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WARRIOR NUN S2 + TV Time Comments

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they’re never yours

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@thirteenyasmin’s avatrice fic has me in a chokehold please go read rn

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nevertheless (2021-) dir. kim ga ram “episode 2”

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i did my best but it wasn't enough for you to love me.

you did your best but it wasn't enough to make me stay.

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it was a mistake... i knew it was. i checked the guy's gaming stream and i heard her voice. i heard the two of them talking to each other, and i wished nothing more than to just die right there.

it fucking hurts. i want the pain to stop, how do i make it stop?

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My Worth

somebody told me recently that i should find someone who can see my worth

but what is my worth? i don't even know anymore..

maybe this is all that i deserve. maybe this is what my worth deserves.

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Ladies and gentlemen and all manner of non-gender conforming folks,

after days of only making text posts about DOTA: Dragon’s Blood,

Ya girl (moi) has finally contributed to the fandom with...

Modern Mirana and Davion

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how does it feel to be hated?

i want someone to be angry with me. i want someone to be mad at me, to scream at me and curse me and condemn me.

i’m sick of hearing “it’s fine”, or “don’t worry about it”, or “no problem”. the more i hear these phrases, the more it makes me feel unimportant. worthless, useless. like i don’t even matter enough for them to be angry about with what i did.

i want someone to tell me that i’ve hurt them. that what i did affected them in some way or form. that they are pissed at me, annoyed at me, sick of me. i want to apologize, and i want to work hard to earn their forgiveness.

i want to feel important. valued. i like to feel that guilty pang in my chest knowing that someone’s crying because of me. because then i would know how much they care about me, and how much they care about our connection.

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i rewatched flipped twice today: the dawn before i slept, then when i woke up around noon, i joined my sister who was watching it for the first time. i almost forgot that i named this tumblr after a line from that movie. perpetual motion.

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i wanna be free

free from the painful thorn piercing through my chest. free from anger, sadness, bitterness, regret.

i wanna be free

free from the persuasive voice inside me that whispers how pathetic i am. how weak, and fragile. how useless.

i wanna be free

free from the neverending pit of despair and loneliness. free from my own disappointments, my failures and mistakes.

i am shackled. i am chained. i take a step away, and the iron cuffs twist on my ankles and my wrist. i feel the metal brace on my neck, it loosens and it tightens, giving me hope, and then taking them all away.

i look down and i see my own reflection through the pool of blood that settled down my feet. i am worthless, pitiful and unloveable. in my eyes, i see nothing but hatred. hatred for myself, and to who i have become. 

i hate what i feel, and i feel what i hate.

i wanna be free. free from my own mind. free from all the lies that i can’t help but believe. free from the illusion that takes control of my sense and perception.

i wanna be free.

please let it be now, let it be tonight. i will close my eyes and wish, dream, hope, that i will never get to open them again.

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I wish...

i wish i am more

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Dear Neil, I am a horrible person. How to be kinder, please?

Sometimes I suspect we are all horrible people. Or at least, we are human people. Same thing. We are impatient, judgmental, irritating and irritated, grumpy, easily offended and the rest of it.

So how to be kinder if it doesn’t come naturally? 

Fake it. 

Fake it a little bit at a time. 

Because there isn’t actually any difference between doing something nice for someone because you are naturally saintly and perfect, and doing something nice for someone because you are secretly demonic and trying to cover it up. It’s still an act of kindness either way, and you still made their lives better.

Smile at people. Say hullo. Ask about their lives. Remember what they’ve told you about their lives. Do small things to try and help them. (They will not know you are horrible, do not worry. They will just perceive that you are helping.)

Give people the benefit of the doubt. Remember that it’s more often stupidity to blame than evil, that everyone can screw up (including you) and what’s important is learning from that.

Think “What would an actually kind person do now?” – and do that. Don’t beat yourself up when you fail. Just be as kind to yourself as you will be to others – even if you have to fake that.

And good luck.

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Everything sucks

I hate myself.

I hate myself.

I hate myself.

I hate myself.

If I don’t wake up tomorrow, I’d be happy...

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if i don't shut up my brain in the next ten minutes i feel like i'm gonna go insane...

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A beautiful commission of the gaang babies on ember island by @jabberwockyface

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Anna in real life