#whooops a depressing post

[papercutsmp3]

me and my friend once talked about how only away from home do you realize you are traumatized as fuck bc i was flinching at construction site noises and planes and it was sort of ironic how on one occasion the electricity went out in this one restaurant and going home hurts but once i'm back it's fuck it we ball attitude that i don't control and my mom calls me irresponsible as usual

[erasermic-aus]

Would you look at that, this blog is over a year old, and I missed it’s birthday back on March 31st. Whooops.

This blog is extremely dear to me, and it makes me very happy when I update it or finally answer asks-- Thank you all for giving me the opportunity to do that. I’m really, really grateful.

I made this blog right before something extremely tragic happened in my life, last year in June. Lately I’m feeling it’s effects again, and it’s making me really unmotivated and depressed. I could barely draw that doodle up there. I just wanted to let you guys know what’s up, because I don’t foresee me posting much as June progresses.

Thank you so much to all of my followers for sticking by me, even as I haven’t been posting as much. It really, really means a lot. I hope to be back soon with some more content for you all. Until then, cheers my dudes.

-Mod Henry

[aanau]

I would like to write a thing abt strven talking to the b team first instead of jasper, but leading to him meeting up with her then she gets scattered. but I can't figure out if it would be a fragments au or should I do it post I am my monster? I just don't feel right having Steven be upset after he just had a mental breakdown

it’s up to you! a fragments au/canon divergence where the b team can’t help steven either, forcing him to go to jasper as his last resort would be interesting. b team isnt a perfect support system, either, or maybe they ARE helpful just not in the ways steven needs at the moment (bismuth being inspiring could get old, lapis being overly real and depressing could exacerbate any feelings, and peridot could be overly blunt, though i think peridot has learned a lot of empathy and did help lapis recover and she knows steven is struggling, but im biased towards peridot so she could still mess up). idk what your idea for the conversation is, im just trying to spitball here in case that’s what you’re asking for, is some feedback. if not, i hope im not overstepping and ruining any ideas you already have. 

or steven could totally be upset after he just had a mental breakdown. in fact, id expect him to. things don’t magically get better after a mental breakdown, especially one of steven’s magnitude. there’s so many possibilities for character interactions and subsequent smaller emotional breakdowns and lows to be written. steven has to recover after a breakdown, and recovery has highs and lows. not to be a downer, i just think its realistic, but steven would be in a bad mental state for a long time after IAMM. but if you don’t feel right about it, there’s your answer. sometimes it just doesn’t feel good to write certain things, and that should be what you go by when deciding what to write. 

whatever you write, follow your instincts! don’t feel bad about making something unless it...makes you feel bad? okay lemme explain. dont feel bad/guilty about wanting to write something. be proud and own what you write. and if its something self indulgent and you wanna keep it private, keep it private! or share it! point is, whatever you make, don’t feel bad about making it (of course there are some exceptions with problematic material and being mindful, but that’s another topic). but if writing something, the act of writing it, isnt rewarding for you and doesn’t have any sort of payoff, and you feel like writing it isn’t doing any good for you (more important) or the audience (less important), then don’t force yourself to make it. 

edit: i wrote breakdown when i meant recovery whooops

[black-hat-incorporated]

small haitus

sorry for getting personal and out of character but i just had a complete mental break down and poured my heart out and all i got out of it was my parents are upset i cant drive and dont have a job and i also got wisdom teeth surgery on the 9th and i just cant handle shit right now and im proving im not spoiled and dont ask for things and they just hand shit to me by giving up my pc and stuff to prove a point because honestly i dont ask for anything i feel like a burden and im just racking up a bill i need to pay back and theyd probably get pissed if they saw this post but hey its how i truly feel and honestly yes i think their emotionally abusive but again would scream at me if i said that to their faces whooop anyway sorry to my RP partners and sorry if this is depressing, i need some time to sort shit out and also calm down.

[hgfstreamchats]

Christmas Eve Eve Stream

Welcome to the 'highglossfinish' room. Knock Out: To you too! blythe1: Hey all Knock Out: Hello there! thenightetc: Hi! thenightetc: Don't know why chat wasn't working there Knock Out: Livestream hates Christmas, clearly. thenightetc: Apparently! blythe1: Livestream will be visited by three ghosts tonight to rediscover its love for Xmas. blythe1: I've lived in worse towns. thenightetc: ...Oh, right, and you put the wrong link in the post. thenightetc: Left out the "original." at the beginning Knock Out: Let me fix that! Knock Out: There we are. Thank you for letting me know! Shockbox: Ah. Shockbox: Of course. Shockbox: Good evening, folks. thenightetc: Good evening. blythe1: Hi Shockbox Knock Out: Good evening! blythe1: We need a robot who looks good in red with an ever happy smile to be Santa, Knock Out do you know someone like that? Knock Out: I may know a mech. Knock Out: But I demand my own Christmas special. blythe1: If only.

thenightetc: They didn't think this through very far. Shockbox: The height of comedy. Shockbox: Hm. If I recall correctly, I only saw the very end of this episode last year. Knock Out: There's a reason it's a yearly staple! Shockbox: I think I understand that now. Shockbox: Here we are, I recall this. thenightetc: I do like that ending. blythe1: I like a show with a nice clear moral Shockbox: It's decent. Shockbox: So, what's this about a calf? Knock Out: Also a tradition. blythe1: I;m curious about that cockatiel thing there! thenightetc: Oh no. Knock Out: And of course, the drugged children. thenightetc: Honestly, days should all be silent, too. blythe1: I kinda want to ask those kids to blink twice if they need help. Knock Out: When Breakdown and I first heard it, that's what we thought was she was saying. blythe1: This is GENIUS!!!! thenightetc: Good content. Knock Out: Birds certainly are...something. Shockbox: //Clasping hands together. Shockbox: Agreed. Shockbox: Ah, it briefly sang jingle bells. Clearly this is a christmas video. Shockbox: Very relevant to this stream. Knock Out: 100 percent. blythe1: Thank you KO! Knock Out: Of course! Shockbox: Oh, this looks vintage. Shockbox: Early 2000's? Knock Out: 1997, apparently. Shockbox: Close enough. blythe1: It has the voice of Blanche from the Golden Girls in it. That can't be recent. blythe1: Sounds like he ought to have wished for a newer truck. thenightetc: Oh, great. Knock Out: Grandpa's consideration for his disabled grandson's comfort is something to behold. Knock Out: Just bring the barn children along so they can snuff out matches on him between songs. Shockbox: //A gentle sigh. thenightetc: I know, right? Knock Out: They look like siblings. Shockbox: How is that canine waving with its ear? Knock Out: Something demonic. Shockbox: I am under the impression that all of the fauna presented are not of earthly origin. thenightetc: Don't nail boards to your child. Shockbox: ...I /must/ wonder what Soundwave would think of this..."Representation". thenightetc: Whooops, I guess Aunt Agnes has been drinking too much eggnog. blythe1: Finally a character I can empathise with, where is that 2nd bottle of wine. thenightetc: The hell? blythe1: Oh, wait. Nope, Can't empathise with a childkidnapper. Although I can empathise with her being a pennypincher. Knock Out: She should have had more eggnog. She wouldn't care so much about childnapping. blythe1: Now that is a message I can get onboard with, KO blythe1: Eggnog for everyone. Shockbox: The barn burnt down, but luckily, every animal in it survived. Shockbox: Those are not ears, I'm thoroughly convinced they're some type of arm. blythe1: Oh. Did anyone read about that fire at London Zoo this morning? It didn't have as happy an ending, they lost an aardvrk and 4 meerkats. It was so sad. thenightetc: Oh no! Knock Out: Well, that's depressing. thenightetc: ...This just took a turn for the surreal Shockbox: Hm. Knock Out: Why couldn't these animals have died in a fire instead? Shockbox: I'm sure this old mythical man has plenty of time to stand around to talk on christmas eve. thenightetc: ...What. Shockbox: The horse is flirting with that human. blythe1: There was once a guest on Jerry SPringer who claimed his horse was flirting with him Knock Out: Of course he did. Shockbox: Was he one of those..."Bronies"? blythe1: This was pre-Brony era. But he did marry his horse live on air and kissed it. Shockbox: I...See... Shockbox: I see Blaster landed himself a voice acting gig. blythe1: Well that cockerel just volunteered to be Sunday Dinner. blythe1: Just a PSA, kids. Never Drink and Drive. thenightetc: oh boy Shockbox: This family is a mess. Shockbox: ...You can't gift the calf, she's sapient. thenightetc: I think this is one of those uncomfortable universes where they're not aware of that. thenightetc: After all, it's a "secret" that they can talk Shockbox: I suppose Santa of all people wouldn't be against slavery. blythe1: Seems like the drunk aunt might have a point? thenightetc: Well, NOW there's no passing it off. Shockbox: ...The pig just spoke in front of all of them. Knock Out: He goes into the house and writes a small novel about it. Shockbox: He's shown to be literate, after all. blythe1: I feel like this raises many questions, especially about the food system in this universe. thenightetc: You know they're raising that pig to eat him. Shockbox: Too many 'talking animal" universes have this problem. blythe1: Again, I feel like drunk aunt Agnes might have a point. blythe1: again blythe1: I mean, nothing wrong with a second opinion from a specialist. thenightetc: AT some point they're probably going to be shown eating meat. thenightetc: And nobody will comment. blythe1: We've already seen them leaving milk out for Santa Knock Out: That's probably why grandpa impregnated Annabelle's mother. Knock Out: ...Had her impregnated. Shockbox: .....Knock Out.... Knock Out: It's out there. Now we all have to live with it. Shockbox: Primus. blythe1: Lives on a farm, can't identify a cow. Shockbox: She's two days old, maybe back off? Knock Out: You're all talking because a fat man sprayed you with magic dust. Shut up. Shockbox: Oh here we go. Shockbox: Obligatory musical number. blythe1: This reminds me entirely too much of the song sequence from Watership Down. Knock Out: Dear Unicron, you're right. caffienatedconfetti: henlo Shockbox: Greetings. blythe1: Hi caffienatedconfetti: what are we watchin Knock Out: Annabelle's Wish. Shockbox: Deranged Calf Show caffienatedconfetti: is it any good? Knock Out: No. thenightetc: Uhhhh Knock Out: Can't fences be mended? thenightetc: This doesn't seem legal blythe1: I feel like that should require a court order. caffienatedconfetti: that is definitely illegal Shockbox: This shouldn't be legal at all. Shockbox: It's a few pieces of wood. blythe1: Not to mention even I could have fixed that fence. All it needs is wood and nails. caffienatedconfetti: heck i coulda fixed it and i don't know anythin about fences blythe1: He could get those from dissassembling one of the porch benches Shockbox: "You touched my flimsy pieces of wood? Well, I guess I'll just take one of your food sources without your consent." caffienatedconfetti: NO caffienatedconfetti: NO caffienatedconfetti: NOT THIS thenightetc: ...A calf is definitely more valuable than a music box caffienatedconfetti: ANYTHING BUT THIS caffienatedconfetti: COUNTRY MUSICCCCCC Shockbox: Song count: 2 caffienatedconfetti: NOOOOO caffienatedconfetti: auuguuhu Shockbox: I would average the song quality to be, on average, 2.5/10 caffienatedconfetti: i hate country musc so, so much Shockbox: You can mute the tab. caffienatedconfetti: thank you caffienatedconfetti: tell me when it stops Shockbox: Will do. blythe1: That calf doesn't seem to be growing, they should call a vet blythe1: Some sort of pituitory problem there, surely. Knock Out: The last one was nice. They doubled their mileage by applying it to sick human children, apparently. caffienatedconfetti: she's secretly an alien Knock Out: The intergalactic community doesn't want her. Shockbox: Finally, the song is over. blythe1: Song's done caffienatedconfetti: thanks! caffienatedconfetti: my ears didn't need that cancer Shockbox: It seemed to go on much longer than it wanted to. Shockbox: *needed Shockbox: ...Sign language exists. Shockbox: Nonverbal forms of communication exist. thenightetc: Now trample them. caffienatedconfetti: ah, the old "bullies don't like girls" caffienatedconfetti: how original Knock Out: It doesn't seem like a sign language kind of town. Shockbox: Sigh. blythe1: I think they only know one hand sign there. caffienatedconfetti: "hhneh" Knock Out: Sign language, court orders, doctors... thenightetc: Hhahaha caffienatedconfetti: what's this? caffienatedconfetti: who is that screechy blonde witch??? Knock Out: Drunk Aunt Agnes. caffienatedconfetti: why does she want him?? blythe1: Drunk aunt agnes, who is unpleasant but has been in the right. thenightetc: I'm not really clear on that, to be honest. blythe1: He has been in danger on the farm, he does need a second opinion, eggnog is a basic human right! caffienatedconfetti: the animals are agents of chaos Shockbox: She apparently just didn't want to celebrate christmas alone. Shockbox: That is her entire motivation. caffienatedconfetti: lord caffienatedconfetti: end me caffienatedconfetti: so why can't the kid talk...??? thenightetc: There was a fire Shockbox: He was in a barn that caught on fire and....Was presumably traumatized? blythe1: From context, smoke inhalation has damaged his vocal chords. I think thenightetc: and presumably he inhaled some smoke and damaged his lungs or something Shockbox: Or, perhaps, the smoke destroyed his vocal chords. blythe1: SInce he's only been seen by the old country GP, it could be anything. caffienatedconfetti: santa is a WITCH thenightetc: Do they not hear that rooster Shockbox: Yes. Yes he is. blythe1: Cocaine? caffienatedconfetti: ah, the magic of hard narcotics thenightetc: But the magic dust only lasts for a day. Shockbox: Way to get the child's hopes up. blythe1: I'm not sure that is how child removal orders work? blythe1: I feel I may be being too mean for this movie. caffienatedconfetti: great caffienatedconfetti: their children will be HIDEOUS thenightetc: Really. Shockbox: Why has her face not changed at all. thenightetc: Oh, I guess it didn't just last the one day. Shockbox: That is not the face of an adult cow. caffienatedconfetti: the face of pain caffienatedconfetti: and cheap animation Knock Out: Those antlers are probably weighing down her old neck. caffienatedconfetti: "SANTA COMES, TO FULFILL YOUR DARKESTS DREAMS" blythe1: Is Santa also the Grim Reaper? thenightetc: ....Maybe? Shockbox: It's probable, in this universe. Knock Out: You can't prove he isn't. Shockbox: *There was only green under his jacket.* Shockbox: If you stare underneath the old man's jacket, you stare into the void. caffienatedconfetti: ...but females don't have antlers??? thenightetc: It's a christmas miracle! Knock Out: They actually do! blythe1: I think it depends on the deer species caffienatedconfetti: huh Shockbox: You're all missing the obvious conclusion. caffienatedconfetti: female reindeer have antlers? Shockbox: They're transgender. Shockbox: Case closed. caffienatedconfetti: that was my first thought, actually blythe1: I just want to say, I should have drunk far more wine before watching this one. Knock Out: According to your datanet, female reindeer have antlers. And during your holiday season, the males don't. caffienatedconfetti: i left by accident caffienatedconfetti: oh my god thenightetc: So are all of Santa's reindeer animals he rescued(?) and magically changed the species of? caffienatedconfetti: ....'santa and the ice cream bunny'? Shockbox: It's possible, according to that movie. caffienatedconfetti: oh my god, is this MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER??? Knock Out: It's rifftrax. We used up our MST3K Christmas quota the last two years. caffienatedconfetti: lel Shockbox: Mmmm. Shockbox: I suppose we won't have much to say, they'll do all the riffing for us. thenightetc: If Santa *weren't* also Death then why wait until she was apparently dying to show up. caffienatedconfetti: what are they singing even? blythe1: The Christmas palm tree? blythe1: Global warming is really taking its toll. Shockbox: And then...Santa ran into Amelia Earhart. blythe1: And ate her? Shockbox: No, no, he watched her get eaten by crabs. Shockbox: "It's not Christmas, therefore helping you is outside of  my jurisdiction." blythe1: Santa stuck in Florida? Is this an I Dream of Jeannie crossover movie? Shockbox: Is...This some kind of opera? caffienatedconfetti: i think it is blythe1: Santa is tripping caffienatedconfetti: judging by the hand-flailing Shockbox: He's very bored with his situation. caffienatedconfetti: i love these guys caffienatedconfetti: DOG caffienatedconfetti: oh my god caffienatedconfetti: they know what we're thinking Shockbox: Is Santa casting some sort of spell on the humans of the world? thenightetc: Maybe? blythe1: I'm thinking, "Jimmy Saville's home videos" right now. caffienatedconfetti: THEY KNOW caffienatedconfetti: SANTA CALLS thenightetc: I guess the Time Stop wore off? caffienatedconfetti: KAZOOS caffienatedconfetti: KAZOOOOOOOOOOS Shockbox: He's just summoning all of these random children to this unspecified island? caffienatedconfetti: THE KAZOOS thenightetc: Santa is the Pretend Spirit Knock Out: That can only end well. Knock Out: NO. caffienatedconfetti: i swear to god they're psychic thenightetc: Search your feelings.  You know it to be true. Shockbox: This is directed and written in a manner that is uncomfortably close to modern productions that are /meant/ to be vaguely disconcerting or frightening. caffienatedconfetti: i love mystery science theater SO GODDAMN MUCH thenightetc: Is that a racoon thenightetc: it IS a racoon caffienatedconfetti: i can't stop laughing caffienatedconfetti: aaaaand i just snorted my seltzer blythe1: Be careful with raccoons, one attacked a baby in philedelphia a couple of days ago Shockbox: Good job, CC. blythe1: got in the house and mauled a four month old caffienatedconfetti: there is exactly one black child thenightetc: And they all immediately kneel down Shockbox: Ah, Representation. caffienatedconfetti: BOW TO YOUR LORD blythe1: Santa endorses child labour thenightetc: Is he going to turn them into reindeer and make them pull him around Cardinal: Hello! Knock Out: Cardinal! Hello! blythe1: Hi Cardinal caffienatedconfetti: henlo, we're watching 'santa and the ice cream bunny' Cardinal: wh Cardinal: what is this caffienatedconfetti: 'santa and the ice cream bunny' Shockbox: A masterpiece. caffienatedconfetti: DOG caffienatedconfetti: cut dog, good dog Shockbox: A horrible masterpiece. caffienatedconfetti: *cute caffienatedconfetti: just let me pet the dog Cardinal: what is this caffienatedconfetti: 'santa and the ice cream bunny' Shockbox: A masterpiece. caffienatedconfetti: DOG caffienatedconfetti: cut dog, good dog Shockbox: A horrible masterpiece. caffienatedconfetti: *cute caffienatedconfetti: just let me pet the dog blythe1: Did the spell wear off? caffienatedconfetti: the pied piper of the north pole caffienatedconfetti: ....what caffienatedconfetti: what caffienatedconfetti: i dont thenightetc: Where did she get a gorilla caffienatedconfetti: what blythe1: It is the ghost of harambe Shockbox: Ah, I see, she recruited bigfoot. caffienatedconfetti: i don't Cardinal: . . . caffienatedconfetti: this is oddly sexual caffienatedconfetti: it's the grunting okay Shockbox: ...He just needs his sleigh out of the snow, doesn't he? Shockbox: Er. Sand. Cardinal: Wouldn't it help if he . . . got out of the sleigh. Shockbox: Why doesn't he *get out of it* before asking people to move it. thenightetc: Yes, you'd think he could pull it out himself. Shockbox: //Snort. thenightetc: It doesn't look that heavy. blythe1: It does not look like a heavily built vehicle, Santa himself must weigh more than the sleigh caffienatedconfetti: angry pig thenightetc: Exactly. blythe1: Oooh, the Christmas ham has arrived. thenightetc: Maybe he's stuck. thenightetc: Or just very stupid. caffienatedconfetti: wait why would a pig work better than a mule and a m man in a gorrilla suit??? thenightetc: Oh so he CAN get out! Knock Out: Dear sweet Unicron. caffienatedconfetti: those poor animals Shockbox: There he goes! It's not that hard. caffienatedconfetti: sobbing blythe1: I'm guessing this movie did not get the "no animals were harmed" award thenightetc: Were they even trained animals? blythe1: trained better than the film makers caffienatedconfetti: the raaccon and the dog were obviously somewhat trianed blythe1: Oh it is the cast of the last movie caffienatedconfetti: ohhh, that poor horse! their hooves aren't built for sand!! caffienatedconfetti: poor baby caffienatedconfetti: stop hitting the horse!! blythe1: Yes, get out! caffienatedconfetti: STOP caffienatedconfetti: THAT POOR HRSE IS SO CONFUZZLED thenightetc: The horse just seems confused. blythe1: These kids are obviously within walking distance of a populated area. Go walk there and phone for a taxi. blythe1: It isn't even slightly buried. thenightetc: Is he.  Still trying to sit in the sleigh and dig it out a tthe same time. thenightetc: Does anyone else find it strange that it's just him in the sleigh, and no presents? Knock Out: He's not Santa at all, just a bad man. blythe1: Oh god, singing. Cardinal: . . . Knock Out: With filthy pants. Shockbox: ...Well, at least we went for a good few minutes without having to endure this singing. Cardinal: Didn't Rudolph establish that Santa is a bad man? caffienatedconfetti: yes caffienatedconfetti: we're in hell blythe1: Either in hell, or on a hell of an acid trip Shockbox: Is....Is this really happening? thenightetc: I'm so confused. Shockbox: Okay. Cardinal: WHY caffienatedconfetti: we're dead and in hell caffienatedconfetti: *get sshot in spanish* Shockbox: And *then* the protagonist in this movie will start talking about a protagonist from a *different* story. caffienatedconfetti: i can't stop laughingggg Knock Out: I'm wheezing. thenightetc: Why is the ceiling in there so low blythe1: Remember when asking for children from witches and the fey always be specific in your wants. They love to screw you over with exact words. caffienatedconfetti: i love these guyss blythe1: The ceiling is so low because she bought it cheap from Yoda's estate caffienatedconfetti: "buy cheap, this house, you will" thenightetc: pffff thenightetc: They were really desperate to fill out the running time, huh. blythe1: duck into a swan, an anthem for the CRISPR generation Shockbox: Apparently. caffienatedconfetti: WHEEZE caffienatedconfetti: ....that looks like a boy wearing a wig caffienatedconfetti: "you and i are going to have fun together" blythe1: That is some bad CSO, even for this movie thenightetc: Uhhhhhhhhh caffienatedconfetti: is that a man in a frog suit caffienatedconfetti: WHAT HAPPENED TO SANTA caffienatedconfetti: i think marriage is a consent thing??? blythe1: WTF? thenightetc: Are they supposed to be... insects? thenightetc: I mean, the extra..... limbs blythe1: Giant shrooms, I think I've found the explanation for this movie thenightetc: Is her mother even looking for her? thenightetc: She can't be too far away blythe1: the snow in old movies was actually asbestos. Not even joking about that, they used to use asbestos for fake snow thenightetc: Well, that's cheery caffienatedconfetti: assbestos thenightetc: yikes caffienatedconfetti: why this Shockbox: ...How much longer. Shockbox: How much longer is this film. blythe1: It never ends caffienatedconfetti: it will last for eternity caffienatedconfetti: this is hell after all blythe1: It lasts forever, ahahahaha thenightetc: This is what happens when you get on Santa's naughty list!  Take note. blythe1: Damn, I didn't realise just how naughty I must have been this year thenightetc: errrrr blythe1: A saga of child trading and forced marriages, such a classic tale for Santa to tell kids. caffienatedconfetti: wait caffienatedconfetti: I JUST REALIZED SOMETHING caffienatedconfetti: THAT MOLE MAN IS WEARING THE BODY PART OF THE GORILLA SUIT thenightetc: Oh my god.  Yeah, plus a coat Knock Out: By the core, it is! thenightetc: I'm so uncomfortable with how they keep saying how young she is and how she's a child. thenightetc: "you're such a beautiful child!  marry me" thenightetc: :| Cardinal: uhhhh caffienatedconfetti: jesus thenightetc: see? blythe1: A day, but it feels soooooooooooo much longer. thenightetc: "but I AM rich" caffienatedconfetti: it puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again thenightetc: "he'll die pretty soon and then you'll be a rich widow!" Knock Out: This couldn't have less to do with Christmas. caffienatedconfetti: i don't know where i am thenightetc: Please tell me the bird's not going to try to marry her, too blythe1: I think I actually miss drunk Santa at thispoint caffienatedconfetti: yes Knock Out: AHHHH! blythe1: She is not a human being, she grew fully formed from a seed caffienatedconfetti: plant hybrid caffienatedconfetti: OH MY LORD blythe1: I can't imagine there could be a worse fate that being in thiis movie blythe1: Winter is coming! Shockbox: So...When will this have anything to do with an ice cream bunny? blythe1: It melted Shockbox: At the beginning? Cardinal: . . . . blythe1: Another forced  marriage? blythe1: I seriously question the message this movie is pushing thenightetc: So... what about her mother Thebes: Oh man I'm late--what fresh nonsense is this? blythe1: I hope those flower buds they are standing in are the same as those from little shop of horrors thenightetc: So, they absolutely just spliced another entire story in, didn' tthey blythe1: back at Santa's cult thenightetc: Credits and all thenightetc: Er, movie blythe1: Yes, Santa is dead, we're freeeeeeeee Cardinal: . . . caffienatedconfetti: am i on crack thenightetc: No, this is really happening Thebes: This feels like a festive fever dream blythe1: THE SIREN MEANS THE NUKES ARE COMING, RIGHT? blythe1: And they just ran over the camera man, which must be a relief for him caffienatedconfetti: screaming blythe1: You know the worst apart about this? caffienatedconfetti: i am screaming caffienatedconfetti: the screaming never ends thenightetc: The dog turning to look at the camera blythe1: I hear Michael Bay has signed on for a remake. Thebes: I feel like that's untrue but... cite your sources blythe1: He's signed on for a reboot for everything else. caffienatedconfetti: eeend me caffienatedconfetti: hwy tjhs caffienatedconfetti: whys blythe1: Just get him on the car and drive to the closing credits, already. thenightetc: The dog seems kind of freaked out at the bunny, there. caffienatedconfetti: please kill mee blythe1: Just for the record, that is not the right way to crank start a car blythe1: if it kicks back then it can break your arm. thenightetc: Look at that kid struggling to keep the dog from running off. thenightetc: ....So could he have done that at any time, or Thebes: I... I don't know blythe1: Is it over, truly? caffienatedconfetti: thank god thenightetc: That description caffienatedconfetti: i am freed Knock Out: It's over. Dear sweet Unicron, it's over. Knock Out: But will we ever be free? That's the question. blythe1: I'll be good next year, promise. Knock Out: I promise nothing. thenightetc: That was really.... something. blythe1: I have to look up that movie's IMDB page to see if anyone in it ever worked again Knock Out: Wasn't it just? Knock Out: Thank you all for stopping by and enduring it! thenightetc: Thank you for infli--*sharing* it with us. blythe1: Wouldn't have missed it for the world, KO. Thank you. blythe1: I love your Christmas livestreams. THey are always great. caffienatedconfetti: goood night Thebes: I only caught the end, but even that was...amazing, shall we say. thank you! Knock Out: You're all very welcome! caffienatedconfetti: it was endless pain caffienatedconfetti: and trauma thenightetc: That description caffienatedconfetti: i am freed Knock Out: It's over. Dear sweet Unicron, it's over. Knock Out: But will we ever be free? That's the question. blythe1: I'll be good next year, promise. Knock Out: I promise nothing. thenightetc: That was really.... something. blythe1: I have to look up that movie's IMDB page to see if anyone in it ever worked again Knock Out: Wasn't it just? Knock Out: Thank you all for stopping by and enduring it! thenightetc: Thank you for infli--*sharing* it with us. blythe1: Wouldn't have missed it for the world, KO. Thank you. blythe1: I love your Christmas livestreams. THey are always great. caffienatedconfetti: goood night Thebes: I only caught the end, but even that was...amazing, shall we say. thank you! Knock Out: You're all very welcome! caffienatedconfetti: it was endless pain caffienatedconfetti: and trauma caffienatedconfetti: it will be in my nightmares blythe1: Merry Christmas, everybody. caffienatedconfetti: mebby chruistmun Knock Out: Merry Christmas, happy holidays, may Santa's filthy pants keep clear of your dreams! thenightetc: Same to you!  And goodnight. blythe1: Since it is now 5am in my timezone, I will bid you all good night. See you all next year. Thebes: good night!

[stylessemantics]

A Final Goodbye

This blog is turning one year old! And to celebrate it, I will be closing stylessemantics.tumblr.com! So this is my goodbye letter!

If you’re reading this, my blog is officially one year old (is it July 10th already?) Yes future me, it is! And here is why, if you even care. If you don’t then well... I can’t really blame you.

If you don’t want to read all the way to the end: Monday July 10th will be the last day I’ll be around, until exactly 11:59pm. Happy reading!

And if you’re reading this it also means you’ve clicked to read more! Thank you.

So stylessemantics is a year old. Wow. Time flies. I would know because if you’re reading this it means I’m stepping off. 

I guess I should start at the beginning?

Stylessemantics was always a one year project to me. Or at least that’s how it started. I thought I could do this to sort of improve my writing skills, to try something new, to meet new people, to do something fun. And it was! I mean I don’t know if my writing got any better, to me it got a lot worse, or maybe that was just my mind getting worse. IDK.

On the road, stylessemantics turned into so much more. I would be away for a day and I’d miss it so much. I wanted to come back. It became a little safe haven where I could be me, or try to be a better version of me, and possibly failed as well, and where I had something interesting going on for once. Now I don’t want this to be a very sad letter but you guys know me, I’m the sour-patch of every party. (maybe that’s why i never get invited to any hmmm)

All jokes aside this year has been a rollercoaster in every sense of the word. (guys we got solo harry can you believe that? I still can’t) At some point I found myself thinking “I could keep stylessemantics, this doesn’t have to be a one year thing, it doesn’t have to be an experiment” and let me tell you those days were pretty much eternal. I was on a high pretty much all the time. I was so in love with tumblr. Don’t take this the wrong way, I still love it to bits and it’s turned into something kind of vital to me. But the good days didn’t last. If they had; you wouldn’t be reading this now. 

So yeah, I thought about saving all my works of fiction and taking the whole blog down and well I didn’t plan well enough to make stylessemantics a sideblog that i could just password protect and secretly keep. So it was final: stylessemantics was going to be deleted. And I was okay with that for the longest time. I never thought I would be so shit at keeping promises that I’d have 15+ requests in my inbox back from 2016, still unwritten. And with an 8 chapter fic still stuck on chapter 6. And with 700 promises to AU’s and things I wanted to write. It’s safe to say those promises were made on the days I thought I would keep stylessemantics. But as of today (sunday, july 9th, 2017) it’s been a bad bad bad day. I’ve been dancing around the delete blog for the longest time but I decided that was a bit unfair.

Now I don’t think I’m anything interesting for anyone to be reading this (if you are, wow, makes me wanna reconsider staying lol) so i know a lot of people are going to like this without even reading what’s going on, but I still thought “hey I’ve made some friends... and only 3 of them know that stylessemantics was probably going to die in July” so it was a bit unfair to just up and leave. So at least there’s a letter, right?

Anyways, I guess there’s no real explanation as to why stylessemantics was a 1 year thing for me, why did i decide that and why my mind wandered between making it a 2 (3,4,5 who knows how many) year thing or not. There’s no explanation really, so I can’t fully give you one, but what I can say is that I’m insanely grateful for the good days this big ol’ blog gave me. And by that I mean you reading this. No matter what, stylessemantics was something important to me, and it changed me even if it was just a bit. So for that I’ll be forever thankful. And I say this a lot but I want you to know I mean it. All the time. 

I don’t deserve it. Call it my depression, anxiety, self-esteem issues, self-love issues, whatever one of those I have (aka all) but I feel very undeserving of such a loving community. I never got a single hate comment and to be honest I was scared and tiptoeing around everything too much to get any but oh well, I’m going to act like that’s just y’all being nice to my fragile mind. For my poor mind’s sake lol.

Now I did say that 3 of my friends knew about this thing, and well they all talked me through sad days where I wanted to just erase this blog from existence and helped me get to a final decision. Stylessemantics won’t be deleted. I’m much too attached to little pieces of paper and old photos and whatever to not be extremely attached to this blog and conversations I’ve had in it and stuff like that. And I know myself well enough to know I’ll regret deleting. (i deleted my first instagram 2 weeks into college and I’m still sour about it...) I’ll regret not having at least screenshots of beautiful messages and nice song lyrics that being on tumblr have inspired and other wonderful things. That plus the fact that I’m still not 100% sure if I want to leave stylessemantics for good (can you cound how many times I’ve written stylessemantics? wow I have to stop) or not, well... The decision is that this blog won’t be deleted. It won’t be deactivated. (if i could close it without losing my tumblr url and account that would be grand, but I can’t cause this is a main blog. Iv didn’t think this through back in 2016) 

This blog will still be here. Saved. Untouched. With its open inbox, open submit page and open messenger. With its masterlist still up, and with its pretty rose quartz and serenity blue theme. The only difference is that this is going to be the last post on it. I won’t be here. There will be no one responding. And maybe, one day, I’ll stumble upon something weird that will remind me of this and I’ll think “do I want to continue stylessemantics?” and maybe I’ll come back peeping my little eye emoji.

I want to make a promise that I’ll come and post the reminder of BIM and the Marcel fic and all of those requests I never got to fill. But we’ve been at this for a year. I’m simply the worst person when it comes to writing and keeping my writing promises (i was gonna say I’m the worst at keeping promises in general but even with my below-7th-level-of-hell-self-esteem and lower-than-minus-70-degrees-self-love, I can say I DO keep all my promises, just not the writing ones. whooops.)

Some promises I will keep tho:

I’ll still love every single one of you.

I’ll still be around tumblr on another account (winkwink) so I’m still reading my mutual’s works and supporting my peeps. If you spot me, come say hi, but don’t ask me to write or bring back this blog.

I’ll always be undeserving of every single ounce of love or attention I receive here or on any other blog I move to, for the remainder of my days on this earth.

I will try to better myself and my writing. (and seek professional help for my issues. Finger’s crossed)

i will try to have something new to post if I ever come back (fanfic related)

I will always love Harry.

stylessemantics will most likely be back, even if it’s just to say happy new year, or wish my own self a happy birthday (that’s sad, forget that one)

I’ll come post a selfie when I graduate college, I swear.

I’ll be around until the end of the day (July 10th) and then I’ll post this again and it will be the finishing line of this blog.

[paradoxoso]

I was tagged by @lionbloomヽ(´∇｀)ﾉ this was a long time ago but i forgot to post it whooops Name: Cole 
Nicknames: Coleslaw, Cabbage 
Zodiac sign: Virgo 
Height: 5'7" Orientation: im gay for my bf 
Nationality: American 
Favourite fruit: oranges, especially orange juice 
Favourite season: fall or summer 
Favourite book: Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy 
Favourite flower: I don’t actually know many types of flowers uhhh orchids are p cool 
Favourite scent: this is weird but I like the scent of new tires 
Favourite colour: blue 
Favourite animal: S H A R K S 
Coffee, tea, or hot chocolate: i like some good tea but also chocolate is the best 
Average hours of sleep: not enough Cat or dog: gotta go with my doggos 
Favourite fictional character: this one is difficult but I relate to Shinji Ikari a lot with the gayness and the depression 
Number of blankets you sleep with: two Dream trip: probably to Japan cause I’m a weeb 
Blog created: I have no idea tbh 
Number of followers: 151? I’ll tag: @pvrko-ome, @digitalis-the-engineer, @dreamygothdad, @trag3dy-in-past3l

[kalosstarters]

keep-on-trying replied to your post “Happy (or not so happy for some people lmao I know the salt is still...”

I'm kinda on the same boat? (With your tags :D) I'm actually glad Satoshi didn't win because it was realistic progression, you don't go to top 1 from top 8 which he was in last league (previous record being top 4), even with satoshi gekkouga and whatnot :p And Alan did deserve to win :3 If there's another league, I expect Satoshi to win the next one :p

Yes! I could write a long post about why I’m fine with the result, and whooops, apparently that’s exactly what happened (btw if I sound aggressive, which I might because I’m tired of the hate, remember that I’m not targeting this at you or anything, I just want to explain my opinion)

1) Alain _did_ deserve it. Don’t go saying that he never did anything to be that strong because honestly, he _did_ work very, very hard. Take for example the 10 battles challenge in tsme act 4. He even beat an elite four member, and all those challengers were clearly strong. I doubt Ash could have done it even with Ash-Greninja.

2) Believe it or not, Alain is _not_ a Tobias. Man I hate Tobias (I also hate Cameron from BW). Tobias was definitely, 100% brought into the Sinnoh league to beat Ash so he couldn’t win. Alain? Yes, the league was a big part of his arc, but his character was _far_ more complex than any character who was there just to beat Ash. 

First of all, he was introduced after episode xy21. Pretty early for someone who just battled in the league 100 episodes later, don’t you think? And boi those were some good episodes that showed what kind of character _he_ is, not having anything to do with Ash or the Kalos league (tbh sometimes I wish we would have gotten more tsme acts instead of bringing A&M in the main series but let’s not go there). 

Second of all while the writers made a mistake by making Alain seem totally uninterested when Ash asked him about the league in xy&z episode 23, and giving him badges in such a short time (they could have introduced him in the main series earlier??), I still feel him participating did make sense. He was severely depressed by the time the league started, and battling Ash was one of the few things that made him feel something (some people argue they could easily have battled in some other circumstances and that’s true but the league is every competitive trainer’s main goal so it was the most meaningful way that battle could have happened). Not to mention, he also got some mega evolution energy from those battles, which, he thought, would help his friend to get her dear Pokémon back.

 And then there’s the whole Team Flare arc in which he’s basically the main character and finally gets his redemption! So, yes, Alain is much more than that one challenger in the Kalos league.

3) Even if it was just for a moment, I was also very, very happy to see my depressed baby boy happy and proud of himself and his pokes (ngl what made it even better was Mairin’s reaction, those happy tears never fail to touch me ;___; ahhh good scene)

4) After the setback that was BW (I’m talking about Ash’s training skills, you should all know I like BW a lot despite the soft reset) it didn’t really make sense that all of a sudden he was so strong, coming second to only one person at the league and barely losing any battles during the series (IIRC he only lost to Alain, Viola and Diantha, and Sawyer and Wulfric before mastering the bond phenomenon and that’s not a lot. Yet most of his training was blasting TRio off and not only did he get a special evolution for one of his mon, he also got two fully evolved dragons without them even battling a lot (remember that dragons are the most difficult ‘mon to evolve). Talk about an issue in writing (I’m sorry this is becoming an xy critique. But they really could have handled some things better). 

Uh, my point is that I felt Ash gained all those things too easily (particularly compared to the earlier series) and it didn’t make me feel he deserved all of it. 

5) I wanted to believe, but honestly, I wasn’t _that_ surprised that the writers still didn’t break the status quo. As long as the series keeps going, our poor boy is doomed :/ But in his words: “never give up until the end!”

So, these things among with the fact that it’s just a show are why I have never been salty about the Kalos league. And never will be.