tamethemind

[tamethemind]

August 21

6:27pm

Anger.

Did you know that the actual definition of anger reads “a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility” and when you look up the definition of hostility, it says “unfriendliness or opposition” but what google doesn’t tell you is how these things feel. Nor will it tell you how you’re suppose to navigate through them.

Red.

[tamethemind]

August 14

5:33pm

Today was a busy day and I love busy days because I’m able to keep my mind occupied. But damn, are there millions of traces of you everywhere I go. You’re attached to quite literally everything and as much happiness as that brings me, right now, it kills me.

I will say that I went to check your location and it reads “no location found”. But I’m not going to get upset about that right now because that’s a somewhat typical issue we have when it comes to your phone. Your location just doesn’t always read. So I won’t panic… yet. I just hope it’s a glitch and you didn’t actually turn that off. Because that’s honestly all I have left to hold on to right now and if you take that away from me, that’s a heavier and truer reality that I’m just not ready to deal with right now.

[tamethemind]

August 13

9:15pm

There’s currently a huge dust storm (or fire?) happening somewhere to the west of me and it’s filling the sky with smoke. But amongst the smoke and dust, there is an absolutely beautiful lightening storm happening and as I sit here watching, I can’t help but be transported back to the times you would make the drive to sit in the parking lot across the street and watch our monsoons happen from inside your car. Knowing you were right there, knowing that we were watching the same storms, feeling the same rain, it was one of my favorite things. I always felt so safe. So calm.

I wonder if you’re watching it now? If we’re looking at the same storm? It’d be kind of beautiful if we were.

I miss you.

<3

[tamethemind]

August 13

3:13pm

Hi.

Such an easy word to write but for whatever reason, at this exact moment in time, it feels impossible to say. I never thought that would happen. Not with us. But to be fair, I also thought I would have had my life figured out and that we’d be living a slightly different reality right now but that’s not the case.

I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know what the rules are as we didn’t establish any. I don’t know your boundaries or what you want or don’t want. To be quite honest, I really don’t know much of anything anymore when it comes to you. The last time we spoke (27 days ago in case you aren’t counting) you told me you would check in when you got back from California. You also said that I could text you and you’d respond. In fact, you forehead promised me. So you can imagine the complete crash out I experienced after I was met with deafening silence as my call and text went unanswered.

But I waited. Not patiently by any means, but I did. Tried to convince myself that maybe you just got busy and forgot to respond or it simply got lost amongst the hundreds of other ignored notifications and unread text messages on your phone. At some point, I told myself that you actually did respond but just forgot to hit send which is why nothing ever came. But now, two days later, I’m dusting off my jeans, smoothing out my tear stained shirt and standing face to face with reality - your silence held purpose and your response was loud.

Oof.

I have so much I want to say and since I can’t say it directly to you, I’ve decided to write it here. Every thought, every feeling. A safe place for my vulnerability and pain. When I’m desperate, this is where I’ll live until I can share my words with you again.

<3

[tamethemind]

[tamethemind]

[tamethemind]

March 14th

12:51am

I have so much I want to say and yet, nothing comes out. This is not just a chapter in my book. I refuse to let it be that. This is all I want and I know it’s what I want. I just have to figure out how to get it. That’s all.

[tamethemind]

(by Moritz Lange)

[tamethemind]

[tamethemind]

it’s never too late for waffles and it’s never too early for pizza

[tamethemind]

one day.

[tamethemind]

- Fernando Pessoa, from ' The Book Of Disquiet'

[tamethemind]

Good Will Hunting (1997)

[tamethemind]

You know what sounds kinda sexy? No one hurting my feelings ever again

[tamethemind]

- A.R Asher

[tamethemind]

In the mood to delete everything and go missing .

[tamethemind]