#velthougts

[velerodra-valesinger]

The Axe

(Mentions: @raven-scorned )

It had been two nights since Vel had watched as the axe came down. A simple, clean, motion, a head removed from a body. And though she managed to keep her mind occupied on a variety of other things, she occasionally found her mind drifting back to standing in the Tirisfal rain as she stood by and watched Grey meet his end.

It was not her place to interfere. She did not, technically, have to obey Gidyen, who seemed to be in charge of those who worked with Yurissa. She was there for Yurissa. But even still, what could she have done in that moment?

It was as Yurissa said later, ‘he made his choice’.

Still it was not the execution that lingered with Vel as she went about finding ways to distract herself, it was the image of Yuri as she stood at her post, her eyes void of any light, a tear running down her cheek. It was that memory that haunted her, to see Yurissa - look so lifeless.

It was always a struggle for Vel to understand what others might be feeling. And though Vel wished she could have been more of a comfort to Yurissa, she found herself lost. For just a moment she could feel the cracks within her own mind beginning to shift like fault lines, her own thoughts grew unclear. And Vel felt sparks of anger. Anger with no aim. It was just the most accessible emotion, the most immediate, and it was the one that slipped through the cracks. Though Vel did not allow herself to lose control of herself, no, as was her way she sealed those fault lines and tried to focus on what she could do in the moment. On what made sense to do.

She’d alerted the guards - and made sure to inform others of what had gone on.

Seeing Yurissa drinking later in the night, was a slight improvement to seeing her non-responsive. And while Vel had made sure to tell Yurissa that if she needed her for anything, she need but ask, Vel knew Yurissa wouldn’t.

Yurissa was content ... from what Vel could tell, not long ago, she was mostly content, she had a place to live with Grey, she was looking for ‘window-blankets’, she was - adjusting to the idea of perhaps being - content. Even then Yurissa seemed to suspect her situation could not last. Vel had hoped it would, but it didn’t.

Perhaps what bothered Vel the most, was how she could not bring herself to stand by Yurissa’s side when she was unable to speak. Parts of her mind screamed at her to stay close to Yuri, to not run off. But she couldn’t stand to look into those dim eyes. She tried to hold her hand, but Yuri didn’t even twitch. And Vel, for all her words, found herself all but speechless, unable to offer a word of comfort. She could not tell her Yurissa that things would be fine. She could not tell her that nothing was wrong. She could not tell her things would work out. There were no words…. that would have helped.

Vel had a choice, she could have chosen to stay at the woman’s side, at the woman she considered her sister’s side. She could have continued to hold her limp hand and just -be there-. And what haunted Vel the most, was that she chose to walk away.

She told herself that Yurissa needed space. That she needed to be alone. But Vel couldn’t quite convince herself. Part of her knew - she was a coward. She couldn’t face her sister when she was like this. It was selfish. Gods forbid Vel allow herself to let her own emotions creep out and showed. That she wanted to understand. That she wanted to help.