#while also very much keeping her work boundaries and hours clear

[deoidesign]

vampire and werewolf sitting in a tree

time trav e l i n g

first comes. trying to kill eachother then comes... learning you're his dead ex-lover then comes marriage!

(you can buy the book this scene is from for $15 it's really good. it's the fan favorite of the series!)

[maybe-boys-do-love]

The Trainee, Episode 7 Work-Life

So i wanted to dive into episode 7 of the Trainee before watching the new one, because, after some thought, i realized how it gives an extraordinary culmination of all the shows' themes around healthy workplaces for which its been subtly laying the building blocks. Re-watching it, I marked over 30 references to well-being in workplaces in the episode. I'll pare it down for y'all. Spoilers ahead. Here we go, hold on tight!

1.Ba Mhee reminds Tae to take his vitamins as they car-pool into the office. He is, of course, ignoring her as he works and edits away on his computer beneath a blanket to keep the glare out from his screen. She tells him he needs to take care of his body. "You use your body a lot!" And this emphasis on bodily health that we get from Ba Mhee is key to understanding the show's complex perspective on work-life balance and the comparison we get (and will likely continue to get) between Judy and Jane's relationships with their interns.

2.In the next scene, Pah finishes up a voice-over for the post-production team and declares, "Feel free to ask me to do anything," which includes buying food, buying snacks, and carrying stuff. He's "always ready to help." Wan, the editor, doesn't discourage his boundary-less enthusiasm.

gif by @peachblossomdrama

3.And why would we be surprised by Wan's answer to Pah? We next see him explaining how he hasn't slept for 24 hours and another editor waking up after a night spent sleeping in the office. The editing team is a great example of how the show has used comedy--these goofy nerds who seem clueless to social cues like when and where its appropriate to sleep and how to socialize to have friends and partners--to plant the reality of major work-life balance issues in this office. But something the show uses to complicate a straight-up condemnation of their work behavior is that it let's us know that it's very much is the nature of the post-production team's job to have the strictest deadlines, requiring them to work weird, intense hours. They explain to Tae the Monday deadline, which will require him to work over the weekend unless he can finish it by Monday. Putting so much on the intern, however, seems sketch, to say the least. And focus on work over his personal life is what leads Ba Mhee to start doubting their relationship, which doesn't end well...

4.Another moment of comedy that also shows us the blurred lines between office and home life is Pie and Ba Mhee's conversation about Judy in the bathroom as Pie brushes her teeth and Ba Mhee puts her make up. It's a little moment, but little moments like this that emphasize the bigger message are what make this show so fuckin great.

5.There are lots of little moments about hunger and food in this episode and throughout the series. Ba Mhee's sandwich for Tae, Jane checking on Ryan's hunger level--being fed takes care of a body to make sure they are prepared and focus to do their work, and these moments remind us of its importance.

6.But Judy's sharing of her food with Ba Mhee begins a series of questions about sharing with coworkers, and especially with suborinate employees. It goes from sharing food, to confusing the glasses of water, to sharing a kiss, symbolizing the blurring of the lines between their own personal boundaries.

7.I won't excuse Judy's behavior, however, the show does a beautiful job of contextualizing it within Judy's workaholic nature in which she never seems to be off-duty. She's called Ba Mhee at 2am previously and we've seen her as the last person in the office. In this episode, she zoom's in while she can't actually be on video, she delivers a gift to clients several years after last working with them, and then she's out late partying with the clients. Everything she says in this episode suggests a marriage to her work where she seeks others' approval, and that prevents her from truly taking care of herself or having a clear head about her personal life and boundaries.

8.The parties and drinking are another question about professional behavior the show brings up. When Ba Mhee explains, "You're clients got me drunk," we are cued into the power imbalance at play even if the show hides its hand by not emphasizing it. In fact, we are pointed to the inappropriateness of this client a few times throughout the episode. The boss, for example, chooses who to work with based on "physiognomy," or looks... Of course, as with the post-production team, networking and parties and attractiveness are a reality for this position, so we aren't meant to be mad about a hard line being crossed (except the kiss), but bare witness to the fuzziness of the boundary and Judy's failure to identify it for herself and/or support Ba Mhee in finding it.

9.There's one more work boundary Judy crosses that, while I'm sure when other people notice its inclusion will feel perturbed, I found touching in connecting it to the confusion of separating one's work self and personal self. Judy discloses her sexuality. Nowadays, this is less fraught (depending on ur locale, of course!), but it is still legal to discriminate in workplaces based on your sexuality in many places. It's not a given that you get to express every part of yourself professionally, and the question of how much you can say or express your sexuality while working with the public and with coworkers is another occupational ethics question, and I'm so glad that the show included it in the tangled mess of Judy's boundary-crossing instead of simply showing us the "right way" to do it only, because, it's really not that long since there was no 'right way' in a legal and public opinion sense.

10.Speaking of sexuality, let's talk about the character of Joy, who is so lusciously funny with her open attraction to Jane that we go into our comedy mindsets and ignore how wildly inappropriate she's acting. Ryan is right, "This is an abuse of a professional position" and "If you want to flirt with each other, do it somewhere else, not in the office." Her inappropriate behavior has real consequences. She favors Jane and gives him the bottles instead of the actual director, which is the start of the issues, because there is a trend throughout the series that Jane doesn't actually know where a lot of things are at the office. Then, her behavior, not Ryan's crush alone, causes Ryan's challenges with focusing, so he's wasting paper (while wearing a recycling shirt!) and not listening when the explanation is given about the tester for the collagen capsule. Why isn't anyone intervening? Because of our acculturation to workplace comedy behavior, we're allowed to see it all as humorous, but the show has more up its sleeve.

11.Consequences is one of the things that The Trainee does exceptionally well. It gives us comedic elements but doesn't let them flit away as a joke. There are financial, emotional, and this time, physical ramifications to what could otherwise be laughed off. Jane doesn't pick up the phone. Ryan missed the information because of Joy's flirting and his own feelings, so he gives Pah the wrong bottle. When Pah leaves work, the show includes the detail of the burns on his arms, which is just such a great little detail, because consequences at work is what the show's all about: consequences and how to move forward once they occur.

12.JANE AND RYAN'S FIGHT!!!! They're both right and they're both wrong and it's so real and honest about what arguments actually are. First, Jane is ever professional by having the conversation privately after the explosion ("Go wait for me in my office"), because you don't shame employees in front of others. Next, Ryan owns his behavior and apologizes but also--and this is by far Ryan's biggest strength--articulates some of his questions and observations about the causes, explaining how he tried to call Jane for the info. Jane shoots back asking if there was no one else Ryan could ask, pointing to two issues for the two of them we can interpret. One: Jane knows Ryan has, if nothing else, latched onto him at work for assistance over anyone else. Two: Ryan couldn't have talked to anyone else because the office has an organization and documentation issue, sono one knows where anything is, especially if they weren't individually in charge of it. Just earlier in the episode Jo was looking through files on the desk for a document Prang sent, and Jane couldn't help locate it, either. I'd have to rewatch, but I'd guess in nearly every episode there's something lost that someone's looking for. Idk if Jane is being defensive about a known weak point of his, or if he just doesn't realize it.

13. Ryan discloses his feelings for Jane! For all the internal monologues and cues we've seen about Ryan's feelings (and about Jane's likely reciprocation), he hasn't been unprofessional. Disclosing his feelings verbally to his superior is actually a professional choice (the edits do all the heavy lifting of the romantic elements). Remember what Ba Mhee said at the beginning of the episode. "You're body is important." Communicating a feeling verbally is very different than using his body to communicate as Judy does. And the awareness and choices we make to deal with the feelings matter deeply in a professional setting, and both Jane and Ryan seem appropriately aware of this. We'll see what next steps they take now.

[darknessembrxced-archive]

@attitude-erarp : w/ shawn michaels

The smell of sweat, older locker room, and something that was just distinctly wrestling was a comforting one. The sort that was reminiscent of early childhood, laughter, and fun. It had been a consistent and constant presence throughout her life from as early as she could remember. The one that signaled she was right where she belonged.

While she would have preferred to be out in front of the crowds, she settled for being backstage. That dream that she had sacrificed for was no longer obtainable. It wasn't worth the risk of never walking again. So, she took what she could get and how she could get it. It was how she ended up as a masseuse and trainer for the WWF. The company of all companies right now to work for. Woman or not, her name did garner a certain level of respect thanks to the reputation that her father had built, and she and her brother had expanded upon. Physical therapy, recovery, and health meant that the men and women were able to continue doing the fighting that kept others entertained.

That being said, she was in the big league now, and her name didn't mean everything. There was a level of expectation among some that she would fall into bed with them simply by flashing a smile and delivering some cheesy pick-up line. It had been anticipated, so she hadn't clocked the first individual that had asked like instinct had demanded that she do. It wasn't her father's promotion and she wasn't as important to the company as some of the people here. So she had to be mindful.

Some took the rejection better than others. Some were persistent in the quest. But the answer was always no. She wasn't oblivious to what most of the guys who weren't in steady relationships did. Even some of those that were partook. Frankie was hardly interested in being a conquest to be bragged about. She had grown up around men like this. She knew that a certain level of shit was taken, but she also knew how to give shit back and do it to earn respect and boundaries. Sleep with one and the entire company would think she was fair game. It wasn't something that she was willing to accept.

She had been working in a practice ring with one or two of the younger guys. Talent that may not make it far, but she was happy to impart the knowledge that she had obtained over the years. She may have been younger than some within the company, but her wealth of both technical wrestling and the way that the business ran was invaluable. As if she had been working for nearly thirty years. And in a way, she had.

The session had ended, and she knew she was due to head towards the medical room since the show would be starting in a few hours. Just off the medical room was one set up for her. Massage helped keep the athletes as healthy as anything else. It also helped ease injury.

Just as she slung her bag over her shoulder, she heard her name called out. Nearly, so very nearly she groaned. Apparently, she had been unlucky enough to catch the attention of one Shawn Michaels. Why and how were unknown to her, but she wished she could go back in time and change that so she could avoid the flirting and the attempts he made to hit on her. He looked at most women like they were the next in his bed that night and Frankie wasn't having it.

"I don't really have the time today, Michaels." So far, it had been harmless flirting and showing up where it was at times inconvenient. Some suggestive comments. And as much as she tried to make it clear she wasn't interested, he kept turning up. He had yet to ask her out but she had a feeling that would eventually change.

[stanofwar2]

Journal Entries, 1, 3

Entry #2! Not much going on for Leon, but he's trying his best to keep himself entertained.

Was tempted to put a sketch on this page but Leon isn't much of an artist.

Transcript/Clear text below

June 16th

Hello again! I’ve been busy for the past few days babysitting/watching the young twins, while also getting to know the Pines family some more. They are an odd bunch. Endearing, but odd. Stan and Ford’s full names are Stanley and Stanford Filbrick Pines, which tells me that whichever parent picked their names but clearly they weren’t very clever. They also had been traveling across the world on their ship called the Stan O’War 2, now whatever happened to the first one is still a mystery. Though they seem to have been having an amazing time on their travels, Stan often going on and on for hours telling anyone and everyone (mostly the kids) these exaggerated tales of all these amazing discoveries and battles he and Ford would get in while researching and treasure hunting, talking about pirates and all sorts of mythical creatures. Now whatever Ford’s research is still unknown, all I’ve gathered is that it seems to deal with something odd. He also keeps eyeing me, as if he’s trying to piece something together.

I’ve also met two other members of the “family.” Wendy Corduroy, a young teen girl that works in the shack with Soos, often referring to him as her bro, she and the kid’s appear to be pretty close. And Soos’s Abuelita who moved in after Soos was promoted to Shack owner.

I’ve seen Wendy and the kids laughing, playing pranks with each other, and just having some good fun. She loves the kids, like a big protective sister and though we haven’t spoken much, I’ve noticed she comes off chill and cool, but I can see past the facade. There’s a deep sadness in her, a loss hanging over her, but not enough to dampen her good heart. She tries to be happy, to appreciate every day as much as she can. And I understand that all too well.

I often see Stan complaining about them, and at first it frustrated me but all my years on the road have taught me anything, it's how to catch a con in their tracks. And while Stan is an amazing conman, he seems to have softened in his old age. I started to see that he was feigning frustration, but in reality he deeply cares about all of them, but especially his family. He is always helping them in small ways or whenever they ask for it, complaining the whole time, but doing it nonetheless. Ford is similar but he’s a bit more hesitant, not wanting to overstay his welcome or overstep his boundaries. There's a.. Guilt surrounding him. A deep well of shame that covers him. He hides it well behind a gentle smile, but there are moments when I’ve seen the mask fall, the light in his eyes fading as his face grows cold. And in all those moments, it’s always directed at his brother. And everytime Stan looks at him he quickly hides it again, smiling bright and loving at his twin. Being strong and happy for him. Like my dad..

Anyways, not much else has happened, no updates on my car yet, so until next time.

Leon

[teddybearsandspaceships]

I started taking notes about Cleo´s Hermitcraft stream from 7.6.2024, the one where Doc killed Cleo´s pig, back in June but ran out of steam about an hour in. By now the Twitch VOD is gone but it´s not been uploaded to Youtube (yet? fingers crossed), so I figured I´d just post what I have before I forget about it. Large parts showed up in videos but not all of it.

Cleo gifts Joe 8 diamond blocks, with over a stack of diamond blocks still in their ender chest, and explains that they´ve been trying to spend them shopping but then people shout at them for clearing out their stock

Cleo doesn´t want anyone to give them their firstborn child. It would not go well so let´s just not.

Foreshadowing: Cleo is going to work on their massive hole, but without a beacon. If Ren comes on, Ren can do a beacon. Two minutes later Ren logs on: “You called?” “OMW”

“The right amount of evil and the right amount of compassion, that´s me.”

Loving Ren is not mandatory, it´s just a thing that happens. Some people are very difficult to have a bad word to say against, “trust me I´ve tried.”

Ren arrives splattered on the ground.

Doc announced his visit with attempted anvil murder. He´s investigating a crime! Someone took deepslate diamond ore from one of his ores and replaced it with normal deepslate! Cleo is innocent but thinks it´s quite funny.

Suspects: Cleo suspects Etho. Doc and Ren agree Etho wouldn´t touch another man´s redstone, he knows boundaries. Cleo: “Etho knows boundaries, sure, sure, sure he does, mhm.”

Cleo says the only time they´re visiting Doc´s redstone is when he´s wronged them and they´re bringing a water bucket. (foreshadowing.)

Ren suspects Joe. Doc says he trusts Ren too much, while Cleo is always up to some shenanigans, but he should be on her good side because of the rainbow beacon. Cleo says that doesn´t mean she wouldn´t mess with him, but agrees, she wouldn´t do it unprovoked. (foreshadowing.)

Xisuma was on the server earlier, but Doc is convinced he couldn´t hurt a fly. Pearl was also on, but “she joined the redstone people now, she respects redstone.” Doc has no quarrel with False either. It´s coming down to the usual suspects, like Cub.

Doc is unhappy the people from Buttcrack Mountain are making a volcano because Doc announced he wanted to make a volcano weeks ago. Cleo knows nothing about this. This is proof Cleo doesn´t watch Doc´s videos. Doc´s videos are so long though.

More theorizing: it could have been Scar! Or Jevin, but he´s already pulled off an impressive prank this week.

Cleo: “Okay, all I´m saying is, neither of you can come at me for being overdramatic about anything after this.” Doc: “What do you mean, overdramatic? Cleo. Do you like this pig over there?” Doc walks over to Cleo´s pig sitting in a boat at the bottom of the massive hole. “Yes.” “Do you have any personal attachment to it?” “I mean, yes.” Doc walks over and MURDERS the pig with one swing of his sword!

Ren: *awkward laugh* wow…

Doc: “How did that feel.”

Cleo: “It feels like you´ve just earned my ire… and I need a water bucket. Okay! Ren, you´ve got iron, right?”

Doc: “Stop. I just wanted to…”

Cleo: Nonononononono, you started this, you started this Doc, I need iron or a water bucket.

Doc: Don´t, don´t, don´t…

Cleo, high-pitched: Or you´re gonna do what, you´re gonna kill my pig? Are you gonna kill my pig? Is that what you´re gonna do, or what?

Doc: Yeah well no, I just wanted to demonstrate how it feels to lose something that means something to you!

Ren: I´m just gonna… *slowly backs away*

Doc says the pig didn´t even have a name. “Look, you can have it back,” and he gives Cleo the porkchops. Cleo starts hitting him with a sword: “You´re gonna die, you´re gonna die, you are absolutely a hundred percent gonna die. You killed my pig, you don´t go after my pets!”

Doc keeps defending himself that it didn´t have a name and asks Cleo to stop killing him, and offers an even better pig. Cleo is mad and emphasizes that they even told him they had an emotional attachment, and Doc can´t bring the pig back, this pig that was launched into hell and survived. [Sidenote, I was shocked watching this live and again watching it for the second time. Cleo sounded genuinely mad, especially that Doc doesn´t even seem to realize what he did wrong, and for good reason tbh.]

Cleo: “I need a bucket of water. Oh I´m not even gonna go for the rainbow beacon, I´m going to your base with a bucket of water, this is fine.”

Doc: “No you shouldn´t.”

Cleo: Or what?! Or what?!

Doc: “I don´t think it´s an appropriate reaction to kill[ing] a pig to destroy weeks of work.” Offers a better pig again.

Cleo: “You need to learn that actions have consequences. I warned you.” They did warn Doc that he´d have to really annoy them for them to go to his base with a water bucket. Doc says he couldn´t have known that killing a nameless pig would be that. Cleo: Does it need a name to matter? Does anything need a name to matter?

Doc says again that he just wanted Cleo to understand the pain of someone messing with his redstone.

Cleo: Yes, now I understand the pain, but now I need revenge, Doc.

Doc offers that Cleo can kill his donkey.

Cleo: I want to destroy something that you love. Doc: I love that donkey. Cleo: Not enough, Doc. Not enough. You don´t love that donkey enough for it to matter.

Doc keeps digging himself deeper, saying he didn´t realize the pig was important, even though Cleo literally told him so. Finally: “I´m really sorry, I didn´t think it would be such a big deal. Um. Please don´t destroy my redstone.” Cleo: “I won´t today.” Doc: How can I make it up to you.

Cleo asks people to clip this because “I´m gonna have to do some stuff to make people understand why this is appropriate, what I´m gonna do.”

Doc says he was in emotional turmoil. Cleo: “Tell it to the judge. We´re gonna go take this to Bdubs.”

Ren: first trial! (He´s come back in the meantime and is building a beacon in the background.)

Doc asks for no retaliation until the ruling. Afterwards, it depends on the ruling. Cleo: “I need to speak to Bdubs, is what you´re telling me.” Doc: “No interfering with the judiciary.” Cleo: “That´s my son you´re talking about.” Doc: …wait, he´s my brother. Does that mean you´re my mother? Cleo: Absolutely not, would never.

Doc: Ren is like this child when the parents are fighting.

Doc: I´m really sorry, Cleo. Cleo: “it´s okay, don´t worry about it. But I´m gonna take it to the judge, and I´m gonna have a water bucket in preparation.” Doc gives Cleo sixteen anvils as a sign of peace (two from earlier.) Ren says he thinks diamonds are only appropriate. Cleo agrees, even though they have enough diamonds. Ren thinks a hundred diamond deepslate ore blocks would look really good in this hole. Cleo agrees. Doc checks, but he only has thirty left. Cleo tells him not to worry about it.

Doc laments his fate. “Next thing you know, I´m gonna blow up the server.” Cleo: “It wouldn´t be the first time Doc, it won´t be the last.” Doc: “Hey, I never blew up the server… anyways….” And leaves.

Cleo says it got their theater kid vibe going. “I enjoyed that, that was fun.” After Ren left: “That was cathartic. *laughs* What is going on in my life that this is my job.” Shortly afterwards: “How do I get into these situations, I genuinely – I don´t know.”

Chat shenanigans! Doc apologizes again, says he was in emotional distress. Joe says Doc is the picture of mental health. Doc says he will pick Joe as his lawyer. “he will kill it with a powerpoint presentation.” Joe doesn´t know what Doc did yet but it´s part of the intake interview. Cleo will represent herself. Doc says he has screenshots but will need eye witnesses. He blames the redstone thief. Cleo point out they didn´t do that. Doc claims self defense. Cleo points out they weren´t attacking him, and neither was the pig. Doc: “the pig looked at me funny” Cleo: “bucket of water is looking mighty tempting” To their chat: he´s going to talk himself into a bucket of water, he needs to learn to take an L.

Ren tries to plead the 5th. (Cleo says it´s going to be hurtful telling Ren he´s not on trial, he won´t know how to cope.) Doc in chat: “ren, as my husband, you can refuse to speak, all good” Ren: “perfect!”

Aaand this is as far as I got, about 56 minutes in. I remember someone (False?) saying “Happy Pride!” in chat, and then they went over to Skizz´ and Cleo hired Skizz as their lawyer and Scar also showed up. The “Ren and Doc are married” bit came up again in several streams in the next few weeks, but funnily enough was only mentioned in a single video, one of Skizz´. The result of these shenanigans were the trial and Doc´s skyblock adventures, which was fantastic. Doc and Cleo have long since made up.

[diamondcitydarlin]

So I quit that job I mentioned earlier lol, I hadn't done work for this particular company since the pandemic and it became very clear, very quickly that what was already tenuous, chaotic circumstances before all that has only rapidly deteriorated further since. There was no discernable like, assigned Project Manager for this nonsense, just like four separate people making decisions behind each other's backs, over each other's heads, so the situations with everything were constantly changing and in this chaos no one bothered to communicate any of these changes with me (probably because they weren't communicating with each other) while just sort of expecting me to keep up and hit the notes that no one wanted to make clear in the first place. Like, "well why isn't this done?" "uh because idiot #3 said this script wasn't finalized, I mean not to me personally but openly in the chat to everyone" "WE CAN STILL USE THIS SCRIPT" "UHM NO WE CAN'T NOT UNTIL ITS FINALIZED SO WHEN IS THAT GOING TO HAPPEN" "IDK ASK IDIOT #2 WHO NEVER ANSWERS THEIR DMS ANYWAY" like what the actual fuck?? I was already getting so stressed out by this lack of any sense of cohesion whatsoever, but my breaking point was on Sunday when I had made it clear I wasn't going to be available and everyone was like yea yea cool that's fine (like, literally I live on land I'm responsible for upkeeping in the middle of the mountains now, if I step out of my house and into the depths of the property I am OUT OF SERVICE and I made it clear this was going to be the case MULTIPLE TIMES) and one of the bitches that's been going behind everyone's back and over their heads etc and is also some boomer lady with too much time on her hands CALLS ME FOUR TIMES BEFORE 7 AM ON SUNDAY TO ASK WHERE I AM AND WHAT I'M DOING like mam? You're not even my boss (hasn't stopped her from trying to treat me like her 20-something unpaid intern assistant though) and I made it clear multiple times that I'm not going to be available today "Well you're gonna have to be because we're very behind" AND THAT'S -MY- FAULT? THE ONE PERSON WHO HAS BEEN DOING THEIR ACTUAL JOB? I was just like yeah you know what actually I'm done with this as of today, pay me what I'm owed and don't contact me again

the worst part is that when I agreed to come on to help with this it was never communicated to me that I was going to be expected to be on call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week (bc literally this boomer lady with no boundaries would be texting me at 10 pm on Friday for no reason bc she has nothing better to do with her life) to a group of people that don't know their mouths from their assholes and are just using this a pissing contest with each other while treating me like absolute shit and getting absolutely nothing done. It has NEVER been this bad. I also wasn't told that I'd be treated like an intern despite very much not being hired as one and well past the time in this career path where that'd be an appropriate role for me. Like, I wasn't made aware of any of this bullshit before agreeing to HELP OUT.

That's the other shitty thing, is that this was to HELP OUT a professional friend that I've done many fun and successful productions with- and where is he through all of this? Mostly not there. Mostly just not available. Not communicating with me or anyone else. I'm not speaking to him now because I really feel like he threw me to the wolves with this one despite the many MANY times in our working relationship that I had gone out on limb for him and the times he had done the same for me! Thought we were cooler than this! GUESS NOT.

I'm somewhat disappointed with myself for accepting this in the first place knowing what I do of that company's bullshit (tho in my defense as I said, it had never been quite THIS bad) but mostly I'm disappointed with myself for once again thinking I could trust someone lol like DO I NOT KNOW BETTER? AFTER ALL THIS TIME OF PEOPLE FUCKING ME OVER, TREATING ME LIKE A NON-PRIORITY? AFTER SWEARING TO NOT DO THAT TO MYSELF ANYMORE? Unbelievable that I could be so naive!

But I think anger is due at these careless type of people too, idc how useless it is, how little it's going to change anything about them. Like where does one get the gall to treat someone they barely know, who does not report to them in a subservient capacity, as though they're Miranda Priestly and I'm their little underpaid assistant? Where does one get the gumption to think it's okay to violate work hour boundaries that were made explicitly clear before being hired? In all my days working in this industry (and maybe I got lucky a million times) I have never been treated with such disrespect for my own time, especially in a situation where NO ONE has the right to be ordering anyone else around.

I don't deserve that, and honestly neither would an inexperienced 20-year old (which I am very much not). Incredible. Unbelievable that in this day and age where people are not putting up with work place bullshit that there could still be some asshole doing it anyway, violating boundary after boundary without a care in the fucking world.

Yeah well suck on this, lady, now you have to do all the work yourself because I don't need this job in the first place as I have several others that actually pay well and don't treat me like crap. Eat shit uwu

[firespirited]

Anyway I have a lot of complicated thoughts about professional boundaries as a person who employs a carer. We have complex power dynamics as I go hungry or unmedicated if she's not available, she earns twice as much as me. I've also given extensive legal and emotional counsel to many of my carers being mistreated by the various agencies that exploit every legal loophole but also the fact that they have vulnerable people in their care or collegues worn out from the job.

Cut for length

When we joined the newly formed agency two years ago it was with the demand that there be a client code of conduct so that carers can refuse consistently rude patients or patients who insist on work above a carer's paygrade (lifting without equipment for example). Another issue was unexpected (but frequent) overtime and making sure there are always employees to take shifts before they take on any extra patients at the agency because covid exposure could happen, staying with a patient until an ambulance or family arrives can happen and lots of heavy work related injuries like sprains and back aches happen.

It has to be all in writing and all the work and types of work logged because the agencies will say "that poor granny's going to go hungry because you won't go back" to guilt them but that granny screams obscenities and slurs while you work so either she and her family can learn that this is a two way relationship or pay someone at least double to deal with rude behaviour as a private employee who can leave at will.

A carer is not my bestie and I'm not there to be trauma dumped on either. Finding the lines and making sure they're respected is not easy, I'm in contact with both disability advocacy and care work advocacy as we try to reform a damaged system with a high burnout rate but also a high patient neglect rate.

Complicated. Also very common. The issues map on to all sorts of service jobs. Carer remains at the margins of medical care without the power of the nursing unions and often is done without pay or boundaries by family. Disabled and elderly abuse by carers paid and unpaid is also a big problem that's often solved not by magically solving ableism but by fewer hours, more support and decent pay translating into less resentment towards the patient.

Then I think about performers having to tour to make money because their contract for music sales is so exploitative, how they're travelling and lonely and thrown into the role of manager if they want any creative control. It's easy to see how messy that would get if you weren't trained in how to seperate your work from your personal feelings, how to interact or not with employees while in the tight-knit feelings of touring and performing together, when to hire people to run interference and keep the lines clear...

Yes it's bad. It's just not as unprecedentedly evil as the press is making it. Sordid details or not, bosses are making their employees do far more than is in the contract, and it doesn't have to involve sex clubs to be soul crushing and demeaning. It's being forced to hide your spouse, not flinch during displays of religiosity or bigotry, and so much little extra grinding without getting paid that eats your life up.

She's not special, the exploitation is so banal it could be any workplace. It shouldn't take salacious details to get us fired up for those dancers who deserve better work conditions.

[needydumbbrat]

It is night #1 of thinking/forgiving this situation:

Today was hard. I had a very great and meaningful conversation this morning with Kitt. We decided to put our throuple on hold bc there was a huge lack of communication and shit happened that wasn’t okay. I felt confident with my (our) decision early but then it was time to tell her. She cried a little on cam while I was discussing everything and she was very understanding even though I know she was hurting. The day went on normal then I get dropped off to my sister and off to CT for the week-ish. (I decided to come here bc legitimately everything is just going too fast and I’m having a really really hard time) Not even an hour after we arrive I get messages of how Kitt was feeling sorry for our past-partner (we’ll call her C). Apparently C was saying how she was extremely upset but not necessarily at us or her. She then says how she’s had a horrible day at work bc she’s been crying all day. I also wanna add I set clear boundaries earlier with both of them how I don’t want anything more than platonic happening especially behind my back. Very firm and felt good to say. But she was really hurting and Kitt felt horrible and when I found out about this my heart sank. Bad. I feel like a piece of shit. I shouldn’t have spoken up and said anything about my feelings. If I just forced myself to be numb/okay with the relationship we wouldn’t be in this situation. I wish I kept my mouth shut. Apparently C had to look over her safety plan bc she was not doing well….. Do you understand how HORRIBLE that is to hear that I caused that?! That I caused someone to feel unsafe and want to harm themselves?! I feel like an absolute piece of shit. I was trying to just force Kitt to be with C again. I know they both really like each other but I know for a fact if I see them interacting romantically in the slightest, I’d freak. I’ve had multiple issues in my past with intense paranoia and explosive jealousy. I have literally almost died bc of my feelings of that before. I cannot do that again but man do I feel horrible for voicing my feelings. I felt hurt and completely numb during it. I physically froze then sat on the bathroom floor for a half hour not responding to anything just bc I couldn’t comprehend anything. I felt disrespected and forgotten and jealous and icky. It was a horrible night all around. But now I’m regretting bringing up those feelings even though that was part of our first boundaries for the relationship. I’m not regretting bc I like her like that and want her back, I literally just hate myself for putting my feelings/emotions for once over others and getting lashed at again. I fucked up big time. I don’t know how to fix it or anything. I want to run and hide or die. It’s fucking rough and I feel like an absolute piece of shit. Idk how to feel anything else bc I think of me voicing it I was selfish. Everyone keeps saying how that’s totally wrong and it was a lack of communication and a bad situation all around but I still feel like I’m to blame. Idk what to do…

So Kitt gave me the instructions of giving myself a few days (until Monday) to be without true feelings and emotions. To just kinda get by being here but not looking into too much of my feelings. Kinda distract myself. And to write it down, everything I’m feeling. So here I am.

I hurt them today and it’s gonna be a long time until I can forgive myself. Idk if I truly even can. It weighs on me hearing I caused someone so much pain like that. It’s really hard and so yeah. It’s 12:35am on Friday night/Saturday morning. I’m sitting on my sisters couching wanting to self harm but I can’t, there’s children present in the house. But how do I forgive myself for this? Why couldn’t I just be okay with it or force myself to be okay? I just feel like I completely fucked up big time.

[toasterdrake]

Zvezdnyy

Yelena Belova x gn!Reader

Word Count: 1.4K

Genre: Fluff

anon requested: "Can you do a yelena one where Yelena is touch starved but readers love language is touch so they work together and one day they snuggle for the first time? thx"

⭐⭐⭐

Humans are wired to be touched. From birth until the day we die, our need for physical contact persists. It drives our emotional connections, our physical health. 

It is one of those beautiful poetic moments that inspire us to keep living through all the hardship.

Yelena, however, had experienced little to no touch since she was a young child. 

Her time with Alexei, Melina and Natasha had been the only memorable time in her life that wasn't cold. As the three years progressed, and she grew, so did their attachment to her. Alexei loved fawning over the little blonde, and even Melina had to admit she was cute.

In early life, touch is crucial for building healthy relationships. Missing out on regular human touch can have serious and long-lasting effects.

Melina, ever the scientist, was well aware of this, and tried her best, but Alexei was more comfortable giving the kids what they wanted. Piggyback rides with Papa were a popular form of transport in the Vostokoff-Shostakov household.

However, Yelena's eventual line of work, away from her parents and her sister, didn't exactly make a habit of hugs or holding hands. This inevitably resulted in touch starvation in the young Widow.

The feeling was deeply rooted in Yelena's psyche. It was a lusting hunger; a primal need from within, clawing up her throat. But her training kept it constantly tamped down, insisting it be ignored in favour of the mission. She was never allowed to understand this burning, lonely desire.

After Oksana and Natasha, it grew from a mild heat to a raging fire. Every brushing of skin ignited something in her fingertips, like hot electricity attracting her to beg for more. 

What that 'more' was, she couldn't figure out. Not until you.

You were a very touchy person. You had loving, attentive parents that encouraged physical displays of affection all your life. Of course, they had their faults, and no parenting technique is perfect, but the frequent gentle touches had raised you to find comfort in contact.

You'd grown up a hugger, in a word, and all your friends were well aware of it. If they thought they could avoid you being attached to their sides, clambering over them, or resting your feet in their laps whenever they were in your vicinity, they thought wrong.

Yelena was the exception.

Not in a hateful way; very much the opposite, actually. In such a way that you paid extra attention to how she acted and reacted. In such a way that you noticed when she flinched or froze up under your touch. In such a way that you withdrew your friendly touches because you weren't blind.

Yelena was also the exception in the way she was more than a friend.

Your relationship was still new, and you were scared to be asking too much from her. You were still adjusting to each other, learning how to be together, learning what you wanted from the other and how to give what they wanted.

And the more you withdrew, the more Yelena began to tentatively want it, you, your touch, back.

Even in her relationship with you, Yelena couldn't help but feel overwhelmingly lonely. Not because you weren't paying her attention, affection: you still showed that in different ways. But you were right there, next to her… and yet you weren't close enough. The blanket you were both wrapped in wasn't enough; you were.

But she didn't know how to ask. So instead, she slipped away from you, leaving you to doze, and took a long, hot bath. 

She curled up alone in bed that night, cold, guilt clawing at her throat and churning in her stomach. Fanny tucked herself into Yelena's side, golden fur tangling in her fingers. Fanny's warmth still wasn't enough. Fanny wasn't you.

She was only able to fall asleep after you had stumbled into bed beside her hours later. You weren't even sharing a room yet. You wanted to be close to her as much as she did you. 

You were simply better versed in expressing that desire.

You wanted to show Yelena your affection for her the way you knew how. And you decided to make that known.

You scooted a little closer every time you sat together, little by little by little, eyes trained on the movie playing. You leaned into her when she helped you cook, stretching over her to grab something, trailing a hand on her waist when you leaned away so that the contact was never broken. You slipped your hand into hers while waiting for a ride to collect you both.

You were careful not to cross any boundaries, though, adjusting accordingly when Yelena subtly distanced herself. 

Slowly, she began to accept your advances.

"[Y/N]? [Y/N]?" 

"Wha- what?" You wake up, trying to blink away the blurriness of your vision to get a clearer view of the figure leaning over you.

Yelena shifts awkwardly, fiddling with the corner of your covers. "I can't sleep." She admits shyly.

Something, you're not sure what in your half-asleep state, but something, clicks in you. You shuffle over to make room, opening your arms to her, and she readily crawls under the sheets.

You lay on your back, looking at her across the bed for a long few moments. There's that closeness again; that not-quite-close-enough closeness; that simmering, bubbling heat.

You clear your throat, wincing at how abrupt it is in the dark and quiet room, at how sharply it makes Yelena snap her gaze to you. You open your arms again, silent invitation in your eyes.

Yelena shifts forward, tentatively curling into your side. Soft, pyjama-clad skin glides over yours like velvet, until the warmth of her settles pressed into you.

Slow and steady, you wrap an arm around her waist, firm enough to remind her that you are there. Your fingers splay over her stomach, drawing abstract patterns. 

She rests her head on your chest. Your heartbeat is calm and strong. She matches her breathing to it, looking through the darkness out the window at the blanket of stars.

"Do any of them catch your fancy?" You ask. She can feel your gaze following hers, your fingertips floating lazily.

She points at a small star just coming into view from behind a drifting cloud. It's light is weaker than the others, twinkling faintly among the diamond glitters.

"I bet it wants to learn how to shine brighter," You begin softly. Yelena snorts, but doesn't stop you.

"It's packing up its possessions; a picture of its beloved sister, its famous iced coffee technique;" Yelena buries a giggle in the crook of your neck, then peeks back out at her star. "And it's setting out to visit it's aunt, who lives on the other side of the galaxy. She's one of the brightest... Nebulaway stars, so she'll surely be able to teach it how to shine.

Along the path, it meets another star. They shine even brighter than it's aunt, so it asks them to teach it. They say, 'shining isn't something you can learn... Shining comes to you naturally when the time is right. That time is different for everyone'. The dull little star doesn't feel this is helpful at all, so it carries on and leaves them behind. Further up the road, it meets another star."

Your story is interrupted by a jaw-cracking yawn, tears springing to your eyes. You blink them away and continue. "This star asks if it has any spare iced coffee, since he ran out. The dull little star -- y'know what, let's call him Jeffrey," Yelena's laugh evolves into her own yawn. "Jeffrey gives him the last of it's coffee.

He says 'this is the best iced coffee I've ever had. What's the difference? Is it your brand? Do you use... Milky too?' Jeffrey shows him, and it turns out the ingredients are the same." Yelena half-heartedly provides a shocked gasp. "Jeffrey teaches him its technique. He carries on the path much happier with his new flask of iced coffee.

Jeffrey carries on, and now notices the dark path it had been following to reach Nebulaway is now illuminated. It looks around, but doesn't see any other stars. It is the only star here on the path, and the light radiates around it."

You pause again, this time for thought. You look down, and notice Yelena's eyes are closed. She breathes steadily, deeply, an arm around your waist and head settled on your shoulder. Her warm, sweet breath fans over your collarbone.

You smile, pressing a kiss to her head as your own heavy eyelids fall gratefully shut.

⭐⭐⭐

Taglist: @starryparchments @themagnificentmx @bisexual-chupacabra

love,

- Lynx

[minalblood]

Ep 3 p2

Mary's hunting trauma mentioned a bit more in depth but not yet addressed and her immediately sacrificing herself to Buri Baba to get Carrie and Ford are sooo very ... The Dean of it all vibes. As is Ford's words about Carrie and how it was on his watch. Mary and Ford talking was just chef's kiss tbh. As well as the fact that Mary struggles with her sense of self aka not knowing who she is if she's not of service aka hunting. And of course the Indiana Jones of it all is pure Dean too.

In other news, the "my folks made sure the house was super monster-proof" line from Mary has me losing my shit. How many times have we had this issue in SPN of there not being a possibility for hunters to have a main base (bunker doesn't count here, its clearly a special case) but here we have a well known hunting family able to have a well protected house so they don't disrupt every part of their childs life. And while I agree that post hell gate open(s2 fin) more threats were present, thay still does not excuse SPN!John from his bullshit.

I do love the hexbag mention tho, since we see that constantlt used in spn as both harmful and helpful, hell i think the 1st uses on spn are actually protection aka Missouri using it in Home to get rid of the poltergeist and Bella wanting a very old one from Gordon to keep herself safe from hell hounds in Fresh Blood. The use of it here is much closer resembling to its use in Home tho.

Carlos and Ada are the chaos twins in spnwin I've decided, but they are actually competent as opposed to Cas and Sam who tend to break shit (mostly themselves, sometimes the world). Carlos constantly being creeped out by Ada or Lana's darker vibes only to then absolutely admire and praise them is one of my fav things! The fact that Carlos' fighting style is capable but always as flashy as possible is a great bit of characterization. Ada constantly being just this side off of really fucking dark is also absolutely a great piece of character work. I still wish we'd have used the demons in plants thing in spn, but Crowley in rat was close.

Then we have the mention of Lata's father in the context of having told her the story of Buri Baba which... foreshadowing tbh. *special note* john just needs to learn to shut tf up sometimes, he has a bad habit of saying the stupidest thing possible *brought to you here by "contact your folks" hours*

Betty is hereeee!! In professional capacity mostly, but goddamn, John proposed when they were fucking 16 ish?? What was he thinking?! And what happened then, cuz it's heavily implied there was a fight between them. I've questions ok?? I will say John just jumping in no thoughts to the consequences of his decisions is perfectly in character tho.

Lata having to call home hurtttttsss. Hurts sooo bad knowing what actually happened, what her trauma is and how it affected her. God she's so strong to have done that. John doesn't even know how much he asked of her there, he can't. I will say tho, I very much love Lata and John's friendship, they balance each other out really well, he pushes just enough to get her past her freeze response but not so far it breaks her boundaries. And lata calms him down enough for him to actually stop and think before doing things. Love it! But I also love how John has almost that same effect on Mary that Lata has for him? Whereas Mary allows him the freedom to act and the tools to make the right choice before acting or at least give him the information he needs for that. All these characters interact so wonderfully and affect each other with every second of every scene and it's so clear.

In other news, I loooove the monster design, once more, because it's seriously fucked! And i love that!! Aaaaand we get Roxyyy properly for the 1st time!!!

Also really love seeing the actual effects of the day on the group, Ada taking out her trauma on the demon by plucking the leaves for having possessed her and Lata trying to shake herself out of her thoughts about her family and the shit thay comes with that while staring at the phone, John burning the sack, likely thinking about having almost lost Mary and Mary going to see a movie and trying to slowly start doing things for herself. Carlos sadly doesn't really have any lesson learnt here, but they are very much keeping a eye out on Ada, having noticed she's going through shit.

God, finally, these kids are just absolutely fantastic. Carrie ripping Bernice up and Ford just snapping the hair clip are such absolutely based decisions and just instant, no thoughts, just do it vibes. They're the best.

[samwisethewitch]

Working with Spirits

In my last post, I talked about different types of spirits that witches may work with. Today, we’re going to discuss how to approach spirits and establish a working relationship.

Keep in mind that these are general guidelines, and every spirit is different. I encourage you to do your own research beyond this post, especially if you plan to work with powerful entities like deities, angels, or fairies.

Remember the Four R’s

It’s important to keep these things in mind when working with spirits:

Respect. The spirits are powerful, and you need to have a healthy respect for that power when working with them. It’s also important to respect them as individual, autonomous beings.

I’m not saying that every interaction you have with the spirits needs to be a full blown ritual with incense and chanting. (In fact, some spirits don’t care for those types of rituals.) But every interaction you have with them should be conducted with an air of respect and reverence.

What this mostly boils down to is good manners. Being polite will get you better results — and it will also keep you from being on the receiving end of spirit mischief. Proper etiquette depends on the type of spirit you’re working with, which is one reason it’s important to do your research. In general, it’s polite to make an offering, use respectful language, and thank the spirits before you leave (unless you’re dealing with fairies — some traditions say you should never thank the fae).

Respecting spirits also means respecting their desires — even if that means respecting their wish not to work with you. Not every spirit you reach out to will want to form a relationship with you, just like not every person you meet in your life will want to be your friend. When a spirit turns you down, respect their decision, politely bid them farewell, and move on.

Reciprocity. The goal of spirit work is to establish a mutually-beneficial partnership — not for one partner to serve the other. On one hand, this means that you can’t just command spirits to do your bidding without giving anything in return. On the other hand, it also means that you won’t be worshiping/honoring them without receiving some kind of boon.

This is why it’s important to make offerings to the spirits you work with. These offerings “feed” the spirits by giving them power, and a good offering will likely make a spirit more willing to work with you. Offerings are not payment for favors from spirits (it’s not quite that simple), but they are a sign that you intent to practice reciprocity in your relationship.

In general, it’s important to make an offering when you first introduce yourself to a spirit and again before you ask them for anything. But you shouldn’t only make offerings when you’re about to ask for something! How would you feel if you had a friend who only did nice things for you when they were about to ask for a favor? You’d probably start avoiding them, right? You might even get angry. To avoid this kind of dynamic in your spirit work, make regular offerings to the spirits you work with. If you’re especially close with a spirit, you may want to offer to them every day.

Relationship. The spirits are not vending machines where you put offerings in and blessings fall out. They are living, sentient beings with feelings, and deserve to be treated as such. Your relationship with the spirits you choose to work with is just that: a relationship. And like any relationship, it requires time, energy, and emotional labor.

If that sounds like more effort than you want to make, there are plenty of ways to do magic without ever working with spirits. You don’t need to do spirit work to be a witch. It may not be your thing, and that’s okay!

But if you choose to work with spirits, it’s important to remember that you are working with them as an equal partner — you’re not their boss, and they are not obligated to like you, help you, or even tolerate you. Relationships with spirits are built over time, through mutual respect and trust.

You wouldn’t drive up to your friend’s house, throw a fast-food burger at them, and then demand a special favor. Likewise, you shouldn’t just dump an offering on your altar and demand something of the spirits. Take the time to sit down with them. Talk to them. Get to know them. Put some thought into your offerings, instead of just offering the same thing every time. Spirit work is, at its core, about building an authentic relationship with the spirits we choose to include in our practice. Enjoy it.

Research. When it comes to spirits, it’s important to know exactly who (and what) you’re dealing with. As previously mentioned, the etiquette for dealing with fairies is very different from other land spirits. Different deities have different standards for their worshipers, which vary from one pantheon to the next. The way you interact with your ancestors will probably be shaped by their personalities, cultures, and values. All this is to say it’s important to know who you’re reaching out to, preferably before you reach out to them.

With deities, this is easy. Most witches who choose to work with deities will feel drawn to a certain pantheon, or even a specific god or goddess. There’s a lot of information out there about most historical pantheons, so researching them is easy. The same goes for angels, saints, demons, and even fairies.

It can be a little more difficult to do your research when you’re dealing with land spirits, spirits of place, or other less well-known figures. In these cases, it’s best to take three steps: 1.) figure out what type of spirit you’re dealing with (land spirit, animal spirit, ancestor, etc.), 2.) find out what this type of spirit is like generally, and 3.) find out how that applies to your specific spirit.

For example: you want to connect with your local land spirits. You do some research to find out how land spirits have been treated in various cultures — you find out that they’re typically benevolent, are closely tied to the natural landscape, and were often given food offerings. Then, you do some research into your local plants and animals — what form might a nature spirit take in your local environment? Would it be a huge moose with snow-covered antlers, or a magnolia tree in full bloom? Is there any local folklore in your area that could be describing a land spirit? Once you have answers to these questions, you’ll have a much better idea of how to approach the spirits and start up a relationship.

Initiating a Relationship with a Spirit

Begin by identifying who this spirit is. For example, let’s say you choose to reach out to a specific ancestor spirit — maybe a deceased grandparent. Make sure you’re familiar with the etiquette for interacting with this type of spirit so you don’t accidentally do something disrespectful. (If your Grandma hated cussing, try not to drop any f-bombs while communing with her.)

Create a special space to communicate with the spirit. This can be as simple as lighting a candle or as elaborate as setting up a special altar. If you’re reaching out to a grandparent, you might set up a small ritual space with a photo of them, any of their belongings that you have access to, and some things that they enjoyed while they were alive. These items may make the connection easier, but you don’t need them to communicate. What matters is that you’ve taken the time to create a special space for this moment. (Like all ritual spaces, it should be clean and tidy, and it’s a good idea to do an energetic cleanse beforehand.)

Make an offering. Make sure your offering is appropriate for the spirit you’re connecting to. Offerings should be made with an air of reverence — don’t just toss a bag of Doritos on your altar and expect it to be well-received.

Introduce yourself. Speak out loud. State your intention and who you are hoping to connect with.

Wait and listen. You may feel a presence or receive some kind of sign — or you may not. Just because you didn’t get a sign doesn’t mean that your offering wasn’t noticed or that you’re being ignored. You may also receive a sign several hours, days, or weeks after you first reach out. Be patient.

Say your farewells. Express your gratitude for the spirit’s presence, and let them know that you are ending your little ritual. It’s up to you whether to invite them to stick around or politely tell them to leave, but if you’re going to give a spirit permission to linger in your home you better be 1000% sure you know who they are and what their intentions with you are.

Moving Forward

As you work with this spirit, it is important to establish clear boundaries for the relationship. Be clear about what you want to accomplish by working with them, and make sure you understand what they expect from you in return.

You might want to establish a time limit: for example, maybe you’re choosing to work closely with the goddess Brigid from Imbolc to Samhain, at which point you can choose to continue the relationship or to take a step back. Or, you may choose to work with a spirit on a specific task — for example, working with the goddess Aphrodite to get back on your feet and rebuild your self esteem after a breakup. Once this task is accomplished, you may choose to form a more long-term relationship or to take a step back.

Forming a permanent or long-term working relationship with a spirit is a very big, very serious commitment, and should not be taken lightly. This goes double for anything involving a ritual commitment, such as dedication to a deity. When you make these commitments, you are choosing to make a spirit and their energy a permanent part of your life. This decision requires some very serious introspection and consideration, and should not be made impulsively.

Resources:

Southern Cunning: Folkloric Witchcraft in the American South by Aaron Oberon

A Practical Heathen’s Guide to Asatru by Patricia M. Lafayllve

Where the Hawthorn Grows and The Morrigan: Meeting the Great Queens by Morgan Daimler

Wicca for Beginners by Thea Sabin

Azrael Loves Chocolate, Michael’s A Jock: An Insider’s Guide to What Your Angels Are Really Like and The Angel Code by Chantel Lysette

New World Witchery podcast (several episodes, including “Episode 164 — Irish Folklore and Magic,” “Episode 161 — Practicing Safe Hex,” and “Episode 152 — Honoring Ancestors”)

[astrolovecosmos]

Neptune: Deep Dive

Pink petals

fallen onto

night shaded

waters.

Nothing is ever as it seems.

Wood turned to metal.

Reality turned to dreams.

-Natasha Reeves 

The planet Neptune I think is most famous for two things - illusions and dreamy or ethereal associations. A lot of negativity is also commonly associated such as addiction, insanity, guilt, sorrow, denial, and doubt. This planet is complex and just like all the other planets has a huge array of associations. What prompted me to do a deep dive in Neptune? Well for one I’ve been going through the transit of Neptune in Pisces crossing over my IC which has been powerful and I am at the end of my progressed Moon in the 12th House. Also in my own chart I’ve been paying more attention to my natal Neptune placements... which are a lot more prominent and worthy of my attention than I’ve understood and noticed in the past. Honestly I spend a lot more time analyzing others’ charts vs. my own, and I really should have looked more closely at some of my own aspects. I have had a LOT of experience with Pisces influences throughout my life, intense ones. I want to make it clear that Pisces DOES NOT = Neptune. I’ve always wanted to write a whole essay about my experience as a Pisces friend, lover, family member, enemy, etc. An outsiders opinion but that isn’t this. This is a disclaimer because this is going to be both theory and my own experiences. This is a deep dive. 

The Sea’s Love and Wrath 

Neptune in a lot of mainstream media is described as gentle but this planet can be unpredictable and harsh, with erratic energy that could rival Uranus. Neptune can be about tolerance and kindness, seeing past the ego and material. Neptune can embody or promote unconditional love and forgiveness. Because Neptune can be about dissolving and merging this planet allows us to see ourselves in others, maybe even in everyone allowing for compassion, empathy, and the ability to love very freely and openly. But the illusion and deception of Neptune is its shadow. 

Romanticizing and idealizing can be one of Neptune’s downfalls. Many times this is described as putting other’s on a pedestal but this can be applied to any area of life from work to places to ideals. From this those with strong Neptune aspects or prominent placements can find that disappointment is a frequent visitor. Neptune square, opposite, or conjunct Venus can quickly fall for others, trust others, and gravitates towards those they want to help or who have a strong personality they can meld with. Neptune opposite or square Mercury may face the frustration and disappointment of frequently being misunderstood or finding that they easily misread others or trust their words. After feeling tricked there can be wrath to these oceanic bodies. 

Where will their vengeance or anger land? It isn’t fair if they idolize you to get mad at you... sometimes their anger is self-loathing and self-destructive, other times they take you down with them. But the lesson is that Neptune can be as soft and as dangerous as the sea. 

Enlightenment and Madness

Coming down from the high, was getting lost in Neptune’s blue. Dreams and visions dancing in the back of my mind, when reality is so hard to chew. Sensation used to distract and pieces of stories stitched together to where nothing is fact.- Natasha Reeves 

There are many influences that can grant us wisdom or enlightenment throughout astrology, but I don’t see too many writings or posts about Neptune and its connection to enlightenment, nirvana, or eurekas and on the flipside also insanity and denial. Neptune can pull away the fog to give us clarity - especially when looking at the whole of things, the big picture. Neptune can famously also be the fog. 

The transit of Neptune crossing over my IC/4th House brought a lot of light to my childhood and how I was raised. However my IC is in Pisces, while Pisces isn’t the same as the planet, and many astrologers believe Neptune is not the ruling planet of Pisces - it is a sign known for illusions, confusion, and vagueness much like Neptune. I came from a place of a lot of secretiveness and vagueness, but when the “planet of illusions” crossed over I found myself accepting the instability and moments I felt lost or clueless in my life as well as looking back with remembering and understanding. 

Neptune can represent the part of us that is hard to grasp and understand, it also faces us with the idea that it is okay to have unanswered questions, to not have closure, that many times we have to create that closure or solidity ourselves. Neptune much like Jupiter is a matter of faith whether in ourselves or a higher power. 

It should be noted Neptune doesn’t always mean outside sources. Neptune is an introverted, intimate actor. It can represent how we lie to ourselves, trick ourselves, or how we push responsibility off of ourselves. Neptune also allows us to see, understand, more importantly feel what we easily ignore or can’t see. 

Life’s Extremes - Our Extremes 

“Neptune moves between the greatest extremes: from the highest spiritual awareness through imagination, fantasy, and illusion, to the depths of deceptions and disillusionment. The planet of mysticism, glamour, and enchantment, Neptune exerts a hypotonic fascination.” - Judy Hall. 

When many think of extremes they probably think Pluto before Neptune. The blue sphere isn’t going to take away the icy orb’s reputation - Pluto holds tightly in terms of extremes, but Neptune is far from a level-headed, consistent influence. Let’s touch on fantasy and illusion - two things that tends to warn of foolishness or impracticality, but fantasy is part of everyone’s life, no matter how pragmatic or mature an individual claims to be. From coping to manifesting to understanding to enjoying, fantasy is a natural human thing. Think of how often you daydream in an hour, how many books, movies, and games you indulge in, how often you find yourself being tempted by gossip, and how often you find yourself painting a picture of another in your head - negative or positive. 

Neptune symbolizes the abstract, importance, and rawness of our fantasies. Individuals with prominent Neptune aspects can find themselves easily tapping into their imagination, falling into escapism frequently, or have a great use for their wild ideas. If you think of the subject of fantasies or illusion as an extreme - it makes sense. You aren’t going to get an interesting story without the gods and monsters. Our sleeping dreams often are filled with strangeness or strong emotions. Clarity to madness, hopeless romantic highs to deeply wounded sorrows, and dissolving/surrendering to becoming whole/complete are common extremes this planet centers around. 

I have Mercury Square Neptune which tends to make one doubtful of their own opinions and intellect, can increase misunderstandings, and make communication difficult for the individual. Mercury Square Neptune can make someone highly persuasive and deceptive but it can also make one easily confused, tricked, and manipulated by others. Rationality and intuition can conflict. One experience I have with this aspect is usually swinging from extremes to being very withdrawn and quiet to interrupting others, chatting away. I’ve been described by those in my life as always saying something they didn’t expect - few words but impactful or strange ones. This is an example of the more everyday way Neptune can present itself.

“Neptune-attuned people possess glamour in the old sense of the word: the ability to bewitch. They are also impossible to categorize or pin down, demonstrating the planet’s elusive quality. Lacking strong boundaries, Neptune-attuned people are susceptible to outside influences.” - Judy Hall. It is from these lack of boundaries and fluidness we see Neptune’s extremeness. Neptune aspects can have us take on the traits of others and there is intensity in that. Let’s say we are talking about a Neptune to Mercury aspect, here may be someone who is easily energized or put down by the mood of another. Neptune to Mars can create a volatile person who fights, guards, and pursues based on their inner circle. 

Alice: Imagination and Dreams 

Personally I tend to associate Alice in Wonderland with Gemini themes. But I’ve seen her used as a metaphor for many placements and influences, such as Scorpio and Pluto. Neptune’s lostness certainly relates to the character and story. Neptune can be the planet of dreams. Challenging aspects to Saturn indicates someone who struggles to get in touch with reality while easy aspects to Saturn indicates someone who can marry big dreams or imagination to practicality. 

Neptune to Moon aspects can indicate powerful dreaming - almost intuitive or helpful in processing stress or trauma. So does Neptune in the 12th, 4th, 8th, and possibly 9th. Neptune in the 2nd can mean imagination or even dreams themselves act as a resource, maybe this is through inspiration or increasing one’s belief or confidence. Neptune in the 3rd may find themselves always remembering their dreams and keeping a journal. Neptune in the 5th blessed with all of the fun dreams of flying or dreaming of a favorite fictional character. Neptune in the 6th or 10th may find strikes of inspiration, knowledge, problem solving, or important foresight in their sleep. Neptune in the 11th may find comfort or realize important information about self and/or society in their dreams. 

Neptune is a newer planet, many times called the visionary, healer, or spiritual link or messenger. Traditional astrologers can approach the planet with a lot of skepticism. Its exaltation is in creative Leo, detriment in practical Virgo, and fall in usually praised as “visionary” Aquarius. Neptune is still new enough to be a hot topic of debate. You will find many astrologers don’t even agree on the planet’s exaltation, fall, and detriment. Leo is considered one of the most creative sign and on the topic of imagination and dreams Neptune can feel amazing in this sign. It feels confident and shinning in its ideas, fantasies, and magic. Elusive and ever-changing Neptune doesn’t feel comfortable in stable and structured Virgo. But Aquarius is an unexpected challenge for Neptune. Aquarius is about collective action - unity that Neptune also is familiar with. But Aquarius is a cold sign and despite its unconventional side can be highly practical and may dislike unrealistic ideas or approaches. Saturn is Aquarius’s co-ruler after all. Neptune wants oneness as in intimacy, not oneness in action or rebellion like Aquarius. Neptune is the magical moonlit spring to heal all your wounds, especially the emotional and spiritual kind. Aquarius is the soul forge in Asgard from Thor: The Dark World or the hypospray in Star Trek. Aquarius is modern medicine most of the time and when Neptune is dressed in Aquarius’s colors at its best it is advanced medicine we don’t understand yet but are working towards. Neptune in Aquarius can be a genius, but it is about ambitious realism to help others, Neptune at its heart is about helping the individual on the most personal level. Aquarius is random strikes of lightning coming from an active mind while Neptune flows from one spot to another, always connected and coming from an original primal, emotional place. Aquarius is the future, Neptune is outside of time. Aquarius is intellect and Neptune emotions and intuition. Aquarius is rebellion, riot, revolution, Neptune is peace or death and rebirth - Aquarius is the noise and Neptune the silence. 

Some believe Neptune’s fall is in Capricorn, which the struggles exist with Capricorn’s strictness and clinging to reality and control. Neptune in Leo is Alice looking regal like a queen or warrior going to fight the jabberwock, Neptune in Virgo can get dark, feeling uncomfortable and maybe in pain, but still important and empowering. Alice in Aquarius or Capricorn is likely a totally new story, adult Alice putting away the tea parties and white rabbits for a lab coat or pantsuit. 

What about Healing and the Spiritual? 

Let’s get to what Neptune may be most known for. That otherworldly connection, the power of love, transcendence. Neptune is dramatic and it is soothing. Neptune embraces all aspects of the human experience so we can focus more on the soul. Neptune is all about healing and how healing can come in a million ways. It can be fast and hard or slow and revealing. It is painful and messy, it goes in cycles, loops, falls and rises. 

Neptune whether the aspects are easy or challenging, whether in a house focused on the self or others, it gives everyone ways to heal and to connect. As an outer planet it gives a lot of insight into generations but in the unique placement of one’s chart it touches us with humanity. 

Pretty speeches, enchanting metaphors, crazy nights, and charming lovers lead us to our doom and a raw poem, crying ourselves to sleep, old medicine, late night graveyard walks, and maybe a rebound help us pick up the pieces. Neptune many times shows us that the unexpected is what tears us down and what lifts us back up. It teaches us nothing is inherently bad like substances, manipulation, honesty, authority, it is how it is used. Neptune shows us that you are the hero to some and the villain to others. 

Regret, shame, guilt, feeling trapped, isolation, addiction, grief, and sorrow are closely linked to Neptune. I believe many times this is due to the healing process or spiritual associations of the planet. These emotions are heavy and life-changing but they are emotions that many times need to be faced with a lot of bravery and work. They are feelings that also help us come to realizations. Neptune is associated with rebirth and if you examine emotions like regret or shame, sometimes rebirth is the only way you can shed those feelings. Neptune’s fluid nature also allows us acceptance, which is needed to deal with such heavy emotions. 

While we always talk about the lack of boundaries as a dangerous or bad thing... and it can be, these lack of boundaries like I mentioned above can allow for a very giving love and empathy, it also allows us to feel or interact with a higher power, magic, and the spiritual. Whatever your beat is - religion, magic, or the belief we are just star stuff, Neptune symbolizes our relationship with it. 

[glxssylaufey]

high by the beach [jonathan pine]

summary: Jonathan Pine x reader ; you are the oldest daughter of Richard Roper. needing an escape from reality, you sneak out to the beach for a quick joint. what you didn’t expect was for Jonathan Pine to catch you.

warnings: smoking weed, age gap (still over 18!) , underaged drinking/smoking, sexual tension

a/u: yes, this is 100% based off the song “high by the beach” by lana del rey :) enjoy!

*°:⋆ₓₒ　ₓₒ⋆:°* *°:⋆ₓₒ　ₓₒ⋆:°* *°:⋆ₓₒ　ₓₒ⋆:°* *°:⋆ₓₒ　ₓₒ⋆:°*

You didn’t belong there, to say the least. You sat alone at a small empty table at one of your father’s late night parties. His parties were always extravagant and flashy. It seemed as if he only threw the parties just to remind everyone how wealthy he is. These events always made your ears ring with annoyance. Summers always felt like this. Your mother would send you and your little brother Danny to visit, but it never seemed like Richard ever has any time for you and your brother.

After finishing yet another glass of champagne, you sighed and ran your fingers through your hair. You still had one year to go before you could legally drink alcohol, though Roper and all his excessive friends never seemed to care. Suddenly, ears perked up upon hearing your name being called.

“Sister! I’ve brought you some sweets!” your little brother Danny called, setting a napkin full of cookies down on the table. You smiled ruffled his brown messy hair.

“That was very kind of you, Danny, thank you.” you laughed, picking up one of the cookies. “Are you having fun?” you asked. His face lit up with excitement.

“Yes, loads!” he confessed. You were glad at least one of you were having fun. “I made a friend yesterday, too.” he said. You raised an eyebrow, trying to remember if you had seen any other children his age here.

“Oh really?” you asked, chewing a bite of cookie. “What’s their name?” Danny’s smile became wider.

“I’ll go fetch him, I want you to meet him!” he said quickly before running off. Before you could open your mouth to protest, he was already gone. You sighed deeply before picking up another cookie, hoping this new friend of Danny’s is an old enough child to understand boundaries and not talk for hours on end.

What you absolutely did not expect was for Danny’s new friend to be a full grown man. A handsome one at that. The man sauntered up to your table holding Danny’s hand, wearing a navy blue suit that hugged his body perfectly. He looked like the perfect gentleman.

“Hi there.” he spoke, voice smooth as silk. “Name’s Jonathan.” he put his hand out to shake yours. You looked up at him, trying to wear your friendliest smile. When you took his hand to shake it, you nearly melted. His grip was firm yet not too tight and you could swear there was electricity coming out of his fingers.

“Pleased to meet you.” you finally said after clearing your throat. “I’m Y/N.”

“Y/N.” he repeated, testing your name on his tongue. “The pleasure is all mine. Your brother is quite the company.” he chucked, smiling down at Danny. The younger boy beamed proudly, looking back up at you.

“I wanna go look for dad, Y/N.” the young boy said.

“That’s fine.” you said with a nod, leaning back in your chair trying to remain calm. You could still practically feel Jonathan’s eyes roaming all over you.

“Come on, Jonathan!” Danny exclaimed, grabbing the man’s hand again. “Once I’m done we can go play!” this made Jonathan chuckle.

“Why don’t you go on without me for a little, Danny.” he said gently pulling away from your brother’s hand. The boy complied and began to walk after flashing you and Jonathan a smile. You took a deep breath after Danny traveled off while Jonathan pulled a chair up.

“So how is the all famous Y/N Roper doing this fine evening?” Jonathan teased with a chuckle. His words made you blush easily.

“She’s doing just fine.” you said in the best flirtatious tone you could muster. “But she would probably be much better with a refill.” she spoke scooting her empty glass towards Jonathan. He cocked his head at you slightly before standing to his feet, a bit more hesitant than usual.

“Well of course, I am a gentleman.” he joked before grabbing your glass. “So what can I get for you tonight, darling? Water? Punch?” he continued.

“Punch?” you asked nearly offended. “More champagne will do just fine, thank you.”

“Champagne? Danny says you’re only twenty.”

“So?” you ask. “My father doesn’t care if I drink at this age. I also don’t think he’d be very pleased you’re making me wait for a drink.” you said almost in a whisper, the previous alcohol in your system making you confident. You knew your father probably wouldn’t care if Jonathan retrieved a drink for you or not, you only wished to appear authoritative for the upper hand on the man.

“Well, my deepest apologies, Miss Roper.” Jonathan said playfully before shooting you a wink. “One glass of champagne coming right up.”

You giggled as you watched Jonathan walk off to fill your glass. The way he strutted away while his height allowed him to tower over the crowd gave you intense butterflies. You really couldn’t believe you were spending the night flirting with an older gentleman, as proper and handsome as they come. It excited you to no end.

When Jonathan returned back to your table he arrived holding two champagne glasses, one for you and one for him. The two of you continued to talk to allow yourselves to get to know each other. He told you stories of serving in the military and you told him stories of previous summers spent here with Danny. You and Jonathan were quite an attractive pair to be seen and when it ended up catching Frisky’s attention, things took a turn.

Frisky was a smart man. He never failed in intimidating anybody. That’s why Richard Roper put him in charge of keeping an eye on you and Danny to prevent the two of you getting into any trouble. Knowing Jonathan’s flirty antics, Frisky deemed this a solid opportunity to step in.

You caught a quick glimpse of Frisky hastily making his way to your table. You gave a sarcastic deep sigh at him, knowing exactly why he was so worked up. Once the bulky man stopped at your table he crossed his arms and lifted his chin towards Jonathan.

“And what do you think you’re doing, Pine?” he said in a serious tone. Jonathan didn’t seem too phased by him.

“Well, I’m just having a drink here with Miss Y/N.” he replied almost bored.

“Yes, Miss Y/N Roper. I know what you’re up to.” Frisky snapped.

“Frisky, please!” you interrupted. “I’m a grown woman, if you should be babysitting any of my father’s family it should be Danny.” you argued with him. Though Frisky was stubborn.

“I don’t want to hear it, Y/N. Pine, get up.” he waved his hands at Jonathan. “Go find Danny and put him to bed, it’s late.” he demanded. Jonathan didn’t put up any further struggle. He calmly rose from his chair and took one last sip of his champagne. He then gave you a gentle smile and bowed his head.

“It was a pleasure meeting you, Y/N.” he said sweetly.

“Thank you, Jonathan.” you nodded. As he walked away with Frisky you sank in your chair slightly before sighing. ‘Well there goes that excitement.’ you thought. You were growing quite tired of your father and his men treating you like a mere child when you’re an adult. Standing front your seat, you finish off your glass before storming off to your room. At this point, the party just felt like an inconvenience.

᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃

Your eyes felt heavy with sleep by the time you were sure everyone had gone to bed. Though you were in dire need of rest, you couldn’t seem to relax. It was 1 a.m. and you decided to settle your nerves with a late night walk. The punishments for being caught were severe but you were confident in yourself to know you wouldn’t be caught.

You quickly packed a small bag for your walk, including a jacket along with your stash of three joint of weed and a lighter. You always enjoyed a quick light up when you felt a bit tense. You tip toed silently down the stairs and out the back doors. From the pool’s patio, you had a beautiful view of the ocean. You decided to walk down to take your quick walk in the beach.

After successfully sneaking through the large property you finally found a spot to relax on the vast beach. There was a full moon illuminating the night sky, allowing you good skylight in the darkness. You sat down upon the sand close to the shore and opened up your bag. You wrapped your jacket around you to act as a blanket in the wind. Then you lastly picked a slim joint out of your bag along with a small yellow lighter. You clicked the lighter and put the flame towards the end your joint to burn the end. Afterwards you put the joint between your lips and took a deep drag. Inhaling the smoke, you closed your eyes and felt the wind blow against your skin. You began to relish in the light headed feeling as your body began to relax. After an exhale, you began to take another puff.

“Excuse me?”

You jumped upon hearing a voice next to you. You looked up at the figure above you, only to find the one and only Jonathan Pine standing talk above you. You quickly exhaled the smoke and attempted to hide the joint.

“What are you doing at this hour?” Jonathan asked you in a slightly hushed tone.

“I could ask you the same.” you stated sitting up straighter.

“Couldn’t sleep. Just wanted to get some fresh air.” he calmly explained. He was wearing a fitted t-shirt and grey sweatpants with his blonde curls a bit of a mess. It was definitely quite the outfit change from the party but he still managed to be probably the most attractive man you’ve seen.

He looked out to the waves for a second before bringing his gaze back to you. He gave you a shy smile before speaking again.

“May I join you?” he asked politely. You were relieved when you realized he wasn’t going to snitch to your father about sneaking out or drag you to his room. So you moved your backpack and pat on the sand beside you.

“Of course.” you replied. He sank down to the ground and got comfortable in his spot. There was a bit of silence with nothing but the sound of waves crashing in the night. After a couple seconds you placed your lit joint back between your lips to take a puff. Jonathan watched with a smile.

“Weed?” he asked with curiosity. He wore a smile that told you you didn’t have to hide it from him.

“Yeah.” you admitted. “It helps me relax.” you said turning to look at him. He chuckled a little while shaking his head.

“My my, little Miss Roper. First we drink champagne at the party underaged and now you’re smoking marijuana?” he mocked a tsk and winked. “You’re a very naughty girl, Y/N.” he said darkly.

You giggled and blushed profusely at his comment and you could feel your heart begin to race.

“I’d love to.” he said before taking the items from your fingers. “Would you help me, darling?” he asked handing you the lighter. You accepted with a playful smirk. Once he placed the joint between his lips you raised the flame to meet it’s end. He inhaled deep, expertly intaking the smoke. He held his breath before blowing out the smoke into the wind. He chuckled lightly before taking the joint from his mouth.

“Do you want to join me? I have an extra.” you offered with a smile. Jonathan smiled at you, watching as you pulled out a second joint and your lighter. He hesitated to answer at first, making you think he would decline. You were pleasantly surprised with his answer.

“Good?” you asked with a smile.

“Very.” he laughed, his head falling back slightly.

You both continued to laugh, the two of you already buzzed. Jonathan took another drag of his joint before clearing his throat.

“We should do this more often.” he joked, leaning into you slightly. You laughed and took another hit.

“What? Sneak out and get high?” you asked. Jonathan scoffed while tapping some ash off his joint.

“Technically, you’re the one sneaking out. I’m allowed to be out here, I’m an adult.” he teased. You rolled your eyes.

“I’m an adult too, I don’t care what you think.” you sassed back. Jonathan raised an eyebrow at you.

“You know what I really think?” he asked, his voice deepening. You shivered at his tone, looking up to meet his bright blue eyes, finding his face much closer to yours.

“What?” you asked.

“I think you’re beautiful.” he whispered in your ear before looking down for your reaction. You could feel your face heating up from his comment. Jonathan’s cologne overtook your senses as you leaned in closer to him.

“I think you’re high.” you replied, breaking into laughter. Jonathan chuckled before raising his head.

“Yes, but you are too.” he said. You opened your mouth to speak but before you could protest Jonathan’s lips crashed against yours. You melted into him, deepening the kiss. Jonathan pulled away before looking into your slightly red eyes.

“Jonathan Pine, you are exquisite” you sighed, before bringing your lips back to his. The kiss was more passionate this time, the both of you relishing in the taste of each other and the euphoria of your high. Everything felt so perfect. Jonathan laced his fingers into your hair, making you whimper. You broke the kiss with the older man, allowing both you and him to breath. Jonathan lifted your chin with a finger, raking his blue eyes all over you.

“And you, Y/N Roper, are perfection itself.”

[thebrochtuarachs]

Something in the Rain - “A Month Apart, Part 1”

A/N: Hi everyone, thank you for your patience as I whipped out this chapter. I had the initial outline on how this chapter will go but more frequent than none, it changes a lot in the middle while I'm in the writing process. :) I love this story and I hope it just gives you the good feels while reading this. We're two years into this pandemic and the world is still crazy. I hope you're keeping safe and being kind to yourself. :) As always, your comments and suggestions are very much welcome.

A modern day meet cute instance between Jamie and Claire.

AO3  / C1: A Day In June : C2: Definitely, Maybe : C3: So We Meet Again : C4: Friday Lunch : C5: Finding Solid Ground : C6: Situations : C7: Interruptions

XXXXX

After their first date, their schedule for the following two weeks we’re packed - with Jamie settling back in the firm after his 2-week trip from London and Claire’s schedule at the hospital and preparing for her trip to Seattle.

Being a lawyer and a doctor weren’t the most flexible jobs - with patients and clients to attend to, surgeries and hearings to prepare for, plus, with both of them in administrative positions, it is additional work on top of their normal duties. But Claire and Jamie were determined to make it work, so they decided to communicate better, be extra patient and understanding, and really commit whatever available time they had.

The first week, Jamie couldn’t make lunch as he had a court hearing to prepare for and Claire couldn’t make dinner as she was on the night shift. So Jamie, one day, surprised Claire outside the hospital by picking her up, invited her to quick breakfast dates instead, and dropping her off at her house to make sure she got home safe.

The second week was a bit lighter but with Claire going to Seattle on Saturday, she had to do extra administrative work to make sure everything was set for her leave. She offered to have dinner takeaways at her office in the evenings which he happily accepted.

The night before her flight, Claire and Jamie were hanging out in her office, sitting at the sofa, admiring the Edinburgh skyline with a little wine and cheese tray.

“I’m sorry we couldn’t go out” Claire apologized.

“Don’t worry about it, Sassenach.” Jamie turned to Claire and patted her hand. “I honestly would prefer to do anything if it means I get to spend time with you - whether sitting here in your office on a Friday night or sitting in the gallery watching your surgery.”

“You’re too good to me, James” Claire quipped in a feigned dramatic voice.

“Ah, you give me too much credit, Claire. I hope you know that you make an effort too, especially these past two weeks”

“Me? It feels like you’re fitting more to my schedule than I am yours!”

“But you met me during breakfast even though you looked too knackered from yer shift.”

Claire couldn’t deny that and she could just smile with Jamie’s understanding.

“Are you all packed up for tomorrow?” Jamie asked, changing the subject.

“Yes. The weather’s mostly rainy in Seattle so I brought extra items for the wet and cold.”

“And what’s your schedule for the month?”

“Have I not sent you my itinerary? Hold up -” Claire took out her phone and quickly sent an email to Jamie. “There, I sent you my schedule but between teaching and surgery, my time’s the same as here just minus the administrative work, which I tell you not, I’m pretty excited to be free of it for the next month”

Jamie just nodded. The next month.

It’s all rather bad timing if you look at it. The first month, they’ve been rather inseparable with going to lunches almost everyday and weekends at the center. The following month, quick dates and meetings as Jamie was away at London and their crazy schedule at the hospital and the firm. And now, going into the third month since meeting, they’d be completely separated by roughly 4,485 miles.

“Did you hear what I said, Jamie?” Claire asked while waving a hand in front of Jamie’s face.

“I’m sorry, what?” Returning to the present, unaware that his mind has gone away a bit.

Claire gave him a softened look and sat closer to him. “What were you thinking?”

Jamie stayed silent but Claire’s look urged him on.

“Nah, ye’ll think me daft” Jamie said but Claire shook her head.

“Fine” Jamie stretched his arm to pull her closer and she gladly leaned on his shoulder. “I was just thinking about how I’ll not be able to see ye for a month, how much I’ll be missing ye, and how excited I am once ye return here.”

“Oh,” Claire knew the feelings were simple but it’s his words and the way he said it that touched her most.

“I told ye it’s daft.”

“It’s not daft.” Claire tried to mimic Jamie’s accent but they both just have to laugh at her attempt. Turning serious quickly, she took Jamie’s face by the hand and looked deeply into his eyes. “You know that I am going to miss you too.”

Jamie just nodded in agreement, looking at Claire so sweetly and lovingly that she couldn’t help but lean in for a kiss.

Since their first kiss after their date, they hadn’t been shy in showing affection to each other. Nonetheless, it’s all been very respectful to the boundaries to whatever stage they are in their relationship. Hand touches, hugs, pecks and kisses here and there but never really beyond that.

But with her impending departure, Claire seemed to be eager for more. Instead of completely pulling away, she kissed him again some more.

Jamie quickly picked up the signal and allowed himself to pull Claire closer and to his lap. A few minutes later, Claire felt Jamie’s tongue on her lips asking for entrance which she happily obliged. The air around them was electric.

Jamie was first to pull away before the moment got away from them. Claire sighed - not from disappointment, but by the fact of how chivalrous Jamie really is. And she doesn’t really mind it one bit. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

The following day, Jamie picked up Claire to drop her off at the airport. They thought they had time for a quick bite but traffic was so horrendous that they got to the gate just in time before boarding began.

With barely any time left, Jamie pulled Claire to a tight hug as the PA system called her flight. “Go, you’ll miss your plane”

Claire reluctantly released Jamie with a grunt. “Let’s go somewhere when I return”

“Sounds like a plan” Jamie tried to hide the longing in his voice but it was too late.

“The month will be over before you know it, okay? Message me everyday, call me every afternoon when you can” Claire encouraged him. With one last kiss, they bade each other goodbye as she started walking to her gate and Jamie was no longer in sight.  

As Claire waited for take off, the silence of a constant message ping on her phone slightly unsettled her. It was then she realized the vast distance between Seattle and Edinburgh. A single tear escaped but she quickly pulled it together. She’s not even gone yet but homesickness hit her right away.

-

So the four-week long distance trial began.

The 8-hour time difference is not too crazy between Seattle and Edinburgh with their available times falling at the start and end of the day. They’ve been coping well with their synced calendars and communication options.

Jamie sends flowers and snacks to Seattle Grace, earning Claire points from the staff for all the treats she’s been giving away.

Claire, on her end, sends late messages to Jamie to wake up to in the morning and asks Mrs. Kim’s Korean Street Food Hub to delivery chicken wings to Jamie every so often.

They’ve also reserved some time on the weekend for extended calls with conversations falling from happenings to their week to what hairstyles and colors they’ve done in the past.

It wasn’t till late in the 3rd week that things started to shake up.

It was a random Thursday evening in rainy Seattle. Between two surgeries and one class, Claire was ready to call it a day. She was settling on her sofa, drinking her tea for a little night cap when her phone pinged. It was 9:30PM Seattle meaning it was 5:30AM Edinburgh, too early for anybody to contact her over there unless it was important.

Grabbing her phone, her notifications show it was from Geillis. It was a link to a tabloid along with a message “HAVE YOU SEEN THIS?”

With the link, she can see the preview of the title “Jamie Fraser is off the market!” Curiosity prevailed Claire and she clicked the article

-

On the other side of the world, Jamie, as always, promptly arrived at the firm. Just as he was to pass Mrs. Fitz, she called him out.

“Ah, lad”

“Yes, Mrs. Fitz?”

“I dinna ken yet what ye or Claire are yet but have ye spoken to her today?”

“Today? Not yet. Why?”

She motioned for him to come round the reception and take a peek at her monitor.

She showed him the same article Geillis sent Claire and as soon Jamie saw the accompanying photo, he fished out his phone and immediately contacted Claire. It was midnight in Seattle but Jamie didn’t care - he wanted to clear things before things got misinterpreted.

“Erm, hello?” a groggy Claire answered the phone on the other side of the line.

“Hi, were ye asleep?” Jamie asked as he walked the hallway to his office.

“I was but I answered already, what’s up?” she replied, her voice still muffled by sleep. She knew why he was calling though but wanted to hear it from him. “Did you just arrive at the firm?”

“Yes,” he replied, closing the door to his office for privacy. “Well, I don’t want to keep you long but an article came last night about me and well, in case ye’ll see it, it is not true.”

Jamie heard Claire sigh on the other end, “I’ve seen it” she confirmed.

“Ye’ve already seen it?” he repeated in disbelief, looking at his watch, it’s only been posted a few hours ago.

“Geillis sent it to me earlier, I think it just came out then. She’s a bit of a morning person so…”

“Claire, it isn’t true. It was all in a bad angle. The Dunsany’s have been a long-time client of ours and we had an unexpected dinner meeting yesterday. I was just escorting their daughter to her car when the paparazzi got wind of us and ran with whatever story they could think of.” Jamie quickly explained in summary.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah. I mean you say it’s not true and I believe you.”

“You don’t have any questions?” he asked, a little baffled.

“Not really. I mean was there more to it?”

“A bit but something we can talk about later.”

“Okay”

It was both refreshing and confusing as to why Claire seemed nonchalant about all this. On one end, she might be really understanding. On the other end, she might be harboring ill-feelings she didn’t want to discuss.

It was Jamie’s line that turned silent. Claire, guessing he might need more despite her sleepy state, obliged him. “Jamie, I won’t lie. I was surprised at first because of the photo and how the article was written with your family histories. Add to that, that I didn’t see it in the calendar and you didn’t text me about it.”

“Why didn’t you call -?”

“But” she interrupted him, “I also know you, Jamie, and I know about us. If I was really concerned, I’ll call you right away. But I’m not and we’ll be meeting later anyway, so I know we’ll talk about it eventually.” she paused to catch a breath. “Besides, you already explained it, I don’t need to know any more because I trust you, Jamie.”  

“Okay” it was Jamie’s turn to give the one-word reply.

“Are we okay now?” she asked.

“Yes, as long as ye are too.” Jamie replied to which Claire mummed in agreement. “Thank ye, Claire.”

“You’re welcome. Now, I’ll go back to sleep and see you later.” With that, Claire ended the call, a small smile crept on her face knowing the relief and joy Jamie probably feels right now.

[heauxplesslydevoted]

Water (Ethan x MC)

Warning: NSFW, 18+

A/N: I finally finished the Miami shower sex fic. It’s roughly ~5K words of nonsense, 60% is filth, and the urge to re-write it is strong, but here it is.

Enjoy!

~v~

Being in Miami with Naomi unnerves Ethan in ways he can’t articulate. They aren’t in the confines of the hospital, bound by the strict boss and subordinate boundaries he’s attempted to set for them. And while they’re in the city for a medical conference, he can’t help but feel like he’s just Ethan and she’s just Naomi.

Her presence is overwhelming and intoxicating. From the way she took charge and ordered them drinks on the plane, to the way her luggage spills over their shared hotel suite despite being checked in for less than 3 hours, to the way it feels effortless just walking along the beach with her, Ethan can’t escape her and the role she’s slipped into feels too familiar and comfortable, which actually gives off the opposite effect. It terrifies him.

“We’re in Miami, for goodness’s sake, our hotel is literally on the water, and we are going to the beach,” is what Naomi told him after she slipped out of her plane clothes and put on something more appropriate for the warm Miami weather. She didn’t give him any time to object–and boy did he want to–before catching his wrist and dragging him out of their hotel room.

And that’s how he ended up taking a walk on the beach, the hot sand sticking to his toes, Naomi by his side. For reasons he’s not ready to face, he can’t say no to her and it’s infuriating. But on the flip side, the way her cheeks turn up and eyes sparkle at the enjoyment of the little things like this make his insides twist, and he’s a prisoner to her happiness.

“Come on, we’re hundreds of miles away from the hospital, the beautiful sun is beaming down on us, and there’s nothing but warm sand and ocean breeze around us. You have to admit that this is nice,” Naomi urges, poking Ethan in between the ribs.

They came to Miami on a mission, and that was to get help for Naveen and also fulfill his duties to the hospital. Frolicking on the beach was nowhere on the agenda.

“We’re here for work. And besides, I could be spending this time catching up on sleep or enjoying our air conditioned suite. That’s my definition of nice.”

“I swear, you probably came out of the womb a grumpy old man,” Naomi teases. “At least try to unwind.”

“The fact that you managed to drag me out here is testimony enough, don’t you think?”

“Nope,” Naomi says, leaving no room for debate. This is one of those times where Ethan isn’t all that enamored by her stubbornness.She sits down in the sand, throwing down her sandals. She extends a hand, and after a few seconds Ethan sighs and begrudgingly accepts it, allowing her to pull him down as well.

“Now close your eyes,” Naomi orders, watching Ethan closely to see if he listens. Once he realizes that she isn’t going to stop glaring at him, he closes them. “Thank you.”

“I’m only doing this so you’ll eventually leave me alone.”

“Always the fuddy duddy. Can you sit in complete and utter silence for 10 seconds? Please?”

Something about the way she says that word only adds to the list of things she does that make him uneasy. Only because he hates the way he responds to her plea, something stirring in the pit of his stomach.

It’s hard for him to handle the stillness of the moment. He’s gotten too used to always moving, always having something to do, but he sucks it up and tries.

“When was the last time you took a vacation?” Naomi asks.

“Is it bad to say I don’t know?”

“Yes. I’d kill to have your vacation days.”

“Well what about you?”

“I went to Aspen with my family for Christmas last year,” Naomi replies. “We used to go on at least one vacation a year when I was a kid. I don’t know how much of that I’ll be doing with my residency, but it’s nice to get away, even if it’s for a few days, you know?”

“I do. I think it’s been a solid three years since I had a real vacation. I went to Italy.”

“Rome?”

“Florence.”

“Did you have fun?”

“Of course.” Ethan feels her thumb trace a circle on the inside of his palm, and that’s when he notices that they never stopped holding hands when she pulled him down, and his pulse skitters. Part of him believes Naomi doesn’t notice she’s doing it, so he stays silent.

“Do you speak Italian?”

“I’m fluent in all of the Romance languages,” Ethan admits.

Naomi scoffs and playfully nudges him with her shoulder. “No one likes a show-off, polyglot.”

“What about you?”

“I speak very minimal French. My grandma taught me some basics when I was a kid and spent my summers with her, and I tried to fine tune my skills in high school, but I’m not fluent.”

This is the first time he’s heard her talk about her family, even a little bit, and he clings to the information as if it’s precious.

This time when the conversation tapers, Ethan actually doesn’t mind the silence, and he revels in the presence of the pretty intern beside him, her hand still warm in his.

“I should’ve booked you a spa treatment,” is how Naomi eventually breaks the silence. Ethan’s eyes snap up and he stares at her. “What?”

“I don’t think I’m a spa treatment kind of guy.”

“The sauna could be nice. Or a mud bath.”

“You’re such a comedian, Rookie.”

“I’m serious!” Naomi leans forward and presses her thumb between his eyebrows, gently massaging the crease. “I think a day at the spa would be good for you. Relatively speaking, you’re too young to be getting wrinkles.”

“What does that mean, relatively speaking?”

“You’re young in comparison to the average life span, but compared to me you’re…”

Ethan raises an eyebrow in challenge. “Are you trying to call me old?”

“It’s fine,” Naomi assures him. “Lucky for you, I like older guys.”

As soon as the words leave her mouth, Naomi realizes her grave mistake. She’s said too much, revealed her slip, and the double meaning of the sentence hangs in the air between them. Ethan’s eyes widen. His eyes fall on their still interlocked fingers before flitting back to her face, and that’s when Naomi notices that they’ve been holding hands. This entire time.

Ethan leans forward, until their faces are mere centimeters apart. Feeling bold, he takes one of her loose ringlets, curling it around his finger.

“Ethan, I–”

He stands so abruptly, Naomi almost falls over but she catches herself with her hands.

Ethan clears his throat, trying to center himself. What the hell was he thinking, nearly kissing his intern? How did he get so caught up that he almost crossed that line?”

Naomi stands up, wiping off the back of her shorts. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong, Dr. Valentine.”

The name change feels like a physical strike. He hasn’t called her by her formal title the entire time they’ve been out here, but now she’s back to Dr. Valentine?

“Are you sure because I could’ve sworn that you were about to–”

“You know what? I think I’ve had enough of this beach excursion for the day, and I’m going to rest before we have to go to the party later on?”

A party? Where the fuck did that come from? “Ethan, slow down. A party? What party are you talking about?”

“Every year there’s a party hosted in conjunction with the party. It’s a black tie event, so please dress accordingly. See you later.”

His long legs carry him away before she can even reply, and he’s trudging back to the hotel, leaving Naomi more confused than she was ten minutes ago.

They were sharing a moment and Ethan was going to kiss her…right? This isn’t some fever dream, she didn’t just make that up, it is a fact. And just as fast as they were connecting, he put up a wall and shut her out.

She sits down again, ruminating over the situation and trying to wrap her head around it all.

After a while, annoyance forms in the pit of her stomach. Ethan doesn’t get to just play with her like a ping pong. And if she misread the situation, he should be big enough to tell her that to her face, not run off. And the more she thinks about it, the more she stews, and the annoyance turns into anger simmering under her skin. She stands, brimming with righteous indignation. He doesn’t get to walk away from her, and she’s going to tell him as such.

The trek back to the hotel only makes her angrier, because she only has time and opportunity to think, especially with the long elevator ride up to their suite. Once she makes it to the room and the door shuts behind her, she hears some shuffling around coming from the en-suite as well as running water.

“Ethan, I don’t know who the hell you think you are, but you need to explain whatever that was on the beach,” Naomi starts. She doesn’t get an immediate response from him. “The walls aren’t that freaking thick, I know you can hear me.” She inches closer to the door and notices that it’s been left slightly ajar. “And you left the door open, genius. Now I really know you can hear me.”

Maybe the walls really are that thick because she thinks she hears him talking, but it’s muffled. She almost lets it go until she hears a gruff, “Naomi!” come from the other side of the door.

So he can hear her. Good! Because she has a lot to say. She doesn’t give it a second thought, she charges towards the bathroom and forcefully pushes open the door.

What on earth was she thinking, barging into the bathroom like a bat out of hell?

The correct answer to that is she wasn’t thinking, fueled only by her need to argue with the infuriating man who left her on the beach like an idiot.

And now she’s standing in front of him and he’s stark naked.

The professional clothes and the white coat he wears at the hospital do an amazing job of keeping him contained, but here in this bathroom, Naomi realizes for the first time just how massive this man is. Tall isn’t enough of a description. His wide shoulders lead down to powerful arms, all corded muscle and tension. His chest, those defined pecs and a six-pack. Of course he’d be built like this underneath those clothes. Like a Greek fucking god. Of course.

That still isn’t what steals her breath straight from her body. It’s his hand, strong and powerful, wrapped around the base of his cock.

She should really say something. Apologize profusely. Beg to keep her spot in the competition, beg to keep her job at Edenbrook period. But she can’t. Any form of coherent or rational thought has been banished from her brain, and this soaking wet image of her boss is the only thing running through her mind.

Dr. Ethan Ramsey masturbates.

And if he’s still thinking about the moment they shared less than an hour ago, coupled with the fact that she heard him call out her name, it’s safe to assume that Dr. Ethan Ramsey masturbates to thoughts of her.

The realization makes her flame, and Naomi swears her body temperature has spiked to near feverish. And the fact that Ethan isn’t doing anything to right the situation—putting his hands in a more appropriate place, saying something, yelling at her to leave—only makes things more insane. He keeps his eyes fixed on her, his gaze so intense, she swears he can see her brain.

The angel on Naomi’s shoulder is screaming at her to stop gawking at him like some fish out of water, but she can’t. Now that she’s seen him, really seen him, she doesn’t know how she’ll ever go back to him being anything other than this, six feet, five inches, 200 pounds of pure unadultered sex.

The urge to touch him is so strong, she doesn’t think she’ll be able to do anything else until her hands are on him.

Swallowing whatever nerves are trying to creep up, Naomi takes a tentative step forward, and reaches for the glass door. The glass pane slides away so slowly, she almost wonders if it’s her subconscious giving her enough time to bolt before she makes even more of an ass of herself, but she ignores whatever annoying voice in her head is telling her to go.

“I’m not an idiot, Ethan. I’m not naive, and I’m not blind.” Naomi takes another step forward, the steam of the shower and a light spray of warm water hitting her face. Gingerly, her hand finds purchase on his chest, and they settle on his left pec.

His heart is beating so wildly, Naomi actually gasps at the erratic thumping beneath her fingertips. “Naomi–”

“I was so confused earlier,” Naomi confesses. “I thought you and I had been vibing these past few weeks, I thought you and I actually had something. And then we had our near first kiss earlier, but you pushed me away and ran off faster than a lightning strike, and I was hurt, and convinced that I completely misread the situation. So imagine my surprise when I walk in on this. You are horribly affected by me.”

“Naomi.” The way he says her name is so much rougher than it was previously, and it sends a shiver down her spine. Yup. So affected.

“It’s okay though, you don’t even have to say anything,” she continues. Taking Ethan’s free hand, she places it on her own chest so Ethan can feel her own erratic heartbeat. “Because trust me, I feel the exact same way.”

He doesn’t say anything else, opting to pull her in by the front of her t-shirt instead, what very little restraint he had over himself gone in this instant. The full blast of water comes as a shock, but Naomi can’t even react to it before Ethan slants his mouth over hers, pulling her into a bruising kiss.

The first thing she notices is just how rough his stubble is as it scrapes her mouth. The second thing is she probably would have fallen over due to how forcefully he pulled her into the shower, and she’s thankful his grip on her is as tight as it is.

Fireworks. A million fireworks going off at the same time. That’s what kissing Ethan feels like.

He sets the pace, but she kisses him back with just as much fervor. He kisses her like they have all the time in the world and none at all, passionate and intense, like he wants to devour her.

Her lungs protest against this endeavor, practically begging her to inhale something other than Ethan. But she doesn’t want to stop kissing him, even if it’s just for a second.

Thankfully Ethan makes the first move to separate them, breaking the kiss. His tongue licks along her neck and her head falls back in pleasure. So caught up in their kiss, it’s easy for Naomi to forget that she’s fully clothed, Ethan tugging at the fabric of her shirt quickly reminding her.

The water has the clothes clinging to her like a second skin, and Naomi giggles at the frustrated huffs Ethan lets out in his quest to undress her. The giggle turns into a full on squeal as she hears the telltale sound of a rip as her t-shirt ends up on the shower floor, followed by her shorts, and Naomi has to kick off her sandals to assist.

Once her clothes are in a sopping wet heap on the floor, Ethan regains control of the situation. Naomi’s back is pressed against the cold marble wall and Ethan’s mouth is on hers again, bruising and hard. It’s almost like he wants to punish her through his kisses.

“I have tried my absolute hardest to keep you at arms length,” is the first full sentence he’s said since Naomi entered the bathroom. “I compartmentalize my feelings for you, I am constantly reminding myself of our power dynamic. And you just keep inching your way closer at every single turn despite my best efforts.”

Naomi hums in reply. “Maybe you shouldn’t have been trying to keep me away in the first place.”

He’s kept her away because he knew. Ethan knew Naomi would find a way to get under his skin, leaving him to feel open and raw like he just got scrubbed with sandpaper. Having her like this is a fantasy come true, and he knows without a shadow of a doubt that once this line is crossed, he’ll never want to go back. He can be a selfish bastard sometimes.

“If we do this then–”

“I’m a big girl, Ethan,” Naomi assures him. One of her hands reaches in the tiny space between them, and she grips his erection. Ethan shudders and leans forward, crowding her space even more as she strokes him at a leisurely pace. “And we can talk about all of the messy stuff later, but right now, talking is the last thing on my mind.”

“Alright, Rookie. Enough talking.”

Her underwear is off before another word can be uttered.

Naomi isn’t sure what she was expecting, but he slides two fingers inside of her before she can think, and the sharp intrusion leaves her gasping. Ethan doesn’t treat her with kid gloves, the quite opposite actually. Whatever sound she’s going to make, he quickly swallows with a kiss.

Naomi is expressive. It’s one of the first things Ethan noticed about her. She’s going to be seen and heard at all times, and that extends to the bedroom. And since he has effectively cut her off with a kiss, Naomi sinks her nails into him, one set on his shoulder, the others raking through his hair, urging him to continue his ministrations. Good.

He breaks the kiss, leaving a trail of tiny kisses and bites along her jaw, neck, and collarbone, paying special attention to her nipples, lavishing them with his tongue. He drops to his knees in front of her, urging her to lean backwards against the wall behind them and Naomi does so without an ounce of hesitation.

The one hand not currently playing her like a fiddle runs along the smooth expanse of her curves, tracing every dimple and mark he can find. He does this until his eyes fall on the tiny tattoo marking her skin, resting on her hip. “I never took you as a tattoo kind of girl.”

“I have a few secrets left to tell, Ramsey.”

“Why on your hip?”

“My parents would’ve killed me if I got it somewhere visible,” Naomi explains breathlessly as Ethan continues to stroke her, slowly coaxing her towards an orgasm.

Ethan places a kiss on her left hip, right below the tattoo as if it’s to be revered before sucking a mark on it. Something to remember him by.

“Naomi?”

“Hmm?”

“Eyes on me,” Ethan commands her. It’s a tough task because the steam and the water have made it difficult to see and she would enjoy nothing more than to close her eyes and fully revel in what he’s doing to her, but they manage to lock eyes. “Good girl.”

The first swipe of his tongue against her makes her legs buckle, but thankfully Ethan keeps her upright.

His fingers curl inside of her, and Naomi swears her vision goes blurry for a second, but not once do her eyes waver from his. Ocean blue irises hold her gaze, and she feels like they’re burning her from the inside out. Everything is hot, too hot, but at the same time she feels like she might go insane without it.

The strokes are slow and languid. In, out, curl, twist, keeping pace with the way his tongue laves against her clit. Soon her breathless whimpers become more ragged, more labored and she grabs a handful of Ethan’s hair, tugging it so hard, she’d worry about actually pulling it out if she cared about anything other than finding the edge of the cliff he’s so close to pushing her off. Ethan can tell she’s close. The incessant tugging at his scalp, the increasingly louder moans, and the way her hand slaps against the wet tile.

She knows it’s coming, but her orgasm takes her by surprise, pleasure seizing her at the base of her spine. Her legs tense up and her entire body falls forward, taking Ethan with her. He cushions her fall, and they both land with a hard thud.

Naomi giggles again. And soon that giggle becomes a full on laugh, so uncontrollable that Ethan wonders if she’s snapped.

“I’m sorry. I’ve just never…fallen over during sex before,” saying that out loud makes her laugh again.

“And is this a good thing?”

Naomi leans forward and kisses Ethan, smiling through it. “We’ll you’re the first guy to ever make my legs give out in the middle of an orgasm so…yes. I’d say it’s a very good thing.”

Well that is a healthy ego boost, Ethan thinks to himself. “Good to know.”

When blood circulation has returned to her legs, Naomi stands up, pulling Ethan along with her. She deposits him on the spacious bench built in along the back wall of the shower and he falls onto the seat with a hard thud.

He watches through hooded lids as Naomi straddles him, undulating against him in a way that makes him want to take control and bury himself to the hilt inside her.

“Question for you, Ethan Ramsey,” Naomi starts.

“Answer for you, Naomi Valentine.”

“When I walked in here, were you thinking about me? Was I the subject in your dirty little fantasy?”

“Always,” Ethan is shocked by how breathless the answer comes out, but at this point, pride and ego aren’t needed. Not when they’re like this. “Since day one, I have been consumed with nothing but thoughts of you.”

“Mhmm, what was I doing in this particular fantasy?” Naomi asks. She takes him into her hands, and at a tortuous pace, rubs the swollen tip of his erection against her clit, drawing out a moan from the older man.

His memory fails him. Nothing he conjures up in his head will ever be comparable to the sight of a naked Naomi in his lap. She’s so beautiful, water droplets clinging to her skin, lips kiss swollen, loose strands of hair clinging to the sides of her face, her round cheeks flushed.

He doesn’t remember what the fantasy entailed, he just knew this woman’s presence was so overwhelming, if he didn’t expel some of the tension, he wouldn’t survive going to a black tie event with her.

“I don’t know. I don’t care,” Ethan says honestly. “The real you is so much better.”

“I think I like that answer.”

Ethan lifts her by the hips and in one smooth thrust, he’s fully sheathed inside of her. He notices that way Naomi’s eyes are fixed on where they’re joined, glazed over by pleasure and he’s never seen something so erotic.

She starts to move, slowly at first because she’s still way too sensitive from her last orgasm to do anything else. But the slow pace she sets does nothing to ease her, it only makes things worse. Every slow glide, every brush of his pelvis against her is magnified tenfold, and the heat she felt earlier has turned into a bull blown inferno, consuming every inch of her. But now, the only way out is through, and she’s trapped in a delicious purgatory until the next wave hits. It only intensifies when Ethan’s mouth closes around one of her nipples, sucking fiercely. “Oh, fuck.”

He releases the bud with a soft ‘pop’, pulling a soft groan from her lips. Her head falls back, but Ethan catches a fistful of her hair and drags her back, forcing her to make eye contact. “Eyes on me, Rookie. I want to see your face.”

The tiny pinpricks of pain at her scalp give way to pleasure as his grip on her tightens. “Harder.”

Ethan smirks and wordlessly obeys the order, pulling Naomi’s hair even harder as she moans. Huh. He’s going to tuck this information away for a later date and time.

The hand not holding her hair goes back to her hip and he squeezes tightly before guiding her up and down. And that’s when the pressure starts building again, up, and up, and up, until the only sounds that can be heard are the obscene slaps of their wet skin and her broken whimpers. His hand leaves her hip, not having to move far before his thumb is on her clit, working it in soft circles.

Naomi comes so hard, her teeth chatter and she’s almost afraid of cracking them. Unable to keep up the eye contact, she leans forward, resting her forehead against his. He gives her a second to catch her breath before he rocks into her, trying to chase his own release.

“Naomi, I…fucking I’m going to–”

She nods, understanding exactly what he’s trying to say. She bites down on his earlobe, tugging. “Inside me.” Then she kisses the patch of skin right below his ear and grinds against him once more. “Or on the tattoo.”

Holy fuck. That alone sets him off like a bottle rocket. He bites down on her shoulder hard enough to break skin.

His heart beats so wildly, he doesn’t know if it will ever return to its normal resting state. With his arms wrapped around her like this, he wonders if this is their new normal. How that he’s been with her like this, how on earth will she go back to being his subordinate. Everything about her feels like euphoria, her taste, her touch, her scent is embedded in him, so deep in his skin, she might as well be woven into his DNA. But the thing about it is, he’s not sure he wants it to.

On top of being a selfish bastard at times, he is wildly possessive.

It takes a long time for them to separate , neither one of them wanting to move or disrupt the peaceful little bubble they’ve created within the confines of this shower.

Eventually Ethan pulls Naomi off of him, but his grip on her remains steady. He stands as well and reaches behind him, grabbing the bottle of shower gel he has on the shelf. It isn’t until the clean scent of citrus and sea salt hits her nose does Naomi realize he’s using his shower gel. A chill sweeps through her. Sure they just had sex–great sex even–but sharing this man’s shower gel is a subtle intimacy that she wasn’t prepared for, and her chest goes tight.

“I smell like you,” Naomi murmurs sleepily.

“Is that a bad thing?”

“Of course not, you always smell good. I do draw the line at sharing shampoo. Whatever shit you use might destroy my hair.”

Ethan snorts. “I saw the amount of hair goop you stuffed into your suitcase. Trust me, I won’t get in the way of that routine.”

Once they’re both sufficiently lathered, they duck under the water to rinse off, and they finally step out of the shower. The entire room is full of steam, and Naomi almost feels bad that they wasted so much hot water. God, her skin is going to be so dry if she doesn’t moisturize soon.

Ethan wraps her in a large white terry cloth bathrobe before wrapping a towel around his waist.

“I’m still mad that you didn’t give me any sort of notice about this party,” Naomi huffs. Ethan rolls his eyes and takes a step forward, his hand wrapping around her waist, pulling her closer until her back is firmly against his chest.

“It’s in a few hours, how much more notice do you need?”

“What if I didn’t pack an appropriate dress?” Naomi implores hypothetically. “Or shoes?”

He shrugs. “I have a credit card, and this hotel has a boutique.”

“Well lucky for you, and your wallet, I packed a few dresses,” Naomi says. Her mother taught her to be prepared for any situation, including the spur of the moment black tie event. “I’ll pull together something decent.”

“You’re beautiful, you always look more than decent.”

“Compliments will get you everywhere with me, Ramsey.”

Using the palm of her hand, Naomi wipes some of the steam off of the mirror in front of them and takes a good look in the mirror. She looks thoroughly debauched. It’s going to take a miracle to pull herself together with just a few hours’ notice.

She also notices the dark mark blooming on her right shoulder, outlined by teeth marks. Ethan’s bite is only going to get darker and more prominent as time ticks on.

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to cover up this mark you gave me though.”

Ethan slides the robe off of her shoulder to examine the bite mark. He runs his thumb along it soothingly before planting a kiss on the spot. “I have a solution.”

“Oh yeah? What?”

Instead of replying immediately, Ethan bends down slightly and scoops up Naomi, bridal style. “How about I give you a matching one on the left shoulder?”

~v~

Tags: @openheartfanfics @mvalentine @choicesaddict5 @professorkingslay @maurine07 @aka-calliope @bluebellot @whimsicallywayward15 @blossomanarchy @takemyopenheart @jamespotterthefirst @fanmantrashcan @whatchique @ao719 @x-kyne-x @paulfwesley @the-pale-goddess @writinghereandthere @ramseyandrys @perriewinklenerdie @aworldoffandoms @thatcatlady0716 @drakewalker04 @canknot @hatescapsicum @lapisreviewsstuff @senseofduties @badchoicesposts @ethandaddyramseyx @chasingrobbie @zodiacsign1 @choices-lurker @my-heart-beats-for-ya @adrian-motherfucking-raines @riverrune @edith-eggs1 @cecilecontrera @thatysn @bellcat2010 @blainehellyes @junehiratas @choices-love-affair @openheart12 @desmaranj @nazario-sayeed @aestheticartsx @ruinedbypixels @nooruleman @rookie-ramsey @uneravine @choicest @schnitzelbutterfingers

[riddlecrux]

Light seen through the windows: an analysis of windows as a literary tool in Elriel relationship

I would love to preface this meta with my favorite disclaimer that everything that I will be discussing is based on what I have gathered from SJM writing. The quotes used in this post will serve as a starting point for further analysis. Additionally, I will be using things such as symbolism, metaphors, and literary device methods to build up my reasoning and beliefs. On another note, this, as usual, is strictly pro-Elriel meta. If they are not your cup of tea and you wish to comment, please be civil and bring arguments supported by the text.

So many of us like to gaze and stare through the windows daily. Looking at the world behind the glass often is considered a form of tranquility that we feel. Windows are essentially doors that lead us to whatever lies behind them - the last border between being in one place and then in another. It isn't then surprising that windows serve as symbols and metaphors in literature. From the start, whenever I read a passage about windows in ACOWAR I was reminded of Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte. You may ask why?

Emily Bronte used windows as symbolism in her work. They are very important for her characters and their personal arcs. They are symbols of barriers, misfortunes that characters face. Windows there are metaphors of various obstacles estranging Bronte's characters from achieving their hopes - realizing that the dreams they had will be not fulfilled. As I don't want to get spoilery with Wuthering Heights, I'm going to draw conclusions in a very neat manner. Bronte used windows as a connection to nightmares that one of the main characters was suffering from - it ties to the fact that in his nightmares he sees the person he had loved, haunting him. Because of the relationship with a said woman, the imagery of windows in this particular scene symbolizes death, an obstacle that stands between both of them. Throughout the book, we also get glimpses of how windows might be used as a metaphor for social classes and the contrast between them, and how Heathcliff and Catherine have to go about it. Along with the windows, doors are also used as a symbol of trapping someone in one place, obstructing them from achieving their dream or preventing them from reaching out to their loved one. Not to mention that during a very particular scene with Catherine, she wants the windows open - a symbolism of her wanting to feel free, to connect with something she knows, she longs for. This leads to the conclusion that windows in Bronte's novel are symbols of life and death, they are the in-between - a symbolic barrier.

On the other hand, windows in literature signalize something called "art of watching", and usually it is connected to a female protagonist that observes life, events through the window. Not to mention, the most famous association to windows such as "windows to the soul" - which, of course, is more metaphorical. It allows us, the audience, to connect with the character's inner feelings, struggles, as we are presented with the emotional aspect of said person. They are the bridge between the inside and outside. Windows are also a source of light, which we humans crave. Looking through the window one can absorb the light, which can resonate as a symbol of growth and change. Metaphorically we see the light from the window when we feel a need to light up the darkness inside us. They expose us, our inner feelings, and struggles.

When I read ACOWAR I have noticed that SJM decided to use windows, quite clearly, in the indication of two particular characters. Azriel and Elain. For the first time, when we met Elain again in the third book the window is a big issue.

"The suite was filled with sunlight. Every curtain shoved back as far as it could go, to let in as much sun as possible."

We have a clear description of the sunlit room, curtains shoved to further underline the need for light.

"And seated in a small chair before the sunniest of the windows, her back to us, was Elain."

In the brightest place in the room sits Elain, in front of the window. She is exposed to the sun, to sunlight and is absorbing that light - which is highlighted during this scene (which makes it important to note).

"Her skin was so pale it looked like fresh snow in the harsh light. I realized then that the color of death, of sorrow, was white."

The sunlight exposes Elain, its harsh light makes her pale, almost translucent. Even Feyre realizes the graveness of this picture comparing this white hue to death. As you can see the chain of events in this scene played like that: sunlit room -> curtain swept away -> Elain sitting in front of the window -> sudden comparison to death.

"She had been always so full of light. Perhaps that was why she now kept all the curtains open. To fill the void that existed where all of that light had once been. And now nothing remained."

Feyre deducts that the need for light on Elain's part is a desperate call to brighten the darkness inside her - which perfectly aligns with the metaphorical usage of windows. Elain basks in light in a helpless cry for help. The very dark void that appeared within her after being Made eats her away. It sucks her immortal life away - the one which she yet didn't get used to. On the other hand, we as readers are presented with the fact that Elain is trapped. In this Fae life, in this room, in this situation in which she grieves for her past and many what-ifs.

Nothing. Not even a flicker of emotion. “Everyone keeps saying that.” Her thumb brushed the ring on her finger. “But it doesn’t fix anything, does it?”

Sitting in front of the window - a sunny one to be precise, which symbolizes life, growth, and change, Elain is presented in a contrast to her surroundings. To show that visible barrier that her person has to overcome. She realizes that her dreams are meant to be unfulfilled, that they are unreachable.

"My stiff, limping steps, at least, had eased into a smoother gait by the time I found Elain in the family library. Still staring at the window, but she was out of her room."

The next time we see Elain she is out of her room - her "cage", but even though she left the boundaries of her entrapment she still chooses to linger around the windows. As Feyre notices, Elain gazes through the window - we are obstructed from Elain's POV and it's hard to imagine what she could be thinking about. Yet the symbolic manner of using the window as some sort of mirror, a passage that happens throughout the series, allows me to think that the metaphorical usage of windows, in this case, isn't a far-fetched idea.

"Elain didn’t turn. She was wearing a pale pink gown that did little to complement her sallow skin, her brown-gold hair hanging in loose, heavy ringlets down her thin back."

SJM uses this sentence to highlight that it isn't just a quick glance out of the window - in fact, it is constant staring through it. It is important for us as readers to note that this thing, window gazing, is an occupation that lasts for long periods of time. It isn't something trivial, it is something that showcases the importance of said windows in Elain's journey.

“What are you looking at?” I asked Elain, keeping my voice soft. Casual. Her face was wan, her lips bloodless. But they moved—barely—as she said, “I can see so very far now. All the way to the sea.”

Feyre decides to ask Elain who is still gazing through the window. Her answer is very ominous and holds a great deal of importance, but also underlines the fact that she is drawn to the window. Not to mention that what she is seeing is the sea - another vastly discussed symbol. In this situation, I believe that the interpretation can lay in a more psychological aspect of the matter rather than a literary one. In the works of very well-known psychiatrist Carl Jung the sea "symbolizes the personal and the collective unconscious in dream interpretation". So from his notes there comes this annotation that caught my attention, "The sea is a favourite place for the birth of visions."

Elain is a seer who constantly gazes through a window which symbolizes the in-between, life and death. These two are connected to one another and SJM used many things to further develop Elain's character as a powerful figure.

"Elain only turned toward the sunny windows again, the light dancing in her hair."

After the whole conversation Elain doesn't move from her spot, quite the contrary she returns to her previous activity. Gazing through the window. Once again we are reminded about the sun and light - which signalizes that Elain tries to undergo through the process of rebirth, but also tries to break free from the unhappiness that came with lost dreams.

"Something in my chest cracked as Nesta’s eyes also went to the windows before Elain. To check, as I did, for whether they could be easily opened."

Here we have an instance of both sisters realizing that Elain spending so much time in front of windows can be dangerous, as in her attempting to jump from them. Once again, the symbolism of death.

"More steps—no doubt closer to where Elain stood at the window."

Elain is still beside the window when Lucien tries to talk to her. Even alone she seeks the place next to the window to stare.

"But sunlight on gold caught his eye—and Elain slowly turned from her vigil at the window."

Elain is still by the window, for the whole scene she is there not moving an inch from it. Furthermore, the word "vigil" is also an interesting choice. There are different meanings of it, but I find these ones very telling and suitable for this instance: a period of sleeplessness; insomnia, a watch kept, or the period of this and a devotional watching, or keeping awake, during the customary hours of sleep. We can speculate about what happened to Elain while she was in the Cauldron, what made her so withdrawn from life and so desperate for the light. I want to believe that we as readers will get our answers in the next book since Elain being a seer with unknown powers makes her a perfect target for Koschei with which she has already had connections.

She looked away—toward the windows. “I can hear your heart,” she said quietly.

Again, during the whole conversation, she doesn't move away from her spot next to the window. Windows for her, start to become a symbolism of change and rebirth - the things she probably wished while being confined to her room.

Elain only stared out the window, unaware—or uncaring.

We have another mention about staring - which further highlights how important windows are as a literary tool for Elain's character. She seeks light, she wants to overcome this barrier that was thrown at her the moment she was Made. She, perhaps, watched through the window to observe the life which was stripped away from her and turned her into this immortal being. Or, maybe she just desperately wanted to brighten up the darkness that gathered inside her because of that whole situation. Another important thing to note is that this scene is a first moment alone with Lucien - her mate, which should have been very painful for her. The conversation also held a lot of weight, yet she valiantly stood by the window as if somewhere behind it she could find an answer.

“So it can’t be a perfect system of matching. What if”—I jerked my chin toward the window, to my sister and the shadowsinger in the garden —“that is what she needs? Is there no free will? What if Lucien wishes the union but she doesn’t?”

Here we have an instance of "art of watching" in which Feyre observes Azriel and Elain through the window. By watching them she comes to the conclusion that both of them are better suited and actually can comfort each other in comfortable silence. The window here is used as a barrier to showcase parallels of two couples: happily mated Feysand and unhappily in love with other people Elriel.

"But I looked to Azriel, currently leaning against the wall beside the floor-to-ceiling window, shadows fluttering around him."

And here we are start with Azriel and windows (also in ACOWAR). He is another character that has an extraordinary connection to windows. He is often mentioned next to them and somehow parallels Elain's behavior - staring through windows, being near them.

"I blinked, realizing I’d been lost in the bond, but found Azriel still by the window, (...)."

As we can see Azriel lingers next to the window without moving away from it - as the scene progresses we know that the conversation lasts a good ounce of time, yet Azriel stands in his place by the window.

"Azriel didn’t so much as turn from his vigil at the window, though I could have sworn his wings tucked in a bit tighter."

The same wording, the same imagery. Both used for Elain and Azriel. Both of them keeping vigils at the windows, staring through them as if they could find an answer through them.

"The main room of the guardhouse was stuffy and cramped, more so with all of us in there, and though I offered Elain a seat by the sealed window, she remained standing—at the front of our company. Staring at the shut iron door."

This scene is when Elain is about to confront her lover - Greysen. It is underlined that she rejected her usual spot, which is by the window, and preferred to face the door. She was trapped, she knew that a very important discussion will take a place here. She chose to look at the door rather than at the window, which in this matter could symbolize hope for a change - she stared at the door which metaphorically means transition or imprisonment.

"(...) close to Elain’s side as she and my sister silently kept against the wall by the intact bay of windows."

Another instance of Elain and her being content with being next to the windows.

"I’d seen Elain staring out the window earlier—watching Graysen leave with his men without so much as a look back at her."

"Art of Watching", but also the window's symbolism of dreams that were unfulfilled. At that moment, we can assume, that Elain realized that her dreams concerning human life and her future with Greysen would only be unattainable dreams/hopes.

“What now?” Elain mused, at last answering my question from moments ago as her attention drifted to the windows facing the sunny street. That smile grew, bright enough that it lit up even Azriel’s shadows across the room. “I would like to build a garden,” she declared. “After all of this … I think the world needs more gardens.

At the end of ACOWAR, we have this powerful moment, in which Elain gazing out of the window sees sunny streets = life. A chance of rebirth, which also beautifully overlaps with the fact that she proposed building a garden! The in-between that she balanced on while gazing through the window for so many times turned from death and misfortunes into life and hopes of the future.

ACOFAS

"Elain politely refused, taking up a spot in one of the wooden chairs set in the bay of windows. Also typical."

From Rhysand's point of view, we can deduct that even they are aware of the fact that Elain and windows are something notable. It is a place where she feels comfortable and probably spends a lot of time.

"Beyond the windows, darkness had indeed fallen. The longest night of the year. I found Elain studying it, beautiful in her amethyst-colored gown. I made to move toward her, but someone beat me to it."

In previous quotes, we could gather information about how Elain craved the light and how desperate she was to lighten up her person. Here, we can see that she also started to embrace the darkness. She is again by the window, observing the darkness as if no one else was around her. And of course, the one person who goes towards her at that moment is Azriel, a personification of darkness in the books.

Azriel strode to the lone window at the end of the room and peered into the garden below. “I’ve never stayed in this room.” His midnight voice filled the space.

Azriel went straight to the window. And not an ordinary one, but the one through which you can see the garden. Life and light. I know many were theorizing if what kept Azriel so occupied by the window was Elain, but I would love to put some of my thoughts in this discourse. Yes, I do think that what caught his attention, or who caught his attention was Elain. However, Elain at that moment represents life and light - the things that are associated with windows. And if you spin it around you have Azriel=darkness, death staring at Elain=light, life. The in-between, the very initial symbolism of window in literature. Not to mention that in this scene we have Azriel watching the light and next we have Elain observing darkness.

“No,” Azriel said, not turning from the window.

Azriel remained at the window. “Will Nesta stay here if she comes?

“I’d still be surprised if they remember once the storm clears,” Azriel said, turning from the garden window at last.

We have a whole scene in which it is so heavily implied that Azriel was constantly staring through the window, not even bothering to move away from it. We also have another highlighted thing which is the fact that it was a garden window.

There was a tiny box left on the table by the window—a box that Mor lifted, squinted at the name tag, and said, “Az, this one’s for you.”

A small thing, yet a very sweet one. The fact that even his present was placed close to the window, which starts to become an Elriel thing.

ACOSF

"She’d barely slept for fear of Elain walking off this veranda, or leaning too far out of one of the countless windows, or simply throwing herself down those ten thousand stairs."

We have a reminder that during her stay at House of Wind, Elain was a symbol of death. She carried it on her while being associated with windows that were used as a source of light that helped her heal.

"Elain stood at the wall of windows, clad in a lilac gown whose close-fitting bodice showed how well her sister had filled out since those initial days in the Night Court."

Even when she visits Nesta, she takes the place by the windows. It is something that is strictly connected to her. As if the windows were part of her now.

Elain’s smile was as bright as the setting sun beyond the windows. “I thought I’d drop by to see how you were doing.”

Light, sun, life = Elain.

“You’ve got good coloring, I mean,” Elain clarified, striding from the windows to cross the room. She stopped a few feet away. As if holding herself back from the embrace she might have given.

SJM still used the passages to underline the passage of time that Elain spent standing next to the window. It is a place in which she feels good and perhaps safe.

"They’d sat in them, before this fire, so many times that it was an unspoken rule that Azriel’s was the one on the left, closer to the window, and Cassian’s the one to the right, closer to the door."

We also get the information that Azriel always was the closest to the window - which is an odd thing to add without a deeper meaning. As if to further build up that connection between him and Elain - that both of them are aware of the fact that they are also the symbolism of the allegory of windows. I believe that SJM really researched that light and darkness trope, with which she built and she is still building up Elriel. The windows are just another tiny nugget that further envelopes both of them as one. Because while Elain transformed from death to life, she still welcomed darkness and embraced it - and Azriel opened to the life and light, seeking it. As I said, windows are a literary tool, which perhaps wasn't the main idea in the SJM text, but the amount of parallels between both of them and even the same wording applied to different scenes tells me that it's yet another connection between them.