#this fandom is so talented and is an endless library of love | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thedrarrylibrarian · 2 years ago

Text

Several people have been kind enough to let me publish their thoughts on fandom, community, and queerness to celebrate Pride in the Library. Today's piece is a conversation between @academicdisasterfic and his boyfriend, @saintgarbanzo. If you missed it, @saintgarbanzo organized a fundraiser to help support @academicdisasterfic with funds for top-surgery. This fundraiser has met its goal, and is referenced to throughout their conversation.

In this conversation, @saintgarbanzo is chickpea in bold, and @academicdisasterfic is rooney, in regular text.

chickpea: ok baby. let's talk about the gift economy in fandom. it’s something that's part of our politics but many of us struggle with feeling like our worth is tied to our production, even in fandom. has your fundraising experience changed your understanding of those concepts for you?

rooney: Short answer: yes.

Long answer: I think part of what drew me to fanfiction in the first place was a complete divide from capitalism. It’s such a relief in this world of productivity culture. I started writing purely because I loved it and I never thought anyone would read my fics. But then people did, and that meant everything to me. After this fundraiser, I truly understand why the gift economy is so imperative to fandom. People are doing me a favour by donating to my surgery, reading my fics, or writing fics that I love to read. It still feels overwhelming to have as much support as I did. I haven’t processed it at all, I can’t actually fathom it, and I initially had this dread about how I was never going to be able to repay the fandom for what it did for me - it’s not true for all trans men, but for me, this surgery will save my life. But fic saved me too, and I know the same applies to many. When I thought about it like that, I realised that I would do the same thing for anyone here, and it would make me happy to do it. I’d never think they had to pay off that debt. The difference between capitalism and the gift economy is that one is about power and competition, and the other is about the cyclical nature of community. Debts don’t exist, because we don’t give from a finite pool of resources. We give to each other from an endless pool of infinite possibilities.

chickpea: i had that same realization. initially the only way we felt comfortable asking for help was by offering an exchange, but then the exchange wasn't really necessary. everyone just offered up their resources–money but also their time and talent and attention. i go back and forth between feeling guilty/indebted and trying to remind myself that this is how communities are supposed to function and i can feel grateful without feeling guilty.

you talked about fandom's resistance to capitalism being an initial draw. what about its queerness? my first fandom interactions were very much based in fandom being a safe place to explore queerness. i want to hear about the relationship between your gender realizations and this community.

rooney: You know, I didn’t even think about it in that way - it was more, “I need a queer space, I want it to be a creative space”. It was so apparent to me, even before I knew I was trans, that whatever community I invested in had to have queerness at its core. Back in 2010 when I was figuring out my sexuality, fandom and shipping on Tumblr became really important to me, so I already knew it was there and when I started to explore it, that’s when a lot of gender stuff happened.

I think so many trans people have a more nuanced relationship with their body than is portrayed as the mainstream trans narrative of just being born in the wrong body. I worked very hard before learning I was trans to love and respect my body, and I’d never call it wrong. But reading about queer men fall in love was truly a lightning bolt moment. I’d always felt like an outsider in sapphic spaces - I’m bi/pan/whatever so I do really love women and femmes, that was never the issue - but I realised that I wanted my partners to be perceiving me differently, that I wanted to be treated as a queer man. I think the transgression and fight against purity culture in fandom was so crucial to it - the feelings of displacement and disconnection aren’t articulated the same way in published literature. One of my first fandom friends was @softlystarstruck who writes amazing trans characters with a variety of bodies and sexualities and genders. That sort of representation, of bodies coming together in all those different ways, specifically in sex, made me feel like there was hope - that transness and pleasure aren’t incongruent but born of the same instinct. We have to desire the things that will bring us joy.

chickpea: i love you

rooney: i love you too baby

chickpea: i love that you talked about displacement within queer communities. we've all seen and experienced queerphobia and racism, the demands for productivity, toxicity, discourse that's both helpful and harmful etc. you're someone in fandom who i really admire for the way you acknowledge and navigate the problematic parts of fandom while still focusing on building community in a healthy and joyful way.

can you talk a little bit about being a trans man who consciously decides to stay in hp fandom?

i’ve definitely struggled with my participation here and your fundraiser has brought up those arguments for me again, because we've harnessed this really material and transformative help for you as a trans person, that was carried pretty much entirely by this community.

rooney: Ooft, the big question.

First off I have to make it clear that I completely understand trans people who don’t want to engage with the HP fandom, because it’s a fucking hard moral and ethical quandary to navigate. But also, I don’t think anyone, including other trans people, should judge those of us who find the inherent transgression of fandom empowering and freeing. That’s my go to answer.

I understand the ethical problems of HP and its fandom. The series is just flagrantly racist. It’s heteronormative, homophobic, and all around “ethically mean spirited”, as Ursula Le Guin so eloquently put it. But it’s still something that I loved, and more importantly, the fandom is so strong not in spite of the series' flaws, but because of them. The more broken it is, the more there is to fix - and we’ve put in Desi Harry and Black Hermione, we’ve written whole essays on why Wolfstar is canon, we’ve taken terrible things like “house elves love to be enslaved” and written complex, thoughtful interpretations of the relationship between oppressor and oppressed. We’ve fucked with it all. Some hasn’t gone far enough, particularly in regards to the way we think about and portray people of colour. But overall, we’ve improved upon something without a single cent from that work going to J.K. Rowling. I find people in this fandom have had a much deeper understanding of the problems in the series for the longest, because we examine it so critically and closely.

No one’s perfect, but we’re all trying - at least, most of us are - and we’re doing things that make the lives of trans people and other marginalised people better. And I’m a trans person who can attest to that, and I know you are too. Universal maxims like “any engagement with HP is transphobic!” don’t even begin to understand what fandom is, what it does, and why it exists. (Those universal maxims also tend to be hugely influenced by Western morality and the legacy of Christianity)

And yes - my fundraiser, and how this community came together to support a trans person in need, really shows all of it in a tangible way. The people here are here to support and uplift those who need it.

chickpea; i often fall into the trap of feeling like if my resistance doesn't transform my oppressors then it doesn't count. i’ve written posts about racism in fandom and a lot of times i still approach it from the position of like, how do i make this palatable, if i just say it with the perfect tone then it will be more approachable and i'll like, convert the racists. i write it with the idea that i have to reach the unreachable. but over and over what i see is that those posts strengthen the people already on my side. and i think it's the same when we're talking about the effects on queer people of engaging with hp. like, a lot of times the argument is that our silly little stories don't translate into real resistance, because people think of "real" resistance as legislative changes and boycotts, as efforts that transform and educate or punish oppressors. and our trans fanfic isn't convincing any terfs that they're miserable pieces of shit. but it bolsters other trans people. it supports us as individuals in this community. i think that the emphasis on whether or not hp fandom engagement translates to "real world" resistance focuses too much on that idea of reaching the unreachable people. we're here and we're doing it for each other, and i *know* it's effective because every queer person i've met in this community has a story of being strengthened by a fic, or a post, or an illustration.

i want to bring it back to joyfulness in fandom. how has it encouraged you to cultivate more joy for yourself and others?

rooney: Honestly, I think that idea about remembering who we’re actually doing this for is so important. And also I believe we can plant seeds for change through joy. Because here’s the thing - change doesn’t originate from someone signing a piece of paper enacting legislation. That’s an important part, but that person enacts legislation because they represent their communities. Communities who believe joy is possible are stronger, because they have something to fight for. Joy is essential to resistance. I want to reach my community with my words and make them strong. And perhaps then those sentiments will reach further, because we will feel supported by each other and capable in our own lives of challenging bigotry and violence, knowing we are not alone. I am convinced that is how change happens.

But I don’t just want to be happy so I can fight better. I want to cultivate joy because I deserve it, because I’m a person. Transphobic rhetoric dehumanises trans people, and that disconnect from our humanity can be internalised; perhaps we don’t feel worthy of indulgence, frivolity, the whimsical and beautiful and luxurious parts of life. Fuck that. Every human deserves access to joy. Treating myself cruelly will not change anything about me - depriving myself of joy when I fuck up doesn’t make me fuck up less the next time, and it doesn’t help the people affected by said fuck up. But treating myself well, indulging my creativity and dreaming and desires, actually does change me. It makes me better to the people around me, and better to myself, which means I have more energy for others and myself, which means I give more - it’s the gift economy, it’s cyclical.

So fandom just makes me happy because it does. I love watching these dumb boys in love. And rather than try and analyse that or judge it, I let myself accept it, and go with it, purely because it’s joyful and life affirming and connects me with the world in a new and beautiful way. It’s really just the power of storytelling, I think - it calls to something primal in us. Maybe it reminds us that we’re humans in this world that wants us to be more like machines.

Fandom makes me joyful because it reminds me of my humanity, I think. With every fic I read or gorgeous artwork it’s like I’m accessing this part of my humanness that I have to keep segmented and separate from my work life, my life where I have to so much of the time be productive and disciplined. Here, I feel all of my flaws acutely and deeply, and all of my wonders, and it’s soul deep. How wonderful to be a human and to feel so keenly - how preferable to a life of trying to stay in the boring, lonely middle.

chickpea: your soulful intellectual rigor is very attractive

rooney: i think that’s my favorite thing you’ve ever said to me.

chickpea: a lot of times i have to frame my self-care and creative work in terms of resistance because that's the only way i can allow myself to have it. but you are so fundamentally right. cultivating joy isn't only for the collective, it's for me. i need to think about pleasure and joy less as a fuck you to the people trying to crush me, and more as a gift. giving yourself that gift of joy really does give that gift to others, and that's such a beautiful, community building action.

thank you for the reminder that being in community is about engaging with our humanity. it's a perfect conclusion to our whole discussion. humanity is gorgeous and gross and so is fandom and stories are reflections of that, and those reflections are so special to so many of us.

thank you for letting me trick you into processing your feelings.

rooney: for the record i encourage all of your attempts to trick me into processing my feelings.

Thank you both for joining me in the Library. I loved what you both had to say about fandom being a gift of joy to ourselves and community being a gift we give to each other. Thank you so much for the privilege of reading your conversation as a way to celebrate Pride in the Library.

If you want more @academicdisasterfic, be sure to check out his work on AO3! I particularly love his fic like the sun came out, because it so accurately portrays the way people who truly love each other treat each other - with gentleness and kindness and patience.

If you want more @saintgarbanzo, be sure to check out his work on AO3 as well! I love Sweeten to Taste because I'm always a sucker for a beautiful food description, and also because I love the thoughtful and nuanced discussions Harry and Draco have in this fic about justice and forgiveness and what we all deserve even when we've been wronged and when we have wronged others.

🏳️‍🌈 Lots of Love and Happy Pride! 🏳️‍🌈

#pride 2023 #pride in the library #pride in the library 2023 #lots of love and happy pride #friends of the library #fandom community #academicdisasterfic #saintgarbanzo

58 notes · View notes

watchcatewrite · 3 years ago

Text

Love So Soft

Read it on AO3 here.

Rating: Explicit

Category: F/M

Fandom: The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent

Relationship(s): Javi Gutierrez x Reader, Javi Gutierrez x You

Additional Tags: Established Relationship, Cunnilingus, Vaginal Fingering, Praise Kink, Soft Dom, Vaginal Sex, Aftercare

Additional Notes: Guess what I watched this weekend. 👀 We’re not talking enough about how this is Pedro’s most perfect role. No, you cannot change my mind.

Javi spoils you.

He has since the very beginning, since you made him his café con leche one morning and he slipped 20 euros in your tip jar. Your first date he’d reserved an entire restaurant, where, to your delight, he’d ordered for you (including an extravagantly expensive bottle of wine), and the two of you had stayed until almost midnight talking about movies and American pop culture. After that came gifts, invitations to his pool for the afternoon (complete with poolside waitstaff), and eventually a weekend trip to Ibiza for the two of you, on Javi’s private jet. In the beginning it bothered you—the power imbalance it created between the two of you—until you realized that it wasn’t about power for him, Javi just genuinely enjoyed spoiling you.

“Please, princesa, I have more money than any one man could ever need. Let me spend a little on you. It’ll help me sleep better at night, knowing I’ve made you happy.”

How could you say no to that?

It had been overwhelming at first, the attention Javi lavished on you. You’d had mostly underwhelming relationships your entire life, men who treated you like an inconvenience at best, and a secret at worst. It took you a long time to trust that Javi was truly interested in you, with no ulterior motives. Though your chemistry had been electric from the beginning you’d spent months keeping him from your bed, waiting for him to lose interest when you refused the one thing the others had assured you was your best quality.

But not Javi.

He only grew sweeter: driving you from shop to shop in Majorca until you found something in your size, having swimsuits and dresses custom ordered for you that fit so perfectly they brought a tear to your eye. The first time you’d undressed to show him the lingerie he’d picked out for you you’d watched with a fluttering feeling as Javi went silent, speechless at the sight of you. The reverence with which he touched you, the way he made you feel delicate and cherished, was a heady feeling. Even now, nearly a year into dating, you still felt overcome by it occasionally.

“Princesa?”

Javi’s soft voice floated through the empty home, reaching you in your favorite room.

“In here, baby.”

You lifted your eyes from your book to watch as his head poked around the doorframe, his face brightening in a smile as he took you in, curled up on the soft, green velvet couch. The combination home office and small library had quickly become your sanctuary in the big house, where you’d spent afternoons nestled into your favorite spot as Javi worked. The shelves now held a combination of Javi’s books and your own—ones you’d brought from your apartment and those Javi had gifted to you. He’d quickly realized that as much as you loved the clothes, and trips, and other things, books were truly the way to your heart.

Javi made his way over to the couch, dropping into its soft depths and turning until his head could rest in your lap, his loafered feet hanging over the opposite arm. You stroked your fingers through his soft curls, moving them away from his brow. After only a few minutes Javi’s eyes slipped closed, a content smile on his face, as tension bled from his shoulders. It filled you with warmth to see the effect you had on him. Javi had given you so much, made you feel safe and loved, you only hoped you could do the same for him.

“Long day?”

His head moved gently up and down, hair ruffling against your dress. “Endless.”

You let out a little laugh and watched a grin tug at his lips. “I’m so glad you made it through.”

“It was a close one, princesa. I thought that investors meeting was going to do me in.”

“You poor baby.”

Javi smiled wider, shifting until he could bury his face in your stomach. His breath against your skin tickled, and you giggled quietly, your fingers resuming their pace through his hair. Javi brought up an arm, gently wrapping it around your waist and pulling you tighter against him. You could feel the press of his lips against your stomach, an action that might have made you feel uncomfortable once, but now filled you with the same fluttering feeling you’d come to expect with Javi. You knew he found every inch of you beautiful and he made it difficult not to feel the same.

“You’re going to suffocate down there.”

You could feel his smile against your stomach. “But oh, what a way to go, mi amor.”

His words surprised a laugh out of you, and his grin widened. Finally he pulled back, glancing up at you with brown eyes warm with affection. You couldn’t help carding your fingers through his hair again, pushing back the soft curls. They were in a bit of disarray now, but neither of you minded. You liked the soft, comfortable Javi he was at home, when he had no demands on his time other than you, and the two of you could get lost in each other for a few hours.

“What are you reading?”

You turned the book with your other hand so he could see the cover. “Little Weirds? It’s a collection of essays by the actress, Jenny Slate.”

“Are you liking it?”

You nodded, your cheeks heating with a blush. “It’s one of my favorites. This is maybe my fifth or sixth time reading it.”

Javi shifted again, until he could see you better. “Read me a bit of it? Please?”

You smiled indulgently, stroking through his hair again and nodding. You picked up where you left off, reading out loud quietly. At first Javi was rapt with attention, his eyes never leaving your face, though yours stayed focused on the pages. After a few moments he shifted again, settling further between your legs until it forced you to move, bringing up one leg and pressing your back into the arm of the couch. Javi settled between your thighs, his head still pillowed on your stomach and his arm around your waist.

He was content, for a while, your fingers still moving through his hair at a measured pace as you read. But before long he was moving again, turning his head until his face pressed back against your stomach, his lips leaving small kisses as they moved across your skin. A smile pushed at the corners of your lips but you kept reading, your tone and speed unchanging. He grew more insistent, moving over more of you, until his hands began to slowly bunch up the fabric of your dress, revealing new real estate prime for kissing. The first press of his lips against your inner thigh sent a shiver down your spine, and you sucked in a breath.

“Javi.” You warned. “You asked me to read to you, baby.”

“I’m listening.”

He didn’t sound the least bit apologetic, and your eyes fell closed for a moment as he mouthed gently at the sensitive spot where your thigh met your hip. Your words stuttered as he moved over your lower abdomen, his lips brushing against the cotton of your panties. You had a moment to wish you were wearing something sexier, but then Javi let out an appreciative little moan, and the thought was gone just as quickly. You should know better by now, the man loved you in literally anything. His tongue reached out tentatively, licking the small wet spot growing at the front of your underwear, and this time it was you who let out a little moan.

“So wet, princesa. Is this for me?”

Your book dangled from your fingers precariously. “You know it is, Javi.”

He nosed at the wet spot gently, and you let out a little whimper. “I thought you were reading, princesa.”

The repeated use of the pet name sent a delighted shiver down your spine, and you swore you could feel Javi smiling at your reaction. “Keep going, I want to hear more.”

Bastard. You slowly brought back up your book, trying to focus on the words swimming across the page. Your voice wavered when you started again but Javi gave you a moment, leaving you untouched as you tried to find your pace. It was only a moment, however, and before long he was nosing at you again, the curve of it hitting your clit in a way that sent electricity through your whole body, as he inhaled the scent of you.

“You smell like heaven, princesa. Maybe just a taste…”

His long, thick fingers hooked into the waist of your panties, drawing them down slowly until cool air hit your heated skin. You gasped, unconsciously arching your back and offering your cunt up to him, silently begging for his mouth. Javi let out a chuckle, and you whined plaintively. He placed another kiss against your pubic mound, moving slowly lower, but never quite to the spot he’d hinted at. The spot you were dying for his mouth. Bastard.

You tried to keep reading, some small bit of you thinking that if you were good, if you did as he asked, he’d give you what you want, but it was useless. His mustache tickled against you, and you let out a little moan, trying to move so his mouth landed where you wanted it. Instead his arms only tightened at your sides, holding you still as he pulled your panties down even further. You whined but settled back against the couch, knowing it was useless. Javi hummed happily.

“That’s my good girl. I’ll give you what you want, don’t I always, princesa? But you have to be patient.” He placed a kiss just above your clit and you whimpered quietly. “A man can’t be rushed when he’s enjoying something so exquisite.”

“Please, Javi.” The book went slack in your hand again, as the fingers of your other hand tightened in his hair. “Please.”

“You don’t want to read anymore?” Wicked man. There was a glint in his eyes that was all too familiar, the same glint when he watched you get excited over a perfect present, or when he opened the door for you and you blushed.

“No.” Your head moved rapidly back and forth.

“But it’s your favorite. You said so.”

“Javi.” A warning that melted into a plea. “Please, baby.”

He glanced down at where you were bare before him, his eyes dark with lust. You’d never get over the way he looked at you, the hunger that raised goosebumps across your skin. Your underwear was still tight around your upper thighs, his hands holding you firmly, but slowly he eased it down, shifting from side to side until he could pull them off one leg and then the other. They disappeared over the side of the couch, and then Javi was taking large handfuls of the back of your thighs, lifting them up and out until you were spread wide in front of him. You whimpered, a blush warming your skin, and Javi pressed a wet kiss into the top of each thigh. “So fucking beautiful, mi amor. Just look at you.”

There was a time not so long ago that you wouldn’t have believed him, that you wouldn’t have been able to look at yourself and see what he saw. But Javi had slowly stripped that away the last year, showing you how loved and cherished you were. How much he adored you. How much he wanted you. You glanced down at your pussy, wet with the arousal he inspired in you, and felt magnificent.

“Please, Javi.”

Finally, finally, he lowered his mouth to you, enveloping your clit in wet heat, and you let out a cry. There was little teasing after that, just the pressure of his tongue pressed flat against your clit as it moved over you again and again. Javi ate you out like he was a man dying for sustenance, and you were the only thing keeping him going. It made your toes curl, made your heart hammer, until all other thoughts disappeared, and all you could focus on was the intense pleasure that flooded your body in waves.

Javi hummed with your clit still in his mouth and you gasped, arching up against him. He only held you tighter, pressing you into the couch as he spread you wider and wider for better access. You felt filthy and embarrassed, but so deliciously good that you didn’t even care. Nothing mattered but Javi’s mouth on your pussy, the pleasure that he pulled from your body like it was his for the taking. Maybe it was. He gave you everything you’d ever wanted, you could give him this.

“Look at you spread so beautifully for me, princesa. Put your hands under your knees so I can sink my fingers into this soft cunt.”

You obeyed without protest and Javi murmured praises into your skin along with more kisses. Two large fingers slipped into you with ease, as Javi wrapped his lips around your clit again, and then he was crooking them, perfectly, inside of you until you burned white hot. He whispered more praise as he licked and sucked at your clit, moving his fingers inside of you until you could barely breathe, your back arched impossibly high and your eyes clenched shut.

“You’re heaven, princesa. Heaven.”

“Javi.”

A gasp was all you could manage as your body coiled even tighter, as Javi dragged you closer and closer to the edge. It was like he knew every place to touch and to taste to make you absolutely desperate. You whined and moaned, holding on to your knees with all your strength until your fingers whitened and you knew bruises would be left behind. Still he didn’t slow, didn’t ease up, drawing everything from you until you could feel tears gathering at the corners of your eyes. Javi stroked inside of you, his thumb brushing over your sensitive clit, as he watched your face.

“That’s it, princesa. Give it to me. Come all over my hand, I know you want to.”

Javi rubbed a hard circle into your clit, as his fingers pressed into your g-spot and you came undone with a gasp. You could feel as you clenched around his fingers and Javi groaned, bringing his mouth to you again. Every nerve felt exposed as you trembled with the force of it, Javi’s lips sucking gently on your clit as you experienced wave after wave. You slumped back against the couch, your legs slipping from your grasp, but Javi caught them just as you started to fall.

“No, no, mi amor. We’re not quite done yet.” He waited until your hands replaced his own. “That’s it. Hold yourself open for me, princesa. I want to feel this sweet pussy grip my cock like it gripped my fingers.”

“Javi.” You whimpered as he undid his belt, pulling himself free and rubbing the head of his cock against your entrance. “I can’t—“

“Yes you can, princesa. I know you can.” You watched as he rubbed himself between your folds, coating himself in the pleasure he’d drawn from you. “Such a good girl. So beautiful, holding yourself open for me. That’s it.”

Slowly Javi pressed himself into you, stopping each time you gasped and giving you time to adjust. “That’s it. Look how beautifully you take it.”

You whimpered quietly, and even you knew you sounded pathetic. This man had undone you, shattered you as perfectly as he’d built you up. You’d never felt like this with anyone else, never trusted someone to take you apart so carefully, knowing he’d put you back together again. You wanted him, every piece of him—wanted him buried so deep inside you that you’d never be without him again. When he came inside of you you wanted it to never wash out, so that you were marked as his, always.

Javi groaned as he finally bottomed out inside of you, his hips flush against your own. “Dios mio, princesa. Perfect. Fucking perfect.”

You were so full you could hardly breathe, thoughts disappearing from your mind until all you could focus on was the delicious, perfect stretch of him. Every time you worried he wouldn’t fit, and every time he seated himself inside of you like it was where he was meant to be. Maybe it was where he was meant to be.

And then he began to rock his hips.

You let out a cry, your back arching again as electricity crackled over your skin. You were still so sensitive from your orgasm, your body pulled so tightly with need, that every small movement felt almost unbearable. Javi whispered more praise to you as he began moving in ernest, his strokes growing longer and more forceful. You moaned each time he hit home, his pubic hair brushing your oversensitive clit in a way that was almost overwhelming. Javi reached down a hand to press his thumb to your clit and you shuddered apart again.

“Fuck, princesa.” He groaned. “I don’t know how much more I can take. This cunt… incredible.”

You moaned as you clenched and pulsed around his hard length, his pace never faltering as he drove you higher and higher, back to that impossible edge. Your arms strained with the effort of holding yourself up, until finally the tears that had held back were released.

“Please, Javi, I can’t.”

“Shhh, mi amor.” Javi reached out with one of those large, soft hands, cradling your cheek so gently it brought a new wave of tears you couldn’t control. “You can do it, I know you can. One more for me, mi vida, one more.”

It was too much: the love in his eyes as Javi fucked into you perfectly, the way his thumb moved over your clit just right, the praise and endearment that fell from his lips so effortlessly. Your vision went white as you came again, eyes squeezed shut so tightly that there was a ringing in your ears. Javi followed you over the edge with a groan, his hand still on your cheek as your pussy milked him for every drop of his release. It coated the inside of you, giving you the only gift you’d truly wanted: him.

Javi slumped forward and your hands finally fell from your knees, wrapping around his back as you drew him into you. His head landed to rest in the crook of your neck, his breathing just as harsh as your own, hearts beating a matching, frenzied pace. He pressed lazy kisses into your skin, both of you utterly spent, but still unable to stop. Praise still fell from his lips, his voice soft and hazy with satisfaction.

“So beautiful, princesa. So perfect.”

When he could finally stand, Javi drew you into his arms and lifted you from the library’s couch. The picture you painted must have been comical—Javi’s limp dick hanging from his unzipped pants, and your dress bunched up around your hips—but you didn’t have the energy to care. When he reached the bathroom he turned the taps on in the bathtub before he sunk to the floor and draped you over his lap. Your head rested against his chest, where you could hear his heartbeat returning to normal, your own reaching a similar tempo.

“I love you, mi vida. I never knew I could love someone so much.”

Tears rushed to your eyes again, but you were too tired to blink, let alone cry. “I love you too, Javi.”

When the water was warm Javi helped you undress before doing the same, sinking you both into the water as he pulled you back against his chest. Javi spoiled you, it was true, but for the first time in your life you felt like someone worthy of being spoiled.

#the unbearable weight of massive talent #javi gutierrez #javi gutierrez x you #javi gutierrez x reader #the unbearable weight of massive talent fanfiction #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal

91 notes · View notes

alwaysxlarrie · 2 years ago

Note

4, 9, & 15

4. honestly, i’ve read wonderful fics from many talented authors in this fandom that have inspired me !! i’ve also been lucky enough to befriend some of them & receive their help w some of my fics. but i’m gonna cheat & name a few more than 3 lol oops.

@zanniscaramouche —— zanni knows how much her writing has influenced me, but her ability to keep scenes going, go from one character’s action to the next character’s action and/or dialogue so seamlessly, perfectly describe how & why an action made a character feel the way it did, etc just brings her writing to life so wonderfully. i’ve been lucky enough to have her beta quite a few of my fics that included smut as well, bless her soul, because her talent when it comes to smut, dirty talk, etc is superb. having her influence in my smut has made it what it is today, 100%.

@thedevilinmybrain —— the way jen writes emotions so viscerally & describes things in a way that even if you’ve never seen an item, action, and/or place before, you can still picture it in your head clearly is so admirable. you feel every emotion the character feels. you see exactly what the character sees. i’m obsessed w the way she portrays louis & harry’s dynamic in each fic —— it’s always similar but different. keeps you on your toes but you know it’s gonna be a good time. that’s how i aspire to write larry’s relationship in my fics lol. her writing is so captivating & phenomenal.

@loveislarryislove — long story short, annika & i have this obsession with touches & yearning doing so much for a scene, an emotion, a character, etc. touches are everything!!! i read her bodyguard fic & was obsessed before we even became friends & it showed me that you can depict so much lust, love, angst, happiness, etc in a scene that isn’t even that intense physically. bless annika’s soul for betaing my fics, too lol.

@2tiedships2 & @londonfoginacup for the same reasons —— the way they incorporate humor into their dialogue and internal monologue???? unmatched!!!! i’ve always wanted to be a writer who can incorporate humor into a fic seamlessly that is funny to people besides me and reading endless amounts of their fics & talking to them as well has definitely helped me mucho. their writing has also helped me learn that it’s okay to bend some sentence structure rules for creative reasons & i can confirm, my writing has only benefited from it.

there’s def more, but i’m just gonna name a few more people who have been influential for me for various reasons (dirty talk, smut, slow burn, humor, etc) & then i’ll stfu ab this one lmao: @allwaswell16 @lululawrence @kingsofeverything @disgruntledkittenface @crinkle-eyed-boo @jaerie @twopoppies @gaycousinlarry @hershelsue @sadaveniren

9. kind of? i try to stay flexible with myself if i can though. like if i finish a fic a day or three after the deadline i’ve set myself, then i’m not gonna berate myself for it. i do have a schedule for my cinderella au fic tho; that has a deadline of publishing one chapter a week!

15. i hope im answering this right when i answer this based on what universe i think is the hardest to write lol —— for me, it’s omegaverse. i was just talking about this w some people in the 1d library actually lol. i love reading abo fics but im just not sure if i could take myself seriously writing the words “slick” or “knot” or whatever. i get too self aware and in my head about it. i have so much admiration for writers who write many abo fics, i wish i could do what they do. i’ve been thinking about signing up for the abo fic fest to kind of get myself over that hurdle, but we’ll see.

thank you for asking me questions!! hopefully you don’t mind that my answer was kinda long 🙃 but this was fun!! xx

#anonymous asks #questions about my fics #fun fun fun

8 notes · View notes

staruplatinum · 5 years ago

Note

So I here your requests are open huh? In that case I would like to request SFW and NSFW headcanons for the three goth men of part 5 (Risotto, Diavolo, and Abbachio) If that’s ok with you :3

they sure are! & hell yes ; the holy gothic trinity 🖤 for the most part this is gender neutral reader, but some parts use female pronouns.

SFW

Risotto

He loves heavy metal, and was into it since he was a child. Besides the obvious metallica, he grew up listening to classic rock bands like Led Zeppelin and then went onto Motley Crüe And a few others!

He’s actually kind of embarrassed of his height, which is why he’s thankful that his stand let’s him ‘blend’ in.

He was raised by his nonna, after his parents (whom were devoted Catholics) gave him up because of his ‘eyes’. They thought it represented the devil.

he was born with white sclera and red iris’, but but because of his stand - his sclera turned black.

He’s pretty good with his hands, and if he wasn’t in the mafia he would have owned a mechanic shop in Sicily.

Diavolo

He genuinely needs a hug. I know this fandom makes him out to be an asshole (and he is) but he has a soft side to him that’s so vulnerable. Sometimes he just wants to be held, he’s being alone for so long.

Since he has endless free time, he often likes to read books on Italian Architecture or history - in fact - he actually has a massive library in his villa.

He really likes animals and bugs! Sometimes when he sends Doppio out on missions, he tells him to bring back any cute beetles or other things he finds. It’s his only “window” to the outside world.

Having grown up with a priest, he has a fond interest in Catholicism and it’s symbolism in Italian culture. Hence why he goes by “Diavolo”. He doesn’t actively practice the religion or pray, for that matter - but he finds solace in the aesthetic of it.

Abbacchio

Abbacchio has strict skincare routine that he follows! He always spends the most on facial scrubs and creams!

Yes, he spends the longest getting ready in the morning. Between his hair, face and makeup!

He waxes all the hair on his body

Abbacchio is actually an amazing cook but he doesn’t tell anyone this. The last thing he needs is Narancia or Mista hounding him for a good meal. It’s a quiet talent he keeps to himself.

He really likes to dress in black/leather and most of his apartment has gothic accessories or furniture!

Animals and him don’t really get along. He’s the type to tell you “no we’re not getting a fucking cat” and then end up cuddling with it every day and buying it a sweater 😔

NSFW

(18+ below the cut!)

Risotto

Risotto is a soft dom. He doesn’t like to be too rough with you, especially considering his size.

He loves kissing you passionately while you ride him - or while he fucks you. He just loves the contrast of deep thrusts and sweet kissing.

He can be a bit ‘harder’ if you want him too, and in that case you better be prepared to take him while he chokes you or pulls your hair.

He LOVES stomach bulges, because of his insustainable size kink.

He likes to reward you! He’s not into hardcore degrading, but he will tease you a bit with how much you moan. With that being said - he’ll also praise you! He loves seeing you blush when he calls you “good girl”

He really likes to creampie you.

Diavolo

He can be extremely rough, and he particularly loves degrading.

He will calll you names, be prepared to hear “puttana” or “troia” a LOT. He will make you feel like you’re nothing more than a cocksleeve to him. “Remember what you’re purpose is, Topolina. You’re here for my pleasure only. Tch. Pathetic”

He likes spitting, and his favourite thing to do is spit on you or in your mouth.

He’s very fond of slapping!! He loves to take you from behind and slap your ass (or use his belt on you) until your ass is beet red.

He likes having you touch yourself while sucking him offf.

He is a master at edging you and over stimulating you. You will be left crying from one or the other.

Abbacchio

Abbacchio is a hard dom, and he isn’t afraid to show you.

He has handcuffs he kept from when he was a cop that he uses to cuff you to the bed frame.

He’s an assman. He loves all body types but at the end of the day he’s far more atttacted to your ass than anything else.

With that being said, expect a LOT of spanks and ass play.

His favourite position is doggy stule, but he isn’t opposed to trying others. He just likes to be the one in control.

He’s really vulgar with his mouth. Hell swear and degrade you a lot - even humiliate you at times. “You like this you fucking slut? You like having my cock buried inside of you like this? Disgusting.”

he really enjoys sloppy blowjobs. seeing your lipstick marks and saliva all over his cock drives him insane.

#vento aureo #risotto nero #not sfw #jojos bizarre adventure #leone abbacchio #diavolo #headcannons #golden wind #gothic trio

381 notes · View notes

alexsfictionaddiction · 6 years ago

Text

‘Life itself is the most wonderful fairytale of all.’

If you missed my announcement post last week, you may not know that I am a co-host of a wonderful readathon that will be taking place from 11th-18th August. My co-hosts are BookTubers Sam, Becky, Erica and Jordan and I would love if you could subscribe to all four of their channels. They are all fantastic creators and their videos deserve a LOT of love!

Today’s post aims to give you some inspiration for your FairytaleAThon TBR. The challenges for this round are in the above image and I’ve selected a few books that fit each one, which you’ll hopefully be interested in. FairytaleAThon encompasses original fairytales, myths, folktales and retellings of them so the possibilties are almost endless! Here are my very best recommendations:

1. THUMBELINA: Read a fairytale or retelling under 250 pages.

ELLA ENCHANTED BY GAIL CARSON LEVINE: 240 pages.

This very funny and sweet retelling of Cinderella is perhaps better known as a cute Anne Hathaway film but the source material is definitely worth the read. It follows Ella, who was given the curse of obedience by a fairy, when she was a baby. This means that she has to do anything that anyone tells her -fight monsters, let down her friends and even deny that she’s in love with the prince. However, there is a beautiful feminist resolution that is sure to delight modern fairytale lovers!

THE SNOW QUEEN BY HANS CHRISTIAN ANDERSEN: 96 pages.

The story that inspired Frozen is over 200 years old but this beautiful new edition from independent publishing house Pushkin is worth picking up for the coverlust alone! The original tale is quite different to Disney’s version but it is still an epic story of love and loyalty in the harsh landscape of the snowy North. When a magic mirror breaks and curses Kay to be blind to all of the good in the world, he is taken by the Snow Queen and locked in her ice palace. It’s up to his friend Gerda to trek across the icy plains and rescue him and his frozen heart.

THE BROKEN SWORD BY POUL ANDERSON: 237 pages.

Inspired by Norse mythology, The Broken Sword is a dark high fantasy that has somehow been packed into just over 200 pages. Skafloc is a human boy who has been raised by elves amidst their war with the trolls. The elves require the use of the sword Tyrfing, which the mighty Thor broke in order to stop it destroying Yggdrasil -the tree that brings the earth, heavens and underworld together. Only the giant Bolverk can fix it and it’s Skafloc’s job to persuade him. As well as this huge undertaking, Skafloc also needs to face his dark changeling self! This is ideal for Tolkien fans who need a quick whimsical adventure in a strange land.

THE WILD SWANS BY HANS CHRISTIAN ANDERSEN: 64 pages.

I’m aware that this is the second Christian Andersen Pushkin edition in this post but LOOK AT THEM! The Wild Swans is a little-known story about a princess whose 11 brothers are turned into swans by their evil stepmother. Despite being determined to break the curse, the stakes are high and huge sacrifices will need to be made to reunite the siblings. It’s a heartbreaking story about familial love and loyalty.

2. GENTLE GIANTS: Read a fairytale or retelling over 500 pages.

CRESS BY MARISSA MEYER: 560 pages.

This sci-fi retelling of Rapunzel is actually the third book in the Lunar Chronicles series. Although each book is a retelling of a different fairytale, the characters do overlap and therefore it is best to read them in order. The good news is that you have plenty of time before the readathon to read both preceding books -Cinder and Scarlet. The series is incredibly unique, quirky and funny with some truly shipworthy romances and madcap adventure.

COMPLETE FAIRY TALES BY BROTHERS GRIMM: 1019 pages.

Ok, so this may be cheating a little BUT what would FairytaleAThon be, if you didn’t dip into some classic original stories at some point? This Penguin Vintage Classics edition of the tales collected by the Brothers Grimm is a simple yet beautiful chunk of a book that I believe should be a staple in any fairytale lover’s library. Featuring the original gruesome versions of classics such as Hansel and Gretel, Little Red Riding Hood, Twelve Dancing Princesses and so many more, there is bound to be more than a few of these 279 twisted, disturbing stories that you love!

CHILDREN OF BLOOD AND BONE BY TOMI ADEYEMI: 544 pages.

It was one of the biggest books of last year and its sequel is on its way next year. Children of Blood and Bone is inspired by the Orisha (deities) of West African mythology. It follows Zelie, a young girl with magical powers in a world where magic has been taken away and people like her are hunted by a tyrannical king. However now she is on a quest to avenge her dead mother and restore magic to her homeland. Followed by her brother Tzain, a rogue princess Amari and enemy prince Inan, this is a truly unique YA fantasy that I found completely unputdownable.

WICKED BY GREGORY MAGUIRE: 512 pages.

This prequel to The Wizard of Oz is best known as a hit West End and Broadway musical but the source material is also a fantastic read. Elphaba has been an outcast and persecuted all her life because of her green skin and this doesn’t change when she starts at Shiz University, where she meets the beautiful, queen bee Galinda. After a reluctant start, they soon form a friendship and band together with Munchkin boy Boq and quiet Vinkus prince Fiyero to put the injustices of their world to rights. Spanning over years of Elphaba’s life, Wicked features forbidden love, high-stake drama and challenges your idea of what evil really is.

3. IF THE SHOE FITS: Read any fairytale or retelling on your TBR.

Of course you should use your own TBR for this challenge but I’ve chosen some popular releases over the last couple of years that just might be on your TBR anyway.

CIRCE BY MADELINE MILLER

Not only is it a beautiful book but the story inside is truly captivating, bewitching and heartbreaking. This is a feminist retelling of the Greek myth of Circe, the sorceress living alone on the island of Aiaia with a talent for potion-making and a penchant for turning sailors into animals. In this version, Circe is banished to Aiaia by Zeus when he feels threatened by her unique brand of magic. There she develops her craft, tames the animals, grows herbs and even encounters travellers such as Daedelus, Icarus and Odysseus. After angering both mortals and gods, she needs to decide where she truly belongs to protect the thing she loves most. Madeline Miller is a gorgeous writer and Circe is a masterpiece.

THE HAZEL WOOD BY MELISSA ALBERT

Although not a fairytale or a retelling, The Hazel Wood has many fairytale elements and therefore, I feel it more than qualifies for FairytaleAThon. It follows 17-year-old Alice who has spent most of her life moving around with her mother because bad luck and disaster seems to follow them around. Alice’s grandmother is the author of a book of dark fairytales set in mysterious Hinterland. When her grandmother dies and her mother goes missing, Alice has almost nothing to go on. She teams up with classmate Ellery Finch, who also happens to be a superfan of her grandmother’s stories, to find her mother and discover the secrets of her grandmother’s creation. It’s the perfect remedy if you’re craving some fast-paced, whimsical action. THE SILENCE OF THE GIRLS BY PAT BARKER

Ok so it’s ANOTHER Greek myth retelling but this is another book that should really be on your radar. The Silence of the Girls tells the story of the women affected by the Trojan war, who have been largely ignored by the original myth. It focuses primarily on Briseis, a Trojan queen who became a concubine to Achilles after he murdered her husband and brothers. Her life in the Greek camp is a world away from the one she led in Troy and she is now a slave to the army. When commander Agamemnon wishes to claim Briseis as his own prize, she finds her fate entirely at the mercy of the two most powerful men of Greece as the war wages on. It’s an engaging accessible version of the story with some lovely female friendships, intricate and illicit romances and an ending that will definitely touch your heart.

GEEKERELLA BY ASHLEY POSTON

This quirky, nerdy YA romance is enormous fun to read! Vegan food-truck worker Elle is a superfan of hit sci-fi series Starfield, a love she shared with her late father. When a cosplay competition is announced to celebrate the upcoming movie reboot, Elle has to enter. The prize is a ticket to the Cosplay Ball at the fandom’s convention ExcelsionCon and a meet and greet with the new Prince Carmindor. However, when it’s announced that the role will be played by teen idol Darien Freeman (who her stepsisters are obsessed with) Elle isn’t hopeful he’ll do the part justice because surely a pretty boy actor doesn’t know the first thing about Starfield, right? Told through the viewpoints of both Elle and Darien via alternating chapters, it’s full of dramatic irony and the subtle similarities to the story of Cinderella are so fun to pick out. Our group book for this round is its recently released companion The Princess and the Fangirl, so what better reason to pick up Geekerella if you haven’t already?

4. CREATURES OF THE DEEP: Read a book with mermaids, sirens or sea monsters.

As this is a summer round of FairytaleAThon, my co-hosts and I decided that we wanted to dedicate a challenge to stories that feature cool blue waters. We agreed that this book doesn’t have to be a fairytale, folktale or retelling; it just has to feature a mythical aquatic creature.

TO KILL A KINGDOM BY ALEXANDRA CHRISTO

This dark retelling of The Little Mermaid sees Princess Lira as a ruthless collector of princes’ hearts. However, when she kills a fellow siren, the Sea Queen punishes her by turning her into a human and taking away her singing voice. She needs to bring back the heart of Prince Elian in order to return to the sea. Prince Elian is himself a siren-hunter and when he rescues a drowning Lira, she promises to help him destroy all sirens but of course, she has her own motives for getting close to him. Although I’ve seen mixed reviews for this book, I really enjoyed it for the concept. Lira is a much more powerful, more formidable figure than Ariel and the story is much more brutal. I’d definitely recommend it for anyone who feels like Ariel deserved more.

THE PISCES BY MELISSA BRODER

The Pisces is an incredibly strange novel about Lucy who has recently split from her long-term partner and is lacking inspiration for her thesis. In the hopes that it will help her forget her problems, she agrees to spend the summer in LA, looking after her sister’s house and foxhound. While there, she goes on a string of grisly Tinder dates, attends a therapy group for love addiction and falls in love with a mysterious but gorgeous surfer dude… who appears to have scales over the entirety of his lower body… It’s funny, it’s weird, it’s sad in parts but it’s also somehow bloody brilliant. Be warned that there are some pretty graphic sex scenes, so perhaps avoid it if you’re sensitive to that!

THE GLOAMING BY KIRSTY LOGAN

This is a wonderfully charming magical realism book following Mara and her family, whose island is surrounded with magic and stories. When tragedy strikes her family, Mara finds solace in enigmatic Pearl who introduces her to a new way of life and possibilities she never dreamed of. Torn between the traditions of her island and the ever-changing course of the sea while still haunted by the past, Mara needs to decide which is the best path for her to take. Kirsty Logan is a lyrical genius so if you like beautiful imagery and strange diverse storylines, The Gloaming is a great choice for you.

THE MERMAID AND MRS HANCOCK BY IMOGEN HERMES GOWAR

Set in the 18th century, The Mermaid and Mrs Hancock is a beautifully written and surreal read that will appeal if you’re looking for a more literary, social history-led mermaid book. Merchant Jonah Hancock learns that one of his captains has sold his ship for what is apparently a mermaid. Naturally this piques the curiosity of the area and he is soon thrown into upper class circles, where he meets the beautiful, accomplished Angelica Neal. Soon enough, both of their lives take a new course at a high price. It’s a pretty big book so I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it if you’re not already a historical fiction reader but it’s definitely a unique story of obsession and intrigue with bags of wit.

5. TRY THE GREY STUFF: Read with a yummy treat.

Naturally, your choice of reading snack is ENTIRELY your choice but these are four of my favourites to get your tummy rumbling!

ICE CREAM

The perfect treat for a hot day. Just don’t let it drip onto the pages!

Is there anything more tasty than a plate of warm, gooey, freshly baked cookies? Pretty sure there isn’t!

POPCORN

If your book is painting beautiful cinematic images in your mind or the drama is getting a little tense, you might want to grab some popcorn to add to the experience. MOZZARELLA STICKS

Possibly my favourite savoury snack ever. A few mozzarella sticks dipped in sweet chilli sauce is simply delicious!

6. A WHOLE NEW WORLD: Read a fairytale or retelling with a diverse character.

ASH BY MALINDA LO

This bisexual retelling of Cinderella is one of my favourites ever. Ash dreams of being taken away from her miserable life with her stepmother by fairies so when she meets handsome but dark fairy Sidhean, she thinks her life is about to change. Then she meets beautiful huntress Kasia and begins feeling things she hasn’t felt in a long time. But how can she choose between true love and her fairytale escape? It’s sexy, enchanting, incredibly intense and I absolutely devoured it.

A CURSE SO DARK AND LONELY BY BRIGID KEMMERER

This was our group book for the last round of FairytaleAThon, so if you joined us then, there is a good chance you’ll have already read A Curse So Dark And Lonely. It’s a recently released Beauty and the Beast retelling which has been getting a lot of hype in the book community. It follows Harper, a teenage girl living in Washington DC with her ailing mother and dismissive older brother. When she intervenes in a street incident, she finds herself being pulled into Emberfall, a broken kingdom ruled by Prince Rhen, who has been cursed to relive his 18th year until a girl falls for the vicious beast he has become. With evil forces at work, Harper and Rhen need to defeat more than a curse to save the people of Emberfall. Harper has cerebral palsy and as a result, she has developed a strength and feistiness that I don’t think I’ve ever seen in YA fantasy. It’s a must read for anyone who loves cursed hearts, easy-to-root-for characters and page-turning tension.

EVERY HEART A DOORWAY BY SEANAN MAGUIRE

The first in the Wayward Children series of novellas, Every Heart A Doorway is the perfect twisted fairytale. The premise explores what happens to the children who have been to magical lands on their return to the real world. Ever-changed by their experiences, they are often take to Eleanor West’s Home for Wayward Children, where everyone is seeking a door to the fantasy world they’ve left. When Nancy arrives, darkness and tragedy are just around the corner. There are asexual and transgender characters, multiple ethnicities represented as well as plenty of dark whimsical adventure. It’s certainly a strange little series but once you start it, you’ll be hooked.

THE WRATH AND THE DAWN BY RENEE AHDIEH

A retelling of an Arabian Nights story, The Wrath and the Dawn tells the story of the young king Khalid who murders a new wife every night. When her best friend becomes one of the slain, Shahrzad volunteers to be his next bride with every intention of not being the one who ends up dead. Through the power of storytelling, she survives night after night and inexplicably finds herself falling in love with Khalid, who appears to be nothing more than a tortured soul -much like the rest of his palace which seems to have more than a few secrets. It’s a novel full of tradition, elegance and fantastic world-building. You’ll definitely get swept up in this one!

7. RAGS TO RICHES: Read the group book.

THE PRINCESS AND THE FANGIRL BY ASHLEY POSTON

Our group book this round is The Princess and the Fangirl and I can’t wait to dive into it! It’s set in the same fandom as Geekerella but is not a direct sequel, so you can technically read it if you haven’t read the previous book. It follows fangirl Imogen who is on a mission to save her favourite Starfield characters Princess Amara from being killed off. However Jessica, the actress who plays her, is desperate to shake off the pressure and intensity from the fandom and would actually quite like to bow out of the series. I don’t want to know too much more about it but I know it involves an F/F romance and I’m guessing there’s a case of switching places or mistaken identities at some point, given that it has been touted as a retelling of The Prince and the Pauper. I am INCREDIBLY excited for this one and I hope you’ll be picking it up too!

Hopefully I’ve given you some ideas for your own TBR. I’ll be posting my own next week, so look out for that. This round looks like a good one!

#fairytaleathon #readathon #recommendations #book recommendations #fantasy #ya #mythology #mermaids #fairytales #books #bookworm

3 notes · View notes

artigas · 6 years ago

Text

I was tagged by two of the most beautiful and talented people the Black Sails fandom gifted me with the privlidge to know so ♥ thank you @vowel-in-thug and @old-long-john

Rules: Answer 21 questions and then tag 21 people who you want to get to know better.

Nickname: Nia ♥ maybe in 2020 I’ll stop being so excited about finally having a nickname but hey ♥

Zodiac: Cancer. I don’t really believe in astrology but god does my sign fit me perfectly. I’m a homebody, I’m very tuned into emotions, and cancer’s dual associations with the moon and the ocean makes me so happy.

Height: 4′11/150cm or so. Laura, you think you’re tiny? I wish. I wish, my love!!

Last movie I saw: Nightcrawler. Jake was vile and despicable and I’m still thinking about Riz’s last scene in that movie. The next day, I watched The Sisters Brothers (Abridged) with @captainshakespear,

Last thing googled: La Llorona myth variations because of Writing Reasons

Favorite musician: Ben Howard, Daughter, Aerosmith, Nina Simone

Song stuck in my head: Feels Like Summer by Childish Gambino. If you haven’t heard the song/seen the vid, you really should!! I adore it.

Other blogs: just the podcast blog and one I used to run for a New York Public Library.

Do I get asks: Every now and then! I wish I got more, though, mostly bc I wanna be closer to all the people I’m connected to on here.

Following: I’m followiing 369, am followed by 2872.

Amount of sleep: Usually four because my life is an endless struggle.

Lucky number: Seven! I was born July 7.

What I’m Wearing: High waisted blue jeans and a black Nirvana shirt. Mix-matched socks- different socks, but they both have koalas. meaning I have more than one pair of socks with koalas on them bc of course I do lmao

Dream Job: English professor! It’s all I wanna do. I’d love to publish poems and short stories, but I want so badly to teach gothic horror and victorian literature.

Dream Trip: New Zealand, the Canary Islands, England.

Favorite Food: steak and pasta. raspberries! mangoes!!

Play Any Instruments: I started taking violin classes when I was nine. In high school, I won a scholarship to study music for free at a prestigious music school in Soho but ... I had to stop attending because of family stuff. It’s one of the few things that makes me very wistful and sad. I wanna go back to violin.

Languages: English, Spanish, and not enough Italian to brag about lmao

Random Fact: When I was a kid, I almost drowned in an Uruguayan beach that is notorious for its violent waters. Like, notorious enough that they built a fucking sculpture to really make it clear that you’re gonna die. I still love the ocean unequivocally though. I legit almost died, I went into shock for a good hour or two after, but I’m grateful I still adore swimming and the sea.

Describe yourself as aesthetic things: wall-length bookshelves, a well-used palette of watercolor paint, flowers by the bedroom window, a lipstick stain on a coffee cup, the sight of your feet in the sand right as the ocean comes rushing to meet you.

Thank you for tagging me, my loves!! I’m tagging @twobrokenwyngs, @clockheartedcrocodile, @captainshakespear, @my-doctor, @sightetsound, @dimplesflint, @pan-shego, @thistlecake, @e-sebastian, @daughtersofthanos, @crisspine, @introvertia and I’m tapping out. I’m forgetting people but my brain has been such a mess these days. Tag me if you guys do it, I wanna read along!! AN EXTRA TAG FOR MY BIGGEST LOVE: @dorkbait

#estefania rambles #askbox games #this was fun so thank you for tagging me friends #there you go katie SMOOCHES

23 notes · View notes

nishka-jan · 7 years ago

Photo

This is a love letter (and an accurate description of my pavlovian responses) to the fannish writings of @helenish, @astolat, @mcicioni-blog, @rageprufrock, @fabula-unica, @hopelessheathen , @eyebrowofdoom and other fantastic authors of many fandoms I’ve come across throughout the last 7 years. Thank you guys for your time, muse, talent and passion that brought me and scores of other people endless joy, squees, “my emotions!!!”, heartbreak, “hot damn”s, laughts and smiles, and what the hell not. You so rock.

(The guys and gals listed thought, I seriously adore. I've got into fandoms and ships because of them, and would gladly buy their original works in case they write professionally. What is the right way to ask your favorite fanfic author “I love how you write, do you have a pen name and write books or articles outside fandoms, and how can I find them; just take my money and exited noises, please, please, please”? You see my dillema)

It’s also one biggest, shiniest kudos to AO3 as a whole, because it’s a place of free speech, wit, motivation, hopes, love for writings of all kinds of good and bad - and as much as it’s a lliving, wonderful library, it’s a thriving museum of a unique facet in fandom culture. Long live you)

#fabularasa #fabula-unica #mcicioni #helenish #astolat #rageprufrock #eyebrowofdoom #hopelessheathen #ugh another i'm so grateful post #fanfiction #ao3 #archive of our own #my art #art

72 notes · View notes

purpleheatherdream · 7 years ago

Text

My Experience with Fan-fiction and Fandom

[For @thelallybrochlibrary Scavenger Hunt: Write a blog post sharing your personal experience with fan fiction.]

I have not published any fan-fiction, but I have tried to write it before. I have never finished any yet and it what I wrote was a couple of years and a couple of fandoms ago so I will probably never finish it. I started reading fan-fiction over on fanfiction.net. It was the usual beginner stuff for that time and at that age, which was mostly Harry Potter and Twilight. Then I got into the G.I. Joe fanfic on the site and that is where I began to appreciate the different writing styles and personal head canons of the different authors. This was because they all had each other referenced in the favorite authors of their dashboard and they would make comments to each other in the comments of their chapters. Then I got into Young Avengers and Bat-family, again following certain authors, some of which I still do. I loved them specifically at that time because I was now aware of how much work school is and the idea of handling that on top of being a superhero was mind-boggling.

I bounced around fandoms for a few more years, but not really focusing on the fanfic side of any of them as I went through high school. I started college last year and was really trying to find something fun to relax with and saw a gif from 3x06 A. Malcom where Claire showed Jamie a photo of Bree in a bikini and he was reacting as a 18th century dad. I had never heard of Outlander before seeing that gif set. I scrolled through the notes to find the name of the show because I had to find out what work brought me this hilarious and touching moment. Then I started watching clips and the first episode before finally coming to the Outlander tag on AO3 and started reading obsessively. At this point, I knew Outlander was a book but I felt like I didn’t have the time or mental stamina to go on a book length emotional journey because it felt like college was trying to kill me through assignments and endless nights at the library. I ended up reading a good deal of Outlander fanfiction and following a few of the author’s blogs before I had even read the books or seen the show. I changed the long-forgotten password on my AO3 account so I could start leaving comments on my favorite stories that were being updated and to let the authors know how much I appreciated their work (which I know is like baseline fandom etiquette now) and how seeing that update made my day easier to deal with. I bought and read the first book and eventually got up the courage to rent the first season because of how much the fanfic authors loved the source material and portrayed experiencing it as such a rich experience in order to come up with all of their head canons and plots.

So, I didn’t really fall in love with Outlander, I fell in love with the Outlander fandom during a time when I was stressed. I am so grateful to @thelallybrochlibrary for starting this scavenger hunt because it gave me an opportunity to finally grow up in a fandom sense and start contributing to something that already takes up so much of my time, and I am having so much fun doing it!

(This part kinda veers off my experience with fanfiction and into more of a thank you letter.)

I’m going to take this time to thank all of the organizers and content creators of the Outlander fandom. I only found out about Outlander from a gif that one of you made and that led me to learning about an amazing new fictional world that is brought to life by such a lovely and supportive fandom such as yourselves! It might not always seem that way because of bullies and whatnot, but everything each one of you puts out there made a positive impact on me or a person like me who just appreciates from a distance.

Especially because, in the words of stand-up comedian John Mulany, “…it’s really easy not to go to things. It is so much easier not to do things than to do them, that you would do anything is totally remarkable. Percentage-wise, it is 100% easier not to do things than to do them” (New in Town 2012).

Thank you again for all of you lovely talented and hardworking people. You all mean so much to me. Keep being awesome, y’all!

#llscavengerhunt #experience with fanfiction #personal #outlander #mine

35 notes · View notes

playchoices · 8 years ago

Text

Inside Choices: Growing from “Rant Ahead, Be Aware”

While looking through Tumblr posts this week, one of the longer response posts caught my eye. The post was well written and though titled “Rant ahead”, was a well reasoned commentary on things that bother the post’s author. Since the post brought up many points that other players have also expressed, I thought replying as a blog post so everyone has a chance to see the response would be appropriate.

Thank you to lauraotaku2234 both for your thoughts and for permission to share it in our blog. The post is bolded below.

From the Tumblr post “Rant ahead, be aware”:

I just love how Pixelberry reblogs fanart and nice messages about the game. But when fans are actually pointing out errors and mistake the game has done… they just ignore it. They have decided to close a bubble to them.

This is a very fair point. Our team really does read a lot of the feedback generated by our players. But even though we may be working on fixes or things that address the critiques, most of the time people on our team don’t give a firm answer for fear of making a situation worse or suggesting something that might end up not happening in the future. Because I lead the team, I have a lot more latitude in responding to critiques, but I’ve been focused on a lot of different projects which means that I haven’t responded as often as I should.

I hope this post helps to provide some more light on many of the below issues.

Now, there is a difference between the: “We want more diamond options” and the “James situation”. Here’s why:

On the diamond thing, I doubt PB will change that, mainly because they get their money from us buying diamonds, the more options we get, the least money they make. So its understandable. Yet, the money they make is supposedly to get better staff and equipment so the game can improve and be better. A year has already passed and I still can’t find what the improvement is or was.

You’re correct, it is harder for us to change the diamond economy. We have been experimenting with different options that try to balance our ability with making money and giving players a better experience. As a player, myself, I totally get the complaints. I don’t have anything new to announce right now, but we are working on different features and will see if things like rewarding diamonds for watching ads will help in providing that balance.

It also makes sense that you and other players can’t find what improvements have been made. But I’m hoping that is partially because we’ve been slowly building and rolling out improvements over time and that you’ve gotten used to some of those changes.

One of our most popular requests is launching more weekly content. And in the past year, the biggest change we’ve made by far is expanding from 3 books at launch to a much more robust library. When we first launched Choices, we had about 10 people writing with two new chapters per week. We now have over 30 writers and sometimes release as many as 6 new chapters a week with other new series in production, too. Along with all these writers, we’ve added more artists, producers, testers, and other roles to increasing our capacity for weekly storytelling.

It’s something you can’t see, but when I walk through the doors into our offices, I love hearing the buzz in our office and seeing all the people working together on Choices. And when all the writers assemble for their weekly “Writer’s Meeting,” I still get the chills seeing so many writers gathered around a long table talking about how they can improve their craft together.

So, I hope you really do believe we’ve been investing a lot in growing our team because we treat the future of Choices very seriously.

(As an aside, some people on the team have suggested maybe doing a Fan meet-up in the office - in the Bay Area in California - or maybe sending writers to different book conferences next year, so that maybe some of you can see that growth in person, too.)

Now… The James thing. PB common, you can do better than that. I wouldn’t be upset if you they gave us an actual reason as of why. Also, we need an explanation about what “other characters” means. Will the rest of the character change too? Will it only be a few one’s? I’m replaying every single finished book to find what other faces may have been changed. It has to be done, I don’t want to play The Royal Romance to find you changed Hana’s character appearance just… because.

You are right. We should have told you about the change ahead of time. Also, I wish I could go into more details about the change, but in my previous post, I tried to say as much about why we made the change as I already could. We know this really upset many of you. We understand. It’s our bad for disappointing you.

In regards to “other characters”, we have not rolled out the changes yet, but our Tumblr fandom is pretty clued into what other characters will likely be changed. We will make specific references to those characters when it happens. We will not be changing any other Love Interests (LIs), so Hana and others are safe.

The only book I’m not replaying is ROE, why? Because is a waste to my keys and time. The storyline got old really fast. It was actually a really good story, and I remember the First Book Finale actually left people with their mouths open, but they ruined it when they brought a third book, and now a fourth. I mean, it’s a plot that can be solved with a Snap. Adding more tasks as a way of length[en]ing the story was a stupid move and only brought fans rage. Most fans agree with me when I say: Endless Summer should have as many books as The Freshman, The Crown and The Flame shouldn’t have ended in the third book, The Haunting of Braidwood Manor should’ve been longer, Most Wanted deserves a second book, and even tho The Freshman is my favorite series, The Sophomore plot isn’t going anywhere, it’s like Love Hacks at its beginnings and it’s tiring.

As I mentioned before, Most Wanted 2 must happen. It’s the book every fan is waiting for, including me. It has an amazing storyline with amazing characters, yet, they decided to shut it out, and even erase it from their AppStore/PlayStore menu.

It’s pretty clear that much of the Tumblr fandom has the least love for Rules of Engagement (ROE.) But we have other fan groups and other people who really like this series. Just as we actively try to promote diversity in our characters, we do try to balance the resources we put into genres for various fandoms and individuals playing through our stories. We aim to have something for everyone, and all of our writers pour their hearts into everything they work on.

As the RoE series wrapped up, the writers of ROE moved on to a “mini-book” that would tie the series up in the right way. The book will probably finish too quickly for fans of ROE and not fast enough for fans of other series, but this book length fit the purposes of the story arc. Also because we have such a wide variety of writers, each with their unique storytelling talents and skills, continuing a romance series such as RoE doesn’t actually affect some Tumblr fandom favorites, like Endless Summer or Most Wanted.

Part of what we’re trying to do with Choices is to try new series and genres which is why we sometimes will end, or pause a series faster than fans want so that we can try new things. Most Wanted didn’t do as well financially as our other two launch series, so we moved that team onto Endless Summer and LoveHacks, where they could excel at leading new projects. One of those writers, Andrew, has moved onto managing another project. But Luke continues to be a part of Book 2 and 3 of Endless Summer (which we are aiming to start releasing in December.) And Owen is working on a secret new project, now that LoveHacks has completed!

I really do hope and think that when it makes sense, we will start work on Most Wanted 2. But it will be a matter of the right timing in terms of having one or more of the original team ready and balancing the start of Most Wanted 2 versus other new series we want to start. Dave and Sam will eventually return.

I respect Pixelberry as a company a lot. But with these changes and empty storylines, I just wonder where the old Pixelberry went. It seems like they just ran out of imagination to make stories, so they just continue old ones and create new ones with similar plots but shorter books that in the end everyone likes.

Thank you for respecting us. It’s clear in the thoughtfulness of your “rant” and in the praises and critiques of our fandom. Even when you think we’re ignoring you, we hear many, many of the messages. And I admit that some of the critiques really hurt and sometimes the ones that hurt the most are the ones that ring the most true. But we also recognize the strength of the critiques often is also a measure of how much our fandom cares.

I really, truly hope that as we release new chapters, books, and series that you’ll see that the creative wells of our teams has not run dry. And when a writer is being blocked, a designer is confused by the path forward, or a tester doesn’t know how to reproduce a problem, the creativity of the fandom often breaks that block, clears the path, and helps us keep moving forward. Whether it’s beautiful art, all the “Jomes” jokes, Brian’s Ask Blogs, the many forms of Cetus, faceclaims (yes, it’s okay to keep doing them), and other posts, your creativity motivates us.

As you continue to share on Tumblr or Facebook or Twitter or Instagram, we’ll continue reading, digesting, and modifying our plans. But if you have specific problems or want to ensure we hear what you have to say, I encourage you to contact us directly via our in-game Help. Or if the game is down, reach out via Contact us via our website. We have experienced Player Specialists who listen, solve, tally, describe, and share your thoughts with the right people on our team. They are the first to alert the rest of the team to major problems and Trina, the leader of that team, also shares motivating, poignant, or key messages to the whole studio. Also you can tweet story related questions to @PlayChoices. Jessica will often check with individual writing teams to see if it’s something they can answer.

To all of our fandom everywhere, thank you for your love. We understood that love isn’t just fun and compliments, but it also comes with teasing and obstacles. And the best love comes with hard talks, accountability, and growth. When we stumble, we promise to honor our side of the relationship by continuing to learn and grow. And we hope that you will continue to rant, tease, and grow with us.

On behalf of our whole team,

Oliver

#playchoices #pixelberry #inside choices

803 notes · View notes

dust1feather · 8 years ago

Text

This is basically my declaration of love for Sterek, the best ever OTP, and for the amazingly talented Sterek fandom which has given me so much joy and happiness throughout the years. Here's hoping the years post-canon will be even better and brighter. #eternalsterek

Big thanks to @halekingsourwolf for the beta! (Also on AO3 here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/12178566 )

For Sterek

You meet for the first time on private property – 147 pounds of pale skin, fragile bones and sarcasm, and a majestic wolf with bunny teeth in a too big leather jacket.

Derek Hale: you're the king on Stiles' chessboard, his anchor, the prettiest alpha with the flower crown and Stiles your flower queen. You're the alpha of Stiles' heart.

Stiles Stilinski: you're Derek's anchor, his second in command, the emissary in training, the most loyal member of his pack. You're Derek's mate.

Mieczysław and cousin Miguel. You meet each other in a thousand different ways, in a thousand lifetimes. You impress each other with your Polish roots and fluent Spanish skills. Together you suffer through endless family dinners and visits to Grandma's only to be interrogated about your intentions. You'll have your informal occasions, too: relaxed get togethers and movie nights and bbqs in the backyard, letting the pack and your respective families mingle. You're no strangers to loss but the tragedies of the past make you appreciate your self-made families all the more.

Perhaps you're orphans and make your own families. Or you meet as kids and become instantly inseparable. Or you meet in school but have a hard time fighting through your different social cliques to reach out and make your special brand of jock and nerd work, connecting through mutual love for pop culture or music or literature. University fraternities may try but they can't keep you apart forever.

Sometimes you meet later in life, when you already have kids, but all that friendly neighbourhood DILF will charm your pants off. Often enough you get to have your kids together, carry your own pups and join your beautiful everything (Herald being the infamous exception, of course).

You communicate via notebooks full of scribbles in sparkly pens, you text and sext and skype and type and call using few words or none. The anonymous postcards are instantly recognizable and always welcome. And when you're not using words, you know to interpret each other's eyebrows and the eyerolls. Your love translates without sound or sight, with a simple sign or touch.

You're studying for your exams, learning anatomy bone by bone while lying in bed. You connect the multitude of moles, admire all those brilliant tattoos covering each other's bodies, magical and ordinary alike. You make having gray hairs okay because getting them means growing old together.

But first you're still young and you meet in the forest, lay on a rock and share a smoke. It's a club – it's always a club – dark, loud and full of people invading your space. You leave the wolfsbane laced drink and craft beer behind and move to the dancefloor where your sweaty bodies gyrate together, following the beat of the music while you learn each others' curves and angles by heart. Later you're in no hurry, you're vegging indoors, tangled on the sheets, kissing and watching the smoke twist and curl up, up, and up in lazy patterns. Taking turns shotgunning your spirits and dreams from lips to lips. You lose your virginities together... maybe you lose it to save your life, to avoid becoming the next sacrifice, but it always, always means something. Because you're soulmates, your innermost thoughts and desires appearing on your skin, helping you to find your missing piece, connecting you two old souls time and again.

Then the wildest dreams of your high school band come true and you love and play and break up and make up while touring and conquering whole continents. You give and take dance lessons, to seduce and be seduced; you clash your classic and street style backgrounds, a strict follower of rules and the other forever bending them, creating something altogether new just for the two of you. You paint each other like one of the French girls; you do portraits, make sculpture and pottery and nude drawings, sometimes in secret and sometimes in plain sight. You participate in the theater club, and the whole audience will get to witness your first kiss.

You travel the world with your magical circus; you are firemen, enjoying their pies. You meet as police officers and delinquents, as actual superheroes or vigilantes. You're PIs or FBIs. You're cowboys on a ranch, vagabonds, florists and tattooists, doctors and patients, bakers, chefs, sportsmen, football players representing rival teams. You're hot mechanics getting down and dirty under the hoods and jeeps. You're thieves, magicians, horse trainers, students and teachers and professors. You own a bookshop, magic shop; you work in a library, you're a TA. You drive a tow truck and you have a thing for your dispatcher who is calculating the shortest distance from you to him. You're a rentboy surviving on a stranger's kindness; you're a rich sugardaddy who starts with all the material goodness and ends up giving his heart and soul. It's omegaverse and neither of you believes in the society's unyielding hierarchy, yet there you both are, reluctantly taking part in the annual heat run.

The UST between you two is legendary and it burns hotter than a thousand suns. And when you finally snap, you do it against the wall, in and on the Camaro, in every single room and on every available piece of furniture to christen your new apartment. You do it on a motorcycle in space despite the raving zombies all around. You do it in captivity, not minding Derek's beta form in the least. You do it in secluded cabins in the woods, surrounded by snow, far from the rest of the civilization. Knotting is your thing. And despite what anyone might think, your BDSM and private club performances and role plays are fifty shades of okay.

And when it comes to porn, you're naturals. Made for recording videos online, letting the camera love your angles. It really is all about Neckz'n Throats. And in a real studio, you're famous stars colliding but doing it like professionals all the same. You have a good time, many many times, several times in a row, in several different positions, and yet it's the undeniable power of human love which penetrates you the deepest.

Everyone else sees what you have before you do. The witches teach you a lesson. You have to narrate your own life or you can only talk by singing or you are forced to speak your mind or you can only speak the truth or hear each other's thoughts or you are physically bound together until you learn better. And even if magically stolen away, your love will grow back organically, like the plants in the strong earth of the garden because there is no stopping such a force of nature.

You're involved in politics: the first son and his long suffering but lifesaving bodyguard. You're celebrities, you're famous models and authors, actors and larger than life movie stars returning home and given another chance at making things right. You're bloggers and vidders. You're food critics. You own restaurants and bars and work in diners and cafes and make coffees as black as your soul with a lot of sugar and extra cream.

You're royalty throughout the ages. In modern day, you hide from paparazzi and try to reign in your desire in the face of social expectations and pressure from the media. In ancient times, you struggle with archaic laws and wars, fighting for your countries and sending your most trusted knight or assassin to turn the course of war for you, to win the war for you and it's the biggest sacrifice every time. Or you're heirs or less important sons needed to seal the alliance of your kingdoms, to be wed to maintain the peace and strengthen the union of your countries. You've only ever seen a portrait of your intended, a horrible troll of a creature, and you can't believe your eyes when your fiancé turns out to be love at first sight. Or it's regency and you hesitate with even the slightest touch; you barely dare to dream of holding hands and yet a single look across the room makes everyone else disappear, leaving just the two of you with your unparallelled chemistry.

Stiles, you're Squirrelinski, a fennec fox, you are the fox to Derek's wolf. When you're given the bite, you become the most natural beta ever, challenging Derek's alpha at every turn but matching him step by step. Derek, your seedwolf makes the most adorable minifriend Stiles has ever had. And then there are sheepgoats and bunnywolves, androids being built and mermen coming ashore. There are demon creatures summoned and adopted. There's more than enough to handle in one set of you but sometimes it's either the Stilinski twins or a Derek's doppelganger and the only available option is to groupsex it away.

You're possessed by demons and chased by hunters. Even death can't keep you apart. You make a perfect werewolf-vampire couple or haunt each other as ghosts, or go to purgatory and back to fix it, to prove everyone you're not done yet and that you never will be. You're driven together by a curse, magic or fairies make you do it. It's fate or chance or accident. But that's only the beginning. It's what happens after, when you learn from each other, show respect and understanding, trust each other, and inevitably and irrevocably fall in love. Every single time.

And even when the whole world is on fire, you serve through the World Wars to see each other again. It's the apocalypse and the zombies are roaming the earth, they have spread all over the galaxy and you're fighting for your survival, still not letting each other go. Werewolves are known, there's slavery, you're kidnapped and held in captivity. You join forces, start a revolution and fight against the oppressors. You are each other's lifeline, you pull each other through it all and end up saving your city, your nation, your world, the universe while re-discovering your humanity with your love. And when you return to civilian life the war has left its mark on you, as the veteran with PTSD, you have your scars and battle wounds but sometimes the invisible scars can only be seen without sight and you manage to mend them together.

Your love transcends time. You travel back and forth through different timelines, you cross multiple universes just to be together. You chase after hurricanes and want to start all over. You take a gap year, you go on a roadtrip to see the world but the further you drive, the closer the two of you get and all that breathtaking scenery pales in comparison with your self-discoveries and budding love.

So, just so you know, Derek, Stiles is not afraid of you and he hasn't been for a long, long time. There's no need for ripping any throats out with teeth. Though it's still Stiles' house and Stiles' rules, buddy, whenever he's harbouring your fugitive ass. And Stiles, if one of these days you get lucky, Derek will show you that big ol' fist and you can be sure it's not the only big thing the big bad wolf has in store for you. But, most importantly, you trust each other now and you still need each other to survive, still keep each other alive and won't ever let go.

You're drift compatible, you fit together in every possible universe with every version of yourselves. You're Diego and Sid, the abominable snowman and sourwolf, you're big bad wolf and not so little red with the trusted baseball bat or the lacrosse stick. You two make a pretty good pair.

You belong to fandom. You belong to no one. You belong to each other.

Stiles and Derek. Derek and Stiles. Your love is eternal.

Canon is closed. You're finally free.

Long live Sterek.

#sterek #eternalsterek #sterek fic #sterek fandom #sterek is eternal #my sterek fic #my fic

399 notes · View notes

hufflepuffdean · 8 years ago

Text

Dean/Cas Fic Recs

I don’t think I’d bothered to update my fic recs since like, mid-S9 MAYBE. dozens of my faves were missing. so of course this is what I did with my vacation time. long fics, drabbles, and all seasons included here - enjoy! I really could have included so many more; fandom is so great and talented. <3 (alphabetical order, and I separated canon and AU.)

CANON

Absolution by omphalos and wolfling. 100K+, NC-17. Against his better judgement, Castiel offers Dean a way to save Sam. (Part of a three-part series, the third part of which was never written. Absolution stands on its own, though, as does its sequel Kin.)

alive with closed eyes by MajorEnglishEsquire. 1K, NC-17. i will take the sun in my mouth

All the Neighbors Might Think by murron. 5K, NC-17. It’s not like Dean needs company on Christmas Eve.

All the Pebbles in Your Path by thegrrrl2002. 12K, NC-17. Dean takes an unexpected trip. It's up to Cas to get him home again.

The Allure of Hidden Lace by Dangerousnotbroken. 9K, NC-17. Now that they've got the bunker, an actual home to live in and a place to cultivate comfort, Dean finds himself creating routines, exprimenting in the kitchen, and enjoying life off the road. He also finds that it's pretty impossible to escape the watchful eye of a former angel who seems pretty goddamned observant.

Après by imogenbynight. 24K, NC-17. When the angels stop falling and Castiel makes his way out of the trees, he finds himself alone and oceans away from the Winchesters. For once, Dean flies to him.

Assimilation by komodobits. 6K, PG-13. Mary always thought you were supposed to be able to tell. That you could just look at someone and know they were – you know. One of that sort. It’s not supposed to happen to her son.

A Baby, a Lizard Monster, Two Hunters, and an Angel Walk Into a Bar by planiforidjit. 13K, NC-17. A baby shows up on front steps of the bunker and Sam and Dean have no choice but to take it in. They don't know where it came from or how someone knew to drop the baby with them, but with Cas's help they're trying to find out.

Beneath Your Bones, Where I Reside by wolfrock. 3K, NC-17. Set right after "My Bloody Valentine." Castiel hears Dean praying out in the scrap yard and goes to extremes to show him that Famine was wrong when he said his soul was broken.

The Best of All Instructors by theskywasblue. 2K, NC-17. Dean teaches Cas to shoot, Cas teaches Dean something entirely different.

The Best of Fools by fanforfanatic. 1K, PG. ‘The label is misleading’ is Cas’ initial reaction. There is no music on Dean’s Top 13 Zepp Traxx, at least not until the very end.

Blueberry, Rhubarb, and Apple by chellefic. 5K, NC-17. Castiel may just be rhubarb.

Bodies Shine Together in the Darkness by dorkilysoulless. 5K, NC-17. Angels aren't marble statues. Not really. And who better to teach Hannah those lessons than Castiel? (Endgame Dean/Cas/Hannah.)

a breathing thing by mishcollin. 1K, G. She's always been a home to Dean's love -- this is her purpose.

Bring Up the Deep by beenghosting. 23K, NC-17. They went back and forth on whether or not to make the drive until Sam found an article in the town’s local paper dated a week earlier about a lobster fisherman who swore a monster sank his boat.

Build a Home by domesticadventures. 20K, PG. After they save the world, Dean expects Cas to come back to the bunker with them. He doesn’t.

Bulletproof by nyoka. 5K, NC-17. It’s been weeks since Purgatory, but Dean still feels it on his skin.

Casturbatus Interruptus by smallhorizons. 6K, NC-17. Dean walks in on Cas masturbating. He’s doing it all wrong, but when you’re a bazillion-year-old virgin, that’s to be expected. Dean decides to lend him a hand in a totally platonic, non-romantic way. Things get a little out of control.

a cave, a cathedral. by orange_crushed. 2K, PG. He does come home with you. He does.

Come Again? by xaandria. 17K, NC-17. The unintended application of an ancient nuptial blessing leaves Cas and Dean at each others' mercy, having bestowed upon them the ability to both experience and influence the other's sexual sensations for the space of ten days. Any other two people with sense would swear off any and all carnal activity until the blessing runs its course, but when have Cas and Dean ever had any sense when it comes to what the other is feeling?

The Consequences of Falling by FayJay. 37K, NC-17. A story in fifteen parts, in which the angel Castiel finds himself put in an untenable position, and consequentially loses his grace. In which he goes on a roadtrip with a demon, discovers the delights of tequila and french fries and pie, plays a starring role in a virgin sacrifice, is deflowered by his favourite Winchester, and then gets some very unpleasant news indeed. (Spoilers: the MCD in the tags isn't permanent and the non-con isn't between Dean and Cas.)

Crossing the Sea by thegrrrl2002. 21K, NC-17. The apocalypse is over, and Dean has Sam back, safe and sound. All should be well with his world, but Dean's still coping with the emotional fallout and feeling more than a little off-balance, Meanwhile, Sam is convinced there's a monster living in Lake Superior but they can't seem to find it, although there's plenty of good pie and fishing trips to be had. Plus there's Castiel, who pops back into Dean's life, and gets way into Dean's personal space. He's dealing with his own issues -- being the new sheriff of heaven isn't turning out quite the way he thought it would.

Dean (and Cas') Top 13 Zepp Traxx by pantheon_of_discord. 82K, NC-17. Dean and Cas and the open road, to the tune of Led Zeppelin.

Deeper and Deeper Into the World by peridium. 47K, NC-17. When Metatron breaks free of the library, Castiel’s grace in hand, and disappears, Castiel is left human-- and angry. Angrier than he’ll admit until, late at night, Dean coaxes it out of him: Castiel is pissed and he wants revenge. He wants it enough to pursue Metatron, reckless and without a plan, across the Atlantic with Dean at his side, knowing how badly he wants Dean and how likely it is that one or both of them will die along the way. Their search takes them all across the world, from London to Omsk to Tokyo and between. Far from home with no one but each other, Castiel’s grace missing and the Mark still on Dean’s arm, Dean and Castiel find the flimsy barriers between the two of them dissolving.

The Distance of the Setting Sun by murron. 18K, NC-17. With the apocalypse off the table and Sam returned from the pit, Team Free Will finds themselves at loose ends. When Sam suggests they take a holiday, Dean expects many things. Wearing flip-flops isn’t one of them.

Do What Feels Good by catchclaw and cymbalism. 13K, NC-17. Castiel learns to love alone time in the shower. And then he learns to share.

Dog Shit, Traps, Trouble and Other Inconvenient Things to Fall Into by proxydialogue. 2K, PG-13. There's an argument in here somewhere for Castiel's skill of inconvenient timing.

Dream of Now series by sass_master. 124K, NC-17. Various moments in Cas and Dean's relationship. (Technically a WIP but you can read any individual story and be satisfied. In more ways than one eyyyyy)

An Empty Cup by peridium. 3K, NC-17. It takes almost no time for Dean to get used to the coldness of space. The darkness, the emptiness, the nothingness. Actually, he kind of likes it at first. And then Castiel comes to visit.

Except Thou Bless Me by architeuthis. 11K, NC-17. Castiel is wroth, and Dean is having a great time.

Eyes on the Road, Hands on the Wheel by Chiyume. 11K, NC-17. After being nagged into it by his brother, Dean takes on the task of teaching Castiel how to drive; a task that turns out to be harder to accomplish than one would have thought since neither Cas nor Dean seems capable of watching the road...

Fata morgana. by orange_crushed. 7K, PG-13. The endless asphalt and broken road, the empty land and piles of human garbage, the unwanted ends of life, the cracked toys and broken screens and burning cars and gravel. Dean Winchester is the king of hell. "Oh," says Bela. That changes certain things. (D/C is more implied.)

Feast of All Saints by oselle. 30K?, NC-17. It's 2015 and the world's gone to hell in the Croatoan apocalypse. Separated from their group of virus survivors, Dean and his erstwhile guardian angel find themselves stranded in Appalachia.

Forget the Sky by loversantiquities. 26K, PG-13. After years of bum luck on lottery scratch offs in almost every state in the nation, Dean strikes it rich on a ticket and comes into the possession of fifteen thousand dollars—after taxes. After finishing a near-fruitless hunt with Castiel at his side, and with decades worth of exhaustion in his bones, together they come up with a plan—throw a dart at a map pinned to their motel wall, and fly to the first place it lands. Only, Dean never anticipated that traveling to Japan would involve staying so close to Castiel at all hours on unsure footing, and thousands of miles from Sam and his home, everything from simple touches to sideways glances, it all comes to a head in the middle of the night—How is he supposed to enjoy his vacation when he's sleeping next to the love of his life?

free fall by anastiel. 7K, R. He’s not used to this, the constancy of Cas at his side 24/7, with no random potential deadly trips to Heaven, no fear that Cas will leave him and never come back. There’s no more Lucifer, Amara, and no potential end of the world. Cas is just here, he’s himself, and everything is mostly okay. In reality, Dean’s pretty sure he’s dreaming and in two seconds he’s going to wake up and a Djinn will be sucking him dry. There’s no way his luck could be this good.

The Girlfriend Experience by rageprufrock. 15K, NC-17. While it's not like Dean hasn't had a couple of truly regrettable hit-and-runs in his sexual history, this is probably the saddest fucking thing that has ever happened to him.

Good Things Do Happen by trinityofone. 11K, PG. A Winchester Family Christmas, 2010. AKA, Best zombie Christmas ever!

Grapple by loversantiquities. 3K, NC-17. He swallowed, throat tight – you can do this, Winchester. It’s just Cas. Your best friend, remember?

Hands, From Which All Things Are Built by MajorEnglishEsquire. 15K, PG. Castiel travels with the angel tablet and without the Winchesters. One day, Dean gets a text from some anonymous number.

He Begins the Work of Exploration by dorkilysoulless. 3K, NC-17. Castiel chooses humanity, and he delights in the pleasures of the flesh.

Heart of Glass by omphalos. 17K, NC-17. He's the one who was punished, severely, because of his feelings for Dean, but who still gave up everything for him in the end. Surely there should exist between them a better level of comprehension than this.

Hell or High Water by electricskeptic. 25K, PG-13/R. Wherein Dean and Sam are killed by forces unknown (again), and Castiel is willing to do just about anything do bring them back. However, things aren’t quite as straightforward as they seem, and the civil war in Heaven reaches an unexpected climax when Raphael shows his hand. A story about faith, morality, and the ultimate cost of free will.

Here the Deadened Strain Revive by demonology. 43K, PG-13. Banished to Purgatory, Castiel must rekindle his friendship with Dean and mend his damaged mind as they fight for their lives and search for a way back home. With only each other to rely on, they navigate a horrific wasteland populated with creatures both new and familiar, and as the dangers mount they realize that there might be more to their bond than they ever could have imagined.

How Still My Heart by cadignan. 71K, NC-17. Charlie hadn’t been waiting for the call, but it’s not exactly a surprise to hear from Dean. "Cas? You want me to find Cas?"

Howling the Moondogs by kelpiethethundergod. 42K, PG-13. Fallen and slowly being eaten up by guilt for having helped Metatron empty out the skies, Castiel seeks refuge at the bunker and tries to find a way to set everything right. He clings to the one connection that he has always trusted to anchor him over the years, until it starts to crumble under the weight of all their combined responsibilities and finally disappears into the dark without a trace.

I Beg of You Now by kelpiethethundergod. 11K, NC-17. Birthday parties are a thing normal people do, and Dean isn't normal people. He sucks at those things. He doesn't want to mess it up for Claire. So, Dean's kind of nervous. Cas, though, Cas is worse.

i crippled your heart a hundred times by bravest. 19K, NC-17. One night Castiel comes to Dean and says three words he wasn't ready to hear.

I've been laying down in the devil's lair by dontbitethesun. 5K, R. What's a fallen angel to do when his fearless leader fails to get him killed? Join the army, apparently, or at least what's left of it.

If You Get Lost, You Can Always Be Found by WinJennster. 25K, NC-17. Days after "I’m No Angel," Castiel finds himself exiled from the safety of the bunker. The money Dean gives him runs out all too soon. Luck, or perhaps divine providence, lands him on the Amish farm of Jacob and Lydia Bieler. The Bielers take Cas in. Despite the Amish’s general distrust of outsiders - Englischers - the strange man who can understand their language and isn’t afraid of hard work seems a natural fit amongst them. Castiel thinks he might just go ahead and stay - the farm seems like a good place to heal his broken heart, and maybe forget who broke it. Meanwhile, Dean finds himself so wracked with guilt, he can’t stand to see his own face in the mirror. He doesn't know what's worse; the fact that he threw Cas away or that Sam’s unwillingly - and unwittingly - possessed by an angel. Charlie comes for a visit and decides to stay, and it takes her no time at all to call Dean on his bullshit. With her help and encouragement and a plan to deal with the angel in Sam later, Dean and Charlie set out to find Cas and bring him home. But when they find him, Dean’s surprised that Cas doesn’t want to come home, leaving Dean to face some difficult truths about himself - and how he feels about Castiel.

Immigrant Song by trinityofone. 47K, NC-17. A hypothetical season six in which Dean, Sam, and a newly-fallen Castiel encounter vengeful gods, secret societies, a box of dangerous magical artifacts, and something they're all going to pretend wasn't actually faeries. Meanwhile, Dean suffers a sexuality crisis, and Castiel has a secret that could change everything.

In a Twist series by annundriel. 15K, NC-17. Castiel buys Dean a little something. Dean likes it. A lot. (It seems like she deleted her LJ, which is a shame, but everything by annundriel is great!)

In the Bee-Loud Glade by clockworkrobots. 18K, PG. Set four years after the events of season 9, this is the story of how Dean and Cas take over Sonny's home for boys when he retires, as a retirement of their own, of sorts, from the hard life of hunting. It's also the story of how Claire Novak, now of age, tracks them down there to hopefully find the answers she never got as a child.

In the Evening by suqua. 3K, NC-17. At the end of the day, Dean and Castiel have each other.

In the Secret Places of the Stairs by thevinegarworks. 20K?, NC-17. Castiel has soothed his nightmares since the first night, though Dean will never know of it. Castiel has accepted this invisibility willingly; if it helps Dean Winchester grow into his role, he will oblige without argument and with no need for recognition. He simply wants to help.

Just Another Word for Intuition by cymbalism. 3K, NC-17. As an angel Castiel had put Dean together, healed his wounds with a touch, made him whole. Now, as a man, he takes him apart.

Leap that Makes the Fall by miss_anthropic. 50K?, PG-13. With no explanation for how or why, Dean and Sam find themselves with a fallen angel on their hands. (Also worth reading the sequel, Loving the Fall.)

Let It Be by Persephoneshadow. 143K, R. The one where Mary lives, Cas is there, and nothing and everything changes. (Sort of AU? A canon AU? You'll see what I mean when you read it, but it's definitely wedded to canon.)

Love: A Retrospective by xylodemon. 41K, NC-17. Pretending Cas is just his friend has been the only thing keeping Dean's head on straight for years. He never realized how much doing that depended on him making himself scarce in the morning ─ not until Cas came back and moved into the bunker.

Mind Over Matter by rarelypoetic. 16K, NC-17. Castiel and Sam perform an ancient angelic purification ritual on Dean in the hopes of curing him of the Mark, but it has some unexpected consequences. In the process of trying to figure out what went wrong, Castiel realizes a thing or two about angelic history, Dean discovers that the boundary between divinity and humanity is not quite as delineated as he had thought, and together they learn that some things are a long time coming.

Moon Going Down by nyoka. 4K, NC-17. Somewhere in Nebraska at the end of the road, it's the darkest night he's ever known.

The (Mostly Accidental) Courtship of Dean Winchester by tuesday. 11K, R. Angelic marriage rites were never intended to go quite like this.

My Eyes Are an Ocean by entanglednow. 10K, NC-17. It's amazing what you decide you can get away with when you can't see a damn thing. (Also worth reading the sequel, An Eye for an Eye.)

Named by RC_McLachlan. 95K, R. Jesus Christ is dead. Somehow, that isn't the worst part of Dean's week.

Nowhere Else by xxenjoy. 10K, NC-17. Between Cas' lost grace, and Dean's accidental confession to Sam, it's been the same overbearing concern - that Dean really, really does not need - for weeks. He can focus on Cas and do his job at the same time. This is not the first case the two of them will work together, it's not even the first case Cas has worked as a human. It may be the first case the two of them have worked alone since the whole 'I'm in love with Cas' fiasco, but Dean's a professional, he knows what he's doing. They'll be fine. Cas will be fine.

One Cold Night by xylodemon. 17K, NC-17. Dean shivers again. His teeth clack together. "Jesus Christ, it's cold."

One Species Too Many by wallmakerrelict. 22K, NC-17. While Dean is laid up for a month after breaking his leg on a hunt, Cas decides that it's a perfect time to adopt a litter of kittens. But even though he's gotten better since Purgatory, Cas still isn't quite the same as he was before fixing Sam's head, and being trapped in a cabin with him for weeks on end is making that all the more obvious to Dean. When Sam takes off on a hunt, Dean has to figure out on his own how to navigate his new relationship with Cas while also helping to raise a bunch of fuzzballs that aren't even cute. Not even a little bit. (Well, maybe a little bit.)

Only Fools Rush In by baka_sensei. 18K, NC-17. Cas lets his feelings run away with him, Gabe is a total dick, Sam is concerned, and Dean has to make a choice.

The Path of Fireflies by museaway. 64K, PG-13ish. After his humanity is restored, Dean wakes up in bed with Castiel, a wedding ring, and no memory of the past twelve years.

Picking Stitches by sky_reid. 2K, PG-13. Dean likes his women curvy, his men rough and his Cas just the way he is.

Put Up Your Dukes by saltyfeathers. 38K, NC-17. Dean can't sleep. Cas offers to tire him out.

Risking Everything by twisting_vine_x. 20K, NC-17. When Castiel goes missing after a battle with Raphael, just how far will Dean go to get him home safely again?

Seventeen Kisses and Counting by chellefic. 5K, NC-17. "You're sexually attracted to Dr. Sexy."

Shambala by anythingtoasted. 4K, NC-17. “You’re a Buddhist now?” Cas shrugged, trailing his fingers over the smooth gold head of the Buddha statuette. He tapped it affectionately before he turned to look at Dean, who once again was in his cabin, completely unannounced. “Sure. Why not? I figure, keep trying; something’s gotta stick.”

Show Among Us Secret Wisdom by dorkilysoulless. 8K, NC-17. When Dean wakes up female, he and Sam struggle to find a cause. To find a solution, Dean has to expand his horizons: new ride, new bodily functions, and a whole new awareness of angels.

sinfonia di luce by mishcollin. 1K, PG-13. When you first met, you remember, he blew the lights out.

Sing a Song of Sex Puns by Persephoneshadow. 33K, NC-17. That one verse where Dean and Cas are good at talking during sex but not about the fact they're having sex.

Soldiers of the Dust by nyoka. 6K, NC-17. Sometimes in the dark they touch.

Someone Who's Feeling For Me by ellispark. 46K, R/NC-17. Dean sees her for the first time in nearly six years in some no-name town in Idaho, and it's panic at first sight. Lisa Braeden, the one woman Dean ever actually had a shot at a real life with, back from where he buried her in his mind. And her hand is on Cas's arm like it's no big deal, like it belongs there.

Still Life by catchclaw. 16K, NC-17. Dean'd always thought that falling in love was a capital letter kind of thing, an Important Event you carved into the calendar of your life and never, ever forgot. But with he and Cas, it wasn't that simple.

Sum of My Regrets by LoveIsNotAVictoryMarch. 21K, R. In which Dean Winchester travels through time, learns a thing or two about best laid plans, and falls in love with an angel -- all over again.

Take Me Home Country Roads by saltyfeathers. 125K, R/NC-17. Dean dies with the Mark of Cain on his arm, waking up with black eyes and hellfire licking at his heels. Cas, sick on the stolen grace that's rotting inside him, gives chase. As his pursuit and Dean's evasion ebbs and flows, they begin to figure out the difference between marks given and marks received, and what it means when one such mark is faded but not forgotten.

ten thousand words by bree_black. 13K, NC-17. In 2009, a man who claims to speak to God gives the not-quite-an-angel-anymore Castiel his Polaroid camera. “Use it wisely,” he warns. “Cameras are a strange sort of magic. They hold on to the energy of the moments they capture and keep it alive past its time. That’s why we should only take photographs of our happiest moments. There’s no sense prolonging our pain or sadness, but love and joy are worth saving.” During the next five years, Castiel superstitiously takes nine photographs of his happiest moments. When a second Dean arrives from the past, Castiel knows he’s been sent to witness something catastrophic, something so terrible Zachariah believes it will scare Dean into accepting his destiny. He senses the end is near, but Castiel can’t quite bring himself to take the final photograph. Dean does it for him.

There's Only One Sure Thing That I Know by blinkiesays. 20K, R/NC-17. Dean doesn't even get halfway through explaining before Bobby starts laughing. When he lets himself think about it for more than five seconds, Dean can almost see Bobby's point: he's faced down demons, witches, vampires, werewolves, ghosts, angels, and Satan himself and now he's been defeated by the God damn Midwest.

These Are Not Real Problems by scaramouche. 31K, NC-17. Castiel used to be a god. Dean took that away from him, and now Castiel's stuck in a hell of his own making.

This is just one version of the way it could go by zelda_zee. 9K, PG-13. There are as many ways that this story could go as there are writers of this pairing. This is just one version.

This Isn't Where We Intended to Be by PorcupineGirl. 14K, NC-17. Fallen, Castiel struggles to figure out where he fits in the human world—and in Dean's life.

This Story Needs More Power Ballads by pyrebi. 3K, PG-13. In which Dean has an angelic boyfriend and Sam is a better brother than anyone gives him credit for.

Three Is the Magic Number by Persephoneshadow. 7K, NC-17. The one where Dean and Cas have a threesome with the cute waitress because Dean can't deal. (What it says on the tin, but it is endgame D/C.)

Tripping by Hatteress. 49K, NC-17. That time the universe decided Dean belonged with Cas and wasn't afraid to pull out the big guns to make it so. Big guns in this case being obsessive fangirls, archangels turned tricksters and overly enthusiastic cupids. Welcome to Dean's life.

Trope Springs Eternal by VioletHaze. 41K, NC-17. Dean's in love with Cas. Cas is in love with Dean. That much is obvious to everyone who sees them. But instead of acting on it, these two idiots seem bound and determined to score gold medals in the pining olympics. The staring, the longing, the unresolved sexual tension that's strong enough to combust and engulf the planet…is there anything that can push them out of their safe, cowardly positions? Leaving them to their own devices hasn't worked so maybe it's time to pull out the big guns.

True North by zatnikatel. 4K, NC-17. “You’re fundamental to me,” he murmurs. “You always have been.”

The Tunnel of Love by xylodemon. 21K, NC-17. "We might," Cas starts slowly, pausing like he's choosing his words. "We might have to kiss." Dean just stares at him.

a turn of the earth by mishcollin. 95K, NC-17. In which Castiel gets stuck in Dean’s timeline preseries and Dean kind of hates it—until he doesn’t.

Twelve Arches Facing the Sea by MajorEnglishEsquire. 43K, NC-17. If Cas says anything else, Dean can't hear it. There's a hand over his face, a wetness at his mouth, and the volcano's deafening silence rushing through his head like pyroclastic flow, like a landslide rolling over everything in sight and drowning it in death.

The Unmade Bed by 60r3d0m. 5K, R. He’s only three steps down the hallway when he turns back. He’s three steps away and he’s anxious and his heart’s beating fast and then three more steps and he’s back and he...he doesn't know what he's about to say. Cas has moved since he left. He’s wandered over to the little Men of Letters safe that’s in Dean’s room and Cas’ fingers are running over the metal. “You can’t leave,” Dean says, because of course that's what comes out of his goddamn mouth. “You stupid son of a bitch, you can’t leave anymore, alright?”

Unsuffer Me by janie_tangerine. 22K, NC-17. After the end of the world I just wanted to rest and chill out, not to re-build my life from scratch around the fact that I can’t hear shit and that I look like the fucking Phantom of the Opera.

Untitled by proxydialogue. 1K, PG. Sam had never heard (or read) a definition of love that didn’t bore him to tears.

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit by pyrebi. 4K, PG-13. In which angelic marriage bonds are apparently stupidly easy to trigger, Cas wages multidimensional war in Heaven, Dean can't catch a break like ever, Sam rather enjoys being a dick, love saves the day, and nobody consummates anything.

The Vessel by chellefic. 8K, NC-17. When his vessel goes missing, Castiel turns to Dean for help.

Veteran by liadan14. 8K, R. Dean's been thinking about changing things much more often recently, what with Cas being around the way he is now, and with what Ellen left him in her will.

victorious secret by mishcollin. 4K, NC-17. Cas has a surprise gift for Dean, which turns out nicely for both of them, in the end.

We Are Such Stuff by inevitablethief. 62K, NC-17. Dean and Sam are apparently captured by a djinn, but, while their mutual fantasy world gives Sam the life he'd always wanted, Dean finds himself in a world fueled by desires he'd yet to let himself admit. Faced with his unspoken feelings for Castiel, Dean may be unable to resist temptation.

We Both Kinda Liked It by elizajane. 14K, NC-17. A panty fic that's only marginally about the panties.

we shovel all the ashes out by xylodemon. 15K, NC-17. Dean’s always known things were headed this way. He just figured getting dragged under would be cleaner and easier than jumping in feet-first.

We still want to be reminded (that the pain is worth the plunder) by blue_fjords. 12K, NC-17. Sam and Dean's first case after Sam gets his soul back leads them to rural Maryland. There's pie, an old naked guy, and a little less angst then you'll find on the show.

We Were Promised Mermaids by shireberries. 2K, NC-17. “Seriously, Sam?” Dean whines, already sweating in his jeans and boots. “The honeymoon suite?”

what fun it all would be by 8sword. 23K, R. Nothing dies in Purgatory, but they are forever finding corpses. (I feel the need to note this is the lone fic on both lists with an unhappy ending. But if you’re in the mood for some heartbreak, it’s wonderful.)

What Has Eight Tentacles and Isn't Allowed to Eat Pie? by scaramouche. 16K, PG. Dean watched an anime porn about this once, but real life turns out to be way less interesting.

When the Bough Breaks by captainshakespear and deanisthesun. 74K, R. Years after the Darkness has been defeated, Dean and Cas are living the apple pie life in small-town Kansas. They don’t hunt anymore, and would like to keep it that way, but some young hunters knocking at their door have different plans. Dean, Cas and Sam reluctantly agree to help out, but what ought to be a simple case becomes way more complicated and dangerous than they counted on. And when the hunt starts to invade the normal lives they've carved out for themselves and their kids, Dean and Cas begin to wonder if escaping the hunting life altogether might have been wishful thinking.

where the weeds take root by beenghosting. 30K, NC-17. “Are you happy? Y’know. Just—being here,” Dean says, gesturing to the yard with his beer bottle. “Being with—I mean, you used to fight in celestial wars and—and save the world. Now you’re growing vegetables and talking about chickens.”

Where your treasure is. by orange_crushed. 2K, PG-13. He blinks the sleep away from his eyes and looks down and finds Castiel kneeling on the floor, holding Dean’s naked foot in both hands, his palm cupped under the heel. He’s still wearing the dorky snowflake sweater Dean bought him as a joke, but now there’s a towel tied around his waist, too; one of the bath sheets from the shower room. Behind him, the television plays an infomercial for holiday bakeware.

Who If I Cried Out Would Hear Me by misachan. 7K, PG-13. Dean goes missing on a hunt; Castiel can hear him but can't find him, and longer the situation drags on the unhappier Cas gets. An angry angel of the Lord is not someone to be messed with.

with these aching bones by casfallsinlove. 5K, NC-17. The lakehouse they’re renting is less of a house and more of a cabin, a little rundown around the edges with leafy green tendrils creeping up the windows and tangling in the splintered wood. The front door sticks when Dean pushes it, the pale blue paint cracked and peeling, and the inside smells strongly of the wet sand they dragged in with them on the bottom of their boots.

Zenith by anactoria. 33K, NC-17. Still relatively new to humanity, Castiel struggles with both Dean’s confusing behaviour and the loss of his angelic faculties. When a pissed-off witch restores his ability to see the supernatural, the curse seems like a blessing. He can help his friends again – and when Dean’s lies blow up in his face and Sam is once again left hovering between life and death, Cas is happy to be useful. But his abilities keep getting stronger, and they might just be more than a human brain can handle.

All the Way by cadignan. 81K, NC-17. Castiel spends the first two weeks of college in much the same way he spent the previous years: alone with his books. He’s fine with it—he enrolled in college to learn, after all. Then in his first chemistry lab, he has the bad luck of being paired with snide, good-for-nothing Ruby, and the further misfortune of sitting behind Dean Winchester, the world’s most beautiful distraction. Ruby catches Castiel staring at Dean and makes him an offer.

Any Little Heartbreak by followthattardis. 77K, NC-17. Dean Winchester knows everything there is to know about the human heart. Well. Anatomically speaking.

Asunder by rageprufrock. 24K, NC-17. Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Bird of Paradise by trinityofone. 34K, R. When Sam Campbell is chosen as a tribute for the Games—an annual fight to the death between twenty-four of New Eden's unlucky children—his older brother Dean volunteers to take his place. Dean fully expects to die so that Sam can live, but once he enters the arena, Dean discovers that what's at stake in the Games is far more complicated than simple life and death, and nothing and no one is what they seem.

The Breath of All Things by KismetJeska. 65K, PG-13. Dean Winchester was twenty-six years old when a car accident killed his father and left him paralysed from the waist down. A year and a half later, Dean is in a wheelchair and lives in a care home in Kansas, where he spends his days waiting to die. It's only when Castiel Novak starts volunteering at the care home that Dean starts to wonder if a changed life always equals a ruined one.

Broadway Musical by Griftings. 12K, R. The romantic comedy where Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle are destined to get married, Castiel is given the task of playing matchmaker and fails terribly, the entire Heavenly Host becomes a sitcom audience, God warns against male pregnancy, and Jimmy Novak is incredibly unimpressed with angels in general. (Only sort of AU, but entirely hilarious.)

Carnival Oasis by violue. 43K, NC-17. The adventures of Dean Winchester and his sin eating boyfriend.

A Chip on My Shoulder and a Halo on My Head by thepinupchemist. 6K, NC-17. Dean finally meets the professor that Sam has been talking up for the entire semester and can't help but think the guy is a total dick. A sandwich, a plaid shirt, and one hell of a first date later, Dean has to admit...he was so, so very wrong.

Clean Air by anactoria. 122K, NC-17. Centuries after the surface of the earth was devastated by an unknown disaster, the remnants of humanity live in a series of vast underground silos, each unaware of the existence of the others. For the inhabitants of Silo 34, the silo is the world, and the only world they know. Questions about the outside world are forbidden, and asking them is what got Dean Winchester's parents killed. He isn't even sure himself that they weren't crazy. That all changes when he hears a voice on the radio -- a voice from another world. (My fave.)

Convenient Husbands by scaramouche. 39K, NC-17. "It's only temporary, right?" Dean says. "Just until you're healed up, and then we'll never have to see each other again. So what do you say, Castiel, do you want to marry me or not?"

(Dis)Affection by justkeeponwriting. 74K, NC-17. When Dean and Castiel are tricked to go on a date, neither is happy about this. To get back at their deceitful friends, they hatch the perfect plan: pretend to be dating, and gross out their friends with their over-the-top, disgustingly cute romantic relationship – and then break up in the most despicable manner imaginable. As it turns out, you can learn a lot from someone just by pretending affection.

Florence 'verse by ShastaFirecracker. 143K, NC-17. Castiel Novak, anthropology professor and recent divorcee; a half-drunk hookup with the bartender from his brother's bachelor party; cue the morning after, with full attendant nudity, awkwardness, walking into doors, and running into one of his students at the worst possible time.

For Science! by pm_lo. 23K, NC-17. Selected transcripts and supporting materials from Dr. Castiel Williams and Dean Winchester’s seminal study on physiological and psychological sexual response by gender designation. (a/b/o.)

Go Down With This Ship by PorcupineGirl. 31K, NC-17. Since he has to stay deep in the closet to protect his job as a children’s librarian in conservative Wichita, Kansas, Dean’s main outlet for sexual frustration is writing and reading slash fiction for his favorite show, Devil Boys. When he starts corresponding with AngelofThursday, another male slash writer in his ship, he really is just looking for friendship… but when it seems like more might be on the table, he’s not going to turn it down. If only he didn’t also have a crush on Cas, the hot volunteer at his library branch…

Good Hands by aileenrose. 13K, R. Cas is the owner of a failing—and falling apart—B&B. Dean might be able to help with that. Dean’s good with his hands.

Grown-Ups Making Grown-Up Choices by Carrieosity. 81K, NC-17. Dean is a grown-ass man - he can take perfectly good care of himself, thank you very much. Except that sometimes the easier or more fun choices aren't always the right or best ones, and, all right, maybe thinking ahead and working the long game isn't his strongest suit. It's fine! He's fine. When he meets Castiel, he realizes that flying by the seat of his pants may not be the best way to attract the super-serious (gorgeous, funny, genius) Alpha. Dean's shrink has been telling him he needs to start making "grown-up choices," and if that's what he has to think about in order to make Cas fall for him, then he'll give it a whirl.

Have Love, Will Travel by squeemonster. 94K, NC-17. Castiel Novak is a reclusive writer with a childhood so tragic it's left him terrified to leave his home—until his overbearing brother, Gabriel, drags him out for a night on the town full of booze and strip clubs, and he encounters Dean Winchester, a mesmerizing and mysterious stripper with secrets of his own. Both men find themselves inexplicably drawn to each other, and soon Dean's private dances for Castiel become much more, as both men confess their troubles and find solace in each other's company. But neither can seem to find the courage to take their relationship further than the intimacy of the club's VIP Room—and just when Dean's own brother gives him the excuse he needs to finally admit his feelings, Dean discovers something that brings it all crumbling down. Will they find a way past their demons and their trust issues, and back to each other?

Into Your Hideaway by thepinupchemist. 177K, NC-17. Driving down a deserted road in the Rocky Mountains, Castiel finds something unexpected: An omega. Not only an omega, but a naked, injured, pregnant omega. Dean doesn't talk much at first, but that doesn't change the brightness of his soul. It also doesn't stop Castiel from falling in love with him.

Jeté by cadignan. 11K, NC-17. Castiel has been photographing their ballet company for two years now and he and Dean have barely exchanged six words, and yet somehow when Dean breaks his leg, it's Castiel who takes him home from the hospital and takes care of him.

Just Turn Around and Go by PorcupineGirl. 11K, NC-17. Dean should be happy. His best friend and housemate of five years, Castiel, is moving out to live with his boyfriend, Balthazar. Dean's career is going great, so he can easily afford the house on his own now. This is just growing up, moving forward to the next phase of their lives. It would be awesome, if he weren't in love with Cas.

Kingdom Come by cheesewithmy. 98K, R/NC-17. Dean’s life is all work. He’s either at the bar that’s been left to him, serving drinks and cooking with his friend and partner Benny, or tinkering with prosthetic limbs. The rest of his life is one unhappy mess after another. Finding a stranger in the bathroom of his bar, after hours, doesn’t necessarily improve anything. (The author deleted all their work, but if you follow the link there's a download there.)

Kiss the Baker by Ltleflrt. 113K, NC-17. Jo is pregnant and craving something a little bit unusual. When she sends Dean on a mission to find her some chocolate cake donuts with bacon sprinkles, he's sure that he'll fail. Luckily his partner Benny comes to his rescue and introduces him to a quirky little bakery that sells all kinds of weird (and delicious!) baked goods. And they do special orders! Dean finds excuses to keep going back, and Castiel finds excuses to keep giving him special treats.

Like a Parched Land by Las. 9K, NC-17. Reverse!verse: Castiel is the Righteous Man and Dean is the angel who drags his ass out of Hell.

Like Real People by charvelle. 135K, NC-17. Though he's determined never to admit it, the only thing Dean's ever wanted was an Apple Pie Life: it's something that's been dangled in front of his face, though he's certain he could never deserve it. While Dean struggles to come to terms with the isolated, lonely life he's made for himself, a disruption comes in the form of Castiel Novak, Lawrence Private's newest faculty member. Those blue eyes and raspy voice are things Dean can't ignore for long, and when he's forced to stop fighting his affections, Dean finds his lonely life turned upside down. Is it possible he could deserve an Apple Pie Life after all?

Living in Agony by ChasingRabbits. 120K, NC-17. Dean Winchester's life is... well, it's not great. He's a gym teacher, he's in his thirties, and he can't seem to keep any part of his life straight. When the aftermath of a one-night stand goes awry, Dean is dragged kicking and screaming out of his cozy little closet and into the harsh light of reality. Enter: Castiel Novak, the new history teacher, who knows full well that life gets crappy when you don't allow yourself to live it in the way it needs to be lived.

Long Nights in Cold Months by pyrebi. 2K, PG-13. When you're an insomniac, you get used to the "what the hell are you doing up, man?" look. Dean just hopes the guy who's stocking the shelves will stop giving it to him long enough to help him find some damn pineapple.

Out to Drift by beenghosting. 21K, R. Dean drives a black car with a loud engine. He lies too easily. He keeps a gun in the back of his jeans, and Castiel isn’t sure, but he wouldn’t be surprised if Dean has killed someone before.

Plus One by ceeainthereforthat. 91K, NC-17. Castiel Novak might have to attend three weddings in two months, but he’s not about to let his brother play matchmaker. His family’s Internet streaming company is too important to let a relationship steal his time, but he knows exactly what to do–hire someone to pretend to be his boyfriend. Dean Winchester has worked five-star hospitality long enough to know how to fit in with Castiel’s crowd, and this job could score him the connections to make his acting career take off. It’s a business deal, no matter how they’re drawn to each other. When the lines of their contract start to blur into real feelings, can they withstand Castiel’s family and jealous fans working to split them up?

Reckless and Free by GotTheSilver. 29K, NC-17. There’s a photo hanging in the hall of the Winchester home, Dean’s maybe three years old, and he’s on his dad’s bike, hands gripping the handlebars with a big grin on his face. Next to it, his mom and dad’s wedding photo, dad with his kutte and mom with a tight-ass dress on, looking like they had the world at their feet. Him and Sammy, in another photo, playing with toy guns and his mom laughing in the background. Then, Cas and Dean at fifteen and sixteen respectively, hands clasped tightly, sitting on the hood of the Impala and making faces at the camera. It’s a simple little bundle of his past, present, and future in a life that isn’t ever simple.

The Request by cloudyjenn. 37K, PG-13. When Sam Winchester prays for his brother, Castiel is finally sent on his very first assignment. But what should be a simple love match turns into much more and Castiel finds himself risking everything to ensure the happiness of his extremely frustrating charge.

Run Boy Run by DarcyDelaney. 42K, PG-13. Cas likes to run. He likes that it’s something he can do alone whenever he wants, something to clear his head and decrease his anxiety. All that changes when his sister, Anna, volunteers him to be a guide for a blind runner who wants to participate in the Boston Marathon. Cas is completely, totally, 100% against this at first, but once he meets said runner, the snarky and (if Cas is being honest) ridiculously attractive Dean Winchester, he starts to have a change of heart. Maybe running with a partner won’t be so bad after all.

Shoulder to Shoulder, Hand to Hand by cornelius. 58K, PG-13. After release of his memoir, the last thing former fighter pilot Castiel wanted was more time in the spotlight. But when a chance comes up to be on a celebrity ballroom dancing competition show, he knows that drawing attention to his cause is more important than his own comfort. Dean’s danced on Ballroom Superstars for nine seasons without a single win under his belt. With his tenth season coming up, and a man for his partner, he worries that the championship is forever out of his reach. Castiel and Dean both want to win for their own reasons, but they’ll have to figure out how to work together, and manage their mutual attraction, if they want to become the new Ballroom Superstars champions.

Some Day Soon by Persephoneshadow. 11K, NC-17. Castiel doesn't mind his job as lawyer just like he doesn't mind that he's alone on Christmas Eve and working on Christmas Day. That's just the way life is - a dull slog of work and duty and not much else. The only thing he wishes he could change is to maybe get up the nerve to really talk to Dean Winchester, the gorgeous process server who Castiel has harbored a crush on for months. But maybe with a little meddling and some holiday magic, they'll both get what they want for Christmas.

Shut Up (Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is) by kototyph. 24K, NC-17. Dean's done some pretty stupid things, but getting drunk-hitched in Vegas to a colleague he barely knows might just take the cake. His surprise husband, Castiel, is a little weird but likable despite that, and Dean figures they’ll go back to Boston, get a quiet annulment, and go their separate ways. Six weeks later, he’s still married to one of the strangest, most genuine and definitely most dangerously lov-- likable guys he's ever known. Dean doesn't know why or really even how it’s happening, but it’s getting harder and harder to remember that he has divorce papers to file.

Till Human Voices Wake Us by saltandbyrne. 21K, NC-17. In a world of hippogriffs, hydras and flying pygmy elephants, intrepid explorer Dean Winchester was sure he had seen it all. When a monster destroys the only home he's ever known, Dean finds himself falling for his strange rescuer and struggling to face his past.

What Happened in Vegas by Ltleflrt. 18K, NC-17. Long time friends Dean and Castiel are road tripping from Chicago to San Diego for Sam and Eileen’s wedding, and a pitstop in Las Vegas turns into drunken love confessions and a surprise marriage. Turns out the pining has been mutual this whole time, but now they’re finally together and on cloud-fucking-nine. Until they remember that this trip isn’t supposed to be about them. To avoid undermining Sam and Eileen’s important weekend, they decide to keep their new relationship status a secret. They’ll keep the heart eyes toned down and their hands to themselves, but the struggle is real.

#dean x castiel #fic rec #*#destiel

339 notes · View notes