#woof. fucked up amirite?

[lesbiancosmicowl]

you're in your mum's gf's flat all cautious excitement tinged with anxiety waiting for her to come home from the hospital. you've been visiting getting her get well soon cards acting like everything's fine. because it's going to be, right? it has to be. she's here she's alive and she's coming home. you helped your mum decorate put up banners fetch the cake from roy's. you watch her get the call don't even have to ask. it's routine. not the comfortable kind. the 'please stay please don't go into a job that can kill you please listen to me please stay' kind. the 'they need me i have to go there's been a murder/robbery/assult i'll be home late they need me' kind. the kind that is constant, unchanging despite her best (?) efforts. later, carla comes home. she's happy to see you hugs you back calls you darling. it reminds you too much- no. she's not here anymore. carla is. you know what she's gonna ask before she opens her mouth. "there was murder." "she was going to be here." "she put up the decorations." you're well versed in explaining to yourself why she is the way she is. in making excuses for her. in defending her to yourself. she's not here. she wanted to be. she's not here. she wanted to be. she's not here. she wanted to be. a well worn mantra repeated on forgotten dinners late nights missed parent-teacher meetings tardy pickups from work. the difference is now you have to explain it to other people as well. person. carla. you hope she has more patience than you more grace more understanding. you hope she stays. she's not here. she wanted to be. carla is here. she wants to be.

[siredsong]

what the fuck is wrong with me i’ll see a pic of the boys and start mF pANTING like bitch go get a puff from ur inhaler or something u little whore gOD 

[revasserium]

now accepting: naruto requests!

hello naruto fandom u__u my blog is now open for requests for honestly, anyone in the naruto-verse but here are some of my favs so y’all can know my biases and know that these hoes will get written quicker LOL: 

naRUTO (cause hoka-AYYEEE amirite) 

sauceKay (who dOESN’T love an international criminal turned repentant emo bff) 

KAKASHI (i adore this man please please send reqs for kakashi fuCK me UP SENSEI) 

kiba (wOOF) 

temari (i would let her murder me and still say thank you) 

mINATO (ur kidding me if you wouldn’t let this man rearrange ur insides) 

itachi (saucekay v. 2) 

shikamaru (smart is the new sexy) 

neji (byakugET IT ON) 

requests are open for: drabbles, headcanons, daydreams, etc u__u 

for prompt lists, please click here! 

for my current masterlist and tags, please click here! 

and my faq is right here! 

and i look forward to writing some good ol’ nart <3 

[vrenaewrites]

AFTER by Anna Todd thoughts: Prologue - Ch 50

Full video here.

Originally wattpad fanfic about Harry Styles??????

PROLOGUE:

“I didn't know college would be more than academics”

Confused by (her roommate’s friends) inattention to structure: How fucking lame are you

“And that’s when he crept into my heart” Is he italicized in the books i bet it is

Dude’s name is hardin? More like hard-on amirite

CH 1:

It starts with an alarm going off?!?!?!? Rule number one!!!!!

She spends the prologue telling us she’s been prepping for college all her life and then spends a good half a page telling us that again

“Whatever else teenagers else do, that wasn’t me” We got a mary sue here guys

Razor from the knees down - ok virgin - why was this a detail?

Oh shiiii she got a boyfriend? And his name is NOT hardin guys

She told us multiple times that she prepped for this day forever but also keeps saying she has no idea what to expect...does this take place before the internet? Like...google it??

CH 2:

She just said she saw the school online, like you can find pics of the school but you couldn’t find a single youtube video about “what college is really like” foh

So the mom sits in on orientation but is expected to leave before seeing the dorm room how tf that girl supposed to get all her shit up to the dorm?!?!?! Parents usually help you move in??

So the car was packed FULL of her stuff but then she says she only brought clothes and books and her bf doesn’t have much to carry...so what is the truth?

Oh shit her roommate has tattoos

“Where the dorms are tiny and the parties are huge” and this information is fucking earth shattering to tessa and her mom and not-hardin

CH 3:

Two closets in this tiny dorm room…

“College is not what i expected” you said MULTIPLE TIMES you didn’t know what to expect so what is the truth?!!?!?!?

“Both genders” yikes on bikes

CH 4:

HE HAS A THICK ENGLISH ACCENT goodBYE

“Hardin scott is not my boyfriend” okay, so many things. No one fucking talks like that unless they wanna introduce the full name of the love interest in the clunkiest way

Also HS are his initials goodBYEEEEE

CH 5:

“Destroyed his body with holes and tattoos” omg

CH 6:

Hardin is fucking neg that calls her Teresa when she asks to go by Tessa and as someone who constantly gets called Vicki when I ask to go by Viktoria, I am on her side in this instance and this instance only

CH 7:

She is so upset that someone called her prissy but then she can’t even bring herself to think of what those people are doing in the frat house bedrooms

CH 9:

The word bottom. As in, steph pushed her bottom against a guy as she danced with him...BOTTOM

She’s in a bedroom with her drunk roommate and a really great collection of books and I GUARANTEE this is Hardin’s room

Wuthering heights ffs

KNEW IT

CH 10:

And she’s crying

CH 13:

She introduces herself by her full name and landon does the same whyyyyyy who does this?

He’s a nice kid unlike you - i’m shocked at my harsh words

Am i just a bitch or is she the weakest

So they’re just walking and he screams, “Stop staring at me” out of nowhere and walks away...sounds stable

CH 14:

“Noah is my boyfriend and I would never do anything to hurt him” This is what we call foreshadowing my friends

“A man who is rude an intolerable being made into a romantic hero? It’s ridiculous” hardin

Foreshadowing…

She literally just said her boyfriend is like a little brother…ew

“I’m aware that my hips and breasts are larger than most women my age”...women are fully developed at 18...i don’t understand…

Mary sue shit

CH 15:

“She’s intimidated by you because you’re not like other girls” is that a real thing…

“You look...different” - hardin PUKE

“Are you a virgin?” i puked again

No one seems surprised - bitch you dress like a nun

CH 16:

These chapter breaks make no gd sense

“Hormonal college rock n roll misfits”

Immediately takes a shot of vodka

Hardin looks disappointed that she took a shot because she’s not like other girls…

Slut shaming.com / tessa re: molly

CH 17:

“Sorry if i don’t dress like a slut” no you just wear pleated skirts and khakis like a mormon mother

Hardin doesn’t drink OF COURSE they are sober lil bookworms together

I want to be an author. Of course because she is the mary sue of our generation move over bella swan

She’s drinking again after almost puking

CH 18:

“We don’t need to have sex, we have fun by going to the movies...and going on walks” ON WALKS.

OH SHIIIIIIIII THEY KISSIN

CH 19:

This girl has never been horny before and she cannot cope with the feeling

Am i bad a person for feeling like “Well she already cheated by kissing him, might as well keep kissing him?” like i know that’s wrong but…

CH 20:

Oh my god she’s not telling her boyfriend that she kissed someone else??!?!?

Oh shiii hardin’s in her dorm

HER MOM IS AT THE DOOR

WITH NOAH?!?!?!?!?!

When i say weakass you say bitch

CH 21:

The fork at breakfast reminds her of hardin’s lip ring….

She just called Hardin Mr. Rude. “Mr. struggle” lol anyone else watch Cody Ko??

Noah won’t kiss her in public and she does NOT get horny with him

CH 22:

Pride and prejudice is not a magical book tessa

Landon’s mom and hardin’s dad?! Oh shiiiii

“Are you ocd or something” christ

Literally he’s throwing her notes all over the floor like what a four year old

“Eyes burning into mine” AGAIN

They kissin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh shit they doin MORE than kissing

“You’re so sexy tess” I PUKED

Steph’s eyes are clapping with glee?????

“You could learn a lot from Hardin, like, sexually” - steph

okay………

CH 23:

They’re talking about the use of foreshadowing in pride and prejudice about if you could tell that darcy and elizabeth would end up together…

What kinda hamfisted shit…

And then she and hardin get in a screaming match about their situation but it’s coded in darcy and elizabeth language like come onnnnnnn

So much twilight vibes: “your mood swings give me a headache” “i should stay away from him, i know he’s dangerous” dangerous how? Because he has tattoos?

FIRST FULL BODY CRINGE: “You’re thinking about me and you have that feeling, down there, don’t you, teresa?”

Twilight: “i don’t wanna stay away from you”

CH 24:

“He really is bipolar” dude

She likes bon iver and the fray...of course she does

CH 25:

SHE FOLLOWED THIS STRANGER INTO THE WOODS

No murderino instinct at all

“He must be cold in the warm ass water because he can’t be getting flushed seeing me, a girl he’s made out with multiple times and is obviously attracted to, in nothing but his t-shirt” bitch COME ON

“I’m having real fun, not watching a movie fun”

This is such a dig at noah who she says doesn’t need to fuck her because they watch movies together

SECOND FULL BODY CRINGE: “These lips, the things you could do with them”

THIRD: “Oh Hardin,” I moan and squeeze him with my legs. “I want to make you moan my name over and over again” - hardin

My hormones are out of control - who is thinking about their hormones at this point

FOURTH: She goes to cover up and he’s like don’t ever cover yourself from me, i’ve been with so many girls but none like you

And they’re not gonna do it but “there are many other things he wants to do to her first” and at this point my body is contorted like a jumbo shrimp

FIFTH: The whole fingering scene honestly. Just all of it. He made her towel off with his shirt...am I missing something? She had already put her pants on...what’s the point of that???

SIXTH: “You haven’t said a word to me since” - “since i gave you your first orgasm?”

CH 26:

Wtf is this dude’s problem? She ignores her boyfriend’s call to keep making out with him and he’s like “don’t break up with him on my account, there’s no us going on” like dude y’all just went on a date...so you can keep saying you don’t date...but you just did…

CH 27:

She’s so selfish!!!! Calling Noah because she got rejected by Hardin!!!!!!!! Noah deserves better 2k20

And then she mentions it in front of Hardin to make him jealous WTF

Hardin petty ass Scott says, “noah, that’s a nice cardigan you’re wearing”

Thanks I got it from the gap!!!!!!!11

CH 28:

SEVEN: Tessa wants noah to get her horny so she keeps trying to kiss him and when he won’t let anything happen she stops and he says, “that was nice, tessa”

Tessa takes noah’s car to go help hardin and leaves noah in her dorm room alone when he drove 3 hours to see her!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CH 29:

Hardin toxic asshole Scott threw a hissy fit and tessa comes to save the day

He dresses her little glass cut after telling her she’s pathetic...woof

CH 30:

Holy manipulation station nation

Then he forces himself on her and her dumb bitch ass KISSES HIM!!!!!

BECAUSE HE SAID HE NEEDED HER, THAT’S ALL IT TOOK

Cringe throughout: that she describes his lips as pink. It’s weird as fuck.

EIGHT: “You know who i think you are when you’re with me?” “Who?” “yourself”

CH 31:

NINE: He’s telling her if she says the word he’ll leave her alone: “Tell me teresa,” he coos, and i whimper. “Hardin,” i whisper. WHY?

SHE IS GONNA STAY WITH HARDIN WHILE NOAH IS WAITING FOR HER?!?!?!?!!??!

CH 32:

“I don’t know if it’s his smile or the fact that he’s only in boxers, but I’m in a much better mood than before” you skank ass hoe

TEN: He says her clothes hide how sexy and curvy her body really is. Sexy and curvy. Both.

CH 33:

ELEVEN: “I know this happiness isn’t going to last” - the happiness being her straddling this guy that isn’t her boyfriend - “and i feel like cinderella waiting for the clock to strike midnight”

“I can behave any way i want with hardin tonight, because in the morning i’m going to tell him to leave me alone forever” HUH

TWELVE: I am just as intoxicated by hardin, as hardin is by the bottle of scotch he drank

THIRTEEN: Who is this girl straddling this punk boy and asking to touch him...down there?

CH 34:

FOURTEEN: He says he wants to taste her and this dumb bitch licks her lips like “yeah we been kissing wtf” and he says “no, down there” EW

CH 35:

Noah standing up for himself!!!!!

FIFTEEN: Then he calls them those gothic people...gothic? Not goth. Gothic.

HARDIN DONE BARGED IN!!!!!!

CH 36:

Hardin and Noah about to get into it!

Hardin making tessa be honest with noah OMG THE DRAMA

SIXTEEN: I am a moth to hardin’s flame and he never hesitates to burn me

CH 39:

Tessa gets a makeover to go out with steph and i KNOW she’s gonna see hardin and they’re gonna be inappropriate in public

And hardin is here OF COURSE

Oooh and he’s with molly! Tea

She is a slut - TESSA NO

Chapter 37: hardin will ruin tess if she ever comes around again chapter 39: he’s driving her home and making sure her burger doesn’t have ketchup

CH 40:

Noah will get back with tessa if she promises nothing with happen with hardin and we are only halfway through this book BITCH

CH 41:

Oh he drunk and at tessa’s dorm

This BITCH. JUST. GOT. BACK.TOGETHER. WITH. NOAH. AND. IS. GETTING. IN. BED. WITH. HARDIN. TO. WATCH. A. MOVIE.

CH 42:

He picks her up and forces her to sleep in the bed with him despite her saying no

CH 44:

She admits to herself that sleeping beside hardin is worth losing noah and then is trying to talk herself into believing that noah is hotter than hardin????

“You don’t need makeup” “well i like it” “well you’re bad at it” negging ass

This man at the store says, “hardin?” in an english accent and she’s like “i knew it was his dad” well how many fucking english dudes are in this small washington town my friend

This bitch agrees to go to dinner with hardin’s dad knowing damn well he and his dad are NOT on good terms...she’d be walking home…

CH 45:

And then because he doesn’t wanna go to dinner with his abandoning father, she says she’s gonna go to his dad’s house for dinner with ANOTHER DUDE?!?!?!?!?!?

She ignores noah’s call

It is stressing me tf out that she isn’t calling noah back and is instead getting ready for a date with hardin’s family...this poor cardigan wearing man

CH 46:

I LITERALLY DO NOT CARE ABOUT THE FAMILY!!!!!!!! GET BACK TO THE CRINGE NEGGING AND ALMOST-BONING

CH 47:

“He rubs the back of his neck like he always does” - this is the first time he’s done this??

CH 48:

SEVENTEEN: “Oh tessa the things you do to me”

Fingers her without asking?!?!?!?!?!?! She literally says “Without my permission”

CH 49:

She is staying at hardin’s family’s house for the night, asks for her own room because she has a boyfriend - YOU JUST GOT EATEN OUT BY ANOTHER DUDE FIVE MINUTES AGO

~~~~

[quicksilver-rain]

Woke up to see that @devotedlystarstruckartisan tagged me in a thing, so here we go!

Rules: answer the questions in a new post and tag 10 blogs you would like to get to know better

Age : Twenty-Something. I'm sure I've mentioned somewhere, but you gotta work for it.

Birthplace : Hell, almost literally

Current time : 1002

Drink you last had : I haven't had anything yet this morning, but I'm making tea as I type this

Easiest person to talk to : Probably the Brother and Parents to be honest

Favorite song : Uhh, Just My Type by Saint Motel, Sloppy Seconds by Watsky, I Love You Like an Alcoholic by the Taxpayers, Home by Edward Sharp and the Magnetic Zeroes, the Roll the Bones album by Shakey Graves, and Tenuousness by Andrew Bird, also I unironically like Wonder wall by Oasis, provided it isn't actually performed by Oasis

Grossest memory : Once I panic-punched my first boyfriend (ex-boyfriend shortly thereafter) in the face for attempting to French Kiss me without giving me a heads up to say yay or nay (I would have said nay)

Hogwarts house : Every time I take a Hogwarts House quiz, I either get Slytherin or Ravenclaw, so I guess it depends on whether or not I can tell which answers are the "evil" answers (because all Slytherins are evil, amirite?)

In love with : Myself. Have you met me? I'm a fucking delight

Jealous of people : Not really, sometimes it'll happen, but I'm already low energy, I don't need to waste any on things I can't change

Killed someone : Oh my God, yesterday I almost hit Sewer Cat, if that counts. They're fine, but they're lucky I'm not one of those assholes that goes 50 down our street

Love at first sight or should I walk by you again : If you're in it for the bedroom fun times, probably just find someone else, but it's a valiant effort

Middle name : Haha, not today Techno-Fey

Number of siblings : One blood sibling. But I tend to adopt people by force, so if we're counting those too, I've got Norbi and Woof as well

Person you last called : I had to check, and it was Voicemail, because I live in a dead zone and wanted to see if the people at the comics shop ever called me back about part time work. They did not.

Question you are always asked : "When are you going to finish The Turning?" Not anytime soon, man, I wish it was otherwise but I'm Lame, please leave me to my misery.

Reasons to smile : Man, anything can make you happy if you let it

Song you last sang : Chandelier by Sia, I've been singing it a lot because Uncharted 4 has a lot of Chandelier swinging in it

Time you woke up : 700, but I refused to get out of bed till 930

Underwear colour : Why is this a question?

Worst habbit : I pick at my cuticles and its a bad time

X-rays : They're pretty cool, I guess. Don't give you any super powers, tho.

Your favorite food : Steak, Sushi, or a really well made Burger

Zodiac sign : Capricorn, they never get any love, which is rude because they're basically sea monsters

I tag : Man, I can't even name ten blogs off the top of my head. Uhh, @wooferdill, @willowriverspiritwriter, @spicynorbi (or @spiceeh), @lu-n-gs, @sakujen and I'm tagging the Brother even though I know he won't do it: @toxicrain23

That's all I have, so please accept this picture of my dog to make up for not having 10 blogs: