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Untethered

I’ve always been one that believes explanation kills art. But maybe that’s partly an excuse for me to get out of talking about my art. That being said I do see the benefit in opening up about my art especially when I feel it can be misinterpreted. My goal is always to bring peace with my art. Most if not all of the pieces in this series I painted because I was trying to convince myself of something. Untethered is me convincing myself to let go of everything. The world we live in today wants us to cling onto everything and everyone so tightly. Think about how easy it is to pick up your phone and get in contact with any one you know right now. Go back a few decades and that wasn't the case. I’m not making the argument wether cell phones and social media have helped or hurt our society rather I’m suggesting that this constant demand to be open and receptive to everyone at all times is unnatural to us and I think causes a lot of us stress. For me as an introvert I need to balance out how socially demanding this world is by meditating. I need to take time everyday to forget everything. It’s extremely hard, but it centers me. Sometimes we tether ourselves to all these things and people or maybe its just one person or one thing but we all do it. My goal is to learn to not do this or to do it as little as possible. Having a child and trying to grasp this concept of being untetherd is especially hard. You cannot imagine any universe in which you can't be with them or know where they are. But as a single mom who was going through a lot when she painted this, us moms need alone time more than anyone. I get so overwhelmed because I spend almost every second of my life that I’m not teaching with my two year old daughter and I feel like I can't find time to get anything done. I use the time in the mornings before she wakes up to meditate and then I use her nap time to paint or get other work done and if I can stay up after I put her to bed I get a few hours to work some more and reward myself with some me time before knocking out. But the days before I regularly meditated I was always stressed out. If you're always stressed out your missing out on the joy of having a child and you child is missing out on having the happiest mom they can have. It’s not being selfish to focus on your mental health, your child is benefiting. I painted this piece because I realized that I needed to do what all the philosophers preach and disconnect from everything including the self. I sat myself down and let go of everything and I’ve been doing it ever since. This painting was me manifesting what I desperately needed which was to leave this world behind and return to myself, not a physical self but a deeper self that comes from letting go of the expectations of others around you and of our society and just simply being.

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Starting to Listen the series

2017 was a year of great change in my life. It marked the start of a new chapter for me. I was facing a situation in which I had to make difficult decisions that would affect not only my life but my daughters life. This year was about starting to listen to what the universe had in store for me and stopping the negativity that was poisoning my life. I had an awakening that fueled me to create a series about it. Starting to Listen.

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Effects of Social Media on Self Confidence

So my last post got me thinking about how insecure girls are today. And actually a lot of guys too. We all know that this has to be a side effect of our obsession with social media and technology. We are the first generation to have social media, I believe we need to pay close attention to the ways it is negatively effecting us. If we don’t we could see our generation fall into ruin. This is a new world and we can’t go running through it blind. I’m sure we have all seen first hand how social media gives unrealistic expectations of pretty much everything. We see these few photos of a person and their life and we come to conclusions about them based on this. In effect, many young girls who are already feeling the pressure of looking the part in today’s society are comparing themselves to what they see is popular on Instagram. And when scrolling through most teenagers explore pages you see a plethora of beautiful women living luxurious lifestyles. This is hurtful to young girls because they think this is what they have to aim to be. They feel bad about themselves because they are not getting the likes and don’t have photos like those women do. They start to forget there is a world outside of social media, that you don’t have to fit into the mold of hot Instagram girl. You don’t even have to have an Instagram if it doesn’t make you happy. I see a lot of young kids I know looking for validation on Instagram, and when they don’t get it they get depressed. They feel that their life is terrible compared to what they see online. What they need to remember is that you are in control of your life. If you are unhappy staring at Instagram accounts that impress you why don’t you figure out what it is you admire about that persons life and make that a goal you can drive yourself towards. And if you have an Instagram with thousands of followers make sure you show your followers what drives you, not just the nice things you’ve got. You need to be an example for all the lost kids on social media. We need to all be an example of what a quality life is, not give boys and girls more unrealistic expectations to live up to. Although I see a lot of sex in social media these days I don’t think the problem lies in girls posting sexy photos. Not at all, if you feel pretty and you want to post a photo of yourself that’s awesome. I wish all girls felt that way. The problem is that a lot of young girls just don’t feel pretty unless they are close to naked or naked. Which is sad, you should feel beautiful no matter what. My sister works with young girls who have gone through sexual and physical abuse and she told me about a girl who would walk around in her bra and thong at all times. When the other house guests would say something about it bothering them she would say that’s the only way she feels pretty. She had been sexually abused and because of that she always felt like her only important assets as a woman are her sexual organs. She had been belittled into thinking that was her value. And she couldn’t see herself In loose fitting clothes or clothes that cover her up too much. I think this is an extreme case of how many girls are feeling. It’s a tough situation because you never want to tell a girl she has to cover up more to be confident but you don’t want to tell a girl she needs to show more skin to be confident either. Lots of girls are feeling overwhelmed with all the popularity of sexually idealized women in media today, I know I am.

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Starting a New Blog and Some Random Thoughts on Playboy

I’ve decided to start a new blog since my old tumblr is full of reposted pictures of other artists work. I want this blog to be mostly photos of my work and my writing. So let me start of this new tumblr by sharing some news I recently saw that confused me. I woke up a couple days ago to an alert from CNN that the playboy playmate of the year did an interview with Fox News where she says she is a feminist who hopes that her photos for playboy will inspire other women to feel confident. 
As I read the article that followed I couldn’t help but start to get angry. My whole life I have always been against playboy. I guess I see playboy as a way of shaming women. I can actually remember the first time I saw a nude spread in playboy on accident when I was really young and I was traumatized after that. Perhaps my distaste for the company stems from that experience. To me Playboy has always been the enemy of women. Gloria Stienem, regardless of how you feel about her, did an amazing article on Playboy where she actually went undercover to work as a bunny. Now I understand the times have changed. Big time. And this woman is claiming that playboy is not what it used to be and that women are not forced to pose nude. Which is true, but is it not still contributing to a magazine which will target men and display these women’s nude photos as a means for men to get off? Maybe I shouldn’t care what playmates and men/women who enjoy playboy do?
I can tell you why I do care though. Because I don’t want playboy to make my daughter feel the way it made me feel when I was little. It disturbed me, it made me start thinking of myself differently. Like “is this what men expect of women? Men look at this stuff, hang it in their man caves, we celebrate it? I don’t want to be part of this.” It definitely changed the way I looked at men, I didn’t feel good about men anymore. I felt like there was this pervy guy inside every man on Earth. 
 I get worried when I see strip clubs right near the freeway exit I take frequently that are hot pink with flashing lights and big billboards of girls. I think, “One day my daughter is going to ask me what that place is.” And why do I have to tell her? Because this is another standard of society, that we have strip clubs in every city in plain site right in the middle of town. Maybe that makes me sound like a prude. But it’s the fact that it’s another industry for men to prey on women and use as objects for their desires and it’s not hidden away. No, it’s glorified. I don’t want to have to tell my daughter at a premature age that that’s a place where men go and pay women to get naked for their pleasure. 
 Let me make it clear that I’m not against nudity, if you have seen any of my paintings you would know that. I think the female body is beautiful and I paint it a lot. But when I display the nude female in my work it is out of love, it is beautiful. It is not vulgar or sexually explicit. And you know what, even if it was, that is the difference between art and playboy. Art starts conversations, art makes statements, art can change things for women. Playboy and strip clubs and the porn industry will always be capitalizing of women’s bodies for the good of men.
 The playmate of the year mentioned that she makes women feel confident by doing what she does. I think this is another huge problem with today’s society. If a woman wants to pose for a nude photo that is her right and no one should judge her for that. When you are posing nude for Playboy in the name of feminism, that is where I raise my eyebrow. Because Playboy is not going to be seen by women it’s going to be seen by men who want to get off. And in any case if women do see her photos I doubt they would make many women feel confident. If anything they’d probably feel insecure that they don’t look like the typical hourglass figure with perfect breasts like her. And she is showing them that because she is playmate of the year in a men’s magazine she is obviously desired by men and therefore secure and confident. When the rest of us don’t want to have to look like a man’s fantasy just to feel confident. I want to feel confident no matter what body type I have whether I have clothes on or off. And I don’t want to be told that if I don’t have just the right curves in just the right places to please a man then I’m no good. I think my real problem with this article is that this woman is putting out the message to young women that this is how you become a feminist, that this is what it’s about. She’s telling girls that you pose for playboy and all the male approval will make you feel confident. Whether that’s how she means it or not that’s how many girls will take it. Because this is a problem that is sweeping the country, girls are so insecure right now. Women are so insecure right now. And a lot of young girls are turning to sexuality for attention and approval because the don’t don’t feel they can get it any other way, that they’re not good enough. It makes me really sad and I’ve seen it first hand with people I know as I’m sure everyone has. Girls are just under so much pressure these days and I want these expectations to go away. I want girls to feel beautiful the way they are and not just for their physical appearance because at the end of the day it’s just not important. Your self confidence is important. Is is a message I’ve been trying to put into my work. That we are all unique and beautiful on the inside and out. We forget to love people and praise people for the beauty inside, especially as a society. Instead we focus on people like this. Like I said, maybe I need to just not care what playmates/playboys do with their lives if I’m not into it. But I don’t like women feeding into the whole women for the pleasure of men thing. It’s so archaic to me, as a society we should be past that way of thinking. We should be valuing women for who they are not for their anatomy.