#yesterday I packed and sorted thru a lot of my stuff

[actual-corpse]

God I hate feeling lazy and worthless because I'm low on spoons.

Like there's actual work that NEEDS to be done SOON and I just... can't.

[keelywolfe]

FIC: Some Sense of Normalcy ch.2 (baon)

Summary: It’s Edge’s first day back to work at the Embassy, but his job isn’t the only thing on his mind.

Tags:  Spicyhoney, Kustard, Established Relationships, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of Past Injury

Chapter 1 | 

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Part of the ‘by any other name’ series.

Read Chapter 2 on AO3

or

Read it here!

~~*~~

Stretch kept watch out the front window, waiting for Edge to drive off with Red at the wheel of his car and wasn’t that a question he didn’t have time to find out the answer. Then he went back upstairs to get dressed; he had places to be and of course today would be the morning that Edge decided to let his ridged adherence to his schedule slip.

It was pretty damned hard to nudge Edge out the door without making him suspicious, since all previous evidence pointed to Stretch trying to keep him in bed as long as possible and now that he was finally gone, Stretch needed to double-time it.

He hadn't lied about the video conference with his therapist, but that wasn't until this afternoon and there was something to look forward to. He had a love/hate thing going with Doc Lee, loved that she could help him collect all his thoughts back into the right baskets and get 'em back in order, hated that he had to actually talk about why they were scattered to begin with to get there.

In the meantime, he yanked on the first pair of pants and sweatshirt he found in his side of the closet. He was headed back downstairs, socks in hand, when the doorbell rang.

Stretch opened the door, leaning awkwardly on the jamb as he reached down to pull on his socks. "hey, andy."

“Morning,” Jeff said with a smile. He was dressed for work and Jeff’s style was a little less posh than Edge went for. No suit coat and his button-up shirt was a deep blue with a scattered floral pattern and a sort of long, gauzy white vest hanging open over the works. He looked good and Stretch didn’t mind telling him so.

“good thing i’m a math genius, your clothes are looking pretty acute there.”

Faint pink rose in Jeff’s cheeks. The kid didn’t take a compliment well, it was a work in progress. But he sure as heck proved his pun skills were up to par. “Thanks for going at the right angle so I don’t have to be obtuse about it. Are you ready to head out?”

“give me two minutes to feed the chickens and we can hit it.”

Stretch headed into the backyard, Jeff at his heels. Jeff stayed out of the coop in deference to his nice shoes and only watched as Stretch let the chickens out, scooping feed into their trough. Nugget came out of the coop last, not the normal order of things, gobbling her food with record speed. Probably wanted to book it back inside to her weird nest and that was another mystery on Stretch’s list. It’d keep for a day or two, and Stretch would take a dozen peculiar eggs, carton and all, to have her back home. He gave her a light pat, didn’t even mind when his affection was ignored in favor of the eats.

Meanwhile, Jeff wandered over to the freshly planted garden beds, peering down at the tiny points of green poking out. "So, do I get to hear why you didn't hitch a ride in with Edge?"

See, that was the problem with Jeff being pals with Edge; it made him concerned for Edge’s welfare and feelings and stuff. That was some double-sided sticky tape, ‘cause Stretch wanted Jeff to like Edge but not enough that he’d tattle. "that would be because he'd interrogate me about what i was doing."

"And you think I won't?"

"nah, you will, but you're more lucky to fall for the eyes." Stretch turned to him, feed bucket still in hand, and gave him the very best doe-eyed, pathetic look in his collection.

"okay, that is pretty effective,” Jeff admitted, “But, somehow, I don't think you're planning a surprise party. So, I have to ask, is what you're doing going to make Edge mad and that's why you're going behind his back?"

"nope." Probably not, anyway.

Jeff gave Stretch a scrutinizing look that would give Sans a run for his money. Well, maybe a leisurely stroll. “All right,” he said at last, “If I don’t take you to the Embassy, you’ll just take the bus, anyway. But if something is actually wrong or you need real help that isn’t solved by a quick lift, you tell me. Deal?”

“deal,” Stretch hesitated and added, “i promise.” Fuck it, Andy was his best friend, if he couldn’t confess to him at least a little, then he might as well start rethinking the title.

Stretch never really gave Jeff a rundown about how he felt about promises, but stood to reason that someone did. His expression softened into a lopsided smile and he jerked his head towards the house. “Then let’s get going before I’m late. Catty is a good boss but the last person in has to get coffee for everyone for the rest of the day.”

The ladies were still chowing down and Stretch left them to it, though he did double and then triple check that the gate was shut tight. Not that he’d ever accidentally left it open, but he was pretty resigned to being stupid about his chicks for a little while yet.

Jeff’s car was a sporty little compact with a surprising amount of legroom in the front seats and there was zero doubt in Stretch’s mind that Edge was the one who chose it with that feature in mind, along with every safety feature package that they could cram in without popping a seam. He didn’t wait for the seat belt speech, already buckling up, and they were off.

Crawling through the streets of New New Home to the security checkpoint and once they were through the gate, Jeff turned things up a notch. His cautious driving was only about a step down from Edge’s, but unlike Edge, Jeff didn’t say a peep when Stretch rolled down the window and let his arm dangle out, relishing the cool wind on his bony fingers.

Nice to be able to relax and enjoy the breeze. Edge would’ve bitched at him and he knew from experience that Blue would stop the car and refuse to move until he rolled the window back up, citing statistics about Humans losing limbs and heads all the while.

Yeah, okay, today wasn’t a good day to think about anyone losing their head. Stretch pulled his arm back in and let it sit more sedately on the window ledge. He could feel Jeff giving him a look, but he didn’t say anything, didn’t ask or probe or scold and that was why he was an awesome friend. Even if a couple times he’d asked about things Stretch didn’t like to think about, things from the past, from Underswap—

The sound of the wind through the opened window suddenly sounded a little too much like a brewing storm in Snowdin, the way they often swirled up across the narrow path that led to Waterfall. Dredged up memories that Stretch usually kept packed away, neat and tidy in a box of ‘past is past’. His head really wasn’t on straight today and—

Stop it, STOP IT—

“how’s things at the embassy?” Stretch asked abruptly. He yanked his arm inside and rolled the window up entirely, sealing out the blowing wind. Jeff didn’t seem perturbed about the sudden break in the silence.

“Great. Busy.” Jeff kept his eyes on the road, but his smile was honest and wide, “I know you’re going to put me off for saying this, but I seriously could never thank you guys enough for getting me this job.”

Stretch shrugged. “i didn’t have anything to do with it. i have less pull at the embassy than hussain, and i’ve heard what he did with the cafeteria.”

“The food is great,” Jeff agreed, “especially the falafel.” His quick side eye said a lot about how much he believed the rest of it.

It wasn’t that Stretch minded the gratitude, but it really wasn’t necessary. Yeah, sure, being his pal probably got Jeff’s foot through the door. That wouldn’t make Edge give Jeff a job that he couldn’t do or that he wouldn’t be suited for. Strategy was what Edge did, and if he thought Jeff would be great for Public Relations, Stretch was a hundred-and-nine percent sure he was right.

“anything i had to do with it was strictly by association,” Stretch told him, “you’re probably more lucky being my pal didn’t put them off, but eh, if they haven’t ditched edge, i doubt you’ll be in line.”

“I think if they fired Edge, half the Embassy would grab their staplers and follow him out the door,” Jeff snorted, “Speaking of lines, you want to stop for a coffee on our way?”

Seriously, best pals forever, “lead on, macduff, i’ll follow you anywhere.”

Jeff laughed even as he turned into the lot for the Beanery and headed for the drive-thru.

Jeff dropped Stretch off at the Embassy entrance before he went to park his car. Which was fine, he knew where he was going, and he didn’t need Jeff to hold his hand along the way.

The security guard only gave him a disinterested look as he swiped his rarely-used keycard and headed for the elevator. Not the normal elevators, the ones that led to the offices upstairs that Humans and Monsters used all day long, where you could press any button and be off.

No, the elevator to the labs was around the corner from those and needed a keycard just to open the doors, another swipe of the card with a password to activate it. Not all Monsters had access to all the labs, and their cards would only take them as far down as their security clearance allowed.

Stretch’s card would take him to any of the labs. All he had to do was swipe it.

He stood in front of the elevator, the card gripped too-tight in the clench of his fingers, staring at the closed doors.

When he’d texted Alphys yesterday, she’d been perfectly happy to meet with him, but said she couldn’t get away from the labs right now, so he’d have to come here. He’d assured her that it was fine and yesterday, it was. It’d been a relief, even.

Somehow while he’d been lying in bed the day before, lost in the tangle of his thoughts, the idea of his HP dropping again got hooked into his head. He couldn't stop thinking about it, none of his distraction techniques were working, his focus was fucking shot. All the clues that he might be having HP trouble were banging on the door, demanding to be let into his mind.

Like the fact that the lower his HP got, the wearier he was and just lately, he'd been feeling awfully damned tired. He'd gotten used to his HP being at five and the extra slice of energy that came with that. Falling asleep at random times in even more random places was becoming the exception rather than the norm and he fucking well liked it that way.

Last time Alphys checked him over, his HP was back on the rise, but it’d been a while. Lately, he'd been smoking way too much, using up a lot of magic healing, and he’d been so, so tired. He wasn’t the puzzle-fiend that his bro and Edge were, but even he could do one that only had a couple pieces.

Yesterday, Alphys’s assurances that he could stop in had been a relief, enough to make that worry back off a little and let him go back to his sour ball of grief over Nugget. Now that mourning was off the table, the reports of her death greatly exaggerated, here came his ghostly HP worries, trundling back in to for another go at haunting the inside of his skull.

After dinner, he’d gone upstairs to take a shower and stood there, looking at himself in the mirror. All it would’ve take was a quick Check, only a few seconds, and his stats would have spilled out right in front of his eye lights, letting him know exactly the state of his HP. Just a quick check and if everything looked good, he could tell Alphys never mind, he could stay home and take a day, not curled up on the bed but on the sofa, maybe, day-binging Netflix. Or outside, watching the chickens roam the yard, maybe see if Nugget would let him get a picture of that mystery egg she was so protective of.

Would’ve only taken a quick Check and Stretch just…couldn't. The magic was sitting there ready to be used and he couldn’t make himself pull the trigger on doing it. He couldn't do it and he sure as fuck wasn’t going to ask Edge. Like Edge needed any other problems on his radar? Not a chance.

So that cemented the plan right there. He was gonna go downtown and see what the deal was, and if it was bad, he would tell Edge. No secrets, not this time, no trying to hide this shit. Edge was going to have to deal with whatever fallout came down the line from his HP dropping, so may as well give him as much prep time as he could.

All he had to do was open the elevator door.

“Do you want me to come with you?”

Stretch startled so badly the world blurred around him in an aborted shortcut. The mostly empty coffee cup in his hands slipped though his fingers, spilling out a few creamy droplets when it hit the floor.

Jeff only went to the nearby cleaning station to grab a paper towel, crouching down to wipe up the mess while Stretch tried to remember how to breathe normally.

Finally, he blurted out, “you scared the shit out of me, andy!”

“I noticed and it’s extra impressive considering you don’t shit,” Jeff said. He tossed the cup and dirty paper towel into the trash can. “And you didn’t answer me. Do you want me to come with you?”

Stretch laughed unsteadily, “you don’t even know where i’m going.”

“I don’t,” Jeff agree. “What I do know is that leads to the labs downstairs. And I know you have trouble with labs sometimes, even your own. So. Do you need me to come with you?”

Jeff’s gaze was steady, calm, and beneath it was that warm gentleness, the compassion on his face as obvious as the soft green of his soul. It was hard to resist the urge to grab onto him and drag him downstairs, fuck all the security protocols, but that would be plowing over all kinds of boundaries and Stretch wouldn’t be the only one getting in trouble over it. He wasn’t about to damage anyone at the Embassy’s trust in Jeff over his own stupid issues.

“nah,” Stretch forced a smile, “you need to get upstairs before you’re the designated coffee runner for the day.” Then, when Jeff didn’t move, he said, more seriously, “but you can hit the button for me. if you want.”

Jeff stepped up but instead of pushing the button, he wrapped both arms around Stretch’s rib cage and hugged him tightly. All of Stretch’s good intentions snapped like the elastic in an old pair of undershorts; all he could do is lean down and hug Jeff back, his slim body giving in a way that bone simply couldn’t. Jeff was softer and squishy and so very Human, the best part of humanity.

If anyone came down towards the elevators, Stretch might’ve let go sooner. As it was, they stood there an embarrassingly long time for whatever security cameras were probably watching. Jeff didn’t let up an inch, held tight and let Stretch be the one to step back first.

Stretch shook his arms out, gave himself a full body shake. He could do this.

“okay, i’m heading down,” Stretch said firmly. He pushed his card into the key slot. “hit it.”

Jeff did and the elevator door slid open smoothly. Stretch stepped inside and the doors were closing almost before he could turn around.

“You can text me whenever you’re done!” Jeff called through the narrowing opening. The door closed completely before Stretch could reply but that was okay, Jeff would know his answer without him saying a thing.

He pushed his keycard into the control panel slot and tapped in his password; the calendar numbers of his wedding anniversary used in a linear equation. The elevator lurched hard enough to unsettle his non-existent stomach and started downward.

No big deal, Stretch told himself, struggling to pull his keycard back out with sweat-slick fingers. He rubbed them impatiently on his pants and tried again, and this time the card came free, just as the elevator doors opened into the gleaming stainless steel and glass of the labs, all clean sterile lines, nothing at all like his own cluttered workspace. But it was all fine, he wouldn’t even be in the lab long, Alphys always took him right to her office.

Right on in and she could do all her tests, let him know the state of his body and soul, that was it, yep.

No big deal at all.

tbc

[shiftyskip]

My Grandpa’s Diary- Pete Rakiewicz

Keep in mind this is boring. My grandpa didn’t do much during the World War. He didn’t jump out of an airplane, drop bombs, or kill anyone. He owned a monkey named Cheetah (because she cheated at cards) and killed time. But war isn’t always insteresting, sometimes it’s boring one side.

But I found his diary and it’s one of the only things of his other than his wartime harmonica than I have left of him. I thought I’d share it with you.

4/7/45 Saturday

It's been one full year on this island today (Oh, Brother)

Orientation at 1300 hours. Played poker, won about seven bucks. Took a shower, shaved, washed items of clothes, & brushed teeth - all in 20 min. Wrote a 3-pager to Pugs. Listened to Hit Parade. No. 1 song, Accentuate the Positive, was sung by Lawrence Tibbetts & it was murder no end! Sold ½ case of beer for Four Checks. Hit the hay at lights out.

4/8/45 Sunday

Went to church & communion, made Easter duty, last service of Father Neagle. Rec'd letters from Janie & Marion & 2 from Pugs. Wrote to Janie & Marion. Had tough time getting a vehicle from motor pool. Drove down to hospital to see Bearman, stayed 10 min, returned to area in time to see movie "And Now Tomorrow" starring Alan Ladd & Loretta Young. Did some bookkeeping. Hit the hay just before lights out.

4/9/45 Monday

Read Time, Look, Pic, Yank magazines. Forgot Novena & class in practical electricity. Rec'd letters from Johnny & Pugs. Wrote Pugs a 3-pager. Drank one beer just before lights out. Insect made noise like a riveting machine, spent 15 min. tracking it down with flash-light, threw pest out the door. Hit the hay no earlier than 2330 hours.

4/10/45Tuesday

Read new Time magazine. Watched part of basketball game - then the lights all over the place dimmed out - generator trouble. Saw movie "Ministry of Fear" with Ray Milland & Marjorie Reynolds - she sure is a sharp looker. That's against my motto 'cause I don't go for blondes. Wrote to Johnny. Hit the hay at 2230.

4/11/45 Wednesday

BUSY DAY - BUSY DAY

Used rake on movie area. Grenade range - expended but one, which took up rest of morning. Miller, our driver, nearly got done away with thru his own carelessness of course. He pulled ring, released lever, prepared to throw it while it was sizzling. Lucky for him he didn't hold it long enough to explode.Socked the new punching bag till my arms nearly fell off. Put together the parts & pieces of a grenade to keep as a souvenir.

4/11/45

Saw good movie "Hollywood Canteen" with millions of stars & Joan Leslie & Bob Hutton. She's awfully nice-looking -- my ideal of a girl friend. Was part of a general discussion session which was held after the movie in the mess hall. C.O. gave main points on TDRR&R & rotation. Questions asked were answered to the best of his ability. My choice was TDRR&R, the technical army name which in all respects is just a furlough with immediate return to same overseas outfit. Hit the hay at 2310 hours.

4/12/45 Thursday

Mess hall inspected by a General (Gilbreath) was not to his liking. Later, Bn, C.O. looked it over and also found it the same way. Fixed water barrels. Sprayed oil to kill grass around our barracks. Went to movie, saw"Greenwich Village" (Don Ameche - Vivian Blaine), "The Fighting Lady" story of a carrier narrated by Lt. Bob Taylor, U.S.N.R. a short on the birth of a B-29 Superfort. Wrote 3-pager to Pugs. Hit the hay at 2310 hours.

4/13/45 Friday

Last nights movie took in more than three hours. During the night, a detail worked on mess hall so it could pass the inspection tomorrow. Col. Trower is expected to be the inspector. Cleaned our barracks also for the inspection & we better pass 'cause I sure don't like working on Sunday. Punched the bag again till the arms nearly fell off. Finished Lesson 12 in bkkg. It's ready for mailing. Had a slight storm, rain came in sudden burst came in buckets and just sudden it stopped. Wonderful place for fishes in this place. Saw movie "Mark of the Whistler", Richard Dix. It was sort of a stinkeroo, just as bad as Lawrence Tibbett's singing. Wrote a two-pager to Bob's folks in answer to the letter of theirs that I received today. Have yet to write to the kid bro. Hit the hay at 2240 hours.

4/14/45 Saturday

Read "Valley of Silent Men" novel - pretty good.

Author James Oliver Curwood. Orientation 1300 hours. Passed inspection. which is a mystery to me. Paid in advance for Monday's beer. 6 bucks. Indulged in poker, came out a little ahead. Saw movie "Dark Waters" Merle Oberon, Franchot Tone - Fair. Missed Hit Parade. Listened to records in orderly room instead. Hit the hay sometime after 2300 hours.

4/15/45 Sunday

Yesterday received two letters one each from Pugs and Mom. Mom said she mailed radio & extra tubes to me, April 4. Dick may go home on leave (I hope so). Went to church, new priest, Father Kuhn.

Played softball, won 9-8 in extra inning. I stunk. Had three ice creams at P.X. Bought two Park lighters. Indulged in poker, came out a little ahead. Washed clothes. Didn't shave 'cause my face was a bit sunburned from this morning's softball game. Intended to take pictures but time flew too fast. Saw "Winged Victory" - fair. Should write a letter to Mom & to Pug but I'm too tired. Hit the hay at 2230 hours.

4/16/45 Monday

Stood memorial parade in honor of president's death. Had most of morning off, in which time I had my picture taken 3 times. Wrote to Dick, to Mom & a three-pager to Pugs. Had ice cream & cokes at P.X. Missed half of Novena. Saw movie "Rainbow Island" Dorothy Lamour & Eddie Bracken - fair. Hit the hay right at lights out.

4/17/45 Tuesday

Bought four tubes of Ipana, my favorite tooth paste, yes, yes. Watched basketball game. Bn won. It's about time the M.P.'s got beat. Saw movie "One Body Too Many" with Jack Haley, Jean Parker - fair. Wrote to Frank Powers. Hit the hay at 2130 hours.

4/18/45 Wednesday

For dinner we fried ourselves a steak with french fried potatoes & onions. Toasted my bread a bit and everything went swell with the beer I had stacked away. Didn't get any ice cream -- the line at the P.X. was from here to Madison Ave. Group was alerted last week, been packing ever since. Saw movie "I'll Remember April", Gloria Jean growed-up to nice proportions - fair. Played pinochle. Hit the hay at 2245 hours.

4/19/45 Thursday

Third time this week we had fresh sunny-side-up eggs. Had two bits worth of ice cream & coke. Sprayed oil to kill grass around barracks. Received letter each from Pugs, Mom, & Treble. Wrote a three-pager to Pugs. Gave five beers to Joe Bucher for nix on account of two of his buddies came to see him. Hit the hay no earlier than 2200 hours.

4/20/45 Friday

Wrote to Trebie. Saw movie "Keys of the Kingdom" Gregory Peck, Thomas Mitchell. Good, something on the order of "Going My Way." Had a bull session of memories on things we remembered most from back home. Hit the hay at lights out but didn't start chasing forty winks until about 2340 hours. Two pictures were good from the two rolls that were taken Sunday & Monday. (Give me strength)

4/21/45 Saturday

Read Reader's Digest. Orientation 1300 hours. Played softball against the officers, trimmed 'em alive. For myself I got one good double & a fielder's choice. Score 12-2. Washed a stack of clothes. No movie tonight for a change. Indulged in poker, was going O.K. till Kraft sat beside me. Then I lost 7 bucks. Forgot to listen to Hit Parade. Hit the hay at lights out.

4/22/45 Sunday

Went to church - 0830. Straightened my junk. Borrowed camera from Biff because we were doubtful about Bob's. Took pictures, one whole roll. Wrote to Bob's aunt & uncle in answer to letters of theirs I received yesterday. Heard Sammy Kayes's program. Turned in shoes for salvage. Got a serum shot in left arm. Hit the hay just at lights out.

4/29/45 Sunday

Co. now packing boxes. Special details only went out to work. Worked fifteen & one-half hours on Tuesday. Sprayed D.D.T. on clothes. Bought turtle-shell necklace for seven bucks - it's for Pugs. We were all set to move but the ship isn't docked as yet. Church service was given by a missionary, performed in our chapel. Been playing poker all along and I either won or came out even. Hope it continues to my benefit. All during the week we had it pretty easy - except MON. & Tues. when we tried to get ready for moving.

5/6/45 Sunday

Received letters from Janie, Bob, Moe, Bob's folks and Helen. Answered all except three of four from Pugs. Turned in roll of film to be developed next Tuesday. Saw quite a lot of movies - among them "Kismet" & "Murder My Sweet" - both were good. Received picture from Sailor Dick - he's changed a bit already. Also got a letter from Mom. It has to be answered today, Sunday. Haven't received radio as yet -- but I guess it's due in this week. Had training lectures all last week with afternoons off. Calisthenics gave me sore muscles - cadence exercise for twenty minutes all last week, Due to see "Guest in the House" tonight. Reveille was changed from 5:30 to 6:30 - good deal. Movie was changed to "Here Comes the Waves". Golly, that Bing can sing! Answered Mom's letter.

5/7/45 Monday

Played poker, lost a few bucks, then won to get back to my original thirty-five. Saw "Guest In the House" starring Ann Baxter, Ralph Bellamy - good picture, she did a nice bit of acting. Had more of same stuff of last week. Forgot to mention we had from seven to ten shots in the last ten days.

5/9/45 Wednesday

Packed all our stuff & equipment, emptied the barracks. The band played solid for us right in front of our company. Went to see three-fourths of "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn". Then we were called to the company area. Piled 100 fellows, duffel bags, packs etc. into cattle truck. Left at nine o'clock, boarded the Bluem Fontaine, a Dutch (?) ship, at ten.

5/10/45 Thursday

Docked at Tulagi in the morning. At sea sometime in the P.M. In the next two weeks we had air raid drills, exercises, long lines for P.X. & chow & you had to be a contortionist to find a decent place to park your carcass. Chow wasn't any too good. The hold was next to hell. I had five days of K.P. & it was murder.

5/24/45 Thurs.

Docked at Batangas, P.I. in anchorage. Hit the shore in "Ducks". Flips greeted us with joy. I caught a blister-rash which caused me a lot of agony. Made friends with Jon, Mary & Eusabio. Invited to a chicken dinner. It was good. The first three days we slept in pup tents - with centipedes crawling over our stomachs. Then we changed to pyramidals. The first thing I noticed was that most of the kids had jungle ulcers all over their legs. Then we moved to the Guadalupe ruins on the outskirts of Manila. It was another hill-camp almost like Guadalcanal.

6/4/45 to 7/16/45

Stayed in camp most of the time, saw quite o bit of movies. That lasted about 5 to 6 weeks. Then Ronnie introduced me to Lydia and you couldn't find me in camp. Her brother taught me basic tango and rhumba. Rec'd my radio in good condition. It came 7-7-45 or thereabouts. Also about this time, I rec'd the photo album from Pugs, filled it with pictures I had on hand.

[drarrygirl27]

INCIDENT AT WORK ON MONDAY

Ok... So maybe some of you are wondering where I have been lately so I am going to tell you. I had a quick and semi-painful fall while at work on late Monday afternoon. I thought nothing of it after inspecting myself in the bathroom immediately after I got back up. I saw no cuts, no bleeding, and nothing felt too terribly bad so being the ignorant stubborn as hell ass that I am, I just continued working and I didn't even think anything of it through out the whole time I was working.

Fast forward to when Doug and I got back to our apartment early Tuesday morning, I started feeling this aching feeling in my right arm, but it isn't like the I did too much while on the job kind of ache, it was way more painful than that, but felt kind of numbish at the same time. When I took my work smock and most of my clothes off to start relaxing before going to bed, Doug noticed a bruise on my right hip and swelling on the part of my chest close to my right arm.

He then asks me, "What happened to you Baby?"

At first I am really confused and am just like "Huh? What are you talking about D?" He asks me if I knew that I had a dark bruise on my right hip and he then told me that the part of my chest close to my right arm was swelled up pretty bad.

I was like, "What?!"

After I go check it out in the bathroom mirror, he asks me "How did you get so banged up?"

It was then that I remembered and so I told him, "Oh... Now I remember D. I fell at work last night."

He then scolded me a little by telling me that I really should have told Alex (He is acting as Custodial Lead until the actual Custodial Lead comes back.) because then I could have gone to the E.R. so they could check me out just to be safe. I told him that I just simply didn't think that it was this bad. At least, not at the beginning of it. I also tell him that for now on even if it doesn't hurt all that bad, I'll notify the Lead Custodian immediately when I get hurt. I just simply forgot this time was all and since nothing felt all that bad or looked too bad, I just didn't see why I should have said anything at all. However, I have learned my lesson on that now most definitely.

Doug nods at that and says, "Good girl."

For the rest of that time until we went to bed, Doug gets things for me just to be on the safe side because of how much my arm was hurting.

Fast Forward to him dropping me off at work. It was there that I started to really feel exactly what happened in my fall because it wasn't just the part of my chest close to my right arm that was hurting really bad. Now it was my right knee and my left wrist too. Anyway, I sit my stuff down so I can find and fill in an incident report. Alex and my fellow Custodial workers ask me what I am doing. I then explain it all to them including a reenactment on how I fell which they laughed at it because I added an Ahhhhhh!!! to it for emphasis and maybe a little bit of dramatization even though I barely got a sound out of me because of how damn quick I actually fell. They then tell me that I should call Gracie (Custodial Supervisor) about what happened so I follow the right protocol. Well... It turns out the right protocol was to go to the office to fill in the report with her so I can also have the right paperwork for the clinic and the pharmacy. I decided that since the real damage to my person didn't show up until hours after my fall that it would be best to just go ahead and get myself checked out just to be on the safe side of things.

After having some people look me over including the doctor and some x-rays done, it is discovered that thankfully I didn't break or fracture anything. I sustained a contusion on my right chest wall and my right knee and there was nothing wrong with my left wrist.

From what I have gathered on what happened to me while I was dust mopping 2nd Grade Hallway, I slipped on a puddle of water with my left foot and when I did that my left foot went forward while my right foot went backward and I landed on my right knee and my right arm mostly which is why they hurt the most. I put more of my force on my right when I fell on that hard ass floor than my left which is why my left wrist didn't hurt nearly as much as my other injured parts mentioned did.

Another kicker which was kind of funny, but not was the fact that I could get Worker's Comp for the doctor office visit because of the handy dandy form I was given by one of my Custodial Supervisors, but that I couldn't get it for my prescriptions because the doctor forgot to write down Worker's Comp on the paper when they sent it over to the pharmacy so I was given 2 choices, 1. Pay about $17 and some cents out of pocket or 2. Go back to the clinic to have them send in the same prescription, but with Worker's Comp written on it. I go out to the car and tell Doug what happened and he tells me to just go ahead and pay it since the money is in our account now because it is getting late and he didn't want to lose more time to work tonight and not to mention, we just don't have the gas for it either. After he said that I go in to pay for my prescriptions and the pharmacist apologizes about it, but to just make that I keep the receipt so I can get compensated from my work.

Another kicker following the other kicker, it isn't until Doug and I left the pharmacy while in the McDonald's drive thru that for some reason or other, they gave me both the prescription bottles, but one of them was completely empty. I tell Doug this and he says to just not worry about it and that we will just take care of it tomorrow morning on the way to dropping me off at work.

When I tell the older gentleman pharmacist the next morning about them forgetting to put in pills in one of my prescription bottles yesterday, he immediately feels bad about it, but he especially feels it when he sees what prescription was missed. He looked me dead in my eyes with shame and such, saying "Oh my Gosh! I am so sorry. Oh you poor thing." The pills that weren't filled were the muscle relaxers. I just tell him that it is ok. It just happens sometimes.

Of course, I'm not told anything about what I am supposed to actually do or anything of the sort until Tuesday morning itself which was when I was put on light duty which to my superiors apparently that means acting as a receptionist at their main office building. It is pretty interesting. The staff make it especially interesting, but it is also a bit boring because other than a 30 minute lunch & 2 15 minute breaks, nothing really happens there. The visitor flow isn't very much. There are spurts here and there, but mostly I was just sitting down in a chair doodling on some paper, putting a make shift ice pack (a storage gallon zip lock bag from the apartment that I just so happen to conviently use to hold some stuff in my lunch bag just in case something leaks or whatever.) on my right knee for the first 48 hours for 20 minutes after 3 hours of work throughout the 8 am-4:30 pm work shift, dozing, and struggling not to dose off.

Oh and by the way, I told my work place about what happened at the pharmacy. I talked to one of the claim adjusters as they are called and he told me that I will have that money that I paid to get my medications that day back as soon as possible in my pocket.

Ooo... Goodness this was a lot to write! Oh and another thing, I have a follow up at the clinic tomorrow at 9 am to see how things are coming along in my recovery. It still hurts quite a bit and I noticed a twinge of pain my right hip right after coming out of the pharmacy the first time I went in so we'll just have to see what the doctor tells me. Depending upon what she tells me will have my Custodial Supervisors deciding on whether or not I can go back to my campus to at least help with the cleaning a little bit.

Not going to lie, I kind of dread going back to cleaning. It is so fucking awful! I am hoping & praying that the school principal at the school I work at as a Custodian will give me a chance. I sent an email to her explaining who I am and that I applied for the Teacher's Aide position yesterday I believe. I think it was yesterday night to be more specific about it.

However, if I do go back to my campus next week then I'll have a chance to ask her about it face to face. I would much rather help teachers out with things and spend some time with the kids than to essentially clean up after them, other staff members, and and this is the part that pisses me off a lot, maintenance & construction people too. That part of it gets especially annoying. Oh and another good thing about the Teacher's Aide position is the fact that it pays a little more than a dollar than what I am getting paid now which is another reason why it would make such a big difference to Doug and I both.

Ok... I think that about covers everything that has happened since I last posted about something. I'm going to leave it here before it becomes an even longer novel. LOL! 😆

[at1stsoo]

Recap of last year’s fics

It’s time to reflect on last year, which was my second calendar year for writing but my first full year, so here’s a fic meme rundown on my stories from 2017. (Fic links here will be for AFF, but I’ll link my ao3 account at the end for anyone who prefers that platform.)

Total stories published: *This depends on whether you’re looking on AFF or ao3. It’s 9 on AFF (where Orbiting Bodies is all together), 14 on ao3. And then I did 5 drabbles that were just on Twitter/Tumblr if those count?

Total Word Count: ~125k

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted? Definitely more. I had embraced the idea of continuing to write for 2017, but I thought it’d be here and there, not so continuously?

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? All Kaisoo still, but I did write Xiuchen almost as equally in Sometimes, Legends Lie. I actually almost listed them as the primary pairing, haha, just to throw people off my trail in the Mythology fest, but the heart of the story is more Kaisoo (even if Xiuchen got equal ‘screen’ time). I’ve written Chanbaek as a side pairing, but that’s not new.

New genre: I’m out here writing mythology with world building requirements? Soulmate au? Action/Adventure? Basically anything that’s not slice of life, I’m still surprised I did it. What’s your own favorite story of the year? I think… I have to give the nod to Signal Lost (& Found). But I’m really proud of how I ventured out with Campaigning for Your Heart at the start of 2017, so I’ll mention that one, too. Did you take any writing risks this year? Lots? I hadn’t written much humor (a little near the end of Waxing & Waning), so Campaigning was a risk. Uhhhh also all the smut. Which I hadn’t tried wholeheartedly until Campaigning.

Runner up: Of Keepsakes and Kisses, but it got a lot of love during the Best Days of Our Lives fest on LJ. The most fun story to write: What the Nightingale Spies. It ended up being longer in the middle chapters than I’d planned bc I was having fun writing the flirting and the missions. And the reception has been great - I love laughing with you guys in the comments. The story with the single sexiest moment: Ch 12 of Orbiting Bodies (Jongin’s New Favorite Song) - the bathroom scene OR Campaigning for Your Heart - Soo using his fancy tie on Nini The most “holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story: Uh… the epilogue of For Me, You’ll Always Be 18 was written right after New Year’s last year, so… yeah, that. The story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: Signal Lost (& Found). I didn’t know Kyungsoo’s character super well when I first outlined the story, since I was focused on Jongin’s POV and his journey. I kinda kept Nini’s mindset a lot in the beginning of writing that story, to try and capture his fears and doubts faithfully before letting myself 'learn/see’ Kyungsoo more clearly once they were ready to meet. The hardest story to write: What the Nightingale Spies. It was supposed to be my easy going, no stress writing project amid the fests. Ha. HA. But I’m very proud of what I’ve managed to do with it. The biggest disappointment: I don’t know that I have one? Maybe not spending as much time on my Orbiting Bodies chs as I 'should’ sometimes. I prioritize speed to churn those out in the moment when something Kaisoo happens, so I know the quality often isn’t there in the same way as much of my other writing. (But it’s really fun to fangirl with you all right as stuff happens!) The biggest surprise: That I’m even closer with my squad (that I met here on AFF thru reading/writing) than I was last year. That Indi is my fic wife and I get to beta just about everything of hers and she’s there for me, too, whenever I need her? How did I get so LUCKY?!? The most unintentionally telling story: Uh… What the Nightingale Spies is a pretty big ode to Kyungsoo’s voice, which I love. Favorite Opening Line(s): “Ayyyy, who left a sock in the fridge?” Chen whines.

“LEFT a sock in the fridge? Don’t you mean who put a sock in the fridge? Don’t normalize it. Since when is the office refrigerator an appropriate place to store hosiery?” Wendy asks between bites of her muffin. - What the Nightingale Spies

Favorite Closing Line(s): I’m gonna be insufferable here and say I love just about all my closing lines. It’s something I actually spend a fair amount of time on.

Top favorites: Signal Lost (& Found), Sometimes Legends Lie, and Ch 8 of Orb Bodies (The Space Between Right & Wrong). The first two are major spoilers to the fics, so here’s the ending of the OB chapter (Soo’s sad poem in the shape of a broken heart)-

Unhealthy, maybe But I can’t help believe.

In another place, In another time, You’d still Be Mine.

Favorite 5 Lines from Anywhere:

I can’t do this properly bc I hate potentially spoiling anything; here’s a half-assed attempt:

““Why on earth would I miss having my eyes assaulted by routinely bad dye jobs and socialist propaganda?” Kyungsoo retorts while calmly packing up all his things into his Fendi bag, taking longer than normal to gather up his myriad of note-taking materials. Is he lingering? He’s not lingering. Why would he linger.” - Campaigning for Your Heart

“Long ago they might have tried brushing off each other’s compliments with a self-effacing, ‘No I’m not,’ but they’ve grown comfortable over the years in accepting those sincere endearments. The beauty of a love fully bloomed, where fear of seeming immodest or worrying the other is only pandering has long since faded away.” - Of Keepsakes and Kisses

““Settle down, drama llama. Maybe you’re just taking my advice to calm your tits too seriously, and while you would’ve bent over for any dick yesterday, you’re limp for even Gong Yoo today.” - Signal Lost (& Found) [my real fave lines from this fic are in the final scene]

"A thrill runs through Kai’s body. “Oh. Well that’s, um, that’s good,” he says tentatively, not wanting the eagerness to burst out like a fucking Bat-Signal in the night sky.” - What the Nightingale Spies

“I’ve choked guys out with my thighs before.” Great, that’s an image Jongin will never get out of his head. Might as well chisel it on his bedroom ceiling - it’s all he’s going to see when he tries to sleep tonight, he just knows it. - What the Nightingale Spies

Top 5 Scenes from Anywhere You Would Choose to Have Illustrated: 1. Jongin standing in the art gallery in Signal Lost (& Found)

2. The moment Kaisoo meet in What the Nightingale Spies

3. Kyungsoo and Jongdae’s conversation in Tartarus in Sometimes, Legends Lie

4. The pamphlets falling around Kaisoo when they kiss in Campaigning for Your Heart

5. Kaisoo standing together, holding hands and watching the sunset on the back of Soo’s yacht in Sail Away With Me Fic-writing goals for 2018:

Hmmm, trying a new genre like either fantasy/mama AU or wolf AU. Finishing the epilogues I promised for my fest fics.

Thank yous:

To everyone who’s become a friend, a reader, or a commenter. You guys are awesome and a MAJOR reason why I’m still writing and writing a lot. <3 Here’s my ao3 account with works sorted by popularity in case you want to check out any of the ones I mentioned in this recap.

[darrycurtises]

hey fam, do all of the aesthetic asks

thanks sun goddess ily

Flower Crown: when did you last sing to yourself

yesterday bc i always sing in the car, i think it was me putting “starman” “here comes the sun” and “ticket to the moon” on repeat the whole way home

Fairy Lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?

i’d like to know what the world will be like in like a century bc i worry about the world i hope she’ll be ok

Daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life

well i’m a seventeen yr old and not even one of the cool ones that compete in the olympics so its either like UH starting college @ 16 or being published in an official writing anthology

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to your mind, recent or otherwise?

last year when i went to busch gardens w my sister n my mom and i got to hold a penguin named Turkey ON MY LAP i have pictures to document this (i was chubbier back then tho no judgment)

Matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you’re now living?

yeah i wouldn’t be fucking living in florida and going to school id be using whatever money i could to travel overseas, and then i’d go on a big crosscountry roadtrip 

Black Nail Polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?

not an official one, just vague “i’d like to do x someday” things

Moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?

yes absolutely

Stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?

last week i went to a funeral and i cried so much they got a picture w me sobbing in the background

Plants: pick a person to stargaze with you, and explain why you picked them

my best friend tomas probably because he’s the only person who wouldnt make fun of me for stargazing

Converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?

BITVH NO LMAO I DONT EVEN TALK TO MY FRIENDS !!

Lace: when was your last three am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?

again, tomas, my best friend. about 4 days ago?

Handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one more person, what would you say and to whom?

oh man i dont even know

Cactus: opinion on brown eyes?

i have them and i love them. got my brown eyed angels all over the place. i know like three people w not-brown eyes 

Sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally

Oil Paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far?

[Redacted]

Overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?

id get new cars for my sister and mom bc theirs are v old like ten minutes to start and cough like a smoker old, and id pay my mom’s house off, pay off my sister’s student loans, deposit a lot to my grandma who’s living in an expensive nursing home, donate 2 houston, put away more for my college, lots of stuff

Combat Boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?

Yes and yes

Winged Eyeliner: write a hundred letter word to your twelve year old self

I don’t need 100 words I just need to tell her to shut up, stop eating so much, try being friends w the girls you don’t like, they were actually nice, you’re not as funny as you think you are save your words for later and think before you speak. Also, thanks for attaching our self worth to our school performance, this isn’t sarcastic, its turning out really well for scholarships

Pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?

Leaning more towards pastel, but honestly the most accurate thing would be primary colors/

Tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.

I like them but not on me

Piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?

I usually do a quick face for school, but if im in the mood then I like to do the most just because im a teenager and im living in a time of really weird fashion and this is the only time in my life where I’ll be ballsy enough and free enough to buy and wear green eyeshadow. You think that’ll fly when im 30 w a 9-5 job? I think not. Lemme get it outta my system now, while I have ~~~being a teenager~~~ to blame it on

Bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way.

This is gonna sound really depressing but I don’t believe in love bc of the avett brothers song “January wedding. He was so in love with her when he wrote it and for years I was like “this is love theyre so in love” and then bam we get the true sadness album and January wedding gets followed by “divorce separation blues.” Who can be that in love with someone and then just. Stop. I don’t get it, love isn’t real.

Messy Bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.

This is too much pressure

Cry Baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.

Ive seen the avett brothers 3 times and they were amazing every single time, just wowowow I got the “fuck it,  im standing up and singing” mood. Ive also seen boston and foreigner, which were also fun, but mostly bc of the 50 yr old stoners in the crowds.

Grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?

My papa, and I’d like it to say [classified] and maybe I’d like him to say [redacted].

Space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised?

I have a permanent set up at the kitchen table from august thru may, and its perpetually in disarry.

White Bed Sheets: what is your night time routine?

Face mask, hair care, moisturizer, vanilla tea, set up the coffee maker for the next morning, pack my book bag, pray, bed.

Old Books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know?

I’d like my mom not to know that she’s kind of annoying to watch movies w (it’d break her heart shes so sensitive aw) and id like my dad not to know where I live

Beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?

I have dyed my hair I went red for a bit but now its brown. Id never do anything that require I bleach it bc I love myself and wont do that to my head

Eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?

Id take my mom, sister, my friends [classified], [classified], and [classified] to new york w me so we can do horrible cheesy touristy stuff, and then I’d have them go w me on a cross country roadtrip

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them.

If I tell u my wish it wont come true

Painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up.

Its gonna be this year’s ive already perfected the make up im gonna be a mime and its amazing

Lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high?

Literally nothing ive never gotten high bc it seems uhhh not fun, but ive gotten a lil drunk before (I don’t like to drink bc it makes my head hurt and it’s a lot of calories) but I get sad id be a sad drunk so I just cried.

Thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?

Anything thatd harm a person/animal. Never kill, never maim. If u handed me a gun and said “shoot a deer ill give you a million dollars” I couldn’t do it. If I had to break someones arm for a million dollars I couldn’t do it.

Storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?

Song, bc I love people, ill just listen to a podcast while I run I guess

Love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realize you’re in love.

Not really, only a little bit of an “I’d like to love them” sort of thing

Clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?

Im a girl and id never rock short hair bc I don’t have the jaw for it, and I like my long hair to make my jaw look sharper

Coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?

I just get iced black tea bc starbucks coffee is ass, and id trust my mom. Not my sister or my friends bc theyd get me sugar in my tea instead of unsweet w honey

Marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?

The things my life has revolved around for years lmao my loved ones and school

[michikoroko]

Project Make-over (extended)

26 March 2017

I have always been fond of organising spaces, especially work and living areas. My life is nothing short of an action packed movie with comedy, drama and romance on the side — so failure, disappointment and messed up thoughts are inevitable. And where do I get my motivation to move on? 1. My study table. Yes I am not a student in school anymore, but I am a student of life forever. I get my plans done here. 2. My bedroom. After a long day at work or travel, this is where I rest and recharge. It is a must, that these places are always clean and helpful to fuel my creativity and productivity. So last year, I have started my Project Make over for my flat. I’ve done DIY decors, minor upholsteries, lights enhancements and a lot more, since the beginning and it’s never ending. It has been my outlet to channel my inner designer and artist feels and I loved every minute of doing it.

This month, my mum called me for help, clearing things out of our family house because they will be leaving for a long vacation in the province and she wanted to bring still useful, but rarely used items for a community there. And she wanted to get rid of the disorder in my siblings’ rooms as summer vacation has approached.

I did the cleaning up yesterday. Worked on my sisters’ bedrooms and also within our common spaces like the salas, and balcony. One of them lives with me in the flat, so we rarely use our rooms here anymore. There were a lot of outdated stuff that needed to be put off. But I was careful and I’ve taken a lot of time de-cluttering each areas of concern because I know how some things have embedded feelings in them and I don’t wanna throw them out without proper sorting. Haha. I finished around 11PM. Wew! Tiring yes. But it was more satisfying than eating a tub of ice cream on a hot summer night.

What I learned about this experience:

1. My sisters are not as organised as I am. 2. They hoard all sorts of stuff and forget about them for a while, making those things irrelevant. But when I bring any of those up for auction, they’ll instantly want it again for their life. 3. They value handmade gifts and letters which shows a lot about their personality. Maybe they got it from me? JK 4. One of my sisters had saved up a lot of coins in her life so far, I wonder where will she use it? She labeled it “Happiness” though, 5. Another one had saved up candies inside her dresser and I wonder how long will those treats hold up before the ant kingdom finds them.

What I did to improve their space:

1. I put all documents dated from 5 years ago directly to the trash bin. They won’t be needing those to move forward. (of course letters and cards were exceptions.) 2. I placed all “New and unused” items in one box, easily seen so they could recognise them right away, before they would think of buying something else. 3. I folded their clothes into categories and let them sort thru the things they won’t be using anymore, before putting everything back to their cabinets. They must take responsibility with whatever their decisions would be. 4. One of my sisters like writing but she’s not very artsy like me so I took out some cute paintings, her favourite band’s photo, her favourite book, her most loved stuffed toy, and her tablet on her study table. Her pens, highlighters and notebooks are also close by so it would be easier for her to spill her thoughts out when the moment arises. She love playing around social media platforms as well, so I’ve placed her chargers and polaroids near too. Art, has a very distinct way of inspiring people, even if we’re not the ones who made it. I hope she gain motivation every time she sits in front of those lovely things while facing the sun through her bedroom window. 

5. One of my sisters like art, on the other hand but is still childish and don’t quite realise the value of each material for every work to be done. Her colouring pens and make up brushes are all placed together making it hard to find which one is which. She’s also the one hoarding candies inside her make up dresser and I seriously wonder who gave that to her. Anyways, I cleared out her study desk completely. Placed a cardboard calendar, book holder and a box (for her art materials.) She doesn’t need visuals to motivate her to create, she already has a lot of ideas in mind. I know that. So I just put her stuff clean and close by so she won't have difficulty picking them up when needed. I’ve also imposed her drawers strictly for a specific stuff only. Like this one is for toiletries. This one is for socks, this one is for electronics, this one is for books. Learning to categorise is basic for any productive person. I hope she’ll learn to differentiate them on her own soon.  

I ended the day after clearing my own bedroom, making it look like how it was in its glory days. Lol. I have shifted my attention to my flat ever since I left home for adulthood, but even after all this time, my family home is still the best home, and will always be -- in the coming years. I think it’s just about right that I also spend time to keep it organised and homey like how it should and has been. I really feel like a legit winner looking at our house this morning, so fresh and clean and very conducive to learning and relaxing. I love it. 

Monday again tomorrow! Lots of things in store for the coming week! Let’s do this! 

[kookiebluey]

Wlog for the BTS London concert on the 10th💓

Just so I don't forget, I’d like to write down how I felt b4, during and after the BTS concert on the 10th💜

 I remember it wasn't a chill day at all, and I went to tutorials and lectures in the first half of the day. Can't say that I'm extremely excited cuz I was never really hyped for anything. It's not because I didn't like BTS enough, it's the fear of expecting too much and end up getting disappointed somehow. Well, I guess I was wrong and I could have looked forward to it even more xd

 I went back home after the computational lecture ended, then packed up my stuff (which was partly packed the nite b4) as quickly as I could. When I thought everything was settled, I realised that my parcel has arrived and I haven't printed my ticket yet. Everything was done in a hurry, and I left home at 2:05 for a 2:15 train.

 On the train, I was still kinda calm and had a look thru my notes from class. Then I spent the rest of the time sleeping and imaging how would I feel when I actually meet them at the concert. Would it feel like how it was in my dream? Or would it be something completely different?

 I arrived at London and google mapped how should I get to O2 arena cuz hahah I had no idea. Everything went by smoothly and I even managed to follow someone with a "jungkook 98" shirt when I sort of got lost hahaha.

 I took pictures of boards that were at the station and made a call to see where Joey is. Joey was already queuing. Lol up till this point, I kinda hoped that I've vlog-ed this. Its gonna be so much fun going back and rewatching everything. Anyways, Joey introduced me to her friends and we went on talking about what we could do inside. She prepared everything for me - like the lightstick, batteries, telling me they wouldn't really go thru my stuff hence its ok if I had a lot of stuff with me lolz

 We finally got in and we went up to get some drinks (which I didn't). I said bye to Joey (cuz we sit in different areas) and went to the toilet to change into a black T-shirt I got from Korea (haha I know its an unnecessary fact).

 Then, finally, I entered the arena and managed to find my seat. Sadly, on my seat, there's this girl that wanted to sit with her fd and would trade for a seat that's much further away from the stage (honestly wtf). I insisted that I'd like to keep my seat and eventually she gave in.

 I then had conversations with her fd (ie the person next to me now) and she went on about how she coped with their concert yesterday at the pit. She seemed to be a really old fan and had went to a lot of the functions in the past. I don't entirely agree but I said nothing hahah (I mean whats the point in arguing - its not like Im gonna see her after this).

 The fans were really hyped and they sang fanchants in every MV that came up at the arena. Love to see how the staffs' expressions are hahah - they'd be like wtf BTS is not even here what are u guys on about? Hahah bro I feel u I felt the exact same thing xd

 Finally it hit 8pm and the concert is about to start. They came out after a series of promo vids and after a marvellous stage arrangement. It was really hyped and it really lits up your mood. Just imagine someone really calm like me (ie calm during clubbings and all) getting really hyped and stuff hahah~

 I was really worried that I could bearly see Jungkook cuz he got injured and might stay at the main stage. BUTTT he actually brought his chair to the extended stage and sat at my side of the stage!!! Don't get me wrong, but I might have saw him better just cuz he was sitting the whole time xd

 It's that feeling when something that's on ur screen, on your wall or even in ur dreams (but is somehow non existing in ur life) suddenly was in front of you. I guess I was just 20 steps away from them if there were a platform from my seat to the extended stage. It was so close and you could see their facial expression so clearly. Even tho I couldn't make a heart or anything (cuz its embarrassing), or even get eye contacts, its still like a dream come true.

 I could see their little interactions right in front of my eyes, and hear their voices live. All of the members did a magnificent job and I honestly fell in love with every one of their performances. If I did said anything about having a bias and all, its really nothing like that anymore. I like every member and they are all so good looking (omg Jin is sosososososososo handsome I cannot).

 Standing for a total of 2 hours but it felt like 15 mins. Every song sounded so much more better live, and seeing them dancing so so close to you. It's a moment when you feel they are actual human beings - not cartoon, not animations.

 Jimin's performance actually did hit me - he was so attractive omg!! He also so cute when he looked around to try to interact with any fans that tries to catch his attention!

Jhope, Suga and Rapmon's performances were so lit!! Even tho they were never my favourite, they look so much more better in person!

Jungkook got injuried, so he sat down on a chair the whole time. But his voice was so angelic - and hahah I caught that moment when he forgot to sing a line - cuteeee. His interaction with his hyungs were also adorable - I love how they involved him even tho he couldn't dance, and he also tried to join in the dance even on the chair xdd - the thing is, he is a little conserved and he do not have actual interaction with any of the fans - but that's him and it isn't necessarily a good or bad thing. (btw JK look exactly like in photos and videos and thank god he decided to sit at my side of the stage on the day of my concert)

Jin, as what I've said, is so attractive omg!! He is THE VISUAL - no doubt  - he is stunning in person!!

V has his own charm as usual. He also looks exactly the same in phots and vids - and I caught the cute moment when he smiled at JK and start dancing his part hahah he also got "shot" by a fan's heart (I believe) and pretended that he got shot on stage - hahahah so freakin cute

 They all had really natural expressions during performances - and you couldn't imagine how could a person look so good in any angle and at any moment - its almost like calculated moves - and they are photogenic at every point of their performances -

What I had to do is to pick out moments that my camera didn't went out of focus or pointing at a wrong angle - they look fab in every single moment - no joke

 Ok so the conclusion is I was totally enjoying every moment and did not felt bored at any point of the concert - like not even slightly

I only wish time went by slower cuz I couldn't grasp all the moments that I'd like to record on my phone or to be aware of

 So I could tell Jungkook was a bit depressed in general but at least he didn't cry like how he did in the last concert - I really feel bad for him and thank god he didn't perform - I have a feeling I'm gonna be even more depressed cuz I'll miss his performance the most hahah

 Anyways then the concert ended and I asked every possible person to send me their vids. But honestly the ending was so sad. I actually felt like crying, but I didn't cuz I stopped myself from anticipating the concert too much in the first place, and therefore the contrast wasn't as great.

 Joey was really really depressed and I totally get it. Never thought you'd feel so at lost after you went to a concert you love. Its that feeling that "yeah they're right in front of you but now we had to take that back". Its really hopeless and you suddenly realised they are really superstars.

Its not like I wasn't aware of that fact that they are actual stars, but this reality hit you really hard when youre in a concert. There were so many armys and they wouldn't even know that you've existed. Its sad that they were so close and now you've understood that they are not your fds (even tho they seem like it in vids) but actual stars that are so out of reach. The contrast of being so hyped then falling back down to the bottom of the valley (hhaha its so different to the feeling of riding a roller coaster when going down is the best part).

 I love you BTS❤ even tho you'd never know our existence. They are truly remarkable and loved by so many.

 So moving on from this sad topic (XD), I met joey on the next day and convinced her to take a pic of me at an enormous wall with a print of BTS poster. I was kinda shy and couldn't really take a good pic until after a couple shots. We then had flat iron and it was a great restaurant - would really want to go again! We then attempt to take pretentious shots (which joey succeeded, and I hahah obviously failed) and had desserts. We then left to catch the train - but Joey lost her Oyster card:( She said something weird would always happen when shes with me ahahha I wonder why xd

 Yah so this was my marvellous bday gift - cant explain everything in short sentences, but I was so submerged into bts music right after the concert. You could literally think of nothing, do nothing, but listen to their music and rewatch the videos. I really want to keep the solid memory of the experience I've had at the concert - and pls don't forget it!!

 PS I really owe joey a lot cuz she persuaded and helped me to get the ticket. She got a JK fan for me, knowing I'll regret for sure! She knew me too well and at some point in life we do have to live like a teenager when we are teenagers rt? xd

Add-on: OMG so V went to flat iron too - honestly, how could they just walk into a restaurant w/o getting a room or anything, literally, just a table in which anyone could have sat on and anyone could have bumped into them. Sadly he didn’t go to the restaurant I went nor the time I went (I believe) but still happy cuz we had the same food ahahaha

[actual-corpse]

God I hate feeling lazy and worthless because I'm low on spoons.

Like there's actual work that NEEDS to be done SOON and I just... can't.