#txt drabble

[beomiracles]

▬▬ 𝖢𝖱𝖨𝖬𝖨𝖭𝖠𝖫 𝖢𝖮𝖭𝖲𝖢𝖨𝖤𝖭𝖢𝖤 𝖴𝖭𝖲𝖮𝖫𝖵𝖤𝖣

𐔌 📂 𝖼𝖺𝗌𝖾 𝖿𝗂𝗅𝖾𝗌 : Moving rapidly through your career as one of the leading female investigators, you never once encountered a case you couldn't crack. Though you never expected for your past mistakes to come back and haunt you in the form of an ex lover, accused of murder.

꒰ 𝖼𝖺𝗌𝖾𝗍𝗍𝖾 𝗍𝖺𝗉𝖾𝗌 ꒱

𝗋𝖾𝖼𝗈𝗋𝖽𝖾𝖽 𝖻𝗒 : investigator!reader (f) 𝗍𝖺𝗉𝖾𝖽 : criminal!beomgyu

✐ chat this took me forever, I'm so sorry... this tape, I low-key feel like it gives away a lot of information so do with that what you will.. anyway first full smut scene we up! this is 8k btw, don't have a word count anywhere else... happy reading !

╰ 📼𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖻𝖺𝖼𝗄 𝗈𝖿 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖼𝖺𝗌𝗌𝖾𝗍𝗍𝖾 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝗌… implied ptsd, substance abuse, autopsy (desc of dead body), guns, violence, child abuse/neglect, questionable adults, implied grooming, fingering, unprotected sex, kissing.

🎙️ 𝗇𝗈𝗐 𝗉𝗅𝖺𝗒𝗂𝗇𝗀 : TAPE 09 "TRUTH HAS TEETH"

📼 — PRESENT TIME ; February 25th 2024

You and him are the only ones there. The bright and white light shines down on you like a spotlight, making the rest of the room fall into your shadows. There’s an unsettling silence lingering in the thick air — and it smells of death. You hated this room, it made you feel claustrophobic, trapped and forced to witness what you had tried so hard to suppress. 

But there’s no escape, you had come to realize that long ago. So you swallow, finally shifting your gaze from the floor and over to the man before you. Park Baekhyun’s body had since long turned cold. His skin was a pale and a sickly grey resemblance of what it had once been. It was as though he had been turned into stone — forever trapped in time, unmoving and unaware. 

He could no longer speak when spoken to, nor could he fight for himself. He was defenseless, a shell of the man he’d once been. And though you did not know him, his death hurt more than it should. You think it might have to do with Beomgyu. For you cannot stand to see the corpse before you without thinking of the man you had once thought you loved. 

It’s a gut wrenching feeling, one that makes your insides twist uncomfortably. Still, you want to cling onto the hope that this was the work of a ruthless and cold hearted murderer — not Beomgyu. Was that so wrong? 

With one shallow breath you pull on the latex gloves, cringing at the way they clung to your skin. You flex your fingers, eyes shifting to the dead body laid onto the stretcher in front of you. Park Baekhyun was completely bare, both his toes and fingers had turned an unpleasant shade of blue. But what caught your attention was the several cuts to both his chest and neck. They were deep, the flesh messily sliced in half. Some were long, others a mere inch or two. 

Your fingers trace a particularly deep cut alongside his ribs and a frown tugs at your brows. The knife had been sharp but it had been a mere kitchen tool. Yet these marks looked absolutely heinous. Then… They also lacked precision. As though whoever did this was in a rush, possibly even nervous. 

“He must’ve not had a single clue what he was doing…” You quietly murmur to yourself as you move over to the cuts adorning Baekhyun’s neck. These were even more hesitant, and messy too — like he’d been grasping at any part of the man he could access, desperate to bring him down. 

Their jagged edges, their uneven paths and miscalculated hits… It was nothing like Beomgyu, nothing like the Beomgyu you knew. No, Beomgyu would’ve made quick and deep cuts, aiming for arteries — taking only what he needed. And he needed the man’s life. He would’ve cleaned up after himself, not left the apartment in such a mess and he would’ve most certainly not made a mess of the victim himself. 

You didn’t know if this knowledge should comfort or terrify you. 

But whoever had tried to kill Baekhyun, had failed. He’d abandoned the knife and instead forced the man into a tub full of water. You regard the cuts along his torso, counting up to eleven of them. His existing injuries had made it impossible for him to fight back — thus leading to his ultimate death. 

It was a sad reality given to this man. But it had not been handed out by Beomgyu. You were almost certain of that. The relief seeping into your chest makes you feel ashamed, so you force your gaze to survey the victim’s face. And just like that — all hope vanished again. 

Park Baekhyun’s expression is motionless, unreadable and still. Dead. His cheeks are sunken in, his eyes too — though they’re closed and you silently thanked the lord for that. His lips are pale, having lost all their color they now remain dry and chapped. His hair is the only part of him that still looks just as it had less than a week ago, with dark locks that curled around his ears and shielded his forehead from view. But then again, hair was never really alive in the first place. 

Seeing his face hurt the most. It made everything real. He wasn’t just a body, or even another case. He was his own person, his own human being. At least he had been. Until… “Please”, the word is nothing but a quiet whisper that slips from your unguarded tongue. Your finger brushes against his cheek, feeling the ice cold skin through the latex of your glove. “Please tell me it wasn’t him.”

And though he could not answer you, it was as though the air in the room shifted. Your eyes flicker from his motionless face and down his arm. There, as if the answer had been in front of you all along — there was what you had been looking for. 

A connection. 

The purple bruises stare back at you angrily — the injection needles had left a clear message behind, one that would have continued to haunt Baekhyun for the rest of his life, and now it did even in death. Suddenly things started to make sense, the clarity made you feel almost just as high as Beomgyu did. It thrilled you, drove you. 

But what if someone else made the same conclusion… What if… 

You startle when the heavy door to the autopsy room is pushed open. It makes a squeaking noise, the old hinges long overdue for a replacement, the sound is deafening in the otherwise silent room. Quickly withdrawing your hand from Baekhyun’s cheek, you spin around on the spot — only to come face to face with your senior. 

“You okay?” Yeonjun asks as he lets the door fall shut behind him. You give him a silent nod, trying to hear him over the rapid beating of your heart. When he approaches you find yourself stepping to the side, subtly trying to cover the evidence you’d discovered on the victim’s body. Thankfully, Yeonjun seems occupied with the papers in his hands, his gaze merely passing over the scene before him before returning to the paper. 

“You were right”, he then says as he hands you the DNA report. Dumbfounded you take it from him, the latex against your sweaty palms feels suffocating as you do. Your eyes scan the words on the paper, the lines all seem to blur into one — your heart still racing in your chest, trying to claw its way out. 

“It’s not his.” 

Your heart stills and your gaze snaps up to meet Yeonjun’s. It was impossible to read his expression as he regarded you through the glasses sitting on his nose. But you knew all too well what your own face resembles right now — Relief. Even then, when the stone was being lifted from your stomach like it weighed nothing more than a feather, an equally heavy one sank. Guilt. 

You swallow, your eyes dropping to the report in your hand once more as you read it through. The DNA analysis had come back clean of Beomgyu. No prints, no blood, no nothing. For all you knew he might’ve never even come in contact with the weapon at all. Instead the blood is paired with Baekhyun himself and a name you did not recognize. 

“Do Hwan?” 

With a slight frown you glance up at Yeonjun. Your senior nods, his hands shoved into the pockets of his pants. “It’s a match, but we won’t know for certain until we bring him in.” Chewing on the inside of your cheek, you give a slow and reluctant nod. This was everything you’d been searching for and more, so why did it feel so wrong? You were about to possibly prove Beomgyu’s innocence — even though you knew he was anything but. 

“We’ve got an address already, I suggest we leave as soon as possible.” Yeonjun says as he motions to the report you’re holding, “This is more than enough to warrant an arrest.” 

“I’ll get the car ready.” 

The neighbourhood is awfully quiet. No signs of children playing out on the streets, no elderly couples sitting by their front porches sipping afternoon tea. In fact, the area lacked all signs of life. The houses themselves were rundown, heavily bullied by the seasons that had come and went. Roofs slanted in awkwardly, some windows were even broken and the paint was chipped from most wooden boards. 

This was truthfully a perfect hideaway if you didn’t want someone to come knocking. 

Your footsteps echo down the vacant street, joined by Yeonjun’s just beside you. You were walking fast, in a rush to find the answers you had so long been praying for. Every second not on the move felt wasted. Time was a luxury quickly slipping through your fingers like sand. 

“Is this really the right place?” Kai suddenly asks somewhere behind you. He glances over his shoulder, as though he was expecting someone to be following you. Then he scrambles to catch up with your senior and yourself, an uncertain look on his otherwise youthful face. 

You nod, “Positive.” 

The house wasn’t in Do Hwan’s name, but his mother’s. Still, this remained the closest you could get. If he was hiding here, then it was a shameful move on his part. Though as your eyes survey the area once more, you reckon it might’ve been a while since anyone last inhabited these houses. 

You’ve almost passed the property when Yeonjun’s fingers suddenly wrap around your wrist, halting your movements. “This one”, he nods toward a house on your left, its number matching the one on the address you’d received. It looked much like its neighbours, with a broken window that allowed the cold to seep its way inside. The walls looked to be caving under their own weight, the roof cracked in several places and bent awkwardly inward. 

Without waiting for your senior to speak, you push the rusty gate open. It already sits loose on its hinges and it makes a squeaking noise when forced into motion. The pathway leading up to the front porch is partly overtaken by the unkempt grass. And as you slowly near the entrance, the wind hurls — whatever was left of the afternoon sun disappearing behind gloomy and dark clouds. But the chill of the frosty air is nothing compared to the one running through your bones at the thought of what you might find behind the door ahead. 

Guilt lingers in the back of your head, an ever present trespasser. It’s rooted its way so deep into your mind that you worried nothing would be able to forge it from its place. Were you doing the right thing? Was this the man you had been searching for all along? Do Hwan was nothing more than a name on a piece of paper right now — everything you knew about him was a mere hunch. But DNA never lied. Those were his prints on the knife, his blood, not Beomgyu’s. 

You tell yourself that this is not making excuses for the man you knew to be a monster. This was serving out justice for the fate brought upon an innocent man. And Do Hwan, behind that door or not, was no saint. 

The steps up the porch groan in protest under your shared weight, announcing your arrival before you even get the chance to. You glance over your shoulder, meeting your senior’s gaze. Yeonjun was everything you weren’t. Composed, calm and alert. He knew what he was doing, he wasn’t beating himself up — clawing at the guilt consuming his soul. 

He gives you a small nod, motioning toward the door handle. With trembling hands you try it, one twist is all it takes for you to understand that it was locked. Of course, he’d be a fool not to. You open your mouth to say something but Yeonjun’s finger to his lips is quick to silence you. He mouths the words ‘stay back’ and you do exactly that, allowing him more room as he steps toward the door. 

Kai watches the whole ordeal with slight unease, his gaze flickering between the broken window and your small party. Yeonjun heaves a breath, and you barely have the chance to blink before the heel of his shoe comes into contact with the door, easily breaking it off its hinges. The old wood cries out under the pressure of your senior as it gives way — allowing you a look inside what had once been a home. 

You take it upon yourself to enter first, stepping over the threshold and now broken door with confidence you didn’t recognize. It’s dark, the daylight barely reaching through to illuminate your path. Dust wafts the air, tickling your nose unpleasantly as you descend down the narrow hallway. 

Each step forward is loud against the looming silence of what seemed to be an empty house. You pause, bringing out a flashlight from the heavy belt hanging across your hips. It flicks on effortlessly, casting the way ahead in a stark and bright light. Broken furniture lines the walls, paintings hanging sideways, coated in spiderwebs and grime. This house had remained untouched for a long time. 

“Do Hwan”, your voice is steady, a lot more than you’d anticipated. “Police, we just want to talk.” Lies. You were here for more than a quick chat, you knew that, and so did he. But lying was something you had since long come to terms with. Sometimes it was even necessary. 

There’s no answer, of course. Just as you’re about to turn around and discuss how to proceed with Yeonjun, a noise to your right draws all of your attention its way. The sound, a heavy thud, like something, or someone, dropping to the floor — comes from the living room. Wordlessly your senior points toward the archway leading into said room. 

You swallow a gulp, fingers clenching around the gun attached to the belt around your waist — you pull it, aiming blindly as you enter the darkness ahead. 

Nothing should faze you, for you have gone over this exact scenario for hours now. You had imagined his face over a thousand times, a dark and sinister man, someone capable of taking another human’s life. That was who Do Hwan was, nothing more and nothing less. But the sight you’re met with shatters the image you had so carefully conducted all morning. 

Curled up into a ball just behind the armrest of an old and dusty couch, sits a young boy. He’s mere skin and bones, the clothes he wore fitting awkwardly around his stiff frame. His dark hair is wild and tangled, like he hadn’t bothered to maintain it for weeks. Trembling hands shield his face from view, but you can still make out the fear in his eyes as he peers at you through the cracks between his fingers. 

Realizing that he wasn’t a threat, you slowly lower your gun, Yeonjun and Kai do the same behind you. For a split second you think you might have the wrong guy, but when his name falls from your senior’s lips once more, he flinches. 

“P-Please..” His chest heaves with each ragged breath he takes, the sound piercing through the darkness. He squints against the harsh light of your flashlight, cowering against the soft cushion behind him like a frightened animal. This couldn’t possibly be your killer. It didn’t make sense. 

You crouch down before him, finally seeing him at eye level. “It’s alright”, your voice masks the lies behind your words when you reach out, “We only want to talk.” 

Do Hwan vehemently shakes his head, a loud sob ripping from his throat as tears cascade down his cheeks. “No…” he moans as he tries to wring himself out of his own skin, “No please, I can’t… He’s going to kill me, he–” 

“Who?” 

It’s almost impossible to make out what he’s saying over the rapid beating of your own heart. You feared his truth, the one that would pierce your skin like fangs, ripping you apart until there was nothing left. It would strip away all the lies you had wrapped yourself in, covering you like a warm and weighted blanket — he would force you to see things you didn’t want. 

“It’s alright”, Yeonjun’s voice is deep, looming above you as he speaks, “Come with us, you’ll be safe and we can talk.” But Do Hwan only shakes his head, his sobs intensifying with each breath. “I won’t be! He’ll know… He’ll know and he will come for me and he will…” 

You knew who he was talking about, of course you did. No matter how hard you tried to deny it, how much you strained against it, the lies you had built yourself upon were quickly caving under the weight of the truth. 

Do Hwan surges forward, his trembling hands gripping around the bulletproof vest you wore as he yanked you close. His breath comes out in short puffs against your face, his crazed eyes seeking yours like they were his last drop of hope. “Please…” He wails, the cracking of his voice ringing in your ears. 

“You have to kill me.” 

“You have to kill me before he does.” 

📼 —  Sometime in the year of 2011 

The air is cold, bitter. It pierces through the thin material of the shirt he wears, chilling his already cold skin even further. He keeps his gaze downcast, watching the messy cracks between the cobbled street with intent. For a moment he wondered what it would be like to be an ant, small enough to slip through the cracks and disappear into the darkness beneath. Why do they always choose to come back up? He wouldn’t. 

A soft rustle somewhere to his right makes him tense. The familiar scent of rose and cherry invading his senses, her strong perfume prickles at his nose. It’s almost too much, almost unpleasant, but not quite. — He’s stayed longer than he should tonight. But he knows his father won’t question it, he’ll barely notice his son’s absence. 

The boy shudders when something soft and heavy is draped over his shoulders. Her smell is closer now, everywhere — and as he peers down at the cracks in the pavement, he feels her coat might just pull him down into the abyss. 

“Does your father not buy you new clothes?” She suddenly asks. It’s only the two of them left now, the others had taken their leave long ago — but she always stayed. He shakes his head. He wants to snap at her, tell her that her question was stupid and that she should just mind her own business. 

The woman hums as she leans back against the park bench, one of her legs swung over the other. She wore clothes the boy only saw in magazines, the ones his father kept splayed across the coffee table in the living room. Knee high socks and sharp heels, a skirt short to the point he wasn’t even sure if it could be considered such. — She catches his wandering eyes, but merely shakes her head, a soft laughter bubbling in her chest. 

But when the sound of her giggles ebb out into the quiet night air, her mood suddenly switches. He can feel her gaze on him, he can almost hear the slow blinking of her mascara coated lashes as she watches him silently. 

“Why don’t you speak?” 

The boy doesn’t answer, he never did and she doesn't expect him to. What was the point of asking then? 

“Perhaps that’s better”, she says as she reaches for her purse, “Once you start using your words you’ll have ladies swooning at your feet.” The boy wants to ask what she means by that, but he doesn’t. He hated asking, hated feeling dumb. 

He starts to think of a way to excuse himself, to make his way back to the shitplace he called home. Should he just stand up, leave? Instead he sits frozen, watching intently as her long and pointy nails work the small zipper open. Her fingers wrap around a familiar black tube, and no matter how hard he tries to avert his gaze when she picks the lid off, he can’t. 

She reapplies her lipstick without the help of a mirror, some of it goes on her chin — but he doesn’t say anything. He just watches as she puckers her lips once before smacking them, the bold red color sticking to them like glue. — “What?” She says as she catches his lingering eyes on her, “Does it look bad?” 

He shakes his head ‘no’ and the woman smiles. “You’re sweet”, she hums as she drapes an arm over his shoulders, her long curls falling against the side of his face. The air suddenly didn’t feel so cold anymore — the night’s bitter taste now replaced by one of cherries and roses. 

“I’ll get you a jacket until next time”, she says whilst giving his arm a pat. The boy doesn’t reply but she hugs him tighter nonetheless. 

📼 — PRESENT TIME ; February 24th 2024

The interrogation room feels heavier today. It’s no longer filled with sparks and tension, your body doesn’t feel like it could catch on fire at any moment. In fact you feel closer to drowning. Your clothes weigh you down, sticking to your skin as they pull you to the floor, away from here. You haven’t even mustered the courage to sit down, to face your truth head on. 

You’re stalling. 

Yeonjun’s watching, you wonder if he can tell. Probably. He would question you about it, push you for answers you didn’t want to give. So with one final breath your gaze returns to Do Hwan. — He’s been offered a black hoodie, it makes him look even smaller. Sitting quietly on the stiff and cold metal chair, he keeps his gaze downcast. You catch the quiet tremble to his fingers, the way he picks at the seams of his dirty jeans. 

It had been a miracle to even get him here, from the tears shed in the car, to the way he nearly fainted when pulled into the interrogation room — and his words still echo in your mind. “You have to kill me. – You have to kill me before he does.” What could possibly have happened for him to see death as his one and only way out? He badly had he… You shake your head. Nothing was certain until he started talking. Your assumption about his correlation to Beomgyu was just that, an assumption. He had never verbally mentioned his name, or even hinted at anything that could tie them together. Only an immense fear for a man still unknown. But you would be a fool to not see it. The truth was written all over his face, clinging to the walls and the air inside the room. 

“I hope the hoodie is alright.” 

You start light, easing him into a conversation comfortable enough for him to at least give outright responses. Do Hwan nods, murmuring out a quiet, “Yes, thank you.” He seems to shrink even further under your gaze, the dark fabric swallowing him whole as he tries to hide. You have to remind yourself that you’re still looking at a killer, someone who committed a heinous crime. You imagine Park Baekhyun’s face, his lifeless eyes. 

With slow and deliberate steps you make your way over to the chair opposite his. It makes a screeching noise as you pull it back. You’re used to this ritual by now, the thick silence before the questioning starts, you had done it before. Today is different, this conversation stretches beyond the four walls of this room. It’s not only about Do Hwan anymore. 

Once sitting in front of him, you clasp your hands up on the table. You had learned that people usually felt calmer when they could see your hands. 

“Are you hungry?” 

Do Hwan shakes his head, but given the state of him, you could tell that it had been a while since he’s last had a proper meal. You don’t push him further, instead leaning back against the uncomfortable backrest of your chair, your eyes survey the small room. Patience was everything. But even that was hard when it felt like you were running out of time. 

At last, you sigh, “Do you know why you’re here?” 

Silence. It seems to be a recurring theme lately. Do Hwan shifts nervously in his seat, his fingers cleaning and unclenching on top of his thighs as he avoids your gaze. For a moment you think he might not give you an answer at all. That he might force you to retreat back to the mundane questions in another attempt to break down his guard. But then he slowly nods, his voice barely above a whisper. 

 “Yes.” 

You pause, letting his answer linger in the air just long enough for him to realize what he’d actually said. 

“And why is that?” 

He visibly tenses at those exact words, his shoulders going rigid under the oversized hoodie. You watch as he chews on the inside of his cheek nervously, a habit you, too, found yourself doing more than often. The beads of sweat that pearls on his forehead nearly sparkle under the harsh sterile light above. You watch as he battles with himself — unable to tell who the losing side was going to be. 

“I did something bad…” He finally confesses, his fingers clenching around themselves as he heaves a breath he seems to have been holding in. Your own fingers twitch as they remain on the table between you. This was the closest to an actual confession you had received thus far, if you could just get him to say the words… 

“What did you do?” 

Do Hwan’s wide and terrified eyes snap to you, his face paling under the already bright lights. “I didn’t… I didn’t have a choice!” He swallows thickly, his gaze traveling to the window, almost as though he was expecting something or someone to reveal itself on the other side of the thick and tinted glass. 

You chew on your bottom lip, glancing down toward the small suitcase you’d brought along. With steady and slow movements, you reach for it. The sound of its lock being undone catches Do Hwan’s attention, and you hear his breath hitching. 

“This”, you begin as you pull out the plastic bag in which the knife rests, “Has your prints on it, your blood.” You push the bag forward, forcing him to see the truth laid bare before him — letting it sink its teeth into his skin. Do Hwan shifts uncomfortably on the chair, his hands retreating back into the arms of the hoodie as he avoids looking directly at the knife. 

“You killed him. Didn’t you?” 

It was there, right before you, so painstakingly true and obvious. But you need to hear him say it, you need to hear the words tumble from his wobbling lips. But just as badly as you refuse to see the truth, does he. With forceful movements, he shakes his head, eyes screwing shut like the sight before him was physically painful. 

His next words are so quiet, you’re certain they don’t even pick up on the recording. With silent demand you lean forward, imposing on him in a way you knew would have him cower. “What was that?” You barely recognize the tone of your own voice, it felt like a stranger’s. But Do Hwan is tougher than he looks, and he slowly peels his eyes open to look at you — an unmistakable glint of defiance swirling within them. 

“I said you don’t get it.” He grits the statement out, his anxiety slowly tipping over to frustration. You recognize that feeling — the one that felt like screaming into a void. With no one to listen and no one to react. You yell for it to go away but it only seems to draw you in closer. And you can’t resist, no matter how hard you try. 

“I know you didn’t do this alone.” You straighten back up, regathering some semblance of professionalism as you move to the topic of conversation that was bound to hurt you both the most. “There’s nothing that ties you to Park Baekhyun”, you nod toward the knife between you, “Nothing but that.” 

“Someone told you to do it, perhaps they even ordered you.” 

Your eyes peer into Do Hwan as you try to force your way inside his mind, to retrieve the truth for yourself. He shakes his head again, seemingly his only form of response. He’d stopped fiddling with the hoodie, his hands slowly creeping out of their hiding from within the cotton. “No”, he then rasps, his voice laced with tension, “You’re wrong.” 

“But I’m not.” There’s an underlying hint of accusation to the way you say it, you weren’t questioning him anymore, you were forcing the truth out — if you so would have to reach a hand down his throat to get it out, you would. “This is bigger than Park Baekhyun, you know that.” 

Do Hwan squirms uncomfortably in his seat but remains silent. Perhaps he was afraid that his tongue would betray him if he spoke. But you would make sure he did. — “You can tell me”, your voice is soft as you try and coax the words out of him, “Who made you do it?” 

The loud sob rips from his chest and breaks the tension in the air as Do Hwan leans forward, his hands coming up to cover his face half-heartedly. “I already told you! But you don’t understand..” 

“I do. Tell me.” 

“No!” 

He’s gasping for air now, his eyes bleary as tears escape from them, racing down his cheeks and landing on the borrowed hoodie. “No one’s listening to me… No one–” He can barely get it out, each sentence deteriorating into an unblended mess in his mouth as he struggles to speak. — You open your mouth to object, but before you get the chance to, he cuts you off: 

“He’s going to find out and he–” 

“He’s going to be so angry, you don’t know… You’ve never seen…” 

Do Hwan shakes his head for the nth time, the action bound to make him motion sick at this point as he moans in frustration. “T-That anger… I don’t ever want to– not again.” 

Your heart drops all the way to your stomach, creating an uncomfortable lump as you listen to his seemingly incoherent ramble. Except to you, it made perfect sense. Nostalgia and an odd sense of familiarity crawls its way up your spine, forcing you to relive memories you thought you had since long buried… 

📼 — June 11th 2022 

The air is thick and clogs the narrow alleyway with smoke. Despite night settling over the sky hours ago, it’s still warm, too warm. Whether that was because of the hot summer month or the two men standing only a few feet away, indulging in what seemed to be a heated discussion, you weren’t so sure. — Hidden behind an old dumpster, you crouch awkwardly as you peer over its edge, giving yourself a perfect view of the scene taking place before you. 

“You’re clearly not thinking straight here.” 

It’s Duri’s familiar voice that breaks the silence. He stands in the middle of the alley, his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his dark jeans as he regards Beomgyu with an expression that could best be described as tense. “Come on, think about it. Don’t you think it’s risky?” He then adds with slight urgency. 

Beomgyu, who was leaning against the brick wall, mindlessly fiddles with the cigarette between his fingers. His face appears relaxed as he surveys the tobacco that slowly burns through the filter. “No”, he shrugs as he brings the cigarette to his lips and takes a long slow drag. 

Duri’s frustrated scoff quickly follows as he rakes a hand through his short hair. Their conversation felt crypted, like it wasn’t meant for an outsider to take part of and understand. Still, you remain stubbornly close — desperate to pick apart what was being said. Duri had dragged Beomgyu out of here a mere fifteen minutes ago under the pretense that he had something ‘important’ to discuss. 

You clearly remember the look on his face. The way Beomgyu’s jaw had clenched as his hand fell from your waist. “Stay here”, he’d murmured when he pressed a kiss to your shoulder, vanishing outside without another word. Two months ago you would have probably stayed rooted in your spot, obeyed his every command because that was the only way you knew to keep him close. 

Tonight things are different, and your curiosity could no longer be sated by a short kiss or soft caress. 

“This isn’t like you”, Duri scoffs as he folds his muscular arms across his chest. He regards Beomgyu with a frown, his lips pulled into a small grimace. Beomgyu on the other hand, seems unbothered by the former’s words. His attention is solely fixed to the cigarette in his hand, watching as it slowly burns to ashes. 

“Not like me?” 

The question hangs out in the open air. The edge to Beomgyu’s voice is one you don’t recognize. Cold and biting. Your gaze flickers over to Duri, but he hardly seems to backtrack at the sudden shift — if he does, and if he masks it well. 

“Yeah, you’re not a risk taker. I don’t know what’s gotten through that head of yours, but it might as well bring us all down in the process.” His tone is short clipped, a hint of finalisation lingering within the statement. 

Beomgyu puts out the cigarette, suffocating it under the sole of his shoe. The sound of gravel crunching is deafening in the dark alley and a shiver runs down your spine as you shift closer. The dumpster is cold against the palm of your hands, a stark reminder of the fact that you should not be here. But your legs won’t move, and you remain rooted in place as you watch the scene before you unfold in cinematic fashion. 

Relaxing back against the chunky brick wall behind him, Beomgyu scoffs. “You don’t trust my judgement.” He sounds bitter, but not surprised. Like he’d known this moment was coming. As if it had been inevitable. His relationship with Duri only sent you into a further spiral of confusion.  

The man in question doesn’t respond right away, his jaw clenching just slightly when he shifts his weight from one leg to the other. “That’s not what I meant…” He begins, as though he was trying to carefully piece together the cracks starting to form. Beomgyu rolls his eyes, unimpressed by the former’s answer. 

“I just think there are smarter ways to go about this. And I can–” 

“I don’t need your help.” 

Beomgyu’s dark eyes narrow on the man opposite him. He no longer looked like he was discussing the weather, his shoulders tensing momentarily. “You were nothing before me, and you will be nothing after me.” He spits the words out like they disgusted him. His gaze follows Duri with repugnance — silently daring him to continue his foolish rant. 

Your breath hitches in your throat, his casual and blunt statement echoing across the alley. 

“Come on man”, Duri says as he raises his hands in surrender. “I’m trying to let you in on another perspective.” 

Intent on ignoring him, Beomgyu fishes up another cigarette. But before he can light it he throws a glance over his shoulder, eyes directed to the dumpster you hid behind. You quickly duck, swallowing the gasp that threatened to slip past your slips at the thought of being caught. You clasp a hand over your mouth, remaining perfectly still as you pray he would drop the matter again. 

“What is it?” Duri asks, as if the fire could possibly use more fuel. Beomgyu merely huffs, the clink of his lighter following shortly. “Nothing”, he grunts, “Thought I saw something.” 

There’s a brief moment of silence that follows, but it’s not until Duri speaks again that you dare peek your head out once more. He’s taken a bold step closer, standing only a few feet away from Beomgyu who seemed more interested in the cigarette between his fingers than whatever was currently going on. 

“I just think we should push it back before–” 

He never gets to finish his sentence, and you catch the twitch of Beomgyu’s brow before he grabs Duri by the loose collar of his shirt, slamming him back against the opposite wall of the narrow alleyway — cigarette long forgotten about and left to quietly burn on the ground. 

Duri lets out a pained groan, his eyes squeezing shut before slowly peeling back open. Beomgyu’s nose is pressed inches from his own, eyes flaming with a rage you had never before seen on him. “Will you just fucking drop it?” He seethes through gritted teeth, hot breath fanning across Duri’s face in short exhales. 

You watch the tense exchange, from the way Beomgyu’s body cages Duri’s noticeably larger frame against the wall behind him. Arm shoved under his chin like he was ready to snap his neck if need be. This wasn’t the Beomgyu you knew, not the man who’d caressed your naked skin and kissed your trembling lips late at night. This was the Beomgyu you had deluded yourself into believing was just a flicker of your imagination. 

Tonight the truth is slapped across your face, harsh and biting as it bares its teeth. 

Duri swallows thickly, his head gingerly bobbing against Beomgyu’s harsh grip. “If you think you can come in here and question my decision then you’re better off back on the streets.” Beomgyu states with a loud scoff, jerking away from Duri like even the sight of the man repulsed him. 

With a pained moan he rubs at the base of his neck, exhaling a sigh he’d most likely been holding in. “Alright, alright. I’ve got it…” He croaks, eyes drifting to the ground as he avoids Beomgyu’s intense gaze. 

You don’t know what they had been arguing about, what could possibly have made Beomgyu snap the way he did. Then again, you had never seen anyone question his authority the way Duri had just now — foolishly refusing to back down even when given multiple chances to do so. 

The night suddenly seems even darker, the sky pressing down with menace over you — silently watching, judging. 

Duri pushes himself off of the wall, rolling his stiff shoulders once before giving Beomgyu a firm nod. Then he turns on his heel and you just about manage to scuffle away into a corner before he passes the dumpster you were hiding behind. He passes you without as much as a glance in your direction, his steps heavy against the dirty ground beneath. 

For a moment, nothing moves. You don’t dare breathe, your hand clasped tightly over your mouth. Then the sound of a lighter pierces the air as Beomgyu lights his third cigarette. 

📼 — June 11th 2022 

“Say no and I’ll leave.” 

Even though Beomgyu’s breath is warm against your face, the statement hangs cold and harsh in the air. You don’t open your eyes, you don’t think you could. The thought of seeing his face like this, right now, you would never be able to handle it. — You can sense the frustration as it rolls off of him in waves, each one hitting harder than the last. 

But he doesn’t move, he doesn’t push further, even though you know he wants to. His rings are chilling cold when his knuckles brush against your cheek. You flinch at the sudden contact, a shuddering breath escaping your parted lips. His hand drops from your face again, the quiet groan he emits conveys a thousand unspoken words. You just wish you could understand them. 

Tonight was different, and you didn’t know why. His touch wasn’t the burning fire you had become so accustomed to, so addicted to. It was malicious and it scared you, he scared you. Beomgyu had never made you feel like that before, but perhaps you had reached a point of immunity. A place where his intoxicating lies would no longer fill the void in your chest — but amplify it. 

“Say no and this ends.” 

It wasn’t about the sex anymore. 

His voice is sharp against the side of your face, and this time your eyes flutter open. He’s already watching you, he has been for a while. The hotel room suddenly feels small, its walls are closing in on you and the mattress beneath is swallowing you whole. But Beomgyu is all you see — he always was. And he knows that you know. Whatever you felt, he knew you were going to feel before it even hit. 

Now he was giving you an escape, a way out. 

But you already know you won’t take it. And he does too. 

When your lack of response becomes daunting, he moves. It’s slow at first, slower than he would ever go with you. His hand trails along your thigh, fingers paying attention to the hem of your tight dress. He fiddles with the material for a moment, almost like he was stalling for time. You didn’t want him to. It felt like your time together was running out, slipping between your fingers like sand. 

He pushes the garment up slowly, dark gaze flickering up to meet yours every other second — making sure that you were still you, there with him. You let him undress you, one of his hands finding the zipper on the back as he gently tugs it down. The sound is almost painful in the silent hotel room. 

Your dress drops to the floor with a thud, leaving you bared to him just like you had been so many times before. He eyes you with a greed so twisted you wonder how you hadn’t seen it before. Like he knew no shame. You were beginning to think he might not. 

Hands on your waist, he guides you back against the bed, lowering you onto it with practiced ease. Your body follows willingly in his grasp. The wordless actions speak volumes in the hushed air. His warm body joins yours on the mattress, but tonight he lays beside you, and not on top. He trails one hand along your calf, passing your knee slowly. 

His breath is hot against your neck, lips hovering above your skin for just a moment too long. The rings on his fingers are cold against your naked thigh as his hand grips it with a little more force than necessary. His voice is nothing but a low drawl of his tongue, the words quiet yet heavy in the dark room, “You gonna let me fuck you tonight?” 

Beomgyu would never ask you something like that, wouldn't speak to you in that tone. That whispered almost wanting tone. It could easily be mistaken for something it wasn’t. You knew he wouldn’t want that. Still, you nod, shifting to lay on your side as you face him. 

“Yes.” 

His lip twitches, far from a smile but still not quite the smirk he would so often flash you. Then his hand disappears from your thigh, landing on the nape of your neck as he brings your lips to meet his. The kiss is just as slow as his previous moves and just as dark as the night outside your window. 

You allow him to slide his tongue into your mouth, drinking in his every breath like it was your last. Desperately trying to eat the lies he was feeding you. But after what you had witnessed tonight, you didn’t know if you could ever taste him the same again. 

His body presses against yours. Clothed erection pushing against one of your thighs with unspoken demand. You sigh when his hand moves from your neck and down your naked back, fingers toying with the lock of your bra — but in the end leaving it be. He trails lower, slowly pushing your panties down your already parted thighs. He doesn’t bother taking them off completely either, instead letting them pool around your knees. Not because he was impatient like he would be most nights — but like he thought he was protecting something sacred by not undressing you completely, something he wouldn’t even think twice about on most nights. 

You shudder when his fingers slide against your cunt, thumb finding your clit within seconds as he drags slow circles over it. “More”, you quietly beg, hips shifting forward as you seek out more of his touch — despite your better judgement. 

Beomgyu’s lips are still on your own, but the kiss has shifted into a mere ghost of what it would usually be. Now it was just the soft and gentle caress of him against you. 

The soft gasp you emit when he slides a finger inside bounces off the walls of your hotel room. It tells him everything he wants and needs to hear. Revealing your truth to him like it was the only thing that mattered in this moment. 

You lay back when he unbuckles his belt, unzipping the front of his pants before shoving a hand down — a muffled groan escaping his lips. He strokes himself slowly, like time didn’t matter to him. You watch, just like you always would, tongue held in anticipation as your thighs squeeze together. 

What had happened just a few hours ago was far from the Beomgyu in front of you right now. Maybe that was all that should be allowed to even matter.  This was the real Beomgyu, wasn’t it? The one no one else ever got to see, no one but you. It’s what you like to think. It’s the lies you liked to feed yourself when Beomgyu wasn’t there to do it for you. 

He lines himself up without another word, kisses moving from your lips down to your jaw. Your fingers curl in his dark hair, twisting when you feel his hard cock breach past all the walls you had weakly tried to build up. 

You both exhale, neither of you moving for a moment. Beomgyu’s arm snakes around your waist, pulling you flush against his chest as you lay on your sides — facing one another. His forehead is pressed against yours, dark eyes gleaming with something you couldn’t quite place. He presses another kiss to your lips, this one just as slow as your previous. 

Setting a tortuously gentle pace, his hips rock back and forth — open mouth catching all the little sounds you make. One of your hands let go of his hair, sliding down the shirt that still covered his back. You twist the fabric when he slides even deeper inside your throbbing cunt, reminding you of just how close he could get, closer than anyone ever could. 

You long to say something, to break the silence pressing down on you like a weighted blanket. But the words never come. And you’re pliant in his arms once more — even when you know you shouldn’t be. 

Then suddenly, he breaks away from the kiss, leaning back just enough for you to make out parts of his face. He stills inside of you, making your whole body tremble with desire as you blink up at him expectantly. Beomgyu’s eyes find yours, lip twitching for just a second as his finger brushes along the arch of your furrowed brow. 

He leans his head down, open mouth finding the exposed skin of your shoulder as he presses light kisses to it. He’s still not moving, and your hand still in his hair readjusts its grip on his dark locks. You stifle a moan when his sharp teeth drag across the juncture of your neck. His voice is low, barely audible as he says: 

“Thought you knew better than to follow me outside tonight, dollface.” 

You swallow, the lump in your throat growing by the second. You knew then that he knew. 

END OF TAPE 09

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[suunani]

orgasm.exe [ choi soobin ]

who knew that soobin had a big brain and an even bigger surprise?

❛ content 3.8k words, 18+ [ MDNI! ], explicit sexual content, power bottom! male reader, big dick virgin! soobin, nerdy dirty talk, pathetic nerd! soobin, unprotected sex (p in a), praise kink, size kink, soobin talks a looot during it, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, riding, creampie, aftercare, requested here!

you didn’t expect the campus library’s most reclusive, awkward math genius to have a voice that soft.

“i brought the notes,” he mumbled, holding up a neat binder like a peace offering. his long fingers gripped it too tightly, knuckles pale. “sorry i’m late. i—i was recalculating the sample sizes in the… ah, anyway. hi.”

choi soobin.

the guy who never made eye contact with anyone unless forced. always sitting in the back row, muttering answers under his breath that were always annoyingly right. you’d caught him staring at you in lectures a few times — like full on, wide eyed, glasses slipping down his nose, inhaling your soul kind of staring — but he always looked away like he’d been caught watching porn in public.

and now, here he was. standing in the doorway of your dorm room, two textbooks under one arm, a thick bulge in his jeans he clearly didn’t know how to hide, and that same look on his face.

like his body couldn’t decide if it was devotion or panic making his stomach flip.

you stepped aside to let him in.

“make yourself comfortable.”

soobin hesitated.

his eyes did a full scan of your room — bookshelf, unmade bed, pair of briefs on the floor — and his ears immediately flushed pink. still, he nodded, set his things on your desk, and sat in the desk chair like it was a job interview. posture rigid. shoulders hunched to make himself smaller. legs spread too wide because… well. because he was too tall to sit normally in anything.

you couldn’t help it — you smiled.

“you ever been in someone else’s dorm before?” you teased lightly.

he blinked behind his glasses. “no.”

“no?”

he shook his head. “never got invited.”

you leaned against the edge of the desk, close enough that your thigh nearly brushed his knee.

“so i’m your first?”

soobin’s throat bobbed as he swallowed.

“in… in a way, yes.”

that look was back again — staring up at you like you were made of fire. like he couldn’t decide whether to run or reach out and touch.

god, he was so awkward. and sweet. and kind of unbelievably hot in that tall, twitchy, no social skills kind of way. you let the silence stretch for a moment. watched how his eyes kept flicking to your mouth, then down, then back up like he was doing mental calculations.

you decided to cut the tension. “you really been staring at me all semester just to help me pass stats?”

soobin looked mortified.

“i—what?! i wasn’t—i mean, i was, but not like—it’s not just that, i just—”

you raised a brow, smirking. “relax, genius. i’m flattered.”

“…you are?”

“mmh,” you leaned in, voice dropping just a little. “you’re cute when you’re nervous.”

his breath hitched. visibly. like his brain short-circuited.

“i—you’re extremely—i mean statistically—wait no, i meant subjectively—” he stopped himself, cheeks going pink. “sorry. i talk too much when i’m… you know.”

“turned on?”

soobin looked like his bones had given up and the chair was the only thing keeping him upright.

“i think i like when you talk too much.”

he didn’t move. just watched, pupils dilated, chest rising and falling shallowly beneath his sweater vest. he had no idea what to do with his hands, which made you grin as you stepped between his knees.

he froze when your hand touched his thigh.

“wait—” he breathed.

“you okay?” you asked, instantly softening. “i can stop. i want you to tell me if anything feels off.”

“no! i mean—no, don’t stop,” soobin said quickly, voice high and cracking. “i’ve just… i’ve never… i haven’t—ever done anything.”

you nodded. “i figured.”

“is that—bad?”

you tilted your head, brushing your fingers along the edge of his jaw. “why would that be bad?”

“i don’t know,” he said quietly. “you’re… you seem like you know what you’re doing. and i—i don’t. not even a little bit. i’m probably gonna be terrible and come in like thirty seconds and say something stupid about newton’s laws of motion and ruin the whole thing.”

you huffed a laugh. “well, now i kind of want you to say something about newton’s laws of motion while you’re inside me.”

soobin’s whole soul left his body.

you stepped closer, gently guiding his hand to your waist. “you’re not going to ruin anything. you’re adorable. you’re hot. and i want you.”

he blinked up at you like he couldn’t believe this was real. like any moment, he was going to wake up alone in his bed with a hard-on and the smell of his own hand lotion.

but it was real. you were straddling his lap now, and you could feel it — so thick, so hot, so big under his jeans, pressing between your legs like a damn secret weapon. you gasped a little as it shifted under you.

“…god,” you whispered.

“i’m—sorry?”

you leaned in close, lips just at his ear. “why didn’t you tell me you were big?”

“i—what?” he squeaked.

you rolled your hips slowly against it. “that’s not normal big. that’s fuck-me-up big.”

soobin whimpered. whimpered.

“i read online that size doesn’t correlate with pleasure,” he blurted, voice desperate. “but i—i can do angles! i’ve read about—about pressure points! i know about the anterior wall, and—and—”

you kissed him.

not just to shut him up. though that was part of it.

you kissed him because his lips were full and trembling and begging for it. because he deserved to feel something other than nerves buzzing through him. because no one had ever kissed him like he was worth losing control over, and fuck, he was.

soobin gasped against your mouth like it shorted his circuits. like he’d only ever imagined this behind closed doors, in the quiet dark, with his hand on his cock and your name on his tongue.

his hands finally settled on your hips. gentle. awkward. like he was afraid of squeezing too hard, like you’d shatter. you deepened the kiss, rocking into him a little more, grinding deliberately on that massive bulge straining against his jeans.

he groaned into your mouth.

“i—” soobin gasped, breaking the kiss, his lips already flushed and wet. “i need to—oh my god—i think i’m gonna come—”

you smiled, panting softly against his mouth. “not yet. you’re gonna come inside me.”

his head dropped back against the chair like he’d been electrocuted. just that. just the promise of being inside you. his hips twitched involuntarily and the moan that left him was so guttural it made your stomach clench.

you leaned in close, whispering right against his throat.

“i’m gonna ride you until your brain falls out of your ears, soobin.”

he whimpered again. actually whimpered. arms limp at his sides like he couldn’t figure out how to move his own body. you kissed his jaw, then the corner of his mouth, slow and sweet.

“but you need to give me a second. gotta get myself ready for this.”

“r-ready?”

you moved off his lap, grabbing your lube from the drawer like it was just another night. but it wasn’t.

soobin was still panting, hard as fuck in his jeans, eyes locked to you like you were pulling the sun out of the sky. you climbed up onto your bed, knees spread as you pushed down your sweats and underwear in one single movement, letting your bare skin meet the cold sheets.

you met his gaze as you slicked your fingers.

he made a broken sound in his chest.

you smirked. “watch.”

and fuck, he did.

he watched like he’d never seen anything before. wide eyes, mouth open, fists clenched on his thighs.

you brought your fingers to your entrance, slow, teasing the rim with gentle pressure. a soft sigh slipped from you as you eased in the first knuckle. the burn was familiar, the stretch routine — but the way soobin was staring like you’d just parted the gates of heaven?

that was new.

“s-should i be helping?” he whispered, breathless.

“just sit there,” you breathed, adding more lube. “and think about how lucky you are.”

soobin made a sound like a gasped prayer. “i’m the luckiest man alive.”

you snorted, pressing the second finger in.

“holy—fuck, that’s so—beautiful,” he whispered, voice wrecked. “you’re stretching yourself open for me—me—”

you moaned, rolling your hips just slightly against your fingers, and his breath hitched like he’d been punched.

“i don’t—i don’t think i can—” soobin choked, grabbing at himself over his jeans with an urgency that was almost painful. “i’m gonna—oh god, fuck, i’m gonna come—”

you looked over just in time to see him jerk violently in the chair, hips snapping once, jaw going slack as he came untouched in his pants — loud, like something sacred had been ripped out of him. he moaned your name like he needed it to stay alive, biting down on his fist to muffle it, his thighs trembling under him.

you couldn’t stop the slow smirk that curled on your lips.

“wow.”

“i—” he gasped, face flushed, hair a mess, glasses skewed on his nose. “i’m—i’m so sorry—i didn’t mean to, i just—”

“you came just from watching me prep?” you tilted your head, biting your lip. “that’s hot.”

he looked like he was suffering. “but i—i wanted to—inside—i didn’t mean to—”

“relax, baby,” you murmured, reaching for him again. “you’ve got more in you. right?”

soobin moaned just from the nickname. moaned. and when you knelt between his knees again and started undoing his jeans, he looked like he was about to cry from gratitude.

you tugged them down, and your breath caught.

“…holy shit.”

soobin’s cock flopped free, half-soft and already twitching to get hard again.

it was big. way too big. heavy and flushed and thick even while soft. thick enough that you weren’t sure how the hell you were going to take all of it, even after prepping.

“no way you were walking around campus with this monster between your legs,” you muttered, almost reverently. “no wonder you’re so awkward. you’ve been hiding a weapon.”

soobin flushed all the way down to his collarbones. “i—it’s not— is it bad?”

“bad? soobin, it’s a miracle i’m not on my knees worshipping it right now.”

“i—i wouldn’t mind— i mean—”

you shot him a look, and he let out a tiny squeak, abruptly silencing himself.

“lay down,” you said, voice low, eyes never leaving his cock. “on the bed. i need to ride this thing before i lose my mind.”

he moved like his limbs didn’t belong to him, clambering up onto your bed with shaky hands and eyes wide, like he didn’t believe any of this was real.

his cock bobbed up fully hard again, heavy against his stomach. your mouth actually watered.

you climbed over him, settling with your knees on either side of his hips, and reached between you to guide the tip to your entrance. just resting it there was enough to make you gasp. soobin was shaking.

“w-wait,” he stammered. “what if i hurt you?”

you leaned down, pressing a slow kiss to his lips. “you won’t. i want this. i want you.”

he moaned into the kiss, hands already grasping your hips like he couldn’t stop himself. you braced yourself, breathed deep, and started to sink down.

the stretch was unreal.

your mouth fell open, a strangled sound coming out as the blunt head of his cock pushed past your rim. the burn was immediate, intense. your body strained, trembling, trying to take him.

soobin was already gasping under you. “oh—fuck—you’re—you’re so—tight—are you okay?”

you nodded through gritted teeth. “y-yeah—just give me—fuck, soobin, you’re huge—”

“i’m sorry!”

“no—don’t you dare apologize.”

you forced yourself to breathe through it, relaxing bit by bit as you slid down inch by inch. his cock felt like it was punching up into your guts, thick and hot and impossible. you swore you could feel every vein, every twitch of his nerves through your walls.

soobin was losing his mind.

“y-you’re—taking me so well—how are you—god, you’re so perfect—you’re squeezing me so tight—i can’t—i can’t think—”

“you’re in so deep already—fuck, you’re ruining me—” you gasped, dropping lower with each word. “no one’s ever filled me like this—”

that set something off in him.

his grip on your hips tightened as he moaned, desperate and overwhelmed. “no one? no one’s ever—been this deep? you—you’re mine—mine—i’m the first to touch you like this?”

you were fully seated now, chest heaving, your walls fluttering around him, clenching hard as your body adjusted to the pressure. you leaned forward, palms flat on his chest, eyes fluttering.

“you’re fucking perfect,” you whispered. “so big, soobin, you’re stretching me open, you’re in my stomach—”

soobin let out a raw, high-pitched sound.

“i’m gonna die,” he whimpered. “i’m gonna die, and this is how i want to go—inside you—buried in you—”

you laughed breathlessly, rolling your hips experimentally. he arched off the bed, cock hitting something inside you that made your whole body spasm.

“oh—fuck—do that again,” you gasped.

“i—what did i do?—i need to do it again—i want to make you feel good—so good—”

you started to move, grinding slow and deep, dragging yourself up his length and then dropping down again, watching his jaw fall open, watching his whole face twist in pleasure.

“f-fuck—you’re so sensitive,” you moaned, bouncing slowly. “every little squeeze makes you whimper like a fucking virgin—”

“i am—” he gasped. “you’re my first—only— i never wanted anyone else—only you—”

god. his voice. the way he talked during sex — fast and nerdy and desperate, like he was rattling off theorems while losing his mind.

“i’m gonna make you feel so good,” he panted. “i know the angles—oh my god— i studied. watched videos—i read so many—so many forums. i wanted to be good for you—just for you—”

you moaned out loud, hips snapping faster, your cock bobbing untouched between you. the rhythm was too perfect. every time you came down, he bottomed out inside you, hitting so deep it felt like you were going to see stars.

“soobin,” you gasped. “you’re—fucking me so good—this is insane—you’re a goddamn natural—”

soobin whimpered so loud, like he’d just been told he won a nobel prize.

“i—i am?” he breathed.

“you’re splitting me open with this monster cock—fucking me so deep—you’re so good, soobin, fuck, you’re so good at this—”

“i love you,” he blurted.

you froze, breath caught in your throat, your thighs trembling around his hips, still so full of his cock you could feel it in your chest.

soobin’s face went pale like he’d just told a calculus joke in the wrong room. “i—i’m sorry! i didn’t mean to say it—i mean i did—but i wasn’t trying to pressure you or ruin this or make it weird, it just—came out—”

you grabbed his jaw with both hands, kissed him hard, and whispered against his lips :

“say it again while i come on your cock.”

he gasped like he couldn’t breathe. “i love you.”

you started to ride him again — so hard, so fast, now reckless — and the noise he made was somewhere between a sob and a scream.

“i love you,” he choked. “i love you, you’re so perfect, you’re—god, you feel so good—i wanna live in you—”

you moaned, grinding deep, his cock hitting your prostate so perfectly that your vision blurred.

“i’ve never—fuck—never felt this before,” you whimpered, bracing your hands on his chest. “you’re fucking ruining me, soobin—your cock is splitting me open—i can’t—”

soobin looked like he was about to cry. “y-you’re gonna make me cum again—please—please let me cum inside, i need to, i need to—”

you slammed down hard, clenching tight around him.

“do it—fill me up, soobin—wanna feel you spill inside me—wanna feel your cum drip out while you keep me full—”

he lost it.

with a sound like his entire soul ripped free of his body, soobin thrust up into you — so hard — hands locking around your waist, finally taking the rhythm for himself. and just like that, he was fucking you.

messy. desperate. and so, so deep.

“oh my god—” you cried out, body jolting with every sharp thrust. “soobin—fuck—what are you—”

“i’m sorry—i have to—i have to—” he gasped, voice breaking. “you feel so good—i can’t hold back—you’re letting me inside—i can’t stop—”

the dorm room filled with the sound of your bodies meeting — slick, obscene, overwhelming — the wet slap of skin on skin as he drove into you with trembling strength. he wasn’t graceful, wasn’t practiced either, but somehow it didn’t matter. he hit every spot. every time. like he’d mapped your body in his dreams.

his eyes were locked on your face, glasses still somehow halfway on, slipping down his nose with every thrust. you couldn’t look away. he looked like something primal had taken over — lips parted, cheeks flushed, pupils blown wide with need.

and the things he was saying—

“you’re so tight, i can feel you everywhere, every inch—i want to memorize this—i want to study you—i want to write theses about how perfect your body feels—”

you were shaking. open and gone.

your legs were jelly around him now, your arms shaking too much to hold you up. soobin noticed, and with a sudden strength you didn’t expect, he grabbed you around the waist and flipped you, pressing you down to the mattress and staying buried inside you with one deep, dizzying thrust.

you gasped, arching under him.

“soobin—!”

“i’m sorry,” he whispered, hovering above you, looking destroyed. “i—i need to stay inside. just for a little—just a little longer—i can’t let go yet—”

“then don’t,” you begged. “stay inside. fuck me, soobin—fuck me harder—”

and damn, he did.

he snapped his hips into you, relentless now, cock stretching you to the limit, his voice unraveling right in your ear as he chased the edge.

“i love you—i love you so much—i’ve loved you since the first lecture—i used to touch myself thinking about this—you—i didn’t even know what to do with my hands, i just knew i wanted you—”

your hand slid between your legs, desperate, stroking your own cock as he pounded you, your body singing from the inside out.

“don’t stop—don’t you dare stop—soobin, i’m gonna—fuck, i’m gonna—”

“come,” he gasped. “please, please come—want you to cum on my cock, want you to milk it—make me fill you—make me stay inside forever—”

and you did.

your whole body convulsed, cock pulsing in your hand, white-hot release spilling across your stomach and chest as your walls clenched down tight around him. you sobbed his name, legs shaking violently as you came harder than you had in years.

that was all it took.

soobin’s hands gripped your hips so tight you knew you’d bruise later. he slammed in once, twice, and then he was spilling inside you with a loud scream, cock throbbing so deep, filling you with so much cum you could feel it leaking already.

“i’m cumming—i’m cumming—i’m inside you—fuck, i love you—i love you i love you—”

soobin didn’t pull out.

he didn’t even move. he collapsed on top of you, trembling, still buried to the hilt, still moaning under his breath like he didn’t want it to end.

you lay there together — shaking, sweaty, breathless — and felt him press one soft, desperate kiss to your throat.

“can we…” he mumbled, voice small. “can we stay like this? just for a little while?”

you smiled, completely fucked out, one hand sliding into his damp hair.

“baby,” you whispered. “you can stay inside me as long as you want.”

soobin made a small, crushed noise against your throat. something between a whimper and a sigh of absolute, stupid bliss.

you could feel his cock twitch one last time inside you, still half-hard, still locked so deep it made your legs twitch again just from the memory. he didn’t move — he wouldn’t move. you’d melted into the mattress beneath him, boneless, body sticky with sweat and cum and love.

“…you okay?” you asked softly, fingers brushing through the damp hair at the back of his neck.

he nodded against your skin, barely moving. then a soft, muffled : “i can’t believe that happened.”

you laughed, shaky and hoarse. “you mean the part where you absolutely destroyed me?”

soobin groaned in embarrassment, shifting just slightly. his cock moved inside you and both of you gasped at the hypersensitivity. he stopped immediately, whimpering.

“i’m sorry—i don’t want to hurt you, i just— i don’t know what to do now. i—uh—do we need to clean up? should i get you water? or—wait, should i get a towel? are you cramping? oh my god, i think i’m still hard—”

“soobin,” you whispered, smile tugging at your lips until it almost hurt. “breathe.”

he paused, blinking down at you like a deer caught in your bedroom lamp.

you cupped his flushed cheek. “you did so good. i’m not dying. i’m just… full. of you. in every way.”

soobin’s eyes got glassy again.

“i made you feel good?”

“baby,” you whispered, pulling him down so your foreheads touched. “that was the best fuck of my life.”

he made a broken, overwhelmed sound and kissed you. messy, still desperate, but sweet. the kind of kiss that tasted like someone who couldn’t believe they were allowed to love you like this.

eventually, he softened inside you with a small whine and pulled out carefully. you hissed from the sensitivity, but he was so gentle — like you were glass.

he tried to get up to clean you, but you yanked him back by the wrist.

“later. just lie down with me.”

he slid in beside you, glasses crooked and slipping down his nose, wrapping those long arms around you like he didn’t ever want to let go. you curled against his chest, still sticky and sweaty, and neither of you cared.

soobin was quiet for a while. then :

“i didn’t even know it could feel like that,” he whispered. “i thought—i was scared i wouldn’t be good at it. that i’d mess it up. but you just…”

you kissed the center of his chest.

“i felt safe. and wanted. and i wanted you,” he said, voice cracking at the edges. “i’ve wanted you since forever. i just never thought i’d get to have this. to have you.”

you pressed your face into his collarbone, eyes fluttering closed.

“you have me now,” you murmured. “all of me, soobin.”

he held you tighter.

“…are you okay? like, physically?” he added in a panicked whisper after a beat. “i came a lot. like, a lot—”

you laughed so hard you wheezed. “soobin.”

“sorry! i just—i don’t want to give you, like, some weird cum-induced stomach cramp—”

“i am gloriously ruined,” you said, shifting closer. “and if you apologize for doing too good of a job one more time, i’m gonna make you fuck me again.”

soobin blushed deep red.

“…noted.”

[taebinlvr]

— centimeters

summary : as your game night with the boys reached an unusual peak in boredom, huening kai suggests a few rounds of the pepero game to get the dopamine pumping. however, what kai didn't consider was the several-month long crush that you had on soobin, and what you didn't consider was the fact that soobin would choose you as his partner. at the end of the night, when the tension is suffocating you and your mind is swirling with "what-if's," soobin offers to give you a ride home. you accept, not realizing in the moment just how mutual that tension was. pairing : choi soobin x fem!reader genre: friends to lovers, mutual pining, non-idol au, smut, fluff wc : 7.8k warnings : pwp (like 50-50), unprotected sex, oral + fingering (f receiving), some pet names (baby, honey), multiple orgasms, creampie, both reader and soobin are really horny but especially soobin <3

a/n : i haven't written smut in literal years so this was purely driven by how whipped i am for choi soobin <3 inspired by txt playing the pepero game bc it's been on my mind ever since that vid dropped. never been so jealous in my life. txt masterlist .

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“how about the pepero game?” kai suggested, earning varying kinds of stares from the group.

for the last ten minutes or so, you and the boys had been bickering in kai’s living room about which game was next to tackle on your game night list.

you had already exhausted all the games kai had on his switch, as well as almost half the board games he found tucked away under his bed. you were on a roll, and had no means of stopping quite yet; but there was no remaining game that anyone could agree was exciting enough to satisfy your boredom.

that was until kai piped up amongst the chatter, anyway. taehyun gave him a blatantly disgusted look, his brows furrowed and his eyes widened slightly, while yeonjun and beomgyu immediately jumped at the idea with loud agreements and wide smiles. they had gotten a few drinks in them by now, it was only a matter of time before they got reckless.

you, however, were nervous. the point of the pepero game was to make the stick as short as possible, but the real reason people played it was just to see how close two people could get to kissing. that wasn’t exactly what made you so nervous, the thought of a near-kiss actually didn’t phase you. you saw your relationship with the guys as entirely platonic, nothing more than friends – at least, for all but one of them.

a few months ago you started developing some sort of feelings for soobin, a tall, handsome, and sweet character, and it’s only been growing and festering ever since. it started with small fleeting moments of adoration, just letting your gaze linger for an extra second or smiling softly when he entered a room.

you realized you might have felt something real for him when you anxiously wanted to be around him, even though your heart would pound if you got too close. eventually he became all you could think about, your thoughts filled with fantasies of what it would be like to feel his embrace, his lips on yours. to feel his one of his large hands on your hips, the other wrapped so firmly around your neck.

god. that’s why you were nervous – even with the slimmest chance that the two of you would be paired together, what would you even do? how were you supposed to control yourself?

you laughed along with the guys for now, but your gaze quietly shifted over to soobin, sitting quietly on the other side of the room.

your heart jumped.

your eyes met, and neither of you looked away.

at first, you were just testing him; trying to figure out if it was just a coincidence or you had caught him staring. you got your answer when his dark eyes didn’t flinch when you looked at him, his expression calm and composed even though you felt like your heart was about to leap right out of your chest.

you could only take so much before you looked away, turning your attention back to the rest of the group in a daze. why was he already staring at you? why did he look so calm? what was he thinking?

“then who wants to go first?”

yeonjun’s voice grounded you in reality again, your mind suddenly coming back into focus. you didn’t even notice how the some guys had joined you on the floor, sitting in a circle, or how kai had opened a couple of boxes of pepero, keeping one for the game while dispersing the others.

“we’ll go first.”

your eyes immediately flicked to soobin at the sound of his voice, your heart sinking deep into your chest as your eyes met once again. he took on of the sticks from kai’s hands, slowly standing from the couch and making his approach.

he chose you.

the loud cheers and and laughter that came from the rest of the group was drowned out by the onslaught of thoughts that came flooding into your mind. half of you was convinced that he would make it quick, only opting to have you as a partner since you were close, and probably more bearable to work with than anyone else.

at the same time, you couldn’t help but feel that nervousness settle back in. what you thought was a slim chance of happening was now becoming a reality, and you already felt the heat rising into your cheeks before he was even within two feet of you.

as he knelt down in front of you, his eyes never left yours. his expression was still serious at first, until his eyes flicked down to your cheeks. the corners of his lips tugged up into a small smile, and immediately you knew you were caught. you silently prayed that the other guys were too drunk to notice your embarrassed flush, too.

soobin lifted the stick in his hand to your mouth, his smile widening.

“here, take it.”

your heart fluttered, eyes never looking away from him as you silently obeyed. his hands reached out to gently grip your shoulders, his warm hands sliding ever so subtly up the sleeves of your t-shirt so that he was touching your skin.

“just go already. your score is gonna get beat anyway.” yeonjun chirped, but you were far to enveloped in soobin’s gaze to listen.

“i wanna take this seriously, actually. do you think i’m playing to lose?” soobin looked away from a moment, shooting a grin towards yeonjun before immediately turning back to you.

before anyone else could complain, soobin turned his head and slowly started biting down on the stick you were holding so tensely between your teeth, not being able to stop yourself from squeezing your eyes shut. you wished for something like this, maybe even dreamt about it.

his face mere centimeters away, large hands holding you still as he drew his lips closer to yours; but you didn’t want this. you wanted to be alone, to have him to yourself. you didn’t want anyone else to see how easily you lost yourself in his touch.

you felt the weight between your teeth become lighter and lighter, your heart pounding at the thought of just how close soobin would already be if you opened your eyes. but you kept them shut, hands clasped tightly in your lap as you desperately wished that you two were alone. you wished that he could stop being so polite and proper for the sake of the game, your desperation only getting worse as you felt soobin’s hot breath against your lips.

you thought maybe he would really do it, maybe he would close the distance and secretly wanted the same thing you did.

but you were sorely disappointed when his breath disappeared and he pulled away, your eyes opening wide as soon as he did. you watched as soobin held up the stick to the ruler in yeonjun’s hands, a proud expression washing over his features as he turned back towards you, hand shooting into the air.

“1.2 centimeters. not bad, right?” he beamed.

you agreed, suddenly breathless.

did he have any idea what he did to you?

that question haunted you for the rest of the night as the boys satisfied their dopamine craving with a couple more rounds of the pepero game, followed by a couple more rounds of drinks between yeonjun and beomgyu. it was only when they started getting out of hand that kai cut the night short, fearing for the cleanliness of his apartment, taehyun taking on the burden of driving them both home.

with taehyun now in charge of babysitting two drunk men and kai busy cleaning up the mess they left behind, you figured the best plan of action was just to call a taxi. you didn’t live far, so whatever the fee was wouldn’t be too much of a hassle to pay. as you stepped out of kai’s apartment building and into the street, however, a tall, familiar figure waited for you.

“y/n- you’re not actually gonna call a taxi, are you?” soobin’s eyes watched you carefully as they landed on you. the way you perceived those eyes, the way the looked at you and met yours so carefully, was utterly distorted now. all you could think of now when he looked at you was the way he stared you down earlier that night, holding the stick to your lips and shamelessly asking you to just take it.

“it’s no big deal, it’s not like i have to go that far.” even though you didn’t want to, you tore your eyes away from soobin, eyes searching the city streets instead.

“there’s not many drivers around at this hour, though. it’s cold, and it’s getting late.” you could feel soobin still watching you, the sound of his car keys jingling filling the otherwise quiet air.

“let me drive you home.”

you didn’t make any snappy movements. you didn’t flinch or flick your head up at the sound of his words. you just stared blankly at the other end of the street as your heart fluttered, head slowly turning up to finally look at him again.

“you don’t have to, really. you live in the other direction, anyway-”

“please. i insist.”

there was something different about the tone of his voice. something spilled out, something that was overflowing and threatening to unravel, even though he seemed to be doing such a good job with keeping it in check.

or maybe your delusions were getting the better of you. maybe your feelings for him were twisting reality, and you were starting to ignore the facts just to believe what you wanted.

logic was telling you that soobin had given you a ride home several times in the past, and this was just him worrying about you as your friend – but your feelings were telling you that this was a chance you couldn’t pass up.

“okay, okay.” you smiled, following him to his car. “let’s go.”

the first few minutes of the car ride were silent. not uncomfortably so, but part of you still felt tense, somehow. there was an inkling of a thought pacing back and forth in your head, making you wonder as you glanced over at soobin.

god, he was beautiful. the slight curve of his nose, his pouty lips, the pale glow on his skin. the way his jacket accentuated his shoulders, the way his hand so leisurely held the bottom of the steering wheel. if you focused hard enough, you could smell the faint scent of his cologne spreading through the air, filling your lungs and clouding your senses.

you wondered: were you really imagining things, or did he feel it too?

“i didn’t make you uncomfortable, did i?” soobin asked, glancing briefly at you. “during the pepero game.”

“no, not at all.” your mouth went a bit dry as you spoke, the question catching you off guard. “why do you ask?”

“you just seemed so tense. your cheeks were flushed and you were gripping your hands so tight your knuckles turned white. you know, you could’ve said no if you didn’t want to do it.” he chuckled lightly, but there was a sense of worry evident in his voice.

“oh, that?” you looked back out the window, mentally scolding yourself for making yourself so obvious. the worst part is that he interpreted your tension in the complete opposite way – you wanted it. in fact, you didn’t get nearly enough of it. if only the other guys weren’t watching it all happen, maybe you could have made that clearer.

“sorry, if that’s how it came across.” regaining your composure, you looked back over at soobin. “i was just nervous, that’s all. it kind of awkward doing that while everyone was watching, don’t you think?”

soobin grinned, letting out another light laugh, “definitely. but it was kind of fun, wasn’t it?”

you smiled to yourself, but couldn’t help but feel a sense of dread settle in your stomach. the way he talked about it was so casual, as if his breath against your lips and his hands so carefully holding your frame was a normal occurrence – but it wasn’t normal, not to you. didn’t he see that? didn’t he notice how hot he made you feel?

“soobin.” his name slipped out from your lips before you could even stop it. there was so much you wanted to say, and all the words you had been working so hard on keeping under wraps were threatening to burst right then and there.

he hummed in response, and from the corner of your eye you could see him periodically glancing over at you. he was waiting for you, like he was asking you to continue, and for some reason you wanted nothing more but to make it happen for him. you submit, each and every one of your secret thoughts beginning to spill out one by one, his gaze making you too weak to stop it.

“i was nervous, and it was because everyone was watching,” you paused, trying to swallow the dryness in your throat, “but i.. i wanted it, you know. i wanted to kiss you.”

the couple of seconds of silence that followed your words seemed to stretch out for hours. you could’ve sworn that you felt the air in the car shift, turning tense and heavy, the weight of it nearly suffocating you. your mouth opened as you rushed to reverse the damage, but the words died in your throat as soobin spoke up first.

“really?” he asked, though there was a certain softness to his words. there was a smile in his tone, and as you looked over at him, you could see how the corners of his mouth seemed to lift after your confession. it made your head spin.

“well-” originally, you were going to take it all back, snatch your words right out of the air and bury them somewhere not even you would remember; but that damn smile of his was urging you to keep going. “yeah, really. and you seemed so competitive that i thought maybe you would really do it, even if it was just for the game. but you pulled back last second.”

a few more seconds of silence, then soobin spoke again, “the guys wouldn’t have stopped talking about it if we did. i couldn’t do that to you.” he chuckled, and so did you. he had a point.

“but i was nervous, too. i think that’s why i ended up pulling back, it felt like my chest would explode if i didn’t. but i wanted it, too.”

..he wanted it, too?

the subtle beat of your heart started to pump harder within your chest, so excited by the mere words soobin was speaking that it flipped and turned every which way. your eyes didn’t turn away from him; they watched and studied his expression, and that’s when you caught it.

the pale red shade that rose into his cheeks, making him adjust himself in his seat and nervously fiddle with the steering wheel. he was just as nervous as you were.

your voice softened as you carefully tread the conversation, fearing that one wrong choice of words could shatter all the progress you’ve made.

“do you still want it?”

your eyes locked for a second, only a second, but that was enough to get a glance into him. you saw the way his eyes widened every so slightly, like he wasn’t expecting you to ask such a question. but with the way that rosey flush spread into his ears, his mouth shifting as he bit the inside of his cheek, you could tell he liked it.

the car came to a slow as soobin skillfully pulled in front of your apartment building, one hand pulling off the wheel to put the car in park. finally, he looked over at you properly. the nearby streetlight shone through the windshield, illuminating his features perfectly. you could finally look into his eyes again, watching his gaze soften and seem to sparkle slightly in the light.

“even if i say yes, how will i get it?”

his question made your heart skip a beat. there was a shift in his tone; it became a bit curious, a bit suggestive. his eyes glanced between your eyes and your lips, and he didn’t seem even slightly ashamed when you caught him. you even noticed how he seemed to lean in just a bit closer, the scent of his cologne stronger. he wanted a certain answer from you, even if he didn’t say it.

and you were going to give it to him.

“can you stay for a bit?”

the walk to your apartment floor felt like it lasted hours, the thick tension between you two palpable. you weren’t rushing to leave the elevator or to grab your keys out of your bag to unlock your door, even though you felt like that was more appropriate than slowly and silently strolling through the hallways.

it was starting to drive you crazy – but then again, you would rather do this than do anything rash. what if he pushed back, what if he was scared away?

you pushed open the door to your apartment, soobin hovering behind you as you slid off your shoes and shrugged your coat off your shoulders. that was until, suddenly, your coat was properly lifted off your frame, your head spinning around to see soobin had taken it in his hands. he hung it on the hooks you had near your door, next to his.

but he never looked away from you. he looked at you in a similar way to earlier, in a way that nearly made your legs buckle beneath you. slowly, he approached you. your head gradually tilted up to meet his eyes, as his tilted down to meet yours.

one of his hands gently took hold of your shoulder, and you wondered if he could feel the goosebumps on your skin as he traced down your arm. he took your hand in his, while his other hand reached up to your face, gently cupping your cheek. he held you so gently, as if holding you too tightly would shatter your skin.

“is this okay?” his voice whispered into the dark, silent air. you nodded, and in response his face slowly started to draw closer to yours. unlike earlier, you didn’t close your eyes. your muscles didn’t tense and you didn’t squeeze your hands into tight fists. you watched him come closer and closer, until he stopped mere centimeters away from your face.

“this is where i stopped, during the game.” you could see a small smile grow over his features, as if he was proud. “you really want this?”

you chuckled at the fact he was even asking you that. you could feel his hot breath against your lips. the scent of his cologne flooded your senses, clouding your thoughts and dizzying your mind. you felt extra sensitive to his touch, even the slightest movement from him sending a chill down your spine. he was driving you crazy, and he didn’t even know it. that’s what made his question so ridiculous.

“more than anything.” you whispered, and his smile widened. he must have been playing with you, or he wouldn’t have looked so smug as he closed the gap between the two of you.

the feeling of his lips pressing against yours was like a sweet release, a weight being lifted off of your chest. you had wanted this for months, although they felt like years, and it was beyond anything you could have possibly imagined.

the taste of his lips was sweet, intoxicating you and getting you hooked on the flavor. he felt soft, almost fragile. he kissed you carefully, memorizing the way your lips danced and paying close attention when the rhythm changed. he leaned deeper into you, and you leaned back. your tongue grazed his teeth, and he granted you permission to enter.

without quite realizing it, the small entryway of your apartment became hot with the warmth radiating from your bodies. you felt it in your face, where soobin’s hands were touching, and especially where you wished he was touching.

the gentle kiss you two started with devolved into something hungry. needy. the hand soobin had been using to so carefully hold your face was now on the small of your back, pulling you close until there was no distance left between you.

your hands reached up from where they had been resting on soobin’s chest to instead tangle themselves in his hair. he kept leaning into you until you had no choice but to stumble back against your wall, and for a moment he pulled away. his hands moving to snake down your sides until they hooked under your thighs, lifting you up so effortlessly it sent a wave of heat straight to your core.

“where’s your room?”

his question practically knocked the wind out of you as you breathlessly answered:

“door on your right- there.”

you pointed to the door just ahead of your entry way, soobin following where your finger guided him. as he shoved the already ajar door completely open with his shoulder, he continued pressing deep kisses into your lips, the breathing between you two getting heavy and ragged.

within seconds you were being laid down onto your sheets, one of soobin’s hands supporting your back as the other pressed into the mattress, caging you in. you were waiting for him to lean down and allow you to intoxicate yourself with the taste of his lips, but for a few moments, he didn’t move. he merely hovered over you with half-lidded eyes and his pouty lips agape, waiting for something to say.

“i wanna do more than just kiss you, y/n. i want so much more..” he confessed, butterflies swirling in your stomach at his words. you knew by the lustful glint in his eyes that his intentions were sinful, naughty; but the way he spoke so softly felt so pure.

you almost felt giddy – if only that giddiness wasn’t being so loudly overtaken by a burning desire.

“i won’t stop you.” you whispered, your arms snaking around his neck as your hands found their way back his tousled hair, “i want it, soobin. i want you.”

it was only after your words that a switch seemed to flip in him, like the mutual desire between you too was finally understood. he let out a shaky exhale and dived into you, placing a kiss onto your jaw before latching onto your neck. you gasped at the sensation of sweet, gentle kisses being pressed into your skin, your neck craning to give him more space to work with.

“you smell so sweet.” he muttered between kisses, making you smile, “it’s driving me crazy.”

as soobin nipped at your neck, you did something you had been waiting so long to do: just touch him. your hands left his hair as they traced down his chest, sneakily making their way down to his waist. he was wearing a white, perfectly loose t-shirt, which gave you the perfect opportunity to slip your hands under the fabric, the ghostly touch of your fingertips barely grazing his skin. you felt him shiver, catching him gasp right beneath your ear. 

but your movements didn’t stop him as his kisses got rougher, hungrier. devolving from soft and sweet pecks into starved sucking as he marked the space below your collarbone.

one of his hands slid down your waist, taking hold of the hem of your shirt and pulling it up.he pulled back, letting out a heavy breath as he pressed kisses on your chest, then your ribs, then your stomach – you were almost sure he would have been able to feel your heart pounding through his lips.

“soobin..” you mewled as you watched him lean back, eyes trained on your center as his fingers traced the waistline of your jeans.

you watched him undo the buttons and hook his thumbs around the waistline, pulling down your jeans in one single movement. his hands every so slightly pushed your thighs up, encouraging you to spread them open. you obeyed, although your cheeks burned with embarrassment at just the thought of how soaked you probably were.

“oh my god..” he practically groaned at the sight of you, his fingers laying flat against your pussy and sliding up. you whimpered in response, shocked at just how sensitive you felt to his touch. his eyes flicked up to you.

“you have no idea how bad i wanted this, baby.” his voice shifted into a husky tone as his body moved down, getting a pathetic whimper out of you. his arms hooked around your thighs as he pulled you to the edge of the bed, firm and decisive. his expression was almost desperate, his eyebrows turned up and his cheeks flushed, as if he was on his knees to start begging you for pleasure. it made your head spin.

as his hands grabbed and pulled at the hem of your panties, carefully yet quickly taking them off and discarding them, your legs practically shook with need. his hands held your thighs and spread you open, exposing you fully to him. mildly embarrassed, you turned away, averting your eyes from the lewd scene beneath you.

it was then you felt the warm, wet sensation of soobin’s tongue lick your slit from the bottom up, ending with a small peck against your sensitive clit. you breathed out a moan, your hands reaching up and taking hold of your sheets, as if to prepare for what was to come.

“eyes on me, honey.” he requested, and without even thinking you looked back at him, completely forgetting the bashfulness that overtook you a second ago. you nearly gasped at the view beneath you, how soobin’s gaze was wide and doe-eyed, staring so sweetly at you from between your thighs.

“there you go. want you to watch me, okay?” those words and the hint of his smile was enough to make you cum right then and there, but the dream of that was quickly cut off as soobin dove into you.

he tried to be patient, he really did. he started with shy licks and kisses, like he did on your neck, but it barely lasted a minute before he was sloppily lapping at your pussy. it was like he was thirsty for it, the way he thrusted his tongue between your folds and sucked at your clit.

“s-soobin, oh my god- fuck-“ you quickly unraveled into a moaning mess, knuckles turning white as you gripped the sheets and desperately tried to keep yourself still — but it was no use. you were squirming in his grasp, your hips shyly bucking into his face as the knot inside of you grew tighter.

“god- just like that, y/n. don’t stop.” soobin groaned into your cunt, as if he was getting off on it just as much as you were. using the brief moment of separation, two of his fingers brushed against your entrance before slowly sliding their way in. you both moaned at the sensation.

“you’re so tight-“ he practically whimpered, fingers thrusting at a steady pace right into a spot that made your back arch. “are you close, huh? you wanna cum all over my fingers, baby? can you do that for me?”

his senseless rambling into your cunt on in between his tongue lapping at your clit on top of his fingers keeping you full was making you see stars. this deep, burning desire that you had for soobin had been festering for so long, and the fact that it was finally being fulfilled was almost too much for you to handle. but even as your legs shook and you moaned shamelessly into the air, you wanted more. you needed more.

“i-i need-“ you gasped between your moans, your noise barely covering the sound of soobin sucking at your dripping cunt. your hips were moving completely on their own now, shame flying out the window as you slid up and down soobin’s tongue, “s-soobin, i’m gonna-“

“give it to me,” his groans sent vibrations up your body, making you tremble, “let it go baby, please. just give it to me.”

as if on command, the tight knot that had been stretching thin within your stomach snapped at his words, a blinding euphoria completely washing over your body. every limb, every muscle of yours shook with overwhelming pleasure, your entrance desperately tightening around soobin’s fingers as they slowed. he worked you carefully through your orgasm, pulling his mouth away to rub gentle circles on your clit.

“holy shit-” you breathed out, breathless as your eyes, previously squeezed shut, carefully opened. your vision gradually came into focus as a lightheadedness settled into your skull. you felt weak, your body limp against the mattress as you realized the sudden cramping in your fingers from so tightly holding onto your sheets. you had never experienced anything like that before.

but even as the orgasm soobin gave you with nothing but his mouth and fingers left you utterly stunned, your fantasies about him never stopped at foreplay. you needed more –  and not only did you know it, but you could feel it.

the second soobin’s fingers carefully left your entrance, it was already begging for them to come back. it clasped and twitched around nothing, burning and pleading as it longed to be filled again. to be filled by him.

“god- i can’t wait-”

you gathered the strength to prop yourself up on your elbows as you looked down at where soobin had been kneeling, only to find he was already up on his feet. you felt a heat rush down your spine and fester at your core at the sight of him.

“you have no idea how bad i need you-” his words came out in breaths, “d’you even know how hot that was?”

he had already taken his t-shirt off, the subtle definition of his body practically glowing in the dim moonlight. his hands, still stained with your slick, anxiously fiddled with the buttons of his jeans before undoing them. even through the tight material of his jeans, there was an extremely evident tent in the fabric.

you felt your breath catch in your throat as he pulled down both his jeans and his boxers in one swift movement, his long, thick erection springing free.

soobin climbed onto the bed and resumed his position where he hung over you before, one hand by your side while the other slowly pumped his cock. you couldn’t help but watch as his thumb circled his flushed tip, barely able to catch the glisten of the pre-cum that he spread over the top of his shaft.

but the sight of his face made you just as hot. you met his eyes, and in an instant you recognized that you were seeing a completely different side of soobin. his face was flushed, eyes drowsy and half-open as if he was in a trance. soft pants escaped his open mouth every so often, his lips wet with a mix of your juices and his saliva.

he was needy. just as needy as you.

“do you have any condoms? where are they?” the words rushed out of his mouth, like anything that wasn’t fucking you was just a waste of time. you would have laughed if your mind wasn’t so overridden by desire.

“just forget that-” your tone hinted at a whine as your hips wiggled beneath him, your legs moving up to loosely wrap around his waist. you barely pulled him in, but you could already feel the tip of his cock brushing against your clit. you shivered at the sensation.

“wait, y/n, are you-”

“it’s okay, i promise,” you felt your heart pound in your chest, your core tighten and squeeze. your hands moved up into his hair again, your hands tangling in his locks. “just put it in binnie, please? i can’t wait either..”

although he looked like he had something he wanted to say, his hips responded first. he pushed his length against the lips of your pussy, not to enter, but just to slide up and down the wetness of it. you whimpered at the action, a combination of both impatience and sensitivity from your orgasm making you dizzy with need.

“i’m not gonna go slow. i can’t.” he said, the words phrased as a rule. a non-negotiable. “you okay with me being rough? sure you can take it?”

you rapidly nodded, biting back the pathetic sounds you so desperately wanted to make at the feeling of his length against your heat.

“tell me, baby.” he whined, “can you take it?”

your throat went dry.

“yes,” you breathed, “i can take it.”

a dazed, lazy smile spread over his features.

soobin leaned back, his large hands sliding up the back of your thighs as he spread you open wider, his eyes glued to where the two of you met. his brows furrowed and his mouth let out soft breaths as he slid over your clit just a couple more times, before pushing firmly into the heat of your entrance.

you moan in unison as just a portion of your desires are finally met, and you swear for a moment you saw stars. you could feel how tight you were around him, the massive size of him making you unbelievably full.

“fuck..” soobin let out a drawn out moan as he bottomed out inside of you, fingers pressing deep into the soft skin of your thighs. he already started to grind into you, your walls sucking him in each time he dared pull back.

“you don’t know how bad i wanted this, y/n..” he said, your heart jumping at his words. for just a moment, you debated what he said. you were shocked at the implication that he wanted this for longer than just a moment, making you wonder just how long the two of you waited before satiating a now mutual hunger.

but you couldn’t think about that too deeply yet – not when you could barely speak, let alone think about anything else but the delicious feeling of soobin steadily pounding into your burning cunt. not when the only thing that left your mouth was high-pitched moans and needy whines, occasionally interrupted by whispered swears.

you had been waiting for, dreaming, of this moment, and you were going to lavish in it.

the steady pace that soobin started at rapidly devolved into fast, desperate movements. his hips would pull almost all the way back, leaving you with nothing but the head of his cock before slamming right back into you.

he moved at a relentless pace, the lewd, merciless sound of skin slapping against skin leaving no room in the air for silence. the only thing competing with its volume was the sound of your own moans, shameless and explicit.

and amidst it all, soobin’s eyes never left yours, his head tilted to the side as he watched you fall apart beneath him. watching as your hands reached out and pawed at the skin of his arms, studying how your eyes briefly rolled back every time he hit the sweetest part of you; but, strangely, it didn’t feel like you were just being observed. you were being admired. idolized. worshipped.

“you look so pretty like this.” soobin cooed breathlessly, “so so pretty.. and so wet for me- so wet and so fucking tight-“

“soobin-“ all you could think to do was cry out his name in response. while you both seemed utterly drunk on the feeling of each other, soobin had been mindlessly rambling ever since he got the chance to touch you, while you couldn’t put together a proper sentence for the life of you.

it felt so good, almost too good, as tears stung the corners of your eyes and that euphoric tension tightened inside of you again with a vengeance. it didn’t help that all the words you tried to say to convey that message only came spewing out as fucked-out nonsense.

“you okay, baby? not too much for you, right?” soobin suddenly asked, a hint of concern in his voice despite the reckless speed of his hips slamming against yours. it didn’t seem like he could stop, even if he wanted to.

you anxiously shook your head. “n-no, please, don’t stop-“ you managed to choke out, your fingers wrapping around his forearms and tugging him towards you. he understood, leaning down and pushing your knees close to your chest with his arms in order to close the gap between the two of you.

the new angle made you see stars, and if soobin hadn’t pressed his lips passionately into yours, you knew it would have enough to rip a cry out of you.

he shoved his tongue between your lips as he rushed to get a taste of you, the quiet murmur of your mutual moaning getting muffled by it. you surrendered completely to him, letting him bite at your lips and tangle his hands into your hair.

although you succumbed to him, however, your entire body remained tense. every muscle in your body squeezed tight, especially where it was wrapped around soobin’s length. your moans became more high-pitched and whiny, your breaths in-between more ragged. your hands had found their place on soobin’s back, desperately clawing and dragging against his skin.

“i-i’m gonna fucking cum, soobin-” you mewled as soobin pulled back, resuming his previous position to tower over you, your legs spread open so obediently for him. “don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop- please don’t stop-”

your hurried blabber only encouraged soobin, each one of his thrusts hitting the deepest parts of you with a fiery passion. each one told you that nothing would be better than this. that you were ruined for any other man. that you were his.

“go ahead, baby, ‘s okay..” he said, speaking with a softness, “let me see you fall apart all over me.”

at his request, your second orgasm of the night hit you like a freight train. it was twice as intense, euphoria repeatedly striking you directly at your core before sending shockwaves down your body. you threw your head back into the pillows, stars scattered across your vision as a lewd, pornographic moan ripped from your throat. the sensation of your orgasm rippled around soobin’s cock, forcing him to breath out a drawn out moan and string of whispered curses.

“just like that, honey,” soobin’s moaned from over you, “so good.. so, so good..”

while the orgasm itself hit you twice as hard, it felt like the aftermath exhausted you ten times as much. you couldn’t control the way your legs shook in soobin’s grasp, or the way your chest steadily rose and fell in an attempt to catch your breath.

but coming down from such a high proved impossible as soobin continued to hammer into you, his pace only slowing when your orgasm made it too difficult to move.

“s-soo.. bin- wait- ‘s too much!” you cried out to him, watching through the blurry lens of your vision as he so mercilessly pounded your sensitive cunt.

“i know baby, i know..” he panted, “‘m sorry, i can’t stop- til your pussy’s stuffed full, i can’t stop-”

you were so spent already. every inch of your skin was covered in a thin film of sweat, your heart thundered relentlessly in your chest, and there was a thick scent of sex filling the air of your room. your legs felt so limp that you could barely feel them at all, the sweet sting of where soobin had dug his fingers into being the only reminder. and your head – you could have sworn that you were dreaming based on how lightheaded the rapid sense of overstimulation made you.

but, despite that, you didn’t dare stop him. you didn’t push him away or beg for a break – you laid there and took it. you let tears gather in your eyes, overstimulation wracking your body as your limbs quivered and pussy ached around soobin’s cock.

your hands found their place in your sheets once more, tightening and gripping onto the fabric as if it was somehow going to save you. and your voice, raw and ruined, knew nothing but the feeling of soobin’s name being ripped from your throat.

and he fucking loved it.

“you’re so hot, y/n, so fucking beautiful. d’you even know what you do to me? how long i wanted to pound your pretty pussy like this?” as soobin rambled on, his voice gradually became more out of breath, more desperate. his moans became whiny, high-pitched.

“needed you so bad it was driving me crazy- but you needed it too, huh, baby? did’ya wanna get pounded like this?”

his words made your head spin, a fresh wave of desire washing over your body and sending heat rushing to all the right places. he loved how he took you apart piece by piece, and you loved seeing how drunk he got on it.

“i-i needed it so bad, you have no f- fucking idea-” you cried, “it f-feels so good-”

his thrusts started to get sloppy, losing the ruthless rhythm he had started with. he fell to his elbows, his hands snaking up your arms and peeling your fingers away from the bedsheets. his hands intertwined with yours, holding your shaking frame against the mattress. 

“y/n-” soobin’s lips hovered over yours, barely able to feel his hot breath against your skin, “lemme fill you up, huh? you want it? want me to fill you up nice ‘n full?”

“p-please- give it to me, binnie. want your cum-”

as if your permission was the trigger, soobin only lasted a few more thrusts before he bottomed out inside you with a high-pitched groan, the feeling of his warm seed instantly settling into your core. the feeling of it, however, was just as much of a trigger for you, your third orgasm of the night hitting you before you could even prepare for it – and all you could do was lay there and let it.

you pressed the knuckles of soobin’s hand – which were still intertwined with yours – against your lips, barely containing any of your pathetic whimpers and moans that your ruined orgasm forced out of you. your legs squeezed around soobin’s waist in an attempt to keep still, but there was no use against the sensitivity that overtook your body.

soobin, who had buried his face into the crook of your neck, breathed out a string of soft yet forceful moans, his stilled cock still twitching within your sensitive walls. every now and then his body shook, waves of pleasure shocking his body almost perfectly in sync with you, your orgasm no doubt heightening his own.

for a few moments, the two of you laid there; breathless, sensitive, unmoving. the silence that followed one of the loudest nights of your life was one of comfort. it wasn’t weird or awkward, like you almost expected it to be, but relaxing. like you finally felt a sense of relief after the past several months of undisturbed tension.

but the stillness of the room only lasted so long, soobin being the first to move. with a sharp wince he slowly pulled out of you, his cock carefully dragging through the walls of your throbbing pussy. even as spent as you were, you missed the full feeling.

he lifted his head up, but only enough to look you in the eyes again. he studied you carefully, his gaze scanning over every detail of your expression until you realized the way it made your heart pound. his hand reached up, and you didn’t dare move as his fingers so gently brushed some sweat-soaked strands of hair out of your face.

“i meant what i said. you’re so beautiful.” he said, his voice suddenly lowered to a whisper.

you laughed at his words, your voice coming out hoarse. “really?”

“really. seriously.”

you swallowed down the dry feeling in your throat, carefully picking out the words for a question you dreaded.

“did you mean it when you said you wanted me, too? when you said how long you wanted me for?” your voice shrank, “or did you just want sex?”

the question clearly caught soobin off guard as his eyes widened, the hand still intertwined with yours tightening slightly.

“what? y/n, are you serious?” a light chuckle escaped his lips, but he knew by reading your expression that the question was genuine. his free hand reached up and cupped your cheek, his thumb grazing your skin.

“i like you. and it’s for so many more reasons other than sex.” he confessed carefully, “for so long i wanted you all to myself – and i mean it, when i say it.”

you felt butterflies swarm your stomach at his words, unable to hide the smile that spread over your features. you lean into the touch of his hand, partially hiding your face in it at the sudden shyness that came over you.

but in response, soobin turned your face to look right back at him, emphasizing the impact of his words with yet another kiss. this one was similar to the way the night started, with soft presses and sweet touches. you felt him smile into the kiss, and you smiled back, a powerful wave of sheer joy swelling in your chest. you felt complete.

soobin’s gentle smile beamed down at you as he pulled back, shy giggles being shared between the two of you.

“so.. does this make us official?” you asked bashfully, to which soobin responded with the soft drag of his hand, his fingers tracing down your chest and to your waist.

“well i’d hope so.” he grinned, moving to press a kiss onto your neck, “no way am i letting you go to anyone else. you’re all mine.”

as soobin enveloped you in his touch, his arms pulling back to snake around your waist and pull you into a warm embrace, he moved to lay on his side, properly able to pull you into his chest. your arms wrapped around his neck, your hands rubbing gentle circles onto the marks you left in his back earlier, and you could feel him relax just as much.

“i thought it was a stupid idea at first, but it’s good kai picked the pepero game, huh?” soobin muttered against your shoulder.

you grinned, “yeah, but it was only a matter of time until i got you to myself. i would’ve gone crazy if i didn’t.”

soobin chuckled into your skin, pressing on another kiss, “me too.”

within moments, as if you two had been doing it all your lives, you settled into each others warmth. an intimate silence filled the air as you laid there, the tense centimeters of distance that you had dealt with just hours ago finally being absolved into nothing.

god- if you had known then that this was how a round of the pepero game would end, you would’ve played it way sooner.

[lovesickchoi]

📁 FILE 01: CHOI SOOBIN

⋆·˚ ༘ * After a missed anniversary and weeks spent out of sync, Soobin just wants to be close to you again—really close. No rush, no performance. Just you, him, and the quiet reminder that you still belong to each other.

✦ Love Language: Quality Time

pairing: soobin x reader ✮⋆˙✐ 3.8k

warnings: smut, f!reader, no protection, soft dom!soobin, sub!reader, cock warming, slight oral f!rec, praise, romance, no protection, finishing inside

🗂️ click to access all txt member’s files

˚₊ · »-♡→ main masterlist

The apartment is quiet when you finally come home.

Way too quiet.

The kind of quiet that makes your chest feel heavier than your bag slung over your shoulder, heavier than the late hour blinking back at you on the microwave clock.

Stepping inside, you make sure to lock the door behind you. You take off your shoes, drop your keys into the bowl, and glance toward the couch.

He’s sitting there, asleep—just barely. Half curled into the throw blanket, one arm slung over the back of the couch like he was waiting for you but gave up halfway through.

You stand there longer than you intend to, just wanting to watch him for a moment. He stirs before you can say anything, lashes fluttering, voice groggy.

"You're late again..." Soobin grumbles. It wasn't accusatory, just worn thin.

You give him a small apologetic smile. "I know, I'm sorry. I didn't even get a lunch break today."

Soobin nods and tries to smile back, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. He looks toward the TV, and the silence stretches on longer than you'd like. With Soobin's recent comeback promotions and your new late-night shifts at the office, quality time together was few and far between.

Even when you managed to spend time together, it was never just the two of you. There were always friends around, always the other members. Never a moment that felt truly yours—never a chance to just be alone with Soobin.

And still, he loved you with a quiet kind of devotion. Soobin would wait up long past midnight just for the quiet privilege of walking you to bed. Even the smallest moment alone with you was worth losing sleep over.

You were so used to running—meeting quotas, ticking boxes, always being on—that you hadn’t noticed how little of yourself you’d given him lately. Not your stories, not your softness. Not your time.

And apparently not even your memory for important days, like today.

You realize it the moment your eyes flick toward the calendar on the fridge. The date. Your heart sinks.

"Shit," you breathe. "Our anniversary..."

Soobin doesn’t even flinch. He just watches you quietly, eyes soft but ridden with exhaustion.

Your own eyes shift down to the uneaten container of food and unopened bottle of wine on the kitchen table—he waited to eat.

"You didn't have to wait."

He responds quickly. "I wanted to." Soobin doesn't say for you, but it's written all over his face. He'd do anything to savor a moment with you.

"I am so sorry, Binnie," you're barely able to get out. "I care about you so much. I would never..."

You feel a twist of guilt settle in your stomach, but he doesn’t pile on. Nor does he guilt you. That’s not who Soobin is.

“You didn’t forget because you don’t care,” he says softly. “I know you. You just… never forget things like that. I know how overwhelmed you've been.”

Soobin doesn’t say more. He just lifts the blanket, a wordless invitation smoothed between the wrinkles in the couch cushions. When you lie down beside him, it’s quiet again. The kind that’s warm this time—full of unspoken things and shared breath. His arms curl around you instinctively. He presses his face into your neck like he’s been holding in the need to feel you all week.

"I hate this," he breathes out, almost like he's embarrassed to say it. "Hate only seeing you like this."

You swallow hard, because you feel it too. You've never been good at this. Never been good at showing Soobin just how close you want—no, need—to be near him.

You try to apologize. To say something, anything about work. About your stupid boss, the lack of breaks, the lack of appreciation, the unpaid overtime.

And he lets you ramble on. Because this is his favorite thing in the entire world—hearing your sweet voice talking about your day, getting to hold you while you do it. His eyes are sparkling and trained on your face, attention undivided as you vent. Soobin's heart thunders beneath his rib cage.

You’re halfway through telling him all the messy details—words spilling too fast, casual but unfocused, like you’re trying to outrun your own exhaustion. There’s a thin sheen of energy in your voice, but it’s cracked at the edges. You yawn mid-sentence, barely stifling it behind the back of your hand.

Soobin notices the way you press on like you aren't seconds from collapsing. He always does.

You brush it off like you usually do, reaching for a water bottle on the coffee table, already moving on to the next thought. But before you can, Soobin gently lays his hand over yours.

“You’re tired.”

You blink at him. “I’m fine.”

“You come home and talk like you haven’t breathed in hours," he chuckles through a sigh. There’s no judgment in his voice, just a quiet hurt.

That makes you stop. Not because you disagree, but because he said it like he’s been holding it in for too long. You never really knew how to be present with him. Even in times like this, when you knew he needed it most.

He sits up straight, shifting his body to face you fully. His hand doesn’t leave yours.

“I know you don’t like stopping. I know being tired makes you feel like you’re falling behind. But I promise it's okay to slow down once in a while.”

"Binnie..." Your voice trails off.

“You didn’t forget on purpose,” he says again, because he needs you to believe it. “But I still need you. I still want today to matter. Even if it’s just here, like this.”

His voice dips, eyes searching yours. "I know we've both been working a lot. But to be honest, this has been really killing me. Can't we just take our time tonight?"

And then he’s pulling you in—slowly, gently—his arms around you. The kind of embrace that doesn’t demand anything, only offers.

You don’t fight it, don't say anything. You just let yourself sink into his chest, right into the warmth of him. It’s the only place where you don’t have to be composed or efficient or fine. You just needed to be his.

His hand slides up your back. “Just… be here,” he murmurs into your hair. “For a little while.”

And for once, you let yourself stay still. His lips brush the crown of your head, barely there.

You feel the slow rise and fall of his chest against your cheek, the steady thrum of his heartbeat beneath your palm. He doesn’t rush you. But when you tilt your head up to look at him, his eyes are already on you. Warm and desperate. It’s not lust, not at first. It’s pure longing.

He cups your cheek, his thumb brushing beneath your eye like he’s trying to memorize you. You can’t help but lean into his angelic touch. Then his mouth is on yours. A slow and needy kiss that says I’ve missed you, stay forever.

You can feel the tension in his body, the way he holds back even as his fingers slip under your shirt, testing you, as if he’s asking for permission with every touch.

You give it with ease.

When you shift into his lap, straddling him, wrapping your arms around his neck, the ache of it all hits him.

Soobin holds you like he’s scared you’ll disappear again. His tongue is pressed between your lips, scaling every inch of your mouth that it can reach. An exasperated moan leaves you in a low sigh, and he swallows it down greedily. You unravel against one another, piece by piece.

The growing tightness in Soobin's pants presses firmly against you. You were beginning to throb for him and his attention alone. No distractions or distance, just this—focused and intentional.

Even though your lips moved unhurriedly, you have to pull away for air. But he doesn't let you escape so easily, keeping his forehead pressed firm against your own.

Soobin wants your attention on nothing but him tonight, that’s a promise he kept for himself. Before your mind can race, he's rubbing circles with his thumb over your leggings, stealing your mind away from stress and thoughts of work, locking them away where they’d be forced to put Soobin at the forefront.

Your leggings, usually an inconvenient barrier, were completely soaked through to the skin. It left Soobin no problem in rubbing every sensitive spot you yearned for him to reach.

A shaky breath leaves your lips. "Fuck, been needing you so bad. Been so stressed out." His eyes are trained on the outline of your folds, your cunt basically sucking in the soaked fabric and begging for his finger to follow suit. He wondered just how well you would suck his cock in if you were dripping and swelling like this already.

He groans loudly without remiss, throaty and strained, head dropping against your shoulder in self-control.

He continues to rub you lovingly, tearing his gaze from between your thighs to your face, smiling at the blush blooming across your nose and cheeks. His eyes flood with warmth when he speaks. "I want to do something."

“I’ll do anything,” you answer to him like you always have. Your time, your mind, your soul—he’s always had access to all of it, whenever he wanted.

Soobin’s smile spreads wide across his face, unable to contain it. His hands grip your hips before slipping beneath your shirt, slowly lifting it over your head with care.

Your breath catches. He looks almost shy when he speaks again.

“Can I just… stay inside you tonight?” His voice is hushed and reverent. “I don’t want to rush. I just—want to be close.”

A nod is all you need to deliver him. His hands are gripping just beneath your ass, standing up from the couch as he holds you. Your legs lock around his waist, keeping him close amidst the trek to your shared bedroom.

You noticed how deliberate Soobin was tonight—every step he took toward the bed felt endless. And when he finally lays you down against the soft cotton sheets, it��s like the world exhales. For the first time in a long time, you feel breathtakingly alive.

His movements flow into each other, rewriting time just to make this moment last longer. The only moment he disconnects himself from you his to peel off his own t-shirt. Your clothes are stripped from your body as well, more carefully than ever. Tender fingers work at the hem of your leggings, dragging them down your goose-bump ridden skin.

Soobin's lips are the only things moving quickly, wanting to feel your warm skin against them. He's kissing a trail across your chest, down your stomach, breath sucking in at the laced panties staring back at him.

The black material is sticky, soaked, and completely lost between your folds. Your head rested gently against a pillow slightly cocked to the side, peering down at him through hooded eyelids. He was so beautiful. All the time in the world belonged to you two.

"Mm, fuck baby," you're already whining out. Fuck these new schedules. Fuck your late nights. This is what you've both been denied for too long.

Large hands splayed across the curvature of your hips, gripping the flesh and securing you in place. Between your legs, he helped himself to one long, and slow drag of his tongue up your cunt. He breathed you in, fabric and all, with greed. It felt like a reward for the time he'd spent patiently craving for your presence.

Tender teeth got hold of your panties, dragging them halfway down your legs. A chill shoots up through you, his teeth grazing your inner thigh just enough. Soobin's fingers took over, sliding the material the rest of the way off.

One more lewd kiss against your cunt, this one hard and claiming, and he's up on his knees removing his sweatpants and underwear just as painfully slow. You'd never felt so prepared for Soobin in your entire relationship. Thighs and sheets stained with splotches of your sweet arousal, out of control.

Now fully undressed and erect against his toned stomach, Soobin takes his place next to you on the bed. He's propped up, back against the headboard, looking at you expectantly.

"Come here," his voice is so careful as he pats his lap. His voice holds the kind of care reserved for precious things.

You swing a leg over his waist with his help, straddling him where he sits. Soobin is silent, but his face says everything. His chin pressed to his chest as he looks between your legs, lips drawn rough between his teeth.

He keeps his hands at your waistline, lifting his hips just enough to align himself with your sopping entrance. You both hiss softly as the head of his cock slides against your folds, hot and thick. But he doesn’t push in just yet. He’s waiting for you again, asking for permission.

“Can I?” he whispers, even though you’ve already said yes in every way that counts.

You nod and sink down slowly, inch by inch, until he’s fully inside you. Neither of you moves. You just sit there, wrapped around him, buried in each other.

Your walls clench instinctively, and he emits a broken groan. But he doesn’t move, he doesn't fuck up into you—just presses his face into the crook of your neck and breathes.

This isn’t about sex for either of you. It’s about connection. Closeness. The ache to feel like you still belong to each other. Skin on skin, hearts syncing with every breath, you melt together until you’re not sure where he ends and you begin.

Soobin stays nestled inside your warmth for so long that you begin to lose track of time. His hands draw lazy circles over your back, his lips brushing your shoulder in silent worship. Your arms hang around his neck, holding him close. Every now and then, your walls flutter around him, and he exhales a quiet curse into your skin.

Every moment spent inside you is marked by a kiss—some soft and delicate, others deep and bruising, left like claims on your neck. Soobin's voice is hushed, whispering over and over how much he adores you. His hands roam your body like he's rediscovering it all over again, tracing every dip, outlining the shape of you with his touch. He’s etching you into him.

Eventually, the stillness turns to tension. You shift your hips just slightly and feel him twitch inside you. His breath hitches, and you notice.

“Don’t do that,” Soobin murmurs, voice taught with restraint.

Your faces are pressed close, cheek to cheek. He can feel the graze of your hardened nipples against his chest, your shaky, uneven moans fanning hot against his ear. And suddenly, he’s entirely too aware of you—of how impossibly tight and perfect your body feels around him, like you were made to fit just like this.

"Sorry, Binne." You don’t mean for it to come out as a whimper, but it slips, drenched in need. “I’m just so full…”

You try to remain still, but your eyes are already glassy with want. And when your lips find his again, more desperate this time, he gives in.

He starts to move, gently at first. Rolling his hips into yours like it’s the first time all over again. You can tell he's afraid to shatter the moment, but can’t help needing you more.

Soobin's hand finds your hair, gripping firmly—not to dominate, but to really see you. He pulls back just enough to watch your face, to pass every wave of pleasure back and forth between your eyes. He makes love to you like he’s savoring it, dragging his cock in and out at the perfect angle, hitting your g-spot again and again with a patience that feels more like devotion than control.

But it’s not enough, not with how he feels inside you. How his cock stretches you open just right, how his eyes celebrate every inch of you like you’re the only thing that’s ever mattered.

So you shift again—this time intentionally—lifting your hips just slightly before sinking back down. The friction makes your mouth fall open, a soft moan filling the air.

Soobin groans, his hands flying to your waist. “Baby…”

But you’re already moving again. A slow, teasing roll of your hips that pulls breathless curses from his lips. Your hands brace against his chest as you rise onto your knees and start to bounce—gently, at first, letting yourself adjust, letting the stretch fill you again and again. His cock drags along your walls in the most maddening way, kissing your sweet spot again and again.

His fingers dig into your sides, but he doesn’t stop you. He wouldn't dare. Instead, Soobin just watches you with his lips parted, chest rising and falling with every bounce. The expression on his face is pure awe. He can’t believe this is real. Spending time with you has never felt this heavenly. You're the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.

“You feel so good,” you whisper, voice trembling as your thighs work to keep the pace. “So big…”

He sits up more to meet you halfway, arms wrapping around your waist as his mouth finds your chest—kissing, sucking, biting gently at your sensitive skin. Every time you sink down, his cock hits deeper, and the pleasure tightens in your belly like a fuse burning too close to the edge

“Just like that,” he breathes, kissing up your throat. “You ride me so well, baby. So fucking good for me…”

Your movements grow faster, more desperate, chasing the high together. Each bounce has you both gasping, moaning, gripping onto each other like you’ll fall apart if you let go.

His hands slide up your back, anchoring you to him, and when your forehead presses to his, his voice is barely audible.

“Don’t stop. Don’t ever stop.” Soobin’s thumb finds your clit, rubbing slow circles that have you squeezing tight around him. The sudden surge of pleasure makes your entire body jolt—your thighs trembling, your rhythm faltering.

“F–fuck!” he cries, his voice cracking as his core tightens beneath you. One hand claws at your back, desperate to ground himself, while the other keeps working your clit, coaxing you closer to the edge with each drawn-out stroke.

Your body trembles in his lap, chest heaving as you ride the crest of sensation. His name leaves your lips in a gasp, hips stuttering as you start to unravel for him. But Soobin doesn’t let up—he leans in, kissing you fervently. His voice is gravelly in your ear.

“That’s it, baby… you’re doing so good. Let go for me. I’ve got you.”

And you do—your whole body shaking as pleasure rips through you, fluttering tight around him, squeezing him so perfectly he groans through gritted teeth. Your forehead drops against his shoulder, breath caught somewhere between a sob and a moan. Soobin holds you through it, murmuring praise into your hair, letting you ride the waves until your hips finally still.

But he’s still hard, still tucked deep inside you. You blink, dazed, and meet his eyes.

“Soobin—”

“Not done,” he breathes, cupping your cheek. “Let me love you a little longer.”

He shifts, lifting you slightly before guiding you down onto your back, never slipping out. His body settles over yours, and he kisses you so slowly you forget how to breathe. It’s not rushed, none of this was. He wants to remember every expression and sound you make beneath him.

Soobin starts to move again, hips rolling deep, cock gliding into you with a drag that has your toes curling. Each thrust is slow yet hard, filling you to the brim. He's making sure you'll feel him for days.

“Still so wet,” he whispers, voice shaking from restraint. “You were made for me, weren’t you?”

You nod with teary eyes, hands gripping his shoulders as he begins to fuck you just a little harder—still slow and sensual, but with the kind of focused passion that makes your whole body scream.

His lips find your neck again, then your jaw, then your mouth, speaking softly with his mouth pressed on yours. “Want you to feel everything, baby. Want you to remember this whenever our schedules are busy.”

“Don’t say that,” you whisper, clutching at him.

“I won’t go anywhere,” he promises instantly, fucking into you with a little more urgency. “I’m right here. You’re mine.”

You moan his name again as he rocks into you, shifting his angle just slightly to hit your g-spot head-on. The overstimulation begins to take you over. Your back arches off the bed, and he catches you with one arm wrapped beneath you, pressing your bodies flush together, like even air between you would be too much distance.

“You’re so beautiful like this,” he murmurs, watching your face. “So good for me.”

You barely manage to choke out a response. You’re too full, too overwhelmed, and too wrapped up in the heat of his body and the impulse in his gaze.

He slows again as he nears the edge, you for a second time that night. Thrusts going deeper, heavier, until you’re clutching his hair, pulling him closer, whispering into his ear, “I want you to cum inside.”

Soobin groans deep in his chest at your admission and presses his forehead to yours, breathing unevenly.

“You sure?”

“Yes. Please.”

It only takes a few more slow, grinding thrusts before he’s burying himself to the hilt and pulsing inside you, arms shaking as he holds you close. His lips tremble against yours, his moans drawn out and desperate as he fills you. The inappropriate sounds quickly have your own, blinding orgasm flowing from you with ease.

He still doesn’t pull out.

Instead, he kisses you again, even sweeter, before shifting both of you onto your sides, tangled together, still joined.

You’re panting, but your heart is calm. You feel full in every way, wrapped in his warmth, your body and soul entirely his. Soobin strokes your hair, nose brushing your cheek.

“Stay just like this,” he whispers. “Let me keep you.”

You nod, one leg hiked over his hip, arms tucked against his chest. “Don’t let go.”

“Never,” he murmurs, breath hitching when your walls flutter again. “Fuck. You’re still gripping me so tight…”

You press your face into his neck, smiling softly. “That’s ‘cause I want you to stay.”

He chuckles, fingers tracing your spine. “Then I will. All night, baby. However long you’ll have me.”

You both fall quiet, still connected, warmth shared between flesh. The room feels sacred, filled with love, comfort, and the kind of silence that means everything. You make a mental note to call out of work the next morning.

Soobin stays inside you until you’re both asleep—bodies tangled, time slowed, nothing left to say but everything left to feel.

tags: @bunnysoonie @zznblr @twilght-talks @gyudollies @beomgyusluver @dawngyu @boba-beom @taebatu @simpforseoho @another-lemon-tree @yyeonbinn @chubichubs @jooyeonsvape @txt-thelmi @zorange13 @jellyyjn

feedback/comments/likes are always appreciated <3

[taegimood]

— nudes?! (k.th) ♡

pairing: kang taehyun x fem!reader genre: best friends to ?, non-idol au, suggestive rating: nsfw, mdni wc: 1.4k warnings: mention/description of reader's nudes, mention of reader in lingerie, implication of sexy time at the end, tyun gets hard and is v clear abt what he wants, they’re both horny asf synopsis: what happens when your best friend who secretly has the hots for you accidentally sees your nudes?

requested forever ago by @mapofthemazeinthemirror <3 [blog status: semi-hiatus, requests closed]

| yeonjun ver. | soobin ver. | beomgyu ver. | kai ver. |

masterlist

──────────────────────

taehyun considers you one of the bros.

right up there along with his 4 other crazy best friends, you fit right in, no sideways feelings to worry about and endless wingman opportunities to gain — hell, he even forgets sometimes that you've got a pair of boobs under there somewhere.

and all of this, of course, is completely and absolutely:

not true.

it's exactly what you seem to think in that pretty little head of yours, though, as taehyun often observes; it's quite cute actually, he thinks.

"out of all the guys i could like, why does it have to be the one guy in my life who would draft me onto his football team if he had one?" he'd overheard you complaining to yeonjun one day.

(sorry, but trust me, sweetheart - you wouldn't even make it past tryouts, he'd thought afterwards upon fighting back a laugh and an endeared little grin.)

oh, if only you knew.

if only you knew the steady breaths he has to take whenever you stand so temptingly close to him; or how many filthy images he has to shake out of his mind when he's helping you with your workouts; or that annoying little shadow called jealousy that he has to push down when you smile so sweetly at a man that isn't him.

taehyun is a man of self control, and a man who would do anything for the people that he loves — which means that no matter how much he'd enjoy changing your mind about what exactly you assume he perceives you as, he knows for the sake of your friendship that he can't.

and so he doesn't.

but oh, you wish that he would.

taehyun is quite good at keeping his feelings in check, to the point where you're convinced at this point that if you were to strut naked across the room in front of him, he wouldn't even pay you any mind;

pft, you scoff at your own silly thought, as if something so ridiculous would ever happen. (…well....)

today you've decided that you're getting real tired of your own pining and yearning and eyes that shoot hearts like confetti every time your best friend walks into the room —

you pout at the sight of yourself reflected on the open camera screen of your phone as the self-timer counts down yet again. this has become quite the routine of yours.

body bare save for the lacy lingerie that doesn’t cover much of anything as you perch at the edge of your bed, posing so prettily, so sensually, just the way you imagine taehyun would like; just more photos to add to the naughty little album in your camera roll that you wish you could send to him but know that you never will.

there was a time where you used to try testing the waters a bit, some flirting here, a fleeting touch or two there. but you'd quickly learned how pointless it was. after all, a brick wall is never gonna flirt back.

you sigh. it's time to get going anyway; speak of the devil, he'll be here to pick you up in 20 minutes.

~

taehyun can see in his peripheral the way you keep glancing at him from the passenger seat of his car.

as usual, he maintains an even expression. "excited to see me or something?"

his lips quirk as you jump in your seat a little, quickly looking forwards and crossing your arms as you grumble, "you wish. i just saw you like two days ago."

he merely hums in acknowledgment, which gets you even more grumbly — ("no fair that i can never get a reaction out of you! why is it always me?!" you'd wailed in defeat one time after a failed attempt to get him back, your cheeks flushed pink and pretty).

taehyun smiles.

when he soon pulls up outside your friend's apartment building that you’d needed to drop something off at first on the way to yeonjun’s, he decides to be nice as he asks,

"where was that new cat café you wanted to go to? we can stop there before meeting the guys."

bingo. the smile that lights up your face is exactly what he was looking for as your previous pout melts away and you gasp, "really?! okay wait, i took a screenshot of their instagram page the other day, you can check and put the address in! i'll be super super quick!"

he bites back a laugh as you shove your phone into his hands and excitedly rush out of the car.

"5 minutes tops or i'm going without you!" he calls out the window, to which you shriek and scurry away even faster.

he grins to himself, shaking his head as you disappear into the building and he turns to click open your camera roll.

"alright, cat café, where are............ you."

taehyun feels as if a lightning rod has just shot straight through his entire body.

his muscles tense. all his breath escapes him in a rush.

you...

the sight of you is what greets him through the screen...

you,

completely naked.

it's like his skin is consumed by fire as his eyes roam across the rows of pictures in the album you'd left open; most taken on your bed, some in the shower at the gym that you both go to together, some where you’re donned in sets of delicious lingerie — his eyes widening and pants tightening when he even spots one from his own room, your skirt hiked up in the reflection of his full-length mirror as your panties dangle cheekily from one finger, leaving the delicious curve of your ass on full display.

when did she even take that??

he scrolls, and he's barely hanging on by a thread as his best friend who's supposed to stay his best friend poses so irresistibly pretty from the screen; his cock is so hard that it's painful as your big innocent eyes look up at him in complete contrast to the lewd position that you'd put yourself in.

god, the positions he wants to put you in...

alright, reel it in, kang taehyun. this can't go anywhere. you have to take it to the grave. you’ve gotta think about the friendship. you’ll just pretend you didn't see it. you’ll act aloof like you always do.

but every single ounce of self control that taehyun has spent so long holding together finally crashes down around him like a breaking dam when his gaze lands on the name of the album at the top of the screen.

— t ♡

his cock jumps.

fucking hell, these are for me.

when you skip your way back to the car minutes later, you don't notice at first how firmly he's gripping the steering wheel or the fact that he isn’t even looking at you, remaining staring straight ahead as you climb back into the passenger side.

you don't notice — that is, until your phone catches your eye, set neatly on the middle console with your worst nightmare staring right back up at you from the screen.

it feels as though a bucket of ice water has crash landed down on your head (both the water and the bucket) as you realize what happened.

but you barely even have the time to panic or react or beg for mercy, or perhaps for a lobotomy on you both, before taehyun is asking you:

"back seat or my place?"

his voice is so calm that you almost don't process his words. your thoughts buffer as you pause.

"wh... what?" you breathe.

that's when he finally turns his head to look at you, and the intensity of the hunger swimming in his stare is enough to leave you even more winded than you already were before as a familiar feeling stirs between your legs and your thighs clamp together of their own accord.

"back seat," he repeats slowly, "or my place?"

you swallow hard.

this.. t-this is... he means.…

your head is reeling, and dumbly you stammer back, "w-what about the guys..?" as if the plans with your friends really matter anymore in a moment like this.

fuck the guys. fuck the cat café. taehyun has already decided: he’s done holding back from what he wants, and what he wants is to make you his.

you blink at him wide-eyed as he leans towards you slightly in his seat, his voice low and assertive as he replies,

"we're not going."

he taps your phone as if to draw your attention back to it. as if it should be obvious.

"so, you choose." your eyes fly back up to his —

"where do you want me to fuck you?"

your lower belly explodes with heat as an electric shiver rolls down your spine, and you swear that this is the best day of your entire fucking life as you see the promise that flickers in his eyes.

maybe you won't be finding yourself on the football team after all.

──────────────────────

— taglist: @razsberrie, @saejinniestar, @hyukalyptus, @florestalio, @beomiracles, @kiss4baku, @kejingken, @hyukascampfire, @cherr4es, @stawmerry, @choikanghuening, @dawngyu, @soo-blue, @paradigms13

if you want to be added to my taglist and get notified whenever i post any writing, drop a comment or an ask and let me know! ♡

[dawngyu]

𝐎𝐅𝐅𝐈𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐄𝐑: 𝐓𝐎 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐀 𝐂𝐑𝐎𝐖𝐍

pairing: knight kang taehyun x crown princess reader genre: royalty au, forbidden romance, monarchy, power imbalance, court politics, treachery, longing, slow burn, mdni. (more to be added)

Keep your head high.

You are to be the future queen of this nation.

You echo the words under your breath, the hundred-page script drilled into your skull, etched into your bones with every curtsy and correction. Your hands won’t stop shaking. You feel your eyes burn, but you don't dare blink.

Fairy tales are for the forgotten. Lies dressed up in gold leaf and ink. In your world, love is a coin, and no one walks away whole. The dress is perfect. White stark silk spun fine as breath, stitched with a thousand careful promises none of them intend to keep. It fits like a story meant for someone else. Isn’t this what little girls are supposed to want?

A crown, a kiss, a kingdom?

“You look beautiful.” Your head turned swiftly at the sound, drawn as though by instinct. Familiarity crashes into you, and with it, the breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding finally escapes your lungs.

“Taehyun,” his name fell from your lips like a hymn. Of all the lessons they forced upon you, all the names and titles committed to memory, his was the one truth your heart would never forget. “You came.”

He remained where he was, as if the very sight of you had rendered him still. You moved, not with grace but with desperation, as though your soul had caught fire. He was still out of reach, yet you already felt his embrace, the ghost of his hands pressed over your skin on your countless nights.

“I knew you would look this beautiful,” he murmurs, the words barely rising above a breath. He leans in as soon as your body met his, burying his face in your hair, heedless of the silken pins or the hours of preparation. The scent of jasmine and fear clings to him now, and he lets it. None of it matters. Not when your sorrow carves itself down his cloak; stiff, and now stained with the truth of you. The emblem of the crown catches your tears like a confession.

He holds you tighter. For when he crossed the threshold, ironclad boots echoing in a hall meant to keep you caged, he broke every vow but one.

“Run away with me,” he breathes, his voice shaking, heart laid bare and offered in your hands. “Run away with me, princess.”

‎₊ ˚ ⊹ ིྀ ‎‎‎‎‎RELEASE DATE: TO BE ANNOUNCED

note: I made this little teaser during a quick prompt writing session with my girls! It made me think of my bbg @xylatox and her man, Taehyun — and since I’ve never written for him before, this fic was born! Can’t wait to share it here soon. 💖

taglist: open! let me know if you want to be tagged. perm tags: @heesmiles , @lovingbeomgyudayone , @virtaideen , @hyukascampfire , @fancypeacepersona , @bamgeutori , @lilbrorufr , @beomieeeeeeeeeeees , @xylatox , @yunverie , @imlonelydontsendhelp , @moagyuu , @immelissaaa , @readinmidnight , @pagelets , @wonderstrucktae , @boba-beom , @seodami , @izzyy-stuff , @gyudollies

[beomev]

𝗲𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆, together x tomorrow

투바투────txt and activities with them

𝘁𝗼𝗴𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝘅 𝘁𝗼𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗿𝗼𝘄 x fem!reader ⠀⠀⠀⠀─── ⠀⠀⠀⠀𝘄𝗰 0.2k ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗿𝗲 fluff, established relationship, physical touch, and just some more fluff ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗹𝘂𝗱𝗲𝘀 mentions of food ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 eternally by txt ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲𝘀 just a small filler post because i just can't get myself to write unfortunately! anyone excited for txt's new album this month? can't believe we're getting everyone's solos!! ⠀⠀⠀⠀𓂋 ⠀⠀⠀⠀❛ 𝗮𝗿𝗰𝗵𝗶𝘃𝗲

수빈────𝘀𝗼𝗼𝗯𝗶𝗻

“he looked at me like there was something in me worth looking” - watching the sunrise/sunset together. putting on face masks together. comparing hand sizes. falling asleep on call whenever you’re apart. assembling new furniture when you buy a house together. breakfast in bed.

연준────𝘆𝗲𝗼𝗻𝗷𝘂𝗻

“you’ll always be my favourite reason to lose sleep” - shopping dates except he pays for everything. draws ideas for your next nail set. slow dancing in the kitchen at 2am. always gives you the last bite. says goodbye over and over again as he forgets things (he doesn’t). matching promise rings.

범규────𝗯𝗲𝗼𝗺𝗴𝘆𝘂

“a sky full of stars and he was staring at her” - stargazing in private. movie date in your guys’ backyard. going to the pet store just to play with puppies. gaming together except he lets you win. playful banter. immediately looking at you after saying something funny in hope to see your smile.

태현────𝘁𝗮𝗲𝗵𝘆𝘂𝗻

“he looks at her like he just realized what love is” - driving together at 2am. visiting museums and art galleries. talks about the future – getting married and what not. comes with you to medical appointments. guiding you with a hand on your back and another on your wrist through crowded areas. watches shows he doesn’t like if you like it.

휴닝카이────𝗵𝘂𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗸𝗮𝗶

“he calls me beautiful like it’s my name” - lego dates. movie nights except you both fall asleep half way through. brushing your teeth together. lets you name his plushies. baking together. hugs that last a little longer than they should. remembers small details about you.

ㅤ⠀ㅤ ིྀㅤtaglist: @daydreamnet @blossomnet @k-films

ㅤ⠀ㅤㅤ⠀ㅤㅤ⠀ㅤ﹔℘๋࣭ ⭑ send an ask or just comment to get added

[slytherinshua]

genre fluff , timestamp , taehyun x fem!reader   cw none   wc 311   request no   note ty @lxvemaze for enabling my delusions for taehyun >:)   net @kstrucknet @onedreamnet

19:38 . . . Taehyun held the sleeping kitten in his hands like it was the most delicate thing in the world.

It wasn’t his first time handling kittens, and it probably wouldn’t be his last either. After years of dating you, he had gotten quite used to cat cafes, stopping on the sidewalk to say hi to the furry creatures, and you jumping at every opportunity to surround yourself with more cats.

You had found Luna hiding under your porch on your way home from work, mewling as loud as her tiny voice could manage. Your heartstrings were pulled by her pitiful crying immediately. You brought her in without a second thought, fed her, gave her a bath, and then called your boyfriend over.

She was sleeping soundly now, curled up in a ball in your boyfriend’s hands like it was the safest place on earth. And for that, you understood her on a near spiritual level. You were also of the opinion that Taehyun was the most comforting person in the entire world. His touch, scent, voice, smile— it all made you feel right at home. 

“She’s smart, don’t you think?” he commented, petting her fur with the gentlest touch of his pinky. “She knew to get your attention. And now she’s safe inside. It’s so cold out there.” 

You nodded, “She must have been freezing, poor girl. I’m glad she’s safe now.”

You leaned over to look at her more closely, adoring her charcoal black fur that was still short and fuzzy. She couldn’t have been more than nine weeks old, and your heart was already melting because of how tiny she looked in Taehyun’s hands. 

“She loves you so much already,” you whispered, eyes trained on the ball of fur. Taehyun’s eyes shifted to you, watching you as intently as you were watching Luna. 

“You want to keep her, don’t you?”  

txt taglist (bolded could not be tagged): @kangtaehyunzzz,, @eternalgyu,, @90steele,, @ddeonudepressions,, @cham3li,, @wolfmoonmusic,, @98-0603,, @weird-bookworm,, @candewlsy,, @blossominghunnie,, @amara-mars,, @wccycc,, @seunghancore,, @ujisworld,, @sobun1est,, @bananabubble,, @talkingsaxy,, @sxmmerberries,, @talking-saxy,, @nicholasluvbot,, @cupidslovearrows,, @50-husbands,, @yudaies,, @stannwjnss,, @gong-fourz,, @nonononranghaee,, @forever-atiny,, @stantxtforabetterlife,, @loserlvrss,, @lexeees,, @cupidslovearrows,, @hyukabean,, @nicholasluvbot,, @i03jae,, @lilbrorufr,, @tmrwsuns,, @sea-moon-star,, @hanwoolvhs,, @page-isa,, @bamgeutori,, @yujiswave

[ningternzzz]

drabble— giving beomgyu a handjob through his boxers :3

warning(?)s: afab reader, y/n is a little bit evil hehe, tongue stuff, competitive gamer!beomgyu, “good boy”, imstillnewatwritingplsbenice

word count: 874

note!!!: it’s me and notes app against the world atp thank u everynyan for sm luv on my puppy!gyu fic :3 i genuinely didn’t expect anyone to like it djfhdhdhfh

Beomgyu who had agreed to a lazy and calm night in with you.

Beomgyu whose mind totally wasn’t in the gutter when you’re both just playing mario kart in comfy clothes.

Beomgyu who’s hard-on was getting harder and harder to cover up with each round. Every time you pushed his shoulder and hit his leg as an attempt to throw him off made him swoon, and he had nearly forgotten that there was just his boxers on. You had noticed too, his general stiffness and length made it impossible not to. His eyes were only on the screen half the time (despite him getting first every single time miraculously), with the other half his eyes were attached to your chest. it was like some invisible force made him keep looking, fascinated by how gravity works with each lean and movement you did.

You let him and his hard on suffer until you genuinely were fed up of him getting first every single time. No matter the difficulty of the track or the karts and bikes you chose, he would ultimately emerge victorious (by a landslide too, which was even more bothersome).

It was the last track on the cup, and rainbow road was the randomized track chosen. He had already started getting cocky about how “you’re doomed” and how he could do this with his eyes closed.

He didn’t know about your fool-proof plan to break his winning streak.

The race began, and you’d thought you’d let him have his glory, at least for a little bit. He was throwing remarks left and right as he unsurprisingly flew through the track with ease.

If it wasn’t for his boner very obviously showing and the shameless wet spot growing with each passing track, you’d never had guessed he was in any way shape or form horny in the least bit. Snickering to himself, you waited until his eyes had to be on the screen to swiftly position yourself on your knees below him. Immediately flustered, his snarky remarks turn into stammers, and the best part was that you hadn’t even done anything.

You snaked your hands up both his thighs and circle the wet spot on his boxers against his head with one of your thumbs.

For some inexplicable reason, he tried his very hardest to act nonchalant, the controller in his hands becoming warm with the clamminess of his hands. He can’t make out anything past a few What…..’s and Haaaaahh……..’s before quickly discarding the controller and instinctively running his fingers through your hair and squeezing when you use your tongue on his soaked through boxers in place of your thumb.

He curses in between his teeth as you use your hands to wrap the fabric of his boxers around the shape of his length to form a viable sleeve of sorts to stroke him through, as you get to work licking the sticky tip through the fabric. He can’t stop himself begging and pleading to just take them off, but you can’t let him win that easily again. You tell him that maybe if he’s a good boy, just maybe, he’ll even get to fuck you, and you swore he was going to cum there and then with the way his eyes rolled back and the lewd noises that escaped his open mouth.

He watches in pain as you swirl your tongue on top of the fabric, wishing so ardently that the fabric wasn’t in the way. Your hands settle at the base as you slowly start moving them up and down, squeezing at just the right part, just as he likes it. It gets harder and harder for him to keep his eyes on you, as he resets to squeezing his eyes shut and throwing his head back. You feel his legs tremble around your sides as you pick up the pace with your hands. He really starts to loose it when you suck his wetness through his boxers. In between your hands and your mouth he can’t stop saying your name in between moans and curses. Whether it was to protest or to encourage, it was unclear, and not really relevant.

You release your hands for a second and he sighs in pain, missing the warmth of you wrapped around his length. You use your thumb to toy with his waistband, earning the most pathetic whimpers from Beomgyu. You tease him to almost pull them down so his throbbing cock found spring free, only to pop them back up and continue playing with him.

Until he’d had enough.

His whole body shakes as he falls forwards and you feel his boxers become absolutely ruined with his own cum. He reaches out and grips your shoulder when you start overstimulating him, mixing his precum and cum along his tip as he shudders and folds practically in half.

You foolishly think for a second that he’s spent, the mario kart ending music playing on repeat in the background. You look over your shoulder briefly. You both are last place. Before you could poke fun at him for not winning this time, he looks at you with a look similar to a small begging, puppy.

“Have I been a good boy?”

[blue-jisungs]

she was an angel, he did video games

author's note. while i struggle with my reqs here u have a small thingy that was inspired by me going into a rabbit hole of watching old vids of my fav childhood youtubers (rezi to taki crush still like OH MAAAA GAAAD ++ jego stare filmiki = top tier)

also val @kyrjnie tis is for u,, bc it may or may not have also been inspired by the gyu edit u sent me 😁😁😁😁😁😁

warnings. c u r s i n g. so much cursing. also mention of shooting n dying (they’re playing gta lol)

summary. you can’t sleep because of your yelling gamer bf,, that’s literally it (gamer bf!gyu)

word count. 618

“fucking hell! shit, shit, shit–!”

beomgyu let out an inhuman screech, leaning on his chair. the sound of his friend’s laughter echoed in his headphones as he held his stomach that started to hurt from laughter too.

“please, please taehyun!” beomgyu whined, leaning forward and running after his friend’s character in game.

“gyu?”

he yelled when he got shot again, this time by yeonjun.

“you fucker! no, no, no don’t run away!” he didn’t seem to hear your quiet voice.

you never complained about beomgyu’s passion being playing video games. everyone needed their de-brainer that would make them relax and enjoy life. you were glad he got to spend time with his friends and have fun but–

“haaa, eat shit!”

“gyu!”

he squealed upon feeling your hand on his arm.

“oh my f–” he turned around instantly, heart rate picking up. but when his eyes met yours, his brows knitted “y/n?”

ignoring the way he went afk and his friends used that fact to kill him (again), he patted his thigh. taking in the sight of you in his oversized t-shirt, messy hair and two different socks on your feet he couldn’t help but grin that you’re his and–

“could you be a little more quiet?” you asked gently, voice barely above a whisper. his ebony eyes softened, flickering quietly between the screen and you.

“oh”

a small chuckle left your lips and it was quickly followed by a yawn.

“yeah, i couldn’t fall asleep” you mumbled and leaned closer to place a kiss on his forehead.

“no, wait. actually, i’m done playing. they’re assholes either way” he breathed out. a sudden wave of guilt washed over him.

“what? it’s you who sucks!” soobin whined offended “also say hi to y/n”

“no” he grunted and with a devilish smirk used the sniping to point at the friend. then, he turned around at looked at you with a joyful yet mischievous spark in his eye. beomgyu just mouthed: “one sec!”

“y/n’s such an angel, bahi always screams at me” kai mumbled.

“same, my mom just smacks me in the head out of a sudden. i almost shat myself when she did that when i was playing the forest” yeonjun sighed “y/n is the best–”

“what the hell was that?!” soobin yelled out when his screen flickered black and then he saw the text: wasted. beomgyu gunned you down “you fu–!”

beomgyu left the voice chat and game giggling, proud of himself. then, he turned around and smiled upon seeing you wait for him. your eyes were closing slowly, fighting the sleepiness.

“i know, sorry. if i cuddle you, will you forgive me?” your boyfriend pouted, sneaking his arms around your waist. you nodded lazily and felt his lips brush against the corner of your mouth. letting out a small sigh, you tugged his hoodie.

“let’s just go, my stinky little gamer of a boyfriend…” you mumbled, fighting a smirk.

“yah!”

“also i wasn’t mad at you to begin with. just… the bed was cold, or whatever” you said, dragging him to the bedroom. beomgyu’s heart skipped a beat – something that he’d think he’d get used to while dating you. but such cute gestures still made him flustered.

“you’re really an angel, huh?” beomgyu mumbled into your hair once you were in bed. you snuggled closer to him, embracing the warmth.

“huh?” you asked drowsily, sleep creeping up on you way faster than when you were in bed alone, without him.

“sleep well, angel” he just hummed, hands pulling you even closer. fingers drawing shapes on your (his) t-shirt absentmindedly, beomgyu realized that he liked spending time with you way more than on his silly games.

masterlist <3

taglist. @primoppang ,, @mirxzii ,, @laylasbunbunny ,, @slytherinshua ,, @kazmura ,, @nicholasluvbot ,, @ameliesaysshoo ,, @weird-bookworm ,, @dazzlingligth ,, @ocean-minho

[hueningholic]

Yeonjun fav position

oooh this is a good one 👀 i feel a lot of people have different opinions on this haha but here's my take

MDNI dom!yeonjun, doggystyle, f!reader, backshotsss, unprotected sex (wrap it, silly), creampie, hair pulling, slight dumbification, drabble

yeonjun would love to do doggystyle with you. hands all over your back as he pushes you down into the mattress, the sounds of your sweet whines filling the room as he thrusts into all the right places that make your eyes roll backwards. he loves to explore you, his hands venturing down your spine before firmly gripping your hips-- only after caressing them for a bit, as if he's trying to soothe the brutal fucking he's delivering to you.

the way your ass perfectly recoils into him would have him groaning, mouth slightly parted as he drinks you in. you're falling apart with each movement, and he loves to see it. though when your head starts to droop, one hand is quick to leave your lower body and grip firmly into your hair, twirling it around his wrist as he tugs you back. “need to hear my girl while she goes dumb from my dick, hm?”

his raw cock would slip perfectly into your gummy walls, making you plead to cum around him within a matter of time. “jjun, please- can't take it anymore.” which would have him bending forward a bit more, thrusts picking up their speed as he somehow manages to rail you harder, deeper. but you fucking love it, convulsing over his dick within seconds of him doing it, making you cry out his name.

only for his cock to get clenched by your tight, cumming hole-- having him losing control and painting your walls white with his own release. his head throwing back as he roars out a groan, fingers digging so deeply into your hips that you both know they'll bruise. “look how it leaks from you.. bend some more, wanna get the perfect view..” after he pulls out, always amazed at the mess he made inside of your cunt.

[beomiracles]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐁𝐋𝐄𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐈 𝐁𝐄𝐎𝐌𝐆𝐘𝐔

𝓓𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌 𝓔𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐘 ⸝⸝ And you don’t know why you took a step forward, why you let your hands brush against his, why you didn’t stop when you saw the bewilderment on his face. You don’t know why you leaned in closer, when you should be pulling back. — And you don’t know why you couldn’t look away, why you couldn’t tear your gaze from the flames dancing across his eyes. 

You don’t know why you kissed him. ⸝⸝

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ wc, 25.5k ་༘࿐

𝓹airing bully!beomgyu x fed-up!reader (f) 𝔀arning friends to enemies to lovers, bullying, implied violence, violence, beomgyu's a dick, reader's also mean at times, college au, kissing, fingering, mutual masturbation, unprotected sex + pullout, angsty confessions, hmm um um what else, I have no clue..

#serene adds ✎... HAPPY BEOMGYU DAY !! (because it's still the 13th here) ⎯ and oh my god have you guys been waiting for this fic... how long has it been, 6/7 months? maybe even more... I have no words. I feel like this fic is a little all over the place, you might notice the inner monologue changing and so on, but that's because I've been writing it over 6 months roughly, my view on the story has changed with each month... I hope it'll still be worth your while >.< happy gyu day, my love <33 - rain says I need to mention her

This story is a sequel to, The Redemption of Choi Yeonjun ⎯ It's advised that you read said fic beforehand !

People change for the stupidest of reasons. At least Beomgyu thinks so. He’s been told that his view of the world is narrow, that change is something good, something that everyone goes through. That change is important. What a load of bullshit. Look what change had done to his best friend. — Ever since Yeonjun had gotten together with that stupid nerd he’d changed. Changed for the worse. And it seemed as if Beomgyu was the only one who could see it. 

He glares at his classmates, but his once sharp gaze seems to have lost its touch. They whisper, talk, murmur, gossip, they speculate about him. Because everyone knew that something had happened between The Choi’s, that something was no longer the same. — But why him? Beomgyu wasn’t the one who’d changed, they changed, not him. Yeonjun was the one who…He was the one who became infatuated with that good for nothing nerd, and Soobin he…he just accepted it? 

Beomgyu almost snorts at the thought. Fine. If they wanted to give everything up just like that, they could, why should he care? But the lingering glances he receives as he pushes through the crowded hallways are near impossible to shake off. So what if he was walking alone? He didn’t need his friends, they weren’t his friends anymore, they were just side pieces in a much bigger pictur– 

“Hey! Watch where you’re going freak!” He seethes as a small boy crashes into his chest, a freshman probably. Beomgyu’s eyes narrow as he seizes the kid. The younger male swallows as he scrambles to gather his belongings, clearing his throat awkwardly as he pushes his glasses further up on his nose. — “I-I’m so sorry I wasn’t looking where I was going and I..” 

What a pathetic being. Beomgyu grimaces at his petty apology, “stay out of my way next time, alright? You weak piece of–” 

“Why don’t you pick on someone your own size?” 

The voice is familiar as it pierces through the crowded hallway and suddenly the previous buzz of students surrounding him diminishes as Beomgyu’s gaze flickers past the small boy in front of him. — You. 

His teeth grind together at the sight of your cocky figure, that smug grin you always wore, as if you were better than everyone else, as if you were better than him. What a joke. Ever since him and his friends broke apart, you seemed to have been actively plotting against him, singling him out now that he was alone. — Beomgyu would die before admitting that your schemes ever proved successful. Because if there was one thing he hated, it was people who meddled in his business. And you seemed to know nothing else. 

The young freshman scurries off before Beomgyu has the chance to grab him and he bites back a frustrated groan. Instead his attention shifts to your approaching frame. With the small squeak of your sneakers against the floor, you stop inches from him, your eyes near level with his. — Blood rushes within his body like never before, anger soaring through him at the mere sight of your pestering face. 

“Pick on someone my own size? And that would be what, you?” He scoffs, eyeing you with disdain. The grin on your lips only widened further and he refused another grimace. Then it clicks, and Beomgyu has to hold himself back as he feels his jaw twitch. — “You.” The acknowledgement is a short huff of air, it hits your face and you squint as your eyes pierces his. “You’re the one who’s been running their mouth about me all week.” 

Suppose you had been mentioning his name a little here and there. A few comments, nothing crazy, nothing that wasn’t true. It wasn’t exactly unwarranted either. Choi Beomgyu was a nuisance. And without his friends to protect him, you were finally able to sharpen the knife that had been so diligently resting behind your back for three years. — You had longed for an opportunity to get back at him for all the shit he caused you through freshman and junior year; and finally, the universe presented you with one. 

You glance over at him, it would merely take a small raise of your heel for your eyes to become leveled perfectly with his. Without that tall friend of his, looming behind his back, or Yeonjun’s authoritative status, Choi Beomgyu was really nothing. — That didn’t change the fact that you absolutely loathed him. And you would be sure to have him know. 

“Why, has something interesting caught your ears?” You drawl, feeling the grin on your lips threatening to bloom into a smirk. Beomgyu’s face morphs into a scowl, undoubtedly familiar with the rumors of him you’d conducted during the past weeks. — “You must think you’re so smart, sitting on your ass all day and spewing nonsense”, he grits as he takes a charging step forward, chest colliding with yours and you almost stumble backward. 

It takes some effort but you manage to remain fairly unfazed as you eye him with indifference. It only serves to make him angrier. Beomgyu was like an open book, a book in which you only had to read the paragraph on the very back to understand exactly how it would end. He was predictable, and without his friends, he was an easy target for someone who’d been studying him for so long. 

“I do”, you chirp, hands clasping behind your back as you sway on the spot. Beomgyu scoffs, giving a small roll of his eyes before his firing gaze centers on you again. “Just stay out of my way.” — His attention drops to the uniform you wore, the one school handed out at the beginning of each year, much different from the designer one he had tailored each semester. It was subtle, but different, and Beomgyu’s grin widened as his eyes raked across your worn out shoes and old bag. “Think you’ve got other things to worry ‘bout.” 

Without another word, he continues down the hallway, though not before giving your shoulder a harsh shove. — Your lip twitches into an uncomfortable grimace and with a small huff you readjust your backpack. Fucking asshole. Your tongue prods against your teeth, tsking slightly as you watch him disappear. 

⸝⸝ 

“Oh come on, do you really think it’s that bad of an idea?” You whine as your cheek rests against your forearm, eyes trained on the words being written out on the paper before you. — “I do”, Taehyun states without lifting his pencil from the sheet, brows slightly furrowed as he focuses on his work. 

With a small huff you peer up at him, the glasses on the bridge of his nose are crooked and you resist the urge to snatch them from his face. “And what does Mr. Class President presume I should do then?” You sarcastically wonder; though the question makes him raise a disbelieving brow as he glances toward you. “I suggest you stay out of trouble.” — Just as you open your mouth in objection, does he cut you off; “and not spread rumors about him.” 

Your expression contorts into one of disagreement but you remain silent. In a way, you suppose you should feel thankful for him. Taehyun was your only friend, if friends were even what one could call you. — The mutual acquaintanceship consisted of you sharing the latest events of your quite dull life, recapping the drama you’d picked up on your way to the school cafeteria, and most importantly; Choi Beomgyu. 

Though he was originally opposed to the friendship, Taehyun had begrudgingly come to accept your persistent presence as you lingered by his desk between classes. And by your senior year, he knew everything that was to know about Beomgyu and why you so loathed him. — “Shouldn’t you let go of him? We’re about to graduate next year”, he states, his voice monotone as always but you could clearly decipher a hint of pleading as he urged for you to stop fawning over the guy. 

“Let go?” You scoff, sitting up a bit straighter as you eye him with a frown, “I do not need to ‘let go’, I need revenge, besides, Christmas break is coming up, I need to act fast.” — Seemingly unimpressed by your enthusiasm, Taehyun merely shakes his head as his focus returns to the piece of paper in front of him, scribbling down a few lines before he sighs; “and how exactly do you plan on doing that?” 

The way your face lit up was unmistakable and you could practically see him regret his words as you shuffled closer. “Well, I happen to have a plan–” But before you can finish, the classroom door swings open and your professor enters. With a small scowl, you lean back in your chair as Taehyun immediately disregards you, turning his full attention to the lecture about to take place. Jeez, what a try-hard.

History was far from your favorite, but the mention of a group project sparked your interest. Your professor was old, a tall and lanky man, and as he announced the presentation you were to hold regarding a historic event, the class groaned. — Immediately turning to Taehyun with hopeful eyes, you’re met with a small glare before he sighs and nods, announcing that the two of you could partner up. With delight you open your mouth to thank him when your history teacher’s raspy voice suddenly interrupts you. 

“Though seeing as your parallel class is taking the very same course, I thought it’d be a good idea to merge the two of you. – It’ll save me some time when grading as well”, he huffs as a small grin tugs at his wrinkled lips. — It doesn’t take long for the room to be drowned in a chaotic murmur. Your brows pull together in a confused frown and you twist in your seat, “what’s that supposed to mean?” — Taehyun merely shrugs as his eyes flicker between you and your professor by the board, and for once he seemed equally lost. 

A quiet cough makes your gaze snap back to your old teacher as he rummages through his bag for a small piece of paper. “Now I know you aren’t too acquainted with the other class, so I’ve taken the liberty of pre-arranging partners for you.” His statement is met with another wave of complaints and displeased groans as students leaned back in their chairs and shook their heads. 

“Wait, does this mean we won’t get to work together?” You wonder to which Taehyun gives a small nod, “most likely.” — You felt your heart drop at least ten floors as you watched your old teacher fasten the small piece of paper to the board. The sound of chairs scraping against the hard floor fills the classroom as everyone scurries toward the front, eager to see who they’d been partnered up with. 

Without thinking you, too, rise from your desk as you pull Taehyun by his arm, yanking him toward the board. It takes a few shoves to get through the crowd that had formed, but soon enough, you’re standing in front of the list. — Your eyes fervently scan the names, going over the rows at least twice before you find yours. It was as if all air had been sucked from your lungs, your throat uncomfortably dry as you eye the jagged scribbles. Next to your own name was ‘Choi Beomgyu’. 

Behind you, Taehyun lets out a short huff, his lips pulling into a menacing smirk as he eyes your expression. — “Was this also part of your ‘plan’?” 

⸝⸝

“I’m doomed!” You exclaim, hands feverishly tugging at your hair as you cling onto Taehyun’s shoulder. Met with a shrug from your friend who trudges forward, you pout, jutting your chin out as you whine in his ear. “What do I do?” — Taehyun sighs, pushing his glasses further up on his nose as his eyes scan the nearly empty hallway. “This is exactly why you shouldn’t have gotten on his bad side”, he scolds and you huff. 

“Come on now”, you mutter as you release your grip on him, “a rumor here and there has never hurt anyone.” — “Besides, aren’t you supposed to be taking my side?” You finish with a small frown, the crease on your forehead only deepening when he doesn’t say anything. “You told everyone that he threw up in one of the school bathrooms”, he then states and you snort, a small grin seeping onto your face. “So? He might’ve.” 

Taehyun shakes his head, “my point is, you’re already off to a bad start.” — His statement makes you slow down, the shift in your pace causing him to nearly stop as Taehyun turns to you with a confused look. “You’re talking as if I’m the one who should watch myself. – Tae, he’s an asshole, if anything, he should feel ashamed.” 

Your friend bites his lip as his gaze flits between the floor to the books in his hands, and you wondered if you had said something wrong. Choi Beomgyu had earned himself quite the infamous reputation at your college along with the other Choi’s, everyone knew that they were bad news, so why did no one speak against it? — Why did Taehyun cower at the name? 

You couldn’t possibly understand their unreasonable fear. 

But you don’t have to ponder for long, because mere moments later, an all too familiar voice calls out. — “Hey, class president!” Beomgyu’s nasty drawl echoes off the desolate walls as he nears you. His hands are shoved in the pockets of his expensive uniform, and he walks with an allude of confidence. 

Upon hearing his name called, Taehyun freezes beside you as he hesitantly turns to face the source of the voice. Stopping mere inches from your friend, Beomgyu leans forward with a smug smirk and Taehyun hastily blinks under his glasses. You watch their small exchange with a puzzled expression. — “You got my essay?” Beomgyu asks as he quirks a brow in the shorter male's direction. His essay? 

Taehyun nods as he reaches for the bag swung over his shoulder, undoing the zipper as he rummages through its contents. Beomgyu watches him with a look of nonchalance, seemingly unaware of your presence as he focuses on your friend before him. — “Here”, Taehyun murmurs as he hands him at least four pages worth of paper, neatly stapled together. 

Beomgyu scans through it leisurely before giving Taehyun’s shoulder a harsh pat, making the shorter wince. “What’s the meaning of this?” You spit, unable to help yourself as you witnessed the person you so loathed go after your only friend like that. Finally, he seems to acknowledge you as Beomgyu’s eyes snap in your direction, his hand falling from Taehyun’s shoulder as his face contorts into a small scowl. 

Despite the lack of his friends, he still made do with the reputation he had left. Your rumors seemed to have made an insignificant dent in the power he held. But…Taehyun? Of all people, he wouldn’t possibly… Your gaze flits down to the essay in Beomgyu’s hand and over to your friend who avoided your gaze as he urged for you to come with him without causing a bigger scene. 

“Why don’t you stay out of my business.” Beomgyu sneers as he eyes you with distaste. “Business? You call this business?” You frown as you shrug Taehyun’s hands from your arm, stepping between your friend and the menace before him. — Your nose could practically graze his as you let out a short breath of air, meeting his furious gaze with one of your own. 

“Bullying people into doing your work? How do you expect to make it outside of college?” The comment makes his already angered expression flare up and you catch his hands curling into fists by his sides. — “Worry ‘bout yourself won’t you?” he scoffs, ready to push past you.. until your next words catch him off guard. 

“Well that’s going to be difficult, seeing as we’re partners now.” 

He stops, dark eyes snapping back to yours within milliseconds and you feel Taehyun’s hand urgently tug at your arm as he silently pleads for you to back down. — “What?” The word comes out as a mere hiss and you can’t help but feel a triumphant grin pull at the corner of your lips. Ah, so he didn’t know yet. 

“Haven’t you heard?” — You let your head fall to the side, an amused expression flashing across your features as you take in his puzzled and angered state, so predictable. “Mr. Brown’s class, the history project, we’re partners, you and me.” The dread that had previously consumed you seemed minimal when you with satisfaction watched Beomgyu’s face practically explode in a multitude of enraged questions; none of which you were planning on answering. 

“The fuck is that supposed to mean?” He spits, a look of disbelief presenting itself across his otherwise arrogant face. You shrug, letting Taehyun pull you back as you send him a small wave, “that we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other I suppose.” — Before you can get another word out, your friend has pulled you down the hall in a most hurried manner; scurrying to get away from Beomgyu's piercing gaze as he leans against the wall with a small huff, eyeing you with a mixture of fury and intrigue. 

“What the hell was that?” Taehyun grumbles as he drags you along, walking with determined strides. You merely roll your eyes as you let yourself be swayed down the long corridors. — “I should be asking you that”, you counter, still not over the fact that he had written an entire essay for the scumbag. 

Not late to catch on, Taehyun bites the inside of his cheek as he fiddles with the glasses on his nose. “Nothing you should worry about”, he mutters, intent on disregarding any further questions. “Nothing I should worry about? What are you, his slave?” — “Don’t say it like that”, he groans and you frown, stopping completely as you break yourself free from his grasp. 

With an exasperated sigh, Taehyun turns to you as he runs a hand through his short hair. “Listen, it was a one time thing and..” — “That’s how it always starts”, you huff, rolling your eyes as you shake your head. “Soon he’ll be asking you to write his exams for him as well”, you exclaim, throwing an accusing finger down the hall. 

But Taehyun only shakes his head as he waves his hands in front of him in denial. “I’m just helping him out..!” — Your gaze narrows down on your friend, helping him out? Sure Taehyun was many things, friendly? – was not one of them. And to think that he was willingly helping one of the Choi’s with something so trivial… 

“Does he have something on you?” You ask, watching as Taehyun’s eyes widened, “is that why you’re slaving away like this?” — “No I..” He begins but quickly seals his lips in a tight grimace, “you don’t understand.” Like hell you didn’t. Why on earth would anyone stoop to such a level. For over two years you had watched as the Choi’s ruled your school, and to say that you were sick of it would be an understatement. 

Perhaps your hatred for the small trio was rooted deeper than your peers. Especially your hatred for Choi Beomgyu. — Because you hadn’t always hated him, in fact, at one point, you think you might’ve even liked him. 

⸝⸝ 

“Hey, is this seat taken?” 

The voice is warm, kind and friendly. It makes you blink as you tear your gaze from the small pile of nail polish that had accumulated on your desk, your nervous habit of picking at the paint evident. — First day of freshman year, first day of college, that had been the day. 

With a small nod, you motion toward the chair next to your own. He takes the seat, grinning from ear to ear as he studies you with curiosity. “Nervous?” He wonders as he tilts his head to the side. “Yeah..” Your quiet whisper is near inaudible but he still seems to pick up on it as his lips stretch further. “Me too”, he says and you can’t help but frown, he didn’t look nervous in the slightest as he comfortably leaned back in his chair, fiddling with the collar of his shirt leisurely. 

He was way out of your league. — Yet he reaches a hand out, eyes darting from yours and down to your own intertwined fingers. His palm is soft and warm against yours, his grip unwavering as he shakes your hand. “I’m Beomgyu, Choi Beomgyu”, he smiles, it’s a kind smile, and your heart flutters at the sight. 

Choi Beomgyu. What a pretty name. 

You spend your first week with him, it was nice to have someone you could call a friend. Someone who made you feel less alone, and Beomgyu did, the two of you were friends, you think. 

You ate lunch together… 

“Tofu’s the best when grilled”, Beomgyu hums as he shoves a forkful in his mouth, barely swallowing as he loads yet another one. You giggled as your gaze returned to your own plate, a small smile tugging at the corner of your lips. The cafeteria was both crowded and loud, you had dreaded the days you would spend alone in here. 

But as Beomgyu found a nice and secluded table for the two of you, even pulling your chair out with an over exaggerated bow to which you rolled your eyes, you felt hopeful. — Perhaps college wouldn’t be so bad after all. 

And you studied after school…

“If 9 is the value of ‘x’ then all we have to do is replace the variables with such”, you say as you scribble across his notebook. Beomgyu’s frown was nearly dented into his forehead, his bottom lip caught between his teeth in concentration. “But how does nine become ‘x’? Isn’t nine a number and ‘x’ a letter?”He wonders to which you shake your head. 

“Not in this case”, you state before drawing a small ‘x = 9’. Scratching the back of his neck dumbfoundedly, Beomgyu gives a deflated sigh as he slumps against his chair. — “I’m never graduating.” 

You even saw one another outside of school…though only once.. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever been here..” You quietly mumble, eyes flitting across the expensive looking furniture. The restaurant was small but reeked of wealth, the meals here were surely out of your budget but Beomgyu had insisted on you joining him one friday evening. — “What?” He exclaims in bewilderment, “Are you kidding? This is the best place in town!” 

True to his word, he paid for your meal, not hearing you out on trying to pay him back in the near future. — “Spending time with you is more than enough”, he says as a matter-of-factly, arm wrapping around your shoulders as you walk down the empty streets. 

Not to forget that one time he’d asked for your number… 

“I mean it’s just… I think you’re cool and..” He clears his throat, sending you a sheepish smile before continuing. “Just y’know, for staying in touch and things..” — The timidness of his request made your heart flutter as a grin spread across your lips. 

“Of course I’ll give you my number, silly!” 

The relief immediately flooding his face was palpable as he sighs, eagerly fishing his phone up for you to put the digits in. He made sure to add a pink heart next to your name, promising to be at your every beck and call should you ever need him. 

It was friendship, right? 

Doing stuff together, noticing things about each other, like the cute little mole on his left cheek, accentuating his already endearing grin. Or his habit of pushing his hair from his face with the help of his pinky, carefully touching up the dark strands, almost absentmindedly. 

You wondered if Beomgyu noticed things about you too. Did he see things you didn’t, and did he like them? Did he like you? Perhaps you would’ve gotten answers to all of those questions, had things turned out differently. 

It was inevitable, of course, you were all enrolled in the same class after all, they were bound to bump into one another soon enough. But things changed when Beomgyu met Choi Yeonjun, changed for the worse. And it didn’t take long for him to become someone completely different, someone unrecognizable. 

Slowly he stopped showing up to your study sessions. More often he’d make excuses to not walk you to class. You began eating lunch alone, and before you knew it, Beomgyu was no longer part of your life. — Except he was, just as someone else. Someone cruel, someone who didn't care about what others felt, someone who only lived to make others suffer. 

His new friends were no different, and together they earned themselves an infamous reputation as the school’s bullies. It hurt. Seeing them act so nonchalantly when toying with others, with people who’d done nothing to upset them. — And as you catch him in the hallway one day, a much smaller student hoisted up by the collar of his shirt, Beomgyu’s grip unwavering as he spits insults in the younger’s face. 

It was then you grew to loathe Choi Beomgyu. 

⸝⸝ 

Your finger hovers over the block button as you lay in bed that night. Back then, just as you applied to switch classes, as you tried to get as far away from him as possible, you had rid yourself of his number too. Part of you thinks you should’ve deleted the old chats along with blocking him, but something held you back. It felt…oddly comforting, re-reading the old messages between the two of you, a glimmer of what you’d once had, of what he’d once been. How pathetic. 

With a small groan you let your phone fall down onto the mattress next to you, shifting to lay on your side as you prepare to let sleep overtake you. He would have to bring it up, because there was no way in hell that you were unblocking and texting first. — “Fucking piece of shit”, you tiredly murmur, letting yourself fall into a very uncomfortable slumber, plagued by the thoughts of your upcoming weeks. 

Beomgyu did not text you first. In fact he didn’t text you at all. The whole weekend goes by, and not a single word. Taehyun on the other hand, had been paired up with some stuck up bitch, he’d told you her name, something on M…M, M, M… Ah yes, Mimi. She’d dated one of the Choi’s, until he left her for that shy nerd, served her right. — But even the two of them had already gotten together to get working on their presentation. 

You had until Christmas break, but that was a mere three weeks away, and at this rate, you’d be lucky to get done by graduation. — Finally, your gloomy reality sets in, and you heave a loud sigh as you drag yourself down the hallway. History classes had become optional, and without your partner, there was little to be done. You spend the hour roaming the third and second floor, sneakers squeaking against the uneven tiles. 

Upon passing that one peculiar little red door, your ears are met with the muffled sounds of what could only be someone getting their guts absolutely plowed. Your nose wrinkles in disgust, ‘room 291’, you could only imagine how many girls had lost their virginity in there. — Shaking your head, your gaze returns forward, but instead of continuing your eternal journey down the long corridors, you freeze. 

The object of your affection was standing right there. You thought he’d skipped. Anything to avoid the project at hand you’d supposed. But Beomgyu’s eyes meet yours, and though he’s all the way down the hall, you still catch the disgust lingering in them. His lip twitches, jaw clenching for a split second, and then he’s turned on his heel, marching down the hallway faster than you could blink. 

You scramble to catch up, upping your pace to a light jog as you call for him. “Hey asshole!” But he isn’t listening, nor is he stopping. In fact…Was he walking even faster? What a dick. “Hey wait up!” Fuck, was he really going to make you chase after him? How immature. — Thankfully having made the girl’s football team in seventh grade seemed to have paid off, and you managed to reach him soon enough. 

Fingers clasping around his forearm, you yank him backward, making him spin around on the spot as he collides with you. The crash makes you wince and you retreat, blinking to regain focus before turning your attention to him. Beomgyu was already watching you, his lips curled into a nasty scowl as his brows furrowed. “What?” He spits, his voice barely above a hiss.

Suddenly, you realize just how close the two of you were standing, chests nearly grazing one another, and the scent of his cologne invades your senses; it was the same one he’d worn for all of college, at least that hadn’t changed. — You clear your throat, quickly scanning the empty hallway before you turn to him, plastering on the sternest of expression you could muster. “The project”, you say, subtly straightening your back. Beomgyu raises a questioning brow as his hands dig into the pockets of his uniform.

You frown, and only when you add the word “history” does he seem to catch on. “Oh yeah, that one”, his features relax, lips pulling into a small grin, “how’s it coming along?” Your mouth opens and closes again. “Excuse me?” You huff, the anger in your words palpable. Still running with his act of obliviousness, Beomgyu shrugs, it was clear that he enjoyed the easy rise he was getting out of you. How you would practically explode over his mere existence. You think he liked making you like that, perhaps it made him feel in control. 

Well he wasn’t. Not anymore. 

“It’s a group project”, you state, folding your arms across your chest, “there’s no way I’m doing this alone.” — Beomgyu looks almost as if he's considering your words, his lips pursed and head tilted to the side. “So ask your little friend to tag along, I’m sure he’d be more than happy to”, he jeers, flashing you a nasty smirk. Was he talking about Taehyun? Your Taehyun. The same Taehyun that he’d made write his essay. 

Your feet move on their own as you take a quick step forward, jabbing an accusing finger to his chest and Beomgyu’s face contorts into a small scowl at the action. “You’re hilarious if you honestly think I’d let you off the hook this easy, that I’d just let you sit back and take credit for my hard work.” You move to shove him backward but his hand is already clasped around your wrist, restraining any movement. 

“Get your fucking hands off of me”, he spits, yanking you from his chest with a force that was near bruising. — “Why? Scared that I’ll dirty your expensive attire with my grimy hands?” You retort as you gesture toward his clothes. Beomgyu sneers as he shakes his head, his long hair falling in front of his face before he pushes it back again. “You’ve already tarnished my reputation with that dirty mouth of yours”, he barks, eyes flickering with malice, “got nothin’ better to do than spreading shit about me, do you?” 

He shifts on the spot, his gaze wandering down the hall briefly, as if checking for witnesses before his attention returns to you. “I’m not stupid, I know it’s you, and I know you’re behind this whole group project too.” — Woah there, way to get ahead of himself. You scoff, arms falling to your sides as you regard him with disbelief. “You think I set this up on purpose? As if I’d want to be anywhere near you-”

 “Well you sure act like it”, he cuts you off, gesturing toward the two of you and the empty hallway you were currently occupying. “Chasing after me like this, trying to get me alone, and the rumors”, his face flashes with something akin to contempt, a spark of his usually crude and mean demeanor simmering through his facade of hate. “I mean come on, it’s obvious.” 

Your jaw could practically sweep the floor at this rate and you almost wanted to laugh at the near comical situation. “Whatever it is you’re implying, I can assure you, you’re way off”, you huff, quick to defend yourself. His fingers are still locked around your wrist, an almost tingling sensation spreading through your arm. Upon trying to tug yourself free from his grasp, Beomgyu’s hand only tightens around yours, dark eyes boring into your own as he scoffs: “Cut the crap. You’ve been chasing after me for years.” 

The blunt accusation makes you pause, and for a moment every single comprehensive thought completely evaporates from your head. Chasing after him? No. You’d been trying to make his life a living hell, so what if that included knowing his entire schedule and who he hung out with? It was all part of a much bigger picture, a picture his tiny brain failed to comprehend. — But then again, Beomgyu had always had an ego made out of steel. It wouldn’t be the first time he would twist and turn a situation entirely in his favor. 

“What’s it that loser friend of yours said? To let me go?” He chuckles, warm breath hitting your already flaring face. How did he know about that? Just how much had Taehyun told him when doing his essay? — Your usually sharp mind can’t seem to conjure a single witty remark, and you’re left biting the inside of your cheek as you send him a bitter glare. 

His hand lets go of your wrist, and Beomgyu takes a step back. “Perhaps you should listen to Mr. Class Pres, it might do you good.” With a final cruel smirk, he shoves past you, shoulder slamming against yours as he ventures down the hallway with his hands leisurely stuffed into his pockets. 

You want to scream, throw something at him, possibly advocate for murder, but you do nothing, nothing but watch his retreating figure as he disappears down the corridor. Fucking asshole. 

⸝⸝

That night left you in a flammable state. Anger gnawed at your very being as you paced the small space of your dormitory. Who was he to speak to you like that? And how would you ever make this project work? Talking to him was useless, a complete and utter waste of time. — Then it hits you. Like a small lightbulb being turned on over your head. Talking to him was pointless, you knew that. But what if you just didn’t speak? 

The cafeteria is as packed as it could get that following Tuesday, and you have to paddle through the large ocean of students, all eager to find an empty seat. You, on the other hand, couldn’t care less for today’s plain lunch menu, and instead of searching a clear table, your eyes scan for the most crowded one. 

It doesn’t take long for you to spot him. Surrounded by a heap of what you could only assume to be acquaintances, Beomgyu sits perched on a table in the center of the room. Conversation flows around him but his gaze is glued to his phone in his hand, mindlessly swiping across the screen in a bored manner. You wondered if he even knew the names of those surrounding him. You guessed not. Beomgyu had a.. unique way of making friends, if friends were even what they were. They looked more like tokens, perhaps he used them to appear less alone. 

His attention suddenly shifts from the device in his hands and you follow its direction, eventually landing on a table not far from his. — Occupied sparsely by a mere three students, three students whom you easily recognized. Choi Yeonjun leans forward, his arm wrapped around a girl you recognized as his girlfriend. He looks to be in deep conversation with the third of their small party, Choi Soobin. 

They used to be friends, Beomgyu and them. You remember it clearly. The harsh words, the glares, the distaste on their faces whenever they passed you by in the hallway. But something had obviously happened, a small rift in an otherwise unbreakable circle. And you’re not late to pick up on the way Beomgyu continues to glance their way, even when surrounded by at least a dozen others. You recognize the look in his eyes, the longing. It was the same way you’d been looking at him for the past two years. 

Perhaps he had a weakness after all. 

Your fist slams against the firm surface of his table, making everyone around you snap their heads in your direction. Their eyes boring into you suddenly made you waver, but you shake it off, turning your attention to your target, now only inches from yourself. — Beomgyu glances up from his phone, brows immediately furrowing as his lips part. Surely he had an insult waiting on his tongue, but you cut to the chase by shoving a small piece of paper in his free hand. 

His confused gaze flickers down to the note as he begins unwrapping it, only to be stopped by your hand on his as you shake your head. You mouth the words “not here”, and he scoffs, though shoving the paper in his pocket. — His token friends all burst out into “oooo”s as they wiggle their eyebrows suggestively. 

Beomgyu pays them little mind as he rolls his eyes, instead he watches your retreating figure as you push past the crowd in which you had emerged from. A subtle smirk playing on his lips as he mindlessly fiddles with the note in his pocket. 

⸝⸝

You had no idea if your plan was even going to work. Would he show up? Or had he thrown the paper in the trash at the first opportunity he got? — Running a frustrated hand through your hair, you sigh, casting a quick glance at the time on your phone, 5:27 pm. He still had three minutes. 

Gnawing on the inside of your cheek, you start to reconsider the choice of bringing him to your dorm room, was it really such a good idea? Though it was hardly like he’d show up anywhere in public with you. This was your best bet, you think.. 

The minutes tick by and your anxiety levels only rise, heart hammering in your chest as you pace the small space of your dormitory. By 5:47 you realized that he was a no-show. A weird mixture of disappointed relief floods you, it’s strange, you had expected the disappointment but why did you feel relieved? Did the idea of spending time alone with him scare you? No. That was impossible. 

Flopping down onto your bed, you emit a small sigh, letting your eyes flutter closed as you replay today’s scenario in your head. Scared? What a joke, Beomgyu didn’t scare you, he was nothing but an immature, selfish, rude piece of–

Knock knock. 

Your body jolts forward, flying off the bed like a deer in headlight as your head snaps in the direction of your door. He came? He actually came. You didn’t know whether to cry or laugh as you gingerly got up. — As you head for the door, you stop by the small mirror by your clothes drawer to check your reflection. Quickly running a hand through your hair, your eyes scan for a lip balm. You catch yourself mid-act, almost cringing at the way you tried to appear presentable. What the fuck were you doing?

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you twist the handle as the door glides open, revealing no other than Choi Beomgyu on the other side. He’s still wearing his school uniform, and his gaze quickly lands on the loose t-shirt and plain sweatpants you’re dressed in, a glimmer of distaste overshadowing his otherwise expressionless face. You ignore the silent insult as you clear your throat, “You’re late.” 

Beomgyu scoffs, his eyes darting down the hall either side of him before pushing past you as he steps inside. “You’re gonna nag me about that too?” He drawls, hands digging into his pockets as he saunters about, taking in the small space you resided in. You notice that he hasn’t brought along any study materials, and you internally groan. “Yes, I am. If this is going to work out then we’re going to have to work together”, you state, folding your arms across your chest as if to prove your point. 

Your partner merely hums as he fiddles with the papers scattered across your desk. “Cute room you’ve got”, he comments as he points to the entirety of your dorm. Your jaw slacks as you blink dumbfoundedly. Did he just give you a compliment? No, you catch the smugness in his voice, and the small glimpse of a smirk as he turns back to your desk. Asshole. 

“I’m serious”, you huff, “this project is important to me, we need to do well on it.” One thing you couldn’t afford to screw up were your grades. Not that they were anything spectacular of the sort, in fact you were flunking French. But as long as you did well in a few of your best subjects… History being one of them. 

Shoving the pen he was previously twirling between his fingers back into its container, Beomgyu turns to you with a sneer. “If it’s so important then I reckon you’d do better by yourself, I might just slow you down.” He regards you with an apathetic expression, almost as if he was waiting for you to snap, to lash out on him and to yell. You suppose it must surprise him when you instead only shake your head, dragging yourself over to your bed as you flop down with a heavy thud. 

“Let’s just get started”, you mutter, pulling your computer out as you power it on. Beomgyu cocks an eyebrow in your direction but doesn’t say anything as he leans onto your desk, hands returning to their default position in his pockets. — “How about one of us gathers information and the other one writes it down onto a powerpoint?” you suggest. He looks to be considering your words as he scratches his chin thoughtfully. 

“Fairs.” He shrugs as he pushes himself off the table and before you know it, the mattress dips next to you as he sits down. Your whole body tenses up, your eyes remaining glued to the computer screen in front of you as you avoid as much as peeking his way. You weren’t scared of him. But a part of you felt so oddly on-edge whenever he was around, you couldn’t quite place the feeling. 

His body radiates warmth, a warmth that spreads over to your own, a bead of sweat accumulating on your forehead as you swallow. You weren’t scared of him so why did your heart feel like it was going to beat out of your chest? — The smell of his expensive cologne, usually sickly strong as it tickles your nose, now only feels nostalgic as you breathe in. He’s so close that your hands are on the verge of touching, his pinky inches from yours. 

Beomgyu on the other hand seems unfazed as he peers over at your screen. “I’ll do the research part”, he states as he leans back against the headboard, “sounds less demanding.” You silently exhale in relief as he creates a safe radius of distance between the two of you, nodding as you hum in response. 

The two of you work like that, side by side in silence for a good while. At first you’re so engrossed in your work, doing anything to distract yourself from the fact that Beomgyu was quite literally less than three inches away, on your bed, in your dorm. But as time goes by, you finally dare to tear your gaze from the screen in front of you, and sneak a small peek at him. 

It felt almost surreal. Two years of being strangers in the halls, two years of constant insults, two years of hatred. Yet here he was, so close to you, just like he had been before everything changed, before he changed. 

But now, the two of you were doing something so mundane together. 

Your gaze lingers on him, even though it probably shouldn’t. But you can’t help the way your eyes trail across his seemingly relaxed expression. From the small, almost unnoticeable, furrow of his brows, the subtle pout of his bottom lip and the natural flush of his cheeks. Your attention strays by his dark eyes as they move along the words on his screen when reads. If you tried really hard, you might’ve been able to forget about everything that had happened, if only for a few minutes. 

Maybe. Just maybe. 

Suddenly, you want to reach out and touch him. To run your fingers through his long and unkempt hair, feel the skin of his hand in yours. And you almost do. Until you remember. — Things weren’t like that anymore, they hadn’t been for over two years. You almost recoil at the slip of your thoughts; for having allowed yourself to fantasize like that when reality was far from it. The Beomgyu before you wasn’t the Beomgyu you knew back then. No. You didn’t know this Beomgyu, and it’s with a bittersweet taste in your mouth that you accept said fact. 

You think half an hour might’ve passed when you notice that something’s off. Thirty minutes of radio silence from his otherwise enthusiastic mouth. And as you peer over your shoulder, you find him leisurely swiping across his screen, eyes glued to something that looked far from the information he was supposed to gather. — “What’re you doing?” The question slips from your lips without you actually thinking it through. Beomgyu’s head turns in your direction and he watches you with an expression that said, ‘what the fuck does it look like I’m doing?’

“I thought we agreed on working on the project”, you say as you point a finger toward your open laptop. Beomgyu merely shrugs, his eyes flitting back to the phone in his hand. “I’ve done my part”, he sighs and your brows knit together in confusion. A small tap of your finger leads you to the first slide of your powerpoint, in which he’d copied and pasted in what could only be pages worth of information. 

Seemingly noting your flabbergast expression, Beomgyu huffs, “Why, you can’t expect me to seriously read all of that?” — “So you’re saying we should just cheat our way through it?” The disbelief in your voice is palpable but he doesn’t seem to pick up on it as he gives a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders. “It’s not cheating. The information is out there to be used, doesn’t say how to use it”, he states. You have to bite your tongue in order to not let your words slip as you stare back at the computer screen with a puzzled face. 

He did have somewhat of a point. But you’d rather die than admit that. Besides, his ways would surely land you a ‘barely passed’ at most. And you wouldn’t have that. — Grumbling out a quiet, “whatever”, you turn back to the powerpoint as you begin sorting through the paragraphs pasted in there. You quickly become immersed in your work, and fail to notice how Beomgyu discards his phone on the bed as he glances around your room with curious eyes. 

You swallow a groan as you re-read the same paragraph for a third time, seemingly unable to focus with him around. Perhaps he was right, perhaps you should’ve just bit into the lemon and done this project on your own. — “Fuck, you kept this?” Beomgyu’s almost taunting voice snaps you from the text you were so close to giving up on, and you turn to him with a confused frown. 

Though your eyes quickly widened as they landed on the bracelet Beomgyu was holding between two fingers. Suddenly your heart is racing and your breaths are coming in short. The already thick air feels even heavier and you emit a shaky exhale. The brown leather, interlaced with streaks of blue, immediately sends your mind to places you hadn’t allowed it to wander for nearly two years..

⸝⸝

“A friendship bracelet?” you question as you eye the small piece Beomgyu had just handed you. The fine leather felt expensive and you wondered just how much he’d spent on this. It was braided together with a thinner blue thread, the cold shade a stark contrast to the warm brown leather, and your thumb slowly traces its outline as you bring it to your face. 

Beomgyu coughs into his hand, shaking his head as he rocks back and forth on the sole of his shoes. “When you put it like that it sounds childish”, he mutters, the tip of his ears radiating a warm pink and you feel your lips tug into a grin at the sight. — “It’s more like..” He hesitates, biting the inside of his cheek as his gaze strays by the bracelet in your hands: 

“Like a piece of me.” 

Your eyes widen when he suddenly takes a step forward, reaching for the accessory as he plucks it from your fingers. “So that, in a way, I’ll always be with you”, he says as he wraps the leather around your wrist. — It’s impossible to refrain from smiling and your cheeks heat up as he carefully fastens the bracelet around your arm. — Then your curious eyes suddenly fall on the leather around his own wrist, a darker and cooler brown intertwined with a warm red. 

A weird and tingly sensation spreads throughout your stomach as you swallow. And before Beomgyu can withdraw his hand again, do you stop him, fingers clasping around his wrists as you bring them together. — The blues and the reds, they remind you of the friendship necklaces you wore back in elementary school. Two halves of a heart, a childish but sweet promise to be what makes the other one whole. 

Was it childish? Probably. But it was Beomgyu, and you found that you did not care for such matters when he was around. In fact, you think you might even like it. — No, you did like it. You liked everything Beomgyu did, you liked everything about him. And though you were too shy to even admit it to yourself, you probably liked him too. 

“It’s okay right?” 

His sudden question snaps you from your train of thought and you blink as your gaze returns to his warm eyes. He looks…nervous? You’d never seen him like that. Beomgyu was always so adamantly prideful, and you don’t think you’d ever seen him waver. But you decide that you like this side of him too, the bashful and almost cute one. 

“I love it.” And you do, you really do. You love it so much that you keep it even when he stops wearing his. Even when he no longer represented your other half. You keep it for two years, tucked inside the top drawer of your bedside table where it resides, waiting for the day where you might finally be able to look at it without bursting into tears. 

⸝⸝

“Where did you get that?” Your tone is harsh and snappy but it barely makes him flinch as Beomgyu leisurely twirls the bracelet between two fingers. — You reach for it, but you’re too slow, and can only helplessly watch as his whole fist envelops the leather. “I expected a lot from you, granted that you’re still running your mouth about me and all”, Beomgyu drawls as he leans back against the pillows. “But you even kept this piece of shit?” — “I mean come on, it’s pathetic.” 

His words stung. Pathetic? Did he really think of your time together as that? Did he think of you as that? Of course he did, you idiot, get that through your thick skull. You hate Beomgyu. One half-successful study session in the privacy of your dorm didn’t change that and it never would. 

He probably threw his out, it would make the most sense if he did. Perhaps you should’ve too. You switched classes, blocked his number, and avoided him as best as you could in the halls. So why had you kept that? Why did you cling to something so insignificant? Why did it bring you comfort to feel the cool leather against your palm? 

“Just give it back”, you groan as you meekly try and pry his closed fist open. Beomgyu looks as if he’s going to put up a fight, say something nasty back, but he doesn’t. Instead he lets you untangle the bracelet from his fingers, watching as you snatch it back before throwing it on your bedside table once more.  — An uncomfortable silence falls over the two of you, weighing down like dark clouds on a previously sunny day. You wait for him to say something, but he never does. He only watches you with that nearly permanent half-smirk of his, brows tugged slightly upward as his eyes flicker across your flustered frame. 

“I think we’ve done enough for today.” The statement sounds monotone and gray as it falls from your lips. And even now, you expect a reply. Foolishly so, for Beomgyu merely shrugs, swinging his legs over the mattress as he gets up from your bed. — You don’t dare look up as he rounds your bed, your gaze stays by your discarded laptop. The sounds of his footsteps suddenly vanish and you carefully crank your head in the direction of your door. 

With one hand on the handle, Beomgyu looks back at you, his eyes glimmering with something you can’t quite decipher. His lips twitch into a full smirk, and for a moment, you think he might spit another insult on you. He doesn’t. — “See you in class, yeah?” Is all he says before twisting the doorknob and vanishing down the hall. 

And as the door slams shut behind him, you’re left in an unbearable silence. Carefully you reach for the bracelet, only to find it torn in half.  

⸝⸝

Beomgyu shows up to class after that. It takes you by surprise, and apparently everyone else too as heads turn in his direction when he pulls out the chair next to you. And though his work effort is minimal, he’s still there. You hate the satisfied feeling that blooms in your chest at the accomplishment. And you hate the fact that a small part of you has started looking forward to history class. But you would never tell him that, you would never tell anyone that, not even Taehyun… 

“Come on, it’s just one tiny little essay!” You complain in a distraught tone, dramatically kicking at a few stones on the road in front of you. The small rocks clash together as they roll down the gravel pathway that takes you around campus. — Taehyun squints against the bright sun that shone despite the cold December air. He shakes his head, exhaling a small cloud of condensation.  

“It’s less than fourteen days until Christmas break”, he argues as he shoves his hands deep into the pockets of the large coat he wore. “Well that’s exactly why I need your help!” You whine, throwing your frozen hands in the air. — “With everything going on, you know the history project and all, I’m going to seriously flunk French at this point Tae..” You sigh, turning to him with the biggest eyes you could muster as you stick your bottom lip out into a pathetic pout. 

“Please Tae, isn’t that what friends do?” 

Taehyun merely spares you a quick side glance before his focus returns ahead. “You can’t pull the ‘friend card’ whenever you’re falling behind”, he huffs. Biting the inside of your cheek, you think of another way to persuade him. “But if we study together? Then I’m bound to learn!” You suddenly exclaim, causing Taehyun to flinch due to your unanticipated outburst. 

“Fine..” He begrudgingly agrees, though quickly groaning as you wrap your arms around him in a tight hug. “I knew I could count on you!” You cheer before carefully letting him go again. — It’s when you pull back that you notice the figure by the benches a few paces away. You frown, gaze narrowing down on its hunched posture. It was odd for any student to be outside between classes during the cold and harsh winter months, let alone sit perched on one of the usual summer hangout spots. 

“Who’s that?” You question, your footsteps coming to an abrupt halt on the rough gravel. Taehyun groans as he turns to see where you might be looking, a small noise of disapproval passing his lips. “No one important, let’s go back inside”, he says as he pulls you along once more. — But in the bright light of the early afternoon-sun, the black hair atop the lonesome shadow’s head seemed awfully familiar. 

“Is that…Beomgyu?” Your inquiry is met by yet another groan from your friend. Taehyun tsk’s as he shoots a sneer in the direction of the lonely figure. “Wouldn’t that be even more reason to go back inside?” — Despite his greatest efforts, you ignore him as you venture off the small path and over the grass. Taehyun calls out for you, conflicted as his gaze flits between you and the entrance not far away. 

With a small roll of your eyes, you stop to wave him over. But Taehyun promptly shakes his head. “Fine, then go on inside, I’ll be right with you”, you say as you readjust the bag on your shoulder. He looks puzzled for a moment, lips pressed into a thin line as he regards you with a concerned frown. “What are you going to do?” He asks, albeit somewhat hesitant. You merely smile, and though it didn’t quite reach your eyes, Taehyun chooses not to pry further when you say: “I’m just going to ask about the project.” — He gives a curt nod before disappearing down the graveled path, hands still stuffed deep in his pockets.

Your footsteps crunch against the frosty grass and they fill the crisp winter air. The closer you get the more certain you become. It was Beomgyu. Sitting on the wooden table, his feet rest on the accompanied bench. He’s not wearing a jacket, only the blazer he had gotten personally tailored. If he was freezing, he didn’t let on to it as he remained still, his eyes focused on the ground below him. 

The real question was, why was he out here alone? Surely he should be spending the lunch break in the cafeteria with his friends, and not on a cold bench outside in the middle of the winter. — You stop in front of him, so close that your worn out shoes break the circuit of his limited vision. He knows that you’re there, you can tell by the subtle twitch of his jaw, and the way his fingers curl against one another as his hands mold together. 

“Hey.” 

You greet him. It’s polite, and when you think about it, you can’t recall ever uttering the word ‘hello’ to him, not for the past two years at least. It takes him a moment to finally look up, and when he does you immediately notice how sunken his eyes are, the almost grayish color of his cheeks and the pink tint to his nose. — He looked like shit. 

Part of you wants to say something about it, to finally jab back at him for all the crude comments he’d made about you. But you can’t. And suddenly, you don’t know what to say at all. Why had you even approached him in the first place? The two of you hadn’t spoken in private since… Well since the bracelet incident. Thankfully he had yet to bring it up again, but you didn’t know if you could trust him not to. It was already awkward between the two of you. 

Had you just made things worse? 

Beomgyu looks too tired to bite back himself as he lets his gaze leisurely drift across your frame. “What are you doing out here?” — Fuck, that wasn’t the question you were supposed to ask. Fucking idiot. But you couldn’t deny the curiosity that lingered around you. What was he doing out here? 

“That’s none of your business.” He spits, lips curling into a small scowl, but you can tell that it’s taking him a great deal of effort. And for some reason, you care. You hate that you do. Because you should feel anything but concern. You should be celebrating his downfall. This was what you had been waiting for. So why did it feel so bittersweet? 

You think it must have something to do with the afternoon spent on your bed. Almost an hour of complete silence, no bickering, no insults thrown. You blame yourself for getting too caught up in the moment. For letting yourself view him in a different light. — You hate Choi Beomgyu. And he hates you. That’s how it was supposed to be. 

When you don’t reply, he lifts his head once more. His eyes are dark, lifeless. He frowns, and for a second he looks almost irritated. “Why do you even care?” He grunts, a flicker of disgust tracing his features, as if the mere thought of sympathy from you was enough to have him gagging. It was nice. It felt familiar. It felt like the Beomgyu you knew. 

“I don’t.” You simply shrug, letting your bag fall from your shoulder as you heave yourself onto the bench next to him. He doesn’t move, but you can feel his gaze on you as he studies you intently. — You don’t dare look at him, instead you keep your eyes set forward. Despite the cold and chilly temperatures, snow had yet to fall. And the naked trees now only looked dystopian as you glance around the campus grounds. 

“Where are your friends?” You suddenly ask, the question coming out light, just like any other. You don’t expect an answer, not from him. In fact you’d prepared yourself for him to get up and leave. But he doesn’t. — Beomgyu is silent for a second, you hear him draw in a slow breath, holding it for a moment before letting go. “What friends?” He then says, and this time he actually sounds tired. 

Your stomach twists in an uncomfortable way, a way that was nowhere near satisfying. “What about the ones from the cafeteri..” — “Don’t be daft”, he cuts you off, his voice gaining a sudden sting. “You’re not stupid. Don’t pretend that you are. It’s unattractive.” He jeers, fingers twisting against one another, as if he was trying to crawl out of his own skin. 

“Isn’t that why you’re here?” He huffs, shuffling to the side as he creates a cold metaphorical wall of distance between the two of you. “To poke fun at me? To shove it in my face?” He sounds almost distressed, and before you can reply, he turns to you. “You think it hasn’t been already?” — For the first time since you approached, he’s looking entirely at you. And when you return his wide gaze, it feels like you’re looking at a shell of who he used to be. 

You tell yourself that it’s the cold air. That it’s the already depressing surroundings of the dying nature around you. But Beomgyu looks just as malnourished as the trees, as pale as the sky and as beat as the frozen grass you walk on. It was easy to take pity on him like that. It was almost like he was begging for it. Begging for someone to sympathize with him. You can’t imagine that anyone ever did. 

“That’s not why I’m here”, and your statement is true. You don’t know why you’d come here, but you knew that it wasn’t out of malice. Because even if you did hate Choi Beomgyu, you don’t think you could ever say it to his face. — He didn’t know that of course. Part of you wished he did. Beomgyu scoffs, his gaze returning to the frosty ground as he bites the inside of his cheek.

You’re scared that you might pity him forever. That things might never change. That the two of you might just be stuck in an eternal loop of hatred and unspoken feelings. — You don’t know what you want, but you know that it is not that. Perhaps this history project was the start you had been looking for. Maybe… 

“Are you free friday?” 

⸝⸝

Your study sessions became regular after that. Beomgyu appeared to have nothing better to do with his time, and to be frank, neither did you. And though you were far from friendly with one another, none of the insults lingered. You studied in silence, him by your desk and you on your bed, as far away from each other as you could get. It was quiet, so quiet that you sometimes forgot that he was even there, save for the occasional sigh or click of his tongue. 

At first, he would bring his phone, checking it every other second, like he hoped for something, for someone, to be there. But after four days, he stopped. And your curiosity only grew. 

Now a mere week remained until christmas break. You and Beomgyu had been studying together for the past six days, without fail. Your presentation was nearly completed, and part of you thinks this might be amongst your last sessions together, if not your very last. — It felt strange, almost melancholic. Would you miss him? Or would you miss the company? Taehyun was your friend, sure, at least that's what you called him. But as soon as the bell rang, as soon as class ended, it was only you again. 

So was it really so wrong to look forward to a bit of company after school? Even if said company was a grumpy and quiet Beomgyu who did his best in ignoring you whilst he was there. Maybe. — Maybe it was the slight urgency of losing the temporary comfort these quiet hours had provided you that led to the act of stupidity you were about to perform next. 

The sun had set hours ago, casting your room in a dim glow provided by the small lamps on your bedside table and desk. You and Beomgyu had been working quietly for the past while. Now that the information was gathered and all that remained was for you to edit the last paragraphs, he used his time to decorate the powerpoint, adding relevant pictures and messing with the fonts. It wasn’t hard work, but the fact that he did something, made your stomach flutter in an unfamiliar way. 

“Are you busy next week?” You wanted to ask him if he would like to practice the presentation together. But Beomgyu kills your last glimmer of hope with a small huff, “Yeah.” He doesn’t turn to look at you, his eyes steadily fixed on the computer screen in front of him despite the fact that he was now only aimlessly flipping through the slides. 

Biting the inside of your cheek, you refrain from asking if he was busy all week. You would most likely only receive a half-hearted ‘yes’ anyway. Instead your gaze flickers down to your keyboard, your nails quietly tapping against the keys as you think of something to say. Every second spent in his presence only seemed to pull even more questions from your already curious mind. There was so much you wanted to ask him about, even though you knew it wasn’t your place. 

Just let him go. 

You can hear Taehyun’s voice in the back of your head, pleading for you to not pry, to keep your eyes down and mind your business. It wasn’t that easy. He didn’t understand. He didn't know. He didn’t know Beomgyu like you did, like you thought you did. 

“Are you sure you don’t have time to come by and practice?” You can’t stop yourself, the question slips out anyway, and you watch as Beomgyu’s shoulders tense before relaxing again. “I told you I’m busy”, he repeats in the same monotone and tired voice he’d been using for the past week. — “Right…” You hold your tongue, fingers brushing over the keys on your keyboard, hovering above the space button. Your lips part, then they close, and then they part again. 

“Are you meeting Yeonjun?” 

You shouldn’t have asked that, you know it. Yet you did. Perhaps you wanted a reaction from him, perhaps you wanted to hear him raise his voice for the first time in over a week, perhaps you wanted him to get angry, to insult you, because it was the Beomgyu you knew. 

His shoulders go rigid this time, and though you can’t see his expression, you can still catch the twitch of his jaw. He’s stopped swiping through the presentation slides, now stuck on the first one as he gazes ahead. For a minute, everything’s quiet, you think he might not say anything at all. But when he speaks up, he doesn’t raise his voice, instead he lowers it, until it’s nothing but a low drawl of his tongue. 

“You think this is funny?” The cold words send a shiver down your spine, and even though he isn’t looking at you, you felt as if you were being judged under a microscope. “I… I’m sorry..?” You squeak, your voice nearly inaudible but Beomgyu catches it. — He chuckles, pushing his chair back as he turns to you. 

The fiery brown in his eyes is long gone, replaced with an ashy looking color, like he was drained of all life. His lips, usually pulled into either a scowl or a menacing smirk, remain just as unreadable as the rest of his face. — “Do you enjoy this?” He asks, but it hardly sounds like a question. 

You gulp, fingers pressing so hard against the keyboard that you have managed to insert a whole paragraph of nonsense onto the powerpoint. Quietly shaking your head, you think of a way to salvage the toes you’d accidentally stepped on. “No I, I’m sorry…” You swallow once more, “I just…I don’t know what happened between you…I..” 

Beomgyu’s loud scoff cuts you off, and you watch as he gets up from the chair, kicking it back against the desk. With two long strides he reaches you by the edge of the bed. Though he was barely an inch or two taller than yourself, he somehow managed to appear menacing as he loomed over you. “Has it ever crossed your mind that it might not be any of your fucking business?” He says, his tone remaining indifferent as he glares down at you with those empty and dying eyes. 

You bite your tongue, refraining from intervening and saying that practically everyone at school knew it. Though you were sure he already knew that too. — Beomgyu huffs out a sharp exhale, shaking his head. “Every single fucking day”, he mutters, his eyes narrowing as they linger by your slightly sheepish expression. “Every day, people like you, stick their nose where it doesn’t belong.” 

The way he spoke, grouping you together with the other students, it shouldn’t have made your chest churn the way it did. “People like me?” You repeat the words, tasting them on your tongue, and finding that you don’t like them. Beomgyu, on the other hand, merely sends you a small look of distaste, the only emotion that had managed to pass his features in a whole week. 

“What? You think you’re something else?” He jeers, frowning when you get up from the bed, straightening your back as you come face to face with him. — “I know I am”, you say, forcing your voice to remain steady. You knew that you weren’t the only one who’s thoughts lingered in the past. You knew that he must still think of the two of you from time to time, even if only for a brief moment. 

Beomgyu finally seems to catch on, his brows rising on his forehead when he does. He looks like he’s about to burst into laughter, you think that he might. “Oh that’s right”, he muses, “You think you’re special because I was nice to you back then, because I took pity on you.” He pushes a strand of dark hair from his face with the help of his pinky, “Bet it was the first time something like that happened.” 

You didn’t want to admit that he was right, that it had been the first time someone had ever gone out of their way for you. That it had been the first time someone had ever gifted you something, apart from your own family, that it was the first time someone willingly sat with you during lunch. But your mind gets caught on that one word he’d used. Pity. 

Was that all it was to him? A game of play-pretend, a chance for him to play hero? You shake your head, it couldn’t be, it wasn’t. — For two years, you had blamed Choi Yeonjun. You had blamed him for taking Beomgyu away from you, for turning him into someone you couldn’t recognize, for ruining your only chance at an actual friendship, perhaps even something else. 

It was easy to blame Yeonjun, you didn't like him, you never had. But you could never bring yourself to actually blame Beomgyu himself, because that would mean he was a bad person, and you didn’t want him to be. You wanted him to remain the perfect version you had created in your head, the version you thought you liked. It became clear now, that he wasn’t. 

“You’re a liar.” 

You state, fingers twitching by your sides as you resist the urge to wrap your arms around yourself. Beomgyu’s expression morphs into one of confusion, then he scoffs. “A liar?” He asks, his voice hollow: “Do you hear yourself talk? You sound fucking crazy.” — “If you think for a second that what we have is different from any other piece of shit person in this school, you’re wrong.” He spits, eyes flaring up for the first time in so long, a small fire igniting within them. 

He continues to list reasons, reasons to hate you, reasons to hate him, reasons to hate everything. You weren't listening. All you see is his eyes, burning with rage, with life. 

It’s unexplainable, the feeling that surged in your chest, that pounds against your ribcage and pulls on your lungs as it sucks the air from them. And you don’t know why you took a step forward, why you let your hands brush against his, why you didn’t stop when you saw the bewilderment on his face. You don’t know why you leaned in closer, when you should be pulling back. — And you don’t know why you couldn’t look away, why you couldn’t tear your gaze from the flames dancing across his eyes. 

You don’t know why you kissed him. 

But you did. 

And now it was too late to ever go back. — Though you're not sure you want to. 

His lips feel soft against yours, not that you had ever stopped to think about how it would ever feel. Yet this somehow seemed right. You don’t open your eyes to look at him, you don’t think you could bear that. Still, you’re surprised when he doesn’t immediately jerk backward, when he doesn’t push you away. — Beomgyu hesitates. You think it’s the first time you’ve ever seen him do.  

The moment lasts forever, and somehow it seems to have vanished within the blink of an eye. The bed squeaks when you crash against the mattress, you can still feel the flat of his palms on your shoulders as the force he’d used to shove you away from him lingered. 

When you peer up at him, you find him already watching you. The flames in his eyes seemed to burn even brighter now. His jaw clenches, fingers curling into fists by his sides as he struggles to keep his composure. — Your lips part, but no words come out. What was there to say? Sorry? But you weren’t. I hate you? But you didn’t. 

Beomgyu speaks before you get the chance to, his nostrils flaring as he takes a deep breath. “You’re fucking insane.” It’s all he says, not waiting for a response as he turns back to your desk. He shoves his laptop in his bag with such force that you thought its seams might break.

Then he heads for the door, reaching it in four long strides. He doesn’t turn to look at you, not like he had that day. He rips it open, ignoring the squeaking sound it made when he slammed it shut behind him. 

The silence that follows echoes through your small dorm. And you remain on your bed, motionless, staring ahead as your fingers reach up to touch your lips. — Still burning with the fire he’d igninited. 

⸝⸝

That night was a quiet one, your dorm room basked in the eerie glow of the moon. Nothing but the soft sounds of your hushed sobs filling the confined space. Your pillow is wet, stained with your tears as you cry into the cotton. It was pathetic, really. In fact, you didn’t even know why you were crying. — But as soon as the door had slammed shut, and you had been left alone with nothing but your lingering thoughts, everything had become too much to bear. 

The events of the past few weeks finally catching up to you, breaking the dam of pent of tears you’d been so carefully keeping at bay. It felt as if it would never stop. You didn’t know whether you felt humiliated, rejected or just straight up insulted. Part of you just felt stupid. What the fuck were you even thinking? Kissing him like that. The image itself makes you grimace, and with a heavy sigh you pull yourself into a sitting position. 

After fumbling in the dark for a few moments, your fingers manage to grasp your phone. The bright light of its screen blinds you, and you squint as you scroll through your ridiculously short contact list. — The line rings for almost a whole minute, all the while you anxiously bite on your short nails, chopping the last bits of green polish from your nail beds. And when he finally picks up, it’s silent, save for the deep breaths he emits as he waits for you to speak.

“Taehyun?” 

Your voice comes out a lot more hoarse and strained than you had anticipated, causing you to immediately clear your throat. Taehyun groans, and you hear him shift slightly as he mutters something incoherent. “Do you know what time it is?” He finally asks in a groggy, sleep-laced tone. A spark of guilt blooms in your chest, and you throw a quick glance toward the time on your phone, showing that it was well past midnight. 

“I’m sorry…I just”, you bite your lip, hesitating for a moment. It wasn’t like you didn’t trust Taehyun, it was just different. You and Taehyun were different. Part of you thinks he won’t understand, that he might judge you, no you know he will. Still, he was the only one you could turn to. — “Taehyun, I think I messed up.” 

He doesn’t answer right away, but you know he’s still there. You sit in silence for a while, just listening to his breaths, and for a moment you wonder if he’s fallen back asleep. But then he speaks, this time he sounds more awake. — “How bad?” He asks, and somewhere in the background, you think you can make out a light being flicked on. 

“Really bad..” 

⸝⸝

You had never been to Taehyun’s house before. Two years of so called friendship and you would think that you’d progressed further. But as you heave the last step leading up from the subway, you stop in order to relocate yourself. The neighbourhood looked average, yet inviting. Its quaint little houses, lined up along the dimly lit street, all reflected one another. 

Number 14, that was the one you were looking for. Your worn out sneakers hit the asphalt with heavy thuds, and a small cloud forms when you exhale out into the cold December air. With your fingers stuffed deep in the pockets of your duvet jacket, you make a slight turn, coming face to face with house number 14. 

It looked just like the rest, a small mailbox by the fence gate, its white paint chipped in places. You push it open, stepping up the small graveled path taking you to the doorsteps. Taehyun told you not to ring the bell, but to quietly knock. He didn’t live alone, you knew that much. — He shared the small flat with one of the juniors, you think his name might be Kai. 

You knock once, proceeding to wrap your arms around yourself as you wait anxiously for him to open. It takes him a mere thirty seconds, and when the door swings aside, you're met with the still sleep-laced figure of Kang Taehyun. — He’s dressed in nothing but a pair of checkered sweatpants and a black t-shirt, the glasses he always wore nowhere to be seen. He looked far different like this, it takes you a moment to even recognize him. 

Your silence must’ve been unusual, because he soon cocks an eyebrow, stepping aside as he motions for you to get in.  

Taehyun’s place looks nothing like you’d imagined it. It was far messier. With clothes hanging off the kitchen chairs, lecture material spread over the round table and piles of books crowding the already small countertop. Still, he doesn't seem to mind the slight chaos as he reaches up to fetch two glasses from the cabinet, not saying anything as he fills them both with water from the tap. 

This eternal silence covers you both like a thick blanket, enveloping you in a false sense of ignorance, like the fact that you were currently in his kitchen, at 3am no less, was completely normal. — Taehyun remains quiet as he walks past you and into the joint living room, you trail behind him, eyes lingering on the discarded guitar that rested against the wall. 

The large green sofa takes up a good third of the room, and Taehyun sets your glasses down on the wooden coffee table in front of it as you take a seat. — “Do you play?” It’s the first thing that comes to mind, not a ‘Hello, sorry for bothering you so late at night and barging into your home.” But you can’t help yourself, somewhere in the back of your mind, you hear Beomgyu, clearly remembering the day he’d told you about his love for music, no less the guitar. 

But Taehyun merely shrugs, and when he speaks, his voice is groggy. “Kai does.” The statement doesn’t leave room for further questions, and you thought it was probably wise to not bother him with more small talk. 

Reaching for the glass, your fingers wrap around its cold surface as you bring it to your lips. You sip slowly, prolonging the inevitable confession you were to make. And as the refreshing water slides down your incredibly dry throat, you sneak a glance in his direction. It felt odd, seeing Taehyun outside of school like this. 

Your gaze lingers on his bare arms, something his uniform never allowed even as much as a glimpse of. He leans against the soft cushion of the couch, mindlessly fiddling with a small string which you had no idea where he’d gotten it from. — It might’ve been the late hour, or the change of scenery, hell it might’ve even been the fact that you’d probably made the biggest mistake of your life not even eight hours ago. But had Taehyun always looked this… Good wasn’t the right word… At least you didn’t think it was. 

You suppose he looked… Ordinary. He looked far more relaxed than he ever did at campus, in class or in the cafeteria. This Taehyun resembles little of your class president, right now he just looks like, well him. 

“Why are you here?” His sudden question snaps you from your trance and your eyes immediately snap toward the water in your glass, the clear liquid swirling around slowly. Why were you here? Because you were alone, because you were scared, because you didn’t have anyone else to turn to. — “I… I messed up”, your deflated sigh rings out in the living room. 

Taehyun continues to fiddle with the small string, twisting it around his thumb. “The presentation?” He asks, but you can tell that was not what he’d actually meant. Still, you nod. “Well that one too, that’s for sure..” You didn’t even want to think about having to face him next Tuesday, much less going through with that presentation together, in front of everyone. 

“It’s about him, isn’t it?” 

The question was hardly needed, and you mumble out a quiet ‘yes’ as you set your glass down. Taehyun hums, his eyes trained to his hand. You wait for him to say something, but he doesn’t. Biting the inside of your cheek, you inhaled slowly. It was better to get it out right away, wasn’t it? Besides, there was no way you could sugarcoat it, no way for you to lie yourself out of this. You wanted to be honest with Taehyun, because it was easier to be honest with him than with yourself. 

“I kissed him.” 

There. You said it. So why didn’t the lump in your throat ease? Why did your chest still feel tight and your palms sweaty? Why couldn’t it all just go away, you did what you were supposed to, you confessed. Was that not enough? — Taehyun doesn’t look surprised. In fact he looks almost amused. As if he was betting with himself, ultimately ending up winning as you said what he’d already expected you to. 

“I think he hates me even more now. No - I know he does.” You can’t stop the words from flowing, all your pent up emotions rolling off your tongue in one swift motion. “I don’t think he’s ever going to talk to me again. And I’ll probably have to do the presentation alone. But I don’t reckon he’ll tell anybody, I’m sure he’s embarrassed about being associated with me. Fucking entitled asshole.” The last part comes out with slight distaste. 

“Don’t you agree?” You turn to Taehyun who’s been listening quietly. Finally, he glances up from the string he’s fiddling with. He sighs, “I think you should’ve stayed away from him just like I told you to.” — His words made your chest tighten even further, but they were not surprising. You knew what his response would be, you had known before you even picked up the phone to call him. Still, you did it. Because even if he told you what you’d already heard so many times before, it was something, and something was better than nothing. 

“Why did you do it?” You quietly ask him, your question coming out nearly inaudible. “Hm?” His dark eyes, the ones you used to watch behind the thick lens of his glasses, shift over to you. — “Why did you write his essay?” Your sudden change makes him pause, his fingers stilling around the thin thread he’d been twirling for the past minutes. Taehyun looks at you, but you can tell he’s not actually looking at you. 

“What do you mean?” It takes him almost a whole minute to reply. That had never happened before. Holding your tongue, you consider your next words carefully. You’d been wanting to ask him about that day in the hallway for so long now, it had been pestering you for weeks, like an itch you couldn’t quite scratch. Because if it was one thing you couldn’t understand, it was why someone like Taehyun, would do something like that, for someone like Beomgyu. 

“Does he have something on you? Is he bullying you?” 

Taehyun shakes his head, his jaw clenching as he discards the thread between his fingers. “No”, he finally states, his voice firm. He was lying. He had to be, right? — “Then why?” You knew you were pushing far, too far, but you wanted, no, needed answers. But he only averts his gaze, his attention fixed on something far ahead. You try to follow his line of sight, your own eyes landing on the crowded bookshelves. 

Books. Your lip twitches at the sight of pages worth of study material. But as you survey the shelves closely, you find that they’re neatly organised, unlike the chaos that spread through the rest of the house. From different subjects, all neatly categorized, yet one book remained alone, separated from the rest. You didn’t recognize its cover. 

“Latin.” 

Taehyun’s thoughts seem to align perfectly with yours as he, too, eyes the lonesome book. “I didn’t know you took latin..” You murmur, still not tearing your gaze from the shelf. Beside you, Taehyun hums before going silent once more. That silence lingers for another thick and heavy minute. The darkness of his living room closing in on you, the sounds of your quiet breaths remaining the only signs of life. 

“Hardly anyone picks latin”, he then adds, nodding toward the book on the very edge of the shelf. You nod, even though you don’t exactly understand where he’s going with this. Taehyun sighs, and he sounds tired, “Picked it ‘cause I felt bad.” — “The professor would hardly have a class to teach this semester if it wasn’t for me.” 

You frown, shifting back to him as your lips part in an unspoken question. But Taehyun doesn’t need to look at you to know what goes on inside your head. — He shrugs, “You asked me why.” 

The silence that follows his last words did not feel as heavy as the others. It merely felt…confusing. Your gaze drops to your hands, placed neatly on your lap. Exhaling through your nose, you begin picking away at your already chipped nail polish, watching as the red flakes fell to your knees. Latin… He picked it out of pity? Not because he enjoyed it but because he felt bad? 

But what did Latin have to do with… 

“Did you want to do it?” Taehyun suddenly asks, and it felt weird, because he hardly asked questions about you, and especially not about Beomgyu. — The lump in your throat bounces back twice as big this time, and your fingers still. “Yes.” If there was one thing you were sure of, it was that. You wanted to kiss Choi Beomgyu, and you had.

“I don’t…” You begin but quickly trail off. Taehyun is patient. He waits for you to continue, he waits for two whole minutes, until finally, you say: “I don’t regret it.” — “And I wish I could tell him that.” 

Taehyun shifts on the green cushion, turning so that he’s now facing you. His gaze isn’t the narrowed and sharp one you’d grown so accustomed to. This one’s gentle, almost soft. — “So why haven’t you?” 

⸝⸝

“What the fuck is your problem?” 

The voice is sharp, and you think you might recognize it. It makes you halt, stopping just as you were about to round the corner taking you to the dormitories. With your back now pressed against the cool wall, you freeze, listening to the conversation taking place. You had mindlessly been returning to the place you called home after a long day of classes, when suddenly two arguing voices caught your attention. 

“My problem?”, Beomgyu spits, his tone harsh and defensive, “Fucking hell man, have you even seen yourself lately?” 

The other voice, which you now recognize as Yeonjun's, cuts back with an equal bite. “Oh come on, just admit that you have something against her. – It’s not like you’ve ever tried to hide it.”

Beomgyu remains quiet, the air feeling dense and heavy with unspoken feelings. “I don’t have anything against her.” He pauses and you wonder what his face might look like right now, furious, deflated? He exhales, “It’s you, okay? You’re the issue here.” 

You could almost hear the surprise as it radiated off of Yeonjun, and you manage to get a glimpse of one of his arms as he shifts on the spot. “The fuck is that supposed to mean?” He sounds confused, agitated almost. 

“It means..” Beomgyu begins, though quickly cutting himself short as he inhales. “It means you’ve changed, alright. — And I don’t know what the fuck is going on with you but you..” He trails off, the frustration at not being able to say what he wants, what he feels, is palpable and you shift uncomfortably against the wall as you hold your breath. 

Yeonjun scoffs, it sounds almost like laughter. “Oh, so I get a girlfriend and suddenly can’t hang anymore?” — “Yes.” Beomgyu immediately responds. “You and that fucking good for nothing ner-” 

Thud. 

It sounds almost as if one of them had shoved the other against the wall and your eyes widened as you resist the urge to take just a single step forward, to round the corner and see for yourself. — Yeonjun is the first to speak. “You fucking watch your mouth!” He snarls and you can make out Beomgyu’s low groan as he splutters against what you presumed to be Yeonjun’s chokehold on him.

“Or what?” He counters in a strained voice, the teasing edge evident, the one he used to mask how hurt he was.

The sound of Yeonjun’s fist connecting with what could only be Beomgyu’s face echoes through the otherwise empty hallway and your heart drops to your stomach. But Beomgyu merely chuckles. “She ruined everything”, he grumbles, merely adding fuel to the fire. 

“Shut your mouth.” 

Beomgyu snickers, and Yeonjun’s frustration bounces off the walls. You’d heard enough, and you certainly weren’t going to risk staying and ending up in the middle of it. So you turn around, and just as quickly as you had come, you retreat again. 

⸝⸝ 

You nervously pace your room, mumbling the words to yourself over and over, trying your hardest to memorize them. It had dawned on you that you would be doing this alone, and now what remained was to learn everything. But no matter how many times you circled your bed, you always found yourself off track, needing to double check your laptop over and over. 

You were slowly becoming desperate. Nothing seemed to work in your favor. — You curse yourself for letting your feelings get the better of you. For being naive, for thinking that he actually felt something, anything for you. Had you just restrained yourself, had you just held back… You wouldn’t be in this situation right now. 

Anxiously gnawing on your nails, your teeth scrape their beds as you re-read the paragraphs written on the powerpoint for the fifthteenth time. The sentences had started to blur, the words merging with one another slowly. — You shake your head, willing yourself to stay focused, to not let your emotions get the better of you, again. 

But then there it is. A loud, almost frantic, knock at your door. — Knock! Knock! 

Your head jerks in its direction, the presentation long forgotten about as your eyes narrow on the dark oak. You throw a glance at the time, 8:29 pm, what could anyone possibly want you at this hour? — But the knocking persists. 

Knock! Knock! Knock! 

It’s loud, flaring like thunder through your dormitory and it makes you jump. Naturally, you do the only thing that comes to mind; you approach, with both curious and wary steps. Your hesitant hand reaches for the handle, the other one twisting the lock as you pull the door open. — The sight that greets you on the other side is nothing you could’ve ever imagined. 

Beomgyu looks even worse than he had a week ago. The bags under his eyes were a permanent look now, dark and sunken in. His long hair falls in uneven sections down the sides of his face, a few strands sticking to his forehead, covered in a sheen layer of sweat. Even his expensive uniform was messed up, tie hanging loosely around his neck and his white shirt torn by the seams. 

You can only make out half his face, the rest shielded by his unkempt and dark hair. But what stood out was the large and angry bruise covering his cheek. Its blue and purple hues were a stark contrast to his honey-like skin. You knew where he’d gotten that. His breaths come out ragged, shallow, like he’d ran here. Perhaps he had. Your lips part, but before you can get the question out, he’s barging inside, slamming the door shut behind him. — “Beomgyu what..” Your words fall short as he pushes his hair from his face, revealing his dark eyes to you. 

They were burning with the same fire they had been that night, the night you kissed him. The flames dance across his bottomless irises. You think that if you got too close, you’d end up burning yourself. Another part of you thinks it’s too late to take cover. That you had already walked inside and sealed the door shut behind you, and now you would burn with him. 

He takes a step forward, the fire drawing in closer and you squint against its flames. His chest heaves, it clouds your narrowed vision as he backs you up against the nearest wall. Something had happened, something had made him like this, because this was not the Beomgyu you knew. The Beomgyu you knew would be repulsed to even as much as near you, to even breathe the same circuit of air as you. 

He is not the Beomgyu you know. Because the Beomgyu you know would never kiss you. 

But this one does, and it’s without hesitating that his hands reach for your face, cupping both cheeks in his blazing hot palms as he brings your face to his. — Your eyes widen, alarm bells going off in your mind, screaming for you to push him back, to demand answers from him. So why don’t you? Why do you let him kiss you, why do you let him toy with you like this? 

Beomgyu did not like you. He hated you. That was a fact. Not because he’d said so himself, or because he treated you like he did. But because it was the reality you had been feeding yourself for so long. It put you at ease, knowing that he hated you, because if he did, then he at least felt something for you. You weren’t just another face in the halls, your time together wasn’t just a figment of his or your imagination, it had been real. The two of you were real, and the resentment and hate was a confirmation of just that. 

So when his lips press against yours, warm and wet, his tongue slips inside your mouth without waiting to hear your startled yelp.. The reality you had built for yourself suddenly starts to crumble. Everything was wrong, this was not how it was supposed to be. — You had allowed yourself a slip up last week, a moment of weakness. You had kissed him. For a brief, short and awfully painful moment you had let your own desires consume you. And you had paid the price. 

This time Beomgyu was acting on his desires, not yours. And that scared you. 

His chest is flush against yours, his grip on your face unwavering as he forces your lips to meet in a searing kiss. You don’t understand. You thought you had him all figured out, this wasn’t supposed to happen, why is he… — “Beomgyu, stop!” Your nails dig into his shoulders, tearing him off of you with all your might. He separates from you, if only an inch, the kiss coming to an abrupt stop as you’re left panting. 

His lips are coated in saliva, a small string connecting the two of you before it breaks just a second later. You barely recognize him. “What’s going on?” The question is accusing, your voice laced with confusion and anger. 

Beomgyu remains silent, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand as he exhales a final heavy breath. His jaw clenches when he swallows, and his dark eyes flicker down to your lips once more. — “Shut up.” It’s all he says, but there’s no malice in the way he does. It sounds almost like a plea. And the fire within his eyes seems to burn even brighter as his gaze meets yours. “Please just shut up.” 

You did not want to shut up. You wanted to ask what the fuck he thought he was doing. You wanted to show him just how it felt when he rejected you just days prior. You wanted to tell him that he was ‘fucking insane’ and slam the door shut in his own face. — You did none of that. 

The next kiss is initiated by you, not him. It’s soft, and it reminds you of the one you’d given him last week. Slow, hesitant, but tender. And Beomgyu’s hands reluctantly drop from your face, gently sliding down your arms and sides before settling on your waist. — You had known for a long time now that you felt empathy for him. That you pitied him. Perhaps it was why you let him use you. 

Tomorrow he would not speak of this. He would act as if it never happened, he would bury it as deep as he could. He might think that this is his only solution today, that this will be his solace for whatever might’ve set him off. But it isn’t, and when this night morphs into dawn, he will realize that. — You don’t want him to. 

You should tell him to stop right now. He’ll only end up hurting you, not that he cares, he never had. But you, you should care. So why don’t you? 

Your fingers tug his already loose tie off, letting it slip from his neck before you work on his shirt, hastily unbuttoning it. Beomgyu follows in your tracks, letting you shrug the torn garment from his shoulders before he reaches for the pajama pants you wore. — You stop him, your hand on his wrist. “On the bed, please”, you whisper against his lips. 

His nod is barely noticeable before he hoists you into his arms. The sudden action startles you and you cling to him in shock as he gently places you down onto the mattress. He just about bothers to shove your laptop to the floor, muttering something incoherent about being able to get you a new one if it broke. You can’t find it in you to care, not when he climbs on top of you, the bed squeaking beneath his weight as he does. 

You feel warm, fuzzy, intoxicated even. Bleary eyes finding his as he hurriedly presses his lips against yours again. It was almost as if he was trying to drown out whatever thoughts plagued his mind as his hands grabbed at whatever part of you he could access. — His fingers hook around the waistline of your pajama pants, attempting to tug them off once more, and this time he succeeds. 

The air of your dormitory is cool against your naked skin, causing goosebumps to flare across it as Beomgyu slides your clothes down your body. He was moving fast, almost too fast. For some reason you let him, even though you know you probably shouldn’t. He was being selfish right now, wasn’t he? Using you like this, only to quiet his own worries, to soothe his own pain. He didn’t care for your feelings and he never would, not even now as his hands hover above your panties, fingers tracing their lining with eagerness. 

Or perhaps you were the selfish one? He clearly wasn’t thinking straight. The Beomgyu you knew would never stoop to this level, he would never go for someone like you, and you would never allow it.. Right? — Were you selfish for using him in this state, for egging him on even when you knew that the two of you were to regret this in the morning? 

Maybe. 

You don’t care. 

His fingers slide beneath the fabric of your pantines, running between your folds, circling your clit once as he pulls a shaky gasp from you. Your hands are still gripping his shoulders, nails digging into the skin there, leaving crescent like shapes in their wake. — He doesn’t wait, doesn’t drag the process out. You can tell that his mind is set on one thing. That’s okay, so were yours. Right? 

You cry out when he pushes two fingers inside of your aching cunt, curling them meticulously as his lips trail down your jaw. Your hips arch off the bed, meeting his movements as you wordlessly beg for more. — “Beomgyu, we… we should..” You didn’t even know what you wanted to say, the feelings swirling within your chest were difficult to convey. 

But he won’t have a word of it. “Shut up”, he grunts, the palm of his free hand pressing against your pelvis as he shoves you back against the mattress. He’s rough, surprisingly so. You’d always taken him for a little bitch. But his strength startles you, as well as sending a shot of heat through your stomach, making you clench around his fingers. 

If he notices it, he doesn’t bother to comment, which is unusual for him. Something bad must’ve happened, that’s all you can think. Something so bad had happened that his only resolve was you. The thought of him using you to get over whatever had hurt, it should upset you. It should make you feel small and insignificant, but it never did. 

Beomgyu tugs your panties down, throwing them over his shoulder as he parts your already spread legs. — Your hands glide over the apex of his shoulders, and you blink up at him expectantly. He doesn’t return your gaze. That hurt. 

Instead he focuses on the zipper of his uniform pants, undoing it with a harsh tug before slipping hand down his pants. His low groan pierces the thick and hot air, the sound is one so sinful, one you could have never imagined coming from his lips. — Your eyes dart down to his cock when he pulls it free, tongue subconsciously darting out to wet your lips as you regard the way he languidly strokes himself.

“Touch yourself”, he says, his voice low and gruff as he eyes your dripping cunt. — Surprised, you hesitantly comply as you reach a hand down between your thighs, fingers experimentally dragging across your core. The small moan that slips off your tongue makes your face heat up as you avoid his gaze. 

You push two fingers inside of your pleading cunt, not even bothering to put on a show for him as you let yourself become immersed in how it feels, how good it feels. In fact everything felt good, a little too good, when you know it shouldn’t. — You watch him through the corner of your eye, catching the bead of precum that slid down his veiny shaft. And your stomach flutters uncontrollably when he squeezes around himself, letting his head tip back with a strained moan.

When he’s evidently had enough, he pushes your hand away, ignoring your cries as you lose any semblance of pleasure. Though your loss is soon replaced by the head of his cock as he slides it between your folds. It bumps against your clit, making you shudder as your fingers twist in the bed sheets. — Your lips part, but Beomgyu’s hand covers them again. 

“Don’t.” He grunts, his attention focused on the way his thick cock gently eases itself inside your warm cunt. Your eyes widen, a small and muffled noise of pleasure leaving you as you squirm beneath him. — “Don’t say anything”, he nearly pleads, his dark and burning gaze flickering to your face for a brief moment. 

Your chest contracts, you didn’t understand.. Yet you complied, sealing your lips off to anything that wasn’t a cry or a moan. — Beomgyu’s pace is rough, leaving no room for you to argue as he snaps his hips against yours. The bed frame rattles against your wall, and you briefly worried that the sound would carry into the next room. Beomgyu doesn’t seem to care. 

His hand slides off of your lips, resting on the mattress just inches from your face as he hovers above you. — Stifling a small whimper, you reach up to touch him, any part of him that you could. This was your chance, no? 

You can feel every twitch of muscle as you drag your fingertips along his arms, letting your hands glide across his tense shoulders. Beomgyu shudders when you reach the nape of his neck. — He complies when you pull him down for another kiss. This one starts out slower, but quickly morphs into something that could easily match the pace he was keeping. His teeth pull your bottom lip into his mouth, biting down with a force that startles you, a surprised moan ripping from your throat. 

He made you feel nearly delirious, like you didn’t exist, nothing felt real. But at the same time, you could feel everything at once. He was so close, closer than he'd ever been to you. Not even back then, back when you considered him your friend. Not even then did it feel like this.. Raw, scorching hot, burning and most importantly, alive. 

Your chest is already hurting, already mourning the loss of him that was to come. Why couldn’t you just allow yourself to live in the moment, to give in to your desires completely, even if they were beyond what you knew to be possible. This was real, he was here, with you. For now, for tonight, everything was different, and you should let it be just that. 

“I love you.” 

The confession slips past your lips. It carries out into the dim room, bouncing off the walls, ringing in your ears and pounding against your ribcage. Beomgyu stills inside of you, his dark eyes immediately landing on yours as they narrow. — Fuck. You shouldn’t have said that. Did you even mean it? Or had you let your flimsy emotions get the better of you once again. 

But this wasn’t just a small peck on the lips. Something you could pull back from, something you could wipe off your mouth and forget about. This was you baring your heart to him. This was you showing your most vulnerable self. — This was you being selfish. 

Beomgyu’s face twists into a scowl, the way it did whenever he tried to mask how hurt he was. Because that’s what he was tonight. Hurt. It’s why he’d come here. To use you. To let himself forget. He’d begged you to be quiet. — And you had done the exact opposite. 

“You don’t.” His statement is cold, and it sends a shiver down your spine. “You don’t know what you’re saying”, he grunts. And his expression hardens when you insistently shake your head. 

“I do”, your lips press into a thin line, determination flickering across your features. That was a lie. You did not know if you loved him. But you knew that you pitied him, that your heart ached for him. It was like every punch to his gut went straight to your heart. — Perhaps the hurt was so strong that you had confused it with love. Maybe your empathy for him got mistaken for real feelings in your mind.  

How should you know? It wasn’t like you’d ever felt it before. 

And he hadn’t either. You were sure of it. 

“I know what I’m..” — “I said you don’t know anything!” Beomgyu’s voice cuts you off, it sounds like a scream. Ear-piercing and deafening. Beomgyu was yelling at you. And it scared you. 

He shifts above you, elbows digging into the mattress and you suddenly remember that his throbbing cock is nestled within your cunt. You think he might pull back, that he will get up and leave. That’s what he should do. But he doesn’t. — Instead he jolts back into action, snapping his hips against yours with newfound force, his jaw clenching as his dark eyes bore into you. 

“You’re confused”, he jeers, and you choke back a wanton moan when his thumb circles your clit. “Lot of girls get confused when they’re stuffed with cock”, he scoffs, “And you’re no different.” — Beomgyu was back to his old self, the cruel and menacing one. The Beomgyu that fronted whenever he tried to hide his true feelings, when the real him was feeling weak. You should’ve seen it coming, really. But his words still hurt, they always did. 

He rams himself into you, making your thighs quiver as they meekly wrap around his chest, drawing him even closer. You screw your eyes shut, not wanting to see him for as much as another second. He doesn’t seem to care, in fact he hardly seems to care about anything at the very moment. 

His fingers are harsh against your clit as he drinks in every moan you emit. And when you finally finish around his cock, your cunt fluttering around him, he doesn’t say anything. You pant, still refusing to look at him as you catch your breath. His thick cock makes you wince as it continues to push into you with demand. 

Beomgyu pulls out wordlessly. Hissing out into the quiet air as he cums all over your spread thighs, his sharp intake of air pounding in your ears. His release is warm, a sickening contrast to the cold sweats that had broken out on your body. It nearly makes you shiver. 

A new kind of silence follows after that. One full of knowing. Because you both knew that what had transpired tonight, was not something you would ever talk about again. The unanswered questions would never be brought to discussion. And you were supposed to be okay with that. You were supposed to be okay with this. 

You don’t know if you ever will be. 

⸝⸝ 

The bed was empty that following morning. The only trace of Beomgyu were the rustled sheets where he’d slept. And you spent nearly an hour tracing their patterns with the tips of your fingers, following every crease of duvet carefully as you memorized the shape of him. 

You knew that this was how it was going to end, as nothing more but yet another mistake. Another reason for him to hate you, and you him. Which is why you shouldn’t feel this melancholic. He sure as hell wasn’t. So why should you suffer? Yet it takes everything in you to drag yourself out of bed that day. 

The water is scorching hot against your skin, and you lean against the cool tiles as you close your eyes. But no matter how hard you scrubbed, how many layers of soap you covered yourself beneath. The feeling of his hands never went away. You almost thought you could see them, the faint outlines of his hands, all over your body. And as soon as you let your mind wander, even for just a second, you could feel him on you again. 

With a shudder you shake your head, promptly turning the water from flaming hot to an icy cold. The warmth reminded you of him, of the fire in his eyes and the burn of his touch. Cold water did not remind you of anything, that was better. 

Part of you had thought, almost hoped, that he would come to you, that he would beg of you to keep quiet, to not utter a single word about the night that had been. But he never did. Presentation day comes, and it passes again. It wasn’t very dramatic, in fact, it was like nothing had changed at all. 

Beomgyu showed up. He didn’t look you in the eyes when he took his papers from you. He didn’t look at you during the presentation, he kept his gaze ahead, fixated on the rest of your joint classes. He didn’t speak to you before, during, or after it. Not even a simple, ‘well done’ or even a ‘thanks’ when you’d offered to take his papers and throw them away for him. 

His indifference hurt the most. Perhaps the night had meant nothing to him. It had been just as you suspected, a way for him to forget. Forget whatever it was that had happened with Yeonjun that afternoon. — It had worked. Beomgyu seemed to have forgotten, but you remembered, you remembered far too much. 

Winter break began a mere three days later. 

A different kind of excitement lingered in the air. No matter how old you got, the joy of Christmas never seemed to dull people’s spirits. Almost three weeks to spend with family and friends, three weeks away from the tortuous hell that was college. Except you would stay right where you were. 

This would be the third Christmas you spent on campus. And while the school offered the remaining students to gather in the cafeteria for present unwrapping and long movie marathons, it was never the same as the warm embrace of home. — But home has long since lost its meaning to you. And Christmas no longer felt like a holiday. 

Taehyun had left as well, leaving you with nothing but your own thoughts to reconcile with. Suppose it was during the holidays you realized just how lonely you were. That hurt, of course. — You would spend your days doing mundane things, like reading, writing, drawing… Anything to get your mind off of the almost depressing reality you faced. It usually only worked for an hour or so. It was like a constant loop of distraction, one where you chased the comfort that slowly slipped from your fingers. 

But you were tired of chasing. 

⸝⸝

Your worn out sneakers make an awful squeaking noise against the polished floors and the sound rings in your ears. It’s all you can hear, which serves to quiet your thoughts for a moment, proving to be quite the distraction. 

The long hallways are eerily empty and quiet, it gives them an almost uncanny feeling. Campus no longer felt like campus, more like a shell of its former self. You knew that it would change as soon as break was over of course, but for now you were forced to make your way down the vacant halls all alone in order to get to the cafeteria and have dinner. 

It was for these exact reasons that the sudden tap to your shoulder made your heart drop. 

With a quick spin of your heel, you come face to face with the person you’d least expected to see. — His dark hair is nicely done, and his eyes glimmer with a kindness that two months ago would have had you doing a double take. Snow had melted on the shoulders of his jacket, and the tip of his nose was a bright red. An almost gentle smile is splayed across his rosy lips, and he gives a nervous chuckle. You almost didn’t recognize Choi Yeonjun. 

“Hey uh..” He scratches the back of his neck rather awkwardly, his eyes darting around the empty hallway. “You don’t happen to know if there’s someone with keys to classroom 017? - My girl forgot one of her books in there before the break you see..”  — You remain silent. You don’t think you’d ever had a decent conversation with Yeonjun, ever. It had all been mean and crude comments, nasty smirks and awfully childish pranks where you became a laughing stock. 

So to say that it felt a little weird to be approached by him like this, well that would certainly classify as an understatement. Your first instinct was to walk away, to leave him hanging like he deserved or perhaps you should belittle him on his obliviousness, did he not know all keys were held in the lobby? You refused an eye roll. — For the first time since your night with Beomgyu, a different kind of emotion blossoms within your chest. 

Anger. 

Your mind easily recognizes Yeonjun as the one who’d taken Beomgyu from you two years ago. It was him who you’d blamed for the way Beomgyu turned out, it was him who was at fault. It was him… He… 

You swallow, giving him a small nod, “Think there should be someone up by the lobby.” The polite words sting on your tongue, your fingers itching as they clenched and unclened. Yeonjun on the other hand, smiles, his grin stretching wide as he thanks you. What had changed? 

“I best head there then.” With his hands stuffed deep in the pockets of his jeans, he turns and begins his journey down the lifeless corridor. You watch him, eyes trailing over his figure for a moment before you call out. — “Hey, wait!” 

He pauses, turning back to you with raised brows. You march forward without giving yourself the chance to think it over once more. The sounds of you sneakers squeaking against the floors becomes almost deafening but you disregard it as you come to a halt before him. Straightening yourself up, you hold his confused but intrigued gaze. 

“You were friends with Beomgyu, right?” It wasn’t a question, but you phrased it like one anyway. The smile immediately falls from his face upon hearing your words, and for a split second, the old Yeonjun, the face you recognized in the halls fronted. His lips twist into a small scowl and his dark brows furrow. “What’s it to you?” His voice had grown sharp, almost snappy, perhaps you’d hit a sore spot. 

Something had happened. 

Yeonjun studies you for a moment longer, his brown eyes drinking in your frame. His tongue prods against the inside of his cheek, and he looks almost thoughtful. Then he huffs a short breath, it sounded almost like a laugh. — “Oh, yeah that’s right. I know who you are.” He stated it like it was an insult, like your name weighed heavy, and for all the wrong reasons. 

You can feel the confusion evolve on your face, he can too. “Why, I bet he’s told you everything. Bet he came running to you like a bitch.” Yeonjun’s menacing sneer is far from unfamiliar and your chest twists at his words. What was that supposed to mean? — “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” It was true. You had no idea what had happened between the two of them. 

It’s silent for a moment, and Yeonjun studies you closely, as if searching for lies. When he finds none his shoulders visibly relax. He lets out a short breath, averting his gaze, as if the confrontation of the subject made him uncomfortable. — “He’s an immature bitch, what do you want me to say?” He doesn’t hesitate as his eyes snap back to you, this time with something akin to fury. 

“Couldn’t accept my girl so why should I accept him. – But come on now, he’s told you that already.” 

You don’t answer. Your fingers nervously fiddles with one another as your hands rest by your sides. What was he talking about? What was there for you to know. — Your silence seems to make the pieces fall together in his mind, finally assembling a large puzzle and Yeonjun’s face lights up. “Oh shit”, he huffs, “He hasn’t told you anything at all.” It’s a statement, one that makes your heart drop. 

He runs a hand through his dark hair, a near sinister grin playing on his lips. “Fucking hell.” — He glances down the hall, which was ironic considering how blatantly vacant it was, then he turns back to you. “I thought– I mean I”, interrupting himself only to clear his throat, Yeonjun looks to be fighting back yet another laugh. “I mean I thought you guys were…” 

Shaking his head, he drags the flat of his palm across half his face. “Fuck, I guess not. That’s sad. Really.” — You want to object, tell him that whatever assumption he was currently making was wrong. You wanted to tell him that you and Beomgyu were exactly that. But that would be a lie. And you’d had enough of those. 

“Do you not miss him?” 

The question takes him by surprise, and Yeonjun pauses as he glances back at you. For a moment he looks offended, taken aback by your bluntness. His lips curl into a small scowl, the one he used to wear in the halls, not anymore though, now it was reserved for only one person, Beomgyu. — “Don’t think that’s any of your business, no? – I mean you guys aren’t even..” He clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth in a disappointing manner. 

“Just stay in your own lane”, he then adds, giving you a quick one over. “You’re better off without him anyway. – He’ll only bring you down with him.” 

Without another word, Yeonjun walks away. And you don’t stop him. For some reason, his words hurt. They were never directly targeted your way, so why did it hurt to hear him talk bad about Beomgyu? — Why did you feel the need to take on his pain as well, why did you feel the need to carry a burden that was never yours. 

The walk to the cafeteria feels even heavier than usual, and you barely get any food down that evening. 

⸝⸝

The days sort of blend together when you have nothing to do. They’re rolling on a loop, one after the other, and each one would follow the same mundane pattern. With only a day to spare before Christmas, you finally drag yourself off campus grounds, determined to at least make an attempt at lifting your spirits. 

Stores are beyond crowded, and you get shoved left and right as you swim your way through the large masses. God, had none of these people done their Christmas shopping with at least a little margin? — Supposedly not. 

You didn’t know what you wanted, hardly anything seemed to catch your eye. Still, you scour the near empty racks, even when nothing appeals. A small cry to your right diverts your attention in said direction where a young girl clings to her mom. — “I want this one!” She whines, her tiny feet stomping against the hard ground. Her mom sighs but eventually complies, shoving yet another toy in their already full cart. She looked exhausted.   

Your gaze lingers on the tired moms who rushed about with bags stuffed full, on the dads who checked off lists, on the workers who wiped sweat from their forehead as they tried to get through the long line of customers waiting to pay. 

All this commotion for a single day of the year. As much as the thought itself made you want to snort, there was also an undeniable sense of longing that filled your chest. You, too, wanted to rush about, you wanted to have to worry about what to get people for Christmas. You wanted to stay up late and wrap presents, you wanted to see the joy on their faces, hear their laughs. 

You didn't want to be alone. 

Walking was nice. But it becomes tiresome after a while. With your coat wrapped snugly around your body, you stroll the campus grounds absentmindedly. The cold air made your nose freeze and your cheeks sting, but you refused to return to your dorm just yet. There was something so comforting about being swallowed by the shivers running down your spine, or perhaps it was just numbing, like medicine, only it would never cure you. 

The frosty grass crunches beneath the sole of your shoes, and you trudge forward with heavy steps. There was but a thin and crisp layer of snow, one that could be erased with the swipe of your foot. So much for a white Christmas, you thought with a bitter scoff. — Your fingers are on the verge of falling off, but you clutch the small bag in your hand anyway, swinging it back and forth in tune with your casual strides. 

You pass a most familiar bench, now coated in a thin blanket of white but undoubtedly the same. Without thinking twice you come to a halt, feet melting into the ground as they force you in place. Furrowed brows press against your narrowed eyes as you peer over at the very same spot where you had seen Beomgyu sitting not long ago, all by himself. 

Everything seemed to remind you of him, even when all you wanted was to forget his mere existence. You look away, blinking the hurt from your eyes as you glance toward the entrance leading back inside, leading to warmth and to safety. You should go, you should go there now. But it’s impossible to get yourself to move forward, your legs refuse to carry you and you feel your knees buckle. 

With one harsh shake of your head you pull yourself from the small trance. And finally you move, but it is not the entrance you approach. — The old bench squeaks under your weight, and with the help of a gloved hand you dust the worst snow off. 

Sigh. Everything looked different now, yet it was as though nothing had changed. You close your eyes, and for a second you could almost imagine him as he sat beside you, sharing a laugh and perhaps even melting the cold away with your hand in his. The image pains you just as much as it warms you. 

Had it not been for the cold, the moment out on the bench might have even been tranquil. But the harsh winds soared through your body, chilling you to your core as it forced you to huddle in on yourself. You suck in a sharp breath, the cold air slicing down your throat as you force your almost numb lips together. 

Arms wrapped around yourself and fingers digging into your forearms, you’re so busy keeping the cold out that it takes you almost a whole minute to recognize the soft patter of frozen grass crunching beneath feet. But when the sound does reach your ears, your head jerks in its direction. 

There, on the other side of the once grassy field, without as much as a uniform or school bag in sight, is Beomgyu. You’re taken aback by his casual appearance, much so that you almost completely disregard his even more unusual visit. But only almost. — What was he doing here? He had a lot of people to spend Christmas with, no? What business did he have on campus? 

You shift on the old bench, the squeaking noise of the wood however, catches his attention. You swallow when his dark eyes find yours, even from across the field. For a split second you think that he might just keep on walking, to continue his act of nonchalance, as if nothing had ever happened between the two of you, and that you were crazy for even suggesting such a thing. 

But Beomgyu’s gaze doesn’t harden, nor does it lessen. In fact his expression remains completely impassive, though his actions speak for him. He puts one foot before the other, and it’s not until he’s gotten about halfway across the field that you realize where he’s headed. Your stomach drops as you watch him push his hands into the pockets of his jeans, his shoulders slumped as he approaches. Your gaze flickers to the bag in your hands, swallowing nervously as you tune in to the sound of his footsteps nearing. 

Beomgyu doesn’t say anything when he sits down beside you, and you listen to the squeaking noise the bench makes in protest to yet another element of weight. You peer at him through the corner of your eye. His hair was shorter, the dark strands no longer reached the nape of his neck but stopped just below his ear. Even the bruise on his face had begun to fade, now it was a mere light purple, with splotches of red coating its edges. Lastly, the tip of his nose, which was an uncharacteristic shade of pink, one you found to be almost endearing. 

Your attention travels to the clothes he wore, the jacket looked expensive, undoubtedly more than you could afford even if you saved all your money’s worth. Funnily enough, he doesn’t seem to care for it as his fingers lazily pick at its seams. Beomgyu took a lot of things for granted, you could tell. — Things you could only dream about. 

The silence surrounding you is thick, hugging you tight and keeping you from moving. Your lips part as you attempt to break said silence, despite how dry your throat feels. Beomgyu however, is quicker than you as he heaves a sigh. 

“Why are you out here?” He asks, his gaze still fixed far ahead as his fingers give his jacket a small break. You had expected a ‘hello’ perhaps even a ‘how are you?’, maybe you would even have been content with a sharp glare or a ‘fuck off’. But Beomgyu leads the conversation in a completely different direction. 

When your silence becomes deafening he turns to you. His eyes are filled with something you can’t quite place, something unlike his usual self. He searches your face, as though looking for clues with the help of a magnifying glass. “It’s cold”, he then adds, as if the obvious could not have been made any clearer. 

You scoff, shaking your head as you fiddle with the bag in your hands. “I’m dressed for it”, you mutter without looking at him. Beomgyu hums, and for a second it sounds as though he’s about to say something else, only to stop himself. — The thick silence returns, this time it feels almost claustrophobic. You wanted to ask him about that night, you wanted to ask him about Yeonjun, you wanted to ask him about the two of you, you wanted to ask him…

“Why are you out here?” Your quiet whisper is nearly swallowed by the whirling wind but Beomgyu manages to catch it as his attention jumps from the naked trees and back to you. There were a thousand thoughts swimming within his eyes, things that were just waiting to be said. So why didn’t he? 

“It’s Christmas”, you add, watching as his lip twitches in amusement. — You could not remember the last time you’d made Beomgyu laugh. He shakes his head, tongue prodding against his cheek. “It is”, he nods in agreement, his gaze dropping to the bag clutched in your hands. “Present?” He asks to which you slowly nod. 

Pulling your lip between your teeth, you exhale a deflated sigh, “A stupid one.” You didn’t want to admit that you had bought it for yourself, considering the fact that it would be the only gift you were to receive this year, again. It’s quiet after that and you desperately hoped he would drop the subject again. 

Beomgyu shrugs, “Isn’t that the whole point of Christmas?” When you only frown, he continues, “I mean, wrapping things up and giving them away.” He scoffs as he runs a hand through his dark hair, “Using gifts as condolences, it’s quite materialistic don’t you think?” 

You wanted to argue that it was not, but as your gaze flickers over the expensive clothes he wore, you realized that he didn't seem even a tad grateful for them. Perhaps they had been just that, condolences. — Your thoughts are interrupted by Beomgyu as he shifts on the bench and his hand reaches into the pocket of his coat. 

“I’m not much better”, he murmurs when pulling out a small box. It fit perfectly in his palm, enveloped in silver wrapping with a tiny bow on top. You eye the tiny present with intrigue, your stomach flipping at the sight. — He inhales sharply as he twists the box between his fingers. “Reflecting, repenting all that bullshit..” He mumbles as his brown eyes meet yours, “Suppose that’s what I’m trying to do here.”

Confused, you open your mouth to speak but before you can get as much as a word out, he hands you the gift. His eyes look near pleading as he silently begs for you to accept it, as if it would mean you accepted his apology. Perhaps it would take the guilt off his shoulders if you did. — The frown on your face only grows, but you set your own bag down before reaching a hesitant hand out to grasp the present. 

It feels light in your palm, almost weightless. “Open it”, Beomgyu encourages beside you, his warm breath ghosts across your cheek and you hadn’t even realized just how close he was. — Shrugging your mitten off, your free hand carefully plucks the lid from its container. You can feel his gaze on you, watching intently as you gently tug the rustling paper aside. 

Your breath catches in your throat and your eyes widen tenfold when they fall on the familiar piece of leather. It was the same warm brown, and the contrastingly dark navy blue. The bracelet which you had cherished for so long, the one you had clung onto in the hopes that his matching part would still exist somewhere. 

“I…” You breathlessly begin but Beomgyu quickly cuts you off. “I.. I’m sorry, yeah, that’s what I was…”, he trails off, shrugging as he averts his gaze sheepishly. It’s weird to see him like that, it reminds you of a time long ago, a time before everything. 

The reality of his words slowly sank in, Beomgyu was apologizing. 

You had spent countless sleepless nights, tossing and turning in bed as you prayed and hoped for a time like this. Was it selfish for you to wish for things to be the way they had been? You wanted to bring back someone who no longer existed, a version of him that was but a mere memory, remembered and kept alive only by you. 

Yet here he is, doing just as you had hoped, and for so long. But you hate Choi Beomgyu now. That was a fact. And he hated you too. So this didn’t make sense, no, it wasn’t right. He shouldn’t be apologizing. He should have brushed it off, acted as if nothing had ever happened and given you a shoulder cold enough to bring back the ice age. 

“This is wrong.. — I mean, you can’t just-” Biting back a frustrated groan, you twist uncomfortably in your seat as you avoid his reluctant gaze. You can sense his confusion, and it only fuels your frustration. Did he not understand that he couldn’t just undo everything with a simple ‘sorry’ and a gift. 

Beomgyu swallows, his adam’s apple bobbing against his throat. “What?” He asks, his gaze dropping to the untouched gift still in your hands, “Do you not like it? — I can get you something else.” 

You shake your head, “It’s not about the gift, Beomgyu.” — He frowns, “Then what is it?” 

“Everything.” 

You’re looking at him now, your heart hammering in your chest as you fight your nerves. “It’s everything, okay? You, me–” You motion between the two of you, “Yeonjun, the presentation, us.” It wasn’t just something you drew a line over, something you blurred and pushed back in the depths of your mind as you tried to forget it. 

“But, why does any of that matter?” He wonders with a confused frown, his bottom lip slightly jutted out as he regards you with caution. You have to hold back a scoff, your fingers curl around the small box, knuckles turning white as you resist the urge to roll your eyes. “Because it does! You might not get that, but it hurt me.” 

Beomgyu groans as he runs a hand through his short hair. “Fuck, I already apologized what more do you want from me?” His anger matches yours in a way that instantly reminds you of just how bad you could be together, of how deeply he made you feel. — “What difference does it make?” You snap, blinking away the tears that threatened to spill. 

“Everything.” 

“It changes everything, alright?” His chest heaves when he exhales, his eyes flaring with the same fire they had that night, the night when he wasn’t thinking straight. He probably wasn’t right now either. — “Because”, he swallows, tongue darting out to wet his lips as he regains his composure. “Because I don’t know how else to change things.” 

He drags a hand across his face, like he didn’t know what else to do with himself. “You act like I’m the biggest asshole to walk this earth and next thing I know you’re kissing me. It confuses me and it angers me. But even when you’re mean you’re nice, and I hate how it makes me feel. — I hate that it’s you I want to go to when shit goes wrong, and I hate that I did. I hate how you let me use you that night.” 

He’s barely taking breaks to breathe in between sentences, and you catch the subtle flush to his cheeks as he speaks. “I fucking hate the fact that you’re always on my mind, much more do I hate that I never even try to will those thoughts away.” Beomgyu bites his bottom lip, chewing on it for a good five seconds before letting it go as he sneaks a glance your way. “But I…” He sighs as he finally comes to a conclusion after his long battle with himself. — “I don’t hate you. I want to, but I can’t” 

You swallow, your hand still hugged by the mitten feels clammy and sweaty. Your heart races and your mind jumps between his jumbled words with little coherence. You don’t think you’d ever heard him say so many things at once, and certainly not like that. His usual mean and crude self had completely drained from his system and left was a shell of the Beomgyu you thought you knew. 

It was then, you think, that you realized Choi Beomgyu wasn’t so different from you after all. Your gaze drops to the small gift still in your hands. What had once weighed so little now felt heavy in your grasp, like you were holding all of him, all at once. The bracelet fills you with hope, something you’d long since given up on entirely. 

You glance toward him. His jaw is clenched tightly as his narrowed eyes peer ahead, intent on avoiding you it seemed. His apology was complete and total shit, his reasoning even worse. But Beomgyu was quite shit at most things. So were you. — Your gaze lingers on his pink nose, bitten by the cold. Your own nose stings too, for the both of you had been out here far too long. 

In the pale winter air it became clear. Beomgyu was lonely, just as lonely as you. The slump of his shoulders and the defeated look on his face surely matched your own. You imagine how the two of you must look from afar. It would have to be quite a pitiful sight. How could one be lonely in the presence of someone else? Only two jackasses must manage something like that. 

But you didn’t want to be a jackass anymore, and neither did he. — So you shift on the bench, ignoring the squeaking noise it makes as you turn to Beomgyu. “Do you want to watch a movie?” 

⸝⸝

It’s awkward at first. 

The soft rustle of bed sheets, the untouched bowl of popcorn between you, the flimmer coming from the Tv screen as a cheesy romcom movie plays. Beomgyu, who was usually more than at home in your dorm, was now stiffly sitting on his side of the bed, his back straight as he pressed against the headboard. He appeared almost nervous. 

You weren’t faring much better, in fact your hands were dripping sweat as they remained tightly clasped together. Neither of you had touched the large bowl of popcorn, and they had long since gone cold. — Despite the freezing temperatures outside, your small dormitory seemed to be burning up. 

None of you had said a word since the movie began playing, and before that you had been communicating with fast and hushed murmurs as you avoided each other’s gaze. — Never had you imagined that you would be spending Christmas with Beomgyu, much less on the small and squeaking bed in your dorm. 

Did this mean that things were starting to look up between the two of you? 

Your heart practically leaps to your throat when you feel him shift on the mattress. Everytime he moved, even if it was just a mere centimeter, you tensed up. But the dramatic beating of your fluttering heart was only increased when he suddenly appeared even closer to you. His body feels warm, scorching hot inside the already airless room. 

He doesn’t say anything, and when you steal a glance his way, you find him watching the Tv. His expression would be relaxed if it weren't for the subtle twitch of his jaw when he felt your eyes on him. — Your attention drops to his hands, they were placed on the bed either side of him, his fingers moving absentmindedly against the sheets as he fiddled with them. 

Your lips pulled into a small smile, and oh how you had missed smiling. 

Beomgyu frowns when you suddenly climb off the bed, leaving behind an empty spot that radiates your sweet scent. He looked as though he was about to say something, one of his hands reaching out before stopping himself again. — He watches as you reach for the same bag you’d been clutching so tightly out on the bench, the one that had been completely disregarded in the end. 

You clear your throat, standing awkwardly by the edge of the bed as you hold it in two hands. “I…” Your throat feels parched and your lips dry as your tongue wets them, “I want you to have this.” You reach the bag out toward him and Beomgyu's frown only deepens. — “But it’s yours..” He murmurs as his eyes flit between you and the bag in your hands. 

“I want you to have it. — Besides”, you shrug, “You’re not the only one who’s been an idiot here.” 

His brow raises at your words, a small grin tugging at his lips as he gratefully accepts the token of an apology from you. You take the moment of him peering inside the bag to retake your position next to him on the mattress. Eagerly you watch as his frown deepens, only for it to ease up as he realizes what he was looking at. 

“This is..” He begins, one of his hands reaching into the bag as he pulls out the small bracelet. Beomgyu’s jaw slacks as he turns the cool and brown leather in his fingers, thumb caressing the warm and red embroidery. “You…” He cuts himself off, whether that was because he did not know what to say next or did not dare to. 

Your gaze flickers to the small box placed on your bedside table, perhaps you weren’t complete jackasses after all. 

“Why did you…” He swallows, and though he never finished his sentence, the question swirling within his eyes was obvious. — You shrug, nibbling on your bottom lip as you regard the bracelet in his hand. “It just… felt right.” 

There was no other way to explain it. For as you had trudged forward on tired feet, with heavy and droopy eyes, you had stumbled upon the very thing that had haunted you for so long. 

It has been a small stand, hardly making itself known amongst its competitors. The handmade jewelry however, immediately caught your eye. You recognized the leather, eyes widening even further as they caught glimpse of the warm red braided into it. 

Your stomach had dropped, just the way it would on a rollercoaster before its drop. That was undoubtedly the very same bracelet he’d worn, the one that had wrapped around his wrist so delicately, a constant reminder of what you had once lost. 

“That one,” You had said as you pointed to the accessory. Why? Because it felt right. Words would never even come close to describing the pull you felt, the immense need to have it. — But now, as you watch it lay in Beomgyu’s open palm, his lips parted as he regards the very bracelet, you understand perfectly. 

Things were exactly how they were supposed to be. 

Beomgyu’s hand suddenly drops, and he twists in his seat as he turns to you. The touch of his fingers against your cheek makes your eyes widen, the subtle reaction not passing him by unnoticed as a sly grin pulls across his lips. “What are you doing?” Your brows knit together, the soft confusion on your face only amusing him further. 

His breath is warm against your lips as his own hover above them. The tip of his round nose brushes against yours, the small contact sending a jolt of electricity through you. “What I should have done from the start”, he murmurs before pressing his lips to yours. 

⸝⸝

The agonizing noise of violent video games fill the open spaced living room. Continuous shots are fired, easily drowning out the sound of the doorbell. Completely immersed in his game, Yeonjun doesn’t look up until he feels the cushion beneath him shift as somebody takes the seat next to him. He doesn’t turn his head and look, he already knows who it is. 

“How did you get in?” He asks in a somewhat monotone voice, his eyes still glued to the Tv screen in front of him as he taps the controller in his hands. Beomgyu, who occupies the other half of the cough, shrugs as he spreads himself out on the soft furniture, just like he had so many times before. — As though nothing had changed. 

“Your girlfriend let me in”, he simply states as he, too, tunes in on the violent game. Yeonjun on the other hand frowns, his face morphing into confusion as his thumbs slow down on the buttons. At last, the game comes to an end and he tears the headset from his ears. — “Oh, so you talk to her now?” He retorts, his tone snappy and sharp as he tosses the control onto the coffee table. 

Beomgyu bites the inside of his cheek, his gaze still fixed to the ‘New Game’ flashing on the screen. “I do”, he hums, fingers absentmindedly toying with one another. Yeonjun scoffs as he throws a glance in the direction of his supposed friend. — “Any particular reason?” He queries to which Beomgyu swallows. 

There’s a momenteral silence following his question as the two of them remain quietly seated on the couch. Neither of them move, the air feeling heavy yet filled with a sense of anticipation. Finally, he clears his throat as his anxious fingers come to a halt. “I’ve been acting like an asshole..” Beomgyu murmurs as he pushes a hand through his now short hair. 

Yeonjun looked as though he was biting back a snarky remark, his gaze flickering between the other and his own hands. “No shit”, he mumbles under his breath, unable to hold the comment back as he sucked in a sharp breath. His gaze jumps from his hands and over to Beomgyu’s as he nervously fiddles with the seams of his jeans. He can’t help but notice the oddly familiar bracelet around his wrist. 

It takes him a good minute, but soon the pieces fall into place. His lip twitches as his eyes stray by the bracelet. — “I’m sorry”, Beomgyu quietly adds. It seems apologies were becoming a new habit of his. It took Yeonjun by surprise, making his eyebrows rise on his forehead, all the while Beomgyu avoided his gaze. 

“I haven’t been too good either, I suppose.” Yeonjun reluctantly admits as he gives a small shrug. Beomgyu doesn’t reply but still nods as he purses his lips. Another thick silence follows, it’s not uncomfortable, but it’s not one either of them want to linger in. Yeonjun is the first to break it when he clears his throat. 

“I missed you man”, he says, his words light and filled with sincerity. 

Beomgyu finally finds himself looking at his friend, his eyes widening just a fraction. “Yeah?” He asks, the ghost of a grin playing across his lips. Yeonjun scoffs as he leans further into the couch, “Yeah, yeah. Don’t let it get to your head.” But it’s already too late, for Beomgyu was smirking as he leaned over to grab the discarded controller. 

“Wouldn’t dream of it”, he drawls as he presses ‘New Game’. 

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[preciousjoongie]

⇄BACK F♡R MORE⇄

⇄ I can see you comin' back for more

⇄ synopsis ⇝ after you and yeonjun got kicked out your friends party for indulging in.. some inappropriate acts, he takes you back to your shared apartment and finishes what he started.

⇄ genre ⇝ smut, cum eating, squirting, overstim, fingering, messy, pussy drunk yeonjun, pet names, pussy slapping, face sitting, slight spanking

yeonjun held your hand as the both of you walked out of the party, holding in your laughter. getting in his car, neither of you said a word until you both looked at each other. you couldn't hold it in anymore and laughter filled the car. "he would've killed us if everyone weren't around," yeonjun said through deep breaths. he started the car, driving off.

"I still can't believe he caught us. I was so sure that he would've walked past us like last time." you mentioned, calming down from your laughing fits. "I can't get over how red his face got," yeonjun chimed, giggling.

yeonjun kept driving, the car ride silent for the most part without the occasional, 'I can't believe' or 'he was so..'. during the middle of the car ride, while silence filled the air, yeonjun's hand crept up your thigh. a sigh escaped your lips, your head tilting back. "yeonjun.. this is the exact reason we got kicked-" you were cut off, whining from his fingers softly rubbing against your already wet cunt. "but we're not at the party anymore, princess." he smirked, eyes still on the road, one hand on the wheel.

you shakily breathed out, biting your lip back. you weren't far from home but you knew he wouldn't give you what you wanted yet; you had to be good and wait until you were both home. with his constant rubbing and teasing along with your aching cunt and desperation, the car ride felt like an eternity.

you had never been so happy to see the lobby to your apartment building before. wasting no time, yeonjun pulled his hand off of your, now, soaking cunt, a small whine slipping from your throat. you got out, legs already a bit wobbly. he turned to you, chuckling, "already, baby? am I that good to you?"

yeonjun talks a pretty big game for someone who gets so into eating pussy that he clouds his own mind and he can barely remember how to properly say his own name. not to mention the amount of times he's came untouched; moreover, that's a different story for a different day.

"come here, baby," he says, holding out his arms and walking towards you. silly enough for you, you thought he was going to hug you, apologizing for making fun of you. but with yeonjun, that's never the case. his arms wrapped around your body, suddenly tossing you over his shoulder. his hand slapped down on your raised ass, making you squeal, slightly kicking your legs. he chuckled at your cute noise and reaction.

it didn't take long before yeonjun was unlocking the door with you still on his shoulder. he bent down until your feet touched the floor. fixing your hair and looking up at him, he was already smiling; he was ready. it took him no longer to grab your face and kiss you harshly. he walked you backwards, pushing open the door to your shared bedroom before your back could hit the door.

yeonjun turned, sitting down on the edge of the bed. he pulled you by your ass onto his thighs. his lips left yours and traveled to your nape. "so pretty, baby. you think he was just angry he can't be knuckle deep in your beautiful pussy like I can?" he asked. a faint whimper escaped your throat, and head leaning back subconsciously giving him more access.

"I wanna taste you so bad," yeonjun's voice muffled into your neck. you let out a small hum, biting your lip. he pulled away from your neck, looking up at you. looking down, his pretty pink lips were begging to suck on your pussy, to wrap around your clit, to be buried so deep in your wet pussy that when he pulls away out — which is something he definitely doesn't want to do — his lips will be glossy. so glossy and swollen that it looks like he put on your lip plumper.

pressing one more kiss to his dampened lips, you got off his lap, pulling down your skirt and panties. he watched in anticipation, noticing how you slowed down the pull of your panties to tease him. he softly winced, feeling the pressure of his dick push against his jeans. you took a step closer, gently pushing his shoulders. he allowed himself to fall back. he'd allow you to do anything. he was so completely, utterly wrapped around you finger, it was almost pathetic.

climbing across him body, you hovered over his abdomen. "you wanna eat my pussy, jun? wanna be drenched in my cum?" your voice was laced with something that seemed so sinister. you tilted your head, flashed a knowing smile, and let a soft giggle spill out, just to see how he squirmed. his hands gripped onto the covers, knuckles turning white. he softly nodded, staring into your eyes. his gaze dropped to your lips and then back to your eyes. he was silently begging you to sit on his face.

there was a tremble in the corner of his mouth, a tension in his jaw, as if he was holding himself back by sheer will. and when you didn’t move? he grabbed you by the bottom of your thighs, pulling you forward. he didn't let you pussy hover over his pleading lips for a second before pulling you down. your thighs enveloped his head and your pussy slightly withered on his tongue. "shit, jun.." you murmured. you let your eyes fall shut, sucking in a deep inhale.

his lips wrapped around your clit, suckling on your sensitive bud like his life depended on it. lacing your fingers into his hair, you softly tugged. "jun.. shit." you squeaked, your hips lightly dragging across his face. he flattened his tongue, letting you get off on it. it didn't last that long. yeonjun gripped onto your lower hips, taking it all in. he opened his mouth wider, making out with your pussy. you gasped, eyelids flickering closed as your eyes rolled back in your head, a small moan escaping your lips as the sensation overtook you.

somehow—with the way yeonjun ate you, you don't know how—you came back to your senses, letting out a echoing moan feeling his tongue rush over your clit. "yeonjun, baby.." you bit your lip back, looking down at him. he was already gone. his eyes were half-lidded, laced with desire and pleasure. he moaned against your pussy, vibrations sending small shock ways through your body causing you to lightly jerk. watching him eat your pussy—which he loved; especially when you two held eye contact—you noticed your slick dripping down his cheeks. he was so messy with it.

he gently shook his head in your pussy, his eyes shutting, only to open back up again. "I'm gonna fucking cum." you whined, furrowing your eyebrows. "gonna cum on your face." he nodded his head a bit before sucking your clit harder, needing your cum. with one final jerk of your hips and a few more sucks on your clit from yeonjun, you were cumming. you tossed your head back, not even having to watch as he ate your cum from your pussy; you could hear it. slurps and sucks echoed the room, along side yeonjun's satisfied hums.

you climbed off of him once the first shock was over. you barely had any time to try and comprehend everything before yeonjun turned you onto your back, positioning himself between your legs. his wet lips, that were covered with hot slick, met yours roughly. you could taste the sweet flavor of your cum on his lips. he brought his hand between your legs, landing a gentle slap to your pussy. your body flinched, your legs closing. well, almost closing. yeonjun's thigh stopped them from completely closing. your arms wrapped around his arms, hands entangled in his hair. another slap. "junnie." you murmured against his lips. you clenched around nothing, your pussy now a shade pinker.

"need more.. so much more." he breathed, resting his forehead against yours, catching his breath. he landed another slap onto your pussy. "jun." you drew out a whine. his forehead left yours, lips connecting with your stomach and traveling down to your abdomen. yeonjun looked at you while diving back into your pussy. you hissed, legs already seeming to tremble. "fuck!" you exclaimed feeling his fingers rub your clit as his tongue fucked into you. "yeonjun, more, please." you pleaded. you begged for more, needing all you could get. he flattened his tongue onto you, tasting you one last time for now.

yeonjun got off the bed, pulling his hand away and pulling you towards him. you grabbed yeonjun's hand, sucking on his fingers gently before letting them go. he felt like he could've came right there. hell, with how hard his dick was and how much he was leaking, he probably could've. as his fingers slipped back down to your sopping pussy—arousal dripped from your pussy to your thighs and your bedsheets—your fingers grazed his hardened dick. he bit his lip back, pushing two fingers into you.

"ah, s-shit." you stuttered out, eyebrows knitting tightly together. his fingers move relentlessly, curling inside of you, forward and back, up and down.. any and every way. your body jerked and moved around. "junnie, fuck! love your fingers s-so much, baby." your back arched against the sheets. his fingers moved so hard against your pussy that your arousal flew back into his wrists and shirt and landed on your stomach. "yeonjun! I'm so close!" you exclaimed, sitting up on your elbows, your mouth left agape.

yeonjun watched as you threw your head back, your hips lifting off the bed. he pushed them back down against the bed. "uh huh, take it, y/n." he smiled at the mess you were making. "you got it, princess. you can do it. cum on my fingers. want your cum everywhere." he coaxed. your hips lifted off the bed once again, his hand coming back down. his fingers stopped for a second as he pushed onto your lower stomach. "yeon- ah! f-fuck! yes, yes.." you were cut off by the pressure. you mumbled incoherent things as you felt it. he pushed a little bit harder, but you still wouldn't budge.

you could feel it. it was right there. "junnie, please," you huffed, out of breath. tears streamed down your face from the overwhelming pleasure. "too much." your toes curled. yeonjun smiled, pressing a kiss to your shoulder. you knew you were about to cum but something about this orgasm felt way more intense than any other. you grabbed yeonjun's hand that was pressed knuckle deep into your pussy, and pulled it out. your body withered and curled up. you jerked and twisted. your legs moved uncontrollably, chest heaving, loud breaths being heard through the room; your whines mixed in between them.

yeonjun stood there. he didn't say a word. he saw you withering from your orgasm from out the corner of his eye. he was in so much shock of what just happened that he could barely process it. "y/n, I think you just squirted," yeonjun mumbled just above a whisper, his eyes wide. he looked down at the soaked bed sheets that were now a darker shade of gray, almost black. when you heard that, you were still lightly twitching from your orgasm. you whimpered out a simple, "what?" yeonjun looked at you, realizing how intense the aftershock of your orgasm was. it finally clicked in him to do something.

yeonjun scooped you up, bringing you into the bathroom and drawing a bath. he sat you in the warm water while going to change the bed sheets. "sorry that took so long. I didn't expect that from you." he apologized. you softly turned your head to him, giving him a faint smile. your eyes drifted down to his pants, a big wet stain right at the tip of his dick. he came untouched. just from you squirting. you realized that was one of the many reasons that he took so long to do something for you.

it wasn't long before you felt his body behind you. he leaned you back against his chest. "you okay?" yeonjun mumbled against your shoulder. you nodded lazily, just tired from the night you just had. and with one last gentle kiss to your shoulder, your eyes fluttered closed.

[cybsoo2]

sick to my stomach

╰┈➤ synopsis — The sun has long since burnt out, but inside Beomgyu's room, his fever is burning up. Won't an angel come and take care of him?

╰┈➤ pairing —beomgyu x reader (feat. soobin)

╰┈➤ word count — 5.1k

╰┈➤ content warning — sick!fic, vomiting, angst, playful jealousy, pain & suffering

ੈ✩‧₊˚ note ; sorry i lowkey died. here's a fic for your forgiveness 🫶🏻 inspo from that one soogyu incident. ALSO, i think it's ironic that right as i'm finishing writing this i get food poisoning 💀

As the sun sets, so do the shadows on Beomgyu’s face. The colour slowly fading from his flesh. His skin has long lost its warmth. Now, a cold chill takes over his bones. Lips no longer pink, but now pale and bloody. A bad habit of biting down whenever the pain becomes too much. 

This stomach bug is slowly killing him. 

How did it happen? Was it the winter chill that crept through his window? Tip-toeing through his room, quiet and unassuming. Slow and steady was the sickness. Beomgyu didn’t even notice until he was blinded by the fever. Coughing up a lung as he crawled into bed to retreat. It’s where he’s been resting for hours already. Brain fuzzy and feverish, he barely noticed the sun falling from the sky. The shadows smother his room and replicate his mood. Stuck fading in and out of sleep, he also happens to be unaware of the multiple missed calls lighting up his phone. 

The plans he had with you and Soobin are long lost in the back of his mind. This fever has made him forgetful and calling to cancel wasn’t his main focus. He only remembers his previous plans when he hears your voice calling out into the empty house. 

“Beomgyu?” You sound so happy, so excited for your plans he has to ruin. Immediately, he’s run over with regret. The very least he could do is not burden you with his sickness. But now you’re wandering up to his room, bound to be disappointed at what you’ll find waiting for you. 

“Soobin’s on his way, I think we’ll end up taking his car.” He can hear your footsteps going up the stairs. Getting closer and closer to his quiet room. “Beomgyu?...” The silence is unsettling. You stop for a moment on the stairs, listening intently for any sign that he’s actually alive. Only now do you begin to grow concerned at his lack of response. The silence drags out, each second adds to the anxiety eating away at your stomach. It spirals from there, confused thoughts clutter your mind. It’s so hard to think straight, the worry will only disappear when you see him for yourself. So you continue up the stairs, tentative and unaware of what to expect. 

When you open the door to his room, a ray of light streams in from the entrance. It hits Beomgyu in the eyes and he has to blink a few times to readjust. In his hazy vision, he can see the outline of you in the doorway. Is he hallucinating? You look just like an angel. A halo of light illuminates your features. Concern and confusion make-up your expression. 

Beomgyu looks like the exact opposite. His eyes are glassy as they gaze up at you. Swollen from sleep, he struggles to open them all the way. In his iris, you can see how sick he really is. The stray tear trails down his face and you reach out to wipe it away. His cheeks are already a rising red colour. They’re warm in your palms and he chases your touch. Your hands, so cold in contrast. It calms his burning fever and he lets his eyes fall shut. For a brief moment, time is frozen. Your touch is like snowflakes on his skin. The words you speak softly like the winter wind. His room has become like heaven. Just his angel and him, and for this small second, he forgets about the pain that plagues him. 

While Beomgyu is distracted, you take the time to look over his condition. His body’s temperature is rising; Skin glistening with sweat, the damp sheets, and bangs that stick to his forehead. You brush back the strands of hair and place your palm to his forehead. 

“Shit—You’re burning up.” Worry weighs heavy in your chest. It squeezes your heart and stirs up a stomachache. “How long have you been like this?” You ask softly while staring into his eyes. Your hands run through his damp hair, trying to give him some semblance of comfort. 

He turns to look up at the ceiling, avoiding your eyes. “A while.” Squeezing his eyes shut, he thinks back to when the fever struck. “I woke up already feeling sick, but I guess it got worse around noon.”

“Why didn’t you call me? I could’ve gotten here earlier.” Your voice is deep with distress. It’s eating at you from the inside out. Slowing chipping away at the cavity in your chest. Sinking in its vampire teeth and filling you with venom. 

It’s so out of character to see the usually outgoing guy act so quiet. To see him almost on the edge of tears is startling to say the least. This sickness has stolen his heart and left him to rot. 

“You know I hate to see you hurting like this.” You whisper into the room. There’s a touch of vulnerability in your voice. The words are spoken so softly, as if you might cry if you try to talk any louder.

Beomgyu turns to look at you. All his attention on the sound of your concern. “I know. I’m sorry.”

You shake your head, “Don’t apologize, it’s not your fault. But now that I’m here, let me try to help you.” You offer him a small smile. One that says, ‘Anything you need, I’ll be here for you.’

“Do you know your temperature?” You ask.

“No,” he groans, leaning more into your arms. “I didn’t think to check.” His voice is hoarse. Sore from the sickness, he tries to speak softly, almost in a whisper. You have to lean in closer to hear what he says.

“Okay well, I’ll go get the thermometer. I should also call Soobin to tell him you’re sick. Maybe he could even pick up some soup for you.” You say while grabbing your phone from your back pocket. You dial the ten digits and then Soobin’s speaking through the phone.

“Hey, Beomgyu’s sick so we won’t be able to hangout like we planned.” You say while attempting to sit up, but a certain someone stops you. Untangling yourself from Beomgyu and taking away his only source of comfort. He whines when you pull away but you try to ignore it and focus on what Soobin is saying. You cover the phone with your other hand and bring it down to your chest, trying to muffle the conversation.

“I’ll be right back.” You say and start to stand up again. But Beomgyu's sudden grip on your wrist says otherwise.

“No, don’t leave.” He looks up at you through half-lidded eyes. He’s almost on the edge of falling asleep, but the sudden scare of you abandoning him leaves him restless and awake. Alone in this empty room, far away from your warmth and missing your embrace.

“I’m just gonna grab the thermometer. I’ll only be a minute.” You try to reassure him. 

He doesn’t appear to be persuaded as his grip only tightens. Soft and slender, he uses his other hand to wrap around your wrist. Tugging at your arm, he tries to get you to stay with him. Using all his strength, he barely even makes you stumble. It worries you how weak he is. Plagued by pain, insomnia, and a rising heat, you can’t help but pity him.

You let out a soft sigh. Your heart truly hurts for him. Reaching out, you run your hands through his hair. A slight distraction to sooth him. Beomgyu closes his eyes at the feeling, slowly falling faster to sleep. Shhh. You hush his worries. Him, slowly succumbing to sleep after making you promise to come back quickly. Only then can you take the time to step away and finish talking to Soobin.

You don’t stray too far, only walking off into the bathroom in search of the thermometer, medicine and a quiet place to talk. You rummage through the cabinets in a rush. Eye-brows furrowed and growing frustrated. The thermometer you found tucked away in a drawer, but you can’t seem to find any medicine at all. “Maybe pick up some medicine while you’re at the store, I can’t find anything here.” You say to Soobin, voice laced with frustration. 

“Got it! What type should I get?” Soobin sounds upbeat despite the situation. Always happy to help, he’d do anything for his members.

“His fever’s pretty high,” You sit down on the edge of the bathtub and sigh. “Sounds like he has a sore throat too. Probably just get him some Advil and cough drops.”

“Okay, I’ll be there in 20 then.” His voice rings into the room.

You sigh in relief, one less thing to worry about. “Thanks so much Soobin, I’ll see you soon. Bye.” You hang up the phone and tuck it back in your pocket. 

When you go to check back on Beomgyu, he’s just as you left him– fast asleep and still as sick as before. You stick the thermometer in his mouth that hangs slightly open– soft snores escaping it. He only startles a bit, shutting his mouth around the object and shifting slightly. But otherwise, he doesn’t wake. Long lost to the cycle of sleep. There’s use in waking him, he could probably use the rest. He looks so peaceful like this. Sound asleep and buried beneath all the blankets. 

The chills seem to come and go. It’s like a wave that rolls in– soaking him in a cold sweat, then the sun appears to bring back the heat. His body can’t seem to regulate his temperature. You’ve learned over the years (after one too many unfortunate fevers) that a wet rag would help. After running to grab one, you place it on Beomgyu’s forehead. Other than this there’s nothing else you can do while he’s asleep. The thermometer finally beeps, letting you know it’s time to check his temperature. You pull it out of Beomgyu’s mouth and– Shit. 102.9, it’s pretty high. What he needs is medicine and some proper sleep. Soobin should be arriving soon, and then you should get started on making him something to eat as well. With one last look at him, you kiss his forehead and head downstairs to wait for Soobin’s arrival.

It didn’t take long for Soobin to arrive. When he got there, the conversation was quick. A few words exchanged, a short trip up to check on a still sleeping Beomgyu, and a promise to reschedule your plans whenever he gets better. After that, your attention was drawn to getting started on the soup. Maybe making him something to drink– and a few snacks too. He needs something light and easy on the stomach. You’re so focused on gathering the ingredients and stirring the soup that you don’t even notice the man sneaking up on you until he speaks. 

“Liar,” Beomgyu spits, betrayal in his tone. 

You spin around at the sound of his voice. Still rough from the cold, and slightly raspy since he just woke up. It’s a bit of a surprise to see him, you expected him to sleep a lot longer. 

“What do you mean?” You ask. “And what are you doing up? You should be laying down upstairs. Resting.” Your concern quickly overtakes your curiosity.  

Beomgyu ignores you and continues on,“You said you would be right back, but then you left.” He says with a sulk. All the while sinking down into the seat at the table. He lays his head on the wood top, watching you. 

“Oh,” You let out a scoff and smile in relief. “I thought I did something serious.”

“It is serious!” He tries to shout. His voice so strained that it comes up as more of a whisper. “You already promised you’d stay and take care of me, it’s too late to back out. And now you’re off having fun and hanging out with Soobin while I was upstairs suffering. Talk about betrayal,” He grumbles. 

You can’t help but try to bite back a smile at Beomgyu’s petty attitude. You just ignore his eyes on you and continue to stir the soup– it’s almost ready. “He only stopped by to drop off the soup and some medicine. We really didn’t talk for long.” Turning your head to look at him with a small smirk, you then say, “And how would you know what we were doing anyways. You were asleep.”

“I can assume.” Beomgyu mutters under his breath. “I don’t need Soobin stealing my girlfriend away from me when I’m at my weakest.” 

“No ones stealing me away. Just focus on getting better and don’t worry about anything else.” You walk over to him and hand him a bowl. It’s filled with berries, the blue and red ones that are his favourite. Something to snack on while you finish the soup. 

“Okay,” He sighs softly, accepting defeat to the playful argument. He takes the bowl and pops a berry in his mouth. He doesn’t have the energy to continue teasing you. Talking is growing tiresome. His throat aches and his thirst is insatiable. His chatter-box is beginning to break, slowly succumbing to the sickness like the rest of his rotting body.

Instead, he observes you. Following your movements like he’s watching a movie. It’s obvious he’s still tired. Eyes blinking slowly, lazy movements, and a quiet voice. He said he can’t get much sleep. Drifting in and out of dreamland, finally falling asleep only to wake up an hour later. 

After he eats, you’ll make sure he sleeps. The shadows are closing in and the sky is growing darker. The odd star shines through the navy night, and the moon will join them very soon. What little light the day still offers shines through the window. It illuminates a small corner of the kitchen– the one where Beomgyu sits now. 

You walk over to him– a warm bowl of soup held in each hand. Beomgyu can smell it from where he sits. The savoury scent makes his mouth water. He hasn’t eaten all day and he’s eager to have it all. But despite his hunger, his stomach stirs with nausea. 

As if you can read the hesitance on his face, you smile at him with encouragement and say, “Just eat what you can. We can always save the rest for later.” Beomgyu nods and takes the first bite. Then another and another, until almost the entire bowl is finished. 

You let out a laugh, “Slow down, don’t force yourself. Eating too fast will only upset your stomach.”

“It’s really good. Thank you.” He truly means it. He appreciates you staying by his side despite everything. Shouldering his burdens and sharing his troubles. His soul shines through his eyes, an amber colour in the light. And through his iris, it’s clear to see that he’s lovesick for you.

Although, the love only lasts for so long. “Well you don’t have to thank me, thank Soobin. He’s the one who bought it.” Beomgyu’s face immediately wrinkles in disgust. You can’t help but let a small smile slip at his expression. 

“Okay, well if you’re done we can head up to bed.” Sitting up from the table, you take away his empty dishes to put in the sink. You’ll deal with them tomorrow.

“You’ll stay with me right?” Beomgyu grabs the hem of your sweater as you pass by. You stop still and look down at him with a tired smile. “Of course, I’m getting pretty tired too.” 

You both make your way upstairs in a sleepy state. Tangled closely to one another and holding on tight. Not sure which limb is whose and where you begin and he ends. You stumble through a nighttime routine. Changing quickly then crawling into bed. Although that’s not before you remember to grab an Advil and wet rag. Placing it upon his forehead and giving him the tiny pill. It’s easy to drift off into sleep after that. The warmth you two emit, wrapped around each other and bundled in the blankets, chases off the winter chill. The darkness creeps into the room, closing your eyes, and dragging you off deep in a dream.

When you first wake, it isn’t by choice. Confused and still clinging onto sleep, it’s hard to think straight. You can’t see anything in the dark, but you can feel the frosty air that snuck in through the open window. The cold chill bites at your skin. It leaves you with red marks, frostbite nipping at your nose and numbing your hands. You can’t shake the shiver that runs up your spine. If you don’t shut the window, then you might end up just as sick as Beomgyu. 

You try to sit up, but the warmth of the bed brings you back down. The sheets tied around your legs, handprints sinking into the mattress, and a certain boy that pulls you closer. 

Every part of Beomgyu is tangled up in you. He’s wrapped up in your warm embrace. His hand bunches up the fabric of your shirt. His grip is tense, as if he’s desperately trying to get closer. He’s chasing after your heat. Your bleeding heart that pumps blood– hot and heavy. He craves your warmth and needs your love (The only two things that’ll end this sickness).

It’s not a want, but a need. You can hear it in the way his teeth chatter. Milk bone biting back a chill. You can feel how he shivers. Shaking like a leaf while in your arms. 

You try to open your eyes in the dark, fighting off the shadows to see what’s wrong. Beomgyu has a look of pain etched into his skin. A strike of worry hits you in the heart. You try to take a closer look, untangling yourself from the tight grip he has around you. With your free hand, you brush back the bangs that cast shadows on his skin. Your other hand carefully cradles the back of his head, turning his sleeping face away from where it hides burrowed into your shoulder, and up to look at you instead. 

His pale skin reflects the moonlight. It shines with sweat and when you glance down, you can see that he’s sweat through his shirt too. His fever has only seemed to have risen, growing more angry and ruthless than before. To check your suspicions, you gently cup his cheek in your hand. A quiet gasp leaves your lips. He’s hot to the touch.

The medicine mustn’t have been enough. And the wet rag, now fallen and forgotten on the floor, has long grown warm. You immediately sit up, now wide awake and full of worry. 

Even in his sleep Beomgyu can sense you slipping away. He shifts over to your side of the bed. His hand outstretched, trying to chase your ghost. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion when he can’t find you. A sad look falls upon your face and you take his hand without thinking twice. Rubbing circles along his skin– slow and rhythmic. His subconscious responds, squeezing your hand tight and not letting go. 

As you look down at the sorry sight of your boyfriend, you try to decide whether to wake him or not. Should you just let him sleep a little while longer? Let him live off in a dream, distant and unaware. His mind separate from the suffering his body endures. Although you don’t really want to disturb him, it’d probably be better to. Changing the sheets, giving him more medicine– it’ll all help to bring his fever down. So you lean in close and speak softly to him, “Beomgyu.” Your voice sweet as sugar. “Baby, wake up.” You rub up and down his arm so as not to startle him. 

Beomgyu begins to wake at the movement. Tired eyes still heavy with sleep. Dreams of you and him still dancing in his head. His peace is now replaced with pain and he whines at the feeling of being awoken. 

“Shhh, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Your hand slides down to stroke his back. It settles a chill and brings back the heat in his bones. 

Now slightly more awake, Beomgyu looks to you for the reason he’s awake. In your iris is a sea of grief. The dark sorrow swimming in your eyes, draining their colour and painting them gray. 

You hesitate before speaking, “Your fever hasn’t seemed to have gone down. I’m gonna go grab you some more Advil– hopefully that works.” You glance down at the bed, avoiding his eyes. “I should probably change the sheets too. You sweat right through them.” 

It’s only now that you mention it does he start to notice the heat that’s scorching his skin. The pain hits him all at once. His skin, sticky with sweat. Clothes stuck like a second skin and cold from the icy air. A headache drives it’s way through his skull. The pressure building right between his eyes. 

Emotions overwhelmed, he begins to tear up. Red-rimmed eyes and crystal tears, he’s pretty when he cries. But the sad sight still hits your heartstring and sweet nothings start to leave your lips. 

“I know, I know it hurts. I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this.” You pause for a moment, swallowing down the sympathy that’s stuck in your throat. This new wave of worry makes it hard to talk. You even find that you have to take the time to fight back your own tears. “I’ll be right back.”

Beomgyu can’t find his words. Too tired to talk, he just lets out a low groan. He can feel you slipping away from him. Detangling yourself from the sheets and leaving his arms. His hand still holds yours and he only lets go at the last moment. 

He sees you reach down and grab the wet cloth off the floor. Then he’s watching you walk away through blurry vision. 

You aren’t gone for long, rushing to grab everything Beomgyu needs with no time to spare. But by the time you get back, the cold air has already reached him. Goosebumps litter his skin, his hair stands on end. He’s constantly switching between cold chills and a scorching heat. Too hot for a sweater, but too cold to be left alone.  

It’s only a mere minute before you’re back by Beomgyu’s side. Sliding into bed while he’s pulling you close. He sits up a bit once he sees the pills in the palm of your hand. Two red tablets, the type that’s easy to swallow without an after-taste. He drinks them down with the water you’ve given him. He’s greedy with the way he takes it all. The cool liquid soothing his thirst and calming the heat. He downs the whole glass then goes to hand it back to you. 

You quickly put the empty glass on the bedside table, then turn back over to face him. “Go back to bed.” You softly push his head back onto the pillow. Your fingers run through his hair, pushing it out of the way to place the wet cloth back on his forehead. “Try to get as much rest as you can. Just wake me up if you need anything.” He only huffs in response, too lazy to talk and already falling fast asleep. Once you see his body relax and eyes slowly shut, only then can you go to sleep without any worries weighing you down.

The rest of the night is a hazy collection of heatstroke. Beomgyu can’t remember anything too clearly, but he knows you never left his side.

When he’d start throwing up in the middle of the night, you’d rub his back and soothe the sickness.  

The lights dimmed down so as not to agitate his headache. The lightbulb flickers overhead. It illuminates the tears that trail down his face. They leave angry red lines that run down from his eyes to his lips.  

A sharp pain shoots through his stomach. It’s a constant pain that cuts up his insides. He’s emptied out everything he’s eaten, but the stomachache still stays. His head hangs over the toilet, forehead resting on his arm. The nausea is always sudden to strike, the slightest movement setting it off. Although his body aches and he’s throwing up till it’s acid, you being there helps. The way you rub up and down his back is like an anchor. Something to steady him, a soothing rhythm. 

Your own head rests against Beomgyu’s nape. Still fighting off the remnants of sleep. Your whole body shaken at being awoken so suddenly by Beomgyu rushing to the bathroom. The quiet room and winter air threaten to drag you back to sleep, but you blink back the feelings. You’re here to focus on comforting the boy beside you. Even if you can’t do much to stop the sickness, just your presence is enough to bring some solace. 

Your fingertips trace up along his spine. He can feel your touch through his shirt and he shivers at the feeling. Your warmth melts through the fabric and Beomgyu feels bare in front of you. He’s at his most sensitive and exposed, all for you to see. Yet, you accept him with open arms, and he couldn’t be anymore grateful.

When all the movement makes him dizzy, you’d hand him aspirins and water to wash it down. 

The cup chilled from the frozen air. The heat of his hands leave fingerprints along the glass. He downs the drink in a second, starving for something to help his aching throat. It hurts to take a breath or even try to talk. Everytime a sentence scratches its way out from under his tongue, you shush him almost instantly. Sweet whispers of ‘Don’t talk’ and ‘I know what you’re trying to say’ are spoken. There’s no need for him to talk when you already know him so well. The next minute you’re handing him cough drops to soothe his sore throat. 

Beomgyu pouts, they’re the bitter ones. The fake grape flavor that makes him sick to his stomach. He hates how they taste and refuses to eat them. But the next thing he knows he’s backtracking his words and you’re coaxing them down his throat with a kiss. You always taste so sweet, like strawberries at sunrise. He doesn’t even realize he’s swallowed them down like pills until you’re pulling back and he’s chasing you for more. Softly biting down on your bottom lip, his hands begin to wander. In the bathroom, dimly lit and at dawn, all his pain has run away. He can’t focus on anything other than your lips and how his heartbeat pounds in his chest. But Beomgyu is still sick and you’re pulling back to say, “If I kiss you anymore I’ll end up just as sick as you.”

“That doesn’t sound too bad.” He looks up into your eyes. It’s an endearing sight to see, his pink cheeks flushed and lips red from your attack. But the image of pain still peeks through, his eyes shine with tears that gather at the waterline. You let out a soft laugh, wiping away the tears before they fall. “Are you sure about that? Cause you don’t look to be doing so well.”

Beomgyu grabs your hand and holds it to his face. All he can do is whisper without it hurting, “But I’d take care of you. Just like you’re looking after me. Then it wouldn’t hurt as much.”

A soft smile pulls at your lips. Your heart hums a tune of tender delight. Heartstrings strumming a soft symphony of love and adoration.“I don’t doubt that you’d take care of me well, but let’s just hope it doesn’t get to that point. Let’s focus on you first, the one who’s actually sick.” 

Beomgyu lets out a huff at the reminder of his illness. Even just the words washing over him is enough for the pain to multiply. His attention back on the aches that run along his body, the heat that makes his shirt stick to his skin, and the fatigue that takes away his focus. 

He looks exhausted. Eye bags beginning to appear. Pink that’ll turn to purple if he can’t catch anymore sleep. “Come on,” You sigh at the sight of him. “Let’s get you to bed.”  You grab his arm and guide him out of the bathroom. 

Bits are pieces like this are all he remembers before the fever breaks.

It’s early in the morning. The sun begins to rise, bringing with it a rare warmth. The heat melts the snow and if for only a moment, winter’s wrath has begun to subside. 

Beomgyu wakes up feeling slightly better than before. His headache has lessened, only a dull ache remains. His limbs no longer feel heavy with fatigue, instead he’s weightless and well rested. The sun is shining on his face, the bright light waking him up. Beomgyu blinks back the remnants of sleep and lets out a yawn. 

Spring is blooming. A flower bud that shoots up from the snow. It’s a gentle blossom, one that’s so unlike yesterday's snow storm. The smell of flowers and the sun’s warm touch has begun to snuff out the sickness. Although nothing can compare to the real warmth right across from him. Beomgyu opens his eyes and sees you. You’re still asleep, slumbering off in a distant dream. You must have moved in your sleep, because your hair is sticking up in all directions and you’ve left his arms in the middle of the night.

Beomgyu reaches over, grabbing your arm to try and pull you closer. Right when he touches you, he can already tell something is wrong. You’re hot to the touch, a blistering heat that burns straight through your skin. Concern immediately overtakes him. Gently, he puts his palm to your forehead to check your temperature. Just as he thought, you’re running a fever. 

It’s most likely his own fault. If he didn’t kiss you so carelessly– kept asking for more, then you probably wouldn’t end up sick. Although, he can’t lie and say that he’s sorry. Having you stuck with him until the sickness dies down is like a cruel dream. Wrapped in each other’s arms, sharing your warmth and waiting till the days go by. Sleeping in a bed made for two, twisted in the sheets and talking for hours. And even when it’s the worst of it– the chills and the aches, the sick stomach and the burning heat. You don’t need to worry, because he’ll take care of you. Just like he promised.

© cybsoo2 2024, all rights reserved

[lovesickchoi]

📁 FILE 02: CHOI YEONJUN

⋆·˚ ༘ * Casual hookups transcend into more when Yeonjun can’t keep his feelings at bay anymore. With praise on his tongue and dirty words a testament of his devotion to you, he’s determined to show you what he’s been holding back.

✦ Love Language: Words of Affirmation

pairing: yeonjun x reader ✮⋆˙✐ 2.4k

warnings: smut, f!reader, fwb to lovers, dirty talk, praise, reassurance, a lot of dialogue, dry humping, no protection

🗂️ click here to access all txt member’s files

˚₊ · »-♡→ main masterlist

Choi Yeonjun could coax an orgasm out of you like no other.

Powerful, blinding, earth-shattering climaxes that left your sensitive body trembling and your mind floating, all while the silver chain around his neck swung low and draped over your skin, marking you as his.

The bite of his bottom lip between his teeth and the scrunch of his forehead, taut with lust. The kiss of his lips to your cheek as your eyes flutter open, drawing light and reality back in. And finally, the slow drag of his hips as he exits your body.

Then he stands up from the bed and puts his clothes back on, already facing the door.

"So I'll text you tomorrow?" Always Yeonjun's last words, barely giving you time to come back to yourself before he's out of your bedroom.

This was the unfortunate nature of your friendship with Yeonjun. Or whatever a sane person might call the predicament you'd found yourselves in. A situationship. A fuckship. A please-don’t-let-me-be-the-only-one-feeling-like-this-ship.

The next day drags on like usual, but this time, you find yourself dreading it—dreading the moment you’ll have to feign a smile for Yeonjun again. He’s already waiting for you at the end of the street like always, ready to walk into your friend’s apartment by your side with another late night ahead.

His arm is naturally slung over your shoulder, keeping you to him, as you greet everyone inside. The proximity never fails to mess with your head. He was always like this around everyone. Touching you, teasing you, making flirtatious remarks that would leave your cheeks rosy. And somehow, more nights than not, it ends with you folded in half beneath him.

You know all too well how it goes. He’d say and do all the right things, painting a picture so perfect it almost felt real. For a moment, it would make sense. Like he wanted you the way you wanted him. Then he’d zip up his pants and leave.

But everyone saw it tonight.

The way Yeonjun stands just a little extra close to you. How your drinks were always shared. His fingers sometimes finding your leg under the table like the flesh of your thigh was calling to him, inviting him to stake his claim.

You hear someone—probably Beomgyu—joke in your direction. “Just fuck already.”

While you choke on your drink, Yeonjun doesn't even blink. “Who says we haven’t?”

The group howled. You laughed too. But you didn’t look at him, not really anyway, afraid he'd catch the frown evident on your face.

There was always a line neither of you dared cross. In public, you let the world think it was just a little playful recklessness.

Behind closed doors, it was different.

He touched you like worship. Fucked you like he was starved—afraid you’d vanish the moment he stopped. He’d murmur things against your skin you weren’t supposed to remember, call you his, tell you how good you were, how only you made him feel like this. You’d cling to his shoulders like you believed it, too.

Lately, after those doors closed, Yeonjun had been acting off. Sex was still intense. Mind-numbing, even.

Yet something would shift the moment he came. How he'd untangled himself from your limbs like it hurt. The way he whispered a soft “Later,” like he was trying not to say something else.

He never used to leave so fast. You never used to care. Not until the cold, empty space next to you began begging to be filled with his warmth again. You wish you'd known what changed.

So when Yeonjun asks if you want to go upstairs, just the two of you, you don’t even question it. The apartment is too crowded, too warm, the buzz in your chest a little too strong to ignore. You nod, letting him lead the way, even though you already know how it’s going to end.

It only takes mere minutes before you're both stripped down to your undergarments, with you face down in the bed as he traces your skin like a canvas.

Yeonjun is straddling your thighs, admiring every inch of your body lying on your stomach before him. His fingers begin just behind your ear, tucking some hair away. Slowly they drag further down your skin—neck, shoulder, spine cascading with goosebumps, waist, hips, the plump skin of your ass and the lacey material that hugged it.

He finally grips you with both his hands, squeezing tightly before bending over your body and biting ever so softly on your earlobe. Your thighs press together, desire pooling in your thin panties already.

Then his voice is whispy and needy against your cheek. “You feel like home to me. I could look at you like this forever.”

It’s unclear what about this that makes you snap. But you’ve had enough being misled, enough of the unkept promises.

“You always say things like that when we're like this. It doesn’t mean anything.” You call him out, only half joking, mostly defensive.

Yeonjun stills—his gaze heavy on only your face. His response pulls the air straight from your lungs.

“It means everything. You just don’t listen.”

It’s then that you realize your eyes have begun filling with tears, which you refuse to let spill. The weight of the situation comes to a head

"Hey," Yeonjun coos. His hands are on your shoulders, forcing you to turn onto your back so he can see you properly. His eyes widen at your red eyes looking back at him, noticing the way you suddenly closed off. He slides next to you on his side.

"Yeonjun, what is this?" You huff, tears gone and replaced with anger. "Because I do listen. That's the problem. I listen to you and I believe what you say. And then you're gone."

He thinly smiles, but there's a layer of shame behind it. “There’s a reason I had to stop hanging around after. If I stayed any longer I might’ve scared you away.”

"Why would you scare me away?" You're nose to nose with him now. You don't know if it was you or he who scooted closer.

"Because I’d stop pretending. I'd ask you to stop seeing anyone else. I'd want to be enough for you. And if I wasn’t, I don’t think I could take it."

You freeze, finally seeing Yeonjun for all that he is now.

He speaks again when you can't find the words. “You think I tell just anyone they’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me while they’re falling apart under me?”

Your voice is quiet, but sure. "Then stop pretending. Yeonjun… I want more. I just didn’t think you did." Your hand drifts up his chest, resting over his heart. "You're more than enough.”

Yeonjun’s breath stutters. “Then let me show you what I’ve been holding back.”

He surges forward, capturing your mouth with his. He finally lets himself feel everything he’s been holding back.

Your legs tangle instinctively as you both remain on your sides, facing each other, bodies pressed close. His hand is on your hip, pulling you flush against him. You can feel the hard line of him, twitching through both your underwear, pressing right where you need him.

His forehead rests against yours as he begins to move—subtle rolls of his hips that grind his cock against your center, dragging friction with each pass.

“Feel that?” he breathes dreamily. “That’s what you do to me. Every damn time.”

You gasp, your own hips moving now, chasing the pressure, the closeness, the heat. Your fingers clutch at his flexed bicep, needing something to hold onto.

A broken moan catches in your throat. “You think I don’t feel the same?” You whisper, your tone shaky. Your hips roll to meet his, earning a low groan from his lips. “You leave and I lie in that bed wishing you’d just… stay. I don’t want anyone else, Yeonjun. Just you.”

He lets out an uneven breath like he’s been waiting to hear that for months. His hand slides down to your ass, splaying wide across the flesh to drag you even closer, like he could mold your bodies together.

“Say it again,” he begs, grinding harder now, lips brushing your jaw, your cheek, your temple. “Say it while I make you cum like this.”

You’re already gasping, forehead pressed to his, needing more and loving that this finally means something.

Every slow grind of his clothed cock against your soaked panties sends shocks through your core. You cling to him, overwhelmed by how good it feels.

“O-only you, Yeonjun.”

The second the words leave your mouth, he lights up like a match to gasoline. He groans and grips your ass even tighter, rutting against you now with less restraint. This sends pleasure coiling through your gut.

“Fuck,” he breathes against you, panting now, almost angry with need. “You’re always so perfect for me.”

His hand slips between your bodies, cupping your pussy over your panties and pressing down just enough to make the pressure unbearable. Your head falls back, body shaking as he rocks against you harder, dragging your panties across your swollen clit.

“You sound so fucking pretty,” he murmurs, lips brushing yours. “Every moan—fuck—it’s going straight to my cock. Wanna fuck you slow after this. Real slow. Wanna feel you pulse around me ‘til you’re crying.”

"Please keep going. I need you." You whimper.

“You gonna cum for me like this? Just from grinding? Look how fucking needy you are. I know your body better than anyone, don’t I?”

You nod frantically, already there. The build-up has been burning in your gut since the moment he touched you, and now it’s crashing down in waves—your orgasm slamming into you so hard your knees buckle.

“Yeonjun—” you cry, nails digging into his arm, your hips jerking helplessly against his cock as you cum.

He holds you through it, one arm wrapped tightly around your waist, the other still cupping your cunt, letting you ride the high out on his palm. You’re soaked, panties ruined, your whole body trembling as he whispers filth against your ear.

“That’s it, baby. Just like that. You cum so good for me.”

And then you feel it, how soaked he is.

The front of his boxers is soaked with pre-cum, the evidence of how hard he’s been holding back nearly obscene. He doesn’t even ask. He pushes his boxers down and tosses them aside, freeing himself. You’re still recovering, but the second his fingers hook into the sides of your panties and peel them off, the heat returns.

You don’t even think—your body moves on instinct. When he comes back down beside you, you grind against his thigh this time, and his jaw clenches at the feel of your bare, soaked folds dragging against his skin, leaving a trail of arousal in your wake.

“Holy shit,” he bites back a moans, watching you with heavy eyes. “Greedy girl. Get on your stomach again.”

You obey, letting him guide you down. He straddles your thighs like before, but this time, everything is different. This time, he knows you’re his. You know it, too.

“Ruin me, baby,” you whisper into the sheets.

He strokes himself slowly behind you, lined up and leaking, watching the way you lie flat before him. He lowers himself, chest and stomach pressed to your back, the weight of him trapping you.

“I meant every word I’ve ever said to you in bed,” he says softly before proceeding, brushing your hair to one side. “Every.” A kiss to your temple. "Single." To your neck. “One.” To the corner of your mouth.

Then he pushes in, sliding into your sensitive heat inch by inch until he’s fully buried. You choke on a moan.

“God, you’re so tight,” he whispers. “Still clenching from that last orgasm, huh? You’re gonna give me another, aren’t you? Such a good girl.”

He starts to move slowly at first, grinding into your sweet spot with every stroke. Your body reacts on its own, already building again. He keeps you flat against the bed, one arm cradling your waist, the other laced with your fingers when you reach back for him. He intertwines your fingers without question.

You’re gasping now, high-pitched whines escaping your lips, babbling about how good it feels, how full you are, how close you are again.

“Don’t stop, please, fuck—Yeonjun—gonna cum again.”

“Shit, baby, you’re so good,” he grits out, rutting into you harder now, hips slapping against your ass, the sound filthy and wet. “So fucking perfect. So tight around me I can barely think.”

You sob into the mattress, your whole body vibrating with pleasure. His cock taps that perfect spot again and again, and you can feel his rhythm falter, his breath hitch. He’s close, so close.

“So sexy like this. Fuck, I’m gonna cum. Where do you want me, baby?”

“On my ass,” you whimper. “Wanna feel you.”

That’s all he needs. His hand slides into your hair, gripping tight, pressing your cheek to the mattress. His thrusts grow frantic, your clit grinding against the sheets, the pressure sending sparks down your spine.

“I love you,” he gasps, voice raw. “I love you so fucking much—”

And then you’re both coming.

You first, spasming around him, thighs shaking uncontrollably as the friction sends you over the edge a second time. He pulls out quickly, stroking himself fast as thick, hot ropes spill across your ass and lower back, his body trembling above you.

Neither of you moves. Your face is still buried in the sheets, breathing hard. He leans down, kissing your spine, your shoulders, your cheek. He's extra tender now.

But the fire in both your bodies hasn’t gone out. Not even close. Yeonjun knows it, too. Not when you two are finally on the same page.

His lips brush your ear. “I think we’re gonna need a bed we can ruin properly.”

You smile, still breathless. “Then let's get out of here. I want more of you."

"Come on," he chuckles, rolling off the bed. He extends a hand to you, gently tugging you up with him. "Yours or mine?"

You hesitate to say yours, and he senses it. His hands cup your face on each side, lowering his head to meet your eye line. "It's okay. You’re not sleeping alone tonight. I won't make that mistake ever again."

You don’t say another word. There’s no need to.

Clothes are slipped back on in silence, the air still thick with everything that just passed between you. When you head back downstairs, hand in hand, you don’t miss the wide eyes and gaping mouths staring after you. Yeonjun tosses a few half-hearted goodbyes over his shoulder without slowing down. You stay close behind him, face tucked shyly into his back as he guides you out the door.

But behind your flustered smile, pride, giddiness, and relief are all wrapped in one. Because finally, Choi Yeonjun was yours.

tags: @vkravenz @bunnysoonie @zznblr @another-lemon-tree @gyudollies @beomgyusluver @dawngyu @boba-beom @taebatu @simpforseoho @beestvng @yyeonbinn @chubichubs @jooyeonsvape @txt-thelmi @zorange13 @jellyyjn @frenziedpiratetrap @gardnhee @txtsdoll

likes/comments/reposts are always appreciated <3

[taegimood]

— nudes?! (c.yj) ♡

pairing: choi yeonjun x fem!reader genre: best friends to ?, non-idol au, suggestive rating: nsfw, mdni wc: 1k warnings: mention/description of reader’s nudes, brief mention of masturbation (m), brief mention of sex, implication of sexy time at the end, yj has a boner, they’re both horny idk synopsis: what happens when your best friend who secretly has the hots for you accidentally sees your nudes?

requested forever ago by @mapofthemazeinthemirror <3 [blog status: semi-hiatus, requests closed]

| soobin ver. | beomgyu ver. | taehyun ver. | kai ver. |

masterlist

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you and yeonjun are close. really close. best friends and partners in crime, who have no problem letting each other into your lives — even into your phones.

which in this case, however, does not turn out the way that either of you expect.

you and yeonjun aren't unfamiliar with the topic of sex; you've ranted to each other many times before about your different sexual escapades, but of course there are always lines, and the line that yeonjun finds himself accidentally crossing right now as he stares at your open camera roll is something that he does not know what to do with. what he once swore would always be a harmless crush, a secret attraction that he's admittedly sometimes used to get himself off but nothing more, has suddenly just shifted into that something more entirely.

it started out with him coming over for a typical hangout day, letting himself in and plopping down on your bed to wait for you as you stepped into the shower.

he's just scrolling through his phone when he hears the music from your speaker cut out and your following groan of frustration.

"jun?" you call. "can you see what's up with spotify? my phone is next to the sink."

"yeah," he calls back as he trudges over to the bathroom, reaching through the slightly cracked-open door to retrieve your phone. leaning against the doorframe from the outside, humming the song that was playing before the music stopped, he types in your passcode and prepares to locate your spotify app.

the melody catches in his throat and his humming comes to an abrupt halt at the sight that he's greeted with instead.

your open camera roll. your open camera roll with pictures of you.

your open camera roll with pictures of you naked.

he knows he shouldn't look — he knows he should close out of the app, bleach his eyes, carry on to spotify, and pretend this never happened.

but FUCK…

he had no idea you could look this sexy.

slowly, guiltily, his thumb hovers lower and lower until he finds himself clicking on the first picture.

it’s even better than what he’s imagined — he swears his lip may start bleeding from how hard he's biting down on it, the sight of your curves, your tits, your thighs, the hint of your pussy, wiping away all thoughts of anything else. these were pictures you had just taken before your shower; pictures you'd taken mere minutes before he'd arrived to your apartment.

his cock twitches in his pants.

he's getting harder and harder as he scrolls through each photo, enraptured by your body, by the look in your eyes that he's never seen on you before - each new pose sending a lick of fire shooting through his body as he fights the guilt that knocks at the corner of his mind.

who is she sending these to???

jealousy. it takes him a moment to realize that the thought makes him jealous.

suddenly he doesn't want any other man to see you like this, to touch you or kiss you or feel you; fuck, you're naked right now just like this, with only a door to separate the two of you, and he feels no better than a pervy middle school boy caught red-handed as he's yanked from his filthy thoughts when you call out, "jun??? is the app not working??"

with a jolt he's scrambling to put your phone back onto the counter, nearly missing, before slamming the bathroom door shut and rushing back to your bed where his own phone lays discarded.

what the hell am i supposed to-

"jun!!! what the-

.............. fuck."

after a painfully long pause, the realization dawns in your voice at the same time as yeonjun's stomach drops. he freezes as he hears the shower come to a stop.

another long pause.

the bathroom door slowly clicks open and you peek your head out. "yeonjun..."

"i-i'm sorry, i didn't look. i mean i did. i-i mean i'll forget that i did. i'm sorry, fuck, i shouldn't have. i'll uh- i'll just let you, um.. i'll just go."

he's halfway out the door before you can blink and you scramble after him in nothing but a towel, not caring that you're dripping all over your floors as you call out, "yeonjun, wait!", nearly slipping as you tug him to a stop in the hallway by the back of his shirt.

you can tell that he's trying his hardest not to look at you when you force him to turn around, the tips of his ears red and the tent in his pants obvious, his height an advantage as he suddenly finds the wall past your head to be the most interesting thing in the world.

you're the one who called after him and yet you're not sure what to say; how are you supposed to tell your smoking hot best friend that you took those pictures with him in mind?

you're not sure exactly what he's thinking, but the raging boner that he's currently failing to cover up is enough for you to decide that there's only one way to find out.

yeonjun clears his throat. "you-"

"i'm gonna drop my towel now."

"WHAT- w-wait-!!"

"you don't want it?"

"i- i.." your sudden declaration was enough to shock yeonjun into looking straight at you, eyes huge and caught by surprise, and now he can't bring himself to look away at the sight of you standing there — wet hair framing your pretty, bare face, the sweet scent from your body wash wafting over him, skin still glistening and rivulets of water dripping down your neck, down your collarbones, down towards your.. your…

he swallows hard.

the soft swell of your breasts pushed up by the little towel that you're ready to drop for him has stolen all of his focus. everything that he saw in those pictures, everything that's now set him on fire, is standing right in front of him begging to be touched; he watches as a bead of water disappears between the curve of your breasts, and that's the tipping point.

his darkened eyes meet yours.

"i want it."