#yet i'm still also mostly emotionally regulated. and not in a numb way i think | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

daz4i · 7 months ago

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grumbling grumpily bc i unfortunately have to admit that i am indeed getting better >:( like i actually feel excitement again for example. smh. i look forward to going out and being with people??? i am way more agreeable to trying new things and i let myself approach them with an open mind so i often end up enjoying them??? this isn't me this isn't my heart .

#ngl i think. the last 2ish weeks before the show were a big turning point #i surprised myself with how cooperative i was and how positive and energetic i managed to be abt the whole thing #and then the show went great and i got ppl approaching me telling me they loved my bit #and i'm still feeling good since 🧐 this is so damn odd i'm not used to feeling okay for this long #and it's not like. like when i was 18 for example. that i was chill literally just bc i was detached from my feelings (ssris my beloathed).#bc now i do feel excited. as i mentioned. which hasn't happened for real in like. years #yet i'm still also mostly emotionally regulated. and not in a numb way i think #obviously i still have some hard times 😩 being bored is unbearable for example and I still struggle to find ways to solve it #and i still like. haven't been creative since august. but i also don't feel the need to do so either?#idk maybe acting scratches that itch enough that i don't need to write. who knows #anyway this was an angry (/j) ramble abt mental health. don't mind me #i AM extremely scared of when my body will turn on me and hormones imbalance will fuck me up #i'm extremely suspicious bc it should've happened by now according to past experiences. but i'm. still mostly fine. Hm #i also still tend to fall into self loathing lmao 😭 but. not as much as before. it hits hard when it does but usually goes away fast #achieving smth grand probability helped ease some of it far in my subconscious lol #uuuuuuuh does this need a cw tag. lmk 🫡

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