#thread:Pansy and Harry

[acciomusa]

"Well, that's one way to make an entrance." //for Pansy

Pansy threw her head back, glaring right at him, her eyes narrowing as she picked herself up from the floor. "Shut up with the puns." She told him. She dusted her dress off and looked over herself.

"Why are you always around just when I have things like that happen to me?" She groaned, then lift her gaze to him again, pushing her hair back and trying to fix it a little. "Did you jinx me?" She then asked, her knuckles going white as she balled her hands into fists "If you Jinxed me, you better hope you don't have your wand in easy access to me, or I will shove it where the sun don't shine."

[acciomusa]

"He told him your Aunt and Uncle made you live under the stairs, forced you to be some sort of slave for them." She said. She couldn't remember it all, but she knew some things weren't great.

But in her opinion, it was worse to have your own parents be the ones that tortured you, that forced you to do things you didn't want to do. But she wasn't about to say that.

"He's not. He has no power over me anymore, not since the fall of Voldemort, since the last battle. I told him he was a weak man, told him that I was my own person, and left." She said.

Pansy then rolled her eyes. She wondered what part of being forced, or keeping people away deliberately that he didn't get. Its not like his group were innocent in the name calling. They were teenagers, kids, they said things like that. Its not like she physically hurt them. "Remind me of this awful unforgiveable shit that I pulled Harry." She then said, Wondering what it was that was apparently so awful to hold such a grudge against her. Especially after she had explained herself.

When he said he wouldn't mind trying to start over, the smallest hint of a smile graced her lips. "Be nice to have friends that I actually knew when I was younger." She admitted. Though, she wasn't sure if they would ever be "Friends" Seeing as he still seemed to want to hold a grudge of some sort against her.

"Oh you can try to Hex me, but you wouldn't succeed." She replied.

Harry scowled, he was going to murder Ron. That hadn’t been his story to tell. “What did he tell you?” asked before waiving off her explanation “I know he doesn’t. I’ve been his best friend since I was eleven, I know how he can be.” He’d been on the receiving end of Ron’s lack of filter many times, and he still shuddered to think of their fourth year fight.

“Just because you don’t talk to them doesn’t mean they’re not harassing you or something.” Harry said sheepishly before shrugging. “Look Parkinson I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forget the shit you pulled, but I know what it’s like to be in a situation you can’t escape.”

Was this some weird bizarre world? When had he started to Sympathize with Pansy bloody Parkinson of all people? “But I wouldn’t mind trying. We were all children in a war that we had no business being in… But I reserve the right to hex you if you irritate me.” he added dryly, hoping to lighten the mood a little.

[acciomusa]

Pansy looked at him for what felt like an eternity, but when he said nothing, she looked away and sighed. She was just about to open her mouth and say she didn't need his validation to live, but he spoke.

Her own brows furrowed until he continued. "I know about your Aunt and Uncle." She said. "Ron doesn't exactly have a filter sometimes." She then said "And I don't mean that in a rude way, just stating facts." She explained.

"Did you not hear when I said I don't talk to either of them anymore?" She asked curiously, raising a brow. Maybe he hadn't taken in all she had said. It didn't surprise her in a way, she had said a lot.

"Harry, as soon as I felt like I could, I left. I don't talk to either of my parents anymore, and as hard as it is.... i know I am better for it. Poor, pennyless, but happy." She admitted to him. "I live above the place I work. Its not much... but its safe. I even spoke out to the ministry about my fathers doings with Voldermort." She added.

"So you're a little late on the starting over talk. I have started over. It wasn't easy. Still isn't easy, but the wounds I have now, are at least old." She said.

"Depends. You going to still treat me like the old Pansy. Still hold the actions of a frightened teenage girl against me?"

Harry raised an eyebrow, he had no idea that Parkinson had been friends with the Patil twins, but then again he had been a little bit of a shut in hadn’t he? He’d really only hung out with Ron and Hermione, and while he had become friends with others at the end of the day it had always been the three of them hadn’t it?

Maybe there was some depth to Pansy, or maybe she was full of shit- Harry didn’t know which one but honestly maybe she really did believe that. The war was over, maybe old house rivalries didn’t need to keep going. He still wasn’t sure if he could forgive her, not for everything, but maybe she could learn to embrace the light.

“That’s good. I mean not that you’ve had to go through all that. Believe it or not I know a thing or two about abusive relatives.” Harry said with a shrug, “You ever think you’re better off without them? You have a chance to start over…” He let out a breath he hadn’t realized that he’d been holding. “Maybe we… can start over?”

[acciomusa]

"You don't get it do you? We feared the Dark Lord as much as anyone else... if not more, because he was always right there? We weren't with family who would protect us, we were with Family who would happily throw us infront of them if the Dark Lord pointed his wand at them. They made us do things we didn't want to do, and it was either act like we were going to do them... or die." She said.

Her Voice was even as she spoke. Everyone always assumed that they had chosen to follow, like their parents. But they were just kids too, they were scared like everyone else at Hogwarts were. Maybe more so, because they saw first hand what he did to those that disobeyed. He didn't care for those that followed him, he still punished them.

When Harry took a step closer, she flinched and stepped back. She wasn't used to people approaching her in kindness.

Pansy shook her head. "My first few months at Hogwarts, I was friends with both the Patil Twins, I was friends with Muggleborns. Harry... I'm not racist, or a bigot. I couldn't let anyone get close to me. Even those that knew what I had to go through, even those that had families in the same believes of my own, I never really let get close." She said to him.

She shook her head "I couldn't let anyone get close... so I pushed them away. It was the only way to protect them." She said, her voice soft. "I didn't have a choice. I couldn't exactly bring friends home for the summer, when my father was a believer of pure blood supremacy. So.... so I isolated myself from them. I pushed them away, not because I believed myself better, but because I cared." She told him.

"You saw only what I needed everyone to see, you didn't see the truth. I have had to hide myself for so many years, had to put up walls, wear a mask, pretend to be anything but myself, to keep them safe. And sure, sometimes it leeched in, because when you have to pretend for so long, you start to become the thing you hate." She told him.

Another tear rolled down her cheek and the brunette waved her wand again to hide the scar. She had many, but she wasn't going to show them all.

Pansy looked away from him when he asked if they still did that. "I moved out and got my own place as soon as I graduated. My Father is in Azkaban, and my mother.... though she faced what I did, has nothing to so with me." She told him. She looked at him again. "Those that were close to my father, if they see me, they turn their nose up at me. So No, they don't... but I can't say that life is much better." She admitted.

Harry had to bite his tongue not to lash out right then and there- he didn't care? He DIDNT CARE? The words of Dumbledore back at the end of fifth year came rushing back to him and for a moment he just wanted to laugh.

Sometimes he cared so much it felt like he was bleeding to death.

Blowing up wouldn't do either of them any good, though he had to admit there was a little bit of irony that he was arguing good and evil with Pansy Parkinson of all people. Rolling his eyes he folded his arms over his chest , so he wouldn't give in to the urge to hex her, and tilted his head to the side.

"I know what Draco chose to do." Harry spat, "Just because he decided he's not a murderer at the last minute doesn't mean he's anything but a slimy git." Memories of the room of requirement came flooding through, and he dug his fingers into his arm to try and stave off an attack.

Hardened eyes softened at the scar, and his body visibly relaxed- though there was a hesitancy in his eyes that didn't go away. If anyone knew what it was like to be in an absuive home it was him, and while he didn't agree with the choices she had made he could understand...that at least.

His back was covered with signs of his own abuse after all.

"Stop." Harry said, though he sounded much more subdued now and took a step closer. He wasn't the type to offer a reassuring touch, or anything like that- no that urge had been beaten out of him by the Dursleys.

"I may not agree with your choices or your actions, and frankly Parkinson I might never. I can't agree with racism and bigotry in any form." Those people wanted to make sure people like his Mom, like his best friend... That they were dead, and that he could never support or understand. There was no middle ground there and there never would be.

"But I can understand that."

Harry pointed at her scar, "And for what it's worth no one deserves that. I ca- no I won't tell you how I know. But trust me, I know...and I'm sorry." he shrugged, knowing it probably didn't mean much. "They're not- i mean they're not still...doing that?"

[acciomusa]

"You really have no idea. You only care about your little inner circle, and don't give a shit about anyone else." She said. "I have had to appear strong, I have had to appear the bitch, because if I let people too close who couldn't handle the shit I had to put up with, they would get burned." She told him.

"Why do you think I kept around Draco? You know what he was forced to do?" She asked.

"I'm not blaming anyone else, but I have had to protect myself in ways you do not and will never understand. I had No choice. I had no one I could run to. You think my friends are like yours? You think I could go spend summers at the Malfoys and be protected from my family and their beliefs? No!"

"Don't think that just because we could use magic to cover up the bruises made it better." She said, shaking her head. "You seriously think being able to cover them up made it easier? No, just met there were more and more, and more." She said, then pulled out her wand, lifting her top a little and waving the wand over her abdomen, revealing a scar across it. "It doesn't make it easier for me, just for those not having to see it." She said, tears starting to build in her eyes, but she tried to push them away, not wanting to appear weak. "That! That right there was one of my near death experiences, at the hands of those who are meant to love me. Trust me, its not easier."

"Victim?" She then spat out. "Fuck you. You think I'm playing victim? I am finally able to tell someone about the shit I have been through, Shit I have faced my whole life, and finally, I tell someone, and you call me a victim? You really are in your own fucking world Potter. If I was a victim, I would of been telling people for years, not that they would believe me, but I wouldn't of had to endure what I did. You think The Dark Lord only attacked the innocent? You're wrong. He tortured my mother, because she didn't want me to get the Dark Mark. He forced me to watch, so that I would agree. You think just because I was forced to choose that side that it meant he was kind? He was incapable of kindness, even to his most loyal." She said, the tears threatening to spill. "Even after all these years, you think I'm the same girl I was at Hogwarts. You haven't even gotten to know me, how would you know?"

"You're all bad because of your own choices Pansy. Even now you can't stop blaming everyone else-" Harry deflated when she mentioned that her Father did... that, and for a moment he wanted to laugh... or cry. He wasn't sure which.

"You associated with bigots and murderers!" The words come out a little sharper than he meant to, "I'm not... I'm not superior to anyone. Trust me, I'm..." he exhaled, this conversation was spiraling and he could feel that familiar panic beginning to settle into his chest... fuck.

"At least your family could cover up the bruises."

The words came out bitter, more so than he meant them too, and he looked away. "You don't want to compare near death scenarios with me Parkinson, I have you beat." The Dursleys, Voldemort, the Basilisk, the tournament...

It made his skin crawl.

"I'm sorry about your father. I really am. No one deserves that. " There's a knowing look in his eyes, "But that's no excuse to play the victim. I'm not trying to..."

God she was frustrating, "All your doing is playing the victim card again and again. Stop hiding behind other people and own up to your own mistakes! You can be so much more Parkinson, I can tell. But as long as you keep blaming other people you'll never get there. Trust me... I've been there."

[acciomusa]

"Oh you know shit." Pansy retorted, slipping her heels off, because it seemed the heel was broken. "So because of Lucius Malfoy, we're all bad huh? You know. I hate the death eaters as much as the next person who isn't one. Your precious friend Ron was a git to me first, before I even started to hang out with Draco. But you want to know the reason I was around Draco? Because my Father made me hang out with him. The same father that treated me like shit because I was a girl. An only child. He beat my mother and I constantly, and I begged to be in Slytherin to try and get his approval. I became.... Friends.. and I use that term loosely, to get his approval. But whatever I did, he still despised me, still hated me. And don't think I didn't hear your little Golden Trio saying nasty things about me because of who I tried to associate with." She snapped at him. "I never wanted to sell you to the Malfoys, or to Voldermort, but the reason I said to hand you to him was because I was scared. You ever thought that Potter? No, you just assumed who I was, without ever actually seeing who I was. You hated me, because I tried to find someone who might treat me with a little respect, that I never got before."

"So you think you've been close to death? Try having your father beat you black and blue from the age of six, only to use magic to cover up your bruises, so no one knew what he truly did. Try living in fear everyday, from the one man who is never meant to let you down." She told him, her voice catching at the end.

"You're hoping I've changed, yet you still seem the same guy, so up your own ass, always so superior. You clearly haven't changed."

Harry glanced over at her, an eyebrow raised "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize life was so difficult for the Slytherin princess. Running around and making people's lives miserable. Making Hermiones-" He cut off and exhaled, "I don't hate Slytherins. I hate the Slytherin's ive interacted with, because they've all been gits."

Pansy was really testing his patience, and as their shoulders collided he grabbed her arms. "My parents are dead because of people like Lucius Malfoy." he growled, "The very people you wanted to sell me too. I've been closer to death than most people since I was eleven."

His voice was low, thick with anger. He hated bringing up that stuff, but Pansy seemingly knew how to press all of his buttons. "So yes. Karma. You were awful to anyone who wasn't a Slytherin, that doesn't mean you haven't changed. That you can't change. It just means..." he trailed off with a shrug, "It just means I want to be honest with you in the hopes you have changed."

[acciomusa]

Pansy rolled her eyes at him, she wished she could wipe that shit eating grin off his lips. He was so egotistical, always thought himself better than those in Slytherin. He had no idea what some of them had to endure. Some of the pain they had been put through by their families.

"Karma? You know shit of what I have had to go through." She told him. "A good person? Really? You think you're so good? Yet you look down at us in Slytherin, because everyone must assume we are evil, having been sorted into that house." She said, rolling her eyes.

"You know shit of what my parents put me through, what any of our parents put us through. You may of not had parents, but don't think that just because I did, that I was any better off. You have no idea the threats I faced." She said. Ok, now she was saying too much, so she stopped and just shook her head.

"You're not worth it." She mumbled, and straightened her skirt before walking past him, her shoulder colliding with his.

@acciomusa from here

"That's not technically a pun- Parkinson." Harry can't help himself, the shit eating grin was plastered on his face and it wasn't seemingly going anywhere.

"Maybe it's Karma? I've been a good person so I get to see funny things like this happen people like you Pansy." The wizard drawled before shaking his head, "If I don't have my wand in easy access how would I hex you? Come on now, are you even trying?"