the-ghost-in-the-camera

[the-ghost-in-the-camera]

i cant save everyone but i should be able too,

[the-ghost-in-the-camera]

please help me with @/lllaced

Time to go lecture the mentally ill freaks about taking care of themselves again. (I'm not any better than them; the coach does not play..)

[the-ghost-in-the-camera]

all of you, please stop, i cant fucking do this, i cant see a bunch of my friends doing this again, i cant go back there i love you all please.

[the-ghost-in-the-camera]

please dont.

Hey guys so wanana talk me out of starving myself again and relapsing in my ed

[the-ghost-in-the-camera]

please dont.

Hey guys so wanana talk me out of starving myself again and relapsing in my ed

[the-ghost-in-the-camera]

no. i promise it wont. its a vicious cycle. please, i know.

it makes you feel so proud and healthy until you actually break and eat something. then you're HUNGRY so you eat even more.

Hey guys so wanana talk me out of starving myself again and relapsing in my ed

[the-ghost-in-the-camera]

please dont do that. it would make alot of people sad, and it wouldnt help anything.

Hey guys so wanana talk me out of starving myself again and relapsing in my ed

[the-ghost-in-the-camera]

dont apologize, its sweet<3

ily<3

also, do you want to do my night routine with me? (im using this as motivation cause my back hurts and i dont actually want to get up)

yes ofc! i might sleep tho some nights so fyi

[the-ghost-in-the-camera]

i meant just this once, but it would be cute if we did it consistently

ily<3

also, do you want to do my night routine with me? (im using this as motivation cause my back hurts and i dont actually want to get up)

yes ofc! i might sleep tho some nights so fyi

[the-ghost-in-the-camera]

it was yesterday. and my mom does know about both of those things (shes the reason i dont eat pork, and she knows i was bulimic)

but i know i freaked her out by saying that i couldnt eat the halfslice of cake. its not that shes mad, its that i know i scared her and she thinks im getting worse again

okay, so, im a recovered bulimic. and, like, i still get guilty about eating too much.

but realistically i know i wasnt eating too much. (also i dont eat pork, which is imprtant to the story)

so likkke, i went to a grandparents birthday party, and they had porkchops for dinner, so i didnt eat anything but like, a beice of watermelon and a cherry coke. UNTIL my grand aunt asked me to set up the desserts (there was pound cake, and peach cobbler) so i did that, then had a bit of cobbler and cake.

and like, i was still hungry, so i had another slice of cake (it wasnt very sweet and i figured that it was probably the best option i had) but like half ay through i started feeling guilty, and i didnt want to make it worse, so i asked my mom if she wanted to rest of it, and clearly that freaked her out. and now i feel really bad about it.

ok.

first, thank you for telling me this. i know about your bulimia recovery and i js want to let you know that i’m so proud of you 🫂 recovery is always a slow road, especially with eating disorders because it’s so hard to change your mind about things. you believed food was bad then, and you still sometimes believe it now, which makes sense. one day, you’ll forget all about this, and i’ll always always always be there for you if you need to talk 🫶🏼

does your mom know about the recovery? does she know about you not having pork? i remember you telling me she didn’t like eating desserts much and got really mad when you made the cookies :(

but, personally i think she’ll forget about it. i don’t know your mom and if she’s the type to hold grudges or not, but she’s probably got a lot on her mind. we’re usually not the most prioritized thought in people’s minds. just never bring it up again and she’ll forget by tomorrow, probably.

but whatever. i hope you had a proper meal after you got back and if you didn’t, that’s okay too. make sure to have breakfast tomorrow, okay? i love you. thank you for eating at least some cake and watermelon and cherry coke (i heard they’re really nasty tho lmao)

[the-ghost-in-the-camera]

i feel like shit for immediately turning around and complaining. but being the therapist friend is so scary and frustrating and tiring.

i dont want to make anyone feel bad, so i have to wait a respectable hour and a half before i talk about any of my issues. and i have to unsuccessfully talk people out of feeling bad.

but even just writing this im so scared im going to scare them off from talking to me when they're struggling. i cant deal with saving everyone at the same time, but if i dont im a horrible person.

evan, mars, this is NOT because of you two, and you arent allowed to think im mad at you. i am not. im just tired. its not your fault at all.

[the-ghost-in-the-camera]

five months of resedential tharapy pull me through. we're doing this.

[the-ghost-in-the-camera]

playing theripist for three people at once is sort of crazy.

i love you all, but please the overlap is Not okay i cannot sustain this.

[the-ghost-in-the-camera]

i actually am draculara yes.

Reblog if your profile pic is actually YOU .

[the-ghost-in-the-camera]

BARTYLUS IS SUPERNOVA AND BARTYLILY IS HERBACIDE

So creative ship names. We have rosekiller, starchaser, nobleflower, Wolfstar, moonrose, sunrose, bitchkiller etc

and then... in the corner staring at us...

Bartylus.

[the-ghost-in-the-camera]

i will not replace you. i dont belive a person can truly be replaced. you've made an irriversable mark on my soul, and even if godforbid we stop talking, i'll always remember you and the interactions we've had.

i love talking with you, evan and geni do too.

hey sugar whats wrong?

i take up too much space

stop spending time or energy on me

i don’t deserve anything and i crawl into every single conversation you or geni or evan or anyone has because i cant love myself without making sure everyone else does too and idk i get scared ill lose bc who genuinely enjoys my presence im so so so fuckinf easy to replace

[the-ghost-in-the-camera]

at some point im gonna do a lil doodle of me and all my moots together.

i need you to know that i envision all my moots in a very specific way, and u are a butterfly,

aww wait that's so sweet i love that. is there a specific type of butterfly??