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I don’t crush on fictional characters I crush on the characters together. Dating that one character myself? Ew no. Putting those two characters together like barbie dolls and making them kiss? Yes please

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I had to go to a new town, and since one of my favorite things to do is explore little shops in tiny towns, after I've completed my town task, I start walking around and going in and out of shops.

I go into a used furniture store, but they're remodeling so all the furniture is stacked on top of each other all the way to the ceiling, so I look a little and talk about prices with the two women there, but ultimately thank them and leave without buying anything.

Then I wander further down the street and find a cute little antique store so I wander in. I'm having a good time browsing, but the store is completely empty. No clerk. Which is actually ideal, because it means no small talk or salesman's expectations.

But, when I've been in there for two minutes, one of the women from the first furniture store comes in. And upon seeing my confused face, says, "Oh, I just work at the other place on Thursdays. I own this one. I have a little beeper that alerts me when someone comes in."

Okay then. But now I feel bad, because I'm just browsing and not planning on buying anything, yet I made this woman leave her other job and hustle down here for nothing. Regardless, I look for a little bit longer and then leave.

I wander some more before going into a craft shop, which is also empty, but only for a moment, before the same woman comes out of the back, but in a different shirt.

And she sees my mingled look of disappointment (how many times am I going to bother this woman?) and confusion (how did she get to this one so fast? When did she have time to change her shirt?), she laughs and says, "You must have just come from my sister's antique store."

Anyways, I am now outlawing identical twins in practice and they are also now forbidden from owning multiple stores on the same block.

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"tumblr humor is only funny to tumblr users" NOT true. those bitches on pinterest love us.

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shut up and look at this photo of Marsha P. Johnson smiling and holding a Snoopy plush.

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*The conditions being:

+He will not kill bugs for you (he won't go out his way to take care of an annoying bug)

+You cannot kill him or bring him any kind of harm

+You cannot remove him from your place of dwelling

+He will mostly be on his web, but sometimes you will find him in other places

+You will find the money near his web when his rent is due

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For the purposes of this poll, "model nuclear household" means one family living together that consists of a mother, a father, and their biological child(ren), and no one else. No half siblings, adopted or foster kids, no other adults living in the same home. The biological parents are the only adults who directly parent the children, and the parents are together, and both alive and present (not in jail, etc).

We ask your questions anonymously so you don’t have to! Submissions are open on the 1st and 15th of the month.

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Pig Latin

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I tip my hat to the author

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Tumblr's Next Top Disney Prince Semifinals:

Donald Duck propaganda (each word is a different post)

Quasimodo propaganda (each bold word is a different propaganda link)

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Me and my cousin have an ongoing bit where we pretend we made "slightly better" versions of things where we'll be like.

"That was a pretty good movie, but not as good as my movie, House of 1001 Corpses," or "I guess this song is okay. Kind of reminds me of a song I'm working on called 'Faster Car'."

Never once has it been funny or made anyone but us laugh.

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“oh you know him”

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You've been turned into an animal

Spin the wheel to find out which

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usamericans do you realise that a stereotype we have about u is that you really really love ice. like the amount of ice you put in your drinks and all your ice machines are really silly to us. do your fridges genuinely produce ice????