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tash868 · 8 years ago

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Ever wondered AM I A BADMOM?

As a single mom of a toddler who is 2 ½ yrs, I am always questioning if I am doing a good job. Although they say you shouldn’t compare yourself to others , I often feel as though I fall ‘short’ , when compared to those momzilla, soccer mom types. I have a hard enough time balancing work, my own sense of self and my son’s needs! I don’t have the time to prepare home made healthy snacks, most of the times it’s store bought, on mornings lunch is often made out of a box! Really thankful my kid is not a picky eater and loves his fruits, vegetables and yogurt.Thats one of my little blessings that appeases me when it comes to his diet. I do sometimes give him Junk like fries and even coke, when we are out I imagine myself sensing the disapproval but I tell myself, exposure to everything in moderation is not necessarily a negative thing….consequently he will develop a palate for varied options.

I let my kid sleep in most mornings, thankful for the flexible time schedule at work that affords me this option , I refuse to yank my 2 year old out of bed at an ungodly hour to beat the traffic for the sake of being punctual, I believe a full night sleep at this stage is more important for his development and to be honest it gives me time on a morning to look half decent and not like a struggling single mom who rolled out of bed and went straight to a combat zone!

I hear other moms refer to academic work they do with their toddlers, like charts and letters and art; there i also come up short, my son already has an 8hr school day that allows me time to attend to work responsibilities , so I refuse to bring him home to do academic work; we spend all afternoon outside in the garden and playing ball , riding bikes even digging dirt. I think play at this stage is more important for his development than learning to trace the number 2 or that A is for Abbaccus! He would eventually learn all of that. In fact in the last month he’s taken a liking to watching Mickey Mouse on TV, he had no interest in television before and now well yes Mickey on Netflix has become my babysitter while I cook or do things around the house; again I can feel the disapproving minds at work but there are interesting lessons for him in it and I can see him like a sponge soaking it all in so why not? it’s just I try to end it half hour before bedtime so his brain can start shutting down.

Everyone makes potty training seem so daunting, which made me keep putting it off out of sheer laziness or maybe constantly being tired, to be honest my kid potty trained himself. He started asking for jockeys only and after one or two accidents he was able to tell me he wanted to go☺, another blessing yes because he might have been 4 and still wearing pull ups at my rate or maybe it’s just my Danish style of parenting haha.

I don’t clean house, apart from weekly housekeeping help the child does not like to see things out of place so he puts away everything….another blessing I guess.

Oh the bedtime stories; that...I don’t do religiously because I forget or it was a chore getting him into bed so I’m usually too tired sigh I don’t know how others do it every night!

My little sidekick and I go everywhere together, on a weekend we eat out, go for long drives, Go to the park, visit family and sometimes even playdates with other moms who I can identify with as fellow “badmoms” he says at the end of a weekend “mommy you are special , you take me everywhere” that melts my heart…another blessing 😊

I no longer care about buying my kid the latest educational toy or looking at moms picks! He has an entire playroom bursting at the seams that he hardly notices so instead I no longer buy useless stuff and i live quietly so I can save towards exposing my kid to new experiences, letting him know there’s a bigger world out there and engaging him in New adventure to open him up… so a little vacation every few months to satisfy his thirst and quell my own restlessness.

There is no question my son is my first priority, work takes a backseat when it comes to his needs there is no compromise, I recently started dating again, which quite honestly is freaking hard if you can’t compartmentalize, I won’t bring anyone around my kid and it takes a lot of coordination to arrange the one sitter I use and balance it with his schedule, so with all that effort the guy better be worthwhile to take me away from time with my kid, the catch 22 there ; how do you know if someone is worth it; you don’t! But I guess at this stage I am clear on dealbreakers and what I don’t want so I guess I use intuition which till now has served me poorly btw lol but we live and learn. Anyone showing more interest in the fact that I have a kid with a view to earning disingenuous brownie points is a big turn off, the truth is I am not looking for a baby Daddy, my son has a father, I am looking for a partner for ME who wouldn’t want me to compromise my top priority ever, who would give allowances to the fact that their 2nd place doesn’t shortchange them of my feelings or loyalty, i know sounds idealistic and selfish right but I’m hopeful selfishlessness is out there.

I dont do baby daddy drama, we maintain a civil exchange and I stay out his personal affairs and I generally stay away from anyone who contributes to drama. I am grateful for whatever time and involvement my son does get from his dad, though I believe it should be more but I am hopeful as he grows that will get better, Daddy is his hero and I will never do anything to let him think otherwise, even when I lose my cool and wish I had more help. That happened a lot in the past,not so much anymore as it’s getting easier or maybe I have just gotten to acceptance and do what I have to, I look around now at my blessings and focus on being grateful for them, generally I am happy and not a day goes by without a moment of insurmountable joy with this child, boys are sweet, just knowing that he would notice enough to ask “ mommy you ok? Are you tired, do you want me to get you some juice? Those little things tell me I’m not doing such a bad job after all and puts even more pressure to not mess it up…aah the irony! So all you single moms out there that struggle with this identity and are constantly questioning yourself know that you are not alone . At the risk of sounding like a meme ‘every day is a fresh start ’ as long as your kid is happy and healthy what else really matters!

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