#uhh warning for talk of: diet/exercise & also menstruation & like... not really medical stuff just personal tmi bs

[sloblesbian]

ok a to do list first

go to the store

go... for a walk? lbr ill probably skip this

fold laundry

take a shower

go to mom’s (bring her yogurt & chili)

get that letter from ric

renew registration

uh actually i think thats it

im in the long process of cleaning my room. i’m going to try and do a load of laundry each day this week & put it away. probably donate some things. ideally i would also go through my closet and sort out all the stuff in there. i have so much stuff packed that i’m just never going to unpack otherwise... but i will skip this, because i’m lazy. maybe i’ll do it in the summer. then i am going to stuff as much stuff that will fit in my closet as possible just so i can have some fucking floor space again. it doesnt matter how big my bedroom is i always fill it up with Stuff (i do need another bookshelf though. i mean mostly for books but i think i want to put out all my dvds on one, too). then next week i am going to clean the rest of the house- both bathrooms, dining room kitchen livingroom, the fucking stairs... nobody ever cleans & like... i don’t blame them but it’s got to be done. 

i’m trying to be more proactive? about... idk. like i wake up and i feel really lonely, in part because i am an early riser so i am just gonna be physically alone for the first part of the day anyway. and also cause i have a hard time making contact with people. even sometimes when i do talk to people i feel like i am not being listened to and its just... incredibly lonely it reminds me of being a kid. me & my baby brother both do the whole... info dump? kind of thing, especially when we were kids, and i can remember adults in our lives trying to get us to shut up, or making it obvious that they werent paying attention. my mom still kind of does this. it’s better since i don’t live with her but. idk. if youre new here, i really really love my younger brother & one of the things we do when we hang out is just...... talk about our own special interests because even if we don’t understand what theyre about, we understand the need for someone to listen to these things? i tell him about my unending obsession with franz kafka’s giant oscillating bust in the center of prague and he tells me, i don’t even know what, he’s studying to be an electronics engineer, & he just likes science in general so i understand like 1/3rd of wht he says to me. but i like hearing him talk & i like that he will listen to my weird tangents too. just in general i love hearing people go on about something. i really went off topic here, lol, but like. there’s a difference between having like, a depressive episode, and just being kinda depressed & sad cause i’m not doing the things that i need to. it’s more of the latter currently so i’m trying to get on top of that. i’ve been cooking a lot lately. i’ve been trying to eat more vegan, idk if i will go completely vegan, or like, all vegan all the time? but for now i am doing it. it’s going nice. if you follow my instagram i post a lot of pictures of food there. this morning i woke up, didnt do anything for 2 hours (cause i got up at 7), then i put my laundry in, made oatmeal for me & matt, & then we went outside & he had me do a workout routine. he would make a really good personal trainer, i tell him this a lot. he knows a lot of things & he’s good at telling other people how to do them. also its nice to do this stuff in my backyard with someone who understands like, my own personal failings with like... direction? spatial awareness? you would not believe how bad my spatial awareness is guys. so that was really nice. the only thing i miss about the gym is the stationery bike. i mean. i could get an actual bike, maybe. 

i actually hate talking about like. healthy living bs cause im not good at sticking to it & it makes me sound like my mom. but it does make me feel better, like at least i did something today. so that’s good. i’m gonna get started on that list now i guess (no im gonna fuck around online for like 10 minutes first. ok. bye.)

oh wait one more thing before i forget OK SO: i think i previously mentioned that i have been having really erratic periods for the last year? it started last april. it was like, 4 months off, 4 months on, 1 month on, 2 months off, and i just got it again. anyway this, along with weight gain & excessive body/facial hair, is a symptom of pcos.... which previously i had considered cause, well, the facial hair thing has been pretty constant my whole life actually. but typically i hear ppl with this complain of bad menstrual cramps & seriously......... i very rarely have them at all. idk. im a bit bothered that weight gain is a symptom of it, & one of the treatments for it is weight loss like, yes ok that can exacerbate things but also you need to admit that you’re just treating a symptom right there.... 

OK thats all i had to say.