tepidtypist

[tepidtypist]

Some truth.... yet... here we are.

Social Media is a cancer to the body and mind.

[tepidtypist]

Not All Men

#notallmen has been trending all week. Thats just a statement of fact; though as always im driven to introspection on a topic that according to all involved involves all.

Ill never play down or ignore a victim of abuse. Thats also just a statement of fact.

There doesnt seem to be any viable practical solutions being put forward by those most vocal about this issue. Once again that is also a statement of fact.

"If your not doing something you are part of the problem." They say with placards and voices alloud in the streets all over the western world. But not one of those voices will tell you what that something is.

For 30 years or more our schooling system has been driving home a msg of equal rights for all, and I should know because I personally remember those lessons. 30 years. Not days, not weeks, not months... 30 years. Yet this issue surrounding attacks against women continue... to be an issue.

Its obvious that 'raising awareness' has not been successfull in abating the problem. Why do you ask? Because the purpotrators dont care! Im sorry to inform you but simply telling them not to rape someone is not going to stop a rapist from raping someone.

The awareness is raised, it has been for a long time. 'Speaking up' does fuck all. And it will continue to do fuck all until you begin to realise that this is; just like everything else in this world... an individuals responsibility. Its not 'mens responsibility to change'. Because those that could 'change' from a man that supports rape culture to a man that doesnt already have. So... all you are left with now are the rapists and misogynists.

Another tough truth is, we cant tell who the misogynists are. Knock on my door, tell me your husband is beating you and ill give you a bed and a roof until you feel safe.. ill call the police for you.. ill defend you if they approach my house. But how am I supposed to know when I walked by the same man yesterday that he would be such a degenerate? Hot tip, I dont. Just like you dont.

Noone is saying this isnt a problem, but shaming non mysogynistic men in to admitting they arent mysogenistic men is exactly the same as inventing a self licking ice cream. If you want support; drop the shame game and provide practical, real, tangible and useable solutions so we can identify, report and defeat these fuckheads so that the rest of us dont have to walk on the other side of the street just to make you feel comfortable.

Ill help you if you ask for it; but I refuse to admit to being something that im not. You dont get to tell me who or what I am; or who or what I think. I know that you know that you have no idea who I am. But im #notallmen. Im my own man and ill do what any decent human being will do if they see so.eone suffering, ill help. THAT is all ill promise. THAT is all ill 'pledge'.

And scene.

[tepidtypist]

I made a personal best tonight. Proud? no. Happy? no. Just questioning why I couldnt have done better. Its another trick my brain plays on me. I know how I 'should' feel. Yet theres nothing.

Go figure.

[tepidtypist]

Today I celebrate the union of my sister to her betrothed. Yet, unfortunately I feel nothing. This seems to be just more evidence that this injury I have is real.

Im 'supposed' to feel happy for her. Im 'supposed' to be the joyess brother. Instead my mind is void of positive or negative emotion. This coupling just 'is' and no matter what Im 'supposed' to feel, the only feedback I get from my amygdala is that its Sunday.

Maybe tommorow I might feel something. We will see.

[tepidtypist]

No training today, no training yesterday.... not training tommorow would make this a pattern. Best I do something.

"You cant go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending." - C.S. Lewis

[tepidtypist]

I think this is the case. However, I find that you havnt taken the next logical step that underlines the issues that this thought tends to cause. The word you are looking for is integrity.

The courage and fortitude it takes to admit when you are wrong has become almost non existant within society today. There always seems to be some societal change or norm that can explain away an individuals actions ; and quite frankly its disturbing.

If everyone took ownership of their problems the need for oversight (governance) would drop tremendously. 'Theres noone to blame but yourself' they used to say. So when you slip over a wet floor at a supermarket perhaps you should evaluate your own short comings; before standing in a court and demanding a faceless organisation take responsibility for your blatent stupidity.

'Take ownership and lead..' - Jocko Willink and Leif Babin

“I think people would be happier if they admitted things more often. In a sense we are all prisoners of some memory, or fear, or disappointment—we are all defined by something we can’t change.”

— Simon Van Booy

[tepidtypist]

Perhaps.

“Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next.”

— Gilda Radner

[tepidtypist]

Acheivment

A word im not used to accepting. From birth to me a job was just a job. You get given a task and your only responsibility was to complete that task using 100% of your effort. Any result was never an 'acheivment' it was just 'done'. It never dawned on me that this attitude instilled in me would result in a life lacking fullfillment. Pride? Forget it; be proud only when you go above and beyond that 100% they said.

'You can do better'

'This isnt the best you could do is it?'

'You have so much potential, why arent you using it?'

'This isnt good enough.'

The voices echoed through school, through work and now even imthrough my recovery. Tonight I placed a PB in my chosen sport and yet I still feel empty. I know that I should feel like I acheived something. Yet, all I feel is that it was 99% of my effort and could still have done better. Maybe next time I might be able to acheive something; but tonight all I did was make a personal best.

[tepidtypist]

I have been trying to understand why there are so many people that want the world to burn. Misinformation, false flags blackmail and anarchy.... just why?

What makes a human being wake up in the morning and decide to dedicate their time on this earth to the destruction of others?

Its systemic, its disgusting and it makes little to no sense at all.

Just another random thought in yet another random day.

[tepidtypist]

Worked out today. Even after a weekend of booze and bad vibes I still managed to haul myself through 40mins of calesthenics. Hopefully tommorow ill reap the mental rewards im supposed to receive as a result of such a commitment. We will see I guess; we will see.

[tepidtypist]

I wonder if things would be different if I had never served. Where would I have been? Who would I have been with? What would my life have become?

I sit here post coutal wondering if im enough for this person? Enough for this life? Enough for myself? How can I be everything if I think of myself as nothing.

Tommorow I may wake with a different disposition. However, right now... im less than; and only my night terrors will tear me from this endless feeling of dissapointment. She deserves better.

[tepidtypist]

Another exciting day on the calendar. At least it should be. However my amygdala has decided its nothing burger.

[tepidtypist]

Its been a long time. So much has occured, and in all earnest I dont know where to start. Maybe the more I can add to this blog, the more I can come to understand who I have become. Heres hoping.

[tepidtypist]

Oppression

"op·pres·sion  

/əˈpreSHən/Noun

Prolonged cruel or unjust treatment or control.

The state of being subject to such treatment or control."

Cant have sex outside of wedlock? Cant drink? Cant be homosexual? Have to be somwhere twice a week, once a week, or five times a day? Cant earn interest? Have to measure every decision against a morality written for you? Have to wear a certain piece of clothing every day? Punished under an archeac set of laws?

Sounds like oppression or religion whichever you prefer to call it.

[tepidtypist]

The results of beleif

Keep beleif in your religion everyone!  And perhaps we as a human race can effectively wipe ourselves out before the end of this century.

Syria

[tepidtypist]

Who lets their kid on the street in the middle of a civil war?