the-arietes-system-blog

[the-arietes-system-blog]

[the-arietes-system-blog]

[the-arietes-system-blog]

[the-arietes-system-blog]

Cont from previous post...

So, I jumped in my car and drove around for an hour looking for them. Then I went home, hysterical and terrified I was never going to see them again. I called the police and they listed them as a missing person and began looking for them. This was on Monday. The police were great. They pulled out all the stops, they supported me and were with me for the torturous hours that they were missing. Then, all of a sudden they just walked through the front door. The ambulance came and assessed them and thankfully they weren't taken to hospital (that hasn't been helpful in the past) and they had calmed down and just wanted to go to bed. They switched just after arriving home. Over the next 4 days , between myself, my partner and another alter who was fronting, we figured out that all of this had happened due to the influence of this angry alter. I was relieved that it wasn't my partner who had said and done these things but I was devestated that this alter, whom I know well and trusted, had done this. So, since then my partner is back, we've sorted through the what, who, why and when and it's been exhausting. It's been traumatic. I love my partner so fucking much and life as a couple with DID is hectic but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

[the-arietes-system-blog]

We're struggling at the moment. Feeling lost, alone, scared (probably triggered and can't recognise it). We keep changing our minds about this blog. We're scared about being identified. We're scared about being attacked. We just want a safe place. We have been having a really hard time. My partner, who also has DID and struggles with life, has had some issues with an angry alter. The history between our systems is very complicated. Long story short, this alter, who is very angry, decided to take control (influence) my partner to the point where they were raging with anger, verbally and emotionally abusing me and they were voicing that they wanted to kill themselves. The next thing I knew was my partner had left the house on foot telling me that this was it. I yelled after them, and they gave me the finger. I was terrified. This had never happened before. My partner has had many attempts in the past but not in the 4 years we've been together.

[the-arietes-system-blog]

Hi, ummmm, so it's been a long time. To be honest, we completely forgot that we were on Tumblr 😬

So, yeah, memory, or a lack of it, is a big thing for people with DID.

So, since July 2019, when we last posted, a few things have happened.

Seeing as this blog is basically a recovery / survival tool for us, we'll just be randomly passing stuff. Hope it's not too confusing. Back later x

[the-arietes-system-blog]

[the-arietes-system-blog]

This is really hard to bluff your way out of 😆

[the-arietes-system-blog]

This is so true 😩

[the-arietes-system-blog]

Struggling

We’re so tired at the moment. Our main protector is struggling with new abuse memories. She has a lot of passive influence over the body and swings between anger and rage and depression. She’s a teenager and so doesn’t really feel motivated to engage in any activities to get her out of this funk. It’s not easy sometimes. DID and CPTSD are exhausting.

[the-arietes-system-blog]

Helpful books

We’ve given up reading Bessel Van Der Kolk’s book. It’s too triggering. We’ve started reading something much more helpful, Pete Walker’s Complex PTSD: From Surviving To Thriving. So far (very early stages) it’s great.

[the-arietes-system-blog]

Struggling

We’re so tired at the moment. Our main protector is struggling with new abuse memories. She has a lot of passive influence over the body and swings between anger and rage and depression. She’s a teenager and so doesn’t really feel motivated to engage in any activities to get her out of this funk. It’s not easy sometimes. DID and CPTSD are exhausting.

[the-arietes-system-blog]

Fictives

So, I’m a little, well, surprised to have discovered a fictive. She’s told me why she’s there and that makes total sense. It’s just a shock / surprise. Most of my alters made themselves known earlier on but not this one. She’s been comforting one of our littles behind the scenes. But that little feels a lot better now so maybe that’s why this other alter has made herself known.

[the-arietes-system-blog]

Living with CPTSD and DID

Some days, the gravity of having lived your whole life with CPTSD and DID and never knowing you had alters living much of your childhood for you is massive. It hits you like a ton of bricks.

Didn’t sleep well as trying to reduce meds so feeling super sensitive today.

We’ve only been diagnosed for a year and a bit so it’s still relatively new.

I always thought not remembering most of your childhood was normal.

[the-arietes-system-blog]

[the-arietes-system-blog]

i would give literally everything i have for every child to have a good childhood and never come in touch with someone who would abuse them for their own personal gratification 

[the-arietes-system-blog]

A link to the international professional organisation leading the way in the field of trauma research.