#whatever. eet ees vat eet ees. que sera sera

[iheartteamnuke]

Get Up and Walk

AO3 Link

DESCRIBED: A desk. It is perfectly built and perfectly average, made out of birch wood. Simple, clean, effective. On the desk is an open deck of cards, neatly stacked, a lamp with a cubed shade, and a few pages of paper, with a pen laying perpendicular atop. Behind the desk is a chair, currently filled by Office of Sky Safety and Hazard Assessment head, Avid, in his perfectly ironed and fitted work uniform. There is no last name. It doesn’t matter, he’s the only one who can sign the paperwork, so his boss won’t care if there’s a bit of legal information missing there. His boss only cares that the paper makes its way back. At OSSHA Headquarters, Avid does some paperwork.

Hi guys I'm normal about OSSHA Avid. So normal. As seen by this fic. Title is from the song Sleepwalk by Forrest Day and cw for uh. Unreality? I guess? Idfk

Fic below the cut!

DESCRIBED: A desk. It is perfectly built and perfectly average, made out of birch wood. Simple, clean, effective. On the desk is an open deck of cards, neatly stacked, a lamp with a cubed shade, and a few pages of paperwork, with a pen laying perpendicular atop.

NOTE: the pen is a quill, just to make it a bit more official.

Behind the desk is a chair, currently filled by Office of Sky Safety and Hazard Assessment head, Avid, in his perfectly ironed and fitted work uniform. There is no last name. It doesn’t matter, he’s the only one who can sign the paperwork, so his boss won’t care if there’s a bit of legal information missing there. His boss only cares that the paper makes its way back.

ACTION: Avid takes the pen off the papers and begins assessing the words written.

The top of the page is just heading nonsense. This is OSSHA business, stamped on the top, location in the middle of nowhere, the works. Avid skips over it, and skips over the legal jargon he never learned to read. That’s Vintage’s job, and Vintage isn’t permitted to read any of these documents. Or be in this office. Or know that this office exists. All she needs to know is that he’s her boss and handles all the paperwork, not what it’s about.

Speaking of, next section of the document:

[DESCRIBE SUBJECT]

Hm, that’s a tricky one. There are three, currently, because he’s been running behind. It’s been a mess, trying to wrangle everyone down here and make sure the released clones have been working well while also looking like the normal Avid everyone knows. Which he is! He just…has other objectives to accomplish. And also paperwork he hasn’t been able to get to until now. Actually, what time is it?

TIME: 2:52am, Thursday night. All the cameras are off, Avid. No one can see this.

Right, right. Doesn’t matter. Just gotta get this done. Best if in chronological order. Trog first, then!

First name Trog, probably short for Trogathy, no last name, title of doctor. Of what, Avid doesn’t know. Probably something super nerdy. Age unknown. Height unknown. Subject obtained…hm. What’s the time again?

STOP ASKING ME, I DON'T KNOW: 2:53am, Thursday night.

Let’s call it last week. Vitals—Avid looks away from the paper and towards the monitor display that sits outside Trog’s tube—stable. No physical blemishes that he can see. That’s good. If there were, well, that would mean he didn’t keep his friends safe, and then there would be problems! Anyways.

[OBTAINMENT PROCESS]

Knocked unconscious via flat end of an axe. Blunt force trauma. Honestly, it’s a miracle that they don’t have any physical blemishes, because Avid had been a little too forceful with the swing. He had just wanted to make sure it didn’t take multiple hits to take them out, because that would’ve been awkward, just going at it, and he was already nervous about doing it in the first place- this was his first time kidnapping someone! Can you blame him? 

But in practice, it had been easy taking Trog down; he’d distracted them with the satellite and all the boring nerd junk and bam! Down for the count. Tubed. Tubed! That’s a funny word, tubed. Doesn’t feel like a word anymore. Nothing really feels anymore. What’s there to feel when you kidnapped one of your friends? 

What’s there to feel when you’re just a custom marionette made to dance? Dancing above the void you so fear? What’s there to do when everyone thinks you’re crazy! What if they’re right!

ACTION: Avid slams his writing hand down on the desk, dropping the pen.

SOUND: manic, mirthless laughter.

TIME: 3:04am. Too late at night to be doing paperwork, but well. You do what you have to. So do it.

Right, right! Where was he?

[CLONE STATUS]

Based on the reports, fine. They’d been aptly named Dr. Tube and immediately gone to work, stepping into Trog’s life without issue. The job is being done well. Avid had noticed an increase of railings throughout the kingdoms since Tube’s release, and the reports held the data to prove it. Sure, there was that whole thing where they had memories of Trog’s from another universe, but that sorted itself out. And didn’t require death this time, which is good. Better than good- man, the amount of times it took him to get them right is hard to count. His axe was getting really low on durability there.

Doesn’t matter! All that matters is this attempt worked out. They’re up and attem and seem to be perfectly okay. So clone status. Stable. Okay.

[DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU’VE STARTED?]

Yes?

Yes. No. Yes. Absolutely yes. There’s a guilt that creeps through him every second he isn’t in this uniform. He can’t look anyone in the eyes anymore because he knows they know and he knows they don’t. One day they’re gonna find this place and there’s gonna be a witch hunt. Soon. Soon. Soon.

But the uniform is on. So no! Absolutely not! Silly-

NOTE: the name about to be said has been redacted for safety of the public.

-the silly guy, leaving this funny bit in here! What’s there to start that hasn’t been in place for years? Avid hasn’t started anything, he’s just continuing something out of his control! This is his job, and he’s getting paid for it he’s pretty sure, so don’t blame him for this! He’s just a little guy!

Okay, yes, he understands. But he disagrees with the wording on principle. So there. 

ACTION: Avid pushes his chair back and turns to face the tube where Trog is being held.

They look so peaceful, floating in the solution like that. Ethereal, even, with their long, wild hair suspended around them like a halo, their tie hovering a few inches away from their chest. They look at ease, for what Avid thinks is the first time since the kingdoms have been established- gosh, everything has been so hectic lately, with the court case and all the pranks between kingdoms and that stinkin’ void. And sure, some of that could be put on him and OSSHA, but he wasn’t trying to cause problems! All he wanted to do was keep his friends safe. And he’s pretty sure this is the best way to do that, so he’s doing it, and he’s doing a good job.

And, well, everyone would be understanding if he told them this whole situation was a bunch of orders, right? Trog would be; Avid can always count on Troggers. So he can count on Tube. Yeah. Gosh, it’s getting late, and now he’s getting sappy. This is not- what time is it again?

TIME: 3:07am, Friday morning. Rest, Avid. Clearly the exhaustion is getting to you.

This is not the correct behavior for 3am. Really. He needs to get back to work. Trog is going to stay put and watch as he finishes this paperwork up, and he can send it off and not think about it until someone else gets within the range of tubing. Probably Marm; that woman is a walking Level 8, not to mention the whole “I went to Limbo and heard sobbing” story she’s decided to double down on. Gosh, things are a mess right now. It’s a good thing he’s been contractually obligated to clean it up!

But now is not the time to think about the future, or any sort of crimes he needs to commit. He has to finish this paperwork before the end of the week before his boss gets mad about it, and now that he’s done one of the three forms, the next two should go smoothly. It’s getting late, after all, and he wants to sleep at some point. So back to it.

ACTION: Avid sits down again, quietly pushing the seat towards the desk, and flips the paperwork to the next form.

NOTE: Nothing was written down on that first page.