#tw for steve experiencing overstimulation

[cosmicrelease]

steve had spent all day at work. meaning he spent all day masking using his perfectly curated customer service persona. and he was tired. all he wanted to do was go to his dark, quiet house, and curl up in bed.

except he couldn’t.

no of course he couldn’t. he had stupidly made plans weeks ago and stupidly assumed he’d be up for it when the day came. eddie had asked steve to use his place for a hellfire christmas get together and of course steve said yes. but now the day is here and he really wasn’t looking forward to it.

steve drove home from work in silence. just needing the time to recover from the day. he knew he didn’t have much time between work and when people would be at his place but he was hoping it would be enough time to take a breath.

unfortunately, it was not enough time. everyone had shown up about an hour ago and steve was starting to feel the ribbon holding his mask on start to come loose. the group was in the living room listening to christmas music while having a loud and heated debate about something from the last campaign. steve was sat next to eddie on the couch, trying to keep up with what was going on. trying to make the right facial expressions for whatever story was being told to him, trying to make sure he asked enough questions but not too many, trying to appear like everyone else. all that in combination with the music and everyone talking at once and the room was a mess of discarded wrapping paper had steve feeling like he was about to rip off his skin.

normally steve did great in social situations, he was good at mimicking people and listening to what they had to say. but on days where his system was already overwhelmed, he got very overstimulated very quickly. and all he wanted to do was be somewhere quiet and dark.

not wanting to ruin anyone’s festivities he decided to go up to his room, his safe space, to try and get it together. he hadn’t even realized he had been shaking until he reached for the knob to let himself in. after shutting the door to block out the noise steve went to the furthers corner of the room before sliding to the floor with his back against the wall. it made him feel safe and protected from all sides. he began biting at the skin on his nails on one hand while the other was in his hair pulling, trying to pull himself back to reality. he felt like his whole body was on fire. his pants were too tight, his shirt had a tag that he hadn’t noticed before, and he could still hear the rumbling of people on the floor below.

he wasn’t sure how much time had passed before he heard a small knock on the door, “stevie? I’m going to come in because I’m worried about you. okay baby?”

steve didn’t have the energy to respond but he knew eddie was going to come in either way so it didn’t really matter. eddie opened the door before quickly and quietly closing it, making his way over to where steve and quietly speaking, “hey sweetheart. what’s going on?”

steve couldn’t respond, still feeling too overwhelmed to form a coherent thought. instead he let out a small defeat whine because it’s the only sound his body would allow him to make. suddenly steve felt eddie grab his hands, entangling their fingers together. it was grounding but he still felt jittery and like he needed to get the movement out somehow so he began rocking side to side. he closed his eyes because making eye contact with eddie right now is way too much for him.

this caused eddie to softly say, “yeah baby that’s okay. i just don’t want you hurting yourself sweetheart.” eddie started to softly rock along with steve as to not hinder steve’s movements with their hand holding.

they sway for awhile longer while steve takes some deep breaths before stopping his movement, hands still intwined with eddie’s. he then opens his eyes to look at eddie before saying a whispering a quiet, “sorry.”

“oh sweetheart,” eddie cooed. “you never have to apologize for something like this, it’s not your fault. i just want to make sure you’re okay. can we get you off the floor and over to the bed?”

steve was so exhausted he could only nod in reply to eddie’s question. eddie stands first, and with their hands still connected, steve allows himself to be pulled up off the floor. once steve is sitting in bed eddie grabs him some comfy pants to slide on instead of jeans, and tells steve to take his shirt off since eddie knows it will make steve feel like he can breathe better.

once he was changed and comfy steve spoke up again, “eds? will you—will you hold me?”

“yeah sweetheart of course i will.” eddie gently replies as he arranges himself. he sits with his back against the pillows and allowed steve to wrap himself around eddie’s torso, with his head on eddie’s chest.

after letting out a sigh of comfort as he felt eddie’s fingers in his hair steve felt the need to say something, “thank you eds. i really appreciate you taking care of me and not judging. you make me feel safe.”

“you know you’ll always be safe with me baby. i will always take care of you just like you always take care of me. i wish you had told me you were having a bad day stevie, i could’ve helped you sooner.”

“i didn’t want you to worry. plus i didn’t want to ruin your party. oh my god the party! is everyone still downstairs? did i ruin everything?” steve began to panic.

“no need to stress sweetheart i already took care of it.”

“does that mean you kicked everyone out and i ruined your party?”

“no of course not! i just told dustin i was coming to check on you and if i wasn’t back in an hour to get clear everyone out. we had already done all the stuff we had planned lovey, we were just down there shooting the shit. i promise you didn’t ruin anything. now go ahead and rest I’m sure you’re exhausted right now. we can talk more about it later.” eddie sealed his statement with a kiss to the top of steve’s head.

“okay. love you eds.”

“love you too baby. now get some rest i’ll be here when you wake up.”