#yeah... it took me a lot to post this. now imagine to edit without having an heart attack... which it happened ofc

[jkvjimin]

(210/∞) the perfect nose for butterflies to land on it ♡

[corseque]

I honestly just wanted one single plot step that I could not predict given the 10 year wait. More behind the cut, I talk about Emet too, and I'm comparing his writing favorably to Solas' writing and why it worked better for me personally, but I am just talking about the writing skill that went into the games and not the dudes themselves, I love them both dearly of course. idk this is a mess and I am not going to edit it for clarity

For me, the game was a series of me saying

"ok I knew that. cool."

"oh yeah, I knew that. I guess it's good that the larger fandom knows about that now."

"nice, but yeah I already knew that too"

"that was something we've been talking about a lot for years"

"this thing they are acting like is a huge enormous reveal that the characters could not possibly have deduced through simply thinking about it in depth over the 10 years... the fans easily figured out by thinking about it in depth 10 years ago. So you would think his girlfriend would be able to figure it out more easily than we did. Like, why couldn't the game have been like 'oh lavellan already figured that out a while ago' it would have cost them nothing"

"this is something I've been thinking about for years, and now that it's being revealed, the companions' reactions to it are very irritating and jarring and unnecessary and I really dislike the experience I'm having right now, in this, the hour of my greatest triumph"

"this thing that is happening on my screen right now is something that I wrote an essay about 2 years ago describing how it would be a letdown if it happened without the correct setup"

"this way that they're characterizing Solas makes him less likable and less interesting than I have been finding him for all these years, and I have had people tell me 'no, he's simpler than you think' for years but I guess I was wrong, he really is simpler than I thought, so that fucking sucks. I wish I could take that information out of my brain."

"this thing is a retcon of information I have been thinking about for 10 years, and so I don't know how to follow along with this new direction, and I'm not sure if I even want to because it's not particularly interesting anyway"

"aw that was sweet"

"why is it like, so very impossible to have an honest back-and-forth with my favorite character about the dilemma that was most interesting to me about the previous game"

and then, as soon as, like, the other fans had caught up to the Solas lore that was really obvious from the other games, the game was.... over without anything surprising happening, or introducing a new element or plot point or perspective, or a real true twist (or two, or three) for those of us who have thought about it too hard for too long. It was very simple and easy, much, much, much, much easier than I was imagining. It all felt sort of like that Nicholson quote:

The thing was, the whole story was so interesting to think about because in 10 years, I couldn't figure out a good solution to it!!!!! It's why I was never able to write post-game fanfic about it. So I was stoked to find out some reveal we never knew about, some new information, in maybe a SERIES of steps of new information, that made the situation more complicated but also something that could be navigated by everyone involved. I know it was asking for a lot, but they had TEN YEARS, and they seemingly had set up the things they did in DAI on purpose, so surely they had some idea of a complex and satisfying narrative that would reconcile everyone.

The reason why I was expecting this is because FFXIV did a very similar story arc, which was started AND concluded WITHIN those 10 years (so it took the FFXIV team far less time to deliver as well). And the conclusion to the story in FFXIV did what I was expecting Dragon Age to do. So I thought, "holy shit, if this is the FFXIV version of this plot, how much more complicated is DA4 going to be!?!?" The DA devs also PLAYED FFXIV so they were completely aware, several years ago, of a satisfying story ending that was pretty darn similar.

People are probably going to think "oh, well Chelsea was disappointed because she spent too much time building it up in her head" but that's exactly it - I actually speculated and thought about FFXIV's story IN DEPTH NONSTOP for a year+ before its ending came out, and the ending absolutely blew me away. FFXIV Endwalker managed to introduce information and new story elements that I was not able to figure out in the YEAR I spent speculating on the ending of FFXIV's story. It took a complicated situation and revealed several several more facets to it that I was not able to predict, but were very interesting and thematically compelling, and took us all to surprising and climactic places that we could not have predicted.

Endwalker ("end" is in the title on purpose) too, was written to be THE ULTIMATE SATISFYING ENDING for a very long-running story in the exactly way that Veilguard SHOULD HAVE for Dragon Age, so while this complexity is being explored, FFXIV also gave catharsis to many different plot threads that have been built up through the previous expansions, until finally it ends with a bang. The story is desperately good to me, I loved it, it gave me closure for Dragon Age long before Veilguard was even revealed, and going back and looking at its story has made this whole thing far less painful for me.

So, I actually did not have a picture in my mind for how things SHOULD go. I just had the thought "I hope it's complicated and there are points of view or facts that we haven't before been exposed to, and the situation is resolved respectfully for Solas, not making him look like a fucking idiot (lol, the only thing I asked for). I don't even care what happens to Solas and Lavellan, I just need the story to be complicated and interesting to think about. Please, god, don't let it be "solas is wrong and he just needs to be convinced" because that's like the simplest story you could tell with this setup"

(btw they managed to tell Emet-Selch's story without making him seem like he's being an idiot on purpose or can never get anything right, and in fact the more the story goes on, the more you think of him as smart and capable and cool, so it is possible to write.... I wasn't asking for the entire moon)

And I played it and... yeah. Most of the story beats were more simple than I wanted them to be, a lot of them didn't make sense in my heart given the writing from Inquisition. (This is another essay, but if Solas' thematic story arc was always about him needing to let go of regrets, why was his personal quest the way it was? After that quest, doesn't he end up regretting not doing more....? Why did he never really talk about regret during Inquisition? If he was so trapped by regret, why was he able to do so many actions? It doesn't mesh well to me. The whole regret thing was very quarter-baked to me, I don't even like thinking about it.) His story never seemed like one that was as simple as being about one man's regrets, but then, I guess, it was always just about one man's regrets.

Emet-Selch's personal storyline (and the way it interacts with and affects the larger story) is very similar but much more cohesive and satisfying to me. It would be difficult to explain why without the aforementioned 5-hour essay. Emet-Selch's story IS about grief and anguish on a world-shaping scale in a similar way that Solas' was apparently always about letting go of regret, but Emet's story was also very pointedly and beautifully about that one theme for the entirety of his story from every tiny detail, from beginning to end - meanwhile, it seemed to me that they tried to introduce 'regret' as the main thrust of Solas' story only in the short story with the Regret demon onward.

From Inquisition just by itself, the closest I personally could get to a story theme for Solas was his inability to trust others hurting him and the world, but his trusting others in DA4 wasn't really addressed to my satisfaction. He is never required to trust anyone before the ending, he never opens up or makes himself vulnerable at all. People find out information about him, he never really dynamically opens himself. So the personal story I thought he had was never addressed at all, while a new one about regret was introduced that never made a ton of sense to me. And I don't think this is just because of my expectations - my reaction to FFXIV proves that I am able to meet good writing where it goes in surprising directions, as long as it's interesting and thoughtful and clear.

And I think this might be part of what people felt was off about the ending - Solas is sort of uninvolved in the revelations that are about him, and doesn't do much to be part of his own ending. Part of what I loved about Solas in Inquisition is that he is not controlled by you in any way, and so he feels like his own person with a very strong sense of character.

Anyway, Emet-Selch, in a very comparable and arguably more extreme plot position, is very involved in the revelations about himself, he always feels like a very strong character who cannot be affected by the player, and the whole situation is handled with deft emotion and care and delicacy. The story is comparatively very uninterested in litigating Emet-Selch or putting him on trial - the story allows you to simply feel the way that you feel in an organic way, and Emet's story spends that energy instead actually exploring his thematic material about grief and legacy, and the larger story theme of existentialism instead, in a way that is very refreshing and interesting. I've seen a lot of western stories tie themselves in knots over "redemption" and frankly it's almost never been interesting at all. Who cares about any of that. lol

(Now, I guess this is a matter of preference, because some people really like being able to shape a character's story, but idk I rewatched the ending of FFXIV and even though there wasn't a choice with Emet, because it isn't a branching story, his story felt more satisfying to me, maybe because there isn't a patronizing choice to be made for him. He is who he is, and he fulfills a very beautiful narrative role and purpose that no other character could in the story.)

I don't know how this could have been improved to me and still allowed players to choose Solas' ending for him, but I can actually think of a few different methods, none of which involve Rook condescendingly and patronizingly lecturing Solas as if Solas had never thought about a single aspect of this horrible situation he's in before that very moment that Rook lectures him lmfao.

All this to say... idk I'm writing this and I am not going back to edit it so it's stream-of-consciousness. But yeah

I just wanted the story to be complicated on a few more levels than I could have predicted. I genuinely don't care what happened, but I thought of a few twists like the Veil coming down and yeah, I was expecting A Single Twist or reveal to happen. In a Dragon Age game.

I wanted Solas to seem cool and capable and noble and smart, and actually feel like he was as old and experienced as he is.

I wanted a clear theme I could sink my teeth into

Like notice I didn't even say anything about Solavellan. Like I never in 100 years thought they were getting a happy ending where they were both alive in bodies, and I like that we got that, but I would honestly trade it for a more complicated story. To me, if a story is sad you can always write fanfic, but if a story isn't COMPLICATED, that's a much more urgent issue.

These 3 things DA4 didn't give me in a way that satisfied me but FFXIV did. anyway idk the way my hyperfixations work, I completely switch to a new subject so talking about Dragon Age is actually hard for me right now.

[justauthoring]

and i wonder... who? [5]

somehow, you find yourself torn between the two hottest guys at your school and you have no idea who to choose. loosely based off of operation: true love where geto is eunhyeuk and gojo is dohwa :)

a/n: sooooo satosugu won the poll so this is officially a satosugu x reader series! (just might be a bit of slowwww burnnn)

pairing: geto suguru x f!reader, gojo satoru x f!reader, satosugu x f!reader

tag list: @username23356-blog - @anxious-chick - @novacaneformybrain - @mandysfanfics - @rottmntrulesall - @voiceofnoreturn - @rh-tg1 - @ky0mybeloved - @black-swan-blog27 - @ladytamayolover - @the8ate - @maybe-a-bi-with - @dudalo100 - @reese-is-right - @6lonely-town6 - @its-a-damn-blue-brick - @kimi01985 - @dorusken - @siimp4youu - @catobsessedlady - @paper--angel - @animechick555 - @meshiinuma - @xxannyxx - @kaeyaviado - @kochochan-shinobulvrrs - @ichikanu - @valeriinee let me know if you'd like to added! also i still don't know how to fix the tags - it works in editing but doesn't link some when i post it. if anyone knows how to fix this, please let me know!

It was hot.

Blindingly so.

Still, you refused to take off your sweater even if you desperately wanted to. You were just thankful that your school allowed you to wear sweaters and hoodies over top of uniforms without getting in trouble for it and although normally that was something you only had to worry about in the winter, you had no choice but to today.

If you took off your sweater, then people would see the finger-sized marks across your arms from Sukuna yesterday and really, you just didn’t have the energy to deal with the questions that would inevitably follow. Nor did you want to… let it escalate any further. Sure, you’d managed to get away yesterday and had somehow gained the courage to make your breakup clear to Sukuna, but it didn't erase the fact that he’d scared you last night. And you didn’t want to imagine what would happen if somehow people got word that the bruises on your arms were from him.

It was over, anyways. You’d done it. You’d broken up with him and could now move on from him.

Move on with your life.

“You look hot,” Shoko comments from beside you, regarding you with a raised brow. “Why are you wearing a sweater when it’s blistering hot outside?”

Meeting her eyes, you shrug. “It isn’t that hot.”

“You’re sweating,” she deadpans.

Biting your lip, you choose to ignore the fact that she is very much correct. Your sweater is sticking to your skin from the obnoxious sun that is beating right over your head and the need to relieve some of the heat is more than tempting. But the sight of Sukuna running past you, meeting his dark and intimidating eyes just briefly, reminds you of why you’re keeping your sweater on.

“I just finished running,” you explain which, you guessed, wasn’t completely a lie. You were sweating because you’d just finished running but you were sweating a lot because of that and the fact that you were wearing a sweater… Shoko didn’t need to know that though. 

Meeting her eyes from the corner of your own, you nod to yourself. “I’m actually a little cold.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Y-Yeah,” you breathe, fighting the urge to break under her intense stare. You didn’t even need to be looking directly at her to feel the intensity of it – if there was one thing Shoko was good at, it was seeing through your every lie. You figured that talent came with knowing you for as long as she had… still didn’t make it any less scary thought.

“Like a cold sweat.”

It’s clear she doesn’t believe you, the suspicious gaze in her eyes never wavering but she has the decency to leave it at that.

You’re incredibly thankful for that fact.

“So, you really did break it off with Ryoumen, huh?”

The two of you are standing by the bleachers while the boys have their turn playing soccer, as per your teachers instructions. The game has been going on for about five minutes now (you only just finally feeling like you’re not about to pass out) and you’ve been spending those five minutes idly chatting with Shoko and desperately trying not to ogle Geto who looks a little too good on the field right now.

Seriously, when did you start to find him attractive?

It wasn’t like you didn’t know he was attractive — of course you did. The whole female population of your school knew that Geto Suguru was attractive. You’re pretty sure he had his own little fanclub of girls that followed him around and you swear you’ve caught one of them asking him out in the hallway more times than you care to admit. So yes, objectively, you knew Geto was attractive. Incredibly attractive.

But you hadn’t really paid any of that mind until now.

It was like a fact. A statement. It hadn’t had any impact on you previously, and yet, here you were, practically drooling at the sight of him.

“–Hello? Y/N?”

A hand falls on your shoulder, the sudden touch making you jump as your eyes snap to Shoko. She’s staring back at you in concern, head tilted and brows furrowed as you blink over at her.

“I asked you a question?”

Had she?

Eyes briefly glancing back at Geto before focusing on her, you rub the back of your neck.

“Whoops,” you mumble bashfully, “sorry. What was it again? I… spaced out.” 

Rolling her eyes, Shoko just snorts; “I asked if you really did break things off with Sukuna.”

“Oh!” Your eyes instantly brighten up, turning to face her fully. “I did!”

Shoko grins; “yes!” Pumping her fist in the air, she turns to you. “I’ve literally been waiting for you to do that forever.”

Rolling your eyes, you just snort. “I know, I know,” you wave her off, before pausing. You had no intention of telling her about how angry Sukuna had gotten, but it would be good to get it off your chest even a little. You just wouldn’t mention the bruise thing—besides, Shoko had said she wanted every little detail. 

So, turning to her, you grin; “it was so awkward though and—”

“Shoko!”

Lips left parted in the middle of your sentence, both you and Shoko glance behind her, only to see a group of girls from another class waving at her to grab her attention. The excitement on your face fades somewhat at that, leaning back on your feet as Shoko waves back at them before glancing over at you apologetically,

“I—”

“It’s all good,” you brush off before she can apologize, waving her concern away. “Go. I’ll wait here for you.”

Shoko hesitates. “Are you sure?”

Shaking your head, you squeeze her shoulder; “of course. Go.”

With one more hesitant glance your way, Shoko nods, mouthing a ‘thank you’ before making her way over. You watch her for a moment longer before letting your eyes fall around, eyes momentarily meeting Sukuna’s and swiftly turning your head away, you move, making your way over to the bleachers on the side of the field. A few of the other girls from your class have sat down, chatting amongst themselves, and with nothing better to do, you take a seat near a corner, pulling your legs to your chest and opting to simply watch the boys.

You knew Shoko cared about you, just like you cared about her but it sucked knowing that some of the other girls wanted to be her friend but didn’t want to be yours. Anytime you’d tried to talk with her other friends before, it had just been awkward. And not something you wanted to repeat.

Sighing, you let your head fall on top of your knees.

At least you could watch Geto with no interruptions now.

“Boo!”

Or not…

Flickering your gaze to the right, your lips part when you realize it’s Gojo sitting beside you.

“Gojo!”

With a wide grin and a wink, Gojo offers you a wave.

You glance around before settling back on him, baffled. “What are you doing here?”

“Uh… here for gym class?” Gojo explains with a snort, using his thumb to point behind him and following his direction, your lips part when you see a group of girls occupying the field next to the one you’re sitting in front of. Focusing back on Gojo and the line sheen of sweat covering his skin, you put the pieces together.

“Oh,” your lips form a ‘o’, “I forgot other classes had gym at the same time as us.” Cheeks warming, you bite your lip, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear in embarrassment.

Gojo takes a moment to eye you before laughing; “you’re weird, you know that?”

Lips parting in offense, you shove at his shoulder; “that’s rude!”

“No,” Gojo laughs, your shove barely moving him an inch, “what’s rude is you calling me Gojo.”

Confused, you turn to him; “is that not your name?”

“It is,” he assures, “but it’s too formal. I thought I made it clear; call me Satoru.”

You’re sure your face grows hot at that.

“B-But! That’s too friendly!” You argue, waving your hands in front of you widely. “We only just started talking and—”

“And we’re already close,” Gojo cuts in, smiling cheekily. “So what’s the problem?”

Shoulders slumping, you just frown at him. “You’re ridiculous.”

Gojo just takes the insult in stride, leaning in close so his face is right in front of yours. You instinctively lean back, surprised by his sudden closeness as you press against the side of the bleachers. It doesn’t seem to bother Gojo who only grows closer; you can feel his side press into your arm and his leg knock into your folded one, not to mention all you can see is those bright, beautiful blue eyes staring at you.

“U-um…—”

“And you’re adorable.”

Okay, now you’re sure you’re red in the face.

“G-Gojo–!”

“Satoru,” he cuts in, waving his finger at you. “Repeat after me. Sa-To-Ru.”

You stare back at him, wishing he’d back up even a little because he was too close and it was making you feel a way you didn't know how to react to. You’d already been sweating because of the damn sweater before, but now you probably look like a hot mess and your mind is running a mile a minute just to come up with something to say.

“Come on,” Gojo sings softly, voice low so only you can hear but still sweet and soft. “Say it.”

Lips parting, you ignore the racing of your heart; “Sa… Satoru.”

With a sudden jump, he’s pulled back, sitting up straight next to you as he grins wide, ear to ear; “see?” He exclaims, “that wasn’t so hard. It’s much better if you just call me by my first name, kay, Y/N?”

You’re frazzled. You know you’re frazzled. Even though Gojo has leaned back like you wanted him to, your heart is still racing and you feel flushed. 

Was it just your imagination or had he also smelled really good?

“O-okay.”

Pleased by your answer, Gojo finally lets his eyes wander down, pausing when he sees what you’re wearing.

“Aren’t you warm?”

Oh god… not this again.

“No,” you deny with a shake of your head, hugging yourself. “I’m perfectly fine.”

Gojo just quirks a brow. “You look warm.” He states bluntly.

You huff — what was with everyone questioning you on wearing a damn sweater? Was it that hard to believe?

“For your information—”

You stop what you’re saying the second a shadow falls over you, completely blocking the sun from falling over you. Confused, you turn, only to pause when you see it’s Geto. You blink at the sight of him, confused, not having expected to see him, glancing over his shoulder to the field to see, like you thought, the rest of the boys are still playing and yet…

“Geto—”

“Did you bring my hoodie?”

His voice is harsh. Harsher than you expected. By the way he falters the second he meets your eyes properly, you figure he didn’t mean to sound that angry but you’re still confused as to why he even would be in the first place.

Was he upset you hadn’t given him the hoodie back earlier?

You also have not failed to notice how still Gojo is beside you suddenly.

“U-Um… Yeah, it’s in my bag. One sec.”

Reaching behind you to grab your bag, you’re oblivious to the way Gojo and Geto glare at each other, each with a certain fierceness and determination in their gaze before swiftly glancing away the second you turn back around.

“Here,” you call, smiling up at Geto as you extend his folded sweater to his awaiting hands. “I made sure it didn’t have any stains on it or anything after I washed, so it should be good. Thank you again for letting me borrow it.”

Geto’s face eases as he meets your eyes and he smiles softly; “it’s no problem. Thank you for washing it.” Then, as if almost an afterthought, he adds; “I’m sorry I couldn’t stay longer at your place to wait for it.”

You miss the way Gojo straightens at that.

“Oh, no!” You brush off, shaking your head. “I’m sorry you had to even give it to me in the first place.”

“Um,” Gojo cuts in, pulling your eyes on him with a blink as he shifts his gaze from Geto to you, offering you a somewhat tight-lipped smile. “Why did you have Geto’s hoodie in the first place?”

You’re a little confused as to why he cares, but—

“I accidentally spilled my soda on her and it made her shirt see-through and she was cold, so I offered it to her.”

Well, he didn’t need to go into that kind of detail—

“Oh?” Gojo asks, but something about his tone sounds strained and tense. “Is that so?”

Lips parting, you watch as the two of them glare at each other.

“U-um,” you speak up nervously, shifting forward; both of their eyes instantly fall on you, features softening. “Do you two… not like each other or something?”

The two glance at each other again.

Gojo’s the first to speak up; “not particularly.”

“We’ve never gotten along,” Geto elaborates. “That’s all.”

“I see…” You mumble, before your eyes brighten with a sudden idea; “well, hey! There's always a first, right?”

And the answer is clear to them both;

No way in hell.

Still, for you, they hesitate.

“Maybe,” Geto shrugs, brushing a bit of sweat off his forehead.

Gojo sighs dramatically; “if I’d have to.”

You’re oblivious to it all — eyes twinkling with excitement, you smile brightly. Truly, a brilliant idea has come to mind.

“Isn’t that amusement park opening up soon? I think… this weekend?” You ask, “you two should go together!”

Geto and Gojo frown at one another.

If there’s one thing the two of them can agree upon, it’s that that seems like the worst idea.

The two of them? Alone? At an amusement park?

What could honestly possess you to think that’s a good idea?

Geto, however, looks at you a moment later and smirks, clearly proud of himself; “I dunno about him, but I’d go with you.” And he sends a smug grin Gojo’s way, clearly thinking he’d effectively worked his way around not only having to disappoint you by saying no to your original idea but, getting you to go with him instead.

Gojo gasps, as if thoroughly offended.

“Really?” Your eyes brighten.

Geto smiles, nodding.

“Then let’s go!” You exclaim excitedly and Geto is just about to turn to Gojo with a victory smirk, before you add; “the three of us! When are you guys free next?”

Wait–what? 

-

Geto is not really sure how he got himself into this situation.

Like really – how?

“She’s late.”

Pressing a hand to his forehead, Geto resists the urge to let his annoyance get the best of him. But really–truly–he was at his final straw.

“You’ve said that three times,” Geto grumbles, offering a quick glance beside him at the white-haired bastard that just couldn’t help but take you up on your offer. Then, imagine Geto’s surprise when he shows up at your agreed upon time just to see that you hadn’t shown up yet but Gojo had—and Geto’s pretty sure that the guy was normally late to everything. Late to class, late to tests, meetups, hangouts, etc. so of course it was just his luck that today is the day Gojo decides he’s going to show up on time.

And you aren’t.

Letting out a whine, Gojo pushes off the wall he’d been leaning against, moving until he’s directly beside Geto and the two of them are now staring out at the entrance way, waiting for you.

“It’s true, though,” Gojo mumbles, and Geto can distinctly see him pouting out of the corner of his eye. “She’s ten minutes late.”

Geto just huffs.

“What exactly is your problem?” Gojo asks instantly, and Geto can feel him shift to face him. “You’ve been glaring at me this entire time.”

Feeling that final straw snap, Geto spins to face Gojo in return, narrowed eyes focusing in on his own as Geto shakes his head. “You aren’t supposed to be here.”

Gojo just laughs; “I was invited, wasn’t I?”

Crossing his arms over his chest, Geto scoffs; “not by me.”

“Still butt hurt that Y/N invited me along?” Gojo taunts, looking entirely too smug as he steps closer to Geto. Gojo might be shorter, but only by an inch, and it isn’t hard for him to size Geto up just as easily as Geto is trying to size him up. “You think I’m all that happy about you being here either?”

“Then leave?” Geto questions, as if that was the obvious answer–which, obviously, it was. “I’m the one who asked Y/L/N first so really, you aren’t needed here whatsoever.”

Gojo just leans back; “if I left I’d be doing exactly what you want. Last I checked, Y/N does want me here.”

Feeling his head hurt and his body tense, Geto shoves at his shoulder; “what’s with the lack of formality? You refer to Y/L/N so casually, I didn’t realize you guys were that close.” Pausing in thought (for dramatic effect), Geto glowers at Gojo. “Last I checked, Y/L/N didn’t even know who you were before a couple days ago.”

“What?” Gojo raises a brow challengingly, “jealous we’re close enough that she calls me ‘Satoru’?” Shoving his hands into the pockets of his pants, Gojo leans back. “She says it so prettily, too, don’t you think? I mean, I absolutely love the way she says my name.

He truly was unbelievable. Geto didn’t realize there could be someone who pissed him off so damn much… He’s never really liked the guy, and despite the fact that for most of his life Geto has unfortunately gone to the same school as Gojo, his level of hatred was reaching a height it never had before.

Before, Gojo was just some annoying guy Geto didn’t bother to pay attention to. Not if he didn’t have to.

He can still remember the way he’d felt seeing the two of you laughing and talking that day on the bleachers – Geto was positive that he’s never seen the two of you talk before and certainly not enough to warrant such a friendly interaction. If Geto hadn’t calmed himself down before, he was sure he’d have made a fool out of himself when he interrupted the two of you but taking the calm approach seemed to have it’s rewards and Geto will never forget the look of stunned disbelief on Gojo’s face when you handed him his hoodie.

He’d definitely have to give you his clothes more – this time, have you wear them where everyone could see.

And then he’d thought he’d perfectly worked his way around your silly suggestion of hanging with Gojo – and then you just had to go and invite Gojo with the two of you? 

Geto didn’t realize you could be so oblivious.

Honestly—he’d told himself he’d try to play nice with Gojo, for you. Even if Gojo was there, it didn’t change Geto’s plan of trying to woo you and catch your attention. If Gojo wanted to hang back as a third wheel then that was his choice, Geto wasn’t going to let that stop him from making a move on you.

But really, he was at his limit. 

He couldn’t even think of ‘playing nice’ with Gojo when he was this egotistical.

Inhaling sharply, Geto moves to take a step towards Gojo, Gojo straightening out in response, before your familiar voice calls out;

“Ooh! I’m so sorry!”

Both Geto and Gojo freeze at the sound of your voice, eyes shifting to fall on you as you come to a slow step before them. You’re panting, pressing a hand to your chest as you try to catch your breath, making it clear you’d run here, but what really catches Geto’s attention is what you’re wearing.

A flowery, pink sundress. It had cute puffy sleeves and the material bunched around your chest with a bow, with the length of the skirt stopping just above your knees. It swayed gently in the wind, brushing upwards to show the faintest hint of your upper thighs. The whole outfit was put together with some accessories, cute sandals and a hairstyle Geto had never seen you wear at school before.

Geto, despite himself, feels his cheeks grow pink, a flush hitting him as he quickly glances away from you to situate himself. It wasn’t like he hadn’t thought you were pretty before (that was abundantly clear given his actions) but it was a little different seeing you in something other than your school uniform. And, technically, the arcade hadn’t counted—given that he’d dumped soda all over your blouse before he could properly take in what you were wearing.

A quick glance at Gojo tells him his reaction isn’t that much different.

“My mom needed my help with something and I completely lost track of time!” You explain, turning to them with a worried expression as you finally manage to catch your breath properly. “Were you guys waiting for long?”

“Not at all–!”

“No–!” 

Lips left parted, Geto glares at Gojo out of the corner of his eye—Gojo returns it with ease.

“O-Oh,” you mumble, briefly glancing at the both of them in confusion before taking a step towards them. “Well, then… should we get going?”

Without hesitation, Geto steps forward before Gojo has the chance to and flashes a soft smile in your direction; “let’s go.”

[dervampireprince]

Same anon as in the chatbot ask!

I appreciate and admire your stance on AI; I’m working on a research project highlighting the harmful impacts of CAI and was really hoping you weren’t in support of the platform.

I’m frankly disturbed by how many creators I found bots scraped from with a quick scroll. I’m so sorry it happened to you, and equally sorry to have to bring it to your attention. I hope this is more of a one-off than a recurring issue.

Have a lovely evening, keep being cool :]

/gen /p

honestly it makes me feel almost violated.

i remember seeing a reddit thread where someone was like 'i joined a vtubers patreon and got in vc and said i use cai and they all told me i shouldn't use it' and all the comments were like 'theyre so toxic' 'they just dont understand' and guys... yes they probably did understand. if someone is making fun of you for being lonely or 'cringe' by using cai yeah they're being an asshole, but you are in the wrong for using cai. how do you think it generates writing and voices? by stealing the writing and voices from people.

i've seen cai users say the voice feature does 'feel' wrong as it's taking from real people, but none of them seem to know or want to acknowledge that the writing also steals from real people. generative writing like cai, chatbots, chatgpt, etc, have to get trained on something. and that something is real writing by non-consenting authors, ficwriters, journalists, anyone who writes anything online even someone's personal blog or tweets. even if you're making a chatbot for your own oc, and not someone else's character, the chats it generates your oc is taken from stolen writing.

as far as i can see there is no way to get my characters removed from cai. you can report voices being used without consent, but not writing.

this is what i found of my characters on cai, and it makes me really upset and uncomfotable.

they also took some of my art of ambrose and arden to use as the thumbnail and didn't credit me as the artist. even if they had credited me, i do not allow reposting of my art. also, no one in their lives has ever described arden as "smiley" (i'm not policing anyone's headcannons or imagination with that one, just pointing out something silly to lighten the mood so i don't have a complete meltdown).

yes i censored out the cai users name who made these chabots. please do not go and hunt them down, please do not go and find them or message them. especially as we don't know if they're a minor.

it seems to me a lot of minors use cai which is worrying as who knows what the chatbot could spit out regardless of safety measures they have in place. and i'm sorry anyone's so lonely they have to turn to cai only.. you don't have too. fanfic exists, rp communities exist, various online communities whether tumblr groups, discord servers, subreddits, are people still using amino? i mean if you're a minor you should be extra careful getting into online communities and talking to others online (and if you're a minor you shouldn't be following this blog) but like... imagination exists. try getting into creative writing?

idk when we did get so bored with imaginations we had to do this. you know what i did as as kid and there was no access to anything like this? i would copy and paste fanfics into microsoft word, find and replace one characters name with my own and boom you got yourself a self insert fic (note: these edited files were only ever kept on my pc, i never posted them anywhere). and there's soooooo many reader insert fics out there now, hell i literally make my own reader/listener inserts of my own characters, i'm not starving you for content out here. and i'm okay with people writing fanfic about my ocs or commissioning others to write you fanfics (my commissions aren't open).

thankfully i don't think my voice has been uploaded on there? i clicked the 'call' button to see what would happen and nothing did so i think that means there's no voice? or perhaps it doesn't work unless you make an account i don't know.

yeah sorry that became a longer rant. i don't know if more of my ocs are on cai, these are just the ones i found by searching my username in there. there could be other copies of my characters on there that don't credit me.

also a lot of character uploads use ai 'art' as their pictures which you know is also terrible and steals from artists.

and you're right, there's so many more characters taken from small creators and other VAs. i searched yuurivoice on there and got 50+ results of chatbots of his ocs AND ALSO OF HIM. please do not making cai's of real people that is so much worse than someone's oc, it's equally as bad on the stealing front but also so paraosocial. you do not know yuurivoice, you cannot get a bot to act like him as you do not know him or how he acts. watching a creators videos or streams does not mean you know anything about the real them, and especially does not mean you know them or are friends with them. found at least 5 for cardlin audios, some of his ocs and some of him. 6 for dark and twisted whispers ocs.

and if a creator gives you permission to make their oc into a chatbot... that doesn't make the chatbot okay. a creator can consent all you like, but the writers who's work was stolen to train that chatbot still didn't get to consent.

in the rare chance any cai user who's made chatbots of my characters on there sees this post: please delete them. please. you didn't get my consent for this. and you didn't get the consent of all the writers your chatbot was trained on. i don't think you're stupid or cringe for using cai, but you are contributing to generating ai content which is stealing from real humans and harming the environment.

[blindrapture]

that thing above is a link to "Chaos and Tone," without the additional audio effects that are present in the version already posted. this version is instead the "pure" Sunsetters version. it is easier to observe the details of the composition here.

ideally I'd prefer to post it as a proper Music Player thing here, but it's just slightly too large to upload to tumblr, and bandcamp is out of the question until the whole album is complete.

we have a.. couple songs under works for Album 5, though trust me when I say that album is still a long ways out, as it's an ambitious fucker. the songs we have go harder on the progressive rock influences and the grandiose vibes, and the concepts go harder on the Sunsetters Fiction side.

(the album will be titled The Eight Colors Trilogy.)

"Chaos and Tone" is a song we're really happy with. the final version is likely to have the audio processing on it, but I'd predict it to be less intense than in the version I'd already posted a while ago, go instead for a subtler approach closer to this version I'm posting now.

Lindsay had composed a couple of riffs, mainly focused around the first minute, and then given it to me to do what I wanted with it. I added an additional ten minutes to it, working relentlessly for five days until we had this composition posted here. the vibes I see for it are like... if King Crimson tried to make a Dream Theater song. it's a song that's about shit, big concepts, such as chaos and tone. I do not have lyrics for it yet, but I see them having something about "we deal with the chaos, having faith that tone will come out the end (emerging from the chaos!)."

the middle section took me the most effort, being a prolonged groove developing motifs in a Weird time signature. I wanted it to be very complicated but sound like a slick groove. once I added the organ to it (and the mad saxophone mellotron), I knew what I wanted it from it then on, it was just a matter of execution. I do think I pulled it off. I think that middle section is goddamn divine. I think almost all of the song is divine, though the ending is still up for further editing.

"Chaos and Tone" is one of those songs that isn't directly relevant to Rapture, but its existence and the process of its creation are essential to Rapture being in the state it's in now. Rapture!Jordan is a fan of the Sunsetters, the Sunsetters exist as an actual rock band in that universe. I fully imagine this song exists as a finished song there, that Jordan has heard it, with the real rock instruments that we can only imagine here, and that Jordan's probably a big fan of it. but also, like. composing this song was a lot like writing a Rapture log. all my artistic processes lead into each other. if Rapture still kinda escapes you, if its intended rhythm isn't quite clicking, studying some Sunsetters may help.

but yeah. there's a song. please check it out. don't sleep on it, or whatever the kids are saying nowadays. I like to think it's a clear demonstration of just what, exactly, we can do with midi.

[arino4u]

appreciating the unique quirks of the many PSP models

Someone posted a picture of a PSP ad from back in the day, and it inspired me to crack my brain open and dump a buncha knowledge of mine into this here post!

So, let's talk PSP's!

This here is my PSP, or at least the one that survived long enough to be considered that. It's the vibrant blue PSP 3000, which was the last revision of the PSP that stuck to the original design. Speaking of designs, lets jump right into breaking down the several major PSP redesigns!

(I took some pics from this video btw y2u.be/EkNXNmgPCoc)

First, you've got the PSP 1000, the eldest

This particular one in a very sleek white :0

Now the PSP 1000 is real good. Unlike a lot of launch edition consoles, they pretty much had it down from the get go. All the basic bits and bobs you expect in a PSP are in here, with the only special characteristics of the 1000 being its heft.

That's right, the PSP 1000 is chunky! I do not say this to make fun, however, because the extra weight makes the 1000 really comfortable to hold. Look, without being too crass, the PSP has a massive ass- I mean look at this size comparison!!

I AM ACTUALLY JEALOUS OF A VIDEO GAME DEVICES ASS- WHAT??

ahem- Point is, the PSP's extra heft gave it... I hesitate to use the term love handles but- WHY CAN'T I BE NORMAL ABOUT THIS WE'RE MOVING ON

to the PSP 2000!

In a delightful blue! Similar to mine, but not as pretty :P

The PSP 2000 is notable for a couple reasons. Mainly because it introduced the new skinnier form factor that they pretty much stuck with for the rest of the consoles run (until they radically changed the entire design, but I'm not going there today).

The slim design is alright. While I'm no proponent of unrealistic body goals, I can see why they shed some of the PSP's pounds. The dumpy made it a little less than ideal in the pocket, and the console was also much lighter to boot. I mean it too! The PSP dropped from 280 grams to 189. That's 91 grams lighter!

The real great thing about the PSP 2000 though is that it's around this time that Sony decided to whip out the crayons and start going wild with the colors.

There were simple, yet elegant colors, like Lavender and Mint Green

But more interestingly, we started to see more multicolored themed PSP's, like...

This sleek Gundam one

This beautiful Monster Hunter one

And, last but not least, The Simpsons one!!!

"that is so effin' badass"

Awww yeah! The wide array of color options was certainly not unique to the PSP as far as handheld consoles go, but I'm such a freakazoid for this design- I can't get over how cute all these different PSP's are.

Whenever I see all the different colored PSP's, I imagine an eclectic group of people riding the Yamanote line, with the one connective link between them being the fact that they're passing the time during their train ride by dinking around with a PSP. You might even be able to tell at a passing glance something about the persons character as you notice the color they chose, or maybe you're just looking too far into it. After all, what would somebody tell about you, rocking your Simpsons PSP. That you like the Simpsons? That you like the Simpsons enough to have committed to staring at a Simpsons themed device every day on the train? Is that something you feel you should base your entire identity around? in Tokyo, Japan circa 2006? ...The answer is sure, why not! The Simpsons rules!

And so does the PSP 3000!

In a silver that reminds me James Bonds car... Oddly specific, that one

Now, I'm putting a lot of faith in you right now to spot any kind of difference between this device, and the last device. To be fair, I was putting a lot of faith in you to spot any kind of difference between the last device and the first device- but I digress.

I think the majority of people would agree that the 3000 is the best PSP. It's basically the 2000, only with a WAY better screen. The contrast between light and dark is much better, the colors are more vibrant and vivid, the awful ghosting effect from previous models is all but gone- it's wonderful!

And no, I didn't mention the ghosting effect in talking about the previous models, and that's mostly because well- have you seen what the competitions screens were like at the time?

It's like I'm playing a video game in a Zach Snyder movie...

Yeah- the standards were low as heck, which makes the PSP 3000 that much more impressive! It really is a nice looking screen even still, and I speak on good authority because, well, this was the model PSP I owned and used for years!

As previously established, I owned the Vibrant Blue 3000, but there were tons of other fun colors too!

You had, as before, simple but elegant colors like Blossum Pink and White Blue

but also the SUPER fun themed ones, which started to get cool as heck with the 3000!

You've got the Hatsune Miku one, of course

ok this one is sorta underwhelming, tbh

This 'so classy it's criminal' Monster Hunter one

don't know who I was quoting- but the gold highlights- AAAAA

And there was even a One Piece themed PSP!

Which also happens to look quite similar to the MonHun one! Just with less class (sorry luffy)

At the end of the whole PSP lifecycle we wound up with so many unique colors and variants that just collecting the different colors of all the different PSP's could be entire decade long endeavors in it of themselves! I'd like to say that one day I could own them all but likeeeee-

I think student loans will probably prohibit me from ever being so frivolous, though it's fun to dream!

or is it depressing...

In any case, that wraps up my PSP worship appreciation post for now!

Keen PSP appreciators may have noticed my failure to mention the PSP GO or the PSP Street. I am aware of those 2 revisions, but I chose not to include them because:

1. I've never seen either of them in the flesh before, so I have no personal experience with them and thus couldn't confidently speak on their ergonomics or screen quality

2. They only had 2 colors each, which is lame and not fun!

and 3. It's 3 AM and I have to get up early tomorrow- I kinda wrote this all on a whim because I saw someone post a picture of a PSP and it put my brain in hyperdrive

ANYWAYS

I hope you enjoyed this slightly structured ramble! I will leave you with a fanmade commercial for the PSP I found on youtube dot com

hehe, 2005 was nuts-

goodnight :)

[redfoxandice]

Friday Black: 2.5/5

Really churning these out today as I have been not too busy to read, but too busy to write. Such is always the case, it is much easier to intake than export, take than give, ingest than produce. I remember reading an instagram post / infographic, about how you must take in enough information for you to be able to produce something meaningful, something off all the knowledge, the words and numbers you have accumulated. On the other hand, when you try to produce without that input, often the words hang hollow. It was an instagram post so the validity is always doubtable, yet it did stuck with me. I used to be full of ideas and stories that I will lay in bed and imagine my hand typing on the exact words, yet now I run empty no matter how many pages I put in me. I am slightly embarrassed to admit this, having been hailed often as the one who write within my group, but I guess sadly other priority took over, work and life and growing roots in foreign soil. It had worked and probably have changed the trajectory of my family, yet it has also drained me, drew the spring of creativity from me to water the productivity, into GDP, into practical efficiency. Now I lay in bed and think of projects, of pay rise, of the slippery totem poll and how hard I am holding it and what I let go to climb higher.

Anyway, so the book! ...was not that great. I was (perhaps shamefully) proud of reading with more diversity (though I always believe the end of diversity is no more diversity, is that reading a range of books from a range of authors with a range of background is no longer a thing to be boasting about), picking this up as the first "young Black US author" that I have read. Well, I picked up Chain-Gang All-Stars first, saw the recommendation for Friday Black, and grabbed it too. The former I am working through now.

I appreciate the themes and I admit that I really don't know exactly it is going in the US, and I did enjoy (well, maybe not enjoy, but lied) The Finklestein 5, the absurdity of it all.

That's...about all the good I can say about it. I am struggling to appreciate the writing style, the prose. This is something I have been thinking: I like the theme, the message, to be nicely wrapped up like a gift, a puzzle, a map. Something that you have to decode, to understand, to ruminate over, to pack and unpack and over and over. The fun never ends, the feeling of self-made discovery, the pride, the awe. That's probably why detective novel is so popular these days, people love to "solve" things! And I am still people. Sadly, Nana Kwame does not package his message. I am not saying that a message needs to be packaged, I am saying that ultimately there is two fold to art: message, and the delivery. The message is up there, but the delivery...is honestly not that interesting. And we are, after all, packaging it into a book. Saying these because many, many people think that if the message is holy, no criticism shall come towards it, otherwise you are a prvileged a-hole :) I do not stand by that, I think we can critique the art form independently from its message. Plus, if you really want to convey your message, there are so many other ways you can do so, like actually protesting. If you are using art, then you shall succumb to the chains that come with.

But yeah, in writing there are not that much depth to it - everything is immediately obvious. The shoe-looker, the gene-edited to be power-hungry, the systematic racism, I get it, but is this it? I am sadly uninterested and did not really finish the book.

Chain-Gang is so far a lot more engaging, but still you get these footnotes that are a reminder of real life. Fair enough, I found it informative learning the facts, but surely this can be tied into the story? Or presented in a way that is less preachy? Or the constant, obvious hint that "ohh it's so lucky they are on the same chain, they don't have to fight each other", seeing that about three times per page REALLY tells you that this is going to change, like, pronto.

I'll leave commentary on Chaing-Gang by itself, so far I am not really that impressed.

[novafire-is-thinking]

Behind the Playlist - Transformers: Prime Edition (Part 10 of 22: Knockout)

Link to the other posts in my Behind the Playlist series

✧ ✧ ✧

Doctor in the house. The flashy one who’s desperate for your attention and probably has a history of medical malpractice, of course.

Intended overarching themes and/or qualities: Playful Vanity, Fast-paced Fun, Attention-seeking

My personal favorite(s) from this playlist: This Is My Show, Knock the Dominoes, and Ain’t Seen Nothin’

✧ ✧ ✧

Full song list and explanations under the cut:

This Is My Show by UNSECRET, Liv Ash

Knockout likes to think he’s made for the spotlight. I mean, he’s not exactly wrong.

Rush by The Score

Adrenaline rush, obviously.

Own the Night by AREA21

KO just wants to have fun. I think this song fits his free and easy attitude.

In Need of a Doctor by NymN

I’m not sure about anyone else, but I keep forgetting that Knockout’s technically a doctor with training in the sciences.

The Speed in My Soul by CG5, Hyper Potions

It’s no secret that Knockout likes to go fast. A lot. While all the other ‘Cons chose flight modes, he stuck with something that would allow him to keep his wheels on the road. And those steel-belted radials were nice too.

Stupid Love by Main-De-Gloire

Knockout: “So go on, Big M. Tell me you love me more than Starscream.”

…and every single one of his other comments and behaviors intended to draw attention to himself. 😂 All the pretty boi wants is to be loved. We get it, KO.

La La La - Drove Remix by AREA21

“Telling me I need to change but what do they know? / I don't get what made them think they have a say so / Everybody's such an angel with a halo / Yeah, right, I don't think so

Talking 'bout my life, but they don't know me / Why would they expect I'd let them control me? / When they criticize me, I don't listen / They don't realize I like to be different”

Knock the Dominoes by Scott & Brendo

“Yo, I'm like a one hit wonder / I do the show once so take a number / Lightning strike without all the thunder / Hold your breath you about to go under”

Knockout likes to think of himself as being pretty good at doing damage and having fun, all while looking good doing it. Plus, the name has “Knock” in it, so how can I pass it up?

Hypermania by Inpetto

The casual and playful vibes fit.

Look at Me Now by Paper Kings

“So get your cameras out / I'd probably do the same thing if I was you / Lookin' at me now, now

Put up your lights / And keep 'em flashin' / Don't ever put 'em down, down, down

Look at me now / Look at me now / Look at me now”

It’s My Night by WAR*HALL

A little full of yourself, huh Knockout?

Shake It Up by Saint Middleton, UNSECRET, Plappert

“Let's shake it up, make some moves / We got the fresh, we got the new / Let's shake it up, set it loose / Nobody do it like we do / We gon' shake it up / Gon' shake it up”

Out of the main crew on the Nemesis, Knockout took things the least seriously, for the most part. I think that was a good thing. He was both an annoyance and a breath of fresh air on the Nemesis.

Ain’t Seen Nothin’ by Paper Kings

“Dropped in like a UFO / Shined up like glitter and gold / If you don’t know well now you know

Crashed down like a tidal wave / Got sick of the same old thing / I’mma do it differently

Ohh / Another level yeah I’m taking it higher / Watch me / I’m bringing that heat / I’m feeding that fire

You ain’t seen nothing like this / Nothing like this / Nothing like this / You ain’t seen nothing like this / Nothing like this

So fresh, oh so classic / Wilder than you imagined / Never going out of fashion”

Looks That Kill by Garena Free Fire

I’m a little bit bittersweet, but you can put some sugar on me / Imma knock you off of your feet / I’m a non-stop thrill, I got looks that kill

✧ ✧ ✧

Notes:

This post series is in alphabetical order. Next up are Megatron and Miko Nakadai.

As I add more songs to the playlist, I’ll update this post.

[avintagekiss24]

There’s been a lot of posts flying around here talking about how blogs can’t claim tropes or themes and plots, and that’s true. But plagiarism is still plagiarism folks, and story sets up can definitely be stolen— just like words can be.

How do I know?

Cuz it just happened to me :)

I was tagged in a fic today by the author who blatantly took lines/passages and the entire beginning set up of my story. The pairings were the same: Stucky x black!reader. Her reader had a disability (deaf), my reader had a disability (blind). My story started out with reader lying in bed under the covers, where Bucky then comes in and tries to pull the blankets away from my blind reader, who instinctively and intuitively knows it’s Bucky without seeing him. You see, because my reader is blind in this fic, her other senses are strengthening, so she can tell the subtle differences in the smells of Bucky (rich and masculine) and Steve (light and sweet). How different their hands feel on her skin.

Their story had the exact same set up: deaf reader is lying in bed under the covers. Bucky comes in the room and lo and behold, she instinctively knows it’s Bucky— by the way he smells different from Steve.

Mine:

Theirs:

I even made reference to reader getting angry at the fact that she can no longer see her favorite clothes, and throws them away.

Mine:

Theirs:

Now this is a small detail, but an important one. My reader is dealing with going blind. She’s pissed that she can no longer see her favorite clothing— this was an important detail for me to convey her grief. Her being angry that she can’t only not see her clothing, but that she’s forgetting what it looks like. This detail, to me, would not be particularly relevant to a deaf person. They can still see their clothes— there’s no need to remember what they look like. Again, for my reader it was part of her grief, losing a piece of her personal style (which I mention was a big deal for her, she was a fashionable gal).

Hell, even the warnings are almost identical (the challenge it was submitted for as well… although mine was submitted for last years challenge— I believe the host ran the same challenge again this year)

Mine:

Theirs:

I posted my story September 5th, 2020:

A screenshot of my google docs to show when I created the doc and when I last edited it (both last year) and who had access to it (no goddamn body):

I was tagged in their story today, which they posted today. A full year later. (Don’t have a screenshot because I didn’t think of it at the time and now their post is deleted).

I immediately reached out through dm and expressed my concerns— only to get the run around. “It wasn’t on purpose” “I didn’t copy you” “I don’t steal” “I wouldn’t do that to you” “I didn’t copy, I swear” for over an hour before they admitted what they’d done.

Turns out, they had this same discussion with another writer whom they had plagiarized 2 fics from a few months ago.

So. The moral of the story? Yeah, nobody can own a trope. Nobody can own story plots. Nobody owns these characters but Marvel. But writers do own their ideas, their words and their set ups— how they choose to convey and detail certain things. That is what makes stories unique.

I’m not saying my blind!reader was unique— but her experiences? Her anger, her response, her grief, her expression of that grief, how she navigates her relationship with Steve and Bucky through taste, touch, feel instead of sight— that’s mine. That cannot be taken and I won’t let it be taken.

This feels really fuckin shitty. To be plagiarized, and then to have that person tag me in their plagiarized fic, then for them to lie to me and try to make me feel as if I’m imagining the similarities— that it’s just a coincidence. Not fucking cool.

Should I have kept quiet and let this die between us? Maybe. But just knowing that they’ve done this before, told that other author they’d never do it again, just for them to turn around and do it again :) has me in a mood. The fact that they lied to me, for over an hour, has me in a mood. That they lied to the other author, swore up and down to both of us that this would never happen again… this place has become so freakin toxic and tiring.

Y’all can bitch and moan about my approach all you want to. I have screenshots of the entire conversation to back up this post— time stamped of when she and I had our conversation in relation to the time I’m making this post.

Now I’m uncomfortable sharing the thing I love. I’m uncomfortable with this person reading my stories, and now I’m uncomfortable with other people reading my stories. Cool.

[itsallyscorner]

Hello, i saw that your request are close atm.😌 but can I request in advance? 😂 (mix!reader) where tom is reacting to fan made videos of the reader and he keeps on fanboying or something and ended up having her as his lockscreen🙃 if it make sense haha. (It just went to my head and share it with you🤓🥰) LOVE YOUR STORIES and i KEEP on re-reading them over and over💕 love lots and I’ll keep supporting you and your stories✨ have a great day

I’m pretty sure this is the request that one anon was referring to! Thank you for the love and support on my blog💕 Once again, sorry for the long wait! I hope you like it💖

💌.

Fanboy

I wanted to make this a headcanon because there’s just too many scenarios of Tom being a fanboy in my head that I can go on for days😭

If we haven’t established it enough on this blog: Tom is a hardcore and very proud Mixer.

Especially with you in the band, Tom’s support for the girl group was above and beyond.

We love a supportive boyfriend🥺

Obviously, you are his favorite member in the band.

He’s told you straight up that you were his favorite. It was also no secret because everyone knew of his crush on you even before the two of you dated.

He even exposed himself during interviews when asked who his celebrity crush was.

“My celebrity crush? (Y/n) (L/n) without a doubt.”

“You didn’t even hesitate to answer that.”

“Why would I? She’s always been my celebrity crush, she’s gorgeous and hilarious.”

His friends and family enjoyed taking the piss out of him. They constantly teased him about how whipped he was for you.

They pointed out how he would follow you around like a lost puppy and look at you as if you hung the moon and the stars in the sky.

As much as he hated the teasing, he knew they were all right.

He was absolutely in love with you. You were it for him. (Yes I’m quoting Cherry, leave me alone pls)

“Tom, you’re such a simp for (y/n).” Harrison teased him one day.

“Yes and what about it?” He would immediately answer back. Sassily, might I add.

Although Tom wasn’t that big with PDA, he never hid the way he felt for you.

He posted pictures of you on Instagram and freely talked about you during interviews or to anyone in general.

He would also promote the band’s new album or publicly congratulate you guys after winning an award. He’d be so cute, he’ll praise you guys and write about how proud he is of you and the girls🥺

Everyone knew about your relationship, but you guys weren’t the kind of couple to constantly post about your relationship on social media.

It wasn’t a secret but it was lowkey to the point where your relationship had privacy from the nosy world.

But basically, yes, everyone was aware of how much of a simp and major fanboy Tom was.

Many fans caught him liking fan edits of you on Instagram and Twitter.

There were also edits of you he found on Tiktok, but those likes were never found lmao.

Though you weren’t as aware as the fans of him looking at fan edits of you.

Tom enjoyed watching edits of you. Especially when he was away for filming or when you were on tour.

He literally has a folder on his Instagram to save all of his favorite fan edits of you to.

His favorite edits are the ones that show how cute and wholesome you are, the thirst edits, and his most favorite, the crack head edits.

Tom literally goes to YouTube and searches for these videos.

(Y/n) (L/n) being the baby of Little Mix for 10 minutes.

Funny (Y/n) (L/n) moments that butter my quakson.

(Y/n) (L/n) being clumsy on stage for 15 minutes straight.

(Y/n) (L/n) being unintentionally beautiful.

(Y/n) (L/n) moments that make me question my sexuality

You get the gist.

Sometimes you’ll catch him staring at his phone, smiling or biting his lip, while a song played over and over again.

That was just him watching an edit of you repeatedly but you didn’t know that.

Omg why do I see him saving one of those edits from TikTok as a live wallpaper and making it his lockscreen?

Which would probably be how you found out about his little fanboy secret on his phone.

“Darling, can you pass me my phone please?” He asked you from the kitchen. You took his phone from the coffee table in the living room and went to where he was.

Maybe your thumb was pressing down on the screen making the live wallpaper move. You know how it makes your phone like vibrate or something? Yeah, you felt that.

So you looked down and suddenly his wallpaper turned into clips of you. You stopped midway just to watch it.

There were clips of you from music videos, interviews, performances, and even red carpet events.

It was like one of those “play date” edits that were trending around TikTok.

Tom comes out to check on you only to find you smiling at his phone. His eyes widen when he sees what you’re looking at.

“I—uh, I can explain!”

He thought you would find it weird and creepy of him to have a live wallpaper of you as his lock screen.

But you didn’t find it weird, you thought it was cute and adorable of him. It made you realize how wholesome of a boyfriend he was.

He’s instantly relieved when you tell him that.

You’d ask him where he got it and he would open up TikTok, then open his favorites.

Which exposed him because it’s literally a bunch of edits of you.

“Why do you have so many edits of me?”

He shrugs, “I just like watching them. They also help me when we’re apart. The fans make so many good edits of you, you need to watch them.”

Tom then goes on to show you all the edits he’s saved from TikTok.

You guys cuddle on the couch while going through them.

After you’ve gone through most of the ones from TikTok he would open up Instagram.

“Wait, there’s more?”

“Yes, there’s more. I can make about 5 Marvel length films out of all of them.”

He’d be so adorable and click on specific ones to show you because they were his favorite.

“Ooo, baby let’s watch this one. It’s very cute and my favorite song is in it.”

“Can we please watch the thirst edits?”

“Look, this one’s an edit of us. Aren’t we the cutest couple ever?”

Later on you would admit that you also watch fan edits of him.

“Do you really?”

“Yeah, they always pop up on my feed and I end up going down a rabbit hole of fan edits of you.”

Then you guys would go through your phone and watch fan edits of him.

He’d find a lot of them ‘sick’ and asks you to send them to him.

Now that you both knew about your love for fan edits of each other, you guys would send edits to each other all the time🥺

Sometimes you’ll even share them to your stories.

Tom did this the most with edits of you. When he shared the edits to his story he would add comments like:

“😍😍😍😍”

“My beautiful girl”

“Thank you for making an edit of @yourinstagram just laughing. I’ve been missing her so much and this really made my day x”

*thirst edit of you* “I’m the luckiest man in the world😍”

Tom is just the most supportive boyfriend and your biggest fan.

He could watch fan edits of you all day if he could :)

Tags:

*tags with a cross through them do not work*

Little Mix!reader x Tom Holland Taglist

↪︎ @waxingmoonwrites @slutforsebstan @starslazyandcosy @xkonpinkx @dummiesshort @gypsystuf @kielemarie @wroetospidey @thatgirlangelb @have-aheart @adayasgeorgia @xeniarocks @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @agustdowney @itssmadelyn @tomsirishgirlx @imthebadguyyy @roseke @kaylans-imagines

Tom Holland Taglist

↪︎ @lovableparker @aprettyfleur @sunwardsss @dummiesshort @thotforcriminalminds @cuddlykoala101 @itstaskeen @whoslili @white-wolf1940 @tomsirishgirlx @roseke @kaylans-imagines @spideyspeaches @xxstrangegirlxxx @slutforsebstan

General Taglist

↪︎ @quxxnxfhxll @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @thegirlwiththediary @agustdowney

[onlyswan]

hello… tulip anonie here and she’s not okay :’D your latest drabble gave me so many feelings and now i’m still trying to cope here, a few hours later </3

i kid you not i actually have been having this question that i wanted to ask you this past week and i just haven’t got the chance to so it was just sitting on my notes app. I wanted to ask :

in that drabble with his ex, you mentioned that “he almost lost you once, and he won’t let that happen again”. was it when he forgot the movie date? or was it something else?

listen- i knew that their love is not fragile BUT BOY I COULD NOT BE MORE WRONG. but he was so scared in that frogotten movie date drabble and you never really mentioned their worse conflict than that one, so i couldn’t help but assume it was that one so i wanted to ask you 🥺 and my patience (more like lack of time 😅) just did me a great favor <3

—

*sigh* this drabble ruined me yet heal the wounds that i didn’t even realize were there.

“then why are you giving up on me? am i becoming a burden?” — he has never felt this much loathing for himself and his weaknesses.

and suddenly all the drabbles about oc being insecure hit me all at once, i want to hug them so bad, protect this little bean at all costs please jungkookaaaa 😭❤️‍🩹

“all the other people waiting in line for ___.”

i seriously needed to pause after i read this and cried into my pillow.

“you already own this book but this one got a different cover, see? it’s hardback? they say it’s a limited edition.”

as a book lover i can’t explain how this NOT little gesture means. i love him i love him i love him.

this is my favorite excerpt:

fuck giving you space. he wants drown himself in you and never come up for air. he selfishly wishes to be the first and the last person you fall in love with.

“i tried living without you like you wanted- but i can’t-” you hiccup in between small sobs on the other line. “i love you, jungkook. i can’t live carrying around all this love with me. it’s too heavy…”

ARTEMIS AT THIS POINT HOW CAN I READ WITH TEARS IN MY EYES

i really really trully love oc. all this time i thought oc and jk are equally lucky to have each other’s love but after this, i can’t help but think that kookie is the lucky one.

“going to build a life with you. i’ll build furniture, and they’re going to be ours.”

artemis… my hopeless romantic ass really can’t take this. how am i supposed to find love after this?

ooooooh and the tannies cameo in this one?!? you represent their characters and relationships with jungkook perfectly. couldn’t ask for better interactions :’)

oh!! and i listened to All your days by Shallou. That song reminds me of jk and oc after this drabble. And the vibe also feels like relief and peace and yearning and it has been my favorite song for a long time and now it reminds me of iw!couple and i can’t help but love it even more ♡

have a wonderful day artemis! thank you for existing 🤍

-🌷

hello my dearest tulip anonie 🌷🫂

yeah i’m sorry it took me quite some time to reveal it 🥺 i wanted to explore oc and jungkook’s personalities more myself before i wrote it, make it feel like a puzzle piece that completes a picture. not sure if i succeeded and i was still nervous to post it but i feel like i did it at the right time :")

AHHH I LOVELOVELOVE WHEN U SHARE UR FAVORITE PARTS

broke my heart imagining oc ask those questions. please do give them a big hug i’m sad they didn’t get any while going through all that 😭

taehyung was so real and so sick for that HONESTLYSFHFDHHD i went 😖 every time i read it while editing

OMG THE BOOK :((( i have a tiny secret about it i don’t know when i’ll be able to subtly reveal 🧐

i really really trully love oc. all this time i thought oc and jk are equally lucky to have each other’s love but after this, i can’t help but think that kookie is the lucky one.

jk will definitely agree with you in this one though >:(

hehe thank you so much my love i had lots of fun including them in this one it felt like the perfect opportunity 🥹

TULIP ANONIEEEE THE LYRICS OF THIS ONE </3 it fits them so right thank you for sharing your favorite song i will be listening to it lots :") and for everything really! ilysm 💗💗💗

[sciapod]

Bathtub Photoshoot 💦

Pairing: Henry Cavill x First Person-POV (Female, or at least X wears a bra and has breasts)

Summary: Little private photosesh' with Henners and then some.

Warnings: Dry humping but let's just call it grinding. Edging. 18+ to be safe!! Contains smut. You might be able to find the tiniest bit of angst. And bit of fluff.

Word count: 2.5K

Not beta’ed! I take full responsibility for this fuckup.

Inspired/prompted by this post by @cavillfics

Masterlist

I obviously don't own Henry Cavill, nor do I know him IRL, so it goes without saying that this is a figment of my imagination.

(I took the liberty to edit the photo just a bit and don’t know who to credit for the original edit. Let me know if you know, so I can give credit where it's due.)

Happy reading 💦

---

“Babe, I've got an idea! Can you do something for me, please?”

When I heard you coming through the front door, I rushed to meet you there. You were finally home again and was hanging your jacket on the coat rack when I found you.

“Oh, well,” you reply, “I really want to just lean back, maybe take a shower or something. It’s been a long week, babe. And hello, by the way.”

You step over to me, reach around my waist and pull me against your firm body.

“Mhm, you smell lovely,” you whisper in my hair. I sigh, then wiggle myself free of your embrace.

“Henry, listen,” I look up at you with my best attempt at puppy eyes. You breathe deeply and turn your face, scratching mine with your stubble. It sends shivers through my body.

“Okay,” you hum as your hands roam my body, finding their way to my bare thighs then sneaking up beneath my robe, “tell me.”

I grab your hips and press my core against your thigh as I lean backwards, looking up at you, “I want to take some pictures … of you.”

Your face goes through a range of emotions; surprised, suspicious, smirking, friendly and finally incredibly charismatic: Front-page-style smile.

“That’s the one!” I say with excitement.

“Which one?” you tease, furrowing your brow and looking all suspicious again.

“You know perfectly well, you buffoon!” I say, as I slap your chest playfully.

My entire body lifts when you laugh. You kiss my forehead and twirl some of my hair between a few fingers. Your eyes shift, gazing at various areas of my face. I sigh, then reach for your hands, the one playing with my hair and the other, which I find gently caressing the lace of my panties.

I hold your hands between us and look up at my man.

“You do realize, of course, that you are basically a Greek god carved out of stone.”

“I have been told so, yes.”

“And you do realize that every artist needs a muse, a model, to create from.”

“I have a faint idea of that, yes,” you say, smirking down at me.

“And I happen to be short of a project, and subject, for my portfolio.”

“I see,” your smile broadens, “but what does that have to do with me?”

“Henry!”

My declining patience must have been obvious somewhere in my face or perhaps my exclamation, because you burst out laughing, throwing your head back as you do so. I can’t help but melt a little.

“Tell me what you need me to do, darling,” you say, stroking my hands with your thumbs. I feel warmth spread through my chest. Your face softens and I feel the warmth spread further down.

“Fuck,” I breathe, casting my eyes to the floor. I’m suddenly filled with all kinds of insecurities, imposter syndrome and such, but there’s a reason why you’re my man. You sense it immediately and lift my hands to your lips, kissing them sincerely.

“You’ve got this, babe.”

I sigh, “I know, sweetheart. It's just… Urgh.”

You kiss my forehead.

“Tell me your idea.”

“I…” My voice breaks. You lift my chin up with a single finger, as if it were suddenly light as a feather, forcing me to look into your striking blue eyes.

“I don’t know,” I finally exclaim. “I didn’t have a concrete idea. I just knew that I wanted you to be in the photos.”

You smile, almost apologetically, “Okay, look. I really want to help. But I’m so damn tired. I’ve got an idea, though, of how we may be able to hit two birds with one stone.”

“Okaay?” I say, a slight tinge of hope seeping into my core again.

“I need a bath–”

“–I can’t take a nude picture of you!”

You laugh again, but shake your head, “No, silly. Let me finish.”

My cheeks flush scarlet.

“I need a bath, but instead of taking a shower, I’ll jump in the tub. Once in there, you can have me do whatever you want.”

I squint my eyes, then see a lightbulb flash on.

“YES!” I almost yell, running my hands up your torso and leaning in for a kiss.

“Yes,” I repeat, then press my lips against your sculpted ones. It is as if your lips curl to a smile amidst the kiss.

“Yes,” I say one last time, meeting your eyes, “If you get the water running, I’ll collect my gear.”

Your hands go wandering about on my hips again, dragging my robe up and making my hairs stand on end. You look down at me with a confident smile, saying, “great minds think alike.”

I fight off the urge to kiss you again and instead draw away from you. You catch the waistband of my robe and it slides off as I step away, revealing the new set of lingerie I’m wearing underneath. I stand, looking at you with what I imagine is the expression of a suspicious feline. You, on the other hand, make a low whistle and shake your head in slow motion, clearly surprised and pleased to see what I was hiding beneath. Then you nod toward the living room, signalling I get on with finding my camera.

It takes me a few minutes to find the right lens. When I enter the bathroom, you’re in the process of unbuckling your belt. The tap is running and there’s already a bit of water in the tub.

“Wait,” I say, stopping you just as you’re about to pull your jeans down, “I think I want you in the water dressed.”

You stare for a moment, shrug, say “sure,” then proceed to tug your jeans over your perky bum again.

“Right, erm,” I think for a moment, “No, you know what? Lose the pants, but keep the t-shirt on.”

“Lose the pants,” you repeat and let your jeans fall to the floor. As you stand back up, I realize something.

“We might have a problem,” I say, eyeing the hefty bulge in your boxers.

You follow my gaze, noticing the same problem, then nod in agreement.

“But then again,” you say, “what did you expect, looking like that?” you hint at my open robe and lingerie.

We both shrug, then burst laughing.

“I guess we’ll just have to make it work!” I say, “Now, in the tub with you, buddy.”

You feel the temperature of the water and deciding that it’s decent, turn off the tap, step in and lie down. There’s not a lot of water in there, but I’m assuming it will do. You look up at me with anticipation, “Now what?”

I squint at you, finding the bulge slightly distracting, basically towering above the waterline like another Burj Khalifa. Obviously, you notice my lack of response.

“Hey, babe!” you say, snapping me out of it. I feel my nether region clench.

“Okay, okay!” I shake my head to wake up. You shake yours too, smirking at me.

“We need to do something about that,” I say.

“I can try to hide it?” you suggest.

“How?” I squint. It’s a mastodon of a package you has stored down there, I think to myself.

“Anyway, I need to find a position to photograph you from.”

I begin taking random photos of you from various angles and perspectives, simultaneously adjusting the settings on the camera as I do so. Meanwhile, you roll around to one side, then the other, then back again. The squeaking sounds of your body rubbing against the sides of the tub while you change poses makes the whole situation rather comedic, and I'm convinced you're doing it even worse on purpose. Determined to be somewhat professional, I try to ignore your distractions.

“It’s a good thing we have such good lighting in here,” I say, gazing around the small room, pretending to be focused and ignorant of your attempts at sabotage.

“How do you want me, babe? I feel like… I don’t even know? A fish out of water,” you say, doubting your own wording, “or something like that.”

I sigh, “I know, I get it. I need to think. We’ve also still got that… situation… going on.” I gesture at the, no less apparent, tent between your legs.

“Okay,” you say calmly, “I’ll just lie back and relax, while you think of something.”

“Good.”

As you settle into a comfortable position, I mentally run through the various “golden rules” of photography that I can remember.

Then it’s as if I notice the obvious. The absolute god-like adonis carved in marble in front of me: My initial inspiration. Your white t-shirt, soaked from all the turning and splashing around you did, is sticking to your chest and abs, enhancing the lines of your muscular torso, yet still in a perfectly suggestive fashion; somewhat similar to the drapery you see on these same sculptures. In a fit of impulse, I crawl up to stand on the edges of the tub.

You open your eyes –awoken by my scramblings– fear in your eyes as you reach for me, “be careful, babe!”

“No no, darling! Stay put!” I say, “I’m perfectly safe. It’s dry. My feet are dry. I’m stable, but thank you.” I smile, reassuringly. Suspicious yet accepting, you lower your arms and lie back down. I notice your eyes trail down my exposed body. Lust now clear as daylight in your gaze.

“I think I’ve got the photo soon, babe, then we’re done,” I explain. “Just close your eyes for me.”

You shake your head and smile, then do as I said.

Your head rests on the back of the tub, but your fingers begin fidgeting … around your nether region.

“Are you uncomfortable?” I ask between photos.

“No…” you smirk, eyes still closed, but you shift and rest your hands awkwardly on your stomach instead.

“We can’t have that,” I say, “you’re covering the main part of the photo,” I tease.

You open your eyes, still smirking but not saying a word.

“And you’re revealing, exposing, what we need to hide,” I try to hold back my laugh.

“Okay,” I continue, “what about… what if you hold your t-shirt at the hem and stretch it down to cover your crotch. Place your other hand casually beside it. Yeah, like that! Exactly, babe. Beautiful.”

I take a couple of photos and look at them on the tiny screen.

“Right, hold that pose, but just… kinda relax, if you can. I’ll take a few shots more and then you’re done!”

You close your eyes again and begin taking deep breaths, lessening the tension that must have been building in your shoulders over the last few days. As peace falls upon your face and body, I take the last photos. After quickly reviewing them on the tiny screen, I decide that I’m done. I turn off my camera and place it on the shelf above the tub before crawling down to sit on the edge of the tub, my feet in the water between your legs.

“Okay, it’s a wrap!”

Your eyes flash open and you let go of your t-shirt. The fabric bounces back, revealing your hairy tummy, teasing me. You look up at me with mischief, then give your member a squeeze.

“Get down here,” you say, almost ferocious in your voice.

I feel myself get all giddy with sudden anticipation as you rise like Poseidon from the water. Before I can do anything other than yelp, you pull me down onto you and with a splash and a thud I land against your rock-hard body. I'm instantly soaked.

“Finally,” you mutter, drenching my face and neck with hungry kisses. Your hands tease the collar of my robe before sliding it over my shoulders. Your eyes explore the curves of my upper body, then you adjust me so that I sit straddled upon you. You don’t speak a word, but your eyes and body say everything I need to know.

I feel your girth throbbing against me. You slide my robe all the way off and without taking your eyes off me, you cast it aside. Then your hands slide up my body. You cup my breasts tenderly, admiring the lace and how the new style of bra suits my breasts. You lick your lips as your thumbs begin stroking my hardening nipples. I sigh and begin grinding against the tip of your member.

You sit up and proceed to kiss and bite the flesh of my breasts. Gently holding the lace aside with your fingers, you capture my nipples between your teeth, ever so gently, before circling your tongue around them with exquisite attention. While squeezing my breasts together, you kiss them one after the other, back and forth, before venturing up to my collarbone and neck. All I can do is whimper and moan.

Then you grasp my hair, pulling my head back. Between kisses and bites on my exposed neck, you breathe damp, sultry words onto my skin. Expressions of how I’ve been a tease, how patient you’ve been and how much you want me now. I want to answer, but I can’t do anything but mutter incoherencies; your throbbing cock eagerly pressing against my core and thus stealing all of my vocabulary.

My breath quickens as I grind harder, cursing the fabrics that keep our cores from meeting, merging. Then you push me towards you, allowing our lips to meet in hungry kisses. My bra loosens. You must have managed to open and take it off me with your other hand, before also casting it aside. You grab at my liberated breasts, then sit up and pull your drenched t-shirt over your head. It lands on the bathroom floor with a splash. My hands instinctively seek the wet fur of your stomach and chest, momentarily squeezing your pecs, then wander south again.

Your eyes read pure hunger and you buck your hips. As I fall back down from the jump, my core meets the powerful strength of your pelvis, bucking yet again. I gasp, overcome by a mixture of arousal and humor. You buck again, a laugh escapes me and somehow, after a few times of this, you’ve managed to free your erection from your boxers. I didn’t notice, but at some point you must have turned on the tap again, because I see you turn it back off. I guess this increased level of water also explains the more slow-motion-like sensation I experience as I land back down on your pelvis; a somewhat softer landing than before. In my own defence, I was entranced and my mind was not functioning at 100%, hence the questionable description. Anyway, both our hips are now submerged under water and I simply shake my head at your mischievous ways. You smirk and pull me down to a deep kiss, slapping my ass through the water, making more water splash all over the place. Everything in the room is certainly wet by now.

I grind against your exposed and infinitely hard cock as your fingers slider under the lace. Your hands grab my cheeks with determination, enhancing the force and enabling you to better thrust against my grinding motion. The friction is causing short-circuits in my brain, making me see colours that aren’t there. My first climax is staggeringly near, but just before I get to release, you buck your hips again, making me scoot off your cock. A devious grin is smeared across your chiseled face.

“You had me waiting, sweetheart. Now it’s my turn to tease.”

---

Thanks for reading my shitpost! Please leave a comment of your thoughts, however nonsensical they may be 💜🙏

Tags in the reblog 🖤Let me know if you want to be added or removed from the list.

[tomtenadia]

A Little Braver - 20

Even if I had a crazy day at work I did manage to do my Monday post as promise... but if you notice typos...I am sorry. I read it and edited but my brain  left with the boat tonight (I work for a ferry company, hence the joke)

This is the first of a few chapters where our bird boy is away and Hamel is causing problems to our gang.

Also, Aelin tries to cook... well... you can imagine how did that go.

--------------------

After the trip to the base Aelin had taken home a very sad Elide and then got back to her own place and cried herself to sleep while hugging Rowan’s pillow. It was very late in the afternoon and it was her day off and she had no intention of leaving her bed.

Her head was buried under the pillow when she heard her phone buzz so she scrambled to get it and her heart raced when she saw it was Rowan.

“Hi,” she said with a croaked vice.

“Are you okay?” Rowan was already in fussing mode.

“Yes I just woke up.” She heard a lot of background noise “where are you?”

“Vulture’s row.” He activated his camera and showed Aelin the view of a fully functional flight deck. “Uh, wait.” He pointed the camera stern of the ship and showed Aelin a jet landing.

“That was so cool.” He turned the camera to him and she saw him with his sunglasses and his hair messed up by the wind. Then he switched off the camera and they went back to normal.

“Are you there yet?”

“We are skirting around. We still have a few hours before we are fully in enemy territory.”

Then Aelin heard a siren of some sort and Rowan swore “I’ll call you as soon as I can again. I need to scramble. Love you.”

“Be safe.” She managed to add before he closed the phone call.

She collapsed again in bed then decided to call Lysandra and Elide and organise a day out the three of them shopping. Elide needed cheering up as well.

The next day Aelin, Elide and Lysandra had decided to have a girls’ afternoon to cheer up the two ladies who had their boys away. They met at the entrance of the shopping centre and Aelin went to hug Elide first of all “how are you doing?”

“Lorcan gave me a brief call yesterday telling me they were on the ship and on their way, then he had to go.”

Aelin sighed “today we don’t think about our far away boys.”

“And maybe you can buy some very sexy lingerie as a present for when Lorcan comes back.” Commented Lysandra and Elide blushed.

“What’s the point?” Asked Elide “you are taking it off anyway.”

Aelin laughed and took Elide’s hand “remember the dress I had at the navy party?”

Elide nodded “it was stunning.”

“I was not wearing anything underneath. It drove Rowan crazy.”

“I have done it a few times with Aedion and I agree with Aelin. The sex afterward has been amazing.”

“How do I learn all these things?”

“Stick with us and we will teach you.”

“Let’s go for some food,” said Aelin, “I haven’t eaten yet.”

“How will you survive now without your sexy chef in the house?” Asked Lysandra.

“Oh, I’ll just go back to my usual order in and ready meals.” Shrugged Aelin who had no intention of even trying to cook anything.

Lysandra took Aelin’s hand and walked toward a restaurant “come on Elide, let’s get this girl properly fed.”

The three women got into the restaurant and sat down and Aelin started perusing the menu eager for some decent food and not long after they placed their order. Lys was right, without Rowan she would be lost when it came to food. Rowan had properly spoiled her.

“How are the wedding preparations going?” Asked Aelin.

Lysandra and Aedion’s wedding was not far away and she was excited to see her best friend finally having her happy ending.

“We are getting there.”

“Do you have a dress yet?” Asked Elide all excited.

Lysandra took out her phone and showed them her dress.

“That is gorgeous. Aedion will not be able to keep his eyes off you during the ceremony.”

“That is the plan.” Lysandra smiled wickedly “but the biggest question is who is going to be next?”

“My money is on Aelin,” chimed Elide “Lor is not emotionally ready for such a step. You and the captain on the other hand…” her eyebrows flicked in amusement.

“She is right, and the two of you basically live together.”

“Yes and no.”

“What do you mean?” Lysandra was confused by the admission.

“We haven’t covered the subject yet. He still has his flat and some of his stuff there. Even after I recovered he never left and I never pushed because I like having him around.”

“Will you ask him to move in officially?”

Aelin sighed “maybe. When he comes back. I don’t know. Things are going well and I don’t want to mess it up.”

“Do you think he’ll say no?” Asked Lysandra. Brainstorming with her friend was always helpful and recently she hadn’t done it enough.

“I don’t think so. But living together is as far as we can go just now. For many, many reasons.”

“Is it because of Sam?”

“Only partially.” She was not going to tell her friends Rowan’s story. She had no right. So she remained vague hoping the two friends would get the hint and not ask anymore questions.

“Still, my money is on you two.” Added Lys “Elide is right, Lorcan does not seem to have yet the emotional ability to commit.”

“Hey, he kissed her in public. And yesterday at the base he seemed quite nice to her.”

“Quite?”

“I don’t know, I was concentrating on Rowan I just cast a brief glance at them.” Replied Aelin.

“He was super kind.” Added Elide taking biting on a breadstick.

Their food finally arrived and Aelin was the first to tuck in.

“Does the captain know about your crazy eating habits?” Asked Lysandra amused.

“Yes,” replied Aelin, enjoying her food “he calls me his bottomless pit. When we had our first date he joked that he might need a mortgage just to feed me.”

Elide laughed “Sam used to joke and say that he needed a second job just for feeding you.”

“I move a lot,” replied Aelin with a grin “I have a big appetite.”

“I think it must be a firefighter thing. Aedion is the same.” Lysandra grinned “and we burn a lot of calories.”

“Eeewwww, I did not need to know that. He is my cousin.”

“Oh come one, as if you and hot captain do not engage in illicit activities. The whole squad guessed that the other night you two had sex in the shower after the call at the club.”

“I was just giving him a special goodbye.” Her hand gently brushed the spot where she could feel his tags. She did a bit of research and she was happy she had a copy. Having the real one meant he was gone and she could not think about that.

“Are you okay?” Asked Lysandra worried at her sudden change of expression.

“Yeah.” She added flatly, then gave them a big smile. It was their day off she should not spoil it.

“So, are we taking Elide lingerie shopping?” Aelin teased trying to raise the spirits of her friend.

“Yes, it’s going to be fun.” Added Lysandra all excited.

“Girls… there is really no need. What I have is okay. Lorcan is not fussed.”

Aelin took a bite of her food “oh but we will make sure he is fussed and also that he knows how sexy you are so he does not decide to…. wander.”

“How do I keep him? I am nowhere near as interesting as the two of you. He might get bored of me very soon.”

Aelin stared at her friend and it broke her heart that her horrible past left her with no confidence at all. Elide was brilliant at her job and she was an intelligent woman and she was positive she would make quite a few heads turn.

“Don’t you say something like that ever again.” Lysandra preceded her. She was even more protective of Elide than her “I work with you everyday and I know how awesome you are and I am positive that if we go to a club you’d have your share of men looking at you.”

Aelin nodded.

They finished their meal and went back wandering around the shopping centre and visited a few shops. In one of them Aelin wandered in the male department and spotted a couple of lovely jumpers. One of them was a deep green and looked very cozy and she realised she had no idea of when it was Rowan’s birthday.

Silly question, you never told me your birthday. She sent the text and knew a reply might take a long time to come. She grabbed the jumper and tried to decide whether it was the right size for him.

“That is a lovely jumper.” Said Lysandra joining her at her side “already thinking about useful presents? You are like an old married couple.”

Aelin laughed.

“But I think this one is really nice and the man seems to look amazing in green.”

“I am just wondering about the size.”

Lysandra grabbed the tag “this one will fit Aedion so you should be fine.”

A moment later Elide rejoined them, her face beetroot red “I feel so silly.” And showed the girls her bag with her lingerie purchase.

“Hey, Ace and I are joking. You didn’t have to buy it if it makes uncomfortable.” But Elide surprised them “I will buy just one pair for now and I’ll see how it goes.”

Lysandra laughed “Aelin is already buying presents married couple style and you are still in the sexy lingerie stage. My girls have grow up so much.”

“And what stage are you and Aedion?” Asked Aelin with a grin.

“The one where I go to the grocery store and I phone him to ask him if he wants beef or chicken for dinner.”

The rest of the afternoon went swimmingly and she loved spending the day with Lys and Elide. They didn’t do that nearly enough.

Now she was back home and in the kitchen trying to accomplish her new mission. She had bought a cooking book for beginners and she had decided she was going to try and cook dinner. Lysandra had told her to start with something as simple as a stir fry. So she had bought a few more kitchen supplies and a pan Lys had told her was called a wok. She had mused why she could not use the pot she already had and Lys had rolled her eyes. Aelin had also bought the ingredients and now they were all lined up in front of her, the book open and a fire blanket and a small fire extinguisher on the counter just to be safe it was her cooking after all. She took a photo and sent it to Rowan then started working. When it got to cut the onions she cursed herself for deciding to cook.

Her phone rang and put it on speaker “hey,” her voice sounded strained and Rowan went in full fussing mode “are you okay?”

“Yeah, cutting those blasted onions.” She sniffled.

Over the line she heard Rowan roar with laughter “what are you making?” He asked as soon as he stopped laughing.

“A chicken stir fry. Lys said it’s easy to do.”

“Why are you putting onions in it?”

“Because I like them, mr I know how to cook.”

“I even bought a wok. Apparently I cannot use my pot.” She added as while throwing the ingredients in the pan.

“Seriously, when I get back we are going to have a massive overhaul of your kitchen.”

And Aelin’s heart raced in joy. It sounded like he had no intention of going back permanently to his flat. Maybe when he got back she should ask him the question after all.

“Aelin, it’s a miracle you have cutlery and two plates.” She could hear the humour in his voice.

“How are things going?”

“I just came off patrol. I am on my way to my quarters to get changed. I don’t have the most appealing scent just now.”

“Shower without me, so what? Two minutes max?”

“That’s about it. The water supply is not endless.”

He finally got to his quarters and collapsed on his bed after removing his boots then lay down and activated the camera.

“Hi sexy,” she did the same and placed the phone against the wall in front of her so he could see her as well.

“I don’t see any smoke. That’s a good start, considering it’s you.”

Aelin gave him the middle finger and then showed him her small fire extinguisher “I am prepared.” She took a bit of her food “for now it tastes edible, but not as good as yours.”

She saw him give her a smug smile and her instinct was to wipe it off his face with a kiss.

“The answer is July 16th, by the way.”

Aelin looked at him not understanding his statement.

“My birthday? You asked me earlier on.”

That she did “That’s two months away.”

“And when it’s yours?”

“May 3rd.”

“Aelin, that’s in two days.” He added sadly “and it sucks I can’t be there.”

“Lys has planned to drag me out with the girls of the firehouse. It’s also her bachelorette party. I have to go.”

“I almost forgot they were getting married. That came around quickly.”

Aelin laughed “not when you have been around them for years.” Aelin placed her food in a plate and moved to the sofa, taking her phone with her.

“When is the wedding?”

“This weekend. The weather is meant to be gorgeous which is a good thing since they are getting married outdoors.”

She heard him sigh “I really, really wish I could be there with you.”

She did not add that she had been thinking the same. So she just took a bite of her food.

“Edible?”

“Fuck no,”Aelin spit the morsel back in the plate “I must have done something wrong with the spices. It tastes horrible.” She grabbed her house phone.

“What are you doing?”

“Clearly ordering in. I am not eating this.”

Rowan rolled his eyes “you should practice more.”

“Why bother? I am clearly not cut for cooking. I am hopeless.”

“Do I need to tell you the amount of times my food sucked when I was still learning to cook decently? I got better with trial and error.”

Aelin huffed “fine I’ll try again on my next day off.” Then she put her house phone down after placing the order “I thought you were going for a shower?”

“Eager to get rid of me?”

“No, I just was hoping to have a peek at that nice arse of yours.”

Rowan laughed “If you behave.”

“Do you have the quarters all for yourself?”

Rowan nodded in the screen “the perks of rank. Gav is sharing with Vaughan. The twins are on their own.”

“Is that wise?”

“This carrier has a nice number of female officers. No one wants to go anywhere near that room.”

“Remember I am jealous, Whitethorn.”

“Some of them are middies on their snot cruise, so very young. The others… still not interested.”

“Who is a middie?”

“It’s short for midshipman or woman. They are the lowest ranking officers in the navy, just above the cadets. And a snot cruise is their first time out at sea on a proper mission.”

“Are your students middies as well?” She loved asking all those questions that might have sounded silly to him, but he never made her feel stupid for asking. He was always happy to answer.

“No, my students are called pilot officers. Then they become Flying officers, then flight lieutenants which is what the twins are, then Vaughan is our squadron leader, Gav is the Wing commander and then you have me.”

“Sounds so complicated.” She definitely needed to do more research to understand his job a bit better.

“It’s like you guys. Aedion looks after one rig as a lieutenant, you are the captain and are in charge of the operations of both at the same time and Dorian will be in charge of all the engines in case multiples houses are involved. Am I correct?”

Aelin nodded impressed.

“Same for us. Vaughan looks after our small squadron, Gav two or three squadrons, which is called a wing. I look after a unit composed of different wings and then Lorcan plays god in the CIC.”

“Now it makes more sense. So I could be your wing commander.”

“Having you fly with us would be insane. We would not concentrate on the enemy.”

Aelin laughed, then the buzzer of the door went off “just a sec, buzzard, food is here.” She went to get her food and plopped back on the sofa resuming her call with Rowan.

“Is your ship nice?”

“I served on her before. Not as swanky as the new one, but she is decent enough.” Rowan sat back up “hey, I really need to take that shower and then it’s chow time. If I miss it I don’t eat until tomorrow morning.”

“Go. Sorry for keeping you.”

“You did not such things. I have been looking forward to call you.”

“I love you.” She told him, sending back the tears that had started forming.

“I love you too, Fireheart.”

Aelin waved him goodbye and went back eating while tears had begun flowing down her cheeks. It had only been two days and she hoped it would get easier being so far apart.

***

The next morning she arrived at the station bright and early, got changed and went straight to Aedion “Are you ready?”

The man nodded “Peter is covering you until we get back from the police and I got Manon in charge of the second rig.”

“Good. Let’s go.”

They arrived at the police headquarters not long after and Chaol met them at the reception area “Hi guys,”

“Here’s my favourite cop.” Aelin went to hug Chaol.

“Just because I keep reporters away from you.”

She gave him a huge smile back.

“Come, detective Ytger is waiting for you.” They followed behind him in silence and stopped in front of a door and knocked.

A female voice told them to go in and once in the office Aelin recognised the same woman at one of the arson cases a few months back.

“Captain, Lieutenant, we meet again.” The three shook hands and the detective sat back down and invited both cousins to do the same.

The detective threw a thick file on the desk “you two have just made a very powerful enemy.”

“The man is a bastard.”

“Believe me, captain, when I tell you that Hamel has been a thorn in my side for a very long time.”

“And why is he still at large? Two people died and the man did not care.”

The woman pinched the bridge of her nose “he has very powerful lawyers and always gets away with murder. We have been working on him for a long time but whatever piece of proof we bring in is never enough to get him behind bars for good.” Aelin could sense the tiredness in her voice.

“Did you close his club as I asked?”

“We did, but he owns almost all the ones in Orynth. And so much more.”

“Can’t you arrest him for murder?” voiced Aedion.

“No, his lawyers showed us the papers of the latest inspections and the place was deemed to code. He blamed the company that did the inspections for lying to him.”

“Detective, I hope you are aware that is a bullshit.” Said Aedion, fury burning under his surface.

“I am well aware.” The woman added almost apologetically “the closure is temporary. It will not stick too long.”

Aelin almost swore “Have the other clubs been checked?”

“We did some undercover recon but we don’t have the full skillset to know what’s up to code.”

Aelin smiled wickedly “well, it’s a good thing that you have a firefighter whose birthday is very soon and was planning to go to a club.”

“You are not dragging Lys and the others in this.”

“Calm down. Hamel does not know them, they are safe. I will wear a disguise.”

“I don’t like the sound of this.” He protested again but he knew Aelin could be stubborn.

“I am coming too.”

“No,” said Aelin “One: Hamel remembers how you lifted him up and he will not forget such act. Two: it’s Lys bachelorette party as well. So, no.” she paused “you can take the guys to another one.”

“What happens if we find both clubs not up to specs?” Asked Aelin worried that it was going to be a lost cause.

“We can start by closing them and gather a bit more time to have more material against him. We have other leads. We just need something significant.”

They discussed with the detective which clubs to hit and they left.

Once in the car Aedion made his displeasure quite clear “I do not like this.”

“Neither do I, but the police has no idea what to look for.” Replied Aelin.

“We are not cops.”

“And they are not firefighters.”

After that they drove in silence all the way back to the station.

***

Two days had passed and Aelin’s birthday had arrived. She arrived at the station and laughed at the scene. One of the rigs was covered in balloons and a sign saying happy birthday, cap and the second rig was for Aedion and Lysandra and the front of the truck had a long white sheet over it that looked like a bridal veil and two massive papier mache rings attached to the front.

She laughed and joined Ansel and Manon who were doing some checks “did everyone see this?” She pointed at the engine and truck. The two women nodded.

“Then let’s clear it. I do not want to go on a call in that state.”

“Yes, captain.” Said the two women in unison. 

The locker room was empty and she sat down on the bench and looked at her phone again. She was hoping for a text from Rowan or a call but nothing yet. She kept telling herself that he was busy and probably out flying. She removed his dog tags and hung them in the locker and stood and stared at the pictures she had hung up. It was some of the photos they had taken in Doranelle. With her finger she brushed a photo of him. He was standing and looking up to the sky. His eyes closed and a small smile painted on his face and his hair all tousled after she had messed it up. It was one of her favourite photos of him. “Be safe, please.” And she blew him a kiss.

Aelin got dressed and then reached the team who was having breakfast in the communal room.

“She is here.” Shouted Nox happily.

Luca grabbed her arm and pulled to the table where a cake was waiting for her.

“Chocolate hazelnut cake. Your favourite.” He cut a slice and offered it to her.

Aelin grabbed it eagerly “mmmmm”

“Get a room you two,” shouted Ress.

A moment later Manon came through with a man carrying a large box “he says this is for you, captain.”

“Thanks, Manon.”

Aelin grabbed the box from the courier and sat down on the sofa. It came from a shop in Orynth. Strange. She opened the box and when she peeked inside she saw a massive stuffed toy. Once she lifted it she realised it was a bird and she had a feeling she knew who it was from.

“A bird? Why a bird?” Asked Lysandra.

Aelin smiled, grabbed the stuffed toy and walked to her bunk to be alone when she noticed the letter inside.

Once alone she sat down on her bed and placed the bird at her side and read the letter

Happy birthday, fireheart.

I wish I could be there for you but I can’t and it hurts more than I thought possible.

If you are reading this, you have met your new friend. I could not find a buzzard but a toy shop in Orynth had a white-tailed hawk and since I have silver hair I thought it was the closest option. Do we look similar? He will keep you company while I can’t be there with you.

I will try and call you tomorrow if I get a free moment, but the guys and I have pulled alert crew duty for the day so no phone for me.

Have fun with the girls and leave the other guys alone especially if they are navy and army.  Aelin chuckled at the joke

I miss you already.

I love you. Madly. 

To whatever end.

Yours, 

Buzzard.

By the time she had finished reading the letter she was in tears. She hugged the soft toy and for a moment she hoped to smell his scent of pine and snow. She went to her locker, grabbed the dog tags and put them around the bird’s neck “you look after them while I am on shift, but then I take them back.” After that she took a photo and sent it to Rowan “I think I will call him Rowan.”

**

It was later that night and Lysandra and Elide were at Aelin’s place to get ready for their fun night. Aelin though, was not in the mood. Rowan had eventually called her but the phone call was cut short when he had go and scramble. Soft toy Rowan was on her bed, his dog tags back on since she would not be wearing them with her dress.

Lysandra was going through her wardrobe looking for a dress for the night.

“So, the captain does have clothes that are not uniform,” said the woman going through his clothes but Aelin glared at her and Lys went back to Aelin’s side of the dresser.

“Did he phone you?”

“Yeah.” Said Aelin flatly while wearing her dress.

“Lorcan said they were having a couple of shitty days.”

Aelin ignored her friend or she would end up in tears and ruin her make up.

“Did he give you his dog tags?” Asked Lys noting them pending from the bird’s neck.

“No, he can’t. He made a copy. And I don’t want the original ones until he retires.”

“Why?” Asked Elide while she was busy fixing her hair.

“Because it means he is dead. They are used for identification.” Replied Lysandra flatly. She had learned that from Aedion.

“Can we please change subject?” Snapped Aelin.

Lysandra grabbed a green dress “what do you think?”

“It will go perfectly with your eyes.” Said Aelin wearing her blue dress.

“I thought you loved the captain.” Said Elide.

“Uh?”

“That dress?” Added Lys pointing at her attire “it makes you look as if you are open to being chased.”

“Too slutty?”

“Ansel will be proud of you.”

Aelin smiled “I do love the captain and I have no plans on taking anyone home. My only companion in bed tonight will be bird Rowan.” Then she wore a wig of red hair.

“Why the wig?”

Aelin and Aedion had decided not to tell anyone about their plan for the night, so she had to lie although it hurt lying to Lysandra “just for some fun.”

They arrived at the club half an hour later and Manon, Asterin and Ansel were already there and apparently already having fun.

“You made it” shouted the red-haired woman. “And who is the hot red-haired friend?”

“It’s me, Ansel.”

“Captain, you look hot.”

Aelin laughed “thank you.”

“We got some drinks already,” said Manon.

“Happy birthday, captain,” said Asterin raising her glass “and congratulation to Lys for bagging the meanest lieutenant in the TFD.”

Their glasses clinked and then Aelin spotted Chaol in the distance. What the heck was he doing at the club? She nodded at him and he gave her a small nod back. Everyone knew Chaol and if the girls spotted him it could raise some questions so she texted him with the pretence of being the overbearing girlfriend checking on her man.

The girls went out dancing and she stood behind saying she was not in the mood when she was actually trying to check out the place. She was about to join Chaol in his hideout when a guy stopped at her side and blocked her way “aren’t you a stunning creature?” He said and Aelin cringed. She really hated clubs and the pigs that came with them.

“Of course I am.”

She felt his arm sneak around her waist and his body move closer to hers and she closed her eyes at the fact that those arms were not Rowan’s.

“What if I buy you a few drink and have some fun you and I?”

“You couldn’t handle me.” She said to him in a whisper.

“I love a good challenge. My flat is not far from here.” And his hand slithered up on her back.

Aelin scoffed “I’d never have sex with you even if we were the last two humans left in the world.”

She made to walk away but he grabbed her arm. She almost punched him but in that instant she felt someone hugging her from behind “it’s me, follow my lead.” He whispered in her ear and she noticed it was Chaol.

“Thank you for finding my girlfriend. I went to the gents and I lost her.”

“Sorry darling,” said Aelin caressing Chaol’s face.

The stranger walked away annoyed.

“Thank you.”

“You were holding your own anyway.” He commented.

“I was about to punch him and cause a scene and mess up the mission.” She whispered then grabbed his hand and pulled him to a quiet booth at the back of the club

“What are you doing here?”

“Detective Ytger sent me here as back up. Hamel’s minions know all of the detectives but not us beat cops.”

“How do you want to proceed?” She asked him.

“You are the firefighter, I am just here to make sure you get out okay.”

“Ok, I need to walk around. Just keep an eye on me.” Chaol nodded and Aelin walked away.

She went back to the bar area and smiled when Elide walked toward her “Ace!! Come on it’s your birthday, you need to come and have fun.” She also had a job to do but felt bad at abandoning her friends. So she joined them again and Lys grabbed her for some dancing.

“How how many hearts did you break?”

“Just the one but he was a pig.”

“Did you tell him you have a super hot captain waiting for you?” 

Aelin shrugged and turned to Elide.

“How many drinks did Ansel give you?”

Elide lifted three fingers in front of her face “two.”

Aelin laughed “no more alcohol for you.”

“Buuut I am sad and I miss Lorcan.” Aelin hugged her friend knowing full well how she felt.

“Still, no more alcohol, you just can’t hold it.”

She walked Elide to Manon “can you keep an eye on her please? And just water please. Elide has reached her alcohol quota for the evening.”

“Of course.”

Aelin smiled at the white-haired woman. She was very introverted and of a very few words but she did not care about that since she was good at her job. She was the complete opposite of Ansel.

Speaking of the woman…”where did Ansel go?”

“Last time I have seen her she was dancing with a brunette.” Aelin dragged a hand on her face “I am going to the ladies. Just behave, okay?”

She used the excuse to slip away and walk around as she was supposed to do. She wanted to try and take some photo as proof but covert operations were not her forte.

“You are back,” whispered Chaol at her back.

“I’ll pretend to be drunk and lost.”

“Be careful, this is making me nervous.”

She nodded and walked away from him. Part of her was glad she had not mentioned this to Rowan, he would have gone in full protective mode.

She kept pretending she was drunk and dumb and ended up in the kitchen “sorry,” she slurred, leaning against the doorframe “are these the loos?”

“No miss,” said one of the staff “they are down there and on your right.” She gave the man a goofy smile and a wet kiss on the cheek “thank you, sweet man.” The hug had given her the time to have a very quick look in the kitchen and note there was no safety equipment. That was enough for her to shut down that club as well. How could they run a kitchen that way? She really had to take down the bastard. She hid in the shadows of the club and and checked the fire doors without activating them and found them of shoddy quality. She was fuming. She had a good look at the club and realised even the numbers of people allowed in was probably over the limit. Those doors were for 60 people, she could only see three on ground level, which meant a limit of 180 people. There were probably over three hundred, all crammed and spread on two levels. It was a firefighter nightmare. She ran back to Chaol “go home. I have seen enough. Tell the detective this place needs to be shut down as well.”

“I’ll phone her as soon as I am out. She was waiting for news anyway.”

“Go, and say hi to Yrene.”

Chaol left and she ran back to her friends nervous that she was placing them in danger. She wanted to go but the idea of leaving all those people behind made her nervous. She texted Aedion and rage surged back when he told her that their club was the same.

The girls took her dancing in the middle of the dance floor and danced away ignoring a couple of guys basically dancing on her. She hated clubs so much and the music was horrible. She bit down her annoyance and went to hug Lysandra “how does it feel to be almost married?”

“Weird.” She looked at Aelin “are you having fun?”

“You know I don’t like clubs but I came for you, it’s your night after all.”

“It’s your birthday too.”

Aelin shook her head “I get one every year, you better marry my cousin and stick to him.”

“And you stick to the captain. I want to come to your wedding.”

Aelin laughed “we’ll see…” then she turned and saw Elide leaning against the counter half asleep “what if we take the party to my place? I am sick of this place.”

“Please,” said Manon in a hopeful tone. She hated clubs as well “we can get alcohol on the way home. If I hear another man asking me why my hair is white I am going to start snapping necks.”

“Hey Manon, no need to snap necks,” then Aelin looked around for Ansel.

“I’ll get her,”said Asterin when she noticed the woman in the distance.

The woman came back with Ansel in tow and moved closer to Aelin “the fire exits are not enough and one is blocked.” She whispered.

“I know, I am going to call Peter and explain the situation to him.” She took her phone out “take the others to the cars. I’ll be there in a moment.”

Aelin watched Asterin walking the group to safety then hid in dark a corner and phoned Peter explaining that they had to pretend they had an anonymous call and come and pay a visit to the place and shut it down. The man agreed after she explained him the situation in terms of safety. She was playing dirty but could not care less. People’s lives were at stake. Hamel could just go and impale himself for all she cared.

Quickly she left the building and she went to her car joining Lys and Elide. The remaining women were in Manon’s car.

They stopped for booze on the way and finally got back home. Aelin took Elide piggyback style as the woman had fallen asleep. Once in the flat she placed Elide in the spare bedroom and covered her with a blanket then went back to the rest of the group camped in her living room. A text from Peter told her that the club had been safely evacuated and closed. Apparently he had found even more infractions that she had not the time to spot. 

“Ok, ladies back to the party.” Aelin grabbed a mixed selection of glasses and mugs for the beer.

Ansel stood and went to use the bathroom and came back a few minutes later “why do you have guy’s stuff on the bathroom shelf? Do you live with the silver fox?”

Aelin sighed “Rowan has been living here since I was discharged from the hospital.”

“That was a while ago.”

“I know.” Aelin sighed.

“Yes!” Shouted Ansel pulling Aelin toward her “our captain is shacking up. I am so proud of you.”

After a few drinks, Ansel would become very friendly with anyone. It was a good thing they had left the club.

In that instant she got a text from Aedion saying that he had activated the fire alarm in their club and evacuated the whole place after he had spotted a shit ton of infractions. Well, that was probably another club down. Definitely not what they had agreed with the detective but they had to do something.

“Ok, since this is a bachelorette party as well, we can have a bit of spiciness.” Said Asterin while drinking her beer “unusual place where you had sex. We need to give Lys some ideas.”

“Do we?” Joked Aelin “Lys would definitely teach us something.” Then everyone looked at Ansel “after her of course.”

“I once hooked up with civilian pilot and we did it in his cockpit before he got to fly the plane”

“Where you flying as well?” Asked Lysandra curious.

Ansel nodded “it’s a long story.”

“Aelin, you are up. I bet the captain is wild.” Lysandra’s eyebrows lifted suggestively.

“He is pretty amazing but the strangest places have been a beach, the sea, behind a waterfall, a pool at the foot of two different waterfalls and almost on a military ship.”

“Almost?” Asked Manon curious.

“I’ll show you the dress.”

Aelin went to get her black dress and got back a moment later “and he knew I had nothing underneath.”

The group of women cheered loudly “that must have driven him insane.” Joked Asterin.

“That’s why the almost. We would have been in a lot of trouble if we got caught.”

“I have nothing left to teach you.”Ansel was sprawled on a chair and lifted her beer in acknowledgment.

“Lys?”

The woman blushed savagely “in a car wash. Aedion and I stayed in the car while it was getting washed and… well.. it was quick but fun.”

“Definitely nothing to teach you,” Aelin clinked her bottle with her friend.

“Asterin?”

“My previous firehouse, with one of my colleagues on top of a rig on a night shift.”

Manon gave a light chuckle “was it when you were at the Regional 2?”

Asterin nodded “he was some hot firefighter. We are still friends. We did it once and then it felt so weird and never happened again.” She explained.

Aelin sighed “The night of the mayor’s party, Thomas and I hooked up. We ended up at my place. We did it, realised it was rebound sex and finished the night with tv and junk food.” Thinking about him still pained her.

“No friggin way. More than the kiss?” Asked Lysandra shocked.

Aelin nodded “after you saw us kissing I left, he found me, we went back to my place.”

Aelin looked around and noticed that no one wanted to make too many comments, his death was still too fresh for everyone and he had been Manon’s and Asterin’s captain.

“Does Rowan know?”

“I told him and he is fine. We were nothing at the time and I was mad at him.”

In that instant Elide joined the group and Aelin stood and went to her “hey, how are you feeling?”

“My head hurts.” Replied the woman leaning against Aelin.

“I should take her home. We are working tomorrow we should all go home.”

“Lys is right,” added Asterin “another 24hrs shift ahead, we need some sleep.”

Manon and Asterin offered to take Ansel home and Aelin remained with Lys and a sleepy Elide.

“I am sorry the evening sucked.”

“Hey,” Lysandra placed her hands on Aelin’s shoulders “it didn’t, and to be honest we were all quite tired. All it matters is to marry that annoying cousin of yours.”

“Take Elide home, she is about to go to sleep again.”

Once Aelin was alone she finally shed the dress and opened one of Rowan’s drawers and grabbed a t-shirt. They were usually far too big for her but she loved them as pyjama. She went to the bathroom, got ready and then finally got in bed with bird Rowan and squeezed close to his pillow to inhale his scent.

She grabbed her phone and found a text from Rowan

I hope you had a nice evening. I wish I had been there with you because it’s bad out here. I hope bird me is keeping you company. Have a nice night, Fireheart. Love you.

Aelin’s heart sank at the anguish in his voice. She tried to call him but had no answer.

I love you, come back to me, was all she managed.

She squeezed bird Rowan and tried very hard to fall asleep.

TAGS:

@rowaelinismyotp​

@jlinez​

@swankii-art-teacher​

@courtofjurdan​

@whimsicallyreading​

@tillyrubes10​

@surielandiareendgame​

@aelin-bitch-queen​

@bruiseonthefaceofhumanity 

[axoxtxhxh]

Not Without Trying - Chapter 2

ReinerxFem! Reader

Warnings: Sex, taking virginity, oral (F receiving)

Word Count: ~4,000

Summary: This comes after the chapter Rain which was the first one of this story. I sort of skipped around a lot. You have to imagine this is about a month after Rain happened where Reiner and the reader had a little time to get closer.

A/N: I wrote this a while ago and am going back over it now to edit and post and I basically cringed the whole time. I don’t think I’m that much better now, but I’m definitely better and I did my best not to edit too much because I honestly want to be reminded of my progress. Anyway, that’s all.

There were good days being a part of the survey corps and then there were really good days. Today was one of the really good days. A mission completed perfectly, no casualties and no missions lined up meant they actually had a weekend. Y/N’s favorite way to celebrate was with drinking and dancing. She loved letting loose and spending time with friends and it feels like the last few months were mission after mission. Finally, a day off to have fun.

The band started playing just after dinner. Nearly everyone started dancing around the mess hall. Everyone was drinking and having fun. Most of the younger cadets were making fools of themselves, but some of the upper ranks were dancing and having fun as well. Y/N was one of the few captains who was dancing. Mike had grabbed her hand at the beginning of the night and she spent most of the time dancing around the room with him causing a number of the other men in the room to grumble wondering when their turn was. One of those men being Reiner. He continued sipping his beer watching Mike laughing and holding Y/N’s waist as he twirled her around the room.

“She dances better without you suffocating her,” he grumbled to himself.

“What’s that?” Connie asked him, laughing while he watched Jean and Eren fight over who was dancing better. Reiner just hugged his beer a little closer, continuing to watch Y/N.

After the eighth song of dancing with Mike, Y/N finally got away and sat down with Reiner. She convinced Mike to go get her a drink and he ran off.

“How’s your night? You look grumpy.” She sat down next to Reiner.

“I’m not grumpy.” He lied.

“Okay.” She mocked his grumpy tone. “You should be having fun! We never get to do this. They even hired a band!” They both looked at the front of the mess hall where they were playing. She watched Reiner take another sip of his beer, his eyebrows lowered. “You’re so annoying!” She stood up, grabbing his arm.

“What are you—” He was yanked out of his seat.

“Let’s dance!” Y/N dragged him over to an open spot and started twirling around him. He spun around trying to follow her, a smiling growing on his face. He caught her mid twirl and dipped her backwards, Y/N laughed at the surprise. They were able to dance for another minute before Mike returned with her drink and took her away. Reiner stood there sulking.

“I have to piss.” He needed to get away and started towards the door.

“Hey dumbass,” Levi called after him, “the bathrooms are upstairs.”

“I need some fresh air, I’ll just use a bush out here.”

“Take someone with you, you’re drunk.” Erwin said.

“I’ll go!” Y/N hopped off her spot on the table, leaving Mike behind, pouting. Stepping outside, the cold air felt so good on her hot skin. She searched for Reiner, but he wasn’t anywhere she could see.

“Reiner?” She called out, peeking around the side of the building. Vacant. She made her way behind the empty carriage. “You better not have gotten lost,” she mumbled. She slowly approached the bushes behind the carriage.

That’s when Reiner seized the opportunity and popped up from behind the bush and shouted, “Boo!” Y/N’s hands flew up and she hit him in the nose. “Fuck!” He groaned, holding his nose.

“Reiner!” She put her hand on his hand covering his nose trying to alleviate the pain this way somehow, moving him over so they could sit on the back of the carriage they were near.

“I thought you were drinking,” he complained, checking his nose for blood. “How do you even have the speed to move so fast?”

“Years of practice.” She smiled. “I’m sorry, does it hurt?”

He moved his mouth around trying to bend and turn his nose. Y/N started laughing at the faces he was making.

“What?” Reiner asked confused. She laughed even harder.

“Your…face…” she was leaning back holding her stomach cackling and Reiner started smiling at her. Unable to resist touching her, he bent forward towards her and started tickling her side inciting an even bigger laugh from her. “I’m going to pee!” She was squirming around on her back, Reiner following her with his hands, still tickling her waist. She caught her breath enough to use her knee to push him forward, launching him forward on top of her. They both continued laughing, slowly letting it die down, loving each other’s company.

Y/N let out one final sigh, smiling over the whole thing and looked up at Reiner, still on top of her. He was also smiling. He looked into Y/N’s eyes. They were half-closed from drinking, but that glimmer in her eyes was always there. A loose hair was pulled from her bun, falling over her face. Reiner reached his hand up and tucked it behind her ear, then smoothed out her hair. She smiled at him.

Maybe on a different day or a different time. Maybe if Reiner hadn’t been drinking. Maybe if they never spent that time in cabin together. Maybe if her body wasn’t radiating warmth that he could feel through his jacket. Maybe if her breath didn’t smell so sweet and her smile wasn’t so inviting. There were so many maybes. So many maybes that maybe could have stopped him from doing it, but all he knew is he wanted her. Using the same hand he used to smooth her hair, he rested it on her cheek. Not really sure exactly how this was supposed to go, he leaned forward and kissed her.

The kiss was unlike anything he had ever felt before. So warm, so soft, he tried moving his lips around a little bit. Y/N did the same. He moved his hands from her face down to her waist and Y/N brought her arms around his neck. She let out a moan into his mouth and Reiner got chills. The kiss became more passionate, deeper. Everything about it felt so good. Their lips were connected, but he could feel it all over his body. Y/N started to wrap her leg around Reiner and quickly woke up to what was happening.

“Oh my gosh…” She breathed out, pushing Reiner off of her. “We…”

“I’m sorry,” Reiner also breathing heavily, cheeks flushing a deep pink. “I’m sorry. I—I couldn’t stop myself.”

“It’s fine. It’s not like I was stopping you.” She sat up looking at him. He was on his knees, still looking at her, an innocent but pleading look in his eyes.

“Y/N?... Can we—” He cleared his throat. “Can we do it again?”

Her eyes widened. She was about to ask him why he would want a second drunken kiss when she realized. Her hand flew to her mouth, gasping. “Your first kiss.” Her eyes widened even more. “I was just…”

He smiled and shuffled closer to her.

“Why did you do that?” She was still so confused. “Why did you kiss me? You… Your first kiss.” She couldn’t understand. She sat up starting to move to get off the carriage. “Ughh, I feel like I ruined it. I’m sorry.”

“What?!—No!” Reiner followed her, hopping off and grabbing her hand, “I liked it!”

“Ugh, I drunk-kissed you and I’m not even that drunk.” Y/N brushed leaves off her jacket, unsure of where they even came from. “I need to lie down.” She started walking back inside, Reiner right behind her.

They opened the doors to the building and the band was still playing music, filling the mess hall. Everyone was still dancing and drinking. They were all caught up in watching Jean try to chug a full beer that no one noticed them walk through the room and up the stairs. The upstairs hallway was much quieter. Y/N opened the door to her office and continued through to her bedroom and Reiner froze, not going in.

“Can we just talk a bit?” He held her hand.

“Yeah. So, come in,” She said gesturing to the room. Reiner hesitantly walked in behind her. He stood against the wall as she sat on her bed. “What did you want to talk about?”

“I love you.” Both Reiner and Y/N gasped and stared at each other with wide eyes.

“You love me?”

“No, I didn’t mean that.” He looked around the room unsure of what he was trying to say. “I don’t know. Maybe I do.” He sat on the bed. “I guess I don’t know what it would feel like to be in love.”

“You’re confusing me.” She narrowed her eyes. “Are you telling me you have feelings for me or asking me what it feels like to be in love?”

“I guess I’m saying I don’t know, but if I do have feelings for you,” he started, “Is it bad?” She was thinking about it when he continued speaking. “Does it really bother you that you were my first kiss?”

She was about to answer when she realized she didn’t really know. Why was she so bothered by it? It’s not like she worried about it ruining their friendship because Reiner was already ready to do that. The part that bothered her the most was worrying it was bad. She barely knew what was happening when he kissed her. What if it was a really bad kiss? But why does that even bother her? She looked over at him, he was waiting for her response patiently. He was always so patient with her. She could be so annoying, but he always stuck around her. Her jokes weren’t even that funny, but he always laughed. She was often judgmental and came across as mean, but he was never offended.

She looked down at her hands. She cared about him, slowly coming to the realization that maybe it was more than she originally thought. She looked back up at him, still waiting patiently for her.

“Give me a second chance.” She finally spoke.

“You want me to forgive you?” He was confused. “But you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“No.” She smiled. “Give me a second chance at that kiss.”

Reiner’s face flushed a bright pink and he smiled shyly. Y/N moved a little closer to him.

“Right now?” He looked at her.

“Well, yeah. Do you want to wait?” She asked.

“No, no!” Reiner insisted. “Now is good.”

Y/N lifted her hand to his cheek to guide his face to hers. They both leaned in until their lips met. Again, those sparks that ran through his body the first time were there too. Was he supposed to want more of her? Was there ever a point where he would feel satisfied? Reiner’s hand quickly moved to her waist and he opened his mouth to allow their kiss to deepen. Y/N’s hand went around his neck and in his hair. His stomach did flips and he let out a sigh, his second hand going to her lower back. He slowly turned her body, lowering her back to the bed, him hovering over her.

Was this love? He felt like he could stay like this forever, his lips on hers, breathing each other in. Everything was perfect.

Y/N was the one to stop the kiss, breathless. She was about to speak, but realized there was nothing to say. Nothing to add to the moment which felt perfect to her. She ruffled Reiner’s hair and he smiled. He backed up and helped her sit up. Both of them still unsure of what to say.

Reiner couldn’t look away. He’d never experienced anything like this. He wanted to touch her, to always keep his hands on her. His eyes never getting tired of seeing her. Her smile, the glimmer in her eyes, her hands. He looked down at her hand in his, playing with her fingers. He looked back up at her noticing her hair tousled instead of its normally tight style.

“Why do you always tie your hair up?” He asked curiously.

“My hair?” She reached her hands up to touch it. “I don’t know. It’s just easier.”

“Can I see it loose?” He reached up to take out the tie, but she pushed his hand away.

“It takes a lot to keep it like this.” She laughed, “It’s easier if I do it.” She slowly removed the pins and ties. As soon as she removed the final pin, her hair fell down in waves. Full, [your hair color] tresses all the way down to her waist.

Oh yes, Reiner was in love. He stared at her, awe-struck and entirely enchanted by how beautiful she looked. He tried to speak, but only managed to say, “I…” He reached up and took a handful into his hands, brushing through it, enjoying the feeling of silk running between his fingers. He smiled at her, then brought his hand to her cheek and leaned in, kissing her. This kiss started out passionately and swiftly made its way to burning fire. Reiner was all over her, hands holding any part he thought she was okay with, his heart racing.

“Have sex with me.” He breathed, pulling away from the kiss and moving his lips to her jaw and neck.

“What?” Y/N tried separating from him, but his grip was too strong. “You just had your first kiss.” He loosened his grip and she stood up. “Don’t you want to… I don’t know, wait a little?”

His eyes were full of lust, pupils blown. “What for?” He held her hands in his, still sitting on the bed. He started kissing her wrists and arms.

“You just… because you’re so… but…” She couldn’t think of anything to say, watching his lips move over her skin.

He stood up, took off his jacket and pulled her in, kissing her cheek and jaw. “If you want me to stop, I will.” He moved to her neck now. “But don’t worry about me, I’m not a kid.”

She put her hand on the back of his neck, letting her eyes flutter closed with pleasure. That was enough for him to pick her up and move her back to the bed.

Reiner continued focusing on her neck and jawline while Y/N unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off. She had been wondering what this would feel like, ever since the cabin. She pushed Reiner up and he looked at her.

“Lay on your back,” she directed and he followed. She unbuttoned her jacket and threw it to the side then lifted the bottom of her shirt and pulled it over her head. She went to reach for the tank top, but Reiner put his hand to stop her.

“I’ll do this one.” He sat her down on the edge of the bed and lifted her tank top up, dropping it to the side. He then pulled off his shoes and kneeled down in front of Y/N to do the same for her. He lingered where he was, looking up at her, eyes half-lidded.

“What do you like?” She asked him, running her hands through his hair.

“What do you mean?” He mumbled, enjoying her touch.

“Like, what can I do for you?” She didn’t know how else to say it, but he wasn’t getting it. “Do you know what turns you on? Like what makes you feel good?”

“Hmm… watching you enjoy yourself,” He said with a smile. She rolled her eyes.

“I’ll just figure it out myself.” She pulled him up and leaned backwards. He was back at her neck. She rolled over so she was on top of him, straddling his hips. He lifted his upper body to meet hers and kissed her.

“Show me how to take that off of you.” He pointed at her bra. She took his hands and moved them to her back. He followed her hand motions until her bra came undone and he pulled it off of her. He buried his face in her chest and just held it there for a while before he started using his mouth on every inch of skin within his grasp. He reached her nipple and covered it with his mouth, licking and sucking. Y/N shuddered and her head fell back.

Reiner noticed and watched her. He moved on to the other nipple, hoping to get another response. Instead she pulled his head back and brought her lips to his. She sucked on his bottom lip and bit down lightly, running her tongue over it then moving to his upper lip. Reiner kept his hands on her back, pulling her close, loving the soft warm feeling her breasts left on his chest.

She pushed him back and leaned over, kissing his neck. Reiner let out a jagged breath. She pushed her butt down and rubbed against his groin. He grabbed her back and thigh, groaning. She continued grinding her hips against his, causing the occasional moan to escape him. He moved his hand from her back and held onto one of her breasts, squeezing and moving it around his hand causing her hips to start bucking.

She quickly got off of him, breathing heavily. Reiner watched as she sat next to him.

“I’m sorry,” she spoke quietly. “I’m trying to go slow, but this feels so good.” She laid back on the bed, unbuckling her pants. Reiner helped her slide them off. She reached up and grabbed the edge of the bed from above her. “Please don’t stop touching me.” She begged and Reiner was all over her. He made his way up to her lips again.

“Where do you want me to touch you?” He asked, looking for guidance. She pulled off her underwear and opened her legs, steering Reiner’s hand to where she needed him the most. He wasn’t sure exactly what she wanted, but the moment his hand was near her warmth, she was moaning. He used his first two fingers to move around and immediately felt how wet and slippery she was. He wished he could just bury his face into her. For now, he continued moving around, sliding his hand forward. Her hips twitched. He slid his fingers around that area again and she pulled him closer, breath shaking. Continuing on, he moved his fingers lower. Y/N grabbed his hand, stopping him.

“Go back.” She laid her head back as Reiner did what she said. Gripping the sheets, Y/N was a moaning mess, so close to her release. How long had it been that she was this desperate, bucking her hips at his slightest touch? For not knowing what he was doing, he was doing a really good job. He sped up and leaned into the crook of her neck, finding any patch of skin he could find, leaving a mark. This sent Y/N over the edge, arching her back and breathing out his name until she could catch her breath.

As soon as her high died down, she reached her arms around his neck, pulling him in to kiss him. The kiss was a lot shorter than she expected as he sat up and made his way to the edge of the bed. He looked down at her legs, gently tracing his finger from her knee to her hip, then up around her waist. In one swift movement, he pulled her down to the edge of the bed where he kneeled in front of her, propping one of her legs over his shoulder, he began using his mouth to explore her warmth.

“Reiner! Wait!” Y/N attempted to stop him, but just as she did, his tongue made its way through her dewy folds and she was thrown back, moaning louder than before. Her grip on the sheets so tight she was worried she would rip them while her thighs closed around Reiner’s head.

Reiner couldn’t get enough, sucking at anything he could get his lips around. He wrapped his arms around her thigh, holding her hips to minimize the jerking. He hummed into her, she released one hand from the sheets to grab his hair, pushing him deeper. His nose rubbed her clit and she let out a strangled groan, unable to maintain the grip on his hair. At this point it didn’t matter. Reiner was rock hard, erection throbbing at every movement and noise that came from Y/N. He used his tongue to search and found the over-sensitive nub and focused all his attention on that, sucking, licking and moaning into her. Watching her move above him, his eyes rolled back as he drank her in. Hands squeezing her hips, he was barely able to control himself. His aching member was crying to be inside of her.

Y/N’s body was trembling. Muscles spasming out of her control as Reiner filled her body with euphoric pleasure. She called out his name as her orgasm rolled over her in hot waves, then stealing her breath, leaving every inch of her body juddering wildly. She lay there, unable to move as Reiner continued his work, slowing down. As her breathing slowed with him, he pulled away, holding onto her clit with his lips until finally he released it with a slick pop. Y/N mewled with one last hip twitch.

Reiner stood up, face flushed and breathing heavily, he looked down at Y/N.

“We need to get you out of those pants.” She breathed and sat up, kneeling on the bed in front of him. She started working at the buckles and he rested his hands on her shoulders. She slid his pants and underwear down and his member sprang free, red-hot and pulsating, precum rolling down the shaft. Y/N placed her hands at the tip and Reiner gasped, squeezing her shoulders.

“Y/N,” he begged, “I really just need to be inside you.” She moved him to sit on the bed and she straddled his hips, hovering. He kept his hands on her back and his forehead resting on her chest. She quickly lowered herself onto him, moaning as she felt him squeezed in so tightly. He groaned and held her closer to him. She worked her hips, getting into a motion as Reiner’s head lifted back, then leaned forward and left kisses on her neck and collarbone.

Reiner’s groans were turning into grunts and coming more frequently so Y/N picked up her pace, building her orgasm with him. His face was buried in her chest again, mouth and hand caressing her breasts. He took a nipple in his mouth and began rolling it around his tongue and teeth. Y/N’s head shot back, increasing the speed of her grinding while also increasing the strength and depth of her thrust.

“Fu—uck!” Reiner’s breath caught. He leaned back on his arm and lifted his hips up slightly, helping deepen the thrust even more. He could tell Y/N was mid orgasm at this point and he was also… just… about… there… His head flew back and his eyes opened wide, pupils dilated, fireworks going off in his brain while his body quivered, fueling the ecstasy. He wanted to moan, but nothing came out. He stayed frozen, mouth open, unable to move until he came back down from his high huffing and panting for air. Y/N crumpled onto him, completely spent, and he held onto her with his hand, mind still hazy.

Y/N sat up enough to lay back down on the bed, pulling Reiner to lay next to her. She nuzzled into his chest and wrapped her arm around his waist, then fell asleep.

He looked down at her, smiling. How was this captain of the survey corps able to steal his heart so easily? He covered them up with the blanket, kissed the top of her head, then fell asleep.

Taglist: @lainessia

[kinktae]

beyond the story: bitchin’

Hi friends! I hope you are all staying safe and healthy during these tough times! I really wanted to put something out there as a thank you to just how much support Bitchin’ got. You guys really are incredible. So, although this story has come to an end, I wanted to properly close the Bitchin’ chapter by giving you all a behind the scenes look at Bitchin’ and everything that went into writing it. This includes hidden easter eggs, backstories, alternative plot-lines, and a short drabble of the Bitchin’ cast 10 years after the story’s end.

Without further ado, please enjoy and thank you again for all your love. You have all of mine.

CHAPTER ONE – PARTNERS

Ah, yes, the start of this whole wild ride. I’ve always loved the whole nerd/popular person trope in fanfics, so it was only a matter of time before I tried my hand at it too. One thing I was adamant about was not making this a “popular person turns nerd hot/confident/better” fic as its kind of one of my least favorite cliches. With that in mind, and knowing that I was going to allude to TATBILB’s contract, I decided that I wanted Y/N to gain as much from the deal as Jungkook did. No blackmail, no just agreeing for the hell of it – Y/N was going to further herself and her dreams given the opportunity.

The beginning of the chapter is where the two are most separated and dissimilar throughout the whole story. It wasn’t that they were fundamentally different, it was that they approached life differently. Y/N was frustrated at how superficial Jungkook seemed, because she believes there is much more to life than just kicking your feet up and cracking jokes.

On the other hand, Jungkook didn’t understand why Y/N was so tense and on guard. To him, life was meant to enjoy and not take so seriously. Which makes sense, given that he grew up with minimal rules and minimal worries (bare minimum partners wassup !) 

“So, do we have a deal? Partners?” There was mischievous timber to his words, the kind that made you feel as if this would all later come back to bite you in the ass.

Pushing that pestering thought away, you took his hand into yours, holding his eyes as you gave it a firm shake.

“Partners.”

God, this bit. I knew from the minute I wrote it that I was writing the ending of bitchin’ along with it. I knew this was exactly how I was going to end this story, bc the word partners has multiple means right? In chapter 1, this meant business partners, but in the final chapter… it means life partners. Idk, I’m just still really happy with this writing decision :D

CHAPTER TWO – THE CONTRACT

Dearest Yara. We meet her in chapter two don’t we? Yara is completely based off of my irl best friend Yara who is a writer and who helped me A LOT with this story. She was my biggest supporter throughout figuring out this crazy plot. It was initially only about seven parts, but with her help I managed to bump it up to 10! Everybody say thank you Yaraaaa.

You were angry, that much was evident to her. Yara was sat in your shared dorm’s living room, a thick blanket engulfing her small frame. You briefly glanced towards the TV, it was tuned into MTV, the familiar music video of Every Breath You Take by The Police playing, before directing your glare back onto the copper-haired girl.

The song reference is a direct allusion to writer Yara’s fic, which is one of my favorite fics by her. She was actively writing it around the start of our friendship so it only felt right to pay respects to her. The introduction of her character felt necessary imo bc I wanted to make sure Y/N had a life outside Jungkook. Plus, I got to use the scenes between the two girls as a way to reference the music and culture scene. Yara is especially a fan of the powerful women in the music industry at the time, i.e., Madonna, Annie Lennox, Cyndi Laupner, etc.) Yara is a raging feminist and believer in sexual freedom and libery for women, we do in fact have to stan.

“How old do you think your sister is?”

“Hey, don’t sass me. For your information, Lyanna still has all her Care Bear tapes. She threw a hissy fit when my mom tried to give them away last Christmas.” Yara recalled.

Lyanna is one of writer Yara’s past pseudonyms. She always used to joke about how whenever she read it, it was confusing because there was Y/N, Yara and Lyanna, which were technically all her lolol.

FUNNY STORY ABOUT THE CONTRACT I INSERTED INTO THIS PICTURE… Twitter found it and made it into somewhat of a meme because no one knew it came from a fic rip. I was actually rly embarrassed and even wrote some posts about how much twitter scared me on my blog LMAO. but THEN weirdly enough, I actually stumbled upon a small community on twitter who actually found my fic and would TWEET ABOUT IT!!! LIKE REACTIONS TO EACH UPDATE!!! I wish I could go back in time and remember how giddy I was the first time I found a tweet about my fic. The fanfic community on twitter gave me a new love for the site (which I had previously had removed myself from because of its toxicity) and I have met so many wonderful people because of it. People even made themselves a little twitter group chat to talk about my fics, and now we are all friends! I miss posting a chapter of bitchin’ and refreshing my twitter feed as all my mutuals would post memes and live tweet their reactions. God that made me so fucking happy.

CHAPTER THREE – THE ROLLERSKATING DATE

I love the bickering in this chapter, because unlike the bickering in the first chapter, it’s actually less hostile and more playful. Y/N is slowly letting her guard down to the very persistently charming Jungkook.

“Woah. Family of six, huh? So you have siblings then.” He noted.

“Yep. Three.”

“Tell me about them.”

Looking up from where you were slipping on your second skate, you met Jungkook’s eyes, surprised to see genuine interest in them.

I actually originally had Y/N brush him off here. I was going to wait until the drunk party scene for Y/N to open up about her family and relationship with her sisters. But then I kind of thought to myself… Why? Y/N made peace with it and doesn’t hold onto those insecurities anymore. And objectively, Jungkook hasn’t proven himself to be a bad person so… I let Y/N open herself up to him.

“Then there’s the twins, Rosa and Lia.”

“Hold on. Twins? Wait… did they go to our high school?” Jungkook asked, his interest in this conversation doubled.

“Yep. They were two grades above us.” You confirmed.

“Oh shit, yeah, I remember your sisters, they were mad hot.” Jungkook let out a low whistle, before stiffening, flashing you an apologetic look. “Uh, in a totally non-meathead way.”

You offered the scared-looking boy a small smile, shaking your head.

Some of y’all notice but, Rosa and Lia are a blatant homage to my name: Roselia. ACTUALLY some form of my name can be found in every one of the rewind series fics, including upcoming ones. I’ll give a cookie to whoever can find every single mention hehe.

“I told you it was dumb.” You laughed nervously.

It wasn’t that you cared much about what Jungkook thought but you had a feeling a guy like him, who was popular and carefree, wouldn’t be able to sympathize in the way you would like him to.

“No, I’m just… surprised, that’s all.”

Jungkook certainly was surprised. You had built up quite the impression on him from the very moment you two met. It was hard to imagine that the girl who was so unapologetically herself was ever unsure or insecure.

Somehow, the idea tugged at his heart, as if he understood you more if only just a little.

From the get go, Jungkook was extremely drawn to just how confident and secure Y/N was in herself. I knew I wanted Y/N to be unapologetically sure of herself and in her abilities. Something I didn’t want, however, was for frat boy!jungkook’s only personality traits to be liking sex and being a cocky bastard (although I am a big consumer of that trope heh). Jungkook is actually canonly incredibly insecure. He lacks a real sense of self, which is why he is so desperate for Kiri back. His relationship with Kiri at that time was a big part of what he thought was himself. He has somewhat of low self esteem tbh which is why he’ll go back to a woman who treated him unfairly. That’s why he comes off the way he does in the first chapter and why Y/N thinks he has a big ego... he’s overcompensating. He finds it so endlessly fascinating that Y/N, in all her confident glory, was actually once super insecure. He admires her all the more once she opens up about her past.

“Oh, Rosa is an intern for our hometown’s newspaper but between you and me those assholes don’t even let her write. She does coffee and burger runs for men in charge. And Lia sells ice cream at the mall.”

“What about your brother?” Jungkook asked.

“He’s training to be a cop just like my dad.”

“And your mom?”

“She works at a convenience store.”

All their careers resemble people in the latest Stranger Things season (Nancy, Steve, Hopper, and Joyce). Fun Cameo there.

“What’s wrong?” You wondered, following his eyes.

“October 16th, 1985. 6:48PM.”

“Yes. That’s today’s date and time. What about it?” You pressed, growing confused.

“Remember it.” He warned.

“Why?”

“It’s when I fell in love with you.”

This iconic line I actually got from the real Jeon Jungkook himself. While Jungkook wasn’t actually in love with Y/N here, it certainly was a cute way for him to express his admiration for her.

OH HERE’S A FUN FACT: the hickey scene at the end of this chapter where JK and Y/N kiss for the first time was actually supposed to be Yara giving Y/N the hickey like the best friend she is. Ultimately I went with JK giving it for... smut purposes... ≖‿≖ 

CHAPTER FOUR – THE HALLOWEEN PARTY

The decision for Y/N to be Freddie Krueger came from me planning to be him for Halloween. And I was! JK as Glen Lantz just followed naturally. I’ve seen some great edits of him as the character. Truly chef’s kiss.

I really liked that Jungkook came over to the girl’s dorm to get ready. I didn’t want a scene where Y/N was thrown into a situation she was uncomfortable with which is how much Nerd At A Party Scene go so made sure Jungkook stayed by her side throughout the part, going out of his way to introducing her to the people he cared about.

Tae’s character came in when I realized I needed a way to actually put Y/N’s event in motion. He was the missing link and BOY did you guys eat his character right up huh. Love that for me.

Another thing, the confrontation with Kiri was so hard to write guys, I reeaaaally struggle with girl conflict. GIRLS SHOULD SUPPORT GIRLS. However, not everyone gets along in real life so I went with Kiri being more along the lines of petty rather than outwardly a cunt to Y/N. Realistically, Kiri is popular and well liked among the greek life so being unkind to someone she hardly knows wouldn’t make sense. There’s definitely tension between these two but I tried my best to steer away from the typical cat fight/revenge porn/public humiliation trope most movies seem to follow.

CHAPTER FIVE – THE FIRST TIME

Introduction to Erik!!!! It was really important to me that Y/N had a life before Jungkook. That's why I wrote in Y/N having a fiancé. She’s not opposed to love, she just has reshifted her focus. She knows what she wants and is choosing to focus on that, which why when she realizes she’s falling for Kookie she’s so hesitant to admit it because she’s fallen down that road before. Even though Jungkook treats her with respect and acknowledges the parts of her she’s most proud of, she just isn’t willing to possibly give up her passions for love. Which is why she doesn’t immediately confess to him, even once she’s sure she loves him.

“I’m serious, nerd. You’re like… um… the sun!” Jungkook marveled, eyes growing full as the realization dawned on him.

“The sun?” You laughed.

“Yeah, like… you’re this bright, beautiful thing that seems like it’s here in front of me but is really light-years away.”

Jungkook was drunk, and although you were sure he was making more sense in his head, you couldn’t help but feel your face grow hot, unsure of how to react to his drunk analogy.

“You’re the sun, Y/N. You make the world turn for you. Never orbit for anyone else.”

And suddenly, you were kissing him, for no other reason other than you wanted to and that it felt like the right thing to do.

No real commentary here. Just love this bit. It’s probably my favorite interaction between them two ‧⁺◟( ᵒ̴̶̷̥́ ·̫ ᵒ̴̶̷̣̥̀ ) 

“Also… She’s, uh, currently dating Eunwoo.” You told Yara.

Your best friend blinked, silence falling over her.

“Yara?”

“Good for her.” She perked up almost forcibly. “Let her put up with his annoying ass.”

Yara could see the way your expression had turned dubious as if you didn’t believe her nonchalant act.

Yara turned up her nose defensively, “What?”

Ugh yes, some character development from Yara.... the flavor ! Yara (much like Y/N and JK) also struggles with love. She has a real fear of commitment and if far more comfortable with casual sex than relationships. She did develop actual feelings for Eunwoo, she just wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment so she cut him off. Fleed the scene if you will. Typical gemini smh my head.

"I don’t think the contract mentioned orgasms.” Jungkook smirked as you released his thumb.

“I say we let it slide.” You shrugged, leaning into him casually.

“You think?”

“Totally. Think of it as… a bonding activity.” You joked, resting your chin on his shoulder, peering up through your lashes.

“Damn, we’re really committed to this fake dating thing, huh.”

You laughed in the way that you hated, but Jungkook loved; it was loud and abrupt, but it genuine, and it was you.

“What can I say, I’m a method actor.” You sighed dramatically, causing Jungkook to grin before pressing a kiss to your nose, simply because he liked the way it always seemed to make you smile.

GOD THEY’RE SO WHIPPED FOR EACH OTHER ITS DISGUSTING!!!!!! I’m really happy I decided not to make sleeping together a big deal and I got a lot of feedback from you guys agreeing! I had a lot of fun with these two’s sex scenes knowing they could do it whenever they wanted.

CHAPTER SIX – THE STEM EVENT

I started the scene with smut BUT I wanted to point out that much of their time spent together is at Y/N dorm, Jungkook either napping, hanging out or doing work as Y/N would study like she always did. I liked the idea that Jungkook would get bored and would want attention from Y/N because she was so focused. Idk, I just wanted to write a love story about two people spending time together and figuring out how they fit in each other’s lives as opposed to some dramatic I mEeT HiM aNd mY LiFe bEcAmE cRaZy. There’s nothing wrong with that plot line, I just didn’t want that for these two dorks. I wanted Y/N to interact with JK’s scene and crowd but not give up her own which is why most days JK and her just lounged around in her dorm studying.

Also, I don’t know how the teacher/student roleplay made it into the smut, it just did, no further questions (ʃ⌣́_⌣́ƪ).

Then the event scene.

“You’re whipped, dude! Seriously.”

Jungkook felt his face go red, “Shut up, no, I’m not.”

“Hey, I’m not judging. I get it. That’s your girl.” Taehyung shrugged. Jungkook placed a hand on the fold up table in front of him, staring down at the information pamphlet you had worked so hard on.

“She’s just… so fucking driven and passionate about everything she does. Sometimes I look at her, and I’m just like… holy shit, what am I doing with a girl like her? I feel like she’s totally out of my league and being with me is holding her back but— I dunno, man. I just… really like her.” Jungkook revealed, voice growing small.

An unexpected wave of tenderness fell over the two boys, Taehyung throwing an arm over his little brother’s shoulder.

“I’m happy for you, bro.”

Jungkook didn’t know it just yet but dude was talking from the heart and, is in fact, totally whipped :’c

I loved the confrontation scene between the boys and Eunwoo because the boys standing up for Yara really did make everyone feel like a friend group, not just some character who happen to exist at the same time. It wasn’t just Y/N and Yara and one side and the boys on the other. They would all become friends, which is ideal to me. A boyfriend who likes your best friend and considers her a friend so you can all hang out??? Yes please.

Initially, irl Yara and I had noooo clue if Yara would end up with Eunwoo or not. That was actually the original goal actually. But after this chapter four, you guys made it ABUNDANTLY clear that you guys wanted to see Taeyara, despite the two never even meeting! Honestly, it wasn’t until this chapter was written that we decided for sure that Eunwoo was out of the picture for Yara. Part of me really wanted to keep Yara single, but irl Yara insisted on dick and frankly, she’s right. Bitchin’ Yara deserved a shot at love. She definitely has her own story outside of Bitchin’ and will experience a lot of growth in the future.

“God, I know. I do not miss that temper of his.” She chuckled, her words piquing your interest.

“Temper?”

“Oh, yeah. Have you seriously not experienced it yet? He’s got some gnarly anger issues. Not to mention all the lying…” Kiri paused suddenly, straightening up as she flashed you an apologetic look. “Yikes, I’m sorry. I totally should not be telling you this. I’m not trying to be that gross girl that shit talks her ex to his current girlfriend.”

Miss Kiri, Miss Kiri. She really acted up this chapter didn’t she. There was a lot of discussion about whether or not those things she said about Jungkook were true. Which was exactly what I wanted hehe. We come to find out that Kiri had definitely stretched the truth. She really is good at manipulation and understanding how people think and it’s why she is in the role that she is in. Messy queen.

CHAPTER SEVEN – THE ROOFTOP DATE

This entire chapter was inspired by High School Musical with Troy and Gabriella’s rooftop garden scenes. This was my shortest chapter and honestly, probably not my strongest. I definitely went into writing this with zero concept of what I actually wanted to happen. Usually when I write my chapters I have a 4k long outline of it beforehand that I go off of. Not this one though. I really just winged it and I tried my best to write a chapter that really showed off (dialogue wise) just how this couple bounces off each other. I do really like some of the banter they have in this chapter.

You had taken note a little wooden popsicle stick poking up from the soil of the yellow flowers. Acacias, they were marked. Pulling your knees up to your chest, you considered his words.

Yellow acacias stands the value of true friendship and can indicate a secret love! I thought that was very appropriate given these dummies' relationship.

“So, you probably know why I brought you here.”

You nodded.

“You’re proposing, right?”

“Yeah, I– oh, shut up.” He laughed, the serious mood shattering as you joined him.

Even though I knew they were going to have a semi serious talk, what with Y/N asking about what Kiri had told her, these two dufuses realistically are just too comfortable with each other to stay serious for too long.

“Hey, I said that out of frustration, I didn’t really mean it. I’m sure she’ll come crawling back soon.” You attempted to comfort him, hoping to sound sincere.

“Even if that’s true, I’m not entirely sure I want that anymore.”

“What?” You blinked. Jungkook shrugged.

“What about us?” He met your eyes, causing your breath to hitch.

“What about us?”

Jungkook stared at you for a moment, noting the way the timber in your voice had become higher pitched as if panicked.

MORE FUN FACTS LMFAO: I typically do this thing with unplanned chapters where I just go for it and write and usually it works out. But when I wrote this down I remember stopping and being like ??? WHY DID I JUST WRITE THAT ??? I don’t like deleting my writing so I had a serious think to myself about whether this was going to be the moment Jungkook confessed or not.

Canonly, I decided that Jungkook did in fact mean ‘us’ in a romantic sense, but because of the way you perceivably panicked at that possible meaning, he decided against taking the conversation in that direction, instead speaking about ‘us’ in a platonic sense. Poor kookie :(

“Stop. Listen to me, Jungkook, you’re a fucking great guy, okay? You’re charismatic and funny and care about your friends… sure, you almost ruined my event, but it was mostly to defend my best friend when Eunwoo got too pushy, right? You’re a good guy, meathead. I know I joke about your ego, but I really believe you’re capable of more than you think you are. Seriously, Kiri is so lucky to be the object of your affection.”

Jungkook watched the way the sun’s orange light kissed your face, a bittersweet feeling growing in his chest as he contemplated the object of his affection. Just a couple of months ago, he would have had no doubt about who held his heart, but as you held his stare, he found himself unsure and yet, entirely sure all the same.

“Jungkook? You okay?” You frowned, catching in the sadness in his eyes.

“Hm? Yeah, yeah. I just… realized something.”

“Oh? What’s that?”

“…It doesn’t matter.” He smiled, the gesture hardly reaching his eyes.

It’s in this moment that Jungkook decides that there is no way you hold the same affection towards him that he does to you. He mistakes your words of comfort as you pushing him away. You are so kind and encouraging and Jungkook loves you so much that hearing you insist about him ending back up with Kiri hurts him so bad.

But you are still unsure about your feelings and genuinely believe that's still what Jungkook wants. You’re just being a supportive friend!! :( It isn’t until the end of this chapter when Y/N has her talk with Yara that she realizes, oh man, she’s in deep.

CHAPTER EIGHT – THE MISTAKE

BLAH. This chapter is so BLAH, you know? Having to write this chapter was SO HARD. I texted irl Yara complaining about how much I hated having to put my characters through this and that I wanted to just end the story on chapter 7 and keep them happy forever. BUT ALAS! I had planned for this to happen from the start.

You tasted like the mint of your favorite brand of toothpaste. He imagined if he had caught you any later then the mint would have been accompanied by the taste of coffee, knowing the way you rarely started a day without a cup.

God, he had missed the taste of you.

What you guys didn’t see is Jungkook spending the night with Kiri, and immediately kicking her out, freaking out as the weight of guilt washed over him. He knew he had done nothing wrong, that you weren’t his real girlfriend, and that getting back together with Kiri was exactly what he had signed up for. It was what he should’ve wanted. But it wasn't… because you were what he wanted. And that was exactly what he was going to tell you as he marched over to your apartment.

But he panicked. His mind already decided that your answer to him would be no– that you didn’t feel the same. So he kissed you. He had you in the only way he was allowed to. He was selfish and impulsive and so incredibly scared that he ended up hurting the person he loved the most.

Initially though, I had Jungkook get back together with Kiri, not that he slept with her right before sleeping with Y/N. But I decided TEEHEE let me just make everything erupt into flames. However, I didn’t realize just how angry with Jungkook you guys would get. I remember thinking DAMMIT WAS THAT TOO SCANDALOUS?? I knew I was going to have to work hard for Jungkook to redeem himself to my readers.

“She wants to get back together.” Jungkook swallowed dryly, eyes wavering between yours as if to gauge your reaction.

“…Oh.”

You shook your head.

“I mean, wow! That’s… That’s great!” You smiled, something tearing apart inside you as the words left your lips.

“Y/N–”

“Seriously! This means it worked, right? This is exactly what you wanted to happen.” You enthused, turning your head so that he couldn’t see the way your eyes had welled up.

Jungkook’s heart was pounding in his ears, fighting the urge to wrap his arms around you.

“Yeah… yeah, no, you’re right. We did it.” He replied monotonously.

GOD THIS PART IS SO UNBELIEVABLY FRUSTRATING! JUST ADMIT YOU LOVE EACH OTHER YOU MORONS! This entire situation is so convoluted because there's so much information missing and not being expressed, I seriously want to ring my own neck rereading this bit.

“Are you mad?” He called out cautiously, a heavy feeling falling onto his chest.

“Why would I be mad?” You quipped back sharply, causing Jungkook to flinch. He shifted in his seat uncomfortably.

“I just thought… I mean we’ve been fooling around a lot lately, so I didn’t know if—”

“If what? I had feelings for you?” You scoffed. “Please, as if I’d ever fall for you.”

And there it was— everything Jungkook already knew but had been so afraid to hear. Of course, you didn’t feel for him what he felt for you. How could he have expected anything different?

IDIOTS!!! THEY'RE BOTH IDIOTS!!! I don't know how y'all put up with this for so long. Forgive me.

CHAPTER NINE – THE BREAK

Okay I actually love this chapter. And for many reasons. Let me break down the three scenes for you guys.

Scene one: Kiri confrontation

Kiri is definitely an opposing antagonist. She is constantly working against Y/N because of their interests directly conflicting. BUT. I would argue that the biggest antagonist to this story is the inner ones – Y/N and Jungkook's lack of ability to admit their feelings constantly holding them both back from their happy ending. That being said, a confrontation scene between Y/N and Kiri was MUCH needed. While I suppose I can understand why Kiri doesn't like Y/N, that doesn't change the fact that she has been disrespectful and catty. So miss Y/N had to put Miss Kiri in her place (•̀ᴗ•́)

Scene two: Yara and Tae at the library

Fanservice. That is all. LMFAOOO y'all reallllyyy wanted it to happen and who am I to deny my people what they want. It was really fun getting to explore my side characters and develop them through interactions outside the two main characters. IRL Yara also mentioned giving bitchin’ Yara and Tae their own chapter as a joke and I was like LOL BET. I fully was going to but then I got the idea for the next scene and was like ahh ok maybe not the whole chapter.

Scene three: Meeting with Erik

So. This was a SUPER last minute decision. Like, it wasn’t until I was writing this chapter that I planned on Erik making an appearance. I saw a tweet with someone saying their bitchin theories and they mentioned Erik appearing out of nowhere and I was like,,, HOLD ON!!!! That could be kind of spicy ≖‿≖ 

I knew for a fact JK was NOT going to be forgiven in this chapter; I needed a way to lay the situation out between the two dorks without trying to seem like I was trying to sway my audience in a way that didn't make sense to the story. Y/N was rightfully angry. But she wasn't only angry about the timing of the sex. She was angry that Jungkook went back to Kiri at all and there was no way she was going to admit that. So who better to lay it all out than calculated, unbiased third party Erik. He deserved some character development after all.

I also liked the idea that Y/N had, in theory, “romantic options.” Losing Jungkook didn’t mean the end of her life. Having my female lead stand on her own was very important to me.

CHAPTER TEN – THE END

RIGHT OF THE BAT I needed Jungkook to suffer. So that whole scene where he tries to interact with his old group only for his presence to make everything awkward MMMM yes, sweet revenge on my part.

You were surprised. His hair was no longer shaggy and long like you remembered it. Instead, it had been freshly cut, looking healthy and neatly styled for the first time since you met Jungkook.

THE WAY SO MANY PEOPLE COMMENTED ON THIS LINE “but Y/N liked it long?!?”  IS SO FUNNNYyyyy. So let me clarify a thing. Jungkook had always wanted to cut his hair right. The only reason he didn’t was because Y/N told him not to. With Y/N no longer in the picture to convince him out of it, he cut his hair. That’s really all there is to it skfjsjf.

You know, I had written this part around the time I had just finished up the third ch believe it or not. And it was COMPLETELY different. I had it planned that Yara and Y/N ignored him throughout class and Yara had gone back after the bell rang to go verbally assault JK. And as the two hashed it out, only then was that when Jungkook would realize that he liked Y/N after Yara literally spelled it out for him.

“You like her, dumbass!” Was what I had written Yara saying. I really had written him in denial for ten chapters, I was a whole sociopath (╥﹏╥). But ultimately, I decided that Jungkook came to that conclusion on his own and the decision to apologize to Y/N would have been made over winter break.

“You said Kiri came over asking for you back, yet you still came over and slept with me the next day. Even though the two of you had sex the night before. Do you understand how that makes me feel?”

“I’m—”

“Like garbage!" You emphasized, the white paint of the door somehow irritating you further. "I felt like I was something you threw away and picked back up whenever you felt like getting your dick wet.”

Your chest was rising and falling rapidly, and you tried your hardest to not let your emotions get the best of you.

“Not to mention to everyone else, it looks like you cheated on me. Which makes me look like a fucking idiot." You scoffed.

Jungkook said nothing in reply, which somehow made it easier to say all you should have said that day in your room.

“It just sucks to realize that someone you once cared about sees you as nothing more than a toy. It fucking sucks.”

Man :( writing this hurt my heart. I really, really, love bitchin!y/n and writing her hurting freaking stinks. But she had to speak her mind. She deserves the chance to get everything off her chest with the way Jungkook hurt her.

Your heart and mind were in constant paradox, torn between wanting him back and wanting him to know just how much he had hurt you. Your mind ultimately won the battle, of course, but as Jungkook stood just a few inches of drywood apart pouring his heart out, it was hard to say which major organ was responsible for your next words.

The creak of the door being pushed open sent Jungkook's eyes wide, revealing your hesitant form. You had your arms crossed over your chest as if to guard the contents inside of it.

You looked like an angel underneath the bathroom's blue fluorescent lights, beautiful and lovely, a stark contrast from your next crushing sentence.

“I slept with Erik.”

Hehe. Ofc my girl Y/N had to have a rebound!!! She knows that life goes on. However, as I wrote in, she definitely regretted it. It was kind of the same situation that Jungkook was in where he pursued something just because it was familiar and a distraction and not because he really wanted it. Both Y/N and Jungkook are flawed characters but that’s okay! If anything, Y/N’s mistake of sleeping with Erik is what allows her to forgive Jungkook. Knowing first hand how complicated their entire relationship really was.

“I don’t need you… but I don’t think I want a life without you.” You finished shyly.

Your eyes were locked with his when suddenly a small noise escaped him, eyes pulling away from yours as his head moved to attempt to hide the way his eyes had grown wet.

I got this line from one of my best friends after her ex broke up with her. It made me physically sad and really sympathize with her so I quickly wrote it down into my notes app to save for later LMAOOOO. Knowing that you are your own person and life will inevitably go on after losing someone, but that your heart still wants and is pleading for the one person you can’t have. SO SAD. I’m happy I got to use this line in one of my fics.

The note Jungkook wrote Y/N,,, imagine him not being able to sleep one night over winter break so he just writes down everything he should have told Y/N while he still had the chance…. I’ll for real cry dude, he’s so cute. Also, the line about him buying you fluffy Halloween socks for Christmas went over people’s heads I think but HECK I THOUGHT THAT WAS SO FUNNY AND SWEET (because Y/N bought Christmas socks when it was Halloween teehee).

"Are you two dorks done crying?" Yara’s voice rang out suddenly, causing both of you to jump apart.

"Yara, you creep! Privacy, dude! Ever try knocking?" You sniffed, wiping at your face hurriedly.

"What? Like you were peeing with Jungkook in the bathroom? Please." She waved you off, walking back into the living room to give you two some privacy. She did say Jungkook had 15 minutes before she’d have to come back in after all. "Anyway, Tae will be over in 10 minutes for the Saved By The Bell marathon that’s on so you guys are more than welcomed to join." She called out from her newly seated position on the couch.

I included this scene with Yara because things were getting too serious for my liking ngl. Plus the idea that the four of them would all come together at the end for a much needed reunion made my happy bitchin heart soar.

Jungkook let out a laugh, his palm finding your cheek, eyes locked on your lips. You were preening for his kiss, mouth parting slightly as you anticipated it.

“Partners?”

The question took you by surprise, eyes widening at your not so pretend lover.

Idiot.

“Partners.” You smiled softly, eyes shiny and brimming with tears as he kissed you for what must have been the millionth time, but still somehow felt like the first.

UGH I LOVE THEM I REALLY DO. I was so happy with how this final scene came out :( They’re partners, they really are I miss these boneheads.

AND NOW, I PRESENT THE CANON FUTURE OF THE BITCHIN UNIVERSE...

10 YEARS LATER

Let’s be honest, Jungkook popped the question the day of graduation, he can’t imagine a life in which you wouldn’t be beside him

You said yes (shocker)

Cue Jungkook being the most wonderful partner and respecting your wish to finish your residency program before having the wedding

You absolutely kick ass at being a neonatal surgeon

Also, Jungkook started a film company! It’s small but he loves what he does and works with colleges and helps out the film majors with resources and equipment <3

SO IT'S THE DAY OF YOUR WEDDING RIGHT

Yara and your sisters are helping you get ready, with your best friend as the ever so reassuring maid of honor

And by that I mean you’re as calm as a cucumber and Yara is one wrong move away from having a stroke

“Y/N… Don’t freak out....The catering company put in two orders of shrimp instead of chicken and steak.”

“Yara, it’s okay.”

“NO ITS NOT???? THIS IS YOUR WEDDING DAY AND YOU’RE GETTING CRUSTACEANS.”

Y/N making Yara take a seat and practice some breathing exercises so she doesn’t upset the baby

Oh yeah, Yara is 10 weeks pregnant

Taehyung is the dad lol

Yara and Taehyung have been together ever since that day at the library hehe <3

They moved in together and adopted a cat and everything (sweet boy Tae wanted a dog but Yara’s afraid of dogs and Tae would do anything for that woman so Yeontan the cat it is)

Yara refuses to put a label on their relationship even after all this time, and Tae doesn’t ask for one. They’re happy and dedicated to each other and don’t feel the need to put pressure on something that’s already so perfect

Yara is actually violently in love with Tae but still scoffs when Y/N tries to bring it up

“Oh my god, you’re so in love with him”

“Huh??? you must be sick or something. Get well soon, damn :/”

Yara likes to come up with different labels for Taehyung every time she has to introduce him. Among her favorites are roommate, rent sharer, baby daddy and penis lender

Speaking of Taehyung, he’d have a hand on Jungkook’s shoulder as he tries to calm down the panicking groom to be

“JK, breathe.”

“What if she doesn’t show up? What if she doesn’t want to marry me? What if I pressured her into this and— and I’ve freaked her out and now she hates me?”

“Dude, you guys have been engaged for eight years. She’s had her opportunity to run. She’ll show up.”

Taehyung scruffing up the younger man’s hair reassuringly, which only flusters him more because DAMMIT he wants to look perfect for you and now his hair is messed up >:(

(You like him no matter what his hair looks like though)

Jungkook literally swallowing down a sob as you walk down the aisle and he lays his eyes on you for the first time

You having a dumb smile on your face the entire walk over because your husband to be is crying and you haven’t even exchanged vows yet

The entire audience going all sobby when you finally do exchange vows because they’re so beautiful and real

The ten years together has not been easy— from financial struggles as you tried to support yourself through med school, to personal conflicts when Jungkook wanted to start a family already

But you guys figured it out

You always do

He’s your person. And you are his.

Y/N’s sisters Rosa and Lia are a WRECK— even your dad is tearing up

Your family loves Jungkook and have been counting down the days until you guys married, let’s be honest

“You may now kiss the bride.”

Jungkook punching the air with a “FINALLY!” before kissing the hell out of you

The cutting of the cake inevitably turning into a food fight

The shrimp entrees turning out to be pretty damn good

Yara catching the bouquet and wagging her brows at Taehyung suggestively

Jungkook pulling you aside to take photos of you outside the venue because you look so so pretty and he loves the way you smile when he’s the one behind the camera

The party is in full session, your siblings tearing up the dance floor like the extroverts they are

You and Jungkook are sat at the head of the room, hands intertwined underneath the table as you watch a tired and painfully sober Yara swing her bare feet onto Taehyung’s lap, requesting a foot rub

Watching your pregnant best friend and her lover together, you turned towards your own, smile impossibly wide

“What?”

“Let’s have a baby.” You’d grin, so stupid happy

Jungkook’s eyes going round and immediately jumping up from his seat because god that’s all he’s ever wanted

Being tugged out the room by a giddy Jungkook, one of your heels flinging off somewhere behind you.

“What’s happening? Where are we going?!”

The two of you find yourself in a storage room somewhere on the hotel floor

“Jeon Jungkook, what the hell—“

His mouth find yourself, kissing you in a way that couldn’t at the altar

You kissed him back without questions, arms wrapping around the man you now called your husband

“I love you.” He’d sigh into your neck, his hot breath causing you to shiver

“I love you too.”

“Let’s make a baby.”

“Yeah let’s— wait, right here? Right now?!”

Jungkook merely nodding as his mouth found the exposed skin of your chest

“Meathead, we can’t just ditch our wedding to have sex!”

“Why not? We did our marital duties. Now it’s our guests' job to get embarrassingly drunk and make a fool of themselves on the dance floor. No one will even miss us.”

“Isn’t baby making what our honeymoon is for?”

“Screw that. I’ve done my waiting. Let’s start our family, nerd.”

Jungkook kissing your protests silent before you inevitably give in and let him take you right there and then, your wedding dress hung around your hips

Husband and wife coming together with shaky breaths and hushed moans as they promise the rest of their lives to each other, making every argument, struggle or moment of uncertainty leading up to now totally worth it

Walk of shame back into the party with nervous hair fixing from you and a proud grin from Jungkook

Yara figuring out exactly why you two had sneaked off to, flashing the newly weds a knowing smirk

The night of your wedding, Jungkook surprises you with a present

You unwrap it in confusion, only to see that it’s a glass frame and inside of it is the wrinkled and worn out lined paper the two of you had scribbled on many many years ago

Jungkook hangs up the contract right above your bed as per your request, smiling as he does and jumping on him the moment he puts down the hammer bc dammit it you’re too heckin excited to make love with your sentimental loser of a husband

And yes, by the next month, you are pregnant and incredibly happy

And of course, your daughter and Yara’s son grow up to be best friends, not a family holiday passing by where they aren’t told the story of the totally bitchin’ way both set of their parents got together

[feralnumberfive]

The Rewatch Academy: Episode 2 of Season 1

“Run Boy Run”

I am in no way a good analyst so my little analysis and speculations probably sound a bit goofy or pretty wild and probably mean nothing at all. Everything I put into this post about each episode is purely what I noticed or thought, whether it's funny or serious. I will be making jokes, so please just leave it at that (in no way am I trying to make fun of an actor and or character!) I am also in no way saying I noticed this stuff first. This is just what I noticed while rewatching these episodes

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1x01 | 1x02 | 1x03 | 1x04

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☂ Ben is a tired boy leaning on his chair

☂ Luther and Allison please stop making googly eyes at each other 

☂ Five really woke up and chose violence that day huh

☂ Diego already knows shit is about to go down and it’s so funny

☂ I love that Reginald doesn’t even scold Five for stabbing the table

☂ Five: “I have a question.” blah blah blah Veggie is talking Five: “I want to time travel.” That’s not a question, Five

☂ It’s interesting to see young Five blinking/jumping compared to older Five. Even at this age, 13, he says that he’s still practicing his spatial jumps. Young Five needs to clench his fists and almost squeeze his eyes shut just to concentrate. Older Five simply just teleports without effort and is able to casually blink even as he’s just walking. Five probably practiced teleporting a lot in the apocalypse 

☂ Someone else pointed this out, but all of the other Umbrellas are frozen for a for a second as Five teleports next to Reginald. While that freeze is just editing, and possibly a small error, this is another example of how Five’s spatial teleporting doesn’t make a noise. Luther, Diego, and Allison only look at Five when he begins talking to Reginald. Grace notices Five right away because he is in her line of sight while Luther and Diego were looking at where Five was sitting and Allison had her head down eating

☂ “The effects it might have on your body, even your mind, are far too unpredictable.” Harsh foreshadowing 

☂ The “Run Boy Run” scene is one of the best musical moments in all of the show. It gave me chills when I first heard it, and the fact that all of the lyrics that play during that part match so perfectly with it make it even better. Tomorrow is another day being sung as Five travels into 2019 is just too good 

☂ Imagine how scared you have to be to call out to your p.o.s father

☂ The instant regret immediately falls onto his face and he kneels in front of the Academy

☂ I love how in the first few episodes Five’s hair is styled exactly as it was when he was an old man and when he was actually 13. Over the rest of the season and the second season it just gets more disheveled and floppier 

☂ “You think I didn’t try everything to get back to my family?” Ahhhh there we go, one of my favorite Five lines. This here is probably when I truly fell in love with his character. He spent 45 years just trying to survive and attempting to get back to his family. He would have spent more too if the Handler hadn’t taken him in

☂ Vanya is genuinely trying to understand what happened and Five was being a little asshole. C’mon, bud, she’s just confused and hasn’t seen you in forever

☂ This Five and Vanya scene melts my heart (simply as a sibling relationship!!) She doesn’t care anymore if she understands, she just wants him to stay because she hasn’t seen him in a while. Even Five understands that as his demeanor quickly changes from being frustrated to gently telling her “Night.” He watches her as she leaves, also partially realizing that he hasn’t seen her in a while too

☂ Why didn’t Five just teleport outside of Vanya’s apartment?? That would have been the stealthiest thing

☂ “All quick and efficient skills.” A little note on Five’s level of skill of slaughtering the Commission agents in Griddy’s

☂ Diego said he bought his police badge on Ebay, so computers do exist in the UA universe

☂ “By the way, this thing might look like a botched robbery, but my gut’s telling me something else is going on here.”  Yeah, and that something else is your brother

☂ I want Claire to meet her uncles and aunt so bad

☂ So Ben has a ghostly puzzle book and pen he can use? Because if they were real Pogo would have been able to see them just floating in the air. What other ghostly items can Ben summon? (I believe this is more so just an error but it’s fun to think about)

☂  “I-I found it at a playground, actually. Must have just *click* popped out.” An underrated Five line

☂ Five immediately becomes aggressive at the thought of losing the eye, something he found clutched in the hand of his dead brother and was a clue to what caused the death of his siblings and the end of the world

☂ Just now noticed that you can see Diego up on the second floor being led down to where Patch is in the police station

☂ I really like that they added in the little tidbit about a cold case Five created 81 years ago

☂ I miss Patch. She deserved better and more screen time

☂ Hey, Diego might have been thrown out of the Police Academy but at least he’s still in The Umbrella Academy!

☂ Hearing Patch talk to Diego really made me realize that the Umbrellas weren’t even necessary for helping with crime. It was just Reginald’s way of training them

☂ Love the shot of Luther looking at Diego’s cross-stitch and the camera lining it up so it’s like he’s wearing the mask

☂ Five lying just to keep Vanya away and to continue on with his goal hurts. His goal is saving the world and his family, but I don’t think he actually took in what Vanya was saying to him or maybe he recognized the offer but shoved all of his feelings down. She was reaching out to actually get him some help and he lied to her to avoid that. Maybe he doesn’t care and is just blinded by his ultimate goal. Save the world and family first, then process your feelings and genuinely communicate with your siblings 

☂ Don’t worry Klaus, I would have let you wear that outfit

☂ When Cha-Cha questions “Five” aka the poor tow truck guy, she asks him about “The London job in ‘66.” I believe she is referring to the Shepherd’s Bush murders where three policemen were murdered

☂ Hazel replying “Not from what I’ve heard.” when Cha-Cha asks if he thinks Five is a whimperer shows that Five definitely had a reputation in the Commission for probably being a cold and stoic guy

☂ Vanya is just trying to help, chill Allison 😭. You haven’t seen her in years, what do you know about her?

☂ Klaus would really slap his brother in the face to get drug money

☂ Another example of Five not making noise when he teleports is when he blinks into the taxi and Klaus didn’t notice that he had left until he turned to look where Five was. On the other hand though the taxi driver does jump as Five suddenly appears in the car. However, I believe that might be from the driver noticing Five in a mirror in the car

☂ I wonder what languages the Hargreeves siblings know. Vanya didn’t understand Leonard’s German. You think Reginald would have taught them multiple languages or maybe she forgot it if she was taught it

☂ I don’t know why but Luther just siting there and reading a book and almost getting hit by the knife is really funny to me

☂ Yeah Diego doesn’t have to prove his innocence, but it would have saved a lot of trouble

☂ Rewatching the scene with Leonard talking to Vanya about his father is just disturbing when you already know what happened to him and how he’s lying just to try to be more relatable

☂ I heard a rumor that smoking is bad for you ❌

☂ Vanya calling to make sure Allison is okay even though she hurt her makes me sad. She’s so nice and thoughtful

☂ The old man can’t even reunite with his wife before he gets hunted down

☂ The shot of Hazel and Cha-Cha putting on their masks in the dark with the music is 👌👌

☂ Again, Cha-Cha isn’t able to hear Five as he teleports next to her and slices her arm. She might not have noticed him though because he was very quick to attack her

☂ Five really went through all of that just to bring his wife home

☂ I think it’s an easily blocked out part because we already know what Allison has to say and it’s exciting, but Luther is apologizing about accusing Diego and causing issues amongst his siblings

☂ Five is just so defeated and emotionally tired that he doesn’t allow Luther to touch him. In fact, he very quickly and aggressively grabs Luther’s wrist. You can tell Five is a little out of it and I believe it was more so his subconscious stopping Luther. Five doesn’t want help, he’s going to carry the burden of figuring out who ended the world and killed his family as far as he can by himself

☂ “There’s nothing you can do. There’s nothing any of you can do.” Are such heavy lines. Five is so emotionally and mentally tired at the end of the day and he sounds like he’s about to breakdown. He’s replaying the moment he found his siblings’ corpses. They weren’t able to stop the person who ended the world. Luther is offering his help, but Five is denying it. Luther couldn’t stop the person who ended the world. None of his siblings were able to stop that person. He’s telling himself that they can’t help and he’s telling Luther and Allison that too. Five wants to be alone to figure out who this person is. His siblings can’t help him

☂ Five coming across the corpses of his siblings is just heartbreaking. He first stumbles across three adults lying in the rubble. One of them is holding an eye. He goes to shake the man in all black, having a tiny bit hope that miraculously he is still alive. He stumbles across another body only to back away with tears in his eyes as he spots the tattoo on the man’s arm and realizes who these people are

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Feel free to comment or reblog with things you have noticed too!