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"Another Year, Another Special Day" by beenjint

Hello everyone! It's our gummy leader's special day and lovely BABY, beenjint, wrote an awesome song for him. Have a listen, and happy birthday, Yongguk!

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I don’t really have much of a life, never did, and never will. I wasn’t one for drama, or socializing. I was just there, pushed aside, on the outside of everything; everyone thought I was just weird. No one knew the reason why I was like that. Ever since I was a kid I was extremely shy. I never had any real friends. I would just find a class mate, find if we had something in common, and tag along with them for the entire year. That was basically all of my friendships from elementary. Only in fourth grade, did I really have a best friend, a person that I could depend on. But that changed afterwards. Before my fourth grade year I got a letter from a nearby new school that had recently finished construction. And before I could even graduate from that school, I had to leave. I had to leave that one person that was my best friend. -Anonymous

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One Shot of Courage

Hi, I really wanted to share my story of how B.A.P. helped me to find the courage to acknowledge and pursue my passion.

Growing up, I have had a lot of trouble with my self esteem. I have always dreamed of acting on stage, and just entertaining people in general. My freind and I would take our favorite books and write little plays, then perform them for our parents. When I was ten, my family moved from the southern U.S. to a small community in the Northwest Territories of Canada. The move was extremely hard on me, and I was very bitter about everything.

I have been homeschooled my whole life, but I was always rebelious toward that. I never understood why I couldn’t go to school like everyone else. Pretty soon, my brothers who are five and six years older than me start looking into colleges. I started to really gain interest and wanted to plan out where I would go, and everything I would do. I wanted to go to drama school, but sadly, the more I thought about it, the more I would beat myself down, telling myself that someone like me could never do anything like that. There is no access to anything to do with the performing arts in a community of 600 people that’s a two hour drive on the ice road or four hour boat ride to the nearest “city”. -arcticcandy11

In 2010, the Lord really convicted me of my attitude with where I was in my life. I didn’t see the reason my family and I were in this issolated community. So I leard to be content and thankful for where God has placed me.

I still hadn’t stopped my negative self-image, however. I never saw myself as good enough for anything. My life felt like it was on replay doing the same things over and over. This went on for about two years.

In late July of 2012 I started looking at colleges. I knew that I should go to Bible college for two years to really ground me in my faith, but what did I want to do after that? I was really interested in studying abroad, and I had always had a desire to go to Asia. I looked at schools in Japan, China, and Thailand, but never even gave thought to Korea. In the following weeks, it seemed like there were so many just tiny little things coming up about Korea on the TV, Internet, and even conversations. I decided to look at different schools there and found some that I really liked.

This whole time, I had been afraid to tell my parents about my interest in drama. After finding several performing arts schools in Korea that Iiked, I began to look up different things on Korean culture. Then I stumbled onto Simon and Martina from Eat Your Kimchi! They had so many videos about living in Korea, but also about Kpop. I had never heard of it, but was hooked after their video for Super Junior’s “Sexy Free and Single”.

I fell in love with Kpop and it was soon all that I listened to. Through youtube, I found other artists like SNSD, SHINee, Ukiss, f(x), etc. It was around September, however, that I first clicked on the mv for “Warrior” by B.A.P.. They were so different from any other Kpop I had heard. I was mesmerized by Zelo’s rap (and even more after finding out we were the same age lol). As I looked into them, I found even more to love: their work ethic, their unique talents, their moral stands. Most of all, however, was their message. The lyrics of their songs covicted me so much of what I wasn’t doing to pursue my dream.

With the strength that I found in their music, I was able to tell my parents about my wanting to be involved in drama, and it turned out that I had nothing to be scared of! My parents were so supportive, giving me advice on what I could do to gain experience, but they were also excited about me wanting to go to school in Korea! I was so happy that I was wrong.

I am now finishing my grade 11 year of highschool, and will be heading off to Bible college in 2014. I will get involved in a drama program and gain the experience I need, as well as study Korean. I don’t know exactly what God has instore for me, but I hope to be going to an arts university in Korea by 2018!

Thank you for reading this long note, and I’m sorry if it sounded cheesy, but I really don’t think that I expressed enough of how B.A.P. influeced me and gave me courage.

I just want to leave you with my favorite quotes from their latest song “One Shot”. B.A.P. fighting!!! Get well soon Himchan :(

It’s too early for failure, you’re still young…Shake your head and say no To being a slave to laziness All those who don’t try, wake up right now You want a high position by Just sitting in your room? This isn’t a game Why can’t you separate it from reality? Oh yeah, go around a track Time keeps turning and turning, so far away Only those who are ready can really talk Staying in the same place will only make your Regret when you close your eyes…The parts of you that are hidden by fog Burn yourself with passion That’s hotter than the sun Run and go away, don’t look back Don’t stop, go away, don’t let yourself go - One Shot

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Even if I die I won’t break; I won’t give up.

Hi. I'm a Baby and I'd like to share my story on how B.A.P has affected me and my life. I wasn't sure if I should write this or not.. but I guess if I would ever share anything about my personal life with anyone, it might as well be with complete strangers on the internet~ Some things mentioned might be a bit disturbing I guess? I may go off on tangents while writing because of my lack of cohesion in writing so I'm sorry, in advance.

I've read many of the stories published here and, like many of the persons have done, I'll give a bit of history of myself to fully convey how much this group has influenced me.

So, I grew up in a fairly okay home; my parents were married, we weren't rich but we could afford certain things many families couldn't, and my two older sisters and my younger sister and I were close.

Except, that's how it looked from the outside. -insomniatic-angel

The thing is.. I'm from an abusive home.

My mother was abused by my father.

This started long before I was born. The earliest memories I have are from I was four years old when I would hide under my bed when I heard glass shattering and my older sister would bring me to her bed and hug and pat me until I fell asleep. Many times my sisters and I would be in our room and hope that when we woke up the house wouldn't be in ruins from the aftermath of their fights.

With the exception of my eldest sister, many nights we cried together, hoping to whichever god that would listen that our mother would be okay. We would lie in bed close to each other, too scared to sleep in our own beds, squeezing each others hands tightly hoping that we would fall asleep without hearing much.

A few times my eldest sister would come out of the room and head to the bathroom and we would hear my father shouting at her saying she should go back to bed. We would then hear my mother begging him to let my sister use the bathroom and she would cry until my father told her to shut up. My sister would go back to bed and lay there crying for hours.

Of course, no one really knew of the abuse since our house was huge and the next house was not even fairly close to ours.. but I'm sure many people heard my mother screaming at night.

My sisters and I weren't really close woth anyone but we played well with the other children and we would laugh at everything, even if it wasn't funny. I guess we just needed to make up for all the time we spent crying.

When I was six my father made us move for whatever reason and my mother had to leave her job. The fights continued and they even escalated. My sister, after taking her high school entrance exam, got into one of the best high schools in the country and so she had to move to live with our uncle.

This was when everything went downhill.

I wasn't sent to school and so I had to stay home with my mother and my 1-year old brother everyday, and even though I was close to her, there were things we both knew but could never mention so we could not get as close as most mothers would with their children.

I remember one night when I wish I didn't love my mother as much as I did. 

I heard my mother screaming out and my father telling her to shut up. She begged him not to hit her and he just kept telling her to shut up. Then after a while she started screaming again begging him to hit her with anything but the bat he was holding. I dind't even know there was a bat in the house.

Anyway, she begged and pleaded but, between all the crying all I could hear were the echos of the hits she was receiving.

I was the only one in the bed that night and so I had to cry alone. I begged her to stop screaming. I begged her to just shut up so he'd have no reason to hit her more than what he intended to. I begged god to shut her up so she wouldn't have to get hit anymore... but all she did was cry and cry until my father got tired and started kicking her.

That's when I started disliking my mother.

When I was 8 my younger sister and I had to go live with my aunt and my cousins and, though it was the closest thing to a normal life we had ever had, it was horrible thinking about how much my mother still had to deal with.

Fast forward three years.

I have a new baby brother, my parents move back to the city, and we're living together again.

I was preparing for my highschool entrance exam and, of course, I had more distractions at home than a normal child would.

The fights continued.

The next year, I took my entrance exam and was placed in the best high school in the country.

I guess it doesn't sound like much considering my country only has a little over 3 million people, but to me, that was one of the best things I thought could happen. I thought that by me being smart enough to be accepted into a school people pay tens of thousands of dollars to get their children into, my parents would rethink how we lived.

Uh, Yeah, no.. that definitely didn't happen.

Two days before my birthday that year, just a few months before the first term of highschool, I woke up and found out that my mother had left.

Honestly, I was relieved.

Leading up to the day she left, she couldn't walk very well and her hand was broken, so I guess I was a bit more than relieved; especially since she brought my baby brother with her.

My relief was short-lived however, since that was when my father snapped.

He turned on my younger brother and sister, and eventually me.

He started hitting us and cursing at us all the time.

Sometimes he would use his hands but eventually he started using things like brooms, his boots and even his belt.

I would get hit the most since I was 'the most like my mother'.

Still, even after all that, I went to school and did well.

When I started highschool things got worse and I wasn't allowed to go to school if I didn't make sure my younger brother and sister were ready and left before me.

It was frustrating and unfair, but I had to deal with it if I didn't want to watch my younger brother being hit with a shoe. Other times I wasn't given any money to attend so I had no choice but to stay home.

My attendance at school was poor, and it was embarrassing because I couldn't just tell someone what was going on. I had to cover it up with lies of me being a grade-A badass; I told my 'friends' that I purposely skipped school and that I was late because I had to get my 'precious sleep'.

It was a bad idea, but it saved me from having to tell the truth.

Teachers started disliking me because my grades weren't good and I missed a lot of tests and I was just generally a bad student.

Still, even through all that, I managed to place in the top half of my class at the end of the year.

I was slipping away though. Instead of the usual reasons, my father now hit me because I was 'walking around the house like a ghost'. I answered everyone mechanically, I did everything I was told, I barely laughed or cried, and I spent more time writing that I did speaking.

The next year, luckily, I moved away to live with my aunt which is where my mother was staying.

I was glad to go, but I had left my younger brother and sister and that hurt more than the stinging of hits from a belt.

I did better in school; I managed to be placed in the top ten, and I talked to more people.

What overshadowed that was my awful behaviour.

I was always taught only to speak when spoken to and to never ever disrespect anyone older than me, no matter the circumstances. So, when my eldest sister finished university and came to stay with my aunt as well and I started speaking to her in a 'disrespectful' manner, everyone was surprised. It's not like in other societies where sibling fights are normal and slamming doors, screaming, talking back and such is expected; as children we were expected to be respectful at all times.

Fast forward another three years.

I go back to live with my father because my younger brother and sister beg me to.

Things change, but I soon learn that since I left, the one getting the most hits is now my younger sister.

She doesn't complain though.

Many nights I cried thanking whoever listened that she was stronger than I was and I hoped she never turned out like me.

Whenever she cried, which was rarely even though many times my brother and II had to watch her getting hit, I wanted to hug her and tell her it was going to be okay... but we couldn't become close because there were things both of us knew that we could never speak of. None of us could ever become close because we all knew things we couldn't ever mention.

Fast forward again.

It's 2011 and I'm introduced to kpop by my friends at school.

The first groups I learn about are TVXQ and SHINee. I liked their songs a lot and I was surprised at how much more I smiled at home whenever I mentioned something about Taemin or Key to my brother and sister.

In July, my baby brother comes to live with us because my mother had a breakdown.

Soon enough, all three of them know all the members of SHINee and can do parts of the dances.

SHINee became something we had in common that we could speak about without worrying about what anyone else thought. We talked and laughed about how idiotic they were sometimes and, even though they complained whenever I would beg them to watch a video, or when I would stray in the middle of a conversation to say, 'You know one time Jonghyun and Minho...' and start telling a whole bunch of useless shizz, we loved it.

Fast foward again and it's February 2, 2012.

After over a week of trying to convince me to look up the group called B.A.P, I finally search the name my friend badgered into my head, on youtube.

I find the Warrior m/v and I was hooked.

To be quite honest, I laughed at that video.

I mean, come on... a kpop mv with guys that look like guys who aren't talking about a girl or a relationship or anything else most of the other kpop songs I knew, were centered on?

How damn laughable is that.

Anyway, I was so entranced by Zelo's rap and Yongguk's deep voice and Youngjae's voice like ermahgawrd unf.

Of course, in just about three or four days, my youngest brother was singing along while I sang, as well.

My sister and other brother were reluctant to learn about the group because they thought kpop was too 'poppy' for their liking, but I'm relentless okay? I held them down to watch it and well, let's just say I'm now living with a diehard Brainbox and a Cheeto.

My youngest brother's bias is Zelo and he says when we meet them he'll only get Zelo's autograph. Like lol how precious is he but no brother you have to get all of them

It wasn't until after Power that we started really loving the group.

We started color-coding everything; my sister would get anything in white or pink (since she was a die-hard Daewon before) and my brother would get everything in green and my Baby brother would get his things in blue. I took everything in yellow because I was a Brainbox back then and the only person I saw was Yoo Youngjae /creys.

The lyrics strengthened us.

Unbreakable was our theme song, as my brother put it.

Whenever we sang that song we would dance along but lol no only my sister can dance and we would sing loudly so the words would be as true as they were loud.

Then there was No Mercy and Crash and Hajima and even with the new albums it's going to be the same... we grew closer with every song, every album, every interview, every awkward dance, every variety show appearance, every rap, every bit of vomit-inducing aegyo from the 'visual'; with every smile, every laugh.. every single word uttered by any of the members. We grew closer because of B.A.P.

We grew closer because B.A.P and anything regarding the group were things we all knew and could always speak of. 

It may sound exaggerated but they have saved me from sinking so many times.

The lyrics that convinced me that I made the right choice in becoming a fan are from Goodbye:

'I keep focusing on the pain because it sounds like my story' which was terrifyingly true.

They've saved me from thinking that that was the end.

'Why do so many people think of sadness more than joy? Their hearts are poor but I can escape it'

They've saved me from believing that nothing I did would ever be good enough.

'Take in a deep breath and let it out; You can do it. Keep walking toward your hopes that can be reached... Failure is what makes me stronger; Fear is what makes me run – watch me now'.

They saved me from hating myself for who I was.

I'm not going to say I've changed completely because of B.A.P, because there are still times when I go back to that place and I have to be alone and face everything. But at times, like right at this moment, when I think about the fact that I'm fortunate enough to know about them and am able to enjoy that with my siblings.. I feel as if I'm one step closer to becoming a better person. Whenever I feel like everything's crashing down I remind myself that I can overcome it. 'I will brush myself off and run once more'

Everyday I think about B.A.P I feel like I'm one day closer to recovery and one second closer to smiling like an idiot because Yongguk tried dancing again, or Himchan's gay came out or Daehyun talked about food or Youngjae puffed up his cheeks, or Jongup was being an awkward lost puppy or Zelo became emabarrassed talking about his embarrassing hyungs.

If it wasn't for B.A.P I wouldn't have met all the wonderful people I'm now friends with, and I wouldn't be a part of this wonderful group of fans I consider my second family. 

I'm just so proud of B.A.P and all that they've accomplished and I'd just like to say thank you to them because they have changed my life in a way I never even thought possible; I'm doing better because of them and my fellow pieces of fried tofu.

They're a bunch of dorky idiots and sometimes I wonder why I have to suffer through all the grease and awkward and sobs but I know, deep down, that those are the reasons I suffer through all that; they make me happier and they give me strength through the one thing that connects us all: music.

B.A.P is the Best, Absolute, Perfect thing that has ever happened to me and my family and I love those dorky idiots and I will never ever stop loving them, ever.

I know this is quite long so if you read through to the end, thank you very much. b"d

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Even though there hasn't been activity on this blog for almost a month, I still really appreciate all the love that The B.A.P Effect has received! I hope you guys have a wonderful and safe holiday, and have an amazing new year!~

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B.A.P my Savior !

Hey, Hello  B.A.P helped me.. Helped me a lot.. When i was alone, freak out, sad, depressed and on the verge of suicide..their love.. their strength.. their voices reached me, I can't even described to how much I love them ALL.. It's not about one song or the other that have an effect on me, it's the members themselves.. When they smile and being happy, I feel so happy and free. Perfect Human beings.. They got a tough side, soft side, manly and childish side, they have everything. When I see them ( especially Zelo ) working hard onto realizing their precious dreams, I feel that I need to work hard too on my dreams. My Dream is, was and will always be to Live in korea.. :) I will someday be on the land of my dreams.. Korea fighting ! B.A.P DAEBAk ! 

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Sometimes when I feel like killing myself or hurting myself. I like to listen to Unbreakable by B.A.P and it always helps. Even if for only a couple of minutes. -Anonymous

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A good change, maybe?

I don't really have an exciting life. In my opinion, I'm just plain boring. I smile a lot, yes. But sometimes, I just do it because I don't want to bother people. Just a warning though, my story is pretty boring and it doesn't make any sense. Let me introduce myself. Hi, nice to meet you. My name is Ayumi but you can call me Ayu since I prefer it. I'm 16 years old. I was born and raised in the Philippines but I'm living in Japan now. I'm shy but loud. And this is my story. -jaedaes

I didn't grew up with both of my parents. My mom worked in Japan and I didn't know my dad's face. I grew up with my grandmother, my aunts and uncles. Although they loved me a lot, a kid needs a parent's love, no? I always felt lonely when my friends' parents comes to sports day and play while I just watch from aside. 

There was this even in school, I forgot what it was called but my friend's brother sang a song that really changed me. It was an emo song. After that, I started to think about cutting. 

But I never did it anyway.

I just had these unnecessary thoughts.

I never cut, but I did scratch myself.

This is where I started listening to K-Pop because I knew that it'll distract me from overthinking 

I started listening to K-Pop after I finished Boys Over Flowers in 2009. Later on, I saw 2ne1's Fire, 4minute's Hot Issue, Super Junior's Sorry Sorry and SNSD's Gee on TV. I thought, It was very good so I started listening more. I wasn't on my "OMG I REALLY LOVE THEM" phase that time. I just have fun listening and learning their dances.

Then there was this guy I really liked on my class. He was my seat mate and I liked him after we changed our seats. Moving on, I found out that he was dating my bestfriend. And she knew I liked him. And she kept it from me. It was the first time I cried over a boy.

So when my mom asked me if I wanted to go to Japan to stay with her, I accepted. Maybe I can forget about what happened, you know?

So I went to Japan. It was great. I experienced a lot of good first times. I was so amazed about everything. After a few months, It was time to go to my new school. I was excited and nervous at the same time. Will everyone like me?

It was hard to fit in. But I managed to meet few friends. I didn't knew how, I just did. 

After a year, It was getting hard. Everyone was just pressuring me. I wasn't allowed to use the computer and was forced to study. To tell you the truth, I have no interest on anything about Japan. Anime? I have heard of a few here and there. I only went here thinking that maybe I can move on. Stupid, I know.

I cried. I cried a lot. But I didn't show it. When I was alone, I'd cry and when I breakdown, I'd punch a wall and scratch myself. I once went to school with puffy  eyes. I lied. I said it was nothing. 

It was far from nothing. It was nowhere near nothing.

Nobody just understands me. All alone.

 After a few months, It was winter that time, I think, I was watching TV and Teen Top's Clap played. I was so  interested because everyone looked so young and they were talented. So I became their fan.

It only lasted a year though.

And guess who replaced them?

Best Absolute Perfect

All in all, I don't regret dropping the Angel fandom. I'm a loyal fan. I know how to stick to a group no matter what. BUT i don't know when it will last. Nobody knows.

And as for the change, B.A.P changed me. I became nicer and more positive. They changed me for the better. Their fans are awesome. I love the Baby Family. Everyone I met was so nice and they helped me love B.A.P more.

B.A.P is my inspiration.

And I hope I'd last long in this fandom. 

I'd want to be as good as Yongguk when it's about leaderships, As friendly and funny as Himchan, As happy go lucky as Daehyun, As bright as Youngjae, As precious as Jongup, and As brilliant as Zelo.

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I think it would be cool if we somehow compiled all the stories on here into a book or something and actually give them a copy of it. Maybe during their 1 year anniversary?

That would be amazing! But, it's rather difficult when these stories are all in English. I don't want to bother translators because there are at least 45 B.A.P Effects submitted, and they are already pretty busy considering most translators are in more than one fandom. I really did think about this when Kcon came around, but I'm not sure if I could ever put it into action. Any ideas BABYz?

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­­My father is an alcoholic and ever since I was a child he would come home and beat up my mother for different reasons. Because of this, I’d always have trouble sleeping at night. I would wait for him until he would come home, scared my parents would fight once again..

I ended up having a disease called “spasmophilia” (panic disorder). The attack of spasmophilia can be summarized in the sensation of an imminent danger, it is the onset of an “alarm system”.

Because me and mom were frightened, I didn’t get to go out a lot to make friends, mom would always tell me to stay home with her, in case he came home drunk.  

So, how did B.A.P help me?

Music was (and still is) my way to escape from this reality. It was the perfect way to forget about everything, but, the music I was listening to became soon too mainstream, too dull. I was losing myself little by little, I was losing my hope. And then, B.A.P debuted. Their lyrics inspired me and soon a dream bloomed in my heart making me believe that there’s still hope.

I grew to love them more and more as I was listening to their music, to their voices.

They put a true, glittering smile on my face again, and I became stronger.  When I feel down, their voices can immediately make me forget everything that made me sad.

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I Remember

Well, I didn't know if I should participate in submitting my story, but now I decided to do it. My story isn't as moving as some I read before, but a story to tell is a story to tell. First, let me introduce myself. My name is Ins (well, it's my nickname) and I'm a 20-year-old German girl. I'm totally into Kpop since January 2011 and my biggest love are BEAST. Yes, my main fandom is B2UTY, but there are also two other fandoms I'll be part of until the day I die .. Boice and Baby. -untouchable-joker

Now, let me tell you about the story of me becoming a Baby. It already started in August 2011. Due to a friend, I got to know Bang Yong Guk over a year ago. And to be honest .. I fell for him the moment I saw him. It has always been that rappers really appealed to me. My ultimate bias is Yong Junhyung, and yes, as you may know, he's a rapper. However. My friend told me about Yong Guk and I started to search him on the Internet. Already a few days later, he released his single "I Remember" together with Yang Yoseob. You want to know what happened when I went to Youtube to listen to the song? First, I was really happy that Yoseob sang for it. I would lie if I'd deny that this was a huge reason for me to listen to the song. But when it began, when the first seconds had played and Yong Guk started to rap, I started to cry. I had goosebumps all over my body and there was a feeling inside of me, that I can't describe or explain. I just cried during the whole song. On that day I knew that I would love Bang Yong Guk forever. And that's exactly what happened. Yong Guk made me love Untouchable and Soul Connection too in a really short time. He easily grew really important to me. But then the announcement of TS Entertainment about their plans on a new Hip Hop idol group reached me. And I hated the idea so much, the idea of Yong Guk being part of such a thing. I really didn't want it. I thought he was better off alone. He was good enough to do his own thing. But just a few days later, Himchan was introduced as the second member. From that moment on, I got curious. I already heard about Himchan and I really liked him, so when it was said that he'd be a member of the band too, I changed my mind. I thought, "Well, let's wait and see. Maybe this thing's going to be great." That's just how it went. BANG&ZELO was a great sub-unit, and in January 2012, B.A.P finally had their debut. I witnessed everything regarding this band since August 2011, from the final plannings until the moment they stood on stage for the first time. B.A.P were the first rookies ever that really impressed me. The first rookies ever that passed many other bands I loved and became part of my Top 3. They just crashed into me like .. I don't know. What happened to this band and me, happened just two times before. By writing that I mean falling in love at first sight. But when I think back to these days, it's all just because of Bang Yong Guk. If he was the leader, the band couldn't be bad, or? Thanks to him I stuck to everything related to B.A.P. Thanks to him I fell in love with all the other members. Thanks to him I enjoy B.A.P's music. They all have my respect, but especially Yong Guk does. So, when I wrote this, I thought about one question. "What did B.A.P give me?" The answer? A lot. Simply a lot. I'm a person who feels bad very easily. I get upset easily, I feel pushed back easily and sometimes I really hate myself for the way I am. For the way I hurt people, just because I don't want to get hurt first. I had difficult times in my life and I still have. And music has always been the only thing that was able to give me strength. Because it has always been there, even when I was all alone and left by people I used to love. So, as easy as I get upset, it's as easy like that to calm me down with a song. With lyrics that touch me, lyrics I can refer to, and a melody I won't get out of my head. B.A.P's music moves something inside of me. It makes me feel alive. When I'm down and listen to their songs, it's like they whisper to me, "Hey. What's wrong with you? Didn't we tell you that you can do anything and survive everything? Didn't we tell you that you're unbreakable?" I can't thank them enough for that. I really can't. To be honest .. When I wrote this, I suddenly started to cry. And I seriously don't know why. I didn't get to know many new people. Maybe it's because I'm too shy to talk to others, or maybe it's because I've met so many fake ones that I was just tired of it. But as long as I can listen to B.A.P's music, as long as I know that my love for these men won't die, it's all okay. I feel good. They make me happy. ♥ (At the end of this, do you want to know a secret? I Remember is my second favorite song of all times. In a few days, I'll get my first tattoo. And the next one will be - yes, exactly - "I Remember". Because I remember the good and the bad times, all the people I've met in my life. I remember that I can do anything and be everything I want, even if no one believes in me. I remember that I'm unbreakable. And I remember the happiness Yong Guk and B.A.P has unknowingly given to me. Thank you for that. Thank you.)

[the-bap-effect]

B.A.P - My Strength and Inspiration

 Some might know me as the person behind the channel about B.A.P on YouTube, so to those and everyone else possibly reading this, I'd like to say a hearty hello~ I've been thinking whether I should do this or not and with the encouragement of an unnie, I came to the conclusion that maybe I could share my own story of how B.A.P affected my life. -bennieloe

 It all started when I was born I guess, because I wasn't one of the strongest babies out there - soon after I came into the world, I was diagnosed with some sort of lung disease that I'm not even sure of myself, and the doctors' prediction was that I wouldn't live long before I suffocated.

 They said that it'd take around three years, but thankfully, the due day passed as my parents didn't lose faith for even a moment and while growing up, all, or at least most, signs of the illness seemed to disappear, but my organism still remained… How should I say it? …vulnerable?

 Up until now, every year, I fall sick at least three times - and each time I'm stuck in my bed for a week minimum. But it all didn't stop at being sick or being weak overall. It was this year's February, near the middle I believe, when I started feeling a sharp pain in my chest once in a while and one day, after school, right as I entered the apartment, I lost consciousness at the very moment something seemed to tighten in the area of my heart. 

 After a few visits to the cardiologist, who actually had no idea what could be the problem, I fell into depression thinking that maybe my body is finally giving up, and not even in the way the doctors predicted 18 years ago. I kept fainting multiple times every day and my heart pressure dropped to a dangerously low level. "Instead of the lungs, it'd be the heart, huh?" - I kept asking the question each time I was about to slip out of consciousness, thinking that at the very moment I close my eyes, I might just not open them again - I felt that weak, and I started refusing to eat anything for days.

 I've already known Yongguk from 'I Remember' and 'Going Crazy' and of course, I fully discovered B.A.P when they debuted at the end of January. At the time when I was a walking zombie, I remember that they were in the middle of promoting 'Warrior'. Even though I was feeling weak, I always made sure to download their performances not only because I was eager to see them, but also to distract myself from thinking of bad things that might come in the future. Of course, all the other time I wouldn't feel strong enough to even look at the computer screen, so I'd take out my iPod and just listen to their music instead.

 For some reason, especially at that time, seeing how hard working they are on stage and listening to their songs brought me some sort of hope that I can pull it through, that I can do it if I try hard, that this was something that would gradually pass. And actually, after almost three weeks of struggling, I pulled myself together and started coming back to a normal state - I finally began eating without anyone having to force it down my throat and I finally stopped fainting.

 I didn't come back to the hospital again though - I thought there was no need anymore because they couldn't even diagnose a thing at the start, so they wouldn't in the end either, right? And I don't seem to need it now - despite feeling something stinging in my chest once in a while, I feel that if I don't get any ideas that it might be something serious, it won't turn out to be.

 In order to not have those bad ideas, I started making myself busy - and the thing I came up with was making videos about B.A.P (I've already done a few videos before, so I had some experience) -  I thought it would also be of use to other BABYs like me, that it wouldn't be just some videos uploaded there for no particular reason.

 The response was good from the very start, and as I saw that people were enjoying my work and even asked to do more, I started creating more - by now there's already around 50 various videos and they all received over 100 thousand views (and I feel really really fortunate for achieving that kind of numbers in around 7 months!)

 I can't be anymore thankful to B.A.P for giving me strength when I was at my weakest and for giving me inspiration to do something in life I could come to love doing. I'm also really thankful to all the people who spare their time to watch the videos I've been making all this while - secretly you're been helping me to become a more healthy and happy person <3

 I'm glad I didn't give up back then and recovered quite fast because maybe if I didn't, my life could've seriously been in danger and maybe, just maybe, everything might've been… Well, the opposite way o-o

[the-bap-effect]

I'm Unbreakable

I finally decided to submit my story too. I should introduce myself first. My name is Melissa, I’m 20, turning 21 soon, and I’m from Germany. I am a new KPop an overall and I like to call myself a newborn BABY still, since I’m not with the fandom for that long.

To understand the effect B.A.P had on me, I should tell you something about my life, before coming to the point on which my life changed completely. I won’t say my life is miserable. It really isn’t. But I still had and still have issues which would be hard to go through without B.A.P. I’m the oldest of three kids and my parents got divorced nine years ago. I live with my dad, but I have a better connection to my mother. At the moment I am fighting with my dad on almost daily basis, because his second wife moved out and he is now alone again. I went to lots of shit with my stepmom and I would lie if I said I want her to come back. I didn’t get along with her at all, up to that point where she talked about me behind my back like an immature child. -daeswaffurs

But the issue, in which B.A.P helped me the most was when my grandmother nearly died six months ago. She suffers from dementia for almost eight years right now and can’t do anything. We got a call from my grandfather who said, she couldn’t breathe. I was calm when he called us and since we’re neighbors, it was easy to come over and take care of her. I thought she just choked on her food or something and didn’t think it would be that dramatic. But when I saw her, I lost it. She was like a bag, sitting in her wheelchair and was breathing heavily. I’m pretty unstable when it comes to emotions and I didn’t know what to do. I have a huge complex of protecting and helping people around me and I felt lost because I wasn’t able to help her. It was horrible seeing a person so close to me like this. My grandma was always helpful, she was caring and one of the most amazing people I have ever known. And seeing her like this hurts very much.

Thank god the ambulance arrived early enough and she was brought to hospital. But after all, I still felt lost. I locked myself up in my room because I was scared to lose her. Even though she can’t take care of me anymore, I couldn’t befriend myself with the thought that I nearly lost her. I was a mental mess in that time and I separated myself from everyone else. That’s when I found out about B.A.P.

I knew KPop before and I saw them in the “German Asian Music Charts”. I was immediately overwhelmed by this strong image of them. This powerful song, the powerful choreography, that all touched me and I decided to learn more about them. I thought they were just another KPop group, but when I heard the song “Unbreakable”, I understood they were more to me. I read through the lyrics on the internet and this song became my guideline. Being unbreakable, whatever happens. I never though a song would have such a huge impact on me. I immediately felt stronger, even though I sat in front of my laptop with tears in my eyes. I started to go out more and found the strength to even visit my grandmother in hospital. I expected myself to cry when I saw her, but I was calm. Before B.A.P, I would’ve cried or wouldn’t even go there. But the most intense phase about me being a BABY started with the announcement of their new album NO MERCY. I was excited to finally experience one whole era from beginning to end. I found another BABY, my maknae Stella, and I helped her to put up a huge skype conference for BABYz, to watch the MV and the stages together. I can’t tell how thankful I am for this. And this chat is still running. Not with the usual BABYz, we are a much smaller group now, but we still talk on daily basis and I am really glad for this. I made friends all over the world, friends who I don’t want to miss, even though I can’t see them.

B.A.P gave me back the strength to look forward. Without them, I don’t know what I would’ve done. Nearly losing a person, no, a role model was the most horrible moment in my life and they helped me to get through this. Thanks to them, my life changed. I became a stronger person and I can stand up for myself. I want to thank them for this. And I love them for it. And my love for them grows with every single day ♥

[the-bap-effect]

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[the-bap-effect]

A beautiful person, is a person who dreams.

Hello there,

I finally feel like sharing my story on how B.A.P changed my life. Before I do so,I should introduce myself and write about my past. My name is Stella, I’m 14 and I live in Greece, a country without many kpopers, let alone BABYz. I have two brothers. One of them lives with us while the other one works in Denmark. Although I’m only fourteen, I’ve been through pretty much a lot of shit in my life unfortunately. -youngjaeslegs

It all started during 2009. A financial crisis broke out  in my country and my father immediately lost his job. After this, we hardly managed to buy the things we needed. Quarrels were an everyday habit back then. I know money isn’t everything in this world, but not being able to pay the bills and/or seeing your children not having everything they needed, caused my parents to fight almost everyday. My brother, being the spoiled person he was, couldn’t realise the situation the whole family was in. It actually took him months to stop spending money on unimportant stuff. And of course, my other brother was too far away to actually help.

In the beginning of 2010, as if this problem wasn’t enough, it turned out my father had a very serious problem with one of his eyes and he had to undergo surgery. From that point everything just went worse and the surgery wasn’t successful. Seeing all of that happen at the age of 12, had me locking myself in my room, listening to depressing songs, cutting ties with people my age. I can say I was pretty mature for an 11 year old girl. Soon, I found myself getting depressed. During the following months, around the end of 2010, my father decided to get retired; he had the right to. Yet, our country was so messed up at that time, he got the approval that he can get retired and got some money at the beginning of this year. (Oh yeah,after more than a year.)

It didn’t help the fact I was born with some health problems as well. Not those that would harm you, but those you’d get mocked. For example, my left leg is thinner than my right. Much more thinner. I can still do everything, though. But that isn’t the serious one. From the day I was born, till today and the future, till the day I get surgery, I have no other option than to wear pads the whole time. You see, I was born with a problem with my bladder, it wouldn’t function normally from the moment I came to life.

Skipping those 3 years and my past in general although I’ve written enough already,this brings me to the 26th of January. I already knew of B.A.P, I was listening to some kpop by then and I had noticed Yongguk’s solo debut with "I Remember". So,when I saw the MV, I thought of giving them a try. I loved the whole concept and when I read the lyrics, I knew I would love this group. Then, I listened to "Unbreakable". I swear, this song had me crying. And the member I noticed the most? It was Youngjae. From the moment I watched "Warrior", my eyes refused to leave his figure. Luckily, the week B.A.P debuted it was snowing so much that classes were suspended. That gave me time to watch Ta-Dah and learn the members better.

That month, I would still feel a bit depressed, I’ve been through the most horrible phase and somehow convinced myself I have to get better for the sake of my family, since everyone was trying to avoid breakdowns like the ones from 2009-10. The feeling I’m not as good as others, I don’t have a reason to fight still lingered in my chest, though, I would still feel that unpleasant feeling every morning I woke up.

Then, one day I saw the interviews B.A.P gave, telling their personal stories. Reading everyone’s story, had me thinking about my life. In just some days, I grew to love those boys, they brought laughter in my life and inspiration as well. I started studying more at school after reading Yongguk’s story and since I had a soft spot in my heart for Youngjae, I really started taking school way more serious.In just some months, I had changed completely. I would laugh, fool around with others and every day, just when I got home, I would spend a specific time listening to B.A.P alone, in my room. My mood went up, I was trying at school, ignoring bullies and each day, my interest towards Youngjae was growing. Around June-July, when school finished, I found myself topping my class, being one of the top student in school. Thanks to those 6 men,I made everyone proud, I was truly happy for once. During those days, my father finally got retired and I was really happy that things were getting better.

I’ll skip some events again and go straight to two days before No Mercy was released. I was already a member of tumblr, I would talk with BABYz and I found nice the idea of organising a skype conference, where all BABYz could join and watch the teaser and the MV together. Make friends. With the help of another girl, we gradually started posting our idea and in less than 12 hours a lot of BABYz were gathered in skype. When the teaser was released, a skype group was successfully created and it was fun. We watched the MV, spazzed together and it really felt like we were a family. Through this idea, I had the opportunity to make friends to whom I still talk to on a daily basis and I have to thank B.A.P for that as well.

The year is going to end soon, yet it was such an exciting year for me, I don't even understand how those months passed by. I’m glad I discovered B.A.P, I’m glad I’ve been a BABY since the beginning and of course, I’m glad they changed my life. Now, I’m a completely different person, a person who dreams thanks to those men. I’ve swore to myself I’m going to meet them one day. Plus, I know that now I’m not alone, because I am a part of this family, the BABY FAMILY.

[the-bap-effect]

And I still haven't gotten tired of them...

Hullo :3 Well, I feel like sharing my B.A.P story since it... kind of ends today.

It started about six months ago, I believe. The same month I discovered B.A.P. I've been a competitive tennis player since age 6 so it was no surprised when I injured my knees. It was okay. It was normal. Three weeks out of tennis and I would be back to normal. But...I wasn't.

I returned to the doctor, after three weeks of rest, who then diagnosed my multiple knee injuries—some I was born with, some I received over time, and some they couldn't determine. I basically wasn't allowed to walk or do much of anything involving my knees that was to strenuous. But it was okay. I'd be back in another month, the doctor said.

A month passes and I'm given the okay. I go back to my training and for two weeks it almost seems like I'm completely recovered. Almost. In the middle of a tennis match, my knees suddenly go weak and my elbow makes a sound, a crack, as if I was cracking my knuckles. I keep playing, though, because I'd drive myself insane knowing I start something without finishing it. After the match, I visit the doctor though.

At this point, I'd long since discovered B.A.P. Warrior and Power, the only two albums by them out then, were on my iPod, which I took everywhere with me. The visit to the hospital seemed less... intimidating when I was listening to them.

Now, the doctor needed an MRI scan of my arm and, dear lord, I didn't even know I was claustrophobic until I had to lie in an MRI tube that was barely two inches larger than I was in diameter for nearly an hour. But they let me listen to my iPod for that hour. And all I listened to was B.A.P, which made it far less mortifying.

The test results come back and I've got fractures on my elbow and my knees are misaligned and the bones of  are twisted and are pushing into each other. I was ordered to not move as much as possible. It was a good thing it was summer then.

The entire summer, I spent indoors. I was bedridden and rarely got up. All I had was my laptop and Tumblr, which I'd discovered that summer. That summer, though, was one of the best. B.A.P is the only band I've really followed, really gotten into, and Tumblr made that experience so amazing. Meeting  many Babyz was wonderful as well!

Every week, though, I had to visit the hospital for regular checkups. Now, the hospital I went to wasn't really the best, and I could spend up to three hours just sitting in the waiting room since they didn't really take record appointments. So every week of my summer, for about two hours, all I did was sit in a cold waiting room and listen to B.A.P. Just B.A.P. Because they comforted me, they made the atmosphere less hostile. The same 13 songs over and over again, mouthing the same lyrics, tapping my foot to the same beat.

I was recently prescribed physical therapy and rehab in addition to all the other treatments and medication I was taking. For me, physical therapy was an hour spent lying there as electricity runs threw the injured parts of my body and doing various stretches.

For about another month, three hours of my week were spent on physical therapy. Thankfully, they let me bring along my iPod, which at this point, I never went without. Again, all I listened to was B.A.P, because they seemed to have a calming affect on me. The lights of the hospital weren't so harsh with them around and the sharp smell of antiseptic didn't bother me as much anymore either.

Everything's over now. Well, at least, today it is; I'm just about as healed and as rested as I can be. I've ended my therapy and already had my first tennis practice in six months.

But B.A.P, no matter what happens, will always have a special place in my heart, for getting me through those six months. I think I would've driven myself insane by now if it weren't for them :3 -yongguksbat

[the-bap-effect]

When I was on my way to uni, this boy sat down in the bus seat in front of me - he was looking out the window while blinking a lot and pouting - at that moment he reminded me of baby Jello~ -bennieloe