#though actually that gives me a brain blast for a weak plot thing I’ve been trying to fill for YEARS

[cloudbatcave]

Allows myself to concept one (1) new OC because technically I already had their idea in mind as it ties to another OC of mine, I just didn’t have a name or personality for them.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 294: A Half-Assed Escape

Previously on BnHA: Mirio was all “SURPRISE I’M BACK THANKS TO OUR RESIDENT SEVEN-YEAR-OLD WHO RECENTLY EARNED HER BACHELOR’S OF BEING A TOTAL BADASS.” Kacchan was all, “you know what, Dabi’s been trending long enough, time to remind the fandom what a real G looks like,” and he blasted his little bleeding body back into the fray and was all “FROM HERE ON OUT CALL ME DYNAMIGHT!!” Mirio was all, “AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... oh, you’re serious,” and Kacchan was all “!!”, and so that’s the story of how my son got murdered twice in one day. Meanwhile in the Todoroki Drama Zone, Deku was all “STOP MURDERING MY FRIEND” and Dabi was all “THAT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS” and fandom had a whole big debate about Whether Or Not Dabi Trying To Murder Deku’s Friends And Mentors Is Any Of Deku’s Business, which went exactly how you think it went. Anyway, so then Deku yelled at Dabi, and Endeavor was all moved by his manly words and randomly went to go uppercut Machia in the chin. And, seeing as how the Momoserum finally chose that exact moment to kick in, Machia is now down for the count.

Today on BnHA: The Miriosquad handles the Nearly High End Noumus, freeing up Jeanist to jasphyxiate (okay that one doesn’t really work so well) the rest of the League. Compress is all “TIME FOR THIS MILD-MANNERED SIDE CHARACTER VILLAIN TO SHINE”, except that by “shine” what he actually means is “use his quirk to punch a literal hole right through his own ass to free himself.” The rest of the chapter is basically just a back and forth between him and Jeanist, with Jeanist trying to recapture him, and Compress repeatedly thwarting him by chopping more holes out of himself because HE’S FRESH OUT OF FUCKS, AND THE ONES AT THE STORE ARE ALL SOLD OUT, MOTHERFUCKERS. Anyway, so with Compress basically dying and all, Horikoshi is all “you know what that means”, and delivers a freshly-baked villain flashback revealing that Compress is a descendant of Harima Ouji, a.k.a. the Peerless Thief, a.k.a. some famous guy whom Gentle mentioned this one time for like two seconds back in the day. The chapter ends with Compress finally demasking himself and dumping Tomura back onto the ground, a.k.a. The Worst Possible Place For Tomura To Be. ( •﹏•)

WHY IS CRUST HERE YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD

-- OH WAIT, SHIT. OH

AIZAWAAAA you’re alive and receiving medical help thank GOD. HOW MANY EYES DO YOU HAVE. AND MIRKO!! HOW MANY LIMBS DO YOU HAVE, OMG

so is this Aizawa dreaming about Crust’s final moments, then?? jesus. with All Due Respect to Crust’s memory, does Aizawa not already have enough misplaced guilt on his conscience as it is?? “nope, we’re gonna keep piling it on. that’s all he is now. three limbs, an indeterminate number of eyes, sexy hair, and Guilt” well shit

motherfucker y’all really out here placing an oxygen mask on Gran Torino’s corpse. fucking shounen characters. each one comes with a lifetime warranty

DAMN YOU HORIKOSHI WHY DO YOU KEEP SHOWING THESE CLOSE-UPS OF HAWKS’S UNCONSCIOUS FACE ALL WHUMPED OUT AND EXHAUSTED. HOW MUCH MORE OF THIS ARE WE GOING TO GET. ARE YOU PLANNING ON KILLING ME WITH THE UPCOMING CONVALESCENCE ARC, BECAUSE IF SO, AT LEAST HAVE THE DECENCY TO TELL ME AHEAD OF TIME SO I CAN MAKE A WILL

for a moment I considered going back and checking my previous recaps to count how many times I’ve already made a joke about Dabi’s fire incinerating Hawks’s wings but not touching so much as a hair on his five o’clock shadow, so that I could calculate whether or not I could possibly get away with making that same joke one more time. but then I realized I could just do it in this kind of roundabout way I’m doing right now instead. so there you have it

FFFFFFFMT LADY AND MIDNIGHT NOOOOO

PLEASE BE ALIVE. PLEASE RESPECT THE SIGN ON THE FRONT OF THE BUILDING. THE ONE THAT SAYS “NO LADY CHARACTERS ALLOWED TO DIE”, WITH THE FINE PRINT AT THE BOTTOM “AT LEAST NOT UNTIL HORIKOSHI GIVES US LIKE TWENTY-SIX MORE OF THEM FIRST IF THAT’S THE WAY HE WANTS TO PLAY IT.” IT’S A GOOD SIGN, PLEASE RESPECT ITS WISHES!!

so anyway though, Jeanist is giving a speech about how god knows how many people all worked together to bring Machia down. and now RHA is getting in on those fabric puns too, I see. “A SINGLE STRAND MAY BE THIN BUT TOGETHER THEY FORM A STRONG ROPE” oh so you think you guys are funny eh? I’m a frayed knot

MEANWHILE EXCUSE ME BUT WHY ARE YOU FUCKING CRYING BLOOD, HOLY SHIT

fffffff. so much for him taking over as the Number One once all this is over. so let’s just recap real quick, because Horikoshi has long since made it clear that one of his plot goals for this arc is to wipe out every single member of the Billboard Top Ten. so how we doin?

Endeavor - was just figuratively eviscerated in front of the entire nation by his homicidal zombiepunk son. also burnt half to death and possibly down a lung. will almost certainly be forced to retire after this one way or the other

Hawks - lying prettily in a medical tent. wings status: gone. hair status: still perfect

Jeanist - WELL I THOUGHT HE WAS FINE BUT APPARENTLY HE’S OUT HERE DYING, JESUS CHRIST

Edgeshot - MIA, last seen fighting Re-Destro. I really want him to have kicked RD’s ass because fuck that guy, but realistically they probably fought to a draw at best

Mirko - alive but in critical condition and missing something like 1.5 limbs

Crust - dead, currently haunting Aizawa’s traumatized dreams. now he’s gonna be triggered the rest of his life by people giving him the thumbs up, THANKS A LOT

Kamui Woods - was set on fire which is His Weakness. thoughts and prayers

Wash - last seen floating hospital patients to safety as Tomura’s wave of decay descended towards him. probably dead ffff

Old Man Samurai - haven’t seen this fucker in a hot minute, who even knows where he’s wandered off to

Ryuukyuu - currently being treated for her wounds, looked pretty bad off. but it’s hard to tell how hurt she is since most of the injuries were acquired in her transformed state. SHE BETTER GET WELL SOON

anyways, so yeah. so much for the top ten. guess that’s another reason Horikoshi brought Mirio back now, huh

so there’s a big panel of everyone fighting the Noumu while Machia lies there all “blurgh.” good riddance my dude. it took like twenty chapters and a hundred people to stop this guy so I really fucking hope he stays down. you’ve had your fun

anyway so Jeanist is sending another steel thread towards Dabi! and he’s all “just a bit more!!” fklklj this is gonna go real well isn’t it

meanwhile Mirio’s fighting a Nearly High End with all of these weird rock formations jutting out of its skin. go on and kick his ass then, Mirio

“each of these guys is probably just as strong as the Noumu from Kyuushuu” hold on I thought Ujiko or Tomura or someone said that wasn’t the case? not that Mirio would know I suppose. anyways let’s just hope he’s wrong cuz if not these kids are probably screwed

kLSDKFHLSKHGLKLK OH MY GODDDD

IIDA FUCKING TENYA YOU’RE A PEACH. THINKS THE NAME IS OUTRAGEOUS, CHECK. USES IT ANYWAY, CHECK. “JUST BECAUSE I DON’T UNDERSTAND DOESN’T MEAN I CAN’T BE SUPPORTIVE.” WHAT A CLASS ACT

AND KACCHAN IS RESPONDING WITH AS MUCH DIGNITY AS HE CAN MUSTER

WOW, SON. IT’S ALMOST AS THOUGH YOU HAVE A HOLE IN YOUR TORSO, OR SOMETHING!! although listen up, real talk, the fact that Kacchan of all people can’t muster the energy to yell at someone questioning his ability to kick ass is HIGHKEY troubling and we may be in need of an intervention here soon :/

now Jeanist is finally turning his attention to the League! was... was it not already on the League. omg

ACTUAL SCREAMING AHHHHHH FUCK FUCKLK LK AHHLKHKFFFF

hey so um. what the actual fucked up hell. my soul left my body. imagine if you saw the reflection of this panel on your bedroom window. you would never sleep again

OKAY RHA TRANSLATORS ARE YOU HAVING YOURSELF A LAUGH AGAIN

THIS CANNOT BE WHAT HE’S ACTUALLY SAYING RIGHT. BUT IT’S RIGHT IN THAT UNCANNY VALLEY OF NOT BEING QUITE SURE, THOUGH... (　ﾟдﾟ)

(ETA: just a next-day clarification here, apparently my sleep-deprived ADHD word-skipping brain completely skipped right over the “a” in that last panel, so what I read was, “and Shigaraki’s limp noodle.” so yeah, the moral of this story is always read the speech bubble carefully before you start making running jokes throughout the rest of your post, folks.)

oh wow he’s really freaking out lmao

to be fair though, I’d argue that Dabi has gotten pre-tty close at this point :’) thrilled for him, really I am

but anyway, well then figure something out you big dramatic robot-armed fiend. didn’t you just say you could touch your own ass? can you not just Compress yourself to break free?? does it not work on you? or would you be stuck afterwards lol

(ETA: I was picturing him compressing his entire body at once, not just chunks of it. ghhhlkh.)

um

holy shit Jeanist. are you stupidly trying to cut off their air, or are you going for more of a sleeper hold (jleeper hold??) thing instead. the latter would be way smarter and faster and probably safer as well just saying

but unless Spinner is just being super dramatic, it sure looks like he’s fucking strangling them djslkjlk. this will certainly cement his popularity among the villain stans. good thing you’re not running for office any time soon bud

anyway so I have no idea what these guys are trying to do now. what is this

do you even have till the count of 5 at this rate. I mean

OH MY GOODNESS

HE’S REALLY FUCKING DOING IT!! HE’S COMPRESSING HIS BUTT!! OMFG. TOMURA HIDE YOUR NOODLE!!!

WHAT THE FUCK

DID YOU COMPRESS A PIECE OF YOUR OWN ASS. FUCKING WHAT. PUT THIS MAN’S PICTURE IN THE DICTIONARY NEXT TO THE WORD “LOYALTY”, HOLY CRAP

HOLY SHIT COMPRESS

“HOLY SHIT DID THAT GUY JUST PUNCH A HOLE THROUGH HIS OWN ASS IN ORDER TO SAVE HIS VILLAIN PALS. FUCK IT, HE DESERVES TO ESCAPE”

jeez, talk about... A HALF-ASSED ESCAPE ATTEMPT :D :D :D hahaha. but real talk though, Horikoshi has clearly never tried to leap twelve feet straight up in the air multiple times in succession with only half his glutes though. everyone, I regret to inform you that this panel right here on the left may be slightly unrealistic

also where the hell is he going to go?? did you pack a jetpack away in one of those little marbles sir. and what about Dabi?? and Skeptic too, I guess, but we don’t really care about Skeptic

(ETA: at this point I had to stop reading for about two hours because I had to go out and take care of something; that’s also why this is being posted later than usual lol. anyways so where were we.)

oh my lord

the existence of a translator’s note here implies that the earlier line about Compress being able to reach Tomura’s junk was not, in fact, ad-libbed. hmm. hmmmmmmmm

anyway so now he’s grabbing Compress again because OF COURSE HE IS, so now we’re right back to square one! except now Tomura and Spinner are secured inside of little marbles, and presumably Compress is the only one who can release them

oh nevermind he’s just maiming himself again instead, SHEESH

Skeptic a man is dying please have some goddamn respect

so, uh. is he gonna die, though??

I really can’t tell wtf is going on here, this is the most confusing the art has been in a while. Horikoshi put all of his spoons into that creepyass close-up panel earlier, that bastard

OMG WHAT ARE YOU SERIOUS

DON’T FUCKING TELL ME THE “COMPRESS IS RELATED TO THIS THIEF GUY FROM OLDEN TIMES” THEORY IS ACTUALLY TRUE WHAAAAAAT. OH SHIT

so apparently Harima was a Robin Hood type guy who stole from... heroes?? wtf. are heroes the 1% in this scenario. y’all didn’t have any Fortune 500 CEOs to steal from?

THAT’S THE BLOOD THAT FLOWS THROUGH YOU, OH SHIT. and in a related oh shit, the fact that we are getting a Compress flashback now of all times doesn’t bode super well for him. ffff

MEANWHILE THE TODOROKIS ARE STILL TODOROKI-ING

listen here boy if you touch one freaking hair on Shouto’s candy cane head I swear to god --

WHAT DID I FUCKING SAY!!!

SHOUTO NOOOOOO. WTF YOU’RE LITERALLY THE ONE GUY WHOSE WEAKNESS IS ABSOLUTELY NOT SUPPOSED TO BE FIRE. DABI YOU SHIT, YOU BETTER WATCH YOURSELF!! I’M PRINTING OUT A COPY OF THAT COMPRESS PANEL!!! KEEP AN EYE OUT ON THAT BEDROOM WINDOW YOU PUNK!!!

SO NOW POOR SHOUTO IS UNCONSCIOUS AND FALLING!! SOMEONE SAVE HIM!! WHO CATCHES THE CATCHER

COMPRESS LITERALLY HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE RIGHT NOW, WHAT IS HAPPENING

PLEASE DON’T CALL TOMURA LEADER OF THE “PLF” YOU KNOW I CAN’T TAKE IT SERIOUSLY WHEN YOU DO THAT. ARE YOU DYING. ARE YOU JUST A FUCKING HEAD NOW WTF

(ETA: “masks are removable, makeste” you know what it’s been a long day okay lmao. or I suppose Compress is really the one who is lmao.)

GASPPPPPP

okay. okay. looooool okay then

WHY WERE YOU COVERING THIS SEXY MOP OF HAIR UNDER THAT HOOD YOU TOOL. IT WOULD HAVE LOOKED SO GOOD WITH THE TOP HAT. I’M SO MAD AT YOU RIGHT NOW

as if it wasn’t enough for him to demask himself, he also had to get all shirtless and then do this weird attempt at a sexypose too huh

hard to say exactly how much of his torso is currently missing, but safe to say that’s proooooooobably not good. :///// fuck

on the other hand, Kacchan also has a torso hole and he’s still flying around like he just drank a dozen red bulls, so

this man lost his ass and he’s still out here monologuing like it’s the last two minutes of The Prestige. one might say he is monologuing his ass off

so he let Spinner and Tomura free, but is Dabi still trapped in his marble?? wasn’t he all on fire and stuff?? hopefully he can still turn off his quirk in there because if not that’s a pretty fucked up way to die. somewhere out there Snatch’s ghost is all “YEAH I’LL SAY.” oh how the turntables

last but not least, sooooooo. Tomura. back on the ground. that’s. um. ...shiiiiiiiit

[overanalysingfandoms]

How I would rewrite Teen Titans

I'm not actually probably going to write this, this would just be the direction I would have taken the show if I had the choice.

My version will have 6 seasons and 2 movies.

Season 1

The exact same, only maybe have Robin and Starfire get together at the end.

I don't really have any major problems with this season

Season 2

Pretty much the same except build up Raven's friendship with Beast boy more e.g. show her supporting him after Terra's gone both times or have her have a moment with him in Titan rising.

Season 3

Oh boy. A lot. I want to change a lot. First of all I want the tone to be a lot more like Deception. Have both Robin and Starfire as his secondaries instead of switching it to just Robin, so they balance eachother out with Robin being harsh and arguing with Cyborg while Starfire is gentle and supportive with him even though she isn't happy about his decision, this would also mean Robin and Starfire's relationship could be built up and tested, whether or not they're dating.

Second of all, motivations, this is my main problem with the season, I think it would have been far better with better motivations from the main hero and villian. Brother Blood has so much potential but since he has such vague motivations and we don't know what he wants he becomes far less interesting, they tried to recreate the Slade and Robin dynamic and it really didn't work. So I would have Blood less focused on Cyborg and more focused on his crime school before beginning to get more annoyed at the Titans for getting rid of his schools. I would have his main motivation to be something generic but believable like using his students to take over the world and using Cyborg as a stepping stone to do it. As for Cyborg I would use the theme they originally introduced in Deception, his struggle with his robot and human sides, and not have it resolved in one episode but rather the whole season, take away his whole 'I want to be a leader' thing and Brother Blood being 'his villian" and instead have him join the Titans East to get back his blueprints which wouldn't be retrieved in Wavelength.

Also have more focus on the og Titans when Cyborg's away to show how it's effecting them.

I would also have Sarah Simms show up at some point in this season and cut out the thing with Jinx in Deception and Sarasimm in Cyborg the Barbarian later on, make it one sided. Maybe have had Cyborg argue with Sarah at the start and be reminded of her by Sarasimm so he goes back to apologise.

That was long, sorry, there's just so much wasted potential in Season 3.

Season 4

Make this season 5. Now this is a massive change but it would be so much better, season 5 felt very anticlimactic after season 4, so if it is instead put before season 4, with a few tweaks it would work a lot better. This would also mean the stakes would be raised each season.

So the changes, so many to make.

First of all have the same episode structure as all the other seasons, some plot, some filler, it's just a better format.

Secondly make the Brotherhood of evil smaller and also have the main villians be on a council instead of the Brain ruling them all (think V.I.L.E. from Carmen Sandiego) this will add more spice to the villians as the brain being the main villian with everyone else as his got boring due to his utter lack of charisma.

Make the Doom Patrol come later on in the season.

Have newer Titans show up in more than one episode to allow them to develop friendships with eachother and so the team up at the end of the season feels more natural. Season 5's finale would also come as more of an emotional gut punch if we saw all the other teams frozen after Trigon takes over.

Season 5

I wouldn't change a huge amount, just a few little tweaks.

Have more emphasis on Slade and I still don't want to redeem him, I think he should stay bad.

Make Raven and possibly Trigon less powerful. I know this sounds strange but a problem I've always had with season 4 is how it treated the other Titans, except from Robin they were mostly didn't do anything about the plot. Have them at least do some damage to Slade and the army when they show up at the tower so they don't seem really weak for example have them used against eachother and defeated one by one so they seem less useless.

Also have the powers Raven has given them have a small effect on Trigon, which gives them some hope (this could be mentioned by Robin in his later conversationwith Raven)

Put more emphasis on Raven's relationship with Beast Boy and have him be another secondary who she comes to for comfort, giving the penny and beast form more meaning later on.

I would also have Starfire, Beast boy and Cyborg have to team up together to beat each of their evil selves instead of just switching.

For defeating Trigon I have a few very specific ideas, have Raven try to defeat him on her own but fail in the final blast in her speech but then look at the penny, take her friends hands as they stand in a circle and all say Azerath Metrion Zinthos together, emitting a huge wave of white light and defeating Trigon together, Raven later saying she couldn't have done it without them.

Also during the start of the second part of the finale have a montage of everyone else frozen in stone before going back to the Titans.

That was a lot for just a few tweaks but oh well.

Season 6

The Starfire season, yay.

Now, I'm not entirely sure what I would do for this season but I have a vague outline and a few ideas.

Have the season focus on Starfire with both Robin and Raven as her secondaries with a subplot about Raven and Beast Boy.

I would have Slade come back working for the Gordanians as a mercenary who has been told to come to Earth and recapture Starfire for them as the first plot episode and the thing that kicks everything off because I just love this idea so much.

I would keep the same format as the rest of the series still, but maybe throw in a couple of space adventures.

I would have a more deep exploration of Tamaran's lore and culture as well as Blackfire's return, maybe as the season's main villian or working with the season's main villian or perhaps just for one episode but I think it would be good to have her back.

I would have the finale have the whole universe at stake, maybe giving the Gordanians or some other bigger alien race we're introduced to later on in the season (perhaps the Psions) have dalek like motivations of wanting to get rid of anything that isn't them and either Starfire or Tamaran is the key to this.

Slade once again doesn't redeem himself and gets away.

That's all I have for that.

Movie 1

Be like a Trouble in Tokyo but for Raven and Beast boy, I have no ideas apart from this.

Movie 2

Have a movie to wrap everything up with Slade.

Have all of the extended Titans help out on this with a focus on Jericho and Ravager.

Have a huge final battle with a lot of personal stakes and have Slade finally captured.

Have a cute little flash forward scene at the end, possibly with all the Titan's children taking over and showing how they've all grown.

Tada!!!

So that's the end and WOW did it take forever to write that.

Hope you enjoyed reading it and feel free to add anything on.

I might do more little rewrite things later, not as long as this bc this took me like half an hour but episodes or other shows or books because this was actually quite fun.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: The Sanderson Sisters

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

Ah, Hocus Pocus, everyone’s favorite campy Halloween cult classic. Objectively speaking, the movie is probably no better than a made-for-TV cheesy 90s Disney movie – and funnily enough, this film’s director would go on to make plenty more of those, seeing as he would do the High School Musical movies and The Descendants – as it has all the hokey writing, late 80s/early 90s cliches you’d expect, and some truly boring main characters.

But, thankfully, it has three of the most charismatic women you could imagine camping it up and firmly cementing their status as Halloween icons for all time: The Sanderson sisters, Winifred, Sarah, and Mary. These three are the reason this movie is held so near and dear to people’s hearts, and frankly, without them this movie would just plain suck. With them, it still sucks, but in a fun way, elevating it beyond “so bad it’s good” and into the realm of endearing camp alongside such masterpieces as Venom.

But enough of all this; just like when you’re watching the movie, you’re here for the girls, so let’s talk about them.

Actor: The leader of the bunch is Winifred, and she is played by Bette Midler. Bette Midler has called this her favorite role ever, and seeing how she acts in this, it really shows. A running theme with these three is that they just absolutely ham it up, and Bette Midler goes above and beyond with Winifred – she’s not just a ham, she’s the whole damn hog. In fact, in a lot of ways, she hogs the spotlight, what with her hamminess being so magnetic and the fact that she is clearly the brains of the operation. But that’s not to say the others are bad.

Sarah Jessica Parker plays… Sarah. Funny how that worked out. She is the hot and dumb one, and boy oh boy does she play that role to perfection, though of course she does manage to be creepy and sinister when the scene calls for it – that song of hers has become iconic for a reason.

Finally we come to Mary, played by none other than Peggy Hill herself, Kathy Najimy. Najimy does a great job, she plays her role well, but out of the three I feel like she has the most trouble standing out. Which isn’t to say she’s bad, far from it – she doesn’t have the bombastic personality of Winifred nor the complete ditziness of Sarah.

Here’s the thing, though: if any of these three weren’t here, or weren’t portrayed by these specific actresses, they’d fall apart, the movie would fall apart, game over man, game over! The film only works because these three have such great chemistry, such great interactions, and such great weirdness to them that if even one of them were gone or they just weren’t in synch, things would be a lot less fun.

Motivation/Goals: Like most evil witches in fiction, these three want children, specifically so that they can drain their vitality with a magic potion so that they can be young and powerful forever. This gets them hanged 300 years before the main story starts, and when they come back, they reuse this goal with a bit more urgency: they now need to drain the vitality from children before the sun rises and turns them to dust, as their resurrection is set to only last a single night otherwise. Frankly, the fact that their goal is killing and sucking the life out of children is the only thing that’s keeping the audience from rooting for them, because the actual protagonists of this film are so unremarkable and cliché that it’s pretty hard to want to see them stop the funny and charismatic witches,

Personality: Winifred is clearly the one who got all the brains, which makes sense as she is the leader. She’s a lot quicker on the uptake and realizes things more quickly than her ditzier sisters, as well as a lot more proactive and pragmatic in general. She does the spellcasting, she brews the potions, she just inhabits the role of leader naturally. It helps that of the three she has the most outwardly intimidating presence.

Mary is the middle child, and her personality is somewhere between the two sisters: she’s ditzy, but not to Sarah’s level, and she’s got some common sense and wits, but definitely not on Winifred’s level. This is kind of why I said she has a hard time sticking out personality-wise before, as she’s the epitome of the awkward middle child. However, she does excel at her role as a predatory child tracker, able to sniff out their victims with ease. It’s also implied, but not outright stated, that she’s a much bigger eater than her sisters; she is noticeably chunkier than the others, after all. And considering their diet… it’s definitely not a good idea to undersell that Mary is definitely a wicked witch.

Then we come to Sarah, who is an absolute ditz and the epitome of a dumb blonde… and yet, she is also one of the most dangerous, as she has a sort of siren-like power to draw children to her with her singing. In fact, while she does come off as a ditzy goofball for the most part, her interactions with children paint a rather… uncomfortable picture, one that reveals her true nature.

I think it’s worth noting that despite how ditzy both Mary and Sarah are, both of them also have the common sense to point out to Winifred that, when Sarah has called numerous children to their house, they really don’t need to bother with the protagonists anymore. In this moment, Winifred decides to reject common sense and go after them because one of the heroes called her ugly. It sort of highlights just how petty and irrational Winifred can be, and how despite her disdain for her sisters, she’s really not so different from them in the end. It’s also worth noting that Mary and Sarah, while clearly evil due to their association with Winifred, are actually pretty nice and mostly harmless otherwise, to the point where you could make a case that without Winifred around, they’d probably not be villains at all.

But if that were the case, we wouldn’t have a movie, and then we wouldn’t be here, huh?

Final Fate: Of course these three fail to suck out any vitality by sunrise, with Winifred’s stupid little vendetta damning her and her sisters. The rays of the sun turn Winifred to a statue and cause Sarah and Mary to explode, with Mary even getting a moment to wave goodbye in resigned sadness as she bursts into a dust cloud. After her sisters are gone, Winifred’s statue explodes spectacularly.

Best Scene: I don’t think there’s really anything that comes close to the sister’s spellbinding performance of “I Put a Spell On You,” at least in regards to all three of them together. I mean, if you get a singer like Bette Midler to star as a villain in your movie, why would you not have her sing? Only a complete hack who doesn’t know how to properly utilize actors would waste a singer in a role where they don’t sing.

The thing is, these three are together all the time, so there’s not much room for individual moments for them to shine otherwise… or there wouldn’t be, if they didn’t showcase Sarah’s absolutely terrifying power, leading her number “Come Little Children” to being her standout moment, and the moment that really drives home the incredibly uncomfortable undertones she exudes.

Best Quote: I think Winifred gets the best quote in the whole movie, which occurs when her zombified ex Billy Butcherson (played by Doug Jones, who you may remember for his critically acclaimed role as Mac Tonight in the McDonald’s ads). Billy tells her to go to hell, and she retorts with: “Oh! I've been there, thank you. I found it quite lovely.”

Sarah, of course, has her villain song: “Come little children, I'll take thee away / Into a land of enchantment / Come little children, the times come to play / Here in my garden of magic.”

And, unfortunately, in this regard I think Mary gets the shaft. Despite her definitely being funny and entertaining, she just doesn’t have the same level of standout quotes as her sisters.

Final Thoughts & Score: So as I was writing this, I was thinking of what their score could possibly be. I thought I’d probably have to lower their score, because aside from them, this movie is just corny early 90s cheese… but then I thought, what’s wrong with that? And why should these three suffer a lower score due to the rest of the movie’s failings? That isn’t their fault. Hell, these three are the reason to watch the movie. If anything, the movie’s failings are drowned out by just how charismatic and enjoyable they are to watch.

Much like their fellow child-hating hag the Grand High Witch, the Sanderson sisters are blessed with fun, funny, charismatic actors who aren’t afraid to ham things up and know just what kind of move they’re in and absolutely revel in it. They saw they were playing three stereotypical fairy tale witches and decided to have a blast with it, and in doing so they managed to transform an otherwise corny Disney film into the Halloween legend that this film is. I wouldn’t say these three are particularly deep or complex, but they have a very fun dynamic and add a lot of spice to an otherwise bland plot. Between them and Doug Jones, they give you a lot of reasons to come back and watch this film over and over.

Obviously, these three are getting a 9/10, only held back from a perfect score because yes, sometimes the camp can be a bit much, even for me. But I’m just not heterosexual enough to give these three ladies anything lower. I still have to unfortunately say Mary is the weak link here, but it’s only comparatively speaking, and I’d probably bump these three down to a 7 if she wasn’t here. I really can’t stress enough that there dynamic is so utterly important that even one of them not being there would spoil things. They just don’t make evil trios like this anymore.

[velkynkarma]

@bosstoaster (because for some reason I can’t answer this ask???) Hell yes! I love it! So this is set at the very tail end/just after Failsafe, for reference. 
Note: There are some extremely minor spoilers for s7. Nothing plot-relevant, just names and minor background data from back on Earth, so I haven’t spoiler-tagged it. Parallel by Proxy is only canon compliant up to s4. But just as a head’s up. “Are…are you serious?” Lance asks, incredulous. “You really want me to help you with shooting?”

 Ryou blinks at him. “Sure. Why wouldn’t I be serious about that? You did offer to do some sharpshooter training sessions.” “I mean, I did,” Lance admits, “But I was…I mean, I wasn’t really being serious, I didn’t think you’d really take me up on it, I was just…uh…” He looks sheepish. “Bragging? I…guess?” Ryou doesn’t really know what to make of that. Lance does brag, a lot, usually about things he shouldn’t, but shooting is one of those few areas where Lance’s bravado isn’t all bluster. He really is as good as he says he is in that department. As both Shiro and as himself, Ryou’s witnessed Lance hit marks that only experts could handle back on Earth. That was why he’d been willing to take up Lance on the offer in the first place. His new Olkari arm is very impressive, and its ranged shooting capabilities will no doubt be useful—assuming he can learn how to use them right. Nothing he remembers from being Shiro will help; Shiro has almost always preferred close combat when possible, and his own Galra prosthetic just isn’t used at range. Lance’s knowledge will be much more applicable here. “So,” Ryou says slowly, “are you saying you can’t help me with training for this?”

“No, no no no,” Lance says hastily. “I mean, I could, I’ve done it, I helped Hunk figure out his bayard better and all that. Even Keith’s asked me for a few shooting pointers,” Lance adds, with self-satisfied pride. “I just don’t get why you would need my help?” Ryou is baffled by that. “Why wouldn’t I?” “Well, I mean, you’re, y’know…Shiro-ish?” Ryou blinks. Stares. “Shiro…ish?” “Yeah,” Lance says, gesturing hastily with his hands as he tries to explain his point. “Like, you’re not Shiro anymore—or well, I guess you weren’t ever Shiro, but like, you still thought you were and you acted like him and could do all the stuff he did, and like, he’s Shiro, so why would he need shooting lessons from me? Or, uh, why would you? This is really confusing,” he finishes, exasperated. That makes two of them. “Okay, back up a second,” Ryou says, holding up his hand in a ‘stop’ motion. “We’ll ignore the fact that I’m not Shiro for the moment. Why wouldn’t he be able to get shooting lessons from you?” Lance looks incredulous all over again. “Because he’s Shiro. Shiro can already do practically everything.” Ryou’s eyebrows both raise at that. “Can he really,” he intones. That’s certainly news to him, and as Lance had pointed out in so roundabout a way, he’d been that person until very recently. “Sure,” Lance says. “He’s got all the high scores on all the simulations back at the Garrison. Youngest pilot to ever lead a mission in space. Broke over a dozen records in just a couple years. The news about his new record for fastest orbital velocity was huge!” There’s actual excitement on his face as he chatters on. Fastest orbital velocity? Ryou thinks, idly. He doesn’t remember that. Pity. Sounds like it was fun.

 “Shiro’s like, the whole reason I even joined the Garrison to be a pilot in the first place,” Lance finishes. “I wanted to be able to do cool things like that. If I could do even a fraction of that stuff I’d be happy.” Then he looks sheepish. “Uh, but you probably know about all that stuff already, ‘cause, y’know…Shiro-ish. Now I feel kinda dumb for rambling about it. To you. This is weird.” “I only remember maybe half of it well,” Ryou says, waving that aside. “And I promise I won’t tell Shiro, if that makes you feel better. You’re fine.” 

Lance’e expression is a mix of still sheepish, and also grateful. “Thanks.”

 “I still don’t see why that means he couldn’t learn shooting from you, though,” Ryou continues. “I’m betting none of those records he broke were for marksmanship.” Certainly none of the ones he remembers were. “No,” Lance admits, “But he always seems to know what to do, and he was still top class back at the Garrison, and he’s awesome at fighting, so I figured…” You’ve got a little bit of hero worship, Ryou notes with amusement, although he’s careful not to let it show on his face. That hadn’t been uncommon with cadets, from what memories he still has from Shiro’s time back on Earth. Shiro was charismatic, and an inspiration to a lot of the younger generation; the Garrison had often used him for PR and for teaching classes of new cadets in between missions for exactly that reason. Ryou remembers standing in front of more than a few classrooms full of starry-eyed students or cadets excited at the prospect of meeting him. “Shiro is proficient with firearms,” Ryou says. “Enough to pass basic training. But it’s not a skill he’s ever really worked on improving.” Lance seems to consider this for a moment, before finally saying, “Huh.” He doesn’t seem terribly disillusioned, so Ryou figures at least a little of that old hero-worship has toned down since becoming a paladin. Probably because he’s just gotten to know Shiro as a person, and not a far-off elevated figure in news bytes and record books.
 “For that matter,” Ryou continues, “I’m not Shiro at all, so even that doesn’t apply to me. I only remember parts of Shiro’s basic training, and that’s not enough to put me in a real combat scenario. Plus, being sick wiped most of my muscle memory for things like this. Even if I had perfect recall of Shiro’s firearm training, this body doesn’t remember how to do that anymore.” 

Lance winces at that. “Oh. Right. Sorry.”

 Ryou shakes his head. “Nothing to apologize for. Point is, I need to re-learn how to shoot from square one, like I’m a fresh cadet. And out of everyone on the crew, you’re the one with the most firearm experience and the highest skill level with shooting. So I want you to start teaching me from the beginning—if you’re willing to, of course.” Lance stares at him. “I mean, of course I’m willing! But…from the beginning? Really?” “I’m dead serious,” Ryou says, very firmly. “I need to get it right the first time. There’s no room for mistakes because I assume I can do something and it turns out I can’t. I’ve been doing the same thing with Shiro, Keith and Allura learning hand to hand combat again—started with basic exercises and beginner katas. I need to approach this the same way.” “I guess that makes sense,” Lance admits. “Still must suck, though. After putting in all that work and effort before, I’d hate to get kicked down to starting over from scratch.” “It is what it is,” Ryou says neutrally, although inwardly he completely agrees. It’s frustrating to have Shiro running him through novice-level drills just to get his body used to moving properly for a fight, and then immediately watching Shiro take down a Gladiator with advanced skills he knows he used to know. He feels stupid sometimes, when Keith gives him tips on combat maneuvers and still manages to knock him on his ass during careful sparring practice, even though part of his brain still remembers being the one doing the teaching. He gets flustered when he mixes up Altean youur-jun with Earth martial arts styles, and Allura has to correct him time and time again when his arms and legs just don’t feel like cooperating. He remembers being so good at this. It’s almost more painful on his pride than his body to have to start over again. But for all that, he knows he’ll get there eventually. He has faded memories of Shiro first learning these things too, and he’d been just as frustrated back then. And really, Ryou is learning for the first time how to do all of this, just like Shiro all those years ago. His body had been conditioned for him, the last time. This time, as Shiro pointed out to him when he was learning to walk again, this will be all his victory when he gets there. He just has to work his way to that victory from the ground up. “So, the basics,” Ryou repeats. “Start from scratch and build some good habits. Then hopefully I can support the team without accidentally killing anybody.” “Yeah,” Lance says. “Friendly fire isn’t really all that friendly. Okay, let’s head to the training deck then.” He scratches his head as he stares at Ryou’s Olkari hand, and adds, “Although, I don’t think you’ll need all the basics. I guess we don’t really have to worry about proper grip or how to pull the trigger right…” 

 Ryou chuckles a little at that as he leads the way towards the training deck. “Alright, fair. All the basics, within reason. And I imagine we’ll have to still be inventive with some of it.” “Yeah, I don’t think this is what they had in mind with handgun training,” Lance says, grinning widely as he follows. Ryou snorts. “That was terrible.” “You laughed!” “I shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t encourage you. That was a moment of weakness.” Lance is still grinning at that, but moves on. “There’s other stuff we can work on, though. Stance and movement are still important. We’ll need a trick for aiming, unless you want to strap a scope to your wrist—“ “I think people might notice that.” “Probably,” Lance agrees. “And what’s the range on that thing, anyway?” “It shoots pretty far,” Ryou says. “I played around with it a little at the Olkari armory. The blasts can vary in strength, too.”

 “We should probably figure out that too, then,” Lance says. “I had to play around with my bayard a little for the same reason, since it can swap between standard and sniper rifle modes, and the shot strength can vary too. It’s not like swapping guns with different rounds at all.” He shrugs. “But if I can figure it out, you definitely can.” 

Ryou raises an eyebrow at that. Lance says it calmly, but it had edged a little too close to self-deprecating for Ryou’s tastes. “As I recall,” he says mildly, “you’re the team sharpshooter. If anyone’s an expert at this it’s you. I’m the novice by comparison. But I’m sure you’ll be an excellent teacher.” 

Lance can’t seem to help but preen a little at that. “Well,” he says, a little more confidently, “I guess Shiro did say I was the sharpshooter. Maybe you’re right.” 
Lance knows his way around the firearm drills in the training deck well, and gets them set up in the room with holographic targets. “Non-moving targets for now,” Lance says. “At least until we know what you can do and you get used to the basics. And…what can you do? I’ve never seen this thing in action.” “I guess a demonstration is in order, then,” Ryou says. He concentrates on lighting up—it’s becoming more and more second nature, with practice. It still fills him with a little thrill of excitement to watch the leaf-vein pale green patterns crawl up from his fingertips to his elbow, and to watch the pale green energy start to coalesce in his fist as the weapon charges. Even now, quintents later, it’s still exhilarating to feel and to watch.

 After a few ticks he’s pretty sure the weapon is done charging, and he releases that energy and fires a blast at the far wall, where the holographic targets are set up. He misses the target by a little less than a foot, and the blast disintegrates against the reinforced far wall of the training deck. “Wow,” Lance says. “That’s pretty cool! That thing packs a lot of power. That’s more like a small cannon blast than a rifle.” “I can reduce the amount of charge in it too,” Ryou says. “Make it a little less powerful, if needed.”

 “We’ll have to practice that,” Lance says. “But that’s also a pretty big blast. The size of your fist at least. That’s more like Hunk’s bayard. Can you reduce the size of it? Like…” He gestures, putting his right fist in his left palm, and pointing it like a gun. “Pow, pow, pow!” “I hadn’t thought of that,” Ryou admits, giving it a try. 

Firing with just one finger is difficult—it can’t gather much power by itself, so pointing at the targets in the distance and shooting creates a thin beam of pale green that barely makes an impact. It might work for distraction, but not much else. Two fingers works better. He can concentrate enough energy to make a reasonable impact in a target, assuming he ever hits one, and it will offer more accuracy and less blatant destruction in a combat situation. “Not bad!” Lance says. “Now that’s more up my alley. You’re still shooting wide, though—everything is tracking left so far. You should use your left hand to stabilize the shots. I guess you don’t have to really worry about a bad trigger pull putting your shot out of alignment, but the extra stability will help keep your shots clustered better.” “Alright,” Ryou agrees, and gives that a try too. It really does help, regardless of if he uses what Lance is already referring to as either ‘rifle’ form or ‘cannon’ form, and he’s able to at least nick the edges of the targets. “Still overestimating,” Lance muses thoughtfully, watching the shots. Ryou is impressed, actually; Lance looks confident and serious, with most of his goofiness and bravado having vanished. He knows what he’s doing and he’s doing it well, and not bothering to try and play it up for show. This, Ryou muses, is probably what Lance really is, underneath all the bluster and the confidence issues. “How do we fix that?” Ryou asks, encouraging. Lance glances back and forth between the targets and Ryou, thinking. “Stance,” he says finally, demonstrating. “Just to start. Relax your shoulders a little. Reposition your feet more like this. Keep your arms extended but not locked. You can face forward like this, or sideways like this, but either way it should be solid.” Ryou imitates, and Lance nods approvingly. “We also need to figure out aiming for this thing,” Lance says, pointing at the had. “It’s not like using an actual firearm…even if it is a literal firearm.”

 “That was also terrible, and not even original,” Ryou complains. “You did that already.”

 “Hey, who’s teaching who, here?” Lance says, arms crossed, before getting back to work. “You don’t have sights, so we’re going to have to figure out the right angle and level for a good shot, and then get your muscle memory and your brain used to it. Your shots have been a little low. Raise it just a little bit.” He adjusts Ryou’s wrist carefully, and nudges it just a hair to the right. “Okay. Try that.” Ryou does. The shot burns cleanly through the holographic target in the second ring. Lance whoops. “Nice! You hit it!” 

“Still not completely,” Ryou says, adjusting his aim just a little. He shoots again with two fingers. This time it strikes cleanly, dead center. 

Lance cheers again. “You’re already turning into a sharpshooter,” he says, grinning.

 “That was only because you did most of the targeting for me,” Ryou admits. Lance has an impressive aptitude for spacial awareness when it comes to this sort of thing. He doesn’t have Keith’s instinctive skills for knowing how to move and when in high-stakes flight with split-second timing, but Ryou is already starting to realize that Lance’s spacial skills excel on a different level. Lance can estimate distance and angle and calculate aim and trajectory impressively quickly, even when it’s not his weapon, and he appears to be doing that almost entirely by instinct. Lance shrugs. “It just takes practice. Try it again—see if you can find the angle yourself, now that you know around where your hand should be and you have a better idea of how it aims.” Ryou nods, and gives it a shot. Literally. Damn, he’s going to get as bad as Lance if this keeps up. They spend the next two vargas practicing. Lance helps Ryou master the basics of the stance and get used to estimating distance and aiming. He teaches him some breathing tricks, to help with not throwing off the shots, and Ryou learns to incorporate those quickly. Sometimes Lance demonstrates with his own bayard, summoning it to blast several of the targets in neat clusters, highlighted blue by the holographic displays. Whenever he does, he doesn’t use his sights. 

“They’re really useful, don’t get me wrong,” Lance says. “And I use them a lot in actual missions, but I think it’s really important to understand the limits and basics of your rifle without them too. If somebody’s in trouble I might not have time to actually line up a shot. I have to just take it, y’know? So I have to know how to do that and know where I’m aiming.” That’s fair, Ryou admits. And also encouraging. It means teaching himself to shoot with a prosthetic is feasible, if he can just get the muscle memory down. And after two vargas he does feel like he’s starting to get the hang of it. He can always hit the targets now, at least, although the shots still tend to cluster towards the outer edges of the rings, rather than the center. He gets closer to bull’s eyes as time progresses, and manages to nail a few even on his own. He learns to estimate the distances better and vary the power of his shots to hit things, and gets better at identifying when to use the ‘cannon’ form versus the ‘rifle’ form. Aiming and stabilizing gets more comfortable, as does finding the right angle and height to shoot from. “You’re doing great,” Lance says. “You’re already better than Keith. He can’t hit the broad side of a barn.” Ryou raises an eyebrow. “Really?”

 “He’s awful,” Lance says, almost cheerfully. “Did you know when he attacked Zarkon’s command he only hit like, once for every four shots?”

 “I didn’t,” Ryou says, although that’s not terribly surprising. Shiro had been pretty preoccupied at the time, and he never had been given an opportunity to discuss that battle after, on account of the whole ‘being teleported to the far side of the universe and being captured in his own head’ debacle. “Well, you’re doing good,” Lance says. “I think if you practice every day you’ll get the hang of basic shooting. You’re already figuring out your aim pretty well, you just need to get the muscle memory down. And when you’ve got that, I can start showing you how to hit moving targets, or to hit things while you’re moving. And some other tricks, too, for using the surrounding area to your advantage while shooting. I bet I could teach you some sniping, too—that’s always useful. Shiro keeps saying he wishes he had more people to play a support role in combat like that.”

 “Those all sound great,” Ryou says. “But for now, I think I need a break.” He’s only been standing still for a few hours and shooting, but he’s exhausted. He’s been doing very well in his failsafe recovery, putting on more weight and muscle and building up his endurance, but he still has a ways to go. He probably shouldn’t push himself too hard—not if he wants to be back in the field any time soon.

 “Oh…oh, right, of course!” Lance says. He looks like he’d forgotten Ryou had even been sick. “Sorry, I probably shouldn’t have made you practice for so long, I didn’t even think. Ugh. Teaching is hard.” “You didn’t do as badly as you think, and you didn’t force me to do anything,” Ryou says, vaguely amused. 

 “Maybe,” Lance says, as he hurries over to grab a couple of water packs from the dispenser in the corner, “But I definitely don’t want Shiro to yell at me about overworking you or anything.”

 Less hero worship there, Ryou thinks with an internal chuckle. Outwardly, he nods in thanks as he accepts his water pack, and says, “Yeah, he’s been…watchful, lately.” 

Lance sticks the straw in his water pack. “Yeah. But even with that, you’ll be a sharpshooter in no time.” 

“Thanks, Lance,” Ryou says. “I really do appreciate it.” 

 Lance grins. “No problem! We can set up more lessons like this, if you want. There’s lots of stuff I can show you, and it’ll be awesome to have another ranged person on the team.” He seems excited at the prospect of being able to teach someone anything, now that they’ve gotten over the ‘Shiro-ish’ hurdle. 

 “I won’t say no to that.” There’s precious little else Ryou can really do at the moment. He won’t be going on missions for another feeb or two at least. He still has to focus on recovery, but when the others aren’t on missions, he can practice, too. “Great! Just let me know when.” 

 “You got it.” And then, curious, he asks, “Who taught you how to shoot? If you don’t mind my asking.”

 Lance grins again. “Would you believe my sister?” “Oh?” 

“Yeah. She’s Garrison, too. I don’t know if you’d remember her. I’m not even sure if Shiro ever met her. She’s pretty good with firearms, though. Taught me everything she knew when she heard I was thinking about joining, too.” He looks a little wistful at the very end, so Ryou says, “I’m sure she’d be real proud of you, putting all your skills to use like this. You’ve done a great job supporting everyone, both with that bayard and without.” 

Lance smiles. “Thanks, Ryou.”

 They finish off their water, and Ryou rolls his shoulders, trying to work some of the stiffness out of them after a few hours of standing and aiming. “You should probably check in with the others,” Ryou says. “And I’ll probably swing by and see if Hunk will let me help with dinner at all. But I’ll definitely be back tomorrow to give this a try again.”

 “Alright,” Lance agrees. “Good luck, and let me know when you want to do more practice stuff.” He brightens. “Maybe you can even get me out of group training?” 

“Don’t push your luck, Lance,” Ryou says, amused. “But I’ll see what I can do,” he adds, at Lance’s crestfallen expression. “Yes! Great! Thanks!” Lance grins as he heads out the door.

 Ryou smiles a little, and then glances down at his Olkari fist. He’s not there yet—he’s still got a lot of practice and a lot of recovery left to go. But by the time he gets there, he’s going to be ready for anything.

[theartofbeinganerd]

Hi! I need a break from this whole finale mess. So could write an season 3 AU where Fitz goes to the monolith room but the stone is already liquid so he shoots the door and takes the shotgun with him to maveth. Your fics are so fun to read.

Hi @simmppaa! Thank you for the prompt!! This one actually seemed to write itself, so I hope you like how it turned out!

*Note: This fic disregards some of the more...triangular plots of Season 3A (just like I do lmao).

(Ao3)

Enjoy!

-

We need to saygoodbye.

We need to saygoodbye.

We need to saygoodbye.

Coulson’s words continued to ring in Fitz’s head as hestalked out of the lab with purpose, heading straight for containment and thatdamn monolith. He couldn’t just say goodbye to Jemma, like she was justsome…some person. She was Jemma, shewas different – she was everything.

Fitz wasn’t giving up on her, no matter what Coulson said.There was one thing left to try, one last ditch effort, one desperate finalattempt to find her. And if it didn’t work?

Well, he reasoned grimly as he grabbed a shotgun, either wayit shook out, he’d still be with Jemma.

Once at the door of the storage room, Fitz tore down thecaution tape without a second thought, kicking the door right open. He took twosteps inside the room, then paused as he noticed the monolith just beginning tomelt into its liquid form.

Perfect timing.

Leveling the shotgun, he blasted off the locks keeping themonolith contained, yanked open the door of the case, and not giving it anotherthought, Fitz jumped straight in.

He wasn’t really sure whathe’d expected (in fact, a large part of him had honestly expected that this wasit, and that death was his next stop), but whatever had been on that list, this certainly wasn’t one of them.

Fitz’s back hit the ground roughly, and he let out a muffledgroan as he cracked open his clenched eyes to find himself staring up at a deepblue sky.

Huh?

Scrambling to sit up, he shot a quick look around, and foundthat everything was blue; the sand hewas lying upon, the rock formations in the distance, and…well, there wasn’tmuch else, really.

Except the two moons,of course.

“The…hell?” hemuttered to himself, getting to his feet shakily, the shotgun still held looselyin his grip. His brain was so busy playing catch-up, it was only at that momentthat it finally occurred to him: the monolith had clearly sent him through aportal to an entirely different planet, which meant…

So had Jemma.

The relief hit him like a two-ton truck, and breathy, relievedlaughs began to fall from his lips. His legs seemed no longer able to supporthim, and he sank back to his knees, dropping his hands to the sand in front ofhim to hold himself up as tears pricked at his eyes. Jemma was alive. He’d been right all along; she was alive.

The only problem was, she’d already been there for sixmonths – she could have been anywhereby then.

Climbing back to his feet carefully, Fitz swiped the back ofhis hand over his cheeks to rid them of the few tears that had managed toescape. Yes, Jemma could’ve been anywhere, but he was going to find her; now that he knew for sure the monolith hadn’tharmed her and they were in the same place, he wasn’t going to give up untilthey were back together.

With that in mind, Fitz rested the shotgun against hisshoulder (just in case – he hadn’t the faintest clue what kind of life thisplanet could have had, no matter how abandoned it appeared), and startedcalling into the empty air, “Jemma? Jemma?” as he began walking.

When he reached the top of the nearest ridge, Fitz foundhimself staring out at miles and miles of nothing but sand.

-

It had been weeksnow since Jemma had sacrificed everything in the hopes that that bottle wouldmake it back through the portal, make it to Fitz,and all of those hopes had been crushed in the same moment the bottle had been.When she’d been forced to return to Will’s little hovel in the ground with nohope of ever returning home, she’dsimply shut down. She didn’t want to eat, didn’t want to sleep, didn’t want toexplore, didn’t want to talk. All Jemma wanted to do with curl up on her cot,revel in the memories she had of home (of Fitz),and pretend she was there instead of here.

Will had tried multiple times to get her to at least speak afew words here and there, but Jemma just couldn’t muster up the energy. She knew it wasn’t exactly fairto Will, given that he finally had company after all those years alone, but shejust couldn’t; she was broken and emptyinside, and there was nothing she could do about it.

After all, what was even the point of continuing to try, oreven continuing to exist if this waswhat the rest of her life looked like?

Jemma had always been strong, had always been able to lockdown her emotions and hide them away, turn them into the energy needed to keeppushing forward. But this time? There was nowhereto push forward to. All she had to look forward to was either wasting awayalone on a deserted planet, or finally getting caught by the mysterious anddeadly IT that Will so feared.

After the future she’d thoughtshe was headed toward just months ago, both possibilities were ridiculously, laughably pale in comparison.

Jemma barely glanced up when Will entered the back roomwhere they slept, leaning up against the doorway and narrowing his eyes. “Alright,”he said after a moment, his tone firm, “I’m going out to look for food.” Shestarted to give a tiny nod in understanding, but then he went on, “And you’recoming with me.”

Instead of offering a verbal response, Jemma simply scoffed.He couldn’t make her do anything, andif she had any say in it, she was staying right there, thank you very much.

But, apparently, she didn’thave any say in it.

A moment later, Will had come to stand over her cot, and beforeshe could protest, he was grasping her hands and yanking her up and off of it. “Will!” she cried, struggling to get himto let go, but after so long spent wallowing in a deep depression, her strengthhad been sapped and her attempts to fight back were weak. “Let go of me!” she finally insisted,scowling fiercely up at him.

“No,” he replied simply, then proceeded to drag her alongbehind him to the exit of the cave, all-but pushing her up the rungs of theladder until she’d (very unhappily, she must add) ended up back in the bleakblue landscape waiting for them outside.

“Just what do you think you’re doing?” Jemma demanded assoon as Will had exited and secured the cave behind them, planting her hands onher hips.

“You’re wasting away in there,” Will said plainly, placing ahand over his gun, ready to shoot at a moment’s notice, as he started wanderingin the direction of the sparse plant life growing nearby.

“So?” she asked snidely – she was the doctor of the two ofthem, of course she knew what she wasdoing. “What other option do I have? Spending the rest of my days hiding from somemonster in a cave? Will, that’s not alife. You may have had nothing tolose back on Earth, but I had everything,and now I’ve lost it again, this time for good.”

She knew her words were harsh, but she was miserable andempty and missed Fitz so much that her chest never stopped aching – Will couldn’t possibly understand that.

“Being stuck here, it’s…it’s not the end of the world,alright?” he told her, his tone sharp and almost frustrated, as though therewas something else he wanted to say, but was dancing around it for some reason(which was odd, normally he was jarringly blunt and to the point).

Jemma arched a disbelieving eyebrow. “Oh? That’s quiteunbelievable coming from Mister Doom and Gloom, you know.”

Will released a tense sigh, pausing and turning to face herangrily. “Look –”

However, it was at that moment that Jemma spotted a darkblob standing out against the never-changing blue horizon, just over Will’sshoulder.

“What the…?” she cut into whatever it was he’d been about tosay, stepping absently past him and squinting to try and get a better look.

He spun around, peering across the distance as well, andwithin moments his gun was out and cocked. “We need to get back to the cave, now.”

However, Jemma didn’t immediately listen – this thing didn’tlook like IT had, and the sandstormthat seemed to always follow the monster around was pointedly lacking. Plus,she didn’t quite care anymore whether that beast got her, did she? “Hold on amoment, will you?”

Even though he called at her to stop, Jemma took a fewsteps, getting closer and closer as the shape on the horizon continued tosteadily grow and grow until she saw something she couldn’t quite believe –

But Jemma would know that frame, that gait anywhere, even from this distance, evenon an alien planet.

Blinking back tears, she immediately rushed forward andcalled out disbelievingly, “Fitz?”because it couldn’t really be him,could it? Was she just delusional from the lack of sleep and a healthy diet?Had this planet finally gotten to her?

Then, she saw the form pause, followed by the muffled shoutof, “Jemma?” and somehow, it was him, it was his dear, dear voice (even if she knew nothingelse, Jemma would be able to pick out Fitz’s voice among any crowd).

Before she knew it, Jemma was dashing across the sand,racing toward him until she was close enough to see his face and it was so beautiful and real that she could have cried (and honestly, she probably was),and then they were collapsing to their knees in each other’s arms.

“You’re here,” shegasped out against his shoulder, grasping the loose fabric of his shirt in herfists, “You’re here, you’re here, you’re here.” The tears were most certainlystreaming down her face now, making the startled, relieved laughter leaving herlips come out watery. “Fitz. FitzFitz Fitz Fitz Fitz.”

“I’m here, I’m here, I’m here,” he promised over and overagain, clasping her to him fiercely, and she could feel the wetness of histears dropping onto her bare shoulder. “Oh Jemma,I can’t believe… I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.I tried so hard, but I couldn’t…”

“Shhh Fitz, it’s alright, you’re here.” She stroked a handthrough his hair, unable to help the smile tugging at her lips because he wasreal and he was there and she could actually touch him.

She had no idea how long they stayed there, hugging eachother, crying and laughing and repeating each other’s names just because they could. Eventually, though, the momentwas broken by a gruff voice saying, “We need to get back. Now.”

Reluctantly, Jemma pulled back from Fitz to glance up atWill’s solemn expression. His mistrusting gaze was placed squarely on Fitz, whoseemed terribly confused by Will’s sudden appearance. “Of course,” she agreed,hastily wiping her tears and getting to her feet, catching Fitz’s hand to tughim up after her.

“Get back to where?” Fitz asked her in confusion.

“To our shelter, of course.” Jemma squeezed his hand, thennodded in the direction of the cave. “Come on, it isn’t far, and we’ve got somefood and water. Plus, it’s much warmer there.”

Fitz followed her willingly, just as he’d always done, andit made her feel warm and full and happy enough to completely ignore Will’sdispleased grumbling as they made the short trek back to the cave.

Once they were inside and the door had been secured, Jemmaled Fitz to one of the chairs at the little table in the main room, but thenshe happened to notice Will hovering near the entrance to the back room. Whentheir gazes met, he nodded her over, and Jemma fought against the urge to roll hereyes. “I’ll be right back,” she promised Fitz, briefly clasping his shoulder,if only to feel the warmth of his skin through his shirt.

As soon as she’d joined Will in the “bedroom” of the cave,he threw a suspicious flare vaguely in Fitz’s direction, hissing, “You shouldn’thave brought him here.”

“And why not?” Jemmademanded, crossing her arms over her chest. “Fitz is my best friend, and Itrust him more than anyone in the world – or any world, for that matter.”

Will shook his head tightly, turning to stalk over to theladder leading out of the cave. “You’re making a mistake, and I refuse to be apart of it,” he told her grimly, climbing up the ladder to disappear throughthe exit. The metal door shut and secured behind him with a clang that rang through the small cave.

She perched on the chair across from Fitz, and they werequiet a moment before he nodded in the direction of the cave’s exit and askeduncomfortably, “What, uh…what’s with him?”

“Will? Oh, he’s an astronaut, who’s actually been stuck herefor fourteen years.” She shuddered atthe very idea, still unable to believe he’d survived for so long in such ahorrible place – especially when six months had already been far too long for her. “It’s kind of madehim…rather pessimistic. And a very underwhelming conversationalist.”

“Fourteen years?”Fitz repeated incredulously. “All by himself? How has he not gone completely mad?”

Jemma shook her head, not entirely sure of that herself. “It’sbeyond me.” Fitz opened his mouth, no doubt to inquire more about Will’s exileon the planet, but at that moment, Will was the very last thing she wanted totalk about.

So, before he could get his question out, she grappled foranother subject, and her gaze happened to land on the gun he’d been carrying,now leaning up against the wall.

“Alright, I have to ask: whatare you doing with that shotgun?”

Fitz seemed surprised at first, but his expression quicklycollapsed into a grimace and he rubbed a hand over the back of his neckawkwardly. “Ah, the shotgun. Yeah, um…I just happened to have it with me, y’know.”

Jemma frowned, furrowing her brow as she turned back to faceFitz fully. “Never in my life have I seen you casually carry around a shotgun.” Suddenly, her eyes narrowedand she said, “There’s something you’re not telling me.”

He sighed heavily, sinking a bit in his seat. “Yeah.”Lifting his eyes to the low ceiling above them, he pressed his lips togetherthen admitted hesitantly, “I may have…uh…used it to…shoot the locks off of thecase containing the monolith?”

Of course themonolith had been in containment after what it had done to her, why hadn’t sherealized that sooner? It was proper SHIELD procedure, after all. “But why wouldyou…” Jemma shook her head in confusion; there was something important she wasmissing, but she couldn’t quite grasp it yet. “You must’ve already studied it,and you knew it was dangerous, so…”

Then, it hit her.

“You broke intocontainment just to follow me here, didn’t you?” She covered her mouth witha hand, feeling her eyes burn with tears once more as the thought finallyfinished forming. Slowly lowering her hand, she whispered, “You didn’t knowwhat the monolith did, did you?”

Fitz bowed his head, letting out a great, heaving sigh thathad his shoulders rising and falling. “No,” he admitted after a long, tensemoment.

“Oh my god.” Jemmatook a couple of deep breaths, closing her eyes and resting her head in hertrembling hands. “You went in there to…to die.”

“I wasn’t positiveit’d kill me,” he insisted, trying desperately to placate her. “I mean, it wasa reasonable assessment, given my previous findings, but…” Her shoulders beganto shake then with restrained sobs, the pent up emotion of the past few weeks,then finding Fitz only to realize he’d tried to die enough to break apart the walls she kept around her emotions. “Hey,Jemma, stop, I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t… I mean, I thought you were…”

Jemma quickly lifted her head, narrowing her eyes around thetears. “That’s no excuse, Fitz! Even if I wasdead, the very last thing I’d want was for you to join me!”

“Yeah, well, I tried,okay? I tried to prepare myself for the possibility that you were…” He trailedoff, releasing a harsh breath, then started again, “I tried to convince myselfto move on, but…but it’s impossible. I…I couldn’t live if you didn’t, alright?It’s just…it’s that simple.”

Her bottom lip trembled as she sniffled back her tears,laughing humorlessly as she told him, “That’s not simple at all, Fitz. Us, theway we…feel about each other? It’s utterly complicated.”

He let out a shaky sigh, giving a small nod of agreement. “Yeah.Yeah, I know.”

Silence descended between them then, and as Jemma brushedaway her tears, she studied him for the first time under the cave’s brighterlight. Though the sight of him was enough to have her heart swelling in herchest until it was painful, there was also a concern rapidly taking shapeinside of her.

“You look terrible,”she commented worriedly, stroking a thumb over the dark bags under one of hiseyes, her fingers brushing up against his prickly stubble.

“Gee, thanks,” he teased, but when she arched an eyebrow, hesighed and gave a wide shrug. “Well, yeah, ‘course I do. I have spent the last six months trying to find you, y’know. Barely rememberwhat sleep is anymore.” When that joke failed to amuse her as well, he finallymurmured, “I’ve been falling apart, Jemma. Everyone’s been telling me formonths now that it didn’t look good, that maybe I couldn’t find a trace of youbecause there wasn’t a trace to find,then Coulson tells me that we need to say goodbye and…”

When Jemma reached out to place a hand over his, hehesitantly raised his eyes to meet hers. “We’re together now, Fitz, and that’sall that matters.” She squeezed his hand lightly, giving a little laugh as shereminded him, “We are smarter together, after all. We can fix this and gethome. With our combined knowledge of the monolith and of course, our combinedintellects, we’ll likely be back before dawn.”

Her words had his lips curling up in a hopeful smile, and hesat up straighter, asking softly, “Yeah?”

Even though she hated the very idea that Fitz had ever endedup on this wretched planet (especially because of her), Jemma could feel nothing in that moment but a surge of uttergratitude – to be seeing him again, of course, but also because if she wasgoing to be stuck on a deserted planet trying to find a way home with anyone,she’d always want it to be Fitz.

“Yeah,” Jemma confirmed warmly, “We’re going to fix this.Together.”