#thru much worse stuff than what’s happening currently and it came maybe like 2 days late at most but im getting to the point where it’s

[pepprs]

not to p*riod post but like. it came so late last month and it’s even later this month probably both due to stress (lol) and i mean i never “hope” i will get it ever but i was hoping id get it during the fall break so it wouldn’t mess up any of the things i need to do this week and i think there’s like a 90% chance im gonna get it tomorrow which is a jam packed day during which im supposed to give a campus tour to a prominent vice president an hour after getting to the office so. lol

[noblechaton]

happy new years dudes! 

this post is a sort of run down of my last year or so and rlly it’s just me rambling about my (sometimes gross, warning to all gross-haters out there (like me)) health issues so feel free to look past this

2020 was probably the single hardest most stressful year of my entire life so far and while some reasons are uh. kinda obvious. it sort of especially crunched down on me as it was the first year of my life where I had a persistent health problem for the entire duration

back near the end of 2019 (october 19th I think) I noticed this weird pain in my chest and it scared the heck outta me when it didn’t go away after a few days so I managed to get to go to the doctor for the first time in maybe an actual decade? to try and sort it out bc like on one hand my habits were(/are) bad and the day beforehand I’d been running on a horrid amount of sleep and my only food was bad fast food stuff for breakfast and dinner

anyway the appointments started coming after that as test after test cleared me of. well. anything. there wasn’t really anything weird found after a stress test or uh. this one test where they ran a wand over my body with some goo on it. idk what its called

so naturally I was really just totally lost bc the pain was still there up until around late january?? I think? my memory gets a bit hazy here bc so much had happened but I’m pretty sure that shortly after it faded away (mid february-ish?) I felt normal-ish but then had this awful headache that just straight up wouldn’t go away that lasted a month or so that got so bad I broke down and begged for a hospital despite knowing my bill was outrageous already but I managed to go anyway and got a CAT scan then and an MRI a few days later that turned up nothing again. legit nothing (aside from a kidney stone lol) and just like the chest stuff it faded

some time after that I got really shaky aches and pain sin my wrists and ankles that hurt super bad that I sort of didn’t talk about but at that point at least it was something I could sort of cope with and it eventually stopped after a while (I think this was bc of an antidepressant I was on that I just. immediately stopped taking as a result of the pain) 

but eventually that gave way to what was the worst of it where I spent around 2 months being entirely unable to eat or drink /anything/. I mean anything at all. water of any sort, crackers, it all came back up and. really really sucked. I lost a lot of weight and struggled a lot and I still struggle to talk about this one bc it was so traumatic and I’m terrified of it coming back to this day (I still don’t eat or drink all the stuff I used to eat or drink and maybe never will. I almost entirely avoid dairy of all kinds now which might tie into my current problem??)

obviously I got multiple tests for this. two cameras down my tummy and an emptying study and all of which turned up.............nothing. nothing I didn’t already have anyway. nothing that could be causing it and then of course shortly after the last test, the one that I thought would definitively answer what was wrong with me,(the emptying one), I was so desperate for food that late one night I devoured some awful fried chicken from the grocery store in the middle of the night and fell asleep and the next day I could finally, thankfully sort of eat again. my dad cooked up salmon for me since it’d been in the freezer and I tried it and it mostly stayed down and then from there it stopped happening all together

this one still stresses me out and again I’m fucking terrified of it bc I still have no indication on what it is or was

but that brings me to the last month or two? (which is a good ~4-5 months? from that last thing I think. my perception of time is fucked and filled with me being pricked with fluids and stuff bleugh) which has been mostly this weird discomfort/pain in my left side that’s almost always there (but has faded sometimes) with the occasional awful discomfort uh. between my legs back there. and this awful burping habit where I taste the last thing I ate for a while

this one’s hard to pin down and I haven’t been to a doc for it (yet, I wanna go and get a colonoscopy and even asked about a stool test that one doc said no to?? and plus it’ll probably be even harder now than it was before) and I’ve been on various laxatives (started back when I wasn’t eating as not eating meant getting anything out was uh. difficult) that all sort of dipped in usefulness. lately I’ve been drinking a glass of prune juice every day or two and it seems to do the most help but it’s still there

now this is odd for me bc I’m not even sure I’ve been constipated or anything and there’s a few theories I’ve had that range from me having IBS to it being tied to my body recovering from 2-3 months of not eating or uh. removing waste. to suddenly doing it a lot (this is also my theory on the belching since my neck/throat used to hurt a shitload on account of all the acid and stuff coming back up but it’s sort of slowly felt less bad?). I also sometimes feel super zoned out and foggy but that might just be my bad sleeping

lately I’m sort of wondering if this is maybe all a neurological thing?? or maybe some sort of mental snap caused by stress from my life. it’s been hard for me to consider much else beyond a deep mental issue after so many tests ended up with good results

I’m not smart enough to know for sure but. idk. a year of nearly nonstop bodily pain no matter what I did (exercise, no exercise. eating better, eating worse, etc.) with every single possible test done beyond a select few providing no results has sort of left me as a terrified wreck without anywhere to turn and it just sucks. I’m tired of being so scared of my own body

and all of that on top of. y’know. everything going on in the world. it fucking sucks

last year was real fuckin bad man and I can only try and hope that this year gives myself and everyone else a reprieve at least. a moment to breathe and be consistently happy again. thank u guys for still hanging around me and enjoying the piddly amount of original content I put out. 

I wanna do more for this acc since it, and you guys, got me thru a lot of this last year or so (I even got to see Glaciator in the hospital once lol) and I intend to start streaming myself playing video games over on twitch more often but I can’t make any promises rn. all I can do is hope to continue putting out even the dumbest of posts that y’all might get even a tiny laugh out of

[fatrainbowmermaidunicorn]

3AM Drive - Thru (JJK x You x The8/Minghao)// Chapter 13

MASTERLIST

“Jeon Jungkook?” Y/N exclaimed, she cant help but smile so widely. Jungkook chuckled.

“We are halfway around the world away from home, and of all the faces and all the places, we had to meet each other. If this is not fate, then I dont know what this is,” Jungkook walked over to Y/N, grinning with his bunny teeth showing.

                     ———————————————————-

Its only been a few days, but Minghao is going crazy. He tried to reach Y/N, texting and calling but not once was it answered. Worse, the text is not even delivered. Is she really that mad at him to the extent that she dont even bother to open her phone? Is she busy? She did go there for business meetings afterall. Did something happen to her phone? Worse, did something happen to her?

So many thought crowding his mind and he knows, no matter how he tries to distract himself with dancing or helping Hoshi with new cheographies, only a reply from Y/N can ease his mind.

His mind returned back to the night of the party while he slide down at the corner of the practice room.

After he send the text to Y/N and told her that he will be out as soon as he meets the new girl group, he quickly grabbed his clothes and change. Totally forgetting to take out his phone from the suit he is currently wearing.

Once arrived at the after party, their manager gather them together and introduce them to the representative of a cosmetic brand that is interested to cast them and the new girl group for their new advertisement campaign.

After the formalities and unofficial agreements has been made, the representatives tells them to let loose and share a toast. Minghao politely refused at first, but both the manager and S.Coups glared at him, silently telling him not to be rude. One shot of toast turn to many others as apparently business people have many things to toast to.

He’s guessing that is when he got insanely drunk as his alcohol tolerance was never high anyway. Bits and pieces of him dancing, laughing and being extra friendly with the girl group members came back to him. Even in his drunk state, the thoughts of Y/N is still evident in his mind but he cant even seem to remember his own name at that moment, let alone that Y/N is waiting for him somewhere outside in the cold.

What he does remember is him helping one of the girls home. She, apparently is a lot drunker than he is and had drunk forced him to help take her home. With his already half sober state, he helped her back to her apartment. While trying to help her enter the building, she grabbed him out of the sudden for a kiss and that must be when the papparazzi snapped the photos. The photos that Y/N had seen. He immediately push her away, asks the building doorman to help her and call a car to get home. He straight away passed out when he reached his room, too tired and too drunk to think of anything else.

The memories of that night makes him shudder. He swears that he wont ever touch a drink again, even for formalities or business deals, never again. Maybe except on his weddjng day with Y/N. Minghao shakes his head to that thoughts. Yeah right, like she would ever even speak to him again.

Despite not receiving any respond from Y/N, Minghao still keeps on trying. He sends long text messages explaining the situation, asking, no, begging, for forgiveness and daily good morning and good night texts, hoping that when Y/N finally opens her phone, she will understand and maybe forgive him. As for now, Minghao can only wish for the days to come faster, yearning for the day Y/N was scheduled to come back from her trip. He promise himself, if by some miracle Y/N forgives him and still wants him, he will finally succumb to his feelings and never letting her go ever again.

Days passed by, and nothing change. Minghao still tries to distract himself with extra practice and dancing, and he still relentlessly texting and calling Y/N, which still have her phone off.

“Oh shit,” a voice from across the practice room snap him back to reality. Minghao looked up from his phone to see DK, Mingyu and Seungkwan looking at him. They seem to be gathering around, looking at something Mingyu is showing on his phone. And by the way they were looking at him now, he’s pretty sure its something related to him. Is it rumors about him and the girl group again?

“What?” Minghao is irritated.

“Nothing hyung,” Seungkwan quickly hide the phone behind him.

“Okay now I know its definitely something,” Minghao gets up and snatched the phone away. All three of them, including Seungkwan, who has been thoroughly informed by Mingyu, knows about the ‘tragedy’ between him and Y/N, and they know better not to mess with him when he’s in this kind of mood.Minghao sends them a death glare and looks at the phone.

BTS’ JEON JUNGKOOK & SONG Y/N SPOTTED IN A CAFE IN SPAIN! Are they on a secret romantic getaway together?

Below the headlines are photos of Jungkook and Y/N sharing a cozy lunch in a small cafe in the middle of Spain. Most importantly, they are laughing and happy. Minghao almost threw the phone against the wall if its not for DK who went to snatch the phone away from him.

Is this why you didnt even bother to power on your phone? Was I right? Did you finally realize your feelings for me are just temporary and gone back to Jungkook?

And as if the universe is mocking him, his phone dings, indicating a text message is received. He eyed the screen to see who’s the sender.

Y/N ♡

———————————————————– “You cant be serious?!” Y/N screamed. She’s not one to loose her temper easily, especially when its towards an innocent worker.

The airport staff just told her that they have lost, no, quoting them 'misplaced’ all her luggage. After a long night of not sleeping yesterday, jetlegged and the emotional stress with what happened with Minghao, Y/N just feels like punching somebody right now. And the staff who delivered her the god awful bad news seems like a very good candidate. What kind of business class flight is this? This is why she should have listen to her father and just take the company private chartered flight. But no, she just had to insist on taking the normal flight.

“We..we are sorry miss. But we will find the misplaced luggage in 72 hours,” the airport staff stuttered. Y/N close her eyes and rubbed her temples.

“Fine! Like there’s anything I can about it anyway. But be informed that I will never ever board your flight company again! And a very personal complain will be sent straight to your CEO!” she huffed and walked away. The staff just nodded weakly. It was not in Y/N’s nature to get angry and act rude to others, but she just cant take anymore bad news today.

“Dont worry miss. We will straight away plan a shopping trip to replace all your lost belongings after you are well rested,” her assistant rush to catch up with her fast pace.

“Fine,” Y/N rummaged through her carry on and finally realized something. “Arghhhhhh,” her scream almost gave her already frightened assistant a heart attack.

“Miss are you alright?”

“My phone is in my luggage! My lost luggage!”

After she had send the last message to Minghao, she was so upset to the point she immediately turn it off and carelessly just threw it inside her luggage. She cant and wont be using it on the plane anyways. Especially she knows that Minghao must be having a terrible hangover and there’s no way in hell he would be awake at 7am.

Y/N did look forward to read his explanation, if there is any, or any reply from him once she reached her destination. As much as what happenned last night upset her and broke her heart, she stills believes in Minghao. She believes that he wont do that to her on purpose. He won’t, wouldn’t he? He said he love her, didnt he? And now… this shit happen!

“We..we can also buy a new phone, miss,” her assistant stuttered. Praying to God that Y/N wont scream at her this time.

“What’s the point… it will take time to reconfigure it again for me to get all my texts and stuff, and that is if they can retrieved it,” Y/N almost feels like crying now. “I guess I’ll just wait for them to return my luggage,”

After a relaxing shower and a nice short nap, Y/N is ready for her shopping trip to find a few neccessities for the next few days until her luggage is found. She still have about 2 days before all her meetings start, and she plan to use it wisely on food and shopping.

Y/N had requested to go on her shopping trip alone and ask her driver to just take the car and wait for her at a coffee shop. She knows she can spend hours in one shop alone and she understands how boring it is for a middle age man to follow her around for things like that.

After a couple of hours, and with dozens of shopping bags in tow (of course she bought more that just to replace her lost belongings), Y/N spotted a cafe not far away and decide to take a short tea break before continuing round two.

As she was balancing all her purchases between her two hands and steadying herself to walk on the cobble stone walkway in her 5 inch heels, a man who seems in a rush bumped into her, causing her to fall flat on her butt, all her bags strewn everywhere. The man says a quick sorry and rushed off, not even bothering to check if she was okay.

Seriously, can today get any worse?

“Excuse me miss, let me help you,” a man addressed her in English, picking and passing her one of her bags and offering her a hand to help her up. She brushed the dust off her skirt and looked up to the man, ready to thank him.

“Jeon Jungkook?” Y/N exclaimed, she cant help but smile so widely. Jungkook chuckled.

“We are halfway around the world away from home, and of all the faces and all the places, we had to meet each other. If this is not fate, then I dont know what this is,” Jungkook pulled Y/N up, grinning with his bunny teeth showing.

“Its so so so nice to see a familiar face!” she jumped to hug him, hands around his neck. After the day she had, it is really nice to see someone familiar. Y/N is too caught up in her happiness that she didnt realize she is hugging Jeon Jungkook a little too intimately.

Jungkook, on the other hand, can feel his heart beating faster and faster because of her actions. Calm down, Jungkook. It’s just a friendly hug.

“Wow, someone seems to be happy to see me! You must be having a bad day, Y/N,” he teased. “But by looking at that,” he points to the shopping bags strewn everywhere , “I might be wrong,” he laughs.

“Oh shut up! I am having a bad day. The worse actually,” Y/N playfully smack his chest. Jungkook laughs and helps her pick up all her shopping bags.

“Let’s go for a drink, and you can tell me all about your bad day,”

————–

“Andddd that’s what happen. I mean, I could have been kidnap right now and my team wont even have a way to contact me. Well, atleast now I can get kidnap in a stylish outfit,” Y/N raised one of her shopping bags. Jungkook chuckle.

“By the way, what are you doing here? You didnt tell me you were also flying out yesterday,”

“We are here for a fansign and a photoshoot for our summer package promotions,” Jungkook explains. The thought didnt cross his mind yesterday to tell Y/N that he is also flying out. Nothing crosses his mind that night actually. His thoughts were consumed by Y/N and Y/N alone.

Just sitting there in front of her in McDonald’s, wearing his beautifully tailored suit and her in such a gorgeous dress, he never felt happier. They were talking and joking and laughing just like old times and Jungkook wishes for nothing more than wanting that moment to last forever.

And now, so far away from home, she ended up in front of him again. Talking about her day so animatedly. Telling him things like they had never went through a bad time. Laughing with him like he never broke her heart. Jungkook cant help but just stare at her. If only you are still mine. He shakes his head and smile.

“Y/N, if you have time during your trip, maybe we can explore the city together? The hyungs never wants to go around with me,” Jungkook pouts.

“Hey, what a great idea! I’m all alone anyways. My team never wants to explore places with me. Something about 'not wanting to hang around with the boss’. I’m an amazing boss, and I’m also a great friend! I dont understand whyyy,” Y/N complains.

Her pouty action makes the butterflies in Jungkook’s heart went on a rampage. He shows his bunny smile, “Great. Then I will pick you up at your hotel everyday when we are both done with our things okay?”

Y/N simply nodded. Not sensing anything other than maybe Jungkook is really trying to reconcile their friendship. Y/N suddenly grab his hand.

“Let me send all my things to the car and let’s go to the beach before we go home. Its almost sunset!” Y/N excitedly jumped up from her seat. Jungkook just agree. Y/N asking him to go to the beach with her, laughing with him, agreeing to sight see with him everyday in a foreign city…

If this is a dream, he dont ever want to wake up.

————-

“I’m sorry it took longer than expected Miss,” the airport staff apologized profusely. Y/N just nodded, says a quiet thanks and wheeled all her luggage away. To be honest, she is still angry about the incident but right now she just wants to get back to the hotel and dig her phone out.

The first thing she did once she reached her room is plug in the charger. Once her phone lights up, she quickly finds the name she had wanted to reach for days now. She starts reading all his texts. More tears starts strraming down her face with every text she reads. He had explained the situation. He had asked for forgiveness. Although apparently he didnt actually went home with the girl, he did get drunk and left her alone in the cold to party and kiss the said girl. Y/N knows he doesnt mean it but still, what he did hurt. She can forgive hin for being stood up, the drunkeness, but the girls? Of everything he can forgive a man for, infidelity is definitely not one of it. But is it cheating if they are not even together?

Just then, her phone dings, indicating a new text message. Minghao. She quickly clicks the icon.

I love you Song Y/N. Please come back to me.

Y/N close her eyes and let the tears flow. Since the night that she confessed, Minghao never actually says he loves her again so directly. She knows he finally believe her when she said that she’s sure of her feelings for him, but she really dont know, at this moment, if she can forgive what he did so easily. Minutes passed, and she finally typed back a reply.

I’m sorry. I need time.

———————————————————– Chapter 14 Preview (FINAL EPISODE)

Jungkook kneeled down on one knee, one hand holding hers and another one holding open a small ring box.

“I dont want to ever lose you again. I dont ever want to feel regret for letting you walk out from my life ever again. Song Y/N, I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you, showering you with the love that you deserve. Will you marry me?”

With tears streaming down her cheeks, Y/N smiles.

Minghao quickly turns away from what he saw. It seems that his one mistake will haunt him forever. It costs him to lose the love of his life.

[imoverit]

I just don’t know. I know I say that a lot but I just really don’t. Like I’m a very highly intelligent person and I’m very good at solving problems. Making something after more efficient. Like I can go into a business and within a month or 2 just totally change that place. Like from products from intake of like a grocery store to the customers cars I can make it so an employee won’t have to handle it more than he needs too. Move this there. Change this try that and before you know it your pumping out a million guitars a year when before me was 50-100k.

And I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE!!!!! I’ve gone over every scenario 1000 times each and then even started mixing scenarios together then adding new thoughts and Scientific physocology shit to it then adding reality shit to it then adding physically AND YES AND (as in more than 1,) practically IMPOSSIBLE FUCKING BULLSHIT to the mix and then before you know it I just wanna fucking blow my head off. Seriously. Honestly It’s too fucking much at times. But I’m not going too don’t worry. Ive injected myself several in fact dozens of times with a cocktail of drugs so powerful that DR Kovorkian coulda helped 7-8 people maybe more. I’d have to inject a whole morphine 200 just to get outta bed I’m the morning and I wasn’t even high yet. I had to mix large quantities. Half gram or more of dope at a time mixed with some pills to get high! Thank god I HONESTLY don’t miss that. I do however miss her. YOU. And I just don’t know what the hell is up. My woman the woman who she was before I met her would have no problem telling me what’s up with the last 3mths In person. She wouldn’t. Even if she fucking wanted my ass deader than a shit and she was fuCali nag pissed or even if she was hurt emotionally by something I did or said (before the blow up. That don’t count cuz she didn’t tell me the TRUTH!!! My WOMAN would sit me down tell me the TRUTH and then kick my fucking ass and kill me but SHE WOULD HAVE NO PROBLEM TELLING ME THE TRUTH...... IN PERSON. So some things up. I hear It her voice. It sounds painful whatever it is. And before I blew up when we was “good” and we’re still single but she writes the legit I love you msg and ONE DAY AT A TIME. Then over next couple weeks. I get honest love yous and miss yous and even when we talked on the phone that was my woman. If she was happy sad angry whatever that was my woman. Then even may 4th I think. Super flower moon day I heard it in her voice. The IM IN LOVE WITH YOU BUT I HAVE TO PUSH YOU AWAY self sabotage of a meaningful relationship cuz what I’m better off. Cuz it’s all minor stupid spiraled outta control bullshit and now resentments are forming. The kind that NEVER GO AWAY. And I don’t want that. But she won’t talk to me. At all. It’s out of character for MY WOMAN!! Like even if she wasn’t in love with me and I knew her I would be able to tell somethings up from her tone last night.

It was just pain full to hear. Like she still has something aching to get out and be said. I just don’t know if it’s good for me or bad for me. I feel it’s bad. I feel that she has marked me for life as one of her abusers. Somethings wrong that she won’t fucking tell me. Cuz that’s not my woman. That’s not the woman who I sat next to for 7 years. Yeah babe 7 years. Yeah babe I’m calling you babe cuz that will always be your name to me!! And I just feel like she feels ashamed and emabareassed for her actions when she is having a PTSD moment and most of the time she blacks out and don’t remember half the stuff that was said. And that scares me. So angry that you black out. I would never hurt her. NEVER EVER EVER WOULD I DO ANYTHING EVEN ROTELY CLOSE TO WHAT THEM MONSTERS HAVE DONE TO YOU!!!! Mean words yes I am fucking guilty. A phone or laundry basket thrown in your direction with no intent to harm you physically, yes I’m f ifking guiltynof that too I’m guilty. But I would never ever do anything worse than what’s already been done. (Fist hole In a cheap closet door, guilty) but I’d never and I KNOW YOU HONESTLY KNOW THAT. I SAVED YOU BABY. I WAS THERE FOR YOU WHEN YOU NEEDED ME THE MOST!!! Actions. Forget about other girls who I never was anything more than basic non sexual friends with. I said something nice about her hair. Well if I remember correctly that’s as during the time I me Patrick left but you BABE didn’t tell me before I walked out door that you were on the ledge of a bridge deciding if you wanted to jump or not. Which I’m so glad you didn’t but if you would of told me that day of 356 bridge NONE OF THIS WOULDA HAPPENED. Neither would of dec 28th and for that. I think you feel guilty and ashamed prolly disgusting(cuz I do for my actions so that’s why I said you prolly feel) scared and embarrassed for yourself and yur actions cuz that’s how I feel about myself. I’m mostly ashamed and embarrassed of myself but I feel angry the most and that’s why I can’t talk wirhour getting passionate”. Angry at myself. I’m not even made at you. I’m angry at myself. And then in turn get angry at you for something stupid and then it blows up into big time madness all cuz I’m ashamed of myself and I’m angry with myself. If I hadn’t snuck around and used drugs with chad. Which was only drugs never anything sexual with anybody!!!!! And you know what I feel the same way. I’m ashamed of myself. To the point I wanna die. I’m embarrassed and angry and I feel so disgusting and gross since you couldn’t even let me hold you when you cut your wrist. I tried to get you but you didn’t want me too touch you. So no didn’t. I’m so sorry baby. I shoulda took the chance of you calling cops on me for assault or something. But at same time I respect you so you said don’t touch I didn’t touch. When you tell me to not touch you for a year even after we got thru her not working correctly after surgery. Remember what I said. I’ll try everyday 100 times a day for years if needed until you can cum all over him or my face.

And I just know we don’t end like this. We don’t end like this. Your the most amazing woman I ever met. Beautiful. Your not beautiful. Beautiful don’t even come fucking close to describing who/what you are!!!! Brave. Strong super sexy wardawg who despite EVERTHING (everything you’ve said/done, I’ve said/done) despite EVERYTHING baby you STILL drive me wild like the first time we met each other. Your real true beauty makes my dick hard just thinking about you. Right now. He 😘🤪👃👅🖖👐(full body erotic message hands) your the strongest most courageous woman I’ve EVER MET like you didn’t even go I my o much detail about shit everytime you’d open up you got more beautiful. Then when you started telling me bout yur monster cousins you got more beautiful and you didn’t even go into detail of the events (like you actually should do to help HEAL. It works trust me KERR FAMILY. I carried a lot of shit after that. Loading a whole family that died together in a forerunner crash into the coroners van. 4 people. Mom. 3 kids 16-6 or 7 years old. And our relationship now. The current state were in right now just ripped my family away and I’m in need of my best friend my lover back!!! I really am. I just miss you so much. I’ll cry for an hour straight. Seriously. Sometimes 2 and then stop try to do something but WVERYTHING REMINDS ME OF YOU. I watched a video on donutboperator of a kid who was yelling at the cop to just kill him bro please. And I freaking cried like a baby all night. Ended up texting you and then you called and I got to hear your voice but then I hurt even more cuz you didn’t even sound like you. That wasn’t you. It just wasn’t you. Even if you hate me and actually never wanted to see me again m, you would sound like you. And you just didn’t. Remember on the phone. I got the text too to prove it. “Yur voice was different. Everything was different”. In a good way. She got tingly from what you said!! Yeah I bd isn’t hear that in you. Like even when we were together and we were Mia communicating and someone called or you had to deal with a person. You sounded like BABE. Even when we weee fighting on the phone BOTH getting mean and ignorant to each other. You still sounded like you. But last night. You didn’t. Even from the very first words of, what do you want?? It just didn’t sound like Ashley. If I was blind and you walked into the room and talked I wouldn’t of known who it was. Just please talk to me baby!!! We should be spending this beautiful summer watching stars here at dads or kennerdale. Yes kennerdale. I was waiting for better weather to go star gazing there with you and hold you tight then feb 2nd came and I thought for sure you was gonna come see me. At least once. And I won’t lie. You hurt me feelings with the whole weed issue april 22nd. Like you text before we even talked. Look at menu your only one who’s appreciate it then we started talking and I thought it was going good. If you were only talking to me my babe was back then somewhere around your script issue something noticeably changed. You began getting short with me. You wouldn’t text for a few days and I can almost pin point the exact like 2 week span. So please baby. If youve heard any thing that I’ve said here. And if you truly deep down inside feel any bit of the same way I do. Just please come talk to me. I’d like it to be without you having a BF so I can hug you. I just want a hug. I wasn’t able to that night or since or even before and I just my my woman back. Your world didn’t end the day I moved out!!! It just began. Use this lil vacation to get yourself right. Don’t worry about a relationship. And if yo u need the services of a man that’s what I’m here for. If we’re working on ourselves and each other with that promise to each other like I mentioned last year. Your strong independent woman who don’t need a man. So I don’t see why you jumped straight into a relationship while you still have/had at time may 4th, feelings for me. Cuz that wasn’t how somebody who don’t love a person no more, breaks up width.

You don’t basically tell me please don’t blow up and end it bad I’m case I wake up I’m a year well 2 to be “specific” and realize that it was ALWAYS me. The fact that you even said that was a red flag. Shoulda been a red flag to yurself that you were self sabatoging our relationship. I don’t care if you slept with 50 guys the last 3-4 mths. I bd not want details unless there is no chance of us getting back together EVER and then I need to know when you started talking to mike is it? Cuz if it was after our phone call March 24th then he’s a POS I know you talked about our relationship and I have a feeling he said one of those predator lines. He don’t deserve you. You are beautiful. But what you didn’t tell him is that you didn’t want me telling you you were beautiful cuz you thought I only said it cuz I was on drugs which wasn’t the case. It intensified the true feelings. And I just feel something like that happened and then that one day round April 13th is give or take a week something happened. Maybe a one night stand. Kool no problem but then guilt and shame and embarrassment comes into play and then you text me like you was trying to tell me something and then it don’t matter anyways. My life was over day you moved out shit down and then you ignored me so you didn’t have to tell me. I feel 2 ways bout it. Either it was one night stand and you felt emabareassed bout it which you shouldn’t. Your human or he did take advantage of a woman who’s a month out of a 7 year rocky relationship but r the he reason it was rocky is because both people were fighting for what they love/loved. Me/you as of now. And we just don’t end like this babe. We don’t. Are you ok with us ending like this??? I mean how we ever gonna be able to even try to become friends again if one of us has a significant other. It’s like mike and (I don’t have nobody but you so we’ll say Suzie) Mike and suzie gonna be ok with us going to hang out or going to concert or what?? Double dating??? I just can’t see ya ever talking to each other again unless we’re in a committed relationship to each other. I just don’t know. I need to jamb. I’m really missing you hard core right now. I feel like you actually did die cuz I’m never gonna see you again

Remember how I always say somethings in the woods here. I feel like a raptor or some shot is stalking so Last night I was jambin in drive way and I bent down BYU turn the mids up a lil but and when I bent back up there was a coyote running towards me from the flower bed closest to driveway I yelled AAHHHH and went to swing my guitar like a bat and it like turned in mid full sprint slid its nails across blacktop I could hear them sliding trying to grip traction and then he took off towards the Lane sign. I fucking had prolly a #50-60 pound coyote almost attack me. I just heard them down on the bank just behind the light line.