#toliveintheflow

[hijadeloscoyotes]

As I step into the path of motherhood, I have finally begun to understand how to love myself. I began my journey a few years ago when I realized I needed to learn how to mother myself. Even before my son came, I recognized the child within me -a little girl that desperately needed my attention - she called to me - she sometimes cried, and I spent so much time ignoring her that I started to feel lonely and hollow on the inside. When I finally stopped and paid attention - I saw she was the most marvelous creation. She is wild and Free - She is pure Creativity - She is everything I want to be - Except that she is sometimes hurting. She hurts from the pain of the past, from trauma and abuse - when I finally felt all of her fear, I held her close to myself and I told her what I always needed to hear, “it’s not your fault, I’m here for you now, I’m not going anywhere, I’m sorry these things have happened! It wasn’t fair, but I’m here now, I will always be here to take care of you.” I’ve spent so much of my life chasing after romantic love, desperately seeking the validation i needed to give myself. I’ve always been so bitterly disappointed when my partners could not speak to this hurtling little girl. The truth is - it was never their responsibility, because the one who understands her the best is me. So when I start to feel that lonely, hollow feeling, I try to stop and give myself the attention I need. I hold myself and say, “you are beautiful, you are love, you are light, you are everything you want to be, and even if no one else sees is, the one who believes it is me.” So as this little life is growing in my body and I think about all that I want to teach and share with him, I think the most important will be to model how I self-love, because as much as I will try to protect him from everything, I hope to give him the skills to be able to cope with pain and disappointment of this life on his own. When I think about being a mom, I often think of the expectation of complete self-sacrifice, and while this is a reality, I hope I never forget to take care of myself. I don’t ever want to stop speaking to the little girl inside, because like a child, she still needs a lot of my attention. I am still learning how to do this, I am still growing all the time, but I’m beginning to realize the more I attend to myself, the less dependent I am on the validation of others. And ironically, be getting in touch with my inner child, I am slowly crossing over to becoming the strong, confident woman I have always dreamed of being. Paz y Amor - La Hija de los Coyotes