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me and my friends dancing to “mr. brightside” 

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Where would you go?

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Bryan Cranston, Eddie Redmayne, and Benedict Cumberbatch recreate vintage dating videos on Graham Norton

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The Cat’s in the Bag, Breaking Bad

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And let the memes Begin

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How to pick up women in different cultures!

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Just witnessed excellent parenting

The gf and I are in walmart shopping

Little girl: points at gf “Mommy she’s pretty! I want pretty friends like her!”

Girl’s mom: “You shouldn’t make friends based on how people look. It’s what’s inside and how they treat you that counts.”

Little girl: “Oh, okay. So we should be nice to everyone?”

Girl’s mom: “Right. Good job!”

gf kisses me on the cheek and leans her head on my shoulder because she’s a sap

Little girl: “Mommy! They just kissed! Girl’s can’t kiss each other!”

Girl’s mom: “Yes they absolutely can. Girl’s and boys can love each other, just like your daddy and I love each other.”

Little girl: Thinks for a moment “Will it be alright if I love a girl one day too?”

Girl’s mom: “When the time comes, you can and will love whoever you love. It won’t be a choice, it will just happen.”

Me: tries not to fucking bawl in goddamn Walmart.

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me, trying to be helpful: I'll do the washing up

me, when my hand touches a bit of wet food: i imagine death so much it feels more like a memory, this is where it gets me

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Im convinced 2016 is a hoax and the world really did end in 2012 because there is no FUCKING WAY that america would have a legitimate CLOWN EPIDEMIC

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Andy got back from London two days ago and he still has jet lag. It’s really annoying. We’re on totally different schedules. Last night he mowed the lawn at 2:00 in the morning. As soon as I wake up, he goes down. Hard. This has to stop!

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cute bonding game: both ppl put their music on shuffle and take turns telling stories/describing memories from their lives related to songs that pop up

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21 Problems All Sarcastic People Wi...

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Please play Somewhere in Nederland at my funeral I'm completely seriosu

Kk

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The TV shows I watched as a kid got me so excited for high school chemistry which ended up being one of my greatest disappointments

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Shrek the Musical is better than Hamilton

You need to stop

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Shit I’ve Heard High Schoolers Say

Why stop at capitalism? Destroy everything.

Guys it’s been three weeks since I’ve eaten a vegetable

At least we have memes to dull the pain of existence

An AP student: Oh my god I thought seven was less than six 

(while filling the cap of their water bottle with water) SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS 

friend one: If all your friends jumped off a bridge wou- friend two: probably

I’M GONNA GO HOME AND DRINK A WHOLE GLASS OF WEED

If cows ruled the world would they drink human milk?

student: my calculator is broken teacher: your calculator isn’t broken, you’re broken

no actually I think you have to be of age to be considered a cougar

(during math class on the second floor) student 1: so like how far do you think the distance is from that window to the ground?   student 2: enough

teacher: has anyone ever been to New Orleans? Student: does Popeyes count?

my word count on this paper isn’t very high but I certainly am

we’re in adult limbo. I’m not a teen and I’m not an adult. I’M SUFFERING, THAT’S WHAT I AM!

Look at my… (swings leg up to show shorts) not pants