#would imagine that she was ryu instead of herself and their roles were reversed because misao would just get so overwhelmed with things-
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#NO SLEEP OF THE INNOCENT. NOT FOR YOU: character study.#the concept of having a complicated relationship with one's sibling.#because ryuuji was the second born and thus the responsibility of taking care of him was given to misao most of the time she found herself-#being jealous of him sometimes. and misao felt very guilty because of this but she just wanted to be a kid for a moment. so sometimes she-#would imagine that she was ryu instead of herself and their roles were reversed because misao would just get so overwhelmed with things-#that this was the only way she could cope with it at times. which is sad in every sense of the word but misao knew that it wasn't ryu's-#fault at all that thing's were this way. it wasn't anyone's fault really but it was so much easier to place the blame on him subconsciously#sometimes because the alternative was blaming herself for not being strong enough to be both a caretaker and a child at the same time.#and that was perhaps even harder for her to think about because misao has always strived to be perfect. and i mean this in everything-#she does. she wants to be the 'perfect psychotherapist' the 'perfect lover' the 'perfect friend' and it is a LOT of pressure to be honest-#to be putting on yourself especially when you are not fully equipped to open yourself up to people about how you are struggling because-#you've dealt with things on your own all your life. but yeah. misao might've felt resentment towards ryuuji even though it was misplaced-#though she also felt a great deal of platonic love towards him and even if the whole world were against him then she'd still be on his side#but misao has been out of contact with him for the longest time and doesn't even know if he is alive anymore. and she is kind of scared-#to inquire someone to find out for her like a private investigator or something. because i think misao would not be able to take both her-#mom and her half-brother dying because at the end of the day ryuuji is her last remaining family member. and he understood her-#in ways that even she couldn't understand herself.
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