#writing this to explain away dani's absence for a while

[boozye]

Writing prompt: barbatos takes Dani with him on his day off, away from the city, have a quiet and relaxing time and they end the day cooking together.

THIS DEVOLVED INTO SOMETHING. Don't know what exactly, you saw one of the times of me try to reign it back into track but boy there were many.

Thank you for the prompt Liz 💕 I feel like a learned a lot from this. I learned I can take a cute prompt and turn it edgy somehow. (alas, I won't deal with whatever tumblr did with the spacing when I pasted this)

Barbatos x Fan MC Daniel (they/them)

Warnings: Mention of alcohol and smoking. Mention of food. Character coming out as asexual. Romantic advances and very avoidant shenanigans. Open end.

Words: 2522 (how... how did this happen)

After a long week, another student council meeting was over.

Everyone left as soon as they could, except 2 people. Barbatos had asked Daniel to stay after the meeting. The human, assuming it was something serious, agreed. They never imagined it'd be an invitation to his retreat from the job.

"I can't. I have to deal with some stuff," Daniel responded. Cryptic as ever and unwilling to give anyone a clue of their business.

"I figured as much, which is why I took measures," was the demon's counter.

The human looked at the demon warily.

"I will not take you by force, or intrude on your afairs, Dani"

"Is this a scheme? Are we going to another confectionery expo...?"

He chuckled.

"Why? Would you like to?"

No answer. Dull eyes aim at his, defiant. He delighted at the reaction. And brought his gloved knuckles to his own chin.

"I'm joking of course," he assured. "But I've noticed you seem... even more distressed than usual lately. And since I cannot offer a solution, I can at least offer some respite."

Daniel kept their eyes on him, waiting for him to elaborate

"I've procured a pocket in time. So long as we are there, time will not pass here."

"Tsk...seriously." they were not incredulous of his power, quite aware of it in fact. Their disbelief laid in that he would bother to do that at all. As if he didn't have better things to worry about. "Oh, brilliant. At least that way any troubles the brothers may cause will be contained."

"An astute assessment," he admitted. "However I did not extend the invitation to them."

"Why?"

"Because I'm only inviting you."

And there it was, though their composure seemed unbothered, they squinted their eyes. "...No time will pass here?"

"That's right."

"And when can we go there?"

"At any moment from now."

"What is this place like?"

"A quiet cottage, on a green hill."

They sighed, "yeah, that sounds good."

Since no time would pass, there was no real need to tell anyone of this escapade. At least to Barbatos, the all powerful demon, always knowing and almost all seeing. But the human felt it necessary, to spare themselves the trouble of explaining to others later why their disposition might be different from one minute to the next ("recent" events feeling older, being disoriented for a while, etc)

None of the brothers were thrilled about it, but neither did they protest more than superficially. They wouldn't notice the absence after all. More than one asked about going. Barbatos simply reiterated who his invitation was extended to, and the purpose of this venture.

And with that and a backpack of essentials, they walked through Barbatos's door.

It was sunset at the location, great way to avoid being immediately blinded by the sun.

The portal had opened in an old forgotten shed in the woods, a 10 minute walk from the destination. A narrow stone path marked the way. Not 2 steps into said walk, the human was yawning, their mind slowing down already.

Barbatos asked out loud, "Do you know this place, Daniel?"

"Hm? No, I've never been here."

And yet, their guard fell enough that they seemed ready to drop asleep, was it really all it took? He almost missed the question made back, in his thoughts.

"Have you?"

"A couple of times. I had to make sure the place was ready."

They didn't ask further. The little building's door was before them. 2 floors, small, a short veranda, red tiled roof. With a sleight of hands, Barbatos produced a key and opened it. Then promptly handed the key to the human, who took it perplexed and started examining the pretty object.

"Take this key, so you may come and go as you please, at any time."

Their eyes widened a little, and he caught faint signs within dark coloured eyes, of pupils dilating briefly. Message received.

"Got it. Thanks."

Upon entering, Barbatos explained where each room was as well as some appliances at their disposal. All Daniel had ears for at the moment were 2 things, the bathroom, and the bedrooms.

"I'm going to bed right now. Goodnight."

It was around 7pm...

They made a beeline from the former to the latter, picking the room at random.

Barbatos shook his head, "they didn't even have dinner..."

Well, he might as well relax and make himself some tea for the moment, he headed to the kitchen, it wasn't large, with 2 stoves and an old fridge that would be yellowed had he not come beforehand. As the tea brewed, he decided to check on his guest. Silently and slowly the door was opened. The sight; a mess of dark hair poking out of white fluffy blankets, not even on a pillow, and a nose peeking out. In a dark room visited by moonlight, and the occasional sigh and rustle of bedsheets.

He closed the door again, as quietly as he had opened it, and went back to his tea at the table.

For now he would kill time by going for a walk on the nearby town, prepping things for the next day, and heading to bed. It was his break too...

He got up at sunrise. Old habits die hard, not that he thought he shouldn't. His human world clothes were prepared for this breather. All were on but the shoes, which dutifully waited near the outside door. He headed to the kitchen, wondering if taking breakfast to their room would be imposing when...

They were sitting there, head messy as ever ("So they really don't brush..."), slippers, misaligned pijamas, a cup of coffee and a couple pieces of toast on a plate before them, on the kitchen table.

The human put the food down and looked at him, "Morning! I just went ahead but, is it okay?"

"Is what okay?"

"That I just take this? Maybe you had plans for it or something."

He sat opposite side of his guest, the table was so little, their knees almost touched. A far cry from the dining room table they didn't use for some reason.

"While I was indeed thinking of dishes to cook for us here, Daniel-" He placed his fingers over the human's. "- Everything here is always at your disposal."

They looked at him, but before their mouth could say anything, their stomach protested. A small rumble filled the silence, Daniel looked to the side tiredly. "My bad."

"You did forgo dinner last night." He smiled calmly and retrieved his hand, placing it on his own chest. "Allow me to put together breakfast."

"I'll cut the vegetables I want on my omelette." They stated calmly as if expecting this, and finishing their coffee."Be right back" They stood and left to their room, presumably to get dressed. "Leave me something to do, all right?" Echoed through the house before the door was closed.

__________

How many days had it been? 3 or 4 probably, Daniel told themself as they looked out the window at the dark sky. Not that they were any good at recalling timeframes. It'd been rather peacefull, they had to admit. And doing chores behind Barbatos's back was fun. They wouldn't even stick around for his reaction, taking his words to heart, they came and went as they pleased, at the dead of night or midle of the day. They did have to ask him to stop staying up waiting for them though.

"It's awkward, please don't." They justified.

The butler frowned. "It is my priority to make sure you are safe."

They furrowed their eyebrows. "Then just come with me, I'll show you where I've been and we can hang out."

Barbatos was taking a long bath and recalling as well. He couldn't wait to tell his Young Master of this escapade. Daniel had invited him out to one of their walks. Turns out the human had an eye for the overlooked spots. Hole in the wall kind of places. They'd found a rare tea and spices store he somehow missed, hidden in an alley. The alley itself turned out to be an entrance to it's own community, generally avoided by pedestrians that just avoid narrow spaces by principle (or perhaps self preservation). They found a quiet old little pub as well. He chuckled to himself, "Of course they did." Oddly enough, the human didn't seem to want to stay. They left right as the bartender mentioned something about a broken pianola finally getting fixed. He'd have to go back and see it another time. Hours went as they meandered the streets. No wonder they'd leave for hours at a time. The 2 wound up eating outside as well, in a very small restaurant. Daniel claimed everytime they walked by, the smell would draw them towards it. Always small places. He's used to shopping large quantities from well established vendors. Reputable ones. He did not expect to visit the town for more than supplies, being already familiar with most stores. But it was a welcome adition to his memories.

What he would spare his Young Master from, were the details of his ...attempts? Pursuit? Failure? Thinking a word for it stung slightly, and he was still uncertain either way. Daniel hadn't exactly rejected his advances. Just either didn't acknowledge them, or took them with the casual attitude that made even him doubt he had done it with intent, sometimes even making a joke out of it. They clearly had no animosity. And they are quick to voice their discomfort. They hadn't. He sunk in the tub further and let the hot water warm up his shoulders.

_________

Daniel had already lost count of how many days had passed. As they folded the laundry, they left the specifics up to their host, and went over the day's plans in their head. A walk and trip to the market for the remaining ingredients for their last meal there. A roast. Barbatos got them to make a real request. It was the first thing that popped into their head. Luckily, it was easy enough.

Now they just had to keep their cool until they were out, and let the Devildom life take over their attention again. Did they think the demon was beautiful? Yeah. Intriguing? Absolutely. Did this venture exacerbate those feelings? Definitely. Would anything come from that? Not if they had a say in it. They'd done this countless times before. Easy.

There were lit candles on the dining room table upon their return from the grocers. Puzzling. A bottle of cider with a bow as well. They looked down and briefly recalled mentioning their taste for it in a conversation. "Demon things," Daniel told themself. And unceremoniously took their bags to the kitchen without touching the set up. Rolled up their sleeves, tied their hair under a bandana, put on the apron and got to readying the vegetables. They had no idea where Barbatos was, but figured he was minding his business and would show up eventually.

Barbatos could have sworn he heard the front door open from his spot in the veranda 10 minutes ago. "They couldn't have," he told himself. Could they have missed the note under the cider bottle? He went back inside, downstairs and saw movement in the kitchen. The bottle untouched at the dinner table.

"Oh here you are!" they beamed at him. "Some good finds at the market today, look." They nodded towards the bell pepper they were washing.

Barbatos smiled. "Indeed, I'll prepare the meat, Daniel" They really just missed it, huh?

Conversation flowed as usual. With occasional lighthearted cheers from the human as the demon did things with professional dexterity and flourish.

With the roast in the oven, all that was left to do was wait. It was a 2 person roast so it wouldn't take much time.

"I want to see the veranda. I haven't been to it yet" they said plainly. "Can I smoke there?"

"Of course. Mind if I join you?"

"Nah, yeah, go ahead."

The breeze was cool up there, and made long strings of the smoke. Someone decided he might as well ask directly.

"Daniel?"

They turned to him lazily from their spot gazing at the sky, and took a sip from a beer bottle "Hm?"

"Forgive my interruption, but I would like to ask you something."

"Shoot."

"Would you say I'm attractive?"

"Yes." Why not say it? They knew what would happen as soon as the caveat was mentioned.

The demon smiled at the human beside him.

"So you do find me attractive..."

"Hmm, yeah, even attempted to draw you a couple times..."

Daniel went back to looking forward to the night sky. He continued to face them.

"Wouldn't logic dictate this is your chance with me then?"

"Psssh." They scoffed, and flicked the joint remnants away, snorting bitterly. "Not really, no. First you'd have to find me attractive as well - "

"I do."

A stammer.

"I'm not done. We'll talk about our questionable tastes later - then we'd have to be compatible. Which we are not."

The bottle hung from their hand over the veranda.

"How did you reach this conclusion, Dani?"

Ignore the nickname. "I'm not compatible with most people, in an unreconcilable way."

"Why?"

They turned to him, looking annoyed that they'd have to get the words out. It never got easy. Without breaking eye contact, they lifted the bottle to their lips and took a swig. Hopefully, it'd be enough to kill this awkward conversation, or at least the subject.

"Well well, since we are dropping all modesty in this veranda tonight, I might as well give you the short of it, huh?" They paused and sighed. "I don't have a libido. Or did ever."

They turned back to the view of the hills bathed in moonligt, taking another swig of the bottle and frowning.

"Pardon me but, is that something you are unhappy with, Daniel?"

"Not really, I wouldn't change that about myself."

"Well, then neither would I. And I still find you very desirable."

The bottle almost slips through their hands. But they caught it and placed it over the railing.

"I see. Well, I did say we'd talk about your questionable taste..."

Now he sighed. "Daniel, if it makes you stop avoiding the subject, I will tell you directly. I do feel attraction to you that you can't reciprocate. But it's nothing compared to everything else I feel for you. I don't care if we aren't intimate that way. Just name your boundaries and I will be happy to live by them. Any, just say the word."

"Can I do that later?"

He stopped, and examined the question. "Yes. But I will not forget. I can assure you that."

"Then let me ask you something right now."

He took a step towards them. "Go ahead."

"Do you think the roast is ready?"

"The roast!!"

Barbatos took off to the kitchen without another word. The human stayed, rolled their eyes and sighed in relief. "Of all things to make him forget he's cooking something." They contemplated climbing down the wall briefly. To their dismay, staying there forever was not an option, they'd have to go back inside at some point.

[suchalonelysunflower]

Babylon (l.h)

End Up Here -Part 5

Pairing: Luke Hemmings x 5sos! Fem! Reader

Summary: A lot has happened and too many things were left unsaid. Even after a month they still find ways to be in each others mind.

Warnings: Angst and smut. Mentions of vioence, physical abuse, mental abuse, sexual abuse, harassment, cheating, fighting, sexism, frustrations, alcohol. Language and some grammatical errors (English is not my first language, I’m sorry)

Word count : 10.1 k

Author’s Note: I cried a lot writing this, so I’m sorry. Final Part coming up March 16th! Remember that Reblogs, Feedback, Comments and Likes are very important! You have no idea how much they help me ❤️ Hope you like it and Happy Reading 🦋🌻✨

My Materialist // wanna be part of my tag list?

Series Materialist || part 1 || part 2 || part 3 || part 4

Liked by banksmadden, 5soslover55 and 1,750,316 others

yn5sos how did I end up here?

View all 55,432 comments

ashtonirwin who’s there with you?

hater7 pathetic

ynfan2 LEAVE HER ALONE PLEASE

5sosfan9 this is so irresponsible. I thought you were better.

↪️ yn5sos me too

*

“OUT OF CONTROL: Singer Y/N L/N seeing partying once again after the concert. L/N was last seen with a crowd of people, none of which were her bandmates” 

“Sensitive, are we? On their last concert, Y/N L/N from the band 5 Seconds of Summer was caught running away from the stage mid-show, leaving her poor bandmates Calum Hood and Michael Clifford to finish the song for her. L/N came back minutes later to finish the show. Videos show the singer crying along to the love songs” 

“5SOS BREAKING UP? SINGER Y/N L/N GOING M.I.A ON BAND’S SOCIAL MEDIA LEAVES FANS CONFUSED AND WORRIED” 

*

“Y/N?!” Ashton kept banging at the door. His patience ran thin as the girl refused to answer “Y/N! C’mon!” 

“She’s still not answering?” A voice called behind him. 

Calum and Michael were already dressed up, ready for another day of interviews in a foreign language. Ashton assumed that the girls were already downstairs waiting for them. 

The older man shook his head, frustration clear on his face as he kept banging on the door like it was his drums. 

“Y/N, I will break down the door if you don’t open it!” 

It wasn’t an empty promise. They could pay the hotel after but he’d be damned if something happens to Y/N. 

She hasn’t been herself since Luke left. When they came back from doing promo that day they were met with the news of him leaving. Y/N didn’t leave her room that whole day. 

They were mad, furious even, with Luke. All the things they warned him about were thrown down the drain. They told them not to believe the media and to talk to Y/N but he did none of those things, he only made it worse for all of them, especially the girl who was now spending half the tour absent-minded over heartbreak. 

She told them several times that she was fine “I asked him to leave” She would say. But they know better than to believe her right away when she says those stuff, not after that night when she told them the truth about Madden. They swore never to make that mistake again, but history was repeating itself! Only this time it was ten times worse. 

Y/N would go out every night after the show, no matter in which part of the world they found themselves in. She was determined to drown herself in alcohol rather than self-pity. They tried to spot her several times but she wouldn’t listen, so they agreed that at least one of them would accompany her whenever she went out just to make sure that she is safe and that she doesn’t go too far. 

Last night, however, it was Michael’s turn but Beth felt sick so he couldn't go. He texted Calum, but he was already asleep so he didn’t see the message. Ashton was out with Dani for a date night and when he came back he found Michael in the lobby asking for some medicine for Beth’s stomach and when Calum answered their call with a sleepy voice they realized that Y/N was alone. 

And now she wouldn’t answer the door. 

“Y/N, I swear to God!”

“Why do you gotta bring the lord into this?” 

The three men turned around and found Y/N standing next to them. Her hair was messy and her makeup was smudged, but his eyes remained empty as she looked at them quizzically. 

“Were you already downstairs this whole time?!” Ashton asked, raising his voice. Y/N cringed as she shushed him.

“Ugh, could you talk any louder? My head is killing me”

Calum looked at his friend up and down, realizing what was happening “You just came back, didn’t you?”

All three of them turned their heads to her, unable to believe what was in front of them. This wasn’t the Y/N they knew. She was never like this, ever. 

Y/N rolled her eyes at the sad, angry, and pitiful looks of her friends. She didn’t need to answer what was obvious. 

“Where were you all this time?” Michael asked “We were worried sick” 

“Wow, thanks dad,” She said with sarcasm, walking towards her door as she tried to find her key somewhere along with her pockets “I was at the bar. Did you know they open 24 hs? There’s no such thing as the last call here! I love this country” 

She let out a little squeal of joy when she finally found her key, pushing Ashton out of the way with the side of her body as she inserted it on the lock. 

“We have an interview in 30 minutes!” He reminded her.

“Yeah, your girl told me that downstairs” She answered before she started to close the door “Have fun with that” 

But before she could close it completely, Ashton’s foot got in the way.

“You can’t keep doing this, Y/N,” He said with a serious tone, ignoring the pain of the door hitting his foot, still trying to close on him. 

Y/N pushed a little harder “I want to sleep, Ashton. Good night” 

“No! Goddammit, Y/N. This has gone too far!” 

She opened the door, making Ashton trip, and almost fell to the floor in front of her. She was beyond pissed as she began to talk.

“No! Everything has already gone too far, I’m just catching up!” She spat loudly, making the boys look at her in surprise “Madden went too far, the media went too far, the industry went too far and Luke went too far. And I let them crash into me like I’m just a bystander, waiting to pick up the pieces they left of me! So excuse me for finally doing whatever they thought I did. Forgive me for catching up to this fucked up world and finally live up to their false expectations! But I’m not allowed to break down, not right now and probably not ever! So I will keep running. Maybe that way, if I catch up, they’ll leave me the fuck alone” Her eyes filled with tears as she spoke, but she will not cry in front of them. Not anymore “So, good fucking night” 

Ashton closed his eyes when he felt the wind of the door slamming inches away from his face. He raised his hand to knock again, but soon he let it fall with a sigh. 

He turned around to face the guys and they all had the same hurt expression, not because she hurt them, but because she was hurting herself. They all thought she was doing it unconsciously, but now it was rather obvious that she knew exactly what she was doing. 

Y/N is destroying herself because there’s almost nothing left of her. So she’s speeding up the process. 

“We can’t leave her like that” Michael said in a whisper, none of them were looking at the door right now, all their eyes were set on the floor as they contemplated their options.

“Well, she doesn’t want to see us. That’s for fucking sure” Calum murmured. 

The three men stood in silence in the hallway. Breathing heavily from time to time as their minds tried to find a way to reach out to Y/N before it was too late. 

“We have to do something” Michael broke the silence again, fidgeting with his fingers as he met the worried eyes of his two best friends “The fans are already saying that she’s going to leave the band and-“

“No,” Ashton interrupted him, clenching his jaw as the headlines of the articles ran through his mind “We are not letting that happen” 

“But what if she wants to?”

“Then that’s not our Y/N/N,” He said “And I refuse to lose her this way or in any way, for that matter”

After a few minutes, it was clear that Y/N was not coming out of her room any time soon. So the boys had to get downstairs to get to the interviews, already thinking about excuses to justify her absence once again. 

They wanted to stay with her, but management was already being too hard on them as it is, and they didn’t want Y/N to pay the consequences if they didn’t show up to at least one promo interview. So they had no choice but to leave her alone in her room. 

Once the elevator doors opened, the three of them were met with the worried eyes of their girlfriends who quickly met up with them halfway. 

“How is she doing? She didn’t speak to us when she came through the doors” Bethany explained as she stood next to Michael, grabbing his hand in comfort.

Ashton just shook his head.

“We talked,” Kat said with a sigh “We decided that we are staying here with her” 

“What?”

“You’ll be fine in the interviews without us, but she needs someone. Even if we just wait for her in the lobby all day. Someone needs to check up on her” Kat continued. 

“She’s lonely,” Danielle followed, “Even if she doesn’t want to admit it. She’s hurting too much for words to even describe” 

The boys knew they were right. Even if Y/N doesn’t want to, they will still be there for her every step of the way. They were not going to leave her to drown. 

“Thank you,” Ashton said, truthfully “But there’s gotta be something else we could do for her… just standing by and keeping an eye on her while she wastes away is just…” 

He couldn’t finish the sentence, he didn’t need to. They all knew what he was referring to; that damn feeling of helplessness and hopelessness. 

“We’ll figure something out,�� Calum said confidently “We are not going to give up on her”

*

There was nothing much to do back in L.A. as Luke found out when he stepped out of the plane almost a month ago. His life has completely changed since he met her and now… Now she was gone and he was left with nothing.

It was his own fault, that’s what he reminded himself every single day since the morning Y/N asked him to leave. He acted on emotions rather than with reason, angry with the world that allowed him to get close to her just to rip her out of his hands the moment he realized his mistakes. He should’ve listened, should’ve fought, should’ve stayed. He should’ve done a lot of things and now he doesn’t even have the chance to fix it. 

He hasn’t checked anything about Y/N since he came back. No articles, no tweets, no posts… nothing. He feels as if he didn’t have the right anymore. He never had the right to do it from the beginning, not without letting them fill his brains with lies that eventually left him in pieces.

How could he? How could he let all those things get to him? Everyone told him to ignore them, not to believe the lies that were written for the clicks and the gossip. He knew the truth, he lived with it, and yet, he had turned on her the second it had become too much. 

Y/N was a private person and Luke could never understand why. Why if she was so private with her life did every news article write about her? They were all lies. And if he had at least an ounce of decency he would’ve realized that sooner and stand by her side instead of siding with the media. Yet, those thoughts were sticking with him at the back of his head, haunting him even in his sleep. 

How easy it was for him to turn away from her. How easy it was for him to leave her. But how hard it was to ignore the love he feels for her, knowing that she won’t take him back and with good reason. Y/N deserves better, in every way, shape, or form. She was such a bright light in such a dark world, and he just hopes she will be strong enough to see it someday, even if he’s not by her side anymore.

God, he was just a fucking idiot. 

And now, as he walked past the coffee shop where they first met while he fought the urge to cry again, he was willing to beat himself up for it. For losing the only person he cared about just because he wasn’t brave enough to fight for her as he should’ve. There wasn’t anything that didn’t remind him of Y/N, nothing he could do to shake the self-inflicted pain he caused, so he thought better than to let it consume him. 

Luke sat on an empty bench near the campus, his classes didn’t start until a month from today but he longed for some kind of distraction. Once he settled, he took out his notebook and started writing. He doesn’t write about love anymore, rather he wrote about the loss of it while still mourning it fresh on the flesh. Finally understanding what Ashton meant when he said that heartbreak breaks you, and, for a moment, he thought about how she might feel at this moment; if she, at least once, thought of him with something wasn’t hate.

He spent hours sitting outdoors, writing as if his time were to end at any moment. He wrote letters of forgiveness, poems of grief, and free thoughts of the guilt he was feeling. He didn’t mention her, but they were all about and for her. For his Y/N who was now a world away and who he will not call his ever again. 

It must’ve been late when his phone started to ring; the streetlights were starting to lit up the pavement as the sun started to set, leaving soft shades of pink and purple to cover up the sky. He didn’t know the number, so he let it ring thinking it might be just one company trying to sell him something he didn’t need. 

But the unknown caller was relentless; calling and calling until Luke decided to answer after the fourth time. 

“Hello?” He said, annoyed by the interruption. He didn’t want to talk to anyone; not like he had anyone to talk to, after all. 

“You fucker” The voice at the other end said. Luke froze when he recognized it. 

“A-Ashton?” 

“Were you expecting the fucking queen?” He sounded angry and even through the phone he left Luke completely intimidated as he sunk into his seat. 

“How - Whose number is this?” Luke asked, knowing he had all their numbers saved in his phone. 

“Would you have answered if you saw my name on the screen?” He wouldn’t, they both know it. But at the same time…

“Why are you calling me?” He finally muttered, his head wrapped around the only reason Ashton, out of all people, would be calling him. He knew it was not to catch up “Is Y/N okay?! Did something happen to her?!” 

Something must be terribly wrong if Ashton was calling him. That man was very protective over his best friend and Luke was sure he would’ve killed him if he found him the day where he yelled at her, knowing that Y/N must’ve told him everything. He knew Y/N was not going to forgive him and neither will the boys for that matter. That day he lost more than just his girl. 

Ashton laughed without any kind of humor “No, she’s not. Of course, she’s not! You happened to her, mate. I don’t know what the fuck you did but she hasn’t been the same since you left.” 

Luke’s eyes widened “She didn’t tell you?” 

If he thought about it, it really wasn’t that surprising. Y/N never talked about her problems with him, but the boys always knew everything, them being the only people she knew she could trust with her whole heart. Luke had always been jealous of that, but once he found out the truth of why she kept some things for herself he understood why she could only trust her bandmates with it. He immediately thought that she would tell them everything, every word he said and the hateful words he wrote, but she didn’t and that could not mean anything good. 

“She told us enough. That you believed the lies of her and Madden and didn’t let her explain before you lashed out and she asked you to leave. Not a single detail about it, only that you were gone and were not coming back. I guess she didn’t want us to kick your ass, but Luke, you better be certain that-”

“I know!” Luke said with a sigh “I deserve it” 

“Dude, what the fuck did you do to her?” 

How could he tell him? How could he mutter the courage to tell one of his best friends how he absolutely fucked up? Ashton would hate him, with every reason in the world he should hate him. Luke just hoped that he didn’t. 

He, Calum, and Michael were the only friends he knew since he met Y/N. They took him in, welcomed him into the group with gritted teeth with the only condition to never hurt their friend. And after a year of being friends, he broke not only Y/N’s trust but theirs as well. And the fact that Y/N didn’t tell them what he’d done seemed cruel because now he had to. Breaking more hearts than their own. 

“I fucked up, Ash” Luke muttered, rubbing his eyes with his fingertips as he crouched forward on the bench and placing his elbows on the top of his thighs, getting ready to face the consequences of his actions “I fucked up badly. I was just- You saw those articles, you saw those tweets and those photos. She never talked about him so I thought… What was I supposed to think? She had a reputation, and with the way, she acted the night before it all made sense to me. So I snapped”

“Luke, I swear to GOD if you touched her-”

“NO! God no, I would never!” Luke quickly stated, horrified at the thought of ever hitting her. He was not like that. He would never be like that “But the things I said to her… fuck, Ash. I threw everything in her face, called her a whore and a cheater without giving her a chance to explain herself. I was so fucking angry and she didn’t say a word. She took all of it in silence and I kept going, even when she begged me to stop I kept going... I didn’t know. You must know that I didn’t know what happened to her or her past with Madden. If I knew then I would’ve never-” 

“But you did” 

Ashton's words were simple, but they cut deeper than a knife through Luke’s heart. He never heard him sound so disappointed and angry. It reminded him of her and the last words she said to him.

“Luke, this girl has been through so much and you still went and dragged her through the mud just to hurt her”

“I didn’t want to-”

“Don’t fucking interrupt me” Ashton barked into the phone “You did. She gave you everything she could give and you threw it on her face like it was nothing without a chance to explain herself. And it’s not like she could run off, turn off her comments and go back to a normal life! I have never seen Y/N so broken since-” He stopped “What did she tell you?” 

Luke knew he was referring to Madden. He remembers her face covered in tears, lips trembling and body shaking as she told him what happened in that relationship. He finally saw the hurt and scars that covered her soul. 

“She told me what she could” 

Ashton sighed “Then you must know that she would never go back to him,” He said, Luke could tell by his voice that he was hurting, too “He met her at a concert in our second world tour as a solo act. He is the son of a very famous producer and they hit it off right away. We didn’t know exactly when things turned for the worse, but we knew something was happening. She would cover herself more, never hanging out with us unless he was present, she wouldn’t eat in front of him or talk to any of us directly unless it was something about work and that still pissed him off. We all heard the rumors of him cheating on her, but she always dismissed them saying that he loved her and he would never do that. I still wonder what other things we didn’t know that she’s still processing.

It wasn’t until the night he almost killed her that we understood the severity of it. She came by my house while I and the others were hanging out. She was bleeding all over herself, her face was covered in blood just as her shirt and pants. It was terrifying; I don’t remember ever driving that far to the hospital, paying the nurses to keep quiet because she kept asking to keep it a secret. That bastard broke her nose and one of her ribs. She had bruises on her arms, stomach, eye, inner thighs, and legs and a cut over her eyebrow. She lost a lot of blood on her way to my house so Calum had to donate some of his because she needed a transfusion. She stayed in the hospital overnight; the next morning we filed a restraining order against Madden and she moved in with me that same day, promising herself and to us that she would never let someone do that again to her. We promise we would never let anything happen to her from that moment on” 

Luke was shedding silent tears at Ashton’s story, all the things he imagined happened to her didn’t compare to the reality she suffered. And he only made it worse. 

“She was never the same after that” Ashton continued “Until you came into the picture” 

Ashton could hear Luke crying over the phone, his sniffs had given him away. But he knew he needed to hear this; he needed to know. 

“We didn’t want you to get close to her, afraid you might hurt her the same way Madden did, but she insisted that you were different, that you were a good guy. And against our better judgment, we believed her. We never expected that little by little, we would get our Y/N/N back. She was smiling again, laughing and singing songs about the love we never thought she’d be able to sing again. It was so obvious that she loved you that we couldn't do anything about it but be happy for her, you brought her back to us. 

I guess Madden saw that and didn’t like it, that’s why he came to see her that night. We don’t know much about what happened there or what he said to her, but she was shaking when she came back. All she said was that he cornered her, threatened her and called the paparazzi that worked for his father to take pictures of them, and since we were not in America, there was nothing the restraining order to do to help her”

“He did what?!” Luke shouted at the phone, fuming over the fact that that fucker decided to get close to her when she was vulnerable. He promised that if he ever saw him he’d kill him. 

“Now you care about what happened?” Ashton asked in return, frustration lacing his voice at Luke’s sudden feeling of protection “Luke, she called you over ten times that day as she was breaking down in the green room. She asked us all if we could get ahold of you because the driver came back without you. She was so fucking scared and you weren’t there when she needed you by her side. So don’t you fucking dare get offended right now. It already happened and you weren’t there” 

Ashton was right. Luke had no right to be furious at the moment, given that he was the one who abandoned her deliberately when he saw the pictures of her and her abuser. He had the excuse of ignorance, but that wasn’t enough. It never has, not it ever will be, because his girlfriend needed him at the time and he left her alone. 

He cried into the phone, not caring if Ashton could listen or not. He was so fucking angry at himself, at Madden, at the world… He was supposed to protect her, he said he would and then he gave the final punch. He failed her because of his insecurities. 

“I’m sorry” He cried, but Ashton was having none of that. 

“I’m not the one you should be apologizing for”

“She doesn’t want to-”

“Listen to me you shit” Ashton hissed into the phone “I don’t care what you think she wants. She is destroying herself over the fact that the last person she thought would hurt her left her because he chose to believe the lies of the media over his own girlfriend”

Luke’s heart broke all over again “She’s what?” 

“Oh my god, how dense are you, dude? Now you decide to ignore the gossip?! She’s been going out all night, drinking herself to death and refusing help from any of us. She is slowly killing herself by killing her soul” He sounded worried, scared even, as he muttered the last words “We are losing her” 

“Wh-what can I do?” Luke asked helplessly. Not being able to bear the thought of Y/N being gone. 

“We booked you a flight. Figure it out and don’t make us regret it” 

*

“Forgetting the lyrics again? Y/N L/N surely knows how to displease an audience”

“Y/N L/N MISSES YET ANOTHER INTERVIEW AFTER PAPARAZZI CAUGHT HER AT A PARTY THE NIGHT BEFORE”

“What is going on with YN?” 

*

He arrived late to the hotel, having his flight delayed for a few hours, and the boys were already waiting for him in the lobby. Luke took a deep breath as he spotted them from afar, they were talking among them, concerned looks covering their expressions as they looked through their phone. 

Luke walked up to them, mustering enough courage to say “Hi,” 

The three men turned towards the blonde, Calum quickly walking up to him and punching him in the face, caught Luke by surprise as he backed up holding his nose and looking at Calum with widened, surprised eyes. 

“That’s for hurting my best friend, you asshole!” He said, making the other guests look in their direction. 

Luke hissed as he made sure he wasn’t bleeding “Thank you. I deserved that” He said, blinking twice “But to be honest I was expecting Ashton to deliver the blow” 

“Calum won at rock, paper, scissors” Ashton shrugged “But that doesn’t mean you’re off the hook. We still need to have a serious talk and I might punch you there” 

Luke nodded, understanding that he did not only fail Y/N, but he also failed them. He promised them that he would take care of their best friend and they believed him. They even helped them get together and served as trust advisers for Luke about what it means to date a celebrity and yet he ignored every single one of them. 

He might never get their trust back, but now they needed to focus on other things more important than that.

“Where is she?” He asked. 

“Out,” Michael answered “The girls went with her. We don’t want her to be alone when she’s drunk” 

They started walking towards the door, getting into the car that would take them to Y/N and the rest of the girls. “Do you know what you will say to her when you see her?” Calum asked. 

“No,” Luke answered honestly “I guess I’ll know then”

“And you better not fuck it up again, Hemmings, or I swear it’s going to be the last thing you do” 

*

The dance floor was crowded. People were dancing one against the other as the beats of the songs reverberated all over their bodies and started the flame of having just one night of fun. Among them it was Y/N, dancing in the corner with her friends and ignoring their concerned eyes as she moved freely thanks to the alcohol that was cursing through her veins. She knew she had to wake up soon, but she just wanted to keep living this dream every night instead of facing the nightmares that would come in the morning.

She missed how easy everything was before that night when the nightmare started. When she couldn’t find Luke in the crowd of their concert nor their bedroom late at night. Now she doesn’t even want to go to sleep, knowing that she won’t find him there ever again, all because she asked him to leave. 

But he wanted to leave, even before she asked him he was already getting his stuff to leave her “cheating ass”, writing words that describe their relationship as toxic. Is that what it was? Were they toxic or just scared? She couldn’t tell the difference anymore, not after spending night after night trying to erase those words out of her mind, but they were already scared forever in her skin. She promised herself she would carry them as a battle wound, as proof that no matter what you do, you could never win when the whole world seems against you even when you have done nothing wrong… Unlike now. 

She knew what she was doing, she knew she was disappointing a lot of people. She was disappointed in herself, too, but she couldn’t stop. The world was finally telling truths about her and it felt nice to at least have that. They denied her the truths for so long, feeding everyone lies that they would believe without hesitation or her explanation, just like Luke did, and now she was finally acting like people supposed she had. Now, at least she had control over that. 

She wondered if Luke ever thinks about her. If he’s forgiven her for whatever he thinks she’s done or if he continues to read the articles and rejoice in the fact that he was right, even when he wasn’t, he was right. Maybe he’d be proud? 

“Darling, are you alright?” She heard Bethany shout over the music. All the girls were looking at her. She didn’t realize she stopped dancing. 

However, she just nodded “I’m going to get more drinks!” She said, faking a smile even though the girls could tell that she was crying. But she was so far out she couldn’t even feel the tears that rolled down her cheek.

Y/N gripped the marble countertop of the bar, trying to hold herself steady. She was thinking again, she didn’t want to think anymore. She ordered two shots of tequila and drowned them down before asking for two more. But before she could drown the fourth one, someone snatches the drink out of her hand.

“Heeey” She slurred “Don’t get between me and my- oh, hello!” She smiled happily at the stranger who took her drink from her “You look a lot like my ex-boyfriend” 

Luke’s eyes widened at the word. She has never called him her boyfriend in front of people before. He glanced behind her and saw Michael, Ashton, and Calum already standing next to their girls, nodding encouragingly at him. 

“Ex-boyfriend?” He asked, eyes meeting hers and noticing the glimmer of tears in them. But she kept on smiling and nodding before she started to pout.

“But shhhhh,” She said, laying her head on the counter, almost like she wanted to take a nap “It’s a secret. No one knows we’re together… or were together. They will never leave him alone if they find out”

“Who?” 

Y/N looked to the sides, almost as if making sure no one was listening before she leaned into him and whispered “The media,” Then she started to giggle “If they found out I have a boyfriend then they will want to know everything about him! And poor Luke wouldn’t be able to handle that, he shouldn’t go through that” 

Luke’s heart broke at the sight of the drunk girl sighing in the bar, holding her empty shot glass and sniffing every other word to stop the tears from falling.

“He doesn’t deserve that, the hate. He’s a good guy, a little shy and awkward, but he’s nice. But the media is cruel and a liar, and I don’t want him to feel baaaaad. How stupid it is that because I love someone they should get hated on, right? Hahaha, I just wanted to protect hiiiim, cause I love him sooo so much. I even protected him from my friends! You know?! I never told them what he did to me in case they wanted to keep their friendship going, Luke is a very shy guy and he loved them very muchhh, I couldn't take that from him"

“Even if he hurt you?” Luke’s words were careful and filled with pain. When the boys told him that she was getting drunk each night he never imagined her this far gone. He never imagined her this sad. 

Y/N shook his head “I deserved to get, hic, hurt” She said between hiccups “He said I was a cheating whore monster liar, b-b-but I don’t blame himmmm. I’m sad but at least he doesn’t have to deal with me anymore and this BULLSHIT” She yelled, throwing her hands up to the sky. But then she started crying, sobbing as she tumbled backward before Luke caught her.

Luke was trying to contain his own tears as she sobbed into his embrace “I just want to tell him that I’m sorry I couldn’t protect him from myself” She cried “I wanted to be happy with him but we are both sad and toxic for each other. That’s what he said in his poem. I-I-I just w-want him to be ha-happy” 

Luke cried as he held her, burying his face into her hair as both of their bodies trembled. Even when she had every right to hate him, she still wants to protect him. Something he should’ve done. 

“I’m so sorry, my love” He cried, making Y/N look at him with worried, tearful eyes.

“Oh, don’t cry, stranger,” She said as she cupped his face and wiped his tears “I’m sad but you should be happy!” 

“Why?” 

“C-cause you’re not me” 

Luke stared into her eyes, she was smiling while the tears kept falling. Even at her lowest, she tried to be strong for everyone around her, even the stranger she thought he was. He pressed his lips on a thin line and nodded, hugging her tighter as if he was trying to hold on to the last piece of her that didn’t show coldness to him before she remembers everything in the morning. At least he would hold her one more time. 

Y/N didn’t understand much of what was happening but she returned the hug with the same energy, letting the stranger cry into her shoulder as she rubbed his back with her fingertips, wondering what Luke was doing right now. She decided that she didn’t want to know. 

“I want to sleep,” She said after a minute of holding the man. 

Luke pulled away from her, wiping his tears as he nodded “Then let’s get you to bed, my love” 

She shook his head, pulling on his hand as he tried to walk them out of the club “But Luke won’t be there when I wake up” 

All the wind was knocked out of his lungs, did she want him there? “I’ll be there,” He said. 

“What?” 

“He’ll be there. I promise”

Luke gave one last look at the group. They were all staring at him with worried and hopeful eyes, actually surprised that this didn’t end badly just yet. Luke nodded at them and pulled Y/N with him, the rest of the guys followed him into the car as they made their way back to the hotel. 

Y/N slept all the way back, her head was placed in Luke’s shoulder as the blond kept staring at her, silent tears still dying on his cheek. The guilt was eating him alive; it was painful to see her this way, but at the same time he knew that she was at peace as she slept, letting the world fade for at least a few minutes before reality came crashing down.

When they reached the hotel, Luke carried her back into her room. He sat her down on the bed and started to take off her shoes as she lazily rubbed the tiredness from her eyes, suddenly waking up for a moment.

“Luke?” She asked. Luke raised his head and was met with her eyes already locked with his, a glaze of new tears adorned her pupils as she whispered “Am I dreaming right now?” 

“No,” He answered, voice as soft as hers as he got up and placed a kiss on the top of her head “No, you’re not, darling”

“Good. I always hate to wake up without you there” She said, looking over her shoulder to the empty side where Luke used to sleep. 

They both stayed quiet for the rest of the night. Luke took off her silk shirt and leather pants and helped her put on one of the big shirts she’s used to sleeping in. He wiped the makeup off her face and followed her nighttime routine without missing a step. When she was done, she curled up to her side and quickly fell into a deep slumber. 

Luke stared at the girl, his heart aching for her as he saw how fragile she looked while she slept. He thought about all the things she said that night, how he never considered her side of the story before. How he just assumed that she was hiding him because she didn’t want people to find out she was taken when in reality she didn’t want people to hurt him the way they hurt her. The way he hurt her.

Tears started to pick up in his eyes again. He hated to cry but there was nothing else he could do at the moment. Everything became too much too fast and he didn’t know if he could fix it. So all he could do was cry for the girl he loves and the girl he lost, not knowing if she would ever come back to him. 

“I’m sorry” He whispered in a quiet sob, getting into bed with her and holding her close “I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m sorry, my love” He kept murmuring into her hair until sleep claimed him as well. 

*

The next morning Y/N wakes up in her hotel bed but she doesn’t know how she got there. She looks to her side but the bed is empty, yet she finds an aspirin and a bottle of water in her nightstand. She wonders who was the poor soul that had to go with her last night to make sure she doesn't end up drunk in a ditch, at least they succeeded. 

Then she hears water running up in the bathroom and her heart sinks. Did she bring someone here last night? No, she wouldn’t do that. But she was very drunk… Oh my god, what did she do? 

Luke could hear her shuffling in the bed as he brushed his teeth. “It is now or never,” He thought, but he didn’t know what he would find behind the door. She didn’t know him yesterday, but today was another story and Luke’s heart shrank at the thought of Y/N hating him for coming back, even if it was to apologize to her. He was terrified, but he was tired of running away. 

As soon as he opened the door he was met with Y/N’s surprised gaze. The girl was quick to cover herself up, cheeks tinted red at the sight of her ex-boyfriend in her hotel room. She didn’t miss the flash of hurt that ran through his face when she did that. 

“Luke…” She said in one breath, suddenly feeling self-conscious by his presence “What are you- Did we-?” 

“No,” He answered quickly, stepping closer to the bed “No, we didn’t. You were drunk and I- You know I would never do that to you” 

“I thought we didn’t know each other…” 

Her words lingered in the air between them, creating a tension that could be cut with a knife. How fast did they become strangers when they used to know every single cardinal point of their bodies, every breath they took and what they meant, every sigh, every look… Now they were just two people in a room with so much to say but with no words coming out of either of their mouths.

Luke noticed how her eyes changed. While they were no longer filled with tears, they now laid emotionless in front of him, dull and empty as she stared at him. 

“I did this to her,” He thought “I took the light of her eyes. It’s my fault” 

She cleared her throat, breaking the silence as she spoke “Well, thank you for bringing me here last night. You can go now” She said, tearing her eyes away from him as she sat on her edge of the bed. 

Luke stood still “No,” 

“I’m asking you to leave” Y/N clarified, her voice growing stronger but still a bit sore. 

“And I’m telling you I’m not going” He responded, taking tentative steps towards her “Something I should’ve done all those weeks ago” 

He was standing in front of her in a matter of seconds; he crouched to meet her eyes but she quickly turned her face away “Y/N, please” He begged, his hand coming to rest on her cheek as his knuckles caressed her skin while the other one was placed on top of her hands, both intertwined with each other on top of her thighs “You could look at me yesterday, please don’t deny me at least that. Let me see you, my love” 

But Y/N didn’t move, her face stayed turned to the side with her hair covering most of it. She couldn’t look at him, she just couldn’t. It was too hard, too painful. Luke sighed.

“Okay, it’s okay. You don’t have to, but at least listen to me, yeah? I just- I need you to listen, Y/N, please” He pleaded, placing both hands on top of hers “Y/N, I love you” 

The knot in his throat became tighter as he noticed how the veins of her neck tensed and she started to grip her hands tighter. But she needed to hear this, and even though it hurt to see her like that, he continued. 

“I love you. I love you. I love you” He said, voice breaking at the end, impossible to fight that choking feeling in his throat “I loved you since the moment I saw you. You were all dressed up in Calum‘s clothes and you had a pen in your hair, and I thought you were the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen, but you were so nervous about trying to clean the coffee you spilled that you didn’t even notice I fell for you without knowing your name” He let out a tearful chuckle “I started to fall that day and I haven’t stopped, not even for a second. Y/N you are- You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I was an idiot for not seeing that. I don’t know what I have to do for you to forgive me, but I’ll do anything, my love. Anything to make it better. Cause I followed you blindly from the start, and I’m so sorry I let you down. I’m so, so fucking sorry that I let my insecurities come in our way. I love you, even then I never stopped loving you”

He could see how her chin started to tremble, she was trying to hold off the tears as much as him “I - I wish I could go back in time. I would’ve never said the things I said, I would’ve never doubted you or left without listening to what you had to say. I should’ve fought harder for you, but I was a coward. I still am, if I’m being honest, but I will not run away, Y/N. Not anymore. I know I will never deserve you, but I’ll do my best and try. Because you, my love, are the love of my life, the greatest love I have and - and I can’t -“ 

It became too much for him. He couldn’t say anything else without breaking down. But he wanted her to know how much she meant for him, how much he is willing to fight for her if she lets him. She needed to know how sorry he was and how much he still loves her. But the words got stuck in his throat. The poet was left speechless.

“Y/N you are so strong,” He finally said “So strong, my love. And I’m so fucking proud of everything you do, I always have and always will be” He brought her hands to his lips and started pressing kisses all over it while wetting them with his tears “I wish I could take back everything I said. All those words were said out of anger and jealousy, that is not how I see you at all. You are so beautiful, Y/N, inside and out. So kind, so smart, so giving… You are perfect. And I love you, I love you, I love yo-”

Suddenly his words were interrupted by her lips as she started kissing him. Y/N didn’t want to keep listening anymore so she did the only thing he could, the thing she wanted to do the most since she saw him come out of the bathroom. 

Their hands flew to cup each other’s cheeks, keeping their faces as close as they could, feeling how their tears became one as they started to deepen the kiss. They rocked back and forward with the intensity of their energies colliding once again, it was everything they needed and more. Suddenly, Luke got up from the floor and brought Y/N along with her, pressing her against the wall as their lips never left each other.

“I love you” He breathed into her lips before kissing her again and again and again, already getting lost in the feeling of euphoria she brought to him “I love you”

She kept crying as their lips met, savoring every word, every praise that came from his mouth, trying hard to hold on to them as she felt her breath become short “I missed you” She cried into the kiss, pulling away to see his face. 

Luke’s eyes were blown wide as he stared at her, their lips were pink as they tried to catch their breaths. He knocked his forehead against hers before kissing it lightly “Please, forgive me” He begged, holding her tight against his chest. 

“Luke,” She whispered as she tugged on his shirt, making him look back at her “Kiss me” 

He looked at her softly, his baby blue eyes saying more than he ever could as he caressed her cheek one more time before leaning down and trapping her lips with his. He had no rush because there was no other place he’d rather be, no other person he’d rather spend time with. Only her. Only his Y/N. 

Her hands traveled tentatively under his shirt, softly caressing the skin of his back and his stomach as she parted her lips to grant him more access and control. Luke’s hand that was not cupping her cheek rounded around her waist, bringing her body closer to him with the need of feeling her, all of her. 

“Y/N…” He groaned, tilting his head back when he felt her kiss along his jaw and neck.

“Please…” She murmured against his skin, sucking and kissing on the spot that she knew would make him shiver. 

Luke pressed her against the wall with his body completely covering hers. He grabbed the back of her thighs and lifted her feet from the ground as she locked her legs around his waist. “Please,” She begged again, closing her lips around the shell of his ear and slightly biting into it. She could feel him getting hard as her hips moved forward, her core pressing against his hardening cock. She moaned softly into his ear  “Please, Luke. Please” 

The movement of her hips was all Luke needed to lose himself to her, thrusting right back at her and moaning at the friction of her soaked panties against his clothed erection. Her sound became more breathy and he knew she was getting close just by the friction alone, having spent too much time without this feeling. 

“Y/N…” Luke groaned into her after a particularly hard trust “I-”

“I know” She breathed “I need it too,” 

Without a second thought, Luke turned both of them around, still holding Y/N by the back of her thighs as he placed them back into the bed. Now it was his turn to kiss along her face, her lips, her neck… everywhere she would give him access to and would leave her breathing his name. His hands fidgeted with the hem of her shirt, taking it off completely in one swift move and occupying his hands by touching her breasts, massaging them softly as his lips closed against one of her nipples, tongue circling around the hard pebble until they were nice, erect and wet from his kiss only to do it again with the other one. 

Y/N was a whimpering mess under him, her fingers tangling in his hair as he sucked on her sweet spot, kissing down her body until his lips found her wet panties. He kissed over her clothes bundle of nerves, making her moan and begged for more as he swiftly hooked his long fingers at either side of her hips and pulled them down, kissing along her thighs up and down and up again only to finish tongue deep into her hole, lapping at her arousal and moaning against her at the taste of her. He always found her exquisite. 

Stars were playing behind her eyelids as she felt one finger inside her while Luke’s lips closed against her clit, sucking it lightly as he inserted another finger per her request, thrusting then inside and out as she chanted his name like a prayer when her walls clenched against them. 

Luke licked her clean as her fingers played with his hair, relishing this intimate moment as a precious memory for the future. When he pushed himself up he noticed that there were a new set of tears rolling down her cheeks “Are you okay, love?” He asked, “Did I hurt you?” 

She shook his head, looking up at him with teary eyes “I love you” 

His eyes soften at her words, hands caressing the side of her face as he leaned in without thinking, kissing her tears away with such care, never wanting to see them again.

“Luke…” She whispered, kissing his chin “Luke, make love to me” 

Blue eyes met Y/E/C, sharing all the love he had in them before leaning down again to trap her lips with his; tongues dancing together like it was the first time all over again where no other words were needed. 

Y/N helped him out of his shirt and shorts, pumping his cock in her hands as he moaned in her ear how good it felt before lining it up with her entrance, quiet gasps leaving each other’s mouths as they felt the familiar stretch when he bottomed out. 

Soft words and kisses were shared as Luke’s thrusts were slow and steady. It was silent, needy, passionate; it was everything they needed and more. Their hands explored the familiarity of their bodies, leaving faint marks as they enjoyed their shared pleasure.

“Please,” She begged against his lips, moaning as Luke started hitting her spot “Please, please, please, plea-” 

Her orgasm came over her like a wave and Luke was entranced with her face as it contorted in extasis, helping him reach his climax as he cum inside her, painting her walls as his thrusts became sloppy. 

They stayed like that for a while, kissing on top of each other as their bodies stayed connected in the most intimate way. But soon Luke had to get up, getting a wet cloth from the bathroom and cleaning her up, whispering sweet nothings to her as he did so. 

He climbed into the bed next to her, pulling her closer against his chest as his back rested against the headboard, drawing circles in the soft spot of her back and resting his chin on the top of her head. 

They must’ve fallen asleep after a while because when he opened his eyes again he felt Y/N crying into his chest.

“My love?” He asked, worry lacing his voice as he accommodated himself better so he could see her face. Y/N eyes were puffy and filled with tears as she struggled to contain a sob “What’s wrong?” 

Y/N sniffed, voice breaking as she asked “You love me?” 

Luke furrowed his eyebrows in confusion “What a stupid question,” He said as he started playing with your hair “Of course I love you” 

“But what else?” 

Her question confused him, even more, when he saw pure heartbreak spread along her face. 

“What else what?” 

“You love me and what else?” She repeated her question. 

“What else is there?” 

Luke’s answer made her lips tremble as a new set of tears filled her eyes. His heart fell to his stomach with her reaction, not knowing what he did to make her this upset “Baby, what’s wrong? Is love not enough?” 

Y/N shook her head as she took a deep breath, trying to find enough voice and courage to say what she needed. 

“I’m not perfect, Luke” 

“I know,” He said, bringing his fingers to caress your cheek but you shook your head.

“No, you don’t know” She stated, tears rolling down her cheek “You still see me as something out of your reach, as something you don’t deserve because you hold me to such standards that is impossible for me to live up to your expectations. I will let you down, even without wanting to, I will. And- a-and I don’t think I’ll be able to stand that look in your eyes once I do. I can’t go through that again” 

She cried softly for a while, trying to find the right words to say.

“Luke, I need you to listen to me very carefully and really think about what I’m asking for here, okay, love?” She said after collecting herself just enough. He nodded as he gave her his undivided attention “Luke, I love you. More than anyone in the world, I love you. I thought I would never say those words again but I can’t deny my feelings for you nor do I want to. I love you. But I also love my life” 

Luke’s eyes were fixed on her as she spoke, nodding along to what she was saying. She took another deep breath before continuing. 

“A life that is filled with concerts, traveling and recordings and parties and interviews… A life that I chose to follow my dreams and make them come true. A life I am not going to give up because it’s mine and I truly love it. But in this life, there are some bumps in the road. There will always be people trying to bring me down, sending hate to me and the ones I love, spreading rumors all around where sometimes you won’t be able to distinguish fiction from reality. With people trying to get to me, by flirting or abusing their power with threats. But I keep going, I deal with all of that because that’s just the way it is. I will go to an interview that might get twisted, I might go and get flirted on by a random stranger that works for publicity. I might have rumors of me dating people I haven’t even met! All of that without my consent or knowledge. But I agreed to this when I agreed to follow my dreams and I can’t help it when it happens and most of the time I can’t say anything about it even if it hurts. 

And when that happens I need to know that you will trust me. Because I cannot possibly ask you to leave your dreams to follow mine, meaning that we won’t be together all the time like we’re used to. And I need to know that you will trust me when I’m away from you”

Luke stayed quiet, his mind running a thousand miles per hour at her words. Could he trust her? When they were together on tour, and even at home in L.A, the rumors about Y/N were strong, so much so that he didn’t know if they were true or not. And even though he knew her, he still wasn’t sure. He doubted her, more times than not he did which ended up in him losing her until last night. He trusted her now, but…

“I don’t know,” He answered honestly, feeling like the weight of his shoulders was being lifted as he spoke “I don’t trust my mind, not when it’s about you. Not really. I trust you here, right now but I can’t promise that my insecurities won’t get in the way, changing that for the future. But I can try, I’ll do my best-”

“What if your best is not enough, Luke?” She asked, sucking the air out of both of them. 

“What?” He asked in return, voice small and soft. 

She sighed, blinking through the tears “What if- What if it’s not enough? You love me, but you don’t trust me. I love you, but I’m scared you’re going to run away every time you hear something about me that could tint the image of me you have in your mind. I’m scared of that Y/N because I’m not her and I might never be able to compete with her. I wish I could tell you that everything will change for the better, that love will be enough. But if we can’t see a future now…”

“There might not be a future at all” Luke finished for her. 

The truth hurt more than they could ever have imagined, but it was still the truth. Without trust, there is no love that could endure the passings of times, but they could try, couldn’t they? 

“What now?” He asked after a moment of silence. 

“Hold me?” 

Luke opened his arms and Y/N nested into them, setting her head upon his chest and letting his heartbeat be the melody of her heartbreak. “I love you” She whispered into his skin.

“I love you, too” 

“I might never stop loving you” 

“You don’t have to” 

She sighed “I know, that’s what scares me”

Luke nodded, even though she couldn't see him. He let his fingertips trace up and down her arms and back, serving as the only comfort he could give right now.

“Stay with me tonight?” She asked, tilting her head so she could look him in the eyes “Just one night the two of us where we can leave the world behind. Just us and for tonight that’s enough”

He smiled sadly “Morning will come eventually” 

“And what will happen to us in the morning?” 

Luke let out a sad sigh “I don’t know” 

.

.

Tags: @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @mystic-232 @talksoprettyjjx @theshyspy @hoodhoran @flaneurcth @notinthesameguey @bubblegum18 @irwin-fletcher-ash @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @1980holland @wiiildflowerrr @myloverboyash @nicebasscalum @calumspupils @secretsicanthideanymore @the-ghost-of-ash​ @alltimesos @kingxnichole @givebuckyhisplumsnow @hufflehemm @wildflower98 @girl-toxxic

[loquaciousquark]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E111 (Redux! Oct. 13, 2020)

Gooooood evening good evening good evening, all! I started the VOD late for this recap and somehow the first four or so minutes of the show have a Twitch audio copyright claim, so I am reduced to only reading Brian's lips when he asks if we're on the internet. Hilariously, Marisha's background room is a comfy-looking blue/gold fabric wall with a ceramic colorful abstract lamp and a yellow silk scarf over the lampshade, and Taliesin's is an industrial looking games room in grey and black with multiple monitors, overhead speakers, and mysterious metal fixtures behind him. What a treasure this group is, honestly.

Tonight's guests: Marisha Ray & Taliesin Jaffe, discussing episodes 110 and 111 again. I wildly speculate once more about what might have caused their absence: jury duty? Sam appearing on The Masked Singer? Something to do with the animated show? One day, we’ll know, one day... (One day this “copyrighted audio” section will come back from the wars, too. Ugh!) Finally! The audio comes back to reveal Brian discussing the endless reality of digital meetings and Marisha talking about (I think) her glare-reducing glasses she’s wearing. Welcome to the New Age (welcome to the New Age, to the New Age).

Announcements: Marisha suggests checking out Dimension20, another live tabletop gaming group, which premieres live on Wednesdays at 4pm (CollegeHumor). 

Brian immediately wants to know how they feel about the revelation that Molly is alive. Taliesin’s personal reaction: he “knows some things” he can’t talk about and is aware of several possibilities that might be going on, but had a sneaking suspicion that there would not be a body for them to find. He says it’s almost all there for anyone to see in past material. Marisha’s personal reaction: she just wants to know how she’s doing with her theories, & was trying to block Tal’s face out deliberately as she was going off on her theories in the last episode. Taliesin says he thought her ideas were pretty good!

Cad has no clue what to think - it’s like listening to your friends talk about Buffy. Marisha thought it was a 50/50 Molly would still be there, but Beau had no idea. Not that it mattered, because as soon as Matt went through with it the reveal still blew their minds. Tal laid out his plans for the character with Matt during Campaign One (towards the end) after they all got their VM tattoos.

It is a “horrifying and gross” thing to dig up a body, and Beau was pretty reluctant to do it. Tal, as Cad: “Sometimes dead’s better.” The moral quandary of trying to speak with a dead friend was very different here than the frequent occasions they used the spell in C1.

Taliesin says his poker face is very bad, so it’s easier for him to over-react and let it all play out. The only other player he can see very easily from his place in their current setup is Travis, and because he knows Travis doesn’t watch TM, tweet, or participate in social media, he admits he thoroughly enjoyed watching Travis freak out at his freaking out. He says he only knew about 20% of what Matt described at the end of that episode. He was picking things to mug to increase Travis’s surprise. I love this so much.

Taliesin provided the table left leg shake; Travis provided table right. Ha!

Beau is really accepting her role in the Cobalt Soul. It’s good when “as a person, you feel like you can settle into your calling. Sometimes you can do more from the inside than fighting from the outside.” It’s a mirrored but opposite path of Keyleth from C1; Beau felt like she was too good for her duty, while Keyleth thought she wasn’t good enough.

Caduceus is not a big believer in jumping to conclusions. He does have an idea/notion of the “city of the undead” and thinks all this necrotic energy must come from somewhere, and wonders if this is the “capital of anti-death.” He’s willing to believe whatever he sees. This is one of the few things that trigger a bit of loathing and disgust in him. It was terrifying that the Wildmother didn’t know anything.

Beau is pretty confident in her Charlie Day impression laying-out-the-research last episode. She enjoyed taking the things that were known & extrapolating around them; this is a huge facet of Marisha’s own personality and she really enjoys it, so she built a character this time that would allow that kind of puzzle-solving. It’s also why she repeatedly notes when Beau journals, so she can avoid metagaming. Trent’s mention of Vess Durogna’s tomb raiding was completely circumstantial, and the only reason she’d made the connection to the Tombtakers was because she’d recently reviewed those notes for a separate unannounced project. Sometimes she tries to make connections and Matt is like, “It was...just descriptive. Just flavor. The curtains were red...” and she has to discard a paragraph of notes. She feels like it’s still something they have to do because of “look at what he does! Look! It’s totally valid!”

Cosplay of the Week: @kitsunstudios with a gorgeous Caduceus with a very intricate silk vest.

Caduceus’s takedown of Trent! One of my favorite moments in the entirety of C2. Taliesin felt Trent was an asshole; Caduceus felt sorry for him because of how dumb he thought he was. Caduceus’s response was "this is the dumbest man I’ve ever met in my life. He’s so dumb! Is nobody going to tell this guy how dumb he is? Oh, they’re all freaked out. Somebody needs to tell this guy he’s an idiot before somebody gets hurt.” (Marisha: “Before?”) Tal says it was the product of several years of therapy and many drunk conversations with Whitney Moore. It was from a genuine place of concern from Caduceus. “How are you allowed to have this much power and be that dumb?”

Brian loved how funny it was to watch everyone tiptoe around Trent and then Caduceus bulldoze through the end of the meal.

Taliesin: “Damage doesn’t make you interesting or better. It’s not what makes you good. Character isn’t found in damage. Just recovery.”

Brian & Marisha commiserate going through the stage where believing surviving something automatically made you a stronger person, better for the pain; instead it just meant you had to pick up the pieces after. Marisha talks about how strength through survival may be true for some people, but it shouldn’t be considered a necessity. Taliesin talks about how he used to think he had to be miserable to write. Brian talks about how believing he liked reading and writing miserable things only limited him for years.

Marisha feels it’s a C2 theme that almost all the PCs have someone trying to handwave or take credit for their accomplishments or explain their pain as being for their own good (Trent, Beau’s dad, Obann). She thinks it’s interesting to see all the various ways people try to take credit for your work/delegitimize you as a person. She loves that RPGs allow you to explore these odd moralities in interesting ways. The only way to fight it is to have a sense of your own self-worth, which is a problem a lot of the M9 started with.

Caduceus likes everyone, and really likes people who appear to need role models (Eodwulf). “With the right friends and the right bar and the right attitude, I think he’d be okay. Come over here where it’s so much better. That seems like an exhausting friendship that you have there.”

Marisha loves the mix of personalities in the M9; Veth, Cad, & Jester were all “we kind of like them!” after the dinner, and she immediately made eye contact with Travis and they both shook their heads. She knows Beau has to go along with it for Caleb’s sake for now, but she & Fjord are pretty sus of Trent’s proteges.

Beau is less concerned about Artagan’s relationship to Jester because “he showed his ass--she’s less worried about Jester now because a little of the magic is gone.” It’s a little like becoming an adult and realizing your parents are also just adults & human. Caduceus wasn’t suspicious of the Traveler for a long time until they got to the island. Aside: Taliesin loves the pantheon in D&D. “The notion of attempting to apply common Western conceptions of religion to a world where you have a pantheon of interventionist gods as baseline makes no sense to me. Everyone admits that every other god is there and doing shit; it has more in common with ancient Rome than anything else.” Now that he knows it was a con, he feels the wind had been taken out of it. He does have a sense that Jester’s gotten back together with an ex: “I hope that I’m really happy for you.” They’re both interested to see how Jester navigates the new relationship.

My internet goes out, of course. I panic for a second, thinking I’ve lost everything above, but all is well! Thanks, Form History Control addon!

Marisha loved punching Artagan, but regretting rolling so poorly. “I miss violence.” Dani lets us know it’s been about four episodes since the last battle.

There’s no way the Cobalt Reserve doesn’t have a single document on the Eyes of Nine. Beau believes “there are no real secrets” because people are just bad at not writing things down. For there to be no information at all seems really suspicious for her.

Fanart of the Week: @oddalchemist on twitter with some awesome Beau conspiracy red-thread boards overlaid a distant shadowy Molly walking away.

Caduceus feels a little guilty for really enjoying his time right now with the M9 and not wanting to go home. He’s starting to suspect that he’s going to go home very different than when he left. “He has the softest problems. I don’t know if I want to move back in with Mom & Dad.”

Beau is trying to get comfortable with the idea of being happy. Jester is probably Beau’s first real best friend & one of the first healthy female friendships she’s ever had. As long as she still has Jester in her life, she doesn’t care. For Yasha... “At the end of the day, Beau is a lonely person and has always been a lonely person. And I think you kinda reach this point where once you’re not lonely anymore, you can kind of come out of the fog and realize that was horrible! And terrifying! And is even more terrifying now that I know what I could have, and I don’t want to go back to that. At the end of the day Beau doesn’t want to be lonely anymore. There’s always been that flirtation with Yasha, but everyone had to figure their own shit out. And now it feels like it’s coming out a little bit of that haze, maybe this actually could be...” There are a lot of ways they complement each other & are good-different from each other. Marisha believes people can be attracted to more than person at once.

Caduceus doesn’t think nature turned against him on Rumblecusp, it was just a reality of nature being dangerous and violent. “He has a complex relationship with nature.” He doesn’t expect special treatment.

Thoughts on the mansion: “Man, it’s nice to be seen.” Marisha: “I don’t know how I ended up becoming the Scanlan of this campaign, but I’m living for it.” It felt like an echo of “I’m better for having known you.” They compare Marisha taking specific notes on the campaign to Liam taking specific notes on people’s favorite tapestries, comics, etc.

They talk about missing theme parks and daydream a park version of the mansion in CritRoleLand. It’s lovely.

Taliesin never expected Divine Intervention to work; he just wanted to roll some dice. He’s still processing what he saw/heard. They all agree it was very useful in the Vokodo fight.

Vilya! Marisha: “Ah! Ah! Ah!” As a player, Marisha was so deep in Beau’s eyes she didn’t pick up it was Vilya at first (especially since Matt really emphasized they should not be looking for C1 NPCs). Marisha’s brain melted. She bawled her eyes out on the ride home after that episode. Right after it ended, Laura told Marisha “Keyleth finally gets her happy ending,” and it makes Marisha emotional again since Keyleth’s story ended so bittersweetly. She talks about the very real feelings of “just wanting them to be happy, though!” She went back and listened to all her old Keyleth playlists. Everyone was teary after the episode. “Everyone has these 100% real memories of being these characters and having these good times.”

And that’s that for that! Thanks for your patience, all, and is it Thursday yet?

[aboveallarescuer]

Daenerys Targaryen in A Storm of Swords vs Game of Thrones - Episode 3.3: Walk of Punishment

In this series of posts, I intend to analyze precisely how the show writers downplayed or erased several key aspects of Daenerys Targaryen’s characterization, even when they had the books to help them write her as the compelling, intelligent, compassionate, frugal, open-minded and self-critical character that GRRM created.

I want to make it clear that these posts are not primarily meant to offer a better alternative to what the show writers gave us. I understand that they had many constraints (e.g. other storylines to handle, a limited amount of time to write the scripts, budget, actors who may have asked for a certain number of lines, etc) working against them. However, considering how disrespectful the show’s ending was to Daenerys Targaryen and how the book material that they left out makes it even more ludicrous to think that she will also become a villain in A Song of Ice and Fire, I believe that these reviews are more than warranted. They are meant to dissect everything about Dany’s characterization that was lost in translation, with a lot of book evidence to corroborate my statements.

Since these reviews will dissect scene by scene, I recommend taking a look at this post because I will use its sequence to order Dany’s scenes.

This post is relevant in case you want to know which chapters were adapted in which GoT episodes (however, I didn’t make the list myself, all the information comes from the GoT Wiki, so I can’t guarantee that it’s 100% reliable).

In general, I will call the Dany from the books “Dany” and the Dany from the TV series “show!Dany”.

Scene 3

BARRISTAN: The Walk of Punishment is a warning, Your Grace.

DAENERYS: To whom?

BARRISTAN: To any slave who contemplates doing whatever these slaves did.

In the books, the context in which we first see the Plaza of Punishment (yeah, the type of building was changed) is very different:

The Plaza of Pride with its great bronze harpy was too small to hold all the Unsullied she had bought. Instead they had been assembled in the Plaza of Punishment, fronting on Astapor’s main gate, so they might be marched directly from the city once Daenerys had taken them in hand. There were no bronze statues here; only a wooden platform where rebellious slaves were racked, and flayed, and hanged. “The Good Masters place them so they will be the first thing a new slave sees upon entering the city,” Missandei told her as they came to the plaza.

At first glimpse, Dany thought their skin was striped like the zorses of the Jogos Nhai. Then she rode her silver nearer and saw the raw red flesh beneath the crawling black stripes. Flies. Flies and maggots. The rebellious slaves had been peeled like a man might peel an apple, in a long curling strip. (ASOS Daenerys III)

As we can see:

In the books, Dany goes to the Plaza of Punishment because she's going to buy save too many Unsullied and the Plaza of Pride wouldn't fit them all. The names are very appropriate: Dany is going to undermine the pride of the slave masters (the absence of bronze statues of harpies reinforces that fact) by punishing them for what they did to the slaves (which feels like a sort of karmic payback, for she begins a successful anti-slavery rebellion in the very place where the slaves were punished for rebelling) and showing them that they are just as mortal and vulnerable as the people they were oppressing. In the show, all of this significance is lost because show!Dany goes to the Plaza Walk of Punishment before she even makes the deal.

In the books, the slaves are racked, flayed and hanged for disobeying their masters. In the show, they are whipped and then strapped to a cross until they die.

There is a reason why the place was changed from Plaza to Walk: the shooting location in Essaouira had a line of cannons that couldn't be moved, so they decided to build "cannon covers" with the crosses of the dying slaves.

I don't mind that the method of punishment itself was changed (from flaying to crucifixion) or even that the Plaza of Punishment was turned into the Walk of Punishment, only that the location was shown in the inappropriate moment. I can't see any reason why the Walk of Punishment could not have been where the deal was about to be finished only for show!Dany to rebel against the masters and free the Unsullied (like how it happened in the books in the Plaza of Punishment).

Another change in the context of the scene taking place in the Plaza/Walk of Punishment has to do with who is talking to Dany and what is the purpose of the scene. I will quote again both the show dialogue and (parts of) the book passage to emphasize my point:

BARRISTAN: The Walk of Punishment is a warning, Your Grace.

DAENERYS: To whom?

BARRISTAN: To any slave who contemplates doing whatever these slaves did.

~

There were no bronze statues here; only a wooden platform where rebellious slaves were racked, and flayed, and hanged. “The Good Masters place them so they will be the first thing a new slave sees upon entering the city,” Missandei told her as they came to the plaza.

[...] One man had an arm black with flies from fingers to elbow, and red and white beneath. Dany reined in beneath him. “What did this one do?”

“He raised a hand against his owner.” (ASOS Daenerys III)

In the books, Missandei (a former slave) explains to Dany why the Plaza of Punishment exists. That makes their interaction more powerful, since we're listening to someone who, at some point, likely felt the urge to run away only to see these slaves and realize that it would be more sensible to resign herself to the misery she was in. Also, Dany instinctively understands why the Plaza of Punishment exists before Missandei tells her ("a wooden platform where rebellious slaves were racked, and flayed, and hanged"). In the show, show!Barristan is the one who explains to show!Dany why the Walk of Punishment exists, which is less meaningful in comparison. Also, D&D have show!Dany ask him to whom the Walk is a warning, implying that she can't think of any ideas on her own and making this another case of her being dumbed down in comparison to her book counterpart.

In the books, one of the purposes of the scene is to call attention to the unfairness of these punishments - no person should be "racked, and flayed, and hanged", especially not for a reason as relatively trivial as "rais[ing] a hand against his owner". However, because the level of oppression and social inequality is so high in Astapor and Slaver's Bay as a whole, it's normal procedure to torture and kill someone for insubstantial motives. In the show, since show!Barristan was never a slave like Missandei was, he can't possibly know why they were punished ("doing whatever these slaves did"). Now, of course, one might argue that the scene still causes outrage because no one deserves to be subjected to that level of torture, but it's still quite a shame that the reason why the slave was punished was cut - not only that would have made the point even more explicit, that only happened because they erased the perspective of a former slave.

*

DAENERYS: Give me your water.

JORAH: Khaleesi, this man has been sentenced to death.

DAENERYS: Here, drink.

This series has a habit of framing acts of compassion and kindness as meaningless ones - as @turtle-paced​ reminded me, examples include show!Ned's trying to save show!Joffrey (how his attempt was framed in the show, in particular), Talisa's kindness to the Lannister squires who got murdered in S3, the old lady who tried to help show!Sansa in S5 only to get murdered by show!Ramsay and show!Doran's efforts to make peace. @secretlyatargaryen​ also called attention to how show!Meera was callously dispatched after multiple seasons helping show!Bran to go back home. I would also add how no one in Braavos was willing to help show!Arya after seeing her stomach wound (and then the one person who helps her is assassinated) or how show!Arya's attempts to save a child and her mother in "The Bells" led to naught.  

This scene is another clear example that fits the pattern. Instead of creating a scenario in which show!Dany tries to give water to a dying slave only for him to refuse:

Why couldn’t the show writers have had Dany explaining what, in her perspective, makes her worthy of being considered a queen?

Or why couldn’t they have kept Dany’s anger at seeing Jorah talk about the Unsullied as if they were objects to be sold?

Or why couldn’t we have had Dany saying that a queen must listen to all, highborn and low?

All of these examples were entirely cut from the series, which is a shame because they signal that the books are ultimately validating Dany’s efforts to help the oppressed (while it is true that they don’t shy away from the negative ramifications at the same time, her attempts are no less justified and necessary). This scene doesn't convey the same message.

*

BARRISTAN: Leave this place, Your Grace. Leave tonight, I beg you.

JORAH: And what is she to do for soldiers?

BARRISTAN: We can find sellswords in Pentos and Myr.

JORAH: Is it "we" already, Ser Barristan? If you want to sit on the throne your ancestors built, you must win it. That will mean blood on your hands before the thing is done.

DAENERYS: The blood of my enemies, not the blood of innocents.

JORAH: How many wars have you fought in, Ser Barristan?

BARRISTAN: Three.

JORAH: Have you ever seen a war where innocents didn't die by the thousands? I was in King's Landing after the sack, khaleesi. You know what I saw? Butchery. Babies, children, old men. More women raped than you can count. There's a beast in every man and it stirs when you put a sword in his hand. But the Unsullied are not men. They do not rape. They do not put cities to the sword unless they're ordered to do so. If you buy them, the only men they'll kill are those you want dead.

DAENERYS: Do you disagree, Ser Barristan?

BARRISTAN: When your brother Rhaegar led his army into battle at the Trident, men died for him because they believed in him, because they loved him, not because they'd been bought at a slaver's auction. I fought beside the last dragon on that day, Your Grace. I bled beside him.

JORAH: Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought nobly, and Rhaegar died.

I'm quoting the entire exchange to highlight, again, how much the show overfocused on show!Jorah's opinions over show!Dany's or show!Barristan's.

Let's separate his arguments:

1) JORAH: And what is she to do for soldiers?

~

2) JORAH: Is it "we" already, Ser Barristan? If you want to sit on the throne your ancestors built, you must win it. That will mean blood on your hands before the thing is done.

~

3) JORAH: How many wars have you fought in, Ser Barristan? [...] Have you ever seen a war where innocents didn't die by the thousands? I was in King's Landing after the sack, khaleesi. You know what I saw? Butchery. Babies, children, old men. More women raped than you can count. There's a beast in every man and it stirs when you put a sword in his hand. But the Unsullied are not men. They do not rape. They do not put cities to the sword unless they're ordered to do so. If you buy them, the only men they'll kill are those you want dead.

~

4) JORAH: Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought nobly, and Rhaegar died.

Now let's separate show!Barristan's arguments:

1) BARRISTAN: Leave this place, Your Grace. Leave tonight, I beg you.

~

2) BARRISTAN: We can find sellswords in Pentos and Myr.

~

3) BARRISTAN: When your brother Rhaegar led his army into battle at the Trident, men died for him because they believed in him, because they loved him, not because they'd been bought at a slaver's auction. I fought beside the last dragon on that day, Your Grace. I bled beside him.

Finally, what does show!Dany have to say?

1) DAENERYS: The blood of my enemies, not the blood of innocents.

The protagonist of this storyline is also, sadly, the one who least expresses her opinions on the matter of buying the Unsullied or not. (She also asks for show!Barristan's opinion and asserts that she is the last dragon, but these are not arguments/thoughts that add to the discussion)

Before I examine each line (which I will do in a sec), I want to pay close attention to the direction (which, let's have in mind, was solely Benioff's). The camera barely focuses on show!Barristan's face while he makes his first two arguments above, making them seem like an afterthought:

But it always focuses on show!Jorah's face when he is talking:

And while the camera does focus on show!Dany's face when she reiterates the importance of sparing innocent lives:

It's also true that the show erased too many of her opinions/viewpoints (as I will show below).

In terms of screentime, show!Barristan's first two arguments receive 6 seconds. Show!Jorah's first two arguments receive 12 seconds. Show!Dany's sole argument receives 3 seconds. Show!Jorah's third argument receives 39 seconds. Show!Barristan's third argument (which is actually a line from Dany in the books) receives 18 seconds. Show!Jorah's fourth argument receives 6 seconds. Approximately, then, we have: 57 seconds for show!Jorah, 24 seconds for show!Barristan and 3 seconds for show!Dany.

Now I'm going through each of these characters' arguments.

1) JORAH: And what is she to do for soldiers?

The first point is actually one that Dany is shown onpage bringing up in the books:

“When I leave Astapor it must be with an army, Ser Jorah says.” (ASOS Daenerys II)

~

“Yet I must have some army,” Dany said. “The boy Joffrey will not give me the Iron Throne for asking politely.” (ASOS Daenerys II)

It isn't out of character for Jorah to make this argument - in fact, he does so in the previous chapter when he proposes that Dany changes course to Astapor. However, since they are adapting events from ASOS Daenerys II (when they are already in Astapor), it's another instance in which the show writers would rather have a supporting male character have his voice heard rather than Dany's.

Also, more importantly, Dany is not making this argument to justify slavery like show!Jorah is:

“Even those who bent their knees may yearn in their hearts for the return of the dragons.”

“May,” said Dany. That was such a slippery word, may. (ASOS Daenerys II)

~

“My brother visited Pentos, Myr, Braavos, near all the Free Cities. The magisters and archons fed him wine and promises, but his soul was starved to death. A man cannot sup from the beggar’s bowl all his life and stay a man. I had my taste in Qarth, that was enough. I will not come to Pentos bowl in hand.” (ASOS Daenerys II)

The reason why getting an army before she gets to Pentos is so important for Dany is because she lived in poverty before and knows that she can't rely too heavily on anyone - she learned that when no one would help her brother, she learned that again when no one would help her in Qarth even with her dragons. She doesn't want to be powerless, but, at the same time, she doesn't want other people to be powerless as well. Having show!Jorah say these things doesn't have the same significance because he didn't have the same experiences that Dany did nor does he care about the slaves' plight.

So, yeah, that change is doubly awful: it prioritizes a male slaver over a female revolutionary.

2) JORAH: Is it "we" already, Ser Barristan? If you want to sit on the throne your ancestors built, you must win it. That will mean blood on your hands before the thing is done.

~

3) JORAH: How many wars have you fought in, Ser Barristan? [...] Have you ever seen a war where innocents didn't die by the thousands? I was in King's Landing after the sack, khaleesi. You know what I saw? Butchery. Babies, children, old men. More women raped than you can count. There's a beast in every man and it stirs when you put a sword in his hand. But the Unsullied are not men. They do not rape. They do not put cities to the sword unless they're ordered to do so. If you buy them, the only men they'll kill are those you want dead.

Show!Jorah's second and third arguments are actually one and the same and are expressed by Jorah in the books as well:

“Your Grace,” said Jorah Mormont, “I saw King’s Landing after the Sack. Babes were butchered that day as well, and old men, and children at play. More women were raped than you can count. There is a savage beast in every man, and when you hand that man a sword or spear and send him forth to war, the beast stirs. The scent of blood is all it takes to wake him. Yet I have never heard of these Unsullied raping, nor putting a city to the sword, nor even plundering, save at the express command of those who lead them. Brick they may be, as you say, but if you buy them henceforth the only dogs they’ll kill are those you want dead. And you do have some dogs you want dead, as I recall.” (ASOS Daenerys II)

However, there are still issues with how they presented his argument in the show.

One, the show writers interspersed Jorah's argument in the show scene, which shows how much they want to reinforce it.

Two, they have show!Jorah undermine show!Barristan (who is anti-slavery) three times:

JORAH: Is it "we" already, Ser Barristan?

~

JORAH: How many wars have you fought in, Ser Barristan? [...] Have you ever seen a war where innocents didn't die by the thousands?

~

JORAH: Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought nobly, and Rhaegar died.

Look at show!Barristan finding no response to these points and his expressions indicating that he lost the argument:

By the time of this particular scene, show!Barristan had joined show!Dany's entourage one day ago (we know this because Kraznys said that show!Dany only had one day to decide if she would buy the Unsullied or not). Even if it's understandable (on a Watsonian perspective) that show!Jorah would distrust show!Barristan for that reason, it's less understandable (on a Doylist perspective) that the writers would use this reason to undermine show!Barristan's anti-slavery arguments or that they would write show!Jorah being distrustful of show!Barristan for that reason rather than the actual reasons in the books (i.e., Jorah being constantly disrespectful of Dany's boundaries and trying to isolate her from any man who, in his mind, threatens their relationship).

In contrast with the show, Dany has been with Barristan for enough time to trust him to be her sole companion when she meets Kraznys and the Unsullied. In fact, she brings him partly as an excuse to avoid to be alone with Jorah again after he kissed her without her consent:

He has a good face, and great strength to him, Dany thought. She could not understand why Ser Jorah mistrusted the old man so. Could he be jealous that I have found another man to talk to? Unbidden, her thoughts went back to the night on Balerion when the exile knight had kissed her. He should never have done that. He is thrice my age, and of too low a birth for me, and I never gave him leave. No true knight would ever kiss a queen without her leave. She had taken care never to be alone with Ser Jorah after that, keeping her handmaids with her aboard ship, and sometimes her bloodriders. He wants to kiss me again, I see it in his eyes. (ASOS Daenerys II)

And then there is the fact that the show writers have show!Barristan find no counterargument to show!Jorah's point below, as if that meant that it is too good to be questioned:

JORAH: How many wars have you fought in, Ser Barristan? [...] Have you ever seen a war where innocents didn't die by the thousands?

This happens because this moment was taken out of its original context in order to present show!Jorah as the "realist" one. Let's look at how the scene (which is only between Dany and Jorah) goes in the books:

“When Aegon the Dragon stepped ashore in Westeros, the kings of Vale and Rock and Reach did not rush to hand him their crowns. If you mean to sit his Iron Throne, you must win it as he did, with steel and dragonfire. And that will mean blood on your hands before the thing is done.”

Blood and fire, thought Dany. The words of House Targaryen. She had known them all her life. “The blood of my enemies I will shed gladly. The blood of innocents is another matter. Eight thousand Unsullied they would offer me. Eight thousand dead babes. Eight thousand strangled dogs.”

“Your Grace,” said Jorah Mormont, “I saw King’s Landing after the Sack. Babes were butchered that day as well, and old men, and children at play. More women were raped than you can count. There is a savage beast in every man, and when you hand that man a sword or spear and send him forth to war, the beast stirs. The scent of blood is all it takes to wake him. Yet I have never heard of these Unsullied raping, nor putting a city to the sword, nor even plundering, save at the express command of those who lead them. Brick they may be, as you say, but if you buy them henceforth the only dogs they’ll kill are those you want dead. And you do have some dogs you want dead, as I recall.”

The Usurper’s dogs. “Yes.” Dany gazed off at the soft colored lights and let the cool salt breeze caress her. “You speak of sacking cities. Answer me this, ser—why have the Dothraki never sacked this city?” (ASOS Daenerys II)

Dany doesn't offer any answer to the question of innocents dying by the thousands, but that's because GRRM writes it so that Jorah ends his line of reasoning with the argument that buying the Unsullied will cause less deaths in her war in Westeros. Right after that, GRRM shows Dany making good observations and gathering more knowledge, which showcases her intelligence. The show, on the other hand, hammers home one particular perspective in a way that the books didn't in order to make show!Jorah look "realist".   

Also, while we don't see Barristan explicitly replying to Jorah's arguments in the books (because, again, the context was both a) altered so that that would happen in the show and b) manufactured so that he would lose the discussion), I imagine he would remind Dany of this very important bit of information if he were to have a discussion with Jorah in front of Dany in the books like they did in the show:

“When I leave Astapor it must be with an army, Ser Jorah says.”

“Ser Jorah was a slaver himself, Your Grace,” the old man reminded her. (ASOS Daenerys II)

Which, conveniently, the show chooses to ignore entirely.

I spent a lot of time talking about show!Jorah's second and third arguments, their context and their framing because they undermine the original takeaway of Dany's storyline. I'm going to talk about show!Jorah's fourth argument later.

Now, let's move on to show!Barristan's arguments.

1) BARRISTAN: Leave this place, Your Grace. Leave tonight, I beg you.

~

2) BARRISTAN: We can find sellswords in Pentos and Myr.

All of these arguments are expressed in the books, but the context is, once again, different:

“Bricks and blood built Astapor,” Whitebeard murmured at her side, “and bricks and blood her people.”

“What is that?” Dany asked him, curious.

“An old rhyme a maester taught me, when I was a boy. I never knew how true it was. The bricks of Astapor are red with the blood of the slaves who make them.”

“I can well believe that,” said Dany.

“Then leave this place before your heart turns to brick as well. Sail this very night, on the evening tide.”

Would that I could, thought Dany. “When I leave Astapor it must be with an army, Ser Jorah says.”

“Ser Jorah was a slaver himself, Your Grace,” the old man reminded her. “There are sellswords in Pentos and Myr and Tyrosh you can hire. A man who kills for coin has no honor, but at least they are no slaves. Find your army there, I beg you.”

“My brother visited Pentos, Myr, Braavos, near all the Free Cities. The magisters and archons fed him wine and promises, but his soul was starved to death. A man cannot sup from the beggar’s bowl all his life and stay a man. I had my taste in Qarth, that was enough. I will not come to Pentos bowl in hand.”

“Better to come a beggar than a slaver,” Arstan said.

“There speaks one who has been neither.” Dany’s nostrils flared. “Do you know what it is like to be sold, squire? I do. My brother sold me to Khal Drogo for the promise of a golden crown. Well, Drogo crowned him in gold, though not as he had wished, and
I ... my sun-and-stars made a queen of me, but if he had been a different man, it might have been much otherwise. Do you think I have forgotten how it felt to be afraid?” (ASOS Daenerys II)

In the books, we are privy to Dany's perspective all the time. This scene (as I said both in this post and here) displays how her empathy for the slaves is informed not just by her moral principles or cultural values, but also by her own experiences as someone who struggled with poverty and was a slave herself. 

In the series, show!Dany's voice is almost entirely erased and show!Barristan's is undermined to enhance show!Jorah's (as I showed above). Also, even if some of Barristan's points are also added in the show, we don't see him realizing how the rhyme he learned was accurate in more ways than he expected, we don't see him reminding Dany that Jorah was also a slaver and we don't feel his outrage at seeing the Unsullied's training (because, in the show, they had show!Jorah accompany show!Dany rather than him):

“You have lived long in the world, Whitebeard. Now that you have seen them, what do you say?”

“I say no, Your Grace,” the old man answered at once.


“Why?” she asked. “Speak freely.” Dany thought she knew what he would say, but she wanted the slave girl to hear, so Kraznys mo Nakloz might hear later.

“My queen,” said Arstan, “there have been no slaves in the Seven Kingdoms for thousands of years. The old gods and the new alike hold slavery to be an abomination. Evil. If you should land in Westeros at the head of a slave army, many good men will oppose you for no other reason than that. You will do great harm to your cause, and to the honor of your House.”

“Yet I must have some army,” Dany said. “The boy Joffrey will not give me the Iron Throne for asking politely.”

“When the day comes that you raise your banners, half of Westeros will be with you,” Whitebeard promised. “Your brother Rhaegar is still remembered, with great love.”

“And my father?” Dany said.

The old man hesitated before saying, “King Aerys is also remembered. He gave the realm many years of peace. Your Grace, you have no need of slaves. Magister Illyrio can keep you safe while your dragons grow, and send secret envoys across the narrow sea on your behalf, to sound out the high lords for your cause.”

“Those same high lords who abandoned my father to the Kingslayer and bent the knee to Robert the Usurper?”

“Even those who bent their knees may yearn in their hearts for the return of the dragons.”

“May,” said Dany. That was such a slippery word, may. (ASOS Daenerys II)

This scene accomplishes a couple of things - not only it reinforces to the audience that what we are seeing is wrong, it also sets up Dany's conflicting feelings about her father and establishes, again, that Dany's decision to go to Astapor is shaped by her past experiences (namely, as I already said, that she's already struggled too much to not have a healthy dose of skepticism with regard to how much help other people are willing to give her). Basically, the scene emphasizes the anti-slavery messages of Dany's storyline and services Dany's characterization. 

The show's scene accomplishes none of that.

Show!Barristan's third argument is the most explicit example of the show writers being uninterested in Dany's perspective:

3) BARRISTAN: When your brother Rhaegar led his army into battle at the Trident, men died for him because they believed in him, because they loved him, not because they'd been bought at a slaver's auction. I fought beside the last dragon on that day, Your Grace. I bled beside him.

Let's look at the context of this line in the books:

“Viserys would have bought as many Unsullied as he had the coin for. But you once said I was like Rhaegar ...”

“I remember, Daenerys.”

“Your Grace,” she corrected. “Prince Rhaegar led free men into battle, not slaves. Whitebeard said he dubbed his squires himself, and made many other knights as well.”

“There was no higher honor than to receive your knighthood from the Prince of Dragonstone.”

“Tell me, then—when he touched a man on the shoulder with his sword, what did he say? ‘Go forth and kill the weak’? Or ‘Go forth and defend them’? At the Trident, those brave men Viserys spoke of who died beneath our dragon banners—did they give their lives because they believed in Rhaegar’s cause, or because they had been bought and paid for?” Dany turned to Mormont, crossed her arms, and waited for an answer.

“My queen,” the big man said slowly, “all you say is true. But Rhaegar lost on the Trident. He lost the battle, he lost the war, he lost the kingdom, and he lost his life. His blood swirled downriver with the rubies from his breastplate, and Robert the Usurper rode over his corpse to steal the Iron Throne. Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought nobly, Rhaegar fought honorably. And Rhaegar died.” (ASOS Daenerys II)

In the books, this line is not about Rhaegar at all! This is about Dany projecting her own values and ideals on Rhaegar because she wants to find a way out of the slave trade and thinking about what her biggest inspiration might have done (though she later admits she doesn't really know what he would do) would help her be more sure about what to do. This line is all about Dany!!!! By transferring her line to Barristan, not only the show writers are prioritizing a man's voice over hers, they are also making it about another man when it should be about her. 

And now we get to show!Jorah's fourth argument (which is a response to show!Barristan's third argument), which I said I would comment later:

4) JORAH: Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought nobly, and Rhaegar died.

To quote myself on the significance of his advice,

Jorah didn’t really know who Rhaegar was, so I don’t think this sentence is necessarily reliable. The spirit of his advice is simple, however: Jorah is trying to normalize the training of the Unsullied and the existence of slavery in general as necessary evils if Dany is to win the game of thrones.

On the other hand, these words were also useful in another sense: sometimes you can’t play by the rules if you intend to succeed, especially not if these rules and conventions and institutions treat other people as interchangeable objects to be sold and invalidate your sense of morality. Barristan’s advice was also helpful, not in the sense that she should leave the city, but rather that she should not be a part of the slave trade. And so, like with Viserys and Drogo, she will find a solution that was informed by both of these men’s advice while also being her own: by refusing to view the slaves as objects to be traded, Dany considered the deal illegitimate and sparked an abolitionist campaign that would influence an entire continent. In other words, Dany did not play by the rules (like Jorah advised), but not by compromising her moral principles, but because of her moral principles (like Barristan advised).

However, because show!Dany's voice and motivations are so blatantly disregarded, the show can't develop her character in the same way.

Speaking of show!Dany, here's the one thing she has to say in the discussion of whether or not to buy the Unsullied:

1) DAENERYS: The blood of my enemies, not the blood of innocents.

This doesn't really say anything new about her line of thought that we didn't already know from episode 3.1, in which she agonized over the thousands of babies that would be (and would continue to be) killed if she became complicit in the slave trade. Show!Jorah, on the other hand, gets brand new arguments here.

By comparison, here are the arguments that Dany gets to make in the books (that are either erased or given to someone else). I'm not counting her reactions while she witnesses the Unsullied's training:

 “Even those who bent their knees may yearn in their hearts for the return of the dragons.”

“May,” said Dany. That was such a slippery word, may. In any language. (ASOS Daenerys II)

~

Would that I could, thought Dany. “When I leave Astapor it must be with an army, Ser Jorah says.” (ASOS Daenerys II)

~

“My brother visited Pentos, Myr, Braavos, near all the Free Cities. The magisters and archons fed him wine and promises, but his soul was starved to death. A man cannot sup from the beggar’s bowl all his life and stay a man. I had my taste in Qarth, that was enough. I will not come to Pentos bowl in hand.”

“Better to come a beggar than a slaver,” Arstan said.

“There speaks one who has been neither.” Dany’s nostrils flared. “Do you know what it is like to be sold, squire? I do. My brother sold me to Khal Drogo for the promise of a golden crown. Well, Drogo crowned him in gold, though not as he had wished, and
I ... my sun-and-stars made a queen of me, but if he had been a different man, it might have been much otherwise. Do you think I have forgotten how it felt to be afraid?” (ASOS Daenerys II)

~

“How many men do they have for sale?”

“None.” Was it Mormont she was angry with, or this city with its sullen heat, its stinks and sweats and crumbling bricks? “They sell eunuchs, not men. Eunuchs made of brick, like the rest of Astapor. Shall I buy eight thousand brick eunuchs with dead eyes that never move, who kill suckling babes for the sake of a spiked hat and strangle their own dogs? They don’t even have names. So don’t call them men, ser.”

“Khaleesi,” he said, taken aback by her fury, “the Unsullied are chosen as boys, and trained—”

“I have heard all I care to of their training.” Dany could feel tears welling in her eyes, sudden and unwanted. Her hand flashed up and cracked Ser Jorah hard across the face. It was either that, or cry.

Mormont touched the cheek she’d slapped. “If I have displeased my queen—”

“You have. You’ve displeased me greatly, ser. If you were my true knight, you would never have brought me to this vile sty.” If you were my true knight, you would never have kissed me, or looked at my breasts the way you did, or ...

“As Your Grace commands. I shall tell Captain Groleo to make ready to sail on the evening tide, for some sty less vile.”

“No,” said Dany. Groleo watched them from the forecastle, and his crew was watching too. Whitebeard, her bloodriders, Jhiqui, every one had stopped what they were doing at the sound of the slap. “I want to sail now, not on the tide, I want to sail far and fast and never look back. But I can’t, can I? There are eight thousand brick eunuchs for sale, and I must find some way to buy them.” (ASOS Daenerys II)

~

“Tell me, then—when he touched a man on the shoulder with his sword, what did he say? ‘Go forth and kill the weak’? Or ‘Go forth and defend them’? At the Trident, those brave men Viserys spoke of who died beneath our dragon banners—did they give their lives because they believed in Rhaegar’s cause, or because they had been bought and paid for?” (ASOS Daenerys II)

~

“The blood of my enemies I will shed gladly. The blood of innocents is another matter. Eight thousand Unsullied they would offer me. Eight thousand dead babes. Eight thousand strangled dogs.” (ASOS Daenerys II)

Everything that show!Dany has to say on the matter is concentrated on the last passage quoted, and its points are scattered across 3.1 and 3.3.

If the show writers cared about Dany's characterization, we would see how she presents different arguments to Barristan (that she needs an army because she has been poor before) and Jorah (that buying the Unsullied is immoral) at the same time and that both counsellors influence her decision to rebel against the masters in their own ways, as I explained in the quote above.

If the show writers cared about Dany's characterization, we would get hints that she feels that it is her moral duty to stay and help the Unsullied ("Would that I could", "There are eight thousand brick eunuchs for sale, and I must find some way to buy them", etc).

If the show writers cared about Dany's characterization, we would leave this scene with the impression that she already knows what she will do by the time she decides to trade one dragon for all of the Unsullied and the untrained boys. Instead, while we know that show!Dany wants to spare innocents and only kill her enemies and their soldiers, there isn’t enough evidence hinting at her eventual rebellion against the masters. In fact, she is still asking show!Barristan what he thinks, making it seem that she is still unsure of her plan or that she is more reliant on their viewpoints than she is in the books. That's the problem of interspersing lines and plot points between episodes: this discussion could have served for episode 3.1 (in which, if they were faithful to the books, show!Dany would have still been concocting her plan), but it doesn't for episode 3.3, in which they have it happen minutes before she makes her fateful decision.

So, in this exchange, we get very, very little about what show!Dany thinks. Show!Jorah is the one in favor of buying the Unsullied, show!Barristan is the one against it. One could argue, like @rainhadaenerys​ said to me, that show!Jorah is portrayed as the devil and show!Barristan as the angel on show!Dany's shoulders, similar to how show!Davos is the angel and show!Melisandre the devil on show!Stannis's. The show's influence may explain why some people think that Barristan is the one who motivated Dany to begin her anti-slavery rebellion. The books certainly don't allow that interpretation because Dany's voice remains front and center in the discussions, but the show is dead set on erasing it.

We end the exchange with this:

BARRISTAN: When your brother Rhaegar led his army into battle at the Trident, men died for him because they believed in him, because they loved him, not because they'd been bought at a slaver's auction. I fought beside the last dragon on that day, Your Grace. I bled beside him.

JORAH: Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought nobly, and Rhaegar died.

DAENERYS: Did you know him well, Ser Barristan?

BARRISTAN: I did, Your Grace. Finest man I ever met.

DAENERYS: I wish I had known him. But he was not the last dragon.

It's not true in the books that Barristan knew Rhaegar well:

“Did you know my brother Rhaegar as well?”


“It was said that no man ever knew Prince Rhaegar, truly. I had the privilege of seeing him in tourney, though, and often heard him play his harp with its silver strings.” (ASOS Daenerys I)

I've already talked about how the show writers gave Dany's lines to show!Barristan, so I won't belabor the point. What I will say is that Benioff's emphasis on show!Dany's awareness that she is the last dragon is very questionable in its intent/framing. In and of itself, that original line is okay - women are often looked down upon if they express confidence both in Westeros and in our world, so it can be refreshing to see show!Dany claiming that Rhaegar was not the last dragon because she knows that she is. It can be refreshing to see a woman whose pride is depicted as a positive trait rather than one that propels her downfall. I'm sure that's the takeaway that what many viewers got from that scene and from show!Dany's trajectory in general in season three.

However, let's see what Benioff says about her in interviews:

Benioff: Dany is so defined by her dragons, they're so much a part at this point, they define her so much that when they're taken from her, it's almost like she reverts to the pre-dragon Daenerys, you know, everyone is a bit defined by who they were when they were an adolescent, you know, no matter how old you get, no matter how powerful you get, and Daenerys was a scared, timid, abused adolescent and I think when her dragons are taken for her, all those feelings, all those memories and emotions are triggered and come back and all the confidence that she's won over the last several months, it's as if that just evaporates and she's back to being a really frightened little girl. (D&D's Inside the Episode 2.6)

~

Benioff: Dany has her lovable side, but she is also ruthless, and she is also fiercely ambitious and, funnily, like a Littlefinger style ambition where she's trying to climb this, you know, the social ladder. It's almost like a Joan of Arc kind of ambition where she feels like she has this almost divine mission and nothing's going to prevent her from achieving it, and that might mean sacrificing those who are closest to her. (D&D's Inside the Episode 3.3)

~

Benioff: I think she becomes harder to dismiss, you know, for a long time people have been saying, even if she was alive, you know, really, the only threat she poses is her name, she's a Targaryen, great, but she's a little girl in the edge of the world, so she's starting to knock on people's doors a little bit. (D&D's Inside the Episode 3.4)

Right from the beginning, we can see that Benioff didn't really see show!Dany's pride and confidence and ambition positively. Not only does he think those aspects are dependent upon her dragons and her family name, he also thinks she has a "Littlefinger style ambition" and an "almost divine mission" that she will embark while thinking that "nothing's going to prevent her from achieving it". All of these statements mischaracterize Daenerys Targaryen, so I end up looking askance at the end of the scene for knowing that he's the one who wrote and directed it.

(Also, now that we know in hindsight that the show writers are not just going to strip show!Dany of many characteristics of her book counterpart, but also villainize her and kill her for the very confidence she is displaying here ... I can’t give them any credit.)

Dany does assert her identity and titles in a chapter that they are adapting in this episode, but the context (as usual) is entirely different:

Dany knew she would take more than a hundred, if she took any at all. “Remind your Good Master of who I am. Remind him that I am Daenerys Stormborn, Mother of Dragons, the Unburnt, trueborn queen of the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros. My blood is the blood of Aegon the Conqueror, and of old Valyria before him.”

Yet her words did not move the plump perfumed slaver, even when rendered in his own ugly tongue. “Old Ghis ruled an empire when the Valyrians were still fucking sheep,” he growled at the poor little scribe, “and we are the sons of the harpy.” He gave a shrug. “My tongue is wasted wagging at women. East or west, it makes no matter, they cannot decide until they have been pampered and flattered and stuffed with sweetmeats. Well, if this is my fate, so be it. Tell the whore that if she requires a guide to our sweet city, Kraznys mo Nakloz will gladly serve her ... and service her as well, if she is more woman than she looks.” (ASOS Daenerys II)

First, in this quote, we get a hint that Dany is intent on either freeing the slaves or not being complicit in their oppression ("she would take more than a hundred, if she took any at all").

Second, we see that Dany reminds Kraznys of her identity after she spent a very long time being belittled and mocked and ridiculed due to his fervent misogyny and xenophobia. Unlike show!Dany, she is bringing up her titles because she was being disrespected, not because she wants to bring them up for their own sake. In other words, the book's scene doesn't intend to frame Dany as arrogant, though it seems that the show's scene does.

*

I have thoughts about the show's change of Dany's dress, but I'll leave them to the section about her clothing.

So, to begin talking about the negotiation scene on a positive note, there are some aspects that the show remained faithful to the books to.

The first is that show!Dany is explicitly shown to be doing what she is doing because she wants to help the slaves:

It's funny to gif this scene as if show!Dany were rolling her eyes, but that's not what she is actually doing in the scene: she looks above, at the slaves, and then decides to risk one of her dragons for them. That much is unambiguously clear.

The second detail in common is this:

MISSANDEI: There are 8,000 Unsullied in Astapor. Is this what you mean by all?

DAENERYS: Yes. 8,000. And the ones still in training as well.

Show!Dany wants to free all of the slaves, so she asks for the eight thousand Unsullied and the untrained boys, just like Dany:

“Of thousands, there are eight. Is this what she means by all? There are also six centuries, who shall be part of a ninth thousand when complete. Would she have them too?”

“I would,” said Dany when the question was put to her. “The eight thousands, the six centuries ... and the ones still in training as well. The ones who have not earned the spikes.” (ASOS Daenerys III)

Unfortunately, this is all there is in terms of similarities. There are far more differences.

MISSANDEI: Master Greizhen says they cannot sell half-trained boys. If they fail on the battlefield, they will bring shame upon all of Astapor.

DAENERYS: I will have them all or take none. Many will fall in battle. I'll need the boys to pick up the swords they drop.

First of all, unlike in the show, there is a master willing to sell the untrained boys to Dany:

“We cannot sell half-trained boys,” one of the silver-fringe Grazdans was saying to the others.

“We can, if her gold is good,” said a fatter man whose fringe was gold.

“They are not Unsullied. They have not killed their sucklings. If they fail in the field, they will shame us. And even if we cut five thousand raw boys tomorrow, it would be ten years before they are fit for sale. What would we tell the next buyer who comes seeking Unsullied?”

“We will tell him that he must wait,” said the fat man. “Gold in my purse is better than gold in my future.” (ASOS Daenerys III)

Second, while Dany makes the argument that show!Dany is seen making:

“In a year I shall be in Westeros,” said Dany when she had heard the translation. “My need is now. The Unsullied are well trained, but even so, many will fall in battle. I shall need the boys as replacements to take up the swords they drop.” (ASOS Daenerys III)

They cut what Dany says right afterwards:

She put her wine aside and leaned toward the slave girl. “Tell the Good Masters that I will want even the little ones who still have their puppies. Tell them that I will pay as much for the boy they cut yesterday as for an Unsullied in a spiked helm.”

The girl told them. The answer was still no.


Dany frowned in annoyance. “Very well. Tell them I will pay double, so long as I get them all.” (ASOS Daenerys III)

Because the show writers chose to only have show!Dany say that she will “need the boys to pick up the swords they drop”, it makes it seem that her request to get them is more strategic than empathetic. It's not; as we can see above, if they had added the bolded parts above, it would have made it even clearer that she is doing what she is doing solely because of her altruism.

MISSANDEI: Master Kraznys says you cannot afford this.

KRAZNYS: Her ship will buy her 100 Unsullied, no more.

MISSANDEI: Your ship will buy you 100 Unsullied.

KRAZNYS: And this because I like the curve of her ass.

MISSANDEI: Because Master Kraznys is generous.

KRAZNYS: What is left will buy her 10.

MISSANDEI: The gold you have left is worth 10.

KRAZNYS: I will give her if it stops her ignorant whimpering.

MISSANDEI: But good Master Kraznys will give you 20.

KRAZNYS: Her Dothraki smell of shit ...

MISSANDEI: The Dothraki you have with you…

KRAZNYS: ... but may be useful as pig feed.

MISSANDEI: The Dothraki you have are not worth what they cost to feed, but Master Kraznys will give you three Unsullied for all of them.

KRAZNYS: So, ask this beggar queen, how will she pay for the remaining 7,877?

The show also decreases the value of Dany's goods a lot.

In the books, Dany is willing to sell Illyrio's three ships (rather than one):

“...But my ships you can have. The great cog Balerion and the galleys Vhagar and Meraxes.” She had warned Groleo and the other captains it might come to this, though they had protested the necessity of it furiously. “Three good ships should be worth more than a few paltry eunuchs.”

The fat Grazdan turned to the others. They conferred in low voices once again. “Two of the thousands,” the one with the spiked beard said when he turned back. “It is too much, but the Good Masters are being generous and your need is being great.” (ASOS Daenerys III)

Have in mind that 2,000 is their worth after Dany chose to pay double for the Unsullied and the untrained boys. Normally, they would be worth 4,000. But let's be generous and use 2,000 ... This means that each ship is worth around 666 Unsullied. 

And yet, in the show, her ship is worth 100 Unsullied.

In the books, this is how much Dany's gold and trading goods inside the ship are worth:

“Your men have gone through my ships and tallied every bead of amber and jar of saffron. How much do I have?”

“Sufficient to be buying one of thousands,” the Good Master said, with a contemptuous smile. “Yet you are paying double, you are saying. Five centuries, then, is all you buy.”

In the show, however, show!Dany's gold is only worth 10 Unsullied.

As for the Dothraki, before the slavers make an offer, Dany makes it clear that she will not sell them (or any of the people in her retinue, or any of their possessions):

“My crown is not for sale.” When Viserys sold their mother’s crown, the last joy had gone from him, leaving only rage. “Nor will I enslave my people, nor sell their goods and horses.[”]

Do I think leaving this part out means that show!Dany would be willing to enslave the Dothraki? Absolutely not, it wouldn't make sense with her characterization (watered down as it is). However, would it have cost much for the show writers to have her make it clear that she won't enslave them? Doesn't seem so.

Why is the decrease in the value of Dany's possessions important to have in mind? Because, in the books, it matters that she had other choices rather than the one she ultimately makes:

Two thousand would never serve for what she meant to do. I must have them all. Dany knew what she must do now, though the taste of it was so bitter that even the persimmon wine could not cleanse it from her month. She had considered long and hard and found no other way. It is my only choice. “Give me all,” she said, “and you may have a dragon.” (ASOS Daenerys III)

Dany "found no other way"? If she just wanted an army, she had plenty of other ways:

If she just wanted an army, she could have offered all the trading goods in the ships and gotten the 1000 Unsullied that Jorah advised her to get (unlike show!Jorah, Jorah explicitly recommends a specific number of soldiers - "a thousand swords")

If she just wanted an army, she wouldn’t have offered to pay double for the untrained boys.

If she just wanted an army, she could have given the trading goods and the ships and left with 2000 Unsullied.

If she just wanted an army, she wouldn’t have thought that she must have them all" and that “[i]t was [her] only choice” to offer them a dragon.

By stripping show!Dany of these options, the show writers undercut the extent of her altruism, for they erase the fact and Dany had other alternatives and still chose the moral one. In the books, it was never necessary for her to risk her dragon, but she did it anyway; in the show, 123 Unsullied was not enough to form an army, so one could, on a superficial read, argue that she's only doing what she's doing out of convenience.

Then, we get to the part in which show!Dany actually offers a dragon to the masters:

MISSANDEI: Master Kraznys asks how you propose to pay for the remaining 7,877 Unsullied.

DAENERYS: I have dragons. I'll give you one.

BARRISTAN: You will win the throne with dragons, not slaves, Your Grace.

JORAH: Khaleesi, please.

KRAZNYS: Three dragons.

DAENERYS: One.

KRAZNYS: Two.

DAENERYS: One.

MISSANDEI: They want the biggest one.

DAENERYS: Done.

KRAZNYS: Done.

Before I talk about how her advisors react, let's talk about how show!Dany's sacrifice is being undermined again: in the show, instead of being shocked that show!Dany is willing to sell even one dragon, Kraznys thinks he is entitled to ask for more of them. Let's see the masters' reactions in the books:

“Give me all,” she said, “and you may have a dragon.”

There was the sound of indrawn breath from Jhiqui beside her. Kraznys smiled at his fellows. “Did I not tell you? Anything, she would give us.” (ASOS Daenerys III)

~

“Tell them I await their answer.”

She knew the answer, though; she could see it in the glitter of their eyes and the smiles they tried so hard to hide. Astapor had thousands of eunuchs, and even more slave boys waiting to be cut, but there were only three living dragons in all the great wide world. And the Ghiscari lust for dragons. How could they not? Five times had Old Ghis contended with Valyria when the world was young, and five times gone down to bleak defeat. For the Freehold had dragons, and the Empire had none.

The oldest Grazdan stirred in his seat, and his pearls clacked together softly. “A dragon of our choice,” he said in a thin, hard voice. “The black one is largest and healthiest.”

“His name is Drogon.” She nodded.

“All your goods, save your crown and your queenly raiment, which we will allow you to keep. The three ships. And Drogon.”

“Done,” she said, in the Common Tongue.


“Done,” the old Grazdan answered in his thick Valyrian.

The others echoed that old man of the pearl fringe. “Done,” the slave girl translated, “and done, and done, eight times done.”

As we can see, the masters are shocked that Dany would think that it's reasonable to offer even a single dragon. They can't hide how eager they are to control one (especially considering their past history with Old Valyria, which is another observation showcasing Dany's intelligence that the show erased). Their only request is to choose the biggest one, not to take one or two more. What's more, having show!Dany assert that she will only give one dragon makes it seem that her selflessness only goes so far, which is not at all what the purpose of the original scene was.

Now, on to what show!Dany’s advisors think of her trading one dragon for the Unsullied ...

DAENERYS: I have dragons. I'll give you one.

BARRISTAN: You will win the throne with dragons, not slaves, Your Grace.

JORAH: Khaleesi, please.

~

JORAH: Khaleesi, a dragon is worth more than any army.

BARRISTAN: Aegon Targaryen proved that.

DAENERYS: You're both here to advise me. I value your advice, but if you ever question me in front of strangers again, you'll be advising someone else. Is that understood?

In the books, Jorah never questions Dany's decision like show!Jorah is seen doing in the scene. In fact, he is the one who takes Barristan away from the negotiation scene (likely because he wants to get back into Dany’s good grace after he forced a kiss on her and she avoided him and later (rightfully) slapped him in the face):

“Give me all,” she said, “and you may have a dragon.”

[...] Whitebeard stared in shocked disbelief. His hand trembled where it grasped the staff. “No.” He went to one knee before her. “Your Grace, I beg you, win your throne with dragons, not slaves. You must not do this thing—”

“You must not presume to instruct me. Ser Jorah, remove Whitebeard from my presence.”

Mormont seized the old man roughly by an elbow, yanked him back to his feet, and marched him out onto the terrace. (ASOS Daenerys III)

Also, as I said here, I’m pretty sure Dany shared her plan to revolt against the masters with Jorah and her bloodriders.

Another reason why it bothers me to see show!Jorah reacting so negatively to the exchange show!Dany just made is that ... What else could she have done to get the Unsullied? Obviously, 123 of them wouldn’t be enough to get an army. In the books, before they sail to Astapor, Dany questions how she is going to buy the Unsullied and Jorah shows what she can do to buy them:

“That is what you will find in Astapor, Your Grace. Put ashore there, and continue on to Pentos overland. It will take longer, yes ... but when you break bread with Magister Illyrio, you will have a thousand swords behind you, not just four.”

There is wisdom in this, yes, Dany thought, but ... “How am I to buy a thousand slave soldiers? All I have of value is the crown the Tourmaline Brotherhood gave me.”

“Dragons will be as great a wonder in Astapor as they were in Qarth. It may be that the slavers will shower you with gifts, as the Qartheen did. If not ... these ships carry more than your Dothraki and their horses. They took on trade goods at Qarth, I’ve been through the holds and seen for myself. Bolts of silk and bales of tiger skin, amber and jade carvings, saffron, myrrh ... slaves are cheap, Your Grace. Tiger skins are costly.” (ASOS Daenerys I)

As we can see, Jorah is able to roughly estimate that Illyrio's trade goods will guarantee one thousand soldiers for Dany because "slaves are cheap". In the show, he either made a wrong calculation or neither him nor show!Dany thought of making one in the first place, which dumbs both of them down.

Now, I have a guess as to why show!Jorah is made to disagree with show!Dany's decision - that's, again, because Benioff empathizes with him over Dany. I've already showed above and in episode 3.1 how show!Jorah's viewpoint is consistently prioritized over show!Dany's or show!Barristan's and how he even receives new arguments that make him seem "realist". We should also have Benioff's statements in this interview in mind:

“It’s a hallmark of a number of scenes in [A Storm of Swords] where, in retrospect, I should have seen it coming because George laid out all the pieces, he had given you all the clues,” Benioff said. “The best kind of surprises aren’t the ones that come out of nowhere. The best ones are where after you see it you’re asking yourself, ‘Why didn’t I see that was coming?’ I remember reading [Dany planning to give up Drogon to the slaver] and thinking, ‘Oh, this is kind of disappointing.’ When the real plan was revealed I think I even called [Weiss]. This was before we had met with George, when we were still trying to figure out if this show was possible. The culmination of that scene was one of those moments when we were like, ‘We got to make this f–king show.’ It was very gratifying seeing that wish fulfilled … I think it will be one of the most staggering things ever put on television.” (x)

To be fair to him, at least he acknowledges that GRRM left many clues that that was going to happen (though he didn't add them in the show). But my point is that he was disappointed at Dany when he thought she was giving Drogon up. Since show!Jorah's perspective has been prioritized over the other characters' to the point of the audience being made to empathize and experience the events with him rather than with Dany, it only makes sense that he has the same feelings that Benioff did when he first read the book.

Another thing I want to mention is how Benioff is motivated by the spectacle rather than how the culmination is tied to Dany's characterization. This is partly why, I suspect, so many of Dany's words and thoughts were erased - he prioritized the viewer's shock rather than allowing the viewer to see where she is coming from. (That's similar to the buildup - or lack thereof - to Littlefinger's trial in season seven, when we ended up seeing the events from his perspective rather than the Starks' because they would rather shock us than make us empathize with the actual leads)

As for show!Barristan, some of his book counterpart's arguments are kept in the show - namely, that Dany should win the throne with dragons rather than slaves and that Aegon proved that a dragon is worth more than an army in the Field of Fire. Even so, Barristan's moral outrage has been erased, as I already showed with the book evidence quoted above (here are some examples). 

And then there’s show!Dany’s reaction to their dissent:

DAENERYS: You're both here to advise me. I value your advice, but if you ever question me in front of strangers again, you'll be advising someone else. Is that understood?

Look, I have no problem with this scene in and of itself. Show!Dany makes it clear that she’s willing to listen to them, but that her authority can’t be undermined in front of other people (even more so when these people are already prone to underestimate her).

However, some crucial details are missing in this scene compared to the books:

Arstan Whitebeard held his tongue as well, when Dany swept by him on the terrace. He followed her down the steps in silence, but she could hear his hardwood staff tap tapping on the red bricks as they went. She did not blame him for his fury. It was a wretched thing she did. The Mother of Dragons has sold her strongest child. Even the thought made her ill.

Yet down in the Plaza of Pride, standing on the hot red bricks between the slavers’ pyramid and the barracks of the eunuchs, Dany turned on the old man. “Whitebeard,” she said, “I want your counsel, and you should never fear to speak your mind with
me ... when we are alone. But never question me in front of strangers. Is that understood?”

“Yes, Your Grace,” he said unhappily.


“I am not a child,” she told him. “I am a queen.”

“Yet even queens can err. The Astapori have cheated you, Your Grace. A dragon is worth more than any army. Aegon proved that three hundred years ago, upon the Field of Fire.”

“I know what Aegon proved. I mean to prove a few things of my own.” (ASOS Daenerys III)

Unlike in the show, Dany is shown empathizing with Barristan ("She did not blame him for his fury. It was a wretched thing she did."). She doesn’t want to be complicit in the slave trade, and she certainly doesn’t want to sell one of her children, but it’s still the moral duty of a queen as she sees it.

Unlike in the show, Dany is the one who takes the initiative to make it clear to Barristan that she wants his honest advice, just not in public. Unlike in the show, she never threatens to send him away.

They also cut the part in which Dany says that she knows what Aegon proved and that she means to prove a few things of her own, another hint that she will forsake the deal because it should have never been acknowledged as one to begin with.

Before I talk about show!Dany's first one-on-one interaction with show!Missandei, I have to comment on this part:

DAENERYS: I'll take you as well, now. You'll be Master Kraznys' gift to me. A token of a bargain well struck.

MISSANDEI: She asks that you give me to her, as a present. She asks that you do this now.

In the books, Kraznys voluntarily gives Missandei to Dany:

“The Unsullied will learn your savage tongue quick enough,” added Kraznys mo Nakloz, when all the arrangements had been made, “but until such time you will need a slave to speak to them. Take this one as our gift to you, a token of a bargain well struck.”

“I shall,” said Dany.

The slave girl rendered his words to her, and hers to him. If she had feelings about being given for a token, she took care not to let them show. (ASOS Daenerys III)

Now, does this change mean that show!Dany sees show!Missandei as an object to be sold? No. For one, as Emilia Clarke says:

Clarke: Dany sees a lot of herself in her and can kind of see that it's a young girl who's capable of much more than the position she's in. 

If show!Dany is able to empathize with show!Missandei on that level, it's much more likely that show!Dany asked to have show!Missandei so that she could free her from Kraznys (who is unabashedly cruel and misogynist). That being said, it is still an unnecessary deviation that can lead to pointless misunderstanding from the viewers.

While show!Dany and show!Missandei discuss some of the same issues that Dany and Missandei do in the books, their first one-on-one meeting is very condensed and altered in several key ways.

DAENERYS: Do you have a name?

MISSANDEI: This one's name is Missandei, Your Grace.

DAENERYS: Do you have a family? A mother and a father you'd return to if you had the choice?

MISSANDEI: No, Your Grace. No family living.

DAENERYS: You belong to me now. It is your duty to tell me the truth.

MISSANDEI: Yes, Your Grace. Lying is a great offense. Many of those on the Walk of Punishment were taken there for less.

Show!Dany begins asking if show!Missandei had a family that she would like to return to, which implies that show!Dany would let her go if show!Missandei had one (again, this is another moment challenging the idea that show!Dany only saw show!Missandei as an object). Show!Missandei replies that she doesn’t, however. This leads show!Dany to remind her that she needs to tell her the truth, which doesn’t make sense. Why would show!Missandei lie about it? Especially since, in the books, Dany doesn’t outright say that “it is your duty to tell me the truth”, merely that “you serve me now” when she wants to confirm with Missandei information that she got from Kraznys about the Unsullied:

“Are these Unsullied truly fearless?”

“Yes, Your Grace.”

“You serve me now. Is it true they feel no pain?”

“The wine of courage kills such feelings. By the time they slay their sucklings, they have been drinking it for years.” (ASOS Daenerys III)

Dany is not reminding Missandei of the need to tell her the truth because she is mistrusting Missandei right off the bat like show!Dany seems to be doing with show!Missandei, she is asking that question because confirming these details will be crucial if she means to turn the Unsullied to her side when she risks both her life and those of her retinue to free them. But the show beats on that dead horse and even has Missandei answer that she wouldn’t lie because to do so would lead her to the Walk of Punishment. It decontextualizes why Dany reminded Missandei of the need to tell her the truth in the books.

Missandei is treated differently by Dany in the two mediums in other ways. In the book, Dany is shown onpage freeing her right away and names her one of her handmaids in case she decides to stay with her:

“Missandei is no longer a slave. I free you, from this instant. Come ride with me in the litter, I wish to talk.” Rakharo helped them in, and Dany drew the curtains shut against the dust and heat. “If you stay with me you will serve as one of my handmaids,” she said as they set off. “I shall keep you by my side to speak for me as you spoke for Kraznys. But you may leave my service whenever you choose, if you have father or mother you would sooner return to.” (ASOS Daenerys III)

In the show, they have show!Dany say that show!Missandei can’t lie because “you belong to me now”, which makes it seem like a master talking to a slave. However, we know that show!Dany frees show!Missandei at some point as well (the latter says so in season seven), the show writers just didn't bother to show it onscreen because, as this meta is hopefully showing, they don't care about Dany's characterization. In any case, show!Dany doing anything but that wouldn’t make sense neither with how she reacts to the Unsullied’s plight nor with Emilia Clarke’s interview. If they had followed the book’s exchange more closely rather than invented new dialogue, there wouldn't have been any confusions.

They have show!Dany confirm with show!Missandei the information she got from Kraznys about the Unsullied:

DAENERYS: Is it true what Master Kraznys told me about the Unsullied? About their obedience?

MISSANDEI: All questions have been taken from them. They obey, that is all. Once they are yours, they are yours. They will fall on their swords if you command it.

However, they forgot to include the most relevant part of exchange, plot-wise: Dany asking Missandei if the Unsullied could be used against her if Dany were to resell them.

“If I did resell them, how would I know they could not be used against me?” Dany asked pointedly. “Would they do that? Fight against me, even do me harm?”

“If their master commanded. They do not question, Your Grace. All the questions have been culled from them. They obey.” She looked troubled. “When you are ... when you are done with them ... your Grace might command them to fall upon their swords.”

“And even that, they would do?”


“Yes.” Missandei’s voice had grown soft. “Your Grace.” (ASOS Daenerys III)

Dany is making this hypothetical question because she wants to know if there’s any way that the Unsullied can be turned against their previous owner, which is what she intends to do in order to rebel against the masters and free the soldiers.

Then show!Dany reminds show!Missandei that, by following her, she might be vulnerable to many possible misfortunes:

DAENERYS: And what about you? You know that I'm taking you to war. You may go hungry. You may fall sick. You may be killed.

This does happen in the books, but the context is different.

“Missandei is no longer a slave. I free you, from this instant. Come ride with me in the litter, I wish to talk.” Rakharo helped them in, and Dany drew the curtains shut against the dust and heat. “If you stay with me you will serve as one of my handmaids,” she said as they set off. “I shall keep you by my side to speak for me as you spoke for Kraznys. But you may leave my service whenever you choose, if you have father or mother you would sooner return to.”

“This one will stay,” the girl said. “This one ... I ... there is no place for me to go. This ... I will serve you, gladly.”

“I can give you freedom, but not safety,” Dany warned. “I have a world to cross and wars to fight. You may go hungry. You may grow sick. You may be killed.” (ASOS Daenerys III)

In the books, as I said, Dany frees Missandei right away, says she might leave her service when she wants to and then warns her of the harsh conditions she will face if she remains with Dany.

In the series, show!Dany reminds show!Missandei of the obstacles she will have to face if she remains with her primarily because she wants to know if show!Missandei is as obedient as the Unsullied, not because she is primarily concerned about show!Missandei’s safety and free will. Again, I don’t mean to be critical of show!Dany here - I do think she had show!Missandei’s best intentions in mind (and that she freed her afterwards offscreen). I’m only saying that the writers could have conveyed that in a more unequivocal way ... like how the books did, y'know.

Like in the books, show!Missandei also says valar morghulis when show!Dany warns her of the dangers of staying with her, but her answer is different from Dany's:

DAENERYS: Yes, all men must die. But we are not men.

~

“All men must die,” Dany agreed, “but not for a long while, we may pray.” (ASOS Daenerys III)

I don't think this is the worst line ever made for show!Dany, but I definitely prefer the book one and it's sad to revisit that quote now that we know that both show!Dany and show!Missandei will be dead by the end of the series.

Show!Missandei also seems to become fond of show!Dany way too quickly. That line “but we are not men” seems to have the intent to build a feeling of solidarity between these two women (and this is corroborated, again, by Emilia’s interview quoted above); indeed, in the next episode, show!Missandei will give Kraznys a smirk when show!Dany admits that she was fooling him all along. In the books, however, not only we never see Missandei’s reaction to Dany’s rebellion, but her feelings about being given away to Dany seem much more complicated - understandably so.

“I shall keep you by my side to speak for me as you spoke for Kraznys. But you may leave my service whenever you choose, if you have father or mother you would sooner return to.”

“This one will stay,” the girl said. “This one ... I ... there is no place for me to go. This ... I will serve you, gladly.” (ASOS Daenerys III)

~

She looked troubled. “When you are ... when you are done with them ... your Grace might command them to fall upon their swords.”

“And even that, they would do?”


“Yes.” Missandei’s voice had grown soft. “Your Grace.”

Dany squeezed her hand. “You would sooner I did not ask it of them, though. Why is that? Why do you care?”

“This one does not ... I ... Your Grace ... ”


“Tell me.”


The girl lowered her eyes. “Three of them were my brothers once, Your Grace.”

Then I hope your brothers are as brave and clever as you. (ASOS Daenerys III)

Even if Dany has noble intentions and frees her right away, where would she go? What would she do? How would she survive? Does she have a better option? These are questions that Dany will only directly confront in the next chapter, when plenty of Astapori freedmen will choose to follow her instead of staying in the city. In Missandei’s case, she seems more resigned than anything else in the books.

Also, even if Dany freed Missandei, it doesn't prevent the latter from looking "troubled" and seriously consider the possibility that Dany may order all the Unsullied to kill themselves. Her former master had no problem humiliating and torturing her, why would Dany be any different?

The show could have acknowledged these complications, but it didn’t - that’s why it sucks so much: it pretends to be telling a morally complex tale (see Benioff saying how hard it is for Dany to choose between violence/"realism" and idealism) while it actually undermines the anti-slavery viewpoints (especially Dany’s) and oversimplifies the (positive and negative) ramifications of Dany’s crusade. If it actually intended to be a morally complex tale like it pretends to be, we would see the Astapori refugees in the show. Instead, they would rather overfocus on how show!Dany is becoming “more violent” as her crusade continues (see this).

My comments on the Inside the Episode 3.3

Benioff: Dany has her lovable side, but she is also ruthless, and she is also fiercely ambitious and, funnily, like a Littlefinger style ambition where she's trying to climb this, you know, the social ladder. It's almost like a Joan of Arc kind of ambition where she feels like she has this almost divine mission and nothing's going to prevent her from achieving it, and that might mean sacrificing those who are closest to her.

Weiss: Giving away one of the dragons seems like a completely insane thing to do, especially the biggest one. I mean, we know that, historically, the biggest dragons were bigger than school buses and they were weapons of mass destruction and able to lay cities to waste in minutes, and no matter how big or effective your army of 8,000 soldiers is, taking even a small city is going to be a kind of a dangerous prospect for them, and the idea that she's going to give away what they see is her real future for a chance at a small army now seems insane to them.

Benioff: As @rainhadaenerys​ already said in her tags here, Benioff's comments make it seem like Dany's "lovable side" is secondary to her ruthlessness or her ambition or her "almost divine mission". Check out my list of passages showcasing Dany's moments of empathy and compassion VS in which ways the prophecies drive Dany's story (and also this meta) VS the moments in which Dany uses/considers using violence. The former obviously outweighs the latter two. I also recommend reading this meta debunking claims that Dany is "entitled" or "arrogant", for these false accusations are related to the mischaracterization of Dany as someone who is "fiercely ambitious" (that's because they are all tied to her heritage and her goal to take back the Seven Kingdoms). Finally, I don't know why the heck Benioff is saying that she might sacrifice "those who are closest to her". Time and again we see that she is not willing to sacrifice people for her personal goals - she won't sell anyone from her retinue or any of their belongings nor will she leave the slaves behind at the mercy of the masters. Her risking one dragon is an action that's supposed to highlight how far she is willing to go to "protect the ones who can't protect themselves". Why doesn't he ever bother to talk about her selflessness? Why is it always about her ambition or a "divine mission" that is nowhere to be found in Dany's consciousness in the books? 

Weiss: It's annoying that he's talking about show!Jorah as if he were against show!Dany's decision to trade a dragon for the Unsulllied (which he never was in the books), but I've already written about that extensively in this post. His description of the dragons as being "able to lay cities to waste in minutes" is questionable, as well as his description of 8,000 men as "a small army".

Show!Dany's clothes

This episode adapts events from ASOS Daenerys II (which has no description of her clothes) and ASOS Daenerys III, in which we see her wearing this dress for the negotiation scene:

She had chosen a Qartheen gown today. The deep violet silk brought out the purple of her eyes. The cut of it bared her left breast. While the Good Masters of Astapor conferred among themselves in low voices, Dany sipped tart persimmon wine from a tall silver flute. She could not quite make out all that they were saying, but she could hear the greed. (ASOS Daenerys III)

This scene exhibits Dany's political skills - by using a dress that calls attention to her body and arouses the masters, she disarms them and potentially makes them more amenable to her offers.

I also think it's significant that the dress is Qartheen, for their culture (as seen through Dany's eyes) is marked by flattery and adulation and politeness and dishonesty.

In the show, however, show!Dany is still using the blue dress:

Unlike in episode 3.1 (which adapted a scene in the docks in which she was using Dothraki clothing), now I can't say that the dress is spiritually faithful to the one from the books. It's another opportunity that they missed to highlight aspects of Dany's characterization that tend to be overlooked (in this case, her intelligence).

There is a 2012 interview in which Emilia Clarke addresses the matter of the Qartheen fashion:

FaB: Some fans were irked at the news that the Qartheen fashion of leaving one breast exposed was not being adhered to, as it was in the books. And speaking as a heterosexual male, I suppose that’s a shame… yet I also think, visually, it would have been extremely distracting to the eye. Was this ever discussed?

EC: This was indeed discussed! I remember when I was filming in Croatia seeing a copy of book 2, and the front cover picture was of Dany in the ‘traditional Qartheen fashion’ and you could say that I was rather taken aback. There are lots of things to bear in mind when adapting a book for the screen, and yes we all agreed that if this was kept as a visual reference, it would take away from the drama and integrity of Dany’s storyline as she grows into such a strong Khalessi.

Emilia's thoughts must be respected, especially considering what she's been through on set. Also, have in mind that I'm a gay man speaking about the issue of female nudity in media, so I don't have the full awareness to discuss it like women do because I'm not a victim of the male gaze. If I'm being callous, please let me know.

With this caveat in mind, I don't think having show!Dany wear a Qartheen dress in this scene would "take away from the drama and integrity of Dany's storyline". In fact, it would have been an example of nudity being used to display Dany's shrewdness rather than to sexualize her. It would have been an example of her nakedness being normalized rather than fetishized (like it will be in episode 3.7, when she stands up naked to show!Daario just ... because).

[mamabearcatfanfics]

Teaser for The Ronin

New blog, who dis? Hey, it’s Dani aka BearPlusCat, and this is now my writing blog. I’ll be reblogging all my writing over on my regular blog too, but if you’re just wanting the fanfics, and only the fanfics, this will be the place to come. Eventually I’ll put all the links to my already posted work on here too, so they’re easy to find.

I had wanted to celebrate the new blog with the next chapter of The Ronin, but it’s going a little slower than I wanted. So, I thought you might all like a little teaser, where Sango is everyone’s Big Sister.

The Ronin - Teaser Scene from Part Four

Sango began her walk back to Kaede’s hut with a sigh. Shippou was saying goodbye to his friends and would then be on his way back for dinner, but she hadn’t been able to find Inuyasha or Miroku at all. She could tell Kagome was worried about Inuyasha’s absence; she had been jumpy and anxious all afternoon, so whatever had happened last night had really upset her. Maybe she could try to coax whatever happened out of Kagome this evening, after she’d had eaten. 

She rounded the corner of the path that led to Kaede’s only to have Kagome nearly knock into her as she ran past. 

“Kagome? Kagome!”

Kagome kept going, head down as she sprinted towards the river, and Sango lost sight of her as the twisting dirt path took Kagome in behind the trees and out of her sight. Before Sango could even turn to follow, Inuyasha barreled into her, grabbing her arm to stop her being knocked to the ground. 

His nose twitched frantically. “Sango, did Kagome go this way?” His head was already turned in the direction she’d taken. 

“Yes, it looks like she’s headed to the river.” Sango narrowed her eyes at him, then poked him in the chest with a stiff forefinger. “What did you do, baka?! She looked really upset!”

Inuyasha huffed angrily, ignoring her question. He had already turned to continue his chase after Kagome, but then he stopped. Sango was taken aback at his suddenly serious expression. 

“Sango, you’re a woman.”

“Your powers of observation grow stronger everyday Inuyasha”, Sango said dryly. 

He growled angrily. “Shut up! I mean… Kagome, she’s upset about… and I don’t… she just might need to talk to a woman Sango, after what happened last night”, stuttered Inuyasha. He was avoiding her gaze, eyes and ears lowered. 

“Oh no!” Sango’s hand reached up to cover her mouth in horror.

His voice was almost a whisper. “I went back to her mother’s house to get her new clothes and soap to wash with, because I thought it might make her feel better, and get rid of…”, his fist clenched around the hilt of his Tessaiga and his jaw bunched. He let out a deep breath. “Anyway, it made her upset. I thought I was bein’ helpful, but I made her cry. That’s the last thing I wanted.”

“I’ll go” she breathed. No wonder Kagome was so anxious and upset. No wonder Inuyasha was beside himself. She hesitantly reached out a hand and placed it gently on his forearm. “Inuyasha, I need you to tell me. Was Kagome raped?” She ignored his deep low growl and gnashing teeth, and waited patiently for his answer. If she was going to comfort her friend, she needed as much information as possible so she didn’t say the wrong thing. She would not walk into this blind.

“She says no”, he ground out after a few moments. “But that fuckin’ bastard touched her. I can still smell him, even after takin’ her to a hot spring this morning after we got away. And she said there was a woman too, a brothel owner.” His ears flicked toward the river. “Sango, go! She’s… she’s cryin’.”

“It will be okay, Inuyasha”, Sango said softly, her heart twisting a little at the broken look on Inuyasha’s face. “We’ll help her through this.” And she took off at a run towards the river, unheeding of the white and red shadow following close behind.

The scene below her nearly broke her heart. Kagome was sobbing, crouched naked in the water where the river ran deep enough to cover her thighs. Her hands were frantically scrubbing at herself with the soap, her usually pale skin reddened by the cold river and the friction of her fingers. 

Sango slid down the embankment, kicking off her zori before wading out into the water.

“Kagome, stop! It’s okay”, she called out, trying to keep her voice calm.

Kagome kept scrubbing. “No, you don’t understand!” she sobbed. “Inuyasha, he could still smell him. I could tell. He wouldn’t come near me. He won’t come near me until the smell is gone. What if I can’t get rid of it Sango? I don’t think I could bear it if he kept away.”

Sango’s hands reached out to gently grab Kagome’s shaking hands and keep them still. She averted her eyes from the livid fingerprint sized bruising on Kagome’s breasts, and kept her eyes on her face. “I don’t think there’s anything alive or dead that would keep Inuyasha away from you Kagome.”

“You didn’t see!” Kagome moaned. “You didn’t see the way he wouldn’t look at me. He was holding his breath Sango, like he couldn’t stand to smell me.” She slumped into the water, her shoulders shaking as Sango cradled her wet body against hers. “There was a man last night. He knocked Inuyasha out, and dragged us both back to his village. I tried so hard to fight that man off Sango, but I’m not as strong as you are. And then he was hurting Inuyasha. He was beating him up while he was unconscious, while he was human. I was so frightened for him, I thought the man was going to kill him. I would have done anything to keep him safe, even let him… but I didn’t want that. I didn’t want it.”

Sango drew in a deep breath. She knew reacting to the stranger’s unwanted scent on Kagome’s body wasn’t entirely Inuyasha’s fault, but he was such a baka to let her see his revulsion when she didn’t understand! She stroked Kagome’s damp tangled hair. 

“It’s going to be okay Kagome. Will you let me wash your hair for you?” Kagome had washed Sango’s hair for her on occasion with her modern soap in a bottle, and Sango had found the experience very relaxing. She hoped it would help Kagome calm down before they talked about what had happened.

Kagome nodded, hiccuping back her tears, and Sango retrieved the bottles from the red backpack on the bank of the river. Resting the bottles on a handy rock close by to where Kagome was still slumped in the river, she poured a palmful of the sweet smelling soap into her hand, smiling at Kagome’s gentle sigh when Sango’s fingers stroked against her scalp, working the slippery shampoo into a lather.

Kagome seemed calmer now the frantic scrubbing with the bar of soap had stopped, and her previous sobs were now sniffs and broken sighs. Sango knew Inuyasha had to be somewhere close, to keep a watch on Kagome. There was no way that he would leave Kagome unprotected after what had happened, especially not when he’d heard her crying. 

As she massaged the shampoo into Kagome’s long dark locks, she thought about Kagome and Inuyasha’s interactions over the last few months. It was very clear to both her and Miroku that there were strong feelings between the pair. They’d both been keeping an eye on things, ready to tease a little on occasion, but also ready and willing to encourage the growing attraction between their friends. 

They’d both noticed the words of praise, the deliberate touches and shared blushes. Sango had even seen Kagome tweak his ears once or twice and she’d had to stifle her giggles at the sudden redness of Inuyasha’s cheeks. And despite his verbal complaints, it was amusing to watch Inuyasha bend over backwards to make sure Kagome’s every need was met. Not to mention the way that he carried her around to ensure that his scent was covering both her and her backpack completely. And who could forget his aggressiveness towards Kouga anytime he put his hands on Kagome. 

Sango nodded to herself. She needed to clear this misunderstanding up for them. It wasn’t Kagome’s fault she had no knowledge about youkai, and it wasn’t entirely Inuyasha’s either. It was pretty clear the big baka didn’t know what was going on himself, which was no surprise considering his isolation from other youkai as a young child.

“Hey Kagome, has Inuyasha ever explained anything to you about how youkai use scent?” she asked gently as she massaged the last bits of shampoo into her hair.

Kagome sniffed. “Uh, no, not really. I mean I know he has an excellent sense of smell, and he uses it for tracking. It’s saved all of us at one time or another. It’s pretty amazing how he can do that.”

Sango grinned despite her current empathy for Kagome’s situation, her fingers coaxing Kagome to lean back and dip her hair into the water so she could rinse the shampoo. She’d just heard a rustle in the branches close by, and she was pretty sure the slight movement had been caused by a puffed up inuhanyou reacting to the praise of his intended. Time for big sister Sango to push these two pining lovebirds a little closer together and help ease the hurt over what she was sure was a misunderstanding.

“That is true, Inuyasha is an excellent tracker. But I was talking about scent marking.”

Kagome stiffened. “Like dogs do when they pee on things? Sango, surely you’re not suggesting that…”

Sango couldn’t hold back the cackle of laughter that escaped. “No, no, not like that!” She reached for the conditioner and began gently combing it through Kagome’s hair with her fingers, being sure to ease out any tangles. “My father taught us that everyone, both human and youkai, has a signature scent. A base scent which alters slightly based on emotions and health. We humans don’t use our sense of smell like that, but to a youkai, this personal scent is vital. Any possessions of importance will always be covered in their scent, to signify ownership to other youkai, but it goes further than that. If a youkai found someone that they considered as a potential mate, someone they cared for very much, then they would want them to wear their scent too, at every opportunity.” Sango’s voice took on a slightly teasing tone. “Why, they might even go so far as to carry them around to ensure that person were covered in it.”

Kagome stiffened under Sango’s gentle touch, and a loud thud came from the trees behind them. Sango’s mouth twisted in her effort to contain a sudden burst of laughter, and she continued talking as if she had noticed neither the noise or Kagome’s tension. 

“And it works both ways – that person’s scent would be important to them also. It would help to calm them if they were upset or angry. Even if they were at the point of losing control, their intended’s scent could bring them back. And helping their loved one wash away the scent of pain, upset, or injury is the role of a mate - it creates a loving bond between them to be only covered in the scent of the other.”

“Do… all youkai… do this?” asked Kagome hesitantly.

“As far as I know”, said Sango. “It would be something that would be taught at a young age, I think - learning the combined scent of their parents as the ‘family’ smell of safety. But also, I’m pretty sure it would be instinctive - even if a youkai had never been taught about scent marking as a child, they would still want their intended to be covered in their scent.”

“What if… that person smelt like someone else. Would it make them angry?” 

Kagome’s voice was shaky, and Sango made her answer very clear, leaning forward to wrap her arms around Kagome’s shoulders. 

“I am certain that their anger would only be directed at the person who had wronged their loved one, not their intended themselves. Their only wish would be to help them, to get rid of the scent of fear and upset, to make them feel loved. And they would want their loved one’s scent free of the other person’s scent to derive comfort from them, because they would also be upset.”

She coaxed Kagome back to rinse the conditioner from her hair. “Let’s get you dry and into some clean clothes. If you feel ready to talk about what happened, I’m happy to listen, always.”

Kagome pulled on clean underwear, and a soft pair of pants and a shirt that Sango recognised as one she often wore to bed. She sat behind her, drying Kagome’s hair with a towel as Kagome told her everything that had happened the previous night, and then right up until she’d run out of Kaede’s hut. Sango was quiet for a moment. 

“Kagome, I’m so sorry for what happened. But you should also be very proud. You did everything you could; you knew you didn’t have the physical strength to fight back, so you used your mind.” Sango’s voice grew very stern and clipped. “It sounds like this man has done this more than once, and will keep preying on those weaker than himself. I know that Inuyasha will want to go back to avenge you, and to tell you the truth, this man deserves everything that’s coming to him.”

Kagome sighed. “I know he deserves to be punished, but Inuyasha going to kill him just because of revenge doesn’t sit right with me”, she said softly. “I know I won’t be able to talk him out of it either - the only reason he didn’t go back right away was because he wanted to take care of me. I wish I was stronger. Sometimes I feel like he must be so tired of looking out for me. He was so angry, Sango.” Kagome’s eyes filled with tears, which slowly spilled down her cheeks, and she briskly scrubbed them away with the heel of her hand.

“Kagome, Inuyasha isn’t mad at you”, she said softly, braiding Kagome’s damp hair in a long plait down her back. “He’s probably feeling very guilty about not being able to protect you, and afraid of losing control - even I could feel his youki flaring this afternoon when we first saw you. I’m just guessing, but I think he has a lot of instincts he doesn’t quite understand, because he had no one to teach him, apart from Myoga. Inuyoukai are very protective by nature.”

“You really don’t think he’s angry at me?”

“No.” Sango helped Kagome to her feet. “He got the clothes for you, and the bathing things, because he thought you might want them. Yes, he was being a baka about the scent, but I think you should forgive him, because he didn’t mean it the way you thought he did. He just wanted to make you feel better, that’s all.”

Kagome’s bottom lip quivered. “And I ran away.”

“You ran away, but I’m sure he understands Kagome.” A rustling in the bushes nearby had them both turning their heads. Inuyasha slowly stepped out from the shadows, his eyes averted from both of them. 

“Oh good!”, smiled Sango. “Inuyasha can walk you back Kagome. I’ll go on ahead and make sure there’s still stew left for the two of you. Shippou seems to be going through a growth spurt at the moment - he’s getting too greedy for his own good.” 

She brushed past Inuyasha, whispering “be gentle” to him as she walked back towards the village. She had done the best she could for them. Now they needed to sort the rest out for themselves.

[ladylynse]

Explorations: [FF | AO3] The invitation to join the quest—or hunt or whatever—in the Ghost Zone was only the start of it, but with Sam and Tucker by his side, Danny figured everything would be fine—especially when the ghosts were obligated to play nice. Of course, that doesn’t mean that the Ghost Zone itself is harmless….

For @whosvladagain, for winning one of my follower giveaway prizes. They asked for some friendship between the trio hanging out and exploring the Ghost Zone. This...was not supposed to be this long, so the other prizes will not be this long, but the story got away on me a bit. A preview is found below; you can find the full fic on one of the fanfic sites I’m on (linked at the top and bottom of this post for ease of reading). 

-|-

“Dude, what’s that supposed to be? It looks official.”

Danny followed Tucker’s finger and saw the faintly glowing envelope sticking out of his backpack. The empty hallway meant they could talk freely, but he just shrugged and yanked his backpack out of his locker. “I dunno. I haven’t opened it yet. I found it this morning, but—”

“But you were already late because of the Box Ghost,” Sam interrupted. “We know. We saw. So open it now.”

Danny pulled a face and closed his locker door instead. “What if this is something that just sucks us into the Ghost Zone? I haven’t been pranked in a while. I’m kinda due.”

Sam rolled her eyes and reached for the envelope, plucking it out of his still-open backpack. “It’s Friday. School’s over. We can take that risk.” She flipped the envelope over, her eyebrows climbing when she saw the wax seal on the back. “Fancy.” She slipped a finger into the corner and slid it along the flap, breaking the seal at its centre. Nothing bad happened.

Nothing bad happened when she pulled out the parchment and unfolded it, either.

“What is it?” Danny asked, leaning over to look when Sam didn’t immediately answer.

“It’s…a challenge,” she said.

“A what? What kind of challenge?”

“This isn’t another thing like Pariah Dark, is it? Vlad did not just trick us into something major, did he?” Danny asked. He squinted at the writing—it wasn’t the easiest to read—and then looked to see if there was a signature at the bottom.

There wasn’t.

“I think this is from Dora and Aragon,” Sam said. “Listen, it….” She trailed off, glanced around to make sure the coast was still clear, and then read, “If you wish to find, you must first seek, but the path ahead isn’t for the mild or meek. Come to the castle of the dragon king—”

“Aragon’s not really the king anymore,” Tucker interrupted. “If he ever even was. Didn’t we sort that out when you got kidnapped?”

“—to receive the details for your questing.”

“Is that a challenge or a summons?” Danny asked. “It kinda sounds like a summons.”

“How should I know?” Sam said. “It’s your letter.”

Danny reached out and flipped the envelope back over. “Actually, it’s not addressed to any of us.”

Tucker snorted. “It was in your locker. Even the ghosts know which locker is yours. But I’d put my money on challenge, too. It said if you wish to find, right? As in, if you don’t wish to find, you get to ignore this.”

“Yeah, because that’s worked so well for Danny in the past,” Sam said dryly.

“It just…doesn’t sound like something I’m allowed to refuse is all, even with that,” Danny said. “Which I guess means I should get this over with, since for once I don’t actually have homework. You guys can cover for me if I’m not back by tomorrow, right? I’m usually with you for most of the weekend anyway.”

“Danny, we’re coming with you.” Sam looked at him like she expected him to argue, and even he knew the tightness in her jaw meant she’d have none of it. “If you want someone to cover for you, talk to Jazz. She does it all the time anyway.”

Danny opened his mouth.

“And if you try to say it might be dangerous, that’s why we’re not letting you go by yourself.”

He closed his mouth.

He didn’t really want to argue with that, anyway.

XXXXXX

No one in the Fenton household was home when they got there, so it was easy enough to leave a note for Jazz and steal the Spectre Speeder. Danny sometimes wondered what his parents thought when—if—they noticed its absence. Maybe Jazz always managed to come up with something if they brought it up. Or maybe they always thought the other was responsible and just never asked. He could be that lucky, right?

They took the Spectre Speeder as far as they could—Dora’s kingdom might not be as stuck in time as her brother’s, but some things hadn’t changed—and went the rest of the way on foot.

There were a surprising number of ghosts gathered in the courtyard when they finally arrived, and Danny had the distinct feeling that they were late to whatever this was.

“So you made it after all, whelp,” Skulker muttered to him. “And I see you’ve brought your teammates. You did not choose the hunter girl?”

“Uh. No?”

Skulker laughed. “You will make easy prey.”

That would have been more terrifying coming from someone other than Skulker, but Danny still exchanged glances with Sam and Tucker. Teammates. Did that mean this quest thing was a game? There hadn’t been any official time on the letter—he could have turned up at any time or not at all—so how could this be—?

“Billy Phantom,” a voice drawled behind him. “Did you remember to take a number for your team?”

Danny turned to find Amorpho standing behind him, looking as much himself as he ever had, though Danny had no idea if that was what Amorpho really looked like. “A number?” he repeated.

“I didn’t think so.” Amorpho reached into the breast pocket of his trench coat and pulled out a clipboard that, had he not been a ghost, would have never fit in there. “You and your friends will be Team 43. You get to start when your number is called.”

“Start what?” Sam asked.

“The Holiday Hunt.”

Tucker blinked. “But it’s not Christmas.”

“And the Holiday Hunt won’t coincide with your Christmas unless that happens to be the holiday chosen by the draw.”

“Is this like the truce?” Danny asked. Amorpho had no reason to lie to him, and he’d never heard of this before, so it couldn’t hurt to ask. “This isn’t an annual thing, is it?”

“Princess Dorathea is set on reviving an old tradition,” Amorpho said, and Danny frowned upon realizing Amorpho had no trouble remembering her name. Maybe he just called him Billy on purpose? “The Holiday Hunt hasn’t been held in centuries. But yes, the Truce rules apply.”

“So what holiday is today?”

“Beltane,” Amorpho said, in a tone that made Danny not want to admit he hadn’t heard of it.

“Um.” Tucker held up one finger. “What exactly are we supposed to be hunting?”

Sam looked like she intended to track Dora down and put a stop to the tradition of the Holiday Hunt again, but she contented herself with balling her hands into fists until she had more information. Danny edged slightly away, just in case she didn’t like Amorpho’s answer.

“You’ll find out when your number comes up,” Amorpho said. “If you can figure it out.” He consulted the clipboard again. “You are content with a team of three? You’ll be at a disadvantage.”

“That explains why Skulker asked about Valerie,” Tucker muttered.

“Who else would we work with?” Sam demanded. “You? Skulker? No thanks.”

“Skulker’s on his own team with Ember, Technus, and Youngblood. If you’ll notice, his team was just dispatched.” Amorpho sniffed. “I, like Dora and the Ghost Writer, do not play.”

Danny narrowed his eyes. “Are you really involved in this? Or are you just trying to sow chaos? And isn’t the Ghost Writer locked up?”

“The Truce rules are in effect,” Amorpho repeated, “and helping with the Holiday Hunt has been deemed community service. Are you sure you want me to mark you down as a three-person team?”

“Yes,” Danny and Sam said, but Tucker surprised them with the opposite response.

“What?” he asked when they looked at him. “We don’t know where we’re going. We don’t even have the map. And if we get lost, I’m definitely missing supper, and Mom’s making her special meatloaf.”

“I brought the map,” Sam said. “That’s not the point.”

“Yeah, missing my mom’s meatloaf was the point.”

“That’s not—!”

“Who would you team up with us, if we said we wanted a fourth?” Danny asked. “Who’s not already in a group? Dani’s not here, is she?”

“Dani is already on a team,” Amorpho said. “Your fourth would be someone who is a little less…popular.”

“Dani’s popular?” He hadn’t even known how many of the ghosts knew about her. He wasn’t sure how strong her ties to the Ghost Zone were. To his knowledge, Vlad had never developed something to reliably create portals. Even the Fenton Bazooka just spit out unstable portals, and no ghost would voluntarily use that as a travel method. “Wait, never mind. That doesn’t matter. She’s here? I can talk to her?”

“Her team was among the first to set out. You are welcome to try to find her at the post-Hunt party if you all return.”

“If we—?” Danny broke off, glancing uneasily at the others. “You know what? Yeah, we’ll take that fourth.”

-|-

Keep reading on FF or the AO3. (I’m sorry, but this fic is really too long to be in a single tumblr post; it’s about 9.5 K.) Alternatively, see more fics.

[ainereads]

The Coffee Readathon TBR

This month I am participating in The Coffee Readathon. I’m nervous about this as I’m starting back to school this month so I don’t know how much time I’ll have. All book descriptions are from Goodreads.

LATTE - read a hyped book

I picked Exciting Times by Noaise Dolan for this prompt.

Ava moved to Hong Kong to find happiness, but so far, it isn’t working out. Since she left Dublin, she’s been spending her days teaching English to rich children—she’s been assigned the grammar classes because she lacks warmth—and her nights avoiding petulant roommates in her cramped apartment. When Ava befriends Julian, a witty British banker, he offers a shortcut into a lavish life her meager salary could never allow. Ignoring her feminist leanings and her better instincts, Ava finds herself moving into Julian’s apartment, letting him buy her clothes, and, eventually, striking up a sexual relationship with him. When Julian’s job takes him back to London, she stays put, unsure where their relationship stands. Enter Edith. A Hong Kong–born lawyer, striking and ambitious, Edith takes Ava to the theater and leaves her tulips in the hallway. Ava wants to be her—and wants her. Ava has been carefully pretending that Julian is nothing more than an absentee roommate, so when Julian announces that he’s returning to Hong Kong, she faces a fork in the road. Should she return to the easy compatibility of her life with Julian or take a leap into the unknown with Edith?

ICED COFFEE - read a summer read

I picked Summer Bird Blue by Akemi Dawn Bowman.

Rumi Seto spends a lot of time worrying she doesn’t have the answers to everything. What to eat, where to go, whom to love. But there is one thing she is absolutely sure of—she wants to spend the rest of her life writing music with her younger sister, Lea. Then Lea dies in a car accident, and her mother sends her away to live with her aunt in Hawaii while she deals with her own grief. Now thousands of miles from home, Rumi struggles to navigate the loss of her sister, being abandoned by her mother, and the absence of music in her life. With the help of the “boys next door”—a teenage surfer named Kai, who smiles too much and doesn’t take anything seriously, and an eighty-year-old named George Watanabe, who succumbed to his own grief years ago—Rumi attempts to find her way back to her music, to write the song she and Lea never had the chance to finish.

TURKISH COFFEE - read a book written by an author of middle eastern origin

I picked Of Curses and Kisses by Sandhya Menon for this prompt.

For Princess Jaya Rao, nothing is more important than family. When the loathsome Emerson clan steps up their centuries-old feud to target Jaya’s little sister, nothing will keep Jaya from exacting her revenge. Then Jaya finds out she’ll be attending the same elite boarding school as Grey Emerson, and it feels like the opportunity of a lifetime. She knows what she must do: Make Grey fall in love with her and break his heart. But much to Jaya’s annoyance, Grey’s brooding demeanor and lupine blue eyes have drawn her in. There’s simply no way she and her sworn enemy could find their fairy-tale ending…right? His Lordship Grey Emerson is a misanthrope. Thanks to an ancient curse by a Rao matriarch, Grey knows he’s doomed once he turns eighteen. Sequestered away in the mountains at St. Rosetta’s International Academy, he’s lived an isolated existence—until Jaya Rao bursts into his life, but he can't shake the feeling that she’s hiding something. Something that might just have to do with the rose-shaped ruby pendant around her neck… As the stars conspire to keep them apart, Jaya and Grey grapple with questions of love, loyalty, and whether it’s possible to write your own happy ending.

ESPRESSO ROMANO - read a book with a unique plot

I’ve picked Wildcard by Marie Lu.

I won’t put the description as it’s a sequel. 

CAFE CREMA - read a book with less than 750 ratings on Goodreads

I picked Here is The Beehive by Sarah Crossan. 

Ana Kelly can deal with death. As an estate lawyer, an unfortunate part of her day-to-day is phone calls from the next of kin informing her that one of her clients has died. But nothing could have prepared Ana for the call from Rebecca Taylor, explaining in a strangely calm tone that her husband Connor was killed in an accident. Ana had been having an affair with Connor for three years, keeping their love secret in hotel rooms, weekends away, and swiftly deleted text messages. Though consuming, they hide their love well, and nobody knows of their relationship except Mark, Connor's best friend. Alone and undone, Ana seeks friendship with the person who she once thought of as her adversary and opposite, but who is now the only one who shares her pain -- Rebecca. As Ana becomes closer to her lover's widow, she is forced to reconcile painful truths about the affair, and the fickleness of love and desire.

CAFE CON LECHE - read a book written by a Latinx author

I have picked We Set The Dark on Fire by Tehlor Kay Mejia. 

At the Medio School for Girls, distinguished young women are trained for one of two roles in their polarized society. Depending on her specialization, a graduate will one day run a husband’s household or raise his children, but both are promised a life of comfort and luxury, far from the frequent political uprisings of the lower class. Daniela Vargas is the school’s top student, but her bright future depends upon no one discovering her darkest secret—that her pedigree is a lie. Her parents sacrificed everything to obtain forged identification papers so Dani could rise above her station. Now that her marriage to an important politico’s son is fast approaching, she must keep the truth hidden or be sent back to the fringes of society, where famine and poverty rule supreme. On her graduation night, Dani seems to be in the clear, despite the surprises that unfold. But nothing prepares her for all the difficult choices she must make, especially when she is asked to spy for a resistance group desperately fighting to bring equality to Medio. Will Dani cling to the privilege her parents fought to win for her, or to give up everything she’s strived for in pursuit of a free Medio—and a chance at a forbidden love?

VIETNAMESE  ICED COFFEE - read a book set in Asia

For this prompt, I picked Loveboat, Taipei by Abigail Hing Wen

When eighteen-year-old Ever Wong’s parents send her from Ohio to Taiwan to study Mandarin for the summer, she finds herself thrust among the very over-achieving kids her parents have always wanted her to be, including Rick Woo, the Yale-bound prodigy profiled in the Chinese newspapers since they were nine—and her parents’ yardstick for her never-measuring-up life. Unbeknownst to her parents, however, the program is actually an infamous teen meet-market nicknamed Loveboat, where the kids are more into clubbing than calligraphy and drinking snake-blood sake than touring sacred shrines. Free for the first time, Ever sets out to break all her parents’ uber-strict rules—but how far can she go before she breaks her own heart?

BLACK COFFEE - read a classic book

For this, I picked Mary Poppins Comes Back by P. L. Travers.

I won’t put the blurb as this is a sequel. 

IRISH COFFEE - read a book with a sassy/fiery character

I took this prompt literally and decided to go with Fantastic Beasts & Where to Find Them by Newt Scamander.

An approved textbook at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry since publication, Newt Scamander's masterpiece has entertained wizarding families through the generations. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them is an indispensable introduction to the magical beasts of the Wizarding World. Scamander's years of travel and research have created a tome of unparalleled importance. Some of the beasts will be familiar to readers of the Harry Potter books - the Hippogriff, the Basilisk, the Hungarian Horntail ... Others will surprise even the most ardent amateur Magizoologist.

PUMPKIN SPICED LATTE - Spooky/Witch/Autumnal Read

For this, I picked A Study in Charlotte by Brittany Cavallaro. 

The last thing Jamie Watson wants is a rugby scholarship to Sherringford, a Connecticut prep school just an hour away from his estranged father. But that’s not the only complication: Sherringford is also home to Charlotte Holmes, the famous detective’s great-great-great-granddaughter, who has inherited not only Sherlock’s genius but also his volatile temperament. From everything Jamie has heard about Charlotte, it seems safer to admire her from afar. From the moment they meet, there’s a tense energy between them, and they seem more destined to be rivals than anything else. But when a Sherringford student dies under suspicious circumstances, ripped straight from the most terrifying of the Sherlock Holmes stories, Jamie can no longer afford to keep his distance. Jamie and Charlotte are being framed for murder, and only Charlotte can clear their names. But danger is mounting and nowhere is safe—and the only people they can trust are each other.

And that’s my entire TBR for this readathon. I’m so excited to complete it!

[thiswasinevitableid]

I have another Indruck prompt if you’re still taking them/interested: In Indrid’s absence from Kepler after the tree abomination, and in the wake of losing his powers, Duck finds a Gyspy Moth caterpillar. These moths are a problem in the Monongahela Forest because they cause deforestation, but Duck can’t bring himself to kill it. Instead, he takes it home and raises it from caterpillar to moth. He now has to explain to everyone (including Indrid when he returns) why he has a pet moth.

This turned out to be just what I needed to write today.

Duck spots the caterpillar. It’s a Gypsy Moth, bad news for the trees in his beloved forest.

Whelp, the little fella will have to go.

He picks up a small rock, perfect for squishing. But he can’t bring himself to actually squish it. His soft spot for critters doesn’t usually extend to ones that are pests, and for a moment he’s worried that Minnie’s disconnection means he can’t be tough in literally any way, be it physical or emotional.

Then again, a more likely explanation is that the word “moth” conjures up different images than it used to; a pair of red glasses, a strange face, an utter inability to handle cold. Dried blood on the face, tied up by the Cottonwood.

God, he’d felt like he’d been punched, seeing Indrid with the injuries from whatever scuffle happened with the goatminion.

Indrid is gone, flown away to who-knows-where, a string of “what-ifs” trailing behind him. Duck will never get to know him better, never figure out what the little prick of warmth in his chest whenever he saw the man meant. He hasn’t come back in months, and Duck can’t say he blames him. Kepler didn’t exactly prove safe.

He searches for a few stray leave, piles them on the seat of the jeep. Scoops the caterpillar into his hands and then deposits it on the pile.

“Alright little guy, let’s head home.”

———————————————

It’s a week later and he’s placing leaves into a shoe box for his new pet to munch on.

“There you go, dinner time.”

He’s managed to keep the caterpillar alive, in part because the cat is deeply uninterested by it. The kids book he found at the library has also helped.

Now one else knows about the shoe box or its occupant. Right now, it’s his little secret, and something about that calms him. He can keep this little fella safe, even though the rest of his life is shuddering and shifting under his feet in ways he doesn’t like. His once predictable world gets more fraught by the week. But his friend here will always need leaves, will eventually pupate, will eventually fly. How comforting to know things go on day by day even when disaster is around every corner.

Jesus, he’s waxing poetic about a moth. He really needs to sleep more.

—————————————

The days are consistently warm when his new pet finally pupates. It’s latched to a branch in the aquarium tank Duck found at a garage sale. Something about it being in this stage makes Duck anxious; he can’t see what’s happening, he can’t see if it’s okay and yes he knows, he knows how moth life cycles work and that it will be fine.

He’ll come back to him.

There’s a Pine Guard meeting tonight, and so he drives up to the lodge, more tired than he cares to admit.

The commotion in the lobby doesn’t strike him as odd, he just figures Aubrey is showing off a new trick. He steps up beside Barclay to see who he’s talking to.

Red glasses. And a wide smile that takes on a new depth as he appears.

“Hello, Duck. Nice to see you again.”

———————————————–

It’s movie night, and Duck is hosting. His friends are curled on couches and nestled on pillows on the floor.

Indrid is among them, having used his weeks back in Kepler to grow closer to the Pine Guard, spend more time at the lodge and around his fellow Sylphs.

That Duck has gone to his Winnebago on more than one occasion just because he wanted to see him has not escaped anyone’s notice. Duck is still trying to convince himself it’s solely to hang out with a friend.

“Uh, Duck, why do you have an empty fishtank?”

Everyone’s heads swivel towards where Aubrey is looking.

“I believe it’s not entirely empty.” Indrid says softly, voice suggesting he’s only half-present in the room.

Ned, Dani, and Aubrey crowd around the tank.

“It’s a butterfly cocoon.” Dani points at the purple-brown shape.

“It’s actually a-”

“HOLY SHIT it’s moving!” Aubrey gives a delighted cheer and Duck nudges Ned aside so he can see too.  They stand transfixed as little by little wings and body appear until at last they reveal…

“A moth? Interesting selection, my friend.” Ned peers at it.

“Isn’t that kind invasive or something?” Dani looks at Duck, who shrugs before speaking.

“Yeah, they ain’t good for the forest. But I found one as a caterpillar and just, uh, just, fuck, decided to, uh, hold onto, no. Fuck.”

“It’s a bit drab.” Ned muses.

“I rather like the color.” Indrid murmurs and Duck realizes he’s standing beside him, regarding the moth as it flaps it’s wings to dry them. He looks back at his pet and his breath catches in a way he hopes only Indrid (but ideally not even him) hears. The colors on his little friend are similar to colors he remembers from Indrid’s Sylph form.

“Did you name it?” Aubrey gives a small wave to the moth through the glass.

“Indrid.” It slips out before Duck can stop it; he’d called the moth that in his head. But when it slips out it’s to only him who says it as Indrid’s voice layers beneath his.

“Awwwww.” Aubrey says, giving Duck a look that he knows all too well. His cheeks are burning, and worse Indrid has gone silent.

“Oughta let him get adjusted to havin’ wings and shit. C’mon, let’s start the movie.”

The movie passes uneventfully, but Duck catches Indrid giving him odd looks during it.

And when everyone else departs, the slender, white-haired man remains. When Duck finishes waving goodbye to Aubrey and Dani, he shuts the door and finds Indrid seated in front of the tank.

He sits down next to him.

“You know I’m not really a moth, right?” It’s teasing, but there’s something else going on in his voice.

“Course I do. Just, the day I found him I was missin’ you somethin’ awful.”

“You missed me? Goodness, we’d barely gotten to know each other.”

“That’s just it. I wanted to get to know you better and then there was the tree and the goatman and then whoosh you were gone and I thought I was never-”

“-Going to see you again.” Indrid’s not looking at the tank anymore, his gaze fixed completely on Duck.

“I like you, Indrid, I like you more every day that passes, and apparently I liked you a whole fuckin’ lot before that because I couldn’t kill a fuckin’ moth larvae because whenever I thought the word moth I saw your face.”

Indrid blinks at him, head tilted to one side.

Duck smacks a hand over his eyes, embarrassed by the confession.

“Please tell me there’s a future where I sink into the ground.”

“No” a chilly hand moves his own from his eyes while the other cups his cheek, “but there are many futures where something else happens. If, that is, it’s something you want.” His smile is soft as he strokes Ducks cheek with his thumb.

“Please.” He whispers.

Indrids lips are as cold and as chapped as he expected them to be and he couldn’t be happier, wraps his arms around him and pulls him closer.

“More?” Indrid grins at him when they break apart and Ducks hands shoot up into his hair to pull him into a kiss and down onto the floor.  

“The answer is yes.” He’s panting now, staring down at Duck with delight.

“Can I at least actually ask the damn thing?”

“Sorry, go ahead.”

“Can I take you out sometime?”

The answer comes in yet another kiss, one with far more heat behind it.

“Do you, uh, wanna move this somewhere else. Don’t wanna scandalize the moth.”

“I’m his namesake, I can scandalize him as I please.” Indrid kisses his nose, “but yes, the couch will be far more comfortable.”  He stands up, offers Duck a hand, pulls him into and embrace once he stands and just holds him for a moment. As he does, Duck smiles.

Bringing home that caterpillar is one of the best things he ever did.

[bffhhoneymoon]

Entry 38

 After one birthday, another came.  Then another.  I was staying busy as ever with my business, though Alma and I made plenty of time for sightseeing as well.  Aaliyah made sure we managed to see our daughter whenever she was free without seeing each of her vacations back-to-back from our perspective.  Unfortunately for us, our daughter would occasionally want to go vacationing with her friends and their families.  As much as we preferred having our daughter to ourselves, we decided to follow suit and invite her friends along on a vacation.

 Sadly, my natural magic became troublesome as the girls grew older.  Dani sat Alma and me down to talk at one point, explaining to us that I was far too distracting for her friends.  The girls would apparently want to talk about me constantly after spending time with us.  Alma had laughed and agreed that I was distracting, but I felt frustrated.  Aaliyah wasn’t any help with that dilemma, giggling and welcoming me to fatherhood as if the past years of my daughter’s life were just the precursor.  Perhaps they were.

 “Boss-man, sir, that frown is far too heavy for your face.  You need to lighten up.  Dani still loves spending time with you.  How much time did your friends really hang out with your family?” she questioned, having appeared next to me in the suite.

 Not much, excluding Jarod, but Aaliyah knew even better than I did.

 “Even Jarod spent more time playing video games with you than doing stuff with your parents.  You know it’s true.”

 “Fine.  Yes, but I don’t have to like it.” I told her, unwilling to look for a bright note at the moment.

 “Yep.  You need to stop home for a bit.  I’ll grab Alma!” exclaimed Aaliyah, seeming to pull my wife from her pocket as she had with her aunt on occasion.

 How many years have we been away?  Part of me was in strict denial, not wanting to admit that I could be in my late twenties, possibly older.

 “James..?  What’s wrong?” questioned Alma as if popping out a pocket far smaller than her body was normal.

 I knew she could relate, but Alma didn’t like talking about how we didn’t see Dani enough.  She’d entertain herself with crafts similar to my mother and seem to disconnect from her troubles for a time.

 “The boss-man is being moody, so we’re going to take a short trip home!  Let’s just kill you first.” stated Aaliyah with a grin.

 My spirit was ripped from my body before I could even consider protesting.  Watching my body hit the floor, I sighed.

 “Oh, James.  Is dying really that bad?” questioned Alma, her spirit smirking at me.

 This wasn’t precisely a first for us, probably not even a tenth.  I understood better these days why Aaliyah had no qualms about killing.  She could alter one’s state easier than I could flip a light switch.

 “Wow.  You make dealing with spirits sound tough, boss-man, sir.” stated Aaliyah, an image of her seeming to be peering into my head.

 I knew she was all around us.  In this state, Alma and I could feel her there.  I stared around, realizing we had moved.  How long have we been away..?

 “One day by their reckoning.” replied Aaliyah with a grin.

 Raine was suddenly in front of me, seeming to stare into my eyes.

 “Oops.  Totally forgot the anti-Raine-filter.” claimed Aaliyah before snapping her fingers.  “Powerful demons can sense spirits in a vague sense due to being quasi-spirits themselves.  She felt something and investigated.  Isn’t she such a good girl?”

 As I watched, Raine looked around, seeming confused as she blinked from one spot to another as if searching for something.

 “Does that mean she’s aware of Regina?” I questioned, wondering if I should have talked to Raine.

 Nodding and smiling, Aaliyah said, “Sure, in a very ill-defined sense.  Raine’s attached to her skin and has barely, barely ever touched her power, so her senses are a bit dull compared to what they could be.  Don’t worry.  We’ll get her there eventually.”

 “How strong is she?” questioned Alma.

 “Before I killed her father, she was the third strongest of her kind.  Now she’s second!  The first will die fighting Lilly’s mother, so then Raine gets her promotion.” replied Aaliyah.

 “Yes-yes.  I remember that she’s eventually the strongest, but what could she do?” pursued my wife.

 Aaliyah shrug and said, “Create a small planet with some effort.  Nothing much.”

 To Aaliyah, that really was negligible.  Compared with Alma and I, creating a planet was a completely different level.

 “Nah.  Remember your older selves!?  They’ve totally created a planet for fun.  Moons too!  Took them quite a while, but you two eventually manage!  Creating life on the planet was beyond you without stepping into your mostest favoritest room in your house, but I nudged some things.” explained Aaliyah with a wide grin.

 “I’m sure we were… grateful.” suggested Alma as she glanced at me with a mischievous expression.

 “You were!  Not at all how you’re thinking.” insisted Aaliyah as she pretended to sulk.  Then she grinned and said, “Come on!  Let’s see the others.”

 We followed, gliding along behind her.

 In the ballroom, we watched Brandon and Brenna argue with one another over who got the last lemon tart as Kayla snagged it.  Jemal chewed his sister out as she chewed the first bite, claiming one had been enough.  Raine was in there now, talking with Emma about types of armor she could make.

 Jarod was exercising in the twins’ gym, practicing that lethal style with Mila.  Ai and Mai were in their war room.  Ai was drafting plans for some type of microchip while Mai argued on the phone with someone.

 Dejon was reading a book of poetry in my first floor library, alone again.

 “He told you that he likes quiet.  Don’t worry so much, boss-man, sir.” insisted Aaliyah.  “Dejon’s as happy sitting there as the others goofing around.  Writing poetry just happens to be a hobby of his.  You should go to one of his readings when you’re back.  He thinks about inviting everyone off and on, but he always talks himself out of it.”

 A couple rooms down, Marco was chatting with Mila about what to cook for tomorrow, saying they needed something exciting to cheer everyone up.

 “Is something wrong?” I asked.  “No one really seemed down to me.”

 “You can’t feel them like you normally do at the moment, but they’re not quite up to normal.  Think of them as having a very mild withdrawal from your absence.” suggested Aaliyah.

 “Great.  I must have forgotten that I’m a drug.” I replied, surprised when I could feel Alma lean against me.

 “Portentia’s out on a job.  Iris is with her family.  Let’s go see Regina!” exclaimed Aaliyah.

 Alma seemed to tense but followed along.  When we reached the pond, Regina’s spirit drifted to us, embracing me instantly.  On my other side, I could feel Alma was even more tense.

 “Relax!  Regina likes you too.” suggested Aaliyah.

 “Why isn’t she saying anything?” questioned Alma.

 Aaliyah brushed the questioned aside as she said, “Doesn’t remember English.  Spirits don’t tend to retain much knowledge of their lives.  There are exceptions, of course, but relax!”

 “She seems to remember James just fine.” stated Alma blandly.

 “He’s not easy to forget, but you know why she does, though there’s no need to be jealous.  I mean, if you really want to talk with her, sure, but you won’t like the conversation either.”

 Alma acted as if she was taking a deep breath before saying, “But why must she be here?”

 “To her, this is heaven.  I like to grant the reasonable requests of wonderful people.”

 “This is reasonable?” questioned Alma as she gestured to Regina.

 “Sure.  She didn’t request to be reincarnated here with Lilly-like powers, now did she?  I’ve created alternate universes for people, so this really was nothing.” insisted Aaliyah.

 Alma shrugged and said, “I… Well, I suppose I’m still acclimating to different views than those I was taught.”

 “You’re not the only one.” I assured her.

 Aaliyah separated Regina from me and brought us to visit Alma’s home in the U.K. next.  Then she took us on a general tour of the world, telling us about various famous deaths and the afterlives of said people.  Time seemed to alter, given that we were always arriving during the day.  Perhaps Aaliyah was showing us that life happened, death happened, and we were privileged in knowing more than most?  If this was a reminder that my daughter would eventually die, I didn’t need it.

 “You can still talk with people after they’re dead, boss-man, sir.  Unlike most people, you two don’t have to miss anyone that’s died.  Take comfort in that fact.” she replied, smiling as she stared at me.

 I could understand that I’d be able to spend time with my daughter a thousand years after she died, but having an infinite amount of time with her later didn’t mean I couldn’t miss her now.  I found myself smiling as I thought about how silly Dani would find this one day.

[bffhreprise]

Best Friend For Hire Reprise, Entry 374

 “That insufferable young pup is worse than his father if you can believe that.” I stated as I strode into the room to see my brothers.  The past hours of dealing with the latest Slayer kingling grated my nerves to nothing.  “Who are our… guests?”  I looked around, and couldn’t believe how distracted I had allowed myself to be.  “I should have recognized the scent immediately.  That should tell you how frustrated I am at the moment.”

 Nodding, James said, “Godric does seem a bit…”

 “Infuriating?” questioned my Alma, smiling to my surprise.

 “I probably would’ve gone with ‘childish’, but sure.” agreed James with a fond look to his wife.

 I studied them, unable to explain how completely comfortable they were with one another.  When had Alma lost her pious belief in her family?  “You’ve changed.  Your posture is entirely wrong.  Whatever happened to you two?” I told them.

 James glanced over to where Cosette, and even Portentia, were nodding in agreement with me.  “We visited Carl, but marriage has been good to us.  The pink one on Papak’s back is our daughter, Dani.” he informed me.

 “Oh!  Marvelous.  She really is pink, isn’t she.” I told him, unable to explain her appearance either.  The bright, blue hair seemed as natural as her pink skin.  She was far more comfortable with my elder brother’s visage than anyone who just met him should be.  Of course, James hadn’t been bothered either.  Turning back to him and his wife, I said, “Your cousin tried giving me orders after he proclaimed his greatness and claimed that he was going to lead the family into a new era that his father had dreamed of.”

 “He kicked down my door and expected to make it inside.” stated James flatly.

 “Ah.  I imagine that didn’t go as he planned.” I replied, happily imagining what James might have done with him.

 “James had Raine deposit him home.  I would have loved seeing his expression.” teased Alma.

 I silently wished to have seen that as well, letting my mind play out such a scene.  If Godric didn’t wet himself before Raine, he must’ve nearly done so.  That boy had no real understanding of his place in the world.  Forcing myself back to the present, I apologized, saying, “Well, I am sorry to have left you in the hands of my brothers all this time.  The tour must’ve been terrible with their embellishments.”

 “Did you really engage in a drinking contest with the Romans to upset the next day’s battle?” questioned Alma with a playful smile.

 I glared at Vito, knowing he had to be the culprit.  “Look, they hadn’t proven themselves on the field at that point.  I couldn’t have known that a dozen hungover officers wouldn’t really affect the battle.  That tactic had worked brilliantly a bit earlier.” I assured her, though I mentally conceded that she might consider a few hundred years more than a bit.

 “Around six hundred years.” replied Vito, as if correcting my mental calculations.

 Well, two could play that game.  “Yes-yes,” I admitted, “but did Vito happen to tell you about that time he spent years micromanaging the people of the Indus Valley only to pick the worst time in hundreds of years for a vacation?”

 “How was I to know that the rivers would shift course that much while I was away?  Besides, there would have been only so much I could have done about the diseases that spread in my absence.  They might have fallen apart even if I had been there.” he argued, the tightness of his lips betray his irritation at the reminder.

 Papak, of course, couldn’t resist the urge to take a jab at the both of us as well, which led us to discussing our great failings at considerable length.  With no one appearing bored by our discussion, we probably carried on a bit too far, but that was always easy with James around.  His presence affected us, though probably not as much as most.

 “Daddy, let’s get them to play Fall of a Perfect System.” suggested Dani after splitting her attention between listening to us and chatting with Ariadne.

 “As you wish.” he told her, nodding and smiling in return.  “Gentlemen, would you mind indulging my daughter’s wish and join us in a little game that can serve as a test for each of us?”

 “What’s this?” questioned Vito warily.  He knew that Dani’s smile was trouble.

 “No clue.” replied Cosette, appearing perfectly honest as she stepped closer, Portentia following on her heels.

 I wouldn’t bet on my ability to tell if she lied.

 “A good friend of mine wrote a little game to help Dani study the repercussions of various actions.  When used as a multiplayer game, we each can try our luck in creating the most prosperous civilization in a binary solar system with three habitable worlds.  The game allows you to micromanage to the extent of having meetings with advisors and reallocating sums daily.  If war happens between us and/or the NPC civilizations, you can choose to enter individual battles as generals to make the most of your military’s training regime.  The game ends after twenty thousand years if any players are still in the running by that point.” explained James with his usual charm.

 “I doubt all of us will still be around by that point, unless you plan on having us turn your daughter.” teased Vito with a smirk.

 “No need.  We’ll just choose in advance how many hours to play per day with extensions granted for those of us who can’t move as quickly as well as adjustments for battle lengths, so those can be tedious.  I hope no one is against Mila handling the time adjustments?” he proposed, knowing we wouldn’t argue.  None of us would make an accusation against Aaliyah’s daughter even if she blatantly cheated us.

 “How long does this game typically take in real time?” I asked, wondering what sort of time investment this would be.

 “Depends on how well we manage to keep our civilizations flourishing.” he told us with a friendly smile.

 “I think I’ll sit this out.” stated Portentia.  Then she sighed and said, “Nevermind.  Mila’s insisting that I try.”

 That interested me, since I saw no writing and heard not a whisper, not that Portentia could hear at all.

 James shrugged.  “I think I’ll invite Maxine too.  I’m curious what type of civilization she’d create.”

 Papak laughed.  “She’ll probably think hers is Marvelous.”

 “This game is computerized, yes?” I asked.  When James nodded, he said, “Should I get it downloading then?  These things can take some time.”

 In response, James pulled out his phone and said, “Mila, please ask Raine to bring us what we need.  Tell her that she’s invited to play too.”

 “Of course, Master.” replied Mila.  “She’s setting up on floor eighty-two on recommendation from Mother.”

 “Not my card castle!” complained Papak before bolting for the door.

 “Finally.  That thing is an eyesore.” stated Vito with a smirk.

 “He uses a whole room for a card castle?” questioned Cosette with interest.

 “Half the floor.  He keeps rebuilding it, smashing it, and repeating.” my brother explained.

 I smiled and said, “Don’t forget the laughing to himself.  He’s actually creating cities he misses and finds how quickly they vanished amusing.”

 Looking from Vito to me, Cosette asked “So… cards because they’re flammable?”

 “No-no.  He simply enjoys them.” replied Vito.  Holding out a hand to Ariadne, he asked “Shall we?”

 The rest of us followed them out, chatting on the way.  When we arrived, Papak was hurriedly boxing and stacking thousands of cards.

 Raine stepped out of an adjoining room and said, “F-Finished.”  She had traveled thousands of miles, carrying equipment for us, set everything up, and was looking at James as humbly as if she were some servant who had filled a cup.  How little effort was such a feat for her?

 “Oh!  In there!?” questioned Papak, pleasantly surprised.

 “Aaliyah said y-you… d-don’t use it.” mumbled Raine in answer.

 I laughed.  “No, he doesn’t.  That’s his storage room for the cards.  Er… was.” I corrected, looking at the large computer system awaiting us.

 Papak was looking between his stacks and the room with annoyance.  “I didn’t have to dismantle Vijayanagar.”

 “Looks like most of it still stands.” argued Cosette as she looked down the long room.

 He smiled and said, “If you want, I’ll tell you what it was like back when I was first there.  Beautiful place for its time.”

 “Sounds delightful.” she told him, seeming perfectly interested.

 “No, don’t get him started or we’ll be here for the rest of the day.” insisted Vito quite correctly.  “I want to see what this game is like to come so highly recommended.”

 James quite gladly showed us.  The game’s intro was deceptively simple, but every menu had sub-menus and sub-menus for the sub-menus.  There was no doubt Aaliyah had designed this, which intrigued me further.  Where my brothers and I had thirteen thousand years spent seeing civilizations rise and fall, Death had witnessed them all.  There was none who would have greater insight into all aspects involving the fall of a civilization, and her attention to detail was vastly beyond my own.  This game would certainly be a pleasant diversion.

[stefanyrodriguezblog-blog]

The Interior Voices of America in If Beale Street Could Talk

*SPOILERS AHEAD*

Barry Jenkins follows the success of MOONLIGHT with a dynamic, intimate story based on the novel IF BEALE STREET COULD TALK by James Baldwin.

It is incredibly regrettable to say that the progress we have made is still not enough to claim we are better off with our current justice system. Last year, the case of Cyntoia Brown rose to the public eye when she was granted clemency after serving 15 years in prison for killing a man who bought her for sex when she was only 16 years old. Brown saw little justice in her case; at the same time, unharmed people from poor minority communities have repeatedly been more likely to be stopped or gun-down by police officers. Philando Castile was shot down inside his car after being stopped by a police officer and informed him that he had a permit for his gun. Botham Jean was shot down by his downstairs police neighbor while in his own home because she thought she saw him breaking into her apartment. Stephon Clarke was shot in his grandma's backyard because the cops believed he was reaching out for a gun which turned out to be a cellphone. These crimes appear to be a never-ending disease. Their names along with the names of every victim who have suffered from systemic racism enforced by the people who are supposed to protect them should resonate in the voices of every citizen of this country. Instead, what we get are the typical "what happened before" questions, short mainstream media attention, and little discourse provided by our legislators.

In part, IF BEALE STREET COULD TALK is a masterfully crafted film which allows audiences to reflect on the consequences of our country's racist epidemic through characters' emotions.

We begin the film with an aerial tracking shot of Alonzo "Fonny" Hunt (Stephan James) and Clementine "Tish" Rivers (KiKi Layne) walking down the stairs next to a river. The camera, located at a physically higher position than them, is brought down to a medium shot of the couple holding each other, followed by a medium shot of the characters starting at the camera. Almost never again in the film do we get an aerial shot like the opening one, but we do get ceaseless amounts of medium shots of the characters at eye level; suggesting we might have walked into the film with a similar preconception of the characters but to understand their story, we have to see them at their same level.

Revealing the news about Tish and Fonny's baby also reveals a candid understanding of the characters, particularly the two grandmothers. Tish's mother Sharon (movingly portrayed by Regina King) is caring and firm about the way she questions Tish in the kitchen. When it comes time to reveal the news, a medium shot of a nervous looking Tish staring up at us cuts to her family in their living room. Now Sharon is informed, and they are both telling the rest of the family together. This leap is indicative of the love Sharon has for her daughter. By establishing the two characters' relationship, looking through Sharon's eyes, and suddenly cutting before Tish even says anything, we understand that Sharon doesn't need to hear a reason to feel empathetic for her daughter. The abrupt absence of a moment depicts an image of motherly affection.

Fonny's parents Mr. and Mrs. Hunt (Michael Beach and Aunjanue Ellis) give polar opposite reactions to Tish's announcement. While Mr. Hunt celebrates, Mrs. Hunt disapproves of the conception and condemns the two for having sexual relations in the first place; Fonny's sisters also reinforce a derogatory language towards Tish. The self-imposed judgment that they adopt has little to do with religious belief as Mrs. Hunt expresses and more with societal oppression against African Americans. One only needs to observe both their attitude and costuming to understand. Their dresses are reminiscent of the traditional 1960s wife fashion and their hair is combed down as to imitate that same style. This look is in sharp contrast to Tish and her sister's high-waisted pants and afro hair, which was typical of the 1970s black woman. The willingness of Mrs. Hunt and her daughters to turn back on their culture and attack those who suffer in the same struggle suggests that they have fallen victim to a system which wishes to suppress and divide black Americans. While it successfully manages to segregate these two families, Ellis' performance as she leaves the house illustrates the character's inner confliction. Mrs. Hunt goes from forcibly mouthing the words "that child" as if to proceed it with something offensive but instead, whimpers the same words out of the house. This moment is symbolical of her struggle to wish for tenderness in a society that perpetuates violence and hatred.

Immediately following the harsh interaction between the two families, we jump back to the time when Tish and Fonny went on their first date. The film's narrative is nonlinear, so it goes back and forward from before and after Fonny was sent to prison. The film leaps from periods of grief/anguish to ones of affinity/joy and vice versa. Very often we go through periods of emotional instability in our daily lives; similarly, the juxtaposition of these sequences suggests the relentless unpredictability of life itself. What's more, a lot of the sequences before Fonny is sent back to prison have a lush dream-like quality to them. We can assume this is because we are experiencing the story from Tish's consciousness and she looks back at these memories with a gentle introspection. But previous collaborator of Jenkins also reinforces this sentiment with a sweeping score that parallels the film's tone. The encompassing sounds of the harp, trumpet, and violin compose a melodious harmony deserving of its own examination.

In Fonny's apartment, their first sexual interaction is touching but shot with realistic attributes. When Fonny and Tish are kissing in his bed, the camera captures them passionately touching each other in a medium shot. The shot stays with them as they undress and the music gets progressively lower. The sequence seems to become increasingly more uncomfortable to witness when the music goes away, and there is no dialogue. Simultaneously, it places the focus on the character's body movements; this is revealing of their emotions. Tish is looking down and up at Fonny until her back in facing the camera. Fonny cannot stop staring at her with a concerned look on his face as he covers her with his sheets. When the shot cuts, it is to see Fonny play music and back again to a close-up of Tish with little space in her frame compared to him. The space in which the characters find themselves is symbolic of their own confidence. Fonny in a full shot visualizes his poised attitude while Tish's close-up visualizes her timidness. This sequence depicts the character's inner feelings at a meaningful part of any relationship.

The latter sequence is one in which its purpose is to explore the humanity of the characters, but one of the film's major themes is the subject of systematic oppression. How does a black body navigate through a sea of racist discrimination? The two scenes which best highlights this subject (and are arguably the best entirely) see Fonny and Dany (Brian Tyree Henry) having a conversation and Fonny inside prison. Both revolve around this concept and ponder on what it mentally does to its victims. In a powerful performance by Henry, we witness a man explain the reason why he got sent to prison and what it did to him. The camera pans from side to side in the conversation, creating an energetic fluidity between the two men. Every time it turns from Fonny to Dany, the tone gets severely more cynical and eerie. Henry's performance assures us that this man has been broken down; a close-up sees him utterly disturbed and unsettled, a full shot briefly captures him tearing up, he is without any consolation that "the white man" would show him justice. This scene depicts a man reflecting on a hurtful past and foreshadowing another's near future.

The next sequence does not include dialogue, and it almost relies on visuals alone to express the mentality of a man in prison. A traveling full shot of Fonny is circling him as he works on a sculpture which then cuts to a close-up of his face laying in his cell bed; this suggests that now we are looking back at one of his memories. Fonny is free to move around this space unrestrictively and the flowy movement of the camera captures this going in circles. The spatial freedom established by this shot illustrates Fonny's retrospective outlook of this memory. Next, a static shot captures his face motionless and with minimal space in the frame; another close-up shows him motionless again and with a single tear running down his face. The subtext implies that we are seeing a man when he felt his freest juxtaposed to when he felt most entrapped.

Another thing that is important to point out is the presence of smoke in the mise-en-scene of both sequences. This smoke is cloudy, all-encompassing, like a blanket hovering over the characters. One reading could see the smoke to be symbolic of the system itself, as it is restrictive and you can't seize it. Another reading could see it as a catalyst for these men to reveal their emotions, Dany expressing pain and Fonny expressing bliss. This decision is completely subjective, but the presence of smoke in these two sequences is more than mere coincidence. Nevertheless, these moments effectively dwell on systematic oppression as one of the film's main themes by portraying the emotional consequences it had on two different men.

In an interview with Slash Film, director Barry Jenkins noted on the challenges of adapting James Baldwin's novel: "so much of the power of his writing is how he goes into the interior lives of the characters. So you understand how the story is making these characters feel and what those feelings are saying about life in America, about American society. So the challenge was, how do you make a film, which is not interior text, which is all surface in a certain way – you’re outside them, you’re not inside of their heads – but how do you still translate this interior voice? "

At its best moments, IF BEALE STREET COULD TALK is a cinematic landscape of faces which communicate the interior voices of its characters. These voices represent a familiar story to its audience, one which stimulates those who have experienced prejudice based on race and influences those who have not. With the election of a bigoted president who continues to perpetuate racist propaganda, American society evidently still has many issues to address and resolve; beginning with the acknowledgment of how slavery and discrimination have evolved through our system of justice. As observers of this film, we will make a decision one way or another on how to react to the way the system treated these characters. But regardless of this, after watching IF BEALE STREET COULD TALK, we can pave the way towards being more empathetic as well as seeing another person's struggle as our own.