#this ask is from december oops!

[puppypuppypuppypuppy]

by any chance do you remember what brush(es) you used for the noelle haii drawing? i love the grainy blocky feel

I.... don't </3 but if i had to guess itd be a combination of these

theres... a lot in this pack so good luck bc i dont remember which they were! you also need to pay for these last two but if you cant i can dm them to you

[fazcinatingblog]

No one talks about how some half-baked plan that Nathan Buckley cooked up on a holiday in Bali is actually being used as a genuine option leading up to finals

[ahalliance]

if i ever don’t respond to asks it’s because i didn’t receive the notification and/or i forgor i am sorry 💔

[neigepomme]

˙ ✩°˖ ☃️ try again / zayne x reader

synopsis; right person, wrong time, but even after a year, the heartache remains. you looked for him in everyone you met, and so did zayne — but when the universe lets you cross paths again, will it be kind enough to let you try again?

🍎 pomme's notes — i made a playlist for this fic! this is loosely based on jaehyun and d.ear's try again, but all of these songs were played while i was writing and i think they make the reading experience better!! also if there are typos forgive me i finished writing this at 5am oops

✴︎ 5.5k words ⋆ hurt/comfort ⋆ set in a world with no evol (also caleb cameo and zaynecaleb are best friends because i said so) ⋆ fem reader ⋆ 2nd person

it was a snowy december night when you decided to mutually break up.

the night was quiet and so peaceful, but your heart was in turmoil upon seeing his defeated face, and so was his when tears started to fall from your eyes.

it wasn’t always like this though.

you met him in college, he was two years your senior and you’d been taking the same ethics class — one he'd pushed off until his last semester before his residency. always kind and soft-spoken, you eventually got to work on a group project together and when the other people in your team decided to play hooky, zayne was the one to let the professor know and invite you to work together.

he eventually started reaching out to you under the pretense of studying together at a new cafe, only for the both of you to talk endlessly, with no real studying being done. your bashful expression when he'd compliment your new earrings didn't go unnoticed, and you also didn't miss the shy glances followed by a cough when you glanced back.

this went on for two whole months, until you encountered one of zayne's friends, caleb, at a party you both attended. drunk out of his mind, with zayne following in tow (sporting a worried expression that you found quite cute), he spotted you and made a beeline for you. the brunette pointed at you, and spoke with a slurred speech.

"you. you're the girl he's been talking about non-stop right? the cute one from his ethics class? dude, zayne's in looooove with you."

at a loss for words, you glanced at zayne — who was running a hand over his face, clearly flustered out of his mind and trying his best to get caleb to shut up.

the butterflies in your stomach were batting their wings furiously, and your own face started feeling hot. before you could even speak though, caleb spoke again, a little more agitated now.

"poor guy cannot take you off his mind, so for my mental wellbeing, please date him. i can't keep living like this, my ears are gonna fall off if i hear one more thing about you — no offense. if there's an equivalent to the bechdel test for men, we're failing and we're failing haaaaard. all because of him. i'm gonna grab another beer but you've gotta date him. please."

as caleb walked away, you stared at zayne. it was a clumsy indirect admission of feelings, but gosh was it a sweet one. his face burned red, unable to stop his friend from revealing all of that info to you — but it's not like it was a lie. whenever the two of them would hang out, he'd ask caleb for advice on what to wear for your next outing or check whether or not a text you sent him had a hidden message. hell, zayne would text him asking for good date spots to take you to.

running a hand through his hair, zayne watched his friend walk away and cleared his throat before grabbing a hold of your hand, his serious expression not doing much to distract you from the red of his cheeks.

"this wasn't how i planned on letting you know how i feel and asking you out but.. he wasn't really lying."

his cold hand gripped yours a bit more tightly, before he exhaled in a feeble attempt at steadying his nerves.

"i really do like you though, and i'd love to take you out. not as the guy from your ethics class that you're stuck doing a project with, but as your boyfriend."

that's how it started. loving zayne was comfortable. it came as easily as breathing. the late nights he'd spend in your dorm room, reading one of his cardiology textbooks while you slept soundly on his chest were your favorites. no words needed to be exchanged, his heartbeat told you everything you had to know about his love for you.

when you received a job offer from your dream company, zayne was there with a bouquet of your favorite flowers to congratulate you. kissing your face softly and whispering sweetly about how proud he was, and how he knew you'd get in. you melted in his embrace, remembering the times you'd cried in his arms, afraid of being rejected while he held you and gave you soft reassurances.

in return, you were there for him — preparing boxes of snacks for him to keep in his car while he did his residency. his own apartment was left neglected, as he preferred spending nights at your place, sleeping only for a few hours before he went back to the hospital.

it was comfortable when you were still in university, but life caught up with you rapidly. your job was rewarding, but the long hours and the overtime you had to work because of how new you were, drained you.

zayne also had a hard time. his mentor was spread thin, and he had to take on more responsibilities as a resident physician than he'd had to during his internship. coming back home to you was difficult, the shifts seemed never-ending — basically working 24 to 36 hours regularly.

the date nights became more and more sparse. you spoke to each other less and less, not wanting to drain the other further. zayne would spend more time at his place, given that it was closer to the hospital, and you'd be exhausted from the overtime to visit him. he called you during his breaks, but more often than not, he got interrupted by responsibilities or different emergency codes, only being able to talk to you for two minutes at most if he was lucky.

you were having a hard time too. trying your best to text him, but your boss seemed hellbent on making sure you were always hard at work, never allowing you the time to send zayne a quick text. the mandatory overtime was irritating to say the least — always menial tasks that took an infuriating amount of time and that kept you in the office for hours, forcing you to come home late at night. staying up was an almost impossible ask, no matter how much you loved zayne. your eyes practically closed upon entering your home, and you'd forget to wipe your makeup way too many times. the rare times you'd stay awake, he'd have to stay later, because of a young patient having a heart attack or a new admission at the hospital.

it was exhausting, and neither of you were to blame. the universe had made it difficult and you couldn't hold any resentment because you knew how much this job meant to zayne. on the other hand, he also didn't want to ask you to accommodate him — feeling that it'd be unfair to ask you to stay up, knowing just how tired you were.

eventually, it had been enough.

you tried your best to push that feeling down, convincing yourself that you two will be alright, that this is just a hardship that will pass, but it was eating away at you. you missed zayne so much, and this whole thing just wasn't doable. it wasn't sustainable for either of you. when your friend tara said, "right person, wrong time! it's unfortunate, but you can't help it," you never thought it'd apply to you. never in a million years would you have thought that this relationship would be a fleeting thing, that it'd be rendered difficult and heartache inducing. zayne was perfect for you, as you were for him — but whichever divine entity looked down upon you didn't seem to agree. the days seemed to drag on, and you missed your boyfriend so deeply, but life seemed set on making you and zayne exhausted, not even having the time to see one another.

you were the only thing on zayne's mind while he worked. the surgeries never ended, and he just wanted to take a nap in your arms, but his attending seemed keen on making him work until he keeled over. he was so worn out, every single one of his limbs sore, but he still thought about you and how lonely you must feel. this job is his dream, saving people is something he's always yearned to do, but that doesn't take away from the fact that he feels like the worst boyfriend to have ever existed. you never complained, never asked him to abandon his job to spend time with you, and whenever he'd have to cut your calls short, you'd tell him it's okay, your voice laced with an unspoken sadness.

he sometimes wished you'd get angry at him. demand he spend some time with you but you were always understandind and patient. you were too good to him, and zayne felt so selfish. you didn't deserve to wait for him, especially not when you already had so much on your plate with your new job and boss. his conscience weighed on him, and he couldn't let you keep going and be unhappy.

and so, he told his supervisor that there was a personal emergency, and he headed over to your place after sending you a message; one you dreaded but expected in the back of your mind.

"love, we need to talk. i'll come over to your place in 20 mins."

his heart ached upon sending it, and he only wished that your heart hurt less than his — unfortunately it was far from being the case. you had just gotten home when you received the text, and you could already feel tears welling up in your eyes. you knew what was going to follow, but you were exhausted, and you knew he was too. you wanted to fight for this relationship. you loved zayne so much, so desperately, it made your heart hurt, and god, you knew he loved you too. you wanted to fight, but you felt selfish doing so. in your heartbreak, you still cared about him so much. his eyebags were getting more and more pronounced, and there was nothing you could do to take away from his tiredness. at this point, you just wanted him to rest, and if you could take away one thing off his mind at the cost of your own unhappiness, you'd do it.

zayne drove to your place, his hands tight on the steering wheel. he didn't want to do this, but he loves you so much. he loves you so bad, he cannot let you wither away, waiting for him. you deserved the world and he couldn't even give you a full hour without being interrupted by a call from the hospital, or without him desperately needing sleep. he started going through his memory, trying to remember the last time he took you out on a date. the last time he gave you his full attention, the last time he saw you laugh, the last time he made you blush. all these instances seemed so far away, and he couldn't forgive himself for leaving you alone for so long. you deserved too much, and if you could be your bright, joyful self without him by your side, then so be it.

it was snowing outside, so softly. it felt as if the universe was mocking you, as if it interpreted your relationship as an insult towards itself, and was hellbent on getting rid of it. your heart was breaking in anticipation, but the world would keep on moving.

you choke back tears.

no matter how much you wanted the earth to stop spinning, just for a moment with him again, it never would. you were doomed to stride forward, whether you wanted to or not.

the twenty minutes went by at a grueling slow pace, yet it didn't feel like enough time for either of you to prepare for the inevitable. when you hear that familiar rhythmic knock on your door, it suddenly feels like the beginning of the end. there were so many thoughts going through your mind — what if you didn't answer the door? would he still stay by your side? no, that was too cruel. your stomach hurts at the thought of paining him further, and so you stood from the couch where you were sitting and walked towards the door. your whole body felt weighed down when you opened it, only to see zayne — a painful expression painted on his face. he seemed thinner than before, more tired. you wanted to reach up and cradle his face, one last time, but you held back. you couldn't bring yourself to do it.

all he wanted was to hold you in his arms, as tight as he could, and tell you, "we'll be alright, we'll be okay."

you looked so worried about him, it shattered zayne's heart. he couldn't believe you still cared, even after being so worn out from the long work hours. even in your most tired moments, when you looked so fragile, when your eyes held back tears, you still cared about him so much. he didn't want to hurt you, never wanted to — but he'd ended up doing it, and he couldn't keep dragging this on further. he didn't want to tell you how much he loved you, how much it broke him to do this.

when you invite him in, hesitant to hold his hand in fear of your resolve wavering, he refuses. if he took a step inside your home, he wouldn't want to let you go. you look up to stare into his eyes, only for him to shake his head and inhale shakily.

"i'm so sorry. i.. i think we should break up."

you heard his voice. you know what he said. you knew from before, knew it was coming, knew it was inevitable.

you knew, but it still hurt.

it hurt so terribly, and you couldn't even do anything to make it hurt less. you couldn't hate him, couldn't get angry, couldn't scream, couldn't do anything.

trying your best not to let your voice crack, you respond while choking back a sob.

"okay. i'm sorry, zayne."

when the tears started falling from your eyes, zayne wanted to reach out and wipe them away. he loathed to see you cry, but the only thing he loathed more than that at that moment was himself. his throat was closing up, and he wanted to fall to his knees.

he wanted to beg you to get angry.

beg you to love him less.

beg you to hate him.

beg you to do anything that could make it less painful for him to end things with you.

he couldn't do it, though. he could never do it, and he felt like a coward for that. so what did he do? he nodded and spoke one last time before leaving your doorstep.

"i'm so sorry. please, take care of yourself. i can't apologize enough."

as zayne walks back to his car, he has to fight with himself to not look back at you, despite the difficult breathing and the sniffles he hears from you. because if he does, he'll just run back to you. but he wants you to be free from him. free from the burden of his love — so he keeps on walking, biting the inside of his cheek to stop himself from crying.

you look at his back when he walks away.

you only allow yourself to sob once his car pulls out of your apartment's parking lot. the tears are falling freely, each one more painful than the next, and you can't help yourself from wailing, from silently begging him to come back, to tell you that everything is going to be fine, that you shouldn't break up.

sobbing on your doorstep, harder than you've ever cried before, harder than you thought you could ever cry.

one of your neighbor walks out to see you on your knees, and she asks you "what's wrong sweetie? are you hurt?", and you can only cry out that you love him, you love him so much it hurts, that you just want him. she holds you in her arms, tells you it's okay, that you'll be okay, but it's no use.

your heart hurts so bad.

it's not her you want comforting you.

it's zayne.

you want him to hold you tight, to tell you that everything will be okay.

it shouldn't have ended like this. you didn't want it to end like this, and neither did he, but there was nothing either of you could do.

right person, wrong time.

the day after was terrible. you had no choice but to show up to work, despite your voice being hoarse and your eyes being painfully puffy from all the tears you shed the night before.

everything felt off. you didn't text him during your break, and at no point did he call you. 

it made you want to cry again, but you couldn't. you had to be strong because the world kept on spinning, and zayne wouldn't have wanted you to sob for him endlessly — though you were certain that once you got home, you'd start sobbing and pleading for him in your room. 

the day went by quickly. too fast, really. there was just numbness when you were at your desk, something like autopilot mode kicking in. 

when the clock hit 5, and your boss let you go home with no overtime, you felt the tears resurface. the one day you had wished for a distraction, away from your feelings, your boss decided to be considerate. no words were said, though. you packed your bag and walked out. 

the chinese restaurant you went to with zayne was on your way home. the place where he found out he'd gotten matched into a cardiology residency at akso hospital, where he'd stood and hugged you so tightly, in front of onlookers — so unlike his usual self, who shyed away from PDA. he was so happy to share the good news with you, his favorite person. 

the memories resurfaced, and it felt like you could see him in everything you've ever loved. zayne had left a permanent mark on you, and you wanted to hate him for ruining so many things for you, but you couldn't bring yourself to.

you held your tears back during the entire walk home.

maybe you should call tara. do anything to distract you from this. from feeling like a ghost, a shell of yourself without him by your side. you needed to change, to prepare food, to sleep, to work, and to repeat all of this again tomorrow. so with a heavy sigh and an even heavier heart, you opened your closet to grab some comfortable clothes — that was when you saw it.

one of zayne's sweaters, one that he'd given you to wear when you were cold during a date. it still smelled like his cologne, like his jasmine fragrance.

it was unfair. you inhaled sharply and looked up, trying your best to stop the sobs, but it was of no use. 

it still smelled like him.

you grabbed your phone before the tears completely blurred your vision and called tara, all while clutching his sweater to your chest.

“hey babe! you got off work?”

and the sobs resumed. you cried your heart out, desperately asking her, if it was for the best, then why does it hurt so bad? why does it feel like a part of yourself got removed when he walked away? everything seemed like a blur, but you remember the door unlocking and her worried face. hands cradling your face, telling you to let it all out, to cry until you couldn't anymore. that it was okay to hurt. you didn't need to put on a front. you didn't need to look so strong — you could fall apart because you'd build yourself back up.

so you did just that. you cried in her arms. you cried for him, cried at the world, cried at the unfairness of it all. she rocked you back and forth, comfort reminiscent of zayne's arms.

you cried harder than the night before. and you kept on crying every single day for a week.

the months passed by slowly after that. you still didn't text him during your breaks, and he still didn't call you. you still loved him, you still longed for him, but you hoped he was relieved of some burden. maybe he'd finally sleep a little better at night, maybe his eyebags went away, even if you weren't there to see it. you'd be okay eventually, but now wasn't quite the time yet.

following tara's recommendation, you downloaded dating apps. not to properly date anyone, just to take your mind off him, but it proved to be harder than she said. the men you matched with all resembled him slightly. one of them had similar eyes, the other had the same fashion sense, and another had a similar smile. when you talked to them, you tried to find traces of him within their speaking habits. none of them had his dry humor, nor did they have his tender voice or his laugh.

none of them called you to check in between shifts.

none of them were zayne.

dating was off the table when you realized that; maybe you need some more time to yourself? perhaps you need to learn to visit the places you went to with him, get used to going to the cafes you two favored on your own.

your boss wasn't breathing down your neck anymore, so you could spend your next evening visiting that pastry shop zayne adored — the one he'd order macarons from and personally deliver to your home to share with you.

however, each time you told yourself you'd do it, you felt afraid.

afraid of running into him. afraid of seeing him too happy without you by his side. what if he'd already found another woman? someone from the hospital, maybe a nurse or a fellow resident. you wouldn't be able to handle it, so you pushed it off.

"i'll do it tomorrow," you'd tell yourself.

soon, it'll be a whole year without zayne. his birthday was the most difficult day since the night you lost him. funnily enough, you thought you'd be able not to cry, but you missed him even more than before. you had the day off — a PTO you scheduled ahead of the breakup, but now you were just surrounded by the silence. the autumn breeze blew through your window and reminded you of him.

“you'll catch a cold, my love.”

“mmh, the breeze feels so nice, though. but maybe if my favorite snowman hugged me and kept me warm, i'd be okay.”

“sure, darling. i'll keep you warm in my icy embrace and shield you from the cold, won't i?”

you hugged the snowman plushie he'd won you a little tighter upon reminiscing. you cried softly against it, your heart aching again — but you found solace in knowing that he was out here working hard towards his goal. you'd support him from afar, no matter what.

today marked 12 months since the breakup. an entire year.

and today, you were going to visit the pastry shop. you had to get over him, and as painful as it sounded, it had been almost a year, and you had to keep moving. zayne would become a beloved memory, treasured within both your heart and your mind. 

dressed for the weather, you walked towards the quiet cafe but hesitated before opening the door to the establishment. the walk on the way here was familiar, and the pastry shop remained the same way you'd left it when you last visited it with zayne. the same regulars, the same jingle of the bell when you pushed the door open, the same chairs and the same staff. you searched for the seats you'd usually sit at with zayne, and you thought your eyes failed you when you see those familiar hazel eyes looking over the cafe, as if they were waiting for something to happen.

or someone to come in.

he was sitting alone, the same jasmine tea latte on the table in front of him — the one he'd meticulously pour three sugar packets in before stirring counterclockwise for 20 seconds to dissolve the sugar. he looked the same as he did that december night, if only more tired. his eyebags did not go away, it seemed.

gathering all the courage you could muster, you walk towards him. you'd get your closure today no matter what.

but when he looked your way, your steps faltered. his gaze softened, his shoulders slumped a bit, as if he'd let go of some tension he didn't know he held. zayne smiled, and you had to hold back from jumping into his arms, telling him how much you'd missed him. he spoke softly, as if afraid to disturb you — as if you'd blow away in the wind, like a dandelion's bristles.

"hi," he'd whisper, his voice as soothing as the day you last heard it.

your breath catches in your throat, and you have to inhale a bit before replying.

“hi, zayne. can i sit here?”

and he nodded, his lips slightly curling upwards. you hoped it was you he was waiting for. maybe he'd wanted to see as much as you did, and maybe he too longed to hold you in his arms. 

you waited for him to speak again, and as if reading your mind, he did. fidgeting a bit in his chair, zayne looked over at you so fondly. 

“how have you been?”

his voice. you missed his voice so much. you missed him asking about you about your day with that tone, that patient and tender, love filled tone. 

"oh i've been.. decent." 

that seemed like a good answer. you weren't good, nor were you fine. you had the man you loved, the man you love, sitting in front of you after close to a year of yearning for him, following the worst heartbreak you had ever experienced. 

“work's been tiring, but my boss stopped breathing down my neck. i get home on time now, with no mandatory overtime. it's okay now. how about you?”

zayne wasn't fine. the hospital took in some new cardiology residents, so the workload calmed down, but he still felt restless without you by his side. he gazed over all of your features, and you looked so beautiful. he missed you to death.

“i'm handling everything okay. we have new attending physicians, so the amount of long shifts has significantly decreased.”

he spoke truthfully, you knew it, but you couldn't make sense of his eyebags if that was the truth. he looked like he's had sleepless nights for months, his eyes tired and not as bright as they used to be. he still looked so charming, though, and you thought to yourself, that it wasn't your place to inquire any further.

the two of you caught up for two hours, akin to old friends having a heartfelt reunion — except you were ex-lovers. ex-lovers who valued the other's happiness over your own, leaving you both miserable but under the impression that the other was doing better without you.

he asked if you dated in the past year, and you shook your head, explaining that you had a hard time and chose to take some time to yourself. zayne didn't need to know you were unable to date because you wanted him. he didn't need to know that you refused to give a chance to anyone who wasn't him, that you looked for him in everyone you met.

secretly, zayne felt relief upon learning that. he wanted you to be happy, of course he did, but selfishly, he wanted to be the one to bring you happiness. in all honesty, he couldn't bring himself to date anyone either. the women around him weren't you. they didn't smile at him the way you did, never cared to learn more about him beyond his face and job, and none of them texted him sweet little love messages to check up on him. you were the only one for him.

you only started heading out when the cafe announced it'd be closing its doors, and even then, neither of you seemed to be in a rush. a strange sense of longing lingered around you both, a warm feeling — something that quietly begged for one more moment spent together.

zayne offered to drive you home, and you took him up on that. the car hummed quietly as you sat in comfortable silence. the last rays of sunlight quickly disappeared, leaving behind them a deep blue night. snowflakes slowly started drifting down from the sky, and you were reminded of that night when you decided to part ways. sooner than you'd hoped, zayne pulled into your apartment's parking lot.

he still knew the way to your place.

if you asked him about it, he'd answer simply. he never forgot, never could bring himself to remove the path to your home from his memory. he'd spent countless nights there, holding you in his arms while he rested before the hospital inevitably called him for a new 36h shift. zayne could never forget the way home. not your apartment, he could never forget the way to you — his real home.

getting out of his car, he walked you to your apartment. soon, you'd have to say goodbye to him, and you grew restless at the thought. it felt like if you said goodbye today, it'd be the last time you'd see him. you didn't want to bother him any longer, nor keep him tied down.

it seemed inevitable, though. it felt like it was last year again when you had to fight tears from falling upon agreeing on breaking up. helpless, unable to speak, and to ask him to stay. unable to be selfish, for once. but what could you do? you just nodded and wished him a goodnight and goodbye. it'd be over soon enough. you'd see his back as he walked away from you for the last time.

you're the first to turn away, focusing your gaze on your doorknob, trying to type in the digits to his birthday to unlock your apartment. the tears rose up, and your eyes were misty again, fog taking over your field of vision. 

it was the end.

zayne took a step back and looked at you. a feeling of doom, helplessness, and fear took over him. he'd let you go a second time, and it'd be the last this time around. no more chances — he'd never get to see your face agaim after this, but if you were happy it was worth it, wasn't it?

he watched you type in your password and heard the familiar jingle when your door unlocked.

it really was the end.

god, he really couldn't do this. he needed to be selfish for once, and he prayed you'd forgive him for it.

before you can take a step inside, you hear him call out your name, and before you can fully process it, you just feel his arms around you. he held you so tightly.

zayne was holding you in his arms. the way he desperately wanted to when he heard you cry a year ago. the way you wished he'd held you a year ago. 

“i'm sorry. i'm selfish. i can't even let you go, so please, please.”

you couldn't stop the sobs that took over your body when you heard him plead for you. you clutched onto his sweater as tight as you could, the smell of jasmine so soothing while you sobbed in his arms. his arms tighten around you when he feels you tremble against him, desperate in the way he shook slightly too.

he spoke again, his voice breaking. more vulnerable than you'd ever heard him before. more raw, full of yearning, longing, desperation and love. so much love.

“i love you. i love you so much, i love you more than life itself.”

zayne kissed the top of your head, soft tears falling down his cheeks while he whispered soft apologies and promises of a future together. he missed you so much. a part of his heart went missing without you next to him. he needed you by his side, as selfish as that made him seem.

“we'll be alright. please, let's try again.”

those words you wanted to hear, so very badly on that night, a year ago. you nodded against his chest, the sobs not showing any signs of stopping.

except this time around, zayne was there to hold you in his arms. two lovers who longed for each other's warmth for a year, finally into each other's embrace again.

it was a snowy december night when you reunited with your love, and you'd never let go this time.

🍎 pomme's final notes — if the zaynejaehyun agenda has a million fans then i am one of them if the zaynejaehyun agenda has one fan it is me and if the zaynejaehyun agenda has no fans i am dead. also i bawled while writing the breakup part don't kick me too hard

also if at any point while reading this fic you wanted to kill me just know that i was probably also wanting to kill myself but hey all's well that ends well am i right :P

[ickyblickyy]

★彡 EXPLOSIVE HEARTS 彡★

pairing: katsuki bakugou x fem!reader

sypnosis: upon losing feelings for your boyfriend monoma, you start developing a new attraction towards the football team's quarterback. the only problem is, you two have never met. but that's where your bestest friends come in.

nine | series m.list | eleven

TEN. mouth will stay shut

DECEMBER 5TH

6:28 PM

you were glad that today’s practice was short. instead of the usual 6:45 dismissal, your coach let you all go an hour early. you’re assuming that coach yagi dismissed the football players early as well since you watched the big group of guys run off towards the locker rooms while you were leaving campus to return to the dorms.

after taking a shower and dressing into some comfortable clothes, you decided to fix your hair up a bit. you grabbed whatever necessities you needed to fix your hair before making your way to the bathroom where mina was currently showering.

after a bit, you heard the shower water turn off, indicating that mina had just finished her shower. you watched her arm reach from behind the curtains to try and grab her towel but she seemingly forgot it.

“y/n!” mina suddenly yelled, making you flinch back in surprise.

“mina! i’m right here,” you said, looking at the curtains incredulously as if she could see you.

“oops, sorry— wait, why are you in here?” mina questioned. “before you answer that, can you get my towel for me, please?”

you sighed before leaving the bathroom to retrieve mina’s towel from her room. “here,” you said, watching mina’s arm reach out for her towel once again, this time grabbing it from you.

“so, back to my question. what’re you doing in here?” mina asked, opening the curtains to reveal her towel-clad form.

“damn, i can’t use the bathroom now? i pay rent too,” you said rolling your eyes jokingly to which mina laughed at. you turned back to the mirror to check yourself out as mina stepped out of the shower to properly dry herself.

“but, i was fixing my hair,” you said, exiting the bathroom to walk to your room with mina following behind you. she leaned against the doorway of your room as she watched you grab your bag which held everything you needed for your study session with bakugou.

“where you goin’?” mina asked as you grabbed your keys and slipped your crocs on.

“to the library on campus,” you replied, skipping towards the door.

mina raised her eyebrows before stepping away from the doorway, allowing you to walk through. you suddenly felt your phone vibrate, making you stop to pull it out. you started smiling once you realized it was from bakugou saying, ‘On my way!’ followed by a, ‘autocorrect’.

“oh my god! that’s why you’re going!” mina said from behind you, looking at your phone. “you would never willingly go to the library.”

you gasped, turning to look at your friend. “of course i would!”

mina started pushing you to the front door with an excited expression on her face, ignoring your retort. “well, hurry! don’t wanna be late to your date with bakugou.”

“it’s not a date!” you said, watching mina open the door.

“yeah, yeah. whatever you say,” mina sang before ushering you out of the door and closing it behind you. you shook your head before beginning to make your way to the library.

as you arrived at the library, your heart started pounding in your chest as you opened the double doors. you were actually about to have a one on one with bakugou. it’s not like you haven’t, but it was short-lived so it didn’t count to you.

you walked through the doors, greeting the librarian with a soft, ‘hello!’ before walking deeper into the library to look around for bakugou. you spotted the ash-blond rather quickly, finding him seated at a table in the back. you walked up to him with a smile on your face.

bakugou heard footsteps approaching him but he didn’t look up until he heard the chair in front of him being pulled away from it’s spot. he looked up to see you sitting down across from him.

“hey. were you waiting long?” you asked, placing your bag on the table and unzipping it to grab your math textbook and notes.

“no. i got here like seven minutes ago,” bakugou replied gruffly, already having his things out.

you nodded, deciding not to verbally answer. instead, you opened up your textbook and turned to the start of a specific unit. bakugou looked at the page you turned to before slightly creasing his eyebrows.

“this what you havin’ problems with?” he asked, looking up at you.

“this and every unit after,” you replied.

bakugou grabbed your textbook, flipping through some pages. he landed on a page and read through it before pushing it back towards you. “do that first,” he said pointing at the seemingly hardest question on that page. you groaned after reading the question, already knowing you were bound to struggle.

for the next hour, you did some problems and bakugou would correct them. you were doing pretty good, only having minor mistakes in your work and having some problems completely correct. however, the question that bakugou just gave you made you pause.

as you were staring at the question, starting to zone out, bakugou noticed your lack of movement and looked up at you. “need help?” he questioned.

you were taken out of your trance at the sound of bakugou’s voice, looking up at him sheepishly. “yeah,” you replied. bakugou hummed a small ‘okay’ before getting up and walking around the table, making you watch him with a confused expression on your face.

“what’re you doing?” you asked the ash-blond.

“sittin’ next to you so you don’t have to crane your neck uncomfortably while i teach you how to do it,” bakugou replied, pulling out the chair next to you and sitting down.

you smiled softly at the gesture. “aww, you care about my wellbeing.”

“or i can just leave and let you fail the exam,” he quickly countered back.

“mouth will stay shut,” you replied, lips firmly pressing together in a thin line.

bakugou then started showing you how to do the problem which turned out to be a long process. you started to feel your eyes get heavy and soon enough, you were dozing off.

“dumbass, are you even—“ bakugou stopped talking when he noticed your head droop down before picking itself back up.

he stared at you for a bit, taking in your features and noticing how cute you looked right now. he realized what he was thinking and brushed those thoughts off. he then tapped your arm softly.

“l/n, wake up,” bakugou said.

you opened your eyes after feeling the fourth tap, realizing that you had dozed off. “bakugou, i’m so sorry,” you said, a bit of sleep in your voice and slightly panicked that this had to happen the one time you were with him.

“you’re good, it happens,” bakugou shrugged.

the boy got up to pack his things, you doing the same. when you finished, you tried to put the strap of your bag on your shoulder but bakugou quickly grabbed it from you. you looked at him and opened your mouth to say something before he interrupted you.

“i can hold it for ya,” he mumbled out.

“you sure?” you asked, concern evident in your voice.

“you’re always worryin’. i got it,” he replied as you two started leaving the library.

it was obvious he was walking you to your dorm since he was carrying your bag so you led the way. this time, the silence was comfortable which meant you were getting somewhere.

you two reached your dorm and you took your keys out of your pocket, unlocking the door. you turned around to face bakugou, grabbing your bag from him. “thank you,” you said.

“you’re welcome,” he huffed out.

“same time tomorrow?” you questioned to which he nodded. “okay. text me when you get back to your dorm,” you smiled.

he looked at you with a small nod before turning around and walking away. you raised an eyebrow before looking away from his retrieving figure and walking into your and mina’s shared dorm.

“seems like he’s not much of a talker,” you said to yourself, making your way to your room to get dressed for bed.

after getting ready for bed and grabbing your phone to go to mina’s room, you felt your phone vibrate. you looked at it and seen a text from bakugou which read, ‘i’m at my dorm’ followed up by a, ‘goodnight l/n’. your face lit up before squealing and skipping towards mina’s room.

“minaaa, he told me goodnight but with my name this time!”

tag list: @chrofeisnightmaregf @spiderlily-w1tch-blog @iridescentrays @archer-fb @bakugouswh0r3 @singingcherri6 @parker-webs @polarbvnny @lupinandout @thebestrouge @blubearxy @itgetzweird08 @bakunianadecorazon @poemzcheng @nottherealslimshady @nnnniei3 @themultifandomgirl @123150448 @kara062284-blog @jazzypop-op @neoclb @hellokittyfeenie @iheartamora @morganadorodo @k1tk4tkatsuki @d34ly @heyits-zedo @iwa-chan-akaashi-san @first-time-fanfic-writer @corvid007 @spooky-cupid @enzstr @centerhabit @xdyledz @aliisinwonderland @saltypuffin1040 @lili-harg @xylo-rio @szired @k0z3me @alexithemiyatic @tojirin @yoonabeo @salemey @circuskatt @kunikame @iamyoursonly @armeenix @oneiratxxia10 @itsdragonius @vitanicheney666 @kovu-bunnbunn @bakutreats @perrywinklefairy @penesauce @sixxze @m-0ona

© ickyblickyy 2024 please do not steal, copy, or repost my work onto other platforms.

[toriaaniin]

Scarface

No I'm not writing about the 1983 Al Pachino movie of the same name... I'm writing about our handsome Luke Newton's new scar on his forehead.

In preparation for my upcoming livestream tomorrow, I asked my followers "What should we talk about?". One of the responses was this:

If you're not too overwhelmed with asks. Luke's scar at SAG. How did he get it?

If you look closely... I mean, if you can get past the huge sigh of pleasure + butterfly flutters you experience simply by looking at this gorgeous man, posed on a bed, compelling us to...

Oops. I lost my train of thought 🥵🥵🥵

If you look closely at his forehead, just our-right of centre between his (perfect + expressive) eyebrows (that, you know, sit over his remarkable shade of blue eyes), you can see that Luke has acquired a vertical 4cm-ish scar.

The ask that's been asked of me: "How did he get it?"

Now you all know that I have Luke's phone number programmed on quick-dial. HA! 😂 I wish! All my questions would be answered, and oh how I would appreciate a day without wondering all things. Not so lucky. Naturally - like you - I have no idea.

What I do know is that Luke didn't have a cut or the scar back on October 21st when he and Nicola posted - simultaneously - their season 4 Polin (but I say Lukola) photo.

And Luke didn't have a cut or scar in late November while in Rome, filming White Mars. The second of these two photos was taken on November 29th, US Thanksgiving evening.

These are the last photos we have of Luke before we started seeing the scar.

The photos below show Luke at both the BOSS/David Beckham event on January 30th and then again February 14th when he attended the British GQ "Excellence in Film" event in London.

Introducing: the scar!

To the best of my knowledge, no one noticed the scar at that time. Granted, during the BOSS event we had other (ahem) things on our mind, and on February 14th, we were focused on Nicola in Ireland as well as Luke's solo evening out and his fun encounters with fans. We were simply happy to have new photos of the both of them!

So... while I can't tell you HOW Luke got the scar, I can tell you that it happened either in December or early January.

It's possible that he was injured in the last December days of filming White Mars. It's very possible. After all, he and Lucy Hale were battling a malevolent entity that infiltrated their Antarctic research facility 😲

It's also possible that while on his sunshine filled New Years trip abroad with Nicola, he encountered something to hit his head on.

Here they are, photographed on January 8th (Nicola at the William Tell premiere - Luke around the same date at a family gathering), both a touch red from too much sun. Sun kissed one could say 💛💛

But wait... hold up Tori! Luke isn't sporting a scar here either!!

Actually, my theory is that Luke had a cut (possibly with stitches) on his forehead in this photo. Why? Because it was originally posted with this "ouch" emoji plastered on it! At the time we all wondered: "WTF? Why put an emoji on his forehead?! How rude!" (note that the emoji was put on Luke's forehead by his cousin)

Someone in the fandom did us a favour and removed the emoji, then did a touch-up job to recreate an emoji-less forehead. With the doctored photo (above) as our breadcrumb that a joint sunshine trip was taken, many of us forgot about the original photo. I remembered it today though, hence this post! Friends; Lukey had a boo boo and it was covered up! 🤍🤍🤍

In conclusion I have no choice but to say again: I have no idea how Luke got his scar. I have, however provided you with a timeframe for when the injury occurred, and I've offered two scenarios where his head could have been bonked.

Personally I like my suggestion that it happened while on a sunny holiday with his lover, Nicola!! What do you think?

Do we really care though? The man is more handsome then ever before - truly! - and we got to see he and Nicola at SAGs shine with the energy and light of their love. I'm happy!

For now 😜

Aaniin Xxx

[heavyhitterheaux]

Santa Tell Me

See Me Through You Series

Synopsis: It's your first time celebrating Christmas with Joe as a couple as your first semester at LSU comes to an end. The two of you celebrate in your own little way seeing as Joe is going back home while you are headed to New Orleans. However, you confide in your best friend about your hesitations about getting into another relationship so quickly and hoping that what feels like a fairy tale isn't too good to be true

Pairing: Boyfriend!Joe Burrow x Girlfriend!Reader

Series Masterlist

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

The timer went off once again letting you know that all of the cookies were now officially done baking. As you were taking them out of the oven and placing them on the cooling rack, Erin attempted to grab one to eat it when you quickly slapped her hand away resulting in her letting out a yelp followed by her glaring at you.

“Ow!”

“Those are specifically for Joey so we can decorate them once he gets here. I literally just made you an entire cheesecake.”

“But I want a cookie, too!” Erin exclaimed, but you weren't budging.

“No and he should be here soon.”

As you sat at the table in your small kitchen, Erin sat across from you and had begun eating her cheesecake when you suddenly asked her a question which caught her off guard.

“Erin, what if me and Joe break up? And that cheesecake was not meant for it to be eaten in one sitting.” You casually asked as you unlocked your phone to play one of the many games that you had installed.

“Huh? What in the world are you even talking about? And I'll just ask for another one.” She asked as she put her fork down to look at you.

“What if we break up and we don't work out? I literally just hopped from one relationship to another and…”

“Stop. Just stop. I have on my Christmas sweater and I am eating my Christmas treats you made me and we are listening to Justin Bieber's Under the Mistletoe and you are fucking the vibe up.”

“But…”

“No, we are not doing this. You two haven't been together very long, but Joe literally worships the ground you walk on. The way he even looks at you is insane. That boy is IN LOVE.” Erin said as she now opened the freezer to take out the ice cream you thought you were discreetly hiding from her, but it looks as though you efforts had failed.

“But what if it's too good to be true? Sometimes It doesn't even feel real.”

“You literally have no idea of what happiness looks like even if it hits you in the face. He has been after you basically the entire semester and now that he finally has you and you have him, you think that the two of you are going to end up breaking up? Make it make sense, babe.”

“Everything started out too good to be true with Trevor and look what happened with that.”

“Uh no, boo. Trevor had been an asshole from the beginning, it just took you forever and a day to notice. Everyone else saw it but you. You’ve been treated like shit for so long that your ass is literally blinded to how good you actually have it. I mean Joe hit me up a few weeks ago to help him pick out your Christmas gift or gifts I should say.”

“Wait, he did what?”

“Oops. I wasn’t supposed to say anything so let’s just pretend I didn’t. But they're really pretty and I know that you’re going to like it.”

“I just… he’s really important to me and I just want this to work out between us.”

“And it will. I literally started planning the wedding the day you two met because I saw the way you lit up when you talked about him. It’s going to work out and I will be the first person to say ‘I told you so’ when you are walking down the aisle.”

“I’m holding you to that seeing as it’s still pretty early to be singing about wedding bells.”

“But for now, it’s December, we almost made it through our first semester as college students, you have a very cute boyfriend who wants to spend every waking moment of the day with you so you need to make the most of it.”

“You’re right, I do need to make the most of it seeing as it’ll be a few weeks where we won’t see each other since he’s going back home.”

“And his birthday is coming up too. So, my vote is to have Christmas early with the two of you. Hopefully by doing this you won’t miss him so much on the actual day since the two of you kind of already celebrated in your own way.”

“I mean, I did get us matching Christmas pajamas to decorate our cookies, drink hot chocolate, and watch cheesy Hallmark movies.”

“See? Perfect. And I know that he is going to love every minute of it. But for now, I am going to go study for one of my many finals and hope and pray that the words on the pages in the textbooks somehow transfer themselves to my brain. Let me know how everything goes.” Erin told you as she wrapped up her cheesecake and placed it in a plastic bag hoping none of the filling would get on the seats in her car.

“Me saying ‘I told you so’ is going to hit so hard in a few years. But….” She was cut off mid-sentence as there was a knock on the door.

“And look at that, there he is. Let's go see your future husband.”

You couldn't help but to laugh and shake your head at Erin as she was gathering all of her things, while you went to go and answer the door. Once you did, you were met with your boyfriend carrying a shitload of different bags and him leaning down to kiss you.

“Okay, you two! Spare my eyes, I'm leaving so Joe can turn you every way but loose without me having to see it.”

“Bye, Erin.” Was all you said as she continued to smile at the both of you.

“Hi Joe, Bye Joe.” She told him as he fully walked into your apartment as she was headed out the door.

“Bye Erin.”

Once the two of you were by yourselves, you immediately started questioning Joe about the many bags he brought.

“Uh, babe? Are you moving in and didn't tell me yet?” You asked and he let out a laugh before starting to open some of them and pull out their contents.

“I just bought a bunch of different things we could do. It's almost finals week and I wanted to spend as much time with you as possible. And you have literally been playing this album since the day after Halloween.”

“Aww, I love it. Okay so tell me what you bought. And what about it!?” You asked as he had set everything down and motioned for you to sit down on the couch so he could show you.

“So my chess set. Ever since I taught you how to play, you said that you were going to try and beat me before the semester was over and never mind that I even said anything. Low key convinced that you're going to break up with me and get with Justin.”

“Very true but athletes are my thing, not singers.”

“My telescope since you love learning about space as much as I do. And I guess that means I'm safe?”

“I am loving this so far and yes, babe. You're safe.” You told him as you placed the chess set on the table.

“Madden. Since I know if you were able to be on the field with us, you would be. But I mean I can't sing all that well, but if you want me to serenade you just say the word.”

“Good point and seriously?” You replied while laughing.

“And I think that's it for now. I could only carry so much. But you'll be the one hitting high notes with how good I'm making you feel.” He told you as he shrugged while you gave him a small smile while also shaking your head at him.

“It's absolutely perfect and I have something for you too. I'm ignoring that last part.”

“What is it? Before the night is over, I'm making it happen.” Joe said as you ran into your bedroom to find the bag that they were in before coming back out into the living room.

“Matching Christmas pajamas.”

“Oh, so we're that type of couple now?” Joe teased as you rolled your eyes.

“Yes, and this is literally going to happen starting from this year until forever.” You replied as Joe moved closer towards you and put his finger underneath your chin in order for you to be able to look up at him.

“Forever? I like the sound of that.” He quietly said while leaning down to kiss you.

“But for now, we also have cookies to decorate that I baked and hot chocolate to drink.”

“Let’s do it.”

The two of you got comfortable in your pajamas before starting to decorate the cookies and you were multitasking with making the hot chocolate at the same time.

Joe was concentrating hard when you decided to peek over and take a look at what he was doing.

“Joey, I thought you were making a Santa cookie?” You asked while a little bit confused on what you were actually looking at.

“I am! This looks like Santa! I just need to do his beard.”

“And his hat.” You added noticing that was missing also.

“Not everyone can be an amazing baker in their spare time like you.”

“Hmm, you're right, but it doesn't look bad. If I opened my own bakery, I might hire you. I do happen to be a woman of many talents. So, someone mentioned to me that you got my Christmas gift already?”

Joe stopped decorating his cookie to look at you with a blank stare.

“No. I'm not telling you what it is and I am never telling Erin anything else ever again.”

“But babe!”

“No. Final answer.” Joe replied as you rolled your eyes at him which then led to him pinching your cheek.

“Fix your face. I want it to be a surprise and I don't plan on spoiling it for you.”

“Well I got you a gift for your birthday as well as Christmas. It didn't feel right combining both of them together.”

“And unlike my girlfriend, I'm going to be patient and wait.”

“You mean to tell me that you aren't the least bit curious about what I got you?” You asked him and you could tell he was thinking about his answer before he said it.

“Nope.”

“Liar. I know that you definitely want to know. But I'll just say I know that both of them are something that you're really going to love.” You told him as you reached up to kiss him.

“As much as I love you?”

“No, but knowing you it might come close.” You told him as you were now putting the final touches on the hot chocolate you made for the two of you and handed him his mug.

“And like I said, I'll be patient unlike some other people.”

“I'm ignoring you. Anyway, break out the telescope since it's clear tonight and we'll be able to see something.”

Once Joe had gotten the telescope set up by the window, you were just finishing your hot chocolate and went to place your mug in the dishwasher before going back into the living room and seeing Joe with a bashful smile across his face.

“Why are you smiling at me like that?” You asked while wrapping your arms around him and Joe leaned down to place a kiss on your forehead before responding to you.

“I'm about to show you. Stand in front of me and look through it. Don't adjust anything.” He said as he slowly turned you around so that you would be facing it.

You did as you were told and noticed that it was focused on one single star.

“I see it, babe. What's so special about it?” You asked as you turned back to look at him and he simply handed you an envelope.

“It's the star that I got named after us.”

Your eyes went wide and a smile broke out on your face as you took out the contents of the envelope and it simply said Y/N and Joey's Star at the top.

Underneath was a map detailing where you would be able to find it.

“So no matter where we are, whether together or apart. We can be able to look at it at the same time. This isn't a part of your Christmas gifts by the way, I just wanted to do it since I figured you would like it.” He shyly told you as the smile became wider on your face. You didn't say anything, but simply wrapped your arms around him once again.

“This was… no… this is definitely the sweetest thing that anyone has ever done for me. I honestly wouldn't have even been upset if this did end up being my Christmas gift. I love it and I love you which you already knew, but I figured that I would tell you anyway.” You quietly told him as he leaned down to place several kisses on your lips.

“And I love you. Remember earlier how you mentioned that matching pajamas are going to be a thing for us forever?” Joe asked and you gave him a swift nod.

“Mm hmm, what about it?”

“This is also going to be something that we have forever. Any time we get in a disagreement or we're not seeing eye to eye with each other, we need to remember that we're in this together for the long run. And looking up at the star can remind us of that. I know we haven't been together for very long, but I want this with you and I've been saying from day one how I'm going to treat you how you deserve to be treated.” Joe confessed and the smile on your face couldn't help but to get bigger.

“I'm going to hold you to that Burrow.”

“How about you hold me to this too? Look up for me?”

As you looked up, you saw that Joe was holding a mistletoe above the both of you.

“Any excuse to get more kisses from me, huh?” You playfully asked him and was met with a smirk.

“I mean, I've been getting kisses from the moment I got here, but this is just a plus.” He told you as he leaned down and you reached up to meet him halfway.

“And there will be many more where that came from.”

“Santa definitely did his big one this year.”

“How so?”

“I get to spend it with someone who I know cares about me just as much as I care about them. That's literally all I asked for.”

[harrysxcarolina]

casually fallin’

pt. 2 / pt. 1

b. eilish

wc: 8.4k

warnings: wlw, smut, angst, fluff, underage drinking, cussing, also half way proof read.. lol oops there’s probably more if so let me know

come out and play

august 27th, 2021

sophomore year

You were running late. Clasping your stuff in your hands as you slam the door shut trying to juggle all the shit in your hands. Groaning in annoyance as your phone vibrates causing it to fall out of your grip into the grass. Choosing to ignore it you quickly pick it up and rush the remaining distance to your car.

Throwing your stuff onto your passenger seat you check your phone.

Chels

I’m here, waiting in this long ass line. Didn’t think this place would be so packed. Who would have guessed everyone would be in a rush to move back in lol

Chuckling to yourself you send her a quick reply that you’re on your way and that you call dibs on the bigger side of the room. She responds back with the laughing emoji. Tossing your phone on the seat next to your other stuff you quickly start your car and make sure you can see out of all your windows.

Ignoring the fact you may have slightly over packed again this year you put your car in drive and make your way towards campus.

***

“Okay I think that’s the last one.” You mumble as you carry the last box into your shared room. Placing the box down on top of your desk flinging your body over your bed with a groan your legs feel like jello. You hear Chelsea’s laugh behind you. “Don’t laugh at me.” You state as you turn your body to look at her. “Well if you didn’t bring every single thing you own you wouldn’t be struggle bussin’ like it’s leg day.” Chelsea chirps back as she walks over and pulls you out of your slumped position.

“Maybe if they didn’t put us on the third fucking floor I wouldn’t be struggling.” You grumble as you try to fight her pull but fail miserably. Chelsea’s laugh echoes off the walls, “Keep tellin’ yourself that kid. We see how well it’s working for you now.” She finishes as she succeeds in pulling you to your feet. “C’mon. We gotta get you all unpacked. We got plans tonight.” She says with a smirk and a shimmy of her shoulders.

Trying to get you to laugh, it works, a small smile works its way across your face as a soft chuckle leaves your lips. “Do we have to stay long?” You ask as you grab your first bag of stuff and begin to sort it on your bed. “Act like you won’t disappear as soon as you see Billie,” Chelsea snorts as she grabs hangers out of the shared closet and starts to help sort your clothes.

Your cheeks heat up at the mention of Billie. You couldn’t deny the feelings that have slowly blossomed over the eight months spent with Billie. You’ve spent every free second you had together. From helping each other study for your first exams. To surprising each other at your jobs. Every weekend since that night last December have been dedicated to each other. The cute dates you’ve both taken each other on.

You both still weren’t out publicly both still new to this world of dating. If you’re being honest you have grown to become confused about your and Billie’s relationship. You did everything together. You’ve spent many nights tangled up in each other's sheets exploring each other's bodies. You’ve shared your deepest secrets and desires, yet the one question that has been bouncing around in your head the last couple weeks has still yet to be solved.

Were you ever going to be official?

Were you ever going to be her girl?

You’ve talked about it before. Once.

“Hey you,” you hear her soft voice before you see her take a seat next to you. Laying her books down on the table and slinging her bag on the back of the chair. Pulling her chair closer to yours she quickly reaches for your free hand under the table and gives it a squeeze smiling at you.

You feel your heart flutter as you return her smile.

“Hey,” you whisper back glancing down at your hidden intertwined hands.

“You okay?” She asks concern laced through her voice as she searches for your eyes. Her piercing blue ones look right through you as you take a deep breath. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just been- just been thinking.” You reply.

“Oh yeah? About what, pretty?” She asks, her smirk growing as she adjusts the backwards cap covering her dark locks.

Biting your lip you debate on whether to bring it up. Especially now in the middle of the library. Not that anyone was partially paying attention to the two of you, but still it’s an important, well private, conversation.

Billie senses your hesitation causing her smirk to drop slightly. Her eyes searching for yours once again. “Pretty?” She asks softly, giving you her full attention.

“Just about us-“ you whisper glancing down at your opened book your fingers loosen around hers as you feel your heartbeat pick up. She’s quick to tighten her grip on your hand pulling your attention back to her.

“What about us?” She asks hesitantly. Her thumb rubbing the back of your hand in a calming way. “Just that,” you take another deep breath. “Just that I really like you Billie and I can’t help but wonder if there is going to be more than this?” You state. Looking around you, lowering your voice, “I love spending time with you and I get it if you’re not ready for more, but I don’t want to just have you privately. I want more with you..” the words whispers off your lips squeezing her hand before letting go.

She sits there stunned. “We should- um- we should probably get back to our notes.” You rush as you turn back in your chair and go back to studying. Out of the corner of your eye you see Billie slowly, hesitantly, copying your actions. Grabbing a pen out of her bag and opening up her book, you notice her leg bouncing anxiously under the table. The tip of the pen between her rosy pink lips. You notice the way her jaw ticks as the tip of her tongue plays with the pen. The way her throat swallows out as she lets out a quiet cough.

You spend the next hour starting at the same paragraph. Your thoughts run wild as you try and steal glances at Billie. You feel your chest tighten as you chew on your cheek. Definitely wasn’t the time or place.

That was back in May. Shaking your head trying desperately to rid the thoughts you quickly grab the set of folded clothes and place them in a drawer.

“Do you think it’s a little weird that she still hasn’t asked me to be her girlfriend yet?” You quietly ask Chelsea as you keep your back towards her distracting yourself with clearing the box out on your desk. Slowly putting all your desktop supplies in the mapped out spots nervously waiting for a response from your best friend.

“I mean you guys did start seeing each other in January, but that's not taking into consideration the time you two also spent together from the moment you first met leading up to New Years Eve. You guys were weirdly drawn to each other very early on. Why do you ask?” She responds as she plops down on your bed looking at you with her hands folded in her lap.

You weren’t getting out of this one.

“I just have been thinking that I’m- I’m ready for something more than casual dates and hookups.” You admit as you pause your movements and glance over your shoulder at Chelsea. Her eyes soften as they meet yours.

“Have you told her that?” She asks hesitantly.

Nodding your head yes, “Right before finals.” You state leaning up against the desk chair playing with the rings on your fingers. ”And what did she have to say?” She questions as she stands up off the bed and walks over to you, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion. With a shrug of your shoulder your lips find themselves between your teeth. “It wasn’t exactly the time and place for the conversation.” You admit.

Chelsea nods her head in understanding.

“You haven’t spoken of it again since then?” She asks as she reaches for the now empty box and places it under your bed. Your silence is the only answer she needs as she turns on her heel and makes her way towards the closet. “Well then let's make tonight so great you forget about all the thoughts swirling around in your head. Everything will work out the way it’s supposed to when it’s supposed to. You can’t rush these things.” She states as she scans through your side of clothes until something catches her eyes. Smirking and nodding her head she pulls out one of your brand new dresses.

Holding it up for your approval you nod your head slightly with a small smirk working its way across your face.

***

Walking into the cramped house you can’t help but question why you always say yes to these things. You’d much rather have a night in with either a good book and a nice cup of coffee or binge watching your favorite movies with your friends. Grabbing Chelsea's arm tighter as you lead the both of you through the swarm of bodies invading every inch of this house. Working your way towards the kitchen in hopes that it would be less populated.

“Finaaaallllyyyyyyy!!” Chelsea yells as you push your way through the last cluster of people. The breathable air flowing in through the open windows takes over your senses as you welcome the clean air over the smoke, alcohol, and sweat filled inhabiting the previous rooms.

“You want a drink?” You ask over your shoulder as you walk up to the wild arrangement of options on the counter. “Are you really asking me that?” Chelsea jokes as she bounces her way over to you and helps you pick out your poisons for the night.

You and Chelsea laugh as she accidentally over pours and spills all over the counter. Quickly trying to grab paper towels before the liquid spreads too far you hear one of your favorite sounds. A familiar laugh. Her laugh.

Your eyebrows furrow as you look around trying to find where the sound is coming from. Glancing over your shoulder you hear it once more but louder. Noticing through one of the open windows a group of people migrating in and around the open hot tub that sits in the backyard of the frat house. Taking a step closer and leaning up against the kitchen counter you peek out the window.

Your heart stops at what you see.

It’s Billie.

Submerged in the hot tub.

Sitting across her ex, Josh’s lap.

Wearing from what you can see his oversized white t-shirt. Her dark hair tied up in a loose bun. A few fallen pieces framing her face perfectly.

Her head is thrown back in laughter as his arms are wrapped around her waist holding her lower torso against him as his smile grows seeing her reaction to his previous words.

Your stomach drops and swirls as the pit of your stomach grows in knots.

Your grip on the counter tightens and you start to feel the tips of your fingers get tingly.

“Whatcha looking at?” Chelsea asks as she skips her way over and bumps into you. Her laugh falls short as her eyes catch sight of what stole your attention. ‘“Oh.” Is all she was capable of saying. Her eyes glancing up at you as her eyes soften.

“Maybe it’s not-“ She starts.

Shaking your head fighting back the tears that are swelling up you turn your back and lean against the counter. Lacing your arms tightly around yourself your bottom lip finds its home between your teeth. The mingling outside continues as you and Chelsea stand there in silence. Smacking her lips together Chelsea lets out a huff as she makes her way back over to your drinks.

“Like I said, tonight is going to be a great night. With or without Billie.” Chelsea demands as she holds your cup out for you to join her. Reaching for the cup and tipping it back while taking a drink the side door creaks open as outside voices invade your space. Looking up not missing the group of wet half naked people waddling their way in you catch eyes with Billie. You don’t miss the rosiness of her cheeks. The way the water droplets gracefully slide their way down her porcelain skin.

Looking away you quickly wipe your eyes and begin talking to Chelsea about needing to go to the store to get a few more decorations for your guys room. Trying to distract yourself from the girl slowly making her way towards you. Billie grabbing one of the folded towels off the counter and quietly saying goodbye to the group. Her pulse is racing as she can’t help but notice the way you are clenching yourself. The way your bottom lip is swollen and red is no doubt caused by your teeth. The way your chest slightly heaves as if you were trying to catch your breath.

“Hey you,” she cautiously whispers as she finishes wiping the water droplets off her exposed skin.

Throwing her a quick glance, a small weak smile that barely reaches your cheeks. “Hey.” You respond.

“I think I saw Amanda back there dancing her little ass off. I think I’m gonna go join her. Let me know if you need me.” She states as she slowly starts backing herself away. Your eyes widening silently begging her not to go just yet. Slightly shaking your head in protest as her eyes state ‘you’ll be okay’ as she turns on her heel and zigs zags her way back down the hallway slowly disappearing in the crowd. Taking a deep breath you bring the red solo cup back up to your lips and welcome the tangy liquid.

“I thought you weren’t coming tonight?” You ask as the shakiness in your tone is evident. Gulping down your courage you steal a glance at the blue eyed girl beside you, who was silently itching to trace your warm skin with her chilly fingertips. Wanting to kiss and trace all the hurt away. She is silent for just a split second before taking the last step towards you. Her body heat slowly comes back with aid of the warm summer air.

“I didn’t think I would be able to, and then work let me go early knowing it was move-in weekend. As I was leaving I got a message from Chelsea stating you guys would be here and that I should come if I had the time-“ She rushed out trying to explain.

“How did you end up in the hot tub with your ex if you came here to see me?” You ask the heat rising to your cheeks as your temper gets the best of you. The confusion racing through you as you think of every single moment spent within the last eight months with her. All the butterflies. All the kisses. The touches. The dates you guys spent hours planning for each other just to make the other smile. All the moments she made your world stop by her compliments. Just to bask in how shy and nervous she makes you feel. Just to have your heart feel like it shattered all in the matter of a mere few seconds.

Your thoughts were running wild as you stood there in complete silence. Were you just a joke to her? Was it all a game? The thought that this wasn’t as serious as you thought it was causes an unsettling feeling in the pit of your stomach.

“Honestly, I’m not sure how we all ended up out there in the hot tub. We were all just hanging out and I was waiting for you. Someone had asked if we wanted to get in,” She said as her shoulders caved in and her head hung low. Her lip between her teeth. Reaching her hand up to grasp your hip. Taking a step back, you place the cup down on the counter. Her hand froze in place as she looked up at you. A flash of hurt glazes over her orbs as she takes a baby step towards you.

“I don’t- I don’t get it,” You whisper, glancing down at your hands as your body rocks slightly back and forth on the heels of your feet. “What are we doing Billie?” You state finally meet her stare. Eyes flickering between all your features as she shakes her head in confusion. Licking her lips as she feels her heart beating faster against her chest.

“You don’t get what?” She asks as her thoughts swirl around her pretty head. Tucking a piece of fallen hair behind her ear she takes a deep breath glancing around the room. Silently thanking that no one else was gathered in the kitchen. The loud music is slowly fading into the background as you both feel the soft breeze from the open window. The chatter of all the different conversations invade for just a brief second.

”What do you want with me?” You question as you grab the red solo cup once again and finish it off. Turning quickly to grab a bottle off the island you pour yourself another drink. You hear Billie scoff as she follows you.

“You aren’t serious are you?” She asks as she positions herself between you and the counter stopping you from adding anymore alcohol to your cup. Glancing up at you, your eyes meet. “Why do you always avoid the question?” You snort back.

“I’m not avoiding the question!” She exclaims as her posture straightens up. “I just don’t understand why you’re asking me that question like that.” Chuckling to yourself, “Billie it’s been eight months of whatever you want to call this. So let this be the last time I ask you. What do you want with me?” You state firmly. Your chest heaving slightly as you try to control the tightness that is building in your chest. Your fingers grip the cup tighter as the tension in the air gets thicker.

Billie gets quiet. Her bottom lip found a home between her teeth. She takes a deep breath as she takes her hair out of the messy bun. Her dark locks cascading down her shoulders framing her face perfectly. Which didn’t help with the burning want for her that was growing deep in your core despite the hurt and confusion flowing through your veins.

“I-” she starts but stops herself. Giving her a couple seconds in hopes she chooses to let you in her head. You notice she starts to fidget with the rings that lay perfectly along her fingers.

Raising your eyebrows as a scoff leaves your lips.

“I guess that answers my question.” You state as you bring the red solo cup back up to your lips downing the entirety of the drink. Billie gripping your wrist quickly as she watches you in shock.The both of you knowing you weren’t one to drink often.

“Would you stop trying to get wasted while we talk?” She exclaims as she removes the cup from your grasp, placing it on the island. The look on her face is pure stunned as she watches the colors change in your eyes. She sees the pang of hurt flash across your face. “What conversation Billie? You can’t give me an answer anytime I try to talk to you about it.” You exclaim as you begin to pace the kitchen floor. Your hands racking themselves deep into your hair trying to rub away the thoughts that were swirling around like crazy.

“Do you know how frustrating that is? How confusing is it? To have all these feelings for you, to feel things I’ve never fucking felt before, for a girl who tells me privately she wants me only to find her on her exes lap laughing and having a great time. Especially after you canceled on attending with me.” You express as you fight the tightness that builds tighter and tighter in your chest. The realization that you’ve fallen in love with Billie, not sure if she feels the same as you, hits you like a ton of bricks. The tears swell up in your eyes, stopping your movements in the middle of the kitchen. Your back to her as your arms cross over your chest trying to hold yourself together as you can’t fight back the hot tears anymore.

The silence is deafening as the cool breeze blows through your hair gently tickling your warm cheek. Quickly wiping your face before anymore tears can escape you freeze as you feel a pair of familiar arms wrap themselves around your waist.

She quietly shushes you as she pulls you tighter against her front. You welcome her scent and the familiar pull of her arms around you for a moment. Closing your eyes, taking a deep breath, as your mind finally quiets down.

“I’m sorry,” She whispers into your back.

You feel your heartbeat begin to slow as you even out your breaths.

“I can’t keep doing this Billie,” you breathe out as you gently place your hands on top of hers. Giving them a gentle squeeze before removing them from your body. You feel her body tense up as you take a step away from her. Her eyes widen in panic as she watches you turn to face her. Dropping her arms to her side she feels her hands get clammy. Her heart beating so hard she swore she could feel it beating throughout her body.

“I can’t keep feeling like this. I feel crazy,” you whisper. Glancing down at the floor as the tip of your shoe scuffs the hardwood floor. “Billie, I've fallen in love with you, and I can’t help but think that this is all one sided.” You state coming clean. You hear a gasp escape from Billie causing you to look up through your lashes. You fight back the knots growing in your stomach as you notice her stare is fully on you.

“You really think that low of me?” She whispers as she quickly reaches up and wipes the tears that broke through hopeful that you didn’t notice. You did. Her hands balled into fits at her side as the baggy t-shirt slowly slid down her shoulder. The neck stretched out no doubt caused by it being over worn. Reaching up you slide it back up to its rightful position. Your warm skin gently brushes hers causing a shiver to consume her.

“I don’t know what to think Bils-” you respond quietly. “I can’t just be your little experiment. I can’t pretend that this isn’t more for me. I know what I want, so maybe I just think it’s best if we-”

“No, don't say that.” She rushes as she quickly looks up at you taking a step forward so the tips of your shoes just barely touch each other. Her hands find themselves on your hips. Holding you in place. “Please- please don’t.” She begs. Her lower lip captured between her teeth looking up at you with the softest pair of blue orbs.

“I’m sorry Bils, I just think we are on different pages, and it’s not fair to either one of us to continue further.” You reply before you slowly remove her hands from your body taking a step back before grabbing your cup off the counter. Grasping the rim tightly as you turn on your heel hoping that the weight of the cup in your hand would be enough to distract you as you walk away from Billie. Your free hand clasps your chest tightly trying desperately to hold yourself together as you zig zag your way through the crowd. Refusing to look back at the dark hair girl you poured your heart and soul into.

You made the right choice. You had to walk away. You had to. Just breathe. You’ll be okay. You made the right choice.

The chant running over and over in your mind. Trying to talk yourself into believing it.

***

The loud music echoes off the walls. Searching through the crowd of people in hopes to spot Chelsea but fail miserably. Groaning under your breath you knew coming was a bad idea. The cup in your hand slightly spills over the rim and down your hand as someone brushes past you. They shoot a quiet sorry as they shuffle their way deeper into the crowd. Taking a deep breath you wipe your hand on your dress and search for a quiet place to escape to as you decide to just try and text Chelsea’s.

Sighing happily as you find an open room down the hall. Closing the door behind you as you glance around. Chuckling to yourself as you notice they must have turned this room into a storage room as you see boxes upon boxes stacked up along with other household items they probably had no idea where to put.

A small smile works its way across your lips as you slide yourself down the open wall. Pulling your phone out and quickly shooting a text to Chelsea to see if she is ready to leave and letting her know where you are hiding out at.

Taking a deep breath you scroll on your phone in hopes to distract you of the recent events between you and Billie. A few moments pass before you see a response from Chelsea letting you know she’s getting a snack to sit tight.

Before you have time to respond you hear a soft knock on the door and are soon greeted with her presence. Glancing up at her as you set your cup and phone down on the floor you feel your chin quiver and the tears swell back up. Not fighting against them this time as you let them flow freely.

Chelsea is quick to sit beside you putting her snack down beside her pulling you into her side as she holds your head tightly against her person. “Shh, shh it's okay darling. Let it all out.” She whispers as she holds you. Letting you take your time to collect yourself. You don’t know how long the both of you sat on the floor before your body had nothing left to give you. Your cheeks stained from the saltiness of your tears. Your lashes clumped together by your ruined mascara. Your chest heaves slightly as you try to match your breathing to Chelseas. Letting you take all the time you need she grabs the spoonful of peanut she had waiting in the jar up to her lips.

“Do you wanna tell me what happened?” She softly asks as her fingers run themselves through your locks. Gently massaging your scalp with her fingers. Shaking your head no against her shoulders as you play with a loose string on the hem of your dress. She offers you the next spoonful of peanut butter. You feel her take a deep breath before she presses her lips to the crown of your head as you take the spoon from her grasp. “You know she’s going crazy out there looking for you right?” Chelsea states as she moves all the fallen pieces of hair that lay in your vision. Tucking them behind your ear as she still holds you to her side. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as you work the peanut butter down your taste buds.

“Tracked my ass down on the dance floor and demanded that I help her find you. So whatever happened between the two of you she clearly wants to fix it. She wouldn’t take no for an answer.” She states with a chuckle. “A stubborn one that one is. Here I thought you were the stubborn one.” She jokes. “Look I know that this is all new territory for the both of you, and I can’t imagine that it would be easy to navigate it, but what I do know is that that girl is head over heels for you-”

“Chels-” you start.

“Uh-huh let me finish. Now I haven’t spent as much time with her as you, but one thing is clear. She is head over heels for you. People get scared, love. People do stupid things at stupid times that we can’t explain, but that doesn’t mean they can’t love you or that they don’t love you. You’ve always been so ready for love. So open to it, but others need time to- need time to process and work through it. There’s no time frame on love, especially if it's the real deal. It’s always worth the wait for the right person.” She finishes as she uses her free hand to gently tip your chin up causing you to make eye contact.

“I think that she is your real deal.” Chelsea states as you both sit there in silence.

“It doesn’t matter anymore. I fucked it all up Chels. I-I-I really messed up, and I don’t know if it’s fixable.” You whisper as your chest tightens once more. The tears build up and threaten to escape. Her warm hands instantly cup your cheeks. Looking up into her eyes you can’t help but capture your lip between your teeth. Shaking your head before closing your eyes as the thought of you leaving her behind hits you once again. You hear her broken voice on repeat.

“Please- please don’t.”

“Hey, look at me. It’s fixable. I promise. If you really love her and you really want it to work you will find a way to fix it.” She nods as she wipes the last of your tears and aids you in standing up. “She’s outside waiting.” She states as she bends back down to pick up the open peanut butter container. Your eyes widen in shock.

”What?”

A smirk works its way across her face, “I told you she wouldn’t take no for an answer.” She shrugs as she takes the spoon back and takes a step back to look at you. “Okay, I’m going to go back out there and probably get fucked up. You’re going to stay in here until you both gush out all your feelings and may just maybe fuck it out.” She states with a smirk as she looks around the room. Her smirk slightly falls, “and they say romance is dead.” She looks up at you with a shrug of her shoulder.

“You really think we are going to fuck in here Chelsea? Girl for one we are at a damn frat party, and for two, I literally just broke off whatever was going on between us not even an hour ago. I doubt either one of us will be in the mood to do anything but cry.” You whisper as you tuck your hair behind your ear and adjust your dress, quickly running your hands across your ass hoping to wipe away any dirt or dust.

A deep laugh erupts off Chelsea, “You really gotta get out to more parties love. There’s a lot more fucking then you think. Plus, who knows maybe just maybe this will all work out and you’ll be crying out in pleasure instead of pain.” Her smirk takes over her face as she slowly backs away from you, inching closer and closer to the door.

“Way to be cliche,” you say as a soft chuckle falls off your lips.

“You ready?” Chelsea asks as she grips the door handle, looking at you for confirmation before she lets the girl who stole your heart walk through the door. Taking a deep breath before nodding your head you do one final look over, making sure to fix your hair of any fly aways before Chelsea slowly opens the door and steps out. You hear their muffled voices as you fight the urge to look at the door and wait for her to walk in. Afraid to confront all the unspoken thoughts and feelings brewing between the both of you.

Within seconds you hear the door creak open wider as her figure slowly steps in. You are quick to move your gaze up and take in her presence. Her body slightly slouched as her head hung low. Not sure where to place her gaze as she takes a few more steps towards you. Her hands reaching up and swiping the baby hairs out of her eyes. Her tongue makes quick work in wetting her lips before she moves her gaze to you.

“Hey you,” she whispers in a hushed broken tone you’ve never heard before. Her hands dig deep into her pockets as she stops her movements just inches from you. Her once flushed face is now pale as she nervously nibbles on her lip. Her foot kicks the floor beneath her as she moves her gaze down to the floor as well.

“Hi you,” you reply softly, causing her eyes to quickly meet yours. A small flash of emotion you can’t identify flashes through her orbs as she fights a one sided smile. Her gaze moves throughout your features before landing back on your stare.

“You walked away from me.” She states as she hesitantly takes a step closer.

Your breath catches deep in your chest. You can’t help the pang of hurt that erupts in its wake as you fidget with your fingers. Biting your lip as it quivers your gaze moving down to the floor. You feel her presence before you hear her soft voice. Her fingers gently grab yours as she squeezes your hand before she interlaces them. “Please don’t ever walk away from me again.” Taking the last step before she is standing directly in front of you. Inches apart.

You feel her body heat radiating off her in waves as her scent invades your senses.

It hasn’t even been an hour and you’ve desperately missed her. Even with all the hurt and confusion racing through you she was the only one you wanted. The only one you needed. Her forehead finds yours as she breathes you in.

“I’m in love with you too, pretty girl.” She confesses as she moves her free hand to hold your hip gently pulling you flush against her. Not letting you go this time. “I should have told you sooner. I should have just been honest. I’m so sorry. I was so scared that I would mess everything up. That I would do something wrong and you would leave.That I wouldn’t be a good enough girlfriend for you.” She rushes out as her hand flexes against your hip. You feel her chest brush against yours as she looks up at you meeting your eyes.

Your breath catches as you reach up and trace her cheek smiling when you see them warm up under your touch.

“The only thing that you could do to mess it up would be to keep all those thoughts locked up in that pretty head of yours. I can’t read your mind.” You state with a soft chuckle.

“You’re the only thing ever on my mind. From the second I wake up to the movement I close my eyes at night. You are everything to me. God- I never- I never met to hurt you. Everything just got so jumbled in my head and I fucked it all up.” She proclaims as her lip quivers.

You’re quick to grip her cheeks between your hands. Forcing her to look at you.

“Someone once told me that if they are the real deal they are worth waiting for. You’re worth waiting for. I’m sorry for how impatient I’ve been. I should have been more understanding and seen that you needed me to be patient.” You whisper as Billie drops your intertwined hands and reaches up to cup your cheek, her thumb gently rubbing your smooth skin.

“No, don't do that. None of this is your fault. You tried to talk to me. I made you feel- made you feel like, shit I made you feel like I wasn’t in this.That I can’t stand the thought of losing you. I made you think that my whole world wouldn’t fucking stop having to watch you walk from me. My heart fucking shattered. It’s literally all on me, my love. I’m so sorry.” She declares before crashing her lips onto yours. You freeze as your whole body feels like it's on fire.Your hands drop to your sides. Her hands are still gripping your cheeks as you move your lips against hers.

A low moan leaves her lips as you kiss her back, her grip working its way to your hair pulling you down to her. Your hands land on her torso slowly sliding themselves behind her back tugging her forward so her stomach and chest is pulled tightly against yours. Tilting your heads deepening the kiss as her tongue swipes across your lower lip asking for permission.

Slowly opening your lips to her warm tongue you can’t help the smile that crosses your face. Her grip on your hair tightens as she works her tongue against yours. Her soft mumbles of ‘i’m sorry’s’ brush against your lips anytime you pull apart to breath. Moaning softly as she slowly works her lips down your jaw.

“Say it again?” you ask her softly as your eyes close in bliss. You feel her smirk against your neck. A low hum vibrates against your skin as she gently nibbles your skin. Her free hand works its way up your back searching for your zipper as her lips trail down your jaw to your sweet spot right behind your ear. Your grip on her back tightens as you lean your head back giving her more room. “Say what again pretty girl?” She teases as her grip in your hair tightens holding you tight as she slowly lowers your zip down your spine. Her lips not faulting as she feels your heartbeat quicken against her lips.

Groaning loudly, as you grip her hips tightly. “Please say it again?” You beg as her teeth graze your earlobe.

“I love you,” she groans in your ear as her hips rut against yours. “I love you so much, mamas,” She whines as she pulls your lips to hers. Your lips battle against each other as she slides your dress down your body as your hands grip the hem of her shirt and quickly remove it off her body.

“Are we really about to fuck in a storage room?” You question as you pull apart from her to catch your breath. A smirk works its way across her lips before her bottom lip gets tucked between her teeth. Her hands slowly slide down your body making their way to her own hips as she unbuckles her belt and button. Stepping out of her pants as she keeps her eyes on yours. A soft shrug leaves her shoulders a coy smirk on her face. Your eyes work their way down her half naked body.

“I want to make myself very clear on some things,” she starts as she takes a step closer to you. Her eyes linger on yours as she waits for you to acknowledge her. Nodding your head as she licks her lips once again.

“You most definitely aren’t some little experiment.” She states as she motions for you to lay down. Raising your eyebrows in protest before her hands grip your hips as her lips find your neck. Her teeth grazing your skin as you can’t hold back the moan that leaves your lips.

“Let me show you how much I love you. Please,” she whimpers against your skin as her fingertips tease the skin above the waistline of your panties. Nodding your head as you slowly lower yourself to the floor. She’s quick to follow as her body hovers over yours. Arms on either side of your head. Reaching up and pulling her lips back to yours. Your back arching off the cold floor as her hips sliver between yours.

Your fingers tangle themselves in her in dark locks as your heads tilt deepening the kiss. Her teeth capture your bottom lip and gently pull, causing you to lose your breath. Chest evening as your hands grasp her back pulling her down fully against you. Her moans seep into your skin as you welcome the weight of her body and her warm skin touching yours.

Her hands gripping your torso as her lips work their way down your neck to your cleavage. Making sure to leave no skin untouched as she leaves open mouth kisses everywhere. Arching into her touch as you gently rock yourself against her. Her breathing hitches as you rub up against her core just right.

“Fucking shit-” she moans as she ruts herself harder against you causing the both of you to lose it in moans. Her lips enclose around your nipple as her free hand grips your hip, getting lost in the feeling of you beneath her. Tongue flicking and teasing your sensitive bud as her lips suck you deeper in her mouth. Your hands roam her naked back as you feel the wetness pool between your thighs.

“Please,” you moan quietly as she moves over to your other breast giving it the same attention.

“Please what, pretty? Use your words for me.” She mumbles as she looks up through her lashes with a heart stopping smirk plaster across her face. “Touch me.Touch me please baby,” you whine as you grip her free hand and move it between your hips. Her fingers brush against your dripping core. Your hips buck up unintentional as she slowly rubs circles on your throbbing clit.

Her head falls onto your shoulder as she lets out a low growl as she quickly removes your underwear and slides her hand right back in between your folders. Working her fingers through your wetness as her lips make their appearance leaving her mark all across your chest. Teeth grazing every few kisses loving the way she can feel your heart stop every time she bites down making you hiss beneath her.

Her fingers teasing your sensitive bud as she slowly rotates up and down, around and around until she has you gasping for air pulling her down harder against you begging her,

“Please, please don’t stop!”

“You're close already mamas?” She snorts her hot breath hitting your skin, her fingers never faltering as she matches the pace of her hips with her fingers as she slides two in without warning. Moaning at the fact she easily slides in as her palm presses hard against your clit. Rubbing just right as her hips thrusting against her hand causing her fingers to go deeper searching for that spongy spot to cause your mind to go fuzzy and your nerves to feel like they are on fire.

The act of her fingers fucking your deeply with the force of her hips grinding against you has you spirling and melting like puddy in her hand. Your moans grow louder as you wrap your legs around her hips causing her to lose her grip beside your head fallen on top of your. Your hands make quick work to unclasp her bra and slide it down her arms. Leaning up freeing her breast you waste no time in leaning up and capturing one of her buds between your teeth biting and gently pulling. Her hips sputter against yours as her head falls against her shoulder moaning loudly from your actions.

“Shit baby, your tongue feels so fucking good.” She moans as she leans up her hips continue to thrust against you and her hand curling her fingers just right against your sweet spot. Thighs clenching together as your hips grind up against her.Taking everything and everything she has to offer you. Pulling her in deeper wishing this moment would never end. Her free hand reaches up and wipes the hair out of her eyes so she can take the sight of you in. Her tits bouncing perfectly in front of your eyes. Your lip between your teeth as your chest heaves up and down. Hair sprawled out across the floor as your body rocks perfectly against hers. Your wetness dripping down her hand and thighs. Your core getting tighter and tighter the longer she stares down at you.

“Hey you,” she whimpers above you. Your eyes working their way up from her bouncing breast to her icy blue orbs. Smirking up at her as your back arches up off the floor slightly asking for her touch. Without hesitation her hand grips your tit. Squeezing and pulling as she flexes her hand between your clenched thighs. Rubbing both your sweet spot and clit just right causing you to see stars as you unfold all over her fingers. Moaning her name over and over again as your hips grind against her faster in hopes of prolonging your high for as long as possible.

“I love you,” you moan, reaching up for her wanting her lips on yours. Falling into you her lips crash into yours as she moans against you. “Fuck, I’m never going to get tired of hearing your say that baby.” She admits as she clasps your cheek in her palm, bringing your lips back to hers. Her hand slowly removing itself from between your thighs. Her smirk grows as she watches your cum drip down between her fingers.

Her tongue doesn’t miss a beat before she's lapping your juices from off and between her fingers. Her lips sucking every last drop as her orbs darken with a jerk of her hips against yours. Moaning, gripping her hips tightly as you lean up begging for her lips. Granting your wish she captures your lips and slides her tongue in not asking for permission. Swallowing her moans as you slowly slide your hand between her thighs as she gently rocks her hips against your palm. Her breath catches as your middle finger teases her clit.

Foreheads together as her hot breath fans across your face. Her lips bunched between her teeth as her tits sway against yours. Nipples rubbing against each other causing electric shocks to fire across your skin.

Her breath ragged as you spread her wetness all around her clit looking up at her through your lashes. Biting your lip as you grip her hip with your free hand helping aid her in her motions against your fingers.

Your middle finger flirts with her as your lips find her neck. Kissing along her hot skin, leaving your mark, as your tongue soothes the love bites. Billies groans echo off the bare walls as your fingers slowly slide into her heated core. Her back arching as you thrust and twist your fingers against her walls. Her breathing gets heavy as you guide her hips to rock faster against your fingers as you whisper in her ear how badly our want her to cum. Begging her to show you how much she loves you.

Billie loses control as she clenches around your fingers. Her hips rotating against your palm as you rub her clit just right. Her lips search for yours as she crumbles on top of you. Her hips slowing down but still moving gloriously against you. “I’m cumming- shit baby right there.” She moans against your lips as her body shakes against yours. Breathing each other in as you gently rub up and down her spine. Gently placing soft kisses as you slowly thrust your fingers riding out her high. Soft whispers of ‘i love yous’ bounce against each other's lips as you try and catch your breaths.

You feel her smirk against your lips as you slowly remove your hand from between her thighs. Reaching your hand up to your lips your tongue traces between your fingers as your eyes meet hers. Moaning at her taste on your tongue her smirk matches yours as she leans down and searches for your lips. Capturing them she traces your bottom lip groaning as she tastes herself on your lips.

“I think I’m ready to go back to the room now.” She whispers against your lips. Your cheeks heat up as your eyes meet hers. Nodding your head as you aid her in sitting up you search for your dress. Reaching around to grab it but you’re stopped mid turn, confusion laces your features as you’re met with her soft orbs.

“Ask me again please?” She asks softly as her fingers trace your cheek. Her eyes flickering between your eyes and lips as she holds her breath waiting for her answer. Searching her eyes for any sign of hesitation you take a deep breath.

“Billie,” you whisper with a giggle. Her face lights up as she fights the smile working its way across her cheeks. Nodding you on waiting for you to continue.

“What do you want with me?” you ask your gaze dropping as you can’t hide the shyness that takes over. You pulse quicken as you fidget with your fingers. Not for long before Billie grips your chin tilting your head up to meet her gaze.

“I really want you to be my girlfriend, so will you please” she whispers before she brings her lips down to yours. Laying a soft peck on your swollen lips before quickly pulling away, “pretty please be my girlfriend?” She asks as you swear you could hear her heart beating against her chest. Gripping her checks and pulling her lips back to yours. Devouring her moans as you deepen the kiss.

“I really want to be your girlfriend.” You declare as you pull away with a quick peck.

“So you’re my girlfriend then?” She asks with a smirk. Needing verbal confirmation.

“Yes.” you grin. Her face lights up in pure joy as she pulls you in for one last kiss before telling you to get dressed. Wanting to head home and devour you in every way possible. Not sure what the future holds, but as the both of you start to redress yourselves you can’t help but think you both were ready to face whatever would be thrown your way as long as you had each other.

pt 1

[cinnamorollcrybaby]

Prison changes a man

tags: mean!Satoru x fem!Reader, spitting, hair pulling, nsfw, toxic behavior, guys he’s a walking red flag in this, angst, hurt/no comfort.

An: This was just suppose to be smutty filth of Satoru being an asshole, but it actually got sad and meaningful towards the end. Oops…

I love soft!Satoru as much as the next person, but we need to talk about cold!Satoru. I’m talking about the Satoru who came back after being trapped in the prison realm. The one who came back a little different than how he left.

The one who spent the agonizing time in the lonely confides of the prison realm doing nothing but push ups and sit ups all day. The one who practices the output of cursed energy until his eyes couldn’t stay open anymore.

The one who went days without food, water, sleep, and socialization. The one who was alone with his thoughts for far too long. The one who saw his best friend’s dead corpse talking right before he was captured. The one who knew people were going to die in Shibuya, but he couldn’t do a damn thing about it.

He wasn’t going to let people die again. No, this was his burden to bear as the strongest. He had to make sure everyone got stronger before December 24th. Everyone needed to be at their best, or they needed to give up being a sorcerer completely (Kusakabe tried, but Gojo forbade him from resigning). It was either get with it, or get out of the fucking way.

He was only hungry for one thing: strength and power. His body had learned how to go without food and water for an extended amount of time. Nothing physical held him back besides himself.

No one got away with slacking off. Satoru was even treating his coworkers like a drill sergeant. He was constantly out on the field with them either doing cursed energy training or stamina training.

Today, you were his victim of choice. You had been running laps around the field for god knows how long now. Satoru was unrelenting as he kept a steady pace behind you. He didn’t even looked phased, even though you had been running without break for too fucking long.

Your legs were completely numb, and your thighs felt that weird burning itchy sensation from the constant movement. Your chest heaved as you tried to get whatever oxygen you could into your lungs, but your chest was so tight. Everything hurt, and the world was spinning before your eyes.

“For fucks sake, yn. Sukuna would’ve already tore you to shreds by now. Hell, even Uraume would’ve caught up to you.” Satoru hurled insults when he noticed his peers or students start to falter.

Your feet come to a halt, and you double over from the pain in your chest. Your body tries to gasp for air, but you’re just fucking choking on it like a fish out of water.

“Sa.. toru.. water-“ You tried to gasp out, lusting for the water bottle that he held in his hand.

“Oh? Are you thirsty?” Satoru asks as he eyes you down. His footsteps are slow and methodical as he approaches your pitiful form. His large hand grabs underneath your chin, and he tugs your face upward to look up at him.

His fingers squeeze the sides of your cheeks tightly, forcing your mouth open for him, and he gathers the saliva in his mouth before spitting directly into your mouth. “Drink up, slut. Maybe you’ll run faster with some of my DNA in you.”

Satoru hadn’t felt hungry for anything other than power in a long time, but when he heard that small breathy whimper escape you when you so graciously accepted his spit in your mouth, he felt a hunger for something else entirely.

He almost overpowered it until he looked at your eyes: so fucking needy and helpless. A twitch in his boxers immediately solidified his decision.

“C’mon. You’re doing a different form of training.” His voice was low as he wrapped his hand up in your hair and proceeded to walk you down to what use to be his office.

He was so fucking mean when he trained your cute cunt on taking his cock. His tip bullied its way past the ring of muscle relentlessly pounding into you like there was no tomorrow… because there might not be a tomorrow for him.

“Don’t tell me you’re fuckin’ cryin’ already, slut. ‘m not even all the way in yet.” He taunts as his hips pull all the way back until just his tip was in, giving you a false sense of security before he pummeled every inch right back inside of you down to the hilt. “I’ll give you something to cry about.”

Your body was at its complete limit, but Satoru wasn’t done yet. He was going to fuck you until he couldn’t anymore, until your walls remembered the shape of his cock, until the hurt of being sealed was masked by pure unadulterated pleasure. He was going to fuck you until things felt okay again.

“Don’t you start passing out on me, sweets.” He threatens before pinching your clit with his pointer finger and thumb, sending shockwaves of pleasure up your body. “Eyes on me.”

The way you clenched around him — so fucking wet and tight had him spiraling. How could you be getting off to this? Maybe you were as sick as he was. How were you already on your 3rd orgasm? Now, he has to play catch up with you too.

Satoru made good on his promise. When his balls were completely empty, and he was shooting blanks… when he couldn’t hardly think anymore but his hips kept trying to move from muscle memory, when you were covered in spit, sweat, drool, and cum… he finally felt okay again.

“You think I’ll win tomorrow..?” His voice was just an insecure whisper. A moment of fleeting weakness from the strongest of today provoked by skin to skin contact with you. Your hearts beating as one.

“I think that me and everyone else at the school will love you regardless. Win or lose.” You murmur lowly, somehow still conscious after everything.

“You really mean that?”

“Yes, I really do.” Your hand leisurely strokes his hair — still so soft despite everything that’s happened to him.

“I want to win… I want to come home and know what it feels like to be loved so unconditionally. I want to save everyone just one last time… I have so much I want to make up for…”

“Come home tomorrow, Satoru. Come home, and I’ll show you unconditional love…”

[f1goat]

his masseur x lando norris

In which you're Lando his best friend and masseur, but your feelings start to cause a bit of trouble.

Requested: yes Warnings: small mentions of sexual content / not proof read

Tuesday - August 2022

“Maybe you can sleep in my bed this time?” Lando asks you. 

You look up surprised. This is new.

“What’s wrong with the guest room?” You ask still surprised.

“Nothing!” Lando quickly exclaims, “but I’m tired but I also don’t want to stop cuddling like this. So I thought we could sleep together.. Maybe?” 

You notice that Lando is rambling now. You smile at him. “That sounds great,” you say with a genuine smile.

Lando leaves his earlier position to get of the couch. You think about what’s happening. Maybe it’s weird for friends to cuddle as much as you and Lando do. Maybe it’s even weirder that you’re going to sleep in the same bed as him. But it’s not like you mind. You have been crushing on Lando forever, so every little thing you can have you take willingly.

Thursday - November 2022

“Happy birthday Lan!”

You kiss him on his cheeks. Lando pulls you even closer to him so the two of you can hug properly. After a bit you release yourself from his hug so you can give him his present. You hand him over the present you carefully wrapped with an orange wrapping paper. You watch how Lando unties the golden ribbons. 

His face lits up when he sees the present. You smile as well from his happy reaction. It’s safe to say he loves the new microphone you got him. It’s themed with everything he likes. The Quadrant logo and colors are covering the stand part, while the mic itself is a bit more McLaren themed. 

“I thought you could use a new one for your streams,” you tell him. 

“You’re amazing!” Lando exclaims enthusiastic. He pulls you closer to himself again. It doesn’t take more then a few seconds before he’s hugging you once again. 

“I love it,” he tells you softly, “You know me the best!”

Sunday - December 2022

“Finally a well deserved break,” Lando says. 

You nod. “You were amazing this season,” you tell him. 

Lando smiles gratefully. “I couldn’t have done it without you,” he tells you even more grateful. 

“Don’t say that,” you say quickly, “It was all you. I’m just massaging you.”

“I’m glad you’re on my team,” Lando says, “so I might have a tiny surprise to thank you for that.”

“A tiny surprise?” You ask.

“I booked us a hotel here, so we can spend a week together. We can do some fun things! Like exploring the city and go buggy riding in the desert.”

“That’s not a tiny surprise,” you tell him while laughing.

“Oops,” Lando just says.

“Are you thanking everyone on your team like that?” You ask.

“I send the rest a nice thank you card,” Lando replies.

You laugh.

Sunday morning - January 2023

“I can’t wait to spend the whole year with you again,” Lando softly says. The clock just stroke midnight. Lando is sitting next to you on the couch. You’re with friends, but everyone is busy with wishing each other a happy new year. Something you should do as well, but you’re enjoying your small private moment with Lando. 

“Me too Lan,” you say, “and a happy new year to you!”

“Happy new year!” Lando replies happily.

He comes closer to you. You want to press a kiss to his cheek, like you always do with friends while wishing them a happy new year. Lando seems to have the same idea. You don’t know how it happend, but in some way Lando his lips end up on yours.

“Oh fuck,” you say.

It didn’t even last two seconds, but it feels like an eternity. 

“Sorry!” Lando quickly says.

“It doesn’t matter Lan, nothing happened. I’m going to wish the others a happy new year as well.”

Lando watches you when you walk away. He sighs. “Yeah, nothing happened. Just my feelings for you,” he mutters annoyed. 

Thursday night - February 2023

“Thanks for picking me up,” you tell Lando.

“It’s nothing, how was the date?” Lando asks you.

You sigh. “Since I texted you a few hours earlier then we discussed I think you can conclude that it was bad.”

“I don’t get it. Why do you keep going on dates with types like this?” Lando asks you.

“I don’t know either,” you sigh. You think about who you really want. The guy next to you who’s currently driving you home in his McLaren. Lando is silent, he’s thinking about how it shouldn’t feel this way. Every time he picks you up he’s happy that your date didn’t go well. He can’t be like this. His jealousy is rising up way too much recently.

“I think I’m going to stop dating for a while,” you tell Lando after a bit of silence, “Maybe I’m not ready yet,” you add.

Lando can’t stop himself from smiling. It’s insane how relieved he feels suddenly.

Friday night - March 2023

“Would it be weird if we kissed?”

You look up at Lando. Does he even know what he’s asking you right now? It’s not like you can blame him right now. He’s drunk. But still, you let out a small sigh when you think about his question. Yes it would be weird, but you wouldn’t care about that. 

“I kinda want to kiss you,” Lando continues.

Butterflies are all over the place inside of you. You don’t have to check the rear mirror in Lando his car to find out your cheeks are red. You feel flustered. You try to focus on driving, but Lando is making it hard for you. For the second time that evening you remind yourself about Lando his condition. He’s drunk. Carlos and Max texted you before to warn you and when you picked up Lando you quickly noticed it as well. You can’t take his words serious right now, he’s drunk. 

“You’re drunk Lan,” you tell him after doubting for a bit, “but yes, it probably would be weird. We have been friends forever.” You don’t tell him that you don’t mind the weird aspect. You also don’t tell him about your feelings from the last years for him. 

“If you say so,” Lando sighs. 

You hope Lando doesn’t asks questions like this again. Or not like this. He can ask questions like this, but not when he’s drunk and his words are meaningless. 

Saturday morning - March 2023

“Fuck,” Lando grunts, “That was just what I needed.” 

You release a bit off the harsh pressure you used earlier. Slowly you massage further. Since you graduated last year, you’ve become Lando his personal masseuse. You’ve been lucky when McLaren hired you for it. Since then you join Lando and his - and your - team to every race. Meaning you can spend a lot of time with Lando. 

“I thought so,” you tell Lando smilingly.

Lando lets out a soft moan. Something that can give you weird butterflies sometimes, but now you’re getting used to it. It’s just because your massaging him. 

“You seemed pretty drunk last night,” you add.

“Oh god,” Lando grunts, “Please don’t remind me. I have no memories left. Sorry that you needed to pick me up like that.” 

You let out a soft disappointed sigh. You already expected this, but still. It would be nice if Lando remembered what he told you last night. It’s nothing new. Things like this happen way too often. 

“It doesn’t matter Lan, that’s what friends do,” you tell him to comfort him.

“Hm, friends yeah,” Lando sighs. 

“What do you mean?” You ask.

Lando doesn’t really respond anymore. You put a bit more pressure on his abs while massaging him. While you do so you think about multiple weird situations you had with Lando. 

“Maybe we can have a night in tonight? After qualifying,” Lando suggests after a bit. “We can watch some movies or something, whatever you like,” he adds.

“I kinda planned a selfcare night,” you tell Lando, “but maybe we can combine it?” 

“I’m in,” Lando tells you happily. 

“Great!”

Saturday - April 2023

“Y/n, it’s time for my massage.”

You look up surprised. Lando is standing in front of you and Pierre. What is he talking about? You just massaged him earlier. You’re free for the rest of the day. 

“Let’s talk further another time,” Pierre tells you.

You just met him. He seemed nice. Maybe you can finally find some other friends on the grid as well? 

“That sounds great,” you tell Pierre excited. 

You almost start to think that Lando lets out a scoff, but you’re probably wrong. You walk closer to Lando and he takes you with him to his drivers room.

“I already massaged you Lan, what was that about?” You ask him confused.

“I just got a bit of pain in my shoulder,” Lando mutters.

“Okay, can you pull of your shirt?”

When Lando feels your hands on his painless shoulders, he feels happy again. Maybe it was childish, but he didn’t see another way to get you away from Pierre and back to himself.

What’s going on with him?

Wednesday - May 2023

“I think I’m in love with y/n.”

“No shit,” Max sighs, “It took you forever to find out.”

Lando looks at his friend. Was he that transparant?

“So when will you tell her?” Max asks.

“Never!” Lando says quickly. He almost shouts. “What do you think that’ll happen? She doesn’t return my feelings, everything will become awkward and then I will lose her.”

“For fuck sake,” Max sighs, “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Max, you have to keep this a secret,” Lando almost begs, “I can’t lose y/n.”

“You’re such an idiot.”

Saturday - June 2023

“Fuck, that feels amazing,” Lando moans.

You slowly apply more pressure to his body. Your hands roam around Lando his necks and shoulders carefully. When you come closer to his neck, Lando can’t withhold another soft moan. You start to feel the well known butterflies flatter around in your body.

Lando doesn’t stop. He keeps letting out soft sounds that show you exactly what you’re doing to him. After a bit you notice that you’ll get an even bigger reaction when you massage him on a specific spot close to his neck. You can’t help yourself and don’t stop touching him there. Can it be his sweet spot? You wonder what will happen when you let your lips touch his neck right on that spot. Fuck, you shouldn’t think like this.

“Can you lie down on your back Lan?” You ask a bit later.

Lando shuffles a bit, but he doesn’t move to lie down on his back. You wonder what’s going on. 

“Lan?” You ask.

“Give me a few minutes,” Lando tells you. 

“Is something wrong? You need to tell me if you feel uncomfortable or painful when I do something,” you say.

“No!” Lando quickly replies, “It’s far from wrong.”

You don’t get it at first, but then Lando lies down on his back. You notice the bulge that formed itself in his pants. Lando doesn’t look at you. Something that comes in quite handy right now, because you’re smile isn’t really professional anymore.

Sunday - July 2023

Lando his qualifying at Silverstone went amazing. He got the second place and that as his home race. This is amazing. Currently the two of you are laying on the couch. You’re feeling relaxed while spending time like this with Lando. 

“Maybe I can massage you a bit?” Lando suggests, “Reverse the roles  for once.”

“That seems nice.”

Lando helps you to find a comfortable position on his lap. His hands slowly find your shoulders. He’s quick to apply a bit of pressure on them. You let out a soft sigh of relaxation. It’s been way too long since someone massaged you. That’s the disadvantage of being a masseur, everyone always expects you to massage them and not the other way around. 

“How does this feel?” Lando asks you. 

It feels like his hands are touching you everywhere at once. You haven’t felt this relaxed in a long time. He’s slowly massaging your neck and you can’t stop yourself from letting out a soft moan. 

“Like you should do this more often,” you answer Lando jokingly.

You don’t tell him that you already feel yourself getting wet. Fuck. Why does he have to have such big, strong hands? That also feel insanely good on your body?

***

A few hours and a movie and some YouTube video’s later you’re still laying against Lando. The two of you are cuddled up on the couch in your hotel room. Lando plays with your hair while he focuses on the television in front of him. You can’t seem to focus anymore. Your mind keeps filling up with thoughts about Lando. 

“I’m glad you’re on my team,” Lando tells you suddenly, “I couldn’t have done this without you.”

“You’re the one who’s racing this good,” you reply. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Lando says slowly, “but I couldn’t have done any of this without your support. It means the world to me that you’re always here.”

“There’s no place where I would be rather.”

“Promise me you’re in for a long time?” Lando asks you.

Without even thinking about it you stick out your pink. Lando is quick to wrap his own around yours.

“I promise Lan and if you join another team, I’ll do everything I can to join them as well.”

“I’m not going anywhere else if you can’t join me,” Lando says, “If they want me, they get you as well.”

You laugh. 

Sunday - July 2023

You haven’t seen Lando for a while now. The two of you are in some sort of night club with a lot of the other drivers. Earlier today Lando got his second place. His first podium of the season. He even drove a couple laps as race leader. Things were amazing. You haven’t been proud, excited and happy like this for a long time. It feels insanely good. That’s why the both of you wanted to celebrate. 

“Hi!”

You notice that Pierre Gasly is standing in front of you and just greeted you. 

“Hey,” you greet him back.

Pierre and you have know each other for a while now. You can say that you’re friends with each other, but not really close friends. During race weekends you’ll talk with each other, but that’s about it. Still, when you talk to each other it’s nice and comfortable. 

“In the mood to dance?” Pierre asks you. You’re quick to nod. Pierre gives you his hand and takes you with him towards the dance floor. 

When Lando searches for you, he’s surprised to find you on the dance floor. Until he sees with who you are. Fuck. He lets out an annoyed sigh. Why does Pierre always come close to you? Lando thinks about a way to get you away from Pierre, but he can’t figure out something right now.

“Congrats on the podium!” 

Without even realizing it, Lando is hugging with Yuki Tsunoda. He makes a bit of small talk with him, but Lando his eyes never leave you and Pierre. It annoys him that you’re still dancing with him. He needs to figure out a way to get you back to himself.

“Don’t you find them cute together?” Yuki asks him after a while.

Is Yuki talking about you and Pierre as well? Before Lando can say anything, Yuki continues talking.

“Pierre has been planning on taking her out for a while, maybe he’ll finally ask her now,” Yuki tells Lando. 

“He likes her?” Lando asks.

Yuki nods.

“Fuck, I knew it,” Lando mutters annoyed. 

Without a plan he walks towards you and Pierre. When he stands in front of you two, he’s quick to grab your arm. You are quick to look up. You’re surprised to see Lando in front of you. 

“We’re going back to the hotel,” Lando tells you quickly, not knowing any better excuse right now. 

“Why?” You ask surprised.

“I’m not feeling well,” Lando lies. 

He notices the way your facial expressions change. He starts to feel like a terrible person when he sees your concerned face. 

“What’s wrong?” You ask him. 

“I’ll explain in the car,” Lando answers with the lack of a better answer.

“Wait, y/n, before you go, can I ask you something?” Pierre asks you.

Lando his grip on your arm firms. He pulls you with him softly. You look at him, still concerned about his well being. “I really want to go,” Lando tells you. He knows what’s coming next, Pierre is going to ask you out. Fuck. He needs to get you away. 

“Maybe you can text me it?” You suggest to Pierre, “Lando isn’t feeling well, so we’re leaving now.”

“I’ll just ask you later,” Pierre sighs.

When you’re sitting in Lando his car, you notice that the boy is looking a lot better already. His weird facial expressions from earlier are gone, he almost seems relieved now? Maybe he was overwhelmed with all the attention and loud music? 

“What was wrong?” You ask Lando. 

“I uh,” Lando stutters a bit, “uh, I uh, I had a.. a uh, a headache. But it’s already getting better now.”

***

“Sooo,” you let out. You have been waiting for a moment to ask Lando something and maybe now is your chance? 

“So?”

“Why don’t you like Pierre?” You ask him. 

Since you and Pierre have gotten a bit closer, you have noticed Lando his strange behavior against Pierre. He always tries to get you away from him with excuses (?) about more massages. Or he joins your conversation and makes things awkward. What seems on purpose sometimes. 

“You always try to get me away from him,” you add while waiting for Lando his reaction. 

Lando sighs. Maybe he should just tell you everything. But he doesn’t. 

“There’s nothing wrong with Pierre,” Lando replies.

Wednesday - July 2023

“Want to lunch together?” Lando asks you. 

“I’m sorry Lan, Pierre asked me to get lunch together earlier today,” you reply a bit disappointed. If Lando only asked you earlier…

“Oh allright, then I’ll see you later. Right?” Lando asks disappointed.

“Yeah, after lunch I’ll be back,” you reply. 

“Okay, have fun.”

Friday - July 2023

“We’re still on for tonight, right?” Lando asks you. 

“What do you mean?” You ask surprised. 

“It’s Friday!” Lando exclaims loudly, “we always have your self care night on Friday.” 

“Oh fuck,” you whisper. You totally forgot. Or better said, you didn’t know Lando saw it as a weekly thing. “Pierre asked me out for dinner tonight, I’m so sorry Lan,” you explain, “but I can cancel?” 

“You don’t have to,” Lando sighs, “just have fun with Pierre.” 

***

Y/n: uh hi 

Y/n: can u pick me up?

Lando: where?

Y/n: *location*

Lando: where is that? Who lives there?

Y/n: Pierre

Lando: can’t he bring you home

Lando: you seem to be dating him

Lando: not me.

Y/N: please lan

Lando: Omw

***

“Thanks for picking me up,” you tell Lando when you step into his car. 

Lando is quick to notice your sad expression. He wonders what happened inside Pierre his house. When he sees a small tear rolling over your cheek, he knows for sure something happened.

“What’s wrong?” Lando asks you. 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” you sigh. 

“Babygirl,” Lando sighs, “What’s going on lately? We barely see each other and now I’m picking you up from Pierre’s while you’re all sad?” 

You let out a small sob. 

“I fucked things up,” you cry out. 

Lando increases his speed, he wants to get home as soon as possible so he can talk to you properly. He puts his free hand on your thigh and slowly draws some figures on it. When you use both of your hands to hold his, he can’t resist a small smile. 

When you’re inside Lando his home, you know Lando still wants answers. He deserves them as well. Together you sit down on his couch. You try to look at Lando, but you can only sob when you do. 

Pierre asked you to be his girlfriend tonight. You told him no. Of course you said no. You thought things between you two were just friendly. And there’s Lando. Maybe if Lando wasn’t here, you would have given Pierre a chance. But he’s here. He’s always on your mind. Even when you tried to forget about him, he’s always present in your thoughts. 

“What happened?” Lando asks you again. 

“I uh,” you stutter, “Pierre uh.. He, he asked me to be his uh.. his girlfriend.” 

“Then why are you crying? Isn’t that what you wanted?” Lando asks confused. His body is heating up. He can’t handle it if you’re officially Pierre’s. 

“I said no,” you state. This time the words come out a bit calmer. 

“Didn’t he accept that?” Lando questions.

You just nod your head this time. When you think back about Pierre his reaction, you shiver. 

“Want to talk about it?” Lando asks you.

“Later,” you suggest. 

Lando opens his arms for you. It doesn’t take you long before you find your comfortable spot back. You lean on his chest. You’ve missed this. 

“I’ve missed you,” you sob.

“I never left,” Lando states, “I just gave you some space with Pierre.” 

“I don’t want space,” you sigh. 

“What do you want?” Lando asks you confused, “I thought you wanted to date Pierre, so it seemed logical to give you a bit of space while figuring things out with him.”

You don’t think about your answer.

“I want you,” you state. 

When the words leave your mouth, you realize the impact of them. Fuck. What did you just do? This is going to be the moment that you’ll lose Lando. You already feel him straighten up, sitting more straight then before. Slowly you seat yourself different as well. Lando looks in your eyes and you can’t look away. 

“That’s a dangerous thing to say,” Lando replies.

“I can’t unsay it I guess,” you sigh, “This is just great. I fucked up something even more important now.” 

“You didn’t ruin anything,” Lando comforts you, “but you need to explain what happened and what you mean.” 

You sigh again. 

“I told Pierre I didn’t want to date him, I thought our ‘dates’ were friendly. Then he got mad. He started to talk about all the money he spend on me,” you explain slowly, “I told him I could pay him back, but that wasn’t what he wanted. I don’t know what happened, but I do know I lost a friend.” 

“And then I started thinking about you. How I blew you off multiple times because Pierre asked me to do something, I was afraid that I lost you as well.” 

“Pierre’s a dick,” Lando scoffs, “and you can’t lose me. No matter how hard you’ll try, you can’t lose me.”

You let out a couple sobs. Lando pulls you closer to himself again. 

“What do you mean with wanting me?” He asks you.

“Fuck Lan,” you sigh, “I’ve been in love with you for like forever.” 

Lando doesn’t know what he just heard. He asks you again. And again. You keep telling him the truth. 

“Fuck,” he says after a while.

“I’m sorry,” you sob, “I knew telling you was a mistake. Please stay my friend.” 

“Max was right,” Lando says.

You look at him, confused by the deeper meaning behind his words.

“I should have told you,” Lando continues, “Then all of this would never have happened.” 

“Told me what?” You ask confused.

“I’m in love with you,” Lando confesses, “I’ve been for the longest time. That’s why I didn’t like all of your dates, including Pierre.”

Saturday - August 2023

“It always turns me on when you massage me,” Lando confesses. 

You laugh softly. 

“Remember than one time you massaged me?” You ask Lando. He’s quick to nod. “We both have that problem.” 

“Maybe I can massage you again tonight?” Lando suggests. 

“That sounds amazing.”

[bleue-flora]

***UPDATE***

I did some snooping of my own as well as had people find or rule some out (I’ll probably continue to update this as we go on so to check the updated list return to the original post instead of the reblogs)

Alright, by popular demand here it is. There are likely things on here that may not exist yet because the map is from before the finales or don't exist at all or aren’t on this map (these items will be marked DNE - does not exist). I don't know, but that's part of the fun I suppose. :) Feel free to leave the answers in my asks, tag me, or just use the tag: #dsmp scavenger hunt so I can find your posts. <3 Good Luck!

DSMP Scavenger Hunt

Places

1. Staged Duo Island [related post]

✔️2a. Map #1 - Found ✔️2b. Map #4 from Dream’s wall in his bedroom cell [related post] (hopefully they are oriented right, I based it on the other wall maps’ orientation) - Found

2b. is Sam's Base at -3803 70 -3926 [post] (seems the map was oriented wrong oops, my bad... apparently it was right on his wall)

2a. has been determined by @sumwan to be a map of a more completed version of Sam’s handmade retirement island [post] (which is not actually shown in its completion on the dsmp map we were given, but is another mystery solved nonetheless :D)

✖️3. Quackity's storage room (what is in the chests?) [clip] - DNE

Given the look of this room and the presumed general area based off of the stream, I searched everywhere and am going to say this no longer exists and must have be changed since April 2021, perhaps it was part of a Las Nevadas building during construction… so no new torture method lore I guess :[

4. Quackity’s birthday poster (does it really say he’s 28? Or that his birthday is on December 28?)

5. Dream’s house (does he actually have one that’s not the prison or his old secret base)

✖️6a. Revival Book Lab [clip] - DNE ✖️6b. Punz's secret underground room - DNE

6b. The finale secret room has been confirmed to not have been built yet [post]

6a. It is a general consensus at this point that because Punz's tower does not appear the same as in the video that the video was filmed on a different map so there is no lab.

✖️7. Dream’s bed for respawning in the disc confrontation (it had to be close for him to get there so fast [related post]) - DNE [post]

✔️8. Warden’s prison stasis chamber on the outside [clip] - Found [post]

9. Does Quackity have an in Minecraft calendar? (that Dream mentions [clip] & is shown in vod)

10. Did they make a replica of the cell for the scrapped lore and just never filmed it?

Items

✔️11. Books Dream gave to Techno in prison (are they all empty?) - Found

No, the one labeled Dream says “dear technoblade” and the others also have things in them, not necessarily super notable but not nothing [post].

➖12. Dream’s letter to Techno - Maybe?

There is a world in which it could perhaps be the Dream book with “dear technoblade” in it [post] because that is what the scene ends on [clip].

13. Revival Book

14. Are there multiple Enderboo prison waivers for multiple visits?

➖15. The OG pink bed (shown in old enderchest [from this post] but not later) - Unfindable

So there are actually a shit ton of pink beds on the server a result of Eret’s ‘you matter <3’ pink wool and the og pink sheep at the community house no doubt. So I think this will be pretty impossible, unless we find something that seems like Dream’s house which has a pink bed.

✔️16. Does Dream have any named possessions? - Yes

A fish named J DAWG, good on Sneapeekay for giving Dream a pet, our boy has an attachment now :) [post]

17. Dreamrider [clip]

✔️18a. Dream’s blue shield - Found 18b. Smile shield from staged finale

18a. George still has it in his ender chest :) [post]

*40. Bonus Addition - Sam’s missing Warden items [related post] including : 40a. WARDENS WILL 40b. His armor and ✔️ 40c. His trident Wardens Mercy - Found [post]

Enchantments

✔️19. Enchantments of Quackity’s netherite low durability axe - Found

Efficiency V and Mending [post]

✔️20. Enchantments of Quackity’s diamond sword - Found

Sharpness I [same post as axe]

✔️21. Enchantments of Quackity’s diamond pickaxe - Found

Fortune II and Efficiency III [same post as axe]

✔️22. Dream’s armor enchantments after prison (how does it compare to Nightmare?) - Found

Pretty comparable as far as main enchants go, but definitely missing the extra frills [post] (thank you to @sumwan for finding Nightmare)

Questions

✔️23. Would Techno and Dream have been able to escape from under the cell? [clip] - I think EVENTUALLY Yes [post]

✔️24. Is the End completely untouched? [related post] - Yes

@blockgamepirate has made the observation that no End file exist so presumably they never went to the end before the finale.

✔️25. Are the cow and sheep still at the disc confrontation vault? - No

Just For Fun - Where are these?

✔️26. KSI portraits from sex class (are there any still around?) - Yes

I do not have the plugin but all maps seem to still be in the school.

27. DEFINITELY NOT PENIS

✔️28. Dream’s Diary - Found

It was still in the cell.... [post]

29. “thanks for visiting” prison book

30. The :) book Sapnap gives to Ranboo from Dream in prison

31. Sam’s book that says "I am not an idiot "over and over

32. The L’manberg photo from the finale [clip]

✔️33. Are there any Tales of the SMP sets? - Yes

@feyscape has found the City of Mizu at 13979 70 12937 [post]

@feyscape’s website notes that The Town That Never Was is at 843 97 -296 [link]

✔️34. Egg - Found

Oddly, near Bad and Skeppy's mansion and the prison, not the banquet room, at 325 11 -884 [post]

35. Bones and Skeppy’s house (in Egg Finale) [clip]

✔️36. Antarctica Tommy got teleported to when he was banned on his first day [related post] - Found

@feyscape website coordinates at 2000 64 2500 [link]

37. The ocean monuments missing elder guardians (for prison build)?

38a. Fundy's house in mesa 38b. Fundy’s nightmare set in mesa biome [clip]

✔️39. Dream’s parrot’s grave [Dream's parrot] - Found

@oduvany has found it at 237 2309 [post]

Helpful Resources

@sumwan’s post [here] tells how to access inventories

And @seriousbusiness4130 left some helpful replies on my post about finding the loaded chunks of a map:

@feyscape has set up a helpful coordinates archive [here]

[airenyah]

A LOOK AT STYLE'S JOURNEY | Ep 12

(Overview | Ep1+2 | Ep3 | Ep4 | Ep5 | Ep6 | Ep7 | Ep8 | Ep9 | Ep10 | Ep11)

Oof, so this took me forever to write. A week and a half. But now it's finally here, the final post of this meta series. And yes, I did hit 20k words by the finale, oops. The analysis part alone is at 20.1k words. In total, this meta series is at 150k words. When I wrote that very first post about episodes 1+2 in on single sitting, pulling an all-nighter to both write, gif, and publish it I never expected it to turn into this huge project that has become. Don't ask how much sleep I was getting while I was writing these metas. And don't ask how my studies have been going since early December (I was gonna write two exams a week from me publishing this but I haven't done any studying so far whatsoever rip). Totally worth it, though. Anyway, I don't wanna keep you on your toes any longer, so have fun <3

By the way, I apologize in advance, but the section cover pics had to go for this one. Instead I bring you.... more gifs! Yay!

Acknowledgments: To everyone who regularly liked and/or reblogged and/or commented... THANK YOU 😘 Your encouragement really kept me going over these past few weeks, even when my brain was feeling really exhausted from thinking so long and so hard about this series and especially this character. I had a blast going on this journey and I'm glad I got to share it with you. Thank you for coming on this journey with me. I love you.

Pronoun situation: As usual, just assume Fadel and Style use the rude pronouns guu/mueng with each other unless I specify otherwise. And I WILL be specifying otherwise this time hehe.

To recap: Last episode Style got to spend a lovely 24 hours of saying goodbye to Fadel before the one thing that Style has been dreading the most (safe for Fadel's death, probably) happened: Fadel got arrested. And there's nothing Style could do about it but watch. And now he has to live with the fact that his boyfriend will be in prison for the next five long years.

No. 1: Visitors

Kant and Style go visit their boys in prison together and it seems to be their first visit in general, considering how both couples are catching up. We don't know how long it's been since they last saw each other, but I assume it must have been more than just a couple of days, since we later learn that the burger restaurant has already been sold.

Either way, Style is now sitting in front of Fadel, asking him how prison is. Fadel says it's not that bad and Style checks in once more to make sure Fadel is really fine: "Really? You sure you're not saying that just to make me happy? I've seen some interviews, and the people who have been here said it was awful."

After all, Style knows Fadel and he knows Fadel is prone to pretending that everything is fine when really, it isn't. Style even called Fadel out on it in episode 7: "Just admit when it hurts. You don't have to be tough all the time." Back then Style also told Fadel: "I'm worried about you, you know? I was afraid something would happen to you.*"

*กลัวมึงเป็นไรไปอ่ะ [gluua - mueng - bpen rai - bpai - àh] afraid - you - have a problem - [particle] Official subs: I thought you were a goner.

Now, about half a series later Fadel is finally very well aware of just how much Style worries about his well-being and, with a laugh, reassures him once more that prison really isn't that bad. Style lets it go and tells Fadel: "I really miss you, though." And let me just share what I learned when I asked my Thai friend about the phrase ก็...อยู่ดี [gôh ... yùu dii], because I wasn't entirely sure what it meant: according to my friend it means "still" (German speakers: he translated it as "immer noch"), so the line goes more like:

But I still miss you. แต่กูก็คิดถึงมึงอยู่ดีนะ [dtàe - guu - gôh - kít-tĕung - mueng - yùu dii - ná] but - I - miss - you - still - [na]

They've been separated for a while now, but Style still misses Fadel. Style hasn't stopped missing Fadel. Fadel acknowledges that and tells him "When you do, just come visit." And for those curious about the literal wording (it doesn't really change anything, but I know you guys love this <3):

If you miss me, then come visit me like this. ถ้ามึงคิดถึงกูอ่ะ ก็มาหากูแบบนี้นะ [tâa - mueng - kít-tĕung - guu - àh • gôh - maa hăa - guu - bàep níi - ná] if - you - miss - me - [particle] • then - come visit - me - like this - [particle]

Style doesn't say anything. He just smiles at Fadel fondly and in love. Fadel didn't preemptively break up with him last episode and even though there is a barrier between them, Style can still go see Fadel and Fadel also wants Style to come see him. It's not ideal, but things could have been much worse, so Style is happy and also makes the best out of the situation. Just like he always does.

Fadel then asks about the garage and it's the first time we learn that Style's dad is starting to retire and that Style is starting to be busy. This will come up later in the episode again, but for now everyone is still happy. Then Fadel asks about his burger restaurant and both we, the audience, and Fadel learn that it's been sold. Fadel then says he'll find a way to buy it back once he's out of prison and once again we're handed information that will be relevant later in the episode.

Style being Style immediately announces that he'll be helping Fadel find a new place, if he can't get back the old one. And now it's Fadel's turn to smile at Style fondly and in love. Style then asks if Fadel wants anything special. But Fadel doesn't need anything. "Just seeing your face will last me a whole month." And again, the literal wording doesn't really change anything here, but if you're curious, this is what he's saying:

Just you visiting me like this makes me happy for a month. แค่มึงมาหากูแบบเนี่ย กูก็อิ่มใจเป็นเดือนละ [kâe - mueng - maa hăa - guu - bàep nîia • guu - gôh - ìm-jai - bpen deuuan - lá] just - you - come visit - me - like this • I - [sentence link] - happy, pleased - for a month - [particle]

Fadel uses the word อิ่มใจ [ìm-jai] here (which I translated as "happy") and that's funny to me personally, because this word already came up when I was discussing a different sentence from episode 11 with my Thai friend. You know when Fadel and Style are in the kitchen in episode 11 and Fadel talks about how he wants to do what he loves with the person he loves? And then he says "It makes me happy". The word that was translated as "happy" in Thai is อิ่ม [ìm], which actually translates to "full". And I had my friend watch the scene and asked "What does he mean 'full', what does that mean in this context??" and my friend explained that in this context it means "happy" and mentioned the word อิ่มใจ [ìm-jai], which he also explained to mean "happy". The literal translation, though, is actually "full heart" (as in the heart is full → you're happy). And then this exact word that I learned comes up in episode 12, I love it. So yeah, Fadel is basically telling Style that he doesn't need anything, because Style visiting him in prison is enough to make is heart full/fill up his heart for a month. And from the way Fadel raises his eyebrows and smiles cheekily when he says the อิ่มใจ [ìm-jai] part, I assume it's just as cheesy in Thai as it is in English, especially judging by Style's reaction afterwards.

Style is amused, impressed, as well as touched by Fadel's cheesiness and asks: "What did they feed you in there? How come you're this sweet?*"

*ทำไมถึงหวานขนาดเนี้ย [tam-mai tĕung - wăan - kà-nàat níia] how come, why - sweet - to this extent Official subs: You're way too sweet.

If you read last episode's meta you might remember how I went over the development to from โหด [hòht] (= harsh, aggressive, brutal) to หวาน [wăan] (= sweet) and I just love how this time around, the word โหด [hòht] doesn't even get mentioned anymore. They went from Style using only the word โหด [hòht] in episode 4 ("No matter how harsh you are, I'm still hooked on you." / Official subs: "It doesn't matter how scary you are, I'm still hooked."), to them making comments about and discussing Fadel being both harsh (โหด [hòht]) and sweet (หวาน [wăan]) in episodes 7, 9, and 11, and now in the finale Style only uses the word หวาน [wăan] (= sweet). It's the polar opposite of episode 4. I love it.

(By the way, I'm not gonna copy and paste all the direct quotes again, so if you wanna look at the lines and the development of "harsh vs sweet" in detail, please refer to section 7 of my ep11 meta.)

Style continues to say "If you say such sweet things, it'll only make me want to hold you and kiss you even more, you know?" and I'm just gonna share the literal wording again:

The sweeter like this you are ยิ่งมึงหวานแบบเนี่ย [yîng - mueng - wăan - bàep nîia] the more - you - sweet - like this the more I really want to embrace you and (sniff) kiss you on the cheek, you know that? กูยิ่งอยากกอดอยากหอมมึงมากเลยรู้ป่ะ [guu - yîng - yàak - gòht - yàak - hŏhm - mueng - mâak loiie - rúu - bpà] I - the more - want - hug, embrace - want - (sniff) kiss - you - very much - know - ?

In the official subtitles Style says just "kiss you", but the word he uses here in Thai is หอม [hŏhm] which, from what I've picked up so far, usually refers specifically to a kiss on the cheek, especially those sniff-kisses. And that's what prompts Fadel to turn his head and offer his cheek to Style — because Style specifically asked to kiss Fadel's cheek.

Also, something about the way Style says this and the way he emphasizes and drags out the word หอม [hŏhm] kind of really reminds me of the way he emphasized and dragged out the word หวาน [wăan] (= sweet) when he shouted "My meat is sweet, I tell you!" in episode 3, and watching these two lines back-to-back actually shows the development so beautifully:

In episode 3, Style is so very loud and he doesn't mean what he is saying at all, he isn't taking his words seriously whatsoever. His words are a performance and the world (or rather the market, in this case) is his audience. In episode 11, his words are still a performance, but now it's a private show for Fadel and Fadel alone. Fadel is the sole member of his audience and what Style is saying isn't meant for anyone else but Fadel. Style is serious about it now and he really means it. By the episode 12, Style is still loud in his personality, but compared to episode 3 his demeanor is so much calmer and he is also much more grounded.

The difference is also in Fadel's reaction: in episode 3 when Style isn't taking what he's saying and doing seriously whatsoever, Fadel doesn't have time for him. He rolls his eyes and just leaves him standing there. In episode 12, when Style means every single thing he says and does, Fadel actually leans closer and then presents his cheek to Style, going along with Style's antics instead of blocking or ditching him. Style blows a cheek at Fadel and we leave them as they continue to make heart-eyes at each other.

No. 2: This Is Torture

Style puts on his cheerful face when he's in front of Fadel, and while I don't think any of the above was a mask, because I think he is definitely genuinely happy to talk to Fadel, there is still some frustration that Style only lets out as soon as he's away from Fadel, similar to how he didn't fully cry until Fadel was completely gone at the end of last episode. "Kant, I can't do this," Style complains and let me just share the real vibe of his sentence:

Ai'Kant, I can't fucking do this anymore. ไอ้กานต์ กูแม่งไม่ไหวแล้วว่ะ [âi Kant • guu - mâeng - mâi - wăi - láew - wâ] Ai'Kant • I - [rude interjection] - not - able to, can - anymore - [rude particle]

I usually don't bother to point out sanitized subtitles, but here I thought it was appropriate, because first of all, Style using curse words and rude language really underlines just how frustrated he really is about this from his first line of the scene on and second of all, to me with the cursing it comes across as even more dramatic and I mean, the drama is what we've all come to love about Style, isn't it? Kant agrees and once again Style is much more dramatic in the original wording than he is in the official translation:

What's torturous is going in and being able to chat only for a few minutes. ที่มันทรมานอ่ะ คือเข้าไปคุยได้ไม่กี่นาทีไง [tîi - man - tor-rá-maan - àh • keu - kâo bpai - kui - dâai - mâi gìi -naa-tii - ngai] that - it - torture, be tortured - [particle] • is - enter, get in - talk, chat - be able to, can - not many - minute(s) - [particle] Official subs: The worst part is only getting a few minutes to talk to him.

Yeah. Style explicitly calls it torture that he can only see Fadel's face but can't touch him. He continues with the drama:

We're close, but so damn far away. ใกล้แต่ไกลฉิบหายเลยมึง [glâi - dtàe - glai - chìp-hăai - loiie - mueng] close - but - far - [impolite intensifier] - [particle for emphasis] - you Official subs: We’re so close but it feels so far.

Style is frustrated, almost downright angry even. Kant agrees again and when Style then asks "Is there no way we could hold them in our arms again?" There's a hint of desperation and impatience now mixed in with the frustration. Kant informs Style that there's a special visiting day, but it's only once a year. And here we have the biggest clue as to just how unhappy Style really is with the situation. Style, who usually stays optimistic and tries to find the bright side in things, is very dissatisfied about those news. Even positive Style can't see how the special visiting day is a good thing. Because once a year just really isn't enough, no matter how he looks at it. Kant throws him a glance. Style is sitting in the passenger's seat, head downcast, looking very dispirited and crestfallen.

Kant thinks some thoughts for a moment. Then he announces "I think I have an idea that will give us more than just a hug." Style lifts his head again. He's listening.

No. 3: Prison Break

For Kant's idea to work they need Captain Christ's help and they go meet him in a parking lot. They let Captain Christ know they wanna get into jail to see their boyfriends and Captain Christ actually asks the reasonable question of "Can't you just visit them?" No. They cannot. Because looking at them through a barrier is simply just not enough. Style starts listing all the things he wants to do to Fadel and he's clearly thought about this a lot. He gets lost in his own world a little the longer he goes on, clearly seeing everything he's describing in front of his mental eye, clearly seeing Fadel himself in front of his mental eye. And in a parallel to both episode 4 and episode 11, Style trails off at the end, leaving it up to the audience to imagine just what exact kind of things Style wants to do to/with Fadel (fanfiction, anyone?). Style pulls himself out of his fantasy and back into the real world, sighing and shaking his head in a way that reads to me like frustration about the fact that he can't be doing all of that. Kind of like Come on, man, get it together... The circumstances won't let you have your fantasies anyway. When the shot changes to Captain Christ, we can see that Style is even looking towards the ground. We can't see his face, but just from his dissatisfied expression just now we could interpret his hanging head as disappointment or sadness or both about not being able to do all the things he just talked about.

Captain Christ says that Style is crazy in love and from the way that Captain raises his eyebrows and the way the corners of his mouth twitch into a bit of a smirk when he's done speaking has me think Captain Christ was saying it to tease Style, but I think the teasing passes right by Style, because he makes a skeptical face, kind of like a bit of an annoyed and maybe slightly defensive What?? or maybe even a bit of an And what's wrong with that?

Captain Christ discards his cigarette and starts asking questions about just how exactly Kant and Style plan to get into prison, pointing out that he had just helped Kant wipe his slate clean. Kant explains that they aren't planning on getting themselves arrested and asks if Captain Christ knows anyone inside. Captain Christ says he does, then asks: "Don't tell me you want me to help you reenact Prison Break?"

Special shout-out to Style's reaction, because it's definitely in my top 5 moments of the episode, if not my absolute favorite highlight of the episode:

His face makes me laugh and giggle so much, it just really cracks me up. It's like he's thinking to himself Oh I sure wouldn't mind a little prison break... or maybe even Oh this is totally not the exact thing I've been fantasizing about. Let's be real, this would be Style's ideal scenario. But unlucky for Style, that's not the plan that Kant has had in mind.

No. 4: Vocational Training

Kant's idea was to go do some kind of volunteer work (or something along those lines) at the prison. Style, of course, teaches fixing cars, and it's interesting that Fadel actually shows up for that, because without knowing Style was gonna be the one teaching, Fadel could have easily chosen a different activity instead, since we never actually saw him be interested in fixing cars. Maybe Fadel heard about it and it made him think of Style and decided to go check it out in honor of him or to feel closer to him. Either way, Fadel actually shows up to Style's class and from the way Style's jaw drops a little bit I wonder, if this comes as a surprise to Style, since it's not like Style specifically told Fadel he was gonna come in.

Pronoun change! You might have noticed yourself, but the very first thing Style says to Fadel is khun. Style is pretending not to know Fadel. Style continues to speak using no pronouns at all and when Fadel answers, he goes along with Style's pronoun change, using phom to refer to himself. The two of them continue to use the polite phom/khun for the rest of this specific conversation.

Fadel says he doesn't know anything about fixing cars and Style replies it's fine, because Fadel can learn about it. Then he says "If you want to, that is." The expression that Style uses here in Thai is มีใจ [mii jai] which is made up of มี [mii] = "to have" and ใจ [jai] = "heart, mind", so literally it translates to "have (a/the) heart". My friend explained that in this context this phrase means "to have the intention to do something". The funny thing is, though, that I asked my friend about this specific phrase a couple of episodes ago, because Style actually uses it when they're standing by the broken down car in episode 8 when he teases Fadel "Either a hitman like you still have his humanity, or you’re in love with me." In other words, the phrase มีใจ [mii jai] can also mean "to be in love" and now I'm wondering if this specific word choice with this double meaning was very intentional for this episode 12 scene. Especially because Fadel then huffs and smiles a little.

Style walks up to Fadel and tells him "I'll show you every nook and cranny of a car. You'll definitely find some use for what you learn from me. But if you still can't fix cars after that, I'll fix them for you," still using polite pronouns and particles to address Fadel, and somehow this whole thing just really reminds me of their little roleplay at the garage back in episode 5. The way Fadel's eyebrows shoot up and he huffs in amusement really raises the question if Fadel is wondering what kind of payment Style will take for fixing Fadel's car. At the same time, Style offering to fix Fadel's car also works as a callback to the circumstances in which they first met: Style has fixed Fadel's car once before, maybe even twice, if we assume that Style fixed the jeep again between episode 8 and episode 9 when it broke down.

No. 5: A Man Has Wants, A Man Has Needs

At the end of class, Fadel is working on the car and Style uses the chance with everyone else distracted for a little private chat with Fadel. And now that they don't have an audience listening in and appearances to keep up, they're both back to the rude pronouns guu/mueng. Fadel likely sort of already expected that Style would find a way to get to him, because he says he had thought Style would do something illegal to get inside the prison and I think the majority of the fandom thought similarly. I personally realized Kant and Style would be working in prison when I went to rewatch the episode promo like two or so days before the episode and realized that the blue clothes that Fadel was wearing in the shots where Style kissed him on the cheek and threw him against the wall looked like the prison uniform while Style was in normal clothes. At first I thought the shot of the cheek kiss by the car was when Fadel was out of prison again and that it was set in Style's garage, but once it hit me that they were clearly fixing a car while Fadel was in a prison uniform while Style wasn't, that's when I realized that Style was likely there as a volunteer worker (or something along those lines) rather than a prisoner. Unfortunately, I was too busy trying to get my ep11 meta done, so I didn't make a post about my discovery which means I don't have receipts and this brag is completely worthless. Ah, well. At least my ep11 meta is done.

Style says "This is way better" and steps closer to Fadel, reaching out his arm right into Fadel's personal space, seeking proximity before he even says it out loud or touches Fadel at all. Fadel responds to it by immediately moving his own arm closer to Style's hand and while I know that Joong most likely did this as part of their "choreography" so that Dunk would have an easier time grabbing his arm for when Style talks about touching Fadel, the thing is if we're looking at it from the character's perspective, well, Joong might have known Dunk was gonna grab his arm, but Fadel didn't know Style was gonna grab him and so I love this small interaction anyway. Style reaches into Fadel's personal space with his hand and Fadel immediately moves his own hand closer to Style.

And it's only then that Style says: "I get to be close to you and to touch you just like I wanted to." Then Style sneaks a kiss on Fadel's cheek, just like he said he wanted to do in his first scene of the episode. Fadel gets as stressed about it just like I did when I watched the episode for the first time. I mean come on, Style, there are still people around!! I swear to god, the amount of times I've had to remind myself during the prison part that this was a romcom and that this was the final episode of the show and that nothing too bad was gonna happen now...

Fadel scolds Style, but Style doesn't care. He points out: "Why would I come here if I don't get to do anything with you at all?" The whole point of finding a way to get inside the prison was to be able to touch Fadel, to kiss him, to hold him, just like Style was so very desperately wishing he could do in the very beginning of the episode. And he's not gonna pass up that chance, especially when it's been a while since he actually got to feel Fadel's skin.

Fadel sees the guard walk around and tells Style "I can't help you." Then Fadel continues to be grumpy, scolding Style "You said you'd be patient, and you're already losing it?" Style is so used to Fadel's grumpy personality by now that he isn't fazed in the slightest. He comments it with a very quick huff to the side, then goes "A guy has wants and needs, you know?" He smiles a little when the words are out of his mouth and observes Fadel's reaction, eyes fixed on him attentively. Fadel lifts his head, looking a little done, but ends up breaking anyway after staring at Style for a moment. Fadel laughs and turns his head away to hide it, then looks at Style one more time, before directing his attention back to the car. Style watches him with a fond smile and affectionately shakes his head as if to say That's so you of you to first be grumpy, only to fall for my charm in the end anyway, you silly goose. As if I don't know you by now, my love.

After that, Style goes back into teacher mode in order to officially end the class. And I just love how the wide-shot reveals that now both Style and Fadel have their hands in each other's personal space close to the other person's body, their arms criss-crossed. And I also love how Style leans right into Fadel, touching him more when he goes to address the whole class.

Good job at pretending not to know each other, boys. Really. Very inconspicuous.

Fadel does move away from Style a little a moment later while Style continues his "see you next week" speech. But we can still see just how much Style missed touching Fadel, because he seeks out proximity again by tapping Fadel, casually touching him again immediately after he is done ending the class.

Then his eyes also find Fadel's face again, who looks at him very amused. And now that class is over, Style can finally do what he's really here for.

No. 6: Loyal to You

When we cut back to them, they've found a hidden corner and Style is shoving Fadel against a wall, kissing him with great urgency. Once they break apart, Style tells Fadel "I've been dying to do that since the moment I saw you", smiling a very satisfied smile. Fun fact, this time around Style is actually less dramatic in the original wording:

I've been wanting to do this since I saw your face. กูอยากทำแบบนี้ตั้งแต่เห็นหน้ามึงอ่ะ [guu - yàak - tam - bàep níi - dtâng-dtàe - hĕn - nâa mueng - àh] I - want - do - like this - since - see - your face - [particle]

Fadel laughs and says "You're crazy", to which Style replies "Love will make people do crazy things" and let me just share the original wording for a second:

Love makes us do something crazy like this. ความรักอ่ะ ทำให้คนเราทำอะไรบ้าๆ แบบนี้แหละ [kwaam rák - àh • tam hâi - kon rao - tam - à-rai - bâa bâa - bàep níi - làe] love - [particle] • make that, cause - people, we - do - something - crazy - like this - [particle] Official subs: Love will make people do crazy things.

The reason why I'm sharing this isn't, because the translation is inaccurate in any way, but rather because this line reminded me of another line Style says in episode 7 and I just want to point out the similarity in the original wording that isn't as clean in the official translation:

Love makes us do something stupid. ความรักมันทำให้คนเราทำอะไรโง่ๆนะ [kwaam rák - man - tam hâi - kon rao - tam - à-rai - ngôh ngôh - ná] love - it - make that, cause - people, we - do - something - stupid - [particle] Official subs: Love sure makes you do something stupid.

It greatly amuses me that Style went from "Love makes us do stupid things" to "Love makes us do crazy things". Style, lover of love, willing to do stupid and crazy things for the sake of love. He is stupid and crazy enough to even find a way to get into prison for the sole purpose of making out with his boyfriend, because who can wait five whole years, amirite? Style immediately proves his point by continuing to kiss Fadel. But Fadel doesn't let Style kiss him for long, because he has something to say: "Save your sweet words." Funfact, he uses the word นำเน่า [nam nâo] here, which my friend explained to mean "soapy" (as in soap opera like). I think Fadel just called Style "dramatic" without actually calling him dramatic, and I think that might also be the reason why Style steps back with a sigh, looking kind of disappointed and annoyed, before answering Fadel's question of "How did you get in here?"

We know being called dramatic has been a touchy subject for Style before and so has been being pushed away. I think Style had a moment of Does he really not appreciate that I'm here now? Does he not appreciate my efforts? But Style doesn't comment on it, doesn't start an argument, and instead answers Fadel's question. He explains that he'll be teaching at prison every week now thanks to Kant's connections and then says:

I'll get to come and see you every week. จะได้มาเจอมึงทุกอาทิตย์เลย [jà - dâai - maa - jer - mueng - túk - ah-tít - loiie] will - get to - come - see, meet - you - every - week - [particle] Official subs: So I'll see you every week.

Although when Style says this, it's not as joyful as you might expect. There is determination in Style's voice, because he is determined to do this, but there is also a bit of a challenging edge to it and I think it comes from his sudden worry that Fadel might not want him here after all. It's a challenge in the sense of Well, are you happy about me being here once a week from now on or not? He keeps his eyes fixed on Fadel and when Fadel then huffs and smiles almost in disbelief, the look on Style's face softens a little bit before he leans in to kiss Fadel again.

But once more, Fadel isn't letting Style kiss him for long, before he speaks again: "You know… You don’t have to do this." Style goes still as he waits for Fadel to elaborate. And Fadel does:

It's fine if you visit me once a month or once every three months. มาหากูเดือนละครั้งหรือสามเดือนครั้งก็ได้ [maa hăa - guu - deuuan lá kráng - rĕu - săam deuuan kráng - gôh dâai] (come) visit - me - once a month - or - once every three months - it's fine Official subs: I don't mind seeing you once a month or once every three months.

Ah. There it is. Fadel is pushing him away again. Or so Style thinks. Of course Fadel is saying this to be considerate of Style's time and schedule (after all, Style did tell him that things at the garage were getting busy), not wanting Style to get tired and exhausted in the process, but what Style hears is I don't want to see you that often. And now Style is seriously done.

He steps back, tilting his face in a Really, now?? way, presses his lips together unhappily, then raises his eyebrows and firmly tells Fadel: "I did everything I could to be with you, you know?" Style's next question is another challenge to Fadel:

Are you not moved? ไม่ซึ้งบ้างหรอ [mâi - séung - bâang - rŏr] not - touched, moved - any - ? Official subs: You don’t appreciate that?

Fadel breathes out loudly and tilts his head like Oh, come on, it's not like that. But Style is really annoyed now and continues to say: "Or did you already find someone here? I'd expect it of a popular guy like you." You heard him use the anglicism "hot" here, right? Because the second sentence goes more like:

You're hot anyway. ฮอตอยู่แล้วนี่มึงอ่ะ [hot - yùu - láew - nîi - mueng - àh] hot - be - already - [interjection] - you - [particle]

A little extra info from my Thai friend: according to him in Thai this word doesn't necessarily refer to someone's appearance and to physical attraction, but rather it is used to express someone has a quality or skill that is desirable.

Now I think Style actually being jealous for real can be a valid interpretation of him asking Fadel if he found someone new in prison, but to be honest, personally I don't really think so, or rather I think real jealousy is the case only on a surface level. Because Style knows Fadel, Style knows that Fadel doesn't easily open up to others. Style knows first hand how much work, effort, and persistence it takes to get to Fadel's heart. Style also knows Fadel would absolutely kill him if Style ever cheated on him and so I don't think Style would expect Fadel to be a hypocrite and go cheat on Style just like that himself. So I don't think Style actually expects Fadel to have found himself a new boyfriend in prison for real. No, in my opinion this is about something else deep down. I think Style is actually hurt that Fadel is (seemingly) pushing him away again, the way Fadel has done before so often. And Style has felt hurt from that before, and he's argued with Fadel about that before (most recently last episode during their last supper, and in episode 10 the scene where Style demands to help with the mission as well as the scene where Fadel cries in Style's lap). And I think playing it over apparent jealousy is Style's way of letting Fadel know that he's sulking about this, without starting a full-blown argument. Because at this point Fadel should know better than to keep pushing Style away, especially when Style is putting in so much effort in their relationship again. And part of me also wonders if Style was trying to avoid being called "dramatic" again (remember: touchy subject) if he had outright complained about being pushed away, while jealousy could maybe be taken as a "more valid" or more expected or acceptable reason to be mad.

Style starts to walk off, upset, because fine, if Fadel doesn't want him here then he'll leave him alone. But Fadel catches his arm. Style is sulking and it's Fadel's job now to make up with him. And Fadel does: "No matter where I am, you're the only one for me." Fadel holds him back, pulls him back in, doesn't simply just let Style go. And then promises his loyalty to Style. Something that Style has promised to Fadel many, many times. Fadel's efforts to get Style to stay placate Style again. This is all Style wants: for Fadel to show that he, too, wishes for Style to be in his life and be willing to work for it, the same way Style constantly shows he wishes for Fadel to be and actively works on Fadel being by his side. Style's face softens again, he smiles a little and lets Fadel kiss him.

They go back to making out against the wall. Well. That is, until the prison guard walks in on them. They quickly jump apart and Style rambles some orders about cleaning up, before walking off. And I love that Style can't help but touch Fadel one last time, before he leaves. He really has gone too long without touching Fadel and has to make up for it now.

Language fun fact: Technically, a pronoun switch from guu/mueng to phom/khun isn't actually happening here, because Style actually uses no pronouns at all when he talks to Fadel in front of the guard! Fadel does drop one polite "krub", but that's about it. There are no pronouns this time, but I think it's safe to assume they would have switched to phom/khun again in front of the guard, if the conversation had gone on.

Side Quest: Year 2 or Literal Horny Jail

Alright, sooo, there isn't that much interesting happening in year 2, or rather not interesting enough that I really wanna get into detail and turn this into its own section, but of course I couldn't leave it entirely unaddressed. So a side quest, it is. The brothers' second year in prison turns out to be a happy one, with both couples really obsessed with each other as if they'd only just started dating, sneaking kisses and make-out sessions whenever they can. Somehow, they're never found out. Everyone is happy and pleased, and this is especially significant for Fadel and Style. They're happy and in love and still very much into each other. We don't actually get any scenes of Fadel and Style together during year 3, but I think it's safe to assume that things are going this well throughout the third year, too. Well, until things aren't. Until suddenly we get dropped down to the ground from the high that we had just been taken up to.

No. 7: Busy Bee

Year 4 comes around and with that all the happiness gets thrown right out the window. Because Style, without a warning, suddenly doesn't show up to class one day and instead waits for Fadel in the visiting room. When Fadel walks in, Style addresses him happily, but his happiness is not as bright as we know it can be, it's a bit subdued. Style asks why Fadel took so long and I think it explains why Style doesn't sound as cheerful as usual: I think while Style was waiting, for a moment he got really worried that Fadel wouldn't come to see him.

By the way, yes, Style did phrase it as a question in the original wording:

Why were you so slow? ทำไมช้าจังเลย [tam-mai - cháa - jang loiie] why - slow, late - so much, very much Official subs: Took you forever.

Fadel explains he went to the garage first, but Style wasn't there. Style apologizes for it, then explains he's been very busy. Style had already mentioned at the beginning of the episode that he was busier compared to before, and now he's even more busy than that. So busy that he might not be able to come in and teach as often anymore. He tells Fadel just that and looks at him with sad, apologetic puppy eyes.

Fadel asks why that is and when Style answers, he puts on a very enthusiastic voice in an attempt to make the situation sound as positive as possible. Style explains that he's in charge of the garage now that his dad is retired and updates Fadel on how he's thinking of expanding the business and how he has a lot of projects going on that allowed him to meet more people in the industry. Style's little mechanic world is getting bigger for him, isn't that exciting? Style just wants to share the joy of his good news with Fadel.

Fadel nods a bit unenthusiastically and says "That's good. It's alright. I understand" and I think Style can tell that in reality Fadel is upset just as much as the audience can, even if it might not immediately seem like he can tell:

Style continues to smile, but it's like he's putting down the enthusiasm that he's just put on, and he looks at Fadel. Style is always looking at Fadel. And Style has become an expert at reading Fadel. There is no way Fadel's disappointment passed right by Style, even if his expression stays positive and affectionate and full of love. Style doesn't say anything and I think he's actually waiting to see if Fadel will fall back into his old patterns and usual downward spirals again. And I think Style keeps his expression joyful and warm in order to give Fadel as little reason to think that Style doesn't care about him anymore. But the trauma sits deep within Fadel, leading him to say: "You don't have to come here to teach, you know?"

This is the exact reaction that Style was expecting of Fadel and we can tell, because Style is immediately ready to calm Fadel's anxiety without missing a beat: "Don't worry. I'll make time for it." It's really not that big of a deal. And in case it is a big deal, Style has already thought of a solution, a compromise: "But if I can't, I'll just come visit you instead." Because let's be real, Style would miss Fadel just as much and wouldn't want to miss out on seeing Fadel's face. "Is that okay?" he asks. Do we have a deal? Fadel stares at Style for a second, then nods awkwardly, but looks very unconvinced and doesn't say anything. Style raises his eyebrows a little, then leans back, keeping his eyes fixed on Fadel.

As I said above, I think Style could already tell Fadel was upset a few lines earlier, but I think this is the moment where he realizes that Fadel is more upset than Style had initially thought and that Fadel isn't gonna be easy to cheer up about this. It really does seem to be a big deal to Fadel. So much so, that Style now chooses to address it after all: "What's wrong? Are you mad at me?" And I adore how Style continues to interact with Fadel in such a loving, kind way and continues to smile at him warmly.

Style isn't attacking Fadel when he asks Fadel if he's mad, instead he's reaching out to him kindly and in a way that makes it very clear that Style is asking out of concern for Fadel's well-being and not because he's trying to start an argument. In fact, Style is very much trying to not start an argument right now. Fadel says he isn't mad at Style. "I understand you have to live your life. I'm in here so there's nothing I can do but wait." And that's when Style's smile finally falls completely.

I think part of him is concerned for Fadel and his mental state, and part of him is also worried where this might be going. I think the underlying question here is Are you... about to preemptively push me away again because you're falling into a downward spiral again?

Fadel continues. "Style, I think..." Style's face is very serious now as he listens to Fadel to find out where this is headed. Fadel says "Our timing just wasn't right at all" or word for word:

We met at the wrong place at the wrong time. เราเจอกันผิดที่ผิดเวลาไปหน่อยว่ะ [rao - jer gan - pìt - tîi - pìt - weh-lah - bpai nòi - wâ] we - meet each other - wrong - place - wrong - time - too little - [particle]

Style is quiet for a moment and I think now there is also a hint of fear added to the seriousness in his expression as well as confusion.

I think Style does very much understand that Fadel really is in the process of pushing him away again, but I think he's confused about what exactly Fadel means by "wrong place, wrong time". Style needs to know what exactly Fadel is getting at in order to properly fight against Fadel's downward spiral and so he asks. Fadel explains and Style listens intently. "I think you should focus on your future." Style is wasting many hours just to come to see Fadel at the prison since it's so far away. Style doesn't earn any money working at the prison. Style is better off getting paid fixing some expensive cars. "You shouldn't waste your time on me." Fadel is once again simply just presuming Style's perspective on things without actually asking Style about it. But at least Style now has a lead, something specific he can counter. And Style does, and just like before he talks to Fadel in a very kind, warm way: "It's not a waste of time. You're my boyfriend. I will always make time for you. Work is important, but you're also important to me." Style is also back to a warm, happy face now, the seriousness from a moment ago hidden completely.

He then also speaks a little reminder to Fadel that Fadel's behavior right now isn't entirely fair to Style either: "Before you went to jail, you told me to focus on my own life. Now that I'm doing exactly that, you are sulking?" And again, this isn't supposed to be an attack. When Style says this, he is more serious than he was mere seconds before, but Style's voice is still rather soft, and while his words come with a certain urgency, there are no sharp edges to his tone. Style stays patient with Fadel, clearly trying to talk this issue out without getting into a full-blown argument.

By the way, the word that Style uses here that was translated as "sulk" is งอน [ngon]. Avid watchers of Thai dramas might have come across this word before (especially those who also follow actors outside their series). The dictionary thai2english translates it as "sulk" and "pout", and I knew it meant something like this, but I still went ahead and asked my Thai friend about it, in case he had something interesting to say about it. And he did, and I'd just like to share it here, because I think some of you will love to read about it, too. According to my friend งอน [ngon] is when you are "upset and disappointed, because the other person should know better, but it's not significant enough to be properly angry". My friend also said that it's a whole thing: for example when you are งอน [ngon] you can't actually admit to it, and it's the other person's job to come to you and make up with you (this step is called ง้อ [ngóh]).

So Style asks if Fadel is งอน [ngon] (and I hit pause after Style's sentence to have my friend explain this word, before continuing the scene) and Fadel says that no, he is not งอน [ngon] (after which my friend exclaimed: "See!! Exactly!! He's denying it!! Like I said!!"), then tells Style "Just do what you want. Don't take me into account." Fadel gets up to walk away and Style calls out for him to wait. But Fadel is done with the conversation. "I have work in the kitchen. Don’t want these prisoners to starve." With these words, Fadel leaves Style sitting there, alone, looking unhappy.

No. 8: Be Patient, My Son

Next, we find ourselves in Style's garage and we are shown that Style is indeed working hard, earning money. Even his dad comments on it: "You always only fixed a few cars a month. What's going on?" Style's dad then asks if Style is in need of money and Style says he just wants to save it. And that's when we, the audience, slowly start to realize that Style is likely trying to buy back the restaurant. But Style's dad doesn't know this, so he starts asking whether Style is intending to buy a new car, and when Style says no, he's not, his dad makes a guess for a "love nest" (เรือนหอ [reuuan hŏh]). I didn't ask my friend about the term เรือนหอ [reuuan hŏh], but according to thai2english and sanook.com it refers to a home for newlyweds which, uh, is quite different from "a place (such as an apartment) used for amorous and often illicit rendezvous", which Merriam-Webster defines love nest as. Style's dad asks if Style is getting married, and that's the fifth reference to a FadelStyle marriage. Here's a recap, in case you forgot:

Ep6: "wear make-up with me" vs. "will you marry me" (explanation here)

Ep7: proposal prank

Ep8: Fadel and Style taking part in an actual wedding

Ep11: Style's dad outright telling Fadel and Style to get married

Ep.12: Style's dad asking his son about marriage again

I can't believe this show did not end with them actually getting married, or at the very least engaged. It's gotta be my biggest beef with the show, not gonna lie.

Anyway, so Style informs his dad that he is not, in fact, getting married and goes on to tease his dad, asking if his dad doesn't like seeing his son working hard. The comment makes his dad laugh, although he's already got another question on his mind: "Where's Fadel been, though?" I do think it's kinda funny how this question comes up only after more than three years. Did Style's dad really never wonder about it? Or has Style always casually mentioned Fadel over the years and his dad just assumed that Fadel only happened to come over when Style's dad happened not to be there for it? Why did it take more than three years for this question to come up?

Either way, Style quickly comes up with the excuse that Fadel is in culinary school abroad. And from the way Style says it, it seems like Style is making up this excuse on the spot, which again has me wonder... what exactly has Style been telling his dad the past 3+ years?

Style says that Fadel will be back, which is the truth this time, and Style's dad is happy to hear that, because he's actually rooting for Fadel. We love to hear it. Then Style's dad tells him "You need a lot of trust when it comes to long distance relationships. Be patient, son" and I'm so glad we got this very scene, following the last one. I think this is something Style kinda needed to hear at this point. Because Fadel had just walked out on him, clearly upset, and now Style's relationship is in trouble. And I adore that Style gets told some comforting words, even if his dad actually has no idea what's really going on. "You need trust," his dad tells him, "be patient." And Style thinks about it.

These words hit Style, they mean something to Style. He goes very quiet while his dad continues talking. "You'll be back together soon." Style's dad puts a comforting hand on Style's shoulder and Style's reaction is one I find very difficult to describe and put into words (see gif below). It's like, on the one hand his own optimistic and hopeful nature agrees with his dad, but at the same time he also doesn't quite believe his dad, as if he's thinking Well, whether we'll be back together or not depends entirely on how stubborn Fadel is and if he stops being mad at me. I think part of Style lowkey fears that Fadel might not be willing to make up with him again. Style looks at his dad who then gives him an encouraging nod and Style returns a small smile and a little nod himself.

Style's dad walks away and Style's smile slowly falls as he gets lost in thought and looks down at the money in his hands.

Style is most definitely thinking about the state of his relationship with Fadel and his dad's encouraging words right now. And we, the audience, are now all going Oh, he is SO buying back the restaurant for Fadel!! Honestly, it's my own personal headcanon that Style started working out a plan to buy it the moment he got back from that very first visit where Fadel was like "I'm gonna buy back the restaurant."

No. 9: Making Up

We don't know how long it's been since Fadel and Style talked last, but I assume it's been a while, since last time we checked Style said he might not be able to come as often and now we learn from Bison that Style is at the prison twice a week these days. Personally I assume it's been at least a month if not more. I feel like 3 weeks should be a long enough time for "twice a week" to have become an established pattern that Bison can point out, plus at least one or the other week for Style to work on his projects before that. There's also the chance that it's been even longer than that. Either way, it's been quite a while for sure. After all this time, Fadel is still งอน [ngon] at Style and as my friend explained to me, it's Style's responsibility to make up with him. And so Style does. Surely also boosted by his dad's encouraging words, Style takes the first step towards Fadel by having Bison deliver a small origami bouquet. We know for a fact that Style was not the one who made the bouquet, because Bison does explicitly say the bouquet came "from someone who takes origami training" and I don't think it was a lie, because I think Style would most certainly have bragged about his origami skills if he'd made it himself. However, I do think the little Heart Burger flag is something that Style did make himself. And it's the first hint of confirmation that we get that Style is indeed trying to buy back the restaurant. Fadel doesn't make the connection, though. The little gift still touches him enough to finally seek out Style again instead of actively avoiding him.

Style is wiping the board when Fadel finds him. We don't know if Style is about to start a class and is wiping the board in preparation so that he would have space to write on once the prisoners come in or if he just ended a class and now he's doing some clean-up for next time. My personal headcanon is that we're seeing Style after class actually. It's been established that the prisoners help putting stuff back once class is over and with the way Style is completely by himself when the scene starts it's my headcanon that Style is being slow and hanging back on purpose, because he is desperately hoping Fadel would come to see him, even if Style isn't really expecting it. And the reason why I believe Style thinks Fadel won't show up despite the gift is because Style isn't cheerful the way he usually is when he's purposefully staying optimistic (like he was for example when he's talking to Kant about the cat in front of the abandoned diner in episode 6, or in episode 7 when there is clearly something off about the assassin brothers and Kant points it out and Style insists that Kant is overthinking it or in episode 9 when he makes wishes for his dead body and so on). No, Style looks very serious when the camera first cuts to his face.

He does smile a little once it's fully sunk in that Fadel is really here, standing in front of him, and only then does he put on a bit of a cheerful, teasing voice when he tells Fadel: "Thought you'd never see me again." Didn't I say Style was a little afraid that Fadel might not be willing to make up again? Fadel bluntly asks what Style is here for and Style drops the positive voice. Instead, now his voice sounds more concerned and regretful when he asks "What are you mad (งอน [ngon]) at me about?" As per the etiquette that my friend explained, Fadel immediately denies that he's mad (งอน [ngon]). But then he finally does tell Style what the problem is: "I told you I don't like expectations because I don't want to be disappointed." (Btw, Fadel did indeed say this pretty much word for word when he was crying on those steps in episode 10.) Style then says "But I didn't do anything to disappoint you."

I actually had a question about this line to my friend as well: for the English translation the sentence was phrased in past tense and to me that sounds like Style is talking about something specific maybe back around that time when he failed to show up to teach, an incident clearly set in the past. The thing is, though, that Thai doesn't actually have verb tenses. There are words you can add to a sentence that will clarify whether a statement is about the past or the future, but the verb itself doesn't change and sometimes things can get a little muddy. This is one such case. And I was confused, because especially in retrospective where we know Style is actually in the middle of trying to get back the restaurant (he also states later in the scene that he is in the middle of doing something that he isn't sure is gonna work yet, meaning the restaurant has not yet been acquired at this point) I thought Style's statement could maybe also be taken as What I'm doing and working on right now isn't something that is wronging you. Since Style trying to buy back the restaurant is an on-going project that is happening off-screen at the very same time, it's not a one time thing that happened back when Fadel first got mad at Style. No, it's still happening at this very moment. I discussed this with my friend who thought about it for a moment and then decided that the present perfect tense would probably be the best solution here, since it implies that it's about something that started in the past and is still on-going (or still has an effect) in the present.

So Fadel says he doesn't want to be disappointed and Style tells him "But I haven't done anything to disappoint you." Because what Style has been doing will be the opposite of a disappointment for Fadel. If it works out, that is. Because if it doesn't, if Style fails then it will be a huge disappointment to Fadel. And so Style doesn't want to tell Fadel about it just yet, precisely because he knows Fadel doesn't like disappointments. But Fadel is missing all that context, and so to him the situation reads very differently. And he's hurt. And now he finally opens up to Style about it: "Coming to see me regularly, getting me used to seeing you, making me miss you, and suddenly disappearing… How do you think that made me feel?" Style doesn't reply, he just keeps looking at Fadel with a serious face.

I think he feels bad that Fadel feels like this, but I think he truly doesn't dare to reveal what he's doing. Style knows just how important the burger restaurant was/is for Fadel and how much he loved the place and I think Style assumes it will be an even bigger disappointment and blow to Fadel if Style outright tells him and then fails to deliver. And it's a disappointment that Style really doesn't want to see, because I think it would crush Style himself. I think Style would actually beat himself up about that. And so he keeps his plans to himself, because he's afraid of failure. This specific failure is one he really can't afford. Style stays silent and doesn't answer Fadel's question. Fadel continues to rage: "If you can't do it, don't promise me anything. Do you know how easy it is to overthink when I'm here?" Style still isn't saying anything. Fadel is done. "If you have something important to do, just focus on it. I don't want to slow you down."

Fadel turns to walk off angrily. Style moves at the speed of lightning to hold Fadel back. Fadel finally talked to him and Style is not gonna let him go that easily. They still have something to clear up. Fadel stops and turns back to look at Style again. Before Style even says anything, he pulls away his vest to reveal the heart burger pin that Fadel gave to him. The pin that is very important to Fadel, the pin Fadel is very protective of. In a way, the pin is Fadel's heart which he gave to Style only last episode. And it's right there. Fadel's heart. On Style's heart. In Style's heart. "You're the most important thing to me," is the first thing out of Style's mouth. Style is extremely serious right now. All of Style's decisions, all of Style's actions revolve around Fadel. And he really doesn't want to lose him. And even if he's afraid of failure and disappointing Fadel if he can't pull through with his plan, losing Fadel is worse, and so Style finally opens up at least a little bit: "I'm doing something for both of our futures." Again, Style is extremely serious. He isn't hiding behind a positive attitude, his words aren't performative in the slightest. This is extremely serious and extremely important. I think Fadel does believe him, but wants to confirm that it's true and also doesn't want to be kept in the dark. "What are you doing?" he asks, then throws Style a challenge, almost an attack: "Can you tell me?" You know your behavior is hurting me, will you keep it up for the sake of whatever it is you're apparently doing?

At this point everyone in the audience is screaming HE'S BUYING BACK THE RESTAURANT FOR YOU, YOU DIMWIT!!!!! at Fadel. But Fadel still isn't making the connection, despite the hint with the Heart Burger flag and the Heart Burger pin and Style dropping he's working on their shared future. Can you tell me? But Style can't. He doesn't quite dare. "Can you wait a little longer? I want to be certain about it first. I want to make sure I really can do it." This is a plea. Style is pleading with Fadel. I told you as much as I could and I really am trying my best. For us. Will you please give me the benefit of the doubt and be considerate of my feelings in this situation, too? As I said, I think Fadel did believe Style earlier already, but I think now Fadel really understands that what Style is doing is very important to Style, but that it comes with certain insecurities that Style isn't ready to open up about. Style never pressured Fadel to open up about anything he wasn't ready to open up about and Fadel isn't about to pressure Style either. Style is loud and clear on the fact that he has Fadel in mind and that Fadel is important to him. Fadel doesn't immediately answer and instead contemplates on the situation and Style's plea while Style keeps his eyes fixed on him. Fadel's reaction, Fadel's response really matters to Style right now. Their relationship depends on it. And then Fadel finally yields. Because Style and their relationship is just as important to Fadel. Even if the situation isn't ideal. "You really love surprising me, don’t you?" Fadel finally says. And let me just share the original wording, even if it doesn't make much of a difference:

You always like to surprise me. มึงนี่ชอบเซอร์ไพรส์กูตลอดเลยนะ [mueng - nîi - chôp - sêr-prai - guu - dtà-lòt - loiie - ná] you - [interjection] - like - surprise - me - always - [particle] - [particle]

(Alt. translation: You're always surprising me.)

I like that in Thai Fadel says Style always surprises him, because to me it highlights how for the past 12 episodes we really have watched Style surprise Fadel all the time. Over and over again. In many different ways. God, I love them, I love their story so much. Anyway. Back to the scene. Fadel says this and Style understands that Fadel is no longer outright pushing him away or blocking him anymore. Style replies:

Then come learn how to fix cars with me again. งั้นมาเรียนซ่อมรถกับกูใหม่นะ [ngán - maa - riian - sôm - rót - gàp - guu - mài - ná] then - come - learn - fix, repair - car(s) - with - me - again - [na] Official subs: Come back to class.

The phrasing of the official subs sounded a bit too much like a direct order in their written form, especially without the context of Style's friendly tone, which is why I wanted to share a softer phrasing for the purpose of this meta. Because Style's words aren't an order. They're an invitation. If you've forgiven me, come see me again regularly. They're a peace offering. Fadel stays grumpy and grumbles: "I've been taking the course for years, and I still don't know how to fix anything." It's a stab at Style, but not an aggressive one. And it doesn't have anything to do with their original conflict. Fadel is leaving that conflict behind. Fadel has forgiven Style, even if he doesn't outright say it. Style finally laughs (or rather snorts) for the first time this entire scene and for a moment it looks like he's about to cry from relief that Fadel is no longer angry and that their relationship is saved:

Fadel continues with his grumbly teasing: "All you do is yap." The relationship really is back on. Style teases Fadel right back: "But that's exactly what you love about me, isn't it?" This isn't just Style going along with Fadel's teasing, it's also Style telling Fadel No matter how grumpy you pretend you are, no matter how much you were ignoring me, I know you never stopped loving me, I know you still love me now.

And finally, Fadel breaks. He laughs for a moment. Because he can't deny Style's call-out. Both, that he still loves Style and that he likes that Style is a chatty cat. Fadel pulls up the Heart Burger flag from the origami bouquet. Style laughs in surprise. Why? I don't know. You decide. Maybe he thought Fadel had stomped on it in dramatic anger. Or maybe he's thinking Oh wow, did the bouquet and the flag actually work? Is that what finally made him come see me again? Fadel is still holding up the flag and says that it's cute. And again you can really see the relief in Style's eyes, alongside his joy that things are looking better now with Fadel.

Style asks Fadel to clean the board and Fadel grumbles about it, but does it anyway. Because when does Fadel not give in to Style.

No. 10: Show, Don't Tell

We reach year 5 and finally the brothers are released. We check in with our foursome on the day the brothers get to go home. Bison walks through the door first, runs up to Kant and hugs him. In the meantime, Style is sat on the hood of the car. Fadel doesn't immediately walk up to him, but instead stops behind/next to Kant and Bison who discuss just how much they missed each other. Style doesn't pass up the opportunity to tease Fadel (and I think Style, too, wants a proper greeting, thank you very much):

Hey. This couple said they missed each other. เฮ้ย คู่นี้เขาบอกคิดถึงกันด้วยนะ [hóiie • kûu níi - kăo - bòhk - kít-tĕung - gan - dûuay - ná] hey • this couple - tell - miss - each other - too - [particle] Official subs: Hear that? He said he missed him and all that. So how about you, did you miss me? แล้วมึงอ่ะ คิดถึงกูป่ะ [láew - mueng - àh • kít-tĕung - guu - bpà] and - you - [particle] • miss - me - ? Official subs: Did you miss me at all?

(Sharing this mostly because I feel like it and I know a lot of you love the language bits, not because the literal wording makes any difference in this case lol)

Fadel announces "I'm not saying it", but the reality of the matter is that Style's wish is Fadel's command. And so Fadel walks up to Style and plants a kiss on his lips. "I'm showing it."

But before they break apart, Style pats Fadel like easy tiger, we have company. I do think this is about Kant and Bison's live slug reaction and not because Style doesn't want to be kissing Fadel right now. I think Style is trying to be considerate of the other two. After the kiss, Style gets up, hugs Fadel and over his shoulder nods at Kant and Bison and boastfully points at Fadel like Did you guys see that?? That's my man!! It's the exact same energy as he had at the end of episode 9 when he was raising his eyebrows at Kant and Bison in the boat. It's the You guys don't have a Fadew like me energy. (I'm out of images for this post, but here's a parallel gifset.) I love just how proud Style always is of Fadel, and how happily he'll show him off.

While Fadel and Style are busy hugging, Kant and Bison discuss where they should go to now. Style jumps in to ask "Hey, can you guys drop me off near my place first?" and Fadel gets confused: "What do you mean, 'your place'? The garage?" Fadel's confusion might be a little weird, because why exactly would Fadel be so confused about "my place"? That seems pretty self-explanatory in English, no? Well, let me explain. Because there's something really interesting going on here in Thai...

Now, I didn't go back and rewatch the entire show to check (if I did, it would be March until I finally drop this meta lol), but as far as I remember they usually refer to Style's place as "the garage", or อู่ [ùu] in Thai. But here for this line, when Style say "my place", he does not use the word อู่ [ùu] (= garage). Instead, he asks to be dropped off at his ร้าน [ráan]. Now what does that mean? This word means "store" or "shop" and like in English it can be paired with other words to specify just what kind of shop it is, for example:

ร้านหนังสือ [ráan năng-sĕu]: ráan (store) + năng-sĕu (book) = book store

ร้านดอกไม้ [ráan dòhk mái]: ráan (store) + dòhk mái (flower) = flower shop

You may have noticed that I said Style says just ร้าน [ráan], without specifying what kind of shop it is. Because just like in English, you can drop the specification and refer to it as just "the shop" (or ร้าน [ráan] in this case).

Now here comes the interesting bit: this word is also used when referring to food related places such as...

restaurant = ร้านอาหาร [ráan aa-hăan] -> ráan (shop) + aa-hăan (food)

coffee shop = ร้านกาแฟ [ráan gaa-fae] -> ráan (shop) + gaa-fae (coffee)

Or, you know, it's also in... ร้านเบอร์เกอร์ [ráan ber-gêr]. Now, เบอร์เกอร์ is "burger", but written in Thai letters. I don't have to tell you what ráan burger translates to, do I?

Oh, and at his point I should probably also mention that while the characters usually refer to Style's place as อู่ [ùu] (garage), when they talk about Fadel's place (the diner) they usually call it ร้าน [ráan] (shop, restaurant).

So yeah. The moment Style dropped that he wanted to be taken to his ร้าน [ráan] instead of his อู่ [ùu] (= garage) was the moment I started screaming, because that's when I knew for sure Style had bought back the restaurant and more importantly, that he had succeeded in doing so (yes, I did scream as if I didn't already know they were gonna be back at the restaurant through the clips shown in the MVs and from pics the boys posted during the shoot where they posed in front of the burger shop sign and their clothes matched the ones from the clips lol).

As I already mentioned, Style refers to it as just ร้าน [ráan] without specifying what kind of ร้าน [ráan] it is and it's vague enough that Fadel doesn't catch on the surprise, but it's just weird enough for Fadel to get confused: "What do you mean, 'ร้าน [ráan]'? The garage (อู่ [ùu])?" Yeah, Fadel's confusion here is about Style's unexpected word choice, because usually Style doesn't refer to his garage as ร้าน [ráan] (= shop, store). This is how they used to refer to the diner before Fadel had to go to prison. Style tells him he'll know soon and urges him to get into the car. They all do and Kant drives off.

No. 11: Surprise Surprise

The surprise works. Fadel didn't see it coming. "You said it was sold to someone." Style nods, making a m-hm sound, an adoring smile on his face that just oozes love and care. I really wish I could add a gif or a screenshot of his face, but unfortunately there's an image limit. I mean, you've seen the episode. You know how head over heels in love Style looks throughout this entire scene.

Style explains he bought it back for Fadel who then says Style didn't have to do that. Style says "I worked my ass off to buy this place back for you." I'm not entirely happy with the phrasing in the official subs, because to me there is also a negative connotation hidden in the phrase "work one's ass off", in the sense of "I worked my ass off for [xyz] and you don't appreciate it". But that might just be my ESL brain, maybe the media I've consumed mostly used this phrase in a more negative context and now my brain associates it with that.

In Thai Style uses the expression ตั้งใจทำงาน [dtâng jai tam ngaan] which does translate to "to work hard", but this expression contains the word ตั้งใจ [dtâng jai] which means "to intend to" or "to mean". I think it highlights with how much intention Style did this for Fadel. Style really meant to do this, like he's meant a lot of other things he's said or done over the last few episodes.

And Style putting in so much work also really shows how much he's grown. Because in the first half of the show I kept wondering why he had so much time to run after Fadel. We were told Style works as a mechanic, but we rarely saw him do any actual work. Instead, Style was able to follow Fadel's routine at the market or at the sports field or was even able to randomly help Fadel work at the restaurant without any scheduling problems and I kept thinking... what about his job at the garage? Is he never working? How does he have so much time to bother Fadel? And earlier in episode 12 Style's dad actually confirms just that: "You always only fixed a few cars a month." So Style, indeed, had the time to keep bugging Fadel. And back then it seemed like he didn't really have anything to do, didn't really have a goal or any direction in life. But then Kant sets Style on Fadel. And suddenly Style has a mission. And then Style falls in love. And now he suddenly has goals to work towards. We saw it last episode already, when Style suddenly started to make plans (first, his elaborate plan on getting Fadel and Bison on the run and second, during his last supper with Fadel when Style suggests making a plan for their life and their relationship while Fadel was imprisoned), and now it's not just that Style has started planning, but he makes plans with a very specific goal in mind and puts all his efforts in to reach this goal. He's no longer running around doing whatever. Style has really matured in this regard, Fadel's influence has changed him and has made him grow.

When Style says how determined he was to work hard to earn money to buy back the restaurant, his voice is somehow both soft and firm at the same time. His voice is so soft and filled with so much love, but there is some urgency to it, because Style needs Fadel to know this and he needs Fadel to know that he wanted to do this for him. Style knows he didn't have to, but Style wanted to. And it's important to him that Fadel really understands this. Because over the years Fadel has so often blocked or disregarded or struggled to accept all the nice things that Style has done for him. And Style doesn't want his act of love to be devalued again, especially not when he has spent so much time, effort, and energy on it purely out of love. A love that is worth it.

It's finally hitting Fadel what Style was so busy with when Fadel was sulking at him. Style confirms with another "mh". God, Style's heart eyes are really off the charts in this scene. "I wasn't sure I could do it so I didn't tell you," Style explains. And then he tells Fadel how he managed to keep up the energy in order to succeed despite his uncertainty: "But the image of you being back in this restaurant gave me this great strength to fix at least a hundred cars." Style smiles a bright, adoring smile. He's so in love. Fadel takes Styles hand and thanks him: "Thank you for doing this for me and for waiting for me." When Style responds, he actually phrases his sentence in a less direct and more general way in Thai than he does in the official subs:

Well, when you love someone, you gotta be able to wait. ก็คนมันรักอ่ะก็ต้องรอได้ดิ [gôh - kon - man - rák - àh - gôh - dtông - raw - dâai - dì] well - person, people - they, he, she, it - love - [particle] - [sentence link] - have to - wait - be able to - [particle] Official subs: Well, I love you. Of course I can wait.

This is an interesting difference between the Thai wording and the English subs, because once Fadel and Style start dating, Style actually rarely ever outright says the words "I love you" (and neither does Fadel, by the way). The only time Style properly says it is when Fadel has him at gun point in episode 7:

But now that I know the real you, I love you for real, Fadel. แต่พอกูรู้ตัวจริงของมึงแล้วอ่ะ กูรักมึงจริงๆนะฟาเดล [dtàe - poh - guu - rúu - dtuua jing kŏng meung - láew - àh • guu - rák - mueng - jing jing - ná - Fadel] but - when - I - know - real you - already - [particle] • I - love - you - really, for real - [na] - Fadel Official subs: Now that I know you, I really love you, Fadel.

And then arguably he says it again in episode 10 when he comforts Fadel on the stairs, although it's up to debate if that really counts as a direct "I love you":

But that I'm still staying / But that I still stayed แต่ที่กูยังอยู่ [dtàe - tîi - guu - yang - yùu] but - that - I - still - stay Official subs: But I stay with you is because I love that you're you / is because I love you for being you เพราะกูรักที่เป็นมึง [próh - guu - rák - tîi - bpen - mueng] because - I - love - that - be - you Official subs: because I love who you are.

Any other time Style talks about "love", he never addresses Fadel directly but phrases it in a more general way, using the word คน [kon] which means "person" or "people" instead of a pronoun. Style does this in episode 10 just a little while after the above line:

The more I know how much you care about me, ยิ่งกูรู้ว่ามึงแค่ร์กูขนาดเนี่ย [yîng - guu - rúu - wâa - mueng - kâe - guu - kà-nàat nîia] the more - I - know - that - you - care (about) - me - like this, this much Official subs: Knowing how much you care about me the more I know that I don't love the wrong person. มันยิ่งทำให้รู้นะว่ากูอ่ะ รักคนไม่ผิด [man - yîng - tam hâi - rúu - ná - wâa - guu - àh • rák - kon - mâi - pìt] it - the more - make that, cause - know - [particle] - that - I - [particle] • love - person - not - wrong Official subs: makes me certain that I didn't choose the wrong man.

And he also does it in episode 9 when Fadel opens up about his ex for the first time on the island:

A person who risks their own life for someone they don't even know. คนที่เอาชีวิตตัวเองไปเสี่ยงเพื่อคนที่ไม่รู้จักด้วยซ้ำ​ [kon - tîi - ao - chee-wít dtuua eng - bpai - sìiang - pêuua - kon - tîi - mâi - rúu-jàk - dûuay sám] person - that - take - one's own life - go - risk - for - person - that - not - know - even Official subs: You risked your life for a total stranger. I love the right person. กูรักถูกคนแล้วละ [guu - rák - tùuk - kon - láew - lá] I - love - right - person - already - [particle] Official subs: I know I'm in love with the right man.

And Style does it again now in episode 12, standing in front of the restaurant with Fadel. And let me just repeat the line with an even more literal translation this time (this sentence really doesn't work well in a literal translation in English, especially because English also comes with plural forms rip):

Well, people who love, they gotta be able to wait. / Well, a person who loves, has to be able to wait. ก็คนมันรักอ่ะก็ต้องรอได้ดิ [gôh - kon - man - rák - àh - gôh - dtông - raw - dâai - dì] well - person, people - they, he, she, it - love - [particle] - [sentence link] - have to - wait - be able to - [particle] Official subs: Well, I love you. Of course I can wait.

This time Style actually switches it around, because previously คน [kon] implicitly referred to Fadel, while this time คน [kon] actually refers to Style himself. And for some reason the official translator went for a direct "I love you" when Style neither says "I", nor says "you". In the entire series, Fadel and Style rarely say the words "I love you" word for word to each other. It's very clear that they do love each other, but they never outright say it. Instead they say things like "I'm worried about you" or "So what if we're old? I'll still wanna be with you" or "I don't feel so sad anymore. I'm happier." And they don't really need to tell each other I love you anyway, because their actions speak for themselves. It's like Fadel said the moment he got out of prison: "I'm not saying it. I'm showing it." And yes, this line was about missing Style, but really, this sentiment also goes for their love, for both Fadel as well as Style. So Style doesn't directly say he loves Fadel, instead Style just implies it and it's only in the next line where he doesn't mention the word "love" that he directly addresses Fadel:

Whether it's 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, I can always wait for you. จะ 5 ปี 10 ปี 20 ปี รอมึงได้เสมอแหละ [jà - hâa - bpii - sìp - bpii - yîi-sìp - bpii - raw - mueng - dâai - sà-mĕr -làe] will - 5 - years - 10 - years - 20 - years - wait (for) - you - be able to - always - [particle] Official subs: Whether it’s five, ten, or twenty years, I'll wait for you.

And this is the point where I get jumpscared by Dunk's voice suddenly blasting through my speakers. I wish the editors had made the music just a little more quiet. It gets me every single time, because every single time I watch this scene I get so immersed that I completely forget about the jumpscare. Fadel and Style lovingly stare at each other while I scramble to save the health of my eardrums. Then Fadel says he'll work hard to pay Style back, but Style doesn't want that. Technically Style is the current owner, and if Fadel were to pay him back then it would be like Fadel was buying the restaurant from Style. But that's not how Style wants to see it. Because this isn't Style's restaurant that Fadel has to buy from him. No, it's their restaurant. It's already their restaurant. Because obviously if Style owns it, then Fadel owns it, too. It's both a gift to Fadel and something that Style bought for them to share. Because "I'm here to support you in all your dreams." Because no one means well for Fadel more than Style does.

Fadel says "I sure am a lucky guy. I've been doing bad things my entire life, but I have the best boyfriend in the world." Style throws his head to the side, smiling, half in an Oh, you sweet-talker way and half in a No need to mention it, kinda way. Then he says "It's all thanks to Kant for daring me to take you out." And this is actually a reference to the title. The Thai name of the series goes:

He hired me to flirt with a hitman เขาจ้างให้ผมจีบนักฆ่า [kăo - jâang - hâi - pŏm - jìip - nák-kâa] he - hire - that - I - hit on, flirt, woo - assassin

And this is what Style says:

[...] for hiring me flirt with you. [...] ที่จ้างกูมาจีบมึง [tîi - jâang - guu - maa - jìip - mueng] that - hire - I - come - hit on, flirt, woo - you

Style laughs and Fadel smiles, too, and then Style pulls the Heart Burger pin out of his pocket. Without a word, he carefully pins it onto Fadel's shirt while Fadel makes heart-eyes at him. It's a parallel to Fadel putting the pin on Style last episode. The ring pin exchange is complete. Style says "From now on, everything is yours." They're all but married. Style still has his hand on Fadel's chest by the pin. Fadel goes to grab it. They smile at each other. Then they turn and together they enter the restaurant, their restaurant, their shared future, hand in hand.

No. 12: Dinner With Mom

At night, when Fadel and Style are done at the ร้าน [ráan] (restaurant) they do go to Style's อู่ [ùu] (garage). And I love how Style immediately calls out that Fadel is here. Style is so excited to tell his dad the joyful news. But but before he has the chance to share his good news, he gets surprised with bad news instead. A dinner invitation.

Our foursome once again gets together to fight evil. And of course, the evil dinner invitation calls for an urgent outfit change for all four of them. They're greeted by two men holding out guns, and Style is a bit startled for a moment, but otherwise keeps calm. The men demand Fadel's and Bison's guns and the brothers hand them over. The men then walk into the dining room and the the four of them look at each other before following the men inside where Lilly is waiting for them together with Babe and Style's dad tied up on their chairs. Kant and Style immediately call out to their loved ones. In general, I just love how worried about his dad Style is throughout the entire scene and how he keeps checking and communicating with him. I actually made a whole separate post about this with lots of gifs where I really go into detail about it, because the relationship between Style and his dad really needs to be appreciated in all its glory in gifs and tumblr simply just has an image limit of 30 gifs per (desktop) post. I can't afford to spend like 20 of them on Style and his dad alone. It was already tricky enough to limit everything I wanted to showcase for this episode to only 30 images in the first place. Anyway. Back to the scene.

Once again Style finds himself in danger, and once again he mainly stays out of the conflict between the brothers and their mother. We also aren't shown Style's face that much, so we can only make guesses as to how he feels listening to Lilly monologuing on and on and Bison raging at her. Style probably feels worried, especially for his dad. We know this, because in the beginning of the scene, before everyone sat down at the table, Style was very fixated on his dad and you could tell that he wanted nothing more than to run over to him and check if his dad was unharmed. When everyone is sitting at the table, sometimes the camera cuts into a wideshot and while we only see the back of Style's head, we can tell that he's looking at Lilly, so I assume he's paying close attention to her words and actions.

At some point, Kant chimes in: "It was me who exposed you. I masterminded the whole thing. If you want to kill someone, kill me. Just let my brother go." Style immediately jumps on board: "Kant was right. Let my Dad go. He doesn't know anything. I don't care what you do to me." We already learned in episode 9 that Style is very much willing to give his own life for the people he loves and so it doesn't come as a surprise at all that he's willing to offer himself up for his dad. However, in comparison to episode 9 there now is a hint of uncertainty to Style's voice, because he really doesn't know Lilly and so he can't predict her actions and reactions unlike he could with Fadel in episode 9. Lilly laughs a mocking laugh while Style and his dad exchange glances. And I love that they exchange glances here, because, to quote from my other post:

i love that style is communicating with his dad again at this very point, because style offering himself up will also affect his dad. his dad might be physically fine if style trades his dad for himself, but emotionally the dad will be ruined if lilly takes his son's life, especially when he's already had to deal with the loss of his wife years ago. style being willing to sacrifice himself isn't nothing, in fact, it's a very big deal and so the two of them communicate about it

Lilly continues to monologue and announces she has some poisonous drinks prepared for the occasion. Style turns to his dad and says "Dad. I'm sorry." His dad had absolutely nothing to do with this, his dad is totally innocent and Style hates that his dad was pulled into this and that his dad's life is now in danger.

We then don't see any shot of Style at all while Fadel and Bison plead with their mother and offer to continue working for her. We don't get to see Style immediate reaction to Lilly's announcement that she'll let her sons and their boyfriends go if her sons give their brother-in-law and their father-in-law the poisoned drink. There is a long pause and it's only right before Lilly asks "Can you do that?" that the camera goes back to Style and we see there is shock and concern. Shit's getting real.

Fadel and Bison say yes, they can. Style is most definitely very worried right now, but to be honest, I don't feel like he's all that terrified, I think that's more of a secondary feeling. He watches closely as Fadel lifts the glass towards his dad lips, and Style is clearly anxious and agitated and maybe a little afraid, but he doesn't say a single word to stop Fadel and I think deep down he does trust Fadel not to kill his dad, trusts Fadel to find a way out with dad unscathed. After all they've been through, I think Style trusts Fadel not to cause him such great pain. Although I do think Style is ready to swap the glass out of Fadel's hand at any given moment. But Fadel pulls through. From one moment to the next Fadel throws the wine into his mother's minion's face, attacks him, and Bison follows his lead. Style and Kant jump up to free their family.

Fadel and Bison kill the henchmen without remorse and end up with Lilly at gunpoint. Kant calls out for Bison not to kill her and Style offers to call the cops. Now that the immediate danger is over, we get to see a little bit of that Style again who tries to mediate and solve conflicts with as few people coming to harm as possible. But Fadel orders him not to get the police involved, so Style drops his phone, still concerned and not entirely happy, but without further protest. Style, Kant, and their family watch the brothers poison Lilly without interrupting them.

And I kinda love we do get to see Style witness Fadel actually murdering someone, because in my ep5 meta I wrote this:

"I promise that no matter who you are, I'll still like you." And there it is. Style's decision. [...] Fadel doesn't believe [Style's] promise, though. "Words are cheap. I'll do that when you're ready. You can judge, then." Again, I think Fadel has a point. [...] Because yes, Style may say he'll like Fadel no matter his occupation, but Style still hasn't seen the killer in action. Fadel's words mean Decide whether you still like me or not only when you find out my real occupation before you promise anything as much as they mean Decide whether you still like me or not once you've actually seen me murder someone in front of you before you promise anything. Style has already made a decision about the former, but he is yet to make a decision about the latter.

And so I love that Style is now able to make the choice of loving Fadel having seen Fadel truly at his worst, having seen him murder someone in cold blood.

I know for this meta I focus purely on character analysis, and I don't really criticize (whether it's acting performances or script writing or directing or whatnot), but I do wish the series would have spent a little more time on this, on Style seeing Fadel kill. Because Style is clearly affected by what he is witnessing.

Something truly horrible is happening right in front of his eyes. And it's a shame that Style finally seeing the killer in action gets kind of just glossed over in the very next moment when "I'm a killer, I'm a bad person, you should be wary of me" "I love you anyway" has been such a big theme for these two. It's kinda weird that we go from Style looking this horrified to Style being happy and content in bed, as if nothing had happened. That kill doesn't even get mentioned again. I feel like you could jump from the scene in front of the diner straight to Fadel and Style in bed and not notice that any major traumatizing event has occurred in between. Ah well. Let's move on.

No. 13: 100%

We come back to Fadel and Style sitting in Style's bed at night. Fadel is wondering if he should change the restaurant's name and Style thinks it's fine as it is. But Fadel says he wants Style to be a part of it, too, so Style suggests "Just add an S and a heart" and I'm just thinking... So, Heart Burgers? Or Hearts Burger, since he talks about an additional heart? Or maybe the S in an entirely different position? Whatever name Style is thinking of, according to him with an added S and another heart it'll be a better version than Fadel's version, because:

Because you have another heart right here. เพราะมีหัวใจอีกดวงเพิ่มขึ้นมาอยู่ตรงนี้ไง [próh - mii - hŭua-jai - ìik - duuang - pêrm kêun - maa - yùu - dtrong níi - ngai] because - have - heart - another - [classifier] - increased - come - be - here - [particle] Official subs: With another heart, that is.

Fadel likes Style's idea. And before I move on, I just want to go into more depth about this little sequence for a moment: after Fadel explains that he's thinking of changing the name because he wants Style to be part of it, too, Style looks like he thinks about something for a moment before he says "I don't think it needs much change." Of course, in this moment he is thinking about what exactly could be changed if Fadel really does want to change something, but the thing is, Style already likes the restaurant the way it is. He doesn't necessarily need the restaurant to change if Fadel is changing it just because he thinks Style would want him to change it. It really reminds me of episode 6 and the theme of "Be who you want to be, not who someone else wants you to be". If the restaurant represents Fadel's life, Style already likes Fadel the way he is. But if Fadel does want to change, there is something important to do: he needs to add a S(tyle) to his life. And another heart (Style's heart). With that, it will make a much better version of Fadel's life than it was before. And Fadel actually agrees.

I can't help but think back to the last time they were in Style's bed at night, all the way back in episode 5. Back then, Fadel really struggled with sharing his life with Style and letting him come close. Now Fadel actively wants Style to be part of his life. Now that he's done being a hitman, the restaurant can finally be Fadel's life, but it's not his restaurant alone, it's theirs. Getting to be part of Fadel's life is something Style has desired for a long time now and has even fought and argued with Fadel over on multiple occasions, and now Style is finally granted his wish. Fadel is finally letting Style in. When Fadel agrees that a better version would be one with an added S(tyle), Style looks at Fadel for a moment and thinks about something again.

Style knows Fadel loves him. And that actually reminds him... Style turns to grab something off the shelf next to him and proudly presents it to Fadel. The key to Kant's car. It's finally Style's. And I know from a story crafting perspective it makes sense for Style to receive the car only at the very end, but it's still really funny to me that Style was given the car only now, when Fadel has without a doubt been head over heels in love with Style for the past five years already. Because Fadel was without a doubt already head over heels in love with Style before he went to prison. But however long it took, what really matters is that Style did get the car, because a deal is a deal. And Style did indeed succeed. "If I could make you fall crazy in love with me, I'd get his car." When Style says that, his voice is full of affection and there's also a bit of teasing. I know you're head over heels in love with me. But Fadel tells Style to give the key back to Kant:

Because I don't love you that much. เพราะกูไม่ได้รักมึงขนาดนั้น [próh - guu - mâi dâai - rák - mueng - kà-nàat nán] because - I - not - love - you - to that extent Official subs: I’m not in love with you like that.

Style wordlessly stares at Fadel for a second while he's processing those words, blinks, then lowers his head. Really now?

Fadel looks at him, a grin most definitely hidden in his eyes, then huffs and pointedly ignores Style. It's a challenge. Style puts down the car key. Challenge accepted. Because Style is not one to back down from a challenge. This personality trait has stayed consistent until the end of the series. Style turns to loom over Fadel. "Are you sure that you're not head over heels in love with me?" Because Style knows with unwavering certainty that Fadel is. He just needs Fadel to admit to it. I've already talked about how Fadel and Style hardly say "I love you" to each other. Style, the person who loves so fiercely and so passionately and so loudly, already rarely says it himself and Fadel says it even less. In fact, ever since they've started dating the only other time Fadel has said he loves Style since that one time Fadel directly said it the night he found out about the betrayal in episode 6 was in the kitchen in episode 11 when he said he wants to "do what I love with who I love" and even then he actually doesn't literally say the words I love you, but rather just implies it. If anything, Fadel likes to claim he isn't actually in love with Style. And so I think Style wants to hear Fadel say differently out loud for once, even if Fadel's actions speak louder than his words anyway.

But Fadel continues to ignore him. I think Fadel is waiting to see what Style will do in order to draw the words out of Fadel's mouth that Style so desperately wants to hear. It's like he's testing Style's persistence. Style kisses Fadel's cheeks and asks "How much do you love me?" But Fadel isn't giving in to Style that easily and that quickly. "Only 30%." He knows Style is chasing those 100%. Style ups the ante and kisses Fadel's neck. This is a game now. "How much do you love me?" Fadel says "60% now" and looks up at Style, waiting to see what Style's next move is going to be. This time, Style goes for the mouth, goes for a full make-out session even. Then Style asks again: "How much do you love me?" He grins at Fadel expectantly and he's definitely also a little bit satisfied and proud. Fadel doesn't reply immediately, just puts his hand on Style's face and looks at him for a moment. And then Fadel finally gives in and says "100%".

Again, this meta isn't supposed to be a review or a criticism piece on the story, but I do think it's a bit of a shame that the conversations about percentages wasn't about trust. Because I feel like the main question with them over the series wasn't really Does Fadel love Style? but rather Does Fadel trust Style? And trust was also the big theme of episode 5, the episode that Fadel and Style's game in episode 12 is a callback to: "A guy like me doesn't go trusting someone 100%." And a little later in episode 5, when they're in Style's bed, Style more or less opens the conversation with "Sometimes you make me feel so scared, and sometimes you make me feel so safe," which again is about trust, not love. This theme continues also in episode 8, when Fadel handcuffs Style to the bed, because "I don't trust you", not because he doesn't love Style. Episode 8 is all about Style trying to gain Fadel's trust again, not his love: "What do I have to do for you to trust me?" The episode 12 dialogue does work in a way, because Fadel did say he didn't love Style or didn't like him all that much multiple times over the course of the series, and he even makes a comment like that in this very scene that we're currently discussing. But the thing is, Style never actually believes Fadel whenever Fadel claims he doesn't love Style (that much) and Style even calls him out on his "I don't love you" claim in episode 8: "You might be good at cooking and shooting, but you're not very good at lying at all." Style never doubted that Fadel loved him, but trust has been a very big issue. In fact, trust also played a role only this very episode when Fadel was sulking at Style when Style couldn't come in to teach in prison. Because in episode 10 Fadel had told Style "I don't want to have any expectations just to be disappointed" and Fadel had trusted Style not to disappoint him, except then Style seemingly does disappoint him and that hurts Fadel ("I told you I don't like expectations because I don't want to be disappointed." [...] "Coming to see me regularly, getting me used to seeing you, making me miss you, and suddenly disappearing… How do you think that made me feel?"). It makes Fadel feel like he can't trust Style, not that he can't love Style. And the question in that scene is whether Fadel can trust Style to really be working on something for their future that Style can't share yet, it's not whether Style loves him. So yeah. I feel like the dialogue about the percentages would have been a much cleaner parallel/callback if it had been about Fadel trusting Style, not about Fadel loving Style. Because we all, including Style, know that Fadel has always loved Style. He just didn't always trust him. But now he does. 100%. Style once decided "One day, I'll be your 100%" and now he is. They celebrate that by making out some more.

When they part again, Style tells Fadel "You know what? Having you is worth more than winning that car" and I'm filled with satisfaction upon hearing that, because I said more or less exactly the same thing three episodes ago in my ep9 meta:

[I]t's actually kinda funny, because Style agreed to make Fadel his boyfriend, but it's been how many episodes since they've started dating?? And we have yet to see Style with said car. [...] [A]s of episode 6 it was Kant who was still in possession of the car, despite Style and Fadel being head over heels in love by that point [...]. Style may have gone into it for the car, but he never actually took the car and by now the car is long forgotten. I didn't go and check, but as far as I remember Style hasn't even brought the car up to Kant ever since that scene in episode 4 where he initially came to claim it. At this point, Style would much rather have Fadel than the car anyway.

(Bolded for emphasis)

Now please forgive me if I skip the rest of the love scene, but I do want to get this post done before the end of the month, if possible. I think the main take-away is that now they both very much want each other and are very much into it, with nothing holding either one of them back.

No. 14: Driving Into the Sunset

Of course their last scene would be of them driving into the (metaphorical) sunset together in Kant's car that Style has finally won. Fadel and Style check in with Kant and Bison in Iceland. After the call, Fadel asks if Style would also like to go on a trip. Obviously Style wants to. "I usually travel with my Dad. Never done it with my boyfriend before," Style says, at which point, upon me showing my language buddy and Thai language consultant this scene, he goes "...the kidnapping, though?" and I break into laughter, because my friend is right. Yeah, Style, what do you mean you've never gone on a trip with your boyfriend? *gestures at episodes 8 and 9* Right, wots all this then?

I mean, technically you could argue that during that time Fadel wasn't actually Style's boyfriend, but let's be real, Style never got that memo. Or rather he went I recognize that the Council has made a decision. But given that it's a stupid-ass decision, I've elected to ignore it.

Anyway, whether it'll be their first trip, their second trip, or their hundredth trip, I don't think Style will ever say no to traveling with Fadel. Fadel suggests planning a trip later and then, at the mention of Style's dad, asks how Style's dad is taking the news of Fadel being an ex-assassin and ex-prisoner. I do think Style's dad is genuinely chill with it, but once again I wish the series would have dwelled just a little bit more on the aftermath of the Lilly incident and on how it affected everyone involved. Because it was quite a traumatic and brutal incident, and it's a bit jarring how everyone is all sunshine and rainbows from one second to the next. But for the sake of this meta and the next line, I'll just assume that everyone, including Style's dad, worked through it all off-screen. Style says that his dad is totally okay with it, because "He said I need someone with a past like yours to tie me down." The Thai wording is slightly different, actually:

My dad said someone like me needs to meet someone with a history like yours. พ่อกูอ่ะ บอกว่าคนอย่างกูต้องเจอคนมีประวัติแบบมึง [pôh guu - àh • bòhk - wâa - kon - yàang - guu - dtông - jer - kon - mii - bprà-wàt - bàep - meung] my dad - [particle] • say - that - person - like - me - have to, need to - meet - person - have - history - like - you

I like that in the original phrasing it doesn't state the "to tie me down" part. The Thai line leaves it up to the viewer's interpretation as to why exactly Style would need someone with a past like Fadel's. Personally, I took it in a "Style needs someone fucked up enough to be able to stand and handle and appreciate all of Style's unhingedness". And I don't necessarily think that Fadel would actively try to tie Style down, since Style's shameless loudness and Style's ability to unabashedly be himself and say things without a filter is exactly what Fadel loves him for. I think Fadel tying Style down ("taming" him *wink wink*) happens more as a byproduct of both of them influencing each other and changing into better versions of themselves when they're together.

The words of Style's dad make Fadel laugh. Then he says: "You know, I still remember what I promised your dad before I went to jail." Style looks over to him and asks "What did you promise?" Style smiles and I see both joy as well as curiosity on his face.

I think Style knows exactly what promise Fadel is referring to, but he's dying to hear the words out loud out from Fadel's mouth. His expression is also very expectant, almost challenging when he's done speaking. The little head tilt afterwards is almost like he's saying Pray do tell. Fadel replies: "I told him I'd go talk to him after five years." As I said, I think Style knew what the promise was, but I think actually hearing Fadel say it still gives him a thrill and causes butterflies in his tummy. He looks over to Fadel in pure delight.

And I love, love, LOVE that Fadel was the one to bring it up first. Because at some point after episode 8, when there were so many references to a FadelStyle marriage and I seriously started thinking about the possibility of a canon FadelStyle wedding or at least a wedding proposal (lmao joke's on me rip), I was contemplating about who of the two would propose first and who I'd prefer to do so. And I thought Style proposing would fit with his personality, especially since he himself said "I could spring a ring on you one day and just ask you to marry me." It seemed fit that the series would end with Style doing exactly just that. But then I contemplated some more and thought, actually, I would love it if Fadel was the one to propose. Because in the series it's always Style who is chasing Fadel, it's always Style proving over and over again that he really wants Fadel in his life while Fadel spends the majority of the series pushing Style away (and Fadel does it again even in the finale when he's mad at Style during year 4!). And I thought that it would probably mean the world to Style if Fadel proposed. Because it would showcase that Fadel wants Style in his life just as much as Style wants Fadel in his life. It would show Style that the feeling is mutual, that Fadel wants it for himself, too. That a marriage isn't something Fadel agreed to just because Style asked for it or talked him into it or anything like that. Fadel proposing would show Style that Fadel is choosing Style out of his own free will the way Style has been choosing Fadel over and over again. I'm once again reminded of @braceletofteeth's tags on this post:

#Style wants Fadel to claim him as his so bad it makes him look stupid #just like he takes pride in choosing his own man #he would be proud to be chosen as Fadel's man #delighted‚ if Fadel let others (and Style) know he's the one who earned the space reserved for his special someone #in his heavily secured heart #if he was so special to Fadel that he wouldn't want him to be taken away #or to share him with anyone else

Fadel asking for Style's hand in marriage, Fadel marrying Style would be Fadel claiming Style, it would be Fadel making an announcement to the world that Style is his and his alone. It would be Fadel choosing Style and Style would even have a ring to prove it. To prove that he is Fadel's. To prove that Fadel is his. I just thought Fadel being the one to propose would mean the world to Style. And judging by the joy in Style's face in the above gif, it absolutely does mean the world to him. That Fadel is the one to bring up the prospect of marriage.

Style asks if Fadel is serious and Fadel says yes, he is, but that he wants to have the chat only once the restaurant is up and running again (at least that's how I interpreted this statement). Style says "No need to hurry." He most definitely wants to marry Fadel one day, but I think he's got a point with this. After all, it's only now that they can finally start dating "properly", can finally experience the couple life with both of them out of prison, all cards out in the open, both parties trusting and loving each other mutually, and most importantly, without fearing for their lives. "No need to push yourself. After everything that we've been through, still staying together is already beyond anything we expected." Their relationship really is chill the way it is, there is no need to rush anything. They can get married when they both feel the time is right for it. I think that's what Style is getting at here. Fadel agrees. Then he says "I thought I'd die alone." Style knows that well. They discussed this last episode by the gravestone. And back then, Style had already announced that he wouldn't let Fadel get lonely in death. Now he says: "We'll die one day, but we'll die together of old age." They're gonna have that old man yaoi future together.

Fadel laughs, claims Style is cheesy, but still plants a big kiss on Style's lips. Uhhhh, Fadel, so what about the lecture you gave Style about safe driving the first time you guys met? All of that goes right out of the window as Style and Fadel continue to plant kisses on each other. How's that for character growth?

And off they drive into the night. Style's got both the car of his dreams as well as the man of his dreams. What more could Style want?

(Overview | Ep1+2 | Ep3 | Ep4 | Ep5 | Ep6 | Ep7 | Ep8 | Ep9 | Ep10 | Ep11)

[daydreams-after-dark]

Happy birthday <3 I saw your little December event and had to rant about my obsession with Han and accidental sex chocolate fics like OMG.

Just imagine you and Han are best friends and drunk off your asses when Han finds a box of chocolates in his roommate's snack cabinet. You two devour it all, obviously- only to find out they're sex chocolates.

Han gulps, you gulp, because how many did you have? Like ten, each. The package said to have two at the most. But what can you do? It would be worse to deal with it all alone, and at least you have a pretty best friend in the same boat. So the two of you decide that you're just gonna wait it out, and maybe, hopefully it won't kick in that hard.

Fast forward a while later, Han is hard as fuck, and the chocolates have made him so sensitive that he nearly cums in his pants at the first touch. You just have to help him, after all. The poor boy looks so good all heated and squirmish. Combined with the view and the copious chocolates you ate yourself, and oops- you're dripping down your thighs.

He can't even bring himself to take off his sweatpants because the way you're humping each other like rabbits on the couch is so good, he can't stop. Eventually, somehow, they come off, and Han fucks you like it's his god-born right. He's not holding back for shit, because he feels like he might explode every time he buries himself in your tight wetness.

The sounds he lets out are unabashedly loud. He probably wakes up all the neighbors in the vicinity. The closer he gets the more he talks, too. Nasty language spills from his lips, from strings of swears to praises of your pretty little cunt. I wouldn't be surprised if he cried, poor thing- but that depends on if he's feeling sub or dom. Might switch, honestly.

But yeah >_< ignore that eating too many sex chocolates might cause a stomachache! or at least, don't be dumb and eat a bunch of your roommate's candy without reading the label. <3

part of #sorshas birthday month submissions

I’m squealing so hard right now! Lucky no one is home. I may have to go an relieve myself after reading this.

Omg imagine being so horny and needy like this! Where all rational thoughts leave and you’re just moving on pure lust and need. Humping like rabbits (as you said), even the friction of the clothing almost enough to make you cum.

There's absolutely no resistance when he prods his fat leaking tip to your drooling hole. It just slides in making you both cry out in relief. There's no going slow, he just starts fucking you hard and fast. You both need it so bad. Everything is so wet and loud!

I really want to imagine him a bit on the dom side with this, telling you how he owns this pussy and that it feels so fucking wet and tight. (even though I'm pretty sure thee will be some whiny moments... there's always whiny moments with him).

Just imagine how his cock would feel dragging on your walls. I'mdfuhiuhkufhksehf 💀💀💀💀💀

Even when he cums inside you, you both don't stop. You just keep on fucking while it leaks out around the base. Then he just goes ahead and smears it all over you while he fills you again and again.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS!!! SO DELICIOUS!! Who is this, cos I want to give you a big kiss!!

Side note: I am currently in love with Han in the chocolate factory out fit (subby han, that is). Imagine the chocs there are these special chocolates and he likes to sneaky eat them. You come to visit to check everyone is hard at work, but you notice he seems rather needy, humping things and such. You can't help but want to help him out....,maybe give him a hand job and watch him spurt cum all over his uniform.... I might write something about this another time.

read more submissions here: #sorshas birthday month

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY MONTH - DECEMBER

Hey my beautiful friends! I have an announcement / request.It's my birthday month, and I am opening up the ask box (even though it was never closed), for something a little bit different.

Instead of you sending in fic / scenario requests (which you still can regardless of this), I am requesting YOU to send ME your naughtiest thoughts or fantasies about your bias.

Like, what are your most filthy thoughts? What would you let them do to you? What do you want to do to them? Is there a particular theme that really gets you wet or hard? (like me and alien Han)? Or, what's a kink you didn't know you had until you started reading smut (like me and Han with 2 dicks - it doesn't have to be realistic)?

You don't even have to be involved! It could be you really love imagining two of the guys (or more) together. I know you have filthy minds and are horny little things.

Hit me with what you've got. Also... of course you can submit anonymously... that way you hopefully won't hold back.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

[yuyusuyu]

bloody hell — the emos

synopsis. oh, if only, if only she hadn't crossed paths with him. then maybe, just maybe, all of this could've been avoided... except, it was bound to happen by fate. there was no escaping the fate that was given to you at birth.

pairing. ot8! vampire! ateez x fem! reader (not poly! everyone will have their own ending!)

genres/aus. vampire au, suspense, romance, angst, slow burn

warnings. mentions of being watched, cursing, a kms joke oops. if there's anything i should add, please lmk !

rating. pg-13

wc. 3.2k lol...

a/n. this was nawt proofread... super duperrr sorry for uploading late !! was very busy and am very busy right now but things should calm down during december !! this is also a long chapter bc i deadass forgot to include the first part last chapter LOLLLL

send an ask in my inbox or leave a comment to be added to the taglist! reblogs and comments are appreciated! helps with not getting shadowbanned!

TODAY IS CLOUDY AND SOMEWHAT CHILLY, though you don't mind it. you see people who are bundled up with scarves hanging around their necks, some of them even wearing mittens to protect their skin from the biting chill in the air. september has its own few days of cold before october settles in, today being one of them.

you rip your eyes from passing students down to the bag in your hand, the plastic wrinkling as you shift on your feet to lean against the familiar black car beside you. jongho’s borrowed clothes lay folded neatly inside, smelling of the expensive kind of detergent you bought to wash it. you sigh and close your eyes, your head hurting just thinking about how much the detergent cost. jongho doesn’t care about these things, you know that, yet you can’t help but care when it comes to him.

it’s no question that he’s well off, maybe even rich but you can’t gauge just how much he is. you’ve been aware of such things ever since you first met him three years ago, how your classmates from then used to whisper about the things he wore, his belongings, everything. and so you’re so painfully aware of it all now, the expensive things he owns, how you’re extra careful around him at times.

though he may not be like her, flaunting around the wealth he has and making snide remarks about how you should be careful or how poor you are, you don’t want to risk it.

she’s made you have these bad habits, the ones where you care too much over things like this that shouldn’t matter.

“i hope i didn’t keep you waiting long.”

jongho wears a beanie, hiding the purple streaks in his hair from your eyes. he rounds the car and opens one of the back doors, dumping his practice bag and his backpack in the backseat. you hop inside his car quietly and buckle your seatbelt just as he sits in the driver’s seat.

“you didn’t take long,” you say, glancing at him.

he hums and sits quietly, shoulders slumping just the slightest bit.

“are you… okay?”

jongho tilts his head to look at you, a tired smile on his lips. “yeah,” he breathes out, “it’s just been,” he pauses, “a long day.”

by the way he sits up to start the car, by how his shoulders relax and tense all at the same time, you decide to not ask him about it and keep quiet, watching as jongho drives away from the campus.

“do you want me to pick him up?”

you turn away from the window and blink at the male. “what?”

jongho’s lips quirk upwards, clearly amused. “we’re here already. you know,” he points at the middle school building on the other side of the street from where he’s parked the car, “kou’s school.” he leans over the control board, and presses his index finger to your forehead, pushing your head back. “what’s got you distracted, hm?”

you open your mouth to reply, finding that it’s dry but you’re interrupted by the swinging door from behind jongho’s seat. jongho leans away from you as your brother gets inside the car, sporting a bright and infectious smile.

“sis!” kou drops his backpack by his feet after closing the door, hurling himself at you and attempting to hug you. you laugh when he pulls away, rubbing his head after hitting it against the roof of the car.

“woah there, little guy,” jongho says, his dark eyes gleaming with mirth, “careful.”

kou apologizes, smiling sheepishly at him. “hyung,” he says, settling in the backseat, “are you staying tonight?”

“sure am, champ.” the older male watches kou through the rearview mirror, only putting the car in drive once he’s buckled up.

the eleven year old gushes about his day: what he learned in math and science, how literature class was boring, how he and his friends played a lot during their break. you don’t register jongho’s taken you to the mall until kou starts pouting and wishes you wouldn’t have to work today so you can spend time with him and his hyung. you have to promise to dedicate saturday to only him and jongho, and that’s when kou beams and lets you leave.

“no way you just got here.”

“oh shut up, mingi.” you roll your eyes at the male that twists around to walk right in front of you. “you’re going to trip if you keep walking backwards like that.”

mingi shrugs. “i’ll be fine,” he says, “but how come you’re just arriving?” he raises an eyebrow at you. “you’re an early bird.”

“nosey much?” you mumble, walking past him in a hurry, “hurry the fuck up, mingi. we have less than ten minutes to get to the store.”

the tall male loudly laughs, clearly entertained by your behavior, and follows closely behind you, pestering you with questions.

mingi leans down, wearing a look of disgust as he glances between you and the incoming flock of people. “the emos just keep coming and coming,” he whispers, standing up straight and walking out towards the cashier to tend to the person waiting to buy their items. mingi grins at them, leaving you alone to roll your eyes as you focus back on the task at hand: unboxing and sorting the new merchandise onto the shelves.

which should be mingi’s job right now.

true to mingi’s words, the emos do keep filing into the store to keep buying the edgy jewelry in stock, just like every tuesday evening and the ones before that. you huff through your nose, wiggling your fingers and stretching your arms just as mingi walks into the back, your closing shift manager praising him for getting through the emo rush in one piece while they go to flip the open sign to the closed side.

“kill me now,” mingi groans, dramatically flopping onto the makeshift chair you two had made earlier before the emo rush started (something mingi prides himself for coming up with) and falls through it because you had emptied it long ago. “the emos need to find a new store for their stupid shit!” his hands fly up and attempt to tug at his long, black hair, trying to play it cool as he quickly stands up and dusts his baggy jeans.

you snort and bite your tongue to hold back a laugh when your coworker glares at you. leaning down to grab the last couple of shirts in a box before walking back into the store, mingi follows after you with an unopened box in his hand. “you also like that stupid shit they wear… you know, the jewelry. so doesn’t that make you an emo, too?”

mingi gasps, slapping your arm as you two stand next to each other. you chortle as he tears the box open with a cutter, grumbling about how foul it was of you to say that about him. “you’re evil,” he says, lazily throwing shirts and shirts onto the shelves. “how could you call me an emo? do you know how derogatory that term is to me? and this jewelry is mine, so the emos can go suck a nut and find a different store!”

laughing, you place the last shirt in your hand onto the shelf, giving mingi’s back a singular pat. “right, sorry,” you cough. “you’re definitely… not an emo… my bad.”

puffing his chest out, the pink haired male points at the box at his feet, crossing his arms afterwards. “apology accepted… only if you help me with the last box.”

“oh no,” you take a step back, arms raised in the air as you shake your head. “i’m not helping you. you basically left me alone to go through twenty damn boxes while you handled the emos. that’s my job. you’re not very slick when it comes to trying to get out of the things you have to do, mingi.”

mingi scoffs and narrows his eyes. “actually, you were supposed to do that today and i was supposed to be out at the cashier.” when you deadpan and point at something behind him, mingi raises his eyebrow before turning around. he gulps and looks back at you, smiling sheepishly.

you, as always, are right: you were going to be at the cashier and mingi was going to unload the boxes.

“well…”

“well…” you repeat his words, smiling in amusement as mingi scratches the back of his neck.

“well… the manager actually said that they forgot to change the board for today!”

“mingi, i literally saw the manager change the board today when you clocked in late.” you grimace at him, “by the way, how the hell did that even happen? we got here at the same time.”

the male gapes at you. “what? no, he didn’t! don’t lie to me, yn! and… actually, i have no excuse for clocking in late.”

you shrug, walking into the employee room. “i’ll ask the manager and send proof later!”

“what? yn, wait! don’t—”

you grin, twirling around and taking a step back at how mingi is quite literally right behind. you’re surprised at how quick he was able to get to you. clearing your throat, you turn back and head towards the locker you put your things in. “i’m just messing with you, mingi.”

“oh thank goodness,” he says, sighing and heading over to where he put his things.

the first thing you grab upon opening your locker is your phone, turn it on and read the messages jongho sent you.

jjongs: hey, i won’t be able to pick you up tonight

jjongs: i just finished helping him with his homework and he wants me to read him a story

jjongs: i won’t be able to get there in time when you get out

you sigh.

you: don’t worry about it, jjongs

jjongs: i’m so sorry

you: i said it’s ok

jjongs: text me when you’re on your way so i can come out and get you

you: seeing me outside my own apartment building is sooo romantic and chivalrous of you

jjongs: can’t have a fair lady like yourself be out in the dark for long

you: LOL?

jjongs: oooo you want me so bad

you: in your dreams wtf

you: i’m leaving the store right now so i’ll text you once i’m out

jjongs: ok

you and mingi shut your lockers at the same time, a loud thud resonating in the room. then, the two of you walk out, making sure to say goodbye to the closing shift manager before heading out of the store, walking down the almost empty halls of the mall. once outside, you quickly bid mingi goodbye and take a step forward when mingi speaks.

“it’s really late,” he says, looking down at his phone with furrowed eyebrows. he puts it back into the pocket of his jacket, stuffing his hands into them and looks up at you. “i’ll walk you home.”

you sigh and smile, shaking your head. “i live far away, and i have to take two buses to get back. i wouldn’t want to bother you anyways.”

mingi looks at you through squinted eyes. “it’s late and it’s dangerous for women to be out at this time. i don’t want to be lonely without having my favorite coworker around to bug all because you decided to walk alone at night,” he huffs.

“damn,” you say, eyes slightly wide as you raise your arms up in mock surrender. “okay, fine. you win. you can come along, but don’t say i didn’t warn you.”

“puh-lease,” mingi snorts, joining you as you walk towards the bus stop. “how far could you possibly live from this place?

“holy shit, you really weren’t lying when you said that you lived far away.” mingi gasps as you two exit the last bus you had to take to get to your apartment.

you glance at mingi from the corner of your eye. “there’s still some walking to do if you’re still so adamant on seeing me off. honestly,” you sigh, stopping. “you really didn’t have to come all the way here, mingi. i’ve been doing this for a while, so i’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”

“i don’t care,” mingi says, crossing his arms over his chest. “i’m being a good friend right now.”

“a good friend?” you tilt your head, surprised. “since when did we become good friends?”

“since we started working together,” he replies, his tone so serious that it takes you aback.

you didn’t know he considered you as such.

“how are we supposed to be good friends when we barely know each other and only work together a couple days every week ?” you grumble, clutching onto your bag as you resume your trek to your apartment. it’s already late, and you feel bad for not being there to tuck your brother away to sleep

“we can start getting to know each other right now,” mingi says, catching up to you quickly. he bumps shoulders with you, grinning. “i’ll start. i really like girls.”

“no shit,” you laugh.

mingi looks at you in surprise.

you’ve never really… laughed like this before. you usually laugh quietly but never this loudly to the point that your eyes are closed and your head is thrown back in amusement, your hands covering your mouth in… embarrassment, maybe? or is it out of habit? he’d like to know.

“you’re always flirting with the female customers.” your laughter subsides into giggles, and you playfully elbow his side.

mingi scoffs. “i do not!”

you stare at him.

“...well, maybe you’re right—”

“nope,” you cut him off. “i am right.”

“well, what about you?” mingi quickly says. “what do you like?”

you hum in thought. “well, i like school.”

“really?” he laughs. “you like school?”

you shrug as you both pass the pharmacy, and you make a mental note that you have to pick up kou’s medicine tomorrow morning. “yeah,” you reply. “i like school. gives me something to do and look forward to…”

mingi frowns at the tone in your voice. something to do and look forward to, she says…

it’s then that you stop. mingi blinks a couple times and looks up, coming face to face with a run-down apartment complex. he looks between you and the building, surprised.

she… lives here?

“well,” you look at him, smiling. “thank you for walking me all the way here, mingi. you really didn’t have to, but i appreciate it nonetheless.”

“oh,” he says, “it’s no big deal… listen, is it alright if i head in with you?”

you cock an eyebrow at this. “why?”

“just to make sure no weirdo tries following you back to your place.”

again, you laugh. “no one’s going to follow me, mingi.”

“but—”

you walk towards the entrance and push the doors open, saying, “goodnight, mingi,” before the doors close and you disappear up the stairs, leaving mingi staring after you.

“ah shit,” you groan, pinching your nose. you forgot to text jongho. well, you shrug, it’s not like i’ll get in trouble. jjongs is just a friend.

the walk to your faded apartment door with the very ugly numbers of ‘117’ plastered on right beneath the peephole stare right back at you. as you rummage through your bag to find your keys, the door suddenly swings open and a boy that reaches your shoulders grins widely at you.

“sis!”

“kou,” you say, baffled. “why are you still awake?” jongho leans over the kitchen counter from behind kou. “what’s he doing up, jjongs?”

kou pouts, opening the door wider as you slip inside, kicking your shoes off and turning around, waiting for your brother’s answer. the boy looks up at you. “i wanted us to read together before i went to sleep… i’m sorry—”

“mhm,” jongho hums out in agreement, turning his back towards you two. “what he said. kou is quite the convincer, you know?” the sound of water running fills the air, and you can only assume that he’s washing dishes.

you sigh, leaning down slightly to ruffle his hair. kou perks up, smiling as he tries leaning into your touch. “there’s nothing to be sorry about, kou.” you stand up, holding out your hand. kou grabs it, and you lead him over to his room. “did you brush your teeth already?”

he nods. “yes. um, sis?”

you hum as you flick the light switch on in kou’s room, ushering him over to his bed. he goes under the covers, and you tuck the duvet right under his nose, pinching it afterwards. kou giggles, “sis, stop!”

“okay, okay.” with one last pinch, you sit back comfortably at the edge of his bed. “what was it that you wanted to ask?”

“oh. um…” kou’s cheeks flush as he looks away. “can you um, put the butterfly clips in my hair again for when i go to school tomorrow? i really like how it looks in my hair.”

“of course!” you coo, kissing both his cheeks. “anything for my little brother.”

“thank you, sis,” he giggles. “can you read to me now?”

“of course—”

kou begins to cough uncontrollably. you’re quick to get on your feet, leaving temporarily and coming back with a cup of water and two pills in your hand. you pat his back as kou carefully takes the glass and pills into his hand, popping them into his mouth before washing them down with the water. once he calms down, he awkwardly lays back down in his bed, screwing his eyes shut.

you know he doesn’t want to talk about it.

so you grab the book you two have been reading together for the past month, finding the page you two last left on and begin reading out loud to him. a couple minutes pass before kou tells you that he’s feeling sleepy. you place the bookmark on the page you just read and place the book back on the nightstand.

“goodnight, kou,” you whisper, giving his forehead a quick kiss, ready to head out when you notice that the window in his room is open. you head over to it, leaning out for a second to feel the night air. a shiver goes down your spine, goosebumps appearing on your arms and the back of your neck. you immediately lean back inside the room, shutting the window and locking it.

it felt like you were being watched… but who the hell would want to watch you?

you're nobody.

you scrunch your nose, deciding to ignore whatever just happened and opting to go freshen up before heading to sleep.

you’ll just have to worry about it if it ever becomes a problem, but for now it isn’t.

previous | masterlist | next

taglist (open): @icarusignite @atinycafe @altgojo @lexiigom @1117promises @0325tiny @tenebrisirae @tunafishyfishylike @4-linz @glintneon123 @love--t @atinyreads @sundayysunshine @tinybada @fr34k4c1dr41n @alienvibecheck @honeyhwaaa @yyuyus @spooo00oky @voicesinmyhead-rc @allisonleannn

perma taglist (bold means i can't tag you): @asjkdk @kodzukein @lissiesykes @hrt4jeno @jeonride @satsuri3su @atinytownclown @sanhwaism @ad0rechuu @dinossaurz @szakias

BLOODY HELL | yuyusuyu 2024

[valenrixo]

Since it’s December now…

My ocs during Christmas time

Killian doesn’t really care for decorating, you’re lucky if he even gets out of his heated blanket during this time (me too)

Since it’s colder Killian is more clingy than ever…he wants your warmth. I feel like he’s the type of partner to get his hands really cold just to put them on you when you’re warm so it makes you jump.

He loves wrapping gifts though, his favorite thing to do is trick people with the wrapping. Making a computer mouse look like a bike.

Overall he will stream Christmas night after you two watch a bunch of Christmas movies of course.

Leo loves decorating the house and dressing up in ugly Christmas sweaters, he hung the mistletoe so you two could kiss but he got stuck under it with one of your friends that came over. He took it down immediately after.

He does a lot of cooking for the Christmas parties he hosts and such a clean freak… you can’t sit on the couch all day until the party because he just scrubbed it.

Christmas morning he happily opens all the presents you got him, (he is a sugar baby—-) he didn’t have any money of his own so he wrapped himself up and laid in bed. Oops! Suddenly the New Year’s Eve party is canceled because he can’t get out of bed from back pain..!

Leo loves making gingerbread cookies though, he makes a gingerbread man of you and him and happily eats the head of your gingerbread cookie…

Mark has you help him decorate his mechanic shop, you also have to remind him to give his employees Christmas bonuses..he’s a little forgetful sometimes.

Mark comes over a lot during the cold days- always with the excuse of:

“My heater is down, mind if I crash here for a bit? I brought peppermint donut holes!”

You two did get stuck under the mistletoe, a gentle kiss he’ll never forget.

Christmas morning he gifts you a coupon to his shop. He is a bit of a cheapskate after all…

Mark also gets drunk on New Year’s Eve. No kisses for you I guess..

Requests open! Or even if you just wanna ask things

[emphasisonthehomo]

The buddietommy hockey!au no one asked for~

Buck and Eddie are a d pair. Obviously. They've been a d pair for a good chunk of their careers. While they're not always always on ice together (sometimes Coach gets experimental with the lines) there is a very good bet that if the team is down, Diaz and Buckley are going over the boards at the same time.

Eddie is a little more forward minded. He's the defense that can put up points if the opportunity arises. There's been a few seasons where Eddie has somehow been the goal leader for the first few games, before the team gets their legs up under themselves. Buck blocks. He's throwing his body down to the ice to catch that fucking puck. He can and has taken a puck to the jaw to stop it from finding the back of the net.

They're also bros. Buddies, if you will. They roomed as rookies. They're neighbors that carpool. Multiple fans have posted selfies where they ran into Eddie and Buck at the same time at the grocery store or something. (Chris is very purposefully not in view, because Eddie is very strict about not putting his son in the lime light.)

They also. You know. Help each other out ;) like good bros do. It's casual. It's always been casual. Often on the road. Hand jobs or oral or rutting against each other. They don't fuck, that'd be gay. But they do... come in each other's mouths. Shut up. They're both straight. It's fine. It's casual. They don't do it when either of them has a girl. It's just when they're single. When they're bored. When they've had a good (or a bad) game and want to let off that extra energy.

And then Tommy.

Tommy was actually a rookie on their team, before either of them were drafted, and long since traded away to a different conference. He's getting close to retirement, one of those players where it's a shame he hasn't been on a Stanley Cup Winning Team yet. This season Tommy's signed back on as a veteran goaltender, in order to be a good influence to the 24 year old goalie that's on the roster.

And both of them are lowkey obsessed with Tommy.

It starts off as normal defensemen behavior. Don't touch my goalie. Don't look at my fucking goalie. You good babe? Great save out there, you're like a fucking wall. Beaut of a pad save. Standard run of the mill "I Love and Support My Goalie" behavior on both of their parts.

But then Tommy starts hanging out. He just moved back to the city and is renting a place near their neighborhood, so of course he's now in their carpool. He's terrible at video games, and Chris loves to destroy him. He grills on Eddie's back porch. He crashes on Buck's couch.

Tommy was brought on to mentor their rookie goalie, but oops. The rookie gets injured early in the season. Tommy becomes the starting goalie. He's a veteran on the game, it makes sense. And then somehow, on the tail end of his career, he really starts fucking cooking. His save percentage is fucking ridiculous. He's managing saves and shutouts and statistics that are normally reserved for goalies 5 years younger. He's never been an All Star Goalie, but this season he will be.

Buck comes up to Eddie at some point in mid December, and explains that he's seeing someone.

"Oh nice, what's her name?" Eddie asks with genuine curiosity.

"Well," Buck says, going a little pink, "It's not-it's different. I'm not seeing a girl."

And Eddie blinks and then stares, as Buck begins to stumble through an explanation that he's seeing Tommy. They're not gonna come out or anything, it won't be public, but they're together and it's serious.

It's not a big deal. Of course it's not a big deal. "I'm happy for you bro" Eddie says while his mind is reeling. Apparently Buck wasn't as straight as he thought.

Nothing changes. Everything changes. Tommy's still there. Still in Eddie's house, still playing video games with Eddie's kid. But now Tommy's fingertips are gently tracing patterns on Buck's upper arm. Now Buck is busy looking at Tommy with open tenderness. Now Eddie sees them kissing each other 'hello' and 'goodbye', soft and careful. Tommy's good for Buck. Better for Buck than any of the other people he's dated in the past.

Eddie's left watching their relationship start to grow, slow and gentle and sure. Like it was inevitable. Eddie's left wondering what it is about Tommy that made Buck want to be serious, when Eddie's been here the whole time. He's not jealous. He's not.

This might be their year though. They've gone from being a 'maybe' team for the playoffs to a 'definitely'. Eddie wants the cup. He wants it like an ache. Whatever is going on with Buck and Tommy is secondary to that. He shouldn't be thinking about it.

He thinks about it so much.