#tldr: if jackson was still alive Chris would not have lasted as long as he had

[wheelsupin-azarathmetrionzinthos]

Lucy needed a friend in S4

Whenever I think about episode 4x17 and Chris singing Dream A Little Dream of Me in front of Lucy like it was a normal thing to do or a normal mistake to make. I question like the rest of us “why didn’t she break up with him?”  We could assume that it was the show itself minimizing her trauma or keeping Chris around for drama reasons. But ignoring that type of meta analysis, in character I think it all comes back to the fact that in season 4, Lucy doesn’t have the friends and support she had before. Yes I know she had Tim but we’ll get to that.  Losing Jackson lost Lucy a very important person in her life, because yes they were best friends but they were also peers. They went to each other about everything. Like we saw with Vanessa Chen, Jackson was willing to go scorched earth for Lucy against her own mother, even while Lucy would’ve just suffered in silence about her parents’ disapproval. Unlike her friendships with Nyla, Angela or Tim, Jackson was a peer, they went through the academy together, they were in a very similar stage of life. He was her sounding board in a way Nolan wasn’t or Rachel used to be before she moved. Lucy in season 4 also became Tamara’s primary caretaker, she got a little sister to care about and protect. Lucy absolutely wouldn’t want to burden her with any of the emotional uncertainty or trauma she was working through.  As previously demonstrated with Rachel, Lucy works through her issues by talking through them with someone. Her best ability to introspect is talking through her feelings, and having someone point out the lack of logic, or being able to point out her own logic. She can’t do that with Tamara, she’s not burdening this kid. She can’t really do this with Nyla and Angela, because while they are her friends they also outrank her, and are further in their careers and lives. Thorsen is still a rookie and isn’t quite at that level yet.  That leaves Tim, but at this point, I think something would prevent Lucy from really discussing her relationship with Tim. They both can’t really admit to each other that there are problems in their relationships because well...that would require them to address their deal. THe only reason Lucy intervened with Ashley is that Ashley called *her* about Kojo So anyway back to 4x17. Chris sings the song, Lucy spirals, and then she decides to watch the video, she decides not to testify, and then she’s fine? She goes to dinner with Chris? But let’s look at that scene. Even on one of her most vulnerable days, Lucy sees that Tamara is interested in lawyer intern Austin. So she makes it easy on Tamara. She knows if she’s not perfectly okay, Tamara will feel bad and it’ll ruin her evening. Lucy cares so much, even at the detriment of her own feelings. Lucy takes care of Tamara by going to dinner with Chris and convincing herself that yeah this is fine and that being with a man who belittles her career, and doesn’t listen to her, and is moving too fast is okay. It’s okay because the two people who could clock that she’s not okay, are Tim (distracted by trying to not have feelings for Lucy, and also Lucy will always want him to be proud of her which means not being vulnerable about things she’s supposed to be “over”) and Jackson (who is dead). If Jackson had been around, Lucy could’ve let herself fall apart over the SUPER TRAUMATIC DAY, and he would’ve called her on her stubbornness in needing to make Chris work. Jackson was her safeplace, in the way that Angela was Tim’s and Nyla had become Nolan’s. S4 left her unmoored which left with the ability to grow in her relationship with Tim, but it also hindered her when things came up that she couldn’t talk to Tim about, like issues with Chris, or kissing Tim in her apartment. S4 Lucy needed her friend Jackson a whole bunch, and nothing shows that more then 4x17, because Jackson would have protected her from herself.