#those are my guys my buddies!!! how could i ever start fresh!!! it wouldnt be the same!!!!

[skitskatdacat63]

See, I generally don't really mind the gacha aspect of Genshin bcs it doesn't really entice me that much, and I'm happy with what I have. But I DO hate how it practically ruins the replayabilty. I constantly dream about replaying sections such as the Sumeru desert(best world quest line ever btw, I long for it) and exploring places over again for the first time. But the idea of starting completely fresh, after playing on an account I've been building for 4+ years is incredibly unappealing.

[snelbz]

Lost Time {12}

A/N: Another chapter written with @tacmc.

Enjoy!

Azriel woke up as the early morning sunlight began streaming through the window, and this time, Elain was still sleeping soundly in his arms. He was careful not to move too much, careful not to wake her, but he couldn’t help brushing her hair back from her face and pressing his lips softly to her neck.

She stirred, but her eyes remained shut, her long, dark lashes pressed against her pale skin.

He snaked his arm tighter around her as he trailed those lips further down her neck, her shoulder, her back. His head went beneath the blankets as Elain stirred, yet again, and rolled onto her back. When she opened her eyes and lifted the blanket, she found Azriel, hair a mess, laying over her legs, his arms wrapped around her waist, his chin propped on her abdomen.

“Good morning,” he whispered, pressing his mouth to her skin, just below her belly button.

“If that’s how you’re planning on waking me up every morning, they’ll all be good,” she laughed quietly, brown eyes still tired.

He pressed another kiss to her belly and then to the top of her sex, earning a quiet gasp from Elain, but instead he trailed his lips up to her own, laying over her and kissing her softly. His weight pressed her into the mattress, but Elain had no intentions of going anywhere. “How’d you sleep?”

“Amazing,” she said, a content smile on her face. “Better than I have as far back as I can remember.”

“Me too,” he mumbled, capturing her lips with his again. They stayed like that for a while, losing themselves in each other’s arms, each other’s kisses, each other’s love. It was like the world was frozen outside and it was just the two of them.

And then Azriel’s stomach grumbled.

Elain pulled away and giggled. “Are you hungry?”

“Starving,” he breathed, then arched a brow. “I had a long night, full of exercise.”

“Exercise,” she repeated, and giggled as she ran her hands through his hair. “Why don’t we get ready and go to your mom’s for breakfast?”

He groaned and dropped his forehead against her chest. “I’ve been dying for mom’s pancakes, hell yes.”

She laughed and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “And we need to go pick up our son,” she said, carefully, gauging his reaction.

He lifted his head and looked up at her, hazel eyes shimmering. “Our son…” he breathed. He swallowed hard and smiled. “I know we need to wait to tell him, and I understand why, but gods... I want him to know.”

“Me too,” she whispered, and easily rolled him over. Azriel fell back against the blankets and she straddled his waist, her hands splayed across his chest. Her delicate fingers trailed across his skin until they were wiping the dampness from under his eyes. “Soon.”

Azriel brought himself up and wrapped his arms around her before kissing her, softly. “I’ll be patient.”

She ran her fingers through his messy hair and pushed it back off of his face and kissed his nose. “I need a shower.”

“Is that an invitation?” He said with a breathy chuckle, trailing his lips down her neck.

She wet her lips, tilting her head to the side and giving him better access. Yet she said, “We can’t,” even as her fingers dug into his shoulders.

“We can,” Azriel whispered, gripping her hips and grinding her up and down against his hard length, always present in the mornings. “What’s stopping us? Hmm?”

A quiet, little moan fell from Elain’s lips and she said, “No, we need to get ready and go.”

He gripped her chin and forced her gaze to meet his. With add eyebrow raised, his voice was a purr as he breathed, “Did you just tell daddy no?”

Elain’s grin widened and she pushed against his chest, but fell into him, nonetheless. She met his lips with her own as Azriel swung them both off the bed. Her legs easily wrapped around his waist as he trailed them into the master bathroom. He never let go of her as he started the shower and stepped inside, beneath the hot water.

With her pressed up against the cool, tiled wall, Azriel made love to her slowly, until she was moaning those sweet nothings, those names that made him wild.

And when they were done, and washed, then hopped out and slowly got ready - there were too many distractions.

It didn’t matter what Azriel was doing, he would always be hopelessly distracted by Elain.

A little over two hours after they woke up, they climbed into Elain’s little car and headed to Miryam’s. Azriel entered without knocking like he always had and he found his mother at the stove, the smell of bacon and eggs and butter surrounding him. Elain just shook her head as she ascended the stairs to wake Donovan. Azriel pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Please tell me you’re making pancakes, too,” he asked, stealing a broken piece of bacon from the top of the pile.

He loved Miryam’s cooking. She was modest about it, but she was undoubtedly the best cook Azriel had ever met. Luckily, he was blessed enough to be her son.

Miryam turned around, completely surprised. “Az? What are you doing here? Not that it’s not a lovely surprise, but I wasn’t expecting to see you.”

“I can’t stop by for breakfast?” He joked, turning around and pouring both himself and Elain a cup of coffee.

“Of course, I guess it’s a good thing I made extra,” she chuckled.

“Extra?” Elain asked, coming around the corner with a sleepy Novan, his thumb in his mouth. It was a habit Elain had tried to break, but there were days where there was nothing she could do to keep it out of his mouth.

The back door opened and Cassian said, “Holy shit, the door didn’t creak,” as he stepped into the kitchen.

“You’re welcome for that,” Azriel said, handing Elain her cup of coffee.

Nesta followed Cassian into the house and froze. “What the fu-.”

Elain interrupted and said, “Little ears.”

“Sorry,” she said, looking at Elain, and then back to Azriel. “Shouldn’t you be in jail?”

Feyre and Rhys were a step behind and Rhysand asked, “Az, what the hell happened the other morning? Where did you go?”

It was chaotic and Azriel’s eyes were wide as he looked from person to person. Everyone was staring at him expectantly. He paused and took a drink of his coffee before saying, “Why don’t we get our breakfast and sit down and then you can all berate me with questions.”

“Don’t say that unless you mean it,” Miryam sang. Azriel just shot her a look, but that look quickly faded as he turned to look at Novan, who was looking up at Azriel, his head resting on Elain’s shoulder.

“Hi, buddy,” he said, quietly.

Novan yawned before replying, “Hi, hi.”

Azriel chuckled before turning to face Nesta, who looked like she wanted to set him on fire with her eyes. Azriel stilled, and cleared his throat before joining the others in line with a plate.

The room was nearly silent as everyone loaded their plates up and Miryam made pancake after pancake. When everyone had sat down and Miryam had placed a smiley face pancake in front of Novan before taking her own seat, Azriel said, “Who’s first?” Miryam, Cass, Nesta and Feyre all began talking at once. Only one person politely raised a finger, indicating he would like to speak. “Rhys, go ahead.”

Rhys asked the same question. “Where did you go when you left the police station? Your truck was still at that bar when I drove past at lunch.”

With a shrug, Azriel said, “I wasn’t kidding when I said I wanted the fresh air. I decided to just walk back to the hotel instead of the bar. They were setting up breakfast when I got in, so I decided to have a cup of coffee, but then I sat there for a while.”

“How long is a while?” Feyre asked, possibly the first thing she’d said to him that didn’t sound angry or pitied.

“An hour and half, give or take. But then I went back up to my room and I found that I had a guest.” Azriel’s eyes flicked to Elain, who blushed and continued cutting up Novan’s pancake. He was happily eating the blueberry smile while she did so.

No one said a word.

All of them were looking between Azriel and Elain - all but Cassian, who was still stuffing his face.

“Wait a minute,” Nesta said, at last. Elain wouldnt meet her gaze. After she finished cutting up Novan’s pancake, she glanced beside her at Azriel before nibbling on a piece of bacon. “You,” Nesta went on, pointing at Elain, “how did you get into his room? Why were you in his room?”

“I was making sure he was okay,” she replied, voice light, although she still wouldn’t meet her older sister's gaze.

“Is that why you didn’t text me back until last night?” Feyre asked, her eyebrows nearly to her hairline. “You were with him all day?”

“I must admit, Azriel,” Miryam cut in. “As happy as I was to see you, I wasn’t expecting you until much later in the day. Especially considering your evening before.” She gave him a sidelong glance that said they would be having a stern conversation later. He averted his eyes and cleared his throat.

The silence in the room built. Finally, Az glanced at Elain and then back to everyone before he said, “Cass didn’t tell you guys I was at Elain’s last night?”

As one, Miryam, Nesta and Feyre said “Last night?!”

Cassian paused with his fork full of pancakes to his mouth, still stuffed from his last bite. He shrugged and mumbled, “I didn’t think it was that big of a deal.”

Nesta smacked him a few times but then Novan asked, “So you guys had a sleepover?”

Elain choked on a piece of bacon as Azriel nodded, slowly. “Yeah, buddy.”

His eyes lit up. “I love sleepovers!”

Elain, having collected herself, smiled and patted Novan’s hand. Then, she looked at Nesta pointedly. “Let’s not talk about this right now. Cassian is right. It’s not a big deal.”

“It’s not?” Azriel frowned.

Elain’s eyes softened. “That’s not what I meant.”

The room got quiet for a moment and then Feyre asked quietly, “So does that mean you’re…back together?”

Elain was staring at her plate when she felt Azriel’s scarred fingers brush against hers in her lap. She glanced up at him, into his kind eyes, and she could see the truth of his words there.

I’m sorry.

I love you.

I’m not going anywhere.

She looked over at Novan, who was still focused on his pancake, and then back to Azriel and around to her family. She nodded once.

Azriel’s shoulders sagged as his hand around hers tightened. Nesta’s lips also tightened, but Miryam was smiling, softly.

“Well,” Cassian began, his mouth full. “Personally, I’m happy for the two of you.”

“Me too,” Rhysand agreed, but he was watching Elain, carefully.

Elain and Azriel were watching each other though, having their own little silent, comforting conversation. He smiled at her and she blushed as his thumb rubbed circles into the back of her hand.

Nesta stood and tossed her napkin over her plate, a hand clamped over her mouth. She rushed to the bathroom and they heard the door slam shut.

Miryam looked over her shoulder to where Nesta had run off. She turned back to Cassian who was still eating. He didn’t even look up at his mother, knowing her eyes were on him. “She won’t let me in. I’ve tried.”

“Cassian, she’s pregnant-.”

“You think I don’t know that?” He asked, taking a drink of his coffee. “I’ve spent hours knocking on the bathroom door, listening to her puke in the mornings. She will not let me in to- where are you going?”

He was looking at Elain who’d stood. “I’m going to check on her. She’ll let me in.”

Cassian scoffed. “Good luck.” They heard a quiet knock on the door and then it opened and closed again. “Are you kidding me?” He asked. “It’s my baby inside of her.”

“Yeah, you’re not very comforting in times of need,” Rhysand muttered.

Cassian shot him a vulgar gesture, and it was only when Novan repeated the gesture that Miryam was scolding him.

“So,” Miryam went on, after telling Cassian to knock it off. “Are you going to tell us what happened?”

Feyre seconded that notion.

“Starting when?” Azriel mumbled, taking another bite.

“How about from the time you walked in and found her in your hotel room?” Rhys asked.

Feyre asked, “How did she even manage to pull that off?”

Azriel cut another bite from his stack of pancakes and said, “She told them she was my girlfriend and she came to surprise me. They didn’t even ask for any proof.” He pointed his forkful of pancakes at Cassian. “If Elain was planning to murder me, you probably could have charged that girl working the front desk with accessory to murder.” He finally ate his pancakes, raising an eyebrow at Cassian.

“Did you two have sex, Azriel?”

He nearly choked, turning to look at his mother, just like both of his brothers did.

“Mom,” Azriel said, after he managed to swallow his food. “Really?” He glanced at Novan, who was humming to himself and playing with his tiny dinosaur figurines while he ate, completely oblivious to the conversation going on around him.

Miryam shrugged. “It’s a valid question, considering.”

“True,” Rhysand agreed.

“I’d like to know the answer,” Feyre followed.

Cassian was still stuffing his face with food, his eyes going back and forth between all of them.

Azriel blinked a couple of times, stammering. “I’m an adult.”

“You’re still the baby,” Rhys said. Feyre and Miryam nodded.

He cleared his throat. “I plead the fifth.”

Rhys rolled his eyes. “Overruled.”

“Meme, can I have more juice, pease?” Novan picked up his cup and held it out.

“Of course, sweetie,” Miryam said, standing and kissing the top of his head. She looked at all of them. “This conversation is on hold.”

Azriel sighed, taking another drink of his coffee.

Elain returned and said, “Nesta will be out in just a minute. I gave her some ginger tablets to soothe her stomach.” She sat down and began eating again, before noticing the quiet in the room. “What?”

Miryam came back from the kitchen and set Novan’s sippy cup in front of him. “Okay, Azriel, answer the question, please?”

“What question?” She asked.

“Whether or not you two had sex,” Miryam said, sitting back in her chair.

Elain gaped, then quickly looked to Novan, who was not intrigued with his juice. “Why are we talking about this at the breakfast table?”

“Because mom is nosey,” Azriel muttered. “So are the other three adults at this table.”

“Mothers tits,” Cassian mumbled through his food.

“Language!” Elain shrieked.

“Of course they had sex,” Cassian continued, continuing to eat as he talked. “A lot, judging by how red Elain’s face is.”

Elain sputtered before putting her face in her hands and groaning. “This is not breakfast talk.”

Azriel cleared his throat. “Can we all stop talking about Elain and I’s....romantic life?”

The bathroom door opened from down the hall and an exhausted Nesta plopped back down next to Cassian. “Sorry. What’d I miss?”

“Mama and Azriel had sex,” Novan said, having no idea what he was saying, but clearly proud of himself for contributing to the conversation, as he used his fork to scoot pieces of his leftover pancakes around his syrup covered plate.

Nesta's eyes opened wide and she demanded, “In front of him?”

“Of course not!” Elain groaned. “He stayed here last night.”

“Can we drop this conversation, please?” Azriel mumbled, his face pressed into his hands, muffling his words. “I want to die right now.”

“Good.”

Azriel removed the hands from his face and looked across the table.

Cassian rested his hand on her arm and quietly said, “Nes.”

“No,” she bit out, not looking at him, not taking her eyes off of Azriel. “You don’t just get to waltz back in here and act like you didn’t destroy her when you walked away from her. You don’t get to come back and pick up right back where you left off.” The room was silent. Elain was biting her lip and it was clear she was trying not to cry. “You didn’t have to deal with the fallout. You weren’t here when she’d wake up in the middle of the night shaking, crying so hard that she’d get physically sick. You weren’t here when she found out she was pregnant. You weren’t here when we had to admit her to-.”

“That’s enough, Nesta,” Elain whispered, tightly clutching Azriel’s hand under the table.

“Like hell it is,” she snapped. “He deserves to know what he did to you.”

“Then he deserves to hear it from me,” she said, looking up at her, tears shimmering on her face.

She opened her mouth to reply, but Cassian said, “Sweetheart,” and she looked down at him. “Now's not the time.”

Azriel pushed himself back from the table, his hand falling away from Elain’s.

All eyes were on him as he said, his voice low, “I have to use the restroom.”

It was a lie, they all knew it, but it didn’t stop him from numbly padding down the hallway and locking himself in the bathroom. He turned on the sink, just for the noise, as he braced his hands on the porcelain, his knuckles turning white.

He had it coming.

He deserved Nesta’s wrath.

He deserved the hateful words, deserved to know the truth, even though the truth would surely destroy him.

He deserved to be destroyed.

Excuses aside, he had walked out on Elain, and now he was back to see just what damage he’d caused. He let the water run as he wept, as he tried to control his anger and self loathing and failed.

He could hear raised voices in the other room, could hear that one of them was Elain’s and he could only assume the other belonged to Nesta. His head hung in shame as he knew Elain was out there defending him, regardless of the fact that he deserved the hatred he saw when he looked in Nesta’s eyes. It was the same thing he saw when he looked in his own.

Hatred. Disappointment. Anger. Pity. Regret.

These were the things he saw when he looked in the mirror every day. The things he saw when he looked up and gazed at his reflection. And it made him sick.

Without thinking, he pulled his fist back and slammed it into the reflective surface. It shattered, shards ricocheting across the small, tiled bathroom. All other sounds in the house ceased. Azriel stared at his fist, watching as blood welled along knuckles.

There was a frantic knocking at the door. “Az, baby? Are you okay?”

He blinked a few times, hesitating to let her in, but he promised. He promised he’d be there, and that included the hard times. Even when the hard times were his own.

He opened the door and she took in the tears streaming down his face and the blood dripping from his hand.

She stilled, her face going pale. Azriel opened his mouth but nothing came out. What was there to say? He’d repeated himself over and over and over again, and it wasn’t good enough.

It was never good enough.

So, he said the same thing he had said a million times already. “I’m sorry.”

His voice was a broken, miserable whisper, and Elain’s eyes fell as she took Azriel into her arms, holding the back of his head as he buried his face into her neck. His arms wrapped around her, tightly around her waist, careful not to get his bloodied mess on her sweater.

He sobbed, uncontrollably, hoping and praying that someone had taken Novan away during the chaos so that he didn’t have to see.

Azriel didn’t want Novan thinking any less of him than he probably already did.

The thought made him sob harder.

He just repeated his words, the mantra ringing truer and truer each time he said the words.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry.

Nesta had given up smoking when she was a teenager, but she hadn’t wanted a cigarette so damn badly in a long time.

Too bad she was pregnant.

Regardless, she sat on the swing on the front porch as far away from everyone as she could get.

Elain had never raised her voice with Nesta like she had today and Nesta had never yelled at Elain like she had. Nesta had never spoken her mind so freely either. She couldn’t understand how everyone could just welcome Azriel back after everything he’d put Elain and Donovan through.

But the sound of glass shattering from across the house made everyone freeze, and Elain was out of the room, calling for Rhys to take Novan down the street to the park.

The screen door opened and Miryam stepped out, offering Nesta a mug.

“No caffeine,” she said, her words clipped. “Bad for the baby.”

Miryam chuckled, although her eyes remained sad. “It’s a good thing this is tea then.”

When Nesta didn’t reach for it, Miryam set the hot mug on the little table next to the swing then sat next to Nesta without waiting for an invitation.

“Want to talk about it?” Miryam asked, at last.

Nesta didn’t respond. No, she wanted to snap, but she couldn’t snap at Miryam even if she wanted to. Not when the woman had stepped in and become the closest thing to a mother since her own died.

Miryam sighed and leaned back in the swing, looking out at the vast, calm landscape. “You’re wondering how I could welcome back Azriel so quickly. How we all can.”

Nesta didn’t say a word. She wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of being correct, even if Miryam already knew she was right.

“You have a right to be mad, Nesta,” Miryam said, quietly. “And you have a right to be scared.”

Nesta shook her head, slowly. “You were there. You saw Elain after he left, how broken she was.”

“Yes,” Miryam agreed. “I was. I did. I also hardly spoke to my youngest son for four years, my son who I was close to, because he was so deep in his self-loathing once he ran away.”

Nesta’s lips snapped shut and she turned her face away.

“I won’t excuse what he did, because it was wrong,” Miryam went on. “He shouldn’t have left. But, there’s one thing you need to know about Azriel, and it’s that he feels things a lot differently than his brothers. He feels too much. His life before us was…we don’t talk about it, but his self-worth has always been fragile because of it. When he was younger, he never handled his emotions correctly. When he felt too much, he hid, or he ran, like he just couldn’t help it.”

Drakon had found Azriel at the park with nothing but a suitcase packed with toys and snacks on more than one occasion.

Nesta shrugged a shoulder, although she neglected to meet Miryam’s gaze. “Doesn’t change the fact that he ruined my sister, who deserved a hell of a lot better.”

Miryam’s eyes softened. “Sweetheart, I haven’t seen the light shining in your sister’s eyes since Azriel left. Today, I saw that sparkle back in her eyes. If she was ruined, that light wouldn’t be shining anymore.”

Nesta swallowed hard. “What if he leaves again?”

“He won’t,” she said, and her voice was confident, even if it were soft.

“You don’t know that,” Nesta said, standing and beginning to pace, her tea forgotten on the table. Though her stomach was still flat, she placed a protective hand over it. “We never would have thought he would leave the first time, much less leave her at the altar.” Nesta’s eyes flashed as she looked above Miryam’s head and into the living room.

“Don’t you want Donovan to know his father?”

She looked back to a woman who’d become a mother figure for her. “Of course I do. I just want his father to be around without fucking my sister’s life up again.”

For a moment, Miryam said nothing, but then she said in the gentlest of voices, “I love Elain, too. I wouldn’t encourage a relationship with Azriel if I wasn’t sure his intentions were true. But when he looks at her, and when he looks at Novan... I know he means every promise that’s been coming out of his mouth.”

The screen door opened just a smidge and Cassian stuck his head out. “Glass is cleaned up.”

Miryam smiled sadly. “Thank you. How is he?”

“With Elain upstairs.” It wasn’t necessarily an answer to the question that was asked, but it was an answer, nonetheless.

Cassian looked at Nesta, noted the stubborn crease between her brows, and went back inside.

Miryam laid a hand on Nesta’s knee. “You don’t have to forgive him today. You don’t have to ever forgive him, but give him a chance. Let him prove himself before you write him off.” Nesta only nodded, unable to promise she’d do that. “I’m going to check on Azriel, but are you okay?”

She closed her eyes and sighed. She hadn’t realized, had no way of knowing, but Miryam had come to check on her before she’d even gone to see her own son. Without saying anything, Nesta wrapped her arms around her soon to be mother-in-law.

Miryam’s arms tightened around her, an answer to her silent request for the comfort she’d never received from her own mother.