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tamlouwriter · 1 year ago

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The breakthrough

The cold winter breeze bit at her soft exposed skin as she came to rest on the wet green pitch beneath her. Her oversized Canberra United jacket was her seat as she wrapped it up over her knees to try to insulate her from the harsh Canberra winter night but to no avail. She blew and puffed, trying to get her breath back steadily but sounding like the most unfit person in the world. No those are negative thoughts, she said in her mind and tried to think of nothing, feeling a trickle of sweat slip it’s way down the side of her face from her hair. She tugged the beanie tighter onto her head trying to reheat her almost frozen earlobes. It was now time for the most difficult part of her session. She chuckled to herself as she readjusted on the icy cold grass, trying to get comfortable. Ask her to do the toughest training session of her life, so tough she’d vomit or pass out due to exhaustion and she’d do it every single time without complaint. But it took all her self discipline and dedication to her footballing career to sit down and do 5 minutes of gratitude-based meditation. It was her biggest weakness as a player, although she never thought so until recently. A yellow card and a chip on her shoulder in the national team was embarrassing and to add insult to injury came the injury. That awful ACL tear. She ran her fingers over the tight purpling soft scar tissue on her knee and tried to push all this aside. This was really not the best headspace to be in to begin, yet she always began her meditation this way. Which of course made her frustrated. Stop! Focus! Her brain snapped her back to the reality of what she was supposed to be doing. That and the rain that began to fall lightly onto her face. She looked up at it and all too quickly felt her face become covered and wet. She had to do this though. Maybe tonight she would finally get a breakthrough. She dropped her head back, stared at the goal for a minute to try to visualise. Then slowly closed her eyes. She had listened to the guided one so much she almost knew it word for word. Not that she ever thought more than reliving that night.

“Get yourself into a nice comfortable position and close your eyes.” She’d already done that bit. Next!

“Begin by taking ten deep breaths, thinking only of the weight of your body centering you to the earth.” Deep breath in. Deep breath out. And deep breath in. Oh, shit she can’t go deep enough with that breath. It’s alright. Just hold it! Phewww big breath out! She was getting restless. But tried to focus on the goal again. Trying to picture it in her mind. But failed to see anything.

“Become present with your breath and body.” Ok focus your mind. Things began to run away in her head. Players whizzing past and she was back in Matildas colours. Great. Why did she always end up here? Burning for her shot, she roared at the forward for sitting too high and giving away a free kick. Assert her dominance, make her feel better. The veteran gave her daggers as she ran back onside. Good. Ruffle her feathers. But no. She had to push this aside. No reliving what happened next. She tried to focus on a dark room again.

“Notice any sensations you feel around you.” The freezing rain on my shoulders. Oh man! It’s starting to soak into my clothes!

“Let your muscles become heavy.” Any heavier and she’d fall asleep!

“Release, relax, let go.” She sighed. Beginning to feel defeat crawling into her mind. Maybe she could finish this one at home?

“Thank your body for allowing you to relax.” She felt foolish doing it out loud so mouthed it quietly to herself. Then realised this probably looked even more ridiculous! If she was watching herself right now, she’d be laughing her head off. She felt her cheeks flush.

“Think of a moment you are grateful for.” Hmmmm. She always got stuck here. She shivered from the coldness running through her body and it invoked something. Something hiding deep inside. And all so suddenly an image came into her mind. Her first coach. Their finest moment together. The cold Canberra weather roared down on her tiny self, but he stood firm against it in front of her. His warm comforting hands gripped her shoulders and his kind dark eyes smiled at her. In his Northern English accent, she remembered vividly the words he uttered. “You’ve got this Rosa.” She nodded at him knowing in her heart this was her time. Her chance. She felt her little legs move forward softly, gracefully. Placing the dripping wet ball, bigger than she remembered, onto the penalty spot. The goalkeeper staring her down. Vicious with his hands and tongue. He’d already stopped two of her goals that day and called her shit. She was about to prove him wrong. She ran in and kicked it, almost slipping in her attempt. The way the ball felt coming off her boot, the way it flew through the air and into the goal, right at the top left corner, her favourite place to score. How it sailed in past his grubby fingers. How the crowd had roared. How she had felt. When her coach carried her on his shoulders off the field. How he’d cried.

“Think about how this moment has improved your life. Remembering to let go of any negative thoughts and hold on to the positive ones.” She found herself reflecting. That was the game that gave her the rush. When she knew she had it in her. When everything was looking hopeless that she played her best football.

“Think about the people in your life who have been involved in this moment.” She shivered with a thought about how she’d not been to visit him recently. How she’d always promised she would. What he’d sacrificed for her.

“Thank those people, out loud or in your head, for providing you for this thing which you are grateful for.” She had no second thoughts. Out loud she muttered it loud and clear for all to hear. “Thank you, dad.” feeling her voice falter, she held on to any emotion about to spill out of her.

“Thank you.”

“And now thank the moment you are grateful for. For being accessible and helpful to your life.” She again muttered it out loud in time with the voice in her head.

“Thank you.”

“Continue to think about this moment as you slowly open your eyes and return to the rest of your day.”

She slowly opened her eyes, no longer distracted by the lightly falling rain or the icy winter wind. She silently got up off the ground gathering her bag. She wandered over dripping wet to her car and got in. She drove and drove, getting further and further along Canberra Avenue until she saw the signs for Lanyon Drive. She turned onto the road and sped along the dark wet road. Slowing for a handful of kangaroos at the entrance to the lawn cemetery she made her way inside. Down the dark road to the well-lit areas. She got out of her car shivering again at the icy wind as it jabbed at her skin once more. She pulled her damp jacket over herself and wandered down three rows until she stopped at the simple dark coloured grave. The light hit the golden lettering making it almost look like it sparkled. The words “In loving memory of John Arthur De Costella” Headlined the damp grave. She sank herself down and felt her world begin to crumble around her. She sat and cried for a time. She cried about her chance. About her injury. About his loss. And when she had no tears left to cry, she rose with a lighter heart. She whispered her farewell before making her way back to her car. Sitting in the dark for a moment she took another deep breath. Finally, a breakthrough, she thought to herself. And for the first time in months, she felt a genuinely happy smile spread across her face.

#writing #sports fiction #football #soccer #australia #canberra

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tamlouwriter · 1 year ago

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Christmas at the library

Sally sighed as she shuffled over to the man hunched over at the oldest of the writing desks. The click of his keyboard, creating almost a hum of rushing, but all Sally could think about was getting home to put on her roast with just enough time to call in to Australia before the family had headed off to bed, full of their own Christmas feast and too much wine in the sun. Her shoes muffled clicks along the ground as she stopped behind the man and he turned around to give her a very sweet apologetic smile.

"You are about to close, aren't you?"

"In 5 minutes. I know people like to have a warning beforehand so they don't feel rushed." She rambled absentmindedly. He continued to smile back at her, and she felt her cheeks flush.

"Thanks for that. I hope to be done in 2." He said and turned back to his screen, beginning to type away furiously again. She turned and dragged her feet along back to her uncomfortable chair at the front computer. She began to close down all of the programming thinking about how cold her flat would be when she got home, shivering at the thought. She peered over to the window to her right and noticed the happy bubbly Rachel packing away the last of the chairs in the children's room. Her Christmas story time had been a triumph and even though she was utterly depressed, the spontaneous choir that had broken out at the end had warmed her heart. Only for a moment, but it was something. She looked up and waved at Sally warmly. Everyone else had left in a hurry due to the worsening weather and Christmas lunch. Sally looked back towards the corner where the man worked away, considering if she needed to go and give him a second hurry along, but she could see him packing up and felt her heart lighten. 2 minutes until closing time. She began to gather together her items, ready to run out the door as soon as they locked. Although, she would have to wait for Rach to finish packing up. She could hear the scrape of the gentleman’s chair on the floor. At least she'd be able to hurry Rach along when the man left. 1 minute to go. The man walked towards her. His happy demeanour returned her sad sombre mood as he sprang towards her, making her wonder what lovely family gathering he was heading home to now. As he reached her, she forced a smile.

"Merry Christmas." She said. He smiled at her then stopped in the doorway.

"Oh, Australian accent. Merry Christmas. I hope it's not too cold for you this time of year."

"Well, it is a little different to what I'm used to, but I think I'm adapting." She said smiling. His friendly face shined at her.

"Do you get to go home much?"

"Not recently. Work has been a lot and just getting ready for the new year. I always wanted a white christmas." He shifted his laptop case onto his shoulder.

"Aw well it's not so white yet. It's coming though."

"Hmmm."

"I do like the snow. Shame I'll miss it this year."

"Oh?" She asked curiously.

"Yeah, I'm headed your way actually. Just finished signing a contract for one of my employers. He plays cricket. Just signed for a big bash team."

"Oh, you are a player manager?"

"Yeah, don't look it do I?" He said shifting uncomfortably on the spot. It as her turn to smile at him.

"Well, that's not what I'd say. You look the part to me." She noticed him blush.

"Hmmm. Maybe I just don't feel the part."

"That's something I miss about home. The summer of cricket." She said sadly.

"I've never experienced an Australian summer live. What's it like?"

"Oh, the sunshine and the deliciously refreshing beer, the joy of the crowd."

"Sounds wonderful. Were you a regular?" He asked.

"Only to the Sydney test match and the odd big bash game. T20 is not my favourite format."

"I've not ever really been much of a watcher of cricket."

"But you manage cricketers? How did that come about?"

"My best friend needed a manager for his career. I was always good with talking. That was my main asset. He was the cricket brain. But I lost him some time ago."

"To another manager?"

"No to cancer."

"Oh god I'm sorry."

"Yeah, it was a big blow. He was such a great friend. But I have my business and I have my memories." He was quiet for a time, standing in the doorway. But as it was well past closing and Rachel was now waiting to leave, Sally smiled sympathetically. He read the room and readjusted his laptop bag. "Sorry. You probably want to leave now." He shuffled off out the door before she could call out to him.

"Merry Christmas." He said before heading out the door letting it click as it slowly closed.

#writing #sports fiction #cricket #england #australia #writing challenge #1/100 complete

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