tbloff

[tbloff]

Fuck people

[tbloff]

“Solace”- Earl Sweatshirt 0:40-10:00

This Track by Earl Sweatshirt quietly released on April 28th, 2015 posted on his old YouTube account under the name “dar Qness” is one of the most vulnerable songs I’ve personally ever listened to.

This song is a look into Earl's mental state after the passing of his grandmother, a chilling portrayal of depression in the form of song.

It’s one of my favorite songs because the real emotion Earl bleeds onto this track, he’s in complete distress and he turned his pain into art.

The beat to this track shows the rhythm of Syncopation, which sonically is very fitting for the incredibly depressing (off-beat) topics of this track.

The first verse opens up with;

“Late for everything, my face to the cement That's how I always seen it I spent days faded and anemic

You could see it in my face, I ain't been eatin' I'm just wastin' away”

When you look at these lyrics they’re textbook signs of depression, he’s overly critical of himself and completely self-aware of the damage he’s causing to himself, rather than eating, doing drugs to cope, and forgetting about what’s going on in his life.

The second line in verse 1;

“Looks like the way that River Phoenix went gon' end up my fate

And when they drag me out the gutter, mail the ashes to my mother”

River Phoenix passed away due to overdoes, Earl knows if he doesn’t change his habits he’ll end up with the same fate for his drug use.

Skipping ahead to the last line in verse one;

“Try to make some sense of all this shit in my brain

One foot stuck in a tar pit of my ways”

Earl sees the gravity of the situation he’s in but feels completely trapped in his depression, Earl also mentions that he has “one foot stuck” implying that he is halfway out of his depression he could more than likely escape if he wanted to but it’s constantly sucking him back in. This concept of being pulled apart by two opposing forces is called “Cognitive dissonance” which is a mental stress/ discomfort caused by conflicting thoughts.“Cognitive dissonance” can also manifest anxiety and depression especially when people have dissonance about their identity or how they view/ perceive themselves, which Earl openly talks about on this verse.

Earl doesn’t want to die of an overdose or waste his life away, but he feels incapable of changing his behavior.

After the first verse is finished, you hear the dynamics of loud piano keys pressing down miraculously going into the next verse, which is fitting for the thoughts in Earl’s mind with how all over his thoughts are. hearing the Dynamics of the piano keys crashing down going into the next verse gives a sense of distress and misdirection in Earl's life.

The song takes a very big jump in timbre coming into this second part of the song, Earl's voice is less energetic you can tell he’s falling victim to the thoughts he’s portraying on himself (self-loathing) he completely crashes and stoops a new low of feeling worthless and out of place on the track.

Moving onto verse 2 on the track, with the newfound tone Earl mumbles the intro to verse 2;

“And if it's like that the whole time

If it's like that the whole time, we’ll be alright, And if it's like that the whole time, we'll be alright Stayin' up all night, but it's alright

And I have been stayin' up the whole night, but it's alright”

Earl is consumed by everything, he’s to the point he can’t even sleep at night, he’s tired but his mind wanders restlessly. Seemingly self-loathing has taken hold of him.

Verse 2;

“It's me and my nibbling conscience, I'm fixin' to give up I've been alone for the longest

It's trouble, the way that we joggin' Nothin' gon' save us or stop us Me and my nibbling conscience, I'm fixin' to give up I've been alone for the longest

This spliff, I ain't splittin' no time soon My brain split in two, it's rainin a bit I hope it's a monsoon, my face in the sink I'm seein' my mom soon, l'm faded, I stink Stay in it, alright.? (Faded, I'm stayin' in...)”

Earl's melody is very monotone, he sounds very sluggish and tired and it seems he’s subconsciously losing any energy and at this point of the track just saying whatever is on his mind. Earl has no hope he hates everything he just wants to sit in a pit of despair he’s undermining his mental health and physical health about seeing his mom, he doesn’t seem to have any motivation to do anything at this point in his life and it’s a completely depressing part of the song.

The song takes a very long break from its second to the third verse, and you just get to hear the instrumental, the best goes polyphonic for a little bit hearing a bottle clashing with other bottles and the sound of one note coming from what’s presumably a trumpet. The instrumental soon levels out and calms down into this chill beat with no lyrics mind you, and after hearing the bottles clank around from earlier this chill part of the track can only remind me of the fixation of calming down after self-medicating yourself, and it seems that’s the case with Earl on this track.

Verse 3;

“I got my grandmama's hands, I start to cry when I see em

'Cause they remind me of seein' her

These the times that I needed her most 'cause I feel defeated

And not by nothin' by myself, my second thoughts, my sec

(And not by nothin' by myself)

My hands, I start to cry when I see 'em

'Cause they remind me of seein' her

These the times that I needed her most 'cause I feel defeated

And not by nothin' but myself, my second thoughts My hectic process of thinkin' and all my doubts, and I think

I know Nak in there sleepin', he on the couch, that's my brother

Give me a boost when my confidence need it, so l love him

To tell the truth, I got a problem with eatin', I be druggin'

To tell the truth, I'm not supposed to be off in here I'm supposed to be sleepin', but I be turnin' and tossin'

To tell the truth, I miss my partna dem

To tell the truth, you can't be loud when you're the wrongest, fam

To tell the truth, I'm at a loss of friends

Well time waits for no man and death waits with cold hands

I'm the youngest old man that you know If ya soul intact, let me know”

The Final verse is the most we see into what’s coherently wrong with Earl. He mentions his grandmother, someone whom he mentions he needs the most at the given point of distress in his life.

Earl then begins to start a few bars with “to tell the truth”, confessing some of the things he’s doing wrong at the given point of his life he mentions drug use, lack of sleep, undereating, and a lack of friends. At the end of all of the confessions his last line is;

“Well time waits for no man and death waits with cold hands

I'm the youngest old man that you know If ya soul intact, let me know”

Earl recognizes that even though he’s having this internal battle in his mind the world going to keep spinning regardless.

Earl may be young, but he feels like he’s at the end of his life, feeling like the “youngest old man that you know”

It may seem like Earl may have completely given up on himself and feels like he has a corrupt soul, but as much grief as Earl faces on this track, only by reaching this low point in his life Earl can find “Solace” in his life.

[tbloff]

“To the kid who doesn’t think they’re enough;

Everything you are doing, I am proud, you handled everything in the responsible way. I know you a year ago couldn’t take on everything you’re doing currently. No one quite understands how much of a genuine person you are, and that’s okay because you got me. No one said it would be easy but you are still chasing your dream. “To be the best person you can be”, just doesn’t come without suffering. You have improved your life in the most healthy and beautiful way! No one will ever be able to be as proud of you as I am, I see and notice everything.

And to the kid who can’t stand to be alone, just remember there was another who did it everyday for 16 years.

You are growing and becoming a new person... a better person, the struggle is there to see if you can learn the most difficult value. Self value, self respect, self love.

I support you most!

~ xxxxx xxxxxxx”

[tbloff]

Enjoy your presence

[tbloff]

[tbloff]

On days, I still miss sleeping on your couch even if I felt as if I had gone unnoticed or unheard.

Toxicity drove us apart, but I wish things hadn’t of turned so sour, it’s taking me an extremely long time to feel loved or cared for by others.

Until the day I feel fully content with being “Loved” I yearn to make others know their place in this world matters.

I may not feel I deserve to be loved now, but I’m sure in the future I’ll find that peace in knowing a special someone cares for me in a way that’d it would never go away.

[tbloff]

I got an opportunity yesterday that I hope doesn’t go to waste, it sort of came out of left field because I kept falling into the biggest hole.

[tbloff]

[tbloff]

[tbloff]

[tbloff]

This Life is beating me pretty far into the ground now,

Keeping it all together is getting harder and harder.

[tbloff]

Self

Loathing

At

It’s

Finest

.