tandyoaken

[tandyoaken]

What do you look for in a significant other?

Someone who doesn’t think I’m a joke is a great place to start.

[tandyoaken]

TEXT | DANDY

Dolly: lol thank you for your honesty. I never try to wear orange, but I never thought about it not being my color. ❤ I mean, I know you guys are friends. He was willing to father your baby for God's sake, so you don't need to cancel him for me. Talk to him if you want, but I'm mostly just glad we're all done with the Psis, so I don't /have/ to be around him anymore. I can forget he exists.

Tandy: You look beautiful in anything, but life's just better when neither one of us is emulating a tangerine. That was... very very nice of him, I won't lie. But if he was going to be bringing home other people's girlfriends that would have been really confusing for Dolly Jr. (since obviously I'd name my firstborn after you :-p).

[tandyoaken]

tallyoaken:

Has anyone else been eyeing those high heeled Crocs? Not eyeing because I want to buy them, eyeing them because I need to know who to steer clear of. Anyone who invests their money in such a ridiculous shoe should be ostracized and that’s that on that. What’s your least favorite fashion trend? That one takes the cake for me at the moment.

We should assemble the worst outfit of all time. What do you think, high heeled crocs, MC Hammer pants, a popcorn shirt, and hmmm, what’s the worst head piece we can think of? 

[tandyoaken]

eliasclayton:

I don’t know, Tan, you know how much I love seeds and soil and…water and things of the like. I don’t know if I could forgive you for not gardening in this elderly gardening club.

Your all time favorites! Along with um... fertilizer! And watering cans! Actually, watering cans are pretty cute, I’ll carry around one of those if my arthritis isn’t too bad in my old age to grip things.

[tandyoaken]

TEXT ✉️ BRANDY

Bryce: Well, we can't allow that to happen :-P What kind of date would I be bidding for?

Bryce: Not really. I miss who I thought she was though. Does the mysterious thing really work? Because if so I can't believe I never capitalized on it before lol.

Bryce: Mairi's adorable. And not babysit exactly, I see her when she's with her dad. Have you met her? :-P I'm supposing I can't stop you lol.

Tandy: A very Tandy specific one, so if you don't actually want to go, I'd understand. I know loud music and dancing aren't really your specialty :-p

Tandy: Well, better to know than to live a lie, right? Or was it better before? And it really works on some girls! It works on me, I love a good mystery.

Tandy: I haven't, no, I've just seen them around. Cute little family! Are her parents together again or...?

[tandyoaken]

I heard you're leaving Walt forever this summer. Please don't let it be true!

Well, I got into a grad school program, and it seems like there might still be some more here for me to learn -- so you guys might get to see a little more of me around here, at least. 

rumor has it…

[tandyoaken]

eliasclayton:

Well then don’t listen to Snapchat, it’s a liar! It fills your brain with all kinds of rubbish. You really think in my elderly state I’d like to be in a sorority? Hm, maybe that would be the time to start embracing Edgar’s interests since I’ll probably (definitely) need the company. 

You don’t have to call it a sorority, we can come up with another name for it. We could call it a garden club, as long as you don’t mind that we’ll never really be doing any gardening.

[tandyoaken]

TEXT | DANDY

Dolly: 💕💕💕 Even if he was honest about loving me, he still brought it out at the worst possible time for his own stupid gain and just thinking of it now makes me want to strangle him. I DEFINITELY think I was an alibi. He used me, Tan. I don't know if I can forgive him. 😔

Tandy: Well don't do that, orange isn't your best color, we don't want you to end up in jail. 😔😔😔 Want me to give him a piece of our mind for you? Or is he just dead to us now? Because nobody uses you and gets away with it, you don't deserve for him to keep playing your feelings like that 😔😔😔

[tandyoaken]

I heard that you ran off to Arendelle and had your baby in secret over Spring Break.

That would have been the most premature baby ever. And yoo-hoo, if I had had one, I wouldn’t hide it, I’d be proud of my kid, thanks. 

rumor has it…

[tandyoaken]

Rumor has it you're still fucking Ajax

Nope, I have this new thing called dignity now. 

rumor has it…

[tandyoaken]

TEXT | DANDY

Dolly: Sorry for breaking our streak bb! Never happening again.

Tandy: That's okay, your happiness is way more important than a little number next to a fire emoji on an app :-p I might have noticed that you were in love with him, but I would have thought he was being honest about loving you, too, he just has a stupid way of showing it! I can't believe that, though, wtf!!! That's not how you do a romantic moment!!! Do you think he was just trying to use you as an alibi if his brother found out?

[tandyoaken]

TEXT | DANDY

Dolly: So if you're wondering why I disappeared off the face of the planet after the party on Friday, it's because I was on a romantic getaway with Dawn. If you're wondering why I've stayed off the face of the planet for three more days, it's because he's an asshole and I hate him and I cannot stop crying. Just a heads up love you. ❤

Tandy: Of course I was wondering, I always get nervous when Snapchat streaks die! And when I can't bother my bestie to have brunch with me on a lazy Sunday. Wait, wait, wait, wait: how did we get from romantic getaway to asshole you hate in less than a week? What happened, sweetheart?

[tandyoaken]

TEXT ✉️ BRANDY

Bryce: Yeah, but you expect better from your friends I guess. Idk. I don't think you wouldn't have told him ever, but even if you didn't, that's entirely your business and your choice. I'm glad that's not something you have to think about at least though. You don't deserve that stress.

Bryce: The night before Aileen and I broke up lol. But Mai Tais and Zip Ties was never my thing. I'm not really good at parties? Never had much practice and I'm not much of a people person in case you haven't noticed lol.

Bryce: That was a very weird comment lol but I can't disagree? He's great at being a dad like he's great at everything. And I don't know - I don't venture out and do much unless people make me usually.

Tandy: Yoo-hoo, it's summer now! No stress for anyone - at least not until the Bachelorette party, where it's your job to make sure that I don't go for the lowest price of the evening, please and thank you.

Tandy: Sounds kind of like you miss her, huh? That's okay, you can sit in a corner drinking whiskey and acting mysterious until someone comes to you. Everyone's got their own strategy.

Tandy: Their kid's really cute - do you ever babysit for her? Well, then it sounds like it's time to make you!

[tandyoaken]

eliasclayton:

What did Snapchat do to make you think you can’t wear bikinis? You lost me. Because you do so still look amazing and will til you’re eighty, running some sorority in the old folks home. And there’s no better way to celebrate being not-pregnant than showing off a little! 

I kind of lost me, too. I didn’t think I was searching anything that made me scream ‘wants to wear a one piece’ but suddenly I was getting all these article suggestions, it felt like a sign from the Internet gods or something. Oh my gosh, please! I hope you end up in the same old folks home as me, there’s no rule against having a boy in the club there.

[tandyoaken]

experiment630:

I mean, I guess every trend comes back around. Wasn’t it like, illegal to wear two piece suits in America if you were a girl until the 40′s or something? You never know, Victorian era corsets and long skirts could be the next trend to come back into fashion. I’ll definitely be a rebel if that happens though. I try to wear shorts and crop tops as long as I can before it gets cold in Walt. How could the internet know you were old! I’m sure your search history is so young!

Wow, I don’t know, I’ve never felt the pull to live in America like other people so I’ve never looked at their sunbathing laws. Except to see where the nude beaches are for vacations, which I haven’t gone on yet anyway. I’ve worn a corset for a costume before, it looked amazing but it was very hard to breathe. I’ll be rebelling with you, don’t worry. I don’t know! Sometimes I think the internet can hear me talk out loud. Although Facebook has my graduation date, I should just delete my college history from it completely, too much of a tipoff.

[tandyoaken]

eliasclayton:

Now who put that rubbish in your brain, Tan? As long as you look as good as you do and even well after, you’d better be rocking bikinis just for the greater good of the world. 

I blame Snapchat! Do you think I typed the word pregnant into my phone too many times and the algorithm is trying to hide my tummy from the world or something? Because I still look amazing, okay? False alarms made me stress not eat, which just means I have a better bikini bod than ever!

[tandyoaken]

experiment630:

Say it isn’t so! I’ll never wear a one piece as long as I live. I need that all over tan! If I could magically transport myself to a nude beach just to keep a tan alive and even, I would. Is someone telling you you have to wear one pieces? Do I need to track them down and have a word? 

Ugh, like every online store I’ve been looking at is advertising them at the top of the page as if they’re what I should be wearing. Is it just people losing their minds, or is it me? Does the internet know I’m old and it’s trolling me?