be an end of episode Eddie reassuring Buck that nothing will ever come between them isn’t it - it’s the I love you to the core scene.

This is the shift in things that we’ve been waiting for and need - because Buck getting jealous is gonna push him into looking at why he’s jealous.

Is it next week yet?!

[surprise-based-teddy-bear]

Astarion's unused but recently restored neck kisses crossed my dash and I was once again struck by how perfect those are for him. Something he's instinctively drawn to, something so deliciously tempting underneath his lips, calling out like a siren's song to every fiber of his being – and instead of baring his fangs and tearing in like a ravaging beast, he chooses to gently touch his lips to his lover's skin, feels them melt into his arms. All that trust given so freely, and him proving himself worthy of it, time and time again. Proving to himself that he is more than a curse, more than what he was made to be.

(there will be plenty of time for ravaging later if you know what I–)

[madlori]

So one of the reasons fans get frustrated with the writing on their show is that they are operating from a different mindset than the writers.

Generally, fans are operating from what I call a developmental mindset. How does this plot point affect the characters? How will it affect their relationships? How can it be used to illustrate broader themes or personalities?

This is how you write BOOKS. And most of us interact with fandom via fanfic, and fanfic writers or readers engage with a lot of this kind of storytelling.

I'm not saying TV writers DON'T do this, but it varies, and is somewhat genre-dependent. A lot of the time, they're operating from a more situational mindset. How can I set up this next plot point? How do I get this story from A to B to C in the time allotted? How do I get to use this joke or plot twist I wanna use?

Buck's conflict over whether or not he lunged at Gerrard to save him or kill him is a PRIME example of this.

Here's the difference:

Buck: expresses doubt about his own motivations and worries he tried to kill Gerrard.

The fans: How will this affect Buck going forward? Will it make him feel guilty and more likely to go along with Gerrard? Will it create conflict with the team because of that?

The writers: This will enable us to play a moment of suspense when Gerrard returns when Buck and the audience will be wondering if Gerrard will be mad or not, and then we'll whip the uno reverse on him when Gerrard hugs him. That will be funny and a good way to end the episode.

Aaaaaand that's probably as far as they took that line of thought. They viewed that plot point (Bucks' doubts about his motivations) as a means to the end of getting that stinger at the end of 8x03. We viewed it as a character beat. It's not impossible that it could be both, but it's probably the last we've heard about it.