#this has been sitting in my queue since december I think its finally time to let it post

[beesgav]

yeah .

[ericstoltz]

life update!!

i finally have some free time and havent properly posted something in so long so i thought id write up something!

first of all i want to say that ive successfully fixed my bingewatch problem in late january!! i hate to say it, but seeing how many movies i saw last year in my letterboxd wrapped really concerned me 🫤 i wanted to make an effort to make use of my time properly (after starting a new job and all) and i thought i wont let myself waste time bingeing horrible b-movies just so i can bump up the percent watched in someones filmography (its kinda tricky doing it so i made a resolution to only watch movies which interests me if i want to see more of someone)

with that said, i ended up not watching anything on weekdays and eventually think that staring at my phone for more than an hour wasnt my thing anymore (at least in the context of doing it EVERYDAY). so that may be one of the reasons why the turnaround for my hyperfixations got slower (which i think is good!).

ALSO, i do want to mention that because ive been watching less films recently i initially thought it would be great for my gif making hobby since i wont feel the pressure of wanting to gif so many movies at one sitting. i tried this in early feb and.. well... lets just say that it takes time for my very old laptop to make gifs (i had it since college during the pandemic so it was really used!). i only screen record scenes i want to gif because i hate having to wait to download AND even if i had hq clips it would take my laptop so long to render. so making something lq and having to wait 30mins just for a single gif wasnt doing it for me (bcs i said i wanted to make more use of my time).. so thats the reason why i havent posted anything lately (I REALLY REALLY wanted to make a gifset of josh whitehouse in valley girl but the quality just ended up stressing me 🫠)

and for my last update, as u can tell from my reblogs on queue, i just saw daisy jones and the six and LOVE josh whitehouse and he really got me playing the guitar again 😭😭 (i still think its a miracle!!!). ive been practicing some old pieces i used to perform when i was in high school during my 5-9's and i just had a bizzare idea of getting into the piano. i only ever played classical before, so i always had a problem doing improvs. i spent some time looking at videos on youtube and found out improvs on the piano were waay easier to play and understand, so im gonna buy a keyboard very very soon (which im so excited for)!!!! learning how to do jazz improvs on keys would probably be my new hobby and making gifs would probably be back until i get a new laptop (which at the moment is very low priority 🥲)

SO THERES THAT! Now heres an audit trail of my jan-feb hyperfixations!

still on a tom blyth high since late december 2023

dom sessa: after watching the holdovers (seriously this time)

sam claflin: i wanted to get out of the coriolanus blackhole so i ended up reading finnick odair fics 😭😭 i found out he was the lead in daisy jones and the six so i watched that! my hyperfixation didnt last tho!! i have love rosie on my watchlist but got side tracked bcs of... *drum roll*

JOSH WHITEHOUSE -i find it crazy how most of my hyperfixations are englishmen. but yes. my sweet pookie. i love him. i will try not to talk much bcs if i start i wont stop. but tldr i didnt binge his filmography so i was on his youtube channel for quite some time and spent 15mins a day there... thats maybe the reason i got into playing the guitar again? love his music videos AND love how he plays flamenco. i play classical on the guitar and am a tarrèga girl so i never bothered to learn flamenco (tarrèga hated it) . but knowing just that made me want to at least remember some pieces i used to play just so i can play again... THEN i found out he has a new movie coming up with...

malcolm mcrae: ngl his pretty face caught my eye (special shoutout to anya! literally the power couple)... my first thoughts were like 'ohh i wonder what his character is like in triton'. but then i found out hes in a band SO i was thinking ok hes in a movie w josh so theres probably gonna be something music in it. i then looked up his band and love their songs!! theyre only a duo which i think is p strong (u dont need that many ppl in a band rly!) and i watched some interviews they had too!

KANE RITCHOTTE: my babygirl. my darling. idk what to say abt him. his songs with malcolm are always so magical. ive been playing gods in the details on repeat since early feb. hes my favorite more* member. the literal musical god. im praying hell sing more songs. ALSO i was suprised he did a cameo in daisy jones and the six with malcolm (they were the one who taught some of them how to play their instruments!! i was in awe bcs malcolm was the literal billy dune. LIKE sam claflin really copied his playing style which is so neat!!)

thats all!! thanks so much if uve read up until this point ily and pls lmk what uve been up to as well 🫶

take care <3

[mymadmedleyw]

For the Wips ask game.

First of all, you have so many wips. I'm a little scared for you. 😂

Seriously though, everything looks so exciting. I'll ask specifically about "No other choice Left" and "Lightness of Dark."

Thank you for being interested! ❤

Yes, I have many WIPs - especially in my mind 😅 - and you don't even know half of it. 😄 (I did not list the many short ones for GG or WTPH because that would have been long, so it was a shortened list. Now, you can imagine why I am going ahead with everything this slow. My mind is chaotic, working on its own most of the time and against my plans.)

Anyway, so ‘little’ summary about the asked ones.

:readmore:

No Other Choice Left:

Technically it'll play after WTPH/21, but it could be read independently. You ask how. Well, it'll contain a revealing scenario. Without mentioning how that particular circumstance happened that led the happenings there, it could be about anything, so then, working as a simple reveal fic too, and as a sort of standing alone one. On the other hand, it will be the continuation of the mainline, cutting off a question about a not-answered sideline.

Right now, I don't know if it will be a two-shot - as I would need at least two POVs - or it will 'just' one chapter with cuts init. I had this idea for a while, and I think I could say it is mostly written, but since it (could be) connected to WTPH, it's in queue now.

However, I'm going to share its main synopsis:

"Mr and Mrs Fenton,

This is Phantom. This is an automated message in case of an emergency. Please detect the signal. The Specter Speeder is attached to it.

Whatever happened, remember, I'm on your side. I always was. Be hurry.

Note: if it is Danny, please don't take him to the hospital, this is important! Later he will tell why. If it is me - Phantom - it is just as important not to shoot me. I will tell you everything later.

(Please don't freak out if I change in front of you before I could tell you everything.)

The attachment will help you in case of a medical emergency."

(Side note: it is a sequel of previously shared Portal)

---

Lightness of Dark (a.k.a. 'LoD'):

Oh, god, I could rant about this... This's my next planned long story. This was my medicine during December when I was having my final exam at the university, writing my thesis, and other great stuff... I was longing for that to start writing on this. It was tormenting me at the same time and was helping me to go ahead too. You can imagine the headache. So, the moment I could sit down for that, getting free from school obligations, I began to work on this idea as soon as I could. And I managed to figure out mostly its whole plot that time too. 😁

It has already a prologue, four and a half chapters right after that, two and a quarter chapters in the middle, and the earlier shared 'concept' (Sailor) is somewhere in its 'third' part. (I have three separate docs for its sections to write: the continuation of the beginning part, the middle, and for the end).

The whole idea got born from this little idea because it was bugging me so much that soon my brain had to come up with some background for that little scene. So then, it turned out into a complete story, into LoD. (And the scene itself is actually in the first chapter, so...)

I have so much to tell about this story, but I think I have to keep myself back a bit to avoid bringing out the surprise factors.

Technically, the story will play between WTPH and GG, but it could be read entirely independently from those. The little connection LoD will have to those will be mentioned, but only briefly. (I could say its only reference to GG will be that once or twice Dan's dreams about a girl - Dani - will be brought up, but really just for some side notes. Anything relevant that happened in WTPH will be explained too, through some short comparisons of the happenings in LoD, but nothing more will be needed.)

The story itself won't be about Dan. Sure, he'll be one of the main characters, but the focus will be on Valerie. LoD, even though won't be as complicated as WTPH was, it'll have its surprises, I am sure. My longest chapter in this so far is 4k long, so it won't be as gigantic either, as my 'usual' chapters are in WTPH. Which, hopefully, would allow me to work on it faster too if its time comes.

I think I can't say more about it, but here are some interesting (irrelevant) facts. It won't be mentioned as clearly, but it'll mainly be played in Europe. I was like, 'hey, why not write once a fic playing a bit in Europe?'. So I did it. And it happened similarly with the sailing stuff. (I could drive a boat and more or less could sail too, so yeah, I am stealing some stuffs init from my life. 😅)

Also, some could say it'll be a darkgray fic. I can't decide if it could be counted as that or not. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Personally, I can't write romantic things, and I am far away from Deliverance-level - even though that story gave me the idea to once write on my own one with Valerie and Dan - so it could be said it will be darkgray one, as much that it won't.

The story itself will play in a TUE timeline - but I can't say more about it without saying too much.

Officially LoD was planned for InvisoBang, but I very soon realised I wouldn't be capable of finishing WTPH and writing this to be done at the deadline, so plans changed. This decision freed me from a huge weight, though, allowing me to go ahead at my own pace with writing both. (Which means I haven't touched LoD in a while... 😅)

The story itself will be about Valerie, along with Vlad, kind of having no other way but working together with her thought-to-be enemy to avoid an event. But of course, things wouldn't be this easy. Things (that were never said before) come to light, and trusts get shattered, old stuffs return, and other lovely things will happen. So 'Lightness of Dark' will be kind of about Valerie finding herself again behind the Red Huntress. Just as much it'll be about not necessarily seeing everything 'black and white', so then neither her enemy as just her enemy, but as a person, and facing severe issues meanwhile too.

---

(Collecting these thoughts, I realised how much I miss writing these ideas. Now I've got curious and took a quick check, 'No Other Choice Left' was updated on 1st February 2021! 😳 I can't even speak about LoD without causing me heartache wishing to work on that again. 😔 But maybe, soon! ☺)

Thanks for being interested in coming stuffs! ❤

[asterinjapan]

KOKIA in Nagoya Blue Note [2018.08.11], first stage review

Hi everyone!

I got back from Nagoya, and there's something I want to get wordy about. You see, KOKIA held a performance at Nagoya Blue Note today, and I was lucky enough to get to attend the first stage. Naturally, I want to tell you all about it, so my review follows below the cut!

Without further ado, first the set list (from memory, but I’m fairly confident about it):

Bye bye blackbird Tenki ga ii, biiru o nomou (’the weather’s nice, let’s drink a beer’) Power of smile/the girl from Ipanema Kangaroo pocket Kirin (’Giraffe’) Waraenai hanashi (’a story not for laughing’) Obake ga kowai nante (’ghosts aren’t really scary’) What a wonderful world Moment ~ima o ikiru~ (’live in the now’) kono chikyuu ga marui okage de (’thanks to this planet being round’) Summertime

The setting was really intimate, like a jazz bar. I was on the left of the stage in the front, close to the pianist, and close enough to touch the stage if I were to lie on the ground here, haha. Pianist, bassist, guitarist and drummer all entered the stage before KOKIA went up herself. I think this is the first time I've seen her wearing pants, with a glittery top this time. It fit the casual atmosphere. 

I was right with my jazz reference as she started with bye bye blackbird, a cover song I haven't heard live from her yet and in fact, I'm fairly sure she hasn't performed it in a while to begin with? The sounds were light and upbeat, getting us in the mood for a comfortable afternoon. 

I think it was after this song that she started referring to the hot summer weather,  as the next song was very aptly titled: tenk ga ii, biiru o nomou: the weather's good, let's drink a beer, haha. (You needed to get at least one drink here along with your ticket.) It's from the new album, Tokyo mermaid, and fit right in the jazzy and light hearted flow that blackbird had started. She got her band members to join in on the occasional cheer halfway through the song,  haha. After that, she mentioned the drink she had as a specialty for today, since we should be in the mood for drinks on this hot, hot summer day, obviously! (I definitely agree. In the mean while, I had barely touched my iced tea yet because I was so enthralled already, haha. ) She then asked for us to enjoy the next song, after which the pianist started a song I didn't immediately recognize at first. Then she started singing and it clicked: blast from the past, Power of Smile! It was, again, a more jazz inspired version of the song, pretty similar to the version she rearranged for her best of album pearl, subtitled a gentle breeze. I loved KOKIA's own smile as she delivered this song, light and sweet. Halfway through, we were in for a surprise: the song morphed to English,  and then KOKIA covered girl from Ipanema. That was a very fun surprise! Next up,  she talked about how much fun she's had with her upcoming album, ikimono no ongakkai (concert of living beings), part 2 of her animal series. She already teased about a preview and indeed, she mentioned the kangaroo and its pocket, which she identified with because you can just swing your child around in a pocket in front of you like that, haha. So next up, the kangaroo song, Kangaroo pocket! It was still kind of jazzy and the lyrics went a catchy "kangaroo-roo-roo pocket", and she did the whole swinging thing too, haha. So cute! The first animal album was quite a change from her previous works as it's explicitly intended to also be enjoyed by little children, so there are also a lot of animal noises in there which was apparently a lot of fun in rehearsals. We weren't yet done with the animals! I actually felt the song sounded a bit like the giraffe song from her first animal album in terms of general atmosphere, and in keeping with that atmosphere, we got - the giraffe song! (Actually, considering giraffe is Kirin in Japanese which is also a beer brand, I'm wondering as I type this whether she was still trying to get us to drink, hmmm.)

Of course, she also came back to her most recently released album, Tokyo Mermaid, which she's really proud of and she hopes that those who haven't gotten it yet would give it a listen. For now the appetizer: two songs from the album! I must confess I am not super familiar to all songs yet, so I had to rely on the lyrics to identify Waraenai hanashi (’not a story to laugh about’). The sound of it brings me back to earlier albums, and although it is a song that didn’t stick out to me right away, it got stuck with me now. And then, she started a song I immediately did recognize because it's the first one from the album and also one that I latched on almost instantly: obake ga kowai nante (ghosts aren't really scary). From what I heard from the DVD preview, she slowed it down considerably for the 20th anniversary concert, but this was the normal rhythm. I think it could be a pretty sad song, but she kept her smile and the song felt light instead. I really love this song and i was so glad she'd put it on today's set list!

Next up was a song with mostly just KOKIA and piano, which is a combination that always makes me happy. This was a song all of you know: What a wonderful world. She sings it a bit slower than the original, but so kind and sweet. I feel like her English has improved a lot over the years, and she definitely knows what she's singing, as she gestured and smiled knowingly when the lyrics about children growing up came up.

With the intro of the next song however, I immediately perked up because I knew this one very, very well. I think she's performed it every time I've seen her live, which is a blessing, because this was moment ~ima o ikiru~ (live in the now), which is an impressive song on its own but even more amazing live. Gone was the light tone of the previous songs: suddenly, the small venue seemed much, much too small to hold her powerful voice as she didn't hold back. I really tried not to cry, because this song hits me hard, but KOKIA looked almost straight at me when she was looking at her pianist for cues and I didn't want to cry on her, haha. This was marvelous. The lights swelled with the song, she effortlessly held her ridiculously long tone (last time I remembered to record it, I clocked it at 22 seconds!), and just - wow. That's not the most insightful review ever, but I'm just so blown away every time, especially contrasting the previous songs. Although KOKIA is without a doubt a professional and at ease on stage, it was like she just let loose all of the reins to deliver on moment, and delivering she did. I barely remembered to sip my drink as she took the microphone again for a talk.

She mentioned her upcoming concerts, of which there are a LOT (trust me, I run a fan blog and I've been having trouble keeping it up to date this year, haha), but the first ones up will be in China. Not entirely coincidentally I suspect, her next song was kono chikyuu ga marui  okage de (thanks to this planet being round). This is a song that swells, although not quite as much as moment, haha. I really like it though. 

It definitely was a little earlier, but KOKIA also mentioned the last time she performed here in Nagoya, which was last year’s birthday live show, when the audience apparently started singing Happy Birthday to her. The pianist tried to sing it now too, but shied away once he was offered the microphone, haha.

I think it was during this time that KOKIA started to thank the musicians, but we weren't done just yet: suddenly, she picked up the tempo and the volume, as the final song felt too big to be contained in such a small space, wow. KOKIA really is an amazing singer: she sounds like it's effortless live, and this was no exception. The song was English and very appropriately Summertime, though definitely a more powerful and slightly more up-tempo than the versions I can find online (I don’t know a lot of jazz, okay, sorry about that, haha) .

And suddenly, it was over, just like that. I mean, it makes sense since she has two performances today, but I was still overwhelmed by her performance and kind of meekly sipped on my iced tea while people around me were getting up. As it turned out, there was a shop with merchandise, and it was still open! When I went over to check, we noticed KOKIA sitting in the next room over - she was having an signature session.  Ohhh boy! I mean, with how small the venue was I was hoping for it, but being able to see KOKIA this close and getting to talk to her twice within a year was a bit much for my heart, haha. 

I'm a spoiled brat who already had all the albums for sale, but I did spot the normal version of her 20th anniversary best of album, which has a lovely but completely different cover and packaging from the special edition (which I had pre-ordered, because come on, have we met). So I ended up buying an album I already have (technically twice even, since it's a collection), but it did mean I could queue up! Keeping with the atmosphere, this session was much more up close and laid back than the Christmas concert back in December (but honestly, I was already amazed she held an autograph session at all back then, given how huge that venue was). KOKIA was seated at a high table putting her at eye level, and the queue was so short I was getting fidgety trying to remove the packaging as quickly as possible, haha. And suddenly I was at the front, and she seemed pleasantly surprised to see me (I'm fairly sure I was one of the very few obviously foreigners here today, at least from what I saw). I thanked her profusely for today (I never quite know what to express but gratitude when it comes to KOKIA), and we actually got to talk a bit. I mentioned I was from the Netherlands, and she was impressed with my language skills since, as my blog demonstrates (and she knows it's there!), I speak at least 3 languages,  haha. I'm not quite as fluent as I wish in Japanese, but this talk went pretty alright with some help here and there. I explained that moment as a song meant a lot to me and asked her to sign the booklet at that page, and she wrote it out to my name with a smiley face, hee. There were still people waiting for their turn, so I thanked her again and got to shake hands before leaving.

And with that, I think I summoned up today's main event pretty well! I'm currently in the train back to my hotel, so I'm typing this on my phone.

Aaand now I’m back at the hotel and have just finished tidying up this review a bit, haha. I hope I didn’t forget to mention anything, but I’ll stalk twitter a bit for the other fan reviews there.

Thanks for reading my rambling thus far and if you’re reading this, KOKIA, thank you again for a wonderful afternoon! It was very different and a sharp contrast from the last live show (when she did a huge hall concert backed up by a full orchestra), but I can’t help but fall in love with your music all over again every time.

See you soon again!

[kjhwannaone]

Clumsy - A Kim Jaehwan!soulmate AU

characters: Kim Jaehwan!reader

genre: fluff, bulletpoint style 

rating: not much, just mention of a lot of injuries 

word count: 1926 

summary: the connection between you and your soulmate is injuries - if you get one, they get the same one. so what if your unknown soulmate can’t stop falling over? 

-  your soulmate was clumsy af

-  you were starting to get worried for him

-  everyday you woke up with a new bruise or a cut on some random part of your body and you couldn’t help but wonder what in the hell he got up to

-  all soulmates were connected by injuries. If you were to fall over and scrape your knee, then your soulmate would have it to – but they wouldn’t feel it. It would just be apart of them until it healed up. You would watch some of your friends come to school and they would have a small paper cut or a bruise on their arm

-  but you, however

-  your soulmate seemed to be the clumsiest person going

-  you were sitting in maths a few months ago and your shoulder dislocated. Of course, you didn’t feel it and when your soulmate replaced it, so did yours but you wondered, at 11:23am on a Tuesday how the hell did your soulmate DO THAT

-  none of your classmates felt bad for you when you broke your leg and had to have crutches even though it didn’t hurt for a few months because at least your soulmate was stupid enough to get injuries to let you know you had one

-  some of your friends hadn’t even experienced what it was like to get a cut and wondered if they even had a soulmate

-  one of your best friends ran into school one day and was laughing and dancing around happy because they had a huge bruise on their face and they finally realised that they had someone – whether he got hit in a fight or was just being an arse, she wouldn’t know

-  you were constantly riddled with cuts and bruises that you had no idea where it came from

-  it was starting to get a little tiresome since you could barely wear dresses or skirts anymore since your skin was scarred and had constant peach and purple circles that came about out of nowhere

-  you finally just accepted it though – your soulmate was clumsy, and he’d probably fall off a cliff before you met him with the rate that he was going at

-  one of the defining features that would be on your soulmate is the tips of his fingers

-  they seemed to be cracked and hard for no reason

-  it didn’t seem like an injury but when you’d brush over the hard skin at night you wondered if they stung to him

-  you wondered if he played the guitar

-  and if he did how often due to the rough touch that made you wince even though it couldn’t hurt you

-  before bed every night you would take out a pot of Vaseline from under the sink and dip the tips of your fingers into them to soften them for the next day

-  you didn’t know if he felt it when he woke up though – one of the other things to note about the soulmate connection is that when it is treated on any of the parties then it will heal the same amount of time

- you woke up the next morning with softer fingertips and wondered how his must have felt

-  by the end of the day though they were back to being the scratchy surface you had got to know

-  a lot of people you knew were starting to meet their soulmates one by one

-  a girl in your class and her childhood best friend had found out through their cooking classes when she accidently sliced her hand and as he rushed over to help her they found out they were both bleeding

-  it came with a lot of arguments, but they already knew a little bit

-  they’d known each other their whole lives and never been apart so it wouldn’t make sense for them to be with other people

-  they look back at old photographs and spotted the same bruise on their knee or the time they broke their leg at the same playground

-  it was starting to be about the time where everyone was either working it out or meeting them by chance

-  you had a lot of clues but, however, had nobody to work off

-  when your shoulder dislocated you thought it would be easy to spot someone else in a similar sling but there wasn’t anyone

-  you were starting to give up

-  and besides he wouldn’t be able to find you since you rarely fell over or injured yourself

-  though, one day you were walking into your house and fell straight over scratching your knee on the door frame causing a massive bleed and a deep cut

-  you felt embarrassed and you didn’t know why

-  you can’t believe that all this time you could just fall over, and he would have it on his body too

-  you were reassured with the fact that maybe he wouldn’t even know it was you since he hurts himself everyday more times than he can count

-  you lay in bed that night after you washed away the blood just reading a book for class

-  you feel a familiar sting of some sort of ointment cream

-  and it being gently smoothed across your knee

-  then a firm press of a bandage that wasn’t there

-  it was the oddest sensation you had ever felt

-  you couldn’t work out if your soulmate was doing it just for you or if he just wanted to clean it up but the amount of times you had cleaned up his wounds for him with him in mind was unthinkable and this was a different feeling

-  you can’t feel a cut that your soulmate gets so you are usually more harsh and quick about it

-  but the sensation of the ointment being put on from somewhere you didn’t know was soft and very gentle

-  you thanked a person you didn’t even know in your head and then fell asleep

-  the next day you were walking on the way to university

-  you had placed your own bandage on your knee now and had put plasters on your soulmates smaller cuts, one of them slightly above your eye

-  it was only a nick but

-  you wanted it covered

-  you stop into a Starbucks to pick up something to keep you going for the rest of the day

-  you queue up and you are ready to order until you see a familiar face a few places down the line in front of you

-  “Jaehwan?” you say, and he turns around

-  “Y/N?” he looks so happy to see you and gets out of his space to give you a hug

-  after ordering you sit down at a table

-  you knew Jaehwan well only since he busks outside of this Starbucks on a regular basis and one day you saw him and invited him for a coffee because it was in the middle of the winter

-  he wasn’t homeless he attended a school nearby here, but he was cold

-  and he was super handsome it was hard to ignore

-  he was a bit of a secret crush because no one knew him

-  it was kind of obvious that you too liked each other by the way you said each other’s name and even the Starbucks staff were starting to want it to happen quicker

-  “how are you I haven’t seen you around in a long time,” you said

-  “I’ve been okay a little bit busy with work and stuff,” he smiled, and you miss this nice friendship that became true after an expensive coffee in December

-  after an hour or so, and a missed lecture that you forgot about you realise that he probably needs to go back outside to play because that was what he was here for

-  “I can stay for a bit longer to be honest its really quite hot out there”

-  Jaehwan leans back and ruffles his hair a little revealing a small little cut above his eyebrow

-  “Oh, look you’ve got a cut I’ll get you a plaster,” you said reaching into your bag and then stopping

-  reaching for your own head you trace the plasters outline

-  “Ah I should be fine,” he says. “I’m really clumsy anyway so I’ve got cuts all over my body.” He laughs drinking the last bit of his drink and picking up his guitar “I probably have to get back outside though now since I think my fans will be missing me,” he giggles “I’ve been out of the game for a while since I dislocated my shoulder a few months ago and it’s been beyond painful”

-  you look up at him in shock

-  you needed one more piece of evidence to conclude this

-  as he was speaking you grabbed his hands “woah, you alright Y/N?”

-  you turned them palm up and traced his fingertips with yours

-  “Ah are you wondering about that? Yeah, a guitar player’s fingers always get a bit harder and sore when you play a lot, though they have been getting better recently it’s almost as someone has been putting cream on them.”

-  “Jaehwan do you have a cut on your knee?”

-  “Oh what? Yeah, I do, I think my soulmate fell over though, she never falls. I felt so bad for her because I’ve never had to feel what she feels like because I fall over all the time – I hope she’s okay.”

-  you couldn’t breathe

-  you stopped talking and Jaehwan was looking at you worryingly

-  “Y/N, are you okay?” He was closer now, and he moved your hair aside to place his hand on your forehead to check your temperature

-  he looked at your head for a moment and regarded it quizzically

-  “How did you cut yourself Y/N?”

-  “I didn’t.” was all you could muster up

-  his face was contorted with thought

-  after a few silent minutes, Jaehwan moved his hand down and into yours, to flip your hand palm up and look at your fingertips

-  “You don’t play guitar, do you?” he asked

-  “No.” was again, all you could muster up

-  “Y/N are you my… soulmate?”

-  without saying a word and a gaze that lasted for a while, the answer was given

-  in a huge hurry Jaehwan stood up and pulled you from your seat and embraced you

-  he had one hand on your head pressing you into him and the other hand around your back, in this rushed and passionate hug that showed his relief and happiness of this moment

-  “Y/N I don’t know what to say…” he said holding you even tighter to him

-  “I don’t either,” you whisper, happy to be in the warmth of his arms

-  after a few minutes of just holding each other in the middle of the coffee shop he pulled you back and looked at you in the face

-  “I am so sorry that I am so clumsy by the way.”

-  You laugh at him and the warmth in your heart starts to blossom

-  maybe having a clumsy soulmate isn’t the worst thing you can have

[itsnebulous]

BOND THROUGH BANDS

Well I know when you're around ‘cause I know the sound I know the sound, of your heart... bzzz bzz bzz

I woke up by the annoying vibration of my alarm, I checked the time and good lord my alarm has been buzzing for about half an hour now! I don't remember snoozing it off but damn my train for London leaves in 20 minutes. My earphones are tangled all over my neck. I could literally hear my mum inside my head saying “You should not sleep with your earphones on Bailee!” I'm sorry mum but your loving daughter just did. I must have fallen asleep again while on my phone last night. It has become my habit now to pass out while scrolling through my socials, I mean that's just pure talent. Music is my thing but not in the way that I'm great at instruments. It's just that I love listening to bands.

As I hurry to the bathroom to take a shower, I tripped over my sketchbooks. I don't remember my flat being this messy. Dirty clothes are piling on the chair beside my disastrous closet, books are everywhere on the dusty carpet. The only thing in order are my shelves of books and music albums which is also now getting dusty. Surprisingly the kitchen area is clean, maybe because I am always out at the city to eat out with my classmates after school. I got out of the shower with ten minutes to spare. I have no time for my indecisiveness on what clothes to wear so I pulled off my go-to outfit. I tucked my favourite yellow sweater on my jeans and put on my worn out Converse then grabbed my coat that is hung on the back of my door before sprinting to the elevator.

As I got out on the streets, tourists are everywhere, typical for Brighton though even if it's freezing cold. But today is warmer, the sun is actually out which is very unusual for December. I'm almost near at the station when Lily texted me:

“BAILEE WHERE ARE U?!”

But before I can even type my answer, she called

“Sis the train is about to leave in two minutes” I can imagine with her tone how pissed she is at me.

“I’m almost there. I’m like twenty steps away”

“That better be not a lie”

“I swear it's not- and oh she already hang up”.

We made it to London without having a fight. She is already used to my shenanigans on my morning routines which always make me late. Lily is just pressed that I missed breakfast with her at the cafe.

“Why on Earth are you late this time my beloved friend? Bet you had your concert again while in the shower”, she said sarcastically.

“Oh stop it, you know I can't miss my singing ritual whilst in the shower”, I teased her.

“Also, I'm not late duh I made it exactly at 8 am”. Lily has always been the early bird kind of friend during meet ups and I am most certainly the buzzer beater type.

Roaming around the city of London is always my favourite. I have lived here three years ago when I first came to England yet every time I walk along its streets and pass by its shops, I keep falling in love like it's the first time. The telephone booths are still class even though no one uses it. Everything about this city is so aesthetic. Lily and I spent half of the day going through some of the places London is known for as if we are tourists.

“It's ridiculous that I've lived in London most of my life but still haven't ridden this until now". We are now inside a carriage on top of the London eye.

“ I can't say the same. I mean I lived here only a few years back and I even barely go out then but it's never too late to be a tourist you know”.

The view on top is amazing, cityscape and sunset is picture perfect. I just wish that I am seeing this with Matty right now if he hadn't left me. I guess this is it again, I have fallen on my whirlpool of grief that keeps dragging me down. It's been years but why didn't I learn to handle the pain.

2 years ago...

London street is busy as ever yet the holiday spirit is very alive. Every one on the city is on their layered coats as it is freezing cold. It's two more weeks until Christmas and the shops are all packed with those who are gift shopping. I am probably the most loneliest person in London because I actually have no one to celebrate Christmas with as I just moved. I have Lily and our friends but they’re all going home for the holidays.

Today is the last day of school before our Christmas break so we planned a night out at Winter Wonderland.

“Here's the thing Bailee, a Christmas holiday of a typical London resident wouldn't be complete without a night here", Millie said as we walk toward the entrance of the giant Christmas carnival. Millie is my street smart friend who always got my back the first time I got in London.

“Really?”, and as I ask this I confirmed what Millie just said, the place is crowded and sparkly with its lights. The people are in their high spirits as they are in queue for the rides. I could never be that person who is excited for the rides. Before I even know it, my friends are already in line calling me to join them.

“BAILEE AREN'T YOU GOING TO JOIN US?”, Josh screamed.

“ I'D RATHER WATCH YOU FROM HERE. I'M SCARED OF HEIGHTS.”, I answered. The music is getting loud now from what I hear from the people passing by is from the beer tent.

“ARE YOU SURE???” asked Lily looking concerned.

“YEAHHHH, MEET YOU AT THE BEER TENT MAYBE?”

I barely heard their answer but I'm sure I heard Millie say “oh she'll do just fine, she can manage now". Thanks Millie for your confidence but I am actually anxious going alone inside the beer tent. But I am eager to see what's going on in there because I can hear a band playing.

There's a reason why I never returned your calls I wish I could forget it all But I never returned your calls ‘Cause I'd fall again.

“Holy cow they are singing a Blossoms' song" , I whispered to myself out of excitement.

I made my way in front of the crowd. The people inside the tent are all chattery and loud but I could only hear the song playing, my favourite song. I caught the vocalist' attention maybe because of my aggressiveness to get in front. I got lost on his gaze, his deep blue eyes melted me, the curls of his hair is so soft. It is their last song to play. After they played, he went to sit beside me which is weird because we don't even know each other.

“Hi” he said shyly.

A cute band vocalist who is a stranger just talked to me, how am I supposed to reply. “Hello?”

“You sound so confused" he said giggling.

“Uhmmm yes? I am confused because a stranger who just sung my favourite song is talking to me out of context”, I blurted out.

“Oh I actually approached you because of your reaction while we were playing ‘your favourite song’ "

“Why so?”

“Because it's so obvious that you really like the song and you were the only one here who seems to appreciate it. Does it remind you of someone?”

“Honestly no, I just really love it. The tune, its lyrics is just perfect for me.”

“Guess we are the same then".

After my weird moment with that guy, my friends finally came to have a beer. Mr. Stranger was about to leave when I asked his name.

“It's Matty”

That's how Matty and I started. After that night, he invited me to watch shows and gigs. The drive back home is always my favourite. We take detours just to spend more time talking about each other with good music on the background.

“Cityscapes are just beautiful, aren't they?” I said while looking out the window.

“Not as beautiful and bright as you”

“Stop being so cute please”, that's the only reaction I could do with his smooth cheesy lines.

As months of hanging out together goes by, we fall deeper and deeper with each other. Matty gave my room a make over. Ever since I moved in London my flat doesn't look like home so he gave it an artistic touch. He painted the walls, built me a desk and shelves. We also hung posters of our favourite bands. After redecorating my room, it now feels home and cosy. He stayed until midnight so that we could listen to the new album of the 1975 together.

“I guess this could be our new jam then" he said with enthusiasm in his eyes.

“I love the idea", I answered.

I knew he was already sleepy when he said goodnight before driving back home. I didn't want him to drive anymore because it's already late but he insisted because he's worried about his sister so I let him.

“Call me when you get home ok? Drive safely”

“Ok I love you” he said.

I don't recall the next months after. It is as blurry as when my tears won't stop falling for him. Matty have left me. Matty never returned my calls not because he's scared of falling again for me. He never returned my calls because he's gone. How I wish we could've said our goodbyes. I should've said I love you too while I still can. But it is all too late now.

Matty is the reason why I moved to Brighton. Everything about London reminds me of him especially at this time. He once asked me to ride the London eye with him but I refused because I was scared and anxious.. What I did not know is could never see this view with him anymore. I should have said yes back then but my anxiety ate me. Up until now his memory still haunts me even in Brighton. I never had the courage to clean up my room because I keep remembering when he decorated my room. Now I can finally say that ‘There's a Reason Why (I Never Returned Your Calls) by Blossoms reminds me of someone.

Before I even get drowned by my whirlpool of grief, Lily brought me back to reality.

“Bailee are you alright?”

“Yeah I think I am"

I still find parts of you. In the corners of my bedroom. Someday comes too soon. The radio plays our favourite tune again.

[sahpathi2016-blog]

Imlee-Mahuaa: A remembered journey

Sahib Tulsi has written a beautiful memoir of the time he spent in Imlee-Mahuaa, a centre of education in Kondagaon district of Chhattisgarh this past winter (as an extension of the Sahpathi programme). In the first post of this four-part series, he introduces us to the ethos of the school through its students and staff. He brings the school alive for us through vivid descriptions of the library and the two classrooms.

Part 1

As finality hung in the air, on January 9 (2017), Nikhil, a student of class I, came up to me and said, 

“I know you are leaving tomorrow. Let us shake hands.”  

And then, many of them followed his queue, shook my hand before charming me with a “thank you,” leaving me in a rather melancholic state. On my first day at the Imlee-Mahuaa school, on December 17 (2016), I had asked Prayaag (one of the three adults at the school): “What do I have to do to break ice with the children?”  He simply told me to keep coming there and leave the rest to the time-inspired familiarity.  On that last day, reflecting on the ties of affection that familiarity can forge, the strength of his advice had finally dawned upon me.    

Imlee-Mahuaa is a centre of education in the village of Balenga Para (Panchayat – Kibai Balenga) in the Kondagaon district of Chhattisgarh.  I still use the word ‘school’ in this write-up, for, the spoils of habit are hard to unlearn.  But, to be sure, Imlee-Mahuaa is far from the conventional perceptions that we cling onto when we think of a ‘school’, as I hope to demonstrate through this brief memoir.  At the time of my stay, there were 54 children in the school, enrolled in classes I to VIII, with a few pre-school children as well.  Later on, I was to realize, very gradually, that all of them are coming to the school because they wanted to, without any trace of coercion from anyone.  Most of them belong to the Muria Gond tribe.  The rest of them belong to Scheduled Castes – Gaandas (traditional musicians) and Pankhas (traditional weavers) – and Other Backward Castes – Kallars (traditional distillers).  There are two children who are also preparing for the class X examinations to be undertaken by the National Institute of Open Schooling (NIOS); Imlee-Mahuaa is not a Tribal Residential School, but is a registered centre of NIOS.          

A journey through memories

As one enters through the iron-door of the school, to the extreme left is a little open mud-space, with a stone-made playground slide occupying the lion’s share of this area.  Very seldom, though, did I see children climb up from the holes in the back of the slide; they preferred running upwards diagonally along the slide, only to slope down from the side railing.  My regard for my heavy build soothed the envy I used to feel at times at the amount of energy these frisky children seemed to possess.

To the right of this space is the library of the school.  A decent-sized room, with a mud-floor, dwelling made of clay tiles and wooden beams with a few open spaces covered with glasses to allow the sunlight to seep through, and concrete walls on both the sides (all the enclosed rooms are built in a similar way), it houses many books – textbooks for all the relevant classes, references books, storybooks, et cetera.  It is managed by two children, who arrange the books in a systematic way every morning on the working days when the school opens at ten o’clock in the morning, with written records of all the books that have been issued.  Recently, both the librarians and Prayaag decided together to change the opening hours of the library from the post-lunch hour to a couple of hours before the lunch since some children preferred to go back to their home forthwith after lunch.

Next to the library is the first of the two ‘classrooms’.  Every morning, the three sides of the room are lined with tables, with various books being displayed (mostly storybooks, reference books and NCERT books like Rimjhim, Marigold, Vasant, Baal Vigyanik, et cetera).  Above the tables, one can see the cloth-bags of the children with all their personal copies, drawing-sheets and pencil-boxes.  Many of these bags have been embroidered with the name of the child, to whom the bag belongs, by the respective child himself/herself.  Children come in the room whenever they want to read something, spend some time immersing themselves in the visual imageries of the books or solve various puzzles and crosswords.  Many times, they would scan various books, pick the one that interested them the most and start perusing through the pages, quietly, sitting on one of the two mats lying in the centre of the room, totally absorbed in their activities.  Many of them would come to me in the morning to greet me: “Good morning, bhaiya.”  This was also the room where I spent maximum time, reading.

It was in this room that I got to know many of the children. For it was here that they would come to me, with their shy and affectionate smiles, showing me their drawings. They are very fond of putting the pictures of flowers, trees, birds and animals on paper.  It was in this room that a few of them would come to me once in a while with a storybook, in Hindi, and request me to read aloud to them.  It was here that I would sit with them and put the jigsaw pieces in the huge cardboard political map of India.  It was here in this room that some of them would talk to me about my life, my family, my studies, and the books that I read; and enquire about the workings of solar system, the lifecycle of plants and forests, Bollywood, and trains and aeroplanes; explore the science kit, abacuses and a spinning wheel, along with me, that Prayaag had so thoughtfully brought for them.  I always marvelled at how each of them would satiate their curiosities, fiddling with these kits and then, spend as much time as it would take to arrange them in the way it was to be done before keeping it back at its allotted place.  And, I do not remember seeing a single book lying on the mat unused.  The books were always put back from where they were taken out.

Adjoining this first study-room was a two-sided open space where I got a glimpse into the life of Kumhars (potters): Pottery Section.  Milan (second of three adults at the school), a potter, sits here, engaged in the intricate threads of his craft.  I spent many afternoons sitting with him, engrossed, observing the metamorphosis of his creative imagination into something tangible, delighting with aesthetic pleasure at the final results (very often, my delight was initiated by Milan’s contended countenance that used to accompany the skilful working of his hands), and trying my hands at pottery as well, albeit maladroitly.  He also showed me the working of the potter-wheel; polishing of the earthen products he was making (animal-shaped piggy banks and incense stands) and finally, drying them in the sunlight before heating them in the kiln.  His delicate use of fingers never ceased to mesmerize me.  A soft-spoken man, he also shared a lot of knowledge with me about the social and cultural world of potters in Kondagaon.  

Next to the pottery-space, behind the boundary of the school was a huge mahua tree, under the shade of which, Gautam (third adult at the school), who has an M.A. in Economics, used to take his Mathematics classes.  I often used to climb the boundaries of the school, to go to another tree a little further from the mahua tree: the tree of Tamarinds.  It was quite an effort to pluck tamarinds from here, using logs of wood, but, the taste of bitter-sweet tamarinds was a frequent source of joy to many children, including me.

Don’t forget to visit the blog again on Friday, Feb 17th 2017, to read the next post chronicling Sahib’s experience at Imlee-Mahuaa!

[schmidtsource]

Stepping Back & Thinking Ahead

June 30th, 2019 on my website, schmidtsource.com.   It’s been another month where I can look back on the last few weeks and see that a lot of action items didn’t happen yet. The contract for MtCL assets is still sitting around, no narrative design work was done, and some of my outstanding collaborations haven’t seen any traction, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been hard at work!

E3 brought with it a few additional videos that helped to offset June’s slow start thanks to a bad case of food poisoning. Finally seeing Banjo and Kazooie make the cut in Smash Bros helped reignite my passion, that’s for sure. The timeline for that video was rough, but I was thoroughly enjoying the process. Since my recovery, I haven’t missed anymore Mondays, too, which has done wonders for my morale.

My work-life balance feels like it’s getting to a good place, although whenever I look at my Toggl logs at the end of the week, they seem strikingly similar to what they’ve been before. I’m still in what I’d consider a recovery period from my recent bout of burnout, though, so I have to keep watching how I allocate my time! I’ve been taking ample breaks and making a point of indulging in leisure whenever opportunities arise, so I should be in solid shape for whenever I inevitably overextend myself!

Super Battle Buds also had one of its finest sessions this week. Alongside my ever-expanding to-do queue, I’d like to launch the YouTube component of our little community and expand what we do on our social media accounts beyond just advertising when we’re live. There’s three videos ready to be published whenever the channel launches, so I just need to pull the trigger on it, but I don’t want to see it trail off after a couple week’s of content. I want a concentrated effort to give it a solid debut, and I’m not sure I can offer it that yet!

I’ve been attempting to be more active on social media this last little while. I already keep a daily life log on Instagram, but I’ve definitely been putting more attention into Twitter! I think what’ll help my channel and community grow is engaging through more than just the content I produce. It remains to be seen if the personal touch will bolster growth, but I’m enjoying the adventure either way!

I also updated Schmidt Times’ logo to feature a commission of my avatar. MIAsmatic did such a swell job on it that I couldn’t resist featuring it more prominently, and I think it lends itself well to my more personal approach to social media. With the channel’s second anniversary kicking off tomorrow, I’m making strides to make community a cornerstone of Schmidt Times beyond a simple slogan!

It’s insane to think we’re already halfway through the year. In terms of what I plan to do over the next month and remainder of 2019, I’m still mulling that over at the time of writing. The usual suspects are on my list -- wrapping up outstanding collaborations and tackling narrative design -- but I want to formulate a more concrete roadmap for everything that I can use to set some milestones for the end of December. I think some recent meetings we’ve had at Kindly Beast are helping grant me perspective over how to do that in an effective fashion!

If there’s one commitment I want to make leading up to my next entry, it’s that I’ve outlined a rough game plan and can speak to its success in some capacity. If I can make that happen and not miss any Monday uploads, I’ll consider July a successful month!

[izzpeng]

Unsent Emails

25/08/2016

To: julian.smith@jus.edu.bn

Subject: Surprise bitch, I'm back!

Dear Smithy,

First of all I would like to say, fuck you for telling me I wouldn't get an A* in maths just because I messed around in class too much. Second of all, I would like to thank you for being a fraction of motivation in my math studies. I have to admit, I liked you enough to study 10% harder than I usually do and for that you deserve a blog post dedicated to you, just kidding you worthless piece of shit who wont even dedicate your thoughts to me. But it's too late now, so you're very fortunate for even being mentioned in my oh so popular blog.

Thanks for being a great teacher/supporter/motivator/useless advisor/racist bastard/...friend. See you in the afterlife you dick.

With cold fury,

Izzati Azhan

To: roland.lopez@jis.edu.bn

Subject: God Bless the Lopez

Dear Lopezo Mighty,

You don't deserve a 'fuck you' because you knew my potential and only encouraged me day after day, with your sadistic humour and the quiet blazing fire dancing in your eyes which was the only sign that you're actually human. I'd express my gratitude in a 10,000 word essay but I'm sure you'll just read the introduction and conclusion and base my grade off those two paragraphs. But without your life coaching I would not have gotten A*A* for both my Eng Lit and Lang. Dare I say it, thank you for setting us a Date Wiv Des Tinny, those practice papers were torture each week but well worth it in the end. You are my spirit animal in all dimensions, maybe except in Hell where you'd be Satan but...

Stay Healthy Senôr!

With all my love (though you believe it is just another concept of convenience),

Izzati Azhan

To: beenal.roberts@jus.edu.bn

Subject: bust out the roti, girl its about to get some of this izzatikkamasala

Dear Beenal the Brindian,

I know I know, this time its a fuck me for getting an A and not an A* but Miss I was 3 marks of an A* if that makes you feel any better, it does with me! I actually don't feel that thankful towards you since I do feel I did hm... mostly all the work, I took the exam after all. But an email of gratitude to show manners and my kissing ass abilities can't hurt can it? So terima kasih for all the lessons you spent dramatically telling us your stories, sometimes even twice of the same one, thanks for letting me doodle in class just because you talk a lot of the time and therefore I am allowed to half listen. I wouldn't be the indian food loving person I am today without you, oh and almost forgot... of course thanks for helping me achieve that almost A*! Fuck the examiner for me next time will ya.

With all my beloved assets,

Izzati Azhan

To: andy.mcculloch@jus.edu.bn

Subject: smile at me wit ur eyes, nat yo mouth only

Dear Turquoise Eyes,

I'd like to get to know the 16 yr old you but my chance has passed. Inappropriate flirting aside, guess what sir! I got exactly what I got in the most recent geo mocks 149/180 and I thought the mocks weren't an accurate indication. I'd like to thank you for having beautiful eyes and smiling at me even though on the inside you be like "lol fucktard thats the most incorrect answer ever, like not even close." I enjoyed your classes and you're sometimes funny but not on purpose, more like weird funny yknow? I think you'd like to get credit for my success but honestly i learnt how to answer case studies properly through Ajmal through Mr Cook, so who is really my teacher here? Me. Because I taught myself to sought answers and techniques elsewhere but sure I guess you can have some credit, those eyes deserve at least a generous 5%. lol ok bye tq

With a 9 on the Ritcher Scale,

Izzati Azhan,

You guessed it, the wait is over! #gcseresults2016 was trending on twitter and the sounds of 16yr olds packing their bags, getting ready to get disowned by their parents was the most honest and lit af song this year (after Frank Ocean's Blond of course). I admit its always nerve-wracking receiving results, where a single exam determines your ability to understand (or memorise) a two year course. But I had faith that with my prayers and hard work Allah gave me the results I truly deserved, so presumably my anxiety was on the down low while my trust in God was at sky high.

Alhamdulillah I got 3A's 6A*, I was so confident I would smash an A* with Business and Art but alas the grade boundaries proved me otherwise. With three fucking marks off an A* in Business I was so irritated at which examiner marked my paper, not irritated to risk a request for a remarking though. And Art, I hoped for an A*  but instead faced it's less prestigious sibling, an A. I asked around of course, not trying to compare or anything but I just needed to know what the students who I thought was for sure going to get A* actually got, to my delightful (?) surprise they too got an A which led me to believe that scoring an A* in Art is no easy business. Business isn't easy either lmao.

To this, I must admit defeat to my mother. She's been on my back for my choice of Art as an A-level subject saying its hard to score high in Art, but my cocky ass just waved it away and dismissed it altogether. Doubt has risen up in my throat, threatening my artistic capabilities to spill out across the walls of abandoned buildings as grafitti instead of street art. So thats something to think about before Saturday Morning.

UPDATE:

I attended Enrollment day alone, my heart beating, my eyes watering and my mind wandering. I chose to do IB diploma, for many reasons. I am just so drawn to how different it is, I think of all the future local Bruneians who did A-levels asking for the sam scholarship then I imagine the MoE going through the applications like "Great a-levels, a-levels, a-levels Oooo IB whats this?" and I just feel like I would have a standing chance you know? It would also help me to mix around with more international students and prepare for the university life so when I do go to university Insyallah I wont feel vulnerable and small.

But I just feel like my mother is against me taking IB, like she's trying to be supportive by giving a tight smile and grim nods but inside I know she's not convinced and this all happened on the way to the Arts Centre which made me even feel more queasy. My Father on the other hand, gave me a genuine "Go for it" which helped me so much on every level, I just need the motivation, just that little push to help me get going, feed me a trickle more of confidence.

So I had a choice to approach either Duckling or Dickinson on my IB subjects, and okay Dickinson was full okay there was a long queue and I ended up going to Duckling because I really had no choice! hehehhehhehehhe. Anyway I waved the papers in my hand high above to indicate that I was next and he laughed and told me to come and sit, so naturally I did. He took a look at my grades and praised me and then circled my subjects that I intend on studying, giving me advice that I should only need Math Studies seeing as how I'm not thinking of a mathematical kind of career. He then said " blablablabla Youre subjects are a smart choice, I think you're good to go, Welcome to the IB program"

And that was the clarity I was searching for, that little- push.

NOT JUST BCS HE'S HIM BUT BCS I NEEDED TO HEAR IT.

Just before that, Brindian approached me asking me  about my business results and encouraging me to take that remark because I was three marks off an A* saying that theres no reason I dont deserve the A*. I was uncertain because sure it makes me feel so fucking good about myself and so very satisfied, but who really needs an A* in GCSE Business to get accepted into a University? So I made a face. The face. and She went "What do you have to lose?" And of course one thing instantly came to mind "Um money?" then she gave me a look. The look. So I said I'll think about it and apparently only 1 or 2 students got A*. The thing is I actually would get it remarked if my Art grade also got bumped up to an A* but I have no idea what Ms Stroud is trying to do by contacting the exam board?

So thats that, she asked me about my ever so popular brother. So I told him oh he did well, she asked about which university and I replied Leicester and I told her that Im actually going off and missing 3 weeks of school. Then she went "oh you know Leicester's my hometown, in what area is he living because Im there in December" and i was like wtf creepy. And she continued saying "Oh Imagine if we just bumped into each other on the streets" and I was going to say something awkward because like what the fuck right? But Mr Duckling was open and ultimately saved me and she gestured me to go ahead.

After that, Mr mcluck approached me well not really, well kind of but it was super fucking awkward because I was waiting for my turn with Mrs Krüger and he was on the table nearby and made eye contact and he smiled and I returned it and i was like fuck am i suppose to go over lmao so i slowly sat down while he came over to me. YAKNOW gotta play hard to get. SO again he asked me are you happy with you results blablablabla were you nervous getting your results so I told him that I wasnt as nervous because other people were like "oh my life is over" and he laughed and blablablabla just mostly nodding and smiling. Then he asked me about my brother's results hi ok 2nd teacher to ask about my brother cool. I gave him a vague oh he did well and told him Leicester University on 18th September and I added that I was actually going to send him off and missing 3 weeks of school. Blablbalbalbalabl then he finally asked about IB saying that oh great choice.

And Wendy told me that at the YC Mcluck was talking about me to wendy asking me what I got and he saying that i Was exceptional kekekekkekekekk fuck man his eyes are so blue, dont think about it dont think about. Did i tell you I had a dream of him as Ben Affleck like wtf, first of all why would I even dream about him, maybe it was because I crossed his mind like just the night before omg. but whatever. Idk that made me feel so good about myself. Then Brindian thought that Fatin was Hana and approached Fatin and Wendy haahhahahahah and somehow started talking about me?? Like boi they both love me so much, I wonder if Lopez or Julibear bear talks about me like that. Sigh imagine

Smithy: Shes a fucking pain in the ass

Lupez: Intelligent fucking pain alright

Smithy and Lupez: But she's our pain in the ass.

OMGGGGGGGGG I loved all my GCSE teachers and classes! like those were the best days of my JIS experience so far. Art was super chill, she let us sing out loud together saying that we were the only class who did that and that she'll miss us :(((((((( Smithy couldnt care less, he just moved on click like that. Anyway, hope everyone got what they expected with their results or better and just remember kids, grades DO define who are and where you'll be in life. lol goodluck fam.

Izzati