#we need more shulienne

[alovethatkilled]

I wonder if there is a fanfiction where Sister Julienne learns that Shelagh has gone to the hospital during episode 6x03. Really a missed opportunity that we didn’t see it on the show. We know they have a beautiful bond and it’s really sad it wasn’t explored when Shelagh was having a difficult time.

If anyone has any fic recs please let me know 🙏🏼 love turnadette to bits but need some shulienne bonding fics.

[alovethatkilled]

still bitter that we didn’t see Shelagh’s reaction of knowing they found Patrick and Sister Julienne…

Turnadette in s11e08

PW: nokiss

[clobbo]

In The Chapel

~ Shulienne fic, to go just before the Shulienne scene in the recent Series 13 episode 5. We know this pair have a wonderful relationship and so I just wanted to create something where we saw more of that and a little more exploration. Enjoy 😊

“Mrs Turner…?” Nancy said, opening the door to Nonnatus House surprised to find Shelagh on the doorstep.

“Hello Nancy,” came Shelagh’s voice, barely a whisper. “I came to use the chapel, if I may?”

“Of course,” Nancy said, stepping aside. “I am sure you don’t need to ask though. We know you are welcome here.”

Shelagh smiled slightly as she moved past Nancy. It was true that the offer had always been extended to Shelagh to come and go as she pleased, ever since she left the Order. But still, it didn’t feel right to wander in and out of other people’s home, even if no-one would mind.

She slowly made her way down the corridor, her shoes tapping gently on the wooden floor. Everything about Nonnatus House felt like home, like a comfy blanket wrapping itself around her. Although it was a different building to the one she had lived in many years before, somehow this building felt just as familiar - the smells and sounds echoing home and safety as it had always been to her. This was why she knew she had to come to the chapel. She didn’t visit the chapel as often now, not for her own prayer anyway. She would join the nuns sometimes for Compline, or on special saint or feast days, but rarely for her own quiet reflection - she usually used the church for that. But the last few days had been different. So much had happened with May and her family that Shelagh could not face anywhere but this home with her thoughts.

Shelagh couldn’t stop thinking of the moment she knew something was wrong. At first it was the panic of not being able to find Angela and May. And then as soon as Angela said May had gone into the sea it felt like Shelagh world both stopped and spun out of control concurrently. She felt like she was falling so far and so deep, and the whole world was moving around her and all she could see was the sea...the choppy water and large waves as they crashed. She couldn’t imagine a time where she’d ever felt at peace at the seaside, it was like a world away from her now.

And since that moment her life had seemed to slowly unravel before her eyes. The partial drowning, May being in a critical state. Everything. And now the fostering arrangement was up in the air. She knew, of course, that one day May might not be with them. She might return to her mother because it was the best place for her, with fond and happy memories of her time with the Turners, and Shelagh was sure always a part of their family - her mother too. But not like this, never like this. Not off the back of Shelagh and Patrick being deemed not fit to care for May by her mother. This was a different pain, wrapped up in sorrow and guilt and shame. Shelagh mind swam, a choppy watered and lethal as the waves she’d witnessed engulfing May.

She reached the chapel doorway, it was always open - she didn’t think she’d ever seen it closed. It was a space for everyone afterall and she was aware that the midwives used it as a sanctuary for thought, even if they were not religious. Pausing in the doorway, she found Sister Julienne knelt at the alter. This was not an unusual sight, Sister Julienne often took herself away quietly for her own prayers. Shelagh assumed the responsibility of running Nonnatus House often meant that Sister Julienne needed additional reflection time, and she felt she needed to seek wisdom often.

Shelagh hated to disturb her, so she moved slowly into the chapel, sitting on one of the chairs nearest the doorway. The coolness and darkness of the room hitting her. She’d never really noticed it before, and she supposed to some the room might seem dingy, but to her it was perfect. It was just enough away from the world to feel closer to the Almighty just by entering the room. Well, that’s how it usually felt to her, anyway.

Sister Julienne shifted slightly. She’d heard footsteps just outside the chapel and she was aware that someone had sat down behind her. At first, she didn’t know who in the house it was, and she often was aware of people coming and going during her prayer time who were there just to soak up the silence of the chapel - and she often left them to do that without disturbance from her. But this time, she felt the pull to turn around and look to see who had joined her.

As she turned she saw Shelagh, sat about as far away from Sister Julienne as she could be. She was hunched over maybe in prayer, but Sister Julienne assumed more in the heaviness of the last few days, making her seem small and fragile.

Sister Julienne stood up and made her way over to Shelagh, sitting down on the chair in front of her and turning herself sideways allowing her to put her hand on where Shelagh was grasping her own so tightly. She said nothing but gently stroked her hand, reassuring Shelagh that she wasn’t alone.

“My mind is so busy, Sister,” Shelagh’s small voice came. “It is busy and full and there feels like there is no room for prayer.”

“But you’re here...” said Sistern Julienne quietly. ���With all your thoughts and fears. And I think that is enough for God to know what is on your heart.”

Shelagh nodded slowly, and looked up to her Sister. “I came here for some peace,” she said her voice thick with emotion. “But I am not sure I am going to be able to find it.”

Sister Julienne thought for a moment, before squeezing Shelagh hands and dipping her head slightly to make eye contact. “I don’t think peace is the absence of thought,” she said contemplatively. “I think it might be acceptance that thoughts will come and go at their correct time.”

Shelagh slowly nodded, looking back at her Sister. It felt so easy to be honest with Sister Julienne, and she considered herself very fortunate to have found that person in her life. “I would like to kneel and pray…” she said. “But I am not sure if I can quieten my mind for a moment long enough for it to make any difference.”

Sister Julienne stood, still holding Shelagh’s hands she encouraged her to also stand. The two women stood opposite each other for a moment and Sister Julienne squeezed Shelagh’s hands. Shelagh felt her dissolve begin to crumble. Her shoulders began to shake and her eyes filled with tears.

“I feel...so guilty, Sister,” she managed. “And so...so afraid.”

Sister Julienne let go of Shelgh’s hands to envelope her into a hug, closing her eyes to try and provide some sort of comfort through the gesture. She felt Shelagh tense at first, the last fight to stop herself completely giving in to everything in her mind and on her heart, but eventually Shelagh felt heavier in Sister Julienne’s arms, leaning on her Sister and accepting all the love she could. Grasping, as she had done in the past, to that Habit that had been so familiar to her. It’s feel and freshly laundered smell, the last of the feelings that Shelagh had experienced when’s he walked into Nonnatus House earlier - she felt totally safe and cared for.

The pair stood like this for a few minutes, Shelagh steadying her breath and Sister Julienne happy to provide the support her friend so needed. When things felt calm and steady again, Sister Julienne pulled away and rested her hands on Shelagh’s shoulders.

“I think you should join me in prayer,” she said, motioning toward the alter where she had previously been knelt. “And then...I think some tea.”

Shelagh nodded, allowing herself to be led and guided to the front of the chapel. She knelt next to Sister Julienne and allowed the nun to take the lead.

“He that dwelleth in the secret place of the Most High Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: My God; in him will I trust...”

[anamarialujan]

I finally watched the episode. It was good, I liked it, especially Carol finding a place with love. And Sister Frances is my absolute favorite.

I hope that in the CS and next season, we have mentions, consequences, problems due to the accident and not that everything is forgotten (like so many issues and people! in this program)

It was a good episode, considering how weak this season was. I guess without social distancing everything would be more emotional and not "cold" (and I'm not just talking about Turnadette and Shulienne. The poor widow needed a hug, her little daughter too)

Ok Call The Midwife, you still can count me in your army.

[fourteen-teacups]

Thank you... CtM Fandom!

**spoilers for 11.8 below**

What a week we've had! I appreciate everyone who posted gifsets and photosets and fic and reblogged like crazy to help keep our spirits up and our hope alive!

After watching I feel a huge sense of relief and I'm very happy with the outcome. All along I kept telling myself I could trust Heidi but as the week went on I started second guessing everything! This was all so out of the blue for our quiet little show! (And I really wish they would have been kind enough to have aired the last two episodes back to back.) I respectfully ask to never be put in this position again!

About the episode itself: I liked how everything played out with Timothy. From the promo pics I was concerned he was blindly going into full hero mode, but it came off quite naturally with the firemen's assumptions and then being coached by his dad through the first aid.

I was pleased with the Turnadette, they said all the right things and I loved every bit of it... well, all but the over the top head bandage. 🤭 (Still my own social distancing-style direction would have included a cheeky bit of Shelagh's lipstick somewhere on Patrick's face. 💋🤭) Loved the tiny Turners being included as well.

Very happy we got some quality Shulienne, too.

Reggie was brilliant wanting to be a part of the helping community, I'm glad he was recognized for his support.

Sister Frances again was an absolutely amazing advocate for Carole and I love that her story ended on a hopeful note.

Sister Hilda and Miss Higgins made a wonderful team supporting the Corbetts, especially when they were able to help with the release of guilt.

Comic relief in the form of Nancy and Phyllis, much appreciated!

However, I've never been more ready for a series to end. I'm exhausted and will need most of the hiatus to recover!

Thanks again for the fandom support!

[h4t08]

After yesterday’s episode, the characters this season needs a lot of hugs! So, I think, for the next three years, we deserve a more of this...

And this...

And Trixie needs these in her life...

And more Shulienne moments (because you know Sister Julienne needed the biggest fucking hug and cigarette)...

More of the sisters supporting each other...

And the Turner kids playing together...

And a FUCK TON of these!!!

In conclusion, we need more physical interaction.

[chriska-partners-4-life]

series 7 Maternal Shulienne: Sister Julienne and Shelagh have an intense argument over something. Including prompts number #2, #5, #13 and #15 Have fun little sis, I love you SO MUCH! Love, your big sister

I’m only doing this for you because I love you. I don’t like you very much right now... but I love you. 

2) “Please don’t cry. I can’t stand to see you cry”5) “Well. Yell, scream, say something. Anything”13) “You can’t keep pretending it didn’t happen, cause guess what? It did!”15) “Stop pretending you’re okay, cause I know you’re not.”

Sister Julienne was exasperated by a debate about birth control. Since the family planning clinic had opened up, Sister Julienne had been worried about the morals of Poplar. Shelagh on the other hand thought it was wonderful. While it meant less babies were being conceived, which caused some decrease in activity for the midwives, it was helping those who couldn’t afford to have a child or add another to an already struggling family. 

Shelagh was still very much a godly woman, but she had seen enough to know that birth control was something God wouldn’t be upset about.

It all stemmed from a comment about how the family planning clinic had been flourishing, and it quickly escalated. Sister Julienne had been very quite on the subject in the beginning, but once everyone was gone, Shelagh called her out on it. 

“Stop pretending you’re okay, cause I know you’re not.”

“Whatever are you talking about?” the nun responded, knowing she was being called out.

“I know you think the family planning center is going to create loose morals and encourage people to share intimacy with people to whom they are not married. I know that you are upset about it.”

“I haven’t the slightest idea as to what you’re talking about.” Sister Julienne stood up to walk away but was stopped in her tracks by what was said next.

“You can’t keep pretending it didn’t happen, cause guess what? It did. It opened, and it has created women who have the choice not to stay home and have babies they can’t feed, can’t care for, or don’t want.” Shelagh was trying everything in her power to convince.

“It goes against God’s plan.”

“I think God’s plan is to make sure children are loved, wanted, taken care of, fed well. This give families the opportunity to plan that.” Shelagh was almost pleading at this point.

Sister Julienne just stared at Shelagh. She felt like she wasn’t looking at the same woman she had known for over a decade, she felt as though this was an entirely new person.

Shelagh couldn’t stand the older woman’s silent scowl any longer. “Well, yell, scream, say something. Anything.” 

The sister looked down at the floor with her arms crossed over her chest. “In all the years I have known you, I have never known you to put medicine before your faith. Is this what marriage has done to you?” 

Instantly there were tears in Shelagh’s eyes. She couldn’t believe that the older woman, a woman she had looked up to for so long, and still did, said that to her. Tears rolled down the redheads cheeks, and with a broken voice, she asked.

“Is that what you really think? You think marriage has done this to me?” The sound of Shelagh’s voice made Sister Julienne look up.

“Please don’t cry. I can’t stand to see you cry.” The older woman started towards the redhead, but stopped when Shelagh put a hand up telling her not to come any closer.

“You didn’t answer my question.” Shelagh said with a still watery voice, “Is that really what you think.” 

Sister Julienne looked Shelagh directly in the eyes and her heart sank. The normally bright blues eyes were red and puffy, and it was her doing.

“No, no I don’t. I let my anger get the best of me, and spoke in malice. it was wrong and ungodly of me, and I’m sorry. I think that marriage has done great wonders for you. You aren’t walking around here miserable anymore, you have love and a family. You have two wonderful sons and a beautiful daughter. You have a husband, who I don’t always agree with, but admire him nonetheless. 

Sister Julienne made another attempt to approach Shelagh, and when she wasn’t stopped, the sister went for it. She pulled Shelagh into a hug, and rubbed her back. “I am so sorry I hurt you.” 

“And I’m sorry for pushing you like that.” Sister Julienne pulled away from the embrace and ran her hands from Shelagh’s shoulders to her wrists.

“Are we okay?” Sister Julienne asked.

“We’re perfectly okay.”

The power for Shelagh’s forgiveness was something Sister Julienne would never take fore granted, and she hoped she would never need to be on the receiving end of it again.

I never post Call the Midwife, because while I watch the show, I have other fandoms I am more invested it. This was a present for my big sister who really, really, really wanted me to do it. 

Prompts! Get your prompts here! No charge!

[sincerelybluevase]

I know that this is probably a bit early, but I’ve already started making a wish-list for season 7. feel free to add :)

- I hope we get lots of cute Turnadette family moments, but I also hope that Shelagh remains a working mum.

-I really want to know more about Sister Winifred. What was her name before she became a religious sister? Why did she become a nun? (I did recently read an interview with Victoria Yeates in which she said that we probably will discover more about her character in the next series, so fingers crossed)

-In the same vein: more about Shelagh’s past. we know absolutely nothing apart from that her mother died when she was young. why did she become a nun? I know that it seems hardly relevant now because she no longer is a nun, but come on.

-ShelaghXTrixie interaction. or, you know, just more interaction between the Turners and the nuns and nurses in general.

-Closure on Chummy

-Angela speaking

-Shulienne

-Shelagh singing

-a story line in which Delia gets to deliver a baby. You know, in which she really establishes herself once and for all as an individual character, rather than Patsy’s girlfriend. we’re already well on our way, though

-Interaction between Sister Monica-Joan and Shelagh

-Valerie’s secret. what is it?

-Maybe see some more of Sister Ursula? I know most people hated her, but I think she was really rather interesting.

-Cynthia. we need to know how she is doing.

-Barbara and anti-conception.

-a story-line about rape. it will be awfull but CtM can handle delicate subjects so well

I guess some of these will, of course, become reality ;)

Most of my wishes seem to have to do with Shelagh, which makes me feel a bit greedy because we had a lot of Shelagh story time this season, but I just find her so interesting

[snoopctm]

A few Random 6x01 Thoughts

Not a long essay. Just some impressions (SPOILERS): 

Sister  U is awful! Very well-played awful, but wow! I bet she kept the TV for herself, too. (I still don’t think she’s sticking around).

I’ve seen a lot of comments on the number of stories and how rushed it seemed at times, and I agree for the most part. I do think that some of the stories were just set-ups for longer arcs, though, especially Shelagh’s pregnancy. I think more issues revolving around the pregnancy will be explored in future episodes.

It’s doesn’t really bother me that the Turners didn’t kiss in the scene where Shelagh tells him. It was a parallel  of the proposal, and there was no kiss there, either.  I think if there is a kiss this series it will be later, like maybe when the baby is born.

Sister MC’s story was heartbreaking! I hope she can get the help she needs, despite Sister U! I wonder if/when she’s going to come back.

The story of the week was  brutal! Poor Trudy and Mickey (what a great little actor!) I’m glad they got away from Lester, who was horrible!

Tom and Barbara are cute, but I still don’t get that excited about them. I liked Barbara’s solution to the engagement ring dilemma.

Next week, we meet Valerie. I’m reserving judgment on her until I see more of her, but one mystery was solved.She introduced herself as a nurse, which means that for some reason she’s a trained nurse working as a barmaid. 

Shelagh gets a lead story next week! Which is great and something of a change because the past few series she’s had very little screen time in 2nd episodes.

The Shulienne scene actually made me cry! I’m glad they still have a good relationship because I was worried (and speculating like crazy) after last series. I did think there was an issue there, but it was more on Sister J’s side and I guess it was just a wake-up call of sorts that Shelagh’s not who she used to be. I’m glad it looks like they’re still close, though!

So, that’s all for now. I’ll post more thoughts throughout the week, I’m sure, especially for my Tuesday and Thursday posts!

[purple-roses-words-and-love]

i saw @snoopctm’s discussion about Shulienne and wanted to add my thoughts but this got long so I decided to just post separately so as not to clog her post too much.

I’m one of those who believe in option one: a fully mother and daughter  relationship but was rather shy to say so after I saw all those 3′s lol, maybe I have it wrong but here’s my “lived it” reasoning for being a “1″

I have about 5 chosen aunts and about 3 extra mom type people in my life.

But for the purposes of this post, I’ll focus broadly on the two closest relationships. My aunt became my aunt when I was 17, she was a teacher at my high school and was going through a rough time, the same year I was, We bonded over our views of the world, our similar personalities and our gentle natures.  We started going on outings right before I graduated high school, once a week we would just do things together. I’m 32 now and she was just here this afternoon. She was also an emergency contact on my forms for college and even on my “contact in case of”: forms as an adult  when I taught for awhile. She has helped me to the restroom in an emergency(I use a wheelchair and have my whole life) and she has been there when I’ve had the flu.

She also asks me for advice often and tells me when she is sad, often saying that I can tell even before she says anything which, I usually can.  And we discuss everything,

But I consider her my aunt, not my friend , and call her Auntie  because she is one of the sheltering forces in my life, the person I know will be there for me no matter what and will offer her wisdom and love and guidance to me as long as there is breath in her body. And that is far more commitment than even a friend. (Me being able to outright call her Auntie  is just a function of my choice and not of changing our relationship into more than it was before, it was aunt-niece before I named it )

My second mom is actually someone a friend of mine got close to as a second mom first and the kind woman later took me under her wing too. She is always there when I need advice , and even a hug or a hand squeeze over text , but she also asks me for advice and turns to me when she is troubled. And in the interests we share , she seeks to guide me and teach me what she knows so that I can carry it on

In general, I guess for me the difference between a maternal relationship and a friendship is three fold.

Power dynamics. If the younger often looks for approval or belonging with the older, or if the older is constantly aware of the younger’s needs on an close  level, that, from my own experience says maternal.

The level of physical touch: I hug my friends, and  I might pat their arm and I do say I love you to them, but hand holding and cuddling, especially when in pain or sad , is still something I do with my one chosen big sister , my folks and my aunt and second mom.  Maybe this is because of the chair, but the more  platonic physical affection I get from  or give someone, the more I am likely to consider them family and not friends.’

Inviting them to do things in place of blood family: If a person is invited to do something which a blood family member might do like: Give one away or be present at a birth, not as secondary support but as primary, then that can mean one sees them as family and not as a friend, also if the other two points are present in conjunction with this one, the likelihood increases of them being family in one’s heart, at least in my experience

Shulienne reminds me almost exactly in many senses of my own relationships with my own extra maternal figures: in the ways  that connection occurs, comfort is sought and advice in given,  as well as the ways in which it hits all of the threefold components that to me, make it more than friendship

But my experiences may be different because of the wheelchair and the Cerebral Palsy, so this is just my viewpoint and I’m sorry if I’m being too nerdy mushy or analytical in this post.

[clobbo]

Forewarned is Forearmed

A little scene insert for Series 13 Episode 8 - Shulienne

Sister Julienne took a deep breath. There had been many times in her life at Nonnatus where she’d had to keep the peace between Sisters. However, Sister Monica Joan and Sister Veronica were equal amounts of stubborn and it could be difficult for Sister Julienne to keep her own frustration under wraps with them both at times. It wasn’t an emotion Sister Julienne was comfortable with, but she was only human and it got the best of her from time to time. Perhaps that was why she shut the door a little more forcefully than she had intended.

She took a deep breath, the air quickly escaping from her in a display of surrender and exasperation.

“Sister Julienne?”

Sister Julienne turned to see Shelagh stood just a little way down the hall. Shelagh looked reluctant, concerned and hesitant. It always struck Sister Julienne that she could see her friends emotions so clearly. She thought herself as generally quite well tuned to people’s emotions - it sort of came with being a nun and midwife. But with Shelagh it seemed different, it seemed to her that she could read Shelagh’s emotions even easier than she could recognise her own at times.

“May I speak with you...?” Shelagh gave a small sigh, and Sister Julienne immediately dropped her hands to her sides. She’d had them just below her diaphragm, trying to feel the exit of the exasperation from her whole body as she sighed in the hopes her frustration might dissipate. As it happened, it only required the sound of concern within Shelagh’s voice for her to immediately disengage with her own feelings and switch her focus away from her bickering Sisters.

“My dear Shelagh, what ever is the matter?” She said stepping towards her. This was somewhat of a redundant question. Dr Turner had been on the phone earlier in the day to say that his wife would be visiting and had alerted Sister Julienne to the latest development with May’s fostering arrangement. He forewarned Sister Julienne that although Shelagh would be visiting in hopes of a practical favour he felt that what she really needed was someone to talk to who could carry the weight of her emotions, and he had struggled to really provide that as he was only just managing his own. They had shared them, but he knew Shelagh needed her Sister in a way that he could not fill.

“I’m sorry...this is a bad time for you...” Shelagh said, noticing the older woman’s weariness just seconds before.

“Nonsense,” dismissed Sister Julienne, reaching Shelagh’s side. “I always have time for you.”

Shelagh ducked her head a gave a shy smile. She knew it was true, but she also knew that Sister Julienne had so many other responsibilities that she felt a wave of guilt come over her for taking up too much of her time.

“Come on,” said Sister Julienne, gently placing a hand on Shelagh’s arm to turn her in the direction of her office. “Come with me.”

* * *

“Patrick said I should come,” Shelagh began. “He said talking to the Order might help as you have links with the Hong Kong Adoption Project. He thought you might have some insight into May’s mother and why she is so keen to speak to us. To speak to May.”

Shelagh had sat down in the usual place for everyone in Sister Julienne’s office - the side of the desk where they all came to discuss their concerns and worries. She directed her question forward to the currently vacant chair, expecting Sister Julienne to make her way there once she had closed the door. Sister Julienne though pulled a chair over from the wall and sat next to Shelagh, positioning herself close and facing towards her. The act itself made Shelagh smile, and relax everso slightly, as if the sheer proximity to Sister Julienne meant she could already feel her compassion and warmth before she’d even spoken a word.

Sister Julienne paused for a moment thoughtfully and then slowly nodded. “We may be able to obtain some information for you...for May.” She paused again, gently reaching out to take Shelagh’s hand. “Forgive me though, Shelagh. The practicalities we will certainly do all we can for you all. But what concerns me most right now, in this moment, is how you are.”

Shelagh removed her hand from Sister Julienne’s grasp and began to play with a loose thread on her coat. There was a long silence between them. Shelagh found herself thinking how easy it could be to let all her feelings go, to indulge in her sadness and anger and confusion at the situation they now found themselves in. To give in to all her feelings though scared her. Where would they end? Sister Julienne had leant forward to try to look Shelagh in the eye, but found her friend would not take her focus from her own lap and the piece of stray cotton, where Sister Julienne’s hand now rested.

Finally, Shelagh looked up at Sister Julienne, her vision blurry with threatening tears. She swallowed and found her words. “If I do not focus on the practicalities,” she said resolutely. “I will break.”

“And if you were to ‘break’...?” Sister Julienne asked quietly.

Shelagh let out a sigh and shook her head. She took Sister Julienne’s hand, Sister Julienne’s thumb immediately gentle rubbing the top of Shelagh’s hand. “I am not sure that even you would be able to put me back together at the moment.”

Sister Julienne nodded slowly and squeezed her hand. “I understand,” she said reflecting on Shelagh’s words. “But know that we are always here for you. I am always here for you.”

“I know, Sister,” Shelagh said attempting to re-gather her strength. She gulped, the lump in her throat growing. “And right now I need to focus on what we can do. What we can understand of the situation. Because the thought of losing her...it...I can’t...”

Sister Julienne watched Shelagh struggle with herself, staggering over the words as tears began to run from her eyes, he words punctuated with small sobs. She let go of Shelagh’s hands and leaning forward took her in her arms. She knew Shelagh was fighting to not give in to her tears but cannot leave her friend sitting with so much torment inside her. She held firmly to her, as if her heart could be healed by such an embrace.

“This isn’t breaking Shelagh,” she said softly over her shoulder. “You are not breaking.”

“Am I not?” Shelagh whispered into her shoulder, closing her eyes and causing further tears drop and land on Sister Julienne’s habit.

“No.” Sister Julienne pulled back slowly from Shelagh, leaving her hands resting on her upper arms, her voice think with emotion. “This is a mothers love...and it should be felt.”

Shelagh nodded. “And what if its decided I’m not her mother anymore?”

Sister Julienne felt her throat tighten with emotion. She had no idea how to answer Shelagh’s question and suddenly felt out of her depth. She had no child she could relate that sort of love to, and she had no idea what lay ahead. Any platitudes of ‘love is enough’ or ‘you’ll always be her mother’ suddenly felt dismissive of what might lay ahead. And although Sister Julienne had every hope and faith that what was best for May would come to pass, if that was a life without the Turner’s she also knew the incredible pain it would inflict.

It was Shelagh who spoke first. “You told me once to have courage,” Shelagh remembered.

Sister Julienne gave a small smile, recalling the memory. “Yes.”

Shelagh wiped her eyes. “It’s good advice.”

Sister Julienne nodded slowly, thinking this over. “Yes. Maybe courage is this. Maybe courage is speaking what we fear the most, giving it a voice so that it doesn’t eat away at us...”

Shelagh continued to dabbed her eyes, and took some shaky breaths trying to regain her composure. She spoke slowly. “Maybe it’s accepting that if Esther is in a good place to have May back, then that...that is something that should be celebrated. Mother and daughter...they’ll be...together again, no matter how much...how much it hurts us.”

Shelagh paused, blowing her nose on a handkerchief that Sister Julienne had placed in her hands. Taking a deep breath she looked straight at Sister Julienne. “But how will we know?” She said desperately, almost pleading with Sister Julienne. “How do we know it is right for May if that is the decision?”

Sister Julienne stood up, putting her hands out to help Shelagh up also. “We are to arm ourselves with the facts. I think Sister Veronica is going to be able to help us...”

[clobbo]

Promised Hopes ~ additional scenes

Whoops - it’s been a little while since I published any fics! But I’m back with some missing moments, these ones following the nightdress that Shelagh had made for Baby Turner that wasn’t meant to be. It’ll be a mix of happy and sad, and of course, because I’m writing, a rather large dollop of Shulienne. There’ll be a few parts to follow to this fic, but this one begins in Series 3 Episode 4.

Thank you to everyone that reads and comments, its lovely to read what you all think!

When the knock came at the door, Sister Julienne was surprised to see Mrs Turner stood, somewhat reluctantly, in the doorway, clutching a small brown bag.

Sister Julienne looked up from her desk and beamed. “My dear!”

Shelagh smiled on hearing Sister Julienne's voice. The safety and comfort of Nonnatus House, and indeed this very office, still held such a large part of her heart. “Sister Monica Joan let me in,” she began making her way towards Sister Julienne's desk. “I wanted to give you something, for the charity box.”

Sister Julienne immediately sensed the tension in the air. Shelagh held the brown bag as if it were a precious metal to be clung on to. And although her words said she wished to give it away, her eyes were distant from the request – in a different place that Sister Julienne did not recognise.

With a small smile, Sister Julienne reached over the desk and held out a hand towards the brown bag. “That's very kind of you Shelagh.”

She had almost added 'you could have dropped it in with the rest down the hall' but didn't. It felt wrong, like this brown bag was worth more than being placed with all the other donations left by so many kind poplar residents. Besides, it was rare that one item arrived. Usually it was a large bag of old baby clothes as the result of a large clearout. Seldom one item, and rarely dropped off in person.

Shelagh hesitated, she held the bag out everso slightly away from her, but her eyes did not come off it. She froze. So much of her love and hopes had been poured into it, that suddenly it seemed impossible to give it away, to hand it over.

Sister Julienne withdrew her hands, knowing that this wasn't likely to be a social call by Shelagh. It was not a chit chat about the weather, but something far more serious was going on. She made her way around the desk to join Shelagh on the other side of it.

Shelagh turned, swallowing down her emotion. “It is a nightdress,” she said, barely in a whisper, pain searing into her words. She could feel the lump in her throat growing. She had been so strong this morning, with Patrick. Honest, but strong. But now, having to share with Sister Julienne why she was here, it suddenly seemed too much, and the tears inside her threatened themselves once more.

“May I?” Sister Julienne said quietly, offering to take the bag to have a look.

Shelagh gave one nod of the head and relinquished her grip on the bag. But as soon as she let go and laid it in the hands of Sister Julienne, as soon as the precious garment perfumed in her hopes and dreams left her possession, the emotion inside her overwhelmed her, and she felt her shoulders shake with the weight of all that she was carrying.

Sister Julienne placed the bag, still unopened, onto the table beside them and opened her arms for Shelagh to move into them – which she did, in one quick motion resting her head on the nuns shoulder and allowing the familiar feel of the habit to envelope her and her Sister to comfort her. She allowed herself to feel, for a moment, the full force of her grief and her body shook with sorrow. Sister Julienne closed her eyes and prayed briefly for God's comfort to be with Shelagh in this moment. After a short while, she felt Shelagh's body began to relax, the tears subside and the two stood in their embrace, Sister Julienne gently swaying them both as a mother does to soothe their baby. The silence around them offering its comfort with just the sound of Shelagh's breath calming and returning to normal.

“I'm so sorry,” Shelagh whispered into the Sister's habit.

“None of that,” Sister Julienne said, realising that her voice too was thick with emotion. She pulled back from Shelagh slightly and rested her hands on Shelagh's shoulders. “You can always come here, to Nonnatus House...to me... It is as much your home as it ever has been.”

Shelagh allowed herself a small smile at the reminder, and felt grateful for the love that was always so tangible in this place. However, she felt embarrassed and awkward at her outburst. She was usually so much more restrained, more strong, than that.

As if she had read her mind, Sister Julienne said, “We all need somewhere that we can just come, and feel what we need to, without judgement or expectation.”

Shelagh nodded, agreeing. Despite the outburst she didn't know where to begin, how to explain the loss she was feeling for something that she never had, or was never promised.

Seeing the Shelagh was lost in her own thoughts, Sister Julienne guided Shelagh to sit down and picked up the brown bag placing it on her lap.

“You take a moment,” she said, smiling gently. “I will make some tea, and shall search for cake that has not fallen victim to Monica Joan, yet.”

“Thank you,” Shelagh said, as Sister Julienne left the room. Shelagh unwrapped the brown bag and held the nightdress up to her face, smelling it and taking in everything about it. She needed to say goodbye to the dream of a child of her own. Not that she didn't love Timothy as if he were, but goodbye to carrying a child, birthing a child and seeing it in the nightdress that she had carefully stitched over the weeks previous. As Patrick had said, that road was now at an end and she knew she needed to let go.

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Comfort in Silence

Well, would you look at that. It’s another scene addition slotting into the Christmas Special 2013, when Shelagh returns to the nuns after Timothy is admitted to the hospital. Shulienne, obviously. I really hope you all enjoy it, I loved writing it.

Sister Julienne was aware of the worried soul in the room before her songbird voice joined them in singing. She felt the presence of Shelagh perhaps even before she was in the building. Sister Monica Joan's words earlier had struck a chord with her, and how she desperately missed her Sister Bernadette. Unlike Sister Monica Joan though, she did not feel that Shelagh had escaped her religious life deceptively, or naively. Above all things Shelagh was incredibly wise and sensible, just two of her many wonderful characteristics, and Sister Julienne recognised that it would have taken more courage for her to leave Nonnatus than to stay. For it is easy to stay somewhere to keep the peace, to trundle along and not question anything and to say it is your calling to keep your soul satisfied. It is easy to lie to yourself, and so much more difficult to be honest. And Sister Julienne never respected Shelagh more than she did when she signed her final papers and took tentative steps into the world outside Nonnatus House. Outside the safety of her Sisters in pursuit of what had now become her honest calling.

As Shelagh made her way to the Sisters, joining with their voices to where they had created a makeshift altar, she felt her heart begin to soar in unison with them. The last few hours had been so desperately traumatic, and her mind had been a whirl. She wish she'd have had the strength to stay at the hospital, in the corridor, waiting. The truth was she was scared she would scream. The tension and the anxiety suffocated her, and the distance she was having to keep from Timothy had killed her. She had been so relieved for Timothy's sake when Patrick had turned up, although on her own part she felt such guilt for having been forced to leave him. If she had been braver, more upfront with the nurse. If she'd been more honest with her feelings with Patrick earlier they could already have been married! And then she could have been at Timothy's side when his father could not be. If she was half the nurse that she thought she was – she would have noticed. If she was half the mother-like figure she hoped to be to Timothy – she would have noticed. But she didn't. And she felt so dreadfully guilty.

Finding her place between Sister Monica Joan, who stood peacefully and contentedly beside her, and Sister Julienne she felt the gentle presence of the Holy Spirit rest on her. She could nowhere near forget everything that was going on in her life right now, but it provided comfort and for a moment she thought that everything might be OK as the words to the familiar song came to her as if a recited mantra. For thou art my strength. And she so wished she could feel that strength.

It was at that moment she felt the reassuring gentle grasp of Sister Julienne's hand taking hers. She gripped it tightly as if it was the life ring she had been searching for within a ferocious storm.

Silence fell in the room, and the nuns fell into the routine prayer for the usual end of Compline. Shelagh did not join them, she continued to grip Sister Julienne's hand, and, eyes closed, let the familiar words wash over her and surround her, enveloping her in a familiar comfort that she so longed for.

The other nuns took their leave, but Sister Julienne remained carefully encouraging Shelagh to her knees to pray together.

One look between them, and one whispered word was all that was needed.

“Timothy,” Sister Julienne whispered. It was not a question, but a statement. There had been murmurings in the hall – Dr Turner was so well known and it hadn't taken long for word to spread. When it had reached Sister Julienne she had paced up and down in a quiet area of the hall way, unsure where her place was in this family's eyes now. Shelagh may not yet be married, but Dr Turner and Timothy were her family, and Sister Julienne understood the weight of uncertainty and fear that lay on all their shoulders.

One nod of the head by Shelagh was enough, and the pair of them fell into prayer together.

_ _ _

“I have set up a camp bed in the bar area,” Sister Evangelina explained to Sister Julienne. The hall was quiet, with many of the occupants settling down for the night. Shelagh hovered by the doorway, looking on awkwardly whilst Sister Julienne spoke to Sister Evangelina. “I thought it might be quieter, and a bit more private.”

“Thank you,” Sister Julienne said. She was so gratefully that underneath it all Sister Evangelina was exceptionally kind and incredibly perceptive to what was needed. “I will sit with her and then I shall come and relieve you from overseeing everyone in here...”

“You will do no such thing,” Sister Evangelina said, cutting her off. “What she needs is a good friend, and most likely, I would say, a good cry. I have set up a camp bed in there for you too, if you should feel it's needed.”

“Sister, I...”

“No more thank you's, I won't have it. Now take care of her,” Sister Evangelina said looking over the Shelagh. “And make sure she knows how much we love her, and how glad we are she has come to us.”

Sister Julienne nodded and smiled. “I shall.”

Shelagh was relieved when Sister Julienne made her way back through the hall. She could see that she was being discussed by the two nuns. Perhaps they felt she was taking advantage of them. All these people without homes and now that she had hit a difficult patch she had come crawling back to them seeking comfort and solace. After she had stayed away deliberately for so long, she wouldn't be surprised if they encouraged her to leave, to go back to Patrick who she had so obviously chosen over them all.

Sister Julienne took her by the arm and they turned into the hall way and into the bar area where Shelagh noticed two camp beds had been set up.

“Sister Evangelina thought you might like the quiet. That is, if you wish to stay?”

“I couldn't take up a bed that is so obviously needed,” Shelagh responded quietly. “I can go back to Dr Turner's house, or to the hospital. Thank you for allowing me to join with you, though. And for the prayer.”

Sister Julienne looked sadly at her friend. “Shelagh, if that is what you wish, then of course. But you are very welcome here. It is a spare bed that is not in use. Besides,” Sister Julienne said, looking across at a table nearby. “I very much suspect that those mugs of Horlicks are for us and it would be a shame for them to go to waste – especially as Sister Evangelina has milk on a strict ration!”

Shelagh managed a smile, Sister Julienne had a look in her eyes as if participating in drinking Horlicks was possibly the naughtiest thing they could do. She picked up a mug and sat carefully on her camp bed, which was not yet made up.

“If I may,” she began, wrapping her hands around the mug. “I would like to stay. I am of no use at the hospital to Patrick in my present state. Plus the matron won't let me on the ward. And I am not sure I could face going back to Dr Turner's house tonight. Not after today.”

“Of course,” Sister Julienne said, taking a sip of her own horlicks and sitting opposite on her own camp bed.

The pair sat in silence for a while, sipping the Horlicks and relishing in the peace and quiet. As a nun, and an ex nun, silence was never awkward. It was welcomed in a world that seemed so busy and noisy. It was enjoyable and comforting, and they both relished in it.

Sister Julienne got up and took both mugs and put them onto the table.

“You look tired,” she said to Shelagh.

“I am,” Shelagh agreed. “But I also am not. I don't think I shall be able to rest my mind tonight. It is not the night I thought I would have planned...” Shelagh said sadly, her voice beginning to shake under the emotion of the day and the thought of the wedding that should be going ahead tomorrow.

Sister Julienne nodded, she knew this already. Carefully taking the pillows laid out at the end of the bed she placed them where Shelagh would sleep. And gathering the blankets, the began to unroll them. Shelagh obliged and put her legs up onto the bed and under the blanket. Sister Julienne sat carefully at Shelagh’s feet and leant towards her.

“You are to stay here tonight. In the morning, I will telephone the vicar and tell him that your wedding has been postponed for several weeks and why.”

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4 thoughts

Without a doubt this scene will have been discussed a thousand times when it originally aired. But, as I missed that excitement at the time I wanted to add some thoughts about the moments before Patrick comes in and it’s just Shulienne, because I love their bond. Please add yours, or argue with me!

1. Their physical closeness. I mean the main thing that everyone who loves Shulienne must notice here is that although, arguably, Sister Julienne could be simply being a very supportive midwife, the closeness of Shelagh leaning into her, gripping onto her shoulders whilst the nun soothes her and rocks her is so touching and lovely. Their thing of comfort between the two of them, in my eyes, is touch (especially hand-holding) - it only follows that at one of the most intense experiences of Shelagh’s life this is escalated to such physical closeness.

2. Sister Julienne and her picture of calm and positivity (also see point 4). Understandably, Shelagh’s a bit pessimistic at this point, and feeling exhausted/low. Sister Julienne just takes exactly the right amount of instruction and support. She doesn’t over-comfort Shelagh and feed into Shelagh’s slightly more negative current outlook (fuelled by pain, of course). She has practical matter-of-fact answers - and it’s the perfect balance. Although this is not doubt a quality gained through her years of experience of midwifery, Shelagh isn’t just any old patient so I believe it’s quite carefully crafted.

I can’t believe I used to dream of this, it’s like a nightmare.

You’re doing better than you think.

Am I?

Yes. And if you want to keep the pain at bay you could always try the singing...?

3. Every woman alive is the sum of all she ever did, and felt, and was.

This statement comes off the back of Shelagh believing that there is a ‘was’ and ‘is’ to her life. The beauty of this rather profound reply by Sister Julienne (that she claims she wasn’t aware she even knew) is that she acknowledges Shelagh’s past, completely excepts her present and it’s clear that Shelagh continues to inspire her even though they now walk different paths.

4. A little bit of a long shot this one, but it comes from if I was ever to have written this scene myself as a fic (if only I could create something so beautiful!), but Sister Julienne’s calm is even more evident to Shelagh. If you rest your head on someones shoulder/chest on their left (especially the way Shelagh is, like, flat on) you will be able to hear their heartbeat pretty clearly. That rhythm is incredibly soothing. And, although you can appear as calm as you like on the outside, being calm on the inside so that your heart beat is steady in rhythm is something else entirely. Although Sister Julienne’s experience should give her a lot of confidence, it also would work against her because she does know everything that Shelagh still has to go and possibly problems and difficulties ahead. I think this is proof (as if we ever needed it) that Sister Julienne is there with Shelagh in the moment, and is being led by her. She’s not thinking about what’s next, what’s coming or what’s for tea later at Nonnatus. In that moment nothing else is more important than the support and friendship she’s offering. And if you have that peace about what you’re currently doing then I’m pretty sure that’s a calm that is displayed both externally and internally.