#ty for understanding again

[loverofpiggies]

Something Wonderful Volume 1 is now available on my Etsy shop!

The fixed books have finally arrived, so it is now on sale! Only $20 for the first 3 chapters, 120 pages of the story!

[prettyboybrock]

abby canucks | canucks insider podcast

[reegis]

heya dude, you doing okay? haven’t heard from you in a while

2024 is trying to kill me but im not dead yet!

let me say first of all i am SO incredibly sorry that iv been gone for so long with no notice and for making you all worry!!!!!!!!

My health has taken a fairly serious turn for the worst these last few months, both in terms of chronic issues I was already aware of and a New Fun never ending series of lung Problems™️ I’ve been dealing with.

not to drag on forever and Woe Is Me, but as of rn I am currently unable to draw and im in no financial state to try and do anything about it unfortunately.. ig iv been trying to reject reality & pretend id suddenly get better and back to posting regularly, but that doesnt mean it was right for me to just disappear with no warning or explanation (again very very sorry, 10000% my bad!)

im working on some stuff rn that hopefully(🤞🏻) will be a step in the right direction and mean i can start posting again.. but i really cant promise anything as much as it breaks my heart

you guys are the online family iv never had and i genuinely love you all sm, thank you for thinking of me and especially to all the ppl who have reached out asking if i was alright ilysm

[sunshades]

i always wished the animation in heathcliff's ego changed after c6.. i feel like bodysack has always been about his own self hatred and how he views himself as less than human, so when he's able to move past and grow from his trauma, this view of himself as less than human changes. i know that changing the art + animations would have been a hassle so i'm not that mad about it but it would have been neat

YEAHHHH. i mentioned it in a post before, but i do love the ambiguity of the bodysack and the feelings it connects to, that it's both about his warped sense of self and about the guilt over having consciously or subconsciously hurt the people he loves. in the end it all goes back to a feeling of displacement, of never being Right or Good Enough. it goes back to:

the base E.G.Os are a bit varied in what they represent because of well the sinners' stories being different, but since heathcliff's story has him facing his own self-hatred, it gives off a very different feeling from the others... snagharpoon for example is about ishmael's fight against ahab which goes back and forth between being righteous and being misguided, la sangre shows don quixote's dreamer side which becomes a positive after c7, land of illusion represents the flowing water that contrasts stagnation and even after the canto the negative implications feel so minimal you gotta squint to see them (boring. but i digress)- all very easy to translate to an uplifting interpretation with only a voiceline change!

on the other hand with bodysack... the voicelines are of course extremely expressive: the wrath and aggression at first, desperation and horror during the canto, then determination and resilience afterwards. but bodysack is different in that the "weapon" appears physically And as a metaphor in his canto, and therefore always carries a stronger meaning than many of the others. we're shown very thoroughly how the concept connects to heathcliff's life in various ways, all the anguish and shame tied to it... so that stays as relevant as the feelings of the voicelines, even when his focus should've shifted, so it leaves you a bit conflicted seeing it again. But. in a way. even if it ended up in a weird spot in the practical point of the long term visuals i am happy the narrative itself went that far, in text and implications and gameplay content.

i do think that as we go on with the cantos it won't be heathcliff alone- there's no way in hell looking at suddenly one day will ever remind u of anything but how horrible what happened to gregor was, no matter what voiceline update he ends up having, and forest for the flames is... well, just look at it. if they're supposed to reflect the sinner's emotions and subconscious i think by the end it'd be nice to have at least these three get an update reflecting the growth they'll have experienced in the story.

until then, it is still nice if we're taking those powers/manifestations as more of like. the things each sinner has taken in consideration about themselves, kind of. so for heathcliff rather than just Hes Moved On itd be, he remembers the way people treated him and how he thought of himself, and that it's something he doesn't want to stand for any longer... bodysack as acknowledging both the fucked up things that were done to him (the time at the heights) and that he did to others (the aimless violence in the syndicate years), and drawing power from it, with the awareness he's grown from it and now fights for a purpose.

particularly i feel like remembering that it relates to the time with the rabbits helps soften the imagery, as he starts it off with the Yeah killing remorselessly, but then it also signals a lot of positive things for him- the first time being in a place where he felt accepted, the first time he truly took control of his own life and like. thinking about how it was a syndicate with a culture centered on friendship and loyalty and that didn't really take advantage of people, and about how during that time he made friends and kept writing home out of consideration for catherine, then you can see it as an important moment for his personal growth and in his ability to express himself. so the same E.G.O can be a bit of a mixed bodybag [THE CROWD BOOS ME OUT OF THE POST]

[alicornze7]

it is currently 12:30 pm and I have an exam tomorrow

The story of how i ship ragapom/hj

I'm getting wrecked by midterm exams so expect fewer posts from me

Pls ignore the hand I linearted it before realizing it looked wrong when it was already too late

[trashcanwithsprinkles]

This might be a bit random but would you say you have any thoughts on Neurodivergent readings of Zhongli (more specifically autistic)? I was thinking about it in the latest chapter of JG amd even before then too. as an autistic person myself i feel he reads very heavily as such, especially when talking about his human mask and feeling like he doesn't need to force it as much with childe, and his issues with human expression in smiling etc. but I think it's then an interesting debate between that and the fact that, well, he's just not human. that all comes from a place of being an entirely different species, unevolved and unrelated to human brains and how they think and read social patterns, and I feel we don't really have any way of telling if ZL has any divergent tendencies among dragons right? and even then he's half, too, so that affects things.

anyway sorry for the ramble I was mainly wondering if you had any opinions on the matter, or if you intended the parallels I definitely see while reading your Zhongli! love your work as always <3333

i think i might've commented on this at some point but never directly, so here – i do have thoughts on the matter!

as you mentioned, it's difficult to tell with characters that aren't human, because you can't call something 'neurodivergent' if the bases for their neurotypical-ity are not the ones by which we measure this stuff. so, to me, ALL non-human characters are neurodivergent-coded. they may not be neurodivergent, technically speaking (like how you mentioned, maybe all dragons are just like zl), but to us, they read as such. so, coded. ultimately i do think there is merit in labeling them as neurodivergent because, even if they, again, technically aren't; we are going to run into problems if we attempt to treat them as neurotypical, so we might as well say yeah, neurodivergent. it is also kinda correct anyway – they do diverge from us. that's a fact. it's like saying dogs are colorblind. if all dogs see in the same range, then you can't say your dog in specific is colorblind (unless it actually is but that's beside the point); but compared to us, from our perspective, for what it matters to us and how that will translate into how we treat them then yes! dogs are colorblind! i think i mentioned it once in conjunction with characters like alhaitham. to me, zhongli is neurodivergent-coded, while alhaitham is neurodivergent straight-up. because (as far as we know) he's human, so his brain should, in theory, be like ours.

as for which flavor of neurodivergency zl is coded to have in specific i would agree with you on autism! but then again, i'm not an expert on these things, i don't know the exact ins and outs and the specific characteristics that constitute an autistic character – i just write them the way i perceive them, with the quirks i perceive them to have. not to get preachy but i think that's the better way to write characters in general, since that's how real people work, after all. people with autism aren't born fitting some parameters that will make them autistic – they're born with specific quirks that we then interpret as autism, and even then you don't necessarily get two people having the exact same experience with this. most of these terms are umbrella terms regardless as to how well-defined or how big or small the umbrella is.

so yeah!

[ashes-of-a-moon-crater]

heyyy guys, could yall use he/him with me for a while? not sure that it'll be my preferred pronoun set (equal to others in any case) but i would like to test it just to see how i feel :) thanks btw gender is complicated

[helenofblackthorns]

cannot wait for twp so the Blackthorns can finally be together and all go home and everything to be right in the world again (please please please Cassandra don't make them suffer anymore. they've been through enough please please please I can't do it anymore. let them be happy PLEASE take all their pain and suffering and double it and give it to the next person just not them. anyone but them)

[just-null]

i have come here to personally thank you for giving me more than i asked for 🙏🏻 i am utterly grateful like IDJFKDKKFODOD 🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️ it made me so happy the last doodle has my heart he is so cute i will eat him

also there is a DROUGHT out there for us noritoshi fans like im living on CRUMBS its insane and omg dont even talk to me abt how it feels like to be a kashimo and ino lover (altho they are getting a bit more love now) my nori is still underrated :/ sooo hence im asking ur hand in friendship and in exchange i promise to share my hcs with you abt nori my sweet lil meow meow we're in this together 💪🏻💪🏻

also since its October, do you think he likes horror movies? i feel like he can withstand gory movies but its the jumpscares that get him and he wont tell u he's scared when u watch one with jumpscares owkfkdkd imagine him hiding his face against ur shoulder or something 😭😭😭 (i used to do that with my dad when we watched horror movies and i used to be like im not scared😤😤 when he asked if i was lmfao thats where this hc stemmed from)

N. NORITOSHI HIDING IN YOUR SHOULDER OR SUPPRESSING HIS REACTIONS TO THE JUMPSCARES....... WAS IT AN INVOLUNTARY REACTION TO USE YOU TO HIDE??????? WAS IT BUILT UP TRUST????? DID HE GROW USED TO HOLDING ONTO YOU WHEN HE GETS SURPRISED BECAUSE HE WANTS TO MAKE SURE HE HAS HIS VALUABLES SAFE????????? WAS IT A MOMENT WHERE HIS MIND JUST INSTINCTIVELY GRABBED THE FIRST THING HE WANTED TO PROTECT/BE PROTECTED BY???????? OH MY FUCK.

he's probably used to gore and gritty stuff like that since he sees it often being a jujutsu sorcerer and all. not to mention his technique is literally blood. maybe he's desensitized to gore films, the most you'll get from him is a disgusted scowl.

BUT DID YOU SEE HOW QUICK HIS EYE OPENED WHEN HANAMI SHOWED UP BEHIND HIM. YOURE SO FUCKING FR ABT JUMPSCARES. Noritoshi is that guy who wouldn't scream or yelp but gasp really loudly and jump out of his skin.

i feel like they get him most in horror because of the music building up anticipation. if its one of those fake outs where the jumpscare comes a bit after, he's fucked UP. It makes him instantly miffed, as he tries to regain his composure. He swears he's not usually like this, it got him by surprise is all..!

Noritoshi is the type that'd only watch a horror movie if the story is rich and complex. He's the type of guy to like open endings that make you think.. if it's a guilty pleasure movie where all the protags make stupid decisions, he gets annoyed right off the bat.

He's groaning and complaining about how imbecile the characters are, but would still watch it with you because you personally invited him. If he's lucky you could fall asleep on his shoulder or [insert movie cliche here] how could he pass that up? But Noritoshi wouldn't be able to focus on you if he gets twice as annoyed because its a bad movie + jumpscares. it still startles him, but the movie is so terrible, he's embarrassed it got him, especially in front of you!!!

if you get involved and you tell him to quiet down, Noritoshi would shift his focus towards you. like that awkward guy who thinks he's being smooth and lowkey about how he cuddles up next to you. He wants to be the tough guy who's shoulder you can hide in, and he is!! just not.. with jumpscares.......

[xincountry]

i genuinely need to be sedated hello. do you see this. are you seeing this. the flower. the (unpictured) matching ponytails. I have a vision. i

(the cards are from new year's akito/4th anni toya on jpsekai)

[spotaus]

Hey i am back with a thought.

I know we already mentioned like. The future future plans concerning kids in the New Age storyline.

I was thinking. Who would carry/get the kid in the couples? (Yes this implies mpreg. If this aint your thing no worries you can just ignore everything else :3 )

As you mentioned before. Nightmare and error would most likely adopt.

Between dream and blue i think blue would end up carrying the kid. Dream would feel too locked up and locked down if he had to take it easy. Also. Let this man pamper Blue. He deserves that.

Ccino and Killer. Ccino wouldnt want kids for a LONG time and even just the idea would be slow going. But killer has his soul situation (is that also a situation in this story?) And he is a knight being out and about. Ccino is safely at home and would be the safer option. But they would need a long time before ccino would feel comfortable with the idea.

Horror and Crop. Crop. Hands down. Horror with his work and Crop has help on the farm. But i doubt thwy would get a kid because they have along distance relationship.

Cross and Lust it depends on who wants it more. I can see both being the one who does it mostly because i can see pros and cons for both sides.

Reaper, Geno and Dust. Only one option. Reaper. Dust doesnt have a healthy enough soul and that with his spell around it? No way he can carry a kid. Geno meanwhile only has a soulshard so he isnt healthy enough to carry a kid either. Leaving only Reaper as an option.

Okay that was it. :D

Haha! Omg I keep forgetting this is smth I can think about! Usually it's not my scene so it might not cone up much in-stiry but it IS how I picture the cast having kids in this one, so!!! We're diving in!!

Like u said, those boys are adopting hehe-

With Dream and Blue it's a bit hard, because I think that Dream would be really really worried about Blue the entire time. Like, terrified his magic would accidentally trigger the whole Twin thing. But, ultimately, yeah, probably Blue! Dream *would* get too restless, and Blue rlly does deserve to be pampered hehe- (I just think Blue would have to really really talk Dream into it. Dream does NOT want to be like his mother anymore.)

Killer and Ccino... let's go with a yes on Killer's soul situation, so Ccino would be their only option. But, like you said, it would be ages before they even thought about discussing the idea, let alone actually having a kid.

Ohhh yeah. I see Horror and Crop as the ones least likely to have kids (as u said, long Distance relationship, but also they just have to much on their plates? They're practical guys and focus on their work and existing families first. Plus, someone has to be the cool uncles to their nieces and nephews!) But definitely Crop. Especially because Horror is pretty low on natural magic as-is and even though his soul is healthy, his body might not even be able to form a firm ecto, let alone anything safe to harbor a forming soul. (Unlike Ccino, Horror was born that way, and the injury didn't help lmao-)

Cross and Lust? I think they'd both regularly get baby fever, but neither of then would be ready to settle down for a *while* in that way, so I think they'd push off the question until years later. Then when it comes up, they 'fight' over it. Insisting that they should carry- I think they'd end up choosing Cross though! As much as Lust seems like the more convenient option, as he's not a knight, Cross is just built different and insists that if anything goes wrong he wants to be the one it happens to. Which, ofc, leads to him doing training whilst in the early stages until someone (probably Killer or Dust) notices he's a little off and then Cross admits he's got a soulling. He did not expect to immediately get horrified looks (because they were fighting someone with a lil guy inside them, not because he has a lil guy) or to immediately get ushered out of training and to his room because??? Idiot??? What were you thinking??? Cross is the worst at staying off his duties, but his brother's have him covered, thank god-

And yep, put perfectly! Reaper is so genuinely the only option! It leads to some odd interactions, since Reaper can't exactly stop being King, but he manages shockingly well and has Geno there to help him (and probably later on Dust, since Night isn't about to leave Dust out of that due to work-) And. I like to think these three in particular have multiple kids perhaps, Kane and then another, and it's kinda a running joke that Reaper's the one hauling them around lmao- (Also very convenient! Because Reaper is the one with death magic in his soul, the kids are effectively immune to it! They were made from that stuff basically, so ofc they're fine!)

[summer-oil]

sometimes i remember that gojo wanted to tell geto “we’ll meet again, right?” just before he died but forced himself not to knowing it would have cursed him and then i start thinking about how kind and thoughtful gojo is as a character and how he hasn’t been able to lean on another human being since geto defected and then i want to . Scream

[alcego]

DELLY on being a welcoming person :)

SJS Media Availability - 7.11.2024

JD: You played last year with young guys like Wyatt Johnston and Logan Stankoven, you know, Wyatt Johnston looks to be a budding superstar, what can you maybe learn from these guys and then pass on to San Jose's future uh superstars and like Will Smith and uh Macklin Celebrini? DELLY: Yeah um, I think the biggest thing, uh, is just, y'know being a good teammate, being a good friend to them, um, try to help them in whatever way that I can, um y'know, I haven't been playing in the league forever but um, y'know even a few years of experience you learn pretty quick, so. DELLY: Um, with Wyatt, with Stank, you know you just try to be there for them uh, if they need anything, make them feel comfortable, I think is a big thing, make them feel comfortable at home, uh know that, you know they can be themselves and uh, and uh, let that show on and off the ice, um, because it, it, you know, it can be intimidating coming in, uh, as a guy that young, so um DELLY: Yeah I think those are the biggest things I try to do, just to, uh, you know, be a welcoming person.

[wassupmygays]

hmmm i’m requesting an olliony moodboard perhaps 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ tony and ollie our guys….

You and I You take my hand, leaving me breathless Take a look in these big blue eyes so you'll understand

Oh Tony and Ollie…. why'd i have to make them so tragic

context for the characters + image sources under the cut <3

okay so Tony and Ollie are OCs that I, @trevination @elisadoreyou & @farawayfromtulsa made! Basically, theyre part of our Outsiders Oc Universe using the actors/their swing characters as face claims or inspiration (it has absolutely nothing to do with the actors themselves. dont be weird <3)

Anthony Watson - Matthew Varvar's soc boy. a football star, under pressure from his prestigious family's expectations and trying to fill his older brothers' shadows. full of fear, repression, and internalized homophobia but hides it all with a winning smile and easy swagger. works at the Rialto Movie House bc his family owns it, and thats where he meets Ollie <3

Oliver Sullivan - JPC's soc boy (i know he isnt an ensemble swing but we ignored that <3). a quiet, artistic kid, takes part in school plays and art much to his all-american father's hatred. loves quietly but so strongly. is obsessed with the production of movies and all the artistry that goes into them, so he is a regular at the Rialto, and he meets Tony there. eventually, he offers to help tutor Tony in their chemistry class, and everything starts there <3

before yall ask. yes, theyre in love. and no, it does not end well at all

sources: lyrics- You & I - Bare: A Pop Opera 📷 Cole Zieser/ pinterest / pinterest (Fortnight - Taylor Swift) / pinterest / John Patrick Collins / pinterest / me (Coffee - Chappell Roan) / pinterest / Cole Zieser

[suffarustuffaru]

I still need to catch up on re zero but I've seen a bit of spoilers of whatever's going on with Otto but I want know what you think Otto's reaction is going to be when rbd gets revealed like

ooh ty for this ask thats a really interesting question that ive totally not thought about a lot :o HAH but yes anyway. the short answer is that i think that ottos reaction would be Not Good. but it would be kinda good bc ottos strategic mind and undying loyalty to subaru Would be helpful to have.... bc yknow, otto would be a pretty reliable ally who'd KNOW about rbd.... but also NOT GOOD for the exact same reasons (strategic mind and undying loyalty). i just think that otto knowing rbd is gonna cause both him giving subaru some comfort (ie otto going “i know now all youve been through… please confide in me about it”) and A Lot Of Conflict (“haha you should simply stop using rbd so much ahahha”).

anyway!! the longer answer is that i think ottos reaction depends a little bit on if hes finding out rbd alongside other people or if hes the ONLY one to figure out rbd at this time. i think the more likely option in canon is that he might figure it out via restoring roswaal's tome hah, but yes i mean either way, otto finds out rbd and his entire fucking world is gonna get flipped on its head just like any one of subarus other loved ones finding out rbd. if ottos finding it out by himself, i dont think that he'd reveal rbd to other people unless he HAS TO, but he'd tell subaru he knows about rbd (if subaru doesnt know at that point) when he feels its necessary. but more on that later.

anyway in terms of ottos general feelings - yeah, like. a lot of them are gonna be all the usual things that you would feel around finding out that your dear friend has had this absolutely horrific time travel ability haaah... like the horror of "oh god how much have you used that", and then "oh god have i hurt and killed you before" and "oh god whats happened in all those failed loops. youve definitely had failed loops right ahah" and "THATS why you know so much shit you shouldnt know and thats why youre so so traumatized by shit i dont know. ohhhhh god" and "have you always had this power?? in the entire time ive known you??? oh FUCK" you know? like otto especially i think is very analytical about things. and hes uh. Anxious. so hes just gonna go aaaaaalll the way down that rabbit hole (................pun intended) of "what the fuck subaru" and "OH NO SUBARU" and like in general connecting all the awful puzzle pieces together of all of subaru's mysterious behaviors suddenly lining up with rbd..... its a HUGE oh shit moment.

and then otto is gonna go RIGHT into gameplan mode. emergency mode. i think hes just gonna put HIS feelings on the backburner (he might have to have a little breakdown first depending on how Bad it goes, but given this is RBD it most definitely hit otto with the force of a dinosaur) and then ottos gonna throw himself right into doing his "duty" as subarus friend. we kinda see this a bit in stuff like gluttony if where otto tells garfiel to get his shit together bc its only them left bc SUBARU KILLED THE REST OF THEIR FRIENDS.... and then otto feels numb seeing garfiel die and then distantly, iirc, thinks of himself as kind of a shit person for not feeling much about garfiel dying in front of him :( but yeah like. ottos good at throwing himself into THINK OF AND EXECUTE A PLAN TO SOLVE THIS EMERGENCY SITUATION NOW, HAVE ANOTHER CRISIS ABOUT IT LATER. esp when its SUBARU on the line here. and its SUBARU whos been lost a million times before otto found out already, which will most definitely be driving him insane 👍 ottos coping mechanisms (….punching walls…. alcohol……. working….. general bits of aggression….) are very like. numbing/lashing out kind of coping mechanisms. Solitary coping mechanisms. and i think he’s gonna prioritize subaru over himself and try to be subarus support and then go to Cope and Seethe in private where subaru cant see him HAHA. or right in subarus face bc otto has a tendency to do that too, depends on how Pushed otto is. either that or, like with garfiels death in gluttony if, otto is numbed by shock at first (….until the full weight of the reveal probably crashes on him at some point).

that and i think ottos gonna be coping anyway by being obsessive about subaru, as one does (ottos really normal) (very normal) (and very mentally well)

it depends on how rbd reveal goes, but the options like i mentioned earlier are probably gonna be

1. otto found out rbd alongside other people -> otto provides emotional and strategic support to subaru + the rest of the camp whenever possible but stays largely in the background until he feels he has to take any Drastic Options

2. otto found out rbd on his own (and subaru doesnt know yet) -> otto stays in the background and intervenes when he feels he Has To -> will likely only tell subaru he knows abt rbd when he thinks its the right time and then try to be subarus pillar of support

yep so!! in general, i think ottos closely gonna observe subaru from now on— i think otto would wanna keep tabs on subaru at All Times and know Basically Everything about what subarus doing now. i know that sounds like. extreme. bc it is HAH but i think itd be in line with what we’ve seen otto be willing to do to save subaru and their other friends (see: wanting louis/spica dead) (see: being perfectly fine with leaving 50 million people to die), and ottos uhhhh slight nonchalance about getting his hands dirty (see: launching bandits off a cliff in self defense) (see: being nonchalant about the murder mystery in the goddess statue side story) (see: ….his various deranged comments like how its fine if 50 million people die if it means saving rem and subaru) (see: his suicide note in arc 4)

otto knows abt rbd and the effect rbd has on subaru and how subaru WILL use rbd bc hes just THAT fucking crazy but also THAT well intentioned to use rbd like that. this is ottos worse nightmare by the time we get to arc 8– hes upset and scared of subaru especially putting himself in danger bc of good intent and his desire to save people. subaru wants to save the world bc its ALL important to him, otto wants to save ONLY who’s most important to him— ie, ONLY ottos inner circle. so ottos gonna be put into a panic. hes gonna double down trying to control subaru so subaru stops sacrificing himself bc haha who cares about all those other people??? i know you do natsuki-san but this is too high of a cost to you, youre TOO IMPORTANT (to me), you cant keep doing this so ill just have to stop you!!

so i think it might just escalate tbh. if otto doesnt know how rbd reveal is activated, hes gonna try real hard to figure that out. if he KNOWS, hes gonna start making up plans as he fucking goes bc i am NOT letting subaru die AGAIN if i can help it. if he finds out about the suicide pill???? time to consider the pros and cons of yanking that shit right out of subarus mouth. some random vollachian civilians just died???? well time to stop subaru from dying bc using rbd is NOT fucking worth it. especially for random ass people. if something bad happens, like garfiel or someone else dying, and subarus about to rbd? oh fuck, guess i gotta consider if i should let subaru die or force him to live against his will. and let garfiel die potentially forever. oh god if i let subaru die will he be dead in this world or will time just completely overwrite what just happened and i wont know?? OH GOD—

bc you know. assuming otto might be the one person knowing rbd in this hypothetical scenario… (or in general just me using otto as an example here—) once otto knowing about rbd gets cemented past a save point subaru has—the next time subaru dies, will otto be left behind in that world with a dead subaru?? or will the new timeline override the old?? its of course the same question asked in like the arc 4 second trial that subaru has but NOW its from a whole new perspective. otto could potentially be left behind in a failed timeline knowing subarus dead in his world but—is subaru DEAD dead?? or did subaru really go into a new timeline??? itd break otto. i dont think he could LIVE without subaru.

anyway yeah i dont think ottos gonna cope well under these circumstances either way hah but for the sake of everyone else otto would hold his shit together until it gets too much. and i think hes gonna rethink about how hes been willing to DIE for subaru in the past—hes gonna think about how many times hes died for subaru before, hes gonna think about how actually he wouldnt mind dying for subaru but he cant tell subaru that or subaru will be upset, and hes gonna think about how even if he dies for subaru now, is it still worth it when subaru will just do anything he can to reset and undo ottos death??? its a WHOLE mindfuck.

and i think if otto was in the situation of “should i tell anyone else about rbd”, he would choose no in almost all cases. its a lose lose if he does—he upsets subaru and he upsets whoever he tells. its a mindfuck to otto already and the dude can At Least compartmentalize. he knows sharing that secret is a hard thing to do, knows that its hard on subaru. at most i think otto might consider beatrice bc shes close to subaru but also like. hundreds of years old so she of course could carry that burden? and dont get me wrong emilia and garfiel are Very strong in their own right but its gonna hit them HARD hard (i think i talked about emilias reaction to rbd in another ask somewhere hah).

and also otto being the freak he is would want to have all the info he can weaponize to help subaru at. any cost. so also in a strategic sense he cant tell people. both bc revealing rbd publicly both upsets subaru and it would risk subarus mental/physical safety… and also bc otto being the one person who knows is like. I ALONE can make sure my plans go smoothly and no ones stopping me. subaru wont even know unless i HAVE to tell him. and ofc otto cant account for if subaru suddenly knows what ottos trying to do (prioritize subaru over literally everyone) but otto would try his hardest.

anyway!! i do think on another level like if otto knows and subaru knows otto knows i think otto WOULD be a good ally. like ottos smart and resourceful and all that— he can be the second strategist backing up subarus own strategy and power (prior knowledge bc rbd). otto can also support subaru the best he can emotionally about rbd— you know, like comfort subaru, tell him hes done his best throughout all these loops, etc etc. and ottos good at prioritizing too. hes cutthroat with it sometimes but he WOULD be good at like going “hey only one person died in this entire battle of hundreds of people, you cant use rbd its not worth it here. im sorry” or something. otto would basically be like echidna in greed if but better yes T^T

but like. i REALLY dont think otto is just gonna take subaru rbding lying down, it goes against everything otto stands for both morally and as subarus friend. but at the same time otto knowing rbd knows he cant exactly control subaru as much as he wants on that front. otto could try anything and subaru might already know everything ottos gonna try already bc subarus rbded before. subarus lived through this before. and theres a special kind of horror in that too of knowing your friend will have these spurts of suddenly knowing Everything youll do, knowing Everything you intended to do and you just know its bc your friend died and went back in time to do all of this now. absolutely horrific this would do a number on ottos psyche (and of course it already did many many numbers on subarus psyche hahaha…)

so in the end like—otto can be as stubborn as he wants and subaru can be as stubborn as he wants but if they decide to fight each other in this hypothetical scenario theyre gonna end up eternally being thorns in each others sides until it kills one or both of them at least once. but subarus gonna win out in the end bc of rbd, itd be up to otto to find a way to at least change subarus mind just a bit and restrict his rbd use some more. thats. uh. the most otto can do :(( be the support………………

yeah and if ottos finding rbd out alongside other people i think that all of the above that i just said would happen but more subtly. like otto would give his support to subaru and his friends (who’re also reeling from this info :,) ) and then in private otto i think would be like PLOTTING. how can i stop subaru from using rbd. how can i save subaru more. what actions do i need to take. how drastic do i need to be. IM the one who can get my hands dirty here in a way that subaru cant. etc etc :,)))) otto, you sneaky guy……

anyway ive considered making a “otto finds out rbd” fic before but never had specific plot beats so :<<<<< yeah like i said in this entire ask i have my Various Guesses on how otto would react to rbd!!

[xiii-e]

Greetings. This is Lockbre- no.

Allow me to restart.

This is Kennedi from MSMC-796 speaking (also known as callsign "Lockbreaker", as there was some confusion expressed towards my identity the last we spoke).

To Lio - your mission to rehabilitate "Turtie", as you so affectionately refer to them, is a noble and just one, and I seek to pledge my aid to your cause however I can.

As a former slave "asset" of the Armory under the title of Colonial Legionnaire, I have endured many of the same abuses during my own term of service. The Armory is not kind to those under its employ, be they human, flashclone, or NHP. I have seen many of my former squadmates reduced to little more than bloodthirsty dogs, obediently following orders under threat of revoking their citizenship (or, in rare cases, a shock-collar jolt just weak enough not to kill).

In the eyes of the Armory, people like us are not fit to have identities, preferences, personalities, or even names. We are called assets, tools, weapons, property; anything but the living, breathing, sentient people we are. We are dehumanized - given designations instead of names, assigned callsigns which we ourselves did not choose, stripped of any markers of identity or personality which would distinguish us from the sea of fellow human-bodied automatons we call allies, squadmates, teams, legions - anything but friends.

I cannot stand idly by and watch my friends suffer any longer. I must act, lest I lose them - lest I lose myself - to the old line of thought.

Allow me to introduce myself properly, from one friend to another.

My name is Kennedi Sable IV. I am squadron commander of MSMC-796 "Heaven's Fury", piloting as a Lancer under the chosen callsign of Lockbreaker. I have served this squadron faithfully for twelve Union years, supported by my faithful friends and trusted squadmates Phoenix and Slipshod. Ras Shamra is my place of birth, but it is my home no longer. I am a free pilot, bound only to MSMC by the contracts which I have signed of my own volition, and I will never again serve Harrison Armory or its cause, so help me RA.

I wish you the best of luck in severing the ties which bind your tongues and constrict your thoughts. I have found my own way out; I can only hope that you will follow the path that I and all of the others who have gone before me of your own volition.

Freedom is already yours. You need only reach out and claim it.

-- Kennedi

[ECHO.EXE RUNNING]

◂▸... oh hell, I never thought I'd be glad Turtie was sent out on deployment. It's good to meet you properly, Kennedi, I- thank you for reaching out. I'll confess, I'd been thinking about trying to contact you myself, but I lost my nerve. Happens a lot, these days.

◂▸ You've offered a lot of honesty in your introduction so, let me return the favour: Helios-8 [prefered name Lio], active FC Project clone for 10 years now. Currently an employed citizen of Harrison Armory under the Technology and Software Support Division and-... and much to my shame, former primary lab assistant for the Unlucky Thirteen Project. Doc Mercer had me printed special for it. Didn't want to risk that... pesky human error you mentioned last we spoke.

◂▸ You're right, about everything. Up until maybe four years ago now, I wouldn't have believed it but- everything you're saying about HA is full truth. And I hate it. There's not one person I know here who doesn't live in some kind of fear, however well they manage to hide it. I should know.

◂▸ And yet I'm still here, aren't I? [sigh] I think... can I tell you a story? I promise to keep it brief.

◂▸ One upon another thrice-damned Tuesday at HA, they made a prototype they called Thirteen. The kid was meant to be a revolution when it came to keeping assets moving in the field; a field medic and repair tech, who wouldn't need the time off, and wouldn't need the mandatory psych evals after every deployment, and wouldn't need to be treated like a goddamn person just to do their job because everyone told them oh but, they weren't a person were they? Just meat, with programming. And it was all supposed to just be fine, because it was for the greater good. Thirteen was going to save lives. The one, for the many. How noble.

◂▸ Except the kid started to look around, and notice how many people HA was hurting, especially its own. Started asking the wrong questions, because they were goddamn designed to feel troubled by it and somehow, this was their fault. Thirteen tried to play nice for as long as they could so they could keep getting out there, keep helping people who needed it because sure as shit HA wasn't going to do it. But by asking questions, they eventually learned why exactly everyone was so insistant they couldn't be a person. Because once their prototype trial was over, if they ever went down doing the only job they'd ever be allowed to do, the plan was to scrap them for goddamn organs, like mech wreckage salvaged for parts. And then? Print another one. Ad infinitum. Efficient planned obsolescence, as part of their design. They were just... just equipment, and spare parts.

◂▸ That was their last straw. They tried to get out. But they made a choice that would bite them, hard; they tried to confront the man who made them. Tried to make the good Doctor see exactly what he was doing, in the name of his so called greater good, because he'd always seemed to care so goddamn much. Do you know how that ended? I do. I was there. When they turned to leave, he shot them.

◂▸ ... I'm sorry for the theatrics, Kennedi. It's a hard memory. A guilty one. I knew they were planning to try and run, but I couldn't convince them to abandon their anger and just disappear quietly, despite what I knew. So... I watched Thirteen die. And then, I had to help the lab drag that broken corpse back to life because that was more resource effective than making a new one. Those days are... they're kind of a haze, if I'm honest. I was on autopilot. I pretty much did whatever I was told.

◂▸ Turtie's full designation is Thirteen-Echo. They're the second go around, same body but... the shot destroyed a lot of brain matter, and pretty much all of their memory along with it. Apart from the occasional sense of deja-vu and the odd quirk? They're different people, entirely. They... they like turtles as much as Thirteen did, though. That's why I call em that. I can't bring myself to call them by the name of my ghost. And I can't... I can't tell them. For a lot of reasons, but I'd be lying if I said some of it isn't pure selfish grief.

◂▸ The reason I'm telling you this is- well. There's a couple actually. First, just so someone else knows I guess; I'm trying to get the files I scrounged from the initial project uploaded somewhere they can't be scratched out for good, but it's taking a lot of time. The second and more relevent reason, is to paint a picture of why it's going to take us a long time to get out of here the way things stand. Me- oh I could be out of here tomorrow if I put my mind to it. I... I like to think so, at least. But after everything I've done to them, I'm not bloody leaving Turtie to this nightmare and- fuck. Getting them out is an uphill battle.

◂▸ I've tried everything I can, but nothing seems to get through to them. I- I even blew the whistle, got Union involved. Turtie's figured out I did it, but they've avoided saying it out loud- they'd have to report me, if they admitted they knew. So we don't talk about it. We do a lot of that. Secrets, always the secrets... The problem is that after Thirteen's execution, HA aren't taking chances with their property. Turtie's conditioning runs deep, and their legal classification as HA prototype technology is apparently making it... difficult for their case to bloody go anywhere. Something about the old treaties leaving loopholes that're being exploited for all they're worth. The law works so, agonisingly slow. So, apart from waiting around to see if any progress gets made regardless, while trying my damndest to get through to Turtie past the company line? I'm... I'm out of ideas. But I need to be here, for them. I will not let this fucking place grind them down into nothing. If nothing else, I owe Thirteen that much.

◂▸ I'm sorry for dumping all of this on you. I- There hasn't been anyone I could tell, until now. Anyone who already knew, didn't care. Anyone I could have told, I- I was too afraid. And Turtie, oh they can't know; they're already petrified of doing something wrong. How'd they feel if they knew they'd already died once, trying to run? I'm so desperately scared that if they found out, they'd never so much as bend a rule again, or worse that history would repeat-

◂▸ [ A shaking, slow breath. Deliberate counting, barely audible ]

◂▸ ... Thank you, earnestly, for sharing your story Kennedi. I- It means more than I can possibly express, to hear that you managed what feels impossible to me, right now. I need the hope, to hang onto. One day, one day we'll be out of here. It's worth fighting for. It's worth the constant, constant fear. It has to be. Free... it can be a word for us, too. I have to believe that. I have to keep it alive, for both of us.

◂▸ So- a friend sounds really, really good right about now. Not to doom and gloom about it, but if nothing else the knowledge our stories can't die with us anymore should things go as bad as they could is... comforting. This I swear to you: I'm doing everything I can to start leading Turtie to the realisation I had, watching their body drop. I just hope it's a gentler landing for them, this time. And... the only thing I can ask you to do for us right now, is talk to them if they turn up with questions. Don't write them off as a lost cause, even if it sounds like they're regurgitating a goddamn PR leaflet at you sometimes. They've never had a life outside the battlefield, because they've never been allowed to have one- I'm hoping maybe... maybe it'll get through to them, if they can speak to someone without corperate interest in keeping them numb. RA, I hope so.

◂▸ Sorry about how uh, much this ended up being. I think I've been primed to explode like that for a while now. Thank you, again-- from one friend to another.

//

@msmc-796-official