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Today's Seal Is: Here Is My Ice Hole I Can Show You Around

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an oral thermometer takes the temperature of your mouth. a rectal thermometer takes the temperature of your rectum. [confidently] a digital thermometer takes the temperature of your finger.

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they should make nervous systems that are less nervous

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Lowkey we should create a giant manmade blood device to attract ticks away from humans and its a giant blood container that pumps like a heart and emits phermones that attract ticks and mosquitos and we should call it Mother

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heliotropic

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was talking to a coworker and realised i could not for the life of me remember his name but i was too embarrassed to ask because we've spoken multiple times so mid-conversation i started concocting a plan to nudge the conversation towards the ID photos on our building passes so that i could be like oh my ID photo is awful haha the camera they use to take these has a real talent for making me look as unphotogenic as possible and then he would say oh yes me too haha everyone says that (because they do) and then i would be able to say well let me see yours it can't be as bad as mine! and he would show me his ID because we are coworkers and why wouldn't he and this would allow me to see his building pass which of course would have his name on it and then i would be able to say well yours is perfectly nice it must be me that's the problem! and then we would have a polite chuckle about it and i would have his name without needing to ask for it and he would be none the wiser and all would be well but then before i could execute this fine plan a little voice in my head went "so this is some light yagami bull shit you are about to pull" which was such a violent reality check it shocked me completely out of my embarrassment and i went "hey im so sorry your name has slipped my mind could you remind me" and he did and it was fine.

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"me and who" the lovers and dreamers!!!

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can you paypal me one ancient rusting coin

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seeing a black and white cow is always so damn awesome it’s like Hey i know that guy.from my kindergarten abcs

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i hate dogs with blue eyes. why is fucking jeff the killer at my back door

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worms eating worms

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i think the best genre of image is "creatures trapped in starbucks cups with receipts reading [cup of water (no water, no ice, creature)]"

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next dynamic were sexualizing is that of a bull and a toreador

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Wax-tailed planthopper, Pterodictya reticularis, Fulgoridae

Found in Central and South America, this planthopper excretes waxy filaments from glands on the abdomen that help with camouflage and predator evasion.

Photo 1 by Geoff Gallice, 2-4 by gerryvantonder, and 5-6 by dawicho

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Come lay upon my breast and suckle the life giving nutrients from my blood, for you, my dear, are a malnourished and sullen potato

A potato should be juicy and fat, promised pleasure beneath its skin, a warm belly and a healthy body whispered in the steam coming from its open flesh. A potato should be just the right amount of sweet, as root vegetables tend to be

You are a root vegetable, sturdy and strong, you hold onto all the love that you absorb through your roots, and then with a decision from one person, the flash of a blade, you become crushed and boiled and softened.

So let me hold you to my tender breast, let me hold you as you suckle the nutrients that I’ve been absorbing through my own roots, for I am not a root vegetable, I belong to the sun, and the sun keeps her children fed. I have much to give to a wilted potato like you so come, latch upon my chest and heal