#while its nothing explicit.. is his face too much.. maybe im overthinking

[sinnyb0x]

This one goes here cause Steb's face might be too much for my main

[meowzfordayz]

hi T its me again 😭 i hope you don't mind.. its not urgent or anything, im just feeling anxious and a bit miserable at the moment. im a bit hesitant on requesting, seeing as you have a lot to write, you can push this aside for later, i'm patient.

sorry if it goes into a mini rant

just heard my teacher telling us we had low grades and it immediately sent me to a panic because my grades are already low (in my family's standards), and i worry that i'd get a D for the first time in the final grade in one of my subjects. im the "burnt our gifted kid" in our family, even more worse because im an only child. im not one to care about grades, its my PARENTS/relatives im worried about. especially they expect me to be a lawyer or something. AND especially because i've always been a straight a+ kid so imagine the expectations... i only started getting a's and a-'s when i went to 7th grade.

can i just request any of my favorites? (in my "about me") pick one or 2 just comforting or what they'd do with s/o who's just going through the same thing as me rn? burnt out gifted reader who can't put effort on studying harder but is so worried about their grades just because of family? like a modern school/college au, if thats okay.

i hope its not too much, thanks T. again, take your time, i may be just overthinking/reacting ^^

Marshiiie !! I can’t push aside your feelings of anxiety and misery (altho I ofc appreciate your patience). 🥺 I’m also an only child and generally a straight A student, so while I can’t claim to fully understand your situation (bc I’m not literally you), I believe I can, to an extent, empathize. W/o giving too much unsolicited advice/opinion, I’ll leave you w/ this: figuring out how to navigate boundaries, expectations, and ambitions (of your own and of those important to you) is a lifelong process. Does it get easier? Absolutely. Does it get harder? Yuuup. Pressure, positive and negative, is in permanent flux. There’ll always be ppl rooting for, supporting, and loving you — just as there’ll often be ppl who... aren’t as purely intended. I try my best to set my boundaries, adjust my expectations, and pursue my ambitions, in accordance to what I want — what I need. Does that make me selfish? Maybe. Does that make me happy? Yeah. Does that make me sad? Sometimes. I’m still learning, nurturing, blossoming. As are you. ☺️ I do it for myself. I choose to do it for myself. But that’s just me 🤷🏻‍♀️, so: do it for whoever, whatever, feels “right”. Choose to do it for whoever, whatever, feels “right”. And know that it’s perfectly valid and okay if/when “right” changes.

Author’s Note: first Sabito fanfic !! Sending healing, self loving vibes to anyone and everyone. 💝

burnt out

Sabito x Reader, Shinazugawa Sanemi x Reader

Word Count: ~1,600

CW: explicit language, mild sexual content

~faqs~

“Enough.”

You frown as your vision blurs, words in front of you jumbled

“[y/n],” your shoulders jump slightly at the sudden pressure of his palms, “Enough.”

Swiveling your chair around, you jut out your chin, glaring into his lavender eyes 

“You’re never going to improve like this.”

Eyes widening, you immediately swivel back to face your desk, hot tears brimming

“You’re not taking care of yourself,” he’s softer, apologetic for his previous statement, palms returning to your shoulders

“It’s not about me,” you mutter flatly, resisting the urge to shrug him off

He’s just looking out for you you reprimand yourself silently, eyes refocusing on your textbook

“I said,” he tugs at your chair, forcing you to swivel around once more, “Enough.”

“What do you want?” you hiss, “Me to fail? To let down my family? To throw away the opportunity they’ve gifted me? To be a disappointment? Someone who can’t handle the heat?”

Sabito clicks his tongue, eyes glimmering with an unbearable tenderness, “You’re letting yourself down. Nothing’s being thrown away. You aren’t a disappointment,” he folds your trembling hands into his larger ones, murmuring, “You can’t handle the heat. Not like this.”

“Well if you have any better ideas, then please, enlighten me,” you retort, ignoring the warmth of his touch in favor of the dizzying spot digging into the center of your forehead

“Aren’t you tired?” his thumbs rub gentle circles around each of your knuckles

The dam breaks

Control, persistence, stubbornness, fear — dripping steadily, undeniably, reluctantly from your bloodshot eyes

“Of course I’m tired,” you whisper, “It’s fucking 4am or something, isn’t it?”

The corner of his mouth quirks—There’s my [y/n]—at your sharp quip, thumbs moving from your knuckles to your weary cheeks, smearing teardrop after teardrop, “It’s closer to 5am, actually.”

“Sabito… you should go to sleep,” familiar guilt festers in your lungs

“Not without you,” he’s firm, decisive, exhausted

But you know he’s more than capable

Know that he’ll pull an all nighter with you if he has to

You’ve woken up countless mornings, surprised by the plush of your mattress beneath you—you could’ve sworn you fell asleep at your desk—Sabito’s groggy, reassuring body curved protectively around you, almost falling off your tiny bed, one of his arms flung lazily over your upper thigh as the other provides a makeshift pillow for his head

“Sabito,” you’re desperate, rough, voice teetering on the fraying tightrope of your patience, “I’m not a failure.”

He nods in agreement, eyes serious as he touches one of his thumbs to your bottom lip

Resentment lingers in the saltiness of your tears staining his skin

You can taste it

“You’re not a failure, [y/n]. Never,” he pauses sternly, “But you are tired.”

Stop pushing me you whimper inwardly

He hesitates

Asks quietly, “Are you upset with me?”

You gulp, swallowing a loud sob, eyes blinking furiously

“I’m sorry,” he rasps

“No,” you grit, reaching for his cotton shirt Don’t be sorry

Fingers clinging, savoring its solidity

“I’m so tired,” you gasp, biting at his thumb, cowering into yourself, sliding from your chair thud knees bruising as they hit the ground

With practiced ease, Sabito maneuvers you into his arms, smiling as you drowsily nuzzle your wet nose into his chest, tension forgotten as heaviness overcomes you

Even though it’s a mere three steps from your desk to your bed, you’re unconscious by the time he nestles you under your blankets

Sabito takes a long moment to admire, appreciate, adore you, concern still etched faintly in the dips and valleys of his irises

He’s watched you go through numerous variations of tonight’s events, and he’s unsure as ever how to actively, meaningfully, tangibly help you

Tucking you into bed when you inevitably pass out doesn’t feel like enough anymore

Hasn’t felt like enough for a while

But you’re guarded, sensitive, defensive, when it comes to your expectations, standards, values that you hold yourself to

And

Well

Sabito understands that

Deep in thought, he goes to flip the light switch off

Assuming his usual position in bed, he curls himself around you, breath slowing as he tries his hardest to melt into your scent

Muted, clean, home

Perhaps tomorrow, he’ll finally convince you that It is about you

It should be about you

It has always been about you

And you deserve peace

Contentment

Stability

To know that you, you, you are enough

Your dreams

Your ambitions

Your desires

They are enough

At least, that’s how he sees it

That’s how he sees you

Sanemi hates feeling hopeless

Hates feeling like all he can do is stare

Stare as you bury yourself under stress, expectation, and doubt

As you flounder, suffocate, bobble

Under stress, expectation, doubt

Most of which doesn’t originate from you yourself

That part, that part pisses him off

You sit together in your favorite cafe, waiting for your name to be called

Coffee cures everything, riiight?

“This has to stop. I refuse to repeat yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that,” Sanemi’s voice cuts through your morning fog

Unfortunately, you know exactly what he’s addressing, “Could we not do this? Please?”

He ignores your request, “I said, this has to stop. I refuse to repeat yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that.”

You roll your eyes, poking him tiredly, “How am I supposed to pass this class? To not be an embarrassment? A disgrace?”

“By eating properly? Sleeping properly? Not running yourself ragged. Taking a break.”

Oh

He’s serious

Like, angry serious

You can tell he isn’t angry at you, but he’s definitely serious

And definitely angry

“Nemi…” you’re cautious, “I appreciate your concern, but I can’t-”

“You can, and you will.”

“I will, what?” you raise an eyebrow, arms crossing, “What will I do?”

“You will let me smother you in adoration and affection. You will let me take care of you.”

Woah

I must be more of a wreck than I thought

Sanemi’s being cheesy

“And if I don’t?”

“Then you’ll burn yourself out,” he warns

As if he doesn’t know you’re already spent

Already threadbare

Already giving in

Gave in the first time he said This has to stop

Gave in again when he repeated himself

…

…

He does know, of course

And as you walk to the counter to pick up your drink, posture noticeably dimming as you move farther from him, he only regrets not intervening sooner

Regrets the brave facade you wear for him

Hoping he can be enough for you

“A bath?” giddiness bubbles in your throat as you take in the sight before you

Who knew Nemi could be such a romantic?!

His normally stark, minimal bathroom is warm

Glowing with the softness of several lit candles, traces of fragrant lemon, sweet vanilla, and floral ylang-ylang hanging in the steam

Steam rising from pink tinted water, red rose petals floating calmly on its surface

An unassuming speaker rests beside the sink, mellow vibrations of lo-fi sinking cozily into the nearby towels

Recently laundered, colorful towels — the ones you mentioned were the fluffiest

That was months ago you smile shyly He remembered

“Yeah.”

You almost snort, noting his unspoken Duh

He leaves you to derobe alone

Not because he’s never seen you undressed, but because he’s intent on maintaining the emotional intimacy of the evening

Of course, he knows emotional and physical intimacy can coincide

Knows they coincide every time you make love together

Can feel, see, hear it as you clench, writhe, groan

But tonight?

Tonight he’s worried about you emotionally, about you mentally, about you

He listens for the sound of you slipping into the tub, subtle sloshing his cue to let himself back in

“Nemi?” you murmur, eyes closed, neck glistening as ripples of water lap against your skin, a few petals clinging along your collarbones, 

“Which scent?” he asks, kneeling next to the tub, gesturing to his modest selection of shampoos and conditioners

“Yours,” you mumble

Blushing fondly, he grabs his usual shampoo, uncapping and squeezing a reasonable dollop plop onto your head

You giggle in surprise, fading to a blissful quiet as he starts scrubbing

Gentle, rhythmic, delicate

Satisfied with the amount of suds he’s created, he uses both of his hands to cup the water, slowly, slowly, slowly rinsing your hair

Another dollop, of conditioner now, makes it way through your damp strands, assisted by the methodical, sensual, tenderness of Sanemi’s fingers

Cup, rinse, repeat

Cup, rinse, repeat

You feel… airy

Loose

Fuzzy

“M’sleepy,” you whisper

“I know baby, I know.”

Baby

I must be more of a wreck than I thought

Sanemi’s using pet names

He continues his ministrations, transitioning from your scalp to your shoulders, rubbing, kneading, unraveling every knot he stumbles upon

Your mouth parts, eyelashes heavy

Seconds

Minutes

Ebb

And flow

And thicken

Sanemi scratches lightly at your jaw, pulling the tub’s plug to begin draining the water

“We’re done. Can you stand up for me?”

You nod as he offers his elbow for you to steady yourself with, legs wobbling as he guides you, swiftly wrapping you snugly in a towel once you’re completely out of the tub

“How are you feeling?” his arms remain reassuringly around you, keeping you in his embrace as he shuffles to each candle, blowing them out

“Taken care of, Nemi. You take perfect care of me.”

His heart pulses strongly, eyes bright

“I’m proud of you,” he kisses your eyelid, “You’re enough for me,” he kisses your other eyelid, “You. As you are. As you have been. As you will be.”

“You’re enough for me too, Nemi,” you press a knowing kiss to his chin, “More than enough,” you reach up, tugging lovingly at his earlobe, “Thank you.”

He knows he hasn’t broken your pattern

Your pattern of overworking, overtiring, overdoing

But you’re here

Trusting, relaxing, unwinding

And he’ll do his best to bring you here

Whenever, as often, as he ca

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

hehe glad i could make you laugh, oooh that sounds awesome! yeah id love to be tagged it sounds great :)

YES the differences are so fucking weird. like, they do know they're the same age right? i feel like its just an exagguration of how much the persons role in the group matters, like we see chan being held up as such a mature, old leader while jungkook who is literally the same age, is still babied etc. like enha hyung line is basically the same age (if a bit younger) as chenle and jisung but somehow the rules are different?? as you point out, still legal but still bizarre. hehe yeah, i mean where else are we going to rant? quora lol. mmm, hopefully more people can just write less smut abt people who are barely adults

ah, no prob it didnt take long. yeah i think thats right (i keep forgetting you know my url lol) mmhmm :( i think if that happened irl there would be some major trauma going on. knock wood it never happens to you or me lol (/hj)

hehe same! oooh glad Redemption For Cheese was realised! yess we cant rllycomplain that theyve written/produced too much good music lol. yeah, ive dragged him into being a stay so *dusts hands off* mission accomplished. mmm yeah, they tend to have a certain vibe but tbh it couldve worked if they were any other group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ahh ur one step ahead of me on the stages of listening to ssick i think, still not convinced but thats okay! hehe, it had to be said. yesss the itch in the back of my brain is very satisfied by sorry i love you, felixs vocals deserve to be appreciated! (side note i feel like hes trying to sing more like his speaking voice, sorta husky, but tbh i wouldnt be mad if he sang like in glow, his sweet honey vocals made my life lol. but i think ive heard him say he doesnt like singing like that cos it makes his normal voice less husky, so what can you do)

> YES SOMEONE SAID IT. seungmin rap KING, he sped thru that rap like it was nothing, he deserves more rap lines. i do like how they gave minho some melodic rap lines this comeback, my guy deserved to show off those skills that made him not be eliminated (flashbacks to stay collectively wanting to murder jyp) and we already know changbin can sing, my man murdered masked singer. hyunjin can obviously sing as can jisung and felix, and i want to hear chan rap more! i feel like he started as part of 3racha (as a rap unit not producing) and then just became a vocalist (which im fine with, but it could be nice to hear him flex his rapping skills) and was partially replaced by hyunjin. anywayyy

back to album talk. lmaooo sad music to twerk to PERFECTLY describes silent cry. yes secret secret is and will always be, a masterpiece. hehe glad i could make you laugh :) i just felt like they have similar vibes. putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised. oh my beloved track, red lights. ahh thats okay, we can have different opinions, but by god the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. *banging on table* TWISTED AU TWISTED AU TWISTED AU. yess id love to see ur take on it! sdfghjkl it would have been glorious

no no! not stupid, just able to predict my brainwaves. ooooh thats so cool! makes me want to go there (wherever there is lol) yeah the waves are pretty good here, but none of my familys a surfer, so we dont rlly enjoy the full potential lol. YES moving on to gone away, it is indeed a heartwrenching track, but the vocals and the bloody key change? makes me want to brave being sad just to listen to it. mmm yeah, good point :( i feel like ive just gotten used to overthinking so much so that it doesnt matter what mood im in, ill do it anyway, so might as well just do what i feel like doing anyway.

yeah i think ur right! it is quite comforting knowing that all the tracks will get the love they deserve. i feel like also people assume kpop is just one genre which is utter bs. there are so many different vibes and feels and songs, i couldnt get into kpop (of which i thought only the bright cheerful present day bts stuff existed smh) until i heard gods menu so... idk where i was going with this but yeah. :)

YES FUCK YG, theyre literally on the brink of being kicked out of the big three and they are holding their salvation hostage without letting them do ANYTHING. idek what thought process goes thru their minds but arghhh its so infuriating. yess lisa's cb will be awesome but ot4 is the gold standard here.

hehe, glad u could get to this point. no no! u dont sound like a cult member at all lol yeah, i loooove some of their songs but the whole 23 members thing is getting to me. thats prob a common problem with nctzens but what can i say? im a simple girl with a limit to how many korean boys i can give my money to. atm im just trying to get into ateez and finish memorising enhypen's faces. also kard is kinda sucking me into their fandom atm, as well as eric name lol. ah what can you do? ooh thats good!

hehe i love it too! its exactly like online penpals, that was rlly well put. aww ty! hmm im okay, recovering from a bad case of rsv so thats fun. im doing okay mentally, starting therapy soon (after having to convince my mother that its not just smth i can brush off). physically i wont go into, basically i should be doing stretches to help but they dont completely fix it so my lazy ass doesnt do them, plus i got told recently im going to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life so thats fun! ah, before you type smth dw abt me ill be fine. the weather atm is cloudy but warm, its been raining on and off today which is good for the garden. uhh i just finished reading sunburnt veils and im in the middle of prom theory which is rlly good. ummm ive got a concert tonight? that i may or may not be able to sing in (bc of the whole rsv thingo) and uhhhh idk. my dog is cute? im drinking tea rn? ive got a school dance coming up?

wbu? hows ur day going, how are you? whats the weather like on ur end? done anything interesting lately? found smth that makes you rlly happy? just any random thing youve been dying to tell someone?

no no! dont apologise, i love these exchanges. i think im happy to continue them for a long time :) on the other hand, if you get tired of them, feel free to just not answer at any time. goodness gracious this was a long ask haha hope it isnt too annoying

<3 w.a. 🐺

sorry it took me a bit to reply, i was fixing my theme ;n;

yeah, i figured it was because of the roles too. my friends and i still get taken aback when 3rd gen idols are the same age as 4th gen ones. in my head it doesn't add up sometimes. PLS THE RANT AT QUORA SKJDK tbh tho it's just going to be normalized as the years pass? esp that the boys are growing older and the amount of explicit fics will just increase. i might have to start blocking tags.

i had to look up the previous ask to remember what we were talking about xd i hope the events in champagne problems never happens to anyone. realistically, it probably happens a lot. damn i really won't wish that pain on anyone. dragging your brother into being a stay i whEEZED JFKSA additional noeasy music enthusiast o.o and ALL I CAN SAY WITH YOU GUSHING ABT FELIX IS AHA WHIPPEEEED OML can't blame you tho, i also want to hear felix sing more in other shades (if that makes sense HAHA) i really hope they'll do the role exchange in the next comeback :( or like in the near future bc i know they can do it :( the day i hear seungmin rapping it i will respectfully pass away. minho was given more lines this comeback thank fUCK i could rmb my irl being vocal abt her frustration. i don't get why minho barely has center time/lines in title tracks??? like the line distribution in the past eras just made me ???? if seventeen can balance lines with 13 members why cant a group of 8 do the same? moving on. i haven't watched the stray kids show simply bc i don't want to cry HAJS but i've seen clips. imagine if skz debuted without minho and felix?!?!? i rmb another irl catching bias feels towards changbin bc of the masked singer only to find out that the man's a rapper. i love how skz's vocals were highlighted this comeback :c there were a lot of mellow tracks! i find it cute when chan sings/raps bc it gets kinda obvious that he's a foreigner? the accent (im not even sure if it's the accent) it just shows. "putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised." CORRECT.

abt the twisted au o.O i'll inquire my irl if she wants to write it or not. if she doesn't want to, i'll do it. i miss writing twisted aus <3___<3 and i also miss going to the beach with my friends :' ) but it's starting to get cold here and i don't think i'll be able to enjoy the beach as much as i would if i went beaching in the summer. so maybe next summer? gone away really has an sm-ballad vibe. the thing about skz being a self-producing group, their songs don't sound like typical jype songs? and i just appreciate that bc in all honesty im not a fan of jyp groups at all. PLS the overthinking. i wish i could mute overthinking.

anyone who assumes kpop is just one genre obv hasn't listened to a single track. if kpop was just one genre why do i like some tracks more than the others??? oh you've only recently become a kpop stan? tbh im not a fan of the bright songs of bts either. i liked their older ones *chefs kiss* really matched high school vibes. yg has good artists and they're just wasting the talent ~.~ that strategy they have will get tiring eventually. people will stop waiting on blackpink and move on to newer more active groups ://

HAHAHAH yeah the 23 members is pretty overwhelming! it was the reason i didn't bother stanning before quarantine started. i don't regret stanning tho, met my ult bias in that group <3___<3 i don't really purchase albums unless i like the tracks xd ohhh getting into ateez just in time for the comeback! let me know what you think about them! i was fond of them at some point but grew out of it. good luck with memorizing enhypen! it took me a while to distinguish to people there XD i haven't checked out kard yet but chan plays their songs during lives and they're sexc hype music me likey *u*

i had to look up rsv im sorry. i'm glad you're recovering! please rest more and don't stress yourself out. bro i wish i could go to therapy too bc i have weird issues i can't justify and i need a professional to tell me what's the reason behind it. stuck with what condition btw? what happened? i'm sorry in case i just forgot. yesterday was a bit rainy for me too :(( it's not the type of rainy that makes me anxious so B) oh concert! good luck and i hope you'll be able to sing but i also don't think it's best for you rn :c what's your dog's breed? and yes i just finished drinking tea too. AAAAA i miss school dances :(( the last one i was supposed to have was cancelled bc of covid.

i was less productive today and i'm teetering between being mentally stable and becoming a hermit again. i'm anxious with a lot of things atm so like : D not the best state. today it was a bit sunny but not hot hot which was nice. i changed my theme today bc i couldn't wait for sept. 1st. and no i haven't found anything that makes me happy HAHAHA shit like that's hard to identify. don't have anything to say too, i'm just thinking about why i'm procrastinating too much atm T_T and i'm listening to this rap song atm and one of the rappers sounded like han.

it isn't annoying! i enjoy the long exchanges but i do admit it takes me awhile to type down a reply. so if i get more busy, it'll prolly take a bit longer for me to reply.