#toydreamer blogs

[toydreamer]

Gotten some bad news that I kinda knew for a long time coming but jus not expecting it to arrive this quickly.. and honestly idk how to deal with it rn.

Brain’s jus coming up blank and not computing. Can’t tell if it’s a state of shock or grief or both or something else, feels like I’ll need a while to resume normality or at least sort out where my thoughts are gonna go. Jus wanna ramble and throw out all these thoughts, feels better that I write them out somewhere.

Highly tempted to box it all up and throw them out of sight out of mind. Not denying the facts, just accepting things for what it is because fate has been sealed from the day the diagnosis came out (Not me but yes it’s a family member)

And everyone jus agrees that it’s best to live things out day by day. Future seems like a far-fetched mystical concept these days. I guess we’ll get there when we get there. Future me will eventually have to suck it up and deal with things like an unwilling adult.

Physically still functioning as per usual because life’s gotta go on right? Despite everything else and time isn’t gonna give me an ounce of mercy by standing still nor is it gonna wait for me.

Feels like I really need an outlet for copium right now for the blanket of comfort and normalcy while we can only crossed all our fingers and toes, hoping for the best even if the best option right now is to be able to buy more time. Frankly, I’m not very optimistic about the outcome but I’ll still hope and pray for some sort of miracle that we’re blessed with more time.

As of right now, might take a small break to seek shelter in my next piece, thinking about my OCs since they’re kinda my babies and comfort zone.

No clue what I wanna make except I want to make and hopefully be able to get everything off my chest by mindlessly creating, letting it take a form of its own.

Been a tiring day/week overall. Funny how a piece of news like this could jus ruined things in a quick second and the only choice left is to accept things for what it is and the courage to take baby steps forward.

Also this quote couldn’t have come at a better time

[toydreamer]

OMFGGG CANT BELIEVE I GOT FEATURED WAAAAAAAAA THANK KEW SO MUCH I-

* LIES DOWN AND SOBSSS INTO NEXT LIFE *

😭🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻✨✨✨✨

Tumblr Tuesday: A Cozy Little Spot in the Underworld 

It’s a Hades art collection! All your favorite drapey ones, right here on your dash. Please join us in celebrating the incredibly talented artists in this fandom. They are doing us all such a solid while we anxiously await the official release and its delicious family drama.

@toydreamer:

@sakitamish:

@kitsunico:

@alinamgh:

@fleshgardens:

@miyaneatworld:

@lornaka:

@mochipong:

@moon-finch:

@riotb0nes:

@beneceadraws:

@paseriptm:

@ziriii:

@ryuuna:

@kkekaart:

@corvophobia:

@eclecticshadowwitch:

[acaranna]

I was tagged by my dear @luciferesque! Thank you Darling!

Tagging: @cdhurricane, @toydreamer, @monaramis - and everyone who wants to do it.^^

Nicknames: Ranna or Sue

Zodiac sign: Leo

Height: 5′3″

Last movie I saw: Cinema - that would be “Avengers: Infinity War” and if you’re asking Netflix “Drag Me to Hell”

Last thing I googled: Something work-related but if we’re going private that would be the “herbs used in medicine”

Favorite musicians: Lordi, Five Finger Death Punch, Disturbed, Exit Eden, Nightwish and quite a few more.

Song stuck in my head:  BEAST IN BLACK - Blind And Frozen

Following: 312 - inkluding blogs that are either hibernating or dead

Followers: almost 450^^

Do I get asks: rarely, sometimes there is an influx of prompts (and yes, I am aware that I still have some that need filling^^) and then it’s quiet again.

Lucky numbers: I don’t think, that I have a lucky number but I do tend to try and get numbers even - like stitches for a scarf.

What I’m wearing: A dark grey top with black jeans and brown boots

Dream job: Writer 

Dream trip: Finland, Sweden, Norway, Denmark, Iceland - you know, places where I’m not keeling over because I don’t do well in high temperatures.

Favorite food: Grandma’s carotte soup, Grandpa’s Christmas duck (we try to get it right but it will never taste the same)

Instruments: Nope, none. I did try to learn the flute way back when I was in kindergarden. But that’s it.

Languages: German (nativelanguage), English (main communication unless it’s work or family), a little bit of French (after years in school XD), a tiny bit Italian and a tiny bit Polish

Favorite songs: Changes each week. XD At the moment it’s the one that’s stuck in my head.

Random fact: If you need to count stitches on a knitting project and you don’t know if you counted properly - take a small break before recounting. (At least that helps me.) 

Aesthetic: Old books and leather couches, steaming tea and flickering candles. A forgotten knitting project resting in a basket beside a fireplace. An old forest in the rising fog. A dew covered field in the early morning sun.

[writeangstime]

Art belongs to TOYDREAMER

                                      Overwatch Secret Santa

Please, reblog it to spread the news! We would like to get as much people into this as we can.

What is Secret Santa? Many of you probably know it by far, but if not, you can learn it in here. It is an initiative, where you get a person to whom you send a present and that person doesn’t know who will give them the gift until the moment they get it. Since it is quite popular, I would like to make it for the Overwatch.

Something about the rules and organization:

·         From 18th of November till 3th of December you can fill in the poll about your participant.

·         After that time you will get the information to whom you are sending the present.

·         The best for you would be to stay silent about it until the Christmas, so if you have the chance, put on the anon, so someone would be able to ask you more questions about that.

Ok, so what we are considering a gift?

·         A fanart

·         A written story

·         Something that is connected with the Overwatch, like poster, postcard, print, etc.

You can send anything in the package, because not all should be considered an Overwatch thing, but remember to at least keep it due to the wishes.

You don’t have to be Overwatch blog to take part in it, as long as you have fun. In case on any questions, write to the coordinator of the project, @watchyouover  .

[toydreamer]

What the years have taught me

Is okay to not have a style and it's the best kind of liberation - I can be whatever I want to be while evolving my passion and do my bestest 😉✨🎨 + I'm just a gremlin chameleon >:3c The empty template

[toydreamer]

The times I’m so glad I’m passionate about making art and it being my calling is receiving merch that I make myself bcus I got too tired of waiting for official merch (will still support if they ever release it but yeah you get me)

I’ve always wanted to make a shrine for charmes and I’m gonna do it right this second right this minute. I’m jus gonna manifest my wants and needs into reality

[toydreamer]

What if?

Hermes would so introduce the genius concept of gacha to charon and watch as his husband falls in love with the idea & proceeds to install gacha machines at every stop of his shop

Fr it’ll be such a funny visual like imagine coming across that in game 🤣

Yes I bought it for my upcoming con Cus it’s such an adorable size and only realised how it fits the associates perfectly like they’re defo out here getting everyone addicted to gacha and jus rolling in obols

The shades would die for gachapons just like how I’ll throw money at these every time I visit japan 🤣

[toydreamer]

New babies that finally arrived today!! 🥹🙏🏻✨ So so stoked to be debuting this at my upcoming con happening at AFA CSF on the 27 - 28 July at Singapore Expo!

Come adopt these lovelies home 🫶🏻🥹

Very limited qtys available!

[toydreamer]

Gaise this is how I died and went to heaven. Hermes himself blessing me with his presence I cannot I-

Also fyi, yes he’s Hermes’ VA and a huge charmes stan for peeps who don’t know. I am so gobsmacked speechless and honestly fucking honoured 😭🥺🙏🏻💕

I rly want to collect all the VAs signatures and immortalise them in frames forever

[toydreamer]

Not sure how to start this blog post Cus I’m unsure how to even start writing this chaotic ball of emotions I’m feeling. So read on if ur still interested otherwise enjoy this prettiest rainbow I’ve had the luck to take a photo of.

for the ones who have been following me for years would know the cancer battle that’s been plaguing my dad for the past few years and the turmoil it’s been putting us through.

No easy way to say this but the longest and dreary journey has finally come to an end for my dad. He did his best to fight with all he can and persistently tolerated the pain demons all so he could buy himself more time with us.

To be Frank, I’ve long expected this day to come bcus well he ain’t a Saint of health, been the heaviest chain smoker all his life. He also didn’t exactly made it easy for us given how addicted he was to decades long history of chugging cigs.

But still he’s my dad and all I can say is I gradually jus accepted the fact and decide to cherish the present days as much as possible Cus it’s gonna be a sooner or later event.

When he was first diagnosed, it was already late stage. There’s still treatment options for him but unfortunately the doctors exhausted medicines after medicines on him bcus his cancer type was an insanely aggressive kind.

We still tried to stay positive but obviously he is deeply affected. There’s bouts of him just wanting to give up and forgo treatment entirely but we managed to persuade him to give it a go all so that we can have abit more time with him.

Eventually he came around abit but he is also a traditional Asian man of extremely few words making the task of prying open an oyster shell with bare hands look like childplay. He doesn’t like telling us what he’s thinking despite many attempts to talk. Another bad habit that we disliked but can’t do about once he clams up.

Understandably we know deep down he’s as anxious and worried about his future as us but he doesn’t want us to worry about him. So it’s like being in a deadlock for days.

All we could do was engaging with him more, finding new food places to try, eating at his favourites and bringing him to places. Those outing made him forgot about his condition for abit, little positive distractions that now serves as happy memories of him.

His tumors stay as stubborn as can be and begin to spread like a menace. It eventually spread to his brain in Jan this year that’s when doctor told us it’s stage 4, they were confident in surgery given he’s still in a healthy condition so we went ahead.

The doctors pulled through and though was not able to remove everything but they did they best to take out as much as they could. Dad recovered well too and bounce back really quickly. They lined him up with a couple more treatments hoping to try and keep it at bay.

But alas this time it only took a month for it to grow back again. Recurring symptoms from before came back and we had a wrenching gut feeling the tumor in his brain is back. Hoping so much that we were wrong but reality and knowledge prove us right again.

Only this time it made it impossible for anymore treatments to be done for him as the cancer grew back in the exact same area and is even bigger than before with brain bleed. His health has also deteriorated at this point that even the surgeons don’t feel confident and comfortable putting him through another surgery in the same area. Risk of side effects are a lot higher now. They also told us he’s reached end stage now.

So we knew there’s no point in putting him through more pain any longer. Made the hard decision to let him live out his condition as comfortably as possible with minimal pain. Doctors have also warned us he might go any time then and to be prepared.

Haven’t cried so hard in years since I was a young child after hearing the news and trying to digest reality. Even though I always knew this day would come it’s never enough preparation when it arrives.

But dad did his best and held out for a month plus. It was so tough watching him waste away as the illness gradually takes away pieces of him, reducing him to being jailed in his own body as he slowly loses functions and control over his body. He is fully dependent on external care. Even if he couldn’t communicate with us like the past, it’s easy to see how turmoil tortured him from within when he can’t even perform basic actions.

Mum’s retired so she gets to visit him and stay by his side for as much of the day as she can. I’m lucky to be able to work from home and only be on call sometimes so I’ll frequently visit him as much as I can. Sis only gets to see him after work so we rotate shifts to manage.

All while waiting for hospice to get back to us when vacancy opens up which was just one week back. When he finally got transferred after almost a month’s wait, a relative had the smartest idea to propose a small little party celebrating my sister’s birthday at the hospice for a few hours so we could gather and hang out with my dad is really the main purpose.

Could tell he really appreciated and enjoy the time outside for abit that’s not him being confined within the wards. Even managed to give us the best thumbs up he can managed which was a great sign.

That inherently gave us abit of a false hope that perhaps he still had more time left. Only for things to descend rapidly in jus a few days later. Up till the morning of Thursday this week, hospice called to inform us that his condition isn’t looking good and to come down and spend as much time with him as possible given he might pass at any time.

Imagine the shock it gave us all after such a good weekend. We rushed down and took shifts to spend all the time we have together with him.

Could tell he wasn’t ready to leave and didn’t want to but we both knew the choice isn’t his to make anymore. He hasn’t been able to straighten his stiff arms for weeks but still did his best to reach his palms out to touch my face one last time. Did my best to tell him what I wanted to say for the last time. He then passed on in the wee hours of today.

As for this rainbow? It felt too much of a coincidence when it appeared after we’ve all been running about preparing for dad’s funeral arrangements. It’s only when I had a breather and look up for abit and was blessed with this majestic sunset sky and the vibrant rainbow bridge after a heavy downpour.

I may be delulu about it but given the timing of everything that’s happening plus the position of it seating jus nicely above the hall that my dad’s wake was held, felt a tad too surreal. Personally it feels like a mix between a thank you message plus a motivational push towards me doing what I do best, encouraging the ideas I have in plans. Or maybe it could be his way of reassuring us things will be fine and he’s truly in a happier better place now.

When things get more settled, I’ll defo look into getting this printed and framed close to dad’s shrine in the house. Feels like a right thing to do.

Typing his little story has been a little therapeutic and helped lighten the load in my chest some.

Missing him and his shenanigans loads already but I know I’ll be okay eventually, the tough part is letting time do it’s job in dulling out the pain.

If u see this, thanks for tuning into part of my life story 🫶🏻✨

[toydreamer]

End of my second and last con of the year 🎉💕✨

Biggest thank kew to everyone who came down and supported us. Once again ya all blew past our expectations!!

As this prominent event is anime-centric we didn’t have too high hopes as our stuff are more niche and we’re not carrying the usual big fandoms. Simply jus us making our favourite things and trying to find our people and jus having fun at our second boothing attempt 🥹💕

All my gratitude to every well wishes, motivational words, the encouragements and little chit chats with new peeps and old acquaintances! And the many freebies given srsly ya all too kind!! 😭❤️

We hope to try our hand in booth applications for next year again and fingers crossed we manage to get a slot or two so we can bring in new lineup of merchs then! Had so much fun ��

[toydreamer]

Zero ragrats for buying these lovely little futons so my professional associates can stay cozy for a quick nap in between the hustle

🥹🫶🏻💕💕💕✨✨

[toydreamer]

Posting my DDAM SG Catalogue on here! Finally my first booth after 5 years! 🎉🥳

SG peeps or hades family on here who happens to be visiting Singapore on vacay or if you are in the vicinity do consider popping by our booth G17 - Yueimin at Suntec Convention Centre, Singapore Hall 403 from 8-9 June!

Looking forward to meeting new peeps! 👁️👄👁️✨🔥

[toydreamer]

Long postcon gratitude post ✨🎉

Firstly all my gratitude and thanks to my awesomest and most wholesome booth mates for the help with marvellous planning & seamless teamwork with testing setup to hustling sales and doing the math when my brain fried itself. Couldn’t have done this on my own 😭🫶🏻💕✨🎉

Secondly, when I say I am SUPER INSANELY GRATEFUL AND TOUCHED BY THE CRAZY AMOUNT OF LOVE AND SUPPORT YA ALL HAVE SHOWERED ME THIS WEEKEND I SWEAR I-

Like Omggg you gaise bought out all of my prints stocks it’s crazy I just can’t. I’m truly grateful for that BUT the one that rly touched me to the core the most are peeps that had been following me for so long coming down specifically just for me and my prints gods I’m SO SORRY ya all waited years oh lord I didn’t know or rather I was afraid I didn’t think there would be demand for hades stuff in particular and it seemed pretty niche a market. Also it was hella niceeee to finally be able to meet everyone irl like ahhh finally! 😭🥹💕🫶🏻✨

And to the peeps who gifted me freebies of Hermes and the hades cast oh gods take my love pls, will take a proper picture Tmr when I unpack everything but rly thank kew for my baby boi. My crops have been watered by all the adorable works!! 😭🫶🏻✨

It’s the best con to date I nv had so much fun before rly thanks for popping by to chat or say hi! Time flew by too quickly. It was superb catching up with old mates and meeting new peeps! I had a lot of fun, rly enjoyed myself despite the exhaustion (Cus my old bones is ded af)

To the danmei fans I am so so sorry I prolly should have rly brought in more tgcf and mdzs prints but alas my fearful ass wasn’t sure about things tho I did restock tgcf right before the event but the demand shot past my expectations by a whole lot and apologies to many who didn’t manage to get it.

Will try to restock more for my next and last con of the year - AFA CSF

See ya all there!

I’ll be bringing in a new lineup of hades prints and hopefully I’ll have enough time to complete new selection of works /stresses and sweats in a months time 🤣😉✨

Once again from the bottom of my heart and soul Tysm!!!🎉

[toydreamer]

New year, New Namecards

Hshs finally got to print new namecards after the last con crowd wiped out my basic looking old ones. So happy to use my own OCs as branding, feels so good and absolutely digging how pretty the namecard looks like yesss it’s finally a design I can relate to and feel personal about Cus it me babies 🥹🫶🏻✨

[toydreamer]

Sighsss.. looking at Mel’s nendoroid GSC drop gnaws at my aching soul for charmes. I highly doubt we will get either of them judging how they only released Megthanzag for hades 1.

Just so damn sadddd and annoyed plus I feel like my will for any official charmes goods to drop has culminated to an intense melting point. At this point I’m jus making merchs for myself and to satisfied mine and any fellow charmes peeps who wants them. Cries I’m so so desperate.

Lmao at me browsing for custom nendos/obitsu11 makers on Etsy now Cus I’m frustratingly tired, hangry and slowly going mad from the lack of merchs